Chapter Text
"If there was any way Moon could talk to Sun, he would have found it. He would have come here to save him.
But he supposed some forces of nature were simply stronger than Moon."
Well, Moon guessed he got what he deserved.
He'd had a lot of time to think since he'd been trapped in his mental realm. He knew his decision to sacrifice himself to give Killcode a chance at life hadn't come entirely from altruistic intent, or even from an attempt to redeem himself after having been a horrible person. No... Moon knew his decision came from fear.
Realizing how much, really HOW MUCH he had hurt Sun, his Sun, had engulfed him in a spiral of guilt he couldn't stop. Because he found himself under the merciless spotlight of the truth: He had no forgiveness. There was no excuse for his actions. And even if he repented, was there really anything in his power to undo the harm he'd done? How could he be sure he wouldn't hurt Sun again?
In his selfishness, he chose to flee. His pride wouldn't allow him to abandon the battlefield in surrender, so he simply seized the opportunity to leave under the guise of sacrificing himself for the greater good. The only thing he regretted was that his death was thanks to Eclipse's plans; but that was okay... he could swallow that humiliation if it meant finally freeing Sun from him. He wished with all his might that the next Moon would be kinder to Sol, more loving, a better partner... that he could give him everything Moon always wanted to give him, but never could, because he was a coward, because he was broken and didn't know how to love.
Now, in the solitude of the beach, all I could do was admire the sunset... look in the direction of the sun. How ironic, even there, in his mental wasteland, the sun was still all he could look at; Sun was still the center of his world. Always seeing him in the distance, never truly able to reach him; only secretly admiring him, without him truly knowing how much Moon loved him.
All he'd ever wanted was to protect Sun, and he'd failed miserably—not only because he literally couldn't take care of him, but because he himself was his tormentor. The monster who hit him when he got angry, the tyrant who gave orders instead of asking, the angry man who yelled at him when he lost his temper.
Moon had never wanted to take any of those roles, but he did it anyway. Sun was the most important thing in his life, the air he breathed, the person he loved most in all of space-time, and yet he couldn't help being absolute garbage to him. He didn't know how to love, nobody taught him. The only way she knew how to show his affection was by protecting him, but that also hurt him. Before, he hadn't understood why Sun decided to stay by his side after everything he'd done, but now, amidst the loneliness of the waves... he realized that Sun might not have had any other choice.
Once they were one code. Before they were fully conscious, they were already together. Then, when they finally opened their eyes, they were told they were brothers. Forever bound by a label someone else had assigned to them, Moon couldn't help but wonder... if things had been different, if those events hadn't bound them, would Sun even have liked him? They were like water and oil, literally night and day. Moon had a horrible temper that very few could stand, and Sun was so charming. It wouldn't surprise him if just by seeing him anyone would prefer to stay away from him as if he were the plague.
But instead, Sun had to endure sharing a body with a monster like him, yet Moon still had the cynicism to get angry and mistreat him for not wanting to let him out. And even afterward, Sun had to endure living together, because the nursery was all they had. Always tied down, never together by choice.
Moon felt like he had clipped Sun's wings.
"To love is also to let go," so selfishly he had chosen to abandon him and let him rebuild his life, far from him, far from the monster that had him trapped. He knew that the next Moon could handle the problems he left behind, so in the silence of his solitude, he consoled himself with the thought that Sun was better off without him and that in the end, everything would be all right. And finally, Sunny could have the life he had always wanted.
His existence since he became trapped in his mental wasteland was reduced to thinking. Nothing else ever happened; there was nothing else there. He wandered between memories, regrets, and imaginary scenarios of what would have happened if he had made different choices... he thought, thought, slept, and slept. Nothing mattered anymore, there was nothing else he could do. He lived as he lived and he could have had a worse end, so... it was fine like that.
But then, he felt an itch on the back of his neck, in his code.
Sometimes it happened... he imagined it was because New Moon was experiencing strong sensations, but he never really knew what was happening out there. However, this time it was different; it was something that accelerated his circuits, something that frightened him, an anxiety so immense he'd never experienced before, and suddenly, the answer paralyzed him.
This wasn't for New Moon, this was for Sun... something terribly horrible was happening to Sun.
He looked up at the sky, horrified. No, no, nononono, where did that horrible feeling come from? Sun was in mortal danger? This isn't how things were meant to be! Something was happening, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He'd never really intended to leave; he'd always assumed that was the end for him. He had never regretted his decision until that moment, where the fear of losing Sun seemed to activate all the alarms in his code.
Moon hid his face in his hands, overcome with despair. And suddenly, everything went black, everything went silent. He couldn't hear the sea anymore, he couldn't hear his own fan anymore; he didn't know what was happening, but the burning in his code screamed at him to act, to move, to do something. To be Moon again.
And then, he saw it. There, in the middle of the room, was a floating cube, a blue one. He knew very well what it was and didn't even hesitate to touch it.
Sun needed him.
I pray for another life; and I won't lose you in that one.
Book: Call Me When You're Not Here.