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Luo Binghe felt that he was one of the unluckiest people alive. He had been in his final year of college when he failed his first course. Not only did he fail the course, but he didn’t have enough money to cover the summer retake he’d have to do, and he had to get a job. To top it off, the man he’d been silently and achingly crushing on the last three years was around what felt like every corner.
Shen Yuan was in one of Luo Binghe’s classes for the first time since Luo Binghe’s sophomore year when he met him. He frequently did his homework at the library where Luo Binghe worked. He also lived in the same dorm building, so they saw each other coming in and out.
His best friend, Shang Qinghua, thought that this should actually be considered good luck. Luo Binghe was skeptical. It would have been lucky, if not for the fact that Shen Yuan seemed to hate Luo Binghe’s existence. Each time Luo Binghe saw him, he’d say hello and Shen Yuan always gave him a cursory glance, and then would turn away. On an actual lucky day, Luo Binghe would get a mild hi back.
Shang Qinghua, of course, thought this was very funny. He said it was the perfect opportunity to woo him anyway. Luo Binghe had tried the last time they had a class together. It had not gone over well. Shen Yuan often looked aghast at the way Luo Binghe flirted with him, and if he didn’t look scandalized, he looked annoyed. Luo Binghe had managed to get them paired up for a project, but it had done nothing to change Shen Yuan’s scathing opinion of him. Now they were in a basic stats class together, an easier credit for their final year. Shen Yuan sat on the complete opposite side of the classroom. Luo Binghe sat in the second row on the right, and Shen Yuan was in the last row on the left. They couldn’t have been farther.
The library was typically where Luo Binghe got the most interaction. Greeting Shen Yuan at the front desk seemed to be something Shen Yuan felt pressured to be polite for. He got mild smiles, quiet hellos, or a brief nod most days. Sometimes, if he seemed to be in a foul mood, he got nothing at all. Those were Luo Binghe’s worst days.
Luo Binghe’s current partner for his statistics class was a guy named Mobei Jun. Luo Binghe thought he was alright. He got his work done efficiently, and without much fanfare. Though, sometimes he did seem a little bit irritated with Luo Binghe’s ramblings about Shen Yuan.
One night, when they’d been in the library studying and Luo Binghe lamented Shen Yuan’s distance across the room, Mobei Jun had asked very flatly, “Does he even know you exist?” And Luo Binghe’s life was ruined.
When Luo Binghe had told Shang Qinghua about his newfound dilemma, he’d just laughed and told him that maybe Luo Binghe’s project partner was on to something.
Luo Binghe cursed them both and sulked for the following week.
It was alright—he knew that even though he definitely cared more about Shen Yuan than Shen Yuan cared about him, he also knew that Mobei Jun had just been a sour puss. He was certain that Shen Yuan knew he existed, and in fact, he was convinced that Shen Yuan even remembered his name.
The rest though—Luo Binghe still felt very unlucky.
__________
Mobei Jun had just packed up his stuff and walked out of the library when Shen Yuan had walked in. It caught Luo Binghe off guard, but he waved and smiled, trying not to look too enthusiastic. Shen Yuan had barely glanced at him when Luo Binghe waved, and he looked almost upset that he’d caught it, because it seemed he felt compelled to return it. He gave a small wave, and a barely-there upturn of his mouth, and then was turned away and heading toward the back to study.
Luo Binghe watched him go, heart puttering in his chest.
“I don’t know what you see in him.”
Luo Binghe jumped.
Shang Qinghua was at the counter, leaning onto it with his elbow, chin in hand. He looked amused. “He’s so average-looking. Also, do you even know him well enough to be so obsessed?”
“I’m not obsessed,” Luo Binghe argued, a little too loud for the setting.
Shang Qinghua laughed. “Sure, Binghe.”
“I don’t know, ok?” Luo Binghe said, slumping back into his seat. “He’s just… smart. And very knowledgeable.”
“That’s what being smart means—”
“He’s handsome, and polite, and so nice—”
“Didn’t he insinuate that if it wasn’t for him, you guys would have failed your proj—”
“And he’s gentle, too, but not weak! And—”
“You know,” a new voice cut in, “there are like twenty students in here who would love to study in peace.”
Luo Binghe and Shang Qinghua both looked over. One of the other library staff, Liu Qingge, was staring at them blankly from behind his book cart where he was restocking shelves. Luo Binghe scowled at him as Shang Qinghua held up his hands in acquiescence.
Shang Qinghua hiked his book bag further up onto his shoulder. He waved casually at Luo Binghe and made a zipping motion across his mouth before disappearing around a shelf of books.
Luo Binghe sighed and spun side-to-side on his chair. As he lamented, he felt a prickling sensation, like he was being watched. He turned sharply to see if Liu Qingge was still frowning at him, but he was turned away, putting books on shelves. Luo Binghe huffed and turned back to his own homework that was laid across the counter.
__________
Luo Binghe used to have a roommate in his dorm. At the end of the first semester of Luo Binghe’s final year, over one of their breaks, his roommate moved out and they never saw each other again. Luo Binghe had known that they weren’t exactly getting along, and honestly, Luo Binghe was mildly relieved that they wouldn’t have to spend more time together, but it still had been mildly inconvenient.
If he wanted to use the spare bed in the room to push it next to his own in order to make a bigger bed, he had to be careful about room checks from the dorm manager. Apparently, even if the bed was completely unused, students weren’t allowed to use more than one. It felt like a stupid rule, but Luo Binghe barely could fit on one of the dorm beds, so he risked the scolding and the write up half the time.
His dorm room had one area where he’d been able to set up a small, kitchenette-like space, with a kettle, small burner, and a microwave. There was only one outlet, so he had to rotate them throughout the morning when he wanted to eat. It added an extra fifteen minutes to his morning to cook things one at a time, but he didn’t have any other options.
Sometimes Shang Qinghua was kind enough to bring him an old coffee. He worked at the campus cafe, and if he worked the night before they met up in the morning, he’d bring home some coffees to be reheated the following day. It wasn’t the best coffee when it was a day old, but it was definitely better than the powdered, instant coffee that barely added to the hot water he poured over it.
Luo Binghe was currently taking a sip, face scrunching when he realized it wasn’t fully dissolved, and his teeth felt gritty with it. “Bleh,” he said.
“Morning,” came a grumbly voice.
Luo Binghe turned. Shang Qinghua was joining him on the sidewalk from his dorm building. It was still a bit cold outside, not quite spring yet, and their breath puffed out in the chilly air. “Good morning.”
Shang Qinghua didn’t have any coffee or tea, which he normally did, and instead let his hands hang on the straps of his backpack. His mouth was fixed into a pout as he fell into step beside Luo Binghe and said no more.
“Kettle broke,” Luo Binghe guessed.
“Kettle broke,” Shang Qinghua said with despair.
“Should have texted me, I could have brought you hot water.”
“Didn’t realize until you were already probably gone from the dorm.”
“Ah.”
Silence fell between them. Life sucked sometimes.
But then, sometimes, life was great. When Luo Binghe walked into his stats class, Shen Yuan had been only just ahead of him, and Luo Binghe got to stare at him undisturbed for at least thirty seconds before they split off to their own seats. It was a nice pick me up, even if Shen Yuan looked as though he hadn’t noticed Luo Binghe’s presence at all.
When the class was over, Luo Binghe lingered as he usually did so he could watch Shen Yuan leave. This time, with great joy, Shen Yuan had glanced over and caught Luo Binghe looking. Luo Binghe smiled and nodded in greeting. Maybe he did it too enthusiastically, because Shen Yuan looked away very quickly and ducked out of the room.
Luo Binghe felt dejected, but he got up and left the classroom, too. Life had gone back to sucking. He had a few hours of a gap between classes, so he made his way toward the library. Mobei Jun had agreed to work on their project during his gap, too.
When he reached the library building, Mobei Jun had reached it, too, since he refused to walk with Luo Binghe. “Hey, Mobei,” Luo Binghe greeted.
Mobei Jun just grunted, like he was annoyed they had to meet up, and Luo Binghe seconded the sentiment. He wanted to sleep, or hunt Shen Yuan down and stare at him.
Then, because life really did suck, they rounded one of the corners and ran straight into another body.
A shout, the sound of a cup hitting the floor, and then the sensation of boiling hot beverage drenched their legs.
Luo Binghe was in the crossfire, so the bottom of his pants were damp, but Mobei Jun got the brunt of it. When Luo Binghe looked up, he immediately burst into laughter.
Shang Qinghua was staring, mortified, at the massive tea stain on Mobei Jun’s shirt and pants. He wasn’t much better off—his hands, sleeves, and pants were drenched in it, too. It seems it had burst when they ran into each other, and then dumped the rest of the way down.
“Hua-ge!” Luo Binghe exclaimed. “You spilled your tea!”
Shang Qinghua’s eyes snapped to him with the nastiest glare Luo Binghe had ever seen, and then he looked up at Mobei Jun. His mouth parted and then his face went cherry-red. He said nothing.
Mobei Jun was also staring in silence, seemingly stupefied by the unfortunate events that had just taken place. “What the fuck,” he said eventually.
“I am so sorry,” Shang Qinghua croaked out. “Oh my god.”
Mobei Jun was deathly silent for several moments. Luo Binghe did not know of Mobei Jun as the most patient person on the planet, so he waited for him to say something particularly foul, or threaten Shang Qinghua even, but nothing came.
“It’s fine,” Mobei Jun gritted out. He whirled around and stomped straight to the bathroom.
Shang Qinghua watched after him, gaping. “Oh my god.”
“It’s ok, Hua-ge, mistakes happen. Besides, he’s the one who ran straight into you,” Luo Binghe tried to soothe.
Shang Qinghua looked away from Mobei Jun, and then looked to Luo Binghe. He looked back at the shut bathroom door, and then his gaze was sharp again as he looked at Luo Binghe. “You motherfucker,” he hissed, jabbing a finger at him. “You never told me that you knew him!”
“Do you know him?” Luo Binghe asked curiously.
“He’s the hot guy I’m always talking about that comes into the cafe!”
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said dumbly. “How the hell was I supposed to know you were talking about Mobei Jun?”
“Oh, fuck this and fuck my life,” Shang Qinghua moaned. He picked up the empty tea cup, threw it in the nearest garbage, and stomped his own way into the bathroom after Mobei Jun.
Mobei Jun came out barely a moment later. His face was enraged, but he said nothing and brushed past Luo Binghe. “Come on,” he snapped.
“Ok, damn,” Luo Binghe muttered, following behind him. “I’m not the one who spilled tea all over you.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“Was it really hot?” Luo Binghe asked curiously. He knew Mobei Jun wasn’t the most pleasant person, but it wasn’t that big of a deal.
“No,” Mobei Jun said flatly.
“Oh,” Luo Binghe commented mildly. “It felt hot.”
“It’s not that,” Mobei Jun said eventually, exasperated. He made his way directly past the library counter and then went to the nearest table to dump his things on. Then, he turned his hateful stare onto Luo Binghe. “You never said your Hua-ge was Shang Qinghua.”
Luo Binghe blinked a few times, and then he grinned. “You know Hua-ge?”
Mobei Jun narrowed his eyes at Luo Binghe’s expression. “Sort of. What about it?”
Luo Binghe shrugged and went to drop his backpack into one of the seats at the table. “From the cafe?”
“Yes,” Mobei Jun said. “How’d you know that, creep?”
“Creep!” Luo Binghe repeated, aghast. “I happen to know that because Hua-ge doesn’t shut the fuck up about you.”
Mobei Jun stared at him for a solid five seconds of silence. “What,” he demanded flatly. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me that?”
Luo Binghe looked at him incredulously. “Well, first of all, why the hell would I think you want to know that? Second of all, I actually had no idea that he was talking about you until about two minutes ago. He said so when you went to the bathroom.”
Luo Binghe sent a quick prayer for forgiveness to Shang Qinghua for outing him, but he thought maybe in the end he’d appreciate it.
Mobei Jun was quiet again. He sat down and pulled out his notebook from his backpack. He was surprisingly docile after that, despite being drenched in tea. Luo Binghe thought maybe life didn’t suck for everyone. But it still sucked for him. Most definitely.
__________
Some weeks passed, and Luo Binghe began to believe that maybe it was the entire universe that hated him. Shen Yuan still barely acknowledged him and the rest of Luo Binghe’s life had still been following down its path of shittiness, and Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua were happy as clams. Luo Binghe had a brief moment of joy for his best friend, but it was almost immediately extinguished when after one week of texting, Mobei Jun asked him out and they started dating. Luo Binghe felt like they should have been more grateful for him for bringing them together, but neither of them thought Luo Binghe contributed anything.
Shang Qinghua was on the phone with Mobei Jun while they sat in Luo Binghe’s dorm room, slamming two packs of ramen. He’d just finished, and was lying on the extra dorm bed while he listened to Mobei Jun rant about his classmates being “the dumbest group of amoebas on the face of the earth.”
Then, Mobei Jun abruptly hung up.
Shang Qinghua had just laughed and dropped his phone off to the side.
“Did he call you while in class to shit talk people who were probably still within hearing distance?”
“Probably a bathroom break,” Shang Qinghua said.
Luo Binghe rolled his eyes. “He’s insane.”
“Isn’t he?” Shang Qinghua said, pleased. He pushed himself up to sitting. “He thinks it’s stupid for people to major in botany and not know what job they want to go into. He says he’s there to learn, not teach people how to learn for them.”
Luo Binghe laughed. Then he stopped, because his life still sucked, and he didn’t think Mobei Jun deserved to be happy before him.
Shang Qinghua put his chin in his hand. “I’m so glad that my kettle broke.”
“You’ll thank the kettle for breaking but not me for being so charming that I convinced Mobei Jun to come to the library during our break?”
Shang Qinghua made a face. “No, because you could have introduced us sooner. If anything, you were the obstacle that was finally defeated.”
“You motherfucker!” Luo Binghe accused.
Shang Qinghua shrugged and flopped back again. He had a dopey little smile on his face that made him look dumb as fuck, in Luo Binghe’s opinion.
“This is stupid,” Luo Binghe muttered. “You guys only knew each other existed like one semester ago. I’ve been in love with Shen Yuan for three years.”
“In love is crazy,” Shang Qinghua commented. He was holding his phone over his face, seemingly texting.
Luo Binghe slumped back against his wall. “Whatever.”
“Not to worry, Binghe, you’re a catch,” Shang Qinghua said, so blandly Luo Binghe wasn’t sure he even knew what he was saying. “He’ll come around. Or someone else will.”
“I don’t want someone else,” Luo Binghe muttered.
“He’ll come around,” Shang Qinghua repeated. “Maybe he’s just shy. He’s been more talkative when I’ve seen him.”
Luo Binghe’s gaze snapped over to him. “You’ve seen him?”
“He gets coffee sometimes.”
“And he’s talkative? To you?”
“Not talkative,” Shang Qinghua said. “More like… less antisocial. He looks me in the eye when he orders now instead of at the counter.”
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said. But then he decided that didn’t make him feel better at all. He kicked Shang Qinghua in the side. “Fuck you, Hua-ge, you already got Mobei Jun, if you take Shen Yuan from me I’ll literally kill you.”
Shang Qinghua scrunched his face and squirmed away from Luo Binghe’s range. “Gross, Binghe. He looks like a greasy little creep. He looks like he jacks off to hentai because real women gross him out.”
Luo Binghe felt so offended that he didn’t even know what to say. “Wha—You—I can’t—”
Shang Qinghua put his phone down and sat back up again. “Hey, I’m not judging! It’s not like I’m dating actual, literal Adonis or anything, but there’s someone out there for everyone!”
Luo Binghe stared at him. “I’m gonna kill you.”
Shang Qinghua quickly got up and took his bowl with him. He dashed out of the dorm. “Gonna go meet Mobei for the end of his class! See you later!”
The door slammed shut behind him.
Luo Binghe still considered hunting him down to kill him.
Despite wanting to kill Shang Qinghua in cold blood, he took his words into consideration. Which is to mean Luo Binghe remembered that Shen Yuan sometimes goes into the campus cafe. And if Luo Binghe also began going to the cafe, that was his business. He went any time he had free time he would otherwise spend in his dorm.
He saw Shen Yuan a few times. The first time, Shen Yuan had been in and out so quick that Shang Qinghua looked pointedly at Luo Binghe from the other side of the room and mouthed, see?
The second time, however, he’d lingered at the end of the counter and stirred some cream into his coffee. When he turned to throw the stirring stick away, he saw Luo Binghe. He froze, eyes widening a fraction. His cheeks colored, Luo Binghe’s heart stuttered in his chest, and then Shen Yuan left the cafe.
Shang Qinghua had to physically push him off the counter when Luo Binghe laid over it lamenting how cute Shen Yuan looked blushing at him.
And then, Luo Binghe’s life got worse.
__________
It started with the laundromat he used shutting down. Apparently there had been an electrical problem and it fried all the machines. And it flooded. Apparently. Luo Binghe just became convinced that someone was out to get him. The laundromat he had to go to after that was completely out of his way, and would be a day-long endeavor.
He supposed he could do homework on a washing machine.
The day he found out that his laundromat had been shut down, he’d lugged a bag of his clothes down the street just to stand there like a loser while staring at the window-walls covered in paper and a big, fat sign on the door that said “closed indefinitely.” He’d immediately pulled out his phone to google the nearest laundromat and nearly had a stroke when he saw that it was a thirty minute walk.
Alas, he had no choice but the take his clothes to the laundromat, thirty minutes away.
When he’d finished, he lugged his clothes back and realized that he had wasted most of his day doing his clothes, and nearly had a conniption when he realized that he had two homework assignments due that night.
It ended in him dragging himself to the library on his off-day just to sit in a back corner and start his homework and not leave until he was done.
Shang Qinghua had stopped by once when he’d heard of his predicament and brought him a coffee after his shift. Mobei Jun was with him, since they were both miserable people who rubbed their happiness in his face at every chance. Luo Binghe couldn’t believe the audacity they had to show up, together, when Luo Binghe’s life was so terrible.
Luo Binghe had been in the middle of lamenting this when Mobei Jun dragged Shang Qinghua by the back of his collar out of the library and away from Luo Binghe’s near-wailing.
When they were out of earshot, Luo Binghe let his head clunk onto the desk. The sun had long set, and he was so tired. He wanted to go back to his dorm and go to sleep.
He must have dozed off, because when he opened his eyes next, the library was dead silent, the sky was pitch black, and it felt like his head had been stuffed with cotton. He lifted his forehead from the desk and reached for the coffee Shang Qinghua had brought. It was cold, but he drank it anyway. It also seemed that somehow, Shang Qinghua had slipped him a bag of his favorite chips, too, even though he couldn’t remember Shang Qinghua dropping it on the table. Grateful, Luo Binghe ate them in a short twenty seconds and then went back to work.
When he reached into his backpack and realized none of his pencils were inside anymore, despite his vivid memory of putting a new pack inside, Luo Binghe decided the universe really was out to get him.
__________
Luo Binghe was standing in the middle of the laundromat, trying to assess if any of the machines were open, when the door behind him opened and the sun decided to shine through into his dark, dingy life. Shen Yuan walked past him and went straight to a machine without giving Luo Binghe a glance.
Swallowing his nerves, Luo Binghe thought about approaching him, just to say hello, and his heart pounded almost painfully in his chest.
However, before he could decide whether to do it or not, Shen Yuan turned and stared straight at him. “I’m done with my washing machine if you needed it.”
Luo Binghe beamed at him. “I do!”
Shen Yuan looked away from him dismissively. He nodded briefly toward the washing machine as he finished emptying it into the dryer. “Go ahead.”
Luo Binghe dragged his load of laundry to the front of the machine. “Did you also use the other laundromat by campus?”
“No, I use this one. That one only accepts coins, and I never have change.” Shen Yuan’s voice was clipped as he heaped his clothes into the dryer.
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said. “Well, I’m sure this one is a lot busier now then.”
“It is,” Shen Yuan said.
Luo Binghe idled by the washing machine, wanting to say more but unsure of what. “Thank you for letting me use the washer.”
Shen Yuan glanced sideways at him, then assessed the way he was just standing there, not loading his clothes in. “It’s not my washer,” he pointed out.
Luo Binghe felt embarrassed with Shen Yuan’s gaze on him. “I know, but I… don’t know. Just wanted to say thank you.”
Shen Yuan stared at him for another moment, and his expression wasn’t soft per se, but it wasn’t as severe.
Luo Binghe felt himself heat up. “Ah—I should put my clothes in.”
“Mm,” Shen Yuan agreed.
Luo Binghe let go of his bag of clothes and then dug into his pocket to get some cash out. As he was putting the money in, his bag of clothes fell out and spilled all over the floor. “Ugh,” he said, so used to misfortune that he didn’t even blink anymore.
When he turned back after loading it up with money, he froze. Shen Yuan was gathering it back into the bag politely.
“Ah!” Luo Binghe cried, crouching down to finish it up. “Sorry! You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s alright,” Shen Yuan said mildly.
Flustered, Luo Binghe turned to open the washer door. When he turned back, Shen Yuan was standing back up, hand stuffed into his pocket. For a brief, psychotic moment, Luo Binghe thought he was stuffing Luo Binge’s clothes into his pocket. The thought paralyzed him. But then, Shen Yuan was pulling out a card and inserting it to pay for his drying time.
Luo Binghe felt embarrassed at the thought and then quickly shoved his clothes into the washing machine. He slammed the door shut and started the cycle. He turned to address Shen Yuan again, but he was already walking out.
Luo Binghe deflated. But, he thought, on the bright side, perhaps he could spend more time with Shen Yuan now that his designated laundromat had changed. Silver linings, and the like.
__________
Shang Qinghua was resolutely ignoring every word that came out of Luo Binghe’s mouth. He was working, to be fair, and Luo Binghe was just sitting near the counter, thinking out loud. Shang Qinghua served roughly fifty-seven customers by the time Luo Binghe stopped.
When he did, Shang Qinghua looked at him, exasperated, and ran both hands through his hair. It was drawn up in a half-do and the movement messed it up completely. His hair was sticking out.
“Your hair looks dumb,” Luo Binghe said bitterly.
Shang Qinghua rolled his eyes and pulled the elastic out of his hair. “Your face looks dumb.” He tossed the plastic into the trash. “What are you even complaining about?”
“What isn’t there to complain about?” Luo Binghe muttered. He heaved a sigh as he rested his chin in his hand. “The only thing I have to work on right now is the project with Mobei. There’s nothing to do but to lament my life.”
“I swear if you say one more time that you’ve been cursed—”
“I have been!”
“All you’ve complained about are minor inconveniences that everyone goes through!”
“You don’t get it!” Luo Binghe cried.
“What’s there not to get!” Shang Qinghua yelled back.
Shang Qinghua’s boss, Mu Qingfang, popped out of the backroom, apron on and a bit sweaty from baking in the kitchen. “What on earth could you possibly need to be yelling for?” He hissed. “We have customers.”
Shang Qinghua pointed at Luo Binghe. “He won’t leave me alone! He’s been complaining in my ear for the last hour!”
“Did he pay for a drink?”
“Yes.”
“Then let him talk.” Mu Qingfang slammed the door shut behind him.
Luo Binghe smiled serenely at Shang Qinghua, who just made an annoyed grunt and then turned around.
A few moments later, however, Luo Binghe’s complaining was cut off by the door opening. Mobei Jun strolled right in and headed straight for the end of the counter where it opened up to get behind it. He bypassed Luo Binghe as if he wasn’t there.
Shang Qinghua turned around from the steamer and brightened up when he saw him. “Mobei!” He said. He set the steam cup down.
“Hey,” Mobei Jun replied, in a cool-guy voice. Luo Binghe rolled his eyes.
Shang Qinghua reached up to wrap his arms around Mobei Jun’s shoulders while Mobei Jun embraced him around the middle. They kissed; Luo Binghe gagged.
“Ugh,” Luo Binghe muttered, turning away. “This sucks.”
They ignored him, but Shang Qinghua did pull back. “Still working,” he reminded jovially. “Study with Binghe and I’ll join when I’m done with my shift.”
“Okay,” Mobei Jun said, kissing him again before releasing him and following Luo Binghe’s stomping to an empty table to work on the project.
“You are both very gross and very annoying,” Luo Binghe said, sitting heavily in his chair. Mobei Jun slid into the chair across from him.
“You’re just annoyed that you’re single and that he likes me.”
Luo Binghe sputtered and then laughed. “Ew! He’s like a brother. No competition there, buddy.”
Mobei Jun huffed, but ended up actually looking somewhat soothed by that. It seemed that had been a concern, even though it was the most outlandish thing Luo Binghe could think of.
“Also, how dare you think I would be interested in anyone except for the love of my life, Shen Yuan—”
Mobei Jun interrupted him with a loud smack from his textbook landing on the table with incredible force.
Luo Binghe jumped at the sound. “What the fuck!”
“If you don’t shut the hell up about that absolute dweeb, I’m going to strangle you with my bare hands.”
Luo Binghe was absolutely silent for five seconds. He inhaled long and deep, and was just about to unleash the mother of all lectures, and perhaps violence, when the door opened and the aforementioned man strolled in. His breath stalled, and he watched Shen Yuan walk up to the counter.
Mobei Jun could tell immediately why Luo Binghe had shut up, so he wordlessly opened his book and began to work.
Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan spoke briefly at the counter before Shang Qinghua turned away to start making his drink.
Once Shen Yuan had paid and was leaning against the part of the counter to pick up finished orders, he surveyed the cafe. He caught sight of Luo Binghe staring straight at him. He glanced away quickly.
Luo Binghe continued to stare at him, willing him to look back so that he could wave at him.
“How come things with Shang Qinghua worked out immediately and Shen Yuan barely even looks my way?” Luo Binghe asked. “I’m not ugly, right?”
"Because he actually likes me,” Mobei Jun deadpanned. “I don’t know if you’re ugly or not, I have no feelings or opinions on you whatsoever.”
“I forgot you're only attracted to twinks,” Luo Binghe quipped.
“One twink,” Mobei Jun said. “And don’t call him a twink.”
Luo Binghe sighed and slumped back in his chair, letting his arms hang. “You disgust me.”
“Likewise.”
“Ugh,” he groaned.
“Don’t be such a coward,” Mobei Jun said, sounding like he was the one who was disgusted. “I hadn’t taken you for a pussy, but here we are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luo Binghe snapped.
“Go talk to him or something, I don’t fuckin’ know.”
“I try, but every time I do, he acts like he’d rather anywhere but talking to me.”
“And you didn’t take that as a sign?” Mobei Jun asked, breaking character enough to sound bewildered. “Maybe he just doesn’t like you.”
Luo Binghe, to the surprise of both of them, felt his eyes dampen. Mobei Jun stared at him in a stunned silence, and Luo Binghe pressed his lips together and tried to swallow back the tears. He was fighting a losing battle, however. He swiped at his eyes quickly with his palm.
“Are you seriously crying?” Mobei Jun hissed, suddenly sounding angry. “Get a hold of yourself.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Luo Binghe snapped back, voice watery. He swiped at his eyes again. He glanced up, just to be sure that no one else saw, but was immediately mortified to find that Shen Yuan was staring straight at him.
That startled the tears out of Luo Binghe’s system and funneled him straight into horror and humiliation. But Shen Yuan was frowning, and for a moment, Luo Binghe thought that he was worried. Then, Shen Yuan looked at Mobei Jun, and his expression was eerily blank.
Shang Qinghua set Shen Yuan’s cup on the counter, and then followed his gaze. He also looked surprised, clearly seeing that Luo Binghe looked a little raw, and his brows raised in surprise.
Shen Yuan grabbed the cup and strolled out of the cafe without another glance.
__________
“Binghe, hang back for a moment please.”
Luo Binghe turned around at the sound of his name. His professor was standing at the podium, looking at him with a neutral expression.
“Mobei, you too,” he called when Mobei Jun went to waltz out.
He turned, too, looking annoyed, but he followed Luo Binghe up to the front. “What?”
“There were some unfortunate circumstances that led to another student in the class having to take a temporary leave from school.”
“Okay…” Luo Binghe said. Mobei Jun was staring at him with a blank expression.
“His partner for the project has been left without any more aid. If possible, would you mind taking on a third person? He is willing to share his work to contribute to the process in any way.”
“What the—”
Luo Binghe cut off Mobei Jun’s curse with his own eager question. “Who?”
“Shen Yuan.”
“You motherfucker.”
“There’s no way I’m passing up this opportunity, Mobei,” Luo Binghe said dismissively. “I've worked with him before, he’s perfectly pleasant.”
“Unnecessary extra work,” Mobei Jun snapped.
“Let me have this, man.”
Mobei Jun just grunted at him and continued walking, several steps ahead as though he couldn’t bear to walk beside him. Luo Binghe’s joy could not be dampened by his hater attitude, however. He felt as though he was walking on clouds.
__________
Shen Yuan was tightlipped the first time they met up to work on the project. He sat ramrod straight in his seat, head tilted down, and only glanced at Luo Binghe and Mobei Jun as they discussed how to move forward with the project. They figured it out relatively quickly. They used some of the work Shen Yuan had done, and divvied up the rest of the project between three people.
They were at a round table, each of them with a seat in-between. Luo Binghe was disappointed about it. He would have liked to sit beside Shen Yuan.
Shang Qinghua showed up when they were getting ready to wrap up for the day. He had come to meet up with Mobei Jun. When he arrived, he sat in the seat between Mobei Jun and Luo Binghe, getting in Mobei Jun’s space to look at Mobei Jun’s laptop.
While they spoke, Luo Binghe looked to Shen Yuan. “Sorry to hear about your partner,” he said, not feeling very sorry at all.
Shen Yuan hummed in acknowledgement. “It’s alright. If anything, it was more unfortunate for him.”
“Do you know what happened?” Luo Binghe asked curiously, and also hoping to keep Shen Yuan talking.
“I wasn’t really told any details. I think he was in an accident and had to take medical leave.” Shen Yuan was still writing in his notebook. He had barely looked up as he answered.
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said. “That sucks.”
“Mm.” Shen Yuan paused, and then glanced up at Luo Binghe. “Thanks for letting me join your group.”
Luo Binghe felt his face heat. “Of course,” he said hastily. “I’m happy to.”
Shen Yuan watched him for a moment, and though he had no particular expression on his face, it felt intense. Then, he smiled, and it was like the sun began shining through the window despite being past sunset.
Luo Binghe swallowed hard, and a faint buzzing started up in his ears. He had no idea what to say. He felt like he couldn’t think straight.
“Didn’t interrupt your progress too much?” Shen Yuan asked.
It felt like the first time Shen Yuan had ever continued a conversation that had faded to nothing. Luo Binghe felt floaty, as though gravity had lightened. “No, not at all.” Luo Binghe’s voice was almost breathless. He glanced briefly in Mobei Jun’s direction. “We’ve followed the rubric to a T, so it wasn’t anything for you to join up.”
“Good,” Shen Yuan said. He glanced at Mobei Jun, too, and then Shang Qinghua. He eyed them for a moment, calculating.
Taking the gaze for curiosity, Luo Binghe explained. “That’s Shang Qinghua. You might know him from the cafe on campus. He and Mobei Jun are dating.”
Shen Yuan continued to stare. Luo Binghe might have been jealous if not for the way his face was eerily blank. “Figured,” he said.
Shang Qinghua looked over at the mention of his name. He looked at Shen Yuan. “We know each other, Binghe, he comes into the cafe all the time.”
Shen Yuan sniffed and then looked back down at his notebook.
“I don’t think you know Mobei though,” Shang Qinghua said thoughtfully. “Do you?”
“I’m doing a project with him,” Shen Yuan said drily.
“I meant before.” Shang Qinghua rolled his eyes.
“No,” Shen Yuan said shortly.
Shang Qinghua looked at Mobei Jun and gave him a look as if to say tough crowd. He went back to leaning into his side to look at the laptop again.
Luo Binghe put his chin in his hand and swirled short patterns with his pen on his own notebook paper.
A moment later, Shen Yuan slid into the seat on his other side. He slid his notebook over to Luo Binghe. “Here, look at this for me.”
Luo Binghe’s brain whited out, barely able to focus on the paper that was pushed into his field of vision. “Ah—”
“I think we should consider this for the next part of the—Binghe?”
Luo Binghe blinked several times, and then looked up at Shen Yuan. He was leaning in, looking up at him with a curious expression. “Sorry,” he managed, raspy. “Distracted.”
Shen Yuan’s mouth turned into a small frown. “Are you not feeling well? It is getting late…”
“No,” Luo Binghe said quickly, grabbing the paper. “No, I was just spacing out.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” Luo Binghe reassured, looking at him again.
Shen Yuan was still looking at him, eyebrows tugged inward. God, Luo Binghe wanted to kiss him.
“I won’t abandon you like your last partner,” Luo Binghe said.
Shen Yuan laughed suddenly, a small burst, and he covered his mouth and turned away. “I wasn’t abandoned, he was injured.”
“I won’t abandon you due to something as small as an injury, I promise.”
Shen Yuan dropped his hand, and he didn’t laugh anymore, but he had a softer look on his face than normal. That, coupled with the echo of his laughter, was going to send Luo Binghe straight into nirvana. Sorry to whoever was hurt, he thought, but that person’s injury was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
__________
Luo Binghe sometimes felt like he was going crazy. Even though things had been going better since joining the project with, things still were inconvenient. Working at the library was barely enough money and the laundromat was still completely out of his way. He got to see Shen Yuan, but sometimes Shen Yuan would just immediately walk out without a word.
When he would leave the laundromat, Shen Yuan often already long gone, it sometimes felt like he was being followed. Or, if not followed, watched. The prickly feeling at the base of his skull would tingle, and he’d turn, but there didn’t seem to be anyone suspicious. It also felt like he wasn’t alone sometimes, even when the streets were empty.
He didn’t think he had any enemies, but he wasn’t entirely sure. There were people he definitely had not gotten along with since he started college. In fact, one of his coworkers really didn’t like him. Luo Binghe didn’t like him either, and would have no problem if he wanted to fight.
Nervous wasn’t exactly the emotion he was feeling whenever he got that prickle, telling him someone was looking. He did, however, find it odd.
Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun both seemed to be completely unconvinced of that theory.
“You don’t see anyone though,” Shang Qinghua had argued when Luo Binghe first mentioned it.
“I know, but it’s weird that I keep getting that feeling.”
“I mean, sure, if you caught someone watching you.”
Luo Binghe ignored that. “And my life has been going wrong lately.”
“Eh,” Shang Qinghua said dismissively, waving his hand. “A lot of that stuff was your own damn fault. You were the one who failed your class and then couldn’t get a better paying job.”
“Hey!” Luo Binghe protested hotly. “The pickings are slim, okay!”
Shang Qinghua slumped back in his chair. “Don’t I know it. I don’t make much differently than you at the cafe.”
Mobei Jun tugged at a strand of Shang Qinghua’s hair. “Stop buying food, I’ll buy it for you.”
Shang Qinghua turned to him and smiled.
Luo Binghe’s eye twitched. “I’m gonna murder you both if you don’t stop rubbing it in my face.”
“We aren’t, you’re just a lonely loser,” Mobei Jun muttered. He leaned over, kissed Shang Qinghua straight on the mouth, and then got up. “I’ll pick you up later.”
Shang Qinghua just smiled up at him dreamily. “Okay.”
Mobei Jun walked off while Luo Binghe glared at Shang Qinghua.
“You’re the loser!” He accused. “You’ve changed!”
“I have not!” Shang Qinghua protested. “Mobei’s right, you’re just lonely. But don’t worry, Binghe, things are looking up. After all, you have your project and the laundromat.”
Luo Binghe stared at him blankly, unimpressed. “Asshole.”
“I mean it,” he argued. “Hey, why don’t you come with to the party me and Mobei are going to? Even if the stuff doesn’t work out with Shen Yuan, maybe you can find someone there.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” Luo Binghe said, sounding pitiful even to his own ears.
Shang Qinghua rolled his eyes. “Come anyway.”
Luo Binghe considered. “Where is it?”
“One of the dorms that has a lot of the sports guys. Lots of people will be there. It’ll be fun, even if you aren’t trying to hook up.”
“Alcohol?”
“Alcohol.”
“Okay fine,” Luo Binghe sighed. “I’ll go.”
Shang Qinghua grinned.
__________
When Luo Binghe walked in, he felt an interesting mix of relief and disappointment. Shen Yuan wasn’t there, which was disappointing, but it did seem like it would be fun to just drink and dick around. Shang Qinghua had dragged Mobei Jun off almost immediately, saying they were going to get drinks.
Luo Binghe idled behind them, following, but not really making it a priority to remain with them. He’d played a few sports briefly while in school, so several people knew of him and greeted him as he walked through. He’d never stuck with anything, however, so he wasn’t exactly popular.
One of the cheerleaders from Luo Binghe’s most recent sport stint fell into step beside him as he ambled toward the back where Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun disappeared.
“Hi, Binghe,” she said cheerfully.
“Hey, Yingying,” Luo Binghe replied.
“It’s been a while,” she said, “how have you been?”
“Fine,” Luo Binghe said politely. “What about you?”
“Good!” Ning Yingying was a nice girl, but they hadn’t really spoken since he’d been involved in sports. Once academics had taken priority for Luo Binghe, they had fallen out. She’d been closer to some of the others on the team anyway. “I’ve still been cheerleading. No more sports for you?”
“No,” Luo Binghe replied. “I’m just focusing on academics now.”
“That’s good, too!” She said. “It can be a lot to do both…”
“Has it been difficult?”
“Yeah,” she admitted with a sheepish smile. “But still good! I like cheerleading, so it’s worth it to put in the work.”
They reached the kitchen by the end of her sentence. Luo Binghe stepped inside first. “That’s good then, you should keep it up.”
Her smile was sweet and a little shy, and Luo Binghe could tell that she was trying to flirt with him. He was thinking of ways to let her know that it wasn’t going to happen when another voice cut in over the chattering and the music.
“Binghe!” Shang Qinghua called.
Luo Binghe looked over, feeling somewhat saved from having to deal with Ning Yingying. Shang Qinghua was waving him over with a cup in one hand and a bottle of alcohol in the other. Luo Binghe followed the call. Mobei Jun was leaning against the counter, drinking down a cup of his own.
“Here,” Shang Qinghua said. “Mixed it myself.”
“Should I be worried?” Luo Binghe asked, taking the cup and looking down into it. It looked like a sorry shade of brown. He looked to Mobei Jun.
“Tasted fine to me,” he said blandly. “Take the cup and leave us alone.”
Luo Binghe was aghast. “You know what, you’re really rude—”
“Just drink it!” Shang Qinghua said, shoving the cup further into his chest.
Mobei Jun grabbed the bottle from Shang Qinghua’s hand, poured another shot’s worth and then drank it. “Let’s go.”
Shang Qinghua watched Mobei Jun, then looked at Luo Binghe with a flushed face, as though he’d just been charmed. Luo Binghe made a face back at him, an attempt to show his complete disbelief at Shang Qinghua’s dilemma. Shang Qinghua looked back up at Mobei Jun, and Luo Binghe wondered if the alcohol he’d clearly guzzled before Luo Binghe showed up merely ten seconds after him was already hitting him. To be fair, he was at least a head shorter, so perhaps it was faster acting for him.
Or, as he thought about it, Shang Qinghua was just like that.
Shang Qinghua’s arms went up, Mobei Jun grabbed him around the waist and put him on the counter. They immediately started making out and Luo Binghe sputtered.
“You are both the most shameless people I’ve ever met!” He shouted, turning away to shield his eyes. He drank the drink down as he wandered back out of the kitchen. He didn’t trust that it tasted good, so he held his nose and chugged the entire thing by the time he was back out of the kitchen.
When he unplugged his nose, he realized he’d been right to do so. It was incredibly strong, and he had a horrific moment that he realized that majority of the nearly full cup was alcohol. He stared at the bottom of the cup in a shocked silence. He weighed his options—he could go back and demand what Shang Qinghua had put in the cup and risk the wrath of Mobei Jun beating his ass for interrupting, or not drink anything else and hope he didn’t fall into an alcohol-induced coma.
He turned back around, saw Shang Qinghua’s legs dangling from the counter while Mobei Jun engulfed him otherwise, and Luo Binghe realized he’d definitely have to get up in-between them in order to even get Shang Qinghua’s attention. He quickly decided to go for the latter option.
He set the cup down on the counter nearest to the exit and went back to the living room.
Luo Binghe wandered through the different floors the house. He knew some people, but he discovered quickly that maybe Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun were his only friends. By the time that realization had hit him, so had the alcohol, and the thought nearly made him burst into tears.
Every so often he saw Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun again, but each time he did, they were doing something egregious. He began to consider whether he should tell them, very seriously, as their friend, that they should never be together in public ever again. It was best for them to just stay home or not be with each other at all.
Luo Binghe had been convinced to have a few beers in addition to whatever he’d taken from Shang Qinghua, and he was properly drunk by the time he felt that it was a good idea to tell them that they were sickening.
He’d just walked into the main room when he saw them sitting on the couch. They weren’t kissing, for the first time all night, but Shang Qinghua was straddling his lap, facing him, and they were looking at something at Mobei Jun’s phone.
“You both are so gross!” Luo Binghe cried, leaning into the armrest.
Shang Qinghua startled and looked up. He squinted his eyes at him, like he couldn’t see. “Huh? Binghe, is that you?”
“Yes it’s me!” He exclaimed, feeling unusually sensitive. “Who else!”
“You’re so far away,” Shang Qinghua said, squinting more. “Are you standing on a stool?”
Luo Binghe blinked at him, and then looked down at his feet to make sure. “No, I’m on the floor.”
“You seem really high up,” Shang Qinghua said. “And you look different. Is the couch low? Am I blind?” He looked to Mobei Jun and grabbed his face with both hands to peer at him. “I can see you just fine.”
Mobei Jun stared at him. His pupils were completely blown, but other than that, he looked completely unbothered by the alcohol. “Your eyes are fine, Binghe is just ugly as fuck.”
“What!” Luo Binghe shouted. “Who said anything about me being ugly! He just said I looked tall!” He paused, and then smiled. “It must be because of my charming good looks.”
Mobei Jun turned his stare onto Luo Binghe, and Luo Binghe thought briefly that he might die in a shitty college party while intoxicated to an embarrassing degree.
Shang Qinghua began kissing his cheek and jaw. “You’re so hot,” he said. “Holy shit.”
“Just go home!” Luo Binghe yelled. “No one wants to see you be happy together!”
He stomped off without another word, and he heard the rare but alarming sound of Mobei Jun laughing.
He was sure neither of them did anything to listen to him, but Luo Binghe was starting to feel sick. He finished off the last of the beer that he had in his hand and then set it down on the nearest table. He stood still for a moment, feeling like the room was moving beneath his feet. Everything looked dim, and he felt a mess inside of his chest.
He felt alone.
Luo Binghe looked over the room. He saw a familiar head of hair, and his heart lurched so hard it felt like it was going to squish between his ribs. He blinked a few times, and Shen Yuan was gone. He wondered if he could get drunk enough to hallucinate. The thought of it, and his reaction, was enough for his stomach to lurch next.
He stumbled down the hallway, into the bathroom, and pushed his way past the person who was staring at themselves in the mirror. They ran out as soon as Luo Binghe hit the floor and threw up into the toilet.
It took a few rounds before his stomach settled for a moment. His breath heaved. His eyes stung.
After a few moments of silence, the sound of music and talking muffling in his ears, Luo Binghe swiped at his mouth with one hand and then at his eyes with the other. He fell back onto his ass, leaning against the wall, head lolling back against it.
The sound of the door shutting broke the loud quiet, and then the sounds of the music and talking was more muffled than before. Luo Binghe was grateful for the semblance of silence, even if it was still fairly loud. He wiped at his eyes again and then dropped his hand.
A hand touched his forehead, fingers sliding through the damp strands of hair on his forehead. “Oh, Binghe,” came a quiet murmur.
Luo Binghe blinked his eyes opened and turned his head to the sound of that pretty voice. “Mm?” He hummed.
Shen Yuan’s face swam in front of him. Luo Binghe’s eyes were open, but it felt like he couldn’t get a clear look at anything. “Are you feeling alright?”
Luo Binghe filtered the words through his mind, and it waded through like his brain was mud. “I—feeling—huh?”
“You threw up, sweetheart,” Shen Yuan whispered. “Are you going to be sick again?”
Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart—
“Binghe, are you going to throw up again?”
Luo Binghe opened his mouth to say no and then shot forward to throw up again into the toilet.
“Ah—” the Shen-Yuan-lookalike said. There was no way Shen Yuan was in that bathroom, calling Luo Binghe sweetheart. However, Luo Binghe wasn’t going to stare a gift-angel in the mouth.
Gentle, cool hands gathered Luo Binghe’s hair out of the way. His fingers brushed against his neck and his nape, and Luo Binghe was so pissed he was actively throwing up. He couldn’t properly enjoy the feeling. It made his head swim.
Luo Binghe finished again, and then slumped back once more. He let out a soft groan. Shen Yuan’s hands released his hair, but they were sweetly brushing the loose, shorter strands out of his face.
“Just a second,” Shen Yuan murmured, pulling away.
Luo Binghe whined and turned his head up to look at Shen Yuan, who was stepping toward the sink. He was rummaging through the cupboards. He returned a moment later with a washcloth, wet with cool water. He swiped at Luo Binghe’s mouth, folded it up, and then gently patted over the rest of his face.
“Binghe, do you think you’ll be sick again?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured back, eyes closing as he leaned into Shen Yuan’s hand. His other hand came up to hold it steady while his other continued to swipe the washcloth over Luo Binghe’s face. “It’s hard to tell.”
Shen Yuan hummed. His thumb was stroking over Luo Binghe’s cheek. “Try to. I need to take you home.”
“Home?”
“Your dorm.”
Luo Binghe sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he said, and he was unsure why, but his voice wobbled. “I don’t know, I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” Shen Yuan reassured quickly, whispering. “It’s ok, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” Luo Binghe said tearfully.
“Why are you crying?” Shen Yuan asked, sounding alarmed. “It’s no problem, it’s fine. We can stay in the bathroom a little longer to be sure.”
Luo Binghe nuzzled his cheek into Shen Yuan’s hand. “Sorry,” he whispered one more time.”
“No more sorries,” Shen Yuan murmured. “It’s alright.”
“You’re so nice, A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe sighed. “So sweet. And so pretty, too.”
“Wha—ah,” Shen Yuan sounded flustered, so Luo Binghe peeked his eyes open to see. Shen Yuan’s face was pink and his eyes darted around shiftily. “What are you saying…”
“So pretty, A-Yuan.”
Shen Yuan swallowed audibly. “You’re just drunk.”
“I think it all the time,” Luo Binghe said. “Ask Hua-ge. Or Mobei Jun. They’re tired of me saying it.”
Shen Yuan stared at him for what felt like a long time. Luo Binghe thought it must have just been in his head, it dragged on for so long.
“Are you upset with me?” Luo Binghe asked, eyes dampening again against his will.
“No,” Shen Yuan said quickly, squeezing his cheeks lightly. “I’m not mad you, Binghe, don’t cry.”
Luo Binghe’s lips protruded into a pout. “I wish you were actually here.”
“What the—you—” Shen Yuan looked constipated for a moment. Then he let out a long, deep sigh. By the end of it he was smiling. He leaned in a little closer, and both of his thumbs went back to stroking his cheeks. “You’re so precious.”
Luo Binghe’s heart fluttered.
“If you don’t think you’ll throw up again, will you try to stand up for me?”
“Okay,” Luo Binghe muttered.
Shen Yuan stood up first, and he tossed aside the washcloth. He reached over to close the toilet lid and then flush it. He reached down. “Come on then, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe grabbed his hands and pushed himself up. Shen Yuan pulled where he could, but Luo Binghe was heavy. Luo Binghe swayed, but he felt better than he had before he’d run into the bathroom.
“Let’s go back to your dorm.”
Luo Binghe stared at him, and he felt his face heat up.
Shen Yuan stared at him, then also turned pink. He turned away. “Not like that.”
Luo Binghe felt disappointed, but less flustered. “Okay.”
Shen Yuan led them out of the bathroom.
While they made their way through the house, Luo Binghe couldn’t take his eyes off of the back of Shen Yuan's head. He was trying to determine whether it was a hallucination or not. The thought of people seeing him walk out with Shen Yuan made him feel dizzy.
Shen Yuan didn’t speak much as they walked outside. The walk wasn’t too far from Luo Binghe’s dorm. He’d taken about ten minutes to make the walk before, but the walk felt both short and long walking drunk with maybe-Shen-Yuan.
Luo Binghe’s hand felt warm where Shen Yuan was holding, guiding him along the sidewalk. He felt like if he made too much noise, Shen Yuan might realize and let go, so he stayed dutifully silent as they made their way back to Luo Binghe’s dorm.
When they got to the building, Luo Binghe’s ears stopped buzzing from the volume of the party. Though, the quiet seemed much more obvious and loud somehow. They walked to the elevator and Shen Yuan pressed the button. They both stood quietly. Shen Yuan’s hand was holding Luo Binghe’s still, and Luo Binghe felt like he might have combusted any moment.
The doors opened and Shen Yuan pulled him inside. When they shut behind them and Shen Yuan pressed Luo Binghe’s floor, he turned to Luo Binghe and assessed him. He frowned at what he found, reaching up with his free hand to brush the hair away from his face again. He felt Luo Binghe’s forehead.
Luo Binghe leaned into his hand again, eyes sliding shut. “Feels nice,” he murmured quietly.
Shen Yuan hummed, almost dismissively. “Are you going to be sick again?”
“Dunno,” Luo Binghe said obviously. “The elevator feels weird.”
“Just a little longer, baby,” Shen Yuan murmured.
Luo Binghe’s eyes fluttered open. He stared at Shen Yuan.
He seemed not to have realized what he said. He was turning toward the doors as they clunked to a stop on the right floor. He pulled Luo Binghe out when they were open, and then down the hall toward Luo Binghe’s door.
“I’m glad that I don’t have a roommate,” Luo Binghe said as Shen Yuan unlocked his door.
“Yeah?” Shen Yuan said idly.
“Yeah,” Luo Binghe said. “It’d be weird to share when I feel like this. Being alone with you sounds a lot better.”
Shen Yuan let out a strangled sound, as tough he was scandalized, but just pushed him in and then shut the door behind them both.
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe practically whimpered. “I’m sorry, I tried really hard the whole way here—”
Shen Yuan hurriedly pushed him to the small sink and held his hair back. Luo Binghe threw up.
By the time he was done and Shen Yuan had cleaned him up, Luo Binghe felt exhausted. Shen Yuan doing everything didn’t help. If it’d been up to him, he would still be on that bathroom floor, probably asleep. Instead, he was standing in the center of his dorm, arms out.
Shen Yuan lifted his shirt over his head. There was complete and utter silence for so long that Luo Binghe blinked at him, vision still swimming. Shen Yuan was staring directly at his chest, face red.
Luo Binghe felt embarrassed suddenly. “Ah—”
Shen Yuan blinked and then looked up at Luo Binghe’s face. “Shirt or no shirt?” He demanded.
“No…shirt?” Luo Binghe said like a question. “Is that ok?”
“Of course,” Shen Yuan snapped.
Luo Binghe swallowed. “Sorry, I’m sorry.”
Shen Yuan looked frustrated for a moment, hands clenching in the shirt. “Stop—you didn’t—it’s ok.”
“It doesn’t feel ok,” Luo Binghe whispered.
Shen Yuan frowned, looking back up at Luo Binghe’s face. He dropped the shirt from his hand to hang on the crook of his arm as he held Luo Binghe’s cheeks. “It’s ok,” he said firmly. “I promise.”
Luo Binghe’s lips pursed out from the grip. “Okay.”
Shen Yuan stepped back and dropped his hands. “I—you should—pants.”
Luo Binghe blinked at him, and it took his swimming brain a moment to catch up. “Oh,” he said, looking down at his jeans. He stared at the button and the zipper. “You don’t want to?”
Shen Yuan made such an inhuman, choked sound that Luo Binghe looked back up. Shen Yuan’s face was bright red.
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said again. “I’ll do it then.”
He unbuttoned his pants after an embarrassing moment of struggling. He unzipped them next. Shen Yuan sucked in a breath. Luo Binghe pushed down his pants. He wondered if being drunk would make him more or less susceptible to popping a boner since Shen Yuan was (maybe) standing in front of him while he was shirtless and without pants.
Once his pants were pooled at his ankles, Luo Binghe just stood there. For a moment, he felt like he might trip.
“Should I change my boxers?” He asked, wondering out loud.
“Yeah,” Shen Yuan breathed out. "I mean—if—do you want to?”
Luo Binghe looked up at him. “Would it be gross to not change them?” He paused and pursed his lips. “I don’t want you to think I’m gross.”
Shen Yuan stared at him, and then he smiled, like he was endeared. “I won't think you’re gross either way.”
“I’ll change them,” Luo Binghe decided. He turned, stumbling lightly on his pants, and Shen Yuan reached out to hold his elbows. Luo Binghe stared down at him. Shen Yuan was blushing still, hands squeezing just above his elbows, roaming up from his forearms.
“Sorry,” Shen Yuan said. “Be careful.”
“You don’t hate me?” Luo Binghe blurted.
“Hate you?” Shen Yuan repeated, sounding bewildered. “What on earth gave you the impression that I hate you?”
“You ignore me,” Luo Binghe said, voice unfortunately very watery. “And ignore me. And I can’t stand it.”
Shen Yuan frowned, fingers squeezing to a tighter grip. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Never.”
“Promise?”
Shen Yuan blew out a breath and caressed his face with a hand again. “I promise.” He smiled. “Silly Binghe.”
“Really?” Luo Binghe asked.
Shen Yuan made a sound, almost like a coo. He reached up to swipe his thumbs beneath Luo Binghe’s eyes, ridding him of the tears. “Yes, really.”
“I hope I’m not dreaming,” Luo Binghe said. “And if I’m not, I hope I’m not too drunk to remember this.”
Shen Yuan smiled again and released him.
Luo Binghe went to change out of his boxers. He tried to be quick, but it was hard to put his feet through the leg holes when it felt like they were far away from him one moment, and close the next.
When he straightened back up, Shen Yuan was staring at his legs, face blank. Luo Binghe looked down at his legs, unsure what he was looking at. Then, belatedly, he realized that Shen Yuan was staring between his legs instead. He’d been watching him change. Luo Binghe felt a flood of heat at the realization. He looked back up at Shen Yuan’s face.
Shen Yuan’s gaze dragged back up, and something about his expression was dark, and it sent a shiver down Luo Binghe’s spine.
It was an expression that was difficult to classify. On one hand, it looked like he might have been interested. On the other, it also looked so intense that one might mistake it for anger.
“Bed,” Shen Yuan said a few moments later. His voice was raspy. “Time for bed.”
“Okay,” Luo Binghe said.
Neither of them moved.
“Binghe,” Shen Yuan said, sounding somewhat strangled. “Bed, now.”
Luo Binghe moved over to the bed. Shen Yuan helped him climb in, and tucked the covers up over him. The charged energy between them had faded by the time Luo Binghe was on his back, head on the pillow. The room swam again with the change in orientation. He let out a small groan.
Shen Yuan froze above him. “Gonna be sick, sweetheart?”
“No,” Luo Binghe whispered back, heart fluttering at the pet name. “Just feel weird. My head.”
Shen Yuan’s fingers stroked through his hair again. “I’m sure it does. It’s alright. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
“I wish—” Luo Binghe started, pausing when the cry choked his throat. His bottom lip wobbled. “I wish I was sober enough to enjoy this.”
“Oh, Binghe,” Shen Yuan sighed, stroking his hair still. “It’s alright. Don’t worry about that right now.”
“A-Yuan,” he said, sounding pitiful even to his own ears.
“I’m here, Binghe. Just rest, alright? I’ll take care of you.”
“Don’t be cold to me again, ok?”
“Alright, Binghe.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
The last coherent thought Luo Binghe had in his hallucination was that he’d never told Shen Yuan where he lived. And he hadn’t given him a key either.
__________
Luo Binghe pulled a chair up to the pick-up counter, put his arms on top and buried his face inside.
“Dude, you can’t sit there.”
“I can,” Luo Binghe huffed. “I’m doing it, aren’t I?”
“That’s where customers have to be to pick up their drinks.” Shang Qinghua’s voice was much too normal for Luo Binghe to not be annoyed at him.
“Why aren’t you suffering, huh?” Luo Binghe griped, lifting his head to glare at him.
Shang Qinghua had his hands on his hips as he stared down at him. “I didn’t drink nearly as much. I had like three shots and maybe one beer, and I went to the party with a full stomach and stayed hydrated.”
“Don’t sound so smug for being such an avid party-goer that you know that.”
Shang Qinghua laughed suddenly. “That’s basic knowledge, Binghe. Did you really not eat before you went to the party?”
“No,” Luo Binghe grumbled, resting his chin back on his arms. “I had water after though.”
“You also drank a lot,” Shang Qinghua pointed out. “What I gave you was probably the equivalent of six shots.”
“Well, why the hell did you do that?”
“Because you’d need it to feel drunk! I didn’t expect you to chug it in one go either.” Shang Qinghua gave him a look. “And you went on to drink like eight or nine beers.”
“I thought it was only like, three.”
“No,” he snorted.
Luo Binghe sighed. “Well, I was so drunk I had the most vivid hallucination ever.”
“Oh?”
“Someone helped me get home last night,” he said, “but the whole time I thought it was Shen Yuan. It wasn’t Shen Yuan, was it?”
“I didn’t see,” Shang Qinghua said. “I didn’t see anyone helping you out. You were just gone.”
Luo Binghe pouted. “It was way too good to be true. He was so nice to me.”
“You probably just took yourself home and dreamed Shen Yuan up the whole way.”
“That’s what I thought,” he agreed. “But when I woke up, there was food on my desk!”
Shang Qinghua raised his brows. “Really? What kind?”
“Congee and a coffee. The kind I like, too! So someone must have helped me get home and then left some food for me, too.”
“That is weird,” Shang Qinghua agreed.
“You don’t remember?” Luo Binghe asked. “Maybe it was you! You know the way to my dorm, and how to get in, and what food and coffee I like!”
Shang Qinghua laughed and waved his hand dismissively. “Binghe, the one thing I learned last night is that if Mobei Jun is in the vicinity while I’m drunk, the only thing I’m capable of doing is getting plowed.”
Luo Binghe sputtered.
“So there’s no way I helped you go to your dorm.”
Luo Binghe scrunched his face up. “Gross, Hua-ge! Do not tell me that.”
Shang Qinghua shrugged.
“I can’t believe you guys had sex in front of everyone, I’m glad I left when I did.”
It was Shang Qinghua’s turn to sputter. “What!” He exclaimed, laughing. “We just went back to Mobei’s place, we didn’t have sex on the couch!”
“Could have fooled me! You guys were disgusting!”
Shang Qinghua just smiled, turning to continue wiping down the counter. “You’d be gross too, you’re just feeling single.”
Luo Binghe considered. If he was dating Shen Yuan, he’d probably be worse. He would concede that point. He slumped down again. “Everything sucks. I wish Shen Yuan liked me.”
“He might,” Shang Qinghua pointed out. “You never know. He’s not exactly obvious about anything he feels. He’d probably have asked to partner up with someone else if he didn’t like you at least a little bit. You’re so obvious that anyone who didn’t like you would run very far away.”
Luo Binghe groaned and wanted to stomp his foot like a child. “Well then what do I do?”
Shang Qinghua shrugged. “Beats me!”
__________
Luo Binghe was at his own place of work a few days after the party. He’d gotten back to feeling better and much less hungover. Oddly, more food was at his door later that night the day after the party. Luo Binghe had a small twinge of hope that it was actually Shen Yuan, but he’d seen him the following day before his shift at the library and decidedly realized that it was definitely a dream. Shen Yuan was as cold as ever.
He sat behind the counter, sitting on a rolling chair as he sorted through the return bin. He had a cart pulled up beside him to set them up onto it to then be placed back onto the shelves. Liu Qingge was somewhere in the library, Luo Binghe was unsure where, stacking books already.
He had a pile of books in his lap when the door opened and then shut. Luo Binghe set a book onto the cart before turning to see if the person needed assistance, but they’d already rounded the corner. He barely caught sight of their leg disappearing around the wall. Turning back to the cart, Luo Binghe continued setting the books onto the metal shelves.
When he was nearly done with it, the door opened again, and footsteps sounded off and approached the desk. He looked over.
Ning Yingying was standing in front of him, smile on her face as she leaned over the lip of the counter. “Hi, Binghe.”
“Hey, Yingying,” he greeted, turning in his chair. “What’s up?”
“Ah, nothing, really,” she said, somewhat shyly. “I’m just here to do some studying and thought I’d say hi.”
“Oh,” Luo Binghe said. “Did you need any help finding some books?”
“No, no,” she said, shaking her head. Her cheeks were getting pink, and Luo Binghe once again felt like he needed to make it clear he wasn’t interested. Before he could say something damningly friendly, she continued. “Any study tips? I have a test in one of my literature classes.”
He considered asking what she’s been doing to study for the last few years of university, but they were interrupted by a third voice.
“Hey, Yingying, did you want to study with me?”
Liu Mingyan, Liu Qingge’s sister, emerged from one of the nearby shelves without warning.
“I was nearby grabbing a book and thought I heard your voice,” she continued, book in hand.
Ning Yingying smiled brightly. “Sure! I’ll see you around, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe waved at the both of them, but Liu Mingyan’s gaze on Luo Binghe lingered in an odd way. Luo Binghe wasn’t sure how to categorize her expression. It seemed both hesitant, curious, and even worried. Before Luo Binghe could ask if something was wrong, she was turning away and leading Ning Yingying further into the library.
He didn’t think on it much longer than the few moments between nodding his goodbye and then continuing to transfer books from the return bin to the cart.
By the time he was finished organizing the books, Liu Qingge had returned and was reading a book on his end of the library counter. They normally agreed to switch off with customer service and restocking the shelves, so when Luo binghe was done, he stood up and dragged his cart from behind the desk.
The work was methodical but boring. He took his cart slowly through the library, which was a mindless but somewhat nice task to complete. Nice because there was no pressure, but boring because it was so monotonous. At one point he saw Ning Yingying sitting at a table. Liu Mingyan wasn’t there, but he could see that her things were there.
When Ning Yingying saw him, she smiled and waved. Luo Binghe nodded at her again.
He felt a stare prickling at the back of his neck, so he glanced over the rest of the open area for tables and chairs. He felt his throat seize up when he saw that Shen Yuan was sitting at one of the tables, staring at him.
He felt a smile stretch across his face despite himself. He abandoned his cart to go to him. “Hey,” he said, when he was in non-shouting distance. “I didn’t know you were here—I never saw you come in.”
Shen Yuan continued to look at him, quiet and unmoving.
“Sorry,” Luo Binghe said suddenly. “I—Sorry if I interrupted you.”
Shen Yuan blinked and then seemed to come back to himself. “No, you didn’t interrupt me.”
Luo Binghe chewed on his lip for a moment as he wracked his brain for something to say, but nothing came to mind. Shen Yuan wasn’t looking at him anymore. He was staring down at his textbook and glancing toward his notebook to take notes.
“Ah… I’ll leave you alone,” Luo Binghe said eventually, feeling put out.
Shen Yuan glanced up at him again. He assessed him with an expression that made Luo Binghe’s chest feel cold. It was almost mean, the way Shen Yuan was looking at him. It was almost like he was angry.
“Sorry,” Luo Binghe said again. He turned away and walked back quickly to his cart he left in the aisle. He pushed it out of sight, shoulders scrunched up and feeling so hurt he thought he might throw up again.
He pushed his palm into his eyes to swipe the tears that were gathering along his lashes. He sniffed quietly and swiped his nose with the back of his wrist next.
“Binghe?”
Luo Binghe jumped a mile in the air and whirled. Shen Yuan was standing directly behind him. Luo Binghe had a brief moment where he wondered how he was so quiet, but it was overshadowed by his embarrassment. “Ah—did you need something?”
Shen Yuan was frowning at him. “Are you crying? Is something wrong?”
“No, sorry,” Luo Binghe said, voice betraying him with its watery sound.
“Why are you apologizing so much?” Shen Yuan asked.
“Don’t know,” Luo Binghe muttered. “You seem upset.”
“Me?” Shen Yuan asked. “You’re the one crying.”
Luo Binghe’s face flushed.
Shen Yuan looked hesitant for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, before he reached out and held onto Luo Binghe’s arm. “I’m not upset, okay? I’m sorry if it seemed like it. I was just spacing out.”
Luo Binghe felt a flood of both affection and what he could only describe as, pitifully, yearning. He stared at Shen Yuan, uncomprehending of what he should say or do when the only things he could think of would probably make Shen Yuan mad very fast.
“Binghe, are you alright?”
Luo Binghe nodded quickly. “Yes, A-Yuan.”
Shen Yuan blinked a few times at the address, and his face colored, but he said nothing about it. His fingers squeezed Luo Binghe’s arm imperceptibly. “Did I…” he paused and considered for a moment. “Was there something I did that made you feel that I dislike you?”
Luo Binghe thought back to a conversation he remembered having when he was drunk. “No, I just…”
Shen Yuan was looking at him so earnestly, he couldn't help but be honest, even if he felt guilty.
“Sometimes it seems that I’m really annoying you.” Luo Binghe held himself carefully still. He didn’t want Shen Yuan’s grip on his arm to fall away.
“You don’t annoy me,” Shen Yuan said, voice lowering slightly. “You’ve never annoyed me.”
“Really?” His voice was pathetic to his own ears.
Shen Yuan’s face softened. “Really, Binghe. I’m sorry if I ever gave you that impression.”
“I’m glad,” Luo Binghe said, and he really meant it. He hoped Shen Yuan understood.
“I’ll see you tomorrow for our project, ok?” Shen Yuan said, squeezing his arm again.
“Okay,” he whispered.
Shen Yuan offered him a barely-there smile, but it softened his expression even more. He released Luo Binghe’s arm and then turned to walk back to his table.
Luo Binghe watched him go, feeling light and airy.
“Hey,” a harsh voice came, cutting through his angel-induced coma.
Luo Binghe turned around. Liu Qingge was standing on the other side of the aisle behind him. “What?”
Liu Qingge appraised him for a moment, looking almost annoyed at whatever it was he’d come over to say. “My sister just found me and wanted me to tell you something.”
Luo Binghe frowned. “Okay…”
“She said that when you were talking to Ning Yingying earlier, someone was watching you from the shelves.”
Luo Binghe’s frown deepened. “Uh…”
Liu Qingge shrugged. “Look, I don’t know what she’s talking about either. She just said that they looked really mad and were lurking in the shadows like a creep. She didn’t get a good look at them because they had a hood up, but that they were spying through the books.”
Luo Binghe blinked and thought back to the fact that he’d been saying it felt like he was being watched lately. “Thanks, I guess…”
Liu Qingge said nothing else and walked away. Though, he did eye Luo Binghe again, looking skeptical.
“Hm,” Luo Binghe hummed to himself. He turned back to his cart and continued to stack his books.
__________
“You haven’t asked the important question yet,” Mobei Jun said, voice and expression completely deadpan.
“What?” Luo Binghe asked.
“Why the fuck would someone want to stalk you?”
Luo Binghe blanched. “Uh…”
Shen Yuan was angrily typing on his computer, clearly irritated with the complete derail from their project.
“Does anyone know why they’re stalked?” Luo Binghe asked. “Anyway, it does explain why I’ve spent the last several weeks feeling like someone’s tailing me all the time.”
“Just because you feel a little paranoid and because some random girl told her brother to tell you that someone looked at you at work, suddenly someone is taking time out of their day to follow you around?”
“Can we work on the project?” Shen Yuan cut in testily. He glared over his screen at Mobei Jun. “What does Binghe’s stalking have to do with either of us?” He looked at Luo Binghe and pointed a finger at him. “If someone is actually stalking you, think about making a report. That’s it!”
Luo Binghe pouted. “But A-Yuan, I don’t have any evidence. What if they just ignore me?”
“Then it probably means no one is stalking you,” Mobei Jun snapped.
Shen Yuan sucked in a breath, looking like he was about to storm off.
“Okay, okay,” Luo Binghe said quickly. He reached out to hold onto Shen Yuan’s arm. “I’m sorry, we can focus on our project now.”
Mobei Jun turned back to his own computer with a huff and then said no more. Luo Binghe looked at Shen Yuan, face pouty.
“Sorry, A-Yuan,” he said again.
Shen Yuan blew out a breath and turned back to his computer. “Whatever. Just focus.”
Focusing was no biggie. Luo Binghe would commit a crime if Shen Yuan stayed with him. He decidedly kept that to himself.
__________
It turned out that it didn’t take much for Mobei Jun to start believing him. It seemed that if Luo Binghe was the only person afflicted by a person maybe stalking him, Mobei Jun didn’t give a single shit. If it involved Shang Qinghua—
Luo Binghe had been on the street with Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun. And, incomprehensibly, Ning Yingying found them and joined up with them when they’d nearly collided. Luo Binghe began to wonder if it was her that was stalking him with how often she’d been showing up. But, he remembered, Liu Mingyan said that he was being watched while he was talking to Ning Yingying.
Luo Binghe was messing with a parking meter while the other three were waiting at the crosswalk for him. It was Mobei Jun’s car, but he said he was only going out with them if they paid for parking. They clearly meant Luo Binghe, since he wouldn’t have made Shang Qinghua pay for parking.
Ning Yingying had bumped into Luo Binghe on the street when he’d gotten out of the car, so she clearly wasn’t paying either.
Luo Binghe hadn’t been looking when it happened.
“Hey! Fuck!” Came Mobei Jun’s voice, and then the sound of a bang, tires screeching, and multiple people gasping.
Luo Binghe turned.
Mobei Jun was standing on the curb, arm around Shang Qinghua’s waist from behind, pulling him up so far only Shang Qinghua’s toes were touching the pavement. Shang Qinghua himself was white, eyes wide and looking at the ground.
Ning Yingying was on the ground and a car was speeding away.
Luo Binghe gaped. Mobei Jun was staring after the car.
“Call an ambulance!” A bystander cried.
Mobei Jun, despite still holding onto Shang Qinghua, and with Ning Yingying lying on the pavement, turned and stared straight at Luo Binghe.
Luo Binghe would admit that Mobei Jun could appear quite menacing. He never was scared of him, really, but he could see why a lesser man might be. Mobei Jun stood in the center of Luo Binghe’s dorm room, arms crossed and staring down his nose at Luo Binghe while Shang Qinghua lounged on Luo Binghe’s extra bed. He was on his phone, googling.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Luo Binghe said. “I tried to tell you both.” He shrugged.
Mobei Jun narrowed his eyes. “Qinghua was also completely in the way of whatever the fuck that person was trying to do. To the point that I don’t even know who the hell was the intended target.”
“I doubt it’s Hua-ge,” Luo Binghe said, waving his hand.
“What makes you so sure?” He said through his teeth.
“Because I’ve been friends with him for years. If they wanted to target him, they could have done it at any point in time.” Luo Binghe paused. “Ning Yingying… I mean, I used to sorta know her when I was in sports, but we were normally together in a group setting. Lately she’s been finding me.”
Mobei Jun frowned at him while Shang Qinghua looked over. “That’s true,” Shang Qinghua commented. He looked at Mobei Jun. “She was the one who followed him into the kitchen at the party, remember?”
Mobei Jun frowned at Shang Qinghua, as though saying obviously I wasn’t paying enough attention to remember something like that.
Shang Qinghua laughed and went back to his phone.
“You’re incredibly unbothered by this, Hua-ge, I’m impressed! Very manly.”
“I’ll fucking kill you—”
“Mobei,” Shang Qinghua said, pushing himself up. He waddled over to him on his knees and reached up to grab his face and pull him down to face level. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You’re fine, but it’s not fine. What the hell happens if they decide being friends with him is too much?”
“It’s not like she died,” Luo Binghe offered.
Mobei Jun broke out of Shang Qinghua’s grasp to send him a scathing glare. “You are disturbingly alright with what happened.”
“I’m not,” Luo Binghe said. “But I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, really. And it’s not my fault that it happened.”
Mobei Jun sniffed, unimpressed.
“Find anything?” Luo Binghe asked.
Shang Qinghua sat back down heavily on the bed and looked back at his phone. “Not really. Only that there needs to be more evidence probably. Based on everything you’ve said, it sounds a little far fetched for them to actually investigate anything.”
“Hm,” Luo Binghe hummed.
“I mean, honestly, it might just sound like some asshole who wasn’t paying attention when they were driving.”
“They were going right toward you,” Mobei Jun snapped.
“Us,” Shang Qinghua corrected, “including you. You were just further back.”
“I saw you looking, Mobei,” Luo Binghe said. “Did you get a good look?”
“No,” Mobei Jun muttered, sounding bitter about it. “They were wearing a fucking hoodie with the hood up.”
“What color?” Luo Binghe asked. “Maybe it’s the same that Liu Mingyan saw. Would that be enough of a reason for the police to listen?”
“Dark,” Mobei Jun said. “Not sure if it was black, navy blue, or whatever.”
“Hm…” Luo Binghe sighed. He pulled out his phone to text Liu Qingge. “I can ask Qingge if his sister remembers.”
“Hoodies are common articles of clothing,” Shang Qinghua pointed out. “Especially dark ones. What about anything identifiable? Glasses, shoes, whatever?”
“I think he had glasses,” Mobei Jun said vaguely. “The plate was covered.”
Shang Qinghua perked up. “That might be a good reason. Why would someone cover their plate unless they were gonna do something illegal?”
“It’s weird for there to be food left both in and out of my apartment, right? Despite me not letting anyone inside?”
“But they’ll ask what you remember, and you were super drunk. Makes you kinda unreliable,” Shang Qinghua pointed out. “Didn’t you say you hallucinated Shen Yuan the whole time?”
Luo Binghe flushed.
Mobei Jun looked at him, brows raised.
“Shut up,” Luo Binghe muttered. “I remember him helping me back to my dorm, but trust me, there’s no way that was real.”
“Yeah, which makes it completely untrustworthy,” Shang Qinghua reiterated. “Maybe leave that story out.”
Mobei Jun stared at Luo Binghe, considering. He said nothing, but that thoughtful expression remained on Mobei Jun’s face for the rest of the night.
__________
Shen Yuan was already at the cafe Shang Qinghua worked at when Luo Binghe got there. He was unsurprised to find that Mobei Jun was also at the cafe, brooding in the corner like he was forced to be there, despite being the one that had given himself the task to play bodyguard.
Shang Qinghua seemed completely unbothered by this, so he went about his shift like nothing was out of place.
Luo Binghe hadn’t thought that Shen Yuan would be there, but he wasn’t going to complain. He moved across the cafe without ordering, making his way over to Shen Yuan’s table.
He was typing on his computer when Luo Binghe neared him.
“Hi, A-Yuan,” he said.
Shen Yuan looked up at him, blinked, and then looked back down at his laptop. “Hi, Binghe.”
“Can I sit with you?”
“Sure, but I’m working on homework.”
“I won’t bother you,” Luo Binghe said eagerly. He sat down across from him.
He sat there in silence for approximately ten seconds before he started to fidget.
“Binghe,” Shen Yuan said, warning.
“Sorry,” he whispered. He put his chin in his hands.
“Why do you want to sit here if you’re just gonna stare at me?”
“I like spending time with you,” Luo Binghe said.
Shen Yuan looked up at him, disarmed, and then looked back at the screen. His cheeks turned red.
“Did you not know that?” Luo Binghe asked, amused and endeared.
Shen Yuan grunted dismissively.
“Did you hear what happened the other day, A-Yuan?” Luo Binghe asked.
“About what, Binghe?” Something about the way he said it reminded Luo Binghe of the dream he had when Shen Yuan had called him sweetheart and baby.
“Do you know who Ning Yingying is?”
Shen Yuan considered for a moment. “She’s a cheerleader, right?”
“Yeah,” Luo Binghe said. “Someone hit her with their car and they just sped off. She’s in the hospital right now.”
Shen Yuan’s eyebrows raised up into his hairline. “Wow,” he said, whistling low. “That’s terrible. They didn’t find who did it?”
“Not yet.”
“Hm,” Shen Yuan said, shaking his head. “A shame. People are horrible these days.”
“Yeah,” Luo Binghe said again. “I’ve been thinking though… and Mobei Jun and Hua-ge, too… that maybe there really is someone stalking me. It seemed planned, and a few days ago, Liu Mingyan said that she saw someone watching me in the library, remember?”
Shen Yuan looked at him again, tilting his head. “You’re really worried about being stalked? I thought you were maybe joking around.”
Luo Binghe shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just weird, right?”
Shen Yuan put his chin in his hand as he watched Luo Binghe. His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. “It is weird,” he agreed. “You don’t seem very worried though.”
Luo Binghe watched him, too. “They haven’t done anything to hurt me. They’ve only tried to hurt Ning Yingying. I don’t even know what they’d want.”
“What do you think it is that they want?” Shen Yuan asked quietly.
“I don’t know.” Luo Binghe paused. “I’m worried about you, though.”
Shen Yuan frowned. “Me? Why?”
“If they’re stalking me, and they’re going for people like Ning Yingying, then maybe they’re trying to attack people close to me.”
“You were close with Ning Yingying?” Shen Yuan asked, voice tight in a way that was difficult for Luo Binghe to describe.
“No, but someone might have thought so.”
“Then shouldn’t Shang Qinghua be in danger?”
“I think it’s obvious he’s no threat,” Luo Binghe said. “Besides, guard dog Mobei is always around.”
Shen Yuan’s gaze slid over Luo Binghe’s shoulder and found Mobei Jun lurking next to Shang Qinghua. “He’s not a threat, but Ning Yingying is?”
“Could be,” Luo Binghe said. “Depending on how you look at it.”
“Oh?” Shen Yuan said. “Should your stalker regret not making it fatal then?”
Luo Binghe felt something pool heavy in his gut. “Ning Yingying isn’t a threat,” he said eventually, low and almost inaudible.
Shen Yuan’s tongue came out to swipe his bottom lip as he continued to watch Luo Binghe. “What should I look out for?”
“Not sure,” Luo Binghe said. “No one’s ever really gotten a good look at them.”
Shen Yuan lifted his chin from his hand and went back to his laptop. “That’s unlucky. How will you avoid them?”
“I can take care of myself,” Luo Binghe said. “Don’t you care for my well-being, A-Yuan?”
Shen Yuan smiled then, a small, secretive little thing. “I think you can take care of yourself just fine.”
__________
Luo Binghe woke up to a plate of cookies inside of his dorm the next morning.
He stared at the plate, mouth going dry. He felt an interesting combination of unsettled and impressed. He got dressed and took a picture of the plate of cookies. He sent it to Shang Qinghua, who responded with a litany of don’t you dare eat a single one you freak, you have no idea what’s in those cookies, and even if they’re fine, based on principle alone you absolutely under no circumstance should eat a single nibble—
Luo Binghe tried one anyway. It tasted fine.
Later, when he’d been scheduled to meet up with Shen Yuan and Mobei Jun, he took a hoodie with him and tugged it on over his shoulders. He grabbed his backpack and headed to the library.
Shen Yuan was already inside when Luo Binghe got there. Liu Qingge was working when he got there, too, but he barely glanced Luo Binghe’s way. But he did call a lazy, “Mingyan said the hoodie was navy blue.”
Luo Binghe nodded toward him and continued on toward the back where they usually studied.
When he saw Shen Yuan leaning over a textbook, he felt his heart stutter. He was sure Mobei Jun would show up soon enough, so he rushed over to soak in as much alone time as he could.
“A-Yuan,” he said eagerly. “Hey.”
Shen Yuan looked up at him and smiled in greeting. “Hi, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe sat beside him, leaning in and looking at the book on the table. “How’s it going? What are you studying?”
“My bio class,” Shen Yuan murmured.
Luo Binghe looked up at his face next. “Are you alright?”
Shen Yuan frowned a little. “…Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Just making sure no stalker has gotten the better of you.”
Shen Yuan smiled wryly. “Even if someone is stalking you, I don’t know why you’d think I’d be in danger.”
Luo Binghe rested his cheek in his hand, fully facing him on the chair. “Maybe my stalker is the jealous type.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes flashed. “Hm. Maybe. Stalkers often are.”
Luo Binghe hummed, lowering his voice. “They should definitely be most jealous of you. Otherwise, they haven’t done their homework.”
Shen Yuan’s face flamed. He leaned away, turning his face and dragging his textbook with him. “Shut up.”
Luo Binghe’s smile widened. He picked at one of the threads on Shen Yuan’s dark blue hoodie.
A loud slam interrupted Luo Binghe’s thoughts.
Mobei Jun stood over them, glaring down at the two of them. His books were on the table, the culprit to the loud slam. “Let’s get this over with. A few more weeks before I’m free from this bullshit.”
Shen Yuan scooted farther away. “Fine with me,” he said shortly.
Luo Binghe pouted. “Hey,” he said. “You should be grateful.”
“Who?” Mobei Jun scoffed.
“Both of you!” Luo Binghe argued. “Partnering with me got you your boyfriend and A-Yuan was able to finish his project after his last partner—” He cut himself off.
Mobei Jun’s eyes flashed to Shen Yuan.
Shen Yuan leaned back in his chair and stretched. “I could have done the rest of my project by myself. It was the professor who told me I had to partner up with someone.”
Luo Binghe looked at Shen Yuan and swallowed.
Shen Yuan pulled his laptop out next. “Let’s just get this done.”
They worked in relative silence after that. Mobei Jun’s silence was different that time. Normally it was an irritated silence, an attempt to not speak to either of them more than he had to, but this was more of a contemplative silence. Luo Binghe himself felt quite contemplative. Shen Yuan appeared perfectly at ease.
When they were done, Luo Binghe had to start his shift. Mobei Jun left first, walking out at a brisk pace. Luo Binghe expected to get a phone call from Shang Qinghua after Mobei Jun spoke with him.
Luo Binghe, who had taken off his hoodie while they were working, left it in his chair as he got up and said his goodbyes to Shen Yuan. And when Shen Yuan left the library later, Luo Binghe saw it peeking out of his backpack.
__________
“I’m staging an intervention.”
Luo Binghe glanced up as Shang Qinghua barged into the room. He was lying slumped on his bed, head at a weird angle where it was perched up against the wall. He was idly scrolling on his laptop, completely ignoring his opened word document and blinking cursor on a half-filled page.
“For what?” He asked. He clicked onto the document window and continued to stare at the blinking cursor.
Shang Qinghua stood righteously at the end of the two beds Luo Binghe pushed together. “About whatever the fuck is going on with that stalker.”
Luo Binghe glanced up at him. “What do you mean? Why would I need an intervention?”
“I’m a little alarmed at how immediately blasé you became about the whole thing.” Shang Qinghua scrutinized him. “And Mobei said that he thinks he knows who it is.”
Luo Binghe pushed himself up into a sitting position. He shut his laptop and tossed it aside. “I know he does. He wasn’t subtle about it.”
Shang Qinghua didn’t say who it was, but they both were thinking of the same person. “You know, before I didn’t think it was a huge deal, but now I’m starting to see what you were saying. Maybe someone is really messing with you.”
Luo Binghe considered. “I mean, yeah.”
Shang Qinghua frowned at him, and then his gaze dropped to the bed. He stared at the crack between each bed. “What happened to your roommate?”
Luo Binghe stared at Shang Qinghua. “He had to go home. Said there was a family emergency.”
“Oh,” Shang Qinghua said. “The new laundromat still eating your clothes?”
Luo Binghe’s throat tightened somewhat, and heat crawled up to his ears. “Seems like I’m down to half my wardrobe these days.”
Shang Qinghua glanced around and his eyes lingered on the plate of cookies. His mouth tightened into a line. “What are you willing to risk, to see where this goes?”
“I don’t know,” Luo Binghe replied.
“Do you understand what you’re risking?”
Luo Binghe said nothing.
Shang Qinghua looked back at him. “He won’t try to kill me, will he?”
Luo Binghe flushed. For some reason the thought of that happening, of the obsession being that intense, was a pleasing heat rolling in his stomach. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think?” Shang Qinghua echoed.
“You’re not competition,” Luo Binghe said. “Or… in the way.”
“Was your roommate in the way, or competition? Was your poor classmate competition?”
Luo Binghe shook his head.
Shang Qinghua’s face pinched. “Then who’s to say?”
“You aren’t in the way,” Luo Binghe repeated. “Don’t get in the way.”
Shang Qinghua’s frown deepened. “I’m worried.”
“So stay out of the way,” Luo Binghe repeated.
Shang Qinghua shifted on his feet. “Mobei’s not going to leave me alone,” he said. “We might not have the chance to talk, just us, that often anymore.”
“Just for now,” Luo Binghe said, not really knowing what that meant, or how long it’d be.
“For now,” Shang Qinghua repeated dubiously. “I hope you don’t regret this.”
“I won’t,” Luo Binghe asserted. In fact, it was the happiest he’d ever been. Maybe there was something wrong with him, too, but he didn’t regret it. Regret would have made him less made for whatever it was that was happening. It was meant to be because he didn’t regret it.
__________
Shen Yuan wasn’t at the laundromat the next time Luo Binghe went, but he didn’t let it faze him. Shen Yuan had been nice enough lately that Luo Binghe didn’t feel so desperate to soak up every single moment with him. He might have preferred to see him, but he knew he’d probably see him later.
When he was bringing his laundry back to his dorm, he decided to take a small detour, however.
Luo Binghe made his way an extra block past the entrance to the dorm buildings and continued on with his basket trailing behind him. The wheels were squeaking against the concrete, almost whistling with it, but the street was somewhat quiet the closer he got to the right street.
It was a part of town that people didn’t venture to as much, so it was quiet along the sidewalk.
He stopped in front of his old laundromat. The windows were covered in a brown paper, and the front glass door was covered, too, but the paper was rolling and peeling along the corners. The paper sign was still taped up, stating that they were closed indefinitely.
Luo Binghe released the handle to his cart and stepped up to the window to peer inside.
“Can I help you?”
Luo Binghe turned.
An older woman, one he recognized seeing cleaning up around the shop, was standing just off to the side, watching him skeptically.
“I was wondering when you guys were reopening. I’ve been walking pretty far to get my laundry done.”
She pursed her lips, looking less suspicious, but somewhat guarded. “Well, it’s inconvenient for us, too, you know.”
“I bet,” Luo Binghe said offhandedly. “What happened?”
She glanced toward the papered windows. She was carrying an empty cleaning bucket with a dirty sponge and a bottle of cleaner inside. “Pipes,” she said vaguely. “They burst one night.”
Luo Binghe nodded along. “That’s really unfortunate.”
“It is,” she agreed, “especially because we’d just had them checked two months prior.”
“I remember,” Luo Binghe offered. “A few of the times I came, there were plumbers coming in and out.”
“They’d just fixed them,” she said, voice lowering into something sounding irritated. “Yet, they somehow burst as if the plumbers hadn’t been there at all.”
“Odd,” Luo Binghe said mildly, neck prickling with heat.
“Very,” she said. “Old pipes… the police don’t think there’s enough evidence to investigate.”
“You think someone destroyed them?” He tried to sound surprised.
“Maybe,” she said. “It’s just very peculiar.”
“It is peculiar.”
She eyed him for another moment. “Well, go ahead and move along, young man. I have to clean up. The stupid place keeps flooding.”
Luo Binghe stepped back and watched her unlock the door and step inside. She looked at him briefly as she turned to shut and lock the door behind her.
__________
“Your hoodie is a little big, isn’t it?”
Luo Binghe stiffened somewhat, but continued staring down at his notebook where he was copying terms from his textbook. He eyed Shen Yuan on his left through his peripheral.
Shen Yuan had his chin in his hand, the sleeve long and up his palm. He eyed Shang Qinghua lazily, barely glancing up from his phone. “That makes two of us, I guess.”
Shang Qinghua was wearing Mobei Jun’s jacket. He was unfazed by Shen Yuan’s deflection. “Mine is my boyfriend’s,” he said. “You got a boyfriend we don’t know about?”
Shen Yuan snorted. “No.” He looked up at him fully then, smile sharp. “I promise if I get one, you’ll be the first to know.”
Luo Binghe’s heart stuttered and then picked up like a racehorse in his chest.
Shang Qinghua’s eyes shifted from Shen Yuan to Luo Binghe. His gaze bore into the side of Luo Binghe’s head, but he still didn’t look up.
Mobei Jun appeared behind Shang Qinghua and stood over the table. He’d gotten up to get a book, but seemed anxious to return. Luo Binghe was honestly impressed he didn’t make Shang Qinghua go with him.
Shang Qinghua’s arms were crossed over his chest. He glanced up at Mobei Jun, but said nothing.
Shen Yuan was on his phone again, idly scrolling.
“Why are you still here?” Mobei Jun demanded.
Luo Binghe’s head lifted. He glared at Mobei Jun up through his brow. Mobei Jun didn’t look at him, but was glaring down at Shen Yuan.
Shen Yuan didn’t blink. He continued to stare down at his phone.
“He can stay however long he wants,” Luo Binghe said, tone darker than he expected it to be.
Shen Yuan looked up, eyes over his glasses. He returned Mobei Jun’s stare, and then lifted from his hand. He set his phone down and leaned back in his chair. He turned his head to look back at Luo Binghe. “I should go, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe scooted on his seat, closer to Shen Yuan. “No, don’t go yet! He’s just being an asshole.”
Shen Yuan looked amused. “That’s not why I’m leaving. I just have some other things to do, and it’s getting late.”
“Like what?” Shang Qinghua asked, faux curiosity in his voice.
“Nothing special,” Shen Yuan said mildly.
“You’re just gonna leave him with us?” Shang Qinghua prompted, much too challenging. Mobei Jun’s hand grabbed his shoulder.
Shen Yuan turned to look at Shang Qinghua, and his expression was dully neutral. “Where’s the threat in leaving him with you?”
And then he was standing, gathering his things, and then leaving.
Luo Binghe watched him go, throat tight with wanting. When Shen Yuan was out of sight, he turned to glare at Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua, but saw them staring at one another silently.
“What?” He snapped. “Why’d you both run him off?”
“I don’t think he cares about us,” Shang Qinghua said to Mobei Jun, ignoring Luo Binghe’s words. “I think we’d know if he did.”
Mobei Jun considered as he stared down at Shang Qinghua. He glanced back in the direction Shen Yuan went. “I suppose.”
Shang Qinghua chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I remember when he first came in to the cafe. I remember because he was really weird. He sat directly across from the coffee bar, and he didn’t order anything. He watched me the entire shift.”
Mobei Jun frowned. “When was this?”
“A long time ago. Probably two years ago. Ever since, he comes in once a week, or—” His face twisted up. He looked to Luo Binghe. “Or when Binghe comes in.”
Luo Binghe stared back at him, face heating. Two years prior was likely around the time that they finished their project together back when they first met.
Shang Qinghua looked back up at Mobei Jun. “I think he’s been scoping me out for a long time.”
Mobei Jun looked angered at that, brows twitching, and mouth twisting into a sneer. “What a fucking freak.”
“Hey—” Luo Binghe said sharply.
“You’re gonna tell me he’s not?” Mobei Jun snapped. “He’s probably behind the library sniffing your fucking underwear as we speak.”
Luo Binghe’s mouth parted on a retort that didn’t even come into his brain. His face flushed. He had a vivid memory of thinking he’d hallucinated Shen Yuan shoving his underwear into his pocket at the laundromat—the laundromat that he had to go to because someone messed with the pipes of his last laundromat that Shen Yuan couldn’t use.
Shang Qinghua laughed suddenly. “I don’t think that’s the deterrent you think it is, Mobei.”
Mobei Jun looked absolutely disgusted.
Luo Binghe buried his face into his arms to hide his burning face.
“Oh my god, he has your dirty underwear, doesn’t he?” Shang Qinghua hissed.
Luo Binghe wrapped his arms around his head.
“Jesus Christ,” Mobei Jun snapped.
Shang Qinghua let another burst of shocked laughter escape him before he muffled it with his hands. “I have no clue who is the bigger freak between you two.”
“Is it a competition?” Mobei Jun deadpanned.
Shang Qinghua hummed. “Hey Mobei, would you sniff my dirty underwear if I gave it to you?”
When he peeked up, Luo Binghe saw Mobei Jun’s hand pushing at Shang Qinghua’s face while Shang Qinghua laughed and tugged on his wrist. Mobei Jun was blushing. Luo Binghe had really seen everything at the ripe old age of twenty-two.
__________
“No Mobei Jun today?” Shen Yuan asked.
“He’s with Hua-ge,” said Luo Binghe, watching for Shen Yuan’s reaction. “Hua-ge is sick.”
Shen Yuan raised an eyebrow as he sat across from Luo Binghe. “Can’t leave him alone for two hours?”
“I think Mobei Jun can barely last two minutes these days,” Luo Binghe said. “They’re attached at the hip.” He picked at a loose thread on his shirt. “He said that he’d be working on his part while there.”
“Alright,” Shen Yuan said easily enough. “As long as he doesn’t skimp out on his end.”
Luo Binghe hummed his acknowledgement.
It was quiet between them for several long moments. Luo Binghe felt unsure what to say. They didn’t often have time alone together. It made his heart flutter anxiously in his chest.
“You okay?” Shen Yuan asked.
Luo Binghe looked up at him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“You seem nervous.”
Luo Binghe felt his face heat up. “We don’t get a lot of alone time.”
“Shy?” Shen Yuan questioned, almost teasing if not for the deadpan way he asked.
Luo Binghe wasn’t even sure if he was shy. Flustered, most definitely.
At Luo Binghe’s silence, Shen Yuan’s neutral expression morphed into something more warm. The edges of his lips turned up. “Sweet,” he commented.
Luo Binghe swallowed. “Me?” He croaked.
“Who else?” Shen Yuan asked, pulling his book out of his bag.
Luo Binghe experienced a head rush so strong he thought he might pass out.
They worked in silence for the next several minutes. Mobei Jun had texted once, saying he was in their shared document writing and to not write over him. Shen Yuan was working on something on his laptop, but Luo Binghe wasn’t sure what. Luo Binghe was making their reference page.
Unable to bear the silence, Luo Binghe glanced up at Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan was already looking at him.
Shen Yuan looked away, and the tops of his cheeks turned a faint shade of pink.
“What are we gonna do after the project is over?” Luo Binghe asked.
Shen Yuan stiffened, but didn’t look at him. “What do you mean?”
“I dunno,” Luo Binghe muttered. “I mean, I still wanna hang out with you, after everything…”
Shen Yuan relaxed. He glanced up at Luo Binghe again. His voice was soft when he spoke. “We can still hang out.”
“Really?” Luo Binghe asked eagerly.
Shen Yuan tilted his head as he stared at him. He looked confused and endeared. “Of course… Why would you think otherwise?”
“Sometimes I feel like you hate me,” Luo Binghe admitted weakly.
Shen Yuan blinked at him, as though stupefied. “You think that—me?”
Luo Binghe nodded.
Shen Yuan blinked several more times. “I—Binghe. Of course I don’t. Are you joking?”
“I’m not joking,” Luo Binghe admitted in a mutter, glancing away. “Sometimes you just seem like you don’t want to be around me.”
Shen Yuan still seemed bewildered at the notion. Luo Binghe supposed it made sense why he was shocked, considering what he’d learned recently. Even still he couldn’t help but ask.
“Sorry,” he said, unsure what else to say when Shen Yuan continued to gape at him in surprise.
“No, I—” Shen Yuan glanced around shiftily, and then eventually his eyes landed back on Luo Binghe’s face. “You don’t have to apologize, I just thought it was—” He stopped when the words seemed to strangle his throat on the way up. “I thought it was obvious that I didn’t.”
Luo Binghe was remiss to admit that the words were comforting. “A-Yuan,” he said lowly, throat tight. Many words were aching to come out, but he was unsure the type of reception they’d have. Despite everything, he still felt unsure.
Shen Yuan leaned forward, tilting the screen of his laptop down. “Binghe,” he returned, voice just as low and just as soft. “How could I hate you?”
Luo Binghe, to his horror, felt his eyes begin to prickle.
Shen Yuan noticed, eyes widening again and he reached out, fingers brushing against the sleeve of Luo Binghe’s shirt. “Binghe,” he whispered, sounding desperate. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not,” Luo Binghe said, blinking rapidly to get rid of the mistiness. “I’m not.”
“Binghe,” Shen Yuan said again, and once more Luo Binghe was reminded of the same tone, but a different word. Sweetheart, it whispered, baby.
Luo Binghe looked down at Shen Yuan’s fingers right next to his wrist. He turned his hand over, carefully, and slid his own fingers under Shen Yuan’s. Shen Yuan’s twitched up, moving just slightly so that Luo Binghe’s could fit and brush against his. Luo Binghe watched their fingers move, hand tingling from the sensation.
When he looked up, Shen Yuan was staring at their hands, eyes glassy, mouth parted. Luo Binghe’s fingers brushed ticklish over Shen Yuan’s palm as he watched his face. Shen Yuan’s eyes fluttered slightly, and he sucked in a long, slow breath.
Shen Yuan’s head tilted up a moment later, and he looked at Luo Binghe trough his lashes. “I don’t hate you,” he said firmly, though his voice shook. “Never. I could never.”
Luo Binghe’s mouth was pooling, and he swallowed it down. “Good,” he said weakly. “Good. Don’t hate me, A-Yuan.”
An hour later, when Luo Binghe left the table to go pick out a book, he glanced back through the shelves, and saw Shen Yuan press the hand Luo Binghe touched to his cheek. Luo Binghe stared.
__________
It didn’t take long for Luo Binghe to start feeling crazy. It came so fast, so easily, so naturally. Shen Yuan was everything to him, everything he wanted, everything he needed. Things Luo Binghe hadn’t known he needed, hadn’t known he craved, was made so openly clear.
Luo Binghe thought of him all the time, and it was like heaven to know that Shen Yuan thought of him, too.
With the food left in his dorm, the gifts, the lingering presence of eyes, the laundromat, the bad things that seemed to happen to anyone who stared at Luo Binghe a little too long—He’d become addicted to looking, finding out, what exactly happened to each person that flirted with him, stared at him, asked him out. Something always happened, within days, and without fail.
So when Luo Binghe walked into the library and saw his boss, Yue Qingyuan, standing behind the desk beside Liu Qingge, speaking to Shen Yuan, his mind whited out.
Shen Yuan speaking to others wasn’t the alarming thing, necessarily, though it would have sent a zing of jealousy through Luo Binghe no matter what. It was the way they were speaking. Luo Binghe rarely saw Yue Qingyuan, and he was only ever around to check on things or to do administrative work. Liu Qingge got along with him, to Luo Binghe’s knowledge, but neither of them seemed to like Luo Binghe very much.
He’d never been sure why, exactly, but he had never really liked them either.
Liu Qingge saw Luo Binghe enter, but from his place on the chair behind the desk, he merely glanced at him and then back to Yue Qingyuan, who was saying something Luo Binghe didn’t care about.
“—like it was for me.”
Luo Binghe had no context for the conversation, but he was less focused on that and was more focused on the way Yue Qingyuan was smiling.
Shen Yuan laughed. “Times have changed,” he said.
Luo Binghe looked to him next, and the sweet smile, the laugh, the open posture, it was everything Luo Binghe wanted. It was what he was always trying to achieve. It made him realize that he never saw Shen Yuan interacting with anyone, really. Except for himself and occasionally Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua.
Did he have friends? Did he have people he was close to? How else did he have time for everything he did for Luo Binghe unless he wasn’t close to others? But he seemed to get along well with Yue Qingyuan, and Liu Qingge seemed to be at ease with the both of them as well.
“Keep studying as you do and you’ll be just fine,” Yue Qingyuan continued warmly.
“If he keeps studying the way he does, he might die,” Liu Qingge cut in sarcastically, lips turning up.
Shen Yuan waved a hand. “I’m fine, I promise!” He was laughing again. “I pace myself just right.”
Yue Qingyuan hummed, and then seemed to see Luo Binghe then. His expression remained polite, but it dampened somewhat. “Hello, Binghe.”
Shen Yuan turned as Luo Binghe turned. He walked out of the library.
He wanted to be alone. He wanted to think. He wanted to be comforted. Luo Binghe was unsure how to have all of them at the same time. He laid in his bed the majority of the night, and he stared at his door for most of it. When the sun set, and he hadn’t heard from Shen Yuan whatsoever, he stood up, pulled his shitty desk chair over to the door and propped it up beneath the doorknob. He was unsure how Shen Yuan got into his room each night, but he was always quiet. He could only assume he’d somehow managed to get a key.
Stepping back from the door, Luo Binghe stared down at the chair that was wedged beneath, and considered his other options. He could let Shen Yuan in, if he came, and stayed awake the entire night waiting. He could let things go back to normal, as though what happened didn’t hurt as much as it did. He could stop everything and report Shen Yuan. He could just take a break.
His phone ringing interrupted his pondering. He moved toward it, shamefully hoping with a thrill in his stomach that it was Shen Yuan, but instead of Shen Yuan, it was Shang Qinghua.
He paused for a moment before answering. “Hello?”
“Hey,” came Shang Qinghua’s voice, somewhat quiet. “You good?”
“Yes, why?” Luo Binghe’s voice was somewhat testy.
A moment of silence. “Okay, well you don’t seem fine. What happened?”
“Nothing,” Luo Binghe said.
“Binghe,” Shang Qinghua sighed, “Shen Yuan came in to the cafe and he seemed… Not good. I’m worried he’s going to do something.”
Luo Binghe considered. “Not good? In what way?”
“I don’t really know, he just seemed off.”
“Well, I don’t care,” Luo Binghe snapped.
Another moment of silence. “Binghe, what the hell happened?”
“He was—” He cut himself off, for he knew that he’d feel stupid when it came out of his mouth.
“He was?” Shang Qinghua prompted.
Luo Binghe sat heavily on his bed. “Talking to my boss and my coworker.”
“About what?”
“… I don’t really know. It seemed like small talk.”
“And then what?”
Luo Binghe’s face felt hot. “It was the way he was talking.”
Shang Qinghua took a moment to respond. “Is that it? You were jealous? Did you explode on him or something?”
“No,” Luo Binghe snapped. “I just left.”
“Oh,” Shang Qinghua said, letting out a breath, as though relieved. “Okay. I was worried you made him mad or something.”
“He made me mad!” Luo Binghe argued.
“By speaking to other people on the planet?”
“No—by—ugh.” Luo Binghe laid back on the bed and covered his eyes. “I just—I realized that maybe he doesn’t like me the way I—or I guess how much I want him to.”
Shang Qinghua let out a choked sound. “What? How much? What more could he possibly do!”
“No, I mean—ugh!” Luo Binghe cut himself off again when his throat thickened and his eyes began to water. “He never jokes around with me, or makes small talk, or acts like we’re even friends.”
Shang Qinghua sighed. “Was he doing that with your boss and Qingge?”
“Yes,” Luo Binghe said, quite pathetically even to his own ears.
“Well, of course he can’t be like that with you, Binghe.”
“Why not?” He asked, voice wet. “I don’t—I’ve never judged him, I make it so obvious how I feel, what could possibly make him think we can’t be close?”
Shang Qinghua hummed sympathetically. “I don’t know.”
“Do you think after getting to know me more, he decided he didn’t like me?”
“I doubt that, Binghe.”
“But it’s possible right? Normally people who—do what he does—they don’t really know the person. But I do know him, and we’ve gotten to know each other a lot better ever since we started the project.” He cut himself off with a strangled choke. “What if that’s why he always kept his distance, because he knew he’d be annoyed by me, or knew he wouldn’t get along with me?”
“Okay, let’s not—”
“Maybe he’ll stop altogether,” Luo Binghe continued, heart racing as he swiped at his eyes. “Maybe he’ll be so fed up with me that he stalks my boss.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Binghe,” Shang Qinghua said weakly. “Let’s not panic, okay? Maybe you can talk to him the next time you see him.”
“I don’t want to see him,” Luo Binghe snapped petulantly. “Why would he string me along like this just to go and—urgh.” He cut himself off with a groan.
Shang Qinghua laughed a little. “It’s okay, it’s okay. If you need a break, then that’s fine, too.”
“Yeah, I’m just confused,” Luo Binghe muttered, rolling onto his stomach and stuffing his face into his pillow. “I won’t be able to think if he’s around me.”
“Take a break,” Shang Qinghua repeated. “It’s alright if you need a break.”
“What if the break makes him hate me?”
Shang Qinghua sighed heavily. “Okay, then let him in tonight. Just pick one.”
Luo Binghe pouted. “One night won’t make him hate me, right?”
“I sincerely doubt it,” Shang Qinghua said.
Luo Binghe sighed and rolled onto his back again. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, one night.”
__________
Are you alright?
The note was on a small piece of paper, right next to the chair, slid under the door. Luo Binghe stared at it for several moments, quite a complicated mix of feelings in his chest. On one hand, he felt warmed at the thought that Shen Yuan was concerned and checking on him. Another part was bitter, almost as though Shen Yuan should have known. Or that, if he didn’t know, then maybe he really didn’t care like he implied he did.
Luo Binghe set the paper down on the table, unable to throw it away, but unable to look at it.
He pulled the chair out of the way and went to class.
Binghe, is something wrong? You never came to the library.
Luo Binghe stared at the text.
Shang Qinghua was watching him from across his room. His eyes were narrowed. “Still ignoring him?”
Luo Binghe felt chagrined. “Oh, so now you want me to pay attention to him?”
Shang Qinghua shrugged. “Fair enough.”
Are you angry with me?
Another note under the door.
The second night had passed and Luo Binghe stared at it on the floor, the writing staring back up at him. It was so odd, he thought, everything that was happening.
Later that day, Luo Binghe told Mobei Jun, “Why wouldn’t he just ask me? Call me, text me? He texted once, but why notes at all?”
Mobei Jun had barely looked at him as he grabbed the stack of papers from Luo Binghe’s hand. He was utilizing his single-allowed absence to skip the class he shared with both Mobei Jun and Shen Yuan. Mobei Jun was picking up his end of the final part of his project since the professor required physical copies. “Who the hell knows,” he deadpanned. He turned to leave the room. “Clearly he hasn’t ever known how to face you properly, like a coward.”
Luo Binghe opened his mouth to protest.
“Why would he start facing you now?”
Please, tell me what I did. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m sorry.
Luo Binghe stared at the paper, still crouched from when he’d went to pick it up. He swiped at his eyes, as the guilt started to creep in. Perhaps Mobei Jun had been right, even if he still didn’t understand. He’d proven that he was someone Shen Yuan could be around without needing to worry about whether Luo Binghe would think negatively about him.
Maybe Shen Yuan couldn’t face him, but had Luo Binghe really done anything to deserve that?
I will need a doctor’s note if you need to call off another day of work.
Luo Binghe sighed. Yue Qingyuan set his teeth on edge on a good day, but after seeing him speak to Shen Yuan, he felt like killing him.
The thought was sudden, but also somewhat unsurprising.
As though he hadn’t thought it, he rolled out of his bed and got dressed. He felt a rolling nervousness in his stomach when he thought of going to the library. He had gone to a few classes, taking unusual routes and hoping to avoid running into Shen Yuan. Which, when he thought about it, seemed like such an odd concept. And, in reality, he hoped to run into him as much as he hoped not to. He also, maybe, wished that Shen Yuan would follow him.
Luo Binghe was unsure in those moments if the prickle he felt, and the heavy weight of eyes, was just his own pitiful hope, or if Shen Yuan really was there. Clearly he’d still tried entering his dorm room, which was always enough to send a brief reprieve through him, but it was always overshadowed by a shameful, embarrassed and guilty feeling.
He grabbed the top handle on his backpack and dragged it off the desk. He left his dorm and trudged his way down the hall, the stairs, and then out of the building.
There was no sign of Shen Yuan, and no feeling of being watched, which was disappointing and relieving at once, as it always was. When he got into the library, Liu Qingge was standing behind the counter, finishing his cart of returned books to re-shelf. He glanced at Luo Binghe but didn’t say much. He had an interesting look in his eyes, almost disapproving and almost curious. He said nothing, however, and turned to take his cart to the shelves.
Luo Binghe said nothing either, just rounded the counter, dumped his backpack on the counter and used the computer to clock in.
The time passed excruciatingly slow, but thankfully Liu Qingge seemed to want to avoid him, too.
When he got another text, he felt another wave of disappointment when it wasn’t Shen Yuan.
Just got off work. Call me.
Luo Binghe glanced around and through the glass door, didn’t see anyone coming in, and called Shang Qinghua.
“Hey,” Shang Qinghua said.
“What’s up?” Luo Binghe said, chin in hand.
“I really don’t think you should worry about whether or not Shen Yuan likes you,” he muttered through the phone. “He came in earlier and asked me a bunch of questions about you.” He paused. “I might have been moved enough to call him sweet, if not for the threatening aura surrounding him.”
Luo Binghe perked up a little. “Really? What did he ask about?”
“You’re both freaks,” Shang Qinghua commented. “A match made in heaven, really.”
“Tell me,” Luo Binghe demanded.
“He asked if I’d seen you, and I said yes, and he was very dissatisfied with that answer. He also asked what you had been doing, if you were sick, and other random questions.”
“Like what?” Luo Binghe prodded, feeling frustrated at the lack of detail.
“Binghe.”
Luo Binghe turned.
Yue Qingyuan was standing on the other end of the counter, staring down at him with a frown. “Phone.”
Luo Binghe sneered at him. “No one’s here.”
Yue Qingyuan’s mouth tightened into a line.
“Huh? Binghe, is that your boss?” Shang Qinghua asked.
“Phone,” Yue Qingyuan repeated.
Luo Binghe hung up and dropped his phone on the counter. He turned on his chair and lounged back. “How can I help you?”
Yue Qingyuan didn’t mention the phone again. “Are you feeling better?”
“Loads,” Luo Binghe said.
“You didn’t respond to my message. I wasn’t sure if you were coming in today.”
“I didn’t call off, did I?”
“Binghe,” he repeated tightly. It was both an admonishment and a warning.
“Yes?”
Yue Qingyuan sucked in a breath through his nose and glanced behind himself, presumably in the direction of Liu Qingge. “Others have been covering your shifts. You should make sure to express your gratitude.”
“They didn’t do me a favor by covering for me,” Luo Binghe said. “They did you a favor.”
Yue Qingyuan sucked in sharp breath and his gaze narrowed. “You are being incredibly disrespectful.”
Luo Binghe tilted his head, hoping it came across that he did not care.
“You’re on thin ice, Binghe,” Yue Qingyuan warned. “Be careful.”
Luo Binghe watched him go.
When Yue Qingyuan was out of sight, in the back office, he looked back at his phone to see two new texts.
Did you get fired for talking on the phone lol
It’d be ironic if the source of all your distress also fired you hahaha
Luo Binghe scowled. Tell me what else A-Yuan said.
He didn’t say much. Just asked questions, all pretty vague, and looked upset.
Luo Binghe chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. Do you think I’m being an asshole?
Because you’re ignoring the guy who has been committing an atrocious amount of crimes just because he likes you? Can’t say the two compare, really.
Luo Binghe, for a moment, considered divulging that he’d just thought of committing a crime, too, earlier that day. He decided against it.
__________
Shang Qinghua was laughing so hard he was using Mobei Jun as a stand, trying not to fall over.
Luo Binghe stared at him blankly.
Even Mobei Jun was starting to laugh.
“You too?” Luo Binghe asked incredulously. “I haven’t seen you smile once!”
Mobei Jun shrugged.
“You really got fired,” Shang Qinghua said, wiping tears of mirth from his lashes. “Because you got into an argument with Liu Qingge.”
“He pissed me off,” Luo Binghe muttered, leaning back in his seat. “Yue Qingyuan had already pissed me off when he caught me on the phone, but then that fucker had the audacity to accuse me of not being sick.”
“You weren’t,” Mobei Jun cut in.
“Shut up,” Luo Binghe snapped.
Shang Qinghua laughed again. “Where are you going to work now?”
“I don’t know,” Luo Binghe muttered, putting his chin in both hands. “I need to find a job fast because I need the money right now.”
“I’ll see if Mu Qingfang will hire you,” Shang Qinghua offered.
“Ugh,” Mobei Jun said.
“Shut up, rich boy,” Luo Binghe said with a glare. “Not all of us can afford to not work while in college.”
Shang Qinghua swiped at his eyes again with the back of his wrist. “Your life really does suck sometimes.”
“Thanks,” Luo Binghe replied drily.
Shang Qinghua looked up, over Luo Binghe’s shoulder, and quickly looked away. The door to the cafe opened and closed. He looked up at Mobei Jun.
“What?” Luo Binghe asked.
Shang Qinghua looked at Mobei Jun again, as though asking if he should say.
“What?” He repeated, more sharply.
“Shen Yuan came in,” he muttered. “He saw us and then left.”
Luo Binghe’s heart picked up, and also sank low. “I don’t want to ignore him anymore,” he admitted lowly.
“Then don’t,” Shang Qinghua said, much too easily. “Clearly this is just a misunderstanding.”
Luo Binghe covered his face. “How pathetic is it to have a stalker that doesn’t even want to be with you?”
“Aww, Binghe,” Shang Qinghua said, patronizing. “I don’t think you know what stalking is, or what exactly has to be wrong with a person to do the sorts of things he does.”
Luo Binghe glared at him through his fingers. “You are wholly unhelpful, as usual.”
Mobei Jun narrowed his eyes. “Is he wrong?” He challenged. “Or are you just extremely fucking difficult?”
“Okay then, you tell me what to do since you’re so smart.”
Mobei Jun shrugged. “Stalk him back, who gives a fuck.”
Shang Qinghua let out a burst of shocked laughter and his hand covered his mouth. “Or tell him to just stalk you from a very close proximity. Lowkey, isn’t that what dating is? Maybe if you call it stalking, he’ll be more interested.”
“Funny,” Luo Binghe said.
“You say that, but maybe it’ll work.”
“Put yourself in my position, ge, if you knew Mobei liked you, but you didn’t exactly know how much, just that he followed you around, and never actually got close to you, how would you feel?”
Shang Qinghua stared at him, then looked over at Mobei Jun and slowly started to flush.
“Ah—Ugh!” Luo Binghe said, realizing and then feeling a wave of disgust. He pushed back from the table with his seat. “You guys are so annoying.”
Mobei Jun smirked at Shang Qinghua and then looked at Luo Binghe very smugly.
“I can’t ask you guys advice on anything.” Luo Binghe let his arms hang on either side as he considered. “I just miss him and I don’t know what to do.”
“Remind me what even happened, I couldn’t be bothered to retain it.”
Shang Qinghua took a sip of his coffee. “Binghe walked in on Shen Yuan having an amicable conversation with two people he doesn’t like, and Shen Yuan was politely laughing.”
Mobei Jun looked bewildered. “That’s it?”
“You don’t get it!” Luo Binghe cried. “He’s never like that with me!”
“Who gives a fuck!” Mobei Jun shouted back.
Shang Qinghua shushed them both. “Binghe, shut up, we’re in public.”
“Hua-ge, think about it!” Luo Binghe said. “Mobei is only nice to you. Think about it the other way around. He’s nice to others and not to you.”
Shang Qinghua stared at him. He swallowed. “Okay, I see your point.”
“That wouldn’t happen,” Mobei Jun snapped. “I love him, of course I wouldn’t—”
They both seemed to catch on. Luo Binghe’s eyes filled.
He wiped at his eyes a few times.
After a few moments of silence, Shang Qinghua spoke up again. “Binghe, Shen Yuan isn’t Mobei. They’re different people. And it’s not like he’s outright mean to you, and we know that he does care about you. Comparing it to us just isn’t ever going to add up, okay?”
Luo Binghe nodded after a moment.
“Excuse me?”
The three of them looked up.
A girl was standing at the end of their table, a few feet away. Her hands were on her hips as she stared down at the three of them. “Are you talking about Shen Yuan, history major? About a head taller than me? Glasses?”
Luo Binghe felt a sudden wave of dread.
“Yes,” Shang Qinghua answered hesitantly. “Were you listening?”
“Couldn’t help it with all the caterwauling,” she said, snippy. “Are you Luo Binghe?”
Luo Binghe nodded, feeling hesitant. “Who are you?”
“Sha Hualing,” she said. “I share a class with Shen Yuan.”
Luo Binghe blinked a few times.
“And I absolutely can’t take this anymore. If you’re worried about whether or not he likes you, trust me, he fucking does. It’s annoying as fuck.”
Luo Binghe stared at her in a stunned silence.
“In fact, he never shuts up if given the opportunity. It’s always I have to go early to study with Binghe, even when we’re in the middle of a study group. Or talking about hanging out with you over the weekend, or telling us how intelligent you are, or that he wishes we were you because you’d know about whatever it is we’re studying about. God, it’s ridiculous.”
Shang Qinghua burst out laughing.
Luo Binghe swallowed, throat tight. “Are you serious?”
“Why else would I come to tell you that? He just saw you talking to these two and stormed out of the cafe. I thought you both were dating until I heard you crying about whether he likes you or not.”
Luo Binghe felt his heart pick back up to a quick speed, and that time, it was much more pleasant. “I should talk to him.”
“You think?” She said, tossing her head, and then walking away.
Luo Binghe stared after her, while Shang Qinghua continued to laugh.
“I should talk to him,” Luo Binghe repeated.
“It would appear so,” Mobei Jun said flatly.
Luo Binghe stood up, and his legs felt ticklish with adrenaline. “I’m going back to my dorm.”
Shang Qinghua laughed. “Go get your man!”
___________
He thought he might have run into Shen Yuan when he got out onto the street, but there had been no sign of him when he left. Luo Binghe decided to just head to his dorm to wait, but he felt a twinge of nervousness that it’d be the night that Shen Yuan stopped trying.
Luo Binghe paced in his apartment for a few minutes, considering, and making sure that his door was unlocked and that there was nothing in the way of it. He knew that Shen Yuan never came in until very late, when he was asleep, but he still felt on edge, like he had to wait for him to come in that very moment.
After some time anxiously sitting, standing, and walking, he eventually prepared for bed. His hands shook as he brushed his teeth, and when he pulled on his sleep pants. He remained standing in the center of his dorm for a few more moments, staring at his closed door. For a moment, he considered even putting a paper up on the door for him to know that he could come in, but ultimately decided against it.
Luo Binghe laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling. As he laid there, he thought about what’d happened and he decided that he didn’t care. Mobei Jun was always asking why he cared, and Shang Qinghua always said it wasn’t that serious. It felt that serious, and Luo Binghe did care. But, perhaps, they were both right in some ways. It didn’t matter that Shen Yuan talked to them like that, and he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted Shen Yuan anyway.
When the sky was as dark and the halls, streets, and city was as quiet as it’d be, Luo Binghe was still staring up at his ceiling, unable to sleep, anticipating every creak and thud and hoping it was Shen Yuan. It kept him wired, far from sleepy, and anticipatory.
Then, a more suspicious sound.
Luo Binghe perked up.
It was a gentle thud, a creaking in the floor, and then silence.
He waited, the sound remaining at his door and not moving up or down the hallway. Luo Binghe sat up in his bed, hoping the door would crack open, but silence overtook the dorm again.
Luo Binghe got up off of his bed and made his way over to the door. He put his hand on the handle and hesitated for a moment, telling himself Shen Yuan wasn’t there so he wouldn’t feel disappointed if he wasn’t.
He opened the door.
Shen Yuan was sitting on the other side of the hallway, back against the wall, staring at the floor. He looked up when Luo Binghe opened the door.
Luo Binghe froze in the threshold.
Shen Yuan’s face was wet with tears, and his eyes were red rimmed. Face pale and tired, he swallowed when he saw Luo Binghe staring back at him.
“Binghe,” he said, the word like a sudden sob. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry.”
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe said urgently. He reached out, moving to crouch in front of him. “A-Yuan, what is it, why are you sorry?”
“Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
Luo Binghe felt a crushing guilt. He reached out, holding his face in his hands. His own eyes felt damp just from looking at him. Before he could respond, Shen Yuan was speaking again.
“Do you hate me?”
Luo Binghe almost felt unable to process Shen Yuan in such a state. “I don’t—I would never hate you. Never in a million years, I promise.”
He swiped Shen Yuan’s cheeks with his thumbs, pushing away the tears. Shen Yuan shuddered and leaned into one of his hands.
“Is that why you’re crying?” Luo Binghe asked quietly. “I’m sorry, A-Yuan, I was just—well—”
Shen Yuan held onto his wrists as though to keep him there as he turned his face to nose at Luo Binghe’s palm. “Whatever I did, I won’t do it again.”
Luo Binghe swallowed painfully. “Come in, A-Yuan, don’t sit on the floor.”
“Are you sure?”
Luo Binghe moved one of his hands to cup his chin and he tilted his face up. “Of course,” he said as softly as he could manage. He shifted his hands to help him stand. He held onto his hand and pulled him into the room. Shen Yuan was quiet and pliant as he followed him into the room.
He sat on the edge of the bed easily, but he was extremely still. His eyes tracked Luo Binghe, but low, along his feet and legs, as though wanting to watch but not meeting his eyes.
Luo Binghe tried to catch his gaze, but he wouldn’t look. He knelt on the floor in front of him and put his hands on his thighs. “A-Yuan, look at me.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes dragged over to Luo Binghe’s, and the air was drying tear tracks on his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe said tightly. “I—You didn’t do anything wrong. Well, I was upset at something you did, but I—”
“What was it?” Shen Yuan cut in desperately. His hands held tightly to Luo Binghe’s wrist. “Tell me, I won’t do it again. It was after I saw you in the library and you left right away. Were you mad at me already, or was it something else? Was it Liu Qingge? Yue Qingyuan?”
“It was them,” Luo Binghe admitted quietly. “I didn’t like seeing you with them like that. You never look like that with me.”
Shen Yuan’s brows furrowed. “Like what?”
“Happy,” Luo Binghe said, throat tightening more. “Laughing.”
Shen Yuan’s frown deepened.
“I was afraid you didn’t like me.”
Shen Yuan jerked, as though so shocked that he was going to pull away. He stayed, however, and then had his turn grabbing and holding Luo Binghe’s face. “I like you so much, Binghe. So much. You were so upset you—” He cut himself off.
“The first night I just needed to be alone, so I could think.”
“Think about what?” Shen Yuan asked desperately, hands squeezing. “Think about what?”
“What we’re doing, and if I should keep this up, and if it was just going to lead to you not liking me anymore.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes fluttered with the amount of times he blinked. “I don’t—I can’t believe you would ever think—”
“The next nights, I was selfish,” Luo Binghe said quietly. “I liked knowing you were chasing after me, wanting to see me. I’m sorry.”
Shen Yuan looked angry for a moment. “What could possibly make you think that I didn’t already do that? Is this not enough? What more can I do?”
“You don’t talk to me!” Luo Binghe cried, interrupting. “You barely look at me. I know that you do—things—but when I try to talk to you, you ignore me, or act like I’m annoying you, and even when I found out what you were doing, it changed nothing! What was I supposed to think?”
“It’s not because I dislike you,” he said, almost coldly.
“You can laugh with them, but not with me?”
Shen Yuan’s mouth tightened in a line. “Binghe,” he started, “I don’t even remember what you’re talking about. I don’t remember laughing with them. I remember seeing you look at me like I was dead to you and then leaving before I could ask if you were alright. And then you ignored me and locked me out.”
The irony of that almost made Luo Binghe laugh.
Luo Binghe pulled back and sighed. He sat on the other dorm bed and put his face in his hands.
“Binghe?”
He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and shook his head. “You keep saying you’ll never do whatever it was you did again, but I’m telling you that you treat me like a stranger and all you’re doing is making excuses.”
“Binghe,” he said again, more upset that time. “Don’t take yourself from me, please, I’m sorry I’m like this.”
“I like you as you are,” Luo Binghe muttered. “I don’t want you to change. I want you to like me, on your own.”
“I like you,” Shen Yuan said, somewhat choked. “So much. I like you so much I can’t take it. I can’t act right. I don’t act right. I do bad things. I like it when you cry over me, because I’m selfish and like to think you like me, too.”
Luo Binghe felt his eyes well with tears.
“Do I seem disgusting to you?”
Luo Binghe’s head lifted. “No!” He said, feeling shocked at the notion. “What would make you think—”
Shen Yuan’s face was red. “I do disgusting things.”
“Like what—”
“Don’t you ever wonder where your laundry goes?”
Luo Binghe’s face grew hot. “I know where it goes.”
“And it’s not disgusting to you?”
“Not if it’s you.”
Shen Yuan laughed suddenly, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “It is disgusting, especially because it’s me.”
“Then I don’t care.”
Shen Yuan stood up and walked over to Luo Binghe on the bed. He stood just before him, nearly between his legs. His fingers brushed against the ends of Luo Binghe’s curls, where they brushed just at his collarbone. His fingers drifted up, brushing away the layers of his bangs out of his face.
Luo Binghe stared up at him, chills rising on his skin where Shen Yuan touched. “I don’t care,” Luo Binghe reiterated. “If it’s you, anything is fine.”
Shen Yuan knelt in front of him. His eyes remained at Luo Binghe’s collar, but then they slowly drifted down. Luo Binghe felt exposed without his shirt, but he remained unmoving. Shen Yuan’s fingers trailed from his collar, down to his sternum, and then over his abdomen.
“A-Yuan,” he whispered.
“I missed you,” Shen Yuan said quietly. His other hand rested on Luo Binghe’s knee, and then drifted up to the inside of Luo Binghe’s thigh. “You’re always on my mind. Everything I do is for you.”
Luo Binghe’s heart pounded in his ribcage. His hands clenched into the sheets on either side of his hips.
Shen Yuan’s fingers met the waistband of his pants, but didn’t move any further. “I watch you, all the time. Even when you were avoiding me, I watched you. I know things about you that you don’t know I know.”
“I figured,” Luo Binghe whispered softly. “I’m alright with it.”
“I do things to people, bad things, when it gets me closer to you, or when they do something to you, or when I feel jealous.”
“You feel jealous?” Luo Binghe asked.
“I hated it when you played sports, but I also loved it,” he murmured, eyes trained on the slight happy trail disappearing into Luo Binghe’s pants. “I loved watching you, I loved being able to have an excuse, but everyone was always all over you. Everyone was watching you. And they should because you’re perfect. But I want you for myself.”
Luo Binghe stopped breathing by the end of his explanation. He felt as though he couldn’t move, lest the spell be broken and Shen Yuan pull away or stop talking.
“I think about you, I dream about you, I want you.”
Luo Binghe watched his fingers twitch along his thigh and against the elastic of his pants. “You can have me,” he whispered. “You can always have me. I want you to have me.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes fluttered and he shivered briefly. His fingers trailed away from the waistband of his pants and down his other thigh. Luo Binghe watched his hand move, and spread his legs a little wider.
It was silent for several moments, neither of them breathing, until Shen Yuan started breathing again, heavier that time. He leaned forward, head resting innocuously against his thigh, but only just past his knee. It was a safe distance, but it still made Luo Binghe’s gut pool with desire.
Luo Binghe reached out, slow, as though not to spook him, and brushed his fingers through Shen Yuan’s hair, away from his eyes. He had a pretty face, soft and sharp all at the same time. His eyes were slanted just slightly, but also sometimes were roundly innocent. But when they narrowed and pinned someone, he could look so cold.
He wasn’t wearing his glasses, and Luo Binghe rarely saw him without them. It was easier to see his eyes that way, dark and glittery. Though, in that moment, they were glossy rather than glittery, and hooded and soft.
Luo Binghe’s fingertips dusted over the top of his cheekbone, and Shen Yuan’s eyes closed. He sucked in a breath through his nose and then let it out through his mouth. His head shifted, as though snuggling in further, and his breath evened out into a deep pattern.
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe whispered, fingers combing through the hair on the side of his head, creating little rows before it smoothed back out.
“Binghe,” Shen Yuan whispered back. “My Binghe.”
“A few months ago I was drunk,” he said. “I remember you. I thought I’d made it up, but it was you, wasn’t it?”
Shen Yuan nodded. “It was me.”
“I remember feeling like you cared about me, like you wanted me, like you wanted to be with me and take care of me.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes opened then, slow and almost sleepy. He tilted his head up to look at Luo Binghe. “I do. Even if you remember something that didn’t happen, you’d be right.”
Luo Binghe swallowed hard. “You called me pet names.”
Shen Yuan’s cheeks colored. “I couldn’t help it. Does it bother you?”
“No,” Luo Binghe said quickly. “No, I liked it.”
Shen Yuan didn’t look any less embarrassed at that.
“You can, if you want.”
Shen Yuan shut his eyes again, as though trying to escape the embarrassment.
Luo Binghe smiled, fingers running through his hair again. “You can come up onto the bed,” he said quietly.
Shen Yuan hummed and turned, pressing his nose and mouth into the fabric of Luo Binghe’s pants. “I’m happy this way,” he murmured. He inhaled. “You smell good.”
Luo Binghe flushed.
“Do you understand?” Shen Yuan asked, lifting his head slightly to look at him. “Do you understand that no one means anything compared to you?”
“I understand,” Luo Binghe croaked. “Do you understand that I feel the same? That I want you, no matter what?”
Shen Yuan stared at him, and even though Luo Binghe couldn’t see his pupils in the dark, he felt like they’d be dilating. “Don’t go away again.”
“Don’t ignore me again.”
Shen Yuan nuzzled back into his leg and nodded. “Okay, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe stared down at him, and felt unsure what to do with his hands. He wanted to squeeze him, to bring him up into the bed and kiss him. He wondered what Shen Yuan would do if he did, but he felt that even though they seemed to come to an agreement, it might overwhelm him.
Instead, he let Shen Yuan sit there for a while, before he finally convinced him to come up onto the bed. Shen Yuan watched him climb into bed, very closely, and then he just sat on the edge.
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe said, lying back against the pillow. He reached up. “Lie down with me.”
Shen Yuan stared at him, gaze dark. He shook his head.
“Why not?” Luo Binghe asked, somewhat of a whine.
Shen Yuan said nothing, but hiked one leg up onto the bed.
“Nothing about you bothers me,” Luo Binghe reminded. “Anything—you could do anything.”
Shen Yuan’s gaze scanned him again, but no words came out.
Luo Binghe began to wonder if the coldness, the ignoring, was maybe something else entirely. “You want to watch me sleep.”
Shen Yuan’s gaze snapped back up to his, but then again away quickly. He stared at the wall on the opposite end of the room and his cheeks darkened.
Luo Binghe smiled, making himself comfortable. “Alright then. Watch me.”
When he woke, he woke to a heat in his gut. Luo Binghe shifted, a pulse of desire shooting through to him, to his groin. He blinked his eyes open and looked down.
It was still dark outside. Shen Yuan was still with him, but he was no longer sitting. He was lying at the end of the bed, half off, and his upper half in-between Luo Binghe’s legs.
Luo Binghe watched him.
His nose was at Luo Binghe’s inner thigh, running up to the top of his leg, where it connected to his pelvis, and then up to his lower abdomen. Luo Binghe’s breath sped. He was certain that Shen Yuan noticed he’d woken, but he continued on, breathing in.
Shen Yuan dragged back down, mouth parting, inhaling as his nose brushed just against the side of Luo Binghe’s balls.
“Holy fuck,” Luo Binghe breathed.
Shen Yuan tilted his face up, eyes opening.
“Go ahead,” Luo Binghe said. “Please.”
Shen Yuan reached up, pulled down the waistband enough to be tight on Luo Binghe’s thighs, and then he was on him. His mouth and nose went back to his balls and then the side of Luo Binghe’s hardening cock. His hand came up to brush ticklish against the base.
“A-Yuan,” he said, feeling desperate already. It took very little time for him to harden completely.
“I’ve thought about this for so long,” Shen Yuan murmured, kissing his leg. His hand was holding along the frontside of Luo Binghe’s cock to keep it from pressing up against his abdomen. He brought his mouth to kiss and lick up the side of his length. “After I saw you that night you were drunk, I wanted you even more. I wanted this, I wanted to taste you.”
Luo Binghe panted above him. “You can. Always, you can.”
Shen Yuan licked him from base to tip, pausing at the head to lap at the sensitive spot just beneath the head. He wrapped his mouth around it and suckled for a moment before popping off and wrapping around it again, repeating the motion several times, until Luo Binghe was shifting his hips up desperately.
“A-Yuan,” he said desperately.
“You’re so big,” Shen Yuan breathed, kissing back down the length and licking and sucking at his balls too as he began to stroke him with his hand. It was a bit dry, save for the small amount of saliva and precum leaking from Luo Binghe’s tip, but it was enough that it felt good still. “You taste so good.”
Luo Binghe’s head rushed, another pulse of heat going straight between his legs, so quickly he felt lightheaded. Shen Yuan let out a small sound, like a moan, as if he was the one being pleasured. “A-Yuan,” he said again. He reached out, fingers brushing his hair away from his forehead.
He mouthed up to the tip again, sucking down more, but not going far. “Too big,” he breathed, almost a whine. “I—more.”
Luo Binghe touched his face, stroking over his cheek. “It’s alright, don’t push yourself.”
“You’re so big it’s annoying.”
Luo Binghe smiled, pushing Shen Yuan’s hair out of his face. “Stroke me, baby, feels good.”
Shen Yuan looked up at him, hand clumsily moving along his cock, pressure somewhat off, but still good, especially because it was Shen Yuan’s hand. He licked up and down again, no finesse, no technique, just like he did it because he wanted to. He did it like he was doing it for himself, not for Luo Binghe. It was like he’d chosen to do it solely because it made him feel pleasure.
Luo Binghe was caught up in watching him, watching the way he drooled over him, sucked, kissed, and licked. The physical pleasure of it was almost distant, and instead he just pulsed and ached with the touches, more pleased at the focused attention.
Shen Yuan’s hand drifted up his cock again, cupping the head as he guided it back into his mouth. He sucked on it, tongue stroking against the sensitive part of his tip again. Luo Binghe’s hips twitched, and he felt like he might cum.
“A-Yuan,” he whispered. He shifted against the bed, trying not to thrust to hard up into Shen Yuan’s throat. “Just a little more—please—fuck.”
Shen Yuan moaned softly, dipping his head lower and taking more into his mouth. He lifted off a moment later, mouth drooling, a string connecting his lip to the tip of Luo Binghe’s head. His head fell back and he blinked up at the ceiling for a moment, lightheaded again.
“Thank you,” Shen Yuan breathed.
Luo Binghe lifted his head to look at him, about to ask why he thanked him, but then he dipped back down and took half of him down his throat. Luo Binghe groaned, an aborted thrust upward, and then came up into Shen Yuan’s throat.
The pleasure of is pulsed in him, heart pounding, and then his movements caught up with him and he lifted his head again and sat up. “Ah—A-Yuan.”
Shen Yuan lifted his head up off of him, choking slightly, and then he swallowed a few times. He looked up at Luo Binghe, eyes teary, mouth wet, and cheeks flushed. Luo Binghe held his cheek.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s alright,” Shen Yuan said, voice raspy. His tongue came out to swipe over his lips. He looked back down and kissed over him as he softened. Luo Binghe stared at him, feeling dazed, but Shen Yuan had mercy and began kissing over his hips. He pushed Luo Binghe back onto the bed. He kissed up the happy trail he’d been eyeing earlier in the night, and then over his abdomen.
Luo Binghe’s hands hovered in the air, unsure what to do, but not wanting him to stop. He let out an embarrassing sound, almost like a whimper, and his stomach jerked at the ticklish kisses of Shen Yuan’s wet mouth.
Shen Yuan kissed over every inch of his stomach, then up over his pecs, his nipples, up to his chest, and then pushed himself up. He stared at Luo Binghe, gaze dark, hands on either side of Luo Binghe’s waist.
Luo Binghe was breathing heavy, caught between endearment and feeling incredibly flustered. “A-Yuan,” he started off, somewhat choked. “I want—You too. I want you, too.”
Shen Yuan dipped low, burying his face into Luo Binghe’s neck. He inhaled long and deep. “Binghe,” he murmured. “I came ages ago.”
Luo Binghe blinked rapidly. “What? When…?”
“Can’t remember,” he said dismissively, as though embarrassed.
Luo Binghe reached up slowly, wagering he’d be allowed an embrace at least. He wrapped an arm around Shen Yuan’s waist. When Shen Yuan didn’t pull away, he held tight and then wrapped his other arm around him, too. He turned, moving to hold him completely against his chest. When he moved, he reached down to pull his pants back up.
Shen Yuan was stiff in his arms, as though unsure what to do or how to lay, but Luo Binghe felt like he couldn’t care less what Shen Yuan did, as long as he didn’t move.
“It felt nice,” Luo Binghe said belatedly. “Really nice.”
Shen Yuan became even stiffer, if that was possible. “Binghe,” he said, strangled.
“Don’t be embarrassed, I liked it.”
“I didn’t do a very good job.”
Luo Binghe laughed and nuzzled into the side of his head. “I came in your mouth.”
“Oh my god,” he muttered, sounding mortified. Then, he paused, and seemed to melt into Luo Binghe’s arms. “You came in my mouth.”
Luo Binghe felt a thrill run through him again at the thought that Shen Yuan was delighted to have done so. “It felt so good, A-Yuan. Next time, let’s do it together, alright?”
Shen Yuan said nothing, but he did squirm around until his arms were free, and wrapped around Luo Binghe’s middle, under Luo Binghe’s arms. He hugged him back, the rest of his body slowly starting to relax.
“Are you uncomfortable in your pants?” Luo Binghe asked. “You can borrow some of mine if you want.”
Shen Yuan let out a strangled sound and buried his face into Luo Binghe’s shoulder. He shook his head.
“It’s gotta be uncomfortable,” Luo Binghe commented.
Shen Yuan’s arms were so tight it was about to start hurting. “I’m fine,” he said, clipped.
Luo Binghe took a risky guess. “…Is it overwhelming for you to wear my pants?”
Shen Yuan dug his fingernails into Luo Binghe’s back. “Shut the fuck up,” he hissed.
Luo Binghe laughed and nuzzled into Shen Yuan’s head again. “A-Yuan,” he whispered. “I like you so much.”
__________
Luo Binghe woke with a vague sense in the back of his mind that was telling him to wake up quickly. It was a good feeling, though, one that whispered he’d rather be awake than asleep in that moment. As he dragged himself out of sleep, he had the vague sense of being watched, the way he felt when he would walk down the street.
He blinked a few times, turning his head toward that feeling, and his eyes focused on the face in front of him.
Shen Yuan was sitting up, between Luo Binghe and the wall. He was sitting with his legs crossed, and staring at Luo Binghe already. Luo Binghe smiled, heart already starting to beat faster in his chest. “Good morning,” he said, voice raspy with sleep, and slow with the trudging weight of waking.
He started to chew on his lip, and then seemed to realize and stopped. Then it didn’t take long for the restlessness to catch up. He put his thumb in his mouth and started to gnaw on his fingernail instead.
“Is something wrong?” Luo Binghe asked, turning onto his side and pillowing his head on his arm. He reached out with his other hand and touched Shen Yuan’s knee.
Shen Yuan jerked, pushing himself back and pulling his thumb from his mouth as if scandalized.
“What is it?” Luo Binghe asked, frowning. He pushed himself up to sitting, still close enough for their knees to almost touch, but far enough that it wasn’t scaring him off.
Shen Yuan’s gaze was shifty, darting from Luo Binghe’s face, to his chest, to his pants, to the wall, to the other wall, and back to do it all over again. “You should get up. Your shift is starting soon.”
Luo Binghe almost asked him how he knew that, but the answer was obvious. Clearly he hadn’t known he’d been fired, however. “I don’t have a shift today.”
Shen Yuan frowned, glancing back at his face again. “Your schedule is today at ten until three.”
Luo Binghe smiled wryly.
“What?” Shen Yuan snapped, sounding both anxious and angry. “What changed?”
“I was fired yesterday.”
Shen Yuan blinked, mouth parting. “You—when?”
“The end of my shift,” Luo Binghe began, “Yue Qingyuan found me and told me that after considering how I called off two days, clearly not sick, and after the disrespect from yesterday, it would be best if I found another job.”
“Disrespect,” Shen Yuan repeated. “What happened?”
“I was on the phone,” Luo Binghe said. “He told me to hang up, and I did. We spoke briefly, and he didn’t care for my attitude.” He laughed, throwing his hands up in a shrug. “I hate that guy, so I don’t give a fuck.”
“You needed a job,” Shen Yuan said, brows furrowing. “You say it all the time. For the extra class you need to take in the summer.”
Luo Binghe’s smile softened. Even when Shen Yuan seemed to not be listening, he listened. Even when Luo Binghe didn’t know Shen Yuan was even around to listen, he was listening. “I know. I’ll find something else.”
Shen Yuan stared at him for a moment, and then his gaze dropped to Luo Binghe’s collarbone. His eyes grew vacant, and he swallowed. Luo Binghe watched his throat bob. He still felt the lingering desire to touch him back the way he’d been touched.
“Is something wrong?” He asked, when Shen Yuan still hadn’t spoken.
“I didn’t know he wasn’t nice to you,” he said eventually, strained.
Luo Binghe laughed. “I don’t get along with him, so we rarely speak. There isn’t much opportunity to show how much we can be mean to one another.”
“Is that why you were so upset I was speaking to him?”
Luo Binghe considered it. “Maybe it made it a little worse.”
“Worse from what else?” He insisted.
Luo Binghe felt a prickling behind his eyes, despite his best efforts. “I just want you to only ever look at me, talk to me, care about me.”
Shen Yuan leaned in, grabbing Luo Binghe’s face between his hands. “Stop,” he whispered fiercely. His thumbs pressed gently just underneath Luo Binghe’s eyes. “Don’t cry over something that’s already true. It’s only you, I promise.”
Luo Binghe leaned into one of his hands. He felt a small shiver run through him. It felt good to be held and touched in that way.
“If I had known how that would have upset you, I wouldn’t have done it,” Shen Yuan said. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
Luo Binghe shivered. “A-Yuan,” he murmured back. “I’m sorry, too.”
Shen Yuan’s fingers slid further back, enough that the tips of his fingers tangled into the curls framing his face. “Binghe,” he whispered, eyes trained on his mouth. “Binghe,” he said again, sounding more desperate, almost pained.
Luo Binghe held on to his wrists. “What is it?”
“Do anything you want, but don’t take yourself away from me, please.”
Luo Binghe sucked in a breath. He pitched forward, burying his face into Shen Yuan’s throat. He kissed his jaw, his ear, his throat, breath turning heavy. “Never, never,” he breathed, mouth pressing to the soft, tender spots on Shen Yuan’s throat. “I’d never, I’m sorry I made you think I would—I wouldn’t.”
Shen Yuan was shaking by the time Luo Binghe pulled away. With the daylight, he could see that Shen Yuan’s pupils were blown, and his mouth was parted, and his breathing was just as quick as Luo Binghe’s.
He crawled forward, eyes glassy and distant, until he was in Luo Binghe’s lap. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pressed his face into Luo Binghe’s hair. His fingers tangled in the tresses at the back of his head, and Luo Binghe held onto him in return, pulling him closer in until his legs were wrapped around Luo Binghe’s waist.
Shen Yuan inhaled deeply, let barely any out, and then inhaled again. “Binghe, Binghe,” he whispered.
Luo Binghe hugged him, tight enough that it might have hurt, and felt his eyes water. Shen Yuan turned his face into him, and Luo Binghe turned, too. His mouth brushed against Shen Yuan’s cheek.
Shen Yuan’s hips jumped, and he gasped. Luo Binghe smiled, one hand dropping to the small of his back. “Do it, baby,” he whispered, “rub on me.”
Shen Yuan’s next breath was shuddery and sweet. His hips rolled. Luo Binghe helped him along. It was only a few times, and then he was stiffening, moaning softly, and then melting back into Luo Binghe’s arms.
Luo Binghe felt both surprised and delighted at how quickly he’d cum. He felt like they’d barely even started. “A-Yuan,” he said.
Shen Yuan buried his face into Luo Binghe’s shoulder. He shook his head. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Luo Binghe soothed. He turned his head again to kiss Shen Yuan’s cheek.
They sat in silence for a few moments, and then Shen Yuan lifted his head. His face was tipped low. His arms came back around slowly, hands on Luo Binghe’s shoulders, then his chest, down to his abdomen. It was slightly damp from where Shen Yuan had been pressed up against, his own pants soiled twice.
“Is it uncomfortable?” Luo Binghe murmured.
Shen Yuan’s face flushed. He avoided his gaze. “I can manage.”
“You can borrow some of mine,” Luo Binghe offered again.
Shen Yuan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them again. He shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
Shen Yuan looked to the other side of the room, like he was trying to hide his face. “Because I—” He shut his mouth.
“Because what?”
“I wouldn’t be able to take it.”
Luo Binghe smiled and leaned in to kiss his face again. “Alright then.”
Shen Yuan turned back to look at him with narrowed eyes. “What’s got you so chipper, huh? You spent the last four days ignoring me and shutting me out and suddenly you’re happy?”
“I just wanted you,” Luo Binghe said, as earnestly as he could. “You’re with me right now. Of course I'm happy.”
Shen Yuan’s gaze dropped again. “Oh.”
“You have class today?”
Shen Yuan nodded, glancing at the clock on Luo Binghe’s bedside table. “In about an hour.”
“I don’t have class until the evening,” Luo Binghe said.
Shen Yuan nodded.
“Can I stay with you, until your class?”
Shen Yuan flushed. “I have to go back to my dorm to get ready.”
“I can’t go with you?”
Shen Yuan looked up, eyes wide, like he was caught. “No,” he immediately hissed. He scrambled off of Luo Binghe’s lap. “Absolutely not.”
Luo Binghe felt a sting. “Wha—A-Yuan, why?”
“It’s—because!” Shen Yuan looked around, then looked at Luo Binghe again. He covered his mouth, like he was shocked, and was remembering everything that had happened in the last twelve hours. He fled the dorm room without another word.
__________
“I don’t know what you expected,” Shang Qinghua said from behind the counter. Luo Binghe had just told him how Shen Yuan had ditched him, after everything. “His dorm is probably like Helga’s creepy Arnold shrine, with your head made out of meat and vegetables.”
Luo Binghe let out a choked gasp. “He wouldn’t do something like that—”
“Maybe a head out of your dirty underwear?”
Luo Binghe fell silent. If he thought about it, where else would Shen Yuan keep the things he stole from him? His dorm was probably half of Luo Binghe’s things at that point.
Shang Qinghua snorted. “Mu Qingfang is here, by the way, if you wanted to ask him for a job. I think we might be able to give you at least a few shifts.”
“Is he in the back?” Luo Binghe asked, perking up.
“Yep, tell him I sent you back there.”
“Thanks, ge!” He said cheerfully. He felt like he was having a great day, despite being fired and in desperate need of a job. And, after realizing Shen Yuan probably didn’t want him in his dorm because of the multitude of his own belongings that were there.
He pushed open the door to the kitchen and washroom, calling out a warning.
“It’s Binghe,” he said. “Hua-ge sent me back.”
Mu Qingfang appeared from around the corner of a few shelves stacked with kitchen utensils and packages of drinks and food. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m in need of a new job,” he said, heading toward him. “Hua-ge said you might be able to bring me on for a few shifts a week.”
Mu Qingfang frowned. He was wiping his hands on a dishtowel. “What happened at your last one?”
“Yue Qingyuan was my boss,” he said. “We’ve never really gotten along. He fired me the moment he could.”
Mu Qingfang assessed him, like he hardly believed him. “Hm. And what moment gave him the opportunity?”
“Hua-ge asked me to call him, so I called him when there were no customers,” Luo Binghe replied. “He caught me.”
Mu Qingfang hummed, looking thoughtful. “How many write-ups had you gotten before that?”
“None,” Luo Binghe said honestly.
Mu Qingfang raised an eyebrow. “You were fired for that?”
“I had a bit of an attitude, too, but I did what he asked,” Luo Binghe said simply.
Mu Qingfang rolled his eyes. “Gonna have a problem doing what I ask of you?”
“Not at all!”
Mu Qingfang considered for a moment. “How many hours did you need?”
“Around twenty would be great.”
Mu Qingfang tossed the towel lightly between his hands as he thought about it. “I could give you maybe fifteen tops.”
“Deal!” Luo Binghe said. “When can I start?”
__________
He, Shen Yuan, and Mobei Jun all got an A on their project. To celebrate, Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe brought food to eat in the library, and Mobei Jun celebrated by going to Shang Qinghua’s dorm.
Luo Binghe was still a student, so even though he was fired from the library, they couldn’t stop him from coming in. Liu Qingge looked unbothered by him completely, but occasionally Yue Qingyuan was around and caught sight of him. He looked politely irritated every time, but Luo Binghe only ended up feeling smug.
Shen Yuan was focused on his bowl of noodles, glasses fogging up from the steam.
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe said, shifting on his seat until he was sideways and facing him.
“Hm,” he hummed in acknowledgement. He took a bite of his noodles.
“I was supposed to graduate this year.”
Shen Yuan nodded along.
“I have to stick around to finish a summer course.”
Shen Yuan nodded again, swallowing down his bite. He glanced at Luo Binghe. “Right.”
“You’re graduating,” Luo Binghe said. Shen Yuan nodded. “What then?”
Shen Yuan tilted his head. “What do you mean?”
“Will you stay in the area, or will you…”
Shen Yuan stared at him for a moment and then looked away, eyes shifty again, which Luo Binghe was beginning to catch on that it meant he was embarrassed. He muttered something, completely unintelligible.
Luo Binghe leaned in, hand creeping to rest on his leg. “What was that?”
Shen Yuan's head whipped down to stare at Luo Binghe’s hand. He gripped it, moving to push it off, but Luo Binghe held fast. Shen Yuan gave up fairly easily. “I said—” And then he mumbled the rest again.
“Baby,” Luo Binghe murmured, “I can’t hear you like that.”
Shen Yuan let out a whistling breath, his other hand coming up to cover his face. “I was planning on following you,” he said, strained and angry.
Luo Binghe was delighted. He grabbed his arm. “Really?”
Shen Yuan shook him off. He didn’t speak again.
“A-Yuan, what do you mean you were going to follow me?” Luo Binghe squeezed his leg. “You were going to wait and find out where I was going and go there with me?”
Shen Yuan’s cheeks were turning red. “How can you just accept that?” He asked eventually, so low Luo Binghe wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t been so close.
“I like you,” Luo Binghe said, feeling almost surprised. “Wasn’t that obvious?”
“But how does this not make you hate me?”
“How could I not still like you?” Luo Binghe asked. “I liked you so much and thought you hated me. I was so happy to learn you liked me too.”
“But I—” He cut himself off, almost as though he couldn’t say it out loud.
“You what?”
“It’s shameful,” he said, turning his face further away. “What I do is terrible.”
Luo Binghe tugged on him, trying to draw his gaze back. “I don’t think you’re terrible,” he murmured. “It’s not shameful if I’m alright with it.”
“I didn’t even ask,” Shen Yuan snapped. “It’s not like I got permission.”
Luo Binghe leaned into him. “I don’t care, A-Yuan.”
“You should,” Shen Yuan said. “I would never hurt you, but what if someone else wanted to?”
“You’re the only one who could hurt me,” Luo Binghe said honestly. “People have been bad to me loads of times, but I don’t care. I care when it’s you.”
“Who’s bad to you?”
Luo Binghe smiled. “Lots of people. I don’t know.”
Shen Yuan shifted on his seat, almost squirming. “I hurt you last week. Didn’t even know it.”
“It was an accident,” Luo Binghe said. “I understand now.”
“You deserve someone better.”
Luo Binghe blinked several times. “I—What—I don’t even—”
“I mean it,” Shen Yuan insisted. “You’re so handsome, and popular, and talented, and smart. You should be with someone who matches.”
It was a weird swath of emotions that washed over him. He felt both euphorically happy at the compliments, but also horrified that Shen Yuan thought he should be with someone else because he thought he wasn’t those things. It was essentially incomprehensible to him that Shen Yuan was any less than handsome, popular, talented, and smart.
Before he could conjure a semi-intelligent response to that, Shen Yuan continued. “And I’m terrible enough that I would kill whoever did try.”
Luo Binghe felt his chest flutter. “Have you thought about what I want?”
Shen Yuan snorted. “All the time.”
“But do you know what it is?” Luo Binghe urged. “Did you think about whether I wanted Ning Yingying?”
Shen Yuan stiffened at the mention of it.
Luo Binghe brought a hand to his face to bring his gaze back. He kissed his cheek. “I didn’t. I want you, like this, as you already are.” He kissed his cheek again. “I’m selfish, you know, and I like that you like me so much.” His stomach rolled with butterflies. “I like it a lot.”
Shen Yuan blinked a few times, and he moved with an almost imperceptible shiver. He turned a little, softly nudging into Luo Binghe’s face.
“Trust me to be honest with you. If I say I like something, it’s because I like it.”
Shen Yuan held onto his wrist and started to strain away from him. “Binghe,” he said weakly.
Luo Binghe smiled, leaning in a little more and brushing his mouth against Shen Yuan’s chin.
A cleared throat cut through their well-crafted atmosphere. Shen Yuan stiffened, pulling more away, and Luo Binghe almost felt cold with the rush of ice in his veins. He turned.
Yue Qingyuan was standing a throw away, looking at Luo Binghe with an unimpressed expression. “Please do not engage in such behavior while in a public library. You should know better.”
Luo Binghe felt a twist of smug pleasure knowing Yue Qingyuan saw him with Shen Yuan that way, but it was soured at the irritable rage that swelled up. “If you don’t like it, then don’t look.”
Shen Yuan was still worming his way out of Luo Binghe’s grip. Yue Qingyuan glanced between them. He didn’t look particularly jealous, which Luo Binghe wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he did look annoyed.
“I’d prefer it if no one had to see it at all. Otherwise, I’ll kick you out.” He turned and continued on toward the back of the library where one of the storage rooms was.
Luo Binghe glared at him the rest of the way, and only looked back at Shen Yuan when he was gone. Shen Yuan was also staring after him, and his expression was blank. His eyes slid over to Luo Binghe’s.
“Does he always speak to you like that?” He asked.
Luo Binghe considered for a moment. “Hmm, I think so. Sometimes he’s more polite, but never nicer.”
“He said he would kick you out.”
Luo Binghe nuzzled into him, pressing his mouth to Shen Yuan’s jaw and throat. “‘Cause I’m kissing on you. He can kick me out but I’ll still do it.”
Shen Yuan pressed a hand to his collarbone and pushed him away with a pathetic shove that could hardly be considered an attempt.
“He’s just jealous.”
Shen Yuan laughed suddenly, pulling his head back easily, which made Luo Binghe think he really had not been trying to get away. It sent a flutter of warmth through him. “He’s not interested in me like that, Binghe. In fact, I think he’s having an affair with one of the professors here.”
“Really?” Luo Binghe asked.
“I saw him sneaking around with one of them when I was—” He cut himself off, looking mortified.
“When you were what?” Luo Binghe prompted eagerly.
Shen Yuan leaned onto the table, face in the wood and his arms covering his head.
Luo Binghe tugged on him. “No, don’t avoid me, A-Yuan. When you were what?”
He leaned in, knowing if Shen Yuan said it, it’d be almost silent. “—followed him when I found out he was your boss.”
Luo Binghe felt another wash of delight. He draped himself over Shen Yuan’s back and squeezed him. “God, A-Yuan, you’re the best.”
__________
Luo Binghe was trying very hard to not explode on anyone. Or, at the very least, not take it so personally. It was difficult, since he’d been previously walking on cloud nine, and then he’d been confronted with his worst nightmare yet again.
Shen Yuan was avoiding him again, like he had back before they became partners for the project. That was the very reason he’d been trying not to overreact. Despite avoiding Luo Binghe, he’d been doing things like destroying laundromats and hitting people with his car for Luo Binghe, so he tried to keep that in mind when Shen Yuan evaded his texts and calls.
Shang Qinghua seemed that he thought the same thing, and even that Shen Yuan’s silence meant something likely much more alarming.
Working with Shang Qinghua was very helpful to his phone bill, since they sometimes worked the same shift and saved a bunch of data on texts by just saying it out loud and waiting for the other to hear it and respond. Though Mobei Jun hated it. Luo Binghe suspected that Shen Yuan didn’t like it either, since he seemed to have a distaste for Shang Qinghua since they were friends. His dislike for Mobei Jun was similar, but seemed to be different. Luo Binghe hadn’t quite pinpointed it yet.
When Shen Yuan had found out he was working with Shang Qinghua, his face had gone completely blank and then he refused to sleep in Luo Binghe’s bed and instead watched him from the other one. Luo Binghe had fallen asleep at some point, but if he had to guess, he would have said that Shen Yuan stayed up the entire night.
Mobei Jun spent a lot of time at the cafe after Luo Binghe started working there. Though, if he thought about it, it was possible that Luo Binghe was just more aware of it since he was also there. He hovered sometimes to talk to Shang Qinghua, but other times he picked the closest table and worked on his computer.
“Hey, how come Mobei doesn’t just treat you like a sugar baby?” Luo Binghe asked. “Isn’t he rich?”
“He’s rich,” Shang Qinghua, the both of them ignoring the way Mobei Jun looked up and glared. “He does treat me, but I still want to work for some stuff, like my tuition.”
“Treat you how?”
“None of your fucking business,” Mobei Jun hissed, suddenly right beside the counter.
“Whoa!” Luo Binghe said, holding up his hands. “I was just curious why you let your man toil when you could pay for everything.”
Mobei Jun huffed.
Shang Qinghua laughed.
“Thought I was free of you when the project was over,” Mobei Jun muttered, turning back to go to his laptop.
Luo Binghe frowned. “Hua-ge is still my friend, you know. You’d never be free of me.”
“I could kill you,” Mobei Jun sneered, almost casually, as he went to sit back down.
Luo Binghe rolled his eyes. “Like you could.”
Mobei Jun opened his mouth to retort, but Mu Qingfang walked in from the back and slammed his box of cups onto the counter. “Should I pay Mobei Jun too , since he’s around as much as the two of you?”
“He doesn’t need the money,” Luo Binghe said.
Shang Qinghua grabbed the box from him and brought it to the front to begin restocking the cups. "I think he’s happy being a loyal customer.”
Mu Qingfang walked back into the storage room, pulling his apron off. “Qinghua, if they fight, you’re getting fired, too.”
“What!” He cried whirling. “I’m an innocent bystander!”
“Then make sure they don’t fight!” Mu Qingfang called back. “I’m out for the rest of the night.”
Shang Qinghua turned around and looked at Mobei Jun. He made a fake frowning face and Luo Binghe rolled his eyes, turning around to not witness what would inevitably come next.
Instead of paying attention to them, he pulled out his phone and checked to see if Shen Yuan had responded to any of his last texts. He saw that he hadn’t, and felt a sinking in his gut. He peeked out through the window of the storage room door and saw that Mu Qingfang was walking out. He looked back at his phone and then called.
The other line rang for a few moments before it cut out. Shen Yuan had a perfectly pleasant recording for people to leave a message, but Luo Binghe had heard it enough times at that point that it just made him feel sour.
He tried calling one more time, but was unsuccessful.
“Get off the phone!” Shang Qinghua called.
Luo Binghe turned to shoot him a glare, seeing that Mobei Jun was going back to his table. He pointed his phone at him. “Then don’t make out with your boyfriend.”
“No one’s around,” Shang Qinghua said.
“Then I can be on the phone!”
“I’m your senior here, I’m allowed some liberties,” he said smugly. “Also, didn’t you get fired from your last job because you were on the phone?”
“Yeah, because you asked me to call.”
Shang Qinghua laughed. “It’d be a real shame if you lost another job because of your phone.”
Luo Binghe trudged back over to the counter, where he’d been cleaning the espresso machine. He sighed. “I don’t even think I got fired because of the phone. I just think Yue Qingyuan hates me. Even A-Yuan noticed.”
“Noticed what?” Shang Qinghua asked. “That he doesn’t like you?”
“Yeah,” Luo Binghe said, picking up his washcloth. “We were in the library the other day and he told me to stop being so close together, otherwise he’d kick me out. Just me!”
Shang Qinghua rolled his eyes, back to restocking the cups. “Well, were you the one all over him?”
Luo Binghe huffed. “No.”
“Believable.”
Luo Binghe almost threw his cloth at him, but he didn’t want to get a clean one. “It was also just the way he spoke to me, okay? A-Yuan asked me if he always talks to me like that, and he does.”
Shang Qinghua hummed, and then glanced up to look at Mobei Jun. Luo Binghe might have been annoyed that he was ignoring him, but Shang Qinghua seemed to be thinking about something. “Do you think that’s why Shen Yuan is ignoring you?”
“What do you mean?”
“He didn’t want you working with me, and he tries to quite literally eliminate people who get too close. Yue Qingyuan was the one who fired you, and he isn’t nice to you.”
Luo Binghe shrugged. “I mean, honestly, I did wonder if he’d do something to him, since he seemed so upset, but that doesn’t mean he should ignore me.”
“Maybe he’s not ignoring you,” Shang Qinghua said. He glanced at Mobei Jun again.
“What?” Luo Binghe prompted insistently. He looked at Mobei Jun, to indicate that he knew Shang Qinghua was thinking about him.
“I dunno, it’s just that there was one time where I felt like Mobei was ignoring me.” His voice was low, as to not let Mobei Jun hear. “And I was upset and started looking around for him. It was after that party where you went home sick.”
Luo Binghe frowned. “Did you find him? I can’t imagine him ignoring you.”
“He wasn’t ignoring me,” Shang Qinghua muttered. He was blushing suddenly. “There was someone at the party who hit on me and Mobei took care of it. He was busy, so he hadn’t answered my texts for a while.”
“You only waited a few hours?” Luo Binghe laughed. “I can’t believe you judge me for how I feel when you’re the same way.”
Mobei Jun piped up from the table, “He judges you because you’re a loser.”
Luo Binghe threw his washcloth at him. Before Mobei Jun could react, he was heading to the back to get a new, clean rag.
___________
Luo Binghe zipped up his hoodie, put his hood up, and then put his phone on silent. He made his way down the sidewalk of the courtyard, and then rounded the back of the building with the library. There were some bushes and hedges that were easy to press up against in the dark, and he kept close to them as he went to the back of the building.
Yue Qingyuan always left the library fairly late, and fortunately, Luo Binghe knew what car he drove.
He waited around the corner where he would have a clear view of him leaving the building and heading toward the staff parking.
He didn’t have to wait long before he heard the door open, close, and then footsteps echoing from the pavement. Luo Binghe watched him head toward the smaller path that led toward the parking lot. He moved when Yue Qingyuan was no longer in sight, and headed toward the front of the building. The building corner was difficult to press up against with the plants, but it was dark enough and Yue Qingyuan was far enough, that he could linger some feet from the wall. He peeked out and saw Yue Qingyuan reaching the end of the path where the concrete turned to asphalt, and the cover of trees hid him from view again.
Luo Binghe walked around the building and headed up in the same direction of the path. He was on the far side, making his way up the slight hill and up toward the opening in the decorative trees. He peered in.
Yue Qingyuan’s car was often one of the last in the lot, aside from cleaners, and so he knew that he’d be able to spot him.
However, Luo Binghe spotted the car, and not Yue Qingyuan. The headlights were on, as though he’d unlocked the car, and then a few moments later they went dark again.
Luo Binghe glanced around, checking behind himself just in case Yue Qingyuan had somehow caught on. However, there was no sign of him or anyone else whatsoever.
He stayed out of the lot itself in case Yue Qingyuan showed up, but he followed the line of trees from the outside, peering inside periodically to make sure that he hadn’t returned to the car.
When he got to the edge, near where Yue Qingyuan had been parked, he heard a faint, indistinguishable sound. It was difficult to tell what it was. It was a muffled rustling.
Luo Binghe glanced around, waiting for more, but there was silence. He quietly made his way in the direction of the sound.
The sound had come from deeper into the trees. He watched the ground and his feet, making sure not to step on anything that would make noise, and then side stepped his way between two trees that were close together. He heard another muffled sound, and then what sounded like a huff of breath.
Luo Binghe crept forward, closer and closer to the noise.
He froze, coming to a stop only a mere ten meters away, watching from beside a tree while Shen Yuan bent over a dark lump.
Luo Binghe hadn’t been spotted yet, so he waited, watching Shen Yuan grunt and struggle to roll what appeared to be a body onto a sheet. Yue Qingyuan was nowhere in sight. Shen Yuan tied the sheet around the already once covered body. It was clearly a body, but it had been in what looked like plastic.
Shen Yuan straightened once the body was wrapped up. He looked down, and then around, pulling out a flashlight and assessing the forest floor. Luo Binghe was unsure if he’d dropped something or was making sure he hadn’t. He didn’t seem to find anything, so he straightened once more, and then put the flashlight back in his pocket, clicking it off in the process.
He turned, looking behind himself, like he felt that he was being watched.
He was.
Luo Binghe felt like he couldn’t breathe. He’d known that this was something Shen Yuan was capable of and not afraid to do, but it was different to see it. And it’d never fail to amaze him what he’d do it for. Shen Yuan had, indeed, been quite busy.
Shen Yuan continued to look around, as though he couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. He pulled his flashlight out again, as though to asses with a better view, but then he seemed to catch on to the direction that Luo Binghe was in. He turned, and his eyes scanned the trees, and his eyes fell to Luo Binghe.
The sight of him made Shen Yuan startle, and then when he registered the face, he seemed to startle again.
“Binghe,” he said, choked.
Luo Binghe stepped out of the trees.
“I—”
“A-Yuan,” he said, voice soft even to his own ears. He pushed his hood off as he walked toward him. “I was following him.”
Shen Yuan frowned. “Why?” He asked sharply.
Luo Binghe smiled and tilted his head. “Why were you following him, A-Yuan?”
Shen Yuan looked angry for a moment. He gestured vaguely. “Clearly you know why.”
“I was following him for you.”
Shen Yuan let out a breath, frown deepening.
“You were ignoring me. I figured you’d be wherever he was.”
Shen Yuan shifted his weight to either side of his feet. “Are you upset?”
“No,” Luo Binghe said, stepping toward him again. He reached out and held his face with both hands. “I’m not upset.”
Shen Yuan relaxed minutely. “You’re…”
“I’m?”
“Alright with this?”
“If I was going to be put off by this, I would have been back when you tried to kill the last person.”
“I didn’t try to kill her,” Shen Yuan said tightly, testy. “She would be dead if I wanted her dead.”
Luo Binghe’s smiled widened. He leaned in and nuzzled into his face, nose brushing against his. He kissed his cheek, the bone and then the soft part, over to his ear, and down his jaw. “Why him then?”
Shen Yuan’s hands came up, hesitant and shaky, and his fingers wrapped into Luo Binghe’s hair. “He was mean to you. He hurt you. He used me to hurt you.”
Luo Binghe kissed him.
Shen Yuan let out a soft sound of surprise, and then another one, more like a whimper, and then pressed into him. His fingers were tight, gripping Luo Binghe’s face to his own. Luo Binghe wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him up close. His mouth parted, and before he even got the chance to try and press his tongue to Shen Yuan’s mouth, Shen Yuan was licking into his mouth desperately.
Luo Binghe sucked in a sharp, pleased breath through his nose and tugged him in tighter. Shen Yuan kissed like he was eating, uncoordinated and messy.
He pulled away a few moments later, panting, eyes glassy.
“I’ll help you get rid of the body,” Luo Binghe said. “Then, you’re coming back to my dorm with me.”
Shen Yuan swallowed once, hard, and then buried his head into Luo Binghe’s collarbone. “Binghe, Binghe,” he whispered quickly. “I love you. Love you, I love you.”
Luo Binghe’s knees felt weak. He drew his face back up into a bruising kiss. “I love you, A-Yuan, I swear.”
Shen Yuan whimpered, fingers digging into Luo Binghe’s scalp where his fingers still tangled into his hair. “You’re perfect, so perfect.”
“You,” Luo Binghe argued, kissing down his throat. “It’s you.”
__________
When Luo Binghe woke, his wrists hurt.
They’d gone to bed after returning to Luo Binghe’s dorm. The sun was starting to rise by the time they were done, and Luo Binghe felt exhausted. Shen Yuan didn’t seem to be fazed. He seemed jittery, if anything, and was jumpy like a live wire. Luo Binghe had drawn him into bed, holding him until he settled and Luo Binghe was falling asleep.
Through the night, Luo Binghe could remember sleepy, dreamlike moments where it was like Shen Yuan was kissing him, his mouth, his eyelids, his cheeks, his neck, his collarbone. Some moments, he woke up to hands mapping gently over his legs, hips, and abdomen. Shen Yuan’s fingertips were ticklish when they ran down his wrists, over his fingers, and palm.
That fact was why Luo Binghe felt a vague, sleepy confusion at the aching and stinging in his wrists. That was the first, quick sensation he noticed, for the next took precedence.
He was aching between his legs, cock straining and rolling in pleasure. He sucked in a long breath, eyes blinking open.
When his eyes focused, he immediately shut them again, sucking in a quicker, sharper breath, and letting out a moan. “Fuck—What the fuck?”
“Sorry,” came the strangled, breathy reply. “Sorry, I’m sorry.”
Luo Binghe groaned, hips bucking up. “No, fuck, no, I—Mm.”
Shen Yuan gasped, hands landing on Luo Binghe’s hips.
Luo Binghe opened his eyes again. “What are you—”
Shen Yuan bent forward, his hair hiding his face as he began to kiss over Luo Binghe’s chest. He used his hands as leverage, hips lifting and slowly dropping back down. He was hot and wet, tight warmth dragging up and down Luo Binghe’s cock.
Luo Binghe groaned again, hips moving up to chase further inside. He moved his arms to grab him, but was met with resistance. He looked up and to the side, grunting in frustration. “Ah—you—”
Shen Yuan had tied his wrists to the bedposts with t-shirts.
“What the fuck,” he said, both incredulous and delighted. “A-Yuan, I want to touch you.”
Shen Yuan ground down on him. “Wanted to touch you,” he whispered, kissing up to his throat. “I need it, like this.”
“I want to touch you,” Luo Binghe whispered again, voice thin and strained as Shen Yuan lifted up and down again, starting to pick up a regular pace. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“I need you like this,” Shen Yuan said again. “I need to touch you, and you—you’ll distract me.”
Luo Binghe felt like he couldn’t think. “I would distract—huh?”
“It’s hard enough,” Shen Yuan panted, wedging his arms around Luo Binghe’s shoulders and kissing his ear. He rocked back and forth, the angle making Luo Binghe slip half out. “It’s difficult enough to appreciate you. Had to—hnngh—appreciate you while you were also inside.”
The rush of arousal Luo Binghe felt hit him like a train. “A-Yuan,” he strained, bucking his hips to thrust further inside again. “You want to look at me?”
“And touch,” Shen Yuan kissed his ear, and then just beneath it. His tongue came out to lick over the shell, down the side of his throat, into the hollow of his throat, and then up to his chin. “Lick,” he murmured, kissing his mouth before laving his tongue over his top lip, and then his teeth. “And kiss.”
Luo Binghe put his feet flat on the bed, knees folded up, and bucked up, driving himself deep. “I wanna fuck you, let me fuck you,” he begged.
“You are,” Shen Yuan said, sounding greedy. “So deep.”
Luo Binghe’s brain whited out. “Holy shit,” he rasped.
Shen Yuan bit at his jaw. “You’re mine, Binghe.”
Luo Binghe nodded quickly. “I am, I’m yours.”
Shen Yuan pushed back and rested his hands on either side of Luo Binghe’s waist. He leaned his weight there to started bouncing. “Mine forever,” he reiterated. “I’ll follow you, kill anyone who tries to take you from me.”
Luo Binghe wondered if it was possible to die from happiness. “A-Yuan,” he croaked, eyes tearing up.
Shen Yuan cooed, reaching down to hold his face. He stopped bouncing, but rocked his hips like he was riding. He kissed over his face. “You’re so precious. My precious Binghe.”
Luo Binghe pulled on the t-shirts again. He had no idea it was possible to tie t-shirts so tightly, but he had no time to feel impressed. “I love you,” he gasped. “Please.”
Shen Yuan pressed their mouths together. “Cum inside me, please,” he whispered, starting to sound shaky again. “I’ll die if you don’t.”
Luo Binghe’s chest was heaving with his breath. He bucked up into him again, fucking up into him over and over, so hard that he thought Shen Yuan might bruise.
“Inside, inside, inside,” Shen Yuan whispered. “Oh my god, your cum, you’re going to cum in me.”
“Just a—little more,” Luo Binghe strained, fucking up a little quicker, a little harder. “I’m gonna cum inside you.”
“Please,” he whispered, mouth parted and breath heavy, “please, please, please.”
“A-Yuan,” he said, turning his head.
Shen Yuan lifted his head eagerly and kissed him, mouth still open and panting. Luo Binghe swallowed the small sounds he was making, tongue pressing up against his warmly.
“Close,” Luo Binghe said, pace quickening. “I’m close.”
“Love you,” Shen Yuan whispered.
“Fuck,” he groaned, hips slamming up once, twice, and then a third time as he came. He ground up into him, and Shen Yuan ground down at the same time, gasping, and then dampening their stomachs where he came in between them. He rocked forward, riding the high up against Luo Binghe’s stomach.
They both shifted, the aftershocks washing through like relief. Luo Binghe continued to kiss him as he came down from it, giving one more thrust up. Shen Yuan gasped, whined, and then jerked one more time with another spurt.
“Untie me,” Luo Binghe rasped, practically begging.
Shen Yuan’s hands weakly moved up and shakily untied him. It took longer than it might have if he hadn’t just cum, but once Luo Binghe was free, he held his face with one hand and used his other arm to bracket him as he turned over and laid Shen Yuan onto his back.
“Don’t want it to leak out,” he said urgently, legs moving up to let Luo Binghe settle further into him as he grabbed his shoulders. “Binghe—”
“Don’t worry,” Luo Binghe murmured, kissing over his cheek and his mouth. “I’ll just fuck you again if it runs out.”
Shen Yuan’s fingers tangled into his hair and held his face securely to his own.
Luo Binghe returned the kiss, feeling so incandescently happy that he thought maybe Shen Yuan drugged him, too. But he felt perfectly clear headed, and happier than he’d ever been in his life. “I love you,” he whispered back belatedly. “Love you so much.”
Shen Yuan wrapped his arms around his neck and head, tugging him in so hard Luo Binghe’s lips pressed up painfully against his teeth.
When he pulled away for air, he stared down at Shen Yuan, who blinked up at him, looking dazed. Luo Binghe grinned, and dove in to bury his face into the side of Shen Yuan’s neck. “I’m the luckiest person alive.”