Chapter Text
so once upon a time there was an angel and a demon. the demon was cool as shit (in a pathetic way) and the angel was a sexy fucking marshmellow. they "saved" the world together by being fucking dumbasses and contributing and doing absolutely nothing to help. after all that shit happened, though, tha angel's boss arrived at his bookshop completely naked and with a Box. the angel was bamboozled and felt the need to shelter him. a big mistake. now his former people are all over his business interrupting his cute little life he had made after the almost-end-of-the-world. also his demon is hella mad. which annoys the angel. anyway, this all ended with the boss getting fired from his job and the angel and the demon realizing they're in love. um. the demon and the angel kinda fucked shit up, though. because, again, they are dumbasses. the demon approached things wrong. the angel continued trying to do the right thing. but this is a fanfic. so i'm just gonna make them FAWK. ok so, the angel was like "fuck this" literally 12 seconds after arriving in Heaven. so he turned around, punched the Metatron, took the elevator down, and flew to his demon, who was at his apartment. the demon was like "bro, what?" the angel was like "come here, you sexy bastard." and so the demon came. twice. then again on the couch. and once more in his bed. then again in the shower. and one last time back in his bed. the angel, smoking a cigar, demon thoroughly fucked and sated resting on his chest, said "so, like, what now?" and the demon was like "well, i can't take any more fucking, right now, cuz i'm like hella tired, but i would love to cuddle." and the angel was like "no, you idiot. i mean yes, i'm totally going to cuddle you but i meant what the fuck do we do now that we really are on our own side?" and the demon was like "anything we want, of course. we still have our powers so it's not like we're gonna have to lump it like the humans do." and the angel was like "shit, you're right. ok, let's sleep, now. come here, baby girl." the angel and the demon slept for about 21 days, 6 hours, 33 minutes, and 56 seconds. once they woke up, they were both hard as fuck. so they engaged in anal sex. which the demon loved because he's the bottom in the relationship, obviously. the angel is much too sexy and hot and sexy and strong and sexy and sexy to be the bottom, so he's the top. they did all the usual sex stuff with like their dicks and shit. or something. once they were done, OBVIOUSLY, the angel was hungry as shit so they OBVIOUSLY went to the Ritz. the demon loves taking his angel to the Ritz because the angel makes all sorts of sexy, sexual noises while eating. when he tries the fancy ass mashed potatoes he goes "mmph." when he tries the fancy ass wine he goes "mmm ahh." and when he tries the fancy ass angel food cake he goes "AH, FUCK ME!" and the demon fucking cums in his pants because what the fuck. luckily for them, there was no one else in the restaurant because the bastard angel did a miracle to kill everyone who was going to the Ritz that day, so no one showed up. so the demon goes "fuck you, angel." and the angel says "yes," and so they fuck. once they're done, the angel wants to read a book about how to not set fire to demons while fucking because it has become a problem. not because it hurts his demon but because it makes him come too fast and apparently that is unacceptable. so the demon carries the angel in his arms and flies to the bookshop. the angel settles in with his book and the demon tries to decide whether to suck his dick or have his head petted while laying in his lap.the demon decides that he wants to do both so he gets on his knees, disintegrates the angel's pants (the angel doesn't wear underwear, obviously), and gets to work on sucking his cock. the stupid angel is too absorbed in his book to notice that the demon wants his head to be pet so the demon grabs his hand and puts it on his head. and so the angel comes in the demon's mouth and the demon is like "this tastes really good" and the angel says "oh, really?" and the demon says "yeah, look" and he spits some of the white stuff into the angel's mouth and the angel says "yo, this is fire" and the demon says "i told you." after a while, they're both done with the day so the angel carries the demon to the bed upstairs. they cuddle then fall asleep and they wake up approximately 69 days, 4 hours, 20 minutes, and 49 seconds later. which was a mistake because now all of Earth is gone and they both have no idea what the fuck is happening. they are floating in space, naked and clinging to each other. an alien from Good Omens season 1 comes up to them and says "you fucks are finally awake. we have taken your world and are cleaning it inside our spaceship because you dumbass humans can't do shit. we will be returning it in about 6,969 years, 69 days, 42 minutes and 6.9 seconds." the angel and the demon are like "oh, okay. that's fine, we can come back later. thank you." and so they fly off to Alpha Centauri for a vacation because the demon had always wanted to go there and the angel loves indulging the demon in his bullshit. unfortunately, the angel's former boss is also in Alpha Centauri on a sex vacation with his new husband, the former Duke of Hell. they are having too much sex on one of the rocks and the angel and the demon don't like it. so they threaten their former bosses by showing them their naked bodies. their former bosses are scared as shit so they stop fucking and fly off to mars. now that Alpha Centauri is finally available all to themselves, the angel and the demon do sex on one of the many rocks. they are having a wonderful time doing sex so they start singing a Queen song to celebrate. they are singing Radio Ga Ga and it's beautiful and they high five because everything is going great. the demon says into space "look at you, you're gorgeous" and the angel, who thought he said it to him is like "omg thank you" but the demon is like "no you fucking dumbass, i was talking to the stars, idiot." the angel doesn't like that so he tells the demon "fuck you, you cunt" and uppercuts the demon. the demon now feels bad about what happened so he says to the angel "ok, ok you're gorgeous, too" and the angel grabs the demon (who is still naked) and presses him to his (also naked) body and kisses him until they both can't breathe and start choking and they both die happily because they are together. the end.