The Road to Kim

by GothiMothi

Summary:

Harry has a couple of internal conversations on the way to Kims, late at night.

Notes:

there's def gonna be a second part but I gotta post this at least 3

Chapter 1

SHIVERS: The city thrums under your footfalls, like a heartbeat. Your heart. North of you, a baby starts crying in his mothers arms, the mother shushing him back to sleep. Her eyes tired after a long day of work, and a longer night. south, two lovers wrap each other in a heated embrace. hands clammy and grasping at one another. west is club Sinistre, one you are sure you’ve been to before. It's unclear if it was for police business, however. It vibrates with warmth of bodies, drugs, and liquor.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Oh yeah baby! we’re going there! We're going straight to funky town.

VOLITION: Quiet down. let shivers finish at least.

SHIVERS:  Finally, east, east is where Villa de Dei resides, a quaint, if not run down apartment block. Around it are much less ornate buildings, but much newer. In this apartment resides exactly sixteen people, three being children.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS: One of those sixteen, however, is Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi. The smoke of his daily Astra winds around him, floating down from his balcony. He's bare, mostly, clad in black boxers and not much else. It’s fitting for the tense summer heat. East is where your feet are dragging you, still in your green pajamas.

CONCEPTUALIZATION(success): It goes well with orange, if you remember.

PAIN THRESHOLD: the green reál-store pajama pants sweat against your skin, the normally soft polyester digging into the meat of your thighs. You're close to taking them off while you walk.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Pants? Who needs pants! No one needs pants while we get some speed.

PERCEPTION: you’re in the wrong neighborhood for that, pal. it’s all Potent Pilsner and Preptide in this part of jamrock. you should have known that.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Psh, like it won’t fill the same hole.

THE POTHOLE YOU JUST TRIPPED INTO: Speaking of

DAMAGED HEALTH 1-

1. “FUCK!”
2. “not again…”
3. “SHIIIIIT”
4. [start crying, in the middle of the street.]

YOU: “FUCK!”

PERCEPTION (failure): Kinda let the side down, sorry.

THE ROAD TO KIM: You should know me well by now, even if it is a long walk. Kim's apartment might as well be your own now, half of your clothes folded too-neatly into the bottom drawer of Kim's dresser. You have yet to figure out if he minds or not. you seem to end up at his door most days now, long after dusk.

YOU: Your ankle is killing you in those green snakeskin boots. You really should have put on some running shoes, or even some slippers. They would have done you better.

ENDURANCE(success): You will live, it is not the first twisted ankle you’ve gotten in jamrock. Nor will it be your last. Plus: you will not survive this walk barefooted.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: We could really put a damper on all the pain with a little snorty snort. maybe even a little drinky drink. one with a little umbrella in it.

1. West we go! (opt in)
2. Let’s abstain, this time. (opt out, for now)
3. Why? Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep going through this insane, horrible cycle?

YOU: Why? Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep going through this insane, horrible cycle?

LIMBIC SYSTEM: It’s your nature, monkey man. It's all of humanities nature. there’s an infernal engine inside of each one of you. It tells you all sorts of things, but most importantly, get shitfaced, get fuck, get dead.

YOU: Do I wanna be that kind of monster anymore?

SWEATY GREEN PAJAMA PANTS: Does it matter what you want to be, if you know what kind of monster you have been? 

1. Yes.

YOU: Yes.

INLAND EMPIRE(success): Fear is merely a tool. One could use it to force others into submission, or one could use it on oneself as a driving force to become better.

LOGIC: But your fear has not driven you forward. You're scared of yourself, it’s an understandable conclusion to come to. Half of jamrock shrinks from you.Your ex partner still can’t look at you right. You still don’t remember why.

AUTHORITY: Damn right we scare them! Who else in this town is gonna show them who’s boss?

LOGIC: Not that kind of scared. Scared as in deeply worried, horrified. They're scared of the monster you were, Harry.

1. West we go! (opt in)
2. Let’s abstain, this time. (opt out, for now)
3. Why? Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep going through this insane, horrible cycle?

YOU:  Let’s abstain, this time.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Are you sure? Reeeeeaaaaally sure? I know you want to.

1. Yes, I’m sure. (Opt out, for real this time)
2. I’m not. (Opt in)

ELECTROCHEMESTRY: Not even to get Kim some?

VOLITION (success): No. Not if we ever want to see Kim again.

YOU: We are not fucking this up.

VOLITION: We can’t lose Kim.

~

 

VILLA DE DEI: The two story complex is unlike the others in jamrock. A converted church to Delores Dei, the rooms made for nuns now refurbished into nice apartments, all things considered. A defunct fountain is set into the unkempt tilework, a statue of Dolores Dei herself cast atop the fountain in concrete. Ivy crawls around the gorgeous place, taking rightful ownership of the spots in between houseplants and coiffed greenery.

DRAMA: only thirty more steps, sire. only thirty more to apartment 4B . only thirty more steps to Kim Kitsuragi, partner in more ways than one.

HALF-LIGHT (failure): wait, what?

HALF-LIGHT: no, no no no.

THOUGHT GAINED: THE SECOND DEFINITION OF PARTNER

Research Time: 1h 30m

 

ENCYCLOPEDIA: Partner /pärtnər/. noun, 1: either of a pair of people engaged together in the same activity. 2: either member of a married couple or of an established unmarried couple. originated from the middle english parcener and the english part.

VILLA DE DEI: You stand between my halls, darling. why don’t you sit down by the fountain, clear your thoughts before you see the Lieutenant.

1. “Shut up, building! don’t tell me what to do!”
2. [sit at the fountain]
3. [start crying]

YOU: You sit at the fountain, looking down into the water. The water is stagnant, the swath of algae in the bottom of the concrete pool showing that it’s been this way for a long, long time. 

THE FOUNTAIN: Throw a centim in me, love. Why don’t you make a wish?

1. Sure, I think I have a centim on me.
2. I don’t have time for this. I need to see Kim. [Leave]
3. Can I make a wish without a centim?
4. Is this fountain flirting with me?

YOU: Can I make a wish without a centim?

THE FOUNTAIN: You probably could, but it may not work as well though.

LOGIC: Nothing will happen either way. One way you waste a perfectly usable coin, the other you don’t.

SHIVERS: Six blocks down on South Millione road, a boy and his mother stand by a fountain, not too dissimilar to the one you sit at. The mother throws a coin in, making a silent wish, the boy following in her actions, throwing his own coin in. They stand there for a long, long moment. four blocks west, is a man sifting through a fountain's change with a small net. An easy way to grab the change without wetting his hands in the water.

LOGIC: What do you make of that?

1. Butterfly effect, every little action means something.
2. At least the money is going somewhere.
3. How does any of that apply to my fountain, though? She's not even working.
4. It doesn’t matter what you actually do with the centim, or the fountain, but your  outlook on life. If you are looking forward to something, like a wish, you’re more willing to work towards it.

YOU: It doesn’t matter what you actually do with the centim, or the fountain, but your outlook on life. If you are looking forward to something, like a wish, you’re more willing to work towards it.

THE FOUNTAIN: Good answer, Harry.

1. Sure, I think I have a centim on me. 
2. I don’t have time for this. I need to see Kim. [Leave]
3. Can I make a wish without a centim?
4. Is this fountain flirting with me?

YOU: Is this fountain flirting with me?

THE FOUNTAIN: Not in your dreams, love. You have no chance with me.

DAMAGED MORALE -1

1. Sure, I think I have a centim on me.
2. I don’t have time for this. I need to see Kim. [Leave]
3. Can I make a wish without a centim?
4. Is this fountain flirting with me?

YOU: Sure, I think I have a centim on me.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION(success): You flip the coin into the tinged green water, watching the shiny metal float to the bed of algae awaiting it.

THE FOUNTAIN: Your wish will not be forgotten, du Bois, tell it to me, and only me. Break this unwritten contract and your wish will be counterfeit.

1. Don’t let me disappoint Kim.
2. Money, loads of it, a real dragon’s hoard!
3. Communism revival, baby.
4. A lot of rules to this made up superstition, huh? 

YOU: Don’t let me disappoint Kim.

THE FOUNTAIN: I will hold your wish dear to my stone lungs. But know, only you can be the one to make that a reality.

1. Useless damn fountain.
2. Thanks.
3. I know.

YOU: I know.

THE FOUNTAIN: Good. Now get going already. Kim is expecting you, don’t make the man wait.

VILLA DE DEI: You practically run up the stairs to Kim's door, the stairs creaking loudly with each heavy footstep. You barely raise a hand to knock on the door before it opens. 

KIM KITSURAGI: The man's knobbly hand was pressed flat against the door in a sweet caress, the other wrapped around the delicate stem of a wine glass half food with a red.  

ELECTROCHEMISTRY (success): We need those hands of his on us. Maybe that wine too. What if he licked it off of our chest?

VOLITION (success): Keep it together, we haven’t even made it into the house yet.

KIM KITSURAGI: “Officer, I didn’t know you were coming over.” His voice has a deep warmth to it, matching his pink tinged ears. He looks you up and down, analyzing you for a moment. “Did you have one of your dreams again?” Kim asks, the hand on the door falling to his side, much to your disappointment.

YOU: “Am I that pitiful looking?” You laughed, following Kim as he waves you into his apartment. Kim hums lowly for a moment, seemingly mulling over your words.

KIM KITSURAGI: “No. But you do seem to come by this late when you do.” Kim wound his way through the house, ending up in the small kitchen. It was neat, but lived in. It wasn't like your apartment at all. It felt like a home here. Aerostatic miniatures look down at you both from the shelves. 

1. “Kim, do you think the Aerostatic planes hurt when they fell out of the sky?”
2. [Touch one of the miniatures]
3. “Why are you still up, Kim?” 

YOU: “Kim, do you think the Aerostatic planes hurt when they fell out of the sky?”

KIM KITSURAGI: “No. they are inanimate objects.” Kim, without putting his wine glass down, had managed to pull a small plate of sandwiches and a jug of milk out of the fridge. “I am sure the pilots were hurting a lot more when they crashed.” 

1. “Kim, do you think the Aerostatic planes hurt when they fell out of the sky?”
2. [Touch one of the miniatures]
3. “Why are you still up, Kim?”

YOU: You brush your finger along one of the aerostatic miniature blades, watching it spin slowly under the force.

KIM KITSURAGI: The man's back is turned to you, pulling a whiskey glass from the cabinet, pouring the milk into the glass vessel.  “I would prefer if you did not Jamrock Shuffle my Apartment, Harry.” He took a sip from his wine glass. “Especially not my miniatures.” He pressed the glass into the microwave, watching the radiation heat the milk through the small window set into the bakelite door.

1. “Right, Sorry.”
   2. “But Kiiiiiiiimmmmmm?” [pout like a child] “They’re so cooooool!”
2. [Start Crying]
3. “Yes Sir!” [imitate an army salute]

YOU: “But Kiiiiiiiimmmmmm?” You put on the best childlike pout you can manage. “They’re so cooooool!”

KIM KITSURAGI: “I know. it is why you cannot touch them. Try not to do so in the future.”

1. “Right, Sorry.”
2. “But Kiiiiiiiimmmmmm?” [pout like a child] “They’re so cooooool!”
3. [Start Crying]
4. “Yes Sir!” [imitate an army salute]

YOU: “Sir yes sir!” you stand to attention, raising your left hand to your head in a sharp salute.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION(failure): Wrong hand soldier.

AUTHORITY: This man is your subordinate, even off the clock. Do not do that again.

VOLITION: Your knees feel a little weak when you hear Kim softly chuckle, just to himself. You managed to make him laugh. good job.

KIM KITSURAGI: “At ease, Soldier.” He opened the microwave door, pulling the cup from it. For the first time this evening he sat his wine glass down before turning to you. Walking up to you, socked feet padding against the linoleum tiles. He gently touches your still raised hand, pulling back down to grasp the warm cup of milk. “Drink this, it’ll make you sleep better.” His voice was warm, breath brushing against your skin. He smelled like wine, much nicer wines than you ever bought. 

1. “Thank you, Sir.”
2. [Kiss Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi]
3. [Stay silent and stare at Kim's lips]
4. [Stay silent and DON’T stare at Kim's lips]
5. [Start crying]

YOU: These are my options?

SUGGESTION (failure): Sorry, it’s the best I got.

KIM KITSURAGI: Kim is looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to do something. The devilish eyebrow raised at you. Your hands are still intertwined around this glass of warm milk.

VOLITION (failure): Oh fuck.

YOU: “Thank you, Sir.” You sputter out, unsure if that was your decision or not. Either way it kept you from being too obvious by staring at his lips. 

VOLITION: Look, one of us had to do something.

KIM KITSURAGI: Both of his brows shot up at your words, taking a moment to process the words that vomited from your lips. “Sir?” A fond smile plays at his lips, as if now catching onto the game you both had been playing.

YOU: “Yes sir.” 

KIM KITSURAGI: The shorter takes a half step closer, pulling the glass from your hand now, leaving it forgotten on the counter. “It’s inappropriate to call a subordinate by that, double lieutenant yefreitor.” Kim's voice drops an octave, looking up at him with hooded eyes.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY(success): OHHH YEAH BABY! Funky town here we come!

ESPRIT DE CORPS (success): Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi stands in his apartment, in front of his partner, Double Lieutenant Yefreitor Harrier du Bois. There is a tremor in the Lieutenant's hand. He wants to press against the man in front of him. He wants to take him. He is stopping himself.

YOU: Why?

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Because he remembers touching his last partner like this. He remembers how much it hurt when he lost Eyes. He doesn’t want to lose you. His palms are clammy. He is just as nervous as you are, he’s just better at hiding it. 

YOU: “I know Kim…” Your voice cracks as you say his name, defying those treacherous brows to look kim in the eye. As your eyes meet his dark ones, minimized behind his thick frames. Even through the thick glass you can tell there is still fear there. “I know, sir.” 

KIM KITSURAGI: The man's eyes soften as he gazes at you, his hand finally connecting with your chest. “Harry…”

SUGGESTION(failure): Make him know how much you care for him. That you would do anything for him.

1.“I love you.”

2. “Kim, I would die for you.”
3. [Run, and never come back]\

YOU: “Kim..” You take in a deep breath, sweat beading at your forehead. “I would die for you, you know that right?”

KIM KITSURAGI: All softness in his gaze leaves him, his eyes turning wide and furious. 

REACTION SPEED(failure): The next thing you know, Kim has shoved you against the fridge, the aerostatic miniatures atop it jostling. His forearm is pressed against your neck, pinning your head to the side. He nearly has his nose against yours, with how close you two are.

KIM KITSURAGI: “Do not ever say that again.” Kim's voice was tremoring, but a whisper under his breath. “Never. promise me that.” Kim's voice broke, looking deep into your eyes, begging for you to say something. You've never seen him so scared, even with a gun in his hand, and your blood on his skin. 

YOU: “That was dumb- I knew that.” You close your eyes, not baring to look at Kim's terrified features. “I didn’t- I did mean it, but I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” You blubber out, tears welling up in your eyes. 

KIM KITSURAGI: “you’ve already saved my life once, almost dying for it.” His arm releases from your neck. “live for me now, will you?” His thumb traces your cheekbone, wiping a stray tear in the process.

YOU: You nod dumbly, leaning heavily into his hand. “Yes, sir.” You whisper. You feel your knees become jelly under Kim's gaze.

KIM KITSURAGI: “Harry…” A fondness grows in his eyes, his frown slipping into a small smirk, one you know too well. It’s the one he always has when he has a plan. “Harry, what do you want?”

INLAND EMPIRE: we can not tell him. It will destroy us. He will throw us out and we will die on the streets alone and empty.

VOLITION: We should be frank with him, but we can’t just blurt it out.

LOGIC: Who are you kidding? He already knows.

DAMAGED MORAL: -1

HEAL IMMEDIATELY

YOU: Wet hot globules start to pour out of your eyes as if at Kim's command. Your breaths ragged and hiccuping, you shut your eyes tight, wishing away the fat tears skipping down your cheeks. It reminds you of a time when you first met Kim. You were trying so hard to cry. 

KIM KITSURAGI: The man holds you gently as you both sink to the floor of the kitchen, the fridge behind you shuddering with your weight. “Hey,” His voice was hushed, soothing. “stay with me, Harry.” You name on his lips was too much, only throwing you deeper into your spell. “It’s okay to cry, cry as much as you need to.” He reaffirms, his fingers sliding through your messy mutton chops. 

YOU: “I-” You hiccup out a sob. “You’ll hate me…” You cry, trying to cover your face, but Kim's hand is in the way. 

KIM KITSURAGI: The man's grip on your face turns harsh, thumb sliding into the dimple of your chin, forcing you to look at him. His eyes had a fiery intensity to them. “Officer, I asked you a question.” His thumb brushes idly over your stubble. “I intrust my life in your hands every day, as you do mine. Whatever you need to say is nothing in comparison.”

VOLITION(success): He makes a great point.

HALF-LIGHT: No , no he doesn’t, we should skip before we say anything else we’ll regret. We can get back to ours if we run.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: This is incredibly unprofessional.

RHETORIC: Hundreds of people confess their love to each other every day, some on this very street. What's one more?

EMPATHY: If Kim doesn’t feel the same, he is still your closest ally, and will make sure you are taken care of either way. 

YOU: You glance up to him for a moment, worrying your lip. Your brain quiets for a mere moment. “I love you Kim.” You whisper, your eyes flicking away. “I have since I heard your kineema for the first time.” 

KIM KITSURAGI: His hand softens, pressing to your cheek once more. “Harry, I already knew that.” He presses his forehead to yours, your noses nearly brushing. “I wouldn’t have changed precincts for anyone.” 

COMPOSURE: Okay, everyone stay calm.

1. “What now, then?” 

YOU: “What now, then?” You sniff the snot back up into your nose.

INLAND EMPIRE: Not very romantic of you, Harry.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: You don’t know, he could be into snot.

KIM KITSURAGI: “My shower has just enough room for two, if we squeeze.” You can feel his lips barely brushing against yours, it makes you wanna lunge for him.

YOU: You nod vehemently, managing to smack your forehead into his. He lets out a sharp gasp at the sudden contact, leaning back to hold the reddening mark on his forehead. 

1. “Oh fuck, I’m sorry.” press your hand to his head.
2. “You like that?” use The Expression on him.
3. [Start crying again]

YOU: “Oh fuck, I’m sorry.” You cup the back of his head with one hand, pressing the other to his forehead. He smiles at your gentleness, looking up at you through soft lashes. “Are you okay? no concussion?”

KIM KITSURAGI: You manage to make him laugh, his snicker hidden behind a quick hand. “You’re not that hard-headed, Harry.”

YOU: “What about the milk?” You crane your neck to look up at the glass, now tepid on the counter.

KIM KITSURAGI: His hands find yours, squeezing them with a gentle caress. “It can wait.”