Work Text:
1. Dogs can be assholes
"Edging...I was on edge once... It happened all on one sunny day."
Dazai let out a soft beguffle at the dumb quote. He can't believe they actually put that part of the interview in the magezine.
He sighs as he flips through the pages, skimming through the words. That's when he feels his phone vibrating in the back pocket of his tan trousers.
Dazai lets out another sigh, except this one is more exasperated. He barely gives the caller ID a glance when he answers his phone, putting it against his ear, closing the magazine, and throwing it off to the side as he drapes himself against Chuuya's couch.
"Hello?" Dazai mutters into the speaker.
"Where the hell are you?!" Jared Hess, the director of his newest contract, yells into the phone.
"I'm.....walking to work at this moment!" Dazai spoke in his usual cheerful voice, checking the time on his phone. "..I still have 30 minutes before I even have to be there. Don't worry! I'll be there on time~," he added on swiftly, queerness evident in his aloof voice. There was a pregnant pause on the other line.
"You do?"
"Yes..?" Dazai CAN'T WAIT for this contract to end, "It's 8:00, I have to be there by 8:30. Have you been drinking?" Dazai said as if he himself could last a week without a bottle...
"No. Shut up. Just get over here quick, fag! Don't want you to be like those two guys I was working with — Ivan and–"
Jared gets cut off by Dazai, "Yes! Of course! See ya soon! Byeee!" He hangs up on him and lets out an irritated chuckle, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
He slowly pulls himself off the couch, taking as much time as he wanted. He walks to the fridge and pulls out a Budweiser.
"Yeah, this is fine." He opens the beer and takes a large swig.
Dazai does NOT make it on time. He leaves exactly at 8:30, the time he's supposed to be there. He feels his phone vibrating a bunch. Dazai doesn't bother to check because he knows exactly who it is.
He leisurely strolls along the path to his job, whistling that stupid song along the way.
He arrives at 9:10am. The walk technically was only twenty minutes, but Dazai had a small, miniscule, bit of unavoidable and yet irritating trouble on the way.
The stupid dog had been staring at the brunette for at least ten seconds by now.
It's tongue hung out of the side of its mouth, panting out gross smelling doggy breath. Dazai stepped a little closer towards his side of the sidewalk, shuffling a bit as he downed the last of his beer. He glanced at the cars speeding by, a gust of wind following.
He considered jumping in front of one so he could skip work.
He glanced back toward the dog, tilting his head to mock the mutt.
Beady little eyes caught maroon, and in a spilt second the skinny little dog jumped and started barking at Dazai, looking to attack.
Dazai considered barking back in retaliation to assert dominance against the vile little abomination to ever walk the Earth, but before he had the chance the dog leaped up and grabbed onto Dazai's arm, making him drop his nearly empty beer can onto the floor.
"Shit! Sorry, I'm so sorry, " the owner of the dog, whom had been talking on their phone and ignoring their blood-seeking pup, mumbled out as they pulled their dog back. They pulled the dog into their arms, securing it tightly against their chest and awkwardly holding their phone tightly to keep either from falling.
Dazai muttered a curse under his breath, along with a little loser squeak, hunching down and cradling his arm to his chest. He lifted up the sleeve, and saw that thankfully the bite hadn't gone that deep. It was bleeding a little though, and left an irritated patch of red skin along with an intent on his arm where the wild animal bit him.
Dazai did his best to not glare back at the owner, but he didn't know how well he succeeded.
Said owner was currently offering Dazai a whirlwind of apologies, alongside a trip to an urgent care nearby or at least some money for the inconvenience. And while Dazai was...mildly appreciative, he really did NOT have time to make any more stops. If he was any more late than he was now, not only would he probably get cut out of the contract, Chuuya would definitely beat his ass for qoute on qoute "wasting his air by being such a lazy bum."
So, Dazai declined the offer as politely as he could, bowing his head in gratitude, before turning around to be on his way towards the studio they'd be shooting at.
Not before giving the mutt one last look though, sticking out his tongue before smirking proudly to himself as the dog began wildly barking for no reason again.
"What a stupid dog...," Dazai muttered to himself, putting his hands in his pockets and walking like a scallywag, whistling for comedic effect.
He ended up forgetting and left his beer can on the floor.
2. Getting yelled at by your boss is not fun
When Dazai finally made it to the job, he immediately was getting berated by crew.
He was lucky they weren't actually yelling at him and just trying to get him ready for the photo shoot.
As he was sitting down on the makeup chair, his stupid boss came into the room.
"Dazai! Do you know how late you are? You fucking fag! You said you were coming in on time!" Jared Hess yells at him, making his ears ring.
"I.. was. I just got in a little trouble. Give me a little benefit of the doubt, Jared." Dazai waves him off, a look of indifference on his face.
"Benefit of the doubt? You're 40 minutes late! I just know you left EXACTLY at 8:30." Jared groans. He looks as if he was on the verge of ripping his beard off.
"I'm here now aren't I?" He gives his stupid dopey ass smirk.
Jared just lets out an angered huff and walked out the room, stomping. "You and your faggotism Dazai!"
Dazai rolled his eyes and sat still for the makeup artists.
3. How does one stub their toe that much
As he walked out of the dressing room, he stubbed his toe against the door frame. He keels over, letting ot a silent yelp at the pain.
He lets out a silent curse as he slowly walks out the room to the set.
As he's walking out, he ends up stubbing his toe on the wall as turns the corner. He tugs his hair because somehow that would keep him from being too loud.
"What is going on?" He thinks out loud, mumbling.
He finally makes it to the set when his foot decides to get caught on a chair leg, stubbing his pinky toe on the leg, tripping and falling into someone.
The two people fall very ungracefully to the ground, letting out grunts at the impact of the fall and weight.
Dazai looks up to see who he fell on. It was none other than Chuuya.
"Oh.." Dazai processes, "Chibi...what are you doing here!" Dazai gives a playful smile, voice cheerful.
"Shitty Mackeral, where the hell were you this morning?" Chuuya says, creasing his eyebrows as he pushes Dazai off him, before gently helping him up off the floor.
"Oh Chuuya, you wouldn't believe it! You see, I was walking to work, and admiring the nice peace and quiet I had without any slugs around...but sudden-," Chuuya was going to glare at Dazai, but then Dazai tripped over a loose nail in the floor, stubbing his toe for the fifth time in a row(yes the same toe each time). Dazai groaned in pain, glaring down at the stupid nail, the little glint on its rusted steel mimicking a child's michevious eye.
"What the hell are you doing now," Chuuya questioned, one eyebrow raised as he watched Dazai kick the nail in frustration, only to make the pain worse.
"I don't wanna talk about it with a stupid Slug, " Dazai muttered under his breath before walking away, leaving Chuuya standing in the middle of the hallway between the dressing and bathing room, hand on his hip in confusion as he watched Dazai limp away, clutching an arm to his chest.
4. Discomfort boss level 11
Dazai stumbles his way towards his dressing room, glancing at the clock on the wall outside.
9: 41 am
Well shit. Dazai barely had twenty minutes to dust himself off and get ready for the shoot. Sure, maybe one of the others like Gin or Tanizaki could do that, but Dazai liked to take his time, and be able to adjust the outfit if it was uncomfortable for him, etc.
Plus, his hair looked like he had just fallen down a flight of stairs and he had accidentally wiped off his makeup earlier...
Dazai set his hand on his dressing room doorknob, mentally going through the list of things he'll have to get done before call-time as the lock click and Dazai shuffles inside. The door creaks and slams as Dazai closes it, yawning and scratching at his hair as he gets set for the first thing on his mental to-do list.
Step 1; Find your outfit and put it on.
Now, usually Dazai would spend at least the first ten minutes of his time moping about as he sat and thought about how he would nag Chuuya today, or just stare at the ceiling, depending on his mood. But, nevertheless, he really didn't feel like being yelled at again, already beginning to feel all the work and stress he'd deal with today settle into his bones.
Dazai glances at the couch that's placed in the center of the room against a white wall, where a beautiful white suit with red accents lays inside a black plastic bag, a set of red earrings placed next to it.
Dazai yawns, then gets his outfit on. When he checks the clock again, the hands read 9:47 am.
Dazai gets dressed and puts on mild makeup cause makeup always feel gross and weird and lowkey the only reason he likes his modeling job is because of Chuuya and the fact his new manager isn't an actual asshole like his last one. He always puts on this like fancy blood red dangly earrings that compliment his suit and fixes his hair. (A/N: I tried to tell 🎀 that this doesn't make sense, considering earlier in the fanfic it mentioned him being in a makeup chair, hinting that he already put some on by actual makeup artist. They either didn't listen or didn't see me saying that)
The clock seems to be mocking him as he glances at it for the final time before heading out the door,
9:59 am.
"Mwehehehehehehehehehehehehe," is the first thing that curses Dazai's eardrums as he opens the door, followed by a loud coughing fit.
"DAZAI!!! YOU BROKE QU-," Dazai looked up and began walking toward Jared Hess, the source of the voice, as he quited down,-"oh wait you're on time. Okay whatever let's get this shoot done so I can go back to marketing off of doomed yaoi."
Dazai let out a dramatic sigh, tucking his hair behind his ear as he walked over to the set. He glanced around, an eyebrow raised.
"Something the matter?" Gin, the photographer, as Dazai recognized, asked while she adjusted her camera.
"Where's Chuuya? I thought he was gonna do the shoot with me or whatever.