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Dinner was coming to a close, and Clarisse polished off her plate of brisket and potatoes, laughing with her siblings as their half-brothers Mark and Al had a burping contest, both of them pausing at times to drink the soda in their goblets. Kenny was the referee, even though he pretended like he thought it was childish.
Her half-sisters, Mercedes and Paige, were talking about the differences between Mexican and American pro wrestling, something Mercedes was passionate about and Paige less so, though she was always enthusiastic just to be involved. Clarisse had chimed in a bit earlier, but her knowledge was confined to the rare visit back to her mom in Arizona, and even then it wasn't like that was on TV all the time.
Clarisse had mostly been eating, thinking through their next Capture the Flag strategy. They needed the flag back, after all. They hadn't managed last week, Apollo getting Hermes' flag, which meant the next game would depend on which way Hermes aligned, with Apollo or back to Athena, and where Ares stood on either side of that. Siding with Apollo wasn't fun, especially since Mercedes loved picking fights with them, but they provided melee fighters that Apollo sorely lacked, especially if Luke wasn't on their side. And siding with Athena sucked in its own way, Ares being delegated to a vanguard of shock troops essentially, the most disposable pawns on their board.
"Cabin Five."
Clarisse looked up at Chiron, a bit surprised to see him considering she hadn't heard his hooves clopping on the marble floor of the dining pavilion and he hadn't been at the start of dinner, leaving for some urgent matter. He looked down at their table, lacking the usual warmth he had.
Granted, Chiron usually wasn't happy with the Ares cabin for one reason or another, so Clarisse was used to it.
Clarisse stood, brushing some of the barbecue crumbs off of her shirt, shoulders back and chin up. "Sir?" She asked. Her mom had instilled respect in authority in her, and she usually abided by it. When it mattered.
"All six of you join me in the Arts and Crafts building." Chiron walked off. That was strange, usually he brought someone up to the Big House if they'd fucked up.
"Are we in trouble?" Paige asked the rest of the table, probably not waiting long enough considering Chiron's enhanced centaur hearing.
"Don't think so." Clarisse was still standing, watching Chiron leave. His tail swished, aware he was being watched. "Did anyone do anything that would get us in trouble?" Clarisse glared at her siblings, especially at Mark and Al.
Mark raised his hands up in surrender, Al following suit. Kenny also did it, but he was smiling, the jerk.
Mercedes hummed, brushing a lock of long black hair behind her ear. "Hmm… I did sabotage Lee's quiver, but I don't think he's used it yet."
"Wait, why'd you do that?" Paige turned, brown eyes wide.
Mercedes shrugged. "He pissed me off. I forgot the exact reason."
Clarisse sighed. "Well. Cabin Five, to the Arts and Crafts building." She didn't have them fall in line like they did going up to meals for the sake of order and routine, only because she knew Kenny would have some smart quip to say and she was already tired after having to kick his ass in their javelin class earlier today.
Just because he was two years older than her he decided to get all mouthy when he thought he knew better. Mercedes was a year older and she actually listened to Clarisse.
Paige started talking Kenny's ear off when they walked across camp, which made Clarisse feel better. Paige was a chatterbox and kinda annoying but also the youngest, so Kenny couldn't risk being mean to her without incurring the wrath of his four other siblings.
Camp was nice in the evening. The sun had just barely set, the ocean was still awash with deep red. Nocturnal creatures were waking up, crickets and owls and all sorts of fun monsters making their noises in the forest.
The Arts and Crafts building had its lights on already when Clarisse stepped inside, her siblings following suit to stand behind her.
Chiron was standing near the large loom and wall of threads and fabrics, a deep frown on his face.
"…Sir?" Clarisse asked, even though she knew he had heard them come in. She shifted awkwardly, aware that the smartest option was to stay still and shut up, but her ADHD wouldn't let her.
"The Ares cabin made Percy's shroud, didn't they?" Chiron asked, voice quiet and the kind of deceptive calm Clarisse knew well, it was a tactic her mom used when she was truly pissed off and beyond yelling. His brown eyes bored into Clarisse like every teacher that knew she was the one to start a fight in school.
He had a wad of yellow fabric in his hands. The shroud.
"Yes, sir." Clarisse said immediately, before thinking deeper about it. Admittedly, she had already forgotten about making the shroud. It had been ten days ago, just after Jackson, Chase, and Underwood went on their quest. It was an easy way to fill up Cabin Five's mandatory arts and crafts activity and keep her siblings from running off and picking fights, since they all agreed it was funny.
It hadn't been a nice shroud, she knew that much, but she had forgotten while trying to run her cabin and make sure her siblings were actually taking training seriously.
"Tell me, Miss La Rue. Would you bury your sibling in a shroud like this?" Chiron unfurled the shroud, revealing the bright yellow fabric. The big smiley face with X-ed out eyes, 'LOSER' painted sloppily in red, a small 'z' blotched out where Clarisse had forgotten how to spell the word. There were smaller painted pictures all along it, none of them flattering.
"…No, sir." Clarisse said. She decided to confess the truth. "It was my idea, sir."
"I expected better of you, Clarisse." It hurt more knowing Chiron was telling the truth. He had such high standards, and Clarisse never seemed to meet them unless it came to defending the camp from monsters. She was never good enough for him, or her own siblings, or her father.
Clarisse kept her mouth shut, teeth grinding as she forced herself to not argue back. She waited, embarrassed from being scolding in front of her cabin. She watched Chiron drape the shroud over a table, his own jaw tense.
There was a moment of quiet with only the sound of her siblings shifting behind her, likely unsettled and waiting for the other shoe to drop, just like her. It was easier to just take the punishment and move on rather than draw it all out with the same reprimands as always.
"It's the summer solstice." Chiron said, as if he was talking to himself, not even looking at her.
Dread sank into Clarisse's gut, and she felt like her brisket was about to come right back up.
Chiron continued, "As you may be aware, the king of the gods' deadline has arrived. His master bolt has been returned. Our campers have not."
He didn't need to spell it out. Clarisse already knew from his tone, her heart squeezing in her chest.
"Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, and Grover Underwood perished on their quest."
Clarisse didn't want to believe it. Chase? The girl who had been here a year longer than Clarisse even if she was a year younger, who fought with a dagger of all things with the same lethality as any swordswoman? One of the few girls in camp who would keep up with Clarisse when her own sisters couldn't? She was brilliant and survived out on her own at age seven until Luke and Thalia Grace had picked her up. How could she die with a son of the Big Three at her side?
Underwood… the only satyr Clarisse really gave the time of day was Hedge because he had been her protector and was damn good at it, but even she knew that Underwood had balls, unlike some of the other seekers. It took a brave man to try and bring back three demigods instead of just one, and to go out and try again even after failing. He might've been a coward at times, but he stood up when it mattered.
And Jackson… he might've been untrained, but he was powerful and as much as Clarisse hated to admit it, he was clever in a way even Chase wasn't always up to par with.
Clarisse's mouth was open, but she couldn't make any words come out. She was torn between How? and Why tell us? and So are we in trouble or not?
"Clarisse La Rue. Would you have me dishonor Perseus Jackson, the son of the sea god, with this shroud?" Chiron gestured sharply at the yellow fabric, 'LOSER' still visible from where Clarisse stood.
"No, sir." Clarisse finally managed to say in a small voice. She was angry at herself for it, never wanting to make herself small for anyone.
"Yet you took the responsibility of making his shroud, something reserved for siblings. Would you honor your siblings in this manner?" Chiron looked at her siblings, who all had their heads downturned, not looking at her, not taking any of the blame.
That was fine. She had already confessed, she didn't know why she felt hurt that none of them tried to defend her. She knew their dynamic as a cabin wasn't like that, wasn't like real siblings or family.
"No, sir." Her voice trembled, tears welling in her eyes. She was mortified.
"I am well aware that your cabin did not get along well with Percy, but there is no excuse for what you have done. No amount of insult between campers can justify desecrating a young boy's funeral."
"I understand, sir." Clarisse breathed out through her nose, refusing to let herself cry no matter her embarrassment. She wished he had at least dismissed her siblings before doing this to her.
"Can you imagine my shame to discover this after hearing the news that Percy had died? That a camper with four years of experience would take such matters so lightly, after so many of your fellow campers have passed tragically? After seeing the aftermath of Luke's quest, where we had to honor his two fallen companions? And yet a young woman I had trusted as a cabin counselor was the one who would do such a thing out of a petty grudge?!" Chiron's hoof cracked loudly against the marble floor of the building, making Clarisse flinch.
Clarisse had never seen Chiron so angry, not even when other campers had died. She wanted to cower but forced herself to stand strong, forced herself to not cry. She forced herself to not argue that it wasn't just a petty grudge, knowing it wasn't the time and that Chiron wouldn't have understood even in normal circumstances.
"Was it amusing to think about wrapping a twelve year old boy's corpse in such a way? Was that your reasoning?" He demanded of her.
"No, sir." Clarisse's voice cracked and she felt tears spill over. "I'm sorry, sir." She said quietly, already hating herself for the apology, the weakness she was displaying in front of her cabin.
"I am not only ashamed. I am disgusted by your conduct, Miss La Rue." Chiron truly did sound disgusted, like Clarisse was scum. Like she was worse than scum.
She felt like it. She wondered what her last words to Jackson had been. Was it a taunt? An insult? Something about him dying on his quest? And to Chase, was it another insult?
Clarisse swallowed, trying to stop the tears trailing down her cheeks. "I didn't think he would die." She said, but it sounded whiny and childish even to her ears, and she flushed again with shame, knowing she was rapidly losing all respect from her cabin.
"That is no excuse." Chiron's voice was cold.
Clarisse knew that no amount of monster slaying or winning Capture the Flag could return her honor in Chiron's eyes. She had fucked up this time, more than bullying some newbies or fighting with other cabins. This was unforgivable.
"You have incredible luck, as his father is unaware of this transgression and provided a shroud for his son."
Oh fuck. Clarisse hadn't even thought about how she could've pissed off Poseidon. The wrathful god who had cursed and slain many for petty slights, let alone the disrespect of his dead offspring. Clarisse wouldn't survive Poseidon learning of the shroud.
Fear overtook any shame or embarrassment. Would part of her punishment be Chiron informing Poseidon? Would she be smited or turned into a rodent or something?
Her father would not defend or save her, she knew that much. Even if he was allowed, Ares didn't care to interfere with his kids' problems. They should be strong enough to handle themselves, after all.
Clarisse swallowed again, no more tears falling, thankfully. "I take full responsibility for my siblings and I's actions as their leader." She said, an attempt at protecting her cabin from the sea god's wrath, should he learn of what they had done.
Something in Chiron's eyes softened marginally, but his voice was still cold and unfeeling as he spoke to her. "From this moment on, Kenneth Becker will be the counselor for the Ares cabin. I trust that he will be mature in the role and treat others with the dignity and honor expected from a child of Ares."
Because you haven't. Because you have no dignity or honor.
Chiron hadn't said it, but Clarisse could read between the lines.
"I understand, sir." Clarisse wanted to pretend she wasn't devastated. She had wanted to be her cabin's counselor ever since she got claimed, craving power and authority. Wanting to not be looked down on by her brothers for being a girl. Wanting respect from other campers. Respect from Chiron, even.
Wanting recognition from her father.
She hadn't gotten any of those things, except maybe a bit of respect from her siblings, and she had just lost it. Opportunities for everything else had just slipped through her fingers thanks to her stupidity.
"Officially this," Chiron grabbed a fistful of the shroud's fabric, lifting it up, "never existed. However, the Ares cabin will be on dish duty until the end of the summer session, and Miss La Rue will have several lessons with me about proper funerary practices and respect for them. Do all of you understand?"
"Yes, sir." Cabin Five chorused, Clarisse's voice slightly hoarse.
"The rest of the camp will be told of the quest's fate tomorrow at breakfast, and the funerals shall be held tomorrow evening at the campfire. It is in all of your best interests to never speak of this. You are all dismissed to your cabin."
"Yes, sir." Some of them muttered.
Paige opened her mouth to talk, but Clarisse glared at her and Mercedes put a hand on their youngest's shoulder. "Not now, Paige. Wait 'til we're in the cabin."
It was a silent walk back to the cabin. Clarisse's head was downturned, hair falling in front of her face, nails digging into the meat of her palms.
Cabin Five was the same as always. The only thing making it look like more than a military bunker was the weapons and spoils of war up on the walls, otherwise it was just practical bunk beds and trunks to for personal items, as well as a bookshelf of war-related books in Ancient Greek. There was a secret armory under the cabin, a stockpile of armor and weapons passed down from previous children of Ares, but it had little use these days with the barrier protecting camp and ensuring there was no need for border patrols.
Clarisse stomped over to her bed, sitting down on it with her hands placed on the bed. Her fingers dug into the blanket, wrinkling it from where she had made her bed that morning, a routine she had pushed onto all of her siblings for the sake of discipline.
It wouldn't matter now. Kenny always hated that, so he wouldn't make them.
"Why do we have dish duty if Clarisse said it was her fault?!" Paige whined, throwing herself onto her bed. "This sucks!"
"You all helped me!" Clarisse snapped. "You said it was funny!"
"That doesn't matter anymore, Clarisse. You took all the blame, didn't you?" Kenny sniped back. He brought his hands up to his eyes, making fake crying motions. "Ch-Chiron I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!" He mocked her, making fake crying noises.
"SHUT UP!" Clarisse yelled and stood up, but she was shorter than Kenny, who was built like a linebacker even though he was only fifteen. "I only said that because—!"
"Because you're weak!" Mark called out from his bed, Al laughing along.
"SHUT UP!" Clarisse screamed, her throat already hurting.
"You're not our counselor anymore! You can't order us around!" Al shouted back.
"Alejandro!" Mercedes scolded their brother. "She's still your sister!"
"And where did that get us? On dish duty! And everyone already makes fun of us after Jackson kicked our asses in Capture the Flag!" Al rolled his eyes. "Kenny'll do much better."
Kenny smirked, still staring down at a glaring Clarisse. "Yeah, I think things will be run different now." He said.
Clarisse stomped her foot. "I ran our cabin just fine! Bradley trusted me to—"
"Bradley isn't here anymore, is he? He's in college back in Tennessee." Kenny interrupted her, knowing she hated that and that she couldn't do anything about it.
"He knew I'd be a better counselor than you!" Clarisse snarled at him. "And he was right!"
"That's Chiron's decision now because you screwed up, La Rue." Kenny crossed his arms. "So if you'd stop throwing a fit and let us all sleep…" He drawled.
"I'm not throwing a fit!" Clarisse shouted back, sounding very much like she was throwing a fit. "This isn't fair! I worked so hard, and—"
"And you fucked up!" Kenny cut her off. "You. You did that! You admitted it! So fucking accept the consequences! Notice how no one's defending you?! No one else cares! They know you weren't worthy of the position, and now it's going to someone who will actually get our cabin respected at camp!"
Clarisse whirled around, brown hair almost obscuring her vision.
Mark and Al were watching, Al now sitting on Mark's bed as they snickered and cracked jokes, probably about her. Mercedes rolled her eyes when Clarisse made eye contact. Paige was still pouting, and wouldn't meet Clarisse's eyes.
"I did my best!" Clarisse said, tears welling up again out of frustration, and she hated it.
"AND IT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH." Kenny yelled at her, grabbing her by the shoulders as he shouted in her face. "Face reality, La Rue! You're not special and you're not better than us just because dad gave you a fucking spear you went and broke anyway! You were a shit leader who got us all in trouble because of your grudge against a kid who got himself killed out there. So sit down, shut up, and don't cause any more problems for our cabin by being a bitch!"
Clarisse growled through her tears, pushing her brother away. She hated being called a bitch, especially by her brothers who used it as a 'joke'. She knew she couldn't win this fight, she knew she had already lost back in the Arts and Crafts building.
Her pride was destroyed, and like Chiron said, she had no honor or dignity left.
She wanted to stomp off, to go into the forest and kill some monsters to let off steam and vent, she wanted to go out and stab something or scream or cry where no one was watching. But it was past curfew and she couldn't risk getting in trouble again.
"Fine." She said quietly. It was a defeat. She could see in all her siblings' gazes that she had lost all respect from them and any wisp of affection they had for her as a sister, too. She had lost so much all for a mean joke that wasn't even that funny.
"Okay, lights out. We've got a long day tomorrow." Kenny announced, another thing that would usually be Clarisse's job.
Clarisse didn't talk anymore as her and the rest of the cabin changed into pajamas. She laid down with her back to the others and covered herself with her blanket, not wanting to listen to any of them talking to each other. She knew it would be about her, and none of it would be nice.
She rarely had demigod dreams. Sometimes she'd get glimpses of monsters, maybe a memory of her old battles, but it was mostly nonsensical and hard to remember when she woke.
This time, she dreamed of Percy, Annabeth, and Grover. They were falling, clutching at each other. Only Grover was in his orange camp shirt, the other two in too-large blue shirts. All of them looked worse for wear, scraped up and distraught. Clarisse knew this wasn't just a dream, knew that what she was seeing was real.
Why was she of all demigods being tormented with the sight of their last moments? Who had thought she deserved to be haunted like this? Was this another punishment for her disrespect?
She woke before they hit the ground, Grover's panicked bleating and crying in her ears, Annabeth's frantic muttering, and Percy's stony silence.
Part of her thought she didn't deserve to even think of using their first names, but another part of her wanting to acknowledge them. To not allow herself the distance of a last name. They were people, ones she had seen just days ago, and now they were dead and she had disrespected their memory.
Clarisse was silent and sullen that morning, her sisters no longer giving her priority for the bathroom or showers, both of them murmuring about her. She didn't bother listening.
Kenny didn't make them make their beds or any of the other things Clarisse did, like snapping at people to brush their teeth and straighten themselves up. Sure, a counselor didn't have to do that, but she did it anyway because she thought they needed structure, and it was for their own good. Clarisse silently did her own routine anyway, ignoring the pointed looks from Mark and Al as their left their beds unmade.
Clarisse tried not to let the petty slights get under her skin, but it was hard to keep her head up high. She followed her cabin, watching them all clump together and not form a line like they should until Kenny remembered and reminded them. While Clarisse was supposed to be at least second in the line even if she wasn't a counselor because of seniority, she ended up at the back of the line, behind even Paige who giggled about something Al said to her.
Breakfast was hell.
Chiron didn't even let everyone eat and wake up properly before dropping the bomb on them. The Athena table was right next to Ares, so Clarisse got a front row seat to all of Annabeth's siblings crying and losing their shit about her death. Some at the Hermes table were torn up as well, and Luke was staring off into the distance looking shellshocked. The satyrs at the head table were solemn as they plated Mr. D's breakfast. Their camp director's face was grim as he watched the camp mourn.
No one seemed to notice that Clarisse and her siblings weren't surprised by the news. Breakfast was subdued and Clarisse couldn't stomach much aside from a few slices of bacon and piece of toast. She usually was pushing more food onto her siblings' plates so they wouldn't pass out from hunger later on in case they had to skip lunch for training, but that wasn't her problem anymore.
She didn't nag Mark for only eating pancakes and syrup, or Paige for just eating fruit. Camp activities were suspended in preparation for the funerals that evening, so Clarisse stood up and walked off, leaving her cabin to their own devices.
Clarisse tried to convince herself it was better this way. She didn't have to deal with their bullshit, and she didn't need them to prove herself. But it would be much harder to prove herself without the role of counselor, much harder to get a quest.
Knowing Chiron, this quest's failure meant they really wouldn't get a new one unless another kid of the Big Three stumbled in. All Clarisse could do was keep to herself and keep training, and hope she got an opportunity.
Clarisse grabbed a spear from the camp's armory, wanting to stay mad about Maimer getting broken, but unable to muster any anger for a dead boy. She went through some drills alone in the arena, aware that it was supposed to be the Athena cabin's time slot, so no one would come in to bother her. She gutted a dummy, straw flying, and continued training hard until her muscles burned and sweat made her hair stick to her face.
"I knew you'd be here." A soft voice stopped Clarisse in her tracks.
Clarisse dropped the spear with a huff, turning around to see her best friend. Silena looked perfect as always, long black hair draping around her shoulders. She looked inhumanly beautiful, like a photoshopped model on a magazine cover or the gods that Clarisse had seen on the camp's few trips to Olympus.
Clarisse probably looked like a sweaty pig next to the daughter of Aphrodite, but she'd long since given up on ever looking 'pretty' or even 'decent', so she didn't think much of it as she greeted at her friend.
"What's up, Silena?" She asked.
Silena looked at her for a moment before jerking her head towards the stands of the arena. Clarisse rolled her eyes and followed, still breathing hard from her workout. When she sat, Silena passed her a water bottle and she guzzled it down, water slipping onto her camp shirt to join the sweat stains.
"What happened last night?" Silena asked, because she was way smarter than most people assumed and had definitely picked up on Chiron talking to the Ares cabin.
Clarisse rubbed at her right shoulder, grimacing. "…Chiron wanted to talk to us." She said, knowing it was useless to beat around the bush and doing it anyway.
"And?" Silena had this way of staring at Clarisse like the only thing that mattered was their conversation. Her eyes' shifting hues were entrancing, compelling Clarisse to come clean.
"…We— I— fucked up." Clarisse said, shoulders hunching and her hair falling in a curtain to hide her away from Silena's gaze. "…I really fucked up this time, Silena." Her voice was hoarse with emotion. "Chiron demoted me. Kenny's the new counselor."
"Kenny's a jerk!" Silena exclaimed immediately.
Clarisse snorted. "Yeah."
"Why would he demote you?! He never intervenes in counselor stuff! It takes someone stepping down or getting challenged for it to change like that!" Silena was gearing up for a rant on Clarisse's behalf, something she appreciated but knew she didn't deserve.
"I…" Clarisse spoke again, hesitating like a coward because she knew Silena wouldn't like what she had to say. "Y'know how I had the Ares cabin make Jackson's shroud?" She said awkwardly.
"Yeah, the Hermes cabin was gonna do it, but you…" Silena trailed off. "Tell me you didn't." She said in a hushed, horrified tone.
Clarisse nodded miserably. "It was my idea… and I got scared that Jackson's dad would punish the rest of the cabin too, so I took the full blame for it." She'd never admit she had been scared to anyone else, but Silena was an outlier. Her best friend.
Maybe her only friend. None of her siblings were too fond of her right now.
"What did you do, Clarisse?" Silena pressed for an answer.
"…It said 'Loser' on it…" Clarisse mumbled, the shame from last night coming back to haunt her.
"On a burial shroud?! For a twelve year old son of the Big Three?! Do you have a death wish or something?!" Silena raised her voice, shrill and hysterical. "What compelled you to do something so stupid?!"
Clarisse shrugged. "I never thought he would die out there…" She said, holding her head in her hands, uncaring of the gross feeling of her sweaty scalp and the blisters on her palms and fingers.
"Well he did!" Silena stood up and began pacing, carding a hand through her beautiful wavy hair. "What were you thinking?!" She asked, turning to face Clarisse.
"I wasn't, okay!" Clarisse snapped. "Fuck, I get it! I'm a stupid bitch who fucked up and it was terrible and disrespectful, everyone's already told me! I don't need you criticizing me too!"
Clarisse didn't really mean it. What she meant was I thought you'd support me at least a little bit. even though she knew Silena wouldn't, not when Clarisse did something like this. She had already been annoyed at Clarisse for her hazing Jackson before, and trying to get back at him during Capture the Flag. And this was beyond the pale.
"Clearly you need the criticism!" Silena shouted back, never one to sit back and take it when someone yelled at her, something Clarisse had always admired before. "Chiron was totally right to demote you!"
That hurt to hear, especially from Silena, but Clarisse was tired of saying she was wrong and stupid for what she did. She was tired of sitting down at letting everyone talk about how disappointed they were and how she had fucked up.
"What, so you think Kenny will do a better job than me?!" Clarisse stood up as well, not really caring about this, but at least it was better than being berated for something she couldn't change. At least if she was arguing she was doing something.
"Maybe he will!" Silena yelled. "He wouldn't have targeted Percy like that, at least!"
She was right, Kenny wouldn't have cared about hazing a newbie. Clarisse thought it was fun and a good way to establish dominance at camp, to keep people from getting a big ego and thinking they could rival the Ares cabin, but clearly that hadn't worked.
"I don't need to stand here and listen to this." Clarisse stomped back to where she had been training.
"Don't walk away from me!" Silena followed after her.
Clarisse picked up the spear, whirling around to face her friend. "Leave me alone!" She bellowed, still careful to not point the spear at her friend.
Silena made a strangled, frustrated noise. "Fine! Fine! I'll leave you alone. But it's not my fault your actions have consequences, Clarisse." She turned on her heel and left with a huff, still muttering angrily to herself.
Clarisse stood there, spear in hand, and spun back around, stabbing through the dummy she had disemboweled before.
"Fuck!" She roared, stabbing it again and again, her anger not abating, the shame underlying it left unacknowledged. She screamed wordlessly, and went back to training.
She ended up training all day, her stomach growling as she showered in the late afternoon, head against the cold tile wall as she thought through the argument with Silena, unable to find a way to fix it besides going back in time and never making that stupid shroud to begin with. Everyone was yelling at her and saying she had been stupid, but no one was telling her how to make it all better. It wasn't like she could apologize to Jackson, and she wasn't suicidal, so she wasn't gonna apologize to Poseidon for an offense he didn't know about. What was she supposed to do?
Dinner was nearly silent at the pavilion, quieter than Clarisse had ever seen it in her four years at camp.
Of course she went to the funeral after.
She trailed behind her cabin again, ending up in the back of the crowded amphitheater surrounding the campfire. There were no marshmallows, no sing-alongs. Some people caught sight of Clarisse and glared, people who shouldn't know about what she did, so the secret about the shroud had gotten out already.
Chiron was grim as he offered eulogies, effigies wrapped in the burial shrouds laid out on either side of the campfire.
Athena's cabin was standing, some of them crying, others offering words of their own about their sister and her dreams of being an architect, her intelligence and strategy in Capture the Flag, how she taught them Ancient Greek and everything else they knew about the gods and monsters. Luke spoke for her as well, talking about meeting her at age seven and how she had tried to brain him with a hammer, getting a round of watery laughs. Talking about how brave she had been, how she had been like another sister to him. How he had been honored to have known her.
Annabeth's shroud was a beautiful silvery gray with an owl embroidered in the middle and olive branches bordering it, befitting a daughter of Athena.
There was no Poseidon cabin to represent Percy. His shroud was beautiful, rippling green and blue with a trident embroidered in the middle. It looked like his father had created it from an ocean's wave. The border had fish and horses and pegasi embroidered along it, some leaves interspersed throughout.
Clarisse felt sick.
Luke and some others from the Hermes cabin stood for Percy since he had no siblings. Luke talked about training Percy and how he liked to drink blue Coke at mealtimes. A few others chimed in with what they knew, but it wasn't much, especially no one really talked to him after he was claimed. Chiron spoke about Percy, how he had loved his mother, how he had always stood up against wrongdoings and cared deeply for his friends.
Some satyrs and nymphs spoke about Grover. While they probably had their own funeral out in the forest for him, he had died as a camper on a quest so he was honored at camp as well. There was no shroud, but there was a laurel sapling in a pot that one of the satyrs held, something that was going to be planted to honor him considering they had no clue where he had reincarnated.
They talked about his bravery, and how he had always wanted to search for Pan, following in his father and uncle's hoofsteps. How he refused to give up, and was able to find not one but two children of the Big Three, proving his skill.
Even Dionysus spoke for Grover. He said on behalf of the Council of Cloven Elders, Grover was being provided a Searcher's license posthumously, and honored as one lost on the Search would be.
The shrouds burned with the scent of a fresh sea breeze and old books, twin wreaths of laurels, ones that would've been given to the campers had they returned alive, tossed onto the pyres.
The campfire was black and barely more than embers from everyone's mood.
Clarisse walked away, unable to feel anything at all. They had both been a year younger than her, and they were dead. Gone.
She contemplated running back to Arizona. To her mom. Agreeing to return to that awful military school, to enlist like her mom did to serve her country as soon as she turned eighteen. Running away from all of this demigod shit and just living the life her mom had planned out for her.
But that would be cowardly. Even worse than what she had already done. And it would be like giving up on ever getting more recognition from her father. It would mean that everyone here would remember her as someone who couldn't face the consequences of her own actions.
Clarisse had to stay here at camp. It didn't matter if everyone turned on her. It didn't matter that she wouldn't be her cabin's counselor. It didn't matter that Chiron looked at her like she couldn't ever be a hero. She would train hard. She would be strong enough that no one would look down on her.
She'd even take a quest if Chiron offered, no matter how suicidal, because it would be her chance at redemption.
Eventually it would be enough to make up for what she had done, right?