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All Luke Alvez has ever wanted in his life is warmth and safety. He's chased it like a mad dog after a rabbit and just got little tufts of fur. Safety and relaxation brief in his hectic, and rather deadly life. The comfort only seems to stay when he sacrifices something.....or maybe the warmth just feels more rewarding when his own blood is on his hands.
The first to be sacrificed were his addicted parents. When Luke was young he'd go to his mother after he had a nightmare, or when gunshots rang through the air but half the time his mother was rocking back and forth or had a needle in her arm. His dad wasn't much better considering he was hardly around the house other than when his mom was high. So when he had turned seven he ran to his Tia and Tio's, packing his stained and tattered superman backpack for the long treck. He loved his parents, truly, but living with his Tia and Tio gave him that little bit of shelter he'd been looking for. Of course his mother argued and tried to drag him back home because even if she was doing drugs she still loved him, but his Tia persisted and kept Luke safe with them.
The second sacrifice was his comrades in arms. When he'd broken his leg in Iraq and been sent home he'd wanted to go back, he'd wanted to keep fighting, keep protecting them. But the longer he stayed home for recovery the more he realized that he didn't want to leave his family. He didn't want to go back to the drills, the shouting, the violence, and the death. He wanted to stay in the safety of his Tia's home and help her bake, he wanted to finally get the dog he'd been wanting since he was a little boy, he wanted to make friends that weren't battle hardened or constantly looking to get drinks. So in the end, Luke didn't go back to Iraq, although he did keep in contact with his buddies at arms.
The third sacrifice was with Phil. That one hit the hardest for him. Having to leave Phil behind in physical therapy while Luke kept working and pushing forward in his career fucking hurt. He wanted to stay by his friends side, comfort him in his lows and congratulate him in his highs. But Luke had fugitives to catch, people to save, and then he got offered a position at the BAU. All he could do was move forward and hope he could find some comfort in the fact that Phil was strong enough to help himself.
The next sacrifice was Spencer which inevitably led to Lisa. Luke had ignored what he felt for the doctor, pushed it to the side and hidden it away. Don't ask don't tell always lingering in the back of his mind. But just because Luke couldn't pursue Spencer didn't mean that he couldn't help. So when Spencer was arrested Luke did his damn best to get Reid out. And he got out! Granted.....Luke ended a friendship to save Spencer.....and probably put a target on his back....but Spencer was out. Those little stabs of pain and worry couldn't matter any more when his, "No, not mine", Spencer was free. Ultimately Luke looked for a way to get over Spencer, to keep up his image. And that's when he found Lisa. Kind, gentle, and loving Lisa. But when their relationship began to fall through in the aftermath of Phil's death and the wake of Spencer getting a girlfriend Luke wasn't surprised. He decided it would be best to let Lisa go, she didn't deserve him anyways.
Then came Penelope. Luke had hoped that maybe he could hit it off with her, finally have that comfort he so desperately needed, and maybe even get his Tia off his back for being single. But the date didn't go well and Luke cut his loses. It would probably be better to keep Penelope as a friend anyways.....
After Penelope it was Emily. A close friend, his boss, his chaotic rock, was promoted and left the unit. Was Luke happy for her at the time? Hell yeah, Emily would get to further her career and he would support her. So what if they couldn't have their fun little bickering sessions outside of her office, or bring each other random snacks, or talk about their pets together......
Matt was shoved off to a new unit soon after the promotion, very annoyed that he would be moving teams again and therefore moving states.....so Luke helped him and his wife pack up their truck and move. He even drove Matt all the way to Arizona where the agent would be staying for the foreseeable future. And when Luke got back from helping Matt, Spencer took his leave to go teach. It really did suit the doctor to teach others, especiallysince he had a vast array of knowledge in his synapses or whatever......
Dave and Krystal were next.......Luke tried his best to bring Dave out of his depression but he could only take so much cursing and shouting......
Then Penelope again......it hurt to see her mad at him, hurt to see her with someone who would just destroy her. So what if Luke took a bit of his anger out on Tyler? The man deserved it. He didn't listen to others, he barely talked about his past when the information was crucial, and he was a damn witness and suspect in the Sicarius case! So Luke would glare and snark and talk shit.....kind of like Penelope did when he first joined. "Tyler is bad news." He had reasoned. But Luke did his best to not intrude too much, he just didn't want Penelope to get hurt again.
With each twist and confusing loss with Gold Star and the Sicarius case, and Rossi nearly dying, Luke was just barely keeping himself afloat. Luckily the military taught him how to tread blood stained water......
And then JJ was a widow and Will was gone. He and Tyler carried Will's casket, Luke hoping this gesture would take some of the weight from their shoulders.
With Elias Voit awake and everything getting more complicated Luke turned to Roxy for comfort. The one thing that hadn't seemed to change over the years....except for the gray hair around her snout and paws....and her worsening hearing.....and the way she started wheezing while on walks......and then getting sick in the night.....
Is he even sacrificing anymore? Or are things just getting taken from him? Has he ever had that warmth he craves or has it all been an illusion?
Luke fills the bathtub with water, just to the temperature that Roxy likes it. Adds the shampoo that makes her coat shine like it did when she was younger. And adds her favorite toy, a very old and beaten to shit stuffed alligator. With everything now the way she likes it Luke walks out of the bathroom to get Roxy. And there she is, laying on the kitchen floor, in her spot underneath the stove. Surrounded by a puddle of her own pee and several paper towels. Luke walks over quietly so he doesn't startle her and crouches down. He puts one arm under her chest and the other under her hind legs and back, cradling her as best as he can. He carries her into the bathroom and slowly lowers her into the tub, letting the warm water and bubbles surround her as he pulls his arms out. Luke grabs the shampoo bottle and soaps up his hands, slowly scrubbing through Roxy's pee soaked fur and mats. He does his best to be gentle, profusely apologizing whenever he tugs at the tangled clumps of fur.
Over time the water grows cold, the bubbles dwindle, Roxy's alligator sinks to the bottom of the dirty water, and Luke pulls the drain. He waits for Roxy to startle at the noise like she usually does. Waits for her to begin shaking the water and bubbles off while he grabs the sprayer to rinse her one final time. Waits for her to shove her snout in his face for after bath time kisses. Waits for her to bark and whine because he's taking too long to turn the water back on. Waits for his alarm to go off so he can wake up from this nightmare. So he can wake up next to her again. So he can wake up to see his parents. Wake up to see his comrades. To see Phil and Matt and Spencer and Lisa and Krystal and-
Roxy lays still, in the bottom of the tub.