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He was the sun. Why was he the sun? Is it because it is now cold? Waiting for him to brighten up the room, his warmth filling up the empty space.
Or was it his unstoppable personality? Stubbornness that could break down every wall. The punches he threw, breaking down concrete with ease. Nothing could take him down.
What made him so special? He was always going to die. Why? Why? Why?
Did the world not want him to live?
To thrive?
Why did it feel so good to scream? To scream into the universe, blaming it for what happened. Blaming it for taking something so valuable.
Because he was so valuable. That wasn't the right word, he was priceless. Everything he did had kindness pressed into it. Every action carried a child-like innocence and humor that no one had.
The world was cruel. It had to be to take him away. To say sorry to him would never be enough. Because he is in a grave, one not even decorated well.
He joined his grandpa too soon. Died without a legacy to remember. Died without knowing how everyone enjoyed his company. Died without living.
If he was alive, there would be endless apologies. For leaving him behind. For pushing him away.
Why did the sun disappear? It was too soon. Unexpected and unjust. So young before the judges and yet they still ripped his heart out. When his heart left, so did everyone else.
Nobody had been the same since that day. It hasn't even been that long. The silence slowly suffocates everyone. Numbing the edges of the soul.
Everyone is upset that the sun is gone. Trying to find some person to blame. For taking their light away. Ripping the carpet under them.
We will hate the sky for a long time. The inescapable void makes itself known every time we look up.
The sun disappeared. He is no longer peering into others' lives like it used to do with windows. No longer having people follow him like the sunflowers used to do.
There is no longer light to bask in, no longer shadows to hide in. The world is empty.
A forced canvas only he could see.
-Megumi
Megumi finished the last sentence before signing his name. He needed to get out his thoughts. Yuji had died days prior, just after saying he would be okay.
Megumi was stupid. He trusted Yuji to do it. To finish off the curse that had almost taken their lives.
He felt raw after the scene. After watching, what almost looked like Yuji, ripping his own heart out. Megumi never thought he could hate a curse more than now.
The rage that had filled him once he knew that Sukana made it impossible for Yuji to return burned his veins. Festered inside his heart, ready to be unleashed.
He couldn’t though, he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t brave enough. And he certainly wasn’t special enough.
In the big picture, he would never be enough. Too much of a coward and too weak to do much else. Overall, he was useless from the start.
Tears started to drip down his cheeks. He immediately moved the paper away, not wanting to smudge any words.
He didn’t even know why he was writing this. He knew it was to help express some of his feelings but it only made him feel worse. Every time he remembered, the wound grew.
It was starting to get out of control. Every memory, action, and smile reminded him of Yuji. The one he would now call the sun.
It hurt. He still felt unclean, dirty with Yuji’s blood. He was still trapped in that moment-when everything went wrong. Sukana laughing at him, taunting him. He was only alive because Sukana didn’t try.
He wanted to break the bastard’s nose. Make an example out of him. But it couldn’t happen, not with how he was now. For as much as he would like to train and get stronger, he was so very tired.
He finally let himself sink into his bed. Nobody was watching him, this was his room. He didn’t have to be ready for something to kill him or feel on guard. Right now, he would just exist.
That felt… doable. He would do it for Yuji. He didn’t need to join his fellow 1st year classmate too soon. He would see Yuji again, once Sukana was 6 feet under.
Now that was a plan.