Chapter Text
Sirius Black had a great summer. In fact, it was the best summer of his life and it definitely had to do with him leaving Grimmauld Place. He always dreamed of running away but it wasn’t until the Potters offered him a place in their home and their hearts that he actually considered it. Unfortunately Regulus didn’t come with him but maybe that was a lot to ask. He was content enough just to be out of that horrific nightmare.
Living with James was pure fun. Who wouldn’t want to live with their best friend? It’s everyone’s dream. There was also Effie and Monty, who were lovely people. Apparently normal parents tried to spend time with their kids and cared about their interests. It was three months full of quidditch, cooking, quidditch, learning to do muggle stuff and more quidditch.
The only bad thing about that summer was not being able to spend it with all three of his friends. Peter was there a lot when his mom let him, but Remus didn’t appear even once. His mother was always sick and those past few months weren’t the exception. Even when they were still at school he would get letters that left him worried for days. Thankfully his dad had been saving money and he finally had enough to pay some big surgery she needed. Remus wrote to his friends once or twice a week with updates. By August, all the bad muggle stuff that Sirius didn’t really understand was out of her body and she was finally free of the so called 'cancer'. Unfortunately Remus decided to stay with her all month just in case, so they couldn’t see him until September first.
As they were about to start their sixth year at Hogwarts, the train station was super crowded as always. After saying goodbye to Effie and Monty they managed to find Peter and started looking for Remus. 'Finally!' Sirius thought. He hated not seeing his friend for so long, he felt like he was gonna go insane without him for so long.
“Isn’t that Moony?” James suddenly asked pointing behind Sirius.
“Yeah, I almost didn’t recognize him” Peter said surprised.
“What do you mean?” As soon as Sirius turned around he understood what Peter meant.
First of all, Remus was much taller than last time, which shouldn’t be possible. How can one grow that much in only three months? Then his hair was way longer. He always had it very short and now it looked way cooler. It kind of shaped his face in a nicer way. On top of that, his clothes were still basic but somehow more stylish, like someone had been helping him dress better. He even had an earring. Sirius almost couldn’t recognize his friend walking over to them.
“Hey guys, it’s nice to see you again” He greeted when he finally reached his friends.
“Hey mate! Seems like you finally understood fashion does matter” James grinned as they started getting on the train.
“Very funny” Remus rolled his eyes. “I just thought I could care a little bit more about the way I look. Something wrong with that?” He frowned.
“You have jewelry in your ear” Peter exclaimed.
“It’s an earring” Remus sighed, sitting on their favorite compartment next to Sirius. “Pads has been wearing one for ages now”
“Yeah but it’s not the same” Peter noted.
“And why are you so quiet anyway Sirius?” Remus asked ignoring Peter. “You literally haven’t said a word since I arrived” He frowned. “Is everything okay?”
“What? No, I mean yes” Sirius hadn’t even realized. He was still processing his friend’s look. “I was just distracted sorry” He quickly said. “It’s really great to see you Moony” He smiled. “The group definitely doesn’t work without you. Me and James are a lot for Peter to handle on his own, and sometimes he can be even worse than us. We need you and your rational thinking”
James gasped offended but didn’t say anything.
“Of course you do. You wouldn’t have got as far as one successful prank without me” Remus gloated.
“Well that’s just exaggerating” James laughed.
“He’s right Prongs” Peter agreed.
“Just admit we wouldn’t be anything without our beautiful Moony here” Sirius blurted out.
“Beautiful?” Remus questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“Come on Moony” James chuckled. “You’re a very handsome man, any bird would be lucky to shag you”
“I don’t want to continue with this conversation” He said, blushing a little bit. “Let’s talk about this year’s pranks”
Some hours later Sirius was suddenly awakened by someone calling his name.
“Sirius? Come on we have to go” Remus whispered. They were very close, Sirius realized. In fact his head was on Remus’s shoulder.
“Oh sorry” He got up quickly. “I didn’t mean to”
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m glad you could rest a bit”
They rushed to get out and head to the carriages, where both of them were left alone on the last one.
“Did I miss anything?” Sirius asked.
“I mean James explained how he’s not chasing Lily anymore so they can at least be friends, but you probably already knew that”
“Yeah, he talked about it nonstop all summer. I’m actually glad he’s finally moving on”
“Me too” Remus agreed smiling. His face looked magical with the moon being the only light at that moment, Sirius thought.
After a lovely dinner they went straight to their room and to bed almost immediately. It had been a very long day, the train ride always exhausted everyone. “Are you awake?” James asked from his bed not even ten minutes in.
“Yes prongs” Peter replied with a sigh. “Do you need anything?”
“I just wanted to have a classic old night chat with my lads”
“We talked for hours on our way over here” Remus growled sounding very tired.
“Fine, just let me have at least one question. I want to know something”
“Shoot Prongs” Sirius was definitely intrigued.
“Who are you pursuing this year?”
“No one” Peter immediately said. “I’m not like you two, going out there all flirty and shameless. I have some dignity left”
James huffed. “I know, but if you could, who would it be? I just wanted to know if any of you like a girl. Because now that I gave up on Lily-” Here he goes again, Sirius thought. “I have a ton of options to evaluate and I want to know which girls are off limits”
“Isn’t that sweet?” Remus asked sarcastically. “I don’t want to be with any girl right now James, so you don’t have to worry about me”
“That’s definitely not a surprise” Sirius said laughing, while wondering if Remus ever liked someone. If he did, he never mentioned anything.
“Ok maybe I do have to confess something” Peter muttered. “I think I like Mary”
“Huh, didn’t see that one coming. Thank you Wormy, I promise to stay away from her then. So Pads, who’s the lucky bird to occupy your mind this year? Or is there more than one?” He teased.
Sirius took some time to think about it, but no names came up. He never really liked anyone if he was completely honest. He had been hooking up with some girls for the past two years. But it never meant anything. Also it wasn’t even that great, but that was just what most teenage boys felt like, right? He simply picked the most attractive ones and flirted his way into one snog that didn’t feel that good. Then, his head told him it was normal and maybe if he kept trying, one day he would feel something when he found the one.
“I don’t know” He finally said. “I’m not really interested in anyone at the moment”
“Really?” Peter asked surprised.
“Sirius Black doesn’t have any girl in mind? Are you okay? Do we have to take you to the infirmary?” James joked. Remus didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know, I’ll just pick someone when I want to Prongs” Sirius snapped.
“Sorry, I won’t ask again” His friend whispered confused.
“Just go to sleep James” Remus said.
They remained silent after that, until they all fell asleep. It took Sirius a little longer, since his head was wondering around the fact that he never actually had interest in any girl.
—
The first week back at Hogwarts was really weird for Sirius. More specifically, his relationship with Remus felt odd. He didn’t understand why though, he just started noticing how much he wanted to be close to his best friend. Maybe it was because he didn’t get to see him over the summer. It was probably that. He cared so much for his friend, he couldn’t handle missing him for so long. It made sense as he looked back at their relationship through the years. He always had the strongest bond with James, but there was something about Remus that made him feel really connected to the boy as well. In a very different sense that Sirius didn’t even know how to explain with words.
So he didn’t think much about it, as he looked at Remus reading on the couch, before literally jumping on top of him.
His friend groaned. “Padfoot, I was trying to read”
“You can still do” Sirius said placing his head on Remus’s neck and closing his eyes.
“No I can’t. I was comfortable and now I’m definitely not” He dropped his book on the table next to the couch.
“Oh so you hate me”
He sighed. “That’s not even remotely near to what I just said Sirius”
“Fine, I’ll get up and leave you alone if that’s what you-”
“No” Remus wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. “You’re here now so” He paused for a moment. “You might as well stay”
“Oh okay” Sirius got more comfortable and just relaxed under his touch. “Wake me up for dinner” Remus didn’t answer.
Sirius always knew he liked physical touch but he never felt this good on the arms of a friend. Not that he was complaining, because he felt very much loved, but there was still something he couldn’t figure out yet about the whole thing.
Similar situation happened one week later as they started preparing their next prank. They always divided into teams when there were multiple tasks and that time him and Remus were together. It was simple, they just had to get some potion ingredients from Sulghorn’s classroom. So of course they took James's invisibility cloak to be as discreet as possible. But there was a problem. They definitely weren’t small little kids anymore, so both of them barely fit under it. That meant they had to be close, like really close. And Sirius was fine with that. Except he wasn’t. Remus was bending down while hugging him from behind. And yes, they always hugged, but not like that. With Remus’ front part of his body brushing against Sirius’ ass.
“How much longer?” He asked, not knowing if he could keep going like that.
“Be silent Sirius” Remus whispered.
“But I’m getting impatient, those stairs took forever”
“Shhh”
“Don’t shush me Moony I-“ Remus’ hand quickly went to cover Sirius’ mouth. His friend’s hand was really big, he noticed.
“I think I heard something” he mumbled in Sirius’ ear. “It’s probably Filch, come on quick!” He grabbed the other boy’s hand and pushed him into a broom closet. “Muffliato”
“Nice one Moons”
“Moons?” He frowned.
“What? I don’t know!” Sirius shot back clearly nervous. “I was just trying something new but clearly you hated it”
“I never said that” Remus sighed. “You know you can call me anything you want”
“Oh okay then babe” He joked winking but cringed immediately. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today”
“You’ve been weird since we came back Pads” Remus started getting closer to him. “Is everything alright? Did something happen at James’?”
“What? No, of course not” He replied, sitting on the floor as Remus followed. “It was the best summer of my life”
“Oh okay, that’s great then”
“I just, I don’t know” He muttered, staring deeply into the other boy’s eyes. “I really missed you. It wasn’t the same without you.” Remus smiled awkwardly. “Maybe not seeing you for so long, makes me want to be with you at all times. Is that crazy? Because now that I said it out loud, it sounds weird”
“It’s not weird, but you are kinda crazy, so I just know to expect anything from you” Remus teased grinning.
“Is that a good or a bad thing?” Sirius asked confused.
“I don’t know, I hope it’s always good stuff”
They stayed silent for some time.
“Don’t you get tired of me sometimes?” Sirius asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I know I can be a lot sometimes, so be free to tell me if I’m showing my feelings too much you know?” He said, trying to push away some things Walburga had said to him.
“Sirius, your feelings could never be a lot. I mean, you are very loud and touchy sometimes” Remus laughed. “But no one can ever tell you to tone it down. Are we clear? Never stop being who you are, because I like that guy very much. Even when he really annoys me, he also brightens up my life every day”
Sirius didn’t respond immediately, he just enjoyed the moment for a while as they smiled at each other.
“Thanks Moony” He placed his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Believe it or not you also make me happier every day”
After that conversation Sirius felt way more calm. He no longer doubted or overthought before acting around Remus, he just let himself do as his body asked him to. Without even realizing it, he spent the following days glued to his friend. No one really noticed because they were all used to Sirius being attached to his friends most of the time.
—
On the first full moon Sirius felt weirdly nervous and more anxious than usual. He was really worried for his friend. Not only about the night itself but also the previous days where Remus got really tired and sad. Sirius felt like he wasn’t doing enough to help him. One day he’ll discover a cure, he thought to himself as they walked to the shrieking shack.
The following morning he kept thinking about how awful it was. “Don’t you ever wonder if there isn’t something else we could do?” He asked James and Peter.
“Mate, we literally became illegal animagi for him” Peter murmured. “That’s already way more than anyone would do”
“No, I know” He sighed. “But I just feel like nothing we do could ever be enough in comparison to what he has to go through”
“Yeah it sucks Pads” James agreed. “But it doesn’t change anything if you keep worrying about it, we just have to be there for him”
“I know Prongs, that’s not what I meant” He snapped.
James yawned. “I need to sleep now”
“Yeah me too” Peter followed.
Sirius, on the other hand, got up and started heading to the hospital wing. He knew they already did everything in their power to help Remus, he understood. But still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t worry about how terrible it must’ve been to his friend. They would never really know, but he wanted to try and understand. He needed to make sure it wasn’t destroying Remus. It was really unfair how much he had to suffer, both mental and physical pain. If there was someone who didn’t deserve that, it was definitely his Moony.
“Hey you” The boy greeted him from his bed, barely conscious.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you” Sirius sat on the bed.
“It’s okay, you don’t even have to be here”
“Why not? I want to”
“I know your stubborn head won’t listen to me, but you should get some sleep. You have quidditch practice later today”
“It’s fine, I can go through the day without my beauty sleep” He scoffed.
Remus smiled. “I hate you sometimes”
“So are you in pain now? Was it awful?”
“Stop that. I don’t know what has gotten into you but I’m fine, it’s the same as always”
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t still horrible”
“You should really get some sleep” He changed the subject.
Sirius rolled his eyes annoyed. “Not sleeping it’s nothing compared to what you go through” Remus didn’t answer. “But fine, if you insist, I will go to sleep right now” Sirius added.
His friend raised his eyebrows. “Wait really?”
“Yeah, move over”
“What?” Remus frowned at the boy in front of him.
Sirius sighed. “Move over a bit so we can both fit” He explained.
“Oh” He made space for Sirius next to him. “Are you sure you want to sleep here and not in your comfortable bed?”
“Yes” He lay down next to him. The bed wasn’t very big so they were pretty close together. “My bed is cold and lonely, this is better trust me” He placed his head on Remus’s chest.
“Yeah sure, I can be your pillow” He said sarcastically.
Sirius hugged him with one arm and Remus slowly did the same.
“I really hope one day you won’t have to suffer like this Moony”
Sirius felt Remus’ breathing. “Me too Pads, me too” He muttered.
Some hours later, a confused Poppy was touched by the sight of two young boys sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms. She didn’t have the nerve to wake them up. Sirius didn’t show up to Quidditch practice that afternoon.