Chapter Text
It takes a few weeks for Oh - Aew to realise something is amiss.
He doesn’t know he’s looking for the tank top until he can’t spot its familiar dark material with its bold white vertical print amidst the more vibrant clothing in this section of Teh’s wardrobe. It’s only the reminder that they were yet to unpack three more of his boxes that settled the quiet discomfort for a while.
A few days pass. It’s still nowhere to be seen.
Teh can’t quite meet his eyes, shrugging,
“It doesn’t suit me anymore - if I won’t wear it, why have it in sight?”
He tries to leave the conversation at what he hopes is an understanding smile, but the unanswered question lingers , waiting.
Teh’s arrival through their front door cuts the laughter short, the grins on the group’s faces dimming into polite half - greetings one after the other. He bites back a wince, relaxing only when the last of the dominoes refuses to topple, the winsome, welcoming smile not wavering an inch, the light in his Oh eyes still bright.
It was his fault, not remembering that Q and the others had planned to swing by for lunch. So as much as he was looking forward to landing front first on the bed and catching up on his sleep, Teh couldn’t shake the unease, the judgement.
So, okay.
He just needed to change his jacket and boots and he’d head back out - they’d forget he’d entered at all. Teh feels Oh’s eyes on him until he shuts the door of their bedroom behind him. Predictably, echoes of murmurs follow him as he digs out what he needs. Teh understands. He does.
It’d be worse for Oh - Aew if he didn’t.
Teh takes an extra moment to steady his breathing and pulls the door open.
It’s Plug that looks up first, curious, cautious. Teh doesn’t let anything deter him, not until a sudden grip around his wrist stops him mid stride. It’s the gentle pressure of Oh’s thumb stroking the skin there that coaxes him to look down.
His boyfriend’s gaze is neutral, and a pointed glance at the empty space beside him is enough to convince Teh. It’s Oh - Aew that shuffles closer, closing the gap he’d left between them. Teh can’t help but see it as a silent, graceful challenge . Nobody says a word; Oh sighs minutes later, picking up a pen and pointing to the heading of the sheet, brow raised.
Teh lets the warmth of their sides pressed together anchor him as Q clears his throat, restarting his sentence awkwardly.
Admittedly, half of the discussion flies right over his head but he appreciates Oh’s effort to simplify the jargon , a whispered ‘I’ll explain it all later, promise’ making Teh smile in spite of himself. Soon, it’s clear they’ve covered most of their bases and their Aew’s offered all the insight he can.
It’s Auu that gets things moving again, herding their group back to the front door. Oh’s friends don’t owe it to him to thaw, so Teh returns Q’s smile, accepting the stilted invite to join their Aew at the launch of the campaign he was overseeing all the same.
It’s in two weeks, there's still time yet.
The silence their guests leave in their wake is interrupted by Oh’s chuckle as he steps forward to hug him. Teh unfreezes only when his hold becomes more secure, the hand curled around his hip tracing gentle circles.
“How did the meeting go, then? You’re definitely going to get on board with them?”
Teh blinks, off – kilter, it takes a minute to rearrange his thoughts. Oh waits, expectant. Teh swallows, pushing down the urge to be non – committal, vague.
He pulls away slightly, if only to look him in the eye, the curiosity in his gaze obvious.
“I, um. There’s been an overhaul with the project and the production house is changing everything. This meeting was to actually tell us that and. Well, we’ll get the potential script next month, actually,” he explains, tense.
Oh – Aew’s silent blinking mirrors Teh’s listless confusion too.
“…. and that’s a bad thing… why, exactly?” he asked eventually, probing, pushing gently.
Teh didn’t think he’d pinpointed it for himself, not until the words tumbled forth in the space between them, surprising them both
“It’s just, I... Before… before we -. Um. Before Hoon and Nozomi’s wedding, I mean, in the whirlwind of that, after the… thesis, well. I poured so much attention into this too, like a reprieve from.. Just. Oh…I was ready to say yes today,” he sighs, losing steam.
The finality of the statement creates a new silence, and Teh can practically hear the gears turning in his lover’s mind as he scans his face.
“…. And now? Is it really going to be that different?”
Teh’s never been good with change, and that was putting it lightly. His mouth lifts in a half – smile of acknowledgment, seeing Oh’s point in not racing ahead.
“I should be okay with it, even if it is, I know. But. There’s something that won’t let me settle.”
His favourite person nods, as if that made perfect sense. Teh figures it probably does, he’s just remarkable like that.
Automatically, his attention shifts to the mind map still there on the coffee table, his boyfriend’s neat script visible from where they stand. Teh supposes he’d needed a push to finally broach this space within what they’d created for so recently.
Starting from not – quite nothing was quite something (everything) to him, them.
Oh – Aew glances back at him, and the mood switches in an instant. Teh is tugged back to their sofa, falling on his side quite inelegantly. He makes good on his promise, his words washing over him in a gentle tide.
Teh knows he’s blinking back tears as they move into the core of the discussion, some topic that had gotten the whole group split. His expression grows fonder and voice warmer with each query and clarification Teh contributes, even if he feels a little silly for knowing too little.
The confidence in Oh - Aew’s voice, the way he sorts things out…. Teh’s missed out on it all until now. He’d had the chance and forsaken it too. Some variant of his guilt must seep through onto his expression because his partner’s brow quirks, his sentence lingering, uncertain, until Teh nods.
Satisfied, he reaches the summary and Teh feels better for it.
He watches Oh – Aew grab the last post – it note and scrawl something on it, peeling and sticking it to the margin of his pitch deck carefully. Teh drinks in the curve of his spine, the furrow between his brows, the light splicing onto their surroundings.
He’s magnificent.
Teh lets the details sink in, quiet, until a sudden ache in his chest has his mind alert.
He’s transported to that fateful day, that uncertain morning, hunched over his textbook, armed with those scissors. The aroma of Hokkien Mee, Ma’s impatient enquiries and the cacophony of his own thoughts collide with the fog of today.
Oh – Aew’s jubilant expression now (not lost, hurt, quiet) lights a spark, and Teh knows. He knows what he needs to try. He’d do so tomorrow, though. Today was for Oh. Teh tries soothing the regret racing through him with soul – deep relief that he was here now.
It works well enough. For now.
The sun is setting when they realise need to stretch their limbs. Oh’s helped to his feet and for a breathless moment, everything stills. Fingers interlaced, he tries reading more into Teh’s placid expression. Had he said too much, had he lost Teh’s interest and –
He’s deterred from panicking by Teh tugging him closer, bringing him into a kiss. Oh falls into feeling immediately, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders. Teh’s smile is his only warning before he deepens the contact, each movement calming him once more.
Pulling away eventually, Oh searches for that unease from hours ago, the version of Teh standing in the doorway, keys in a vice grip.
His heart had jolted at the naked surprise, the shame there. He knows Q will try asking about his response soon enough, but still, Oh – Aew doesn’t know what he’d say to himself, let alone anyone else.
He hugs Teh, hiding his expression against the curve of his shoulder, content to sway for a bit. This was what he’d needed. Teh hadn’t expected it but had joined him in as easily, as natural as breathing. Oh feels it in abundance in every look, every word, every choice.
For one, they’d become nocturnal after their reunion, as the after – party of celebrating Hoon and Nozomi had wound down. They’d watched the sun creep over the horizon, inseparable and focused on what would have to follow. He’d assumed that selfie, spontaneous and maybe stupid, would’ve been… it, as a statement.
How brilliantly, bewilderingly wrong he’d been.
Oh’s seized by a sudden urge to open up his Instagram and it’s the only reason he can accept stepping away from Teh now. His lover smiles bashfully on seeing the time, taking charge and steering him to the kitchen. Oh had missed him, missed watching him talk about cooking and navigating this space like it was his own.
Before he realises it, Oh’s sharing his singular anecdote of his trying to replicate Ma Sui’s broth. Probably not the best idea he’d had with a congested nose and migraine threatening to end his life (Teh rolling his eyes at the hyperbole is a given, as is Oh’s scoff).
In response, he turns from the stove to look right at him and Oh’s heart races at the fiercely determined look in his eyes.
“I’m here now, Oh… I’ll teach you if you’ll let me,” he says.
He nods, spellbound. Teh’s smile is bright enough to rival their overhead lighting. Teh picks up his phone and holds it over their island and the two servings of their dinner. The click of the camera and Oh’s phone screen lighting up between them with an IG notification reminds him he’d forgotten his plan entirely.
He knows what he’s going to see, and it doesn’t diminish the joy and love that sweeps through him in the slightest. While that selfie had yelled things from mountain tops through a megaphone and Teh had been scolded by Oh – Aew himself and then Chompoo and her team, the actor’s unapologetic workaround meant there was no swaying him.
So what if he couldn’t afford to turn off his comments?
For a couple days, Oh had dithered, scared. He’d been on the cusp of suggesting he archive the first post but Teh must’ve read into the resigned set of his shoulders, the quiet of his voice and shut the idea down with a firm no, his own spine rod – straight, eyes stern.
“I’m not hiding you – I’ll do my part to protect you from…’ he’d gestured vaguely ‘something you never signed up for, but no. They can’t make me go about my life like you don’t exist. Not again,” his voiced had grown softer, pressing a kiss to his cheek after the last word.
Then and there, he’d taken a photo of their coffee table, his own mug clear in frame, Oh’s kept half visible. Undeniable (uncrop-able). The responses had flooded in, Teh had only smiled, tugging him closer turning his focus to the tv, his phone face – down for the night.
After squinting at his side profile for a bit, Oh – Aew had been left with no option but to further settle into his embrace.
The doubting, cautionary whispers had gone quiet and stayed as such in the shadowed crevice of his mind. Until moments like this one would happen.
Done with the dishes and dinner and lingering by their dining table. Moments of blankness. Moments of Teh just… spacing out mid – task. Where he was unreachable (like they’d been for… far too long. When he’d kept his distance, when they’d grown, but apart, and -)
It’s a small flinch that tells Oh he’d reached out to touch Teh’s arm. Blinking, he puts the set of coasters back down; there’s nothing in the fine – brush strokes of sea tides etched onto their surfaces that can clue him into what tangent Teh’s mind had taken him on.
Looking up from tracing the crest of a single wave with the tip of his finger, Teh’s fingers move instead to touch Oh, gravitating to the hand that rested beside the placemat. From tracing a line over the back of his hand, dancing over his collarbone.
Then, coming to his chin, his lower lip, the curve of his jaw. Cupping the side of his face, thumb stroking the expanse of skin between two moles.
Teh’s admiration, his wonder, his affection, Oh is new to absolutely none of it. Nor the small smile on his face as he takes in every inch of his face. What he doesn’t know how to parse was the way Teh was searching for an answer to his own question in him, somehow.
His reaching for the same hand and kisses each knuckle with no small measure of reassurance… of reverence, it seems enough to settle Teh. The small smile that comes onto his beautiful face, the appearance of a single dimple, it appears to confirm something.
And so, just because he can, now, Oh closes the last of the space between their bodies. Teh sinks into his embrace, holding on as he walks them backwards to their cocoon of darkness.
He feels a kiss being pressed to his forehead as his eyes fall shut, seeking rest. He doesn’t know when Teh goes from pensive to peaceful, only that he must have, for the first thing greeting him in the light of day is a well – rested and oddly determined at…. 7:00 AM Teh.
As he recalibrates for the day, Teh’s phone is going off non-stop The man himself impersonates a whirlwind, racing through the morning and the flat at neck break speed. Even as they both inhale their breakfasts and Teh fixes his skewed tie for him, his phone won’t shut up.
Something’s changed overnight, and Teh’s enthusiasm provides buoyancy to his own. The day flies by, email after email after meeting creating their own dizzying journey. So can he really be blamed for feeling off kilter to see so much of, no, at… work at home too?
And not his own, mind. Distantly, he recalls Teh murmuring that he was expecting correspondence a few other projects but the information had submerged itself amidst all the other facts of that fateful evening, lost in the revelry winding down and leaving the resort just a little tipsy.
Teh’d held his free hand so fiercely, its warmth had anchored Oh’s focus there.
That same warmth rushed over him now to realise the place looked spotless, a far cry from 12 – odd hours prior. Teh has clearly gotten home earlier (rare) and done fifteen errands in succession (rarer still).
The man himself isn’t anywhere to be seen so Oh - Aew takes his time admiring the effort. He stops at the dining table, though, because stepping around a chair reveals an incongruous, contained chaos. Scripts, piles of them, scattered around.
Colour coded, with stamps of confidential right there in crimson on some. Others, with a range of seals. A mini pile of ones from Teh’s alma matter sit in one corner as well.
Oh’s confusion morphs into curiosity and then to concern all in three heartbeats.
This was completely unlike Teh. Meticulous most of the time, protective always.
Oh can’t stop the flash of a memory flitting past his mind’s eye.
(Teh looks away as he tugs the log book from his hands, the script of Jai’s play too. Oh sits there, stunned, lost, pushed out, away)
It’s enough reason, heart lurching, for Oh – Aew to move, to act. He grabs an empty box and sets it atop a chair. Stacking the bulkiest manuscripts first, his hands shake and mind races. He can barely see his own hands as he completes the second pile. Pushing the box shut, the slight strain in his arms is nothing before the pain at his temples.
It’s disconcerting, thus, for Teh to turn from his bedside table, phone in hand and greet him with a beautiful smile, almost jittery with excitement.
What… the fuck?
The expression dies the second he sees the now lead – heavy box in his arms. He’d clutch at his chest if he had a hand free, if only to soothe the sting of his heart cleaving. He nearly drops the box on both their feet when Teh joins him in the blink of an eye to share the weight, bewildered.
“…. What’s this box? Did I forget something?’ he asks, looking behind him and down the corridor and back again. Oh waits, watching him scan their room. A malicious breeze pushes the damn box flap away and Teh’s face shifts completely.
He doesn’t know what to think of Teh’s silence, nor the way he finally moves to peer at the endless depth of the box. Paper after paper after. Well. He’s blinking as Teh finally speaks, hurried, apologetic and fretful,
“I’m sorry I left them so scattered, it’s just – I was supposed to make the categories clearer, but then Tarn and Mek dragged me into their call and –”
Teh lifting the box out of his arms and settling it on the armchair next to their mirror as he clarifies things feels wrong, worse than he was a mere minute prior. Oh wants to cry.
“No, I’m sorry, I should’ve just let them be, but now I… and you –”
Teh’s now able to reach for him, but instead of the push he’s expecting, he gets folded into his lover’s embrace, voice hushed.
“Am I missing something? Why are you sorry? They were there for a reason, darling,” he continues. The palm stroking up and down his back is constant and steady.
Oh knows his trembling isn’t an answer, but he can’t speak past the vice around his throat. Eventually though,
“But why did…. Teh, I don’t know… all that, so. Why, dumpling?”
Oh doesn’t mean for the long – lost, unused endearment to slip out but it’s reflexive to Teh’s own. It’s what he pacifies himself with as Teh actually pulls away now to look him in the eye. He’s trying to peer through to his soul, if the bright, unblinking way that he tended to is any indication. He’s missed feeling so visible, so… present in his own skin, just as he is.
“I know you don’t Oh, and that’s exactly the point. Everyone else may know what you don’t but that’s not what I need from you, what I need when you go through them with me,” he stops, suddenly losing momentum.
Inhaling, Oh - Aew tips Teh’s chin back up to look him in the eye, the nerves and shyness evident. He lets his hand trail further down to rest over the expanse of skin of his chest, his heartbeat wild and there against his palm.
The material of his half-buttoned shirt flutters in the breeze, tie long discarded.
Teh smiles, finally re – gathering his courage.
“I know what you do know, though,” he continues evenly.
Oh’s pretty sure he isn’t referring to consumer psychology and campaigns. The fond eyeroll he receives for his confusion is enough to dispel the tendrils of fear curling through his mind.
“You know me, Oh, and that’s what I’ve been missing. In fact, you know me the best. And’ he shrugs, contrite, forthcoming ‘at my worst. And everything in between. I’ve… missed you all this while,” he’s almost pleading. Again.
His mind spins on a new axis entirely.
Teh’s hands on his hips and unwavering gaze are the only tethers to keep Oh – Aew to this moment. If not, he’d be treading through splintered memories teeming with self – doubt, guilt, shame, yearning, shock and so much more it still left him breathless.
As he waits, Teh reaches unseeingly for the box, bringing out the first document. It’s a play by a current student at Pratchayanant. Oh – Aew feels his mouth lift into a gentle smile at the beautifully enticing synopsis. The premise is so simple, he knows why it caught Teh’s eye. Why it and the student could receive his support and backing.
It was only by the penultimate scene that Oh – Aew picked up on a rhythm.
Every character pivot, every scene shift in setting, Teh would study his response, wait for him to weigh in. He’d gone so far as to scribble some phrases down in the margins, alongside his own; the careful way he added Oh’s name to the former intrigued him further.
Teh barely blinked when Oh – Aew caught sight of the time two different scripts later.
“Yes, I didn’t plan to cook from scratch, darling. I’d already done the prep earlier,” he reveals, leading a stunned Oh – Aew by the shoulders into the kitchen.
Over the second half of the process, he steers them towards an analysis of the material. And somehow, they manage to read a third student play before calling it a night. As Teh checks everything once more, Oh knows his mind has taken to making its charts. Still, to what end was this?
And they had… 70% of the box to go. So,
“I think I understand what you said… earlier.” Oh doesn’t bother trying to fight the blush rising on his cheeks, not when Teh looks the same.
Even so, why did this whole endeavour feel… fragile?
“Yes? Are you worried about time? Chompoo said the chunkier film ones, mine I still have a month for, but the students need an answer by next week,” Teh says, answering Oh’s follow – up question first, distracted.
“Khim’s senior stayed in touch with me after… everything and we figured people like me who are just beginning could try and help students with the thesis process,” he explains, quieter.
Oh doesn’t know why the crux is nearly whispered. It was a good thing, right? Frustrated and upset out of the blue, he finds himself begging for clarity, the confusion returning tenfold. What was he supposed to make –
They settle under the covers, eyes adjusting to the darkness incrementally. Teh that fills the silence, settled, braver, somehow. Oh – Aew’s heartrate matches the tides of his breathing.
“Do you actually want to know why I’m doing this with you? Truly?”
As he considers the question and mutters a ‘yes’, Oh realises he’s thankful to face his back instead as the confession settles in his mind. They’re the words that follow them into a fitful sleep eventually, turning a new corner in their minds all the same.
“I can’t go about it like that again. I need to never get… like that. I can’t lose you.”
That Teh wakes up half an hour before his alarm is a huge miracle; Oh being asleep next to him greater still. Face completely lax in his state of deserved rest, Teh finds himself drinking in every perfect feature, pillow lines, eye – gunk and all. He watches Oh slowly come to wakefulness, the bleary unfocused eyes process his presence in parts.
(the recognition is warm and unmistakable its truest form, unmasked, unguarded)
Oh reaches for him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. It’s only when he speaks that Teh realises they’d fallen asleep before he could answer in any form. And thus, he was choosing now and here.
“I can’t lose you either, my love.”
He punctuates his greeting with a kiss to the curve of his jaw, which is just as well. For without the physical sensation, Teh’d swear he’s hearing things.
His love.
(Hoon’s words echo as he watches Oh – Aew leave their bed and trudge to the bathroom, dragging his feet. He loves him. It really is that simple)
But none of this was easy, and they both know it. They’d known it with that hug that had left tears on the shoulders of their suits and with the kiss that sung of a lingering ache, of finally feeling that elusive jigsaw piece slot back into place.
Yes, this was far from easy, but it’d never be as hard as processing again what an Oh – Aew less life actually looked like.
Automatically, Teh’s focus jumps to the box they’d sealed shut and with his recollection of the evening, the last of his bleariness fizzles away. The nerves come creeping back in and it takes Oh materialising at the foot of their bed to tear his mind away from another precipice.
He retraces the long, winding path his mind had traversed and smiled back.
To Teh, it doesn’t look like he was unhappy or… shaken by the discussions (but he was still relearning, so it’s best to keep the error margin too slim). If anything, his boyfriend is doubly energetic. Perhaps it’s the promise of a day off to spend together, as they liked.
In fact, it’s the final propellent to get himself out of bed too, but it’s Oh – Aew’s sweet promise about getting started on breakfast in the meantime that wakes him up completely. Towel drying his hair 20 minutes later feels like a luxury after incessant exposure to hairdryers. Lost in his thoughts as he is, it takes a while to realise The Box is gone.
Pulling on a pair of joggers and reaching the living room prompts his Oh into looking up, a tumbler of hot milk, his own beverage sending up swirls of next to his elbow.
Teh soon recognises the scent of cinnamon rolls, the emblem of his favourite bakery glowing in the morning light. An obligatory bowl of fruit is proffered to him with a wink for Teh to concede to. Oh – Aew graciously begins explaining the setup, accepting interruptions in the form of Teh feeding him his breakfast alone.
In no time, they’ve covered one and a half scripts and his Oh’s enthusiasm is exactly like the other evening. Teh doesn’t know why his mind keeps toggling between memories and what’s before him now, but he just can’t help it.
Comparison, reassurance and… loops of grief - gratitude. He just couldn’t break the cycle, nor did he deserve to, really. He can’t ever forget again, not him. Not when it’s this, what he’d been yearning for.
His partner’s eyes shine differently when he’s happy, when he’s content, when he cares so much it spills over into every movement. He’s relieved to see the scripts have grown in volume due to post – its alone; with remarkable finesse, Oh guides them through to his succinct conclusion.
He waves a notepad under Teh’s nose, and waits for him to accept it, sauntering off to figure out their lunch as he looks at the flow charts and maps in silence.
His rationale is meticulous, if nothing else, and Teh shouldn’t be as amazed as he is to see Oh – Aew’s come to similar realisations about the work. He brings yet another perspective, nuances that Teh wouldn’t ever realise he’d been missing.
Over lunch, their conversation manages to expand into what plans Teh has into actually joining the other productions in his pipeline, and what kind of cast he could expect for the film they’d start shooting for soon.
It’s a topic Teh knew was coming (fucking obviously) but leaping from script to screen over their stir fry was a little too soon. Though he can’t articulate it, Oh picks up on his unease and swiftly brings them back to safer territory, the doubt in his eyes colliding with a gentle, patient smile.
Come 4PM, the stage directions began to look identical to the dialogue in script number five and that’s when they decide to call it a day.
They go from being on the sofa like proper adults to laying starfish on the vacuumed – by – Teh carpet as Oh decides to regale him with the mini - sagas of his office. So far as Teh concerned, they held potential to become sitcom episodes in their own right.
Leaping from one campaign to another, they land, on a colleague being signed onto a campaign for a debutant actor, a guy with a great internet following already. Oh – Aew’s tone changes, the mirth in his eyes fading slightly. Teh’s curious as he leans in conspiratorially,
“I guess now’s a good time as any. I trust you to make sense. So. If I needed to tell Ani what he should know about this world and how to do his best … what would you do as someone who’s been in that phase already?”
Teh can’t breathe, suddenly. Because it wasn’t an ‘would’, not really.
The way he swings back to sitting sukhasana only momentarily startles Oh enough, but it’s jumping to his feet that prompts an urgent shout of his name. Storming out, collecting what he needs and storming back in has done nothing to abate his shock.
Teh knows he’s not being logical and that wasn’t a jab, far from it. Teh wishes he had something eloquent, something wiser, something that decentred him. Something that didn’t spotlight how much he’d hurt Oh and their relationship.
The truth is, he doesn’t. And yet. It was him asking.
Teh hadn’t admitted to himself what had truly driven this methodical madness, and why Oh – Aew had agreed to this task was truly beyond him, but now that they were here, he couldn’t not give him the explanation he deserved.
He unclasps the accordion folder, now 98% full. Oh - Aew startles at the way it bursts open, overwhelmed. Not a word is said as he reaches for what’s in the first compartment: the first agreement he’d ever signed.
The Pratchayanant emblem has faded slightly. Their memories have not. It’d been half protocol, half just making everything feel… real. Khim, Dream, everyone had signed.
Teh had been the last one to put pen to paper.
He’d nearly botched his own signature but elation and excitement had coursed through him as the ink dried. If only he’d known.
Oh searches his eyes now (again) for God only knows what before setting the document aside. Out of sight. Teh watches him read through every single contract since.
Some sort of realisation dawns on his face as he reaches the agreement for the series that’d been a superhit. Then his and Airy’s project.
And that they’d signed on for two more in the future with the same core team.
He can’t bear to watch as Oh - Aew reaches the most recent contract; he looks behind Oh at the moon instead, willing himself to not break. The shuffling of papers ten minutes later makes his heart race.
He listens Oh – Aew miss the clasp of the file once, twice; the third time’s a . Then, as he sets it on their coffee table, the heavy clunk obtrusively loud in the strained silence. Teh still can’t fucking breathe, God why. Even on steady ground, he’s drowning, suffocating.
Minutes later, he feels a hand close over his shoulder, coaxing him to turn around.
The touch is insistent, unrelenting. And far more patient than he deserves. Teh can’t unlock his muscles and it’s not until Oh shuffles to sit in front of him that he realises what’s changed. His boyfriend creates a space for himself between his legs, bringing Teh’s arms around his torso, interlacing their hands. Automatically, his chin gravitates to hook over his shoulder.
They exhale in tandem, back on even footing.
That first time, it’d been so different, so exhilarating, so terrifying. When they’d tread newer ground back then, they’d do this, when talking to each other was difficult. And it had helped then; it had helped them recently too. This, though, Teh can’t fathom where to begin.
Oh doesn’t intercept or try for him, but waits. Trusting. Eventually,
“I guess I’d tell Ani’s client…. to find out his manager’s favourite snacks and never get on their bad side. Two helpful things in one,” he hedges, only half – meaning it.
The other half is misdirection. An expected inroad into vulnerability with Teh Saetun.
Oh – Aew’s head tips forward, muffling the sound of his wry chuckle. Teh breathes him in, the consistency of his scent making treading the inroad just that little bit easier. He shuts his eyes, taking this liminal moment to gather his thoughts. They snap open at the sensation of Oh untangling one of their hands to bring one to his to rest over Oh’s heart, his hand covering it once more.
The racing beat belies how well he’s hiding his concern, his apprehension. Teh can’t help but anchor himself and feels Oh tense as he sits up slightly, pulling him even closer.
“I guess I’d say this to the actor, if Ani let me meet him. I’d say, don’t lose the trust of the person you trust the most’ Oh manages to bite back his gasp, but his hold on Teh’s hand tightens painfully as he continues ‘because then, you lose focus. It’s so easy to lose meaning. And so… too rare to find it again. Trust, love, and – ”
The last of his statement – confession dies on his tongue, the words turning to ash as Oh jolts out of his hold. He’s frozen for three minutes and Teh can’t breathe as he finally spins around to face him.
He was right to guess anguish, recognising it immediately. What he doesn’t expect is to be hurriedly rearranged until Oh was comfortably settled in his lap, bringing them almost nose to nose. This close, Teh can’t parse out the minutiae of his face anymore but instead feels every inch of him quivering as he brings him into a kiss
It’s pure desperation and regret, as he tastes Oh’s tears within seconds. The grip Oh – Aew has on his shoulder and the back of his head verge on painful but Teh doesn’t care. Not when it means he gets to taste this, be absolved and show his own pain.
(it’s both better and worse than the scant minutes in the parking lot, with the canyon of distance and everything left unsaid, character dialogues damned to the ether)
(it isn’t words that Oh wants to hear now)
It isn’t soothing hands down his back but a fierce hold on his hips that keeps Oh pressed against Teh, continue kissing the life out of him, breathing each other in. Pulling away abruptly minutes later, he feels his heart spasm at the pained clarity in his love’s eyes.
He half expects to be scolded, finally tearing through the shoddy stitches on their wounds.
Instead, Oh skips past the bullshit and back to the topic at hand.
“Is this’ a sharp pointing of his chin is Teh’s only reprieve before he turns back to him ‘all an exercise in gauging how much I trust you, then?” Oh’s voice is low, urgent. Teh’s mind is blank. Oh – Aew misinterprets it and proceeds to ask him –
“Or is it for if I trust you? Because I do. I wouldn’t read your texts, come to your thesis presentation, or Phuket or be here if I… Teh! Do you truly….” Oh trails off, frantic, shaking him by the shoulders. Teh lets him.
He uses their position to pull him into a hug. Teh knows he’s sobbing again. Eventually, his lungs burn and so, Teh must fall quiet. Vulnerable. Ready. He keeps his eyes closed as Oh – Aew finally not – quite asks the worst question. He knows he, they need an answer.
“Please, please tell me you were talking to anyone at all, Teh.”