A Bigshot’s Guide to Queerbaiting

by icedcoral

Summary:

After a series of misunderstandings, the public is convinced that Spamton and Tenna are in a relationship. Obviously they aren’t, but maybe they could play into it a little. Try to use it to their advantage.

And definitely NOT develop feelings along the way!

Notes:

If no one else will write the fake dating fics then I WILL!

(Also I promise I’m still working on Battat is Dating Mike school is just hard)

Chapter 1: Step 0: Misunderstanding

Parlay skidded on the tiled floor of the green room, desperately trying to keep their comically large stack of paperwork from toppling over. They carefully treaded into the dressing room hallway that lead to their shared office space, trying not to disturb any other employees who stayed late or prophecy-forbid the hosts.

They heard a creaking sound.

Parlay involuntarily flinched leading to one of their papers to gently fall to the ground.

They looked towards the cause of the noise. 

It was one of the hosts, Spamton to be more specific. He looked… oddly tired, like he had just run a marathon. He was even covered in a layer of sweat. The email’s hair looked like someone had run a reverse comb through it. Wait a second…

Parlay before picking up their paper to look more closely at the plaque on the door, because they could’ve sworn… 

“Mr. (Ant) Tenna” The shining letters displayed, as they always had.

They tried to inconspicuously peek at the inside of the room.

Vanity, what they can guess is their other bosses sleeping(?) figure splayed out on the couch, and, the most damning evidence, Spamton’s coat tossed haphazardly on the floor.

They slowly picked up the piece of paper. Piecing together the puzzle in their mind. 

A tired Spamton, after one of the more relaxing shows as well, walking out of Tenna’s room, the coat on the floor…

well it’s not like Parlay didn’t expect this. They always knew to some level that the two had some sort of odd tension. Good for him, good for him.

Oh right they had just been standing there the whole time.

The pippins quickly hoisted themselves back up from the awkward bending position they were just in to speed walk towards their office, hoping to the big shot in the sky that Spamton had been too out of it to take much notice of them.

After finally arriving at the desk of their office, they set down the mountain of papers, and promptly tried to figure out what to do after that whole… revelation.

…

…

…

Should they?

…

…

…

Well, the water cooler would definitely want to hear about it anyways.

…

…

…

Well at least now they actually have something interesting to talk about during break.

 

_______________________________________

 

Amp precariously balanced 6 plates on one tray, trying extremely hard not to accidentally drop one. When she finally made it to the table (a group of kids that definitely shouldn’t be eating this much sugary code) she breathed a sigh of relief, returning to the counter to scout out any new guests awaiting a server. (Pun intended)

When she spotted two familiar Darkners. 

Now, Spamton & Tenna’s TV Time: Marvelous Mystery Board, despite the belief of some older tech, was actually a fairly good show. Or at least Amp thought so. Though to be honest episode 78 of season 9 was just a plain heap of trash, like seriously a water balloon fight? That was literally used 2 seasons ago! Plus that weird comment about werewires should’ve definitely been cut.

Okay, okay, she was getting off track. Back to the topic at hand.

Basically, the two most well known TV stars in both Cyber World and The Studio were sitting in a private booth in the little mom & plug shop she happened to work at. 

Amp smiled a wide grin before, with confidence that she didn’t even truly understand how she had attained, sauntering over to the duo.

And that’s when she stopped.

The CRT had a wide grin on his face, one she recognized wasn’t for show, and he was rambling away about something or another, she also saw a sprouting flower beginning to emerge from his nose. The salesman sitting across from him no different, he had what could only be described as a lovestruck smile on his face as he continued to probably not listen to Tenna. 

This moment felt… private

She realized.

Then Amp promptly spun on her heel and shouted for her coworker. 

“TWO AT BOOTH SEVEN!” 

Whenever the coworker in question passed Amp, she turned toward her

“I thought I should pass this one to you, think you’ll really like the opportunity.” She winked and before finally leaving.

 

I’m not much for rumors but…

This one seems credible.

 

_______________________________________

 

It was honestly a miracle that Tenna was the first one to pass out.

The two had been in a frenzy of writing down whatever ‘creative’ ideas they had that would probably not make near as much sense in the morning since the last ad had aired. Which was about…

Spamton checked the Tenna shaped clock on the wall.

10 hours ago…

Yeah he really didn’t have an excuse for that one.

He sighed, looking back at his partner.

Yup, totally conked out, bouncing DVD logo and all. 

He sighed again before finally taking off that stupidly hot coat he had for some reason chosen to keep on, and throwing it on the floor. 

He looked back at Tenna’s sleeping figure before leaving. Spamton had laid him on some TV Time branded pillows when he had noticed the other starting to drool. He had his antennae curled in what he knew would be a peaceful expression were his screen on. He had changed into his suspenders quite a while ago; his sleeves rolled up to help him not overheat (he should really be drinking more coolant).

Spamton caught himself before he was about to take a step forward.

He had to take a call.

He quickly exited the room, paying no mind to any Darkners he saw along the way.

He twisted the doorknob to his quarters, he could hear it ringing.

 

_______________________________________

 

Tenna sat himself down on the surprisingly plush seats of the booth. It may have been a little cramped for his size but he could just… there! He shrunk down until he was the perfect size for the booth, although his legs still reached the other seat.

Speaking of the other seat!

His dear mailman sat there, pulling out his wallet to make sure he all his cards were in order. He and Spamton didn’t dress too fancy for the dinner (That would just be plain weird folks!) the shorter wore a white shirt with a spiffy black  coat overtop it, with a matching pair of white pants and black shoes on too. 

Tenna himself wore his classic casual outfit (or just ‘fit’ as the kids say nowadays), a white button-up along with a some suspenders, although he did decide to try on some groovy yellow-orange shoes.

Oh right! He hasn’t even mentioned why they’re here!

“So you got the [Free Theater Scri-] the script ready Tens?” Spamton made a frustrated sound at the tic, although before Tenna would be worried, now that he knew the full extent of his situation, Tenna decided it was best right now to ignore it.

“I sure do Spammy!” He pulled out the large notebook paper he used to write out his skits and scenes.

“Good, mind giving me a summary of it so we can go from there?” He sat his chin up on his hands so he could look directly at Tenna.

“I sure can!” He responded, immediately diving into it.

Oh, he was just so elated that they could both actually talk about their ideas while it not being the middle of the night! While he was sure his little mailman’s advice was great at any hour, actually being able to talk back and forth, to incorporate his criticisms while right there, instead of only half-remembering what he said and trying to do it on his own. 

While this might’ve seemed boring to anyone not as Big as they were, Tenna was positively overjoyed at what was happening right now. If he had a tail, it would be wagging real hard right now! But, he supposed he just had to settle for trying to quietly flap his hands and kick his legs under the table (I still have to PRETEND I’m being professional folks!).

Oh did a flower just bloom from his nose? 

He paused his explanation of the script, uh oh now Spamton was going to notice for sure! He blushed in embarrassment.

“Uh… ahahah… guess I got a bit too overexcited there! Ha… anyways,” He awkwardly tried to continue his explaining, albeit with a smidge less enthusiasm than before.

Spamton laughed, a real laugh, not the one he practiced in the mirror every day before the show.

“HAEHAEHAE! Cathode! You don’t gotta apologize, I’m glad you’re just as excited about this as me.” He looked up and gave that award winning smile for him.

Was it possible for him to blush even more? (I’m about to overheat folks!)

“Haha… guess your uh, right.” Tenna responded bashfully.

“But, let’s get on with the show folks!” He tried to get back into the rhythm of his explaining.

Once he had finished his explanation, a waitress appeared right on time. 

“So what can I get for you two?” 

 

Chapter 2: Step 1: Planning

Summary:

(How is our beloved mailman getting out of this one folks? Tune in to next chapter to find out!)

Notes:

They give me brain damage <\3

Spamton really despised being in Cyber City, even if he was a bigshot now. Too many reminders of… he did like the room in Queen’s mansion though, that was a good change.

Too bad he wasn’t there right now.

He was currently inspecting an aisle of the gift shop, which was probably a front considering how no one from TV World comes here (Except him and Tenna, of course). Trying to decide if he should get the crappy keychain of Queen’s head that’ll probably break on the way home, or the water bottle of also Queen’s head that’ll probably kill the next person to drink out of it.

However, before he could decide, he caught sight of something in the magazine section.

Spamton and his partner, while being celebrities, were never really in any of the gossipy tabloids, those were more focused on the guests on their show or anyone that Queen knew.

But, he doesn’t think that any explanation could do justice to the sheer amount of… emotion the cover page brought him.

“Are The TV Stars… Dating!?!?!” 

It was paired with an image of the season 19 premiere promotion, said TV stars standing back to back, smiling brightly. (Yes Spamton was on a stool)

And Spamton, being the responsible and not at all reactionary person he was, obviously did not pick up said tabloid, skim through it with horror, dash out of the store (not before paying the clerk a $20 because he didn’t have anything less in his wallet.) and book it to TV World.

…

Okay fine he actually did exactly that.

_______________________________________

 

Tenna was sitting in his office chair, contemplating, when he heard a frantic knock at the door.

“I already told you to just let the weather handle the show today!” He shouted out, frustrated that his contemplation time had been interrupted.

He heard a sigh from the other side of the door, before he heard the sound of keys jingling and then-

“Heya cathode!” A very anxious looking Spamton greeted him, clutching a slightly crumpled magazine in his hands. He stiffly walked towards Tenna and leaned on his desk with his free arm, trying desperately to appear casual.

“Oh um, hey Spammy! Wasn’t really uh, expecting you back this early.” Tenna, effortlessly more casually, also leaned on his arm.

“Yeah well er, y’know Cyber City is great and all but um, The Studio is home!” Spamton continued to tactically dodge why he was really here.

Tenna, instead of trying to continue to lead his co-host onto a conversation topic that he was oh so desperately trying to avoid, just stayed silent.

 

…

Tenna’s face scrunched up determinedly.

 

…

Spamton started to sweat.

…

The mailman sighed.

…

“Fine, cathode.” He finally relented, dramatically slamming the tabloid into Tenna’s desk.

Tenna read the title.

He read it again, aloud this time.

“A-are the TV s-stars… WHAT!?” He felt like someone had just insulted TV! Like Toriel and Asgore had decided to divorce! Like Asriel had spontaneously combusted into tiny little dust particles! Like Kris had put a magnet up to him again! Like- like- like-

“T-tens! [Calming ocean nois-] CALM DOWN!” 

It was then when he noticed. He had grown 10 feet taller, his head scraping the ceiling. His antennas were twisted in frustration. His screen dim, with only a scowling face on it.

“Oh, s-sorry about that spams…” Tenna brought himself down, his anger quickly turning to embarrassment, then guilt, he was getting shorter and shorter.

Was he crying? That’s so stupid, it was just a silly gossip magazine! Why was he crying!? Showmen don’t cry! Oh heaven, now Spamton was going to think he was weak and helpless and would abandon him and then the audience would leave and then-

For the second time today, he was brought out of his spiral by Spamton.

_______________________________________

“Hey there bigshot, it’s okay, y-y’know this is actually a uhh, great business opportunity!” What he was even saying at this point? Even he didn’t know. Whatever, as long as Tenna found it vaguely comforting.

The host was about to continue mumbling random things to Tenna, when he noticed said CRT looking up at him curiously.

“W-what,” he sniffled “what was t-that?” 

Spamton looked down at him again, confused.

“What? What I just said?” Tenna nodded, growing ever so slightly larger.

“Oh uhh, well, if the audience think we’re in some sort of er, relationship, that would probably rake in more views, right?” He came up with that point on the spot, repeating information from an online article he had read.

Tenna grew again, then tilted his head.

“But us? First of all, I don’t even know why the audience would think that, secondly, I don’t think the censors would be very happy with us in a public relationship.” He gestured towards both him and his co-host, it didn’t need to be explained why.

“Yeah right, not very advertiser friendly…” Spamton trailed off as an idea appeared in his head. Something else he had read about in that article…

“But what if we don’t say it?” Upon the other’s confused expression, he elaborated.

“What if we baited them? Like, we act as if we’re actually in a relationship, while never saying it out loud, giving us plausible deniability.” He proudly put his hands on his hips, glad to have both won the conversation and having lifted Tenna’s mood.

“Hah, you know that sounds like a funky idea. But, how exactly do you know it’ll raise the ratings and such?” He seemed to have been actually considering it.

“Tens, Tenna, [Boobtube], you know the audience loves relatability right? If we did this, then we be relatable to everyone, we’d practically have the whole world as our target demographic! And we’d be good by the censor’s standards too.” Oh by the Angel what was Spamton saying!? He had dug himself a 1000 foot hole straight to hell, and couldn’t climb back out, just trying to sink his pickaxe deeper toward rock bottom.

His only hope was Tenna laughing him off or pointing out something wrong with his argument.

“That’s… actually a great point!” God damn it.

Tenna had sat up and taken out the whiteboard him and Spamton always used to come up with minigame or script ideas. Furiously scribbling out… something.

“Heya, cathode, what are you uh, doing there?” He tried to lean over to get a closer look, were those drawings of them-

The CRT blushed, probably from the embarrassment of forgetting to explain it to him.

“Well, I’m just throwing out ideas of stuff we could, y’know do, for this plan!” He explained, grabbing the eraser and wiping over something before taking a step back so Spamton could join him.

And that’s how they spent the rest of their day off. Tenna writing down ideas, asking for criticism, and Spamton being too preoccupied with the fact that they were actually doing this to give anything more constructive than “that sounds good.”

Don’t worry, he remembered to give him the keychain too.

Chapter 3: Step 2: Don’t breakdown just yet!

Summary:

Homophobic G*ster strikes again

The audience roared with excitement as their two favorite co-hosts walked onto the stage.

“Welcome folks to Spamton & Tenna’s ^TV TIME^!” Tenna yelled back to the crowd with seemingly just as much enthusiasm.

“Today we’re going to be answering questions for the long awaited Q & A!” Spamton’s throat was going to be soar with how loud he had to say that, over the audience was cheering.

Tenna sat down on the office chair for the desk labeled ‘interviewer’, while Spamton sat on the long couch with a table in front of it labeled ‘interview TV!’

( “That’s a really stupid pun, [Cathode].” He scoffed.

“I know! Isn’t it amazing?” The other ignored him.)

“Now! For our first round of questions, my dear co-host Spamton will answer them!” The mailman tried not to look too caught off guard by the added ‘my dear’. It was all just part of the plan anyway.

He tuned back into the conversation.

“First question! What made you want to sell cars?”

And that’s how his segment of the show mostly went, him answering questions with the occasional witty comment thrown in, all while trying to be casual about the amount of lovey-dovey comments Tenna was making, because ( from the edits he’s seen) HES THE SUAVE ONE DAMNIT!

But, things seemed pretty normal from the outside.

That was, until Tenna’s segment.

 

_______________________________________

 

“And now! For +MY+ part of the questions! Mike! The paper!” He called out as he and Spamton swapped seats.

All things considered, the plan was going smoothly, Spamton didn’t even look like he noticed any of the terms of endearment that Tenna had been addressing him by. If this pace kept up, they could move onto step 3 as soon as the next broadcast!

“Alrighty! Tens, how many ties do you have in your collection?” 

And that’s how his segment continued, everything went perfectly fine without a hitch bla bla bla happily ever after. Rainbows and cupcakes and all that jazz.

Oh who is he kidding?

The third question hit him like a truck.

“Next one! Tenna, are you… currently in any relationships…” Spamton read the question in an extremely believable tone of jealousy. (He should probably thank him for his incredible acting skills later)

Okay yeah more like a train.

“Uh- Well- I- Eh- Er- Uh- Mama Mia- Why- What- Mama- Um- Uh-“ He continued stuttering nonstop for 10 seconds straight before he managed to cut himself off.

“MIKE! Who approved that question?! FIRE THEM! RIGHT <<NOW>>!” He grinned uncomfortably after the mini-breakdown he just had.

Tenna just stood there, staring at the audience, they stared back, murmuring to each other.

“And that’s all the [TV TIME!] we have folks! See y’all Wednesday!” Spamton quickly intertwined their hands and pulled him off the set.

They both speed-walked down the hall, Spamton whispering reassurance that he couldn’t quite hear to him.

After making it to their dressing room, Tenna finally broke.

“O-oh no, oh no, this is bad Spammy, really really bad…” He rapidly shrunk, screen dimming.

“It’s fine Tens, really it’s no big deal! It’ll pass on!” His mailman rubbed circles into his back, they were about equal height now.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I just- hic- I r-ruined your  plan… I-i don’t know why I…” He was full on sobbing, less than half the size of his partner now.

“It’s fine Tens, really it is. Um, hey remember that time I flubbed one of my lines and it was trending all over DarkTube?” Spamton tried to chuckle like it wasn’t the most embarrassed he had felt in years. (Tenna would know!)

“Heh, w-what’s a ‘Dark tube?’ I-is it like one of those ‘ticky tocky’ sites?” Tenna giggled, knowing that Spamton’s face was absolutely priceless whenever he asked those types of questions.

Spamton let out an exasperated sigh, but just smiled fondly down at him.

They sat like that, maybe idly talking about something or another, but it was mostly just a comfortable silence as they stayed (for lack of a better word) cuddled up on the soft velvet cushions of the couch.

 

_______________________________________

 

‘YOU CANNOT BECOME DISTRACTED’

His benefactor had said to him afterwards. Well, not really said, more like let him know.

‘FOCUS ON THE GOAL’

His benefactor reminded him, he hastily scribbled down every single word it said, to make up for his behavior.

‘YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GLORY, HE IS NOT’

As much as it pained him to do so, he scribbled that down too.

‘FOLLOW MY WORD AND MY WORD ONLY’

It had said, as if he had a choice in the matter. His hands ached but he could not stop them from captioning everything in his very own chicken-scratch font.

That night, he did not sleep.

 

_______________________________________

 

(1) New Text from: PlugGorl

Parlay laid in bed, phone held in front of them, neck craned to see the harsh blue light of the screen. They checked to see what the message was.

PlugGorl: OMA did you see the new ep???

They giggled to themselves, of course that’s why she’s texting so late at night. She had probably been up all day just posting about it.

Not that I could blame her.

Gamblr4Eva: [::)] yeeeeess, I waz there stoopid

They sent the message, weatherly awaiting the other’s response.

PlugGorl: YOU GOT TO SEE IT IN PERSONNNN >=( im so jelly

Parlay briefly thought she was actually being serious, and then promptly stopped thinking that because they really wanted to start actually talking about the episode.

Gamblr4Eva: but anywayz, I got a closeup pic  of smthin u might wanna see [;;)]

PlugGorl: Ooooh yeeeesss!! Also totaly know im rubbing off on u cuz ur using emoticons lololol

They tried to hide their blush even though no one could actually see them.

You sent (1) photo to: PlugGorl

The photo in question was a closeup of something that the cameras couldn’t quite catch. When a certain (literal) television star was led off by his co-and-definitely-not-anything-else-host, he had been dragged away by his hands, in a way that seemed like the shorter had done millions of time before.

And, because Tele-Ad enjoyers would freak out every time the two were even near each other, it was safe to say that if this got out, the tabloids would have enough material to last the whole year.

PlugGorl: OH MY ANGELLL. This is soooo >< AAAAAA. Is it okie if I put this on my blog?

But, maybe an exception could be made for her, not like anyone even used Darkblr anyway.

Gamblr4Eva: sure [::D]

And that’s how the second phase started

Notes:

Ooooh so they’re like *that* about each other ok ok

Also this fic is comedy 1st romance 2nd and angst 3rd, just thought I should mention

As always I appreciate every comment and kudos this fic gets :].

Also lol the phone call in between the 2 gayest moments in this chapter

Chapter 4: Step 3: what NOT to do

Summary:

Battat jumpscare!!!

Spamton had laid his head to the side, high-tech Cyber City phone held in his right hand, scrolling with his free one.

He clicked a video that had come up in the search results.

Spamton & Tenna Being In Love For 10 Minutes Straight

Ignoring the… title, he watched it to its entirety.

It was mostly just times he and his aforementioned business partner got a little too close or touchy with each other, maybe with some text overlaid saying things like ‘that loving gaze <3’ or other crap to explain the context.

He scrolled on, deciding to actually read the captions of the clips this time.

Cyber_Lurker
The way he looks at her liek “WHO IS DIS BITCH??” lol

Number_1_showbiz_fan
Tenna hugging himmm auuuuuuughhhhh!!!!

Off_duty_swatchling
“Oh I could just kiss you right now!” Tenna is there something you want to share with the class?

Spamton did decidedly NOT blush at that one. He also, completely spontaneously, decided to get off of Chirper right now. 

With no other apps to scroll through the #ShowBiz or #TeleAd tags, he typed ‘Darkblr’ into the search window (he was NOT downloading that clunky app).

He searched the tag #TeleAd, because it seemed the most popular of the two.

He saw the regular compilations, text posts, weird speculation about their personal lives, all the usual.

That was until he came across a niche, little,  unknown, 50k note post.

Plugged-in-gorl
OMA!! Someone just sent me this closeup clip of the aftermath of the Q&A!! THEY R LITERALLY HOLDING HANDS!!!1!111!!

Accompanying said post was a short clip of a shaky camera pointing towards a sad Tenna walking away with- the camera zoomed in- Spamton in his clutches.

Two emotions settled in his stomach.

The first was fear, fear that this plan was moving way too fast than he wanted, fear that people would start digging further, fear that the audience would know, that the censors would know, that Tenna would know, that He would know.

Know what exactly?

That was the second emotion. The second bubbling, prickling, feeling that weighed him down, that had been weighing him down.

Love.

 

_______________________________________

Tenna’s days always followed, not a schedule per-say, but certain steps.

First, he eats breakfast, in bed now that it’s the weekend. He made sure to savor the taste whenever he ate it in bed, washing it down with a cool glass of coolant.

Second, he grooms himself, wiping down his screen, carefully massaging his antenna, and shaking out any last bits of sleep that might have clung to him. 

And finally, he gets dressed for the day. He took off his nightgown for a white button-up, his ‘I <3 TV’ custom branded boxers for-

“Hey Tens- [HOCHI MAMA]! Sorry!” Spamton turned on his heel and slammed the door to Tenna’s room.

Well, that certainly wasn’t a part of his schedule.

Tenna, more hastily than he had been before, threw on his slacks and met Spamton still waiting outside of his door.

“Hiya Spammy! What did you need me for?” He still had a sizable blush on his screen, but tried to be casual about it.

“Oh, uh, I just wanted to ask you about er, something.” He let himself inside his room, obviously still a bit shaken up from waking in on him. Tenna led him to a small (well, relative to his size) armchair, the mailman sat on the edge of one of the arms.

“So what did you wanna ask me about?”

“Oh, about the script for the new soap opera episode, I’m just not really sure what-“

Spamton was interrupted by a loud knock at the door, he glared at it before getting up and opening the entrance himself.

From Tenna’s angle, he could see a green thing that was about the same height as his co-host, probably a pippins.

“O-oh um, hello there Mr. Spamton! I-I was just, um, is Mr. Tenna in there?” Said green pippins tried to peer over Spamton’s shoulder.

“What do you want to say to him, huh? I can just relay it back to him.” Spamton said in a… cold tone? No, surely Tenna was reading it wrong, his mailman was probably just tired and that had seeped into his voice a bit.

“O-oh! Well, er, I was actually t-trying to, give him this week’s statistics.” The pippins said politely, still trying to peek over his shoulder.

Spamton yanked a clipboard harshly out the other’s hand.

“I can do it myself.” He shut the door without waiting for a response.

He then, calmly as if none of that had just happened, turned back towards Tenna and sat back on the arm of the chair.

“So, statistics huh?” He smirked, flipping through all of the pages to find the ones labeled ‘viewer count average’ and ‘ratings average’.

He whistled once he saw the results.

“Looks like our little plan worked!” Spamton pointed at the data that said ‘up 7% from last week’ and ‘up 8% from last week’.

A flower bloomed from his nose once he got to see it. Tenna pulled his co-host into a hug as he celebrated.

“Oooh, Spammy! We did it! Your plan worked! Oh, I could just, I don’t know! Thank you!” He continued babbling on about how great his partner was and how well the plan worked out and how the ratings were soaring and-

“Can, you, stop, s-squeezing, me?” Spamton managed to get out.

He quickly let go of the other, deflating a bit but mood still pleasant.

“Sorry! It’s just, y’know! I’m so exited that everything’s just good for us for once! We don’t have to worry about ratings or the censors, Tori and Asgore have been alright too!” He grew back his lost height instantly, clicking his middle finger and thumb together rapidly. He should really invest in one of those fancy add-ons Cyber City denizens got, particularly a tail.

Spamton smiled back at him fondly, with a tinge of something else Tenna couldn’t quite place.

“You know what would really make this a perfect day? A nice [dinnnnnnnner], my treat!” He leaned back against the head of the armchair.

“Oh really? Thanks so much Spammy!” A flower blossomed from his nose. 

“Right, well, let’s not waste any time! I’ve been eyeing this diner…” They both walked and talked as they made their way out of the studio.

 

_______________________________________

 

It was safe to say Spamton was [#$!&]ed

Notes:

Hahaha I sure do wonder what ulterior motives Spamton has for the date hahhaha

This chapter was originally way longer but I decided it fit better on its own

I used to really like a certain rpf ship so I just kinda copied the comments and titles from ones I remembered

Dinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnner

Chapter 5: Step 4: Get Out There!

Summary:

Date night!!

Well, okay maybe not entirely [$!#?]ed. Just like, moderately [~#?&]ed.

He should probably explain why, exactly, he is so [6#%!]ed.

Well, for starters, he only just realized he has feelings for his co-host yesterday in a sleep deprived fit of doomscrolling. His co-host, who also happens to not only be his boss, but also the ruler of the entire darkworld. His co-host, who he also happens to be semi-fake dating right now. His co-host who is currently tilting his head at him in confusion-

“You gonna… start the car bigshot?” Right, right he should probably do that.

Spamton finally turned the key into the ignition, and back out of the passage between darkworld, which sounds a lot cooler than it feels.

He could feel his code slip back onto himself as they passed through the fountain. It felt like walking into your childhood home, but everything was in the midst of rotting away. He was cold.

“-nd well, I just think that she and I could use some time to get to know each other y’know?” Tenna was talking, he should probably respond.

He nodded, trying to pull off a sly smile, but without the strings meticulously pulling each of his movements, it looked more like a pained grimace.

He wished the strings were there for more than just his ads.

That’s what he gets for signing a contract without checking the [Terms and Conditions]

“Anyway, where is this place you wanted to go to?” Oh yeah, he realized, he and Tenna were going on a da- going to get dinner. He quickly turned from the route that he automatically had drove down to his room in Queen’s mansion, towards the diner.

Spamton almost forgot that the other darkner was waiting for an answer.

“R-right,” dont start glitching out NOW! “We’re going to a f-[fancy schmancy] restaurant this time around, it’s called ‘The Three Prong Outlet’. You better like it ‘cus it real expensive [Idiot Box].” He knew that Tenna wouldn’t make fun of him for his speech quirk, but that didn’t stop him from sweating like a sinner at the gates of [H E A V E N].

“|WOW|! You were really, ha, prepared Spammy!” Don’t ask more questions, please don’t ask more questions about that! He decided he needed to distract from that subject.

“Ha! I mean, it’ll be great [mmm, food, yummy] for the public!” Because that’s all this is for Spamton, for the public.

“Hah, yeah, great for the audience…!” He could immediately tell that the cathode had lost a bit of his excitement. Heaven above, he should stop mentioning that stupid plan that got him into this mess in the first place.

“But it’s not just for them Tens, I do really want to celebrate another successful week with you, plus we didn’t really get to do any fun stuff for the new season. Just, think of this as a late season premiere [Having trouble finding a d-] c-celebration!” Angel damn it, and he was having a genuinely heartfelt moment too. He just hoped that Tenna wouldn’t think too hard about that ad.

Luckily, they were just about to pull into the parking lot. He drove around the space until he could find a good spot, settling into one near the entrance.

The mailman hopped out of the car (not stumbling because the ledge was still too steep for his size.) and joined Tenna at the front of his Cungadero. (Model SGS)

“No, but, really Spamton, I just can’t thank you enough. You’ve done a lot for our show, for me.” Oh no, Spamton, he called him Spamton. Not Spammy or mailman or whatever else. 

“Haehae, y-y0u’re gonn4 make me t3ar up [Cathode].” He lightly wiped away at his face, just in case he actually started to, well, do that.

“Sorry, ‘bout that, y’know I’m just a sap Spammy.” Tenna pulled him close by the shoulder, Spamton just stood there limply.

He was NOT going to cry over some stupid show, he was NOT attached to him, he was conning him! Using him! This dinner is only for the audience! To gain his trust! Spamton was the only bigshot here! Yeah! Yeah…

“Haehaeahae! Don’t w0rry [Boobtube] I’m- ahem- fine. I’m fine.” He combed over his hair with a hand, finally moving towards the door of the restaurant.

“[Ladies first]!” Tenna chuckled a little, before entering with him.

_______________________________________

 

He heard the click of a camera shutter before they had even gotten their table. Then he felt the harsh light of about a dozen more going off at the same time.

Tenna had the feeling that this was going to be a regular occurrence.

A swatchling sat them at their table, telling them to just press a fancy button when they were ready to order.

“Woah Spammy! You weren’t kidding when you said this place was expensive, so high-tech!” He repressed the urge to press the button, just to see if it would actually work.

“Heh, you sure are right Tenna!” His mailman looked tense, glancing around, looking over his shoulder, tucking in his tie then tucking it back out to check for something under his shirt, straightening out his posture and then immediately hunching over again. 

Was it because Tenna called him that? He’s never had a problem with Tenna calling him nicknames in public. 

Well maybe this was a bit more public than the green room.

“Anyway, I was thinking that since Asriel’s birthday is coming up-“

They both talked and talked and talked about meaningless drivel, even more meaningless now that they knew they were being constantly watched (Wouldn’t want to accidentally spoil any upcoming projects!).

Spamton had suddenly leaned closer to him, Tenna’s antenna twisted up involuntarily.

“Tens, you sure you want to stay here?” The concern that laced his voice contrasted with the smug look he kept on his face.

“No, no it’s really fine Spamm- Spamton. I mean if you’re uncomfortable we can leave. I just don’t want to ruin this for you, especially after…” He trailed off, not wanting to talk about the conversation they had at the front of the car, even if they probably couldn’t be heard by anyone (Who knows if these Cyber-Worldians have any modifications that can let them hear, or even record, their conversation!).

He nodded before finally leaning back into his seat.

“So, as I was saying, I think you should really consider airing that show in between five and-“ 

Wait wait! Hang on! How can he just move on from that? He just- he just leaned in and whispered to him! That was completely unnecessary! Oh no, he could NOT start blushing because of THAT move! What was this? some cheesy rom-com? Nope! He was actually NOT going to think about this more! That was obviously just a clever way to disguise a normal question within the bounds of this rumor they made up. Obviously. Stop thinking about it Tenna.

“Are you two ready to order your drinks yet?” That definitely snapped him out of his haze. The same swatchling that had seated them had  come to check on them.

“Yes, or well, Tenna do you still need time to decide?” Spamton gazed back at him, he nodded, he usually ordered the same thing no matter the restaurant.

“Right, I’ll have a Hewlett’s style acid.”

“And I’ll get a sparkling coolant please.” 

The swatchling wrote down their orders and headed on their way.

He heard another random cyber citizen giggle at his choice of drink.

Tenna sighed, maybe this dinner was really getting on his nerves. Whatever, as long as his little mailman was enjoying it, he was too.

Also, sparkling coolant is a perfectly respectable choice of beverage!

_______________________________________

 

Spamton finally closed the entrance to his room in TV world, he didn’t even have enough energy to walk to his couch, he just slid down the door and sat there.

It was ringing

How much he dreaded that noise, he couldn’t say, better not to say (or even think) it though, lest He find out.

It was ringing

Well, maybe it wasn’t that bad. The ringing was just as a part of his success as say, his strings, were. Speaking of, they seemed to dig ever so slightly deeper into his skin.

It was ringing

He decided to get up, he could hear a popping sound in the back of his mind, but couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel much of anything right now.

It was ringing

It was best not to keep Him waiting. Spamton picked up the phone.

“H-hello? Spamton?”

He could’ve sworn he heard static.

“Well, even if you won’t pick up, I think I’llstill try to talk. Not like I was expecting you to pick up anyway, you’re a bigshot now.”

Who is that? Yellow? Pink? Blue? Orange? He couldn’t remember whose voice it was. He couldn’t remember any of their voices.

He thinks the static might be coming from him.

“I just wanted to… apologize for that night. It wasn’t right for us to all just walk out on you like that, for me to walk out on you like that.”

He could feel the static start to pool in his mouth.

“I-I, heh, I heard that you’re doing better now. Y-you have your own show and everything! To think that my own sis- uh- b-brother, that dopey glowing white little spam bot, has his own room in Queen’s mansion!” 

The static overflowed from his gullet and dropped down onto his outstretched hands.

“I… I’m sorry again Spam, really sorry. Goodbye.” 

Dialtone.

Notes:

Sorry for the late update! Hope the extra long chap will suffice!

As always thanks for every comment and kudos :}

Chapter 6: Step 5: Privacy Is Important In a Fake Relationship

Summary:

The lesbians are back, and also consent is important kids

Notes:

Tw for emetophobia/vomiting (not described in graphic detail

“It’s just so… AAAA!! Like they basically just made it official Ampy! They practically kissed on stage in front of everyone!” Amp turned down her volume on her computer a bit, while she loved when Parlay got excited, the volume could be a bit much when blasting through her cheap headphones at 1:00 AM.

“Like that one Darkblr post?” She could practically feel their head start to roll in glee at the mention of Darkblr.

“Speaking of! Amp, I saw your post on Litter! You’ve really made it.” She blushed a bit at the compliment.

“Ah yes, having my post stolen on L the anything app is truly my greatest achievement.” She said sarcastically, typing in her post word-for-word on said app. Yep, there it was, in all its stolen glory.

“Shut up! You basically stole the photo from me! Which means we have to get even…” Amp could see the conniving smirk on their face from here.

“Ohh no, don’t tell me you like snuck into their rooms or something.” She had absolutely no doubts that they would do something as dubiously legal as that.

“What? No of course not! I’m not that kind of unhinged!” Parlay sounded offended that she would even suggest that they would commit such an act. 

“No, no, I have something much better in store for you kekekeke…” They devolved into mock evil laughter, Amp rolled her eyes but waited for them to actually explain.

“So, as you know, I’ve been really into photography lately, and it just so happened that I was passing by a certain diner when I spotted the perfect chance to test my skills.” She nodded along, even though they couldn’t see her do so.

“And I really am actually proud of how the picture came out, and you know that the gossip magazines are going to be all over this, so what better way to get back at you, express my creativity, and earn a quick buck than this? It’s the perfect plan!” 

To be honest…

“That sounds cool as fuck.” She thought for a moment before adding.

“And I think I may also have something that will help you. For a price of course.” She put on her own devilish smirk.

“What might that price be, dear Amp?”

“The pic, I want to see it, no filters, good lighting, just the pic.” As soon as she uttered her final word she heard them scamper away, to pay her as soon as possible. (Despite what some show hosts might say, pippins aren’t cheaters. Or well, hers isn’t anyway.)

“There, done.” 

Amp heard the accompanying ‘Ding!’ Sound effect of her being sent a dm through Darkscord.

Oh, they really weren’t kidding about the whole ‘practically kissed in public thing’. If looks could kill, they would have 2 kids and 1 on the way.

“Well, guess that means I’ll hold up my end of the bargain.” True to her word, she sent a message to another friend of hers.

Amp Packard: hey wren can I ask you for a favor?

Wren Palette: Sure.

Amp Packard: my partner has this photo they want to sell to some tabloids and I was wondering if you could put in a good word for them.

Wren Palette: 👍

 

_______________________________________

Tenna looked back down at the monochrome colored newspaper.

“Have The TV Stars Made It Official?”

He knew, okay? He knew that he had already seen pretty much this exact same title on about a dozen other shitty tabloids over the past few weeks. What he was really pondering about was what the headline made him feel.

It was this odd fluttery feeling, like bubbles popping. It made him think of pink and home and the hearth. It was somehow the exact opposite of what he felt whenever he plastered on a fake smile while recording on a bad day, while simultaneously being exactly what he was trying to go for. It made him want to flap his hands about and wag his imaginary tail. It made him want to pace around his office and drink 3 cups of coffee flavored extra caffeine coolant.

And, it made him blush.

He had been feeling this recently. Although it had felt like it was always there, going unnoticed, sleeping through the cracks of his subconsciousness.

“Heh, and you say I’m spacey, Cathode.” Spamton said, waving a hand in front of his screen to get his attention.

“Ah! Sorry about that Spams! Just a lot on the mind y’know.” There that feeling was again, flashing in his stomach and climbing up his throat until it disappeared into the lower part of his boxy head. And, more importantly, making him sport a large red blush on the sides of his screen.

Spamton gave him an odd look. 

“It’s alright. Just wanted to tell you that I was about to get up ‘cus I forgot something on set, shouldn’t be too long.” He got up to do exactly as he said, making his way over to the door of their dressing room as he talked.

“Okay, um, buh-bye Spammy!” The only response he got back was the huff of it’s not like I’m heading off to war.

And that finally left Tenna alone with his thoughts.

Which was a terrible idea.

Why? Well, because he had to actually think about these feelings instead of just pretending they didn’t exist or trying to forget they did by paying rapt attention to the conversation.

Speaking of distractions

He had just noticed that, lying face down in the couch cushion next to him, was Spamton’s cell (or eye-phone, or whatever the youngins were calling them now.)

Ah yes! He had forgotten! The internet would surely have answers to his conundrum! Like his co-host always said “You can find all the answers on the internet!” 

But this is his phone…

Maybe just to look it up really quick…

He would have to make the decision soon, considering…

Tenna snatched the phone before he could hesitate any longer. He punched in the code he had seen his partner type hundreds of times over (Look if he wanted to keep it a secret he would’t’ve done it right in front of him!). He then carefully pressed the home button, pressed the app labeled ‘Ask Queen’ and typed in his query (it also seemed he could see past search queries too… NOPE! He had already taken his phone, he didn’t want to spy on what he was doing with it. What would he need a new binder for anyway? Had the ones he bought for him fallen apart?)

“ What is the feeling where you blush and get a weird sense in your stomach?”

Blah blah ‘you might have a virus!’ Blah.

Ugh… so much for that!

Well maybe if I just…

“ What is the feeling where you blush and get a weird sense in your stomach when near someone?”

This time he was met with… unexpected results.

Something about ‘love’ and ‘crushes’. Clearly they were just ads related to the upcoming season. He- he couldn’t possibly feel that way towards SPAMTON of all people! He hasn’t even thought of anyone, much less another man, that way! The censors would kill him!

Okay, so clearly this wasn’t working.

Surely, if he just, went to another app-

“Tenna, [Put It Down].”

_______________________________________

 

He yanked the phone out of the others hand.

He sighed.

“What the [$!#?] were you even doing?” Spamton asked tiredly as he tucked the phone securely into his front pocket.

Quite frankly, he should be absolutely furious right now. He should be screaming at Tenna about privacy and the importance of asking or whatever. But, for some reason, he just can’t feel anger, or much of anything really.

He decided that he was just tired.

“I-I was just- er- well- oh mama- I-“ His co-star stammered.

He sighed again.

“Whatever, c’mon we have to film that ad pretty soon.” He walked out of the room again, expecting Tenna to follow. He made it about halfway down the hall before he realized he didn’t hear the sound the other’s footsteps behind him.

Spamton made his way back down the hallway into their dressing room.

“You comin’ [ten outta ten]?” He peeked his head back in through the door.

Tenna, finally, got up and walked towards him.

“Y-yes, sorry about that- it was just- uh- checking the time. Are you doing alright?” He quickly changed the subject. Spamton usually would’ve commented on that, but, strangely, he couldn’t bring himself to.

“Yeah, I’m [Overdue payments or fines?]- I’m fine.” He was just tired was all.

They both made their way over to the set, a weird sort of tension hanging in the air. Once arriving it looked like the shadowguys and pippins had already fixed the stage for him.

Time to put that award-winning smile to good use.

“Alright, enough [d-] DILLy dallying! We need cameras set up stat! And mind getting his director chair for ‘im?” He nodded towards Tenna. Walking up the stage, Spamton could already feel the strings prickling as if in anticipation (although he would much rather not think about them having any sort of cognition).

The valentines ad, as all his advertisements, went by quickly. Usually Tenna would make him get a few more takes after the first, to really make sure it felt right, but today it only took three for him to give the green light and send everybody off for the day.

Whatever, he just wanted to collapse in his bed already.

“Hey! Spam, you got a minute?” The ever-recognizable voice of his co-star called out to him. Although he would rather not, he also didn’t have any excuses, besides, he had maybe been kinda ignoring him today.

“Sure.”

_______________________________________

“I just want to… apologize,” That seemed to already be the wrong choice of words, considering how much Spamton had tensed. 

“I-I know that it was a huge invasion of your privacy, it wasn’t right, and I’m s-sorry um, sorry.” Spamton was eyeing the door and, for some reason, the ceiling. Perhaps Tenna’s apology was going so badly that he was praying to the heavens for a way out, he shrank and his antenna lowered.

“Look, I’m just really sorry about the whole thing, I was j-just er- curious about how it worked, but I know better than to just take your things. Sorry again.” He saw Spamton shiver(?) a little, before responding.

“Tch! Well if you wanted to know how it worked, you coulda just asked!” He scoffed and pat him on the back.

“Hey! You know, I have a laptop you can borrow, it can do way more than this rinky-dink phone. Waddya say bigshot?” It was almost like the previous interaction hadn’t happened at all. But who cares! Tenna was being forgiven! His height shot back up.

“Dwaaaa! Well you don’t have to go do all that for me! Really!” He could tell he was being led to Spamton’s room, where this computer-thing supposedly was.

He sputtered on about how he was the one that should be giving him something and ohhh but really you shouldn’t! Before they finally came to the door.

“Alright, wait here [Free Scra-] ahem, Cathode.”

Tenna waited obediently at the front of the door, Spamton quickly shut it before disappearing. That was when Tenna realized he had never actually been inside his bedroom. He had of course had the other over at his place a couple of times, usually because it was closer to the studio and neither of them were in condition to drive (if you get what he means folks!). However, Spamton had never so much as even mentioned the place, it was only in the back of his mind as something that was implied to exist.

He should rectify that soon.

His train of thought was soon cut off when his co-host finally appeared back in front of him, this time bearing a purple rectangle with the logo of a bone with a bite taken out of it in the middle.

Spamton handed it to him.

“So, waddya think?” He smiled up genuinely at him as he handed the strange device over.

He studied the weird violet thing in his hands.

“It’s great! Truly cutting-edge! Just, uh, how do you turn it on?” Truthfully, he was more familiar with the Bintendo Entrancement System than this.

His partner just chuckled a bit before seeming to pull apart the rectangle, opening it to reveal a screen of black glass.

“Just press the power button here..”

He pressed a button with the icon of a circle with a line through it. The gadget’s screen then lit up and displayed a window which read ‘type password to login’.

“Now lemme just…” Spamton looked over his arm (and by that he means his face was pressed awkwardly against it) and hit the keys that resembled the typewriters Tenna used. He also produced both a sticky note and pen out of his pocket, he wrote down a random jumble of numbers and letters.

“This is the password, just type it to login and use the ‘puter m’kay?” He said matter of factly.

“To turn on caption just press this button, you can also use it to use the other signs above the numbers and [$?!#].” He demonstrated by typing ‘TV’ in all caps in the search bar. He then huffed a bit, sounding almost pained (?), Tenna immediately brought the laptop closer towards his face.

“Oh, and use the little pad to click on [schtuff]” He dragged his finger across said pad, and the cursor moved along with it, he clicked on a search that had appeared saying ‘TV where to buy’. Suddenly, dozens of articles and websites had popped up, all touting various titles such as ‘Best TV Brands’ and ‘12” inch flatscreen $3000’ (and a very peculiar one that read ‘H0T TV D4RKnRS IN YOU6 AR3A’, but he dismissed it as random advertising jargon) 

It was safe to say Tenna was positively elated.

A flower burst from his nose, that had been happening a lot recently.

He then shut the laptop (his laptop!) closed again.

“Oh, Spammy I really can’t thank you enough!” He clutched the gift close to his chest, like it could be ripped away at any time.

“You’re welcome cathode, now get on outta here, I wanna sleep you know!” Spamton waved him off, not hiding the smile on his face.

“Okay, just, thanks again Spammy! Buh-Bye!” 

And with that he finally walked off, he heard his mailman shut the door to his room.

That feeling burst in his chest again.

 

______________________________________

 

As soon as Spamton shut the door, he sprinted towards the bathroom and heaved. 

He was dying oh angel this is it oh HEAVEN!

He had been struck the absolute worst stomach pain about halfway through him giving Tenna his old computer. Usually when he threw up, it was his throat that felt like it was being twisted in some sort of sick rollercoaster, but he had felt a sudden sharp stabbing sensation in his stomach, like period cramps except it hit you all at once.

Heaven, he hoped he would be able to wash that sickening acidic taste out of his mouth.

He did not look at the putrid mixture he had choked up as he flushed it down the toilet, he only walked over to the sink, washed his hands, and splashed his face.

Spamton looked through the mirror. Was that a tear?

He wiped his face off with a towel.

Well, at least none of it got on anything.

Still, he felt the need to change his clothes. So he quickly undressed, peeling off that damned suit and bow tie, shrugging off his jeans and his tacky $ sign belt, leaving himself only in his boxers and binder.

Fuck it.

He promptly through himself onto his bed and groaned into his pillowcase. Angel above, he was tired. Tired of the ads, tired of being he censors, tired of the studio, tired of himself, tired of hiding himself, tired of hiding from everyone else, tired of just about every single damn thing in his life.

So, he just laid there, half undressed, binder pressing uncomfortably into his chest (he could heal up in the morning), until he eventually fell into a fitful sleep that would somehow leave him more tired in the morning.

Notes:

Sorry for taking so LONG. I got into something else and was worried that I wasn’t portraying the characters correctly. But I got over it and now have a hot meal to serve yall. Also, Spamton throwing up is based on me exactly 2 weeks ago (dw I’m fine now). As always thanks for every comment and kudos.

Chapter 7: Step 6: How To Handle The Fame

Summary:

AnnetmapS

Is SpamTenna Real?: A Look At Both Sides

Recently the newest hotshot TV stars Spamton G. Spamton and Ant Tenna have been rumored to be in a relationship!?! But is this just the rumor mill running its mouth or something more serious? Here’s both sides of the argument so you can decide for yourself.

SpamTenna Truther Evidence:

While the relationship between the two had been speculated to be more than friendship previously, it wasn’t until a certain Darkblr post was published that the idea had gained more traction. 

We have managed to interview the original author of the post, Plugged-in-gorl, this is what she has to say regarding it: 

“It was super fun being famous for like a day lol. some deniers tried to harass me, so I’d like to let you weirdos know that I’ll never stop being a showbiz/infomercial/Tele-Ad/SpamTenna/whatever enjoyer till the day my plug explodes!”

We also have gotten exclusive photos from a professional photographer who’s a big fan of the ship themselves, they wish to remain anonymous, but you can appreciate their fantastic work by emailingto us with the subject line ‘ST Photos’ and we’ll forward it to them.

^ Spamton and Tenna at dinner (or maybe, a date?)

^Spamton sneaking out of Tenna’s room (script writing, or something more?)

^Tenna lying on Spamton’s shoulder in the Green Room Bar (do we even have to say anything here?)

Now all these photos are fine and dandy, but are they really all that they’re chalked up to be? Any of these could simply be explained as a platonic dinner between friends or being too drunk to notice what’s happening. And, as the most honest news source this side of the dark worlds, we want to fairly represent both sides of the argument. That is why this next section is titled:

SpamTenna Denier Evidence:                  _
                                                          _
                                                      _
                                             __
_____________________

A harsh RIIIIIP! Sounded through his office.

“The nerve of t-these…” he muttered, crumbling the useless piece of trash and throwing it into its proper place.

Tenna slumped back down, hands holding his screen, growing shorter and shorter by the minute.

“What is wrong with them… with me…” He corrected himself, he didn’t even know why he bought the stupid thing (At least it was only 30¢…!).

Whatever, he was due for a filming session in half an hour anyway.

What to do… to sufficiently distract himself… for half an hour?

He scanned the room, desperate for anything engaging enough to take earlier out of his mind, but not a commitment that he would need to take more time on. 

Word search? Too mindless. Sketches for a new set? Too much commitment. Paperwork? Absolutely not.

As his antenna turned over every inch of the place to find something to occupy the rapidly shrinking amount of time he had, he finally landed on something.

*BINGO!*

Tenna leaped up from his desk over to where he had sat the computer on the coffee table next to 4 cups of varying sizes and shapes, all emptied of coffee.

He sat the strange device on his lap. Now how did that mailman say to turn it on again? Open it… click one of the- that button!… then enter the password… he looked down near the mousepad, where a small sticky note read ‘Ih8F0n3sanDAdd5’ in his co-host’s familiar handwriting, which he presumed was the password and quickly typed it out, remembering what Spamton had said about capital letters.

Login successful! 

Loading…

And there it was! An entire web to ‘surf’! The whole internet was his to ride the waves of! All because of his wonderful little mailman.

Tenna had been thinking about Spamton a lot more recently. He couldn’t go one minute without reminding himself of his co-star. Maybe it had something to do with those weird feeling he has…? No, definitely not. It’s probably just them becoming more than only friendly co-workers, and being real friends now.

What was he doing again?

Right the his computer! He had about 20 minutes left to do whatever he wanted with it now. What do Darkners do with computers?

He guessed he could search something up. Maybe his own show?

He carefully typed in ‘Tenna & Spamton’s TV Time’ into the search bar, and clicked enter. 

_______________________________________

 

Oh Angel… what happened last night?

Spamton G. Spamton, the most successful bigshot this side of TV world, woke up from his… 10 hour sleep that felt more like a 30 minute power nap than anything else.

Oh and he could barely breathe, maybe that was why.

Quickly shucking off his poor binder that had not been washed for days, he gasped for air in an only semi-dramatic fashion, becoming a little bit more conscious and less disassociated.

Then he just, sat there, upright in his unkept bed in his messy room wearing most likely dirty clothes.

Angel above he wished his benefactor had covered top surgery in the contract

Finally, Spamton decided to get up and try to not be late for whatever it was that he was supposed to be filming today. As soon as he exhaled, he could smell his own breath, which led to him immediately b-lining it to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
 
Which also reminded him exactly what happened last night. 

God in [HEAVEN] must the universe have a twisted sense of humor.

This was all starting to give him a headache (or maybe it’s because he hasn’t drunken anything since yesterday morning), which at least gave him a distraction from thinking about it for a while.

After getting all of his bearings and slicking his hair back for the 1,000th time, he finally walked out the door to his room. 

When Spamton subsequently smacked his face into a large blue object.

“Ac k!1!! W-what the !?!!1??!”

“Oh! Sorrys there boss!” The zapper pulled away from their weirdly close position towards the door.

“N0, no it’s [fined]. Just startled me is all.” He waved them off. Hopefully those vocal tics weren’t going to bother him all day.

“Well, eh, da otha boss told me to tells you dat we ain’t havin’ no filming today, and dat he’s real sick so yous shouldn’t see ‘im.” They told him, rather nervously.

“Sick? With what?” He pressed, he couldn’t just leave Tenna alone with his brain stuffed full of cotton all day.

“I- I don’t knows! I’se just da messenger!”They backed away from Spamton a little, clearly there was something they were hiding from him.

“U-um, we’se haveta run reruns now buh-bye!” They quickly scampered off, clearly not wanting the other to question him further.

Welp, guess he got all dressed up for nothing.

Still, he couldn’t wrap his head around what the zapper had said. He honestly didn’t even know the TV could get sick. Which only lead to him becoming even more worried about him. What if Tenna was hiding his debilitating state from Spamton because he was worried about him? What if this wasn’t just the common cold? What if it got worse? What if it was this that-

He was about ready to throw up again.

Damn it, he shouldn’t spiral himself into a hole every time something happens to Tenna. Everything always seems to revolve around him, even when he’s not around lucky bastard. 

Right, Tenna. He should probably go visit him, just to see how he’s doing of course. Maybe see if he needs anything. 

Was it weird that he wanted to take care of him?

Okay! Nope! These thoughts were definitely just as bad as the last ones! He decided to try not to think about anything while walking over to Tenna’s room.

_______________________________________

Tenna buried his face in one of his TV Time branded throw pillows, and screamed.

Notes:

Sorry for the long wait and shorter chapter! The combo of getting into a new fandom + school + life stuff really killed my motivation sorry. But by spamtonhater1997 will I finish this fic.