Chapter Text
Ivan was pregnant
Till was NOT the father
Today, Ivan is here to find out who the real baby daddy is.
Jerry Springer: So, how the hell you get in this mess
Ivan: One night I went out with my friends the saja boys who also got me drunk.They were busy doin weed and i don’t do shi so i said “imma go get some bussy.” Some twink was twerking on me when all of a sudden I heard a voice in my head tellin me to shake ass and eat dick. So I thought “Hell yeah!” But who was telling me this? Gwi-ma was his name.
Jerry Springer: And you have a husband. Correct?
Ivan: That’s correct. His name is Till.
Jerry Springer: So how did you meet this “Gwi-ma?”
Ivan: After the club, I drove home in my Black, expensive, Bugatti. I was at a red light when his voice come back. “Your ass was so nice back there. Can I see it bare one day?” I nearly choked on air. But something about his voice was so sexy. I told him, “You can see it now.” He groaned. I practically busted home. I was nude by the time I unlocked my front door.
Jerry Springer: We actually were sent footage of you that day by your neighbor Markiplier.
*Clip of Ivan butt ass naked unlocking his door with his pants around his ankles*
Ivan laughs: You could say I was desperate.
I was sprawled out on my bed when he spoke again. “You wanna feel me?” He slurred. I was lost and horny. “FFFFFUccccccckkkkkkk” I groaned. I blinked and a purple, pink flame emerged in front of me. He was so hot. Literally… His flame caressed my waist. Before I knew it I had third degree burns in my asshole. My prostate was cooked. Literally… The next day I woke and ran to the restroom. I threw up but only thought it was because I was drunk. But the sickness got worse overtime, so I went to the doctor. That’s when they told me I was pregnant. My husband doesn’t know yet.
Jerry Springer: Do you plan on telling him about your affair today?
Ivan: Yes. I love him but Gwi-ma has talked me through so much.
Jerry Springer: (It’s your funeral) Here’s Till!
Till walks out urgently, his fist pale and tight.
Till: ARE YOU SERIOUS. THE ONE TIME I LET YOU GO OUT WITH THE BOYS YOU GET DRUNK AND GET FUCKED BY ANOTHER STUD?
Ivan stands and tries to rest his hand on Tills shoulders but he backs away.
Till: DON’T TOUCH ME
Ivan: Baby, please lets talk about this.
Till: AFTER ALL I DID?
Ivan: I LOVE YOU. I DO. WITH ALL MY HEART. GWI-MA HAS BEEN THERE TOO. HE’S SO HELPFUL. PLEASE IF YOU JUST GIVE US A CHANCE.
Till stays silent. Ivans eyes widened. He screams and falls to the ground.
Ivan: IT’S COMING. THE BABY.
Jerry Springer: Oh shit- WE NEED AN AMBULENCE.