Chapter Text
New Kid on the Block Chapter 1, The Mission and the Objective
Based on South Park, Stick of Truth
WARNING!! This fic contains STRONG, uncensored language, crude humor, and words that some may find very, VERY offensive ...I promise! (It's based in the world of South Park, what did you expect?!), Graphic Violence, Possible Spoilers, Imaginations out of Control, and a Stick.
' ' 'like this', indicate Geoffrey's thoughts unless stated otherwise.
By: TheSilverHyena
“The Objective is Easy, The Mission is NOT!”
The Words of Guild Mistress Garna Riverdale
*The Dire Wolf's Den (Office) / The Organization*
So this was it then. This was to be his first mission. Away from his mentor but under the watchful eye of The Organization. Isolated from everything he knew, but he was ready for it. Or at least, he thought he was.
Sitting in a rather posh chair inside the dimly lit but overall extravagant office was a young boy, who couldn't have been more then nine or ten years old. His long, messy black hair partially obscured his face from view, though if one were to look, there was a noticeable scar across the child's left eye. The clothing he wore was simple, just a black tee and jeans with multiple pockets. In one hand, he held a gold medallion, depicting a dragon holding a ruby sun, while with his other, the boy stroked a rather large wolf curled up by his side. The young boy had several scars and spiraling, exotic tattoos on his arms. (There were probably more, but they were covered up by his shirt.)
Sitting across from the boy was none other then the legendary Dire Wolf herself, or at least, that was her “Thief” nickname. Garna Riverdale, Guild Mistress of The Organization, and thorn in the side of terrorists, evil cults, and government officials the world over. One look at her would tell you that she wasn't even human, as the pointed ears and unnatural green eyes were a dead giveaway. Her childish looks were a front, as inside that adorable shell resided the mind of one of the greatest criminal geniuses/nutcases the universe may ever know.
“Does she know you've accepted the mission, Geoffrey?” Garna asked, brushing back a lock of her own long, messy black hair.
The boy, Geoffrey, didn't answer right away. He looked up from the medallion in his hands, taking one last look around the office and the many paintings and trophies hanging on the walls, some of which he had helped procure. A round red and white ball, said to contain a great, mystical power. Several different magical wands and staves. A mystical mirror, covered by a velvet shroud. Swords and knives from around the galaxy. Obscure puzzle devices of gold and bronze. Mystical tomes of unfathomable power. But most important of all were the memories that each and every one of these artifacts held. Now it was time for him to add to this collection.
Without a word, Geoffrey nodded.
“You're the best apprentice I've ever trained, my pup. So much more than the shaken and frightened living weapon brought before me those years back. But now it's time to put that claim to the test,” stated the She Wolf, with a cunning smirk tugging across her lips, “you know the objective?”
Geoffrey's hand clenched around the medallion, bringing it up to his chin as he took in a deep, calming breath. Another nod in confirmation.
“That's what ya think now, mate. Just you wait til she tells you everything else,” grunted the wolf, who gazed up at Geoffrey with a smirk.
The boy was a little confused. What could be so hard about joining in some other kids' game and taking a simple stick right out from under their noses? Right?
“Roaren's right,” Garna announced, standing up and handing Geoffrey a couple of photos, “Geoffrey, you'll be sent to a place called South Park, Colorado. Your objective is to join in this game the other boys will be playing, take an artifact, which may or may not contain mystical properties, known as the Stick of Truth. You must bring an end to the fighting between the two major factions, the Drow Elves and the... KKK.”
While her apprentice studied the photos, each one of a different boy native to South Park, the Guild Mistress let out an audible groan as she shook her head.
“KKK?! Seriously? Gods, what the fuck are they on?”
Baffled, Geoffrey stared back at Garna. He didn't see what the big hullabaloo was-oh! There it was. Yeah, it stood for Kingdom of Kupa Keep; was that done intentionally? Yet, there was something about the smile returning to his mentor's face and the insane glint in her emerald eyes that told Geoffrey that this terrible joke was merely the tip of the iceberg.
“She hasn't gotten to the best part yet,” Roaren muttered.
“What I haven't told you yet, is that despite the reputation of being a quiet little mountain town, South Park has got to be one of the most fucked up places in the universe to date! Alien invasions, Al Gore, Mechanized Barbra Streisand, Manbearpig, global plots of world domination, and a single stick that may or may not hold the power to control the universe!” Garna stated, delighting in the perplexed look on her apprentice's face, “My sources report that before this week is through, those kids are going to find themselves in WAY over their heads and in very real danger! They'll need someone with your unique set of skills to guide them! This will be a test of your courage, resourcefulness, survival instincts, patience, self control, and your very sanity.”
Now that warning was a little bit... strange. But at the same time, it sounded like it could also be a lot of fun. He didn't know anyone there, and they wouldn't know him. It could be a great way to make new friends, new friends that were human like himself. Finally, Geoffrey nodded silently in understanding as he stood up from his chair.
“Before you leave, I have something for you,” Garna said, getting up from her own seat and striding across the room, “the one piece of gear you're permitted to take with you, save for that medallion of yours.”
She took a long, black leather jacket off of a coat rack near the door to her office and helped Geoffrey put it on. It was fitted to his form exactly. Easy to move in. Armored. And it just looked really, really cool. Befitting of the trained assassin that he was.
This time, the boy smiled, resting his hand on Garna's shoulder as she returned the gesture. He was to be permitted no other gear, except for the before mentioned medallion. The Guild Mistress beamed proudly, clipping her apprentice's dragon and sun pendant around his neck as well.
“When you're ready, Geoffrey, just drink this, and your mission will begin!” Garna smirked, pouring the boy a shot of some strange, unlabeled liquid, “Remember, you're going to be on your own, at first, but I'll be watching. And Geoffrey... something else. Through this experience... you'll also learn... how to be a kid again. Perhaps even find love,” she added, handing the shot glass to her beloved assassin, “I've made all the necessary arrangements. Good luck, Geoffrey the Dauntless.”
Silent as the grave, the child swallowed the contents of the shot glass. He would have no idea how much time he would remain blacked out and would only retain a hazy memory of this meeting. The less he could let spill, the better. And so, the game begins!
*Somewhere... very cold*
Upon waking up, Geoffrey had no idea of where he was or how long he had been out. All he did know was that he wasn't home anymore. There were several boxes in his room, like he had just moved in somewhere. He took a look outside the window, noticing a large abundance of snow on the ground. A few houses down, partially obscured by the fences, Geoffrey could make out a crudely built fortress of plywood and cardboard. Maybe that would be a good place to start.
He put on his coat, then grabbed the sleek, black iPhone off the nightstand. It was already logged into something called 'Facebook' and 'Twitter'; Garna had mentioned it to him a while back. There was one message, from the screen name “The Dire Wolf”, it simply read 'Good luck.... oh, and don't freak out.'
Geoffrey was just starting to wonder what he had gotten himself into, when he heard footsteps coming from the hallway. The boy stood there, frozen, as two people, a man and a woman, who appeared nice enough, (not to mention clueless), walked into his room. Who were these people, exactly? Geoffrey couldn't remember if he knew them or not.
'Maybe I'll just consider them mom and dad... for now, anyways,' Geoffrey thought, to himself.
“Hello sweetie... how do you like you're new room?” 'Mom' asked, sweetly.
Silence.
“Son... do you remember why we moved here?” 'Dad' questioned.
Silence.
“He doesn't remember. That's good, that's good.”
'Well, I know I've been sent here on a mission from my guild and you obviously have no idea I'm a trained assassin,' Geoffrey thought to himself, with a shrug.
Still, the boy knew he'd need to put on a good show, and he'd obviously be sharing his living space with these people. So, may as well get used to them!
“Sweetie, now that we've moved in, why don't you go outside and make some friends?” 'Mom' suggested, “Remember, we want to make the most of our experience living in this nice, quiet little mountain town.”
'I thought you'd never ask,' Geoffrey found himself thinking feeling more and more out of place by the minute.
“Yes, go on, get out there, and make some friends!” 'Dad' said, though it sounded more like an order.
Without a word or even acknowledgment, Geoffrey pocketed his phone, then slipped by his foster parents, went down the stairs and was on his way out the door.
“Yeah, we love you too, champ!” 'Dad' called after Geoffrey.
Once outside, Geoffrey slammed the door behind him, taking in several deep shallow breaths. His hazel eyes were wide as he took in his surroundings; a nice and neat little American suburb. This... this was all so... bizarre. None of it made sense.
'What the fuck did I get myself into?' Geoffrey mouthed to himself, looking at his phone again.
He frowned, seeing yet another message from The Dire Wolf, 'You call THAT not freaking out?! I told you that I'd be watching, my pup.'
With the ever so witty retort of 'very funny, boss lady', Geoffrey once again pocketed his device and started towards the sidewalk, contemplating his next move. Maybe he should check out the house where he saw that plywood fortress set up in the backyard. But, little did he know, an opportunity to get inside the clique would present itself very quickly. The only thing missing was the rolling out of the red carpet.
Geoffrey paused, coming across a scene playing out just a little ways past his house. Two boys, one dressed up in woodland garb with a pair of pointed ears tied to his head, and the other, blonde-haired, wearing light blue armor and robes. They were locked in what might be considered combat, and it was clear that one of them was gaining the upper hand.
“You shall die by my war hammer, drow elf!” shouted the younger blonde.
It was clear that he was trying to sound intimidating, but it wasn't at all convincing.
“Nuh uh,” Elfie retorted.
Suddenly, Geoffrey remembered that he had seen the blonde child who was losing the fight before. Yes, before being sent out here, Garna had showed him some photos, and that boy was in one of them! The assassin stiffened, unconsciously reaching for where he usually carried a knife, only then remembering that he didn't have any of his weapons on him. He'd have to go in hand to hand, especially since it didn't look like his soon to be blonde friend was going to be able to hold out much longer.
“HELP, HELP! I can't hold out much longer. HELLLP!”
Neither one of them seemed to notice the extra player right away, though that could have had something to do with the elf kid knocking the blonde to the ground and beating him. Now Geoffrey felt his heart pound faster with every step he took. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was a bully. With a swift move, he grabbed the elf kid from behind, pulling him off his victim, then turned him around. Geoffrey glared at the other kid, before shoving him off and standing over the boy on the ground in a protective stance, daring the elf to attack someone who could actually fight back.
“HEY! You can't do that, it's cheating! I'm gonna go tell my mom!” the elf kid shouted, fleeing once Geoffrey gave him another harsh glare.
'Oh no... I'm scared now...' thought Geoffrey, sarcastically.
Once the threat was gone, he turned to the other boy, offering him a hand to help him stand up. The younger blonde was a bit battered and shaken, but otherwise alright. He didn't seem to care that Geoffrey had been completely silent throughout the attack, he was just glad he showed up at all.
“Thanks, kid! You saved me. I didn't realize that he had a health potion. Oh, ummm... excuse me, my name's Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin!”
Geoffrey still remained quiet. In fact, despite the fact he had just halted a fight in a very cool and calm fashion, he seemed a little nervous. He really hadn't had much experience with kids his own age, and what experience he did have wasn't exactly pleasant. But, as the young boy, Butters, chided away, explaining that he lived right next door, Geoffrey became a little more comfortable.
'Certainly chatty, this one, they're always good for information. Friendly yes, but a bit lacking in the combat department. Perhaps I could help him out with that one if-'
The assassin snapped from his thoughts once Butters initiated the wonderful idea that they should be friends. Wow, this could be easier then Geoffrey thought. At least he had the good fortune to meet the friendliest of the lot first. Still though, the boy remained quiet. But that didn't seem to dissuade Butters in the least. In all honesty, both of them looked like they could have really used a friend right about now.
“Well, now that you and me are friends, you should speak with the Wizard King, he lives right over there in that green house!” Butters said, excitedly.
Ah, indeed! That was the house Geoffrey had been intending to visit earlier. Things were falling right into place. It was almost too easy.
Butters stepped forward, stopped, then turned around to make sure Geoffrey was following him. Now the silent rogue couldn't help but smile, even though he was trying to hide it. (Best not to give away too much at once, always good to leave them wanting more!) There was just something endearing about this kid.
“So, where did you live before you moved out here?” Butters asked, curiously.
'Oh little one, you would NOT believe me even if I told you.'
“That's some really neat jacket. Did you come out intending to join our game? Is that why you're all dressed up?” Butters continued, oblivious to the fact that his seemingly innocent questions were actually quite accurate.
'As a matter of fact, yes... ummm, what do you mean? Define “dressed up”, please.'
“You don't really talk much, do ya? Well that's okay, I can talk enough for both of us!”
Geoffrey didn't mind Butters' chattering, if anything else, he was learning more and more about him by every passing second. The chatting came to a halt once the two boys reached the steps of the house. Now Geoffrey felt that anxious void devouring the pit of his stomach again, he'd probably have to prove himself. Prove himself to a pack of total strangers. Then again, no one there really knew him, they might be just as nervous. Too late to turn back now, Butters had already knocked on the door.
When the door flew open, another boy, around the same age, nine or so, stood there, trying to look regal, but failing at it. He was pretty big for his age (no, not in the good way, he was fat, no sense in sugarcoating it!), wearing a red set of robes with a blue cloak and a pointed wizards' hat. Again, Geoffrey recognized him, having seen him before.
“All hail the Grand Wizard!” Butters announced, taking a knee.
“Rise, young paladin. So, you're the new kid. Your coming was foretold by a Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King,” the Grand Wizard stated.
Playing his role would get him accepted faster. That being said, Geoffrey bowed his head in greeting, keeping a calm poker face.
“His actual name is Eric Cartman, b-but he likes to be called the Grand Wizard King,” Butters whispered to Geoffrey.
The young paladin quieted down and backed up a little when Cartman glared at him, but he relaxed when his new dark clad friend stepped in front, protectively. Geoffrey wasn't sure what it was exactly, not yet, but something deep down inside was telling him that this Cartman fellow was really an arrogant, manipulative son of a bitch.
“But the time for talk is not nigh! Come, let me show you my kingdom,” Cartman announced, welcoming Geoffrey inside.
*Kingdom of Kupa Keep*
Well, for being made out of plywood, cardboard, and virtually anything else one might find in the garage or junkyard, Cartman and his other soldiers had done a pretty good job constructing their base. When you don't have much, gotta get creative! To the left hand side was the armory, to which Geoffrey's eyes had landed on the sharp knives that were laid out nearby; oh, how he wanted the feeling of a knife in his hand again. To the right was what was labeled as “The Rock of Insanity” and “The Pool of Vision”, (which was just a kiddie blow up pool filled with water.) But the biggest structure was towards the back, up against the fence, a crudely constructed castle wall with a tent pitched in between the towers that were actually sturdy enough to climb up on. Overall, the place had quite the charm, already Geoffrey was enjoying himself.
“My new friend, I welcome you to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!” Cartman announced, beckoning for Geoffrey to follow.
Kingdom of Kupa Keep. KKK... Grand Wizard... suddenly, it all hit at once.
'Fuuuuuuuuuuck.....'
Like a really, REALLY bad joke!
Geoffrey was introduced to the Weapons Shop owner, a young knight in red named Clyde, a level 14 warrior. Next was the stables... or rather, a crude pen with a cat in it. No matter, the little furball was friendly, but the assassin found himself wondering if the boy tending to the animals was going to keel over then and there.
“Ah, this is Scott Malkinson. He is a level 9 Ranger and oversees our massive stables and has the power of diabetes,” Cartman continued.
Yup, any second now... that poor, poor kid. But it was the next introduction that had Geoffrey a bit... puzzled, at least at first. He was staring at a boy dressed like a girl, with a blonde wig and crown over... (her?) orange parka hood. Don't get me wrong, the dress was quite lovely and matched the crown beautifully. Again, Geoffrey recognized this colorful individual from the photos earlier.
“Ah yes, and this of course, is the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny, the fairest maiden in all the kingdom,” Cartman introduced, beckoning Geoffrey closer.
'Well then...' the assassin thought to himself, shrugging before greeting the princess with a polite bow, 'who am I to judge?'
Princess Kenny let out a muffled, girlish giggle, batting her overly large and innocent eyes beneath her thick hood. Every group needed it's obligatory lady, after all. And if none of the girls in the area were playing and this Kenny guy wanted to throw on a wig and some drag, why the hell not? Geoffrey would play along, what could possibly go wrong? He couldn't understand any of the muffled garble coming out of her mouth, but from what the boy could tell, Princess Kenny was quite pleased and open to the idea of a new friend.
“Hmmm, what do you know, I think he might have done something like this before,” Cartman muttered to Butters, before turning to the new kid.
Now it was Geoffrey's turn to be the one being examined. Cartman was eyeing him cautiously, muttering to himself.
“He saved me from a drow elf, my king,” Butters mentioned, “y-yeah, the new kid took out that-that mean ol' elf with his bare hands!”
'Well lets not get ahead of ourselves. I may have roughed him up a little but - oh fuck it.'
Geoffrey smirked, nodding his head. It was clear by now that the rogue's lack of speech was considered odd among these boys, but given the story Butters told, Cartman seemed willing to look past it. He, after all, could really use someone to fuck up the drow elves once and for all.
Finally, the Grand Wizard presented his newest recruit with a choice of different outfits, each one representing a popular RPG class. Geoffrey didn't even need time to think of which one to choose, he wasn't playing at being a thief, he actually WAS one! Without hesitation, he grabbed the deep blue cowled hood, which accented his black leather jacket quite nicely and made him look even more intimidating.
“So, you have chosen the class of thief. Well, you look sneaky enough to be a thief, new kid,” Cartman stated.
'Oh, you have no idea, buddy boy...'
Next came the part Geoffrey knew he could do, but at the same time, made him nervous beyond all hell, showing off what he could do in combat. With so many strangers watching and judging his every move, he knew he'd have to impress on the first go around. He glanced over his shoulder, taking notice of Court Paladin, Butters, keeping careful watch. Geoffrey grabbed a knife from the armory, tossing a few coins Clyde's way as he did. It may not have been the best quality of blade, but it was better then nothing. Nearby the armory, some training dummies had been set up, that would be the first place Geoffrey would display his skills.
“Oh boy, I can't wait to see what he does this time,” Butters said, excitedly.
Sadly, for Geoffrey anyway, his nerves got the better of him. He went for a knife throw, completely missing the target and embarrassing himself. The rogue cursed under his breath. He knew he could do better then that. But that wasn't the worst part, Geoffrey let his new friend down, not to mention there was Cartman's snickering that quickly escalated into all out laughter.
“HAHA. Oh my god, Douchebag... HAHAHA!” Cartman laughed, gathering his other soldiers nearby the fortress, “It's Butters all over again!”
The only one not joining in Cartman's mockery was the before mentioned paladin. Geoffrey managed a small smile as the younger boy patted his shoulder and did his best to give the thief some encouraging words, “Don't feel too bad, now. M-my combat training didn't really go so well my first time either.”
'But... this isn't my first time... okay, I've just got to calm down and focus!' Geoffrey hissed to himself.
He returned Butters' gentle reassurance, (at least someone there still liked him), then grabbed another dagger from the armory. The rogue took in a deep breath, relaxed, and threw the knife. This time, he nailed the target directly in the chest. Had it been human or elf, they would have been killed on the spot. Now then, that was better!
Butters stood, silent and wide-eyed for a minute, “N-n-now that-that was the most perfect throw I've ever seen!”
Geoffrey nodded in confirmation to his friend, then turned to see if the others had been paying attention. The thief felt his heart sink, however, when he saw that Cartman still had his buddies listening to him badmouthing both Butters and himself. That fat asshole was ignoring him. Well, not for long!
“Hey, hey fellas! Take a -” Butters cut himself off, as Geoffrey motioned for him to remain quiet.
The paladin gave Geoffrey a puzzled look as the assassin patted his shoulder, a wicked smirk on his face. Just what was that guy thinking? The answer would soon present itself, as the theif started towards Cartman's little group, taking yet another knife from the weapons shop along the way, a very fidgety and nervous Butters following behind.
“Wh-what a-are you doin' there, new kid?” Butters inquired, his voice shaking.
Once again, Geoffrey remained quiet as he studied his target. Cartman was so busy spouting obscenities and cracking wiseass remarks, he failed to notice the thief sizing him up. Hmmm, it would be a tough shot... probably startle the other kids, but with any luck, the Grand Wizard would need new underwear before the morning was through. It was a small target, but Geoffrey locked onto the bright green bag of Cheesy Poofs Cartman was snacking on.
“Oh hamburgers!” Butters yelped, covering up his mouth right after wards.
He had an idea of what Geoffrey was doing... and the rogue actually did it! The thief threw his knife, ripping the bag of fried snacks right out of Cartman's chubby hand and pinned the bag to the wooden castle wall. For a minute, there was nothing but stunned silence as all eyes turned to Geoffrey. Well, they were all certainly paying attention now! The thief smirked again, dipping into a mock bow. Butters was just trying hard not to say anything. Considering how Cartman had treated him in the past, even the kind-hearted paladin had to admit that THAT was pretty impressive... not to mention well deserved.
Finally able to move once the initial shock wore off, Cartman pulled the knife out of the fortress walls, salvaging what greasy snacks he could. With an angry look on his face, the Grand Wizard approached his new thief, who remained calm and quiet as ever. He didn't seem to notice that the rest of his men, and even the lovely Princess Kenny, applauded the stunt. Figured he'd notice Butters though, as the younger boy stopped clapping and hid behind his new buddy. Geoffrey stood his ground, glaring right back at Cartman as the Grand Wizard held up the knife.
“YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING KILLED ME!! YOU ASSWIPE!!” Cartman shouted, waving his arms around.
'Believe me, your grace, if I wanted to kill you, you'd BE dead.'
The fact that Geoffrey remained completely quiet and calm only seemed to enrage Cartman further until eventually, he tired himself out. Or simply ran out of curse words to spit.
“W-wait... wait just a minute now,” Butters said, risking great personal injury as he stepped out from behind Geoffrey.
Now Geoffrey tensed up, watching Cartman's movements like a hawk. He stepped forward, putting a hand on Butters' shoulder, but the paladin waved him off. Earlier, Geoffrey had bailed his ass out of a tight spot, now it was time to return the favor.
“My king, i-if he's that good at fighting and i-i-if he could get the drop on you like that... then- then just imagine the heck he'd give the enemy!” Butters pointed out.
Turns out the young paladin wasn't alone, as Scott and Clyde both nodded in agreement, as did the fair Princess Kenny. Perhaps Butters was braver then the others gave him credit for. Geoffrey turned to his new friend, smiling and giving a nod in thanks.
Now the Grand Wizard had some things to think about as he rejoined with his other friends. Geoffrey was definitely skilled, and boy did he have balls! The last thing he wanted to do was piss this guy off and risk having him join up with the drow armies. He was quiet and aggressive, a dangerous combination, and right now Cartman needed that kind of power on his team. Already though, it appeared as though his Court Paladin had a soothing influence over the new rogue. Yes, Cartman knew he could use that to his advantage.
“And to think, I don't even know your name...” Butters muttered to himself, looking up to the rogue, “can't just go 'round callin' ya new kid.”
“Geoffrey.”
“What? Y-you... you say somethin'?” Butters asked, eyes wide, “You CAN actually talk?”
“You wanted to know my name, little one?” the rogue whispered, his voice barely audible, “It's Geoffrey.”
Before Butters could ask anything more, Geoffrey clammed up tight once again as the Grand Wizard approached. The rogue placed himself in between Butters and Cartman. The paladin had nothing to do with that stunt, and he would not let him take any blame for it.
“Douchebag, you've got some BALLS!” Cartman began, pointing the knife he was still holding in his hand at Geoffrey, “That being said... I could really use a guy like you in my army!” he finished, turning the blade around and handing it back to Geoffrey, “But keep in mind, you now owe me another bag of Cheesy Poofs. I like you're style, new kid, but, the Grand Wizard needs his snacks. Now, everyone, let us welcome our new thief into our midst, Douchebag!”
'Gods, what an asshole!' Geoffrey thought to himself, in disgust, sheathing his knife in his coat sleeve.
“Ummm... it's actually Geoffrey, my king,” Butters mentioned, his timid voice barely audible over the cheering of the other soldiers.
“What? Hey, how would you know?” Cartman questioned, making an exaggerated gesture towards the new player, “He doesn't talk, dude.”
Butters rubbed his hands together nervously, getting fidgety again. He glanced up to Geoffrey, in the hopes that he would speak again, but the rogue simply gave him a small nod and motioned for him to keep going.
“Well, w-while you and the others were discussing important matters, my king, he kind of told me. I know he's not talkin' now, but... but maybe he's just shy, that's all,” Butters explained, glancing up to the other boy, “yeah, that's it, isn't it?”
Once again, Butters found his way onto Geoffrey's good side. That boy didn't realize it, but he inadvertently knew what he was doing.
Well, the assassin was securing a deeper friendship with young Butters and had been accepted into the Grand Wizard's kingdom. Now all he had to do was get his hands on that sacred stick. But first...
“Very well, Douche-eh-Geoffrey,” Cartman began, catching himself when he saw Geoffrey stroking the knife in his hands, an intense glint in his eyes, “you have proven yourself in the eyes of our paladin, against the training dummies, and my Cheesy Poofs. BUT let us see how you fare against an armed opponent!”
'Oh? This is interesting,' Geoffrey found himself thinking, perking up a little, at the prospect of a sparing match.
“New kid, I want you to take that weapon you hold in your hands and with the honor of a noble knight, beat up Clyde!” Cartman commanded, much to the horror of the other warrior.
“Wait, what?” Clyde asked, eyes wide in alarm and wondering what he did exactly to warrant this.
Geoffrey glanced to the other boy. To be perfectly fair, Cartman had mentioned that Clyde was a level 14 warrior. Would he dare refuse to do battle and back up his title?
“Go on, kick Clyde's ass, new kid!” Cartman continued, just egging on the fight.
Butters slowly backed away, not wanting to get involved in this one. That was fine with Geoffrey, he had been waiting for an actual opponent for some time now. Who knew what this Clyde kid was capable of? Plus, by sparing with his fellow teammates, Geoffrey could learn more about them and their preferred battle styles.
“Hey, what'd I do?!” Clyde asked, fearfully, “M-my King?”
He wasn't a fool, he didn't want to end up like that bag of Cheesy Poofs from earlier!
“I'm your KING, Clyde. And the KING wishes to be amused! Go on, Geoffrey... kick his ass!” Cartman demanded, stepping back and leaving the two combatants to hash it out, “Kick his ass in the name of the Wizard King!”
Well, if he didn't want to look like a coward in front of everyone, Clyde didn't have much of a choice. He drew his sword and put on a helmet before entering the makeshift arena with Geoffrey.
As much as Cartman just wanted to see his new thief tear into Clyde with the ferocity of a wild animal, he became annoyed when Geoffrey just crouched down, not taking his eyes off of Clyde. The rogue studied and sized up his opponent, waiting for him to make the first move.
“God damn it, would one of you do something already? Fuck!” Cartman shouted, impatiently.
'What a moron...' Geoffrey found himself thinking, doing his best to ignore the fat boy's shouting and insults, 'Maybe I should have put that knife through his skull.'
Clyde, unable to hold it in any longer, rushed forward in a horribly uncoordinated attack. He yelled loudly, swinging that sword of his blindly, and it wasn't long before he found himself flat on his ass with a single, swift move from Geoffrey. The other kids watching the fight cheered, egging both Clyde and Geoffrey on. The assassin remained calm, even offering a hand to help his opponent up. He quickly found that to be a mistake, as Clyde went for a sucker punch, nailing Geoffrey across the face.
'Okay... now I know! Fuck you, kid, I'm not playing nice now!'
If that's the way he wanted it, then fine! Dirty fighting was how Geoffrey preferred to fight anyway! Clyde didn't even have time to react as the rogue delivered a sharp kick to his knee, virtually crippling him, and followed up with a backhanded strike to the head, knocking Clyde's helmet off.
“Owww, owww shit!” Clyde whimpered.
The battle didn't last much longer after that. While Clyde struggled to find his footing, swinging his sword as he did, Geoffrey used his momentum against him, grabbing hold of Clyde's arm and swinging himself behind him. The battle ended with Geoffrey holding a knife to Clyde's throat. Had this been an actual battle, Clyde surely would have been dead.
Geoffrey finally let his opponent go, only because he felt a little bad for him, especially when he started crying. Of course, Cartman was the first to step forward, clapping his hands and cackling like a wild hyena.
“Oh my god, that was AWESOME! You were all like “BRAAMMMG!” And then Clyde was all like “ARGGG, NOOO!” Hahahahaaaa! You totally made Clyde your little bitch, Geoffrey!” Cartman cackled.
'Happy now, asshole?'
While Cartman went on and on about how great that short but bloodthirsty fight had been, Geoffrey simply sheathed his knife, and grabbed the other two blades he had left in the training grounds.
“You did real good, Geoffrey, I'm proud of you,” Butters praised, resting his hands upon the battle wounds Clyde had received, “now, now you just hold still there, I'll have you good as new in no time, Clyde.”
At least someone there had the decency to heal him, that boy Clyde had no idea what he was getting into! In fact, none of them seemed to really suspect a thing about who or what the new kid really was.
“Okay, okay, you've done good, Geoffrey. Now that you have truly proved yourself worthy, I shall allow you to see the relic,” Cartman announced, “come inside the war tent, my new thief.”
Geoffrey glanced over his shoulder, having thought he heard something, then followed the Wizard King into his tent. Inside it was a bit musty, but that was probably coming from the old armchair decorated with lawn tools in the center of the tent, or probably from the big pile of crap pushed against the wall-wait a second, was that really some blow up sex doll dressed like an orc? Twisted. But, in the one clean part of the tent was a pedestal with a cheep, discount lamp hanging over it. On the bright red cushion rested... a stick, like what you'd find in your backyard or in the woods. Just a plain, old, fucking stick... to the eyes of ordinary people, anyways. Geoffrey for one did know that sometimes items that just looked plain could hold the most powerful magic of all.
'So this is what the boss lady wants me to procure? Hmmm, too many witnesses right now, maybe it'd be better to take it sometime tonight, better yet find a decoy to put in it's place.' Geoffrey plotted, inwardly.
“Well, here it is. The reason why elves and humans are locked in a never ending war. The relic for which humans and elves are willing to die, the Stick of Truth!” Cartman said, drawing in a deep breath, “Just two days ago, we took back the stick from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives again. For whomever controls the Stick, controls the Universe.”
While Cartman prattled on, changing the subject from the mystical artifact to a payment plan for being allowed into his Kingdom on a permanent basis, Geoffrey's mind was already at work. It was clear that Cartman was an idiot, but a manipulative idiot. A moron in charge was a dangerous thing, but a moron who only THOUGHT he was in charge could be useful. Maybe he'd bring Butters in on it, and the two of them could take over. Geoffrey really liked that kid and could see himself working with him.
“ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!” Butters shouted from outside, frantically, breaking Geoffrey from his train of thought.
“Oh God, someone has sounded the alarm!” Cartman announced, worry heavy in his voice.
The tent flap opened, and there was Butters, short of breath, and pointing towards the fence.
“What is it?” Cartman asked.
“The elves are... attacking, my king!” Butters blurted out, still trying to catch his breath, “It's Chris... Donnely...”
“Oh my god. Defensive positions, everyone! Defend the Stick of Truth at all costs!”
Before Geoffrey knew it, Cartman was already dragging him outside. Apparently he couldn't wait to try out his new attack dog against an actual threat.
'Well, this is annoying,' the rogue grumbled, inwardly, 'Okay, kill their asses for now, THEN make plans on how to steal the damn stick and bring this war to an end!'
Once outside, the damage could already be seen. The elf raiding party had already broken down the fence and were mercilessly pillaging everything in sight. If one were to stop and take count, there were about fifteen of them, including their leader, the blonde-haired one in the important looking robes.
“Clyde, you go guard the Stick of Truth, defend it with your life! Cartman ordered, “Defend the gates, don't let them through!”
'Too late,' Geoffrey sighed.
While Clyde left to defend the relic, Geoffrey stepped forward, a concealed knife coming right out of his coat sleeve in a very cool and thiefly fashion. As he eyed his pointy-eared adversaries, he recognized one of the elves as the very same bastard that had been beating on Butters earlier that day... he would die first!
“Give up the Stick, humans!” shouted the leader of the elves.
“Over our dead bodies, you fucking asshole drow elves!” Cartman retorted.
“Commander, that's him, that's the new kid I told you about!” warned their old friend, Elfie.
“Oh geez...” Butters yelped, shrinking back.
Finally, a real battle. Now it was time for Geoffrey to show off his true potential, and defend his friend at the same time, of course. No more sparing, bags of snacks, or training dummies. (Just real ones). It was time to taste elf blood and reap vengeance!
::TO BE CONTINUED::