Vault Boy

by indiewritesxoxo

Summary:

The wasteland is a lawless, lonely place. Who can blame a girl when a chance encounter leaves you chasing after a man who dreams of more than just scraping by in a shitty settlement? Although there might be something more dangerous than deathclaws roaming around out there...

Chapter 1: Atom Bomb Baby

One of the best days of your life was the worst of his.

You met him. He lost her.

Life was unforgiving. And you had a knack for always being a little too late. Right place, wrong time.

The bullet was already through her head. Probably only a few years younger than you. Her blood splattering across the tile of the dingy hospital. The dull thud of her limp body hitting the ground next. But the look on his face was what was really burned into your brain.

Broken.

The first loss was always the hardest. You guessed somewhere inside your subconscious, you recognized it then, that he must have never lost anyone before. A fracture, a fissure, something that couldn't be fixed cracking open the second her skull did.

"Hand it over," a low voice called out from the shadows. The black end of a barrel sticking out as a bulky brute stepped forward.

You weren't supposed to be here. All you wanted was some extra goddamn bandages. Some antiseptic. Not to witness whatever the fuck was going on. But that was the trouble with scavenging, you never knew what you might see - or who might get shot.

Neither of them had noticed you crouched on the decrepit stairwell landing above them, half-hidden behind a rotting wood barrier someone set up a lifetime ago - and if you were smarter, you could've ran. Could've curled up and turned your cheek. But you'd wager you'd be doing the wasteland a favor if you got rid of one more asshole who thought just because he had a gun meant he could get away with whatever he wanted.

The way you saw it, there was only ever going to be two people walking out of here. So why not pick the guy who hadn't just shot a girl?

It took approximately two seconds to line your aim up and pull the trigger. Two more for his body to fully crumple.

Saving a life by ending another one.

You saw the shock switching to strained focus - the dark-haired stranger's eyes narrowing to slits when he searched for where the bullet had come from and found you.

There was a thick pause, the kind you could taste in the air. Tension and regret teetering on a tightrope when you didn't immediately lower your gun.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he spoke slowly, sensing your apprehension. Sharp nose turned up, lips pressed together as he showed you his open palms.

"Why did he kill her?" You swallowed hard, shifting your aim lower, not his head or his heart, but the only other place a man really cared about getting shot at.

"He wanted this," he admitted, holding his arm up.

You should've guessed. Should've known the second you realized he'd never really watched someone ripped from his hands before.

He was from a fucking vault.

A pip-boy on his wrist. Just missing that bright blue vault suit. But even though he was dressed like he was one of you - he didn't carry himself the same. His chin was still held too high, his hair long, a silky sheen to it even when it was half-tied up, messy strands hanging loose in his face. No freckles from the sun. No scars.

No wonder he was being robbed.

Raiders would murder anyone for a few caps and rotting fruit. Something like that? He was waving a bright flag begging to be killed.

"You're-"

"Yeah," he grimaced, anticipating your apprehension.

"What are you doing here?" You reluctantly asked next. The finger resting on the trigger twitched, an uncomfortable sticky feeling churning in your gut, adrenaline still racing through you as the blood continued to pool and collect between both of you on the floor.

Vault-dwellers didn't come to the surface unless they had to. Bright-eyed and hellbent on changing the world - blissfully unaware of what kind of nightmare they were walking into until someone shot at them or a mutated creature tried chewing their leg off. You'd only ever seen one before today - but you were a child back then, barely conscious enough to remember the encounter, watching from behind your mother's skirt at your family's farm.

What remained of life today could be reduced to a handful of unfortunate facts. Some assholes had decided atomic bombs were the solution. A few even luckier assholes got to sit out the apocalypse in cushy vaults with beds and rations. Everyone else got lethal doses of radiation and condemned to this hellscape even centuries later.

There were rumors. Stories whispered over whiskey about experiments, people who'd sworn they'd been to vaults just to find it deserted or everyone dead inside. You didn't really believe morons who'd waste all their caps on chems though.

"I was supposed to bring her back home," he muttered, looking down at who you guessed used to be his friend. A family member or fellow vault-dweller. He didn't give a name. Didn't tell you her story.

It wasn't your business. But you'd stuck your nose in the middle of it anyway.

"Oh," you breathed.

He took a small step forward, and you let him. Didn't retreat, even though your reflexes were screaming at you too. He might not have grown up fending off irradiated creatures and avoiding raiders, but he had an advantage you didn't.

He was healthy. Tall and broad, well taken care of. Had years of proper nutrition and probably taught to fight where you were forced to learn.

"Why did you kill him?" He asked. You wondered what sort of answer he expected. What someone like him made of someone like you.

"It was you or him," you shrugged.

That was how this world worked. There wasn't time to hesitate. Debating a decision usually meant death.

You acted first. Wished you hadn't later.

"So why me?"

His question was raw. A nerve exposed and fraying. He didn't look down at the body by his feet. You did though. Spared a glance for the girl who wouldn't get anymore. You had a feeling what he was asking hadn't been meant for you. That he wanted the world to tell him why he was still standing and she wasn't.

You didn't have a good answer for him.

It was hard to read him. His eyes were dark, and you couldn't make out the color from here, daring you to give him a reason to believe in. To glue his logic back together for him.

"Because you cared about what happened to her," you slowly said, the words uncomfortable on your dry tongue. That was rare out here. Caring.

He stared at you. The muscles of his jaw pulled tight, keeping his mouth sealed as he studied your face. What did he see there?

Just another wastelander trying to survive?

You supposed you weren't the same caliber as the vault girls who could shower and sleep in a bed every night. But then again, they hadn't been the ones to just save his life, had they?

"Do you want caps?" He asked, his voice hoarse. So he wasn't totally clueless.

"For this?" You frowned, exhaling as you looked at the mess on the floor. "No."

"Then-"

"Are you hurt?" You interrupted him, noticing a wound on his arm, right above his pip-boy. Trying to piece the puzzle of him together by rearranging what little bits you had.

You'd come to the hospital to search for supplies. What about him? Had he done the same?

"I'm fine," he muttered, glancing back towards the no-longer functioning exit sign.

"Infection's can get pretty nasty out here, vault boy," you warned, stepping closer to the edge of the top stair.

You managed to get a better look, just to discover he was bleeding. A gash that ran from all the way up to his elbow. Mean and deep, one that would probably leave a scar or lead to sepsis if untreated.

"I can take care of myself," he grumbled, lips pulling together in a tight line.

"Doin' a pretty bad job at it," you commented.

You sheathed your gun. Snagged a spare stimpak from your bag and tossed it to him.

He looked almost more surprised when he caught it and realized what you were offering. A gift being given to a man who'd probably be dead in another week or two wandering around here with a pip-boy on his wrist.

At least he knew better than to turn it down.

Begrudgingly using it, his knuckles white around the side while he stuck it in his skin.

You weren't sure yet if this was all some horrible misguided idea, but you figured if you were making mistakes, you might as well add another. You gestured down to the girl on the ground, "Do you want some help burying her?"

Honestly, you were pretty sure he only said yes because he didn't know where the closest cemetery was.

He told you his name was Suguru. Tried to open doors for you even when he was holding a dead body. Quietly asked a few questions - if you were okay. If you were hurt. Both felt like begrudging admissions, things he'd been built to do rather than wants of his own.

But it was still better treatment than anything else you'd be given.

He didn't say anything after you answered. You supposed you didn't make much of a companion either.

But he hadn't judged you either when you searched the other gunman's body before you left the hospital, just looked away when you emptied out his chamber and pocketed everything you could. You left his gun though. The weight of the lives you'd taken with your own was heavy enough.

You had found an old sheet in a closet, frayed with a few holes in it, but it worked well enough, draping it over the nameless girl.

He picked her up. Carried her in his arms. And you kept lookout.

The closest cemetery almost a mile out. City planners could've placed it closer - but you guessed they were buried somewhere under rubble or irradiated away after the bombs dropped long before you were ever born.

The concrete had long since cracked, potholes and weeds threatening to trip you up.

But you both kept going. Kept walking.

"You've lost people before," he observed, talking low, like someone might overhear.

"Plenty," you shrugged.

Your family's farm used to be part of a settlement. Now they were all that's left. Yours wasn't the only story like that. Everyone you met had some sad backstory worth sobbing over.

"You've killed people before," he added.

You didn't have anything to say to that, but your silence said it anyway. Plenty.

"I do what I have to," you murmured. To stay alive and still be able to live with yourself.

He nodded, like he understood. But you could tell he didn't. Not really. Not the same way someone who used their gun for something other than show did.

"Have you?" You asked, a slight tremble to your question.

"No," he admitted.

You wondered how long it'd take for that to change out here.

"If you don't mind me asking, um, how long have you been out here?" You quietly mumbled, stealing a glance over at him before looking back around for any movement in the edges, behind buildings or on rooftops.

"Two weeks," the stranger grunted, grinding his back molars together with a low sigh.

You shut up.

He'd probably seen more horrible shit in the past two weeks than he had in the rest of his life combined.

Still, he kept looking down at his wrist, checking his pip-boy until you you were at the rusted-out gates, bent and broken.

The cemetery was creepy. Headstones that didn't bear the letters or markers they used to, eroded away after so long. There were a few open ones, holes dug up with no bodies left inside. A shovel too, left abandoned in the dirt. You had questions. Concerns, really. Wondering who'd done it - and who was dug up.

But right now, you supposed this was about convenience. Ritual. The closest thing you could have to a funeral.

The stranger, Suguru, placed her body down softly, smoothed out the fabric before he started covering it up. Fresh dirt piled on top as he let this piece of his past go.

You wished you had something to say. Knew anything about her other than what face she'd been making when she died. But you kept your mouth sealed instead, went and picked a pretty flower, one of the few that still bloomed and placed it on the dirt after he patted it down.

"Did she have a favorite?" You asked, stealing a glance.

"I, uh, I don't know," he admitted.

"Oh," you blinked.

Somewhere in the distance, a gun fired. And it took you half a second to decide it wasn't nearly distant enough.

"Shit," you cursed, reaching out for his arm out-of-instinct. Searching for cover, and grinding your teeth at the realization you'd have to go the long way to your current hideout. If it hadn't been compromised.

"This way," he grunted, a firm hand grabbing your wrist before your fingers could make first contact.

You were too surprised to fight back - and a second round of gunfire had him dragging you behind a thick line of bushes and into the closest building, using his shoulder to bust through the door.

All your ingrained instincts wanted to protest, to insist that it wasn't safe to go barging in places.

But he pulled you in behind him, shielded you, lead you up rickety stairs and into a small room. If you had to guess, it was some sort of old apartment building. Maybe an old raider hideout - clearly not one currently being used judging by the layer of dust on everything, the empty bottles of wine and whiskey left out on the cluttered surfaces.

Still, Suguru barricaded the door. Flipped the only table inside over and propped it against the door, displaying more sense than you'd originally given him credit for while you peeked through the window. It barely let in enough light to see.

"So what now, vault boy?" You dryly asked, lips pressed together as you tried to spot the source of the gunfire.

"Suguru," he reminded you, and you caught the twitch of his frown when you peeked over your shoulder.

"I know," you nodded.

He chuckled, and it was nice. Normal had never been an option for you - and this situation was as far as fucking normal for you as it could be.

"I don't think anyone saw us," you added, fingers still clinging to the edges of the curtain, slowly pulling it closed.

"They're still close," he argued.

You wondered if he even knew what all was out there.

"What now?" You asked again.

He didn't get it. Brows knitting together and jaw clenching as he shrugged the backpack off his shoulder and on the floor. You noticed for the first time he did have a gun on his holster.

"Stay here until it's safe," he simply said.

Was the rest of his life like that? Did decisions come easy to him?

"For you, I mean?" You clarified, setting your own stuff down with a sigh, glancing around for a clean place to sit and settling for the thin sleeping bag on the floor. "After this."

He at least hesitated to answer that one. "Go back, I guess."

"To the vault?" The word felt foreign on your tongue. Like you were somehow admitting dinosaurs and dragons were real.

"Yeah," he nodded, but he looked a lot less happy about it than you'd expect for someone who was supposed to have a cushy place to call home.

"Will you like, get in trouble for what happened to her?" You quizzed, regretting asking after it came out. You cringed, frowning as you tried to make it sound less, well, crude. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying-"

"Probably," he dryly answered. Suguru, on the other hand, had still retained his composure.

"That sucks," you swallowed uncomfortably.

"I didn't know her that well," he admitted, brushing his bangs back out of his face and taking the sleeping bag across from you to sit on.

"You still watched her die," you mumbled.

"I wasn't going to bring her back. She said something," he started to say, dark eyes cloudy with something hard to discern. "Before she-"

Four more shots cut through the silence - much closer than they were before. You both froze.

Forced to shut up and endure an hour of gunfire being exchanged, shouts and screams from a building that couldn't have been more than a few blocks away.

Neither of you spoke. Didn't bother trying to keep conversation when you had no idea what was lurking nearby.

By the time it died down, when whatever was out there was dead and whoever had killed it had left, it was dark outside. The sun had set and the street was dark. He grabbed a blanket from the broken bed frame, closed the curtains tighter and draped it over the rod. It bent, but it didn't break.

Held fast and blocked out all the light when he flickered on the only lantern in the room. The orange flame cast shadows across his face, made all his features sharper, more dangerous in the dark.

"We can stay the night," he grumbled. "Sleep in shifts."

"Fine," you shrugged.

If you were more sane, you'd say no. But you had a funny feeling you were safe with him.

"Head out in the morning before the sun rises," he added.

But there wasn't a we that time.

"What direction are you headed in?" You asked, attention drifting down to his pip-boy after his did.

And in a spectacularly awkward move, you switched seats, taking the spot next to him to see what kept capturing his attention.

There was a map on there - brightly backlit, buildings outlined and markers pre-set. It was fascinating, holding your breath when you scooted closer. You wanted to press the buttons, to see what all he'd found.

"South," he murmured, pointing at what just looked like an empty patch a few cities away.

"It'll take you a couple weeks," you frowned. You wanted to ask which way he'd came - but you weren't sure how many more questions he'd tolerate. He could cut a few days out if he went through some more dangerous bits. But if he wanted to survive, he'd have to skirt around the fastest options.

"I have enough supplies," he huffed.

"There's lots of stuff to look out for around here," you murmured, bending over to trace your finger over his map. Clearly, his luck had run out today - who knew what tomorrow would bring? "Lots of bad people."

"Like him?" There was weight to his voice. Anger still simmering under the surface. Disgust.

"Worse," you admitted.

His expression darkened. You could see him trying to calculate it. To figure out what you could be talking about.

"Chem peddlers, traffickers, people that would trade you and take apart your organs for a couple caps," you continued, wishing you had a blanket to pull around you tighter. "Some rumors have been going around about settlers getting ripped from the streets and replaced by synths. But the everyday stuff's scarier. Sure, you have to look out for ghouls and mutants. But just going for a drink in a tavern could wind up with you waking up somewhere else with a slave collar around your neck."

His shoulders were stiff, jaw too tight as he slowly nodded.

You hoped he'd heed your warning. Not need to find out firsthand for himself just how dangerous the wasteland was.

"How can-" He started, but he stopped himself, brows furrowed in frustration. "How do they get away with it?"

You shrugged again, swallowing hard. "Who's gonna stop them?"

So what if you shot one of them? Someone else would join tomorrow?

The cycle would just keep going, a snake consuming itself until there was nothing left.

"Someone-"

"People are scared," You cut him off. His ideals were nice. As pretty as he was. But standing up for other people got you killed more often than not. "It's hard enough to survive out here as is."

"You did it," he bluntly reminded you. "You saved me."

It was hard not to smile at that, one corner of your mouth curling up just a hint. An excuse was already leaving your lips, "Well, I'm not the smartest."

It was just who you were. And one day, your luck would run out and it'd be your body bleeding out. You just hoped someone like him would care enough to bury you too.

"So why are you out here?" He eventually asked, and you could feel his eyes searching you again. Always analytical.

You exhaled, fishing out the note from the bottom of your bag. You folded it neatly when you first put it in, but it was crumpled now, a few stains splotching the edges. Still, you held it out for him to read.

It was a letter from home.

Only a few short sentences.

Caravan came around looking for you again. Stay away.

"A caravan?" Suguru asked, glancing up, the veins in his hands standing out as he gripped the note.

"Usually they only come by every month to trade stuff. But I'm guessing these guys were probably hired by raiders," you explained. "It seems someone wants me dead."

The kind of people who showed up at your home searching for you usually didn't have good intentions. It started a few months ago, when you came home from being away scavenging for a few days to find your family panicking and packing your bags for you. A stranger had walked right up to their door, asking if you were there when you were gone.

So they lied. Shooed you away in case he came back. You tried to convince them to find somewhere safe to stay too, passed your usual courier letter after letter once you had a hideout. But all you got back was that.

Stay away.

You had pissed off a few people. Put bullets in enough raiders to get noticed, you supposed.

Although, you weren't sure how they'd figured out where you were from. If they'd followed you home unnoticed, they could've just shot you. Killed your family too.

But they didn't. They were waiting for something. For you, evidently.

"What are you going to do?" He asked, handing it back.

"No clue," you awkwardly laughed, slipping it back into your bag.

"Yeah," he sighed, rubbing his temple. "Me either."

At least you had someone to be clueless with - if only temporarily.

You spent an hour highlighting the best route for him, skimming over the worst details of the world he'd been basically walking blind through, but you could see the depression wearing on him, weighing his shoulders down with every new street or alley you told him to avoid.

And when the lantern died, the last of the oil used up, you insisted on taking the first shift. Watched him doze off, the faint flutter of his long black lashes and his chest rising-and-falling ever-so-slowly. You let him sleep an extra hour before shaking him awake, the sleeping bag crinkling underneath him when he frowned at the time and reprimanded you for not waking him sooner.

But really?

It was hard to sleep with someone watching you - especially someone like him. Someone you never would've believed was actually real just twenty-four hours ago.

What was more surprising?

A vault-dweller? Or a gentleman?

But eventually, your exhaustion won out - and you woke up right before the sun rose. He was standing, arms folded across his chest and scowling at the empty street.

"Morning, sunshine," you murmured, yawning as you sat up.

"Morning," he wryly muttered back.

He grabbed a bottle of water from his bag - the purified stuff - holding it our for you to take. It was already open, the cap not sealed.

"Swapping saliva already?" You teased, one corner of your lip curling up as you took a long sip of it. He started to roll his eyes, but you beat him to speaking again. "Not scared that I might have some scary wasteland disease?"

"Just drink it," he deadpanned, but there was more light in his eyes than there'd been before. Something other than the dull, lifelessness that'd been lurking in the corners of them last night.

You smiled at him - enjoying spending a few minutes with a man that wasn't criminally ugly or on chems.

And when you changed clothes, got dressed in one of the only spare sets you had? He turned his back before you could ask. Didn't pretend to not be looking and sneak a peek either.

In the back of your mind, you felt bad for having fun when you knew he was miserable. For enjoying this when he'd just lost somebody. Knowing he was struggling and still getting some stupid pleasure out of his presence.

A bitter taste lingered on your tongue when you finished getting ready, following him back down the stairs and outside again. Although, he hesitated in the brush, holding out his pip-boy.

"Do you need a map?" He murmured.

Truthfully, you had one, albeit a poorly-drawn attempt you'd made yourself. But you were stalling, so you nodded.

Pulling out the letter and a pen with drying ink, thanking him and struggling to keep your expression semi-neutral. You copied the map as close as you could, hesitating before leaning over to the buttons on the side of his pip-boy. It was more intuitive than you expected. You moved it around, made your best approximation before adding a marker.

"What's that?" He asked, leaning over to look.

"If you ever need a safe place to stay," you shrugged. "Even if I'm not there."

"Yeah?" The lump in his throat bobbed, and your stomach fucking fluttered.

"Who knows? You might get kicked out," you tried to tease, but even that came out wrong. Taunting instead of teasing.

But he just paused, eyes glancing down at it, and you guessed you weren't so far off.

He didn't answer though, and you just shoved your new map back in your bag, with a question mark hovering over. the spot he'd gestured to last night.

"So, I guess, I'll see you," you added, stepping back and glancing over your shoulder.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Except - when he started walking, he went in your direction. North. You stopped, but he didn't. Just kept on. Slow, steady steps forward. A man on a mission.

"That's, um, the wrong way," you pointed out, shrugging your backpack strap up higher and catching up to him.

He grinned, and for a second, he felt like a friend. "I know. Change of plans."

"Care for some company then?"

Chapter 2: The Wanderer

"You've got something in your hair."

Dirt? Sticks? Blood?

There really wasn't any telling.

Suguru stopped you on the stairwell, leaning in just enough to pluck a twig from your hair. Close quarters felt a hell of a lot closer when you were with him.

"Thanks," you murmured, turning your head away to hide the heat rising to your face and continuing up the last few stairs and out an open doorway to a dark hall in an abandoned dormitory. Half the building had caved in, the structural integrity in here not all that safe either. Your thighs ached from the stairs, from the past few hours of non-stop moving, but you only had a handful of hours to scavenge for something to eat and find a place to sleep.

"No worries."

You'd been traveling with him for four days. Which you guessed didn't sound like that long, but when you were constantly together, walking or hiding or eating, you kind of had to get comfortable fast.

All you had was him. Each other.

Well, until you reached whatever his new destination was.

You collected facts about him, tucked them in some secret compartment of your heart to treasure. He was born in February. He had a best friend named Satoru. He's never seen a cat. He likes the color purple. The girl he'd been traveling with was Riko. He had only met her once before this.

He'd never even left the vault until almost three weeks ago. His entire life spent underground - walking the same hallways and sleeping under the same ceiling.

It wasn't like anything he told you was of real substance. No grand secrets or sensitive confessions. But they still made up who he was - and you were quickly discovering how much you liked who he was.

A crush wasn't something you ever indulged yourself in.

Why bother when half the men you ran into hadn't bathed properly in years?

But you were starting to have the creeping suspicion that even if Suguru was just as filthy and fucked up as the rest of them, you'd still feel this stupid tug in your stomach every time he was around.

"Do you have any bobby pins?"

Suguru's brows scrunched together, shoulders stiff and back pressed against the rotting wood frame as he exhaled. "Why would I-"

You gestured to his hair, the loose bun he'd tied it in today, somehow managing to make his stray hairs look tasteful instead of trashy. But his protest just turned into a grimace.

But you just sighed, digging one out of the bottom of your pocket, bending it just right and sticking it in the lock. Twisting it around, carefully fiddling and fucking with it to get the internal pins to disengage.

It was an acquired skill - something you'd done enough times to be pretty good at now. You'd certainly gone through enough broken bobby pins over the years to earn it.

"This is a bad idea," he muttered beside you.

"Yeah, you hummed, listening as the lock un-clicked. "So is starving."

"I have food," Suguru started, talking softer, more on guard as you pulled your bobby pin out and pocketed it again. Your hand hesitated on the doorknob, throwing him an only slightly exasperated look.

"For one person, and for a limited time," you reminded him. "It's better to save it for when we need it."

He brought a pretty decent amount of rations, had even shared some of his preserved food with you, but his pack would run out sooner or later - especially considering his, well, change of plans.

Which, he still hadn't exactly divulged. The first day, when you tried to ask where he was headed, he shrugged, saying he wanted to help solve your problem first.

You scoffed at that.

The sentiment was sweet.

Despite your terrible attempts, you really just didn't know how to properly explain to him that trying to take down whatever raider was after you would just lead to another one popping up to take their place. They held grudges. Didn't give a shit who they killed, only about what got in their way.

Your best bet was hoping if you laid low long enough, they'd forget you existed or assumed you died to one of the other hundred things trying to murder you out here. Wait a few months, maybe half a year, before checking back in with your family.

If you lived that long.

Suguru had looked at you like that wasn't a good enough answer. Like there had to be more the two of you could do.

But you saw the dark flicker in his eyes, the telltale twitch of his lips that there was something else going on. More he wouldn't say. He was just using you as an easy excuse not to explain what he was really searching for out here.

There wasn't any redemption to find in the wasteland though. Your reputation certainly wasn't clean. Every day out here just added another sin to the long list of them you'd been compiling.

"Let's just make it quick," he murmured now, nodding towards the door.

It wasn't like you particularly enjoyed breaking into places that used to be a home. That most likely housed a dead body or two. But a door being locked usually meant something had been left behind.

"Just cover your nose and wait out here," you warned, slipping your gun out and frowning as you slowly tried to pull it open, hesitating at the first crack to see if you could spot any traps or anything that screamed this was a set up.

All clean.

Suguru kept his protests sealed while you took the first step inside. The floorboards creaked under your feet, the stench of something musty filtering through the dark apartment but lacking the familiar sickly sweet tinge of decay. So no ghouls or other rotting corpses left behind here.

"Anything?" He called out as your eyes adjusted to the low lighting.

"Don't worry," you teased, your finger easing off the trigger as you cleared through each room. No signs of life - mutated or not. "I'll protect you, pretty boy."

Suguru was behind you when you glanced around. Leaning against the still-open door frame, one dark eyebrow arched up.

He tolerated your flirting. A hint of amusement he tried to hide glinting in the edges of his expression. Weighing out how serious you might be but never acting on it.

You could appreciate his cautiousness - could probably use some yourself.

But you tried to remind yourself that your time with him was temporary. Just throwing him a casual smile before continuing to rifle through the belongings of someone long-gone.

There were a few dusty boxes of gumdrops hidden in a dresser. Four cans of cram in the back of the tiny pantry. Two boxes of mac and cheese.

The real prize was the single bottle of Nuka-Cola left in the no-longer functioning fridge.

"Ever have one of these?"

He squinted at it as you held up the dark bottle. Shutting the door to the dorm behind him with a low thud and flicking on the lantern he'd brought from the run-down diner you'd stayed at the night before.

"No," he answered, placing your only real light source down on the cracked countertop.

"Your lucky day," you laughed, twisting off the cap and pocketing it before offering it out to him. "Cherry-flavored."

Well, whatever chemical they put in and called cherry, but still.

You knew it didn't really hold any relevancy to him. That he had no way to know if it was rare or special.

But he still threw a sickeningly charming grin your way before grabbing the bottle and taking a long sip.

You liked watching him drink. And eat. And laugh. Anything. He moved with a certainty, a gracefulness you lacked.

So yeah, he might say he wanted to help you. But your plans had changed too.

Maybe you couldn't go home any time soon, but maybe you could help him get back to his.

"Can I check your map?" You muttered as he swallowed, dragging your stare away from watching the lump in his throat bob when he swallowed.

He passed the glass soda bottle back to you, letting you drink after him as he held out his wrist. You relaxed a little once you realized where you were on the map matched what you thought. The buildings around here were familiar - scratched the back of your brain.

"I think I know where we can sleep tonight."

 

✰ ✰ ✰

 

"Here?"

"Okay, maybe it's not much. But it's safe." you started, frowning. "Ish."

Suguru sighed. Let himself scowl for a second as he looked between you and the latest spot you convinced him to come to.

"I liked the bunker better," he muttered.

You tried not to roll your eyes at him. He only said that because he hadn't seen the inside of it - which consisted of a single dirty mattress and a trunk filled with random ammo rounds and expired food. You'd only shown it to him as a rendezvous point, a reference in case you made it here just to discover raiders or something else that might lead to you getting separated.

The settlement was small. Poorly-erect buildings, water pumps being cranked and a few loose brahmin wandering nearby. An middle-aged man working the crops, pulling tatos off the vine, moles and scars dotting his skin like freckles.

"One strong wind could probably blow this place over," he muttered, but he still followed when you took a few steps closer.

"Well, let's hope it's not windy tonight," you murmured back, rolling your eyes.

You'd been here before. A couple of times.

Done this family a favor or two, just enough to earn one for yourself. There were others, a handful scattered around the area, but they kept to themselves more. Wouldn't be so accepting of Suguru.

Two little girls peeked out from behind one of the shacks, ones that had been bumbling toddlers the last time you came by. They were watching you, probably didn't remember you at all now.

"Been a while," A gruff voice called out, and you glanced back over at where their dad had stopped picking crops to stare at you. His eyes raked over you, harsh and hardened. He was a dick every time you'd been here, but his wife had always been kind. Mended some of your ripped clothes once, showed you how to stitch things up yourself.

"Sure has," you sweetly said, trying to plaster on your prettiest smile to make up for the fact you'd brought a stranger around his family.

"What brings you back?" He grunted, but he wasn't looking at you anymore. He was grimacing at the guy by your side, clearly unhappy you were here.

"Need a place to stay for a night or two," you shrugged, tried to sound humble.

He didn't ask if Suguru was your boyfriend. Didn't want to know or didn't care. Just nodded slowly. "If you don't mind working the crops while you're here."

"Sure," you echoed, still keeping that smile in place.

"You can stay in the spare room," he grunted, jutting his thumb back. "Have to share a bed though."

"That's fine with us," you nodded, although you had to elbow Suguru to stop him from chuckling at your attempt to sound semi-tamed. Or trained.

"That was cute," he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

You elbowed him again for that.

But for someone who grew up with classrooms and couches not stained and pockmarked with syringe holes, he actually did more work than you. Pulling out crops and planting new ones, even playing with the twins when they worked up the courage to come over to both of you.

There was something almost more appealing about him like this. With dirt under his nails and a pretty sheen of sweat on his forehead, eyes narrowed with focus and nimble fingers fast at work.

"What's your name?"

"Nanako," she murmured, the other one hiding behind her, peeking out with a stuffed animal dangling limp from her hand. "My sister's name is Mimi."

"Mimiko," The other one corrected in a tiny whisper. Frail. They were both underfed, but it wasn't that uncommon. It was hard enough to feed yourself. Forget about two growing girls. You glanced around the field, but their dad had gone back inside. So you slid off your backpack and scrounged through it for a pack of the gumdrops you found earlier.

Maybe it wasn't the most nutritious. And yeah, okay, it was a little irradiated. But it was better than being hungry.

"Do you guys like these?" You asked, and Nanako was quick to nod yes for both of them, practically snatching it out of your hand before you even finished. "You can have them."

"Thank you," she grinned, already peeling the wrapper back. Her little fingers struggled with it though, so Suguru slowly reached out to help. Getting it the rest of the way off before passing it back.

"You don't remember me, do you?" You tried to ruffle her hair, but it was awkward, stiff as you touched her slightly oily scalp and wondered when was the last time they bathed.

Children weren't all that common around here.

People still had them, but you'd probably guess the vast majority of them fell under the 'accident' category rather than anyone making the conscious choice to bring a life into this world.

"No," Mimiko admitted, holding out her hand to get a gumdrop from her twin.

"I helped your parents out a few years ago," you tried to make it sound comforting, but they just blinked at you, unable to place you in their memories. You glanced back towards the house, the patchwork of metal frames and rotting wood hardly held together. "Where's your mom?"

"Out back," Mimiko mumbled, but Nanako talked over her with the rest of the real story.

"Dead."

You wanted to crawl into a grave yourself at how monumentally you'd messed that one up.

Suguru stiffened next to you. Your jaw clenched, molars grinding as you tried to think of some way to recover from that one.

"I'm sorry," he covered for you, placing a calming hand on her shoulder.

What were you supposed to say?

Any sorry, any apology you had to offer didn't make their life any less hard.

There was the loud creak of the door opening, and you automatically were turning, head snapping to the sound on instinct.

Their dad stepped out, glancing between the four of you with a tight-lipped glare before grunting at you, "Water pumps on the side if you want to wash up."

You didn't particularly like him. But clean water was too hard to pass up.

"Thanks," you smiled back, throwing your hand up in a small wave.

An hour later, you were changed, most of the dirt scrubbed off with lukewarm water, hair hanging damp and changed into the cleanest pair of clothes you had. Comfort was minimal here, just as fleeting as everything else, but it felt almost, well, cozy.

The bed was just a thin mattress covered by a scratchy quilt. The only pillow missing most of its fluff. The windows boarded up. The girls' room was next door, and you could hear the occasional whisper and giggle through the paper-thin walls.

But it didn't have bones or empty beer bottles, so it was better than most of the other accommodations you'd stayed in.

"You dressed?" Suguru's voice called through the door.

"Yeah," you replied, walking over to pull it open and let him in.

Your breath got stuck in your lungs when you saw him on the other side. But that was just the effect he tended to have on you.

"Probably feels nice to be clean again, huh, vault boy?" You teased, trying to hide how hard you were staring.

His hair was down, still-wet bangs swept across his forehead, a gray t-shirt straining over the muscles of his toned chest. You could see just how clear his complexion was, a warm glow to him that didn't quite match anyone else you'd ever met.

You barely managed to get your muscles to move so he could squeeze past you.

"You were right," he casually said, and you couldn't help but wish he commented on how he thought you looked all cleaned up. "This was a good idea."

"Yeah?"

"Feel bad for those girls though," he softly added, quiet enough that they wouldn't hear. A frown flitted across his face as he squatted down to search through his bag for something. When he didn't find it, he started fiddling with his pip-boy.

Curiosity churned in your stomach, but you weren't sure how close you were. If it would be weird if you prodded by asking what he was doing or make you sound too clingy.

"Me too," you mumbled, replaying the memory of earlier and cringing at yourself. If you weren't already so exhausted, you were sure you would be up half the night hating yourself for it.

"I can't believe you-"

"Shut up," you cut him off before he could continue, groaning and laying down flat on the bed. The mattress whined underneath you but he just chuckled at you, all honeyed and low.

You wanted to hear it again already.

It was greedy. You were greedy. But how were you supposed to help it?

When for the first time in forever, he made you consider that this hell didn't have to be one.

 

✰ ✰ ✰

 

You woke up to gunfire.

It wasn't the first time. But it never got any easier, any less jarring.

Suguru was up first, a hand on your chest, holding you down while he sat up and scanned the room first.

"There's-" He started in a hushed whisper.

"I know," you nodded, squirming out from underneath him.

Already running through a checklist in your head. Shoes. Gun. Bag. Suguru. Girls.

Their dad would probably get them, and it was definitely hypocritical considering how long you'd known your companion, but you couldn't bring yourself to put your faith in him when you'd only met him a few times.

"How far away-" Suguru started, but you held up your hand to stop him so you could listen as two more shots rang out.

"Get your stuff," you whispered.

Suguru was a better listener than any man you ever met before. Out of bed right after you, throwing on a jacket and getting his bag.

You were throwing your shoes on, grabbing your gun and slinging your bag over your shoulder, moving as fast as you could. Throwing one last glance at him, breath hitching in your throat. "Get the girls. Take them to the bunker."

Suguru grabbed your arm, firm fingers digging into your bicep as he stopped you. "You're coming with us."

You wanted to. So badly.

But this was one of those times you knew you couldn't be a coward. Not if you wanted to keep him safe. He saw it on your face too, scowling and tugging you closer as he shook his head, "No, you're not-"

"I'm just gonna distract them," You murmured, trying to reassure him, steeling your resolve and trying to seem far stronger than you really were.

If you went with him, you'd risk running into them out there - two girls in tow. And their dad was still here. Hopefully.

He threw you a look, but you were already tugging a knife out from your bag and slicing the thin wall separating your room from the girls, peeling the paper back and sticking your head through to see them cowering in the corner, scared out of their mind.

"C'mere, girls," you whispered, gesturing over, but they just shrunk back further against the walls. Shit.

Suguru stepped through the hole you made, throwing an apprehensive look towards their door. There was a window on the opposite wall, one of those big double-sided ones. It would be a tight squeeze, but you supposed Suguru could make it work - or manage to move one of the metal frame pieces.

Either way, time was running out, and you had to buy them some more.

Suguru took fast strides over to them, but they didn't try to recoil away from him.

"You're safe now, alright? We're gonna go get some fresh air," he soothed them, holding his hand out and once Nanako took it, Mimiko followed.

He looked out the window first, exhaling hard before slowly pulling it open. You helped him get each girl out, and he made it halfway out before throwing you a scolding look. Another soft plea with a sharp edge. "Come with us."

"Try not to die, okay?" You tilted your head, tried to hide how much you meant it.

"You too," he murmured.

"I'll see you in a few minutes," you promised, even though you had no way of knowing if you'd keep it.

There was another gun shot.

They kept getting closer. A minute, maybe two? And whoever it was would be here - that, or whatever they were fighting.

You crept through the door, the hallway eerily quiet as you pulled your gun out and got ready to use it. You grabbed a grenade you pilfered from an old military locker you found a year ago, one you weren't even sure worked.

Was the girls' dad dead already? Why the fuck hadn't he come for them?

You heard the voices before you saw them. Gruff. Loud. Grumbling about someone scamming someone else, asking for a hit and snarling when they got denied.

Raiders.

You froze, debated on running back to the girls room and escaping out the window with the rest of them.

"Has anyone checked the perimeter?" A louder voice called out, whoever was in charge, you guessed.

Even in a group as shitty and wild as theirs, where there were no laws or morals laid down, there was always a leader.

Someone who was worse than the rest.

No one answered though, just a grumbled chorus of voices from the direction of the living room. You tried to guess how many there were. Five? Six?

Too many to take on directly.

As silently as you could, you padded forward, approaching the only thing keeping you hidden from them.

A wooden door barely hanging on its hinges.

There was a busted window next to it. One that overlooked the fields, glass shards sticking out like it'd been shot or shattered. You glanced out, but you couldn't see anyone outside. They were all, for better or worse, barely ten feet away from you.

You watched through the thin gap. Gun already raised in one hand, grenade in the other, trying to figure out what your target should be. What your odds would be depending on who you shot.

The plan forming in your head was terrible.

But either way, you expected it'd ensure Suguru and the girls would make it to safety. You wished you'd told him to take them to your family's farm. They would at least get bathed and fed there. Or maybe his vault would take them in, provide them with a much better life than this.

Where the man of the house was on his knees. Hands on the back of his head, cheeks red and ruddy as he panted and pleaded, "Please, listen-"

Someone yawned.

Your eyes shifted to him.

A monster in human skin. Holding up a gun a lot fucking bigger than yours and glowering at him.

"Do you want caps? Crops?" You watched the man who'd been grumbling at you a couple blubber now. "I've got two girls, y-you could take them."

Your stomach twisted in flat-out disgust. Finger twitching on the trigger, ready to shoot him if the raiders didn't.

But he didn't stop there.

"There's, there's a cute one your age staying here too, and-"

His brains were on the wall before he could finish. You wished you could say it was an accident.

But it wasn't.

Before they could turn, see who'd put the bullet through his brain, you were tucking your gun in your waistband and pulling the pin out of the grenade to toss out the window.

Five seconds.

That was all you had to get as far away from there as possible.

Sprinting down the hall, the girls' bedroom door slamming against the wall right as the grenade went off outside. It rattled the frame. Hopefully sent all of them out front to check so you could escape out the back.

You were throwing yourself out the back window, body trembling with adrenaline, fingers shaking as scrambled on your feet to get away.

Already, you were trying to justify shooting him. Calling him an asshole in your head.

Telling yourself he offered up the girls. Offered up you. Was about to sell out Suguru. That the raiders would've killed him anyway. You just stole an extra minute or two of his life.

That didn't change the fact it had been you who pulled the trigger.

"Runnin' away from me?"

You didn't freeze at the rough voice behind you. You froze at the sound of the chamber being loaded.

And when you turned, you knew what you'd find.

You just thought you'd be a little sadder staring down at the barrel of a gun. That death would be scarier.

But you didn't flinch. Just stared him down, looked the raider who was ready to kill you right in the eyes.

Although, judging by the the pathetic passing thought that he was kinda hot, you guessed you'd skipped straight to the acceptance stage of grief. What was the point in mourning your life? You'd eventually be an unmarked grave and another depressing tally of loss to the few people who did care about you.

You waited for it to stop. For the world to end.

Studied the tattooed and scarred man standing in front of you, strands of soft pink hair tousled and tangled, loose dirt still stuck in them. His clothes were dirty, leather and armor well-worn and stained.

You expected him to have that same dead-eyed stare the other raiders typically had. Maybe strung-out on chems or drunk on bourbon. Brain riddled with radiation holes. But they were softer than you expected, a faint glimmer there, a dark shade of red you'd never seen before.

A mutation, genes trying and failing to repair the damaged and missing bits from the fallout even all these generations later.

"If you're gonna kill me, can you get it over with?" You frowned, daring him to do it.

He scoffed. But he didn't shoot.

Apparently, even raiders had more restraint than you.

He just glared at you with those intense eyes, like he was trying to drag you down with him, hold you hostage.

He stepped closer, and you didn't budge. Let him press the cold barrel right against your chest as he leaned in. His free hand grabbed your chin, tilting your face up so you were forced to face him.

Appraising.

Trying to pinpoint who you were by the shape of your frown, the crinkle of your nose. There was something familiar about his scowl, some faint recognition registering in his shrewd stare.

"Pretty," he murmured, deep voice gravelly and gritty. Your face started to scrunch up, but he continued, mocking you with the rest of his sentence, "Impulsive."

You wanted to call him ugly, but you had a feeling he'd just call your bluff. He carried himself with the confidence of a man who knew all his cards and how to play them.

So you kept your mouth shut, bit your tongue before he blew yours off.

"You could come with me," he offered, but it felt more like a mocking jab. He let go of your chin, brushed back a stray strand of your hair. Clicking his tongue with a dry laugh, "You'd fit in."

"I resent that," you glared at him.

Someone shouted, and for a split second, his attention shifted.

It was your only chance, and you took it.

Kneed him the only place that was guaranteed to stun a man, stealing his gun when his body reflexively bent over, a throaty groan ripped from him. You fucking hoped it hurt.

You didn't risk glancing - just bolted before he could react. Sprinting as fast as you could towards the trees, scraping your cheeks on stray branches, pulse pounding loud enough you couldn't hear if he was following.

It was dark out, voices behind you, shouting and cursing and a few stray shots.

The bunker's entrance was half-hidden, but your legs were moving on instinct, sore thighs propelling you there without stopping.

Like, literally.

You crashed into Suguru still at full speed. Toppling him over onto the half-dead grass, his body breaking your fall and his hands on your waist.

He wrapped an arm around your back, keeping you pressed to his chest as he propped himself up to look behind you, on high alert for what you were running from. You couldn't catch your breath, barely able to glance up at him, fumbling to wrestle control of yourself back from your panic-wracked brain.

But his thumb just swept over your shoulder blade in a comforting little half-circle, still searching through the tree line to tell if any more friends or foes might break through.

"Sugu-"

"Don't worry," he murmured. "I've got you, pretty girl."

Fuck.

You knew he was echoing your words back from earlier, but it still made your heart flutter. Your lips parted, about to murmur something back, but then there was the sound of heavy steps drawing near - and a single shot.

Not from you. But you weren't bleeding. Weren't hurt.

You started to look, but Suguru's other hand held your head down.

"Don't."

Hoarse, heavy. You knew what he did. Could feel the weight of it just from how hard his palm was pressed against your hair.

But you had to see for yourself. He was dead, whoever he was.

It wasn't the same guy who tried to shoot you.

A shame, really.

You'd stolen his gun and kneed him in what you guessed was his only sensitive spot after he showed you what he probably considered mercy by not immediately murdering you.

"We have to go," you whispered, your own pushing off of his chest and looking back at the limp body laying a few feet away, too close to the entrance of the bunker for comfort. "Like now."

Chapter 3: Orange Colored Sky

Keeping yourself alive was hard enough.

Scraping by with Suguru and two tiny girls who couldn't walk for more than twenty minutes without complaining?

You gave it maybe four days before you were all fucking dead.

Someone had to do something. Which, of course, meant you had to make the decisions that could end up getting all of you killed.

Just because you managed to make it out with bruises and cuts and minimal blood so far didn't matter when your survival could depend on a single second choice.

Suguru had grabbed the girls from the tiny bunker, tossed one over his shoulder while you tugged the other one along, ignoring the raider's shouting and searching for you until their voices died down with distance. It was sheer luck you found a shack to hide in, that the girls didn't cry or sob at being torn from their home.

Kids were weird like that. Adapted to being in hell when they didn't know there was anything better. You guessed you didn't either, but you used to like the idea that there was something better waiting for you somewhere.

More to life than murder and molerat meat.

They fell asleep on Suguru's lap. He had tried to tell you to get some rest too, but you were too wired, already replaying every stupid move you made that landed both of you there.

You should've ran with them. Or thrown the grenade straight into the room even if you risked knocking yourself out with it too. Definitely shouldn't have antagonized a fucking raider and ripped his gun from him.

But you didn't have room for regret.

Didn't have the space for it in your brain when you had survival to worry about.

"You need to rest," Suguru murmured, all exhausted himself, his voice thick as he stifled a yawn.

"You first," you insisted.

But even over the the next couple days, you'd barely managed to score more than a handful hours of sleep.

How could you?

The plan you had sucked. Suguru wanted to head north, through territory that would be tough for the two of you - let alone kids. You had told him as much, told him that it'd be safer to take them to your family's farm. But that meant a detour east, and needing to hire a mercenary to guard you on the way there if you wanted to actually make it there alive.

There was only one you could trust - and if you wanted to catch Nanami at his usual bar, you would have to scrape together enough caps to cover his cost.

You were making terrible time.

The girls were slow. Dragged their feet and cried constantly, always clinging to Suguru's hands or your clothes, begging to be carried or held through sniffles. You'd taken too many breaks as it was, added an extra day to your route just to accommodate them.

Suguru was a saint.

Calming them easily, reassuring them and changing the subject every time they asked about their father or their former home, encouraging them to keep going when your patience wore thin.

But you could see the way his jaw clenched when they brought it up. See the way his usually warm eyes went cold at any mention of that night.

He didn't bring it up. Maybe worried that the girls would overhear, that he'd be the one to damage them more. Destroy what was left of their innocence.

You didn't know what bothered him more. The men who attacked the farm - or the fact he murdered one himself. That his hands had blood on them now, the kind that couldn't be washed away or wiped clean.

The most you managed to get out of him was a single answer, after the girls had fallen asleep in some run-down apartment, half the ceiling caved in and some of your clothes piled on top of them as a makeshift blanket.

"Do you feel bad?" You softly asked, although you had a feeling you knew. He'd say he didn't. He just wouldn't mean it.

"No," he muttered. "It was necessary."

Necessary was a slippery slope.

How much had you justified with that excuse? And how much of what you'd done had actually been needed?

You didn't judge him. You never would.

So you didn't press further. Dropped it there. The girls didn't get the same message.

They liked to pester and push. Asked even more questions about him than you had. Mostly just to hear about his vault, though. For kids who never had much of an education, who were barely taught more than the basics, they'd still heard the legends of whispers of the people that were rumored to live underneath them. Probably picked up rumors from passing travelers, interest piqued at the idea of a place where they didn't have to starve and scrounge.

Suguru answered them though, painting a pretty picture of peaceful living - of his friends and his family, where they had warm showers and hot meals. Of his old job in the vault, what work and living was like when you didn't have to worry about whether or not tomorrow would come. Making promises that he'd take them there sometime.

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from saying sometime wouldn't happen if they didn't start moving faster.

"Are you alright?" Suguru questioned, leaning down as you held his wrist, squinting at his pip-boy and trying to work out what the quickest path to take was that wouldn't get you bullet-ridden or buried.

"Fine," you mumbled, even though your lungs were straining, your limbs begging for a break, your thoughts only getting fuzzier by the day.

"You need water?"

You needed sleep.

But you couldn't until you got them to at least a semi-safe place.

It would be sleeping in another abandoned building tonight. Hopefully one not infested with irradiated bugs you'd have to waste more ammo on.

But your hopes were rarely answered. And the radroach standing outside the door to a rotting home wasn't a sign of anything good.

But with a bullet between its eyes, it went down without a fight.

"There's probably more inside," you murmured, glancing around the dead grass to make sure one wasn't lingering around. The girls were hanging on Suguru's pants, all wide-eyed as they stared wordlessly at the gun in your hands. "I'll clear it out."

"You shouldn't go in alone," Suguru said, as if there was another option. As if he'd be able to pry either girl off of him long enough to come with you. All it'd do was hurt more than help if you had to constantly watch over your shoulder for them.

"I'll be fine," you shrugged, forcing a smile.

Suguru couldn't manage one back. Dark brows pinching together, frowning as he followed your outline up the broken stairs to push the door open. The hinges creaked, and whatever was inside had to hear, the faint sounds of scuttling overhead as you crept in the dim living room. The windows were half boarded up, letting in some sunlight, but not enough to scrub away the dark corners.

You didn't have to look long to figure out it used to be a chem user's hideout. Jet and psycho were cluttering most of the available surfaces, empty syringes left on tables and couches.

But there was too much dust collecting everywhere, too much left unused for whoever was here last to have a happy ending. Probably met an end at the bottom of a bottle or from a bad dose.

A second radroach was scrambling to get to you, one small enough you stomped on it instead. It took two tries, and a third just to be safe before you crept up towards the sole staircase.

You clutched your gun tighter, holding your breath as you tried to step quietly, eyes straining to see as you scanned your surroundings.

It lunged at you from underneath a broken bed frame, your trigger finger pressing down before you could blink. You hated the sound it made when it connected, the wet splatter of bug guts. You let go of the breath you were holding, looking back over the room just for the sound of something squashing to catch you off guard, spinning around and almost firing before you realized it was Suguru.

"What the fu-" You started to hiss, but he was swinging a baseball bat he must've found downstairs to hit another one of those smaller radroaches as it tried to attack his foot.

"Are you okay?" He grunted, dropping the bat before you had even processed what the hell had happened.

You guessed that was usually your problem.

Too focused on what was in front of you to pick up on the other details.

"I could've shot you," you mumbled, putting your gun up in your holster with a heavy sigh. "I thought you were staying outside with the girls."

"They were worried about you," he softly said. There was something in the way he leaned in when he looked at you, unspoken and warm. It wasn't forced or awkward, just natural. As if there was some pull he couldn't resist, gravity tugging him closer until his arm was grazing against yours.

"Them?" You asked, swallowing hard, teetering on teasing when you tilted your head to the side. "Or you?"

Suguru smiled at you, and for a second, you forgot how shitty everything else was.

"Both."

The girls were holding hands by the doorframe, clinging to the wall and waiting for you downstairs. Suguru distracted them with a story, a fairytale about a princess and a knight, although you chimed in to change the dragon in it to a deathclaw when they were confused. You cleaned up what you could, shoving all the chems in your backpack after taking out some old boxes of food. If you were on your own, you might've tried to cook what little meat was on the radroaches, but you doubted the girls would be able to stomach it.

There was a bedroll in the corner, one you smoothed out and double checked for anything sharp before you interrupted the part where the knight defeated the deathclaw.

"You guys hungry?" You asked, squinting at the faded packaging.

They looked up at Suguru, like they needed permission. Or maybe just eager to hear how his story ended.

Still, they waddled over, sitting with their legs crossed and waiting patiently for you to pass out their crummy dinner.

"I wanna know what happens next," Mimiko quietly requested, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

You glanced back at Suguru, a brow raised, curious to see what else he'd come up with, but you knew something was off with one look at him.

His eyes were hazy, wobbling a bit on his feet as he stumbled forward.

"Suguru?"

He gagged and you rushed forward, helping support his weight and leading him back to the door, throwing a strained look back to the girls.

"Stay here, okay? Call if you need me," you tried to sound strong. Be someone steady. Unbending.

But you barely made it out the door before Suguru was throwing up over the cracked porch railing and onto the grass.

"Fuck," he groaned, heaving hard. The bottom of his pants were torn, probably from the fucking radroach earlier. Another detail you didn't notice.

You held his hair back when he puked. Tried to breathe through your own nose, feeling like a fucking moron for forgetting his body wasn't as used to the radiation like yours was, or even like the girls.

He'd been born in a vault. Blessed to never know radiation sickness, never been curled up on a mattress while someone tried to find a trader or merchant to get meds from.

"I have a Rad-Away you can take," you murmured, trying to squeeze his shoulder, to still offer reassurance even when you felt like you failed him already. "It'll help."

He wiped his mouth, let you lead him back in while you carefully avoided pricking yourself on the other stuff in your bag while you dug out one of the two bags of Rad-Away you had. It took a longer than you'd like to set it up, using one of the burners whoever lived here to boil some water and sterilize a needle to put in an IV.

It was harder to stick it in his arm, cursing under your breath and chewing on the inside of your cheek while you jabbed at it until you managed to find a vein and make it work.

"Sorry," you mumbled. "Not exactly a doctor."

He nodded, a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead you reached out to feel. You hesitated though, shuffling back to the girls to check on them.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Nanako spoke up, a protective arm around her sister.

"Just fine, sweetie," you forced a smile.

He would be. You just weren't so sure about yourself.

How long would you be able to keep this up? How long until you made a decision that ended in another death?

You tried to eat. Tried to make small talk with the girls. Tried to tell yourself that you were overthinking.

Stared out the window at the setting sun, the orange and the pink and the puffy clouds that threatened to bring rain tomorrow until the sun was cresting on the horizon.

Suguru eventually pulled out the IV after the last few drops dripped in. Sitting next to you on the hard floor, his shoulder softly brushing against yours as your thigh nudged against his.

"Hey" he quietly murmured, under his breath. He had pulled a purified water from his bag, holding it out for you to take.

"Feeling better?" You looked over at him, your chest straining at the simple lines of his face in the fading light, the strong jaw, the soft eyes.

"Yeah," Suguru nodded, and you wished a single word didn't make you feel so fucking weak. You tried to look down, unscrewing the cap on the water and bringing it to your mouth. "Thanks to you."

You didn't know what to do with appreciation.

Didn't know what to do with him.

But the girls seemed content to fill the awkward lull, replace the silence with something even worse.

"Um, so, do you guys kiss?" Nanako asked, squinting like he was trying to figure the two of you out. Trying to come to terms with her new caregivers.

You almost choked on your water. Face flushing as your head snapped next to you at Suguru. And maybe it was the dull light through the window, but it almost looked like he was blushing.

"Mommy and daddy used to," She added, blinking innocently.

The butterflies swarming in your stomach were drowned by the wave of guilt. Kissing Suguru was small in the scheme of things, a soft fantasy to pad your brain and prevent nightmares before you fell asleep, nothing tangible you could touch or take for yourself.

You wondered if he'd even want to once he knew what you'd done to the girl's dad.

Probably not.

"We have not kissed," Suguru cooly replied, all calm, seemingly unaffected by the question. Nanako giggled though, her hand going up above her mouth to muffle the sound.

"Have you kissed somebody else?"

You turned to glance at him, to watch his face when he answered that one. But movement in the edges of your vision made look back, and fresh panic pumped through you.

Mimiko was reaching for your bag, but you snatched it before you could. "Don't."

You cringed at the hardness of the word.

"I'm sorry, Mimiko, it's just, there's stuff in there that could hurt you," you tried to explain, but there were still tears welling up in her big brown eyes. Nanako glared at you, little lips pushed together in a pout at her sister's behalf.

"I just wanted to see if you had some bubblegum," Mimiko muttered.

"I don't, but um, maybe we could buy some if we make it to the, uh, tavern tomorrow," you offered. It was more like a crummy motel that happened to offer drinks for travelers to get drunk and laid, considering their typical clientele, but the girls wouldn't get that.

But at least they'd probably get a warm bed to sleep in there. Warm food too, as long as a trader was there for you to sell the chems to.

Suguru was watching, jaw locked. Brows scrunched together like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

The girls seemed to accept your bargain though, even if they both turned away from you, curling against each other on the bedroll to try and sleep while you and Suguru split some of his rations.

It wasn't much. But it was better than starving.

"What's in your bag?" He finally asked after the girls had fallen asleep, listening to their soft snores.

"Chems," you confessed. "There was a bunch laying around here. Some merchants will probably pay a pretty decent amount of caps for them."

When it was just you, it didn't matter much how many you had.

But now you basically had three more mouths to feed and barely enough supplies to last one person a week.

You could see the hesitation in Suguru's face, the obvious fact he wasn't a fan of that idea.

"It's that or scavenging for scrap and forcing the girls to carry an extra fifteen pounds each," you muttered, and he swallowed whatever he was going to say.

"You think there will be one there?" He asked instead.

You nodded, shrugging your shoulders. "Should be."

If not, you'd have to try selling that shit to the customers there so you could afford to cover the mercenary cost and a room for all of you to cram into.

"I have something I need to check on in another vault," he spoke slowly, carefully choosing his words. He didn't want to tell you the truth. Didn't want to reveal or risk spilling something too soon, you supposed. Probably had to do with the girl he was supposed to bring back - the mission he already failed. "But afterwards, we could get the girls and take them back to my vault."

"They'd let them live there?" You apprehensively asked, picking your own question with the same uncertainty.

You didn't want to assume you were included in that.

"Yeah," Suguru answered, but he didn't seem all that confident. There was a subtle twitch of his lips, a bob in his throat.

You should say that you were glad. Say that you were happy about it. But your pulse was pounding too fast, and the idea of them all there together made your heart hurt.

"You can sleep first," you mumbled instead. "There's a mattress upstairs."

You'd take second shift - and pretend to sleep while you listened to him hum songs you'd never heard before.

"You're exhausted," he frowned, fingertips pressed on your forearm softly. "You'll fall asleep sitting up."

"M'not," you murmured, managing to stop a yawn from escaping.

"Don't make me carry you up the stairs," he threatened, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes at him.

"We'll probably both fall through them," you dryly replied, earning a laugh. Even that had heat flooding your face, glancing away before he could see through you.

"Go to bed," he insisted again.

You didn't know why you listened to him. Despised that he already had some hold over you, that his pretty smirk and stupid chuckle plagued your mind when you laid down on the dirty mattress upstairs.

But when you woke up to light outside, you weren't thankful.

"Why the fuck didn't you wake me up?" You hissed, tempted to hit his chest when you rubbed your bleary eyes and squinted at him through them.

"You needed the sleep," Suguru calmly said, even though there were exhausted circles under his dark eyes, yawning himself as the girls nibbled on fruit he found outside for them.

"I needed you in good shape today," you grumbled.

You'd be on your feet until dusk. How could you trust him to watch your back when you couldn't even trust him to get you up for your shift?

"I am," he said, but you just glared at him. Shoving all your stuff into your bag, combing back through the house one more time before mumbling that you were leaving now.

The girls scrambled to follow you, Suguru tailing at the end while you kept your hand on your gun.

He tried to catch up a couple times, but every time he did, you walked faster, and the girls whining about the speed was enough for him to slow back down.

You only stopped for lunch, making a point in ignoring Suguru even when he sat down next to you, only answering to Nanako when she asked how far away you were.

"I'm sorry," Suguru apologized, but you didn't drop your guard.

You were overreacting. Logically, you were well aware of that. But it was easier to be mad at him. Made it hurt a little less when you were already weighed down by guilt and grappling with the control you didn't have a grip on anymore.

He reached out, his hand hovering over your knee, but he didn't put it there. Still respecting your space, even if he wanted to invade it.

"We're supposed to be a team," he murmured, and you felt some thread inside you unravel.

"Are we?" You stood up, dusting off your pants and glancing around so you didn't have to look at him.

After all of this, he'd go back to the vault. Bring the girls. And where would you be left?

Waiting out raiders until you could return to your own family?

Or maybe you'd end up strung up in some camp somewhere or with a slave collar around your throat if you used up all your luck getting them to safety.

He called out your name, but you couldn't breathe. Lungs constricting as you told the girls it was time to continue walking. They groaned, grumbled about it, but they got up. Suguru followed suit. You only looked back at him once.

"Put your jacket on to hide that before we get there," you exhaled, pointed to his wrist.

The woods eventually let out onto a cracked road, pebbles crunching under your feet, thick weeds sticking out as you kept going straight until a shoddy two-story building came into sight.

You guessed it used to be some kind of office. The old signs had been marked over, the insides gutted. There was a makeshift reception area when you walked in, a bar set up in the back with mismatched tables and stools and chairs. Rooms with beds and mattresses and working toilets.

A ghoul was working behind the desk, reading some old worn magazine with faded print, barely sparing you a glance.

"Room's twenty caps a night," he croaked, and you wanted to grumble that it was ten last time you were here, but you kept your mouth shut.

Tossed the amount on the table and caught the key he tossed back.

"Second door on the left," he muttered.

It wasn't a big room. But it had two beds. A dresser stuck in between them, one of the drawers lopsided and a broken bottom handle. There was a couch by the door, barely enough for a kid to lay on. A small bathroom attached in the corner, one just big enough for a toilet and a tub.

You tested it, surprised to discover it actually worked.

Maybe someone had figured out how to get a water purifier running out back - or they siphoned it from a settlement nearby.

Either way, you insisted on getting the girls clean first, all of you taking turns washing up before you changed into the last set of clean clothes you had. Maybe you'd wash your stuff overnight, find a place to hang them to dry tomorrow if Nanami wasn't here tonight.

"My feet hurt," Nanako complained, padding around the room and hoping up on the creaking bed, pulling her cracked soles up to get a better look at them.

"You should rest then," you quietly said, rummaging through the dresser to see if anyone had left anything.

A thin slip was left in the bottom drawer, leopard print and gaudy, something you were pretty sure you'd seen on a prositute last year, but there was a clean tank top in there too, half-hidden underneath it. You took both, shoved it in your bag while you glanced back towards the door right as Suguru walked back in, balancing some stews you'd given him the caps to cover.

"What's that?" Mimiko asked, nose scrunching up at the scent.

"Don't ask," you mumbled, getting up to grab one for yourself. "Just eat."

You'd rather not know what kind of creature it was made out of. But your stomach was grumbling, and you were just glad to have something to fill it.

The girls were out in less than an hour, curled up side-by-side on the bed, little hands holding onto each other.

"I'll be back." Your voice was strained, suffocating under a burden you put on yourself.

"Where are you going?" He asked anyway, and you could hear him resisting the urge to stop you.

"Don't like having this stuff on me," you sighed, picking up your bag and slinging it back over your shoulder. "Besides, my merc might be here."

If he was, he'd probably be halfway through a whiskey by now.

"I don't like you going by yourself," Suguru said it like it was a struggle to even admit.

"The girls-" You started.

"We can lock the door behind us," he suggested.

You made yourself look at him, searching his face for seriousness you knew you'd already find in that furrowed brow. And you really just couldn't say no to Suguru, could you?

However, you did make him sit at a table and pretend he didn't know you when you approached the most obvious dealer in the bar, managing to score more than you thought you would in exchange for the stolen substances.

Nanami wasn't there. An empty stool where you'd last seen him, only a few stragglers drinking and dancing to a jukebox they managed to wire up, some local radio station fading in-and-out and playing the same songs everyone had heard a thousand times.

You were about to tell Suguru that you should both just crash for the night, sleep it off and wait to see if Nanami showed tomorrow, but someone else had slithered into the seat across from him. Blush dusted across her cheeks, lipstick that was probably gifted from one of her clients, a tiny top clinging to her chest as she giggled at something Suguru said.

It shouldn't bother you.

You didn't hate her. Didn't envy her either. You knew what she was. What her game was here. To get him back in bed with her and empty his wallet while she was at it.

That was how she survived here. You didn't know her story or how she ended up selling herself in a place like this. But you knew how close you'd come to some similar fate - more than a few times.

But it didn't make you not dislike seeing him smile at anyone else like that. All crooked and cute and showing off his canines when he asked a sincere question back.

"Suguru," you mumbled his name, and he was already getting up.

But he waved at her first, wished her a good night, before following to where you were already walking back down the hall to the door.

"So-"

"I got the caps," you cut him off.

You dug through your pocket for the room key once you were in front of it, twisting it in and tossing off your shoes once you were inside. Making sure to lock it back before you went to sit on the edge of the couch, dropping your bag in front of you.

He was watching you, and you had a feeling he'd like to take a peek inside your head if he could, pick it apart to understand you.

"I'll take the first shift tonight."

He frowned at that, but he didn't fight you. Another night, he might've. But he was finished pushing his luck.

So you tried not to look at him when he pulled off his jacket, stripped down out of his pants, pulling out a pair of pajama pants from his own bag you'd never seen him wear.

You wanted to laugh when he shimmied them on, but you held it in. Barely stopping yourself from smiling either, turning your attention to the girls dozing and dreaming when he spoke up.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" You felt your fingers curl up into a fist, preemptively defensive.

"Keep going like this," he answered, sitting on the edge of the bed instead of actually getting in it. "I mean, I think about what that asshole did to Riko. And what those raiders did to their dad-"

"I did it," you interrupted.

The second you said it, you wished you hadn't. Wanted to wipe his mind when you glanced up and saw what face he was making.

He paused, his mouth open as he stared at you. All those gears in his genius brain turning and grinding as he tried to piece together what you meant because the obvious conclusion he was coming to couldn't be correct.

"The raiders didn't shoot him," you clarified, hating how guilty you sounded when you didn't even feel bad about it. It was just another shitty decision you had to make, more consequences you couldn't escape. "It was me."

"But why would you-" His voice died off before he finished.

"I mean, they would've done it," you shrugged as you explained. His eyes were still shrewd, their sharpness cutting through your shield of nonchalance. "He was offering up the girls to them. And me. But I beat them to blowing his head off before he could mention you."

Suguru blinked.

He didn't fully get it yet. Didn't quite understand just how far some folks were willing to go for what he'd grown up with.

"You killed him," he said. Three short words. Simple and to the point and painfully true. It wasn't judgement in his stare, but some new harsh fact setting into his brain, rewriting a lesson he learned in his old life where his biggest problems was what food was being served in the cafeteria.

You nodded.

"I told you before," you mumbled, breath getting stuck in your throat at the last word. "I do what I have to."

"The girls-"

"Would've been sold off or murdered by raiders," you interrupted him. "And you would've been shot on the spot for that."

You gestured towards his pip-boy.

He blinked. And you breathed.

A series of little movements that made up a horrible moment. Redefining your relationship with a simple revelation.

"You can hate me for it," you softly said. "The girls will later. But you're all alive, aren't you?"

"I don't hate you," Suguru muttered back.

But he didn't see you the same.

You could feel it. Sense it in the way his eyes stuck to you after you woke him up five hours later, trading off spots so you could sleep too.

Making small talk in the morning while you let the girls rest in bed for most of it, avoiding direct eye contact while they played with a few toys they found scattered around, eating the food the bartender promised was only minimally irradiated.

You caught the woman from last night flirting with Suguru again once evening rolled back around, trying to slip him her room key in the hallway while you wrangled the kids back inside to sleep. You pretended you hadn't seen though, turning your head as you walked in and tried to get them to lay back in bed.

Suguru walked through the door, tying his half his hair up while you discreetly eyed him. Both of you pretending things were normal no matter how fucking far from it you actually were.

"She just wants you to sleep with her," you dryly muttered, throat threatening to close at the thought.

You weren't used to the slimy feeling slinking around in your stomach. The bitter taste of jealousy, the temptation to be petty outweighing everything else as you sucked in a short breath.

"She's nice," Suguru casually said, raising an eyebrow like he was amused by your reaction.

"What? Did she offer you a discount?" You sarcastically replied, Nanako giggling even when she had no idea what you were even bickering about.

He laughed, all adorable and low, but it didn't make you feel any better.

"Think I can get one?" He was joking, but you still gritted your teeth anyway.

"You're being a word I can't say in front of children," you glared at him.

"You're being cute," he commented.

"I need to see if Nanami is here," you huffed, just to hide how flustered he made you.

It would've been easier if Suguru hadn't followed you out, his voice behind you telling the girls to go back to bed before the thud of the door closing. You held onto your bag, held onto your pride, keeping your attention straight ahead as you hurried to the bar.

"Wait-"

You might've looked back again.

But he wasn't the only one saying your name.

Nanami was walking towards you the second he saw you, picking you up and pulling you against his chest in a crushing hug without hesitation. You used to think his voice was like honey, but now there was a pleasant crackle to it, like coming home to a warm hearth. "Thought you might be dead."

"Not yet," you smiled, some small weight removed from your chest as he set you back down and you sighed.

You felt Suguru next to you before you saw him.

"Is this the guy?" He did his best to sound polite. But there was an unmistakable edge to it, uncertainty as the weight of his presence suddenly pressed protectively into your side.

He was openly staring at Nanami, eyes narrowed, nose scrunched, taken aback by the fact the man you'd been mentioning was a ghoul. Well, half of one. Not fully transitioned yet, and still far from feral, but not a normal human either.

"The guy?" Nanami echoed, taking off a worn cowboy hat as his weathered face gave Suguru a calculated once-over before coming to the conclusion his attention was better directed towards you.

"Ken, this is Suguru. Suguru, this is Kento," you introduced, although neither man stuck out his hand to shake.

"You can call me Nanami," he muttered, making it clear the informalities were only reserved for you.

"Geto," Suguru cooly replied, returning the gesture.

"Do you mind giving us a few minutes?" You glanced at Suguru, trying to not-so-discreetly shoo him away.

He begrudgingly took a few steps back, walking over to the bar to order a drink and sliding into one of the stools.

"What are you doing here?" Nanami cut to the chase. What was left of his blonde brows pulling together, and despite half of his skin puckered and wrinkled from the radiation damage, you could still make out the hint of disapproval in it.

"I need your help," you admitted.

"Clearly," he muttered, throwing a pointed look at the company you were keeping.

But before you could explain your situation, he pulled out a folded-up paper from his pocket, passing it to you with a tight frown.

"What is this?" You asked, fingers hesitating over the edge of it.

"You tell me."

It was a wanted poster. Of you.

A high reward promised for anyone who could bring you in alive. And a death sentence in bold below it for anyone who laid a finger on you. It was old too, at least a few months, judging by how crumpled it was. Passed between a few hands before it found it's way to Nanami. There was a location on it. One southwest, far enough away you could at least hope that word hadn't spread here yet.

Raiders.

Maybe gunners, or some fractured faction that split off and formed their own organization. Enough to have power.

"What the fuck is this?" You repeated, your voice hoarse. A hint of fear you weren't accustomed to crawling in the cavity of your chest, roots spreading out the longer you stared.

The guy you left behind probably hadn't killed you because of this. Maybe he'd known. Recognized you and thought he'd claim the bounty himself.

But who would care enough to fork over that many caps for you?

You grimaced, balling it up in your hand and wishing you could burn it.

"I take them down when I see them," Nanami muttered, and your heart sank deeper at the thought they'd been plastered more places. "Who'd you piss off?"

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?" He didn't laugh. Just shook his head.

"I can't really help if I don't know who to kill," he bluntly said.

"I'm not asking you to kill anyone," you grumbled, folding your arms across your chest. "Sorta."

"Then what?" His hazel eyes were still sharp, but bloodshot now, ringed red as they bore through you.

He followed your stare back to Suguru though, watched you hesitate and hold your breath.

"I need you to help me get him and two little girls back to my family's farm," you explained, briefly skimming over the details while Nanami's disapproval only got stronger.

"Do you realize how many raiders are looking for you from here to there?" He finally said, not sugar-coating the situation in the slightest. Nanami leaned in closer, putting his hand over yours, like he wanted to make sure you got it through your skull what a bad idea this was.

"You could get them there, couldn't you?" There was just a but there you were reluctant to agree to. You rubbed your shoulder, too aware of how intently Suguru was watching without knowing what you were asking. "If I wasn't with you?"

All you'd be doing was putting them in more danger. The raiders were looking for you - probably watching the farm to see if you'd come back to it. The four of them could make it there under the guise of merchants or traders, survive just fine under Nanami's watch. But if you were there, all it'd take was one of those idiots to recognize you and they'd all to get swarmed.

"Of course I can," Nanami grumbled, not that he was happy about it.

You weren't either.

But half an hour later, he drafted up the contract and you paid him in caps - although he only chaged you half the rate.

For an old friend.

The two of you used to be more, but he didn't bring it up. Even if he was a little tempted to when you walked back towards your room with Suguru.

It was shitty. Cowardly. But you didn't want to say any kind of goodbye to any of them. You'd sneak out in the morning. Leave a note. Watch them go from somewhere they couldn't see you then hole up in a hideout for the next two weeks until Nanami came back with Suguru so you could go check out the other vault together. Maybe you could do a couple odd jobs while you waited, put together enough caps to convince Nanami to come with you there too - or to accompany you until you figured out what the fuck to do about the raiders.

That was If everything went well. All you could do was hope that it did.

You mumbled under your breath to Suguru that you'd take first shift again, hating this new plan, hating the fear that kept bubbling up inside you.

Loathing the fact that you really wanted to confide in Suguru and couldn't get yourself to start a conversation after last night. Stealing glances at him as he laid down in bed, head resting on a flat pillow. Wondering when the next time you'd get to watch him sleep would be, what being alone would be like after spending so much time with him.

"Come here," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

You knew it was a bad idea. But you crawled into bed next to him, a painful inch of space between you as he yawned.

"I-" You started, but you didn't finish your sentence when you turned your head to see his lashes fluttering, eyes shut and chest steadily back to falling.

Suguru was already dreaming again.

Maybe had been even when he called out to you.

But you still stayed, kept your hands on your chest as you stared at the ceiling, counting the seconds to pass time.

He rolled over, half of him landing on you, a heavy leg tossed over yours. His hand slipped underneath the band of your pants, cool against your skin. You were pretty sure he was still asleep, face down on the pillow and breathing softly, barely able to make out the outline of his pretty features in the dim room.

Would he be doing the same if he was awake?

Holding you like this?

You didn't think so. But what was the harm in letting yourself believe it while you could?

You'd be missing him tomorrow either way.

Chapter 4: It's a Man

This felt like a bad one-night-stand.

Sneaking out of bed and leaving a note on the dresser, your letters shaky, fingers trembling when you scrawled each one on a torn page. Just legible enough he'd be able to read it. A weak sorry for leaving. Promising him this was the only to make sure all three of them were safe.

You knew Nanami could tell them all of that for you.

Explain every reason why it would be stupid to stay.

But it still hurt to go.

Suguru looked beautiful in his sleep. Serene. You tucked a loose strand behind his ear, biting your lip before you did something you could regret.

"Bye, vault boy," you murmured, voice cracking.

You filled Suguru's backpack with extra supplies. Left the girls bubblegum you had snuck away from them to buy yesterday next to the note.

It wasn't much of a goodbye present.

You supposed them surviving without you was a better one.

By the time the sun was rising, you had crept out, found a place between the trees you'd be able to watch them from when they left.

Just to make sure Suguru wouldn't do something moronic like refusing to leave without you.

It took them longer than you expected. Your nerves jumbled and tangled by the time you saw Nanami holding the door open for the girls to come through. Suguru trailed behind them, his lips in a tight scowl, eyes scanning around while you crouched further back in the shadows.

He didn't spot you.

But you couldn't rip your stare away until they were out of your sight - back down the road that would eventually lead them to the home you were raised in.

What would Suguru make of it? Would he be pissed at you when he came back with Nanami in a couple weeks?

You refused to think it was an if instead of a when.

He had to come back.

Still, you hoped it was sunny for them.

That it wouldn't rain or storm and they'd be stuck without shelter. That Nanami would keep them safe and fed and unscarred. You weren't much for praying. Putting your faith in something higher when it seemed you were already in hell just living.

But you did then, silently saying a clumsy dear whoever is listening, please please please keep them alive.

Begging the universe to please bring Suguru back to you.

You hadn't realized how attached you were to him. It had never been intentional.

God, you tried so hard not to get attached. But he effortlessly disarmed you, dismantled every shield and slotted himself firmly inside your brain.

And now you were dealing with trying to root him out of it. Keeping yourself alive without him around.

Without them, you didn't really see much of a point in paying caps to stay in a room there. You went back to the bar, managed to score a a couple simple jobs. Mostly just going into the settlement nearby and handling stupid people's personal problems - collecting a late payment for the chem dealer, taking care of a few rabid mole rats that were hanging too close for comfort.

But even with that, the next few days dragged by. You explored the surrounding area, found an old hunting cabin that had been abandoned, a few wooden planks rotting but in good enough shape that you felt safe setting up a bedroll there while you passed the time. Not that you were sleeping.

Your nights were spent tossing and turning, shivering in the cold and imagining the body heat of someone who might not be missing you.

During your afternoons, you decided to pick off some of the creatures in the woods, counting your bullets and hesitantly hiking back to the motel bar to barter and hand over some of your caps to get more.

Shooting in self-defense was one thing. But this, hunting, it was somehow more nerve-wracking. Finding a ridge to position behind, creeping low to the shrubs and taking care of bloatflies and a couple weakened ghouls.

It was supposed to be simple.

And it had been.

Until you found the rifle.

Creeping along down a ridge when you spotted a gleam of dark metal in the grass. A smart girl would've turned the other way and pretended she hadn't.

But apparently, you weren't that capable of making smart decisions lately. Or at least, not any that were good for you.

Because when you grabbed it from the ground, examining the surprisingly pristine exterior, clearly cleaned recently and still fully loaded, you heard a low grunt, a wet sound.

Wet was bad.

Wet usually meant blood. Guts. Gross bodily fluids.

Your head twisted towards it, lungs straining as you tried to stifle your inhale, immediately locking down the hill at two of the last monsters you'd ever want to run into maybe fifty feet away from you.

A mean-looking yao gui, one of those freakish creatures that used to be a bear. Missing hair, covered in odd growths, snarling as it stood up on two legs and tried to swipe at the man on the ground in front of him.

Who somehow managed to look even meaner.

A familiar scowl on plastered on a terrifyingly more familiar face. A raider who most certainly had more than a few grudges to hold against you. Some that would only be buried with one of you in the ground.

"Shit," he spat out, slashing at it with a knife.

You guessed he'd lost the gun you were currently holding at some point in the struggle. The other, the one you stole from him, was currently with Suguru to replace the shitty one he had left his vault with.

There weren't any other raiders around - and you really didn't know what to make of that. Were they scattered around these woods? Was he scouting for something? Or maybe he'd left them behind to hunt you down after all?

The yao gui reared back again, and you knew the next hit would land.

He let you go before. Could you really just let him die?

Even if he was a raider?

You couldn't afford to spend another second debating on the ethics of it. He'd probably deserve death, but it could come for him a different day.

Cursing quietly under your breath, you peeked through the scope of his gun and lined it up right as the yao gui turned just enough to expose its mutated head, about to attack. It took four shots to kill it, one after the other, your finger pressing down on the trigger again and again until you finally hit a clean shot through it's eye, praying to whatever the fuck was out there for its legs to collapse.

To save the life of a man who would just as easily end yours.

And when it did, when its body went limp and it crumpled, was he grateful? Was it relief flooding his face, muscles relaxing and shoulders slumping?

Of course not.

His head snapped in your direction, someone's blood sticking out in his pink hair, speckled across his face, as he clenched his jaw. You caught a glimpse of his canines, sharp and mean, seething like you'd committed some grave offense against him.

But he hadn't seen you. Yet.

You left the gun. Dropped it before he could spot it. Really didn't need another reason for him or any of his other friends to come after you.

Hiking your bag back over your shoulder, sticking to the fringes of the path while you half-sprinted to put space between you and him.

You might've made it.

But apparently Suguru had taken all your luck when he left.

It wasn't him who found you first.

A feral ghoul, growling in its tattered clothes, had crawled out from underneath a splintered log, limping towards you at the sound of your fast footsteps.

Your hand fumbled for your own gun in its holster, adrenaline-addled brain making all your movements jumpy as your fingers refused to listen.

"Duck." A husky voice hissed behind you, and you hit the ground just in time for a bullet to whizz by and implant itself in the ghoul's head.

You pulled away anyway, hands getting scraped and stained with dirt as you whipped around to find him standing there, now holding the gun you left behind.

Regret was already itching and settling into your bones by the time you locked eyes with him. You should've just taken it. Should've known he'd follow you anyway.

Your chest was heaving, inhaling too fast, exhaling too hard, knuckles straining as you held on tighter to your gun.

You didn't know what you were waiting for.

For him to shoot you next?

"I saved your life," you unhelpfully pointed out, as if that would convince him not to pull the fucking trigger.

"I just saved yours," he scoffed back, eyes squinting as he looked down at your trembling fingers.

But instead of cold contempt or even thankfulness, you detected concern in his stare.

"Why?" You asked, throat constricting.

"I don't like owin' people," he grunted. He didn't lower his gun, but you weren't so sure he was about to shoot anymore.

You didn't think you'd have something in common with him. Anything, actually.

"So what now?" You steeled yourself, trying to square your shoulders and look not-so-small when you were in the dirt while his massive frame hovered over you.

He held out his hand for you to take, and you momentarily considered the chance you were hallucinating.

"Take it," he huffed, rolling his eyes, and you reluctantly slipped your palm into his calloused one, letting him pull you up onto unsteady feet. His hand was warm, blood from the bear still splattered across it. But once you were close enough, he used the proximity to snatch your gun from you first, holstering it in the spot where his old gun probably went.

You tried to reach for it back, but he easily swatted your hand away.

Without it, you were helpless.

Surviving with a gun was hard. Without one? Hopeless.

You weren't built like him. Didn't have the brute strength to put behind a baseball bat or tire iron.

"Give it back." You didn't sound steady.

"You look like you're gonna pass out," he sounded sarcastic, gesturing like there was something wrong with you. "When's the last time you slept?"

"M'fine," you mumbled, frustrated, making another attempt just for him to grunt and throw you over his shoulder. What, was he a fucking caveman now? Kidnapping you? What was next? Bringing you back to the rest of the raiders to spit roast?

You didn't know which way would even be worse.

"Stop squirming," he grumbled when you tried to kick, to hit him, even though each hit did essentially nothing when he had you dangling face-down.

"Let me go," you huffed, but the upside-down view was doing nothing to help the dizziness in your head.

"Nah," he casually replied, unbothered by your balled up fists smacking against his broad back.

Honestly, you'd rather fucking die here than face whatever fate would be waiting for you at a raider camp.

Panic replaced the blood in your veins, hot and fiery racing through you as you scrambled to shove off of him, twisting enough to break free.

The only problem was what you hit on the way down. Pain searing through your skull, something warm dripping down your forehead and getting in your eyes as you let out a low hiss of hurt.

His voice was the last thing you heard as black splotched your vision, unable to keep your eyes open.

"Idiot."

 

Suguru was used to waking up to an empty bed.

It had never felt wrong before now.

Rolling over to a cold spot where you were supposed to belong, empty space instead of a warm body. Reaching out to find nothing but a scratchy blanket. Opening his eyes at the sound of someone knocking - and someone absent.

He sat up the second it registered that you weren't in the room. His throat went dry, head swiveling around to where the girls were still curled up asleep in their bed, the morning light creeping in. You were supposed to be next to him. Supposed to be tucked against his chest and snoozing.

Or at least here.

Had you let him sleep through the night to get back at him for pulling the same stunt with you a couple days ago? Did you go out to grab something for breakfast?

His body was a little sore when he stood, limbs still tired from all the walking they'd been doing lately when he walked over to the door. Maybe you forgot the key.

"Who is it?" Suguru yawned, sifted his fingers through his hair when he leaned against the door. He could tease you too.

"Nanami."

His face immediately fell.

Jaw clenched shut as he tried to control his frown, flipping the lock and opening the door just a crack.

"What do you want?" There was a harsh edge to his voice. One that he knew shouldn't be there. That it was your friend.

But he hated the way the blond stared at you, how easily he touched you, how you just let him pick you up and place his hand over yours. Even now, with his lips curling up in a faint smirk, his eyes narrowing like he was subtly saying 'I know something you don't,' Suguru couldn't stand how tight it made his chest feel.

"She didn't tell you?"

You left him. Them.

He found your note after Nanami had already explained it. That you would wait for the two of them to come back after they dropped the girls off with your family. That it wasn't safe.

That the raiders looking for you had put out fucking wanted posters with your face on them.

Like he wouldn't be able to protect you.

Saving them because you thought they couldn't save you. Stupid. It was always about self-sacrifice with you.

He made Nanami wait an extra hour for you, convinced you'd change your mind, that you would come back for him.

But you didn't.

And all he had to cling to was the chicken scratch you called handwriting, the few words you scribbled and called a goodbye. You had left extra supplies for them, ones you shouldn't have spared. Bought bubblegum for the girls, which thankfully distracted them enough that they didn't hear Suguru and Nanami bickering about how long they had to leave.

He relented eventually, if only with the thought of the sooner they got the girls to safety, the sooner they could come back.

God, he fucking wish he said something different the night before. Convinced you that he didn't care that you killed the twin's dad - even if the thought of you pulling the trigger had caught him off-guard. Still lingered in the back of his brain, sticking out uncomfortably. He just couldn't picture it. It was easier to push it out, pretend you hadn't confessed it.

He didn't see you differently. He understood your reasons. Would never hold you it against you - especially when you'd done it for them.

It just reminded him of the simple truth that you were willing to do things for them that he would've hesitated over.

Suguru wished he disliked Nanami.

That he could find some fault in him, anything to justify his feelings. He didn't want to admit it was jealousy. That it bothered him how comfortable you were with him. How much faith you put in him, how much you trusted his competence.

But he wasn't a bad guy.

"Who are you?" Nanako bluntly asked, pulling on Nanami's sleeve. "Where's-"

"He's her friend," Suguru answered, trying to say it in a way that wouldn't make her cry. Both the girls had been wiping your eyes, hiding tears when they realized you weren't there.

"A friend?" Mimiko innocently asked, automatically trusting him the way she trusted you.

Someone else who'd keep her safe.

"She had some business to take care of," Nanami coolly added, tilting his hat down and squatting down low to address her. "So she asked me to help get you girls somewhere safe."

They accepted him. Just like they accepted this shitty world they'd been born into.

Suguru couldn't help but picture something better for them. A future in the vault - where they'd have warm beds and bellies, where they'd be educated, have a job and a life to look forward to that didn't involve getting shot or starving.

He wasn't sure how his vault would feel about it. What he'd even be walking into when he came back - not after what Riko had said. What she seemed to be running from.

But he knew there was one north, one that their overseer had been in contact with. He wanted to check it out first, see if his suspicions were even founded before he said anything to you or them.

For now though, he'd have to live with the plan you made. Make due with the options they had.

Even if it meant playing co-parents with a man who may or may not have seen you naked judging by how much Nanami's harsh features softened every time he heard your name.

Suguru had never been particularly talkative, but Nanami was worse. His lips sealed shut if he wasn't ordering them to stop or shush. He answered the girl's questions though, even if his voice was clipped. Confirmed for them that they'd like it on your farm. That it was quiet. Peaceful.

"How'd you become a ghoul?" Mimiko shyly asked, clinging by his leg as they bunkered down in a small cave for the night, mostly covered by thick foliage. Nanami didn't need to look at his pip-boy to know where they were.

"It's a long story," he exhaled, taking a slow slip out of his canteen before screwing the cap back on.

Nanako pouted over his answer, ready to call him on it before Suguru interrupted.

"You girls should go to sleep," he hummed, gesturing towards the sleeping bag they'd been sharing. They grumbled, but they both begrudgingly got in.

"How long until we're there?" Nanako still spoke up, peeking over the crinkling nylon out at them. They were exhausted. Barely making it even with the breaks they took during the day - usually needing to be carried by the time the sun was starting to set.

"Two days," Nanami promised.

Suguru hoped he was correct.

If he was, that would mean you'd be by his side again in a week. Returning would be faster without the girls, no need for extended breaks or the extra weight to care for them.

The twins fell asleep fast, softly snoring as Suguru stoked the small fire. He didn't like having one lit, having their location essentially exposed to anyone nearby. But Nanami had insisted, and he held his tongue.

Nanami just acted like he knew best - and everyone else who disagreed was wrong.

He was staring at the flames now, a far-off look in his eyes, shadows dancing across the few patches of undamaged skin and highlighting where the rest was wrinkled and puckered up.

"If you have something to say, say it," Nanami bluntly said.

Suguru felt an uncomfortable shift in his stomach, not at being called out. But by the contempt in it. The irritation in his voice. The condescension.

"How long have you known her?" He heard himself ask, studying the crackle of the fire to stop himself from glancing back at Nanami's skin, picturing what it might've looked like before he became this.

The blond chuckled, but it was hoarse, breaking before he brought his canteen back to his lips.

"Since we were teenagers," he shrewdly answered, holding his chin up high.

He didn't elaborate. Didn't offer a backstory.

"She saved my life," Suguru added. It almost sounded like he was bragging. Only sort of intentionally.

"She does that," Nanami dryly replied, pulling out a knife and wiping it on his thick pants to clean the dirt off it.

"Are you two-" He hesitated, and Nanami let out a low scoff.

"Ask her that," Nanami muttered, making a point not to look at him.

Suguru wasn't a moron. It was obvious Nanami had feelings for you. The question was if you shared them.

The silence was heavy. Too thick. Suguru didn't know what details he actually wanted.

How to handle the stuffiness in his chest. You made his lungs get lodged in his throat. Made everything inside him ache in your absence. He barely fucking knew you but a handful of days without you had become his own personal hell having to share a space and trust someone who wanted you too.

Nanami was staring at him. He could feel it. The weight behind it, almost accusatory.

"I hope you realize how lucky you were that it was her you ran into," Nanami coldly said. It wasn't even from a place of jealousy, no hint of bitterness to blame. Just letting him know a fact. "Anyone else would've let you die and looted your body."

He knew he was right.

His shoulders felt stiff. Bit down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying something stupid. Instead, he stood, started back towards where his own bed roll was. There was no point in continuing the conversation when all they would be exchanging was jabs. "I'll take the second shift tonight."

Suguru fell asleep fast - since it was the only way to actually see you again.

He dreamed of your smile.

Of waking up next to you, of a morning where the sun painted the sky pink, where there wasn't a monster lurking in the shadows to scare you. How many nights had he been spending studying your face lately? Distracted during his shifts because he couldn't stop staring at you? The image etched deeply enough that he was grasping for it after just a week without you. Lashes fluttering in your sleep, your features soft, relaxed, little puffs of air leaving your lips while his fingertips reached out to graze against them.

The dream shifted - back to his vault, back to the room he had grown up in. Of you curled up in an armchair, your knees pressed to your chest and one of his dark fluffy robes tied around you. Mouth open while he fed you a spoonful of real food - something cooked instead of the slop and irradiated junk you'd been surviving on for so long.

He wanted to drag his thumb over your lips, wipe it clean.

He woke up before he could. And you slipped away again.

Someone was screaming.

The sound was muffled, but he was still on his feet before he'd realized who it was. What was happening.

He supposed some raider had made the mistake of trying to sneak up on them.

Nanami had hogtied him, a gun discarded by his feet. The blond was holding one of his own, directing it at his head as he exhaled, dragging his cold stare over his catch.

"Got a couple questions for you," he drawled, making it obvious with just the pinch of his brows not answering wasn't an option. And Suguru wondered if it had been as simple as the raider stumbling upon them - or Nanami searching for him.

The raider tried to spit at him, but Nanami just hit him in the head with the butt of his revolver with a scoff.

"Who's lookin' for her?" He got down to ask, his free hand holding up that drawing of you on the wanted poster. Suguru felt something inside his chest pull taut, straining to keep a straight face from where he was watching. Only glancing back to make sure the girls were sleeping, but it was too dark to tell, his eyes adjusting enough to just make out the shapes of them in the sleeping bag.

Nanami pulled the makeshift gag from the raider's mouth, glaring at him and awaiting a real answer.

"T-the boss is," he stammered, blinking fast, pupils blown like he was on something.

"Why?" Nanami didn't let up, his finger firmly waiting to pull the trigger. Suguru crept closer, feeling his jaw clench at the idea of these assholes trying to get their hands on you.

"I don't fuckin' know," he flinched, straining against the rope. "He's obsessed with her though. S-said he'd blow our heads off if somethin' happened to her."

Nanami was about to ask something else, but the raider managed to work one of his hands free, about to reach for his discarded gun before the sole of Suguru's boots slammed down on his wrist, a sick cracking sound echoing before he let out a pained growl.

"What's his name?" Suguru grunted, pressing down harder, pinning him down in the dirt.

"S-Sukuna."

 

"Wake up," a deep voice grumbled, dragging you from the depths of a dazed nightmare where you were being-

Oh.

Something nudged your side, and you blearily opened your eyes just to find an intense red pair staring back at you. You tried to sit up, to push off your palms and scramble to get away from him.

But he pushed two thick fingers against your chest to stop you.

"Stop," he scoffed, brows pinching together. "You're hurt."

Your mouth opened, but you couldn't get anything out. Something was covering your forehead, medical gauze you guessed. Your head throbbed, throat painfully dry when you glanced around.

It wasn't a raider camp.

No, he'd found (or set up?) a tent, a sleeping bag underneath you outside of it, next to the low glow of a campfire where metal pans were set up - and smelled like something was actually cooking.

You guessed he was making sure you weren't out of his sight even when he was making something to eat.

"What-"

He wasn't listening. He was grabbing something from next to him, your eyes still struggling to focus until you processed what he was doing until he handed over a plate. With actually seared meat.

"Eat."

Did he know how to say anything that wasn't a command?

"Did you do anything to it?" You frowned, glancing from the food up to his face. His eyebrow twitched.

"Do you want to starve?" He sarcastically asked.

You opened your mouth to protest, to point out that you had food - but then you spotted your bag behind him. Out of your reach.

Fuck.

You reluctantly took the plate, stared down at what you supposed was the bear you killed. That he must have gone back and cut off parts of it for meat.

It smelled good. Far better than anything else you'd eaten recently. But you didn't trust him.

Why the fuck would you?

You wanted to run - but you both knew you weren't in any shape to make it more than a hundred feet away on your own. But even if you were, without your gun, without your bag, you were stuck here with him.

"Why do you give a shit if I starve?" You asked instead, poking at it with a finger before he tossed you a fork. You snatched it from the air, already mentally calculating how hard it would be to stab him in the eye with it to steal your stuff back.

"I prefer it when people owe me," he answered, but his eyes shifted away too quickly, and you didn't really believe him.

Believing anything he said would be stupid.

But there was something else in his gravelly voice, how his mouth pulled into a tight line that you disliked.

"So what? You wanna play nurse?" You knew you shouldn't mock him. But if he was going to toy with your life, you'd taunt him too.

His stare wasn't as venomous as you expected though.

Only mild amusement, one brow arching up as he exhaled. He yanked the plate from you, pulling the hunk of meat up to his mouth and sinking his canines into it to tear off a bite.

Proving he hadn't poisoned it before shoving it back into your palms.

"Just eat your fucking food," he grumbled.

You despised how good it was.

That the only decent meal you had in almost a year came from a fucking raider.

By the time you finished, you were wishing he hadn't taken the bite so you could have it. Pushing the plate back in his direction, refusing to look when he grabbed it.

You didn't recognize where you were. All the foliage looked similar to your surroundings earlier, but you had no idea which way would lead you back to the motel.

You'd have to wait until the morning to see what direction the sun was rising in - and hope you'd be able to find a way to get away from this asshole.

"I'm supposed to be waiting for someone," you huffed. It was the most he'd get out of you - but you wanted to make it obvious you weren't some fucking scavenger no one would miss.

Well, you kinda were. Suguru would forget about you. Nanami never needed you. Your own family would probably have their hands too full with the twins to really mourn you more than in passing. But he didn't need to know any of that.

"Yeah?" He grinded his molars, an audible sound that made you go stiff.

You didn't answer.

It was freezing out, but you didn't want to move. Didn't want to bundle closer to the fire if it meant you'd be by his side. Reluctant to show him you were more weak than you already were.

But he noticed anyway.

Stripped his jacket off and threw it at you.

"Put it on and go back to sleep," he finally said, and for once, you didn't feel like fighting him on it. Your head didn't hurt as much anymore, just an occasional dull throb when you moved, but the rest of you was so fucking tired.

You shrugged it on, about to crawl back in the bed roll before he scoffed again.

"That's mine," he muttered, head tilting down towards it. "You can take the tent. I'll stay out here."

You almost asked why again. But you didn't think he'd tell you. Offer you anything other than sarcasm.

"I don't even know your name," you mumbled, slowly getting up to step closer to the tent, pulling the zipper down.

"Sukuna."

It sounded kind of familiar, scratched something in the back of your brain. But you only nodded in acknowledgement, crawling inside the tent to where a second, slightly cleaner one was set up.

If he wasn't careful, if you didn't know better, you might start to think he was a gentleman.

Him waking you up with breakfast the next morning didn't help that conclusion. Or him telling you to 'just fucking rest' when you attempted to help him take down the tent.

"Can you walk?" He asked, before making the decision for you and sighing, stepping closer like he was going to toss you back over his shoulder.

"Course I can," you grumbled, trying to grab your bag just for him to snag it first.

It didn't matter if he carried you or not. You were forced to follow him.

He walked slow though, casually striding and stomping through as if he didn't give a shit who heard him.

Sukuna didn't say anything.

But he handed you water. Paused every couple hours to force you to sit and snack on something, arms folded across his chest and scrutinizing every swallow.

As god awful as your situation was, you finally felt some faint trickle of relief when a cabin you recognized came into sight, the one you stayed in when you thought you were making a semi-intelligent decision by skipping out on forking over caps for a room.

At least you'd know the way back.

For once though, you didn't have a plan. Not even a bad one.

Sukuna was sharp. Not stupid in the slightest. On high alert, attuned to your tricks after you'd gotten away from him once - and almost managed it a second time. Even when you went to piss, he was still just leaning against a nearby tree, gun in hand as he whistled a low tone.

You figured he was only bothering with this for one of two reasons.

He wanted to trade you in for the reward. Or he had meant his previous offer - that he wanted you to join him and his merry little band of murderers.

Sukuna had set up a ham radio - with a transmitter once you were inside the cabin, fiddling with it for a few minutes before he started unpacking stuff to stay the night.

"Where's your friends?" You mumbled as he rummaged through his bag - and then started peeking into yours.

"Scouting," he grunted back.

For what?

You kept your mouth shut.

It was ridiculous, but you'd felt better mid-kidnapping than you had in months. Physically, at least. Your brain refreshed, your body no longer so sore and screaming for rest as you brought your knees up to your chest, wrapping an arm around them.

Sneaking peeks at him in the corner of your vision, studying the crease between his brows, the frown that seemed to be permanently etched into his surprisingly pretty face.

He was attractive in a way you didn't know how to digest. Harsh. Rough. Rugged. If Suguru was crafted from marble, finely made, Sukuna was a weathered rock you found in a river. Something unexpected you stumbled on.

"I need to change your bandage," he exhaled, digging out a half-used pack of gauze. You didn't move.

Kept yourself from fumbling with your fingers when he got down on the ground in front of you, his features hardening in focus as he peeled the previous head wrap off. He cleaned it like he cared.

You sat there like being this close to him didn't stir a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach.

It felt like his presence was swallowing you whole. He felt huge in front of you, fingers moving slowly as he wiped it clean and put a fresh bandage over it. It stung a little, but it was better than an infection.

You'd left Suguru the last of your stimpaks, but one would probably be wasted on a shallow cut anyway.

"There," he spoke firmly, low enough that his voice rattled and reverberated through you.

He didn't automatically move away though.

Just stared at you.

"I didn't think you were the doctor type," you commented, swallowing hard.

"Didn't think you'd be the lingerie type," he dryly taunted, and you wondered if he could feel the warmth under your skin, how you flushed at the mention of what was buried in the bottom of your bag. The stupid nightgown you'd taken from the motel.

"Shut up," you hissed.

You looked down at the old wooden planks while he chuckled at your embarrassment.

"You want a drink?"

You wanted to blame the head wound for your answer. Or maybe the potential concussion for what you were about to commit.

But you accepted his bottle of whiskey, taking slow sips until your chest was dizzy too, stopping before you could go any further than a pleasant buzz. You poured him an extra shot though, eyed him cautiously when he threw his head back to drain it.

There wasn't giggling. No stories shared or sentimental bonding. Just silence that was too loud and heated stares.

You missed Suguru. Missed how being comfortable felt. Missed his eyes and his voice and his laugh.

And when you crawled under your sleeping bag, pretending to fall asleep, all you were thinking about was how hard it'd be to snag your bag and run.

Wondering if you had the guts to make sure this time that he couldn't follow you.

Could you really kill a guy that had been taking care of you? Even if he was kinda holding you hostage?

You waited until you stopped hearing sounds. Until his breathing slowed into steady inhales and exhales. Silently sitting up, blinking as your eyes adjusted to the dark, studying the shape of him on the opposite side of the room.

Your bag and his was behind his head. But beside him, tucked half-under his flattened pillow, was that knife of his.

Trying to slip out of your sleeping bag without making a noise was hard, half-crawling across the floor over to him. Your chest hurt from holding your breath, your body trembling once you were close enough to see his rise and fall.

But you didn't back out, steeling yourself when your hand reached out to steal his knife.

And his grabbed yours before you could.

It happened too fast for you to react.

Pinned beneath his body on the floor, his thighs straddling your waist, both your wrists pinned above your head when you felt it.

The cold tip of a knife pressed against the edge of your throat, precariously positioned right above your artery.

"Do it," you dared him.

But he didn't.

Instead, he kissed you. Hard.

Lips capturing yours in a heated kiss, sucking you into it, canines nipping at you when you processed the fact he was kissing you instead of killing you.

He pulled himself away, threw the knife back towards his bag, his dark eyes blinking at you like he was processing the same thing.

And before you could tell yourself to stop, you craned your neck up to kiss him again.

It would be easy to convince yourself that it was just about survival. That it was some new scheme to get out of this.

But it wasn't.

You just wanted to feel wanted for a little while.

To forget about how fucked everything was. How you might not be seeing Suguru again if you couldn't get away from him. How Suguru might not even want to see you again after you pulled that stunt and left him without a word.

Sukuna tasted like bourbon. Smelled like smoke and fire. Rough hands and calloused palms digging into your skin.

What would Suguru taste like? What would his hands feel like if they were the ones holding you?

Sukuna kissed you harder, the heavy weight of him pressing down on your waist, the floorboards creaking under both of you.

His free hand slipped under your shirt, moving fast, greedily groping and fondling your tits. He groaned into your mouth, and you were already squirming underneath him, surprised at his eagerness that bordered on earnestness.

"Fuck me," he gritted his teeth when he rolled your nipple between two of those sturdy fingers. You twitched, sucking in air just for him to put his mouth back over yours.

His hand shifted up higher, your body reacting to every new spot he explored.

Sukuna wasn't soft about it.

But wasn't that you wanted? You didn't need the illusion of niceness from him. Of affection.

Why would you want it when he wasn't even the man you wanted?

"You're cute like this." You didn't know if he was trying to tease or mock. But it made your skin hot, made the still-lingering warmth in your chest flare as you clenched your jaw.

"Just take off your pants," you huffed, straining against his wrists.

It didn't even take him a full thirty seconds to pull his - and yours - off. Peeling your panties down with his teeth, letting those sharp canines graze against your skin.

His cock was already hard, and he was packing more than just a big gun. He didn't just shove it in, fuck you with a few sloppy strokes like you expected.

But he split you open on his fingers instead, one, two, three of them stuffing your pussy past full, stretching you open while you whined underneath him.

Sukuna was acting like a man starved. Devouring every sound you made, letting you drown in your own pleasure.

"When's the last time someone touched you like this?" He growled, and you were halfway through rolling your eyes at him when his fingers found a sweet spot that made them just roll back.

"God," you hissed.

"Not my name," he reminded you, cruelly curling them again just for you to arch your back off the ground.

His thumb swiped back over your clit, drawing a circle over it that had you shuddering, the alcohol making it easier for you to cum, focusing on the heat already in your stomach instead of his hands.

Only thinking about how he felt instead of who he was, scrunching your eyes shut as your body squeezed around his fingers, walls clamping down and clenching while his thumb only worked faster, desperate to make you cum before he'd even fucked you.

It worked.

Your orgasm rocked through you, but Sukuna just kissed you again, drank up your moans and whimpers as he pumped his digits in-and-out, filthy little squelches ringing in your ears.

But even when stars were splotching your vision, your mind was still wandering. Drifting back to what kind Suguru was looking at right now, if his thoughts were revolving around you too.

Guilt crept in.

Thick and poisonous, the kind that left an awful fucking taste in your mouth, your heart squeezing painfully when he abruptly pulled his fingers out to replace it with something bigger. He stripped his shirt off and fumbled for a condom, using his still-slick fingers to snag one from a side pocket of his backpack.

You debated on asking how old it was, how well it even worked when it was probably expired. But it was better than just taking him raw and hoping he pulled out, you guessed.

He slipped it on, rolling it over the thick veins and pretty ridges before guiding his cock to nudge against your entrance, the lump in his throat bobbing as he watched you still shivering from how sensitive you were.

But then he was edging the first inch or two in, dragging out the moment just to lock eyes with you.

You wondered how you looked to him. Doe-eyed? Desperate?

Sukuna looked like a predator ready to pounce. A man who was ready to sink his teeth into his dinner.

He let go of your wrists, his fingers wrapping around your throat, cutting off your breathing right as he bottomed out in one bruising thrust. A whine managed to escape though, your hand shooting on top of his - but you just pressed down harder.

Clinging to his fingers while he slammed his hips down against your skin.

Sukuna showed no mercy.

Fucked you like he was reconsidering his decision not to butcher or bury you, squeezing your throat and cutting off your airway just to hear your breathy whimpers and whines.

He kissed you again, another messy open-mouthed kiss that you didn't fight. Scrambling for purchase and scratching at his shoulders, dragging nails down his spine with your free hand.

"You don't know what the hell you're doin' to me," he growled into the corner of your mouth, his fingers twitching over your throat, feeling your pulse.

His grip slackened though, his focus drifting down to stare at your body.

"You annoy me," you murmured when he pulled away, but he just chuckled, a smug smirk curling up on his face.

Because, sure, you could say that, but you were still letting him fuck you stupid.

He flipped you over, lifting your hips with one hand and driving his cock in with one surprisingly fluid motion.

You should feel worse about it. You knew you should.

This recklessness would only lead to regret.

But it was easier when you were facing the floor, when you closed your eyes tight and couldn't see him anymore, picturing Suguru behind you instead. Fantasizing what face he'd make if he was the one sinking into your heat, what pretty whispers and promises he'd make.

Imagining it was his warm breath on your neck, his lips kissing your shoulder blade, his voice murmuring how fucking right this felt when all you could think about was how wrong this was.

"S-Su-"

He bottomed back out, grinding his swollen tip in against your cervix, finishing in the condom with a groan of his own, your voice cutting off in a strangled gasp.

For the better, really. It wasn't his name you were going to say.

Chapter 5: Crawl Out Through The Fallout

Ryomen Sukuna had only ever known the cold.

He didn't remember his family. If he ever had one.

Just hunger.

Whether he was four or six or eight, it was all the same. He was just a weed that slipped through the cracks.

Hard winters and picked-clean bones of beasts that churned and twisted in the bottom of his stomach. Scavengers glaring at him every time he stumbled through some new settlement. Rummaging through trash cans for scraps. Stealing food from kitchens and run down homes.

His hair and his eyes only ever earned him suspicion, the strange shades of pink and red probably some side effect of radiation, getting treated like a ghoul even when he wasn't one. He started dying it dark when he was old enough to figure out how, scraping together the stuff from old warehouses or smearing paint over it if he wasn't hiding under tattered hats. Wearing dark shades to hide his scrutinizing stare, even when they slipped down the bridge of his nose.

He once heard someone call him lucky for staying alive so long. As if it was anything except his own desperation and determination to survive out of spite that had kept him from dying.

Until one day it wasn't.

Until he stole the wrong thing from the wrong person and a shotgun was being pointed directly at his face.

And the only thing that stopped the asshole from pulling the trigger was a scrawny thing slipping in front of him and holding out a handful of bottle caps. Lying that you were with him, that you would pay for it.

It should've been it.

His head should've been splattered. He guessed the only luck in his life happened to be you.

Sukuna didn't know what to say then, staring blankly at the puny girl covering for him, wondering how the hell he ended up pathetic enough that he needed someone like you to save him.

Your palm was already calloused when it slipped in his bigger hand, fingers interlacing with his as you pulled him away, grumbling about how you hated that vendor, casually introducing yourself as you led him to a farmhouse nearby - your home.

"How old are you?" Your voice squeaked, tilting your head to the side when you turned back to look at him. You probably weren't that much younger than him, a year, maybe two, but you were almost his height. Better fed, he guessed.

"Ten?" He grumbled, even though he didn't know. Couldn't be sure.

"I just turned nine," you grinned, all toothy and cute.

Your family let him sit at their table, filled up a bowl and handed him a spoon. Asked more questions he couldn't answer. Even let a mutt like him crawl into the spare bed to sleep one room over from you.

Good people always seemed like some fantasy before. Fools for thinking there was anything other than misery waiting for them to make a single mistake.

But you weren't foolish. Not even back then - with a gleam in your eyes and a grin that always found him. Sly and sneaky enough to scavenge him clothes that actually fit, even if you'd pester him about taking off his glasses, picking at the dirt that ended up in his dark hair at the end of the day after dragging him around with you.

It wasn't that he was insecure. He wasn't. Stopped giving a shit what anyone thought of him except for when it came to survival. But when your fingers were brushing against his skin, poking and prodding at the hard shell he'd spent so long building, something funny fluttered under the surface.

What would you think if you saw his pink hair? Really got to see his eyes? Would you be scared of him? Shrink away?

You were scared of something. Half the nights he stayed, he woke up to your warmth wrapped around him, creeping onto the tiny twin mattress he and searching for comfort as if he had any to offer. As if he'd ever experienced any himself.

He spent a month there.

Long enough to stave off his own starvation, to stop seeing his bones underneath his skin. But when the snow stopped falling, he snuck out and stole a shotgun on his way out. Left you with a stuffed animal he snagged from another vendor who wasn't looking.

He never knew if you kept it.

Sukuna tried to stay away.

But he always ended up on the edge of the fields outside of that fucking farmhouse.

Catching glimpses of you - sprouting up like one of those crops he stole from the other farms. Not yours though. Never yours. The seasons changed, summers burned and springs faded, but he came back to see the differences in you to mark the years.

Both of you growing up without ever technically crossing paths. He turned to whatever scum would pay him for work at first, eventually getting a gun to guard caravans and graduating up to joining the raiders.

Whatever kept his stomach full. Whatever kept him alive long enough.

Told himself that he was just waiting for a chance to return that favor you'd done him forever ago. Save your life the way you saved his.

So it would be equal. So he could finally stop fucking thinking about that girl that grabbed his hand.

But you still managed to grab his attention in other ways. Draw his stare when he'd stick to the shadows and the trees where you wouldn't see him.

Sukuna didn't know what he was doing. He said it was about living. About not needing anyone else. So why did he keep coming back to you? After you already forgot about him?

He worked his way up - doing whatever he could make sure your little slice of life remained untouchable. You kept it protected anyway, set up guard stations and helped get a couple turrets set up for defenses. Blissfuly unaware that he was making sure no one would try to cross them anyway outside of the few traders that came to your tiny community.

Even in the apocalypse, the only way forward was through force. There were no difference in monsters and men.

And then one day, as the leaves were starting to fall, he got caught creeping around. Not by you, though, no, it was worse.

A fellow raider, whistling next to him when he realized what he was looking at, who. Making some lewd remark about your body.

He gutted him there. Claimed a ghoul got him when he returned back alone to the rest of them the next day - made up a story about a shipment in the south they should go looking for instead to take the attention off of it.

Again, he swore he'd stop there.

A good man would let you go. He wasn't one.

The most he managed was two frustrating years.

Coming back at nineteen to see you picking crops, hair longer, brows knitted together in concentration while you worked, your face sharper than it used to be. Taller now too - but not nearly enough to catch up to him.

He was standing close enough to call out - for you to see him through the thick brush.

What would you do if you saw him? Would you smile? Slip your hand in his like you were little kids again and bring him back to your parents to stay the night?

Or would you be scared of the man he was becoming in the name of keeping you safe?

He almost found out.

And then a blond guy pushed open the front door to the farmhouse, coming down the stairs of your front porch and focused only on you as he jogged over.

And you beamed at him.

All that anxiety melting away, sliding off your shoulders when you called out his name. Nanami. He didn't hold you or touch you. Just nodded his head towards you, picking up the basket off the ground and holding it out for you to deposit crops in.

Anger boiled inside him, undiluted rage flaring up at the idea of this guy breathing your air, occupying your space.

He asked around, threatened some nearby neighbors to find out he was some up-and-coming mercenary, a guy you could pay to take care of problems.

Who could Sukuna pay to take care of him?

Not too long later, he came across the blond prick in the corner of a bar. It didn't end in a brawl - but maybe that would've been better. Things might've ended up a little differently back then.

Sukuna returned six months later.

You were crying. Curled up on the corner of your front porch with some thick blanket wrapped around you. Knees pressed to your chest, your chin resting on top of them as you let out thick sobs.

He crept closer, wishing he could be the one to wrap an arm around you when someone else stepped out to try and calm you down.

Bits and pieces of the conversation floating on the wind.

Radiation poisoning. Nanami. Ghoul.

The only person he was capable of feeling bad for was you. You were shaking, shivering, and when you leaned over the side of the porch to puke - it hit him that you were sick too.

Sukuna still wasn't strong enough. Too low on the totem pull to have enough power to make sure you wouldn't have some target on your back if he took you then.

The most he could do was leave you RadAway.

Go back to the growing band of murderers that he guessed made up what someone else would call a family. The blood and gore and guts, robbing and ruining other people's lives just to make one for himself. One where you wouldn't have to worn down.

Every time he showed up after that, you weren't smiling. The crops weren't growing quite as well. The weather was worse. Your clothes were torn, hands calloused when he caught you tinkering with the turrets or trying to fix up weapons. The other farms nearby were attacked eventually, burned down. You made it though.

You were a survivor too.

Refused to bend or break in this hell.

He had a feeling that even if he wasn't around, you would still be sticking it out.

Life was fucking brutal. Barren and colorless, draining and dull when every day had to be dredged through, clinging to the dreams he'd been having lately of you. They only grew more frequent with time - one or two a month to damn near every night.

You should be nothing.

He couldn't explain why you weren't. He didn't want to be ruled by anyone. But you had power over him. A debt owed. A smile shared. Whatever the fuck it was, his life, hard-earned and horrible, revolved around the temporary peace you gave him.

When he finally murdered the old boss, took his rightful place on the top of the food chain, the one who called the shots and tugged on the reins, he made a decision.

He was coming back for you. His flower.

But this time around, all these years later, so far from the fucking the days where you were both kids, when he snuck past your defenses to go up to your door. Ask where you were - if he could speak to you.

Scavenging, they said.

But there was fear in their eyes, subtle terror at a stranger like him.

So he had to default to other means - forcing one of the idiots underneath him to draw a portrait based on the last time he'd seen you. Used a generator to power up a janky copy machine - plaster every bar and pass them around to couriers to find you himself.

Patrol the area around your home in case you came back soon.

But it was fine.

For the first time since he left so long ago, everything was fine.

He couldn't stop staring at your sleeping face. Brushing the hair back away from the bandages, cupping your face while he etched your soft inhales into his brain. Tracing his fingers over the faint scars on your arms, etched over your torso and carved into your legs in a few places. Sukuna liked them.

They felt like proof you fought to be here as much as he had.

Maybe you didn't remember him - or match the man he had become to the boy you barely knew. Sukuna didn't mind. It bothered him a little, made him grit his teeth when no recognition glittered in your eyes when they locked into his.

But your grit made back up for it. Grabbed him in a mean chokehold that wouldn't let up. Bested by the only brat he was willing to lose to. Nearly slipping away from him twice, willing to claw and bite like some cornered animal. It was cute enough he forgave you for hitting him in the cock - especially when he got to bury it inside you anyway.

It worked out, he supposed. Your warmth, your body held close to his when your lips parted, mumbling something in your dreams he couldn't make out. A name, maybe? It started with an S, at least, and his chest constricted at the idea it was his.

You were here now. With him. Where you should be.

And he was not going to let you go.

 

"Brat."

Sukuna's favorite thing to call you felt like some brand on your skin, a stake being claimed in your soul when he murmured it into the nape of your neck.

A heavy leg thrown over yours, his muscled forearm wrapped around your waist as he kept you against him. Two more days had passed, and you were pretty sure he hadn't parted from you at all during either.

Careful to keep an eye on you, a hand on your back or shoulder, constantly watching like he was waiting on something. You didn't have sex again - although some fucked up part of you wanted to when he was changing clothes and you caught sight of his muscles underneath. The tattooed skin - probably another courtesy of his friends, maybe a way to make how many people he murdered. Or just because he thought it made him look cool.

It was wrong to be attracted to him.

But you blamed biology. Human nature.

He didn't have to be a good guy to be beautiful. And you guessed you weren't really a good person either.

Although, in this ah, limbo, you'd been living in, he hadn't really seemed like the total asshole you were sure he was. He fed you. Made you real meals. Let you sleep - refused to let you take a single shift.

You were getting your strength back, but his never wavered. Never weakened enough for you to find a single opportunity to slip away. Even now, pretending to sleep while he held you close, waiting for him to doze off into dreams so you could try to sneak out.

Sukuna still wouldn't let you hold your own bag or have your gun. Given that you did attempt to stab him only a few nights ago, you guess it wasn't a total surprise he didn't trust you.

He didn't talk much. Offered almost nothing of himself even when he gruffly asked about you. About what he was going to do with you - whether it was keep you like this or trade you into whoever was above him.

Whoever was behind the posters.

You tried to ask him what came next, what he was going to do about you, but all that got you was him flicking your forehead and telling you not to worry.

It had said they wanted you alive, but still, you couldn't understand this treatment.

He cleaned your wound again before you went to sleep, almost in his lap when he wiped the sweat and blood from it, concentrated enough you could almost mistake it for concern.

"Might scar," he muttered.

You had your share of them, but you felt your own frown as you avoided his eyes. It was stupid and conceited, but you felt a prick of insecurity. Fear that Suguru wouldn't find you attractive any more - if he did at all.

But Sukuna didn't seem to shy away from you, dragging you closer before fixing a fresh bandage he'd scared a trader passing by on the way back to that motel into handing over.

"You scared or somethin'?" He grunted, picking up on some little change in your face.

"No," you awkwardly mumbled, rolling your eyes.

"You're still cute."

He said it like a curse.

It was in the way he looked at you sometimes, how he'd go from hard and sharp to soft around the corners, a little crinkle by his eye or a small twitch of his mouth. Sometimes, he'd scoff, and it would itch the back of your brain, bring back some memory suppressed under the surface.

Or maybe it was just another reminder of Suguru.

Would he think you were a whore for sleeping with someone else?

You were dying to know how he was. If he missed you. If the girls were safe and sleeping in your old bed or the spare.

Nanami would make sure of it. You trusted him. He'd only broken it once in years - and you didn't think he'd ever do it again. It had cost him before. Both of you.

A week from now, two if it took that long, you'd join them. One way or another. You would do what you had to if it mean you would make it back.

Sukuna shifted behind you, slowly pulling his hand away from you, his leg sliding off. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder like you were lovers.

You kept your eyes closed.

Waited for his weight, his warmth, to slip away. Wooden floorboards creaking underneath him as he stood up, clueless to the fact you were feigning sleep and trying not to shiver without him there.

The t-shirt of his you were wearing wasn't thick enough to keep in any body heat, your panties a little damp and sticky between your thighs when your body twitched involuntarily, fighting the urge to shiver.

The ham radio kicked on, staticky as he searched through for a signal. It didn't take him long to find one.

"I've got her," he mumbled, like he was trying not to wake you.

"Did you fuck her?" Another voice snickered, chuckling and crackling through the connection.

"Shut the hell up," he hissed back, his voice dangerously dark and wavering as you felt the weight of his glance back towards you.

"C'mon," the asshole goaded, and your stomach curdled at the chuckle on the other end.

"You won't be laughing when I knock your fuckin' teeth out the next time I see you," Sukuna threatened, or well, promised.

"I-I-" The guy crumbled, cowardice coming through loud and clear.

You didn't know how to feel about Sukuna being so...protective? Or was it possessive?

Did he think just because he put his dick in you that he could claim you like some prize? A pet?

"Three days," Sukuna snapped into the radio. "Get the word out. We'll meet back at that motel."

 

"Think she's okay?"

"It's her," Nanami remarked, a soft light shining on his face and the dull drone of a generator roaring outside.

You were okay.

There wasn't another option.

They made it back to your farmhouse. Brought the girls right up to the front porch close to sunset - where your family had stepped out the second they saw Nanami. Recognized his cowboy hat from a distance and came out to greet him after they shut off their security systems you set up.

Suguru saw the disappointment on their face. The way their mouths twitched down, the sadness in their eyes when they realized you weren't with them.

That instead of bringing home their daughter, Nanami had came with two more. And a guy who was kind of hoping he'd be their son-in-law one day.

The twins were asleep in the same bed. One that was apparently used to be yours. The blanket was frillier than he expected, pocked with little holes and torn, a soft shade of green pulled over both them. A little stuffed animal jammed in between them both.

Suguru had tucked them in - then came out back to find Nanami at the work bench outside, a cigarette dangling from his lips while he readjusted the radio.

He didn't mind the quiet. The faint sounds of leaves crinkling and insects somewhere past the fields. Making conversation he didn't particularly care about while he worked on something small. Talking about a future was frustratingly uncertain, skirting around the next place he had been planning on going with you. A vault that was supposedly in contact with his old one - something Riko had admitted to him before, well, everything. Sworn that something bigger than he could guess was going on. It scared her enough she didn't want to go back. That she'd rather live on the surface and face her fate than return to whatever she was convinced was waiting for her back in their own vault.

What would you think of all of it? Would you really go with him? And would your blond friend insist on tagging along?

Nanami was using a soldering iron, his lips pinched in a frown as he sighed and finally set it down.

Suguru couldn't really see what he was tinkering with from here, leaning against the wall of your home, glancing around again as he tried to imagine what you looked like running between the weeds.

Nanami exhaled hard, pinching the bridge while Suguru finally tried to crane his neck to see what was going on.

"What are you-"

The familiar sound of radio crackle cut through the quiet, and someone else's voice cut him off when Nanami tuned the frequency.

"I've got her."

Suguru didn't recognize the voice, but Nanami froze immediately. Jumping to the same conclusion he already had, the her the stranger was talking about was the same one they were.

"You don't think," he started, a raw whisper that Nanami immediately held his hand up to hush.

"Did you fuck her?" Someone else fucking laughed, and Suguru was seeing red. Seething at the thought of a filthy raider touching you, trapping you somewhere he wouldn't be able to reach.

His fingernails were digging into his palm, probably cutting deep crescents into his skin he couldn't control, his breath getting stuck in his throat as it closed up.

"Shut the hell up," the first guy snarled back at him.

"Come on-"

Suguru had to take a couple steps away, bile clawing its way up from the deepest parts of his stomach as he struggled to keep the dinner your family fed him down.

They were talking about you like you were a piece of meat. All you were was a slab to sell to them.

How the hell did you get caught? Where were you right now?

He glanced back at Nanami, his pulse too loud in his own ears to hear what they were saying now, but the blond was zeroed in. Staring so intensely at the small radio, he might burn a hole through it with just his hazel eyes. His leg bouncing anxiously underneath the work bench, scarred fingers tapping the table betraying the fact he was scared too.

Suguru used to pride himself on being calm. The collected kind of guy who could handle whatever came to him - that was why he volunteered to leave the vault, wasn't it? So sure he'd come back with Riko in one piece?

Right about now?

He wanted to set fire to this hellhole - slaughter anyone that had to do with stealing you. For whatever they had done or would do to you. No mercy. No regret.

It'd be for a good reason, wouldn't it?

For you?

"Geto," Nanami brought him back, drew his attention to him, the radio off now. His eyes were hard, one cloudy and one clear, but both burning with the same hatred burning inside of him right now.

"We have to get her back," Suguru breathed, hanging onto it like it was his life who depended on it.

"I know," his companion muttered. "We need a plan. They'll be back at the motel in a few days. That might be our only chance."

"What are you suggesting? Shoot them there?" Suguru sounded sarcastic, but he was serious. Hand itching to reach for the gun by his side as if they were here.

"They'd try to kill me on sight," Nanami mused, his own fingers drifting up to drag over the marred half of his face.

"I could sneak in," he offered, a bad idea brewing in the back of his brain. "Dress like one of them."

He might have to break in, stage something to get you alone and snag you then, but he wouldn't fail. Couldn't when it came to you.

"That might not work," Nanami drawled, taking off his cowboy hat and setting it on the workbench with another sigh. Leaning his head back and shutting out the world for a few seconds, desperate to come up with a better idea when anything other than bad was scarce.

"It has to."

 

Maybe you weren't wearing a collar, but you'd be an idiot not to realize what a leash Sukuna had you on. Trailing after him, treated like a little accessory on his arm when he tossed caps on the desk back at the motel once you finally made it there.

It wasn't right.

You were supposed to be here waiting for your friends in a couple days. For some happy reunion where you would be back in the comfort of people who genuinely cared about you.

What Sukuna felt, well, you could really only chalk that up to lust.

Waiting for another chance to sink his teeth into you, his stare on your skin an ever-present threat - you just couldn't figure out for what. Was it a death sentence you were just waiting for? A promise of more sex?

He booked a surprisingly nice room, one you hadn't even known about. Towards the end of the hall, more spacious than the one you had stayed in with Suguru and the girls, with one big bed rather than two.

You wondered if he was planning on keeping you in here. A new prison - one you could bathe in properly.

But once his men started coming back trying to greet him, he was leaning against the door frame and growling that you'd both meet them in the bar in an hour.

"Can't I just stay in here?" You muttered, hand on the doorknob to the bathroom, briefly considering drowning yourself in the bathtub to avoid meeting the rest of the men who'd probably be holding you hostage if you didn't find a way to escape soon.

You'd have to make a break through the woods - trek towards your family's farm and hope you bumped into Suguru and Nanami on their way here.

"Just get washed up," he grumbled, giving you that same heated glance he always did. "You'll have fun tonight."

Big promises from a guy who also wouldn't let you leave either way.

You did though. Soaked your skin in the tub, scrubbed the dirt from your body and dried yourself with the ratty towel hanging on the wall afterwards. Contemplating all the different choices you had left to take. The roads you could travel if it meant you'd be out from Sukuna's thumb.

Despite the soreness still in your limbs, the ache of the cut across your forehead, it felt nice to be clean. Refreshing to wash yourself of a week with him in the forest, watching him hunt and forced to follow him around when he carved up animals with a knife sharp enough to slice through you too.

When you walked back out into the room, Sukuna was gone. He had condensed both your bags down to one slightly bigger one, but it wasn't there either, but he had laid out clothes on the bed. You grimaced a little at the sight of them.

He gave you options.

A pretty red dress, an old one that had a few sequins missing - and a more practical pair of partially-ripped jeans with a thin black shirt. You hesitated over what to pick. Why he'd bother with something like that.

Maybe it was like his version of a love note.

Am I getting laid tonight?

Wear red for yes or black for no.

You ran your hands over the sequins of the red dress, holding it up against your frame like something foreign.

You didn't have a good justification for putting it on, telling yourself you just wanted to see if it would fit, if you looked pretty when you still had a bandage on your head, struggling to get the last of the zipper up to look in the only mirror in the room.

It was just bad timing that Sukuna walked in and saw.

You tried to take it off, to turn around, already mumbling that you weren't going to wear it, but it was too late. His eyes dragged over you like you were the next meal he wanted to devour.

"That was just a joke, but fuck," he muttered, practically out-of-breath. "You look-"

"Don't," you stopped him from saying it so you didn't have to hear it.

You'd be lying if you said the tension constantly crackling between both of you wasn't as sexual as it was strange.

He walked over, long strides that caught up to you too quick, dropping both the bags he'd taken with him by the bed in the process. His hand trailing over your side, traveling from your hips back up to your side, taking grip of your zipper and tugging it up all the way. You reached back to undo it, but you couldn't reach.

"Sukuna," you exhaled, not sure what you were about to do. It sounded too intimate, as if he was a friend instead of a foe.

"Say my name like that again," he dared you, and you didn't.

Your choice was made for you.

But it worked out a little better than you expected when he was too distracted staring at your ass when you bent over to pretend to fetch a fallen sequin from underneath the bed to notice you slipped your hand in the bag and felt around for a pack of mentats he'd taken from the other trader too - intent on reselling it like you'd done earlier, moving it to a side pocket that would be easy to get to.

You were just going to beat him to it here.

Except instead of caps, you were hoping you'd get a different chem tonight from the man you sold the other ones too earlier. Something that would knock someone out long enough for you to make a run for it.

You might earn yourself a real leash if you failed - but wasn't that were you were headed anyway? You'd rather try than die domesticated.

But you sure fucking felt domesticated a couple hours later, sitting on Sukuna's lap, being paraded around like a shiny new prize, his hands lingering from place to place on your body as he offered to buy you another drink.

The warmth in your chest was making you dizzy, but it didn't drown out the voices in your head ready to point out any opportunity. He brought his bag, put it underneath the table - probably to make sure you didn't make a run back to the room to grab and go.

All the better for you.

It would make this easier.

Sukuna's hand slipped underneath your dress, squeezing your thigh as you squirmed on his lap. One of the men at your table laughed, one of his friends that Sukuna seemed to barely tolerate judging by the annoyed look he shot them.

"Shut up and get out of here," he barked, his free hand waving him away.

"C'mon," the guy complained, taking a shot without wincing. "Aren't we celebrating?"

It felt more like your funeral, but you still forced a smile. Played content with being prisoner.

"We haven't seen you in like, two weeks," another one pouted, and you were starting to realize something you'd never given a second thought to about raiders.

They were mostly morons. Like, literally. You thought they were just wired wrong, or seen enough trouble and trauma to do what they did. But some of them were simply just stupid.

And Sukuna had still managed to wield them like weapons, turn them into something to be scared of here, or at least with his crew of them.

"Last person to leave us alone gets their skull cracked op-" He didn't get to finish before the rest of the table scattered. Going to other tables, up to the bar where the other patrons were. Rejoining some of their friends, one of them actually sitting with the girl from the last time, feeding her whatever snack he ordered from the bartender and flirting.

The room was almost full - cigarette smoke clinging to everyone, laughter filling the background as they talked and chattered between themselves.

"Is this all of your friends?" You muttered under your breath, leaning up to talk in Sukuna's ear. Slurring just enough that he'd think you were being curious or sloppy rather than searching for more information.

"Not quite," he muttered. "You'll meet the rest later."

How many more were there?

You didn't get to press, not when someone was bold enough to approach your table. Bobbed white hair, streaked with red, one of those blank faces you couldn't decipher - but Sukuna didn't threaten to flay them.

"Can I speak to you?"

Sukuna reluctantly nodded, the hand on your side releasing you unexpectedly. "If it's important."

You polished off what was left in your glass, purposely tilting your head back enough one of the pins you put in your hair would fall out and clatter to the floor. You bent down to pick it up, praying he once again stayed oblivious when you maged to palm the mentats from his bag.

"May I get another drink then?" You huffed, hoping it sounded petulant enough he wouldn't second-guess it.

He was distracted enough not to, letting you off of him entirely this time as his subordinate delivered whatever news they had, something about one of their men being missing by the tidbits you managed to make out.

You had more important things to worry about.

Including managing to slide next to one of the only people here not associated with the raiders, although he was probably just as shady.

"Hey," he casually greeted you under his breath, only sparing you a quick glance before surprise flickered on his expression. You forced your head forward, like it would signal him to do the same. "Wait, you're-"

"Pretend you don't recognize me," you mumbled, passing him the mentats when no one was paying attention. "I need something that will knock someone out."

Why bother beating around the bush?

You wanted to at least give him a chance to get the fuck out of here too in case they figured out where the chems came from.

Maybe it was because you'd been a good seller to him before, or perhaps just a recent one, he slipped you something back, a new formula, he said.

It had a syringe, something you'd have to stab Sukuna with if you wanted it to work, but the likelihood of success somehow felt even further away when you realized you'd have to sneak it back into his bag and find a way to use it afterwards.

If it even worked.

You ordered another drink from the bartender, a new kind of discomfort loitering in the deepest parts of your stomach. Debating over just dropping it here. Giving up on this surely stupid plan before you got your own skull bashed in for it.

Sukuna was being nice. Or as close as he could come to it.

It wasn't that bad.

How hard would however many years you had left be if they were in his custody?

You went to glance over your shoulder at him as the bartender slid the drink to you - but your stare got hung up on someone else first.

Towards the back, sitting at a table with a couple other clueless guys playing some drinking game for caps.

You recognized him immediately - even if no one else did.

Suguru was here.

He'd shown up. He almost blended in too, wearing the same sort of clothes they did, his hair tied up in a messy bun as he laughed with them, playing on their drunk daze to make them think he was one of theirs.

Did he hear the radio transmission the other night? Or did he stumble into this and improvise?

His eyes locked onto yours, narrowed as his jaw clenched, nodding just enough to signal what you already knew.

Suguru wanted to save you.

He didn't give up on you. So you refused to give up on him.

You walked back to the table, reclaiming your spot on Sukuna's lap with a little more confidence this time. Keeping the syringe hidden inside a single closed fist, but doing your damn best not to draw notice as you adjusted how you were sitting so he'd feel it.

His white-haired friend left while you moved, saying something to him you couldn't hear.

Bending over, you snuck the syringe where you guessed would be easiest to reach later, but covering it up when you came back up by dragging your hand along the inside of his calf all the way up his spread thighs. Delicate enough to tease with the right amount of pressure for him to want more.

It was humiliating to act like this in front of Suguru. Made the heat under your face burn hotter, stomach churn and curdle when you leaned back against Sukuna like he was the only man you wanted.

Sukuna stiffened, a possessive hand grabbing your waist and pulling your back flush with his chest. His breath on your throat made you shudder, his teeth skimming over your throat as he throbbed underneath you.

"What are you doing?" He asked, all gravelly and deep.

You grabbed the drink in front of you, bringing it up to his lips for a taste too. His mouth parted, letting you pour it in as he stared at you through half-lidded eyes.

It wasn't fair that he was so sexy like this.

Openly watching you like he couldn't wait to fuck you, dripping with desire he didn't even attempt to disguise. You couldn't look away if you wanted to when he swallowed, that pretty lump in his throat bobbing.

You had to force yourself to take the glass from him, steadying your resolve with a long sip of your own, reminding yourself that you couldn't let Suguru down.

"Can we go back to our room?"

For once, he listened to you.

But even then, you faced yet another obstacle when he left the bag at the base of the bed, too busy leaving bite marks across your throat to notice the frustration flitting across your face when it thudded to the ground. You needed it somewhere else, or at least, wherever you'd be able to get the syringe without making him suspicious.

"You wanna see that lingerie?" You offered as his mouth danced over your jaw, your fingers playing with the hem of his shirt before you started tugging up to take it off of him.

He chuckled, like he thought you were joking, until he paused enough to see your face and realized you meant it.

"That leopard print one?" He teased, already reaching around to undo your zipper as you slyly nodded.

"I stole it from here," you confessed, and his lips curled up in a cruel smirk.

Like it was confirmation you were like him.

"Get on the bed," you muttered, shrugging your dress off and letting it hit the floor.

You made a show of grabbing the bag and walking over to him with it, rummaging through its contents for the slip you shoved to the bottom. He was watching you carefully, shrewdly assessing for any signs of something being wrong - but you only pulled out what you said you would.

Putting it on and holding your breath, hating the parts of you that liked how hungrily he always looked at you, how he could make you feel. The fact you wanted him too.

Slowly, you reached underneath it and shimmied your panties down your thighs, stepping out of it. He relaxed, shoulders lowering as he leaned against the bed frame, sitting up and holding out his arms for you to climb on top of him.

His defenses were down.

Probably soothed by the thought you wouldn't try anything panty-less.

You straddled his thick thighs, the thin lingerie riding up your own as you felt his cock respond to you already, begging for attention from being confined in his boxers.

"Do you have any idea," he paused, a pretty growl torn from his throat as you grinded down on him, the friction probably killing him. "How fucking long I've been dreaming of this?"

You kissed him so you didn't know.

Deep and hard, teeth and tongue, raking your fingers through his hair, his tongue halfway down your throat while you trailed your other hand down his toned chest. You undid the button of his jeans easily, pulling down the zipper next.

"Are there more condoms in the bag?" You asked, breath hitching when you pulled away for air, leaving more kisses down his sharp features, over his tattoos and down to his throat.

"Yeah," he grunted, grabbing your ass and squeezing as you shifted, making it look like you were leaning over to get one.

He never saw the syringe.

It was just a handful of seconds, a flash of movement, and you were plunging down on the depressor. Whatever the fuck was in it, it worked fast, and you only had a moment of Sukuna's stunned betrayal to haunt you before his eyes were rolling back, his body going limp beneath you.

You froze. Stuck on top of him for a few seconds while you waited for him to wake up and strangle you. Holding your breath while you studied his chest to search for his own.

He was still breathing.

You swallowed hard, physically shaking as you peeled yourself from him, moving him over in slow increments as you propped him up on his side in case he got sick.

Whatever happened from here, regardless of your future, you didn't want to feel responsible for killing him if you didn't have to.

Trembling and keeping an eye on him when you managed to stand back up, throwing his bag over your shoulder as you looked around the room in a haze, all the alcohol from earlier finally catching up and making you feel fucking sick as you stumbled forward.

Where the fuck were the weapons?

Getting on your knees as you looked under the bed, finding both guns there before you reluctantly only grabbed yours and got back up to your feet.

You hesitated again though, pulling the bag down enough to unzip it, rummaging through to separate his stuff out, throwing his clothes and some caps out, freezing again as you questioned if you were stupid for leaving his stuff here before landing on doing it anyway.

Maybe he thought you were the same as him. Matched in some screwed up way.

But you wanted to be better.

Half-hyperventilating as you hurried for the door once you were through, wondering how long you had, how fast you had to be to make it out of here - or where the fuck Suguru would even meet you at.

Opening the door without looking just to run straight into something hard, wincing as your nose what felt like a wall. Flinching backwards, head snapping up to see the man you were scrambling for.

Dreaming of.

Suguru was standing there, dark eyes stormy as they searched yours for something you couldn't name. You forced a smile, but it melted into a real one the second his strong hand cupped your face.

"Miss me, vault boy?"