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Frank is tired. Month after month, he goes out hoping to find his person. After each date, he comes back home, alone, with the same dreadful feeling in his heart. And each time, his best friend and roommate, Gerard, is there to pick him back up and put his pieces back together again.
He is starting to wonder if there is something wrong with him. His track record hasn’t turned out great. However, when he looks back and thinks about said dates, he realizes: no, it’s not all on me. Needless to say, Frank has been on some God awful dates. But there’s also been time after time where both people at the end of the date realize that there’s no connection or chemistry, so they go their separate ways.
Frank huffs as he plops down on the couch next to his roommate. “I’m having no luck on any of the dates I’ve gone on in the past few months. It’s getting ridiculous. Why can’t I just find my person?”
“You’re a hopeless romantic, Frank. It will come, you just have to be patient.” Gerard tells him. They’ve been here before. When Frank gets his panties in a bunch about not having someone to love. Gerard calms him down, and the cycle repeats itself once again every year or so.
“I’m just looking for someone I feel comfortable around, you know. Like you, it’s so easy to be around you. You get me. Why can’t I find that in someone?”
Gerard shrugs and asks, “Have you thought that maybe you are looking too hard? Maybe that person is supposed to find you.”
“Maybe, but I wish they would find me quicker.” Frank sits back and thinks.
He doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and maybe that’s the issue. He’s not picky on looks, gender, etc. But he’s chasing a feeling. No one has yet to come close to that feeling. The closest person so far has been Gerard, but that’s his best friend, so of course, he’s going to feel noticed and loved by him. Just not in the way he’s looking for, romantically that is.
“Gerard?”
“Yeah?” He looks at him with concern and suspicion.
“If we are single by the time I’m thirty, will you marry me?” Gerard stares at the younger man with surprise.
“I would like kids one day, and I feel like my time is running out. You're my best friend, and I love ya, man. I trust you with my life. So I don’t see why we couldn’t start a life together if we don’t find someone in the next two years.
‘I understand if you say no. I know it’s a lot to ask of you. And I get it if I’m not who you want to spend your life with. But I figure I’m always going to be around you, so why not? Also, you haven’t been on any dates in the past year or more. So I didn’t think you were really looking for anybody. You don’t have to decide now.” Frank nervously rambles on, trying to explain how he got this conclusion to solve all his issues.
“Alright,” Gerard states simply.
“Alright, as in?” Frank draws out.
“I’ll do it. If you aren’t married by thirty, I will marry you.” Gerard stares at him. He explains it as if he just told Frank why pepperoni is the most common topping on pizza. His quick response shocks Frank. Does Gerard realize what he just agreed to? Frank asks him as much.
“Yes. I know what you are asking, Frank. I don’t listen to you go on and on about your life, dreams, and not take that into account when I gave you my answer.”
“But what about you? You sound so sure that I will be married and that there’s no chance that you might be married before me.”
Gerard abruptly laughs. “Yeah,” he draws. “I don’t see anyone wanting to marry me anytime soon.”
“I take offense to that. I just asked you if you would marry me.”
“And you’re crazy for it. I’m hungry, wanna go get some food?”
Gerard brushes past the interaction, trying not to show how affected he is by it. He knows that he hasn’t been on any dates in twenty months, and he knows the reason why. It’s because he is utterly in love with the man who just opened the door for him as they are leaving to grab dinner. Gerard stopped going on dates because he realized that until he stopped comparing every single person he went out with to Frank, he would never truly be giving any of them a chance.
It’s been torture these past two years since Gerard realized. He hasn’t outright told Frank about his feelings. He’s too afraid to ruin their friendship. But he has dropped several hints and made many advancements, but Frank is totally clueless about them. It wasn’t until a couple of months ago that he pretty much gave up hope completely. Realizing that Frank must not see him as an option for a partner. Imagine his surprise when the younger man springs a potential marriage upon him.
While Gerard realized that he was looking for Frank in every person he dated, Frank has yet to come to the conclusion that he is doing the same. But is looking for Gerard.
Six months later
Frank opens up the door to their apartment, and Gerard looks up at him. By the gloomy look on his face, he knows that the date must not have gone well. While Gerard feels bad for Frank that all of his dates have not had great outcomes, he does a secret happy dance every time the man comes home alone.
“How’d it go?” he asks, already knowing the answer.
Frank lets out a long, throaty groan. “What is wrong with these people? All this guy did was talk about his ex-boyfriend. I didn’t get to know anything about him! The tad bit I did learn was from stories about his ex and him. What a waste of a night. At least I got a free meal out of it, though.” He shrugs his shoulders in an ‘oh well’ fashion, but they soon fall back to their sullen position.
“I’m sorry, Frankie.” Gerard brings him in for a hug, and the shorter man falls into him defeatedly. He holds onto him probably longer than he should, but he can’t help loving the feeling of his best friend in his arms.
Frank sighs, and Gerard loosens his grip around him, but he remains tucked into his chest. “Maybe I should stop trying. Right? I mean, at least I know I have you to fall back on. That’s enough, right?”
It breaks Gerard’s heart to know that he is the backup plan. But that’s always been the case, and he knows it. It is just a little hard to hear. “Only you can decide that, Frank.”
His heart breaks a little further when two days later Frank tells him about another date he is going on with a girl he met at a coffee shop earlier that day.
Frank’s 29th Birthday
All of Frank’s friends gather around in their Halloween costumes to celebrate his birthday. Another year alone, he thinks. Only one more year until he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. As long as Gerard doesn’t find anyone else in the meantime. He looks over at his best friend, animatedly talking to his younger brother. He doesn’t understand why no one sees what a catch the guy is. They don’t know what they are missing out on, and that is their loss.
While Frank is looking at him, Gerard glances over and notices him. He blushes and gives him a shy wave, and continues his conversation with his brother, Mikey.
Later that night, Frank is catching up with a friend he sees maybe three times a year, usually for a holiday or two and their birthdays. Gerard stumbles over to Frank, then grabs the shorter man by the shoulders and turns him around, interrupting his conversation with his distant friend. The friend notices Gerard needs Frank’s full attention and makes their exit.
“I need to tell you something,” the older man slurs. “Well, ask you I sup-pose.” Frank looks at the man concerned. “Mik-ey says that I need to man up. Me and you have this deal already. I should just speed it along. So whatdaya say if I take you on a date? Huh?” Gerard giggles. “There. I did it. I asked. Over three years of beating the bush. HA! Beating the bush. Beating around the bush. I did it. Take that, Mikey!” He releases Frank to fist pump the air.
Then Gerard walks off, forgetting who he was talking to and what he was talking about. He leaves Frank there, too stunned to speak or move.
The Morning After Frank’s 29th Birthday
Gerard grips onto the porcelain bowl like his life depends on it, as all the contents in his stomach fall out of him. Frank holds back his hair and rubs his back as he does so. While Gerard doesn’t seem to recall any moments of the night before, Frank remembers everything. Especially the part when the man before him asked him on a date. And told him he has wanted to for about three years.
Frank lay awake all night thinking about it. How did he never notice? Why didn’t Gerard say anything before that moment? What does it all mean? What would he even reply? What would this mean for them? At that, he realizes it might not mean anything, because in a year, they might be planning a wedding anyway. And that’s when Frank realized the answer to Gerard’s question. Out of all of the dates he went on in the past, none of them got a second date. But if Gerard had asked, Frank guarantees that he is the only person who would have gotten a second one.
As the twenty-nine-year-old holds on to his best friend while he pukes his guts out, he realizes this is the only person he’d ever willingly cuddle while they puked. Frank lets out a happy sigh as Gerard lets out an agonizing groan.
The Day After Frank’s 30th Birthday
“I must say, today is a much better day spent after my birthday than last year. Last year, I spent the morning holding Gerard’s hair for him while he vomited. However, while the day started out uneasy, it was also one of the most memorable days in our relationship. Once his stomach settled, I cuddled up to him on the couch, I told him I loved him for the first time.” The room awes. “We had told one another ‘I love you’ plenty of times before, but this time it meant something different.’
“Gerard doesn’t remember this, but the night before that, he asked me out on a date. And confessed to me that he had wanted to for three years at that point. And the rest of the night, I thought about my answer. I thought of my previous failed dates and realized that I was looking for my Gerard in all of them. I was just too blind to recognize it. But I do now, and I will never forget it.’
“So let’s toast to my beautiful husband. I love you forever and always.” Frank leans down to kiss his husband. When he pulls back, his face is full of pride and happiness. He takes in the moment, being surrounded by all their friends and family, as he leans over the love of his life. As it turns out, Gerard was never his backup plan, but the only plan to begin with.