Work Text:
The sun peeks through the window in Lan Wangji’s office as the day slowly crawls to a close. It creates a soft, orange glow, illuminating the small room with a gentleness that he appreciates ending his days with. He was once infatuated with the beautiful nature that this city offered, often snapping pictures of his office plants that bathe in the setting sun each afternoon. It was all new then, but he’s far used to it now.
He often swivels around in his chair to soak in the setting sun himself, allowing the warmth to soothe his body, mind, and soul. Much like a warmth he thinks about often, but hasn’t experienced in many, many years.
The office phone rings suddenly, bringing him out of the nostalgic moment.
“Hello, this is Lan Wangji,” he answers professionally.
“Wangji, how are you?” his brother responds.
“I’m fine. Is there a reason you’re calling? Are the reports my records department sent you earlier not sufficient?”
Lan Xichen chuckles lightly. “Nothing of the sort. Can I not call my younger brother to ask him how he’s doing?”
“Oh,” Lan Wangji eases. “I’m doing fine.”
“It’s always ‘fine’. Are you sure?” he pushes.
“Yes. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be finishing some work before heading out.” Lan Wangji puts a stop to his brother’s questioning.
He can hear a deep sigh through the phone and chooses to ignore it as they bid farewell and he hangs up. It’s not that Lan Wangji purposely avoids speaking to his family, but… well, he does. They often have questions to ask that he’d rather not answer nor dwell on, so he never bothers communicating with them unless necessary.
Unfortunately for Lan Wangji, he is employed with his family’s business. He runs a publishing house that sisters the original Lan Publishing on the other side of the country. His family thought it to be a risky move, starting business so far away, but Lan Wangji was up to the task.
In fact, he jumped at the opportunity to be rid of his family’s constant antics as quickly as possible. So even though he holds weekly communication with them, it’s mostly for business purposes. Otherwise, Lan Wangji has created a quiet life here for himself, with little to no pestering from his uptight and opinionated family. He takes a moment to relax his mind before leaving his office for the day, noticing his employees all walking out together.
“Lan Wangji, sir!” One of them calls his attention.
“Hm?”
“Come out drinking with us tonight!”
“Yeah, it’ll be fun!”
“Let loose a little, come have fun!”
Lan Wangji gives his employees a courteous and polite decline to their invitation. He’s never been one for drinking very much or going out to restaurants and bars. The crowds can be exhausting and when he was younger, he always ended up being the sober friend attending to others.
Plus, he’s the boss. Being in such a position wouldn’t be very appropriate. He waves back at the group of young employees, turning to head home.
The evening air is cool and the birds are singing softly as spring is quickly approaching. Lan Wangji admires his surroundings as he walks, remaining present and conscious. He has found, as he’s entered his thirties this past year, that taking things slow and enjoying the present is much more important than expectations and plans for the future.
If only he had figured that out fifteen years ago.
He notices a large moving van outside his apartment building, but thinks nothing of it as he ventures inside towards his own unit. Lan Wangji has gotten lucky over this last year of living in this apartment because the neighboring apartments have been vacant.
The setting sun now shines through his small home as he opens the blinds to let the natural light in. Lan Wangji's apartment is nothing short of picturesque — a vision of neat, tidy, and gently decorated. As he paces into his kitchen, he's greeted by his beautiful black cat purring against his leg before jumping onto the counter. A feline who is often well-behaved, though occasionally extremely mischievous.
“Hello to you too." Lan Wangji smiles gently, scooping the cat into his arms.
His evening is slow as per usual. He turns on one of his comfort shows, takes a shower, cooks himself a light meal. Lan Wangji is a simple man, really. There was a time where all he had wanted was this: A peaceful, quiet space and life.
The opportunity to choose as he’d like and not as was expected of him.
But now, as he slowly washes the dishes from his dinner, Lan Wangji can’t help but wonder what a life like this would be like with a touch of companionship. He’s thirty, and at this point, has become confident that he doesn’t need companionship to feel fulfilled, but the thought is always taunting him in the back of his mind. His brother has always tried to mention dating to him, but it's something he brushes off every time. Lan Wangji's mind only reels back to all those years ago when he held the only person he's ever wanted to.
All these thoughts swirl in his mind as he finishes washing his dishes when a loud crash sounds through the walls of his apartment. His head shoots up and he hears a faint shout of a man saying, “Shit! Dammit, that was my favorite bowl!”
Lan Wangji gets closer to the voice and then remembers that the apartment to that side of him has been empty for months now. Someone must have moved in. His instinct to go next door and make sure this stranger is alright surfaces, but it quickly disappears and he stays inside his own apartment. He’s not the greatest at talking to strangers, so he doesn’t want to show up randomly on a weekday evening.
That night, Lan Wangji suffers terribly.
He’s kept up most of the night by this new neighbor’s antics. Who busies themself with moving furniture and talking on the phone all night long? Lan Wangji is exhausted as he readies himself for work. The sounds had stopped from next door at about three a.m., but that didn’t help much for someone like himself who often wakes up at five. His limbs feel heavy as he forgoes making his own tea and instead stops by a cafe on the way to work.
His mind is tired all day, occupied with how he should approach this new neighbor now that he’s been thoroughly annoyed by them. He weighs his options of leaving a note on their door, or even knocking. The day is a haze as he runs different scenarios in his mind.
Before long, Lan Wangji finds himself trudging home, ready to eat anything he can get his hands on and promptly pass out. Head hanging low, he enters his apartment building and turns the corner, pacing down the hallway leading to his front door when he sees feet standing nearby. He picks up his head and freezes.
No. There’s no way.
It can’t be…
“Wei Ying?”
The man before him has an armful of small boxes and miscellaneous items as he struggles to unlock the door next to Lan Wangji’s. He looks up at the mention of his name and Lan Wangji watches as he drops all of his things.
They crash to the ground with a piercing clatter, but neither of them can move.
Wei Wuxian looks older now. He’s aged beautifully and Lan Wangji would be a fool to think otherwise. His face is more mature, his hair longer and his jawline sharper. He’s grown a few inches taller and his shoulders are slightly broader. Lan Wangji is in awe.
The frozen moment in time quickly passes when Wei Wuxian starts stuttering and rushing to pick his dropped items up. Lan Wangji snaps out of it, moving to help him with a quickness. It’s his fault they all fell, anyway.
“Lan Zhan, ah, it’s fine! Don’t worry about helping… haha…” Wei Wuxian lets out.
Lan Wangji can tell he’s nervous, and acting tough on his own part would be a fool’s mission considering his hands are slightly shaky and he can barely catch his breath. The sound of his name rolling off Wei Wuxian’s tongue for the first time in far too many years makes him feel unbalanced and dizzy.
“Let me help,” is all he manages, filling his arms with most of the items on the ground.
Wei Wuxian mutters a soft “thank you” while he finally is able to unlock his door, gesturing for Lan Wangji to place the items on the nearby counter. Lan Wangji knows his memory of Wei Wuxian has never once failed him, the boy he once knew was so proud and loud, excited and happy; much unlike the man in front of him now who can hardly get a word out.
“Well, um,” Wei Wuxian clears his throat. “Thanks for the help… What are you doing here anyway?”
“I live next door.”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes grow wide and he falls into a coughing fit at the statement. Lan Wangji’s eyes fill with worry instantly. He wants to hold him, hug him, ask if he’s alright, but there’s an invisible barrier between them stopping him from doing so.
“Jeez… ha ha… What are the odds! I guess I’ll see you around, then?”
Lan Wangji feels his gut turning and his head grow hot. Emotions swirl rabidly in his chest at the sight of an anxious and worried-looking adult Wei Wuxian and he’s unsure of how to handle what’s happening, but he knows that doesn’t want to just leave.
“Wei Ying, I-”
“It’s okay! Lan Zhan… It’s fine, we.. we don’t have to do this. We can just be neighbors. It’s fine.”
Every distinct feeling that Lan Wangji had traveling through his body instantly falls dead. His heart suddenly weighs three tons and the deflated Wei Wuxian before him makes Lan Wangji want to wrap him up in his arms; though he’s sure ten years ago, that a deflated Wei Wuxian would’ve made him feel like running away.
He doesn’t want to run away anymore, but right now, he can do nothing but respect Wei Wuxian’s wishes, silently nodding and seeing himself out. They don’t know each other anymore in that way enough for him to have any other reaction.
And it hurts, it pains Lan Wangji to leave Wei Wuxian like this. Unable to decipher what the current situation calls for, he forgoes feeding himself dinner and instead only feeds his cat before crawling into bed.
It’s quiet that night, no late night calls or furniture shifting around.
Lan Wangji wonders if Wei Wuxian is also lying in bed thinking about him too. Perhaps about the time they first met, and maybe even all the years they had once spent together over ten years ago.
About 15 Years Prior
The cafeteria is loud. There’s crowds of teenagers huddling in their cliques and socializing with each other as lunch hour commences.
Lan Wangji wishes he could shrink and go back in time to middle school… it’s a bit quieter there, and people were assigned places to sit during lunch. Now he’s faced with the utter social terror of finding a table to sit at on his own. Unfortunately for him, his older brother has finished school at this point, so he doesn’t have any friends.
He’s not really one for having many friends anyway. Lan Wangji is quiet and likes to study and read; things a lot of kids his age don’t like to do. So as he scopes out the cafeteria, looking for somewhere to sit, he spots a small table off to the corner of the room. It’s a bit separated from the other tables, nearer to the school’s kitchen than where the kids like to group.
This will do.
Lan Wangji takes his seat, enjoying that the corner is a tad quieter and no one seems to notice that he’s there. His first day of high school has proven to be socially overwhelming, though academically, a breeze. He’s mostly excited to continue his schooling and test into higher classes or be ready for university sooner, perhaps. This would be a preferable situation.
“Why are you sitting by yourself?” a voice calls.
Not looking up from his lunch, Lan Wangji doesn’t pay the person any mind, considering it’s likely they’re not even talking to him. Suddenly a body slumps down in the seat across from him at the table, finally bringing his attention up.
“Can you hear me?” the boy asks curiously. “Why are you sitting by yourself?”
Lan Wangji’s eyes grow wide for only a second before he frowns. “I want to.”
“Ohhhhhhh,” the new addition to his once empty table lets out.
The boy across from Lan Wangji is not someone he’s seen before, he must’ve come from a different middle school. His hair is dark and longer than most and he has a curious glint in his eyes. A small smile plays on his lips the entire time he pulls lunch out of his own bag and slips it onto the table, casually making himself at home across from Lan Wangji.
“What are you doing?”
The stranger looks up at Lan Wangji with a raised brow and then back down at his food before letting out a laugh. His laugh is bright and something about it makes Lan Wangji’s ears grow hot.
“You’re funny! I like you. What’s your name?”
“Lan Wangji… Or Lan Zhan.” He’s not sure why he feels compelled to tell this boy his given name, but he doesn’t think too hard about it.
“Mmmm Lan Zhan, flows right off the tongue,” he smooths over, chin in hand. “Nice name. Suits you. My name is Wei Ying! Courtesy Wuxian, but that doesn't matter."
The impassive teenager nods lightly at his words. Not really having a good response, he continues to eat his lunch quietly, noticing Wei Wuxian joining him by diving into his own food. His food looks extremely seasoned – maybe a little too much so, but he seems to enjoy it nonetheless.
Lan Wangji’s lunch is the same as it's always been since he started school when he was very young; a simple soup, a serving of white rice, and often whatever vegetable and tofu they had at home. He notices that Wei Wuxian looks rather antsy as he eats and nearly asks the boy if he’s okay, but then he finally starts talking.
Wei Wuxian starts talking, and talking.
He’s not sure he’s ever heard someone speak so much before and there didn’t seem to be an end to it. Though funny enough, Lan Wangji doesn’t mind.
His face morphs through different emotions and the spectrum of his voice begins to enthrall Lan Wangji the longer he sits quietly in front of this boy. Wei Wuxian excitedly starts explaining his first day of high school to him, speaking to him as if they’ve known each other for years. Lan Wangji finishes his meal and sets his lunch containers to the side to pull out his class schedule and notebook.
“Lan Zhan! So do you think I wore an unlucky shirt this morning? Was my brother telling the truth? I don’t think there’s any way that could be true…” Wei Wuxian thinks with a finger to his chin.
“Your brother is wrong. Luck is merely an illusion of hopes come true, made into something that feel magical. Clothes have nothing to with it,” he states matter-of-factly.
Wei Wuxian shines a blinding smile. “I knew I could trust you, Lan Zhan! We think the same way!”
Lan Wangji stares blankly at the boy, something stirring in his gut.
“So, tell me… Since you have your books out now, what’s your favorite course so far? What are you most excited for?”
His mind swirls with possible answers to the questions shot at him. He sits on them for longer than he probably should when such a curious boy is asking, but he can’t help it. There are many things that Lan Wangji could be excited for — had he been given the chance. Perhaps music, maybe even art or design. But he is a Lan, after all, and Lans are publicists and editors, occasionally authors. This much has been imprinted deeply into his mind from a young age, and it’s all he can really expect for the future.
“Literature," he finally lets out.
“Uhhh really? Literature? You know, Lan Zhan, you don’t look too sure about that!”
Lan Wangji sits straighter, his brow tightening. “I’m sure.”
Truly, he doesn’t hate literature. Lan Wangji quite likes the creation of a story from its beginning, reading through twists and turns and understanding the characters deeper as they develop. There’s something between the pages of a book that can hold magic; a feeling that Lan Wangji knows he will never get to feel anywhere else because he isn't allowed to create it otherwise.
“Well, if you say so!” Wei Wuxian shrugs, stuffing his mouth full of more food as he nosily peeks at the work Lan Wangji is reading through.
The boy before him is much stranger than any boy Lan Wangji has ever met. He’s well-spoken, but far too curious for his own good. He’s loud and excited about seemingly everything, and strangest of all, someone like him is sitting with someone like Lan Wangji: The reserved, quiet, by-the-book student. He would think about this further, but the warning bell suddenly rings, calling the both of them out of their bubble.
“Time for class!” Wei Wuxian jumps up. “Hey, Lan Zhan! I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He doesn’t know what to say, and doesn’t say anything quickly enough, before the boy he’d only briefly met gives him a shining smile and farewell wave, skipping off down the hallway and out of sight. Lan Wangji sits there, staring at the spot Wei Wuxian was sitting at wondering if that all really happened. He shakes his head and paces towards his next class.
The day drags on and proves to be boring, albeit an important day. The first day of high school is not full of as much learning as Lan Wangji had expected, instead it’s packed with classroom rules, class schedules, and expectations. These are things that he doesn’t mind learning about, though. High school is much more structured than middle school and he appreciates that.
When his last class of the day rolls around, Lan Wangji is one of the first students to arrive, sitting properly in his seat with his items laid out on his desk appropriately. The other students file in quietly and take random seats around the room. Just as the second bell rings, announcing that class is beginning, an energetic boy with black hair comes bounding in.
“I apologize for being late! I accidentally went to the wrong room,” Wei Wuxian tells the teacher before turning to look for an empty seat.
His eyes light up when he sees Lan Wangji and immediately takes the seat behind him. Not even a minute later, Lan Wangji feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns his head slightly to the side to see Wei Wuxian out of his peripheral, leaning forward on his desk to whisper.
“I didn’t know we’d have the same class! And it’s literature! This is so fun,” he giggles.
“No talking in class,” Lan Wangji admonishes.
Wei Wuxian only giggles more at his words. The boy nods and sits up straight, but of course this only lasts a few minutes before he’s tapping Lan Wangji’s shoulder once more. This time, instead of whispering, Wei Wuxian passes him a small, folded piece of paper.
Lan Wangji knows he shouldn’t indulge in the boy’s antics, but he can’t help but be curious as to what the note says. He opens it to find it’s a quick stick figure drawing of the teacher lecturing a class of sleeping students. Likely to signify that the teacher is boring.
He quickly writes the words ‘pay attention’ and hands it back.
The class carries on and Wei Wuxian doesn’t bother him anymore as the teacher drags on with his explanation of what to expect for the school year. Lan Wangji would never admit it out loud, but the teacher is truly quite boring. Before they know it, class is over and so is the school day.
“Lan Zhan! Jeez, you’re fast,” Wei Wuxian catches up to him outside of the classroom. “You left so quickly, I almost didn’t catch you! Here.”
In his outstretched hand is a vending machine cookie, one that Lan Wangji has never tried before.
“I was gonna give it to you tomorrow at lunch, but I figured now is good too! Since I didn’t realize we’d see each other, of course,” the boy explains, chuckling.
Lan Wangji takes the offered cookie. He feels funny inside as he accepts the offering, like his stomach is twisting into knots and he doesn’t know why. He looks up at his classmate who has a hesitant smile on his face.
“Thank you,” Lan Wangji nods, holding the cookie to his chest.
Wei Wuxian’s expression lights up instantly at his acceptance. “You’re welcome! I knew you’d like it. You’ll have to tell me if you think the cookie tastes good at lunch tomorrow, Lan Zhan! I’ll see you laterrrr~”
He watches as Wei Wuxian waves at another boy wearing green, the two walking off together, all while Lan Wangji is left speechless in the hallway, holding a cookie. He holds it up to get a closer look at the treat when he feels a smooth surface behind it. A piece of paper. He unfolds it to read the small note written inside of it:
Lan Zhan, I hope you like this cookie! I noticed you didn’t have any sweets in your lunch and this cookie is my favorite kind. I’m so excited we have literature together! Maybe you can read the assigned readings to me so I don’t have to read them myself (hahahaha I’m joking!!!)
– Wei Ying
The heart in Lan Wangji's chest feels heavy, his ribcage tight, and his gut churns torturously.
He can’t explain what all these strange feelings are, but it must be because of the overwhelm of his first day of high school — this is the only reason that makes sense. He gently folds the note and pockets it safely, opening the cookie on his walk home from school.
As promised, the next day at lunch time, Wei Wuxian is already seated at that same corner table before Lan Wangji had even arrived. He sees the energetic boy waving him over and then scrunches his brow when his heart skips a beat. None of this makes sense, but Lan Wangji had never had many friends before in this way, so it’s likely just the newness of it.
That makes sense. Plus, it’s only the second day of school.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan!”
“Wei Ying,” he nods, sitting down in the seat across from him like yesterday.
The meal continues similarly as it did their first day and it does the day after that, and the day after that one too. In fact, every day after that first day of school, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have lunch together. It quickly becomes Lan Wangji's favorite part of the day, though he’d rather cut his own tongue out than admit that out loud.
A few months into their first year of high school, Wei Wuxian has dived deep into their music department. He wants to become a flautist.
Although Lan Wangji has never heard him play, he’s sure that he’s fantastic. Wei Wuxian is much smarter than other seems to assume of him; that much is obvious to Lan Wangji. It quickly becomes a key point of frustration for the teenager, when people underestimate his friend. Sometimes Wei Wuxian does work at the lunch table while attempting to eat food at the same time and Lan Wangji often admonishes him for it, though he’s usually quite impressed with the level of work he’s jotting down.
One day, Wei Wuxian starts bringing a flute to school with him. He was able to rent one from the school in order to participate in his music classes properly. Many lunch hours were spent with him explaining to Lan Wangji how the instrument works.
He is always so passionate.
Lan Wangji grows fond of seeing his passion written boldly on his sleeve.
Another day, a friend of Wei Wuxian’s comes to the table during lunch to speak to him briefly. Lan Wangji can’t admit that he feels uneasy seeing the boy so close to someone else, but he tries to brush it off. The two boys seem awfully close.
“Aiyah, so rude of me. Lan Zhan, meet my friend! Nie Huaisang, this is Lan Zh- well you can call him Lan Wangji.”
“Nice to meet you,” Lan Wangji manages, despite his temperature quickly rising as he sees Wei Wuxian cling to Nie Huaisang’s arm.
“Hi, Wangji-xiansheng,” the boy smiles. “I’ve heard so much about you, you know! Wei Ying doesn’t stop yapping about you… All the time.”
“Huaisang!” Wei Wuxian cries, hiding his face in his hands for a moment.
Lan Wangji’s pent up feelings ease after that, though he still can’t decipher what any of it really means. Nie Huaisang goes on to mention that he and Wei Wuxian know each other because they’re both in the school’s first LGBTQ+ Advocacy Club. They petitioned with the school head to have the club created and succeeded, creating a small space for queer kids to mingle and feel safe.
Learning the struggle they went through to get it officiated by the school had amazed Lan Wangji. He is never one to stray from rule and regulation; his family is very strict in these regards, so really, it’s how he was raised. He never imagined that he’d meet people who live so differently and are so happy because of it.
High school is turning out to be very different from what he had expected.
The year carries on and the little corner table in the cafeteria stakes its claim in Lan Wangji’s heart as his favorite place in the building. That is, until one day, Wei Wuxian takes him somewhere new for the first time.
“Lan Zhan! Hi,” he slams his things down onto the table.
He’s late to lunch and Lan Wangji has already eaten through most of his meal when he arrives. Lan Wangji looks up at Wei Wuxian to see him a bit breathless, his hair slightly frazzled and wild. His cheeks are pink and his parted lips heavy air in and out as he catches his breath. Maybe he ran here, but Lan Wangji is in a trance, regardless.
“Lan Zhan?” He waves.
“Sorry. What’s wrong?” Lan Wangji blinks hard. Snap out of it.
“Nothing! I got distracted while practicing. But I see you’ve finished eating already. Let me take you somewhere for the rest of lunch! Please!”
He’s never ventured off to other parts of campus during designated times and he instantly feels uneasy at the proposition. He knows Wei Wuxian wouldn’t take him to break any rules, per say, but Wei Wuxian’s rules are different from Lan Wangji’s. When Lan Wangji doesn't answer right away, his face holding a hint of uneasiness, Wei Wuxian pipes up with a charming smile.
“You worry too much, I’m just gonna show you a new song I learned on my flute. In a practice room. Which is totally allowed and okay.”
The proper teenager visibly relaxes, evoking a bright laugh out of the other boy. Wei Wuxian waits for Lan Wangji to put his things away before grabbing his wrist and tugging him along down the hallway. He can feel his skin burning where Wei Wuxian is touching him — his instincts tell him to pull away at the unconscious affection, but the burn feels too good and Lan Wangji finds himself feeling selfish.
He’s brought to a far corner of the school where the music rooms are. Lan Wangji has never been over here before, but something in his chest flurries. When he was little, he was gifted a small keyboard piano by his late mother. She was a free spirit and pianist who passed away when he was very young. He doesn’t really remember her, but he does remember that piano. Lan Wangji was never dedicated to something so wholly as he was that instrument, learning it methodically from a young age and surpassing average skill by many years.
Unfortunately, after his parents both passed away and he was put into his uncle’s care alongside his brother, the keyboard quickly became something looked down upon. The older he became, the more he was admonished for spending his time on something that was not “beneficial” for him. He thinks that while his uncle never meant it maliciously or harmfully, it did feel that way.
Lan Wangji quickly learned what was expected of him; understanding that following these expectations made his uncle keep his distance and not bother him much.
But now, as he enters the practice room with Wei Wuxian, a beautiful grand piano sitting in the center, his fingers itch and his chest aches. It’s been a couple years since he’s been able to indulge in playing, but when he sees Wei Wuxian smiling and opening his flute case, he can only focus on the beautiful boy instead.
“Okay, I just learned this recently so… it’s not perfect! But it’s so pretty, I have to share.”
“Mn,” he responds, standing against the wall near Wei Wuxian.
Lan Wangji watches as Wei Wuxian touches the metal flute to his lips. A soft melody flows from the instrument and it’s immediately entrancing. His body sways lightly as he plays with his eyes closed, as if the music he’s playing is truly branching from every piece of his soul. It cascades smoothly from his being and swirls to surround Lan Wangji, seemingly pulling him in further and further towards Wei Wuxian.
He’s never felt so close to Wei Wuxian than he does now.
As the short piece finishes, the flautist holds a silent nervousness, clinging tightly to his instrument. Lan Wangji is speechless for a moment but then meets the other boy’s waiting eyes.
“That was beautiful,” he says, and he means it.
“Ah, stop it, Lan Zhan! That was nothing…”
Lan Wangji can see his cheeks grow pink and it makes his own chest feel warm and fuzzy. “It was, really. The melody was very smooth and harmonious. Very fitting for you.”
“Please, please, you don’t need to say all that!” Wei Wuxian chuckles and puts his hands up, motioning for him to stop talking. “But hey, it sounds like you know an awful lot about music. Are you hiding any secret talents from me, Lan Zhan?”
He can feel his ears grow hot as Wei Wuxian leans an elbow on the piano and sits his chin in his hand, a knowing smile on his face.
“I…” Lan Wangji wonders for a moment if he should tell the boy about his pianist abilities or not, but the waiting face of anticipation that Wei Wuxian gives him leaves him with no choice but honesty. “I can play piano.”
“Piano! No way! Will you play something for me now, Lan Zhan? I bet you’re an incredible player, too.”
Lan Wangji clears his throat nervously, he doesn’t have the heart to tell his friend that it’s been a very long time since he’s played. He’s likely to be very rusty, but he can’t stand the possibility of letting Wei Wuxian down by declining, so he nods and moves towards the grand piano to sit down.
The instrument is beautiful, but old. It’s definitely run down and has likely been here for many, many years. He takes a deep breath, letting his fingers softly run over the expanse of the keys to familiarize himself with something that was once like a second set of lungs to his body. Lan Wangji thinks of something to play, landing on a melody he once found in his mother’s old music books that he had memorized years ago.
Closing his eyes, Lan Wangji breaths in deeply, opens his eyes, and he presses down gently on the keys before him. The sound echoes throughout the room softly, reverberating in his chest as it fills him with that once familiar feeling. Music. It lives and breathes a life into Lan Wangji’s soul that he’s missed so dearly.
He allows the melody to carry him as his fingers naturally pick up where they last left off. Nothing exists for a moment except for the music and himself, but as Wei Wuxian softly exhales, Lan Wangji glances up to see the softest of expressions on his face. So Lan Wangji plays for him. He lets the graceful sound envelope the flautist, much like how his music made Lan Wangji feel.
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian says quietly after he finishes the piece.
“Yes?”
“That… That was so beautiful.”
Wei Wuxian is never usually so quiet, but right now, his voice is barely above a whisper. As if he’ll pop the bubble surrounding them if he speaks too loudly. His compliment sits deep within Lan Wangji’s heart; the way Wei Wuxian’s eyes hold an emotion that he’s not sure he can decipher, though he likes it nonetheless.
The next day at lunch, Wei Wuxian is hounding him, politely, for answers on why he isn’t studying music. “I just think you could do incredible things if you studied music, that's all!” Wei Ying pushes.
Lan Wangji feels a deep and foreboding sense of hurt bubbling within his heart. It’s not Wei Wuxian that he’s upset at — the boy doesn’t know any better. The hurt stemming from his childhood is a strong feeling that perhaps might never leave. He feels himself growing impatient, a rare state for his mind to be in. Wei Wuxian’s prodding is realistically harmless, but the frustrated teenager can't help himself from momentarily overreacting. Lan Wangji abruptly stands and stalks off in the middle of their lunch time. He doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going when he makes it out to the courtyard and hears Wei Wuxian’s voice behind him.
“Lan Zhan, wait!” he cries.
His feet finally stop. There’s no one around them as he turns to face the other boy who looks worried, nearly on the verge of tears. Lan Wangji deflates, guilt of his lack of ability to just say what he’s thinking overwhelms his gut.
“Come,” is all he says as he leads Wei Wuxian to a bench and sits down. “My mother gifted me a keyboard when I was five or six. Her and my father passed away not long after,” he recalls quietly.
“Oh.” Wei Wuxian listens.
“I taught myself to play for years, but as I got older, my uncle forbade me from continuing. He doesn’t think it’s beneficial and would rather have me follow in the family’s footsteps.”
“Tch, which is?”
“Publishing. Editing. Writing.”
“That’s why you said literature on our first day, isn’t it?” Wei Wuxian asks.
Lan Wangji looks up at him with a pleading look in his eyes. He’s not sure what he’s pleading for, maybe for Wei Wuxian to not bring the subject up so brazenly again, or maybe to be saved from the life he’s being taught to live. He doesn’t know, but the other boy seems to understand and only nods.
“I do enjoy literature as well," Lan Wangji adds. "I’ve been writing my own novel. It’s not something I hate, so for that I’m glad.”
“Well, Lan Zhan, I bet you’re the greatest writer in the world,” Wei Wuxian says, shining that bright, gorgeous smile that he doesn’t go a day without giving to Lan Wangji.
The teenager’s anxiety eases as they sit next to each other in silence for a while longer, their misunderstanding finally settling and the bond between them suddenly feeling stronger. Lan Wangji has never told anyone these things before, but he knows they’ll be safe with Wei Wuxian.
Their first year of high school carries on just like this.
The two boys become nearly inseparable during the school hours they have together. Lan Wangji never talks very much, but Wei Wuxian is great at filling in the gaps. To them, it's comfortable. Lan Wangji notices other kids looking their way as they walk through the halls next to each other every so often, but he ignores it.
They’re probably just looking at Wei Wuxian, anyway. Though the second that thought enters Lan Wangji’s mind, he feels something akin to upset boil in his blood. He can’t quite place it.
“Lan Zhan, let’s go sit outside for lunch today! The weather is cooling down, after all!” Wei Wuxian suggests.
He doesn’t wait for an answer though and just takes Lan Wangji's hand, tugging him along towards the courtyard. They sit in that same spot they had earlier in the school year; it’s become a signature place for them to sit together.
“Say, Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts.
“Mn?”
“How far have you gotten on the assigned reading?”
“I finished it last week. Why?”
He watches as Wei Wuxian’s jaw drops dramatically. “Last week?! I’m not even halfway through… I’ve been having the hardest time focusing!” He whines, exasperated.
Lan Wangji thinks for a moment. He knows his friend isn’t complaining only to lure him into reading to him; he’d just ask if that was the case. Then he remembers that note Wei Wuxian had given him all those months ago about reading to him. Lan Wangji has quickly learned that his heart is always a bit more lenient and favorable towards the Wei Wuxian's desires.
“How about I read to you, then?” he asks.
Wei Wuxian perks up instantly, like a puppy being given a treat. “You’d do that?! No no, wait, I couldn’t ask you to do that, Lan Zhan! You have your own things to do!”
“It’s no problem.”
“You have to be sure… I’d feel terrible if you were only doing it because you thought you had to,” Wei Wuxian huffs, a pout on his lips.
“I promise.”
Lan Wangji watches as the boy’s expression relaxes and he holds out his pinky. “Pinky promise?”
He feels his heart tug for some strange reason as he looks at Wei Wuxian’s hopeful smile and his outstretched pinky. Lan Wangji nods and takes his pinky into his own as the other boy giddily jumps up and down in his seat. He’s noticed over the short time he’s known Wei Wuxian, that small things like this seem to make him the happiest – so Lan Wangji starts paying a bit more attention to the smaller things.
They end up trailing off to a nearby park after school gets out that day to read. Wei Wuxian chats the time away as they walk side by side, Lan Wangji’s hands in his pockets. They find a large tree with ample shade and plush grass beneath it.
Perfect.
The two boys sit and Lan Wangji pulls out his book. After explaining to Wei Wuxian that they cannot simply begin reading wherever he had left off, he promptly begins the book from the first page. The afternoon flies by this way, and so do all the days after as well.
Lan Wangji sitting against the tree, Wei Wuxian sitting in all types of positions as he reads.
One day Wei Wuxian knocks his head against a rock on the ground and Lan Wangji is insistent about checking over his wound, promptly lying his head in his lap to look at it. Lan Wangji’s chest ablaze with an unfamiliar flame as they touch in a way they never have before.
“This is way comfier than the ground! See, I’m fine, Lan Zhan! Keep reading, keep reading." Wei Wuxian smiles up at him.
Thump, thump, thump, goes Lan Wangji’s heart. He doesn’t protest.
Lan Wangji reads, Wei Wuxian listens.
They end up getting through the book quicker than Wei Wuxian seems to be happy about, though. Lan Wangji also feels an ounce of sadness once the book is finished, but he didn’t plan on mentioning that. After Wei Wuxian’s obvious reluctance on their private readings coming to an end, Lan Wangji steps up with an offer.
“We can read another book. I have plenty of them.”
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian clings happily to his arm as they walk away from the park that late afternoon. “You would do that?! That book was actually really good. Do you have one similar to it? Or like with the same type of story line? I like how that one was!”
“Mn, I do.”
“Then so it will be!”
They part ways that day and Lan Wangji has an awfully hard time reigning in what feels like a raging tempest within his heart. It’s strange, but it grows stronger and more intense the longer time goes on. As their first year of school comes to an end, though, he tries his hardest to set these indescribable feelings to the side and focus on his studies.
***
In his second year of high school, Lan Wangji comes to terms with three truths all at once.
He realizes that a career down the publishing and writing path will never fulfill him as much as music would. The boy learns this harsh truth the more he follows Wei Wuxian to practice room after practice room, listening to him play. Occasionally Lan Wangji can be convinced to play along with his friend, but eventually it becomes too painful and he politely declines.
That year, Lan Wangji also understands why his chest grows tight and warm whenever Wei Wuxian laughs or calls his name. This truth hits harder than the first, resonating deep within his heart unlike anything he’s ever felt before.
Wei Wuxian’s shadow begins to follow Lan Wangji everywhere by the end of their first year and their second year is no different. After realizing he’s terribly in love with Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji never tells him to leave.
He doesn’t even think of it.
The third and last truth that he feels truly awful about, is that he can’t and probably won’t ever come out and be with Wei Wuxian in the way he wants to. Not in high school, at least. Allowing the bright-eyed boy to stick by his side and keep him company begins to feel selfish after a while, which only begins to weigh on his heart even more.
One evening, he sits comfortably at the dinner table with his uncle and older brother, who is visiting from college. Lan Xichen mentions that two of his friends are finally getting married, more specifically, his friend finally proposed to his boyfriend. He shares the news with a sweet and rather excited smile on his face while Lan Wangji’s heart pounds heavily.
“Are they really… getting married?” Lan Wangji asks for clarification, starstruck.
Off to the side, their uncle makes a snarky comment, shattering the mood. “What does it matter? They’re men.”
Lan Wangji feels his heart instantly shrivel so small that it nearly disappears, his eyes honing in on his food, the world around him closing in. He notices his older brother shaking his head with a look of disapproval towards his uncle, but he still doesn’t say anything in response.
As expected.
The young student sits there with food on his plate, but no longer hungry. He excuses himself shortly after and slips on his shoes to shuffle out the door and take a walk far away from his uncle’s painful bigotry and his brother's inability to truly speak up about it. The thought of ever being able to come out or be himself feels smaller, more impossible, by the day.
As he walks without a care in the world, the sun sets beneath the skyline and leaves the space around him to darken and soften.
“Lan Zhan! You’re out here? No way!”
Spinning around, those familiar gray eyes meet his own and he feels a little lighter than before.
“Wei Ying.”
The boy seems to notice Lan Wangji’s melancholy mood and eases his tone. “I never imagined you’d be out at night like this, what’s going on?”
“I just needed to think. Away from my uncle.”
Wei Wuxian hums knowingly and only walks beside him for a few minutes, not asking any questions. As energetic as he is, he’s always innately perceptive and can read Lan Wangji much better than anyone he knows. Wei Wuxian begins talking soon about other things — school, books, music, anything else. He even occasionally cracks a joke to see the corner of Lan Wangji’s lips twitch upwards.
Lan Wangji thinks that this isn’t too bad. He can do this. He can be around Wei Wuxian through next school year as friends and not say a word.
It’s selfish and he knows it.
He feels terrible about it for a long time, too. Lan Wangji wishes every day he could let himself go and forget about his family’s admonitions, but every day that he remembers life is not so simple, he deflates back to square one of sulking. The harshest part of all these truths he learns throughout his second year of high school, is that he’s limited.
He’s restricted in his future career and his love life has already been decided for him at this point. All he can hope is that as he gets older, he’ll have the strength and freedom to change his reality.
At some point in their second year, rumors begin spreading around the school ones that send a lot of unwanted emotions through Lan Wangji, leaving him troubled by the day.
“And you know what I heard them say?” Nie Huaisang asks Wei Wuxian just as Lan Wangji is walking over to meet with him. “They think that you and Lan Wangji are… dating.”
Lan Wangji’s footsteps freeze.
The world around him stops spinning. He’s never liked gossip for obvious reasons, but to know that someone is spreading rumors about Wei Wuxian troubles him. Forget himself, he can handle it. But when he looks over at the other boy to see a pained look in his eyes, his chest fills with rage.
He steps forward, surprising the both of them with his sudden presence. “We are not dating. Whoever is speaking about Wei Ying can stop.”
His voice remains steady, regardless of the dread filling his body at his own words. He wishes he didn’t have to say them… but it’s true and Wei Wuxian looks upset enough as it is.
“O-oh, yeah. Thanks, Lan Zhan. You’re r-right,” Wei Wuxian hiccups lightly.
Lan Wangji turns around, dismissing Nie Huaisang without a word and focuses on Wei Wuxian’s still upset expression. “Wei Ying,” he breathes, “I’m sorry, I… people can be cruel, but I am always here for you.”
The other boy nods, the distress in his face slowly slipping away as a neutral look takes over his features.
“Yeah,” he laughs lightly. “People are dumb, it’s whatever… Shall we go?”
Lan Wangji can’t help but feel slightly reluctant and not quite convinced that Wei Wuxian’s mood has been lifted, but he won’t push the other boy who is so obviously asking to move on from the subject. He nods in response and they walk off campus together to make home in their reading spot that they’ve held dear since the school year prior.
***
His third and final year of high school surely holds more feelings and emotions than the ever-impassive Lan Wangji expects. But then again, he had never expected Wei Wuxian to be a part of it all either. The year feels chaotic and less routine than the previous two years, which brings the growing teenager much grief.
Everyone who knows Lan Wangji, even a little bit, understands that he is a boy who loves his routine; it keeps him focused and functional.
So when third year comes around and their schedules are all different because of cram school and applying for colleges, Lan Wangji isn’t happy one bit. Turns out that Wei Wuxian’s cram school hours fall over their lunch hour two days out of the week, so they don’t get to eat together every day anymore. That alone sends Lan Wangji into a panic every day for the first two weeks of school.
Their schedules also don’t have any similar classes this year because their classes focus more on their future college degrees, but eventually they figure out a good rhythm. On the days that Wei Wuxian is gone during lunch, Lan Wangji pays a visit to the music room during the last hour of school – an hour in which he isn’t required to be on campus anymore because he’s completed his classes early.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims, coming to stand in front of him in the hallway.
“Wei Ying,” he breathes.
He stands before Lan Wangji with his hair down and loose, his face slightly pink, and his lips parted in a pant as if he’d been running. Lan Wangji has an extremely difficult time reigning himself in when he sees his best friend this way. He’s ashamed to admit that his mind has been in the gutter an awful lot since last year when he had realized his feelings. Now he’s just being tortured, honestly.
“Are you not taking your flute class this afternoon?” Lan Wangji coughs lightly.
Wei Wuxian snaps out of his trance and perks up. “Nope! Teacher let us go early today! I came to find you before the class emptied out. What do you say we go read? We haven’t in soooo long, Lan Zhan, please!”
The boy in front of him, though several inches taller since their first year of high school, puts up those sweet doe eyes and pouty lips that Lan Wangji will never say no to as long as he lives. He wouldn’t ever say no to Wei Wuxian regardless of his expression, though, and instead smiles ever so slightly, nodding.
“Let’s,” is all he says.
“Yay! Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, I’m too excited!” Wei Wuxian jumps for joy and then grabs hold of his arm as they walk down the hallway and out the doors of the building.
With an evening sky full of orange, pink, and purple, Lan Wangji reads the small words in the pages of the first book they ever read together while Wei Wuxian’s head lies perfectly in his lap. He memorizes every movement that the boy in his lap makes, every sound of reaction to the story, and the familiar warmth his body brings as they sit until it’s dark.
The year progresses similarly, they get special pockets of time together that they seem to cherish much more these days than they ever have prior. And even though neither boy says a thing about the feeling of fleeting time, they both indulge themselves in all the personal moments they can get their hands on.
One day, Lan Wangji sits at their lunch table with a letter in hand.
His throat closes up the longer he looks at it. Eyes stinging, on the verge of tears, his heartbeat savagely tearing at his veins. It’s all so overwhelming that he doesn’t even notice his best friend plop down across from him.
“Lan Zhan? What’s that? Are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick,” Wei Wuxian’s voice rings in his ears, regretfully pulling him back to reality.
Relief floods his system as he looks up from the piece of mail into pools of gray he’s come to love so dearly and deeply. “Wei Ying.”
“You’re worrying me, Lan Zhan…” he laughs lightly. “What is that?”
“A letter.”
Realistically, every high school student in their third year is elated to receive a college acceptance letter, but Lan Wangji already knows that this specific letter is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. The letter is from the only school his family expects him to get into, but a school that will pull him away from the things he loves most in life.
The person he loves most.
“For college?! That’s amazing! Open it, open it!”
Wei Wuxian remains naive at this moment to Lan Wangji’s distress that he tries to tuck away neatly in the corners of his heart. He’s already aware that once his best friend finds out where he’s going for college, he’s going to be sad about it. And although he would’ve figured it out anyway, Lan Wangji never has intentions of hiding anything from Wei Wuxian.
He sets the letter down on the table and gently pushes it towards Wei Wuxian, shaking his head. “You open it.”
Quirking a brow, Wei Wuxian picks up the letter and reads the front of it carefully. Lan Wangji watches as his curiosity falters only a little at the name of the school adorning the front of the envelope. Biting his tongue, Lan Wangji can only watch in terror as his best friend gently pulls the envelope open and unfolds the letter. His eyes flit across the page quickly, over and over, likely reading the same sentence for two minutes straight. The one at the top that says Lan Wangji has been accepted into a college located across the country from the school Wei Wuxian plans on attending.
“Wei Yin-”
“Lan Zhan, this is great! It’s good news!” he raises, interrupting him.
There’s a smile on his face, but it’s an awfully pathetic version of the usual full and bright one he typically wears. Lan Wangji feels his heart crack in two, and even more so when Wei Wuxian sets the letter down and stands abruptly.
“Wei Yi-”
“I just," he pauses, hiccuping as all of his efforts to hold that happy facade melt away, tears in his eyes welling instantly. “I just need a moment, Lan Zhan, it’s fine.”
His uneasy voice betrays the words leaving his mouth as he spins around and Lan Wangji hears a pitifully hidden sob escape his throat before he runs off. Reacting quickly, Lan Wangji picks up his things, stuffs the letter in his pocket, and takes off after his best friend. It’s hard to understand the extent of Wei Wuxian’s feelings sometimes because of how often he jokes, but Lan Wangji can tell when something is serious.
His heart beats wildly in his chest as he jogs outside after the other boy, coming up on an empty courtyard. Dammit. Looking around, Lan Wangji realizes that he’s likely hiding in the spot they often have lunch at when the weather is nice. It’s a quiet corner of the school that goes unnoticed by most.
Of course, when Lan Wangji arrives, Wei Wuxian is curled in the corner, quiet sobs wracking his chest as he covers his own mouth in an attempt to mute the sound. Lan Wangji’s entire body slacks, falling heavy with a weight of guilt larger than life itself.
“Wei Ying,” he lets out. His voice is soft and gentle, only audible to the boy on the ground.
He looks up at Lan Wangji, quickly wiping away his tear-stained cheeks. “Ah, Lan Zhan, um, sorry, I-”
Lan Wangji sits down next to Wei Wuxian and instantly pulls him in for a hug, lifting his smaller body into his lap. They’ve never hugged like this before, but neither of them have a moment to care as the reality of adulthood shatters their sweet bubble of adolescence. He holds Wei Wuxian until his crying calms as Wei Wuxian's hands grip tightly to his shirt as if he’ll disappear in an instant.
“I’m sorry,” Lan Wangji whispers into his hairline where he can’t help but place a gentle kiss.
Wei Wuxian shakes his head and muffles into Lan Wangji’s shirt, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But it’s the only school I applied for…”
The boy in his lap looks up at him with a fire in his eyes. “You can’t blame yourself for your uncle’s obsessive need to control your life, Lan Zhan.”
Electricity flows through his body at those words, the fire in his best friend’s eyes catching onto Lan Wangji’s soul, like a flame taking to gasoline. His blood pumps loudly in his ears and he suddenly realizes Wei Wuxian is only inches from his face, in his lap, with their arms tightly clinging to each other. The strong self-control he’s molded into himself over the years begins to crack and split apart.
He can’t stop himself this time as he looks all over Wei Wuxian’s beautiful face adorned with red-rimmed eyes and a fervency that always rages a war within him. Lan Wangji pulls Wei Wuxian up to his lips and kisses him with a passion held back for years. He hears the boy in his arms yelp into the kiss, but then melt and pushes back with equal intensity.
The world around them disappears.
There is only Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in their small, hidden corner of the school campus. Arms wrapped tightly around each other as they kiss until their lips feel numb… Right at the end of their last year of high school.
The few weeks they have left of school fly by, uncharacteristically chaotic and off-routine. There’s hardly time to see each other for more than a handful of minutes before they have to separate and rush off to their next task. Every day that Lan Wangji lives after their kiss feels like another ten pounds on his shoulders.
Not because finally letting go of his repressed feelings weighs on him, but because Wei Wuxian seems to get further from him by day the day. He knows it’s not the gray-eyed boy’s fault. Their third year has had them busy as ever, thrown into a vacuum of separate responsibilities that are all unavoidable.
One evening after their graduation has already passed, Lan Wangji receives a text message.
Wei Ying
lan zhan! are you busy tomorrow? around 11am??
His heart is frantic within the confines of his chest. He stares at the message on his phone feeling the joy of Wei Wuxian reaching out to him personally, but the pain that’s about to follow the next part of his question. Lan Wangji knows what time of year it is and he’s done a lot of research on the college that Wei Wuxian is going to.
Lan Zhan
No, I am not busy then.
Wei Ying
perfect!!! i’m gonna ask you a favor please say yes okay
Lan Zhan
Okay.
Wei Ying
you’re too sweet to me lan zhan…
would you please come to the train station with me tomorrow??
see me off?
There it is.
The crack already barely wedged into Lan Wangji’s heart splits wide open. A fissure of emotions where he had tossed his deep-seated feelings begins backing up and overflowing, flooding his heart and every part of his body. He’s so overwhelmed with the implication of losing Wei Wuxian that he feels his eyes well up with tears and the phone screen in his hands becomes blurry.
Lan Zhan
Of course. I will meet you at your house at 10:30.
Wei Ying
you’re the greatest best friend in the world!!!
what would i do with youuuu
Lan Zhan
You are the greatest best friend.
The rest of his evening is spent in mourning, although he doesn’t let anyone else know. He holes himself up in his room and sulks quietly. He knew this day was coming for quite a while, but nothing feels worse than it actually happening. This time tomorrow, Wei Wuxian will be halfway across the country and settling into his college dorm room and Lan Wangji will be preparing to get on his own train the day after that to do the same, in the complete opposite direction — effectively placing them hundreds of miles apart.
When he paces towards Wei Wuxian’s home the next morning, dread fills every step. Every clack of the heel of his shoe against the pavement haunts him further as he draws closer to the one day he’s long apprehended. It’s funny though, and strange, but when Lan Wangji sees Wei Wuxian standing on his doorstep with bags in hand, his hair blowing in the wind and a content look on his face, the dread in his soul clears.
Even if for just a moment, he feels light again, as if he were three years back in time and enjoying his days with Wei Wuxian as if they’d never end.
“Wei Ying,” he calls gently.
The boy spins around and his content expression morphs into something akin to a mixture of pain and joy upon seeing his best friend. Lan Wangji understands. Wei Wuxian drops his bags and runs to jump into his arms, clinging onto him like a koala bear.
Lan Wangji indulges the boy, hugging him tightly and nuzzling his face into his neck. He’s never been able to deny Wei Wuxian a single thing, not that he ever wants to.
“I don’t wanna,” Wei Wuxian mumbles.
“I know.”
“Make me stay, Lan Zhan.”
“You know I cannot do that.”
He feels Wei Wuxian’s body sag slightly, so he holds him closer and rubs a hand up and down his back. The other boy looks up and holds Lan Wangji’s face gently.
“I know, but… I don’t want to leave you, Lan Zhan… I-” Wei Wuxian pleads as his eyes well up.
“Wei Ying…”
Lan Wangji’s heart cracks further, seeing Wei Wuxian as broken about leaving as he feels. He can only lean forward and place a soft kiss to his lips. Their walk towards the train station feels lighter than their greeting as Wei Wuxian goes over his to-do list for when he arrives at his new school, which leads to Lan Wangji ensuring that he knows exactly where he’s going and what he’s doing when he does arrive. Since he can’t be there to help Wei Wuxian himself, he needs to be sure that he’ll be alright in his absence. They don’t discuss what contact between them will look like, if they’re going to call each other or how often they plan on visiting. That feels too heavy a subject.
As the train is set to leave and Wei Wuxian places his labeled luggage in the designated carrier containers, he turns to Lan Wangji and can’t stop the tears this time. They flow freely down his cheeks as Lan Wangji feels his own throat grow tight. Gently, he wipes his thumbs across Wei Wuxian’s wet cheeks, clearing the streaks of tears.
“You will do great,” he encourages.
“And I’ll miss you.”
They let their foreheads fall gently against the other.
“I will miss you every day that I live,” Lan Wangji replies quietly.
He suddenly remembers that he brought something along with him in his white tote bag and perks up for a moment, which catches Wei Wuxian’s attention. Reaching into the bag, Lan Wangji pulls out a slightly worn book and hands it to the other boy. Wei Wuxian’s sadness mixes with a strong nostalgia.
“The book from our first year?” he asks, looking up at Lan Wangji.
“Mn. My copy. Keep it.”
Wei Wuxian can only dive back in for a hug and hold tightly to his best friend as the train whistle blares, signaling his impending departure. Lan Wangji urges him to get on the train before it leaves without him, despite how terribly he wants to keep him all to himself.
He watches as Wei Wuxian places one foot on the train steps, then can’t stop the tears in his own eyes. He watches as Wei Wuxian hears the last whistle and holds up a hand towards him, shouting “wait right there!”, though he doesn’t plan on moving an inch. He watches as Wei Wuxian speeds onto the train, finding a spot to sit and pressing himself up against the window to see him and wave.
Lan Wangji stands firmly and watches.
They wave at each other until the train disappears out of sight and all that’s left is an empty-handed freshly eighteen year old boy whose heart is merely half of what it should be, the other half quickly speeding away on that train.
Present Time
The next week after his run-in with Wei Wuxian, time passes torturously slow for Lan Wangji as he pays careful attention to the movements next door.
It’s been far too quiet for his liking.
He knows Wei Wuxian enough to know that he hasn’t become as quiet of a person as himself just because he grew up. Every day that Lan Wangji comes home from work, he plays his TV a little quieter and moves a little slower, in hopes of catching any sounds from next door. Unfortunately for him, they are few and far between. Friday afternoon arrives and Lan Wangji worries that maybe Wei Wuxian has moved out. Perhaps the scare of seeing each other after so many years since their departure spooked him enough into running.
Lan Wangji hopes not. As he walks out of his office building for the day, he notices a group of people crowding his usual route towards home and decides to take the opposite one. Because he takes a slightly different path, he passes by a large vending machine that catches his eye.
Inside the vending machine is an array of snacks and drinks, but Lan Wangji can only focus on the cookie near the center — the same type of cookie he had received as a gift from a teenage Wei Wuxian so many years ago. He wastes no time in purchasing one and pacing home a bit quicker than before. Crossing his fingers that the man hasn’t moved out already, he approaches the neighboring door and knocks softly, three times.
No answer.
He knocks again after waiting a while and every second that the door doesn’t budge is another pound of weight on his heart. He waits and waits. Though, truthfully, Lan Wangji doesn’t feel like waiting at his door right now is much addition to the waiting he’s done the past decade, but it still is a harsh reality to handle. Just as he’s about to walk away, he hears shuffling on the other side.
A soft thud, and a mumbled “ouch!” both sound.
Smiling subtly to himself, he quickly realizes that Wei Wuxian is likely standing against the other side of the door. Reluctant to leave Wei Wuxian, he can only turn around and lean his back against the door, holding the cookie close to his heart.
Lan Wangji would wait forever if Wei Wuxian would have it be so.
There’s a lot that Lan Wangji regrets about his early adulthood decisions. Adolescence hadn't treated him well and the only light he remembers having around was Wei Wuxian himself. He could dwell on and sit in his regret, the mistakes he had made, or he could do something about what life has given him now. Because, like a miracle, the only man he has ever loved has shown up on his doorstep, and Lan Wangji would be a fool to let him get away a second time.
Straightening his back, he decidedly walks into his own apartment, searching for paper and a pen. He writes a simple note, apologizing for startling him the week prior and for everything else. He knows that words aren’t enough, but if Wei Wuxian will accept his small offering, then Lan Wangji will feel confident in counting to take hold of all he had once lost.
He paces back out into the hallway and sets the cookie and note down on the ground in front of the door. Lan Wangji feels a twinge of hope weave its way into his heavy heart.
Not expecting Wei Wuxian to be at the door any longer, he gently whispers to himself, “If you would let me in now, I would never let you go.”
The next morning is Saturday and Lan Wangji works hard to not run out of his apartment the moment he wakes to check if Wei Wuxian had taken his cookie and note. Instead, he spends his morning inside. He opens his windows to let the cool morning air in and makes fresh tea, taking some time to clean a bit and sift through more pages from his current read.
He takes painstaking efforts to keep himself holed up and give the other man some time.
Knock, knock, knock.
The sound wracks on his front door. His heart beats rapidly as he sets his book down and paces towards his entryway. When he opens it, though, there’s no one there. He can’t possibly be hearing things, right? Lan Wangji steps out into the hallway and sees no one. Inwardly sighing to himself, he turns to walk back inside when he sees a note stuck to the outside of his door:
I’m sorry for not answering the door. Will you come over for tea tonight? 7pm?
Every ounce of worry and fear wrapped around Lan Wangji’s heart unravels immediately as he sees the familiar handwriting that takes him back fifteen years. It’s a simple note with nothing else written, but it confirms to him that Wei Wuxian wants him near. It’s more than enough for him right now.
Lan Wangji’s eyes shoot up towards the watch on his wrist. 2pm.
Five more hours. That’s fine. It’s already felt like he’s waited lifetimes for a moment like this.
To his dreadful misfortune, waiting a meager five hours ends up feeling like the truest form of torture. At one point, Lan Wangji takes a walk down the street to the store in hopes to distract himself; anything to stop himself from marching across the hall and arriving far too early. His heart, constantly stirring with a feeling once laid dormant within him, feels reinvigorated. While he’s strolling the isles, he spots a familiar candy that he’s bought many times over the years.
The chewy candy’s flavor is a spicy cinnamon, one that he generally dislikes, but that Wei Wuxian always loved when they were younger.
Lan Wangji has a small bowl of the candy on his kitchen counter and another small bowl of it on his desk at work. The simple red candy has always served as a small reminder of things once lost, while also an attempt at giving himself hope for the future. How coincidental that those hopes Lan Wangji had dreamt of and pondered may soon come true... Maybe. Regardless of what may happen tonight, he feels more refreshed than he has in a long time and buys a bag of the candy before heading home.
“You came!” Wei Wuxian sounds slightly surprised when he opens his front door.
Lan Wangji’s brow furrows for only a moment. “Of course I came. You invited me.”
“Ahh, the Lans, yes. Always punctual and always polite,” he jokes.
Wei Wuxian steps to the side, allowing Lan Wangji to enter the home that now looks far more put together than it did when they first ran into each other. It seems as though he’s moving in nicely, which makes the heart in Lan Wangji’s chest pound harder as he turns to face Wei Wuxian and holds out the candy.
“I did not come just because you invited me, Wei Ying. I came because I wanted to.”
He watches carefully as Wei Wuxian’s hands move hesitantly to take the candy, but despite his slow movements, his eyes widen and smile grows.
“You… remembered,” he whispers, as if speaking to himself, but Lan Wangji responds regardless.
“Of course I did.”
His tone is resolute in his words, not leaving an ounce of space for Wei Wuxian to question his intentions. Of course, there's a piece of Lan Wangji that's pained at the possibility of Wei Wuxian taking their graduation departure as Lan Wangji leaving him or wanting to move on without him, but it pains a larger part of him that Wei Wuxian thought, for even a moment, that Lan Wangji would forget anything about him in their years apart. He knows that his younger self didn’t have as much of a choice as he would’ve liked, but he’s moved on from that now. His next move is rectification.
“Come! Come inside. I’m still moving in, so there are still boxes, but it’s going okay! I’ve been trying to be a bit quieter about it… I know you are probably used to it being so peaceful,” Wei Wuxian laughs nervously as he rants.
He walks Lan Wangji around his house and tells him about all the items he has out and where they came from. Their planned tea time turns into hours of Wei Wuxian catching Lan Wangji up on the decade of time that they’ve missed. Lan Wangji feels nothing short of pure admiration and adoration for Wei Wuxian.
He missed this. Listening. He missed hearing Wei Wuxian’s laugh and the way he gets distracted easily. He missed hearing his loud exclamations and his dramatic story-telling.
At one point, they do actually make tea. Wei Wuxian sets out options for Lan Wangji and he spots his favorite black tea. He thinks he hears the smaller man snicker behind him as he picks up his tea of choice, but he disregards the teasing with a subtle smile — Lan Wangji knows he’s a man of habit.
“Have you ever tried this green tea, Lan Zhan?” he asks, holding up a packet of tea. Lan Wangji shakes his head. “Ah, you should try it next time! It’s very good, my co-worker put me on it.”
“Mn. Next time." Lan Wangji's heart flutters at the idea of more of this. "Where do you work?”
“Aiyah! I forgot to mention! I actually moved here because of a teaching job! I teach music at the local high school,” Wei Wuxian reveals a large, shining smile on his beautiful face.
Lan Wangji’s expression softens and his heart feels ten times larger — pride, perhaps. Yes, he feels a great sense of pride knowing that Wei Wuxian really did do exactly what he had wanted to when they were younger.
“Music teacher. It suits you. I am sure it’s a lot of fun for you, Wei Ying.”
“Lan Zhaaann, don’t flatter me so much! I do love it, it’s everything I’d hoped it would be! Getting to help those kids realize that they can do it too… It fills my heart so much.”
The evening continues and the two men spend the entire time talking. They move from the kitchen to the couch, both getting comfortable as Wei Wuxian talks about everything and anything. Each time he gets excited about a story and scoots a bit closer to Lan Wangji, or pats his arm as he laughs, his heart is all the rage within his chest.
For the first time in all his life, Lan Wangji doesn’t care what time it is as the sun sets and the moon kisses the stars in the sky. He doesn’t think about his evening routine or how tired he’ll be tomorrow.
All Lan Wangji cares about right now is Wei Wuxian, and he’ll be damned if he chooses anything or anyone else over him.
The night grows quiet as Wei Wuxian seems to lose steam and their conversations come to a gentle lull. Silence between them has never been uncomfortable, and it's not now either. Wei Wuxian's legs are draped lazily over Lan Wangji's lap, their mugs of tea gone cold off to the side. Something in Lan Wangji overtakes his self-control as he glaces towards Wei Wuxian and lets his vision linger. His eyes are tired, but they're turned upward. His waist-length hair drapes effortlessly over his shoulders and his matured facial features are sharper — he looks older, it's true, fifteen years will do that to a person, but he's truly the most beautiful man Lan Wangji has ever laid eyes on.
“Come over for dinner tomorrow night,” Lan Wangji blurts out, and though his ears tint pink, he means what he says. He watches as Wei Wuxian’s cheeks bloom an equally noticeable pink and his brow twitches, waiting on the edge of his seat.
“D- Dinner? Lan Zhan, I couldn't intrude! You'll, well you'll be far too tired, right? I've already kept you up this late! I can't burden you with-” He rambles, flustered.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji interrupts. "You are never a burden to me. It'd be an honor to have you over."
Wei Wuxian's frantic expression softens and his cheeks grow pinker, sending Lan Wangji's chest ablaze. "If you're sure…?"
"I'm sure."
The very next day, Lan Wangji paces through his apartment, making sure he’s properly prepared for his guest to arrive. There’s dinner cooking on the stove, something Wei Wuxian will love and enjoy, his black cat roams calmly throughout, occasionally rubbing against Lan Wangji’s legs. Thirty minutes before the agreed upon time, he hears pacing out in the hallway.
Lan Wangji peeks out of the peephole in his door and sees Wei Wuxian pacing back and forth nervously. It makes him smile softly before opening his front door.
“Wei Ying,” he calls calmly.
The other man’s head swivels around, and he stutters, clearly being caught in a moment not intended for Lan Wangji to see.
“L- Lan Zhan! Hi! Um, I was just… getting some energy out, is all! It’s still early, though, I don’t want to inconvenience you!”
Lan Wangji shakes his head slightly and steps to the side with his door open. “You are never an inconvenience to me. Please,” he says, gesturing for Wei Wuxian to come inside.
With surprise and wonderment clear on his face, Wei Wuxian steps inside Lan Wangji’s apartment at the offer, a bottle of wine in hand. His eyes roam all over from the floor to the ceiling, observing every piece of the space before saying a single word. Lan Wangji watches softly, closing the door and walking towards the kitchen.
Wei Wuxian eventually follows, the clank of the bottle of wine touching the counter sounds gently behind Lan Wangji as he stirs the soup.
“Lan Zhan, I didn’t know you grew up to be such a chef! This smells delicious!” he exclaims.
Lan Wangji smiles, turning to face the other with a nod. Wei Wuxian steps forward to take a look at the meal being prepared. He gets close to smell the soup on the stove, not realizing his body is also equally as close to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian chose to wear comfortable clothing tonight; sweatpants and a loose shirt t-shirt that slips just enough forward to show off his collarbones.
Willing any impure thoughts away, the impassive man hums at the statement. “It’s a variation of an old family recipe.”
“Variation in what way?” he asks, turning to face Lan Zhan while leaning an arm against the counter, only a few inches of space between their bodies.
“I’ve catered it more to your taste.”
Wei Wuxian’s face lights up instantly. “For me?” He spins to smell the soup once more and Lan Wangji takes a spoon out of a drawer to scoop up enough for him to try.
Lan Wangji bends over to blow on the spoonful of soup he’s gathered, ensuring it’s a fine temperature for his guest, before holding it up for him to taste. Much to his surprise, Wei Wuxian doesn’t take the spoon from his hand. Instead, he leans close and just takes the spoon into his mouth, swallowing the soup in one fell swoop.
“This is… incredible! Lan Zhan, you made it spicy! Mmmm, it’s so delicious already,” he says.
One of Wei Wuxian’s hands holds onto Lan Wangji’s forearm as he excitedly drags on about the food they will soon eat. Whether he notices or not, the simple touch and bouts of praise from his lips cause Lan Wangji’s ears to turn a faint shade of pink.
“Mn, I'm glad you like it.”
As they chat some more, a sudden, loud meow sounds from across the room, catching both of their attentions and Lan Wangji notices that his cat looks a little on edge. He hums gently, squeezing Wei Wuxian’s hand that’s on his arm before moving to pick up his furry companion and bring him to meet the man of his affections.
Wei Wuxian’s voice grows quiet and gentle as he says, “You have a kitty! Oh, so precious.”
He pets the black cat, who although is hesitant at first, warms up to Wei Wuxian quicker than he’s ever warmed up to a person before besides Lan Wangji — which makes his heart melt.
“What’s the name?” Wei Wuxian asks.
A wave of embarrassment immediately crashes over Lan Wangji at the question. How is he supposed to tell him that he named the animal after him? Would he think that was weird? The uneasiness lasts a few fleeting moments before he looks down at those inviting eyes awaiting an answer.
“Ying.”
Wei Wuxian’s petting hand freezes. Lan Wangji is prepared for him to feel uncomfortable and see himself out, but thankfully that doesn’t happen. Wei Wuxian’s petting continues as if it never stopped and a soft, gentle hum escapes his throat. If he had any sour thoughts about the name of Lan Wangji's cat, he kept them well-hidden and to himself.
“Little A-Ying… So cute,” he says, quietly.
A timer sounds on the stove, calling their attention once again. Lan Wangji hands Ying over to Wei Wuxian, who is soaking up all of the fur-filled love, and paces towards the stove to finish and plate their dinner. As Wei Wuxian sets the cat down, he turns and is met with Lan Wangji opening the bottle of wine he had brought and pouring it into two glasses. He soon hands a glass of wine to Wei Wuxian who smirks back up at him.
“Aiyah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! To see you pouring yourself a glass of wine, I never though I'd see the day!" Wei Wuxian snickers as he takes a sip of his drink. ”I bet that old man Lan's brow is twitching as we speak!"
Lan Wangji chuckles and shakes his head, taking a sip of his own wine instead of responding. Back in high school, Lan Wangji had been adamant about alcohol being bad for the body, always turning a blind eye to Wei Wuxian sneaking drinks in the dark of the night. After finally moving away from his family, he was able to teach his adult-self how to do things like this, and found he quite enjoyed having a glass of red wine every so often.
Their meal was delightful and Lan Wangji did indeed sit through an entire hour of Wei Wuxian occasionally chuckling at the fact that Lan Wangji had set aside his own milder flavored soup while spicing up the rest for his guest.
"Hey, Lan Zhan?" He asks as their bowls are empty and bellies full. "Can we go sit in your living room? Do you have a couch? I bet it's a comfy couch! Come on."
Lan Wangji couldn't deny him and stacks up the dishes on his table before following Wei Wuxian into the other part of his apartment that's around the corner from the main area. When he turns into the living room, he catches a rare moment of silence from Wei Wuxian. It's then that he had realized he completely forgot to mention to his friend a very important piece of his life that he decided to take back for himself once he had moved away from his family.
Music.
Wei Wuxian stands next to a beautiful, sleek, white upright piano.
"Lan Zhan…" His voice is but a whisper as he looks up with his eyes rimmed red. "You started playing again?"
"As soon as I moved away. About seven or eight years ago. It was my first large purchase before a couch or TV."
Wei Wuxian laughs wetly, reaching to wipe at his nose. Lan Wangji feels a strong nostalgia as he sets his wine glass down and moves to sit on the piano bench, looking up towards Wei Wuxian.
It's a picturesque moment, one of a memory that lives within both of them: A practice room, two boys, and love.
"Can you play me something? Anything you'd like," Wei Wuxian asks hopefully.
He nods with a soft hum, placing his fingers on the keys like he does each day, but with those waiting gray eyes on him, he feels a different sense of passion than usual. His presses down on the soft pedal with his left foot and begins to play a melody that he's never played for anyone before. It flows gently between the two men, connecting them in ways that words could never — after all, music is the universal language for love and emotion.
Lan Wangji closes his eyes and allows the melody to carry him, a testament to his love for the music he creates and the passion with which he plays. He wants Wei Wuxian to know that his begging and urging to him to continue with music weren't wasteful, that they stuck with him for years afterwards and pushed him to do what he was too afraid to do on his own.
As the piece comes to an end, Wei Wuxian wipes at his eyes and Lan Wangji's heart twinges with an ounce of worry before hearing his next words.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, you son of a bitch, you did it," he lets out a breathy laugh. "I can't believe you kept up with it."
Pride settles in Lan Wangji's chest. Pride in himself for creating a better life. Pride in being able to play for Wei Wuxian again and seeing him love it.
"Did you write that? I bet you did, you're a damn genius."
"Mn, I did."
"I knew it! It was beautiful, Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian leans on the upright, staring down into Lan Wangji's eyes, a soft smile on his face. "You're incredible, even all these years later."
Lan Wangji's ears heat up and he looks away, his entire body setting ablaze at the sincere and completely unexpected compliment. The charged air around them settles and Wei Wuxian asks if he can show Lan Wangji the piano skills he had picked up in music school. Time passes and the two of them finish their wine through laughter, smiles, and music.
By the time it’s far too late, Lan Wangji basically forces Wei Wuxian to go home and get some rest, lest the following day at work feel overwhelmingly gruesome for him. Before he trails across the hall to his own apartment, Wei Wuxian spins around at the door with a tired smile on his sweet face.
“I’ll see you later?” he asks quietly.
“Of course,” Lan Wangji answers.
Wei Wuxian smiles wider, standing on his tiptoes to place a quick kiss to his cheek. Before Lan Wangji can process the small affection, Wei Wuxian is giggling as he wanders into his own home. His fingers hover over the spot where lips still ghost his skin, sending a gentle tingling feeling all over.
That night, Lan Wangji falls asleep peacefully with the sound of sweet laughter playing like a melody in his dreams.
***
Lan Wangji had never believed in luck. He hadn't from a very young age, choosing to reason with logic instead of emotions. His younger self would be astonished to know that he now feels like the luckiest man on the planet having run into Wei Wuxian that night outside their apartments.
His dull, average life with years spent regretting past decisions made by the teenage version of himself now feels like a penance served — one that’s finally coming to an end with a reward sweeter than going back in time to change those decisions. Not only had he never expected Wei Wuxian to come waltzing back into his life, but he never expected it to happen so simply.
The days feel richer, more exciting, palpable with a sticky sweetness that’s coated in gray-colored eyes and a shining smile. All of this reality coming to such great fruition over the past few weeks has felt surreal for Lan Wangji, almost to the point of disbelief. In fact, it’s all so incredible that it quickly becomes regular for him to sit at his desk, or lie in bed at night and worry that it might not last.
It’s only natural to worry.
Lan Wangji has dreamt up a million and one situations in which something similar to this would happen: Wei Wuxian would come back and everything would be great.
The problem that constantly sits in the back his mind is the fact that he is in love with Wei Wuxian. He always has been. But is Wei Wuxian still in love with him? Was he really in love with him all those years ago, or was it a fleeting teenage romance in his eyes? Regardless, he only worries that he’s getting ahead of himself. He doesn’t want the connection he has with his long lost best friend and first love to disappear over some silly miscommunication — so he definitely plans on saying something soon.
Despite his worries, Lan Wangji still looks forward to spending as much time with Wei Wuxian as possible. The two men run into each other each morning when they leave their apartments for work and often walk together as far as they can until their paths split. Lan Wangji has found himself waking up each morning, eager to see the center of all his longing affection for their morning walks.
So today, like every other morning, he slips into his shoes, grabs his work bag, and steps outside of his front door. Except this morning he notices that it’s quiet.
Maybe too quiet.
He has the urge to step over and knock on Wei Wuxian’s door, but if he’s not already out then Lan Wangji doesn’t want to bother him. Instead, he waits for longer than he normally has to, and when Wei Wuxian still doesn’t come out of his apartment, he sighs, admitting defeat before slowly pacing towards the publishing house for work.
The entire day, his mind is spent in a terrible spiral of sickly worry.
Lan Wangji is very meticulous. He puts effort into things and people he cares about, so of course, he had already gone out of his way to look up the school district calendar for where Wei Wuxian teaches to know when he would be off work, have special events, or exams approaching. With this previous research, he knows that school is not out today, so Wei Wuxian either left earlier than him or he stayed home.
He thinks back to last week when Wei Wuxian had left earlier than him one morning. Lan Wangji had walked out of his apartment with his usual aloof anticipation, but was met with silence. He waited a while and when he turned to leave, he noticed a note on his door:
I have a teacher staff meeting early this morning! Sorry we couldn’t walk together. I’ll see you later Lan Zhan! :)
Earlier this morning, there was no note. Lan Wangji melds the reality of the situation over in his mind before he finally decides to throw caution to the wind and send Wei Wuxian a text message. They don’t usually message a whole ton because they live close, but every once in a while he’ll receive a voice message or link to a video short from Wei Wuxian. The first time he was sent a voice message from him, he listened to it over and over, letting his heart grow warmer and warmer with his voice so close.
Lan Zhan
Wei Ying, are you alright? I will be stopping by when I get off work.
He sets his phone down, his heart racing, praying that his neighbor doesn’t feel like he’s overstepping for reaching out about something that might not be his business. Thankfully, his anxiety is quickly put to rest when his phone buzzes.
Wei Ying
hi lan zhan!! are you worried about me?!
i’m okay, i swear!
just resting at home bc i woke up a little sick
Lan Zhan
You're sick? I will be over in half an hour.
Wei Ying
LAN ZHANNNN it’s fiinnnneeee!
don’t worry i’m fine! it’s just a small fever, nothing big
Lan Zhan
You're sick. That is a big deal.
Needless to say, Lan Wangji doesn’t do any more work for the next half an hour. He spends a little bit of it making sure there is nothing due for reporting and then takes a walk around his office to let the department heads know he would be leaving. As he tells his employees he would be taking off early, he receives many strange looks from them all.
Naturally, he ignores them. He can’t name nor remember a time that he left early in the middle of the week like this, but he also didn’t have a reason to do so before
Now he does.
He stops by a convenience store on his way over, remembering to buy a few noodle soups that he’s seen inside Wei Wuxian’s kitchen before, as well as ingredients for a homemade meal. If he learned anything growing up, it was how to care for himself and others — he just happens to only want to go above and beyond for one person.
Lan Wangji racks three knocks on Wei Wuxian’s apartment door, but there’s no answer. His eyes flicker to the door handle and he hovers a hesitant hand over top of it. If he tries to open the door and it’s locked, nothing bad will happen, it’s fine. But if Wei Wuxian happened to leave the door unlocked then regardless of if it was for himself or not, it would leave Lan Wangji worried about his safety.
He tries the door, it opens.
His brow pinches with exasperated worry as he steps into the quiet apartment where most of the lights are off, seeming like Wei Wuxian hadn’t even stepped out of his bedroom today at all. Lan Wangji sets his things on the counter and flips on a few lights as he peaks into the ajar bedroom door.
Wei Wuxian is fast asleep in bed, sprawled out like the most beautiful starfish Lan Wangji has ever seen. The sick man’s forehead is coated in sweat, accompanied with a furrowed brow and it makes his heart twinge.
“I am here now,” Lan Wangji whispers quietly as he steps inside the room to turn the lamp off.
Wei Wuxian shuffles a little in his sleep, cuddling against the pillow beneath his head as his expression relaxes. He mumbles something inaudible in his sleep, settling, and Lan Wangji’s worried expression softens. Against his better judgment, Lan Wangji can’t stop himself from quietly walking over and placing an innocent, gentle kiss to Wei Wuxian’s head before he steps out and begins cooking a meal.
By the time Wei Wuxian wakes up, Lan Wangji had made good use of his time: a warm soup on the stove, apartment free of clutter, and a freshly drawn warm bath.
“Lan Zhan?” His sleepy voice calls.
He stands and turns to see Wei Wuxian wrapped in his blanket, the cutest sight to see.
“Wei Ying,” he says gently. “You should not leave your front door unlocked.”
Laughing nervously, Wei Wuxian explains, “Well you said you were coming over, but I was so sleepy… We can exchange house keys soon, how about that?”
“Mn. I've prepared a bath for you.”
Lan Wangji can feel his heart rage a war within his chest as Wei Wuxian nods, sleep still prevalent in his features. Leaving him to his privacy, Lan Wangji steps out of the bathroom and picks up his novel to continue reading while he sits on the couch and waits. He’s in no rush, not when it comes to Wei Wuxian.
After he had begun preparing soup for his sick friend, Lan Wangji had quickly realized that there was no way he could step away at this point. He is Wei Wuxian's to have. He’s crossed a threshold of care and attention towards Wei Wuxian that he’s finally gotten back after so many years and he can’t bear to let it go — and not only has he gotten it back, Lan Wangji has been able to nurture their connection and take his care to another level. It would take an extreme circumstance or Wei Wuxian himself shouting at him to leave for that to happen.
And even then, that might not work either.
Eventually, Lan Wangji hears the tub draining and decides to serve the soup and have it ready for when Wei Wuxian comes out into the living area. So tray in hand, bowl and cutlery accompanying it, he paces towards the couch as Wei Wuxian simultaneously steps out of his room in fluffy pajama shorts, an oversized t-shirt, his hair still wet, clad to his skin with pink tinted cheeks.
The sight has Lan Wangji completely frozen, unable to tear his eyes away.
“Lan Zhan…” he says breathlessly for a different reason than Lan Wangji's sudden breathlessness as his eyes wander around his home. “You did all of this?”
“Mn.”
“But you should’ve been at work all this time… I haven’t even been awake, you’ve been alone!”
“None of that matters. Your health and well-being is most important. Come sit.”
Wei Wuxian relents, letting his sick body sag onto the couch, opting to lie down and rest his head on a pillow. He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment when Lan Wangji eyes him suspiciously and sits next to him, gently placing the back of his hand on his forehead. Wei Wuxian’s eyes fly open, words stuck in his throat as the other man checks him for a fever.
“My hands are cold. Hold still.” He needs to make sure his fever isn’t worse.
Lan Wangji thinks about the thermometer that's in his apartment across the hall — he could go get it right now to make this all easier. But Wei Wuxian is sitting beside him right now, eyes wide and speechless; they're so close and Lan Wangji is a weak man. Without another word, he leans over Wei Wuxian’s body and gently presses their foreheads together. It feels warm, but not alarmingly hot.
Lan Wangji's heart is in his throat as he remains in that position for longer than he likely needs to, but it ends too quickly anyway and his his heart drops six feet under by the time it's over. He notices how Wei Wuxian’s breath hitches at their closeness and how his eyes remain fixated on Lan Wangji’s own. He can tell how his smaller body freezes up and how he seems like he wants to speak, but words never come — very unusual for Wei Wuxian.
It’s things like this that keeps Lan Wangji remaining tentatively wary that Wei Wuxian doesn’t feel quite the same as he does.
Satisfied that he doesn't have a fever, Lan Wangji swallows his pride and sits up, pulling Wei Wuxian along with him. “Your fever is going down. Now, eat.”
***
The days pass and Wei Wuxian’s illness vanishes without a trace. The morning he had finally gone back to work, he had promised Lan Wangji over and over again that he would make it up to him somehow, though the only response he gave was that it wasn’t necessary. Now, as the Sunday sun begins to fall in the sky and the early afternoon warmth settles on the city, Lan Wangji readies himself to go out on a walk.
When Lan Wangji opens his door, he's met with his favorite person already standing on the other side with a hand raised as if to knock.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims, a hint of nervousness in his tone, quickly clasping his hands behind his back.
“Is everything alright?” he asks softly.
Wei Wuxian rubs his neck and smiles. “Yeah! Yes, everything is great. I came by to ask a favor…” he starts. Lan Wangji waits, he’s patient. “I was craving a coffee shop experience and I haven’t had a good one yet since I moved here. Do you… have a favorite place you can show me?”
As Lan Wangji looks down at the man before him, his being fills with a warmth that can't compare to the sun. Wei Wuxian’s reddening cheeks and forward questioning always makes his heart turn over several times within his chest. It also just so happens that his afternoon has become infinitely better, so he, of course, obliges.
“I have the perfect place,” he says.
Wei Wuxian perks up and smiles wide, beginning a story about his morning as the two walk out of the apartment building together. The weather is warm, but the air feels light and sweet with Wei Wuxian walking by his side. Their shoulders brush and their elbows knock as they walk and Lan Wangji has to focus on self-control so as to not bring their hands together without warning in public.
They haven’t had a conversation yet on where they stand or what they’re doing. It’s fine, really, because neither of them are uncomfortable. Lan Wangji is in love and he doesn’t want to pressure Wei Wuxian or assume his feelings for him. He’ll tell him when he’s ready, surely.
A few blocks down from their apartment building is a small corner coffee shop that’s been here longer than Lan Wangji has lived here. It looks a little out of place among the new and shiny shops surrounding it, the sign is a bit haggard and the old brick is worn, but still sturdy. There is a healthy amount of customers inside; enough to hold a pleasant bustling murmur, but not too many to be overwhelming. It’s perfect.
Lan Wangji explains to Wei Wuxian that the family that owns the coffee shop has been running it for a few decades. In recent years, contractors and investors have tried to step in and buy out all the properties on the street and renew them into something modern and sleek. The family of this coffee shop had refused. They put up the fight of a lifetime with being taken to court in a fight for the property, but the locals ended up petitioning the courts to allow them to remain and they won. In the stressful fight for their business to remain, the owner at the time, who was the child of the original owner, had passed away, leaving the business to a young pair of siblings who have also lived here their whole lives and grew up helping around the shop.
Wei Wuxian’s eyes are aglow as they come up to the door, and his expression only grows as they enter.
“This is amazing.” His voice is quiet, in awe.
They walk to the register and a timid young man greets them. “Lan-xiansheng, good afternoon.”
“Good afternoon, Wen Ning. I hope all is well,” he greets the familiar face and then turns to Wei Wuxian for him to have his turn in speaking.
“Ah, hi! I’m Wei Ying. Your name is Wen Ning, yes? The coffee smells incredible, this is my first time here. What sizes are your cups?” He pauses and then smiles politely. “What would you recommend?”
Wen Ning smiles politely, though he looks a little startled at all the questions and it makes Lan Wangji chuckle lightly.
“Wei-xiansheng, pleased to meet you. We offer these sizes,” he holds up a few cups, “and I’m afraid my recommendations don’t always go as planned. What do you prefer?”
“Hmmm, do you have a coffee or tea with a spicy kick? If not, then just a regular coffee with a splash of milk is fine!”
Lan Wangji watches silently as they talk back and forth for a minute and the familiar feeling of letting Wei Wuxian sink into every aspect of his life settles deeper in his heart. It’s comforting and warm there, a place that he will keep only for Wei Wuxian for the rest of his existence. He then notices Wei Wuxian pulling out a wallet from his pocket.
Quickly, he places a hand over Wei Wuxian’s own, gently stopping his actions, before pulling out his own card, asking for Wen Ning to add his usual to the order, and then paying for it all.
“Lan Zhan! How could you just not let me pay for that? I ordered so many snacks!”
He only looks over at the pouting man next to him with a soft smile. “Anything you want, I will pay for.”
They find a table to sit at near the window of the shop because Wei Wuxian mentioned how he loves to people-watch. The sun lowers further in the sky and Wen Ning brings their order to them as soon as it’s all finished. Lan Wangji looks on happily as Wei Wuxian raves about every aspect of the coffee shop, from the design of it to the food. His face is full of a relaxing joy that makes Lan Wangji feel his own happiness stir within his gut.
At one point in the afternoon, Wei Wuxian is so distracted by looking out of the window that he doesn’t notice Lan Wangji sneaking his phone out to snap a picture: the golden light shines against his tanned skin, leaving him glowing and ethereal as his chin sits gently in his hand — a moment that Lan Wangji is sure to never forget.
As time goes by, and days and weeks continue to pass, Lan Wangji finds himself getting antsy when he’s not spending time with Wei Wuxian. The moments they share begin to not feel like enough and it leads to him lying awake half of the night. The absence of the comforting touches he gets from his energetic beloved almost become haunting, torturous.
One night specifically, feels particularly awful.
The two men had spent their dinner together, but it ended early because Wei Wuxian had papers to grade and lessons to plan, stubbornly insistent on not letting Lan Wangji help do his work with him — he was always helping Wei Wuxian with late-night work. He was persistent enough that Lan Wangji relented and said goodbye, leaving him alone in his apartment at the ripe hour of 7pm.
Little A-Ying finds his way into Lan Wangji’s lap as he sits in his living room with his current read in hand. Perhaps the cat can sense his anxious nerves, perhaps not. Regardless, it helps for a little while, but only that.
As he lies in bed later that night, his mind falls into a pit of worry. It’s very unlike him to wallow in his self-pity rather than do something about it, but his mind flies through flashbacks of every time that Wei Wuxian had frozen up when he’d gotten too close. Those memories are enough to keep him where he’s at; in bed, alone, with his spiraling thoughts.
He thinks about how just last week, he had taken Wei Wuxian to try his favorite local restaurant for dinner. Wei Wuxian had been mentioning how he'd love to discover the hidden gems in town, the small establishments that only the real locals know about keep in business. So when Lan Wangji had told him he knew a perfect place to show him, he was beyond excited.
They had taken a train across town to get there, and it was truly a pleasant evening. While the two were on the train going back home from their meal, Wei Wuxian full and happy, quietly muttering to Lan Zhan about how much he loved it, the train had jerked and they both shifted on the bench they sat on. Wei Wuxian's body was thrown flush against Lan Wangji's side and instinctively, Lan Wangji grasped at Wei Wuxian's waist to hold him steady. In that moment, the world around them disappeared as they looked towards each other and both froze. Neither of them moved from the probably-too-close position, but it was obvious to Lan Wangji that his hold on Wei Wuxian was likely overstepping.
So he shattered the moment, let go of Wei Wuxian, and clasped his hands together tightly in his lap.
The memory haunts him as he lies there, the clock reading a time that's long after one in the morning. He shifts onto his side when he hears a faint knocking sound. He doubts the sound is coming from his door and ignores it.
He hears the knocking again, a bit louder now.
Lan Wangji’s brow furrows as he stands to pace towards his door in the dark of the night. Only the white light of the moon shines through his open window, allowing his apartment to hold a gentle glow. When he creaks his door open, he’s surprised to see Wei Wuxian standing there in an oversized shirt that Lan Wangji had lent him weeks prior.
“Ah, you answered…” he trails off. “I’m sorry if I woke you!”
“You did not.”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen momentarily. “I didn’t? So you couldn’t sleep either…?”
He shakes his head and observes the man before him as he clasps his hands tightly behind his back, seeming hesitant on continuing what he was planning to saying. Lan Wangji waits. He waits as long as it takes for Wei Wuxian to gather his thoughts. As he does, he keeps his eyes trained on Wei Wuxian, the way he’s wearing his shirt and how big it looks on him… how it seems like he’s not wearing any pants.
“I have been having some trouble sleeping, you see. So I’m wondering,” he pauses. “Do you think maybe we could…”
Lan Wangji’s previous anxiety slides right off of him and is replaced with a gentle softness akin to what loving and being loved feels like. Exactly how he remembers feeling as a teenager around Wei Wuxian. Without a word, he takes Wei Wuxian’s hand and brings him inside his apartment. That night, they fall asleep faster than they both have in nearly a month, comfortably cuddled against each other in Lan Wangji’s bed, without a care about what this will mean when they wake up.
When Lan Wangji wakes the next morning, his heart sinks as he realizes the bed he’s in only has himself in it. Wei Wuxian is nowhere to be found. He peers around until he sees a note on the nightstand in familiar handwriting.
Thank you for last night and helping me sleep. I have to work early today so I’m sorry for disappearing
The lack of smiley faces and exclamation points in the note feels inherently worrisome to Lan Wangji, but he trusts Wei Wuxian to be honest with him when he's ready.
He carries on with his day and work as usual, trying to not let the sudden leave of his friend weigh on him too much. Much to his dismay, work ends up being terribly busy and he’s drowning in work until after hours. At one point, his brother calls him to help work through some documents. He works closely with his employees to be sure everything is in order, and he even has a meeting with the press team about a new and upcoming novel from a popular author.
All of these unexpected happenings have Lan Wangji leaving work late and just as he’s about to text Wei Wuxian, asking him what he wants for dinner, he gets a call.
“Lan Zhan!”
“Wei Ying? What's wrong?”
He can hear Wei Wuxian's slightly distressed breathing through the phone speaker, his voice shaky. He starts pacing home quicker than before. Dinner can wait.
“Come over when you get home, okay? Everything is fine… It’s fine, but I need you.”
“I will be there in ten minutes. Wait for me.”
Lan Wangji rushes home.
The sound of Wei Wuxian distressed and worried tears at his heart, pushing him to quicken his pace. Unfortunately, he completely forgot that he had read the weather forecast earlier, and it starts raining as he rushes home. By the time he’s pacing through the halls of the apartment building, he’s drenched from head to toe, but he doesn’t care. Wei Wuxian needs him and he’s going to be there.
He hasn’t heard him sound so sad and distressed since he moved in a few months prior.
Knocking on the door, Lan Wangji focuses on the ground as he white-knuckles his briefcase handle. Wei Wuxian opens the door looking exhausted, his eyes rimmed red and his hair a mess as if he’s been carding his fingers through it over and over. When he sees Lan Wangji’s state, though, he immediately worries.
“Why are you soaking wet?! You’re gonna catch a cold! Get inside,” he chides, dragging him through the door. After going to find a blanket and throwing it around him, Wei Wuxian takes a few steps back and holds a hand out. “There’s something I need to say, a- and I just need you to listen.”
“Okay,” he says, even though his pulse is pounding in his ears.
Every fear Lan Wangji has harbored since running into Wei Wuxian again resurface in an instant, leaving him no time to breathe or reason with his anxious thoughts. All he can do is focus on the beautiful man before him and brace himself for the worst.
“I love you!” Wei Wuxian nearly yells, effectively knocking the air out of Lan Wangji’s lungs. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I’ve loved you all the years we were apart. A- And I love you now! Maybe it took me a long time to realize it or maybe I was afraid you would never love me as much as I love you, but I can’t hold it in anymore and I’m sorry if that ruins things, I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.
"I never expected I'd run into you when I moved here, but I'm really glad that I did. It made my heart so happy to know you picked up piano again, I've been annoying Huaisang for weeks about how in love with you I am…” He pauses, running his fingers through his hair. "Ah, this is a little embarrassing for a thirty year old, huh? Ha ha… But even then, it's still true. I love you, Lan Zhan."
Lan Wangji is stunned, his spinning world stopping in place and nailing him to the ground where he stands. Wei Wuxian shuffles his feet and it finally brings Lan Wangji out of his haze and he quickly steps forward, capturing Wei Wuxian’s lips in a firm kiss. The warmth he vaguely remembers from so many years ago bubbles up and sits happily between the two. He feels Wei Wuxian’s muscles relax in his hold and Lan Wangji relishes in the feeling of holding him so close like this.
His lips are perfect. They’re slightly cracked, a little wet, and absolutely everything Lan Wangji could ask for. Because he’s Wei Wuxian, and he's kissing him, and Wei Wuxian loves him too.
One of his hands finds its way up to hold Wei Wuxian’s jaw, cradling his head within his palm, as if he’s holding the most precious treasure a man could find. He kisses his beloved with all of the passion of ten thousand men, wishing to whisk away all of his doubt and worry without speaking a single word. As they break apart, their foreheads touch and they both are slightly breathless.
“Not embarrassing. I love you, too.”
“Lan Zhan,” he laughs lightly. “You actually love me too?”
“Mn. I have loved you my entire life,” Lan Wangji confirms resolutely. “I'm sorry it took me this long to say it. I should've done more….”
Wei Wuxian smiles brightly and then nuzzles against his jaw. “Shh, none of that. Kiss me again.”
"As you wish."