Work Text:
He's happy for her, he really is.
It's Nya, his little sister whom he's raised since she was small; since their parents disappeared. He's been there for her ups and downs, taught her to read and write; how to swim, how to cook, worked hard to get her her first robot.
And now she's getting married.
Of course Kai's happy to see Nya get married, to know that she's found the love of her life, someone who she wants to be with for the rest of her life; but he can't help but feel like it should be him.
Not marrying Jay, hell, not even getting married; it should be him walking her down the aisle, not their father who wasn't there for all the crucial moments in her life.
Not their father who showed back up in their lives 3 years ago with a mediocre explanation and a lacklustre apology. He shouldn't be the one walking Nya down the aisle, it should be Kai.
There's still time, the wedding is in a few months, Kai could try asking Nya again, but he's hesitant. The first and last time he asked her, she got upset at him, and when she's upset, Jay gets upset and it sets off a chain reaction. Kai didn't ask again.
Now he's here, sitting alone at home, some trashy soap opera playing in the background whilst he tries to finish a custom sword design. He hasn't put pencil to paper for the last 20 minutes though; instead, he stares at the wall above the TV, thinking; simmering in jealousy.
Why?
Why his father? He was gone for 17 years of Nya's life only showing up after she's become an independent person. He doesn't deserve it, to be the one to lead Nya to the future, to send her off to her to-be husband. It should be Kai.
But he seems to be the only one who thinks that. He tried to talk to the others about it, to anyone who'd listen and they said the same thing every time.
"He's her father"
Kai scoffs to himself, what fatherly things has Ray done? Nothing, not for him, and certainly not for Nya, who would sometimes call Kai 'dad' when she was younger, and he'd have to gently explain that he's her brother, that their parents were gone, that they likely weren't coming back.
Rubbing his eyes, Kai places his sketchbook down and turns off the TV; he's not even watching, and it's giving him a headache. Leaning back against the sofa, he looks around the room, analysing the mess.
There's cups on the coffee table, so old that they've begun to stain the table beneath them. Abandoned sketches lay on the floor, covering every inch of his hideous rug; the ones under the table are clean, not crumpled up, the rest have assorted stains on them, shoe stains, crumbs from his food, drinks that have spilled, dust.
The TV stand is littered with more sketches, some scrunched up, others not; and below those papers, are even more cup stains. The pattern of papers and stains continues throughout the apartment, his bedroom, the small dining area, the kitchen, even the bathroom.
In the kitchen, dishes lay piled up next to the sink, clean but not put away; he's too lazy to do it. The fridge is empty, he can't see it but he knows it is; the last time he went grocery shopping was last week, and only because Nya came over for lunch. The pantry is just as empty, the only thing inside a sad packet of peanuts that has been there since their parents came back into their lives.
Rubbing at his eyes once again, Kai stands up, making his way towards his bedroom, sketchbook in hand once again. Not even two steps, and he's bumped into the corner of the coffee table, cursing under his breath, he grabs his toes to soothe the pain, hissing slightly when his cold fingers make contact with his skin.
It's dark, the apartment that is. Currently, it's noon on a Wednesday in Summer; but he never opens the blinds anymore, not unless Nya comes over; he's too lazy to do it.
Stumbling his way to the bedroom, he doesn't bother turning on the lights, "because of the electricity bill," he'd said as an excuse to Cole that time he came over to play some games.
Kai dumps the book on his desk, quickly shedding his clothes in exchange for his sleep pants and makes his way into the bed. Instead of napping like he planned to do, he takes his phone from his bedside table. He plans to just scroll through some videos, maybe find the inspiration he needs to finish his client's sword; instead, a notification comes through, from Nya.
Curiously, he opens it up, not having expected anything from her since she's meant to be at work currently. As he reads through the message, he feels his heart skip a beat, a small churning in his stomach.
A lunch invitation for Saturday, just him, Nya, Jay and his parents.
He's tempted to tell her he can't make it, that he's sick, but that's a dick move, and Nya wouldn't believe him anyway. He should go, it's for his sister after all, for her wedding, her future; but Kai doesn't think he can spend more than 30 minutes in the same room as his parents, listening to them drone on about their lives as if they didn't miss 17 years of Kai and Nya's lives. As if Kai didn't have to raise his sister and himself with a little help here and there from their neighbour Susie.
Kai couldn't do it, can't do it.
But he will, for his sister, for Nya.
So he says yes, then throws his phone on the floor, tucking himself into bed and going to sleep.
✦•······················•✦•······················•✦
Saturday comes by a lot quicker than Kai would have liked.
The rest of the week had been unremarkable; he'd shown his client the sketches he'd finished after he woke up, she liked them. He'd then gone for lunch the next day with Skylor, who'd tried cheering him up, noticing his foul mood. Yesterday, he'd gone in to the workshop to begin making his client's sword; he may be lazy in regards to his own life, but he cares about his work.
Kai had thought that being lazy would make Saturday take longer to arrive, but alas, it did not.
So now he stands in front of Nya and Jay's house, a hastily made pie in hand and adorning his cleanest shirt, wrinkled but smelling of rose petals and soap. He's been stood in front of the door for multiple minutes now, hesitating to knock. Just as he's thinking of turning back and shooting Nya an apology message, the door opens to reveal Jay's unimpressed face.
"I've been watching you stand there for 5 minutes, it was getting pathetic." Jay says, moving aside for Kai to come in.
With the door now open, face to face with his future brother-in-law, Kai would feel like an asshole for leaving now.
He doesn't wait for Jay and makes his way towards the dining area, plastering a smile on his face, knowing what awaits him.
As expected, his moth- Maya was helping set the table whilst Ray finished making his 'famous stew'. A bit heavy for lunch but Kai didn't say anything, not wanting to start an argument so early in the day.
A forced smile on his face, he lets out a greeting, drawing the attention to him and his pie.
"Hey, how are you guys?" He asks, purposely not using names, not wanting to call Maya and Ray, Mum and Dad.
"Kai!" Maya exclaims, coming in for a hug.
Kai awkwardly hugs her back and says nothing. He then turns to Ray, offering him a nod and smile; it doesn't reach all the way up, but Ray wouldn't know anything about his smile, he wasn't there.
Ray doesn't say anything, seeming to understand that Kai isn't interested in small talk. Before Maya can say anything else, Jay comes in from behind Kai, hand coming up to clap his shoulder in a proper greeting. He smiles brightly at everyone, purposefully ignoring the tension.
"Let's eat since we're all here now!"
The others let out sounds of agreement and the group moves to the table, Nya taking Kai's pie from his hands and placing it with the other desserts.
Much to his chagrin, Kai ends up seated between Ray and Jay, and the circular shape of the table meaning that he's forced to look at Maya every time he looks up.
Luckily for him, nobody pays any attention to him as they start eating, clearly finishing up their conversations from before he walked in. Ignored, Kai stirs Ray's stew, watching his own reflection in it.
It tastes the same as when he was younger. Nya wouldn't remember, she didn't eat a lot of solid foods yet, but Kai does. He remembered the first time he tried the stew; the way that the beef melted on his tongue, the ginger and garlic taste, the chunks of carrot and potato, sometimes the potato was replaced with parsnip; but it was delicious every time. Kai remembers he'd fake sick just so Ray could make the stew, he probably didn't believe Kai was sick, but he never questioned him, he always made the stew anyway.
The first time Kai tried to replicate the stew, he was 8, it had been a year and 3 months since his parents had disappeared, their neighbour Susie had been appointed their legal guardian 5 months prior, but said she'd leave them to their own devices if they wished. Susie had helped with the groceries and put them away for Kai, offering to cook their dinner; Kai being confident he could replicate Ray's stew had said they'd be fine. Susie was reluctant but left, saying she'd be back in the morning to take them to school.
It was a disaster.
The vegetables weren't cut to the right size, some were to small, whilst others were too big. The beef was the wrong cut for the stew and ended up chewy, the soup itself had a burnt aftertaste to it, likely due to letting it simmer for far too long. To top it all off, Kai had spilled half of it onto his leg when trying to get the pot down from the stove. He didn't cry, not wanting to worry Nya or alert Susie. Instead, he'd cleaned up the burn as best as he could, served the rest of the stew in some bowls for Nya and himself, then sat down to eat, ignoring the burning sensation coming from his leg.
He never made the stew again.
Looking at his reflection through the stew, he feels the phantom pain from the burn pulsing, begging him to give it attention; he almost does, left hand reaching down for his calf when he feels a nudge coming from his right. Looking up, he finds everyone staring at him and Jay, at his right, giving him a pointed look.
He clears his throat, "Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?"
Kai doesn't know who spoke, but he;s not about to reveal his lack of attention.
Maya smiles at him softly, "That's alright sweetheart. We were just wondering what you've been up to. You don't call"
Kai feels a stab of guilt but pushes it down; he's not going to feel bad.
"Uh, just here and there," Kai replies. "Mostly just working"
And sleeping, but he omits that detail.
Nya narrows her eyes at him, "And? Is that all?"
Kai sighs, rubbing at his temple, "Uh, I'm making a sword"
As blacksmiths themselves, Ray and Maya perk up, firing questions at him. Kai answers their questions in a clinical fashion, not saying too much, but not too little either; they seem satisfied with his answers, Nya and Jay too.
"Are you and uh, Skylor, was it? Are you still together?" Ray asks, changing the topic.
Kai looks down at the stew again, not saying anything for a moment.
"No, we broke up 2 years ago. Remember?"
The room goes silent, awkwardness hangs in the air. Skylor and Kai hadn't exactly been quiet about the breakup; it was loud, kind of messy, but they eventually fixed things, Skylor becoming Kai's best friend and most trusted confidante.
"Right, sorry son."
Kai flinches involuntarily at the word son, Jay inhaling sharply at his right. It's been this way since they came back; the flinching every time one of them called Kai their son, he wasn't. He didn't consider himself their son the same way he didn't consider them his parents, not anymore.
"Kai"
He looks up, meeting Nya's eyes and making an effort not to turn to Ray. She looks miffed, clearly upset that he's still got the flinching habit 3 years later. The two have a silent conversation, just with their eyes before Nya eventually speaks up.
"It's been 3 years."
Kai looks at Nya, unsure what face he's making, but clearly it's not a good one, seeing as her face furrows in anger.
"You might not remember life before they left, but I do."
Ray attempts to speak up but is cut off by Nya.
"They didn't leave Kai. They were held hostage for 17 years! You can't hold it over Mum and Dad's heads forever"
"Yes I can!" Kai shouts, standing up. "They chose their job over us!"
Nya stands up too and the peace that had been present disappears in a flash.
"They were threatened! They left to protect us, to make sure that we'd be alive to even have a stupid argument like this." Nya counters
"Stupid argument?" Kai asks lowly. "Whether it was for the good of humanity or for our sake, they still left us, a 4 year old and a 7 year old to raise ourselves and hope we don't become some giant fuckups."
Ray stands up now, "Kai!"
Kai rounds on him, "You don't get to say anything! Nothing you say could make up for anything you've done — or rather, haven't done."
He takes a breath, hands flying up to his hair to ground himself.
"I was 7. I was 7 and having to take care of and raise my baby sister. Sure, we had Susie, but what about when we didn't? Hm? When Susie wasn't there to help us cook and clean and do laundry, who the fuck do you think did all that? I did!
I cooked us breakfast lunch and dinner. I cleaned the house, every fucking inch! I did our laundry, barely knowing how to operate the washing machine. I changed Nya's diapers. I potty trained her. I taught her to read and write, whilst I was learning to read and write. I skipped school to sit at the corner of some street, pick pocketing some poor fuck so I could buy Nya the latest Barbie or gadget or whatever the fuck she wanted. Me! It was all me!"
He's heaving by the end, hands balled into fists at his side. He vaguely feels Jay's hand on his arm, a gesture of comfort but he shrugs him off. He'll apologise later, probably.
"I raised Nya. I raised her, and I raised myself, and then you come back and expect everything will be fine? It sucks that you were held hostage, that you lost 17 years of your life to some sick fucks. Okay? That sucks, but you know what else sucks? Not having parents, not having someone I can look up to for guidance. At least Nya had me, I had no one. I'm more of a father than you could ever hope to be, Ray."
Kai turns to Nya, unshed tears in his eyes, "I should be the one walking you down that aisle, not him."
Nya's eyes widen, "Kai-"
He doesn't stop to listen, grabbing his keys and making his way to the front door. Kai hastily toes his shoes on and runs out, not looking back.
Call him selfish, but Kai can't accept that Ray is walking Nya down the aisle. It should be him, the one who raised Nya, the one who was there.
He drives off, moving on autopilot, unaware of what his destination is, not until he finds himself back at his apartment complex parking lot.
He doesn't get out straight away, instead placing his head on the wheel, harsh, shallow breaths coming out in quick succession. his blunt nails dig into the steering wheel, pulling at the already precariously dangling leather.
Kai's not mad at Nya, he could never be mad at Nya; but he's frustrated. It's a minor thing, it's not his wedding, it's not a big deal, and he's probably being an ass, but he can't help it. It should be him, not because Nya owes him anything, but because Ray doesn't deserve it. He'll never deserve it, even if Nya were to get married 20 years from now; Ray still wouldn't deserve to walk Nya down the aisle.
Why doesn't she understand?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Maybe he's bitter, maybe he's upset that he couldn't reconnect with his parents; that he can't forgive them, even knowing the circumstances for their disappearance, knowing they left to protect them. He tried, but as guilty as he felt about it, Kai couldn't forgive his parents. He couldn't forgive them when they came back, not now and he doesn't think he ever will.
His leg burns with phantom pain, a reminder of his failure all those years ago; a reminder that he persevered. His hand reaches down to cup at his calf, an attempt to soothe the pain and finally, the tears he hadn't let fall for the past 3 years finally do, in the driver's seat of his shitty car outside his shitty apartment.