Chapter Text
I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone
I long for that feeling to not feel at all
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim
He knew she was scared. Saw it in her eyes that were filled with haze and glimmer whenever their eyes met. She watched him cautiously, taking deep breaths and standing straight because it was him. She never looked at someone the way she was looking at him. She was a deer caught in a bright flash of light, stunned and petrified. The way she reacted like this gave Sebastian Sallow his dose of superiority and dominance. He could break her, if he wanted to. Except, it would mean he’d break himself in the process; ruin completely, leaving just ashes of who he used to be.
When they were sixteen, he cast Crucio on her. She forgave him for such a necessary measure and earned a scar along her ribcage - a reminder of her trust in him. A reminder that sometimes things don’t have to go the right way.
Then again, when they were sixteen, she also saw him killing his uncle, the green flash forever haunting her in her dreams, because since then she never dared to use it, despite him teaching her the incantation.
She stayed with him after all these disastrous years, and Sebastian wondered if she did it because of fear. Fear of him, of what he can do, of what he had become. A shadow of a bright boy who always fought the authority but never himself.
Sebastian Sallow became the version of himself he was always supposed to become; it was just a matter of time. He knew welcoming the darkness was the right decision.
The darkness in him was shining brighter than any star in the night sky. The feeling was so suffocating and blinding that Sebastian almost drowned in the ocean of his emotions and of the power he gained by accepting the darkness within him.
Perhaps, to some degree, he was afraid, too. Not of what he had to embrace, but losing her - the only light in his darkness that guided him. His guiding star. She knew that, too. She couldn’t blame him for his choice - because it was his. She accepted him - loved him - surrounded by his darkness, but never allowing it to consume her. She was stronger than that.
Sometimes he wondered if she had told anyone about what had happened for the past three years. They were so young yet so broken. How could a teenager carry so much weight on their shoulders? How could she keep it all to herself for all these years? Why didn’t it destroy her? Was her ancient magic the reason behind her stoicness and undying loyalty? The ancient magic changed her, too. She was just too stubborn to dive deeper into the chaos and let the magic control her. She was still cautious around it, but after all these years, her ability to see traces of ancient magic was so rare that both of them thought Aliria had lost her power. Except he could still see the glimmering glow in her eyes, hidden behind her green forests. She had to learn to control it from the very beginning, and so far, she has managed.
Sebastian knew that he could teach her how to control the force of ancient magic. Just like he controls the darkness in him.
“We can move to London,” Aliria suggested when they were studying in the undercroft. Sebastian hummed at her suggestion.
“They’ll find out.”
“It’s not like they are going after you once you graduate, Sebastian,” that annoyed voice again. “You are being paranoid.”
“I don’t want them to give a reason to look for us,” he reminded Aliria, looking up from his parchment. “If they find out the truth about my uncle - and let me remind you that you were also there - guess who they’d come to first?”
“Anne.”
His sister was cured. A miracle happened, Anne believed, but Sebastian knew it was because of the relic. Because of what he did with this relic. He was relieved to see Anne coming back to life - her rosy cheeks and shining eyes, hands warm and soft - but he hadn’t heard from her for almost two years. He never had the guts to visit Feldcroft - not after he was practically banished from his own home, his family, his roots. Sebastian watched it from afar sometimes. To make sure he remembers the place no matter how much he hates it, because it will always be associated with Solomon Sallow and their lethal fight. That place made him change into the monster he was now.
Sebastian made a decision with a heavy heart. He remembers screaming and crying because of how much it hurt - but he knew it was for the better. If anything, it was for Anne - and he would do anything to protect his twin, even if it hurts him like hell.
“Do you think she would do it?”
Sebastian didn’t know the answer to this question. He wanted to believe his wonderful twin wouldn’t betray her only brother, the one who raised hell and walked on uncharted territory to save her, risking everything and everyone. Anne was alive and recovering, Merlin knew for how long, but would she throw it all away like nothing happened?
“Even if she would, I don’t blame her.” Sebastian looked at Aliria, who was watching him carefully, reading him and his aura. She smiled sadly at his words. “I don’t want to pressure her into believing it was the only way of saving her, because she wouldn’t believe me even if that was true. She doesn’t understand what I did. Doesn’t know the price I paid for her to survive.”
“She does,” Aliria got up to her feet and approached Sebastian slowly. He moved and opened his arms for the girl to sit beside him. “You may be twins and share a special connection, but she sees it differently than you do. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you- she’s just… she needs time. She needs time to get used to who you are now.”
“She’s scared of me,” Sebastian almost growled, playing with Aliria’s loose strand of hair. Then, he pulled away and looked at her, staring right into her glassy green eyes. “Are you?”
Sebastian quickly learned that being a dark wizard comes with a price. You play with fire - you get burned. This is the price you pay for meddling with the power that wasn’t made for a sixteen-year-old student. Would it hurt less if he were to tame it when he was older? Maybe now, at eighteen, he would be more aware of the responsibility he acquired from allowing the dark magic to consume him? Would he still need to make a sacrifice of losing everyone and carry the burden of becoming a dark wizard at such a young age? He will never know, but one thing he knew for sure - for some reason, Aliria McLeary was still with him.
She could still touch him without being disgusted by what he had become. She would still talk to him, look him in the eye, that were so much darker since the first time they looked at each other. She was braver than Sebastian thought, and he couldn’t stop admiring that in her. Perhaps it was because of her own burden that she carried on her fragile shoulders. They were both outcasts, forced to hide whatever magic was flowing through their veins, forbidden and destructive.
“You know I’m not,” she was honest, like she always was, but he didn’t comment on the way her breath hitched when she said that. “You can trust me, Sebastian. I’m with you. Always.”
He knew. It was their unspeakable rule of friendship and companionship.
Trust each other blindly and follow each other, no question asked, wands at the ready.
Sebastian sighed in relief when Lyra leaned into him, and he kissed her temple, a nasty feeling forming inside his gut. Whatever comes next, they are both standing on shaky ground. While they are still at Hogwarts, no one would harm them. Ominous made it very clear - the Headmaster will never find out what the three of them did, with Salazar Slytherin’s scriptorium and the relic. But once they graduated, they became an easy target for those who knew how to collect evidence and ask questions. They must find a perfect place where both of them could feel safe, if only for a couple of months. After that, they’d have to decide what to do next and how to survive the witch hunt the Ministry would undoubtedly start on wizards with a shady past.
It wasn’t Sebastian’s paranoia. It was a strategy, and he had to plan this through to make sure they had a head start. He once promised to protect Aliria. He meant every word he said back then, promising to give her shelter whenever she needed. He kept his promise. The undercroft was a place she could hide in whenever she needed, with or without him. He expected the same from her.
He trusted her, but a deep growling voice at the back of his mind always questioned if she was loyal to him on a deeper level. Would she die for him if he asked her to? Would she join him in his madness and let the dark magic consume her, too? Would it be a tragedy if her ancient magic merged with his dark one, uncontrollable and lethal? Would she turn away from the light and embrace the void if he told her to do that?
Lyra followed him everywhere. Forbidden forest, the scriptorium, caves with insects and trolls, and ashwinder camps. He didn’t have to doubt her devotion, yet there was something he had to double-check - triple check - before they take another step in their relationship.
She was his best friend, and he loved her fiercely, to the point where he would do anything to protect her, like he did with Anne. He would die for her.
Would she?
“Sebastian, what’s wrong?” Lyra asked when he pulled away, looking at her with the darkest eyes, hypnotizing and hungry. The stare everyone would get when Sebastian was angry, but to her, it was never the case.
“You are with me,” he repeated her words. Aliria nodded, not quite following him. “That means that whatever happens outside Hogwarts, you would do as I say.”
“Nothing is going to happen, Sebastian.”
“But if there is,” he interrupted her, “you must promise me we’ll be together, side by side, like we were since the fifth year.”
“I thought it was obvious,” Aliria pulled away from him, slightly offended at what he was implying. Didn’t he trust her? “We promised each other just that, and nothing has changed. Have you ever questioned my devotion to you? Sebastian, I love you - and I mean it.”
“What if… what if I tell you to run away? Save yourself and leave me behind?”
Aliria blinked, trying to decode the riddles Sebastian was talking in. She wondered if the dark magic was speaking for him. Whatever shadow of a young man he kept by his side was controlling his mind and twisting whatever was left of his innocent self. She wondered if this was a test. A test she was prepared for, because whatever Sebastian suggested was discussed years ago.
“Leave you?” Lyra cupped Sebastian’s face affectionately. She could see him relax under her touch. “That’s not how it works. We made a promise, Sebastian.”
“Promises can be broken.”
“Do you really think so poorly of me?” The Hufflepuff scoffed as she stood up from her place beside Sebastian, pacing back and forth. “After everything I’ve done for you? I lied for you; I never told anyone what happened in Feldcroft! I had to keep an eye on Anne because you asked me to! Like a goddamn spy!”
He grabbed her hand instantly, pulling her back down. Her own mind was betraying her, dragging her into the depths of the darkest memories and he must stop her from going downhill from there.
“I know, sweetheart,” Sebastian panicked for a moment, the grip on her arm getting stronger. She winced but didn’t yank her hand away. His voice was shattered, and he sounded more like the Sebastian she knew and fell in love with in the first place. Lost and broken boy who wanted nothing more than a friend. “I know, and I am infinitely grateful you did all of that, because without you, I’d be locked in Azkaban if not worse - dead. I did this because I love you - and always will. Who else can I trust if not you?”
“Ominis-”
“Ominis turned his back on me since that damn day I went to the catacombs and murdered Solomon - we barely had a word since that day. He is avoiding me. But you…”
Sebastian stood up and closed the distance between them, holding Aliria’s hands in his, twining their fingers. He knew it worked on Lyra - when he was so close to her, eye-to-eye contact, their faces inches apart; he could feel her fresh perfume, breathing in the scent of mint. Drinking it in, letting it intoxicate his system, haze his brain until he couldn't feel a damn thing - only her.
She became soft under his touch and affection. Whether they kissed or held hands, she became his personal voodoo doll. Submissive and compliant. The look of love in her eyes never disappointed him, a reminder that Sebastian did everything right. He knew she liked it; she enjoyed being held and taken care of - because Sebastian knew she couldn’t be tough and strong all the time. Aliria McLeary was his, something he would brag about to whoever asked him if he was courting someone. They never expected it to be the Hero of Hogwarts, but for some, it made sense. The rule of opposite attraction was solely made for Aliria and Sebastian, and both of them were mad about each other.
“You know I’d kill for you,” his voice above a whisper, but Aliria could hear him. Just like she could hear her heart pounding in her ears. Thump, thump, thump. Faster and faster and faster. She nodded, clutching their hands to her chest so he could feel her racing heartbeat too. “I would die for you.”
“No,” the redhead sighed and leaned to embrace Sebastian, holding him close. Afraid to lose him. Afraid he’d vanish into thin air, and all of this is simply her hallucination. “You don’t say that.”
“This is the truth you have to accept. Because I know, deep down,” Sebastian kissed the top of Aliria’s head, breathing in the scent of her vanilla shampoo. “You would do the same for me. Would you?”
Lyra pulled away from Sebastian, looking in the dark void of his eyes, immediately drowning in them. They had a lot going on between them, sharing secrets they didn’t tell anyone because it was the sacred ground no one could walk on. The vows they made to each other each year grew more and more serious, from innocent ones to blatantly disturbing. They made Aliria worried, but Sebastian was ever so calm and collected - a completely different person from the one Aliria met three years ago. This Sebastian was a shadow of that lost and lonely boy who fought the war of his own, the boy who desperately needed allies and friends. No longer a boy - a man, who knew what he wanted and always got it, no matter what. She would hide behind him in the most terrible battle and let him control the pace of the war they were both in.
Aliria loved both of them. She found comfort in that young Sebastian, when he had stars in his eyes, that sweet boyish smirk she fell in love with. Older Sebastian offered Aliria more - more of everything;
Protection, dedication, love, stability. She was enamored by him, lost in the young man whose hands were covered in blood, Unforgivables on his lips. Yet, she didn’t dare to give up on him. He didn’t give up on her. Why would she betray him like that? She didn’t mind his darkness and learned to live side by side with it.
Sebastian pulled away his wand, and Lyra watched as he traced a shape on his palm, blood dripping on the floors of the crypt.
“The blood pact,” Aliria exhaled, feeling her own palm ache as she watched Sallow attentively. “Sebastian - this magic, it’s very…”
“Dark,” he interrupted her before she dared to say what was on her mind. He grinned - viciously, like the dark wizard he was. Manic and seductive. “You know me, love. Once we seal the deal, it’s forever. Till the day we die, or if we are lucky to live long enough to see the world collapse. Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me, Ali? I know what I am doing. Fully aware of it. I want to be with you - always. Do you?”
“Of course,” Lyra grabbed her own wand, whispering an incantation. She winced at the slight sharp pain in the middle of her palm. Then, she looked at Sebastian, stepping closer and kissing his cheek. “With or without it, Sebastian. You don’t need a blood pact to remember it. To know that I adore you.”
He smiled.
“I know.”
He closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a kiss, as soft as their first one was - it was gentle and languid, just a glimpse of hesitation before she parted her lips and let him in, sealing the deal they were making. Not out of fear. Out of love. She moaned into his mouth, feeling dizzy as he deepened the kiss, just to pull away for a moment to kiss her cheek, then go lower to her neck, kissing the spot that always made Lyra lose her mind and legs tremble. Sebastian knew her well; he knew how to make her go soft, how to make her do what he wanted to, how to make her his. He smiled into the kiss, breathing in the scent of her silky flesh - warm hint of oatmeal cookies and lemon zest invading his nostrils.
He placed his other hand on her waist to pull her closer, almost merging into her body, while his palm touched hers, fingers twined, and their blood mixed. Merlin, if Sebastian could completely dissolve into her - he would. He never could express how much he loved her, and how much she meant to him - there weren’t enough words to explain how important she was. Besides, it was always easier for him to show her - long kisses and tight embraces, his lips on her collarbone as Aliria let out a shaky breath. They never went too far, but such moments were their own forbidden fruit.
Sebastian pulled away, looking at their palms - dark and ancient magic forming a dubious alliance. A promise none of them would be able to break, even if they wanted to.
A moment so intimate that Aliria felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes, watching it too, holding onto Sebastian’s shoulders for dear life, flushed and breathless from snogging. A delicate vial manifested beside them - a manifestation of their undying loyalty and strong connection. The blood of two people who met at the right time, right place, and decided to never let go of each other, because somehow both of them realised they can’t live without one another nor they want to.
Sebastian grabbed the vial and conjured it to the form of a pendant for her, with as much power as the one he’d worn himself.
“I love you,” Sebastian cupped Aliria’s face as he kissed her forehead and wrapped a pendant around Lyra’s neck. She sighed in content and wrapped her arms around his waist, listening to his heartbeat - steady, confident, clear. For once, he was at peace.
“Always.”