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“Come on, Riddle-kun!” Cater gestures excitedly. “Get in the picture!”
Riddle feels an exasperated expression form on his face as he crosses his arms. “Cater. Is now really the time for this?”
For some reason or another - Riddle had attended the Housewarden meeting, but Crowley did not prove to be a useful source of information, as usual - the power in all of the dorms had gone out this morning. This didn’t prove to be a problem for Heartslabyul during the day; their water is provided by magic, and all other facilities can be found in the main building of NRC.
However, now that night has fallen upon the dorm, the inside of the Heartslabyul dorm has become pitch-black, with the exception of the moonlight shining through the windows. When Riddle informed Crowley of this setback, he gave Riddle a bundle of candles and told him, “Good luck!”
So now, an hour later finds Riddle - along with the rest of the Heartslabyul students - huddled together in the hallways. Riddle himself is sitting on one of the stairs along with Cater, Trey, Ace, and Deuce. They had worked together to place the candles on the ground along the wall so that the whole hallway was illuminated adequately.
“To be fair, we’re not doing anything at the moment,” Trey shrugs, chuckling when Riddle directs his incredulous look at him. “Come on, Riddle. Cater is good at taking pictures.”
“It’s my specialty!” Cater confirms with a cheeky smile.
Riddle clicks his tongue but doesn’t argue as Cater pulls his phone out, holding it into the sky as he says, “Smile!”
Ace, to Riddle’s left, does his signature heart pose, while Deuce awkwardly waves at the camera. Trey is giving a charming smile, and Cater is holding up a ‘peace’ sign. Riddle himself simply crosses his arms and does his best to give a smile. It comes out small, yet genuine.
Looking at the scene now, one would have never guessed that they would come to this point, especially after the disaster that was the beginning of the year. Now that Riddle has the privilege of foresight, he often finds himself wondering why something of that nature hadn’t happened earlier.
He turns to Ace. The redhead first year stands up from where he’s sitting to walk over to Deuce, intentionally knocking him over as he sits down next to his friend. From there, the two get into their usual song and dance of pretending to hate each other, until they finally settle down and start laughing at something on their phones.
Riddle owes so much to these two. It was Ace and Deuce - along with Yuu and Grim, the ever-present Ramshackle students that Riddle’s card soldiers love so much - that helped Riddle see what he was doing wrong. If it wasn’t for - and Riddle still can’t believe he’s saying this - Ace stealing the tart that night, Riddle might not have ever come up from his tyrannical reign over the Heartslabyul dorm.
In a twisted way, Riddle owes his life to those four. By breaking the rules, they set him free.
…It’s hard for Riddle to wrap his head around it, even now, months later. But whenever he is inclined to have a session of self-reflection, it’s easier to use facts. Apply the knowledge he learned to his own situation.
Abuse. Verb; to treat one with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.
Loop. Verb; cause to play or execute.
Cycle of abuse. A theoretical framework describing the act of an abuse victim carrying out the same abuse to someone else.
And now, to plug in the variables.
Riddle’s mother’s treatment of Riddle: abuse.
Riddle adopting his mother’s mindset: loop.
Riddle treating Heartslabyul like…
Riddle treating the students that he was supposed to lead like…
…
Shame. Noun; a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Riddle’s thoughts of himself: shame.
“Oi, Housewarden.”
Riddle is brought out of his thoughts by an elbow nudging his bicep. He turns to Ace, who had made his way back to his original spot on Riddle’s side at some point while Riddle had been stuck in his head.
Ace raises an eyebrow. “Housewarden, are you good? That’s, like, the fifth time I’ve called you.” His tone is blasé, as if uncaring of whatever Riddle has to respond, and Riddle almost takes it at face value; after all, why should Ace care about Riddle? Riddle had tried to kill Ace. Why Ace ever decided to stay in Heartslabyil - to stay with Riddle - is beyond him. So of course he doesn’t actually care about Riddle’s wellbeing, right?
But Riddle knows Ace more than that.
It had taken him some time to peel behind the layers and layers of carelessness, and aloofness, and icy nature that is Ace’s outward person, but when Riddle had, what he found was kindness.
It isn’t the conventional type of kindness, but then again, no one at Night Raven College is ‘normal.’ No, Ace’s kindness is that he speaks with his actions.
Ace had fought Riddle’s Overblot to save him. He had eaten Riddle’s tart, accepting him again. He respected Riddle.
So despite his sharp words and uncaring attitude, Riddle knows that Ace cares. And so, he’s able to take Ace’s words for what they truly are: worry.
“Yeah, you seem upset.” A new voice joins the conversation, this time belonging to the boy on Riddle’s other side.
Deuce is staring at Riddle with blatant worry plastered on his face. “If anyone made you upset, we’ll take care of ‘em, Boss!” He then coughs, his ears reddening. “I mean…Housewarden Rosehearts.”
Deuce, unlike Ace, is much more upfront with all of his feelings. With Ace, it’s like a guessing game of what he’s feeling unless he’s in the mood to let Riddle know directly (memories of the duel flash through his mind).
But with Deuce, he’s always been clear about what he feels. He’s not good at lying, and he doesn’t try to; his expression is always open, whether his feelings are positive or negative.
That doesn’t mean he’s less than Ace in any way; just different. Deuce is so open, and outspoken, and loyal.
Riddle had known loyalty, back during his tyrannical reign. No Heartslabyul student had ever even thought of disobeying him, and Trey and Cater had been his right and left hand men. He had inspired fear in all of them, knowing that it would be the easiest way to gain their submission.
…But Deuce. Deuce isn’t loyal to Riddle out of fear—his loyalty stems out of care. He cares about Riddle, and he’s open about it, just like he is about everything.
If Deuce catches a whiff of someone disrespecting Riddle, he’s always quick to engage. He takes Riddle’s advice with his homework seriously, treasuring Riddle’s words as if they’re worth more than gold. He’s always keeping an eye out for Riddle, somehow able to spot whenever Riddle is feeling off.
Like now. As Riddle looks into Deuce’s eyes, trying to find the tiniest hint of fear within them, his search turns up barren. The only thing that Riddle can detect in Deuce’s eyes is care.
Riddle swallows. “I am merely…tired.” He says this carefully, and it’s not untrue; this inconvenience has only highlighted the lack of sleep he had last night. Even sitting down now, he feels the familiar dredge of exhaustion threaten to take over his mind. He’s been pushing it away - a skill he has long since mastered - but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still there.
“Don’t worry, Riddle-kun!”
Riddle’s attention is captured by Cater, who is shooting him a confident grin. “We’ll be out of here in no time, just you wait!”
At Cater’s side, Trey nods. “Cater’s right. As much as I have my…doubts about Headmage, he wouldn’t let us stay in these circumstances.”
Ace snorts. “Wouldn’t he?”
”Ace,” Deuce admonishes, though from the look on his face, he doesn’t completely disagree with Ace–he likely just doesn’t want his friend to be caught disrespecting the Headmage.
If Riddle were a lesser person, he would roll his eyes. No one respects Headmage Crowley, so it’s not like he would punish Ace.
The banter settles something in Riddle’s chest, and he takes a moment to study his two upperclassmen.
Trey. Cater. The two students that Riddle trusted. And even though they betrayed his rules, they hadn’t betrayed him.
Despite how common sense would dictate for them to save themselves, they decided to stay and fight Riddle’s Overblot, alongside the four first years. A foolish choice by all accounts–except it was their foolish choice that saved Riddle from the shackles of the Overblot.
And from the shackles of Mom, a voice in Riddle’s head whispers. And suddenly, Riddle is at ease.
The step he’s sitting on is firm and is starting to grow uncomfortable the longer he sits. He’s awkwardly squished between Ace and Deuce to give students space to walk past them. Riddle’s knees are pulled close to his chest, and if he were to try and stretch them out, he’s sure he would hear a disturbing pop.
And yet…
Home. Noun; a state of being where someone feels a profound sense of belonging, comfort, and connection
Right now, Riddle is surrounded by his four most loyal card soldiers. And so, despite all the physical discomfort, and the irritation at Crowley, and the slight chill that’s come from the lack of electricity–
He feels content.
He feels at home.