Chapter Text
Luz waved goodbye to her mom, trying to look like she was happy to be sent off to camp for the summer. As her mama disappeared from view, her smile fell. She looked down at the pamphlet in her hand for what felt like the hundredth time since her mama told her she was going for her "own good".
She rolled her eyes and groaned to the sky. Why did she bring the fireworks to school? That was most definitely the reason she was being forced to go to this stupid camp, and definitely not because of the numerous other reasons. Like the Juliet audition incident, the taxidermy incident, the snake incident, and the... cheer... squad... incident. All teens were a little troublesome, right? She clenched her hands into fists. She knew that she caused a few more incidents than other teens, but hers weren't even that bad!
She looked down at the crinkled face of the kid trapped in a box on the front of her crumpled pamphlet. 'That's going to be me' Luz thought, with a heavy sigh. Maybe this would be much more fun than it looked? As Luz reread the pamphlet she noticed a few details that she absolutely hated.
All electronics will be taken at the beginning of Camp, and remain with the front office unless a Camper has a medical condition or emergency that requires the contact of a guardian.
All campers will bunk together in groups of four.
Showers must be completed within five minutes
"Uuuuggghh!" Luz bemoaned. How was she going to get off without any of her Azura fanfics or doujins?! How was she going to masturbate in general? It seemed rather difficult when surrounded by three other people, plus only five minutes of shower time!!! She'd barely have any time to clean herself, let alone flick her bean! This had to be hell.
But... maybe that's what her mama intended? Well, if not that, maybe it was being used as a method of calming her teenage daughter's libido? It would make sense, especially after Luz accidentally left her diary in between the couch cushions and her mama discovered it. Luz really should have wondered where she got her curiosity(nosiness) from.
Luz remembered how embarrassed her mom was when she found her diary. She had written about all the crushes she had, and what she wanted them to do to her. Even worse, she had drawn some pictures of her fantasies. Some of them were harmless doodles, but others were extremely graphic, with tentacles, animals, or fantastical creatures.
Luz was terrified of what her mother thought of her right then and there. Her mom had always told her to be more serious, and to get her head out of the clouds. Mama always told her that she "needed to be more realistic with her expectations."
What she never expected was for her mama to traumatize her! Apparently, when your mother was both a veterinarian and a former nurse, that means they know a lot about animal anatomy and the fact that people are dumb enough to shove anything up their ass. Luz was not expecting to get The Talk 2.0, and she definitely didn't want to hear her mother describe how "a pig's ejaculation usually lasts about 6 minutes, but they can last up to 30-90 minutes", or why "taking a horse's phallus is physically improbable and highly dangerous". The talk did reveal quite a few things that squashed Luz's horny fantasies. Her mama went into a rather impassioned rant about sexual safety with how the "average vagina is only capable of stretching up to 6 inches in depth when a woman is aroused" and the "cervix does have a small opening, but it's not one that normally permits insertion of anything larger than a Q-Tip". It became extremely mortifying to Luz when her own mother began dissecting her kinks and explaining why most of them wouldn't work, or could be highly unsafe or unhygienic.
Eventually her mama did manage to weasel a few questions out of her, which Camila proceeded to give rather embarrassing answers too. It was funny that her mother's expression became all sorts of flushed when Luz asked, "Well... uhm, how uh... are there so many videos of women handling dil—objects longer than 9 inches inside of them? Especially if our... lady parts can only handle about 6 inches at most?"
Unfortunately for Luz, Camila was still in *I've-seem-too-much-as-a-nurse mode*, and not mom mode, as her lecture began with "Usually larger penetrations are handled anally, dear. And the women shown handling anything larger than 6 inches usually have been stretching out their vaginal canals slowly and over quite a bit of time to handle the strain of larger objects without their vaginal walls tearing. But some women win the genetic lottery and have a much easier time with stretching, because they can go behind or around the cervix, usually into the posterior fornix which can stretch much quicker than other parts of the vagina. This requires both a bit of skill and good genetics to actually perform."
Luz shuddered as she remembered the rest that day, she was so embarrassed as her mom gave her a rather explicit sex talk! She couldn't even dare to look at her mama for the rest of the week. The only good thing about that day for Luz was that she at least learned her mother wasn't homophobic.
As Luz was fading back into awareness of the outside world, she noticed, out of the corner of her eye, her prized Azura book was missing from where she had carelessly tossed it in the trash. She looked around searching for where it could have gone, before she spotted a small brown owl carrying a large bag with her book sitting on top of it. Luz yelled out "Tiny trash thief!" as she began chasing the bird through the woods. After quite a bit of running, the owl entered an old creepy and abandoned house that had Luz hesitating. But she mustered up her courage and ran after the owl through a dilapidated doorway.
She followed the bird as quickly as she could, but nearly lost it in the darkness before it... opened a doorway??? She couldn't afford to lose it, so she barged through the slightly ajar door into an illuminated tent. Her yell of "Stop adorably hopping away you–" was cut off as she realized that she was in a brightly... lit.. red... tent...
Luz was awestruck as she looked around the tent. There were so many random trinkets scattered around. There were piles of odd things surrounding her, some piles were filled with items she'd never seen before. Others were filled with antiques and toys way older than her. But a majority of it looked like random junk that probably belonged in a landfill, but had been refurbished as best it could. As Luz looked around, she mumbled to herself, "Woah, I thought I had a lot of weird stuff. But this,-" she picked up a cobbled together doll that had a coat hanger running through it, before continuing with "-This is impressive."
Her curiosity was interrupted as she heard the husky voice of an older woman yell, "Finally, you're back!"
The woman's voice pulled her out of her reverie, and exchanged it with a bolt of mild panic and something that sent a pleasurable jolt down her spine. She quickly ducked and began quietly moving to the edge of the tent and carefully parted open one of the tent flaps before she began to peep outside. As she looked out, she saw a large and rather bushy silver mane of hair that was attached to a lean, older woman who was talking to the small owl about the items it had stolen. She spoke as her hands began to sort through the bag's contents. "Now let's see what we've got here."
Luz watched in awe as the woman screwed the bird onto a wooden staff, and the owl itself began to turn into wood, eventually completing its transformation into a rather ornate and ornamental carved owl. Luz let out a surprised gasp as she just saw something that shouldn't be possible. The woman began to pull items out one at a time from the bag, first pulling out a brand new top-of-the-line smartphone. The woman tossed it aside with a casual remark of "Garbage."
A gold ring with a rather large diamond was tossed aside with the same casual remark as previously, and then a golden and GLOWING!!! chalice was pulled out of the bag. After a moment's worth of hesitation from the older woman, that too was tossed aside with the callous remark of "Garbage."
Luz heard the older woman gasp in delight as reached a wiry arm into the bag again, almost frantically trying to grab the next item. Her tone was almost smug, but more along the lines of proud as she stated "Now this,–" while putting whatever thing she'd grabbed on the bag onto her face. The woman continued with "–this will make me rich!"
The woman turned revealing both her tall and athletic frame and a pair of horrendous Halloween eyeball glasses resting upon her upturned nose, that was unable to completely hide the woman's striking appearance. Luz was near catatonic from the dichotomy of such an enchanting woman treating a children's toy as a profitable item, especially when compared to what might have been the HoLy GRAIL!!! She only managed to zone back in when she heard the older woman call her precious Azura book "kindling" and move it above the flame of a candle.
Luz's impulse control disappeared as she saw her book start to smoke. Without really thinking, she jumped out of her hiding spot and lunged for her book, snatching it from the woman's slender fingers. Her mouth was already rambling an apology as she grabbed her book, " 'Scuse me. Sorry, that's mine! Thank you!", while also turning and sprinting back in the direction she had come from.
She ran through the curtain, and went for the door she had come through, only to see it fold up into a briefcase and fly away before her eyes! Luz stopped in shock before she heard from behind her, "You're not going anywhere" in the low tones of the older woman's voice.
Luz looked back at the rather intimidating woman standing at the entrance of the tent, and nearly froze before her fight or flight instincts kicked in. Luz quickly opened her messenger bag and jammed her book in there before she lifted up the side of the tent and bolted outside, hoping that the cabin's entrance would be closer than she remembered. She kept her eyes pointed behind her to make sure that her pursuer wasn't right on her tail. After a second she looked in front of her, and immediately stopped in her tracks as she nearly ran off of a cliff.
Luz's already rapid heartbeat began to accelerate as she witnessed a town that seemed to be made of flesh, many monstrous beings walking around like nothing was wrong, and food that ate people. She quickly backed away from the cliff's edge before she stumbled and fell on her ass. During this time she muttered, "Oh no, no, no, no! What's going on!"
Her attention was drawn away from the uncanny scene in front of her by an incessant buzzing near the side of her face. Luz's body jolted as she turned and saw a small pink feminine humanoid with insectoid wings. It looked almost like a pink tinkerbell. Finally, something not extremely monstrous! Luz nervously smiled and stated somewhat hysterically, "Oh! Hello little fairy. Are you going to tell me this is all a fantastic dream?"
A high pitched "GIVE ME YOUR SKIN!" came from the small fairy as it revealed a large maw filled with mismatched teeth.
Luz responded logically, and swatted that thing like a mosquito. Thus launching it into the ground and turning it into a rather grotesque pile of twitching limbs. Her panic rising to an all time high, Luz's head rested upon her knees as she began to mutter aloud, "Where am I? Did I DIE?! Am I in the bad place?"
Luz froze as something grabbed her shoulder. Her eyes darted over to the thing grabbing her, revealing a hand connected to the woman with alabaster skin that she was running from. The woman had a small smirk on her face as she uttered the words, "You wish."
The tall woman dragged Luz back to the front of the tent as if she weighed absolutely nothing, before setting her gently on a stool that was leaning on a bookshelf. As Luz was set down, the woman moved one hand to her shoulder and the other up against the bookshelf behind Luz's head.
Luz stared upwards at the amazonian looming over her, and was absolutely enthralled. She thought the woman was probably one of the most gorgeous women she'd ever actually seen. The woman's silver hair behaved like a halo around her head, creating vast shadows that hid most of the woman's face, leaving only her near luminescent saffron eyes, and gold fang glinting from the darkness. Luz could feel the coiled muscles of the lady holding her in place, showing the strength in that toned physique, the contact sending a brief shock directly to Luz's groin.
She started to feel lightheaded, and realized she had been holding her breath while she admired the vixen above her. As Luz relaxed and let oxygen reach her brain once again, the panic kicked in. She hurriedly tried to explain, "I'm so sorry! I just wanted my book! If you're gonna eat my skin, just make it quick! Just–"
Luz's slapdash apology was interrupted by the woman who released a low purr that shifted midway into an upbeat and boisterous tone, "Why would I eat a Potential Customer? Not that you don't look rather ~delectable~, darlin'."
Luz blushed at the strange compliment, her poor bisexual heart was not prepared in any way for this situation. The woman then let go of her grasp on Luz's shoulder(for some reason, Luz felt disappointed by this) as she quickly walked behind a counter that had a sign labeled 'Human Collectibles' above it, and started pulling out random items from behind a counter. Pulling out a green croc, the silver haired cougar began her sales pitch with a flourish of her hands, "Can I offer you a human foot filled with holes?"
A stick of men's deodorant was pitched as a "bar of green human candy!"
The woman's excitement rose to an all time high as she pulled out what looked like an old portable CRT television set, the smile on her face magnifying as she held it aloft. "Oh, oh! How about this black shadow box that reflects only sadness!"
Luz was amused by the woman's antics, bursting with laughter as she exclaimed, "That's not all it can do!"
"Here, let me see it." Luz stated as she calmly grabbed the TV from the older woman's grasp, their fingers ghosting across each other. Luz quickly pressed the triangular power button on the front to see if it worked. When it didn't light up, she began to look it over, searching for its method of power. She noticed the battery port on top, popped it open, and saw that it took AA batteries.
Luz looked around Eda's stall for some batteries for a few seconds before she noticed two double A's sitting in a dish labeled 'Human Candy?' that was filled with all sorts of things, but were most definitely not candy. She slotted the batteries into place, closed the lid with a satisfying click, then pressed the singular button on the front of the TV.
Upon pressing the singular button on the front, she was met with static before it switched to an old Jazzercise video that looked like it was from the 80's(After all, where else would you see a muscular blonde man with a handlebar mustache who dressed in spandex and leg warmers?). Luz's smile had reached whole new levels of smug as she uttered "Vióla!" in front of the foxy stall owner.
The music coming from the TV was sufficiently loud and began to attract attention from the rest of the market. A teal three eyed bird demon, who was in the middle of being paid, was interrupted by the music. He turned towards the sound and questioned, "Huh? What's that?"
A four eyed pig demon's attention was stolen from his purchase as he heard the music, he uttered the phrase, "The sound... it's so alluring!" He turned away from his previous purchase before he quickly began to march towards the "Human Collectibles" stall, alongside a small mob of other demons.
As the mob began to crowd around the loud portable TV, the shouting started. The Bird Demon yelled out, "I'LL PAY FORTY SNAILS FOR THE SCREAMING BOX!"
A blue gremlin shouted louder, "I'LL GIVE YOU A HUNDRED!"
The pig demon questioned, "Can I eat the tiny person inside?"
The rather tall and athletic woman was stunned as she stared at the mob of customers in front of her, all shouting for attention. Her state of shock didn't last long as a wide smile spread across her face. She glanced over at Luz, her golden eyes focusing intensely on the teenager's face, and asked her, "What did you say your name was?"
Luz, caught off guard by the intensity directed at her, squeaked and stuttered her introduction, "I'm L-Luz, Luz Noceda."
THE REST OF THIS FIC IS CURRENTLY IN THE PROGRESS OF BEING MADE, AND I WAS FORCED TO POST IT NOW AS I CREATED IT A MONTH AGO AND FORGOT ABOUT IT.
"Well Luz, that was pretty clever... for a human."
"That's kind of a weird thing for another-" "human(?) to say."
"Oh, dear child." "I'm not like you."
"I'M EDA, THE OWL LADY! THE MOST POWERFUL WITCH ON THE BOILING ISLES!"
"A witch?!"
"I AM RESPECTED!" "FEARED–" "BUSTED!"
The crowd scattered and scurried away like rats.
"Eda the Owl Lady, you are under arrest for the misuse of magic and demon misdemeanours" he shouted.
"Woah! WITCH CRIMINAL!"
"You are hereby ordered to come with me to the Conformatorium!"
"Would you guys quit following me around! I haven't done shit!"
He looked over at Luz and grabbed her by the front of her shirt. "And you're coming too, for fraternizing with a criminal!"
"Wh-What?! That's not cool!"
"Alright, alright... you win. Just let me get my stuff."
*BAM*
"Woops!" "Can't forget this."
"Follow me, Human!"
"This is crazy! If I die here, my mom's gonna kill me!"
"HAH! I won't let 'em hurt you!"
"A human like you is much more valuable to me alive than dead."
"Wait, what's that supposed to mean? You're not going to eat me, right?"
"Ha! Prob'ly not in the way you think!" Eda exclaimed with a wink.
Before Luz's blush could reach atomic levels, she was quickly picked up in a fireman carry by Eda who proceeded to leap into the air and landed ass first on her now horizontal staff that was hovering above the ground.
As the distance grew farther and farther from the market place, Luz swore she heard the guard scream at their retreating figures, "YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS OWL LADY!" If he said anything after that, well, she couldn't hear it.