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“now suck ‘em like you would my cock.” joel says, prying his middle two fingers towards your spit covered lips, wet from the heavy make out the two of you were having in the hallways of his apartment. his other hand rests on your panty-covered ass, since your cargo pants now lay in a heap in the corner of the room.
it's no secret that the QZ is a corrupted shit hole. you can defend yourself, you have to in a place like this.
but, like everybody, in your more vulnerable times, like when your sister never came back from her sneaking out of the QZ, or the death date of your best friend, you've been easier to take advantage of.
that's when joel came in. he's not a noble person, hell, he doesn't care about much of the shit happening in boston, but when he saw a soldier pour disgusting moonshine into your mouth as you stumbled around, looking lost and way too out of it, he had to jump in.
and since then, you've looked out for one another. you'd give him information on FEDRA, and he'd slip you a ration card or two.
and the sex.
you're younger than him. too young, he thinks, to see that look in your eyes that he sees in his own reflection. but there's a fire in you, too. the only time he's not seen that is the incident with the moonshine.
it's not uncommon for people in the QZ to have a quick fuck to blow off some steam. prostitution is far too common for your liking, a path you thankfully have never gone down. luckily, you found your fuck buddy in joel miller.
you don't really think he cares about you. he does the occasional sleepover at yours, and he doesn't cuddle, obviously. but he never kicks you out of his apartment with cum dripping down your thighs and your shoes in your hands.
every cloud, you think.
you part your lips, his fingers slipping in. you trace them with your tongue, eyes flickering closed as you close your mouth around them, sucking them in.
“ah-ah.” he chides, tapping your hip. “eyes open.”
you sigh through your nose. pretending to be frustrated is an easier route than admitting how you really feel.
being taken control of is... nice. a nice change from your reality. you like not having to make decisions for once.
the scarier thing to admit is that you trust joel. with your very being.
you open your eyes, hand gently closing around his wrist, keeping his fingers in your mouth. your gaze flickers up to his, and your eyes meet for a moment.
his big, brown eyes watch you with an intensity you've never seen in anyone but joel before. you can't really decipher it.
“that's it. keep your eyes open, sweetie. i've got you.” he says, other hand enclosing around the back of your head, his fingers lacing into your hair. he's not too rough, not yet, anyway.
you bob your head up and down on his thick fingers, the pads of them brushing along your tongue. as they slip down further, you gag a little, and he pulls back.
but you shake your head, and push his hand back to your face, fingers stuffed into your mouth. you force yourself to breathe through your nose, even as your gag reflex comes into play and your eyes water.
joel's gentle when it comes to anything with your mouth, having heard your horror stories with some particular FEDRA soldiers in alleyways in the QZ. FEDRA soldiers who soon found themselves missing hands. or dicks.
he's not a gentle person, not ever, but you're different. you deserve gentleness.
“okay, darlin’ that's enough.” he says, pulling his fingers out of your mouth, to which you whine and look up at him pleadingly.
“don't gimme that look. i have other plans. do you not trust me, baby?” he asks.
he means in sex. you know that. but the question feels deeper.
“i do.” you answer, sincerely.
he gives you a look, before leading you to his dirty old couch. “you want to suck my cock, baby? that why you were bobbing your head up n'down on my fingers like a slut?”
your eyebrows hitch up, but you nod very quickly, without hesitation.
he chuckles, and sits on the couch.
in a split second, you barely even see him so it, he puts a picture frame upside down. you frown briefly, but still your expression when he looks back at you, as if you didn't even see it.
everyone has secrets.
joel unbuckles his belt and pops open the button and fly on his jeans. he tugs them down to halfway down his thick thighs, and then grabs a pillow to place on the floor between his legs.
“what're you waitin’ for, kid?” he says, and your heart leaps. you kneel in front of him, sitting on your legs.
your eyelashes flutter as you look up at him, complete and utter trust in your gaze. joel feels sick at the thought. but he pushes it down, and clears his throat.
“take my dick out.” he demands, words slightly harsh.
you frown, but, horrifyingly, you get a thrill out of it. you pull his boxers down, and his cock springs out immediately. he shucks off his jacket, throwing it somewhere on the couch as he watches you. you pull down his boxers enough to expose his heavy balls, and you almost grin to yourself.
“why're you sittin' there lookin' so proud of y'self, and you haven't even done anythin' yet?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.
you clear your throat. “sorry, daddy.”
joel doesn't know how he doesn't bust a nut right there and then, with your eyes looking up at him, your soft lips slightly parted, and that goddamn word leaving your mouth.
but he holds himself back, fisting the material of the couch in his big hand.
you blink quickly, before your gaze lands on his cock. his big, beautiful cock. veins run up and down the length of it, it's girth almost unimaginable. his tip is leaking slightly, a pearl of precum sitting at the top, presenting itself for you. his-
“time's up.” he says, and you look up at him, suddenly panicked.
“what?” you croak, throat thick.
“took too long.” he says simply. “so, if you're not gonna suck my cock, you can suck my balls, instead.”
your pussy throbs at the words, both of your hands coming up to rest on his thighs. “m'kay.” you nod.
“don't take as long this time. i ain't waitin' for you.”
so, you don't.
you dip your head forwards, running your nose along the skin between his sack and his shaft. you inhale the scent of him, the musky, sweaty smell, and you whimper, closing your thighs to alleviate the pressure there. he lets out a low groan.
“tha's it.” he nods. “already doin' better.”
you preen at the praise, and dart your tongue out to taste him. the flavour of salt explodes on your tongue immediately, and you lap at the soft skin there.
that's before you suck one of his balls into your mouth. he moans, outright moans, his hand landing on the back of your head and keeping you there.
one of your hands creeps up his thigh to his stomach, underneath his shirt, feeling the happy trail lead all the way up to his cock. you grin inwardly, continuing to lead your hand up until you start pumping him.
after a few pumps, and your tongue lapping at his ballsack like somebody starved, he hisses and pulls you away.
you look up at him with lost, desperate eyes.
“if y'want me to last long enough to come in your tight pussy, you hav'ta stop.” he shakes his head, pulling you up onto his lap. “my cock hasn't got the stamina for multiple rounds that quick anymore, sweetheart. no blue pills to be seen, is there?”
“what're they?” you ask, cocking your head to the side.
“you don't-” he starts, before shaking his head, smiling a little. “doesn't matter. let's look at your princess parts, huh?”
you squirm when he calls your pussy that, and leans his head down to check your panties from where you sit on his lap.
he tuts, tapping his fingers along your clothed clit. “so fuckin' wet. did you get off suckin' daddy's fingers, baby? or was it sniffing daddy's ballsack?”
you choke at his words, eyes blowing wide. “b-both?” you stammer out.
he huffs out a breath. “slut.” he murmurs, before moving the soaked gusset of your flimsy panties to the side, and inspecting your puffy pussy.
“goddamn.” he whistles, eyebrows hitching up. you can only imagine how it looks.
his fingers drag through your mess, making you whimper. your slick creates a string between his fingers and your pussy, until it breaks a couple inches away.
he shows you his obscene fingers, before pushing them into your mouth, much to your surprise. you take the hint and clean them off, before he takes them back out.
he keeps your panties pulled to the side as he lines his cock up to your entrance. the tip teases your fluttering hole, and you whine.
“daddy-” you huff, rolling your hips. “put it in.”
joel rolls his eyes at your complaining, and then pulls your hips down all the way into his cock.
you yelp, clawing at his back immediately and gasping for air.
“what's all the fuss for?” he hums, one hand in your lower back, and the other on your hip. “thought you wanted me to put it in, huh? not so cocky are we anymore? not now that you've been dicked down by your daddy.”
you whimper, legs trembling as you try to adjust to the size of him inside of you. “didn't mean to be cocky, daddy.”
“i know, baby.” he says, his voice gentle despite his rythmic grinding of his cock into your cunt, his pelvis bumping against you. “you were jus' gettin' impatient, weren't you? wasn't your fault.”
you nod, the words he's saying sounding more like background noise as you feel his dick roll in you.
your thighs tremble as they spread across his lap, and you whimper.
“oh, no.” he says pitifully, rubbing your thighs. “can you not ride me today, kiddo? am i gonna have to lay you down and rearrange your guts instead?”
you nod, grasping onto his shoulder.
gently, he removes you from his cock, laying you down on the couch cushions with a softness that he's only ever extended to a couple people in his long life.
you whine at the loss of pressure in your pussy, and he tuts at you, before pulling off his jeans and boxers and climbing over you. he places one of your legs around his hips, before lining himself back up with you.
“look at her.” he coos. “she's winkin' at me.”
then, he pushes back inside you, and the breath is knocked out of your body. one of his hands loop around to your back, splaying his palm out against the skin there and holding your lower back up, so it feels better for you.
he rocks back and forth into you, conscious of your lack of being stretched out at first, before slowly thrusting into you faster and faster.
“fuckin' suffocatin' my cock.” he chokes out, other hand leaning against the couch next to your head. he's pounding in and out of you now, hips moving faster and faster as you moan and gasp.
your hands come up to scratch at his back. that makes his gaze flickers from your cunt, that's split open on his cock, to your eyes.
you look completely dazed. your pupils are blown wide, and your eyes are glossy. you have tears running down your temples and into your hairline, to which joel groans.
he pounds in and out faster, and you gasp. “too fast. too much.”
joel shakes his head. “you've taken it before.”
the hand from your lower back slides forward to your sensitive clit, rubbing little circles on the puffy skin there.
you start to cry properly. hysterically, even. great, shaking sobs erupt from your mouth, the pleasure overwhelming.
joel pauses for a second, but you shake your head, silently urging him to keep going. after all, you haven't said your safe word.
he continues to thrust in and out just as fast, leaning down and licking some of the tears from the apples of your cheeks.
that told you over the edge. with a choked moan, your back arches and you come. your vision goes white, your mouth now open without a sound coming out of it.
“shiiiit.” joel hisses, his hips twitching as your orgasm catches him slightly off guard, sending him hurtling over too.
he spills his seed into you, moaning raggedly. your pussy pulses around him, and he collapses on top of you, grinding his hips into yours to ride out both of your orgasms.
when he sees you come down from your high, he pulls out of you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. he sits up, wiping some of the sweat off his forehead, and tugging off his flannel.
he's glad you exhaust him. but it does make him feel like an old man.
he looks at you, eyes soft, when his eyes flicker down to your pussy, covered in him. and he's suddenly panicked.
“i should've pulled out.” he says, a cold dread dousing his insides, ruining the post orgasmic haze.
you clear your throat, looking at the panic in his eyes, that is partially behind a mask of cold cruelty.
“i don't get my period.” you say, voice hoarse as you sit up, his cum dripping out of you uncomfortably.
you're getting ready for him to kick you out. you've freaked him out, despite it not really being your fault.
he blinks harshly, gaze trailing up to the upside down picture frame, before looking back down to you. “oh.” he says.
you nod slowly, pulling yourself up, completely ashamed. your t-shirt is slick with sweat, stuck to your body. “yeah, oh.”
he scratches his neck. “m'sorry.”
that surprises you. joel miller apologising? someone gets a camera.
“i didn't mean to- i just freaked out.” he says, grabbing his flannel and wiping you up, feeling a gnawing guilt eat at him.
you nod. “i get it.” you wipe at the dried tears and spit on your face, and let him finish wiping you up before sitting up on the couch. he pulls on his boxers.
you stand up with trembling legs, like a baby deer. “hey.” joel says, standing up too and holding you up so you don't collapse. “what're you doin'?”
“leaving.” you answer, voice devoid of emotion, but you let him prevent you from falling.
“i thought-” he clears his throat. “i thought you'd stay.”
stay?
“oh.” you say, looking up at him. all you see in his eyes is sincerity. “i'll... i'll stay, then.”
he nods, and kisses your head, before leading you into his shitty little bedroom.
he sits you on the bed, taking off your sweaty shirt and replacing it with one of his. you look like you're bracing for impact, and he hates it even more than that trusting look in your eyes from before.
he pulls the covers over your body, and climbs in next to you.
he doesn't put an arm around you. no, but his presence is enough. you don't need cuddling, or breakfast, or that sickly romantic shit you'd watch in rom-coms before the outbreak.
none of that is real anymore. not really.
no, you just need joel.
and joel needs you.
so when he whispers a soft goodnight into the darkness, you wish him the same.
you grab his hand, rough and scarred, and squeeze it.