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Mydei originally thinks it's going to be an uneventful afternoon.
Spring season's sun casts a warm glow at this time of day, the type that bathes the surrounding wheat fields bright and golden. There's still just a hint of winter chill in the breeze that sweeps by, enough so that Phainon curls a bit closer into Mydei's side, head lolled comfortably against his shoulder, and Mydei breathes him in as they rock together on his porch swing.
They've had a year's worth of days like this now, of recovering in the aftermath; some good days, ever-memorable bad days. Today Mydei woke up to Phainon's sunshine smile- blue eyes glowing with affection, legs tangled together within the sheets- routinely left home to work with Aglaea and Anaxa, and then came back for lunch smudged in engine grease to a quiet, somber Phainon. Healing is non-linear, Mydei is well-aware, but it doesn't make the grief he feels when Phainon gets like this hurt less.
The sound of recorded laughter distracts Mydei from his thoughts, and when he glances down, he watches a video of himself, Cipher and Cyrene from his own phone, held in Phainon's hands. Pressed close together, he can feel Phainon's chest shake with a soft chuckle. Even so, relief doesn't exactly come to Mydei- it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, watching Phainon view footage of a time forever lost to him, the years and years that Mydei desperately tried to fill the huge, aching void Phainon's absence left him with.
"Doesn't it upset you?"
From where he rests on Mydei's shoulder, Phainon tilts his head back to glance up at him- presses impossibly closer. "That they got you to dance with them in this video, but you would never entertain the idea with me back in Okhema? Yes," he jokes, though there’s this subdued sort of look in his eyes that tells Mydei he’s intentionally dodging the question.
"It was just a stupid internet challenge," Mydei defends, but he can't stop the corners of his lips from quirking up, because Phainon can't always recall the good memories they'd made together in earlier iterations, buried beneath the damage of enduring millions other cycles- but it's becoming less rare these days. "And you know that's not what I meant."
For a long moment, Phainon simply blinks up at him. Then he's powering the phone off, slipping it back into Mydei's pocket where he'd sneakily fished it out, and kicking his legs up across Mydei's lap. Only once Mydei's arm curves warm across his shoulders, silvery hair brushing at his chin as Phainon curls into him, does the quiet concession come.
"Yeah," Phainon murmurs, and it sounds like mourning. Silently, Mydei wishes he could pull him even closer, so close that they could fuse together into one and maybe Phainon wouldn't feel this type of grief ever again. "Of course it does, but... I still want to catch up on what I missed."
"It was all shit without you anyways," Mydei huffs a little petulantly, even if he doesn’t fully mean it- so he quickly amends, "Don't tell anyone I said that."
That brings a real teasing smile to Phainon's face, and Mydei's gaze softens at the sight. "So you'll do an internet dance with me this time?"
"We'll see," Mydei says, in a way that means yes, Phainon, I'll do whatever humiliating thing you want of me as long as you keep looking at me like that, and like Phainon seems to know this, he opens his smart mouth to make even more demands; all that comes out, however, is a surprised yelp as Mydei quickly hooks an arm under his knees and unceremoniously lifts him up, standing from the porch swing.
"Mydei!" he gasps out a startled laugh, hands anchoring themselves around Mydei's neck. “Put me-”
“Sorry to interrupt this overwhelming amount of queerness,” a suspiciously Cipher-sounding voice interjects behind them, and Mydei has half a mind to remind her in excruciating detail the scandalous position he’d walked in on her and Castorice tangled in last week- but he holds his tongue and merely shoots her an annoyed frown when he turns them around. Looking wholly unbothered, Phainon frees a hand from around Mydei’s neck and gives her a lazy wave. “But we’ve got a…” Cipher trails off, and suddenly Mydei notices the jerky wave of her tail, the slight fray of worry in her tone, so unlike her that he’s setting Phainon back onto the ground quickly. “…situation.”
“Mydei and I’ll take care of it,” Phainon offers, pushing up the sleeves of his sweatshirt like he’s ready to do battle in the middle of the quiet wheat fields of their little village.
Cipher barks out a sharp laugh, and Mydei catches Phainon by the shoulder before he can march off to whatever war he’s convinced awaits them. “So, it’s definitely not what you’re thinking. Just-” she gestures for them to follow her with an agitated jerk of her hand. “Come here please.”
What Mydei doesn't know is that what he thought would be an uneventful day will change his life forever.
Whatever Mydei had expected, it certainly was not a tiny human child sleeping within Castorice’s arms when he and Phainon walk into her and Cipher’s house.
“…You and Cas had a baby?” is the first thing out of Mydei’s dumbstruck mouth.
Cipher swats him over the back of the head and Mydei makes a noise of complaint. “Of course not, what the hell?!”
"To be fair," Phainon says, looking just as confused as Mydei feels, “There’s not much else this looks like.”
“You think this is the size of a newborn?” Cipher’s expression starts out horrified, then she crosses her arms and levels them both with her best disappointed look. “I guess that's to be expected from Phainon, but I at least thought our little prince knew better.”
Phainon sulks in response. With a roll of his eyes, Mydei slowly draws nearer to where a bewildered Castorice is seated, lowering his voice as he kneels to get a closer look. "Where did you find it, then?"
Humming, Castorice gently swipes back the child's blonde curls, adjusts the blanket closer. "Her," she corrects quietly, polite as ever. "She was out near the walking trail I take in the mornings. Just laying off on the side of the path... alone."
"Cassie thinks she's been abandoned," Cipher explains, leaning against the back of the couch, half-draped over Castorice's shoulders. "No telling how long."
Mydei sighs- there's no major town around for miles, and it's exceedingly rare for passersby to wander into their countryside settlement- so the theory is plausible. Though she looks thin and worn out, the rise and fall of the child's chest is strong, a fighter not unlike himself at that age, Mydei thinks proudly- then has to do a double take within his own mind, because what?
From where he stands, foot kicked back on the wall behind him, Phainon's brow furrows. "Does anyone else know yet?"
Castorice shakes her head, and either the increased volume of all their voices or the sudden motion causes the child to stir. Everyone in the room immediately freezes, carefully watching as thick lashes flutter open, blurry and unfocused for a long moment. Then her blue eyes clear, taking on a more startled look; blinking first up at Castorice, then to Mydei, both of whom instinctively hold their breath when they watch her little mouth wobble-
And the full-bodied, heart-wringing wail she lets out almost blows their collective eardrums.
"Oh dear," Castorice frets, at first adjusting her grip to try and pull the child closer- but she kicks and screams and fights to the point that she flusters Castorice so badly, she ends up holding the little thing away from her body, like one would pick up a vicious alley cat. "Help, help-"
Cipher swoops in quickly, but the second she gets handed off, the pitch of the child's cry sharpens, so shrill that Cipher's pointed ears flatten against her head. "Wow, okay, just kidding-"
"Give her here," Mydei says, arms out. Cipher gives her up gladly, and even though being passed off once again does nothing to quiet her screams, Mydei tries moving around while gently bouncing her in his arms, humming nonsense under his breath. Gradually, the fight dies down, tapering into hiccupping sobs; she doesn't fully relax into Mydei's hold, but everyone in the room lets out a breath of relief regardless.
"The baby whisperer," Cipher deems him, in awe as she slowly sits down next to Castorice, like any sudden movement could break the fragile peace that's settled. "What were they feeding you, in Kremnos?"
Mydei has half a mind to retort back sea monsters and ocean sludge, but then he notices how still the child has gone. When he looks down at her, those big, glassy eyes remain fixated on a point just over his shoulder. Curious, he carefully turns his head- and his gaze lands on none other than Phainon, still leaned back against the far wall.
"She's staring at you," Mydei wonders aloud.
Wide-eyed, Phainon stares back at both him and the child; then blinks incredulously, pointing at himself. "Me?"
"Mhmm." Mydei adjusts her in his arms, but her head swivels with the movement, dutifully tracking Phainon like a compass needle towards north. A quiet laugh rumbles beneath Mydei's chest at the sight.
Castorice smiles too. "She must like you, Phainon."
Looking a little uncomfortable, Phainon rubs the back of his neck and tears his gaze from the child. "I don't think so. She probably just likes Mydei's voice."
Gleefully, Cipher sidles up besides Mydei and urges him away from the rest of them. "Let's put it to the test, then!"
Grumbling under his breath as he gets pushed into the kitchen, Mydei cuts the child's line of sight from Phainon as he dips around the doorway- and immediately she lets out a sharp, disapproving wail, little legs kicking at Mydei's abdomen with more strength than he expected. It knocks the breath out of him, and in his surprise he almost drops her, hurriedly trying to placate her with a quick "Alright, alright-" and spinning his heels on the tile, booking it back into the living room.
After a beat, the child locks eyes with Phainon again, and goes quiet, head resting on Mydei's shoulder. Mydei breathes out a soft huff of wonder.
"No way," Cipher cackles, looking positively delighted now that it's not her problem. "It was our Deliverer after all."
Phainon does not look very certain, though he does let out a faint hum of laughter, one that only Mydei can tell is fake. "Probably just a coincidence."
"Maybe you look like someone she knew," Castorice gently suggests, watching Phainon rather closely as well- Mydei may understand him best, but Cas has always been able to pick up on subtleties. "Something like this isn't uncommon."
Mydei looks down at the child in his arms once more- how her eyes follow Phainon and no one else- and the corners of his lips curve up, amused and already a bit too fond of the tiny thing. After all, he can relate, because Phainon is all kinds of gorgeous and Mydei, too, enjoys staring at him; they already have much in common. "Well, if she likes you best," he says, glancing up, "do you want to-"
"No," Phainon interrupts immediately, before Mydei can even offer her over to him. It's not harsh, but quick and instinctive- drawn out of him by pure reflex. "I'd rather not."
There's a heavy silence that follows. Mydei thinks he can guess what's going on in that stubborn head of his- weighed down by the memories of a million and more cycles, the survivor's guilt that could only keep multiplying and repeating with every iteration- the caution he still carries to this day, because there are still moments where Phainon isn't certain any of this is real, moments where he can't really tell if he's truly free from that eternal prison he and Cyrene once locked them all in- if he has to bloody his hands once again in order to reset the cycle. Even now, after a year of peace, there are still nights where he wakes, rattled in ways Mydei's words can't soothe; and because of that he doesn't truly trust himself around anyone... much less a defenseless, very human child.
"Alright," Mydei murmurs, shifting the child's weight around. Her tiny hand curls instinctively into the fabric of his shirt, and he tries to direct all the reassurance he possesses into his gaze, locked with Phainon's. "You don't have to."
He watches the way Phainon's throat works once, but he doesn't reply. Instead, it's Cipher that tries to change the subject. "You don't have to take her but-" she turns her pleading, begging eyes to Mydei then, and Mydei would be lying if he said that didn't make him feel a bit smug to see. "Please come with us to tell Aglaea before she starts screaming again."
"It's fine," Mydei tells her, looking down at the child once more. Head still resting on his shoulder, she starts to doze off, like she knows she's safe with him- and Mydei feels his chest warm. "I don't mind holding her."
"What an odd predicament," Aglaea muses, leaning against the porch railing of her house, chin propped thoughtfully in her hand.
"It certainly is something," Anaxa agrees, seated on the steps below her, eyebrows raised. Held within Mydei's arms, the child still keeps her eyes fixed on Phainon standing beside them; it seems to be the only way she'll keep quiet and tolerate Hyacine hovering around them in careful examination. "There are few ways a child this young could end up out in the remote countryside."
"Poor little thing," Hyacine murmurs, two fingers gently pushed against her wrist, feeling her pulse. The child squirms a little, but otherwise behaves- she looks worn out from the fit she'd thrown earlier anyway. When he chances a quiet glance over at Phainon, he finds him watching the child watch him back, a soft expression across his face, but when he notices Mydei, he quickly glances back towards Aglaea and Anaxa, caught. Mydei hides a fond huff.
Sat in the shade and pressed close to Castorice's side, Cipher asks, "So, what's the verdict?"
Hyacine hums, looking worried. "Malnourished, dehydrated, underweight," she lists, glancing back at Cipher. "She's been on her own for a while. It's lucky that Cas found her when she did."
It's not often Mydei thinks of his own childhood, especially not these days- but the situation is a bit reminiscent. He rocks the little thing in his arms absentmindedly. From where she's been standing beside Phainon, with Trianne perched on her shoulders making silly faces at the child, Cyrene sighs, reaching out to gently touch her golden curls. "Look at all this hair... she couldn't be younger than two or three. Who could do something so cruel?"
"Happened to me," Mydei jokes. His dark humor falls flat on everyone but Phainon, who lifts a hand to his mouth to quiet his snort. Mydei's lips curve up, satisfied.
"Well, not everyone is born into the toxic royalty line of Kremnos," Cyrene huffs.
Before they can get too carried away, Hyacine quickly steers the conversation back on course. "Assuming no one's coming back for her... has anyone decided who she’ll be staying with?"
"Clearly, she's made her decision," Anaxa points out, looking between Mydei and Phainon.
Still atop Cyrene's shoulders, Trianne giggles and pokes at Phainon's cheek. "That's true, she's been staring at Snowy here the whole time!"
A bit weakly, Phainon smiles back; his shoulders stiffen, imperceptible to most, but when he makes eye contact with Mydei, there is nothing that can stop Mydei from quickly interjecting. "No," he says firmly, though it's not unkind- and when Aglaea watches him with those knowing eyes, he tries to communicate everything he can to her silently- but outwardly, he starts listing any reason he can think of. "We don't have the space, we've got the dog-"
“Enough, Mydei," Aglaea stops him gently. "We understand." The expression she directs at him is something soft, fully aware of the want that Mydei will tend to bury, the restraint he will always show for Phainon's sake- but thankfully she doesn't address it. "I'm sure between the rest of us, we can effectively rotate her care."
"Cyrene and I will take her for the night," Hyacine offers, holding out her hands for Mydei to pass the child over. "I'd like to keep a close eye on her anyway."
Mydei's not really sure why reluctance fills him when he hands her off to Hyacine, but he follows his life-long habit of tempering those thoughts down, even as the child looks to him in confusion. "Be good," he tells her with a small smile. "No more tantrums."
That earns an incredulous huff from Cipher, still lounging in the shade. "Good luck with that."
They all disperse after that, although Mydei can't seem to keep his eyes off the little bundle held carefully over Hyacine's shoulder- long after they've disappeared down the dusty road toward the neighboring house- and doesn't even realize he's still searching until a hand slips into his, trying to guide his attention back.
"You're upset," Phainon says, and when Mydei finally follows him up their porch steps, the dejected look on Phainon's face almost reminds him of a scolded puppy. "I'm-"
"I'm not," Mydei interrupts him before he can apologize, because he simply won't have it, and Phainon knows this but will always compulsively try anyways. There's a part of him that wants to ask Phainon to be honest with him, to let Mydei chase away all the doubts and fears that always lurk beneath his mind... but he already knows it'll be a long endeavor, from the shuttered off expression he can see in Phainon's eyes. "I get how you feel, but-" He looks out at the golden fields, in the direction of the house he knows the child's in, and watches the wind move over the wheat like water. "You'd be better with her than what I know you're thinking. That's all."
Phainon blinks back at him, silent for a long moment. His mouth opens, then closes- like he considers opening up, but ultimately can't get the words out. "Maybe," he relents, quietly, and then tugs on Mydei's hand, thumbs over his mother's ring, a gentle insistence before smoothly changing the subject, voice suddenly light and playful. "Will you finally let me cook, tonight?"
"Sure," Mydei jokes flatly, despite obediently following Phainon into their house. "Nothing more I love than lettuce for dinner."
Days pass by, one after the other; no one comes for the child. She settles in with them slowly, and though she starts to adjust easier during daylight, it's the nights that get more and more difficult, because no matter whose house she's staying in, her loud wails drift through their little village regardless.
It takes its toll on everyone, but for some reason Phainon seems to take it the hardest, even though she's still never stepped foot into their house. Mydei's not sure whether it's because she never stops having a preference for blue eyes and silver hair whenever they're around each other- or maybe that both hers and Mydei's eyes light up when they're outside and he gets to hold her, and he'll sometimes catch this almost yearning look on Phainon's face- or maybe it's the nights, when her cries from the neighboring houses will wake Mydei up, just for him to roll around in bed and see Phainon already awake beside him, looking out the direction of the window like it haunts him.
Whatever the reason, it's noticeable enough that Mydei has to drag him to their favorite spot to relieve pent up frustration- the well-loved punching bag, hanging from the wooden beams of the old barn, a good distance away from the houses. Sparring against each other is few and far between these days, to Mydei's disappointment, but it's at Phainon's insistence, and historically, Mydei's never really been able to deny him a single thing.
Reclined against some stacks of hay and indulgently watching Phainon work around the slowly swaying bag, Mydei tries extra hard to internalize the perfect combination of words to coax Phainon into opening up to him. And of course, what he ends up settling on is a gruff, "Gonna tell me what's going on with you?"
Hmm. Maybe not exactly what he was going for, but Mydei is nothing if not concise.
Phainon spares him a quick glance, looking a bit miffed at the question. "Nothing?"
"You've been on edge ever since the kid showed up. If this is about not wanting to keep her-"
"I just," Phainon sucks in a harsh breath and Mydei notices how his punches start to land harder. "Don't see why we have to keep talking about it."
"Phainon. We agreed we'd be more honest with each other."
The punching bag swings precariously, and Phainon's brow pinches in frustration, fists picking up in speed. "There's nothing to hide."
"Bullshit," Mydei disagrees. "I know you like the back of my hand." Phainon doesn't reply, focuses even more intently on trying to pummel the weighted bag to death. "Look, just because an accident happened almost a year ago doesn't mean you'll-"
The sharp, almost growl of an exhale Phainon makes deep within his throat is the only warning Mydei gets before Phainon hits the punching bag so hard it flies off the hook and slams into the far wall with a loud clatter. For a moment, neither of them says a word- Mydei's mouth running suspiciously dry as he stares at Phainon, eyes wide, and Phainon blinking in surprise, like he hadn't meant to lose control.
"Fuck." Phainon jerkily shakes the pain out of his hand, breaths coming hard.
Resolutely swallowing down the way that very ardently turned him on- because his concern for Phainon will always come before his traitorous dick- Mydei pushes himself to his feet, stepping close to him and lifting Phainon's wrist between them. Blood is starting to pool beneath the tape wrapped tightly around his knuckles, which is nothing abnormal for either of them after several hours of punching, but still Mydei clicks his tongue at the sight. He's quiet as he unwinds the tape, careful as he tends to bloody knuckles; sees the barely-there shake of Phainon's reddened hand and holds just a little tighter.
"...You know how much I love you," Phainon murmurs, after a long moment.
Mydei doesn't look up at him, but the corners of his lips curve up, soft and pleased. When given a bit of time, Phainon will come around for him, no matter how strongly he wants to avoid talking about what he'd rather bury and ignore. "I know."
"So you should know how much I hate myself," he explains, voice strained, "for denying you something you clearly want."
"Phainon," Mydei sighs, finally dropping his hand and looking up at him. Blue eyes stare back, ashamed, and Mydei feels his chest ache. "That's not how this works. I was just... trying to understand you better."
Fidgeting, Phainon looks like he'd rather be anywhere else, but when Mydei's hand lifts to cup the back of his head, bringing him down so that their foreheads bump together, the stiffness seems to melt right out of his body, and his eyes fill with affection. He's safe with Mydei- there is nothing he could say that would scare him away.
"I can't help but think," he finally tries to explain, voice tiny, "of anything and everything that could go wrong with me." He pauses, throat bobbing- looks away, then back at Mydei, who starts to realize how heavily this has been weighing on him. "Like what happened with you, even if it was a long time ago... if I got confused again, and accidentally hurt her... I could never forgive myself."
There are a million different things Mydei wants to say; that he hadn't hurt Mydei that badly back then, that Mydei knows without a doubt that Phainon would never raise a finger against a child, because he can still remember the gentleness from the Phainon he'd known back in the cycles, the one who adored playing with Okheman and Kremnoan children alike, who would happily volunteer himself for piggy-back rides and fragile flower crowns, who laughed pleasantly as the kids would swing and hang off his strong arms.
Full-heartedly, Mydei knows how good Phainon would be with this child, despite everything Phainon thinks otherwise- but he bites his tongue in practiced restraint. If Phainon needs time, there is absolutely nothing that Mydei wouldn't do to give him just that.
"Alright." His thumb swipes across Phainon's cheek, indulgent- feels relief when Phainon eagerly chases the warmth of his palm. "If you don't want it, I don't want it. It's easy as that."
Some distant, piercing sound echoes in Mydei's dreams several nights later, getting louder and louder despite his valiant attempts at remaining asleep. Annoyed, he takes it out on his bedmate with a sharp kick to the shins- Phainon grumbles in offense and kicks him back- and only then does Mydei fully wake, wearily rubbing his hands down his face.
"The hell's your problem?" Phainon complains groggily, despite the fact he's wrapped around Mydei's back, mouthing sleepily against his neck and making no move to release him.
Voice rough with exhaustion, Mydei mumbles back, "Hyacine and Cyrene must have Calliope tonight."
They both fall silent for a moment. On cue, the not-so distant wailing floats through their walls from the neighboring house.
"Is that what they're calling her now?" Phainon shifts behind him, pulling away- when Mydei hears him rustling around, he turns on his back to see that Phainon's stuffed the pillow over his face, muffling the loud sigh he exhales. Even their dog, curled up on the bed besides Phainon and muzzle resting atop his abdomen, flattens his ears back as the pitiable cries reach a new pitch.
Amused, Mydei rolls onto his stomach, lifts the corner of Phainon's pillow, and ducks under as well. He's barely able to make out Phainon's tired smile within the shadows, but feels when that gentle, calloused hand cards through his hair, fingers scratching at his scalp. Mydei can't help but purr at the attention, eyelids growing heavy.
"Mydei," comes Phainon's whisper, so close Mydei can feel the soft breaths he takes against his own skin. "Do you really think I'd be good with her?"
The sudden question catches Mydei off guard- it's been days since they've talked about this, and Mydei had contentedly resigned himself to the fact that it may never come up again. Sometimes, Phainon chooses the oddest times to show any hint of vulnerability... almost like he purposefully waits for when Mydei least expects it.
"I've never forgotten the kindness you showed the Kremnoan children," Mydei admits, voice just as quiet. He reaches for the hand Phainon has stroking through his hair, brings it to his mouth so that his lips can trace over bruised knuckles, the golden ring that matches his own. "Things may be different now... but I know you would treat her exactly the same."
Phainon ducks his head before Mydei can fully glimpse his reaction; then he's pulling Mydei closer, burying his face into his chest, and with a soft huff Mydei's arm loops around him. He's not sure if Calliope's distant cries have finally quieted, or if it's just the magic of being buried beneath Phainon's pillow, but Mydei finds that he doesn't really care. He holds Phainon until well after his breathing slows, evens- holds him even as the blanketing warmth growing between them finally lulls Mydei back to sleep too.
The kettle whistles loud on the stove behind Phainon as he rummages around the kitchen, reaches for his favorite mug stored up high in the cabinet. As he leans a bit against the counter and pours his drink, he hears the bright pitch of Snowy's bark from outside, and curiously his eyes lift to the window. He catches a glimpse of their dog darting past the glass, then back; then back and forth again, and a bit peeved, Phainon wonders why Mydei would dare play fetch without him.
When he steps closer to the window, bathed in golden hour, he can't stop the smile that spreads across his mouth at what he sees, even as he tries to hide it against the warmth of the mug. Sleeves rolled, long hair pulled up with a band, Mydei wrestles the ball from Snowy's mouth- then hands it down to Calliope, standing tall as his knee and staring owlishly back up at him.
Phainon can see Mydei's mouth moving, watches him make exaggerated throwing motions- much to Snowy's excitement- but for a solid minute, the little thing just stands there beside him with not a clue what to do. Despite being of speaking age, Calliope has never spoken a word, though Hyacine seems sure she can understand their language, perhaps a side-effect of a tough early life; Phainon still has trouble properly sorting through the countless lifetimes he's lived, but he's sure a Mydeimos once told him how it took years of living with the Kremnoan detachment, after being pulled out of the sea he'd spent his childhood in, before he could speak well.
That patience has certainly never left him, as all six-something feet of him kneels down on the grass so that he can be on the child's level, and something inside of Phainon's chest twists at the sight, painfully tender.
If things were different, a Mydeimos of the cycles had told him, once. If there were no wars to fight, no flame chase. I'd want a family, with you.
That Phainon had given him a sunshine smile, limbs tangled together, warm light of the dawn device pouring through the cracks of his curtain. That Phainon had known nothing yet of the cruel reality of their world awaiting him- that those words whispered between them had already been spoken a million different times, to no fruition.
And yet, the Mydei who stands outside their window, who takes the child's hand with his and gently guides her arm forward, helps her slowly throw the ball to Snowy- he has never changed, across the entire eternity Phainon has lived- remains confident, sure of what he wants, everything that Phainon is not in the aftermath. Because things are different now, and there is no war, no flame chase, and there's a child that Mydei clearly adores standing right outside their house, yet Phainon still stands between him and the life they once could only long to have.
When Mydei's face lights up, proudly holding his palm out for a high five, Calliope blinks up at him for a brief moment- then puts her tiny hand against his, keeping it there. His palm eclipses hers twice over, he's two hundred pounds of pure muscle, a warrior still; but Mydei's eyes soften as he gazes down at her, a tender expression Phainon's only glimpsed from him few and far between- one reserved especially for Phainon... but also now this blonde-haired, blue-eyed child that already looks like she could be theirs, belong to them, and Phainon wonders not for the first time what it would be like to have his palm press to hers, how it would feel to lift her in his arms, hold her close, soothe the night terrors as she laid her head against his shoulder, because who could better understand that than him?
Like the thought burns him, Phainon quickly pulls away from the window; his eyes shutter, expression closing off despite there being no one around to see. It's too selfish, to want that, when every time he looks down at his hands, he'll forever see golden bloodstains- when he looks at the people he loves so dearly and still sees the millions of their corpses stacked by his own hands.
Outside, Mydei's gaze lifts to the glass pane moments later- like he senses something he can't exactly see.
The hot afternoon sun beats down on Phainon's back, sweat beading across his forehead, the rhythmic whisper of golden-brown stalks brushing his legs as he works the wheat fields. These days, it's hard work like this that he drains all his energy into- keeps his mind otherwise occupied and the busy-body in him more or less satisfied. Though it's hard to remember, buried beneath several millennia worth of worse memories, Phainon thinks he can recall working alongside his father like this... even if his face is just a blank spot in Phainon's memory.
Movement flickers in the corner of his eye- when Phainon turns his head, he sees Anaxa making his way up the dirt path, Calliope stumbling on little legs beside him. Digging the sharp end of his scythe into the ground, Phainon leans against the handle, wiping an arm across his brow and offering a wave.
"Out for a walk, professor?" he calls, tipping his head.
Anaxa hums in response, looking rather exhausted, and even Calliope looks more tired than usual. Another rough night, it appears- Phainon tries to give his best sympathetic look as they both come closer.
"For you," his professor tries to hide his yawn, handing a neatly folded piece of clothing over to Phainon. It's a shirt of his that had ripped earlier that week, stitched back impeccably; all of them wear clothes with her mark these days, especially the child, playing in the dirt beside them, yellow sun hat tailored with weaving floral patterns tied securely under her chin.
"Tell Aglaea thanks for me, as always."
"You can tell her yourself tonight," Anaxa says, a little moodier than usual. "Which leads me to wonder, why aren't you in the kitchen with Mydeimos?"
Mouth twisting up into a pathetic pout, Phainon slumps a little harder against the wooden handle. "Kicked me out. Said I'd turn it into a competition if I tried to help, and he wanted to actually focus on anything other than me for the day."
"Well," Anaxa shrugs, amused, "That is what happened last family dinner."
Feeling a bit betrayed, Phainon huffs and shoots at him a pointed look. "I didn't hear anyone complaining. Or still hungry afterwards."
"Because we were too stuffed with grass," Anaxa reminds him sarcastically.
"Not grass," Phainon grumbles to himself, though he lets his professor take the win this time. After all, they're one hundred eighteen to one hundred seventeen, and Phainon likes to keep the debate score close as possible, just for competition's sake. On second thought, maybe there's merit to what both Mydei and Anaxa and probably everyone else are saying.
He feels eyes on him then- glances down and stares back at the big blue eyes watching him, like always- so curious, so unafraid of him for some reason. The sudden urge to lean down, pick her up, zips through his chest, an abrupt spark.
She looks like she could be mine.
A ladybug flits by, tickling Calliope's nose, and they both watch as she clumsily pushes herself out of the dirt to trot after it. There's a smile wanting to twist up Phainon's mouth despite himself.
"Children stare at people they like," Anaxa informs him. Quickly snapping out of the strange daze he'd been in, Phainon blinks back at him, surprised to see his professor considering him with a rather gentle look. "It won't hurt either of you to try and hold her, Phainon."
"...Maybe another time," Phainon deflects. A strong breeze sweeps their hair back and forth; Anaxa knows better than to push.
"Come on, Calliope," Anaxa calls, holding out his arms when she turns at his voice, hurrying back as fast as she can and little sneakers kicking up dust behind her. With a bit of a labored sound, he lifts her up, and she squirms in his grip in order to keep her eyes trained on Phainon. "It's high time Aglaea's break was over."
Phainon's chest shakes with a quiet, amused laugh. Their relationship will never change. "I can't tell which one of you actually stayed up with her last night."
"Which one of us stayed up last night," Anaxa mutters under his breath as he walks away, like it is the most ridiculous statement he's ever heard. Phainon doesn't quite pay attention, though, because from where Calliope is perched, big eyes hovering just above Anaxa's shoulder, she lifts a tiny palm out- fingers flexing in a child's wave.
This time, Phainon can't help the upward curve of his lips, and his arm slightly lifts, giving a tiny wave goodbye back at her.
Phainon already knows who the first knock at the door for the evening belongs to, so when he lets Aglaea, holding Calliope, and Anaxa in- who seem to chronically be thirty minutes ahead of schedule- he's not at all surprised.
"Early, as usual," he remarks, giving his professor just a bit of side eye, then directing his sweetest smile towards Aglaea right after. "Thanks for stitching me back up."
"You're very welcome," she hums pleasantly, gently patting his cheek like a mother would before carefully setting Calliope down onto the wood floors. The child casts her wide-eyed gaze, as normal, intently up at Phainon for just a moment before quickly stumbling off on little legs into the direction of the kitchen. "Though Anaxagoras did pass along the message earlier."
Arms crossing over his chest, Phainon gives Anaxa a rather accusing look- who is currently bent down and eagerly petting their oversized dog. Unbothered, he glances back at Phainon, shoulder tipping up in a slight shrug. "Per our previous conversation, I figured you would be the last one allowed inside."
"It turns out Mydei can be a gracious husband after all," Phainon jokes as he shuts the door and follows after them. Like he's been summoned, Mydei steps around the corner in his pink apron, Calliope perched happily on his shoulders and munching on whatever snack Mydei fished out for her in the fridge- and abruptly, Phainon's knees feel a little weak, because he knows Mydei's trying to look big and scary, but all he can think is how cute they both look, how this picture feels like it belongs here, in the kitchen doorway, throughout the whole house for the rest of their lives-
"What was that?" Mydei arches an eyebrow, interrupting Phainon's very life-changing inner monologue. His lips are stretched in a thin line, though he doesn't quite nail the menacing aura with a toddler setting sticky hands within his crumb-littered blonde hair.
Phainon swallows a little weakly and tries to blink pretty eyes back at him. "Nothing?"
Their second shot at hosting family dinner is a success, though it's made overwhelmingly clear to Phainon by everyone that it's because he stayed out of the kitchen- which Phainon heatedly tries to argue against at the table, because Mydei's just as competitive as him, and it most certainly takes two to tango, but for some reason he's never taking any flak from anyone about it- to which a smug Mydei retorts that he's just more easy to tease.
For the rest of the evening, the majority of them lounge on the couches and mingle, and Phainon gets up intending to help Mydei and Cyrene in the kitchen with the dishes- when movement at the screen door catches his eye and he pauses halfway. It's Castorice, quietly swinging back and forth on the porch swing, with Calliope sat beside her, leaning into her arm and dozing off.
Phainon's not sure why- but his feet move before he can tell them to, and before he knows it, he's slipping out back to join them.
Outside, it's a rather cool night; the faint sound of far-off windmills turning, the loud buzz of cicadas the only hint summer is around the corner. Castorice tips her head up towards him with a friendly smile, looking a bit surprised to see him. "Oh, hello. Did we take your spot?"
"There's room for us both," Phainon reassures, trying to keep his voice down as he sits on the other side of the swing, a still-sleeping Calliope between them. "Got her for the night?"
Castorice hums in agreement. Her feet don't quite touch the ground, so Phainon rocks them back and forth with his own. For what feels like a long while, they sit in companionable silence, watching lightning bugs flit around, low to the grass.
"Cas," Phainon starts, keeping his eyes resolutely trained on the darkness ahead. "Was it... terrifying? To touch someone, after so long, without hurting them?"
He watches from the corner of his eye as her head turns sharply towards him, but Phainon bites at the inside of his cheek, refusing to look back.
"...Of course it was," she murmurs, soft and comforting as always- someone Phainon has always been able to turn to, who understands him better than most. They've had this discussion before, in all the various ways it could manifest, but never in this light, with a human child who happens to be the catalyst to his recurrent worries sat right between them. "I don't think that feeling will ever fully go away."
Phainon knows this, but it's difficult to hear it spoken out loud. He sighs, running a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs out of his face. "I want to be normal, for Mydei. For her," he adds, tipping his head towards the child. "But..."
Patient as always, Castorice's fingers drum delicately against the wooden armrest. "But what happens when you can't keep normal up," she finishes for him.
"Right," Phainon admits, the sound barely coming out.
For a brief moment, Castorice mulls his words over; when their eyes finally meet, she gives him a knowing smile- the same one she always gives him when they talk like this, that Phainon never thinks he deserves, but appreciates more than she'll ever know anyways. "You tend to think the worst of yourself, even now. What is it you fear?"
It takes everything in him for Phainon to be honest with her, and even then, what he says is a bit roundabout. "There are certain things that... I think the recurrences took away from me for good."
"Do you think the same of me?"
"Of course not," Phainon says hastily. "You're... you."
"That seems like some flawed logic, great debater," she teases, gently. She wasn't the classmate he looked up to most at the Grove for nothing. "You and I both courted death for eternity, so you should hold me to the same impossible standard."
Phainon still has his doubts, but there's a begrudging smile on his face, now, and he has no desire to argue further. "Remind me never to debate with you in public."
Castorice huffs with quiet laughter, and between them Calliope stirs- when Phainon turns his gaze down towards her, he's already met with those big eyes curiously watching him. And there it is, again, that faint spark at his fingertips; the selfish want to hold and dote despite everything he is and everything he's done.
"Phainon," Castorice murmurs, "We all know exactly who you are... the amount of love you've always carried could never be taken away from you."
Ah. Phainon tries to hide the way his eyes burn by tipping his chin even lower, hair falling back down into his face. He can't quite put into words how much he appreciates their friendship, even if there's a much louder part of him that's certain he doesn't deserve it- so instead, he tries to be brave, because he's at least always had a knack for that, and holds his hand out to Calliope, palm up.
A tiny hand reaches out to grasp at his finger, and Castorice watches for the first time how both their faces seem to light up.
There's screaming, and chaos, and golden blood spilled across his hands- settlement set ablaze, no one in sight but garbled voices floating through his mind, he did this didn't he, he's falling through a rabbit hole of time, over and over and over again, decaying corpses he's stacked reaching, gripping onto him, pulling him down-
Phainon's eyes shoot wide open to furious pounding against the front door, Snowy's shrill, alerting bark, and the horrible wails of a distressed child.
Immediately he scrambles onto his side, chest heaving and heart racing- sees Mydei, back to him, lying there motionless- and the absolute panic that grips at Phainon's throat is so sudden he almost feels sick. He doesn't see the wound, but a shaking hand sweeps across Mydei's tattooed back anyways before dragging him closer, trembling fingers pressing to his neck for a pulse-
"Phainon?" Mydei mumbles, eyelashes fluttering open, and relief hits Phainon so hard his eyes feel wet with it. Through blurry vision he sees the moment realization catches up with Mydei, suddenly wide awake and pushing himself up onto his elbows, worriedly searching Phainon's face. "Hey," he whispers in the tiny space between them, palm smoothing warm across his cheek, thumbing a stray tear away. "What's wrong?"
"Someone's at the door," Phainon whispers back instead of answering, blindly kissing at Mydei's palm, trying to get his breathing back under control like Hyacine taught him.
"I hear that," Mydei agrees, and gathers Phainon fully into his arms anyways, lets him bury his face into his naked shoulder and breathe him in. "It can wait."
Even though Phainon clings onto him like he'd die if they were separated, he habitually tries to redirect Mydei's attention once more. "I think it's-" he swallows, takes in another shuddering breath. "Cipher, or Cas, with the kid."
Mydei mutters an annoyed curse somewhere within silvery hair before his hands carefully tip up Phainon's face. "Come with me?"
Phainon gives a jerky nod of his chin- lets Mydei pull him up from the bed, grips at his hand and trails close behind him like a loyal guard dog the entire way. At the door, their actual dog whines and turns in excited circles as they approach, the knocking and crying only intensifying before Mydei practically throws it open and off its hinges.
"For fuck's sake, what?" Mydei snaps grouchily, Phainon hovering over his shoulder- and even though he's a bit out-of-it, Phainon can immediately tell Cipher looks just as miserable as he feels, Calliope shaking and wailing where she's hidden in her neck, the skin there wet with tears.
"Please help," Cipher begs, voice scratchy, flat with exhaustion.
Mydei is no pushover, but he is a big softie; Phainon hears how he quickly gentles his tone and focuses on that voice, not the faint cries of the ones still somewhere in the back of his head, but Mydei's, real and alive. "She won't go down?"
"Never," Cipher replies, heavy bags under her eyes. "Cassie was going to be up with her all night, for the hundredth time, if I didn't take her elsewhere. She needs sleep. Everyone needs sleep."
"I get it," Mydei tells her, because the two of them are similar in that way, Phainon thinks- unafraid to advocate for the ones closest to them. And he can tell that's exactly what Mydei's about to do, when he casts a quick glance behind him and their eyes meet. "But-"
"It's fine," Phainon murmurs, rubbing tiredly at his face. His normal hesitation feels hazy and far off, for the moment, distracted by lingering remnants of a too-real nightmare. "We can take her for the night."
Exhaling in relief, Cipher's over-tired body almost sags. Mydei blinks back at him in surprise, a silent question. You sure?
Phainon tries for a reassuring smile, and it must work because he watches Mydei's pupils dilate at the sight before turning back to Cipher and holding his arms out. It's a quick and wordless exchange, because it's three in the morning and Cipher looks ready to collapse on their front steps- but before Phainon shuts the door, watching her as she heads back, Cipher turns around, walks backwards and mouths thank you.
When he turns back inside, Mydei's already walking laps from the living room to the kitchen, bouncing the poor, screaming thing within his arms; he's in nothing but sweatpants and he looks like a soft, tired dad and suddenly, Phainon's heart feels like it could leap out of his throat for an entirely different reason than previous.
"Go ahead back to sleep," Mydei offers, but he's crazy if he thinks Phainon would dare want to be without him, especially right now, when he looks like everything Phainon's ever quietly dreamed for in his life- so instead, he slowly pads closer, comes up behind Mydei and rests a hand on the shoulder Calliope isn't burying her wails into. Pressed close together like this, blonde hair tickles Phainon's cheek, especially so when Mydei tips his head to the side, heavy-lidded eyes contentedly watching him.
"Shh, Calliope," he hushes quietly, careful as he soothes open the tiny fist she has balled against Mydei's arm with his thumb. And though she refuses to look up, her grip tightens around his finger- whether she recognizes the gesture or his voice, Phainon doesn't know- but the screams stop, even if the sobbing and sniffling don't.
After all, and though he's loathe to admit it, Phainon can no longer count the number of times he has woken up the exact same way. There's a level of understanding there, that they share- maybe she's known this, in her own way, all along.
He isn't prepared for the sudden way in which Mydei gently headbutts his cheek like a big cat, and a quiet laugh shakes at his chest, corners of his mouth curving up when he gets a glimpse of Mydei's face, overwhelmed with affection despite trying to hide it.
Eventually, they find their way to the couch- Mydei holding Calliope close, Phainon curling up beside him and easing a blanket over the three of them. It's a bit awkward, with Phainon's arm stretched behind Mydei so that she can keep ahold of him- but a warm hand tangles into the back of Phainon's hair, and Mydei gently guides him down to rest on his shoulder, and Phainon decides it's the most comfortable he's been all night.
The last thing he's aware of before slipping into an exhausted sleep is how slowly, the cries dissipate into soft hiccups, and those finally into hushed, even breaths.
When Mydei wakes up, back aching and a line of sun from the living room window hitting him right in the eyes, it takes a solid minute for his brain to catch up and realize that both the weights that had fallen asleep against him have vanished.
His eyes fly back open and he bolts off the couch with a start. Fuck. Phainon's gone. The kid is gone. He glances back at the couch one more time just to confirm that yep, they're still not there. Fuck.
Phainon couldn't have left too long ago, if the way his arm is still asleep tells him anything. Quickly Mydei sweeps through the kitchen, down the hallway, into the bedroom but finds no trace of them, and his worry only grows. Did Phainon really want to take her away that fast? Was it too much for him, was the adoration Mydei thought he could see all over his face last night just wishful thinking?
Mydei stands there, blankly buffering in the middle of their room, and comes to the startling realization that he's gutted so badly by the mere thought of Phainon not wanting her that his chest burns like he's been stabbed.
Luckily he doesn't get to think about it for long, because the faint sound of the sliding back door shutting closed has Mydei's ears immediately pricking up like an animal on the hunt. When he leaves the bedroom, rounds the corner of the hallway, he opens his mouth, expecting to only see Phainon-
And freezes in place, because Phainon's back is to him, and he's holding Calliope.
He's humming something pleasant, Calliope quiet and content where she rests on his hip, secured there with one strong arm while the other rummages in the fridge. Neither of them hear Mydei, lost in their own little world, because Phainon's asking her what she wants for breakfast, and of course she just blinks up at him curiously, so he's pulling out something suspiciously green- Oh, you want a salad don't you, Phainon's saying cheekily, well that's perfect because you've come to the right guy- and Mydei can't even be mad because they look like everything he's ever wanted; and the domesticity of it all, the fact that maybe, this can finally be theirs, rips a soft noise from Mydei's throat he didn't even know he was capable of making.
"Mydei?" Phainon's asking, and Mydei comes back to awareness- two pairs of pretty blue eyes blinking expectantly back at him. Mine, Mydei thinks, fiercely, maybe a bit too protective, but his entire body feels full of emotion, sure of it. They're mine.
“Hey,” Phainon tries to get his attention again, brow furrowing, head tipping. “You want eggs with yours or what?”
Mydei rubs a quick hand over his eyes, says a bit snippily, “Of course I do,” then soothes the sting of his words by kissing Phainon’s temple, the crown of Calliope’s head.
And that’s how it starts.
Calliope stays with them more and more often as the days go by, until one week, right in the midst of the hot summer, Mydei realizes they've both started feeling reluctant to pass her along to the others, so much so that it seems she's become a permanent resident of theirs- has wedged comfortably between them like she has always belonged, like the house feels oddly barren without her nowadays.
So Mydei gets to work on building an add-on bedroom, because if she's staying, he'll be damned if she has to sleep in their living room for any longer, and though he never quite got to witness the sheer speed of Kremnoan construction in its prime, it lives within his bloodline (or so Phainon enthusiastically claims, stars in his eyes as he begs to help- and Mydei will admit it is enjoyable to boss him around all day long). As a result, the boards are a little uneven (particularly in the areas Mydei got a little too distracted by a shirtless, sweating Phainon), the roofline dips a bit on the right (where they squabbled over Mydei's methods until Phainon got pinned there and kissed silly), and there's quite frankly an alarming tilt to one of the support beams (where a keyed up Phainon finally had it with him and shoved Mydei into), because historically, this is always what happens when they work together on anything- but it'll hold, even if the result is more a Kremnoan hybrid than anything. He's sure of it.
When he returns to the house after a long day of brainstorming a battle plan with Aglaea and Anaxa for the upcoming harvest, the first thing he notices is the sharp, fresh smell of paint drifting through the rooms despite all the open windows. A bit dubious, Mydei follows the thin trail of light blue drips splattered all across the living room, trying not to think about how difficult it'll be to get out later, as he pushes aside the plastic divider separating the addition from the rest of the house, and finds Phainon and the child sitting together along the far wall, preforming the worst paint job he's ever seen.
"-and blue is the best color," Phainon is in the middle of telling her, looking quite serious about it with an over-saturated roller in one hand. Calliope is silent as usual, but with the way she gazes up at him, Mydei knows she's at the very least listening intently before she turns back to the open paint can between them, concentrating fiercely as she dips her little brush in with both hands. They're both covered in blue- Mydei's not even sure how Phainon's got it smeared all over the side of his face, in his hair, gods they'll be in the bath all night with Mydei scrubbing through his scalp at this rate- and he watches in real time as Calliope slowly pulls her brush out of the can and drips it all over the big shirt she's wearing- Mydei's shirt, that practically swallows her up and drags along the messy floor- and adds her own streaky stripes to the wall besides Phainon's.
What a mess. There is no doubt in Mydei's mind that he will have to go over it multiple times. A smile curves at his mouth anyways.
"Purple is good too, though," Phainon continues chatting, and Mydei watches Calliope turn her head towards him, something almost reverent in her gaze as she listens, like she believes every word he says. "Oh, and yellow, but if we did that combination on your walls I would definitely get yelled at."
"Is that so?" Mydei leans against the doorway, arms crossing against his chest. He decides he'll never get tired of seeing those beautiful blue eyes glow when they both startle and turn towards him, wearing the same pleased expression at the sight of him. "By the way, you're both fired from painting my house," he adds dryly.
Looking a bit smug, Phainon dips a third paintbrush into the can, not bothering to wipe off the excess before handing it to Calliope. "You heard the boss," he shrugs, eyes shining with mischief. "Why don't you bring this to him?"
Mydei's mouth drops open in protest, but before he can even get a word out Calliope is trotting towards him with the dripping brush held out in front of her, face brimming with the most expression he's ever seen from her- recognition, excitement, something like pride, maybe- which staunchly roots him to the ground despite the glare he directs at Phainon for sending this cute missile of destruction towards him.
Blue most certainly drips onto his shoes as she comes to a stop before him, head tilted back as she holds out the brush like a peace offering. Mydei tries to sigh- it comes out as more of a soft laugh instead. He bends down, takes the brush in one hand and sweeps up Calliope with the other, letting her sit in the cradle of his forearm and elbow- tries not to make a pathetic sound in the back of his throat when she leans fully against his shoulder, little fingers clutching him close in greeting and blinking up at him with big, content eyes.
"Has he been giving you a hard time?" Mydei jokes, choking down the emotion he feels especially when he looks back to Phainon. "We should teach him a lesson."
"She's the ruthless one," Phainon disagrees, corners of his lips quirked upward, watching as they both settle beside him once more and Calliope eagerly wiggles out of Mydei's arms to resume her duty. "She gave me no choice but to paint these walls with her all day."
"I can tell it's been very hard for you," Mydei plays along, observing the sad condition of the walls. "You've missed spots I didn't think were possible to miss."
"We're going for more of an avant garde feel," Phainon informs him sagely, and when their eyes meet, he can tell Phainon's trying not to laugh, mouth set in what looks like a squiggly line.
Mydei's not sure how long it's been since Phainon's been like this- silly and relaxed, the weight everyone knows he carries upon his shoulders practically vanished, if only for a while- and Mydei suddenly feels so overwhelmed by it, by the old bits and pieces of the Phainon he remembers slowly peeking out with every passing day, that he can't help but lean over into his space and aggressively swipe his paintbrush right up Phainon's neck and chin.
"Hey!" Phainon squawks, the laugh startling out of him as he smacks the brush from Mydei's hand while trying to jerk away. "That's cold, you absolute dick-"
A sweet, delighted hum sounds between them, and they both freeze amid their wrestling, heads whipping towards Calliope. She doesn't seem to notice, dabbing her paintbrush triumphantly against the wall, a soft, rare smile on her face.
"Was- was that a laugh? Did she just laugh?" Phainon exhales quietly, wide eyed and mouth parted in awe.
"...I don't know," Mydei wonders aloud, distractedly swatting Phainon's hand from where it had jammed into his face, just as struck breathless. "I've never heard her make that noise before."
She doesn't make the sound again, remains oblivious to the spell she's cast over the two of them, but something warm settles in Mydei's chest regardless, and it only takes one glance at Phainon for Mydei to know they're thinking the same exact thing.
If things were different, Mydei had told a Khaslana of the cycles, once. If there were no wars to fight, no flame chase. I'd want a family, with you.
Among all the good days they spend together, there are bound to be bad ones too.
Despite both Phainon and Calliope seeming to suffer from the same affliction, the night terrors dwindle the longer she stays with them, and though he's had a decent grip on his for a while now, Phainon's remain blessedly quiet as well.
That is, until one night Calliope wakes up screaming, and it triggers Phainon into a cold panic too, jerking up from bed with a sharp, ragged breath. He's so startled he thinks he's still dreaming as he haphazardly throws the blankets off, scrambles to the side of the bed for air, pays no mind to the body slowly stirring besides him- can only hear a thousand other screams from all the lives he's lived still haunting the bleakest corners of his mind-
Phainon bolts up, the room swimming around him. All he knows is that he is hellbent on getting rid of that god-awful noise like dead weight clinging on to him, and half-blind with adrenaline, he stumbles down the hallway, follows the piercing cries to the other side of the house, into the room lit by a small nightlight in the corner, with a child Phainon doesn't recognize sitting up in her bed, eyes big and bright with tears when her head snaps towards him.
Something instinctive stirs within him though, when they make eye contact- something like mine, my baby, Mydei's and mine-
Tiny, trembling hands reach out for him, desperate, and a terrified, warbling sound hiccups from her throat. "Papa," she pleads, tearfully-
Phainon's mind abruptly comes crashing back into his body at the word, startled and confused and worst of all, Calliope's sobbing again because he's frozen, can't seem to move from where his feet have planted themselves, he can't understand why he's like this, why he always hurts those he only ever wishes to protect, over and over-
"Hey," Mydei's soft voice echoes through the little room, and the second Phainon turns tear-filled eyes towards him, he's quickly crossing the distance to them both in two long strides, scooping Calliope up first and holding her gently against his chest, letting her bury her cries there; then he's turning to Phainon, free hand gripping firm at his shoulder first, sweeping up his neck, warm and careful when his palm slides over his cheek. "You're alright. She's alright," he gestures with a small tip of his head. He thumbs across the skin under Phainon's eye, and the wounded sound that tears from Phainon's throat without his permission looks like it punches the breath right out of Mydei.
"Breathe, Phainon," he tells him quietly, stepping closer, their foreheads touching. "You've had plenty nights worse than this."
"Something's wrong with me," Phainon insists instead, voice thick with emotion, trying to duck his face away so that Mydei can't see. "I told you I'm not- I can't be trusted to-" he swallows, shakes his head, bites his lip hard to try and quiet the shuddering breath he takes. "I didn't even recognize her, what if I-"
"You listen to me," Mydei interrupts him, fingers gripping his chin and yanking his face back up, the fierce expression he stares back at Phainon with enough to freeze him in place obediently. "I'll only say it once. I've known you through millions of lifetimes- I know exactly who you are," he whispers, voice faltering, just a bit, and Phainon feels his eyes burn for a different reason, now. "There's no doubt in my mind that the you who stands before me right now would ever harm a single hair on this child. Get it through this thick skull," Mydei jabs at his temple with a finger, but then presses his lips over the skin there, and Phainon's shoulders sag, tension leaving his body as he pushes needily into his warmth.
He matches his breathing to Mydei's- tilts his head towards him, begging for affection- which Mydei readily gives, kisses trailing down his temple, over his eyelid, down the bridge of his nose. "Love you," Phainon breathes out shakily, barely there in the tiny space between them. "Love you, Mydei."
"I know, sweetheart," a quiet, rumbling purr comes from Mydei's chest, and he exhales his next words against Phainon's mouth. "I love you too."
When they step apart, just barely, Calliope unwinds her hands from around Mydei's neck and turns in his arms- sends a still-tearful look to Phainon, like she wants something but is too afraid to try again-
And then, hesitantly, carefully, she leans towards him, reaches out for him one more time, and something inside Phainon feels like it cracks and breaks, all over again, as this time he reaches out for her and hoists her up into his arms, fits her against his chest where she belongs, small and warm and still hiccupping now and then, fingers curling tight in his shirt and he holds her back just as strong, because as much as she thinks she needs him, Phainon is now convinced he has always needed her, too.
"I'm sorry," Phainon mumbles into her blonde curls, and it sounds like a plea, like please, please forgive me. She doesn't speak again- Phainon's not even sure she fully understands- but she doesn't pull away.
She doesn't ever pull away- not for the rest of the long night- and neither does Phainon.
As much as they love Calliope, there are some slight downsides to living with a child.
Namely, trying to have sex while adjusting to the fact that one, Phainon has to stop being a screamer, and two, Mydei can't fuck his brains out with those mean, loud thrusts smacking against skin that they both know Phainon loves. And normally, they wouldn't even try with her sleeping on the other side of the house, but tonight, Phainon had taken one glance at Mydei when they settled in bed- and immediately had rolled on top of him and kissed him breathless, over and over again until Mydei's hair was sticking up at all different angles and his eyes were glazed over- and then Mydei was sitting up, swinging his feet over Phainon's side of the bed, both of them wrestling his clothes off until he was entirely seated on Mydei's cock.
"Quiet," Phainon tries, against his mouth- gasps a soft cry into the bedroom anyways, guided by Mydei's steady hands at his hips, lifting him up and down on his lap.
"You're the one making all the noise," Mydei says, gazing up at him with half-lidded eyes, sucking a bruise into the space where jaw and neck meet. "You be quiet."
Phainon's hands grip tight in Mydei's hair, against his shoulder, and when their eyes meet, Mydei's hips sharply jerk upward into his heat like he can't help it, and Phainon barely muffles his whine into Mydei's temple in time.
"Mean," he whimpers, right into Mydei's ear- feels the way his entire body shudders at the sound of his voice, how strong hands dig into the skin at his hips, forcing him down just a little harder on his cock.
"Sorry," he kisses at Phainon's shoulder, breathless and not apologetic at all. "You're just so pretty, when you ride-"
They're lucky Phainon's side of the bed faces the wall and not their bedroom door, because they don't hear the sniffles, nor the thump of footsteps coming down the hall until it's too late, and the door suddenly creaks open.
"Papa," comes the saddest, most pathetic sound from the doorway- and both of them practically jump out of their skin.
Ah. The joys of parenthood.
"Calliope!" Phainon yelps, thankfully hidden by Mydei's back as he scrambles off his lap with all the grace of a spooked cat and goes tumbling to the ground between bed and wall. Mydei quickly yanks the covers up over his own lap, blinking down at Phainon beneath him, hand over his mouth and shoulders shaking with the effort of trying not to laugh.
"Your fault," Phainon huffs, just a bit bratty, scouring the ground for any article of clothing and coming across Mydei's big sleep shirt. His head pokes around the side of the bed, and Calliope makes eye contact with him- Phainon quickly holds his palm out to stop her from coming any closer while desperately trying to wiggle into the shirt with the other hand. "Hold on, baby, just a second-"
"My fault?" Mydei chuckles, watching as he finally feels clothed enough to stand on wobbly legs. "You were the one trying to kiss me into the mattress not ten minutes ago."
He gazes up at Phainon so adoringly that Phainon can't help but flusteredly throw the pants he'd found for him at his face before crossing the room and scooping Calliope up into his arms, taking her down the hall back to her bedroom.
"Tell me what's wrong?” he asks, voice soft.
She shakes her head and hides her face in his neck, fingers twisting into his wide shirt collar. "Scared," is all she can get out, trembling against him, and Phainon makes a soft, understanding noise against the crown of her head.
"Was it a bad dream?" he murmurs. The small nod comes against his shoulder, and Phainon warmly presses his cheek to her temple in comfort. When they enter her room, the nightlight in the corner glows blue, painting her curls in cool tones as he gently starts rocking her, tipping back a bit so that she's safe and warm against his chest.
"I have those too," he says into her hair, voice a low hush meant only for her ears- takes in her familiar scent, this precious little thing that is his. "But whatever it is you're dreaming about... I won't ever let it hurt you. Promise."
He's not sure how long he rocks her to sleep in that room, humming some soft, ancient melody; completely instinctive like it comes from a part of him that somehow can still recall Elysian lullabies even if all his memories of that town are forever tainted, soured and bitter.
There's movement in the doorway, and the nightlight flickers. When Phainon turns his head, he wonders how long Mydei's been standing there- pants on, he amusedly notes- leaned against the doorframe and watching with that tender look he only ever directs at the two of them.
"Bad dream," Phainon mouths over her golden curls, giving him a content smile.
Mydei's eyes seem to dilate at the words, searching Phainon's face like he's trying to engrave the memory into his bones- and then the softest look Phainon has ever seen him make settles over him.
"Look at you," he murmurs, full of pride. "You were made for this."
Phainon's not sure if Mydei sees the way his shoulders jump at his words- if he spots the glimmer at the corners of his eyes in the dark. For a creature made solely to hate, it is the most meaningful declaration of love that he will surely never forget, no matter the hundred, thousand, million lives they may have yet to live.
When he finally gets Calliope down for the night- curled up in her little bed with Snowy curved warmly around her, like the dog too has decided she's his to protect- and tip toes out of the room, he and Mydei stop in the kitchen for a two in the morning snack; Mydei sat atop the counter, Phainon fit comfortably between his legs, head pillowed atop his chest and munching away at freshly made sweets Mydei and Calliope had worked on earlier in the afternoon. He can hear the steady beat of Mydei's heart beneath his ear, and for the first time in a long while... Phainon feels like he might just be okay.
"Let's take her to Aglaea's tomorrow night," Mydei hums thoughtfully, chin dipping when Phainon moves to blink up at him.
"Why?" Phainon questions, head tipping when he watches the smirk curve across Mydei's mouth.
Mydei leans down, kisses his forehead, and teases at his ear, "So you can be as loud as you want, when I fuck your brains out the way I want."
Oh. Phainon feels like steam escapes his ears, flushing a brilliant color.
Through the open window, Aglaea can hear the fretting before she even sets eyes on them- the metallic zip of a travel bag (for a five-minute trip down the road) opening and closing far too many times, the incessant squabbling of two voices that she has long been accustomed to- although, she's never quite heard this type of conversation from them before, and it's already putting a serene sort of smile over her mouth before she can even open the door.
"Hello, boys," she greets them, except they're not listening, because they're going through the child’s belongings again and Phainon's frantically listing off items like he’s reading the sacred texts.
"Auntie Cipher's blanket, check. Auntie Cassie's stuffed bear- oh gods," he pauses, head jerking up from where he's kneeled at Aglaea's front door, staring at Mydei like he'd just been told they were going back through the cycles again. "We can't do this. You forgot her sippy cup-"
Mydei rolls his eyes and shifts Calliope from one arm to the other. "You forgot. I put it in the side pocket."
"Tell them to stop agonizing over every little thing on my front porch," Anaxa calls, from inside where he's sat intently reading on the settee, and only then do both their heads whip towards Aglaea (who completely ignores him), eyes wide.
"Aglaea, you're here, perfect. So we have-"
"I've already heard," Aglaea interrupts Phainon with all the grace of a seasoned childcare professional, gently holding her palm out to stop him. "Twice now."
"Thanks for taking her," Mydei says, trying to appear like the unbothered one even though Aglaea can see right through him and his anxiously drumming foot and the fact that he's making no move to hand Calliope over. "Are you sure you-"
"It's a singular night, Mydeimos."
Phainon finally straightens up, shuffling closer to Mydei and reaching out for her when she leans towards him, and the warmth Aglaea feels when she watches Phainon hold her up high and coo silly words at her settles somewhere deep in her chest- until Phainon of course opens his mouth again. "If she has a nightmare, we're-"
"Phainon," she stops him again, a vaguely irritated look on her face. "There were more cycles in which I raised you than not. I can handle it."
"For the love of god," Anaxa gripes, having marched his way to the door to assist, fingers gripping the frame like he's one more question away from getting out his gun. "Go enjoy your evening before I rip my eardrums out."
Even though they both look like one minor inconvenience away from a meltdown, they finally relent; Mydei hands over her bag, and Phainon hands Calliope to Aglaea. Immediately the waterworks start, and Aglaea watches both their faces instantly drop at the sound and sight, but like he predicted such a thing would happen, Anaxa acts quicker by forcibly herding Aglaea inside and promptly slamming the front door shut before they can move.
"How very crass of you," Aglaea tuts, because she'll never admit she's grateful that he just saved them an hour of pointless reassurances, gently shushing Calliope as she peeks out the window. She can still see two frozen silhouettes on her porch, like they're soldiers anxiously awaiting orders and not the two very souls that had texted her asking for this at ungodly hours the night previous. She is never leaving her ringer on again.
Anaxa mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like no helicoptering near this house, never, and goes back to his book. After all, he's got an hour before his childcare shift begins and Aglaea goes on break, because they're diplomatic like that.
Swaying Calliope within her arms and humming under her breath, Aglaea finally hears her hiccuping sobs fade into soft, sleepy breaths- such a drastic improvement, now that she’s been staying with the ones who make her feel safest- and only then does she risk peeking out the window again, only to find the porch blessedly empty. Despite shadows settling over the landscape as sunset fades away, she thinks she can see them walking in the distance, swinging hands and bumping shoulders; reunited after so long spent fighting fate, stuck at the hip these days like their red string has forever bound them- or perhaps Aglaea is just a romantic at heart.
"You are so very loved, sweet child," Aglaea murmurs into her hair, a fond smile curving at her lips.
There's a thin layer of sweat built up all over Mydei's body as he bends Phainon over the bed, hands pulled back behind him by Mydei's for leverage as he drills into him with strong rocks of his hips, gritting his teeth at every sweet cry and loud whimper Phainon makes for him, mouthing and gasping into the pillow he's half-buried his face into.
Normally it's something Mydei wouldn't allow- would tip his chin up, kiss him from behind and remind him not to hide- but there's something almost indulgent that's wormed its way into Mydei's chest tonight, something he can't quite put a finger on, but all he knows is he can't stop staring down at Phainon, completely enamored by the way his muscular back is twisted and arched, how he's trying so hard to rut down against the sheets even though Mydei's got him pinned right where he wants him- how every so often he'll tilt his head to the side, peering up at Mydei with this lidded, adoring gaze that's driving Mydei absolutely crazy.
Panting, Mydei allows one of Phainon's hands to drop- feels it grip at his tattooed thigh instead, scratching deep lines into the skin there- and presses his own along Phainon's lower back, pushing down and exaggerating his arch, a pleased sound rumbling from his chest when Phainon whines high in his throat and follows the guide of his hand obediently.
But it's not exactly what he wants, and Mydei doesn't quite understand- so he turns the rational part of his mind off, for just a moment, lets his body show him what it is his hindbrain's begging for. And suddenly his hand is curving under Phainon, rough pads of his fingers smoothing over the taut skin at his abdomen, and Mydei's wondering what he would look like, round and full and pretty with his-
Wait. What.
Mydei's mouth very quickly runs dry- can't help but keep rubbing firm circles there, where he's imagining Phainon's fucking womb- and to make matters even worse (hotter), Phainon lifts his hips even higher with a desperate sob, his fingers gripping into Mydei's where their hands connect behind him, cups the one that pets at his stomach, the touch there enough to suddenly send his thighs shaking and trembling like he's about to come.
“Fuck,” Mydei gasps out, sweat beading at his temple, breathless as he rolls his hips hard into Phainon, fighting to keep his eyes open despite the way Phainon clenches and whines and arches back into him for more, the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen, so good with their child, what if he gave him another, he’s so, completely in love with him-
“Wanna put a baby in you,” Mydei breathes in a sudden rush, and Phainon goes so stiff Mydei almost snaps out of the haze of sex, worried he’s crossed an unspoken line-
And then the tension abruptly snaps, Phainon wails into the pillow and he comes on Mydei’s cock so hard his entire body jerks and spasms with it, and it takes all of the restraint Mydei possesses not to follow suit, nails digging into Phainon’s wrist so hard the skin will surely bruise come morning. The orgasm coaxed out of him is so strong Phainon twitches with the aftershocks, reedy cries of Mydei’s name falling from his mouth in barely coherent babbles, legs quivering where they’re spread around Mydei’s hips.
Lips parted and staring down at him in shock for a brief moment, Mydei tentatively lets go of Phainon’s wrist to reach under him, pad of his thumb gently swiping against the tip of his cock- and sure enough, it comes away wet. Phainon jumps in overstimulation, yet he makes the sweetest whine, hips needily pushing back and forth between Mydei’s hand and where he’s still spread on his cock like he just can’t get enough of him.
A little stunned, Mydei bends down over his back, lifts Phainon’s chin with his free hand, forcing him up from the pillow in a pretty arch- presses hot kisses all up his neck and jaw and whispers in his ear, “Liked that so much you came all over yourself?”
"Fuck, Mydei," Phainon chokes out, voice absolutely shot, chest heaving for breath. "What the fuck..."
Mydei pulls back a little. "Didn't like it?"
"No, I just-" Phainon swallows, makes a soft moan when he grinds his hips slowly back into Mydei's, a tiny laugh warbling from his chest. "You'd really want another one?"
"Can you blame me?" Mydei mutters, mouthing at Phainon's jaw, strong hands holding him firm now at his waist, his throat as he starts a new rhythm, hips indulgently meeting with Phainon's, over and over again. "You're a good dad. It's hot."
Phainon turns his head then, lips pressing to Mydei's, and he whispers teasingly, "That's what does it for you?"
"It's the daddy issues," Mydei whispers back, lips curving into a grin when he can feel the way Phainon shakes with laughter under him.
"Freak," Phainon pokes fun at him, with a silly smile that leaves Mydei practically breathless - kisses him once, twice, then demands, "Better fuck me again if you want your wish to come true."
Mydei's eyes hood at just the words, drawing back despite the protesting whine Phainon makes. "Oh? Didn't take, huh?" And suddenly Phainon's being flipped around by strong hands, gasping out a stuttered breath as Mydei pushes both his thighs so far back his knees hit his shoulders- and the way Mydei hovers over him, a wicked curve to his lips as he leans down, nose to nose, purrs, "You can take a couple more rounds in a mating press, can't you?" has Phainon's throat bobbing like he knows he's going to be sore in places he didn't know he could be by the time Mydei's finished with him.
Rounds? Plural? Phainon looks like he wants to squeak, but instead what comes out is a borderline competitive, "Might take more than that to knock me up."
Eyes flashing, a rumbling laugh shakes Mydei's chest. He's completely, utterly obsessed with the beautiful creature spread out beneath him- slides his cock back into him slowly, watches every gasp, twitch, shudder Phainon makes as he fucks him slow and deep and indulgent- lifts a thigh even higher, tries not to groan at the little cry it prompts from a wide-eyed Phainon, guides a calf over his shoulder and presses butterfly kisses to his ankle, over and over, every thrust inward so that he can watch the way Phainon's expression falls apart and his toes clench when he hits his sweet spot.
"Feeling good?" he pants, a little cocky, because he knows it's good- he just wants to hear Phainon prettily sing his praises.
"Fuck," Phainon sobs, trying to cover his mouth, his eyes, because he's drooling and crying and he's already squirted all over himself once but still looks like he can't think straight as pleasure numbs his mind. "F-feels good, Mydei, fuck-"
A soft moan slips from Mydei's throat, unbidden, and like something within him snaps he's suddenly leaning forward, putting all his weight atop Phainon's thighs, and slapping his hips down into Phainon so hard Phainon's writhing and wailing, fingers scrambling to grip at his hair, at the sheets, getting fucked with quick, brutal thrusts like he's in heat and all Mydei can do is mount and claim and breed.
"Haven't even bred you once yet," he gasps, filthy against Phainon's mouth, hits that spot inside him that has him screaming, and Mydei thinks he might be drooling too as he fucks Phainon wild, he's so hot and tight around him, and there's really only the faintest glimmer of a thought in his mind to pray for the integrity of the headboard as it rattles and smacks against the wall. "-and you're already like this. Maybe I'll fill you up, if you ask nicely."
He knows he's done a good job when Phainon doesn't even hesitate- gazes pleadingly up at him with those lidded, teary eyes, swollen lower lip quivering, legs trembling and aching where they're pinned beneath Mydei's weight- frantically begs, "Please, please, Mydei, Mydeimos, please-!"
And truly, Mydei will always be weak when it comes to Phainon, so he easily gives it to him; groans against Phainon's lips, thrusts stuttering and cock pushing deep as possible, fills him up so deep he thinks they're both imagining what it would be like if it did take and it may be the best orgasm Mydei's ever had in his life. With a soft whimper, Phainon spills again between them, shakes like a leaf under him, so gorgeous it takes Mydei's breath away.
"Holy fuck," is all Mydei can pant in the tiny space between them, a little starstruck. Phainon dazedly blinks up at him, hair plastered to his sweaty forehead, arms collapsed up above him- and after a long moment of just staring at each other, the sweetest smile curves at his mouth.
Mydei traces over his cheek, his nose, trades lazy kisses with him in the cooldown, purrs deep and content somewhere within his chest when Phainon hums happily into his mouth; finally draws back and eases his legs down from where they'd been pinned, and suddenly Phainon's grimacing, sore.
"There's," Phainon mumbles, tries to catch his breath- sounds so fucked out Mydei can't help but feel proud. "There's no way I can hold that position again, you win."
Mydei laughs, warm and pleased, leans down and kisses indulgently at his thighs, soothes warm hands up and down the muscles there- tries not to look too smug at the way he can feel them trembling beneath his hands and mouth. "Long way to go before you're round and full here," he tells Phainon, palm smoothing against his abdomen again, eyes dilating once more at the sight of Phainon's chest jumping at his words. "Think you can handle it, Deliverer?"
"Give me your worst," Phainon taunts back, unable to keep the smile off his face as he pulls Mydei back in and kisses him breathless all over again.
A kind of overwhelming heat wakes Phainon, has him groggy and sweaty and pinned on both sides, warmth so heavy the air itself feels thick; and for a long, startling moment, Phainon thinks he's back there, burning alive and body fracturing apart with it, back in that eternal war he'd waged against the cruel fate he wouldn't allow any of them to be bent to for a single moment.
His body goes rigid with some sort of instinctive, primal fear- but then a sigh, quiet and close, ghosts against the tiny hairs along the back of his neck- an arm tightens around his waist, a small foot nudges against his ribs.
Phainon fully comes to, blinks into the darkness of a familiar bedroom, watches as outlines slowly take shape, hears the rumbling sound of thunder as it storms outside, the steady pelting of rain against the window. It's Mydei's breath stirring at the hair behind his ear, Calliope's little fingers tangled tightly into the front of his shirt, and it slowly comes back to Phainon that she hadn't wanted to let go when she came home with them, it was storming and she didn't like it and she'd missed them, so they had let her fall asleep with them for the night.
He exhales, and it brushes through the head of blonde curls tickling at his nose. His arm's fallen asleep where it's pinned beneath her, Mydei's arm curls around him and pulls him even closer; he lies there suspended between two strong heartbeats that aren't his and breathes, and it starts to come steady.
Despite the heat surrounding him, Phainon doesn't even consider moving.
It's not too bad, he thinks, content and overly warm and safe. Not bad at all.
Only after he's lulled back to sleep again does Mydei's arm relax where it had tightened around him, assured enough to follow suit.