Chapter Text
After the war, Jinx had disappeared, happy to let everyone assume she was dead while she tried to rebuild herself. She almost preferred it that way. Demacia never felt particularly homely to Jinx, but it was safe enough to relearn how to be herself, not how she felt as pathetic, clumsy Powder, not loose-cannon Jinx, just herself. For once in her life she experienced slow mornings and somewhat peaceful evenings, occasionally sleeping without any nightmares or bedwetting at all.
Creating some distance away from Zaun and Piltover helped her stabilise herself; whilst she still had frequent night terrors and self-doubt, her hallucinations had mostly died down, only appearing on her worst days. Jinx’s hair grew back, which she wore in her signature blue braids, albeit only waist-length now.
Although she felt peace in Demacia, she missed her big sister more than anything. Her nightmares turned into dreams yearning for Vi, the sound of her voice, the feeling of Vi’s big strong hands hugging and comforting her. Jinx soon returned to Piltover, where she knew she could find Vi.
After reuniting with Vi again, they hugged like they were afraid each other would disappear if they let go. Jinx’s voice cracked as she greeted her sister, pink eyes brimming with babyish tears. Vi cradled Jinx’s face, whispering loving and comforting words, just grateful to have her baby sister back. Vi looked healthier now, and it made Jinx’s chest bloom with a sense of happiness that soured slightly as she realised it was probably due to Caitlyn’s care. Caitlyn stood nearby, watching the interaction. She smiled politely, but her face gave away her uncertainty as she scanned Jinx’s face and body, unsure if she should expect another classic Jinx outburst.
To her surprise, Jinx was invited to live in the Kiramman mansion with her and Caitlyn. The proposal shocked her at first, turning her into a stammering mess.
“We’ve got space,” Vi said, reaching forward to gently stroke Jinx’s hands.
“I- I can’t,” she said, chewing her thumb nervously. “You and… Caitlyn are happy. I’ll ruin it.”
“I want you there. We want you there,” Vi said, voice soft, her face full of earnest love. Jinx looked behind Vi, her eyes settling on Caitlyn. Her sister’s girlfriend swallowed awkwardly, looking down at the floor before looking back up to Jinx.
“Yes. We’d like you to live with us,” she said finally, her tone calm and careful, but still earning a scoff of disbelief from Jinx. The two women’s relationship was still rocky at best, given their history, but Caitlyn tried her best to be welcoming. If Vi was happy, so was she. Jinx swallowed hard, as Vi studied her face.
Vi’s hopeful expression and Caitlyn’s guarded eyes haunted Jinx that night. The voice in her head taunted her.
They don’t really want you there. They just feel sorry for you.
Jinx shook off the jeers and insults and swore to herself that she could be independent, but the lie was forced and heavy. It took some days of thinking, but Jinx eventually relented, the desire to be around her sister again overriding her stubborn pride and doubts. After the third night of sleeping on Sevika’s couch, she feverishly darted back to her old hideout to collect some things, excitement and anxiety brimming.
The familiar smell of dust and gunpowder still clung to her old place, making her chest ache with memories and the thought of Silco. She could have really done with one of his hugs, but shrugged off the feeling as she scanned her old things. She picked through half-finished inventions and scrap metal, trying to resist taking more than needed. Jinx’s gaze locked onto her childhood bunny, the one which had once been Vi’s. Her eyes watered at the sight of the precious toy, and she ran to hug it, inhaling the scent and nuzzling her face against the old fabric.
“I missed you so much,” she whispered, tucking it under her arm, deciding she couldn’t live without him anymore.
The possessions she ended up choosing to bring were meagre; some clothes, her beat up notebook, colorful pens, and her prized bunny. She didn’t want to drag her old chaos into her new life, leaving the weapons and bombs behind.
One thing she had been desperately clinging onto was an adult pacifier she’d picked up in Demacia. A small, secret comfort which calmed her down when she had nightmares. One of Jinx’s new, healthier coping mechanisms was to age-regress, which she usually did by cuddling anything soft she could find and sucking her pacifier. It brought her an immense sense of peace, and finally granted her the ability to let go for once.
“I’ll just keep it hidden. They don’t have to know,” she muttered to herself, rubbing her thumb over the used and lightly chewed silicone teat, resisting the urge to suck for now. She stuffed the paci from her pocket into her bag, hidden amongst her crumpled clothes, her heart racing faster than if she had buried a ticking bomb in her bag. She decided she would rather die than have Vi or Caitlyn to know about how much of a baby she really was. Picturing Caitlyn’s quirked brow and judgemental face, she shuddered, determined to keep her babyish acts a secret, even if she couldn’t give them up.
Telling herself she was ready, although her hands trembled, she slung her bag over her thin shoulder, and Jinx headed towards her new life.
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Jinx tried to be aloof and confident, but the Kiramman mansion was truly out of her depth. She felt dirty and out of place just by existing there, a problem Vi clearly didn’t have anymore as she strolled cooly throughout the corridors, as if it came naturally to her. Vi’s large hand was warm on Jinx’s lower back as she and Caitlyn led her through the large space, guiding her to the end of the hallway.
“And this can be your bedroom, Pow,” Vi said, her voice tender. “It’s right next to ours, so if you have any problems, you can come get us.”
Jinx nodded, her breathing shallow as she stared into the room. The thick green curtains hung from the impossibly high ceiling to the floor, and the bed looked bigger than the bedroom she grew up in. She pushed down an urge to grab her bunny from her bag as she ran a finger across the smooth wood of the dresser.
“It’s really… big,” Jinx eventually said, unable to hide her apprehension. Caitlyn stepped forward, hands clasped behind her back.
“You live with us now, we want you to feel at home,” Caitlyn said, Jinx barely able to avoid rolling her eyes. She was sure that this fancy house would never feel like home to her, but she swallowed her bitterness in favor of living with Vi again. She shot Caitlyn a smile, which she intended to look sweet and thankful, but the way Caitlyn awkwardly averted her eyes and stepped away indicated otherwise.
Stupid. Ungrateful.
Jinx rubbed her forehead, trying to smooth away the nagging voice in her head, hoping she didn’t look as crazy as she felt. Vi grabbed Jinx’s bag from the floor, tossing it on the bed.
“I’ll help you unpack.”
A surge of panic shot through her as Jinx remembered the bunny and the pacifier hidden inside her bag. The dark parts of her brain conjured an image of Vi and Caitlyn exchanging a weird look as their eyes locked onto her babyish items, the things Jinx had come to be so hopelessly dependent on.
“I can do it myself,” Jinx said quickly, face heated, rushing to stop Vi. Vi raised her eyebrows, but didn’t argue, respectfully stepping away.
“Okay, Pow. Come get us once you’re done, you must be starving,” Vi said, heading towards the door. Caitlyn remained respectfully silent, not wanting to interfere, afraid that she’d spook Jinx. The door clicked shut and Jinx set herself on the task of putting her possessions away, placing her clothes into the wardrobe, sliding her notebook and pens into the nightstand. It barely even took 5 minutes, given that she barely brought anything with her, leaving her to anxiously wring her hands as she stood in the strange bedroom. She knew she’d have to get more clothes soon, but the thought of needing anything from Caitlyn turned her sick.
Anxiety brewing, Jinx threw herself onto the bed, initially cringing at the unfamiliar silky feeling of the blankets. She dug into her bag, glancing up at the door to make sure it was shut, and stuffed her precious pacifier into her mouth, sighing with relief. She cradled her bunny in her arms, taking some deep breaths as she focused on sucking the pacifier. Closing her eyes and letting her messy thoughts melt away, she took a moment to relax and regress before facing her new life again. It was just Jinx and her bunny - for now, no one had to know.