Chapter 1: The Monster in the Mirror
Chapter Text
Chapter 1: The Monster in the Mirror.
The day Sunset Shimmer had been defeated she’d gotten the strangest mercy she’d ever received. She tried to be grateful. Really, she did. After all, they hadn’t thrown her in a dungeon or taken her back through the portal in chains. Instead, she would face no punishment except to repair all that she had broken. She should feel lucky, shouldn’t she? She should be happy! Only problem was… after such a long time, she’d almost forgotten how to even feel happy.
Did it matter? Sunset didn’t think she even deserved happiness, so spending a whole week working alongside construction workers to repair the school, barely able to rest, much less think about anything, actually felt like a respite, compared to what would come next.
School.
The moment Sunset stepped inside the school, one week after the Fall Formal, she saw all eyes land on her; heard all the awful whispers, felt the disdain and hatred her classmates held towards her. Even the teachers seemed to look at her with contempt. She tried to pretend that she didn’t notice any of that; that it didn’t affect her. But none of that changed the truth: Sunset Shimmer was hated. And she deserved it.
Oh well… high school didn’t last forever. Just one year and a half more to go. Even if she had to spend them being a pariah, afterwards she’d just… what? What was she even going to do after high school? It’s not like there was some all-powerful princess out there that she could impress with magic—which didn’t even exist in this world—, become her apprentice, and make things right this time.
Her situation in this world was rather… precarious. She’d never cared to improve it because her plans had been to return to Equestria, but now that she was here for good… she couldn’t see how her destiny wouldn’t be to end up as a junkie begging for money in some obscure alley.
So much for the great Sunset Shimmer.
Sunset stabbed the salad in front of her with her fork. She’d barely registered anything from the moment she walked into the school until now, her lunch break. Only the negativity that seemed to follow her around everywhere she went.
She sighed. Well… at least a small blessing was that she could wallow on her sorrow all alone, since no one would try to even sit next to her, much less talk.
“Sunset!” The voice rang out like a drill, sharp and unexpected. Before her brain could catch up, arms were around her, tight and insistent. She stood up and jerked backwards instinctively, the chair clattering behind her. Her chest heaved, her stomach twisted, and for a moment, she couldn’t even think; only react.
She scrambled further away, heart hammering, palms slick with sweat. Something about it had felt wrong, invasive. And yet, she couldn’t even begin to comprehend why she reacted that way; why something inside her had recoiled so violently.
She felt all eyes on the cafeteria land on her, and heard the whispered murmurs all around. Humiliated, she forced herself to take a few seconds to breathe, calm down, and take in her surroundings. Only then did she realize who this “attacker” was.
“You don’t like hugs?” Pinkie Pie asked, now sitting on the ground and pouting at her.
A hollow ache settled in her chest. The part of her that should have welcomed comfort was gone, leaving only reflexive rejection. But before Sunset’s scrambled mind could conjure up a reasonable answer, another one of her classmates arrived to the scene.
“I told you that a surprise hug wasn’t a good idea.” Applejack scolded her as she helped her get up.
“Aww, but she looked so sad and lonely!” Pinkie protested. “I thought a hug would make her feel better.”
“Maybe we should talk to her, first? Explain our intentions?” Rarity came soon after, along with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Now, the five girls who had defeated Sunset were here, all looking at her like they wanted something. She shrank under their gaze.
“I… I’m sorry.” Sunset said before they could say anything more.
“It’s fine, silly!” Pinkie assured her. “I should have started with something smaller. Maybe a surprise handshake?”
“No.” Sunset shook her head. “I meant about everything. About… what I did to you.” Her eyes darted across the five girls. “To all of you.”
To her credit, she was sorry, but the main reason she was apologizing now was because she assumed that’s what they wanted from her and, now that she’d given it to them, they’d leave her with her sorrow alone.
“I don’t think ‘sorry’ is gonna cut it.” Rainbow Dash scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest before turning to speak to her friends. “And for the record, I still think this is a terrible idea.”
“Agreed.” Fluttershy, who was cowering behind Rainbow, spoke, barely loud enough to be heard. She was looking at Sunset with fear, which… unfortunately made a lot of sense, being one of her preferred victims over the years.
“Come on girls, we promised Twilight we’d try.” Applejack spoke.
“And try we will.” Rarity agreed before stepping up to Sunset and giving her a stern look. “But first, I demand an apology for what happened at the last Spring Fling.”
So… was this it? Were they going to demand apologies from her for every bad thing she’d done? Why? Just to humiliate her? She felt a flare of anger shot up through her body, and she clenched her fists, but took a deep breath and tried to calm down.
Sure, this wasn’t how she wanted to spend her lunch break, but she supposed she deserved it.
“I… I’m sorry about that, Rarity.” She answered, looking away. “I shouldn’t have made that awful video about you just to become the spring princess.”
A few tense seconds passed, as Sunset felt Rarity’s eyes scanning her, evaluating her. She just hoped she wouldn’t say anything about the ragged clothes she’d worn to the Fall Formal and was still wearing now. Although she’d cleaned them, her jacket looked specially torn. Then again, could she complain if Rarity made fun of her outfit? She’d done far worse herself.
“I forgive you.” A pair of hands landed on her shoulders, and Sunset flinched, looking up to see Rarity smiling at her, which took her off guard. Then, the girl’s eyes flickered to Sunset’s outfit. “But darling, you absolutely have to let me make you new clothes! Look at what you’re wearing!”
“Rarity.” Applejack said in a warning tone.
“Right, right. Baby steps.” She looked at her friend with a sheepish smile and then let go of Sunset. “But perhaps we could start with a shopping trip at least.”
Sunset wanted to scoff. Shopping trips? As if she had the money for that. But that wasn’t the most pressing matter. What on earth did these girls want from her? They’d said something about a promise to Twilight… had they promised to keep an eye on her? Make sure she wouldn’t go full demon mode again? The thought made the angry flare inside of her grow even larger, but she didn’t say anything.
“Alright, listen.” Applejack spoke to Sunset this time, apparently sensing her growing apprehension. “We promised Twilight that we would try and be friends with you.”
What a nice way to say that they’ll keep you under tight vigilance. A voice inside Sunset’s head said bitterly.
“Although some of us still think this is a terrible idea.” Rainbow reiterated, looking at Sunset with utter distrust.
“But everyone deserves friends!” Pinkie spoke this time. “Especially grumps.” She then offered Sunset a cupcake that she’d gotten out of her hair. Sunset almost gagged at the thought of eating something that had been inside someone’s hair, but… it was rare that she’d get to eat anything other than the lunch served at the cafeteria, much less something sweet, so she took it. “See? Come on! Turn that frown upside down!” Pinkie giggled, booping Sunset’s nose with her finger. The girl took a step back.
“… Thanks.” She ended up saying, as politely as she could, looking first at Pinkie and then the others. “I appreciate the offer, but… I think I’ll be better off alone.”
“Oh well, we tried.” Rainbow shrugged, a smile on her face as she turned and started to walk away… only for Applejack to grab her by the collar of her shirt and keep her in place.
“We aren’t asking, darling.” Rarity spoke, placing her hands on her hips, like a strict professor. “Like it or not, you’ll be part of our friend group until you know what friendship truly is.”
Sunset scowled. “Great. Will you grade me too?”
“Hey, that’s not a bad idea.” Pinkie laughed.
“Sure, and if she fails, we get to hit her with a ruler.” Rainbow joked, but it was clear that she actually wanted to do that.
“For now… why don’t you come sit with us?” Rarity stirred the conversation back on topic.
“You don’t even have to talk, if you don’t want to.” Applejack assured her. “Just… give it a try, alright?”
Sunset sighed, looking at her salad bowl and then at the group of friends. She wanted to refuse, to grab her salad and go eat it at the restroom or something… as pathetic and unhygienic as that’d be, but lunch break was almost over, and if she didn’t eat now, she’d have to wait until the next day or spend some of the precious few coins she had to buy something cheap later. She supposed that simply sitting next to the girls who defeated her would be a better choice.
“Sure.” She grumbled, before grabbing her tray and following the girls to their table, where she ate and sulked in silence until the bell relieved her of her duty.
Rarity and Applejack did try to include her in their conversation, but after a couple of curt answers they mercifully left her alone. At least she got another cupcake from Pinkie Pie, just as good as the last one, and surprisingly with no hairs, which was the only good thing to come out of this ordeal.
Well… If their goal was to teach her a lesson about friendship, then congratulations! They had succeeded. Loneliness hurt the most when it sat in the middle of a group of people who all belonged to each other, and had no place for you.
Sunset hadn’t felt this low since the night of Fall Formal, but she forced herself to swallow the tears and to appear calm. Just a few more hours of school. Just a little longer. She could survive that.
After classes were over, Sunset stayed at school two more hours to do some manual labor, as part of her punishment for what she had done. This time it was just painting a wall, which, although tiring, was at least easier than carrying around construction materials all day like she’d done the previous week. Thankfully, the school provided her with an old janitor’s uniform to do it, because otherwise her clothes, which were already in a pathetic state, would be ruined even further.
As Sunset walked to her house, she sighed heavily. She really needed to buy new clothes before Rarity made her new ones and forced her to wear them; no doubt a frilly dress or something just as ridiculous. The only problem was that she had very little money, and her main means of acquiring this resource in the past had been to bully her classmates into giving her the money they had, mainly Microchips and Fluttershy. Obviously, that was out of the question now.
She could try and get back together with Flash. After all, he had been kind enough to buy her pretty much everything she asked for. But… no. It wasn’t in her nature to beg, and so she wouldn’t.
By the looks of it… she’d actually have to find a real job. Or not. Who cares anyways? What did she even need money for? Clothes? The ones she had worked just fine, even if they were a little ragged.
As she got into the small, dirty old place she called home, she tossed her jacket and boots into the same dusty corner where all her things ended up, and then went up the creaking wooden stairs and into the little alcove where her bed was. Well, perhaps “bed” was a bit generous for what it actually was; a plain old mattress with a cover thrown over it. She wanted nothing more than to lay on it right away, but she couldn’t risk dirtying it, so she took off her clothes, put on her PJ’s and then finally laid down with a tired sigh… only to shot up into a sitting position a moment later when she felt the familiar stinging pain of the wounds on her back, from where demonic wings had once sprouted.
Damnit, even after living with them for almost a week, she still managed to forget sometimes.
She decided to lay down again, however, this time she remembered to lay on her stomach.
She had some homework to do, but then again… what was the point? On doing homework, on going to school… anything, really.
When she first came into this world, her main objective had been to show that stupid mentor of hers that she was so much better and powerful than her, and make her regret not turning her into an alicorn, by conquering this new world and ruling it. Celestia was a spineless coward who had never even been here, but Sunset Shimmer, the best unicorn to ever live, would soon rule it all.
What a pathetic plan. It hadn’t taken her even two nights, aimlessly wandering around the streets, to realize just how stupid she had been.
Then her other plan materialized in her head; the plan she had actually tried to implement. And of course, that plan had been just as pathetic as the last one. And now she was completely lost. She had no path ahead, no purpose, no desire… nothing. She might as well be dead.
The hum of the city outside her window sounded distant, unreal, like another world she wasn’t part of anymore.
No. At least death would be merciful, she thought sourly. She was very much alive, and as such she was able to feel regret, pain, shame, and anger. Especially anger. As she laid down in her bed, just thinking, the anger she’d been feeling all day finally caught up to her.
Her classmates were unbearable. Whispering, glaring, snickering whenever she passed. They reminded her just how far she’d fallen from the greatness she once imagined for herself.
One had even pegged her with a crumpled paper ball in class; another left some chewed gum on her chair like it was some grand joke. They made it so hard not to slip back into old habits; to bare her teeth, to remind them why they used to flinch when she walked by. But after the Fall Formal, after her public humiliation, fear wasn’t something she could command anymore. Not without crossing a line that would land her in real trouble.
Even worse than contempt, however, which Sunset could at least understand, was the fake “kindness” given to her by Twilight’s friends. ‘Don’t worry, Sunset! We promised Twilight to be your friends, Sunset! We’ll keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t go full villain again, Sunset!’ Ugh! How she hated them!
They didn’t actually want to be friends with her. Why would they? To them, she was a problem to manage; a monster to keep under control, or worse, a charity case to fix.
Well, she didn’t need them! She didn’t want their ‘friendship’! She had always hated when people looked at her with pity, and she was sure that at least three out of the five were doing that. Rainbow Dash, as annoying as she was, was the only one who didn’t bother to hide her hatred for her. And Fluttershy was too scared to even try to talk to her. The other three, however, were a pain in the ass.
She didn’t need friends. She never had. And even if, hypothetically, she ever wanted some company, her last choice in the entire world would be those five.
“Ugh!” Sunset got out of bed, too restless to keep laying down, and went down the stairs, into her little bathroom.
She took some water from a bucket she kept in there and splashed the cold liquid on her face before leaning on the sink and looking at her jagged reflection in the broken mirror. As expected, she looked as tired and pathetic as she felt. Like a washed-up, homeless little pony.
She hated it. She hated herself.
Sunset glared at her own reflection, gripping the sink tightly, and trying to ignore the feeling of her throat burning and her eyes stinging. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t! She refused to sound like some pathetic, sniveling loser. She was Sunset Shimmer! She was Celestia’s prized pupil! She was the most talented unicorn in all Equestria!
Except… she wasn’t. Not anymore. Not ever again.
She was just a stupid girl who lost everything.
Finally, the pitiful sobs fought their way up her throat and out her mouth, and tears fell down her eyes.
She covered her face with her hands, trying to silence herself, to muffle those pathetic whimpers escaping her mouth, to conceal her tears and her pain even if no one else was there to see her break down.
“Aargh!” She snarled angrily and slammed her hands down on the sink, uncaring about the pain it caused to hit solid porcelain. “I hate you!” She shouted at her distorted reflection in the mirror. “You just had to ruin everything! Over and over again!” She practically growled at herself, and she could’ve sworn her fangs looked more prominent than usual today.
“You couldn’t come up with a better plan, could you?!” She kept on with her rant against herself while tears, hot as lava, kept pouring down her bloodshot eyes. “It wouldn’t have worked even if I had made it to Equestria! I was so stupid!”
She closed her eyes tightly and more sobs came out of her lips, followed by desperate, futile, attempts to regulate her breathing. She was so angry, so full of hatred, mainly at herself, that she could’ve sworn the skin on her hands was literally boiling up. Then, this feeling expanded to her cheeks, and finally the heat rose to the tip of her ears.
When she opened her eyes again, she wasn’t looking at herself, but a… demon?
She jumped back in fright, stumbled with the bucket of water, and fell on her rear, with the bucket tumbling over and soaking her pants. But she couldn’t care less… because as she looked at her hands, the skin was bright red, all the way halfway up her forearms, and her nails had turned into sharp black claws.
She’d seen this before, of course.
The Fall Formal. After putting on the crown and feeling the most excruciating pain she had ever experienced, she had looked at her transformed body and seen these exact same hands. Except, this time the transformation didn’t seem to be complete.
But still… there shouldn’t be a transformation at all! Twilight took the crown back to Equestria! Sunset had been blasted with a magical rainbow! The demon was no more! It couldn’t be!
Her breathing started getting faster and shallower; her heart pounded like she was sprinting for her life. She looked at those awful, unnatural, hands and wanted them to disappear, to go away. But still, they remained, like a mocking testament of what she had once been. What she still was.
She tried to scream, but nothing came except for a rasp of air that scraped her throat. Her chest clenched, shallow breaths hitching faster and faster until she could barely pull any in at all. She knew she was spiraling, hyperventilating, but she couldn’t stop. Panic had her in its grip, choking her. She didn’t want to be a monster!
Twilight and her friends weren’t here! Magic was no more! If she transformed again… if she was taken over by… by her, then there’d be no way to stop her; no way of going back. She’d destroy everything and everyone in her wake until the human world was reduced to ashes.
Hadn’t she done enough damage for a lifetime as she had? Hadn’t she inflicted enough pain? She didn’t want to be a monster!
She stayed slumped on the wet bathroom floor, gasping as her head spun and every inch of her body burned with pain. She felt sick, hollow. She wanted to vanish, to stop existing altogether. More than anything, she wanted the monster gone.
But Sunset… A sinister voice inside her head spoke, smooth and calm. I can’t leave. I am you.
She curled up against the cold tiles, trembling, too afraid to look at her hands again.
No. It had to be a lie! It just had to. Because if it wasn’t—if Sunset was truly destined to carry this burden until the day she died—, she wasn’t sure she wanted to live at all.
Chapter Text
Chapter 2: Bittersweet.
The next day had the worst beginning in the entirety of Sunset’s life, which was saying a lot. She’d woken up, curled up in her bathroom floor; wet, freezing, sore, and with her head feeling like it was being torn apart. Her eyes felt so swollen she could barely open them correctly, and her throat felt like it was made of sandpaper.
The only good thing was that her hands and face seemed to be back to normal; no demon in sight. Perhaps, it had all been a dream… or a hallucination.
Great. She was going crazy.
She took off her wet PJs and threw them over an empty curtain rack, hanging them to dry, and then went to wash her face. At the very least, it was a relief to get rid of the tears and snot that had been staining her skin.
Finally, she went to her bed, grabbed a pair of blue jeans and an orange t-shirt from a small stack of clothes on the side, and got dressed.
She looked outside her window, the moon shining clearly in the western sky… definitely too early to go to school yet, but too late to catch some decent sleep… right?
She felt too tired, like her bones could barely keep her sitting, much less standing. Just a small nap. It’d be fine.
It wasn’t fine. Not only had she missed the first period when she woke up, she’d missed pretty much the entire morning. Even when she ran to school as fast as she could, tripping once on her way there, she still barely made it to lunch break.
Well, at least she’d get to eat that day, she thought sourly as her stomach grumbled. She just hoped it’d be something more substantial than just salad…
But as her luck would have it, the lunch that day was indeed salad again, to her growing frustration. Could this day get any worse?
“Sunset Shimmer!” Pinkie Pie’s high-pitched voice rang painfully in Sunset’s ears as she heard rapid footsteps coming in her direction from behind. She closed her eyes and braced for yet another bothersome invasion of her personal space… but it never came. “Sunset! I thought you didn’t come to school today!”
Sunset opened her eyes slowly, seeing Pinkie’s smiling face in front of her. She didn’t say anything in response, but she really was glad Pinkie hadn’t hugged her again. She wasn’t sure how she would have reacted.
“Come on, sit with us!” The girl grabbed the sleeve of Sunset’s jacket and started pulling her towards the table with the other girls… because of course she did. Unfortunately, she was too tired to resist, and simply took a seat at the edge of it, next to Pinkie. The others greeted her, but she barely acknowledged it with a quiet hum. Hopefully she’d be able to eat this stupid salad in peace.
“Wow, you look terrible.” Rainbow commented once she was sitting, staring at her rather rudely. Sunset simply glared.
“Are you okay, darling?” Rarity asked with concern in her eyes. “We were terribly worried when you didn’t show up.”
“I wasn’t.” Rainbow corrected, only for Applejack to elbow her on the ribs.
“What is this, an interrogation?” Sunset asked grumpily as she took her fork. “I just want to eat, so if you could all ignore me that’d be great.”
“But Sunset!” Pinkie exclaimed as she got a bag out of her backpack. “I brought something for you!”
The moment she opened the bag, Sunset’s eyes widened. It was filled with all sorts of delicious-looking pastries; muffins, cookies, cupcakes, tarts, strudels… you name it. And the smell! It was heavenly! Immediately, she started salivating and her stomach grumbled despite herself.
“I wasn’t sure of what you liked, so I made everything!” Pinkie announced proudly. “I want to know which is your favorite, so I can bring it to you more often!”
Sunset’s eyes widened, alternating between Pinkie and the delicious pile of food in front of her. Was it the healthiest? No, but after surviving for two years and a half on only cafeteria food, she really didn’t care. She hesitantly reached out with one shaky hand, as if afraid this was some sort of cruel joke, but all she got was an encouraging smile from Pinkie as she grabbed a chocolate muffin.
Hesitantly, she brought it up to her face, taking the amazing aroma of high-quality chocolate before digging in. One bite and Sunset nearly melted. The muffin was soft, rich, perfectly bittersweet; infinitely better than anything she’d tasted in years. A sound escaped her, unguarded and blissful.
“Someone’s enjoying herself.” Applejack teased.
“Pinkie’s baking does that,” Fluttershy said softly, smiling.
The girls watched her with warmth, their usual suspicion oddly absent. Even Rainbow’s scowl had softened. For a heartbeat, Sunset almost believed it; believed she could belong here, laugh with them, be normal. But the next moment that feeling was gone, leaving only an empty void.
It was as if something inside of her rejected the idea on a visceral level. How could she ever have friends? How could she ever be normal? How could she deserve forgiveness and happiness when she was so… broken? Last night she had turned into a literal demon for fuck’s sake!
She shouldn’t enjoy this. Any of it. It was wrong! Not even this stupid muffin, which was almost as disgusting as herself.
Her stomach turned with the lie. The urge to spit out the food still in her mouth nearly undid her, but she forced herself to swallow, every muscle trembling with the effort of holding herself together. Her throat was swollen and her eyes stung, despite how hard she tried to push back. These were clear signs of an imminent breakdown.
Not here. Not in the cafeteria. Not in front of them.
She shoved back her chair and bolted, ignoring their calls. She didn’t stop running until she’d locked herself in a bathroom stall, where the tears finally broke loose. She was so sick of crying.
Sunset went back to the cafeteria after she forced herself to swallow all her strained sobs and cleaned up her face as best as she could. At least it had been a relief to not have to deal with any demon transformations this time, hallucinated or not.
Part of her hoped that the girls would have finished lunch already and left… but of course they were there. Worse even, Sunset’s bag and food tray were on their table. She had to face them.
She walked forward, dragging her feet, and ignoring the hushed voices that erupted all around her when she entered. She really didn’t want to know what people thought about her earlier actions.
Still, she had managed to pull herself together in just a few minutes, and now she’d hopefully be able to finish her food.
As she walked up to the table, the girls stopped whatever conversation they had been having and stared at her with surprise and caution, almost like she was some sort of ghost. The silence stretched to an uncomfortable degree.
“I-I…” Sunset’s voice cracked and she cursed herself as she cleared her throat. “I’m back.” She announced, rather unceremoniously, as if she needed to announce her presence.
The others kept staring at her with various degrees of awkwardness until Rarity spoke. “Well… why don’t you sit down?”
Sunset accepted the invitation and sat next to Pinkie once more. The amazing bag of sweets was gone, however. A quick scan revealed that it was now on the center of the table, most of its contents gone. Sunset felt a pang of pain inside her chest, but didn’t say anything. Perhaps it was for the best.
A quick look at Pinkie’s dejected face confirmed it; she’d ruined everything, like she always did.
She started eating her salad in silence, not taking the time to savor it at all, and finishing rather quickly. At least she hadn’t missed her chance to eat; that surely would have soured her day even further.
Just as she was grabbing her bag and preparing to go, a pastry was placed on her tray. This one looked like a strudel. She turned to look at Pinkie with a confused expression.
“I still don’t know which one is your favorite, but… hopefully you’ll like this.” The girl smiled at her. “I’ll bring you a different one every day, okay?”
Sunset didn’t know what to say. She thought today’s fiasco would have been enough to make Pinkie stop trying altogether. But here she was; still smiling, still offering, still believing.
Something twisted inside her. This girl was insane. She should have given up on Sunset already! Why wouldn’t she?
And yet… her fingers betrayed her. They reached out, wrapping the strudel in a napkin as carefully as if it were glass. Not eating it, not now, but putting it inside her bag; holding onto it.
“…Thank you.” she whispered, the words scraping her throat raw. She blinked away the stupid tears blurring her vision, and she hated herself for them.
Before they had a chance to fall, she shoved her bag onto her shoulder and ran away once more, just as the bell rang. She ran from the terrifying warmth that had almost broken her open.
After school, Sunset had to continue painting that stupid wall as part of her punishment. So, she put on the usual janitor’s uniform, took a brush and a bucket of paint, and then started painting.
All she really wanted was to go home. Her eyelids were heavy, her movements sluggish, and her arms trembled from exhaustion at every stroke. Still, she persevered. She knew she had to do this, otherwise who knows what punishment Principal Celestia would come up with.
After finishing one section of the wall, she took a moment to wipe the sweat off her forehead and catch her breath. Suddenly, a voice behind her startled her.
“You know, I always admired you for being a hard worker, despite everything.” Applejack was walking down the hallway. She offered Sunset a gentle smile. The redhead, however, tensed up upon seeing her… had she come to make fun of her?
“What are you doing here?” She asked defensively.
“Hey, I was just passing by, honest.” She answered, lifting up her hands.
“Classes ended one hour ago.” Sunset narrowed her eyes with suspicion.
“I had some homework to finish and I figured the library would be a better place to do it than back home.” Applejack explained, not taking offense to Sunset’s guarded attitude. “Y’know, more quiet.”
“I didn’t know you frequented the library.” The words escaped Sunset’s mouth before she could stop them. And then she realized how bad they sounded. “Uhm… no offense.”
“None taken.” Applejack chuckled. “I’m not exactly the bookish type.” She then got closer and leaned on the wall next to Sunset; on the part that didn’t have fresh paint. “Usually I go to Rarity’s if I need some peace and quiet, and she’s even kind enough to help me with my schoolwork if I need it, but she’s busy with a project right now.”
“You two are close, huh?” Sunset couldn’t help noticing, not without a slight surprise. The country girl and the fashionista… seemed like an odd pair.
“Well…” Applejack looked at her pointedly, but with the smile still remaining on her lips. “She was the only one of my friends that you didn’t make me hate.”
Sunset cringed at Applejack’s words; at the reminder of just how bad of a person she had been. The truth of the matter was that Sunset would have never imagined that those two were actually close; after all, when their friend group had dissolved, each had started sitting with their own cliques during lunch. She would’ve never guessed they were still hanging out after school… otherwise she probably would have tried to separate them.
“Don’t sweat about it, sugar cube.” Applejack patted her shoulder. “What’s important is that you’re trying to do better now.”
Sunset took a step back, getting away from Applejack’s touch, and deciding it was better to go back to work than to keep talking with her. This girl, showing her so much kindness all because of a stupid promise… it was infuriating, really. As if they both didn’t know Sunset didn’t actually deserve it.
So, Sunset took her brush once again and kept painting, doing her best to ignore the girl still standing there; still staring. Why couldn’t she just go away? Did she take some kind of pleasure in seeing Sunset working tirelessly until the late afternoon hours just to atone for her wrongdoings? She supposed she couldn’t really blame her if she did… Still, she just wanted to be left alone.
“Let me help you.” Applejack said after a moment of hesitation.
Sunset’s brain was still trying to process those words when she heard Applejack’s backpack drop to the ground, and turned around only to see the girl put on another janitor’s uniform and grab a brush. She opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out. She was rather stunned when she saw the girl dip her brush in paint and climb up the metallic ladder to reach the highest part of the wall.
Sunset would never admit that she had been dreading to paint that part, considering how much harder it was and that there was always the risk of falling, but… no! She shouldn’t feel grateful! This must be some kind of joke! But even if it wasn’t…
“I don’t need your pity.” The bitter words escaped her as she kept painting.
“Good, because I’m only offering you my help.” She answered without missing a beat. “That’s what friends do.”
“We’re not friends.” Sunset grumbled, clenching her teeth. “You’re just being nice to me because some pony princess from another world told you to.”
These words gave Applejack pause at least, and for a fleeting moment Sunset thought that maybe she had finally managed to shut the girl up, by shoving the ugly truth on her face, but then Applejack spoke once more.
“I’ll admit, I wasn’t very keen to the idea at first.” She answered hesitantly. “After everything you’d done, it was hard to believe you deserved a second chance.” A sigh. “But… Sunset you reject kindness so harshly. It’s kinda sad.”
Sunset’s grip around the brush made her knuckles turn white. She practically started stabbing the wall with it. “So it is pity, then.”
“No, it’s not.” She shook her head, then paused, thinking, and let out a chuckle. “Well, I’ll admit, I did use to pity you.”
“Excuse me?” Sunset looked up, glaring at the girl, only to see a kind smile on Applejack’s face that contrasted with her words. Sunset had expected to be made fun of.
“I figured all that anger and lashing out didn’t come out of nowhere, y’know?” She explained. “There had to be a reason why you were so mean all the time, be it an abusive parent, a though economical situation, or something like that.”
Sunset frowned. “Or maybe I’m just a terrible person.”
“Terribly broken, perhaps.” The girl went down the stairs to grab some more paint. She had almost finished the top section, while Sunset was only halfway through the bottom one. “But I don’t pity you anymore.” She smiled at the girl. “Because despite everything, I can see that you’re genuinely trying to be better, and that’s something to be admired.”
Sunset scoffed and kept painting. Despite what the girl was saying, she just couldn’t get herself to believe that anything she did was actually worth admiring. She was just doing what she’d been told. She had stopped being mean, she was repairing the school… that’s all there was to it. She wouldn’t say she was a better person now than before the Fall Formal.
“But even before… you always managed to get the best grades at school.” Applejack continued talking as she climbed up the stairs once more. “Many thought you were cheating somehow, but cheating alone doesn’t earn you the top spot in everything.” She chuckled. “And all cheaters are caught, eventually.” The girl shook her head and looked down at Sunset. “Although I didn’t like one bit all the awful things you were doing, I still knew you were working hard for those grades. If only you could put that same effort in other aspects of your life, I think you’d be an amazing person.”
Sunset bristled at those words. She wanted nothing more than to reject them, to prove Applejack wrong, but… how? She was telling the truth; Sunset never cheated, not on her exams, not on her homework or anything else school-related. She didn’t need to! She was better than all these bipedal creatures! She had known all kinds of magic back in Equestria! Earning top grades in everything here should be easy for her, right?
Except… it hadn’t been. Not at first. Countless nights she’d stayed hidden at the library, reading; trying to learn everything she could about humans, trying to comprehend the differences between her world and theirs, and to memorize centuries of a history that was unfamiliar to her. Without all that effort, Sunset would have been an average student at best, and her pride wouldn’t have allowed that.
Maybe… maybe it was time to use that drive to become the best person she could be, not just the best student.
The best person you could be? A sinister voice mocked her. You’re not even a person. You’re a monster!
Sunset physically recoiled at those awful words, knocking over a can of paint in the process, although it was thankfully empty, the clatter was at least enough to snap her out of her thoughts.
She knew that voice. It was the same that had spoken to her the previous night! She looked down at her hands, half-expecting to find sharp claws instead, but… no. She was human. Or at least she looked human. She took a deep breath.
“You alright there, sugar cube?” Applejack asked after descending the stairs again. She’d already finished the top part of the wall, all by herself. Sunset could only manage a stiff nod in response, which earned her a skeptical look. “Listen… I don’t know why you seem so intent on denying yourself happiness, and perhaps it’s none of my business, but-”
“I don’t.” Came the immediate response, this time making Applejack raise an eyebrow.
“Care to explain what happened today at the cafeteria then?” She asked, making Sunset cringe internally at the memory. “You were clearly enjoying Pinkie’s baking, and then you suddenly ran off!” She shook her head. “I know Pinkie can be overwhelming sometimes, but this… this was something else.”
“Maybe I’m just allergic to chocolate.” Sunset tried to deny the obvious.
“Sure, and I’m allergic to apples.” Applejack deadpanned. Then, after staring at Sunset in silence for a moment, she sighed and put away the brush, before wiping the sweat off her forehead. “Listen… you don’t have to tell me. But even back when I didn’t have any friends, I still had my family there to support me.” She offered her a kind smile. “I mean, maybe it ain’t parents or siblings for you, but there’s gotta be someone. A cousin, an aunt, a grandparent… heck, even a family friend. Everybody’s got someone.” Her voice softened, almost encouraging. “So talk to them. Whoever they are. I’m sure it’ll help.”
Sunset looked away, refusing to acknowledge those words. Applejack busied herself with putting away the janitor’s uniform she’d used, clearly preparing to leave, oblivious to the storm she’d stirred in Sunset’s chest.
Everybody’s got someone. Sunset wanted to laugh, but it caught in her throat. Instead, the words, almost mocking, simply sat on her chest like a stone.
No. Sunset had no family. There was no one waiting for her; no one to turn to, no one who cared. Applejack couldn’t seem to imagine a world without that kind of support, but Sunset lived in it every single day.
Yet, she had risen above it, hadn’t she? She’d grown up without anyone to lean on, earned a place at Princess Celestia’s side without anyone to guide her, discovered a whole other world without anyone to help her, and clawed her way to the top of the school without anyone to share it with. Everything she had, everything she was, she had carved out on her own.
So what if she was alone? She didn’t need anyone. She couldn’t need anyone.
You also don’t deserve anyone. The voice inside her head mocked her again. Monsters like you don’t get friends. They get cages.
Sunset’s fists clenched, knuckles burning with heat, but the fire twisted into a sudden stab of pain on her palms. She hissed and yanked her hands up, only to see claws where her nails should have been; long and curved, their tips wet with blood. For a heartbeat she couldn’t even breathe. Then, with a desperate jerk, she shoved her hands deep into her pockets, as if that would make them disappear.
“Sorry sugar cube, but I’ll have to go now.” Applejack’s voice cut through her panic, sharp as a bell. Sunset flinched as the farm girl strode over with her bag slung on her shoulder, ready to leave. “I hope you finish soon.” Sunset simply nodded in acknowledgement, not trusting her voice to speak without breaking.
“And… please think about what I said, alright?” Upon receiving another stiff nod, Applejack offered Sunset her hand to shake, steady, patient. “See you tomorrow?” Sunset stared at it, the gesture almost unbearable. Her fingers twitched, but she didn’t dare. Even if, by some miracle, the claws had already faded, the blood still slicked her palms. What excuse could she possibly give? So she stayed frozen, and Applejack’s hand fell away.
Applejack sighed and turned, footsteps resonating in the empty halls as she walked away.
Sunset let out a long, shuddering breath, relief rushing in, then stopping short. Her chest tightened as she watched Applejack walk away. Not because she wanted help, but because something inside her twisted at the thought of letting this be their last exchange.
“Applejack!” The word burst out before she could stop it, making her pause at the door. Regret crashed in immediately and Sunset’s stomach churned. She wasn’t good at this, wasn’t good at feelings. She barely even knew what she wanted to say! “I-I… thank you.” It came out clumsy, but Applejack’s smile was warm enough to calm Sunset’s unease.
“Anytime, sugar cube!” With a wave, she was gone, leaving Sunset alone with the silence.
Her hands came out of her pockets at last. They were still bleeding.
The wounds were real. The claws were real. And worse, the demon was real. Still inside her, biding its time. Waiting to strike.
Sunset nearly collapsed to the ground just thinking about it. She would have felt better if it had all been just in her mind, even if it had meant she was losing her head. But the blood on her hands served as a testament of just how real it was.
If it had been possible for Sunset to hate herself even more than she already did, she would have.
Notes:
Yep! The monster is real.
Chapter Text
Chapter 3: Unworthy of Kindness.
She was late again. Every night it was the same; the crown clamping down, magic ripping through her veins, her mind caged Inside a monster’s body. Always ending in that searing white light. She hated how it still made her wake up trembling and crying, like some helpless foal.
It was pathetic, but she couldn’t sleep afterwards for a while, and then she had overslept again. She really needed to get a new alarm clock.
Rushing across the street, she decided to take a shortcut through an alleyway, climbing up a fence in the process. She’d done it plenty of times before, but that day she was pretty tired. Her foot slipped as she was going down, and she instinctively tried to grab the fence again, only for the sleeve of her jacket to get caught in the iron barbs with a distinctive ripping sound.
Damnit.
Sunset stumbled on her feet as she landed and then inspected the damage. It was a pretty bad tear. Any other person would have probably decided then and there that it was better to finally replace that beaten old jacket already, but as it turns out, Sunset had nothing to replace it with. And truthfully, the thought of replacing it made something twist in her chest.
Stupid. It was just fabric. Back in Equestria she hadn’t even worn clothes! But this jacket had been hers from the moment she first stepped through the portal, back when everything had felt new and full of possibility. She’d loved how it looked, how it felt, how it made her feel: sharp, untouchable, whole. Now it was faded, fraying, barely holding together, much like…
She cut the thought off with a sharp breath. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t supposed to matter. And yet the sight of it ripped open left her with a dull ache she couldn’t explain away.
Perhaps a bit of glue would be enough. It’s not like she had the money to buy a new one anyways, so it wasn’t worth it to even look for one.
She sighed as she passed the school doors, thankfully still on time, but hurried her pace. She needed to retrieve her books and then make it to class.
After taking her stuff from her locker, she pushed through the crowd of students, barely paying attention to where she was going, until suddenly she collided with someone.
“Hey, watch it!” She yelled angrily at the person, only to realize too late that it was none other than Fluttershy. Not that she cared. Why would she care? The girl looked as small and pitiful as always, a reminder of everything Sunset couldn’t stand to see in herself.
“I-I’m sorry.” Fluttershy squeaked out and bent down to pick up her stuff. With a sigh, Sunset did the same. She didn’t have time to waste getting angry at such a pathetic girl.
As she was picking up her books, she saw that one of the items that had fallen was Fluttershy’s wallet; she recognized it because of the many times she’d taken it from the girl, grabbed the money and then tossed it back. Her hand reached for it before she could stop herself, like an old habit that she couldn’t shake off.
She paused for a moment. It could be so easy. Grab whatever money she had, threaten her into silence, then use the money for whatever she’d need; a new jacket, a new alarm clock, maybe even some food. What would it matter? Fluttershy could just ask her parents for more money anyways! Sunset had no one. She was doing this out of necessity. Out of survival.
She looked up, determined, and fixed the other girl with a mean stare. Fluttershy instantly flinched, her whole body curling in on itself, like she actually expected Sunset to hurt her.
The sight stopped Sunset cold. For a split second she wasn’t looking at Fluttershy at all; she was staring into a mirror, seeing herself as the monster everyone else saw: teeth bared, eyes narrowed, ready to pounce. It was exactly who she used to be. Who she still was, apparently.
Her chest tightened. She had been about to… to what? Threaten her? Intimidate her? Steal from her? All for a few coins that wouldn’t even make a difference?
The realization hit like a gut punch. She hadn’t escaped anything. She hadn’t changed. She was the same monster she’d always been, just wearing a crumbling mask.
With a snarl of disgust, she shoved the wallet into Fluttershy’s hands, hard enough to make the girl stumble. Then she spun on her heel and stormed off without a word, as if distance alone could wash the shame off her skin.
Faintly, she heard a whisper follow her. “T-thank you.”
The words hung there, fragile and uncertain. Gratitude? Relief? Or was it a trembling acknowledgment that she hadn’t been attacked? Sunset didn’t know, and that uncertainty gnawed at her. She couldn’t tell if she had done something good for once… or if she had just reminded the girl how dangerous she could be.
At lunch, Sunset grabbed her burger—finally, something substantial for once! —, and went to sit at the table with the other five girls. No point on trying to distance herself; Pinkie or Applejack would surely drag her there themselves if she tried to. As she arrived, she chose to say nothing, however; instead, she just gave a nod of acknowledgement as she scanned their faces. She didn’t miss how Fluttershy shrunk a bit when her eyes landed on her, or how Rainbow Dash positioned herself as if to shied her from Sunset’s gaze.
Whatever. Sunset sat down and tried to get that visual out of her mind. It didn’t hurt. It was fine. She’d just have to eat as fast as possible and get out of there right away… at least that was her plan. Pinkie interrupted it almost immediately.
“Sunset! Sunset!” She practically yelled at her ear. “Did you like the strudel?”
“… h-huh?” Sunset stared at the girl’s smiling face for a moment, processing her question and looking back at the moment she’d eaten the pastry the previous night. She couldn’t say that it was the best diner she’d ever had, but it had certainly helped stave off the hunger and its sweetness had given her a little comfort. “Uhm… yeah. It was alright.”
Pinkie’s disappointed face immediately told her she’d said the wrong thing.
“Aww, bummer.” The girl pouted. “I really thought I’d get it on the first try.” Before Sunset could ask what she was talking about, another pastry was shoved into her hands; this time a donut covered with chocolate frosting and colorful sprinkles. “Here, maybe this will be more to your liking.” Pinkie smiled at her.
“Uhm… thanks.” She said awkwardly, taking the donut and wrapping it with a napkin, just like she’d done the previous day, before putting it into her bag. She couldn’t risk another breakdown.
“You’re very welcome!” Pinkie smiled enthusiastically. “I have faith in this one! Many people have told me it’s perfect for when you’re feeling down.”
“I’m not feeling down.” She denied sharply, making Pinkie flinch.
“Uh… uhm, sorry. I mean… It’s good for everything. Not just that.” She chuckled, trying to alleviate the tension. Sunset simply rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her burger, hoping to finally be able to get a bite and be left alone. But of course, fate was crueler than that.
“Sunset, darling, can I borrow your jacket for a second?” Sunset sighed upon hearing Rarity’s voice, and was tempted to ignore her, but then thought better of it. The girl was so obsessed with clothes, she wouldn’t put it past her to just rip her jacket off if she didn’t at least try to dissuade her.
“Why?” She snapped at the girl, who was now standing behind her. No doubt, she would comment on how ripped and torn her jacket was, and how she definitely needed a new one.
“I’m trying to study a new design style and I think your jacket could give me some inspiration, that’s all.” She explained. “It’ll only be a minute, darling, I promise.”
“Ugh.” Sunset wanted to say no, maybe flip her off and tell her to get lost, but… she was trying to be better, right? And she’d rather avoid having a confrontation that would prevent her from eating lunch in peace, so… she took off her jacket and practically threw her at Rarity’s hands. At least the way the girl fumbled with it for a moment, before properly catching it, gave her a tiny bit of satisfaction.
Sunset then turned back towards her burger and finally dug in, enjoying her meal in peace at last—for a whole three seconds.
“Oh dear, what on Earth happened here?” Rarity’s voice interrupted her, voice full of concern.
Sunset put down her burger and glared at the girl with the intensity of a thousand suns. Rarity, however, didn’t even flinch; she was too focused on the tear that had appeared on the jacket’s sleeve earlier. A tear that Sunset had tried to repair with a bit of glue and masking tape. She couldn’t help feeling a bit of shame at Rarity’s judgmental look as she gazed at the handmade repairs.
“It broke.” She stated as a matter of fact, and then tried to grab her jacket, only for Rarity to back away, putting it out of her reach.
“Oh no, this is a disaster!” She cried, like she was witnessing the most distressing tragedy in the history of fashion. “I can’t allow you to go around wearing this!”
“Well, I don’t need your permission!” Annoyed, Sunset tried to get up her chair and chase after the other girl if necessary, just to get her beloved jacket back, but was held down by Applejack, who looked at her with apologetic eyes.
“Rarity can be a bit intense, but she’s a good seed.” She assured her. “Just let her work, I promise you won’t regret it.”
Sunset debated for a moment between trusting Applejack and going after Rarity anyways. She didn’t want the girl to throw her jacket to the trash or something like that, but… as she looked into Applejack’s sincere eyes, she felt herself falter. She remembered their conversation from the previous day and slowly sat back down, concluding that the country girl had no reason to be tricking her right now.
And so, Sunset grabbed her burger once more and went back to eating, this time keeping her gaze squarely on Rarity, ready to act at the first sign of something being wrong.
But to her surprise, the girl simply sat back down on her own chair, pulled out a sewing kit out of her bag, and started working on fixing the ripped-up sleeve; fist by undoing Sunset’s hasty repairs, and then by stitching it up.
Sunset couldn’t believe it, honestly! She had thought that Rarity would straight up discard her jacket, maybe even insist on giving Sunset some frilly thing to replace it, but… she was repairing it? Out of her own free will? During her lunch break? It made no sense! It was absurd!
Still, she said nothing, too stunned by what she was seeing to actually react. Even more absurd, and impressive, however, was the fact that Rarity finished the repairs before lunchtime was over.
The girl got up from her chair, walked towards Sunset and showcased the now sewn-up rip. It was noticeable, but not nearly as much as before, and Rarity had even embroidered the “scar” with a little golden pattern that resembled flames.
“Not my finest work, of course, but good enough for now, yes?” She smiled, then turned the jacket around in her hands, eying it with expert eyes. “I could repair the rest of it, with enough time.” She mused. “But for now I suppose it’ll have to do.” She nodded, satisfied with her work. “What do you think?”
Sunset sat in silence for a moment, unsure of what to say. Then, she took the jacket and observed the repair, softly caressing the golden thread. It was shiny, beautiful. Almost out of place against the worn fabric. It didn’t hide the scar; it framed it, turned damage into decoration, like a jewel stitched into rags.
Rarity had done this in the blink of an eye and made it look effortless. Meanwhile, Sunset’s own clumsy attempts had only left the jacket worse than before. Just like everything else she touched.
“Speechless, huh?” Rarity smiled, smug. “I’ll take it as a compliment then.”
Finally, Sunset shook her head, snapping herself out of her thoughts and forcing herself to look up at the expectant face of Rarity.
She truly didn’t like pity. Or charity. Or anything that made her feel small under someone else’s gaze. But this… this didn’t feel like that. It didn’t push her down; it reached out and pulled her up, like a hand steadying her when she didn’t even realize she was falling. Warmth bloomed in her chest, loosening the knots in her shoulders. It felt almost… comforting.
“Thank you.” She said, and the words startled her. How often had they been tumbling out of her mouth lately? Once, they had been foreign, but now they were stitching themselves into her life, one careful thread at a time.
“You’re very welcome, darling.” Rarity smiled. “But in return, you absolutely have to promise me you’ll consider going to the mall with me some time.” At those words, Sunset cringed. It seemed she had celebrated too soon. “Your style is fabulous already, but I’m sure I could find something to make it even more so!”
“Thanks. I’m good.” She grumbled, putting on her jacket and getting ready to leave.
“Hey.” Applejack put her hand on Sunset’s shoulder, making her look at her. “Rarity is trying, okay? I know shopping might not be your thing; believe me, it’s not mine either. But just… think about it, will you?”
Sunset’s eyes hardened as she pulled away. Inside, her chest twisted with a mixture of dread and stubborn pride. She couldn’t. She was a pathetic echo of what she once pretended to be; all patched-up, fragile and without a penny to her name. At school it was manageable; there were ways to mask her misery with apathy, but at the mall? Among all the normal people, with their perfect, normal lives… She’d stick out like a sore thumb.
She glared at the pair of unlikely friends. “There’s nothing to think about.” She said, sharper than she meant. The words tasted bitter the moment they left her mouth, but she didn’t take them back.
As she walked away, her eyes briefly glanced down at the repaired sleeve and she felt a pang of regret inside of her. Rarity had gone out of her way to repair this ugly thing, to make it something beautiful again, and yet… Sunset would never enjoy even a simple, normal, outing to the mall with them. She couldn’t. Just another testament of how she’d never fit in.
After school, Sunset had to do some more wall painting as part of her punishment. But thankfully she finished relatively early that day, so at least the sky was still somewhat bright when she exited the school. Only problem was… there were big black storm clouds looming above. She just hoped she’d be able to get to her place before it started raining.
She picked up her pace, walking down the street, focused on making it to safety as soon as possible, but then, a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Come on, little kitty, come here.” Sunset looked to the side and saw Fluttershy, standing under one of the many trees that stood next to the school campus, holding up her arms and looking at a patch of orange fur that had nestled on one of the tree’s branches. “It’s gonna rain soon. Please, let me take you somewhere safe.” The girl’s voice was soft and welcoming, yet the cat didn’t seem to be getting down any time soon. Had she been trying to get him to come down ever since class ended?
Sunset shook her head, pushing out any thoughts about the pink-haired girl, and briskly continued her walk. Whatever was going on, it was definitely none of her business. If Fluttershy intended to stand there until freezing rain came down the sky just to help a kitten, then that was definitely not Sunset’s problem.
And yet… Sunset’s steps faltered; her conviction gone. She told herself she didn’t care about Fluttershy’s predicament. Why should she? But she had always had a soft spot for animals—not that she’d ever admit it—, and the thought of that poor little kitten getting all wet from freezing rain and potentially falling off that tree made her uncomfortable.
Her feet shifted, now facing towards Fluttershy and away from the path that would take her home. She looked at the cat, then the road, then the cat again, and sighed.
Surely she’d have time to help before the rain came, right?
Dragging her feet and convincing herself that helping the cat was worth it, she arrived next to Fluttershy, the girl who still seemed to fear her. Truthfully, Sunset wasn’t even sure she’d accept her help, but she didn’t really care. She was doing this for the cat, and so she’d help whether the other girl wanted her to or not.
“I’ll get it down.” Sunset said. An statement, not a question. The other girl yelped, startled, but was promptly ignored as Sunset began to climb up the tree.
“P-please be careful!” Fluttershy said after she got over the initial shock and realized what Sunset was doing.
Sunset rolled her eyes. Sure, she was a bully, but she wasn’t a monster. She wouldn’t hurt the cat; she knew what she was doing.
Thankfully, the tree wasn’t that tall, and the trunk was sturdy enough, so Sunset could easily make it to where she needed to be. The small orange kitten was curled up on one of the branches, trembling from either cold or fear, ears flattened against its head and teal eyes looking at Sunset’s with distrust.
Sunset reached out with her hand, ready to grab it, but the cat hissed and showed its tiny teeth in defiance. Sunset hissed right back and grabbed it by the skin at the back of its neck in one swift motion; she didn’t have time to deal with its distrustful nature.
She kept holding it like this as she went down from the tree, careful not to fall. Once she was safely on the ground again, she presented the kitty to the other girl.
“Thank you.” Fluttershy smiled at her with a sincere, warm expression. Then, she looked at the kitten and reached out, ready to grab it, only for it to lash out with its paws, defensive. “Oh dear.” Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “I should probably get something to transport him in.”
Rolling her eyes, and knowing that she didn’t have time for this girl to go search for a box or something, Sunset got her hand that wasn’t holding the kitten out of her jacket’s sleeve, then used the garment to wrap up the kitten until she could let go of his skin safely and fully get her jacket off, now just holding him like a black leather burrito.
She offered the wrapped-up kitten to Fluttershy, but the girl hesitated.
“Can you come with me to the shelter?” She asked. “It’s not far away, and you’ll be able to get your jacket right after I get him settled down.”
Truthfully, Sunset wished to do nothing of the sort… but if she was honest with herself, being without her jacket made her feel quite naked, and she didn’t wish to part with it for more than necessary, so she summarized she had no choice but to do as Fluttershy suggested, unless she wanted to leave her prized piece of garment with the girl until the next morning, which… yeah, that absolutely wasn’t happening.
Wordlessly, Sunset started walking, looking straight ahead and not making conversation. The other girl followed swiftly, struggling to match her timid steps with Sunset’s determined ones. Truth to be told, the redhead had hoped Fluttershy would remain her quiet self during the whole way to the shelter, but surprisingly it didn’t take long for her to speak, albeit hesitantly.
“That was very kind of you.” The girl’s soft, warm voice made Sunset clench her teeth.
“I didn’t do it for you.” She blurted out, rather harshly. Fluttershy’s tone—so gentle, so surprised—dug under her skin like a thorn. Surprised of Sunset’s kindness. Surprised that the monster had a heart.
“I know.” Now Fluttershy’s eyes were looking at her with a somewhat sad expression, before they went back down towards the kitten, smiling. “You did it for him.”
“Yes.” Sunset said, matter of fact. Where was Fluttershy going with this?
“I understand.” The girl nodded. “Oftentimes it’s easier to show your truest self to these little ones.”
Sunset pursed her lips, not liking what Fluttershy was insinuating, especially because she made it seem like she could relate.
“You really like animals, don’t you?” Said girl asked, now looking at Sunset again. Truthfully, the redhead had never seen her be so relaxed around her, which both relieved and upset her.
Sunset shrugged, trying not to meet her eyes. “Sort of.”
Fluttershy hesitated, then glanced at the kitten. “Well… if you ever wanted a little friend of your own… the shelter has so many who need a loving home.” Her voice was gentle, almost apologetic, as if afraid the suggestion might be too forward. “Someone like you could make a big difference for them.”
Sunset stared at her with wide eyes. Was the girl seriously suggesting that she, Sunset Shimmer, the terror of CHS, the girl who literally turned into a fiery demon not even two weeks ago, should adopt one of the precious animals Fluttershy cared so much about? What, just because she rescued one stupid kitten? It was ridiculous! She wanted to scoff, to laugh at her and tell her how stupid she was for trusting her so quickly, but… as she looked down at the kitten on her arms, even as it was still fighting and biting her jacket with the ferocity of a lion, she couldn’t help actually considering the offer.
It sure would be nice not to get home to an empty building; have a small fluffy creature who actually gave a damn about her, and would greet her enthusiastically, and maybe even cuddle with her as she studied or slept. But, at the same time… who was she kidding? She could barely take care of herself as it was! Where would she get money for its food, or for when it needed to go to the doctor? Most importantly, what if she turned into a demon and hurt it? She certainly wouldn’t forgive herself if that happened.
No, as much as it hurt to admit, any animal would be better off in the street than living with her.
“Sorry, but no.” She answered quietly.
“Well…” Fluttershy seemed disappointed by her answer, but tried to mask it with a smile. “If you ever change your mind, I’d be happy to help you choose one.”
Sunset simply hummed and was content to remain silent the rest of the way to the shelter. It wasn’t that far anyways, and soon they were stepping inside the place. She had never been there, although she’d passed by multiple times, and as usual it was empty besides the two of them, the receptionist, and the animals on their living spaces.
“Hi.” Fluttershy greeted the woman. “We brought a new one.”
“I was starting to worry when you weren’t coming.” The woman said with a smile. “I trust you to take care of it properly.” Upon receiving a nod from the girl, she was about to go back to whatever she was working on in her computer, but then remembered something and called out to her before the two girls could go towards the back of the establishment. “And don’t forget to feed the animals!”
As soon as the girls entered the space where the animals were kept, most of them in cages or tanks, Fluttershy got to work; running around, grabbing food from different bags, and putting it into the respective animals’ bowls. Then, she also filled their water recipients as the animals started to eat. Sunset wasn’t surprised that most of them were cats and dogs, but she noticed they also had quite a wide variety of birds, rodents, reptiles and other such little critters. As she looked around, she couldn’t help smiling at their cute happy faces when they ate, so much so that she wasn’t annoyed that Fluttershy left her waiting here.
“Sorry about that.” The girl returned to her side. “They can get quite cranky if they don’t get their food on time.” Sunset simply nodded in acknowledgement. “Especially since we’ve been having to ration the food lately, so they’re not getting as much as they’d like.”
“Why is that?” Sunset couldn’t help asking, as Fluttershy led her though yet another door and towards a place that seemed to be designed to clean up the animals.
“Well… our money comes mostly from voluntary donations that people make when they adopt an animal, or bring them here to get their shots or to get cleaned.” She explained. “But lately there haven’t been many adoptions, and the number of animals keeps growing, so… yeah.” She trailed off, a sad expression in her face.
Sunset frowned, looking at the little cat in her arms and worrying that the shelter might not have enough resources to take care of him properly. Sure, he’d still be better off than on the streets or with Sunset, but it worried her regardless, and she found herself wishing there was something she could do to help.
“Allow me.” Fluttershy said, presenting her hands for Sunset to put the kitten in. “I’ll clean him and put him in a temporary cage, until the veterinary comes back tomorrow and has time to examine him and make sure he’s not sick.”
Sunset nodded and, although reluctantly, she passed the kitten on to Fluttershy. Although she missed the weight and warm of the small creature almost instantly, she said nothing and simply watched as the girl unwrapped the jacket and then handed it back to Sunset.
As soon as the critter was free, however, and before Fluttershy could prevent it, he immediately growled as he pounced on her hand and captured it, biting it ferociously and holding it in place with his sharp claws. Fluttershy hissed in pain and recoiled slightly, but held up her hand to keep Sunset from interfering, looking at the kitten intently as she tried to decide what to do.
After a few seconds of her breathing deeply and trying to remain calm despite the vicious attack, she used her free hand to gently caress the kitten’s fur, and then spoke soft, sweet words to him, in that gentle voice that was so characteristic of the girl.
“Shh, it’s okay little one. You’re safe here.” Sunset watched in fascination as the kitten’s hairs, which were standing up, slowly but surely began to go back into a more relaxed position. “I know you’re scared.” She cooed. “You’ve been alone for so long, haven’t you?” A kind smile followed a gentle scratch behind the ears. “But I’m here to help you. You can trust me.”
After a few minutes of this affectionate, soothing treatment, the kitten finally seemed to calm down. Slowly, he let go of Fluttershy’s hand, relaxed his paws and let his ears return to an upright position. He even started licking the girl’s hand apologetically. Sunset couldn’t help but be somewhat impressed by how quickly her classmate had managed to tame the ferocious kitty. If it was her, she probably would’ve just locked him in a cage and hoped he’d be calmer the next morning.
“He just needed a bit of love.” Fluttershy answered the unspoken question, looking at Sunset like she knew exactly what she was thinking. “You’d be surprised to see the difference that just a little kindness can do sometimes.”
“I guess.” Sunset shrugged, trying to appear indifferent, but still kept staring at the cat, who was now happily letting Fluttershy pet him.
“I knew that the only reason he lashed out was because he was scared.” The girl kept explaining. “He probably hadn’t received affection before, so he didn’t know what to expect of it. He saw it as a threat.” A happy purr made the girl smile softly at the creature. “He tried to appear big and ferocious to scare me, to push me away.” She looked pointedly at Sunset. “But I knew he was just hurting deep down. Often times, aggression is a defense mechanism to mask loneliness.”
Sunset felt a chill run down her spine, and her limbs went numb. For a moment, she wasn’t sure Fluttershy was talking about the kitten anymore… it was as if she could see deep into her soul. Her hands started trembling, but she clutched her fists and tried to remain as expressionless as possible. Yet, the girl continued.
“So, I don’t mind that he scratched me.” She giggled. “He hurt me, yes, but only because he didn’t know any better.” A pause. Now Fluttershy turned to fully face Sunset, while holding the tamed kitten in her hands. “But if he lets me teach him what kindness is like, someday he might even realize that he doesn’t need to hurt anyone to feel safe.”
“Or maybe…” Sunset muttered, trying for a smirk that didn’t reach her eyes, “He’s just waiting for the right moment to bite you again.”
“Maybe.” Fluttershy’s voice was light, but her gaze was steady. “But I still think everyone deserves a second chance. Even when it’s hard. Even if they’ve hurt you.”
Sunset’s brows furrowed. Now, that was just too obvious. Of course Fluttershy was talking about her! Of course, her stupid words resonated so deeply inside of Sunset. Of course she had to use the stupid little critter as a metaphor about how the former bully only needed “kindness” and “love” and suddenly everything would be better! Could she be any sappier? Ugh, Sunset wanted to throw up.
And yet… deep down, she knew Fluttershy was right. That truth stabbed at her chest, sharp and undeniable.
But Sunset wasn’t ready to face that. Not now. The thought that she looked as pathetic as she felt—that she’d always been just as scared and alone as this helpless little creature, and that it was why she’d become so cruel—no. She wouldn’t allow it. She would bury it, shove it down so deep that not even Fluttershy could pry it loose.
“Maybe you should give your second chance to someone who cares, and stop with the sappy metaphors.” The words spilled out like venom before she could stop them, her jaw clenching tight as anger and fear twisted together.
“Sunset…” Fluttershy whispered, her expression hurt.
“No!” The girl stomped her foot, moving forward and making the shorter girl take a fearful step back. “You really think that just because I helped you earlier, that means we’re friends?” Her laugh was bitter, hollow. “You really think I’ve changed? That I’m not a horrible person? A monster?” She shook her head, throat tight, eyes stinging. “Just this morning I seriously considered taking your money, for fuck’s sake!” The words were venomous, but inside, a pang of shame shot through her chest. She wanted to swallow them back, wanted to apologize, but it felt impossible.
“But you didn’t!” Fluttershy protested, putting the kitten aside and taking a very hesitant, very small, step forward. “I know you’re trying. A-and… I’m trying too.” Slowly, carefully, she lifted a shaking hand and tried to put in on Sunset’s shoulder, only for it to be slapped away by a bigger red one. Instantly, Fluttershy took a step back and cradled her hand, tears welling in her eyes.
“Shut up!” Sunset growled like a ferocious animal, and showed off her elongated canine teeth. “Shut the fuck up.” The words left her mouth before she could think, scorching and painful. Her eyes bored into the poor girl in front of her like pointed daggers she couldn’t sheath back. “You don’t know the first thing about me! You think we can be friends? You think I can be tamed? Well, you’re wrong!” Angry tears fell from Sunset’s eyes as she pointed a clawed finger towards Fluttershy. “You fear me! You hate me! You will never be able to trust me, and you’re right to feel that way! So stop pretending!”
Even as she screamed, a tiny part of her flinched at the truth of her own words. She hated how much she wanted to be understood, and how terrified she was to be seen.
As Sunset advanced, Fluttershy stepped back and cowered under her gaze, trying to hold back her tears, but failing miserably. However, the moment was interrupted when the kitten, who had been witnessing the entire exchange, hissed at Sunset; tail raised, hairs on end, and obviously stressed and ready to attack.
“And what are you looking at?!” She yelled furiously at the creature, now directing her rage towards it. “You’re just a pathetic lonely cat who will never amount to anything and would be better off dead!”
Sunset’s hand came down and hit the table with loud a metallic thud. Her claws pierced the steel and the kitten yelped, jumping into Fluttershy’s arms for protection. Only then, did Sunset realized what she was doing.
She blinked away her tears and took in the sight of the girl’s scared face, wet with tears, the whimpering kitten in her arms and, most importantly, the claw marks on the table.
Her blood ran cold, her heart pounding in her chest like a drum. Her claws twitched involuntarily, and for a horrifying moment she felt the heat and tension of the demon that lurked beneath her skin; that part of her she could never fully tame. Her breathing hitched as a shiver ran down her spine. What if this was it? What if everyone finally saw what she really was, and there was no coming back from it?
Without thinking, she bolted, running out of the shelter and through the freezing rain, letting it drench her, letting it wash away the evidence of tears she could hardly bear to acknowledge. But no amount of water could erase what she had done. She had lashed out at Fluttershy—the kindest, gentlest person she knew—and she had let that other part of herself loose, the part that could terrify, wound, destroy.
Perhaps it was for the best. Maybe now her so-called friends would finally leave her alone. That’s what she wanted, right? For them to stop pretending that she could be trusted, that she could change. And in the hollow quiet beneath the rain, Sunset realized with a sinking certainty: now she would definitely get her wish. But the thought of it didn’t bring relief. It made her chest tighten even more.
She had recklessly shown who she really was. Monsters weren’t hugged, weren’t forgiven, weren’t trusted. They were feared. And now… so would they.
Notes:
Thanks for reading these first 3 chapters! Next ones will be published once a week, hopefully, so stay tuned!
Chapter 4: The Price of Caution
Notes:
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM. It's not detailed; it's mainly psychological, but still. Proceed with caution.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 4: The Price of Caution.
It was the early Thursday morning, outside of Canterlot High. A group of five friends were standing next to the horse statue at the request of a particular member of the group; someone who usually preferred not to talk too much, but this time she had sent them all a message telling them to meet there before school. It was odd, especially because she didn’t give them a reason why, so all of them were a bit uneasy as they arrived. Especially Rainbow Dash, who got there before everyone else. Unfortunately for her, however, Fluttershy wouldn’t reveal anything to her until everyone was present.
“Well, sugarcube, we’re here.” Applejack, the last one to arrive, spoke. “You mentioned you had something important to tell us?”
“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie jumped up and down in excitement. “Are you planning to make a surprise party for Sunset? I could help!”
“No…” Fluttershy’s voice was even quieter than usual, and her expression troubled. “But it is about Sunset.”
“She bullied you again, didn’t she?” Rainbow Dash spoke with an angry tone, far too eager to blame the girl. “I knew we couldn’t trust her!”
“Not exactly.” The timid girl corrected her. “She… well… I don’t know where to start.” She paused, looking at the ground as she tried to find the right words. She didn’t want to accuse Sunset of anything, knowing how protective her friends could be, but she also didn’t want to pretend like what had happened the previous day hadn’t affected her.
“From the beginning, darling.” Rarity smiled at her, placing her hands on her shoulders. “Come on, you can trust us. We’re your friends, after all. Just say what’s on your mind.”
“Alright…” Fluttershy took a deep breath and looked at each of her friends’ encouraging faces before giving them a quick summary of what had happened the previous day; from Sunset helping her take the kitten to the shelter, to how she attempted to break through the girl’s barriers, to Sunset’s subsequent freak out and aggressive behavior, and how much it had scared her. She only omitted mentioning anything about the girl’s demonic transformation. It’s not that she didn’t trust her friends with the information; she just knew it wasn’t her secret to reveal.
“That awful, good for nothing, stupid-” Rainbow was fuming by the end of the story, but a touch on her shoulder from Fluttershy shut her up.
“I don’t blame her.” She said. “I… I think she’s hurting. More than we realized.”
“I agree.” Rarity intervened. “I knew getting through to Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t expect her to be so…”
“Broken?” Applejack supplied, a sad expression on her face. “I knew she had some issues, but if the past few days have taught me something is that they run way deeper than I expected.”
“Poor Sunset.” Even Pinkie’s usual cheerful demeanor had turned somber upon this conversation.
“If her issues are really that serious… can we even help her?” Rainbow finally uttered her concerns. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but meddling with something we don’t understand could do more harm than good. Both to her, and to us.” She paused, letting her words sink in. “I mean, just look at how she responded to Fluttershy!”
“It’s not her fault, Dash.” The girl in question reprimanded her gently.
“I’m not saying it is! It’s just…” She sighed. “Fixing Shimmer won’t be easy, if it’s even possible. I’m just worried someone will end up getting hurt, that’s all.”
After a long pause, letting her words sink in, Applejack spoke with a grave tone of voice. “I hate to say this, but Rainbow has a point.”
“Are you serious?” Rarity glared at her, obviously upset by this turn of events. “We’ve tried being her friends for only three days, and now you want to give up on her?”
“That’s not what I mean!” The girl answered defensively. “It’s just… you saw how she responded to Pinkie’s pastries! How she ran away from such a simple act of kindness.” She frowned. “When she came back it was obvious she’d been crying.”
“But she’s getting better!” Pinkie protested. “Yesterday she accepted the donut without protest.”
“But then she shut down the offer to go to the mall rather harshly.” Applejack reminded her. “And the other day after I helped her paint the wall, she couldn’t even bring herself to shake my hand.”
“What are you getting at?” Rarity frowned.
“I think we’re overwhelming her.” She answered in her usual direct way, crossing her arms over her chest. “She’s not used to kindness, so every little thing we try to do for her ends up pushing her further and further towards a breakdown instead.”
Silence engulfed the group as they took in the country girl’s words, little by little realizing what this meant and how they could handle the situation going forward.
“I think you’re right.” Fluttershy was the first to speak. “Sometimes it’s best to give a scared animal some space. Especially if it’s wounded.” She reflected on her own experience rescuing critters. “They usually don’t take kindly to being robbed of their freedom and having to deal with situations unfamiliar to them, even if they’re positive. I believe the same applies to Sunset.”
“You mean… she feels like we’re forcing our friendship on her?” Pinkie Pie asked, and Fluttershy responded with a nod. “Huh… Like when she didn’t like my surprise hug.” She mused.
“Exactly.”
“But we’ve been holding back!” Rarity protested. “At least… I have.”
In response, Applejack put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her. “I know you have, but you do have a tendency to move too fast too soon.” She gave her a knowing look. “I remember you told me how much you wanted to make new clothes for Sunset.”
“And I didn’t! I just repaired that old jacket.” She reminded her. “What else was I supposed to do, let her keep wearing that broken thing?”
The blonde shook her head. “I’m not saying that we should stop trying altogether. Just… be more gentle. Take things slowly. Let her come to us when she’s ready.”
The other girls nodded, agreeing with Applejack’s judgement. It made sense; it’d give Sunset some much needed space to process things and get to know them at her own rhythm, without getting overwhelmed. But it didn’t mean they’d stop trying altogether; they could still try to help, even if in smaller, more subtle ways.
All of them liked this plan. Except Rainbow Dash.
“And if she doesn’t ‘come to us’, can we please just accept that she doesn’t want our friendship?” She spoke in a slightly exasperated tone, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know we promised Twilight we would try, and we did. Isn’t that enough?”
“Rainbow Dash-” Rarity was about to reprimand her, but was promptly cut off.
“I’m just saying that friendship is a two-way street. And so far, it’s only us trying to reach out for her, while she keeps pulling away.” Her words were harsh, but her tone was sincere. “I just don’t want all of us to exhaust ourselves in a fruitless endeavor instead of actually experiencing our best high school life. Especially now that we’re finally together again.”
Silence reigned for a few moments as they girls thought over Rainbow’s words. It was true that trying to befriend Sunset Shimmer would likely be a daunting task, and they couldn’t be sure they would be successful, nor could they know how long it’d take. Still, determination shined in all their eyes.
“It’s precisely because it’s so difficult that we should keep trying.” Fluttershy spoke at last. “You know no one else will, and I really want to help her.”
Pinkie nodded in agreement. “I like Sunset, honestly! I think she’d be a great friend, and I’ll certainly keep trying.” A pause as she gave a sheepish smile. “Even if I have to tone down my enthusiasm.”
“Well said.” Rarity nodded. “Personally, I can’t wait until she finally allows me to take her to the mall or make her a new outfit myself, but… it’ll be all the more rewarding the harder the journey is.”
“Agreed.” Applejack nodded. “She’s a tough nut to crack for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a try.” She then looked directly at Rainbow Dash. “I know it’s not ideal, and I understand if you don’t want to participate.”
Rainbow grimaced at the words. “You’re making it sound like I’m against giving Shimmer a chance.” She protested. “And I’m not, I just…” She trailed off, unable to decipher how she felt about the girl. All that she knew is that she didn’t trust her yet, especially not around her friends, and that she wasn’t comfortable with all of them spending most of their time coming up with ideas to befriend someone who didn’t want to be befriended. It seemed unfair.
“We won’t force you, but… think about it, alright?” Applejack offered her a kind smile that Rainbow reciprocated with a forced one of her own.
“… Sure.” She ended up saying.
With that settled, the five girls started making their way to school, ready for their classes to begin. But even as Rainbow Dash walked besides them, her thoughts couldn’t be more opposite to them.
She didn’t like Sunset Shimmer. Not one bit. She hadn’t forgotten all the awful things she’d done in the past, especially to Fluttershy, and she also wasn’t ready to forgive just yet. No. If Sunset wanted to make friends, it’d have to be somewhere far from them. Deep down, the thought of Sunset tearing their group apart made her stomach twist; she couldn’t lose them, not after everything they’d been through. For now, she’d keep an eye on Sunset. Make sure she wouldn’t try any funny business on them.
When Sunset arrived to school, she was nervous. She’d never admit it, of course, but she couldn’t exactly ignore the way her palms sweated, her stomach turned and her heart jumped inside her chest. She had even considered not showing up in the first place.
However, she promptly shut down the idea because she was not scared. Why would she be? Even if Fluttershy had told them what happened, what could those fastidious girls do? They would be the scared ones! They wouldn’t even dare approach her! What was there to fear then?
She clenched her fists and closed her eyes, as if that would stop her brain from giving her the answer. An answer so obvious she couldn’t even pretend not to know.
She would be alone once again. Shunned by her peers. Rejected by her classmates. Hated by everyone.
As should be.
Thankfully, she didn’t encounter them before classes started, and while the lectures were ongoing, she didn’t dare looking at their direction, afraid of the hate and fear she’d see in their eyes. Even so, part of her still expected their eyes on her, ready to mock, judge, or whisper behind her back. She clenched her fists beneath the desk, trying to will the claws back into hiding, trying to will herself into not caring, but the fear wouldn’t let go. She sat as far away from them as possible and ran out of each class as quickly as she could the moment the bell sounded. If she could avoid confrontation, she would.
As lunch time approached, dread set in, however. There was no escaping at the cafeteria; no professor to call to silence, no work to immerse herself in as an excuse, no crowd of people to block her from view. She had no doubt they’d see her, and they’d either shun her or… Who was she kidding? There was no other option. She had screwed up, so now she had to deal with the consequences.
Then again, why would she care? She was Sunset Shimmer! She had never needed anyone! She didn’t even want to be friends with those annoying, stupid, condescending girls. She really couldn’t care less if they stopped talking to her altogether.
With those words repeating in her head to give her courage, she stepped into the cafeteria trying not to make eye contact with anyone. She went directly to grab her food, grabbing a simple hot dog and some mashed potatoes, and then retreated to find someplace to sit, except… as she glanced at the table where the girls usually sat, she saw five pairs of eyes staring directly at her.
She deviated her gaze before she could decipher their expressions, and quickly went to sit at the furthest place from them she could find; on a vacant table that would remain so, as long as she was there; this, she knew from experience.
Finally, for the first time this week, she’d be able to eat her lunch in peace.
Except, as she took a bite from her hotdog, she realized that it barely tasted like anything… which was weird, because it definitely looked the same. Then, why was it cold and tasteless? Why did the silence in her immediate perimeter suddenly felt alien and oppressive? Why did the distant voices and laughter of her classmates feel like daggers thrown directly at her?
Swallowing, she looked up, towards the five girls who had once tried to be her friends. She saw Pinkie catching her gaze and trying to stand up… only to be stopped by Rainbow Dash grabbing her and Applejack shaking her head. The others, meanwhile, turned to look at Sunset with something akin to… maybe pity, maybe concern, maybe disappointment. Whatever it was, it pressed down on her chest like a weight she couldn’t shrug off.
She also noted how they all seemed to look at each other with hesitation before making any move, their usual warmth tempered by caution. It made her chest tighten even more; even if they weren’t afraid of her, she could feel the invisible wall rising between them.
The wall was already there. You just didn’t want to see it. A voice murmured inside her ear. Did you really think they wouldn’t turn their backs on you at the first opportunity? How pathetic.
Sunset closed her eyes, trying to will the voice to go away, but the words already spoken reverberated inside her skull like cruel echoes. They made her stomach twist, her breath catch inside her throat, and her hands burn with aching fire dancing right under her skin.
Let it out. The voice spoke again. What’s the point on hiding? They already hate you.
Those words, conveying that awful possibility, were enough for Sunset to stand up abruptly from her chair. And so, for the second time that week, she ran out of the cafeteria without looking back.
Sunset slammed the restroom door behind her and locked it. She knew it wasn’t allowed and that she’d be in serious trouble if a professor found out, but frankly she didn’t care. Her skin was boiling, her hands shaking and her teeth clattering. She knew these symptoms well enough by now to not be startled by her monstruous reflection that met her at the mirror.
A pair of black eyes with tiny teal pupils stared back at her. Then, she saw the protruding canine teeth scraping the skin of her chin. The pointed ears also weren’t a surprise. It was scary how familiar this sight was starting to feel.
Still, although she expected it, it disgusted her.
She glared at herself, snarling despite the fact that this action made her sharp teeth more visible. Then, a clawed hand rose up to touch the reflection, tempted to scratch it, but… trembling; holding back thanks to the shred of senses Sunset still possessed.
“I hate you.” She told the reflection, venom dripping from her voice as tears fell from her eyes. “Why won’t you go away? Everyone would be happier, especially…”
Her voice caught in her throat, replaced by a pained gasp, unable to voice those awful thoughts.
Stop lying to yourself. You would still be a monster even if I wasn’t here. The voice inside her head answered, mocking. That’s all you’ve ever been.
“I wasn’t talking to you!” Sunset yelled at her own reflection, gritting her teeth as her whole body trembled with the effort of trying to hold back her sobs.
But you still wish I were gone. The voice taunted her. You fear me.
“I wish…” Sunset’s jaw clenched as her eyes looked down at her hands—crimson, deformed, alien—, and felt irrational hatred surge from her core, making her blood boil and her heart thump in her ears. “I wish I never came to this land. I wish I never stole that stupid crown. I wish…”
The claws of her right hand descended upon her left arm, right where her skin went from gold to scarlet. She gritted her teeth, forcing herself to press down, the claws digging just enough to draw pain. A flinch ran through her body, a fleeting hesitation as the sharp sting of reality pierced through the haze of anger.
“I wish you were dead.” The words fell like a venomous whisper from her lips, carrying all the fury, despair, and self-loathing that had been building inside her. Then, her claws dug deeper into her own skin, as if this action would somehow get rid of the transformation. Of course, it only brought her more pain instead.
Still, even as her hands trembled with hesitation, she kept going, moving on to her right arm, hoping the pain would banish the demon. But it did nothing. Instead, she felt it mocking her, laughing at the back of her mind, relentless and cold. Her chest heaved as she stared down at her wounds—ugly, jagged, painful—, and then… the absurdity of it all hit her.
What the hell was she doing? Hurting herself in the school’s restroom? Letting fear and shame control her?
She had once been a great unicorn, Celestia’s prized pupil and now… she’d regressed to this? This pathetic excuse of a girl who hurt herself just because she was rejected by the people who she thought she could call friends? How stupid. How ridiculous. How… pointless.
The thought burned through her, a mix of shame and pride that left her trembling as she realized what she was doing. She hated that she couldn’t stop, hated that she was giving in, but just enough of her pride, her stubborn need to prove she wasn’t weak, kept her from going completely over the edge.
Her breathing began to ease in ragged, uneven pulls, each exhale trembling with the effort to reclaim control. The fire that had scorched beneath her skin ebbed slowly, and the claws and fangs that had felt so permanent started to recede, inch by inch, as if reluctant to leave. Her black, unnatural eyes dulled, specks of teal widening until, at last, they reflected her own again.
The sting along her arms pulsed with each heartbeat, sharp and insistent, anchoring her to the reality she had almost lost. Gradually, painfully, she felt herself return; broken, battered, and exhausted, but unmistakably herself. The mirror no longer taunted; it offered only a reflection of a girl who had survived her own fury.
She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.
A shiver ran through her as she examined her arms. The wounds weren’t big, but they were numerous, and they would leave scars. Ugly scars. Yet… she was still here. Still herself. And somehow, despite the shame and fear, she felt the tiniest spark of control return. She could handle this. She had to.
She washed them, wincing at the sharp pain, but thankful to note, thanks to the rapidly diminishing flow of blood, that they weren’t nearly as deep as she’d feared and that, hopefully, she wouldn’t need to go to the infirmary. She wasn’t sure how she’d explain what had happened.
Still… it was probably better to go back to her place and tend to her wounds. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep them hidden if she stayed at school, and she didn’t need anyone mocking her, or worse; feeling pity for her. And so, tugging her jacket’s sleeves to make sure her secret would remain concealed, she exited the restroom, ensuring that the hallway remained empty as she headed to the exit with hurried steps.
Sunset decided to make a little detour to her locker. She kept some of her money there and, since she wasn’t sure how much it’d cost to buy some bandages and alcohol, she figured it’d be best to be safe than sorry.
What she didn’t expect, however, was to find an unknown paper bag inside.
She was tempted not to open it. What was this, some childish prank from her classmates? A bag with dog shit? Except… no. The smell was pretty inoffensive. Sweet, even.
Cautious, she took the bag and opened it, only to find a batch of chocolate chip cookies inside. The heavenly smell confirmed it; this was Pinkie’s baking for sure.
Trembling, she reached inside a grabbed one, before bringing it to her lips and taking a cautious nibble. It was real. And it was sweet. And delicious. And… it warmed her insides in ways she was sure had nothing to do with the food itself. It almost felt like magic.
She wiped away the tears that had suddenly spilled down her cheeks and slipped the cookie back into the bag, tucking it carefully into her backpack.
“Thank you,” she whispered. The words echoed in the empty hallway, swallowed by silence. For a moment, she wondered if they would somehow reach the person they were meant for, or if they would just fade like so many things she wanted to say.
Taking her money, she closed the locker and walked towards the exit. Her steps were unsteady, but lighter than before. The wounds beneath her sleeves still burned, but not quite as sharply as they had.
As the flavor of chocolate lingered in her mouth, she started to wonder if this simple, but meaningful, act of kindness was some sort of olive branch. Perhaps not everything was lost. Perhaps not all of them hated her. Perhaps… perhaps she still had a chance to make things right.
Notes:
Thanks for reading! Hope you liked (?) it XD
Chapter Text
Chapter 5: Redemption and Ruin.
That morning, Sunset had to take a little more time than usual preparing herself to leave for school. First off, she had to put a new batch of bandages on her injuries, and wash the ones she’d used the previous day, which were now stained with little droplets of blood. Then, she’d had to fit her injured arms into a long-sleeved shirt that, unfortunately for her, hugged her sensitive skin tighter than she would’ve preferred. Still, better than someone potentially seeing her bandages.
Once she was ready for school, she paused as she pulled out the last of her money: seven measly dollars.
She didn’t even remember where she got them; perhaps she stole them from one of her classmates, perhaps she pickpocketed them from someone on the bus, or maybe she sneakily got them out of some homeless person’s tin can. In any case, it was dirty money, just like all the money she’d gotten ever since she entered this world.
Yet, maybe it would be enough to help her. Ironic as it was that a ticket to redemption could be bought with something that came from her evil past.
Just a couple of days ago, she’d been thinking about using this money to buy herself a new jacket, or perhaps something to eat if she ever found the need. Now… both of those things seemed inconsequential, as did all other needs that might arise in the future. Perhaps it was foolish, but she didn’t care. Her mind was made.
And so, her footsteps were resolute as she walked down the street and towards the pet store—which was on the opposite direction to CHS. There, she bought the biggest bag of cat food that she could afford, and then hastily made her way to the school.
She checked the clock as she arrived, confirming she’d made it ten minutes early, just as she had planned.
Although… now that she was here, her palms were starting to get sweaty and her stomach was twisting painfully. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous, but… she pushed on. She had to.
What was there to be nervous about anyways? If Fluttershy and the others rejected her, she’d be back to being alone. So what? She’d been alone before and she’d survived. Thrived, even. She was stronger than this! And besides, if she didn’t at least try to make amends, she’d be alone regardless. It’d be their loss, really.
Still, as she saw the group of friends at the hallway in the distance, her feet faltered and her heart started thumping harder inside her chest. But she told herself, over and over again, that she wasn’t scared and this wasn’t a big deal.
“H-hi.” The word felt awkward as soon as it came out of her mouth, especially when five pairs or eyes looked at her like she was some sort of apparition. She cleared her throat, trying to find the right words to say. Her eyes flickered from Fluttershy to Pinkie, to Rarity and Applejack, all with cautious and surprised expressions. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, was looking at her with open hostility and distrust, as usual.
Well… here went nothing. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to speak, but Rarity beat her to it.
“Sunset, darling… are you alright?” Her eyes were full of concern. “We were worried after you ran off the cafeteria yesterday and we didn’t see you all day.”
“Even Principal Celestia was looking for you.” Pinkie added. “But I don’t think you were playing hide-and-seek.”
“Uhm…” Her bravado suddenly gone, and wanting to avoid the subject of yesterday at all costs, Sunset crossed her arms over her chest, practically hugging herself for courage. “I… I’m fine.” Her voice faltered, and she quickly shifted her gaze back to her target. “But… Fluttershy, can I talk to you for a moment?”
The alluded girl startled upon hearing her name. “Me? Oh! Uhm…” Before she could form a proper answer, Rainbow Dash went to stand between the two in a protective stance, glaring at Sunset.
“You can say it here, can’t you?” Hostility was dripping from her voice. “Unless you’re planning to intimidate her and make her cry again.”
“I-” Sunset was taken aback, not knowing what so say. She hadn’t expected Rainbow to be quite this aggressive. Then again, it seemed like the girl had been holding back before.
“Dashy, please.” Fluttershy put her hand on her friend’s shoulder and gave her a gentle but firm look.
“Wha- you can’t be serious! Do you really want to talk to her alone?” The rash girl exclaimed. “After what she did?”
“Rainbow.” Applejack spoke this time, voice firm but calm, casting a disapproving look at her. “This is Fluttershy’s decision.”
Fluttershy, to Rainbow’s astonishment and frustration, gently pushed past her and went towards Sunset, who all of the sudden felt like a deer in headlights, even though she was facing the gentlest, kindest person in the entire school. Still, she steeled her nerves, took a deep breath and then spoke.
“Come, I’ve got something for you. It’s in my locker.” With this, she turned around and was about to lead the way, when Rainbow Dash spoke again.
“Whatever you’re planning… if you touch one hair of Fluttershy’s head, I’ll-”
Sunset spun on her heel, her glare colliding with Rainbow’s threat mid-sentence. The words died in the other girl’s throat, her jaw clenching tight as her bravado wavered. A dark, familiar thrill coiled in Sunset’s chest. So she still had that edge. Still knew how to make even Rainbow Dash falter with nothing more than a look. It was intoxicating, dangerously so.
“What?” she spat, her voice low, sharp. “Beat me up?” The tips of her fangs pressed against her lips, and for once she didn’t try to hide them. She bared them, almost daring Rainbow to notice. “I’d like to see you try.”
The air between them crackled, Rainbow glaring back with all the defiance she could muster. For a heartbeat, Sunset almost welcomed the fight, an excuse to claw back some semblance of power. Her anger writhed beneath her skin, sharp and restless, like the demon coiled inside her begging to be set free. The thought of unleashing it, of letting it all burn, was intoxicating. It would be cathartic. Thrilling. She could almost taste it…
But then she felt it. A gentle tug at her sleeve.
Her head snapped towards it, and there was Fluttershy, looking at her not with fear, but with quiet, pleading eyes. The fragile weight of that gaze pressed heavier on Sunset than any threat could. She swallowed, chest tightening.
Right. She wasn’t here to start fights. She was here to make amends.
With effort, she tore her eyes from Rainbow and forced herself to move, tossing one last warning glance over her shoulder before marching off toward her locker. Fluttershy followed close behind, her presence still lingering like an anchor against Sunset’s spiraling rage.
As soon as they made it to Sunset’s locker, she opened it without saying anything, took the cat food out of it, and then presented it to Fluttershy.
“I know it’s not much, but… I hope it helps.” She muttered, her voice rough at the edges.
Fluttershy blinked, and then her eyes widened, soft and glistening. She accepted the bag and cradled it against her chest, like it was something precious.
“Oh, Sunset…” Her voice trembled, caught somewhere between surprise and relief. “This is… I… thank you.” Her smile was soft and tentative as she spoke, but also genuine.
Sunset tried to smile back, but it twisted halfway into a grimace. She quickly looked away, arms folding tight across her chest as if bracing herself against the warmth of Fluttershy’s gratitude.
“Don’t thank me.” Her throat felt tight. “It’s… an apology. For the other day. You didn’t deserve that.” She swallowed, forcing the words out. “I’m just… I’m tired of lashing out with claws and teeth. I don’t want to be that girl anymore.”
Fluttershy’s gaze softened considerably at those words. The words which both acknowledged Sunset’s fragility, and her subsequent transformation.
“I’m sorry too.” She admitted. “I shouldn’t have cornered you like that.”
The words landed heavy, and Sunset’s chest clenched. She turned her face aside. “Let’s just… forget it.” Her voice was brittle. “Perhaps we can’t be friends, but… can we at least pretend that I’m… well…” She swallowed as she tentatively looked back at the girl. “Normal?”
Fluttershy studied her for a long, quiet moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was gentle but steady.
“Sunset… I won’t lie. What you did scare me.” She tightened her hold on the bag. “Even now, part of me expects you to start yelling again.”
The admission made Sunset flinch, her shoulders curling inward like she’d been struck. So much for the apology.
“But…” Fluttershy continued, drawing in a deep breath. “Even if I can’t forget… I think I can forgive. And I’ll keep trying to be your friend, if you’ll let me.”
Sunset’s head snapped up, eyes wide. Her mouth opened, closed, opened again, like she’d lost the ability to form words. “W-why?” The sound was barely a whisper, shaky and unbelieving.
“Because I like helping.” She smiled, kindness and warmth radiating from her. “And you look like you need it.”
Something inside Sunset recoiled violently at the words. Need. As if she was weak, broken, like one of the tiny creatures Fluttershy so enjoyed saving. She hated it; hated how true it felt. But, with a tight breath, she shoved the feeling down and forced herself to answer.
“I… I guess we could… try.” Her voice sounded fragile to her own ears, and she grimaced at the vulnerability in it. “Be friends, I mean.”
Fluttershy nodded. “The others still want to be your friends as well.” She revealed. “Although… I didn’t tell them everything.”
“What…?” Sunset swallowed. That felt like a gut punch. She almost wished that Fluttershy had told them; it would mean their earlier concern was despite her being a demon, but now… now all she could feel was a ticking clock hanging over her head, waiting for her secret to explode.
“It’s not my secret to share.” She explained. “But… when you’re ready, I think they’ll accept you for who you are.” Her words were earnest, and had a lot more conviction than Sunset thought was merited. Still, she managed a nod, lips pressed into a thin, polite line that looked nothing like a smile.
The bell suddenly pierced their ears, and for once, the sound was like music for the taller girl. She sighed in relief.
“We should get going.” She simply said, turning towards her locker just to avoid eye contact.
“See you at lunch?”
Sunset nodded, absentmindedly, as she rummaged through the disaster that was her locker, but then… the weight of those words sunk it, settling into her stomach like a painful weight she couldn’t shake off.
Lunch… she certainly wasn’t looking forward to it.
She kicked the door, closing it with way more force than was necessary. Still, it provided little relief for the anxiety inside her chest.
When Sunset walked into the cafeteria that day, she wasn’t less nervous than the previous one, and the reason was once again those stupid five friends. As such, she did her best to not look at anyone as she made her way to the food, grabbed a simple sandwich and a juice carton, and then made her way to the tables. Only then did she dare look up, if only to get some confirmation that she was welcomed there.
The four girls, however, didn’t notice her presence, too engrossed discussing the answers to the math exam they’d had earlier that day. For a moment, Sunset considered just going to sit alone again, but the memory of the previous day still lingered on her mind, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth and a painful hole in her stomach. Even if she wanted to leave, her feet seemed to be stuck in place, so she simply cleared her throat to gain their attention.
Instantly, four pairs of eyes landed on her, surprised. Soon, that surprise transformed into joy.
“Sunset!” Pinkie was the first to speak, jumping out of her chair and pulling the one next to her own, offering it to the newcomer. “Come, sit with me!” She exclaimed enthusiastically. Wordlessly, Sunset obeyed, relieved that they hadn’t made a big deal out of it.
“Glad you were able to join us today, darling.” Rarity smiled at her, but her words were a painful reminder of what had happened yesterday, and Sunset shrunk in her seat at the comment. “I understand wanting to have some space for yourself every once in a while, but you are always welcome here.”
Sunset swallowed, but managed a nod, not wanting to dwell more on the topic. Thankfully, Applejack intervened.
“Speaking of… where’s Rainbow Dash? She’s usually the first one here.” She mused, speaking to no one in particular.
“She said she had to practice.” Fluttershy answered, her voice unsure. “But she seemed… strange.”
“Strange how?” Applejack raised an eyebrow.
The timid girl casted a furtive glance at Sunset, but then deviated her gaze almost immediately. “It’s probably nothing.” She mumbled.
“Hm.” The cowgirl pursed her lips, but decided not to press the subject for now. “If you say so.”
“Sunset.” Pinkie Pie spoke this time, getting into Sunset’s personal space with a wide smile on her face. “Did you like the cookies yesterday? Which was your favorite?” She touched Sunset’s forearm, just where her wounds were, and she couldn’t help flinching rather harshly. “Oops! Sorry, I forgot.” Pinkie gave her a sheepish smile. “No touching, right?”
Sunset nodded awkwardly, glad that she at least had a reasonable excuse for her reaction. “Sorry, I’m just not used to it.”
“It’s fine, silly.” She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “Now tell me! It’s for science.”
Sunset raised an eyebrow, unconvinced this girl knew anything about science, but decided to answer anyways. “The one with dark chocolate, and… hazelnuts? It was pretty good.”
‘Pretty good’ was the understatement of the century. In all honesty, those cookies had allowed Sunset to keep her sanity for the entirety of the previous afternoon, and were probably the only reason she had decided to even try to reconcile with the Fluttershy and the rest of the girls. They gave her a spark of hope that had kept her going up until that moment.
Still, she’d never admit that.
Not that it mattered, because it seemed Pinkie had read right though her, judging by her knowing smirk.
“Well, in that case, I think you’ll like this one.” She presented a brownie to her; seemingly made of dark chocolate and hazelnuts. Sunset’s eyes widened, and she wondered how had Pinkie known. After all, the bag of cookies from yesterday had had six cookies of six different flavors.
“I… thank you.” She took the offered gift and left it to the side, not eating yet, but also not storing it for later as usual. The temptation to eat it now was definitely there.
“Hey, Sunset.” Applejack spoke this time. “I’d like to know your opinion about this problem.” She handed her a piece of paper with some formulas and numbers written on it; the question from the exam they had been discussing earlier, she supposed. “I said the answer is that y=x2+2x-5, but Rarity says I’m wrong.”
“Of course you are, darling.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “You didn’t pay attention to the last class, did you? Your method is all wrong.”
“But this is how granny explained it to me!” She protested. “Math is math, right?”
Sunset wasn’t sure why they were asking her of all people, but her ego didn’t let her turn down an opportunity to correct other people and show her superior intellect… although, to her credit, she did try to soften her tone, so it wouldn’t sound extremely condescending.
And so, she spent the rest of her lunch period explaining math problems to the girls until she was confident they actually understood what she was talking about. In all honesty, it actually felt pretty good to know they recognized her talents and even respected her for them, so much so that for the first time since she’d started hanging out with them, she didn’t feel painfully out of place. It was… nice.
It was only when the bell rang that Sunset realized she’d subconsciously eaten all her lunch while she was explaining, including Pinkie’s brownie. She smiled as she put away her tray, feeling the first flicker of normalcy since she could remember.
Rainbow Dash ran from one side of the field to the other, kicking the soccer ball as she did. She was sweaty, she was exhausted, and honestly, she had already practiced a lot more that day than was probably necessary, or even healthy.
First, she’d chosen to skip lunch altogether and instead use that time to run a few laps around the field; not because she actually needed it, or because she had some big game coming, but because she couldn’t possibly sit at a table and talk to Sunset Shimmer and smile and be happy and pretend it was normal.
It’s not like she hated the girl… well, not entirely. But even if she did, it wasn’t unfounded.
Not only had she been a bully for as long as she’d known her, but her preferred victim had been none other than Fluttershy, Rainbow’s childhood friend.
Despite Sunset’s awful attempts at separating the group, Rainbow still talked to Fluttershy during those years from time to time; sometimes at the bus on their ride home, sometimes during class… but she distinctly remembered how many of those conversations ended up circling back to some horrible thing Shimmer had done to her. Either she had stolen her money, bumped into her and made her apologize, or even taken all her pamphlets for the shelter and broken them into pieces. And she distinctively remembered how sad and scared Fluttershy had seemed when recounting each of these instances.
And sure, maybe Sunset had been defeated, and maybe, sorta she kinda apologized—not that Rainbow believed that little act—, but that didn’t magically erase everything she’d done before. Not what she put Fluttershy through, and certainly not the way she made the five friends hate each other for years.
No. As much as Rainbow Dash wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, she simply couldn’t. And it vexed her how her friends were so ready to trust Sunset Shimmer of all people, and forgive everything she’d done. The girl wasn’t even trying, for fuck’s sake!
A particularly hard kick sent the ball flying off and, with a grunt, Rainbow went to get it back.
Like, come on! Shimmer clearly wanted nothing to do with them; she rejected their kindness at every single opportunity, and even repaid Fluttershy’s concern with anger and intimidation. She could still clearly remember her friend’s trembling voice when she called her that fateful afternoon; how badly she’d been crying, how scared and disturbed she sounded… Whatever had happened had been way worse than she had told them.
She knew Fluttershy; she might’ve been timid, but she wasn’t weak, and she could be quite courageous when she wanted to. No, whatever had made her cry so hard, especially to the point she had to call Rainbow Dash in the middle of her work at the shelter… it had to be something really, really bad.
But of course she wouldn’t admit it. And of course she’d protect Shimmer by keeping the truth from them. And of fucking course she’d go and forgive the stupid girl after a single half-assed apology and a simple bag of the cheapest cat food available. That was just how Fluttershy was; too kind for her own good. Rainbow had had to protect her from assholes wanting to take advantage from her in more than one occasion. And this time it wouldn’t be any different.
She’d confront Sunset. She would! She didn’t care how scary that girl could be! She didn’t care that her angry eyes had looked at with murderous intent just that morning! She wasn’t scared. And she would protect her friends from their own kindness-driven naivete, or her name wasn’t Rainbow Dash!
She had been psyching herself up the entirety of the lunch break, as well as the two hours she had been training with her team after school, and the fifteen minutes she’d been training alone now. It’s not that she was scared—what could Sunset do? Kill her?—, but she couldn’t deny that not all the sweat in her palms and forehead was because of the exercise.
But regardless of her nervousness, she’d do it… and soon. Sunset’s after-school punishment was sure to end any time now, and she had to intercept her before she left school. Thankfully for her, she knew what kind of ‘service to the school’ the girl would be doing that day.
Steeling her nerves, she grabbed her soccer ball and then stepped into the gym and looked around. Sure enough, at one corner of the empty old thing was the girl she wanted to find, wringing a wet cloth on a bucket as she apparently prepared herself to finish for the day. Perfect.
Taking a deep breath to give herself courage, Rainbow spoke. “Shimmer.” Her voice was firm and loud, resonating throughout the entire place.
Sunset turned around with a surprised expression on her face, which promptly morphed into anger. “What do you want?” She snarled. “I’m not in the mood for a fight.”
“Good. Neither am I.” The blue girl took a step forward, emboldened. “I’m just here to tell you to stay away from my friends if you know what’s good for you.”
An amused chuckle left Sunset’s lips as a sly grin formed in her face. She didn’t take kindly to threats, and she definitely wasn’t going to let Rainbow Dash boss her around, no matter how much her reputation had fallen lately.
“I think we both know, after what happened at the Fall Formal, that I don’t know what’s good for me.” She answered, her tone mocking. “So, if that’s all you have to say, I’m afraid you’ll leave disappointed.”
She turned around, ready to leave and ignore Rainbow entirely, but the sportsy girl was having none of that. With a snarl, she tossed the ball to the ground, making it bounce with the sound of a thunderous drum in order to get Sunset’s attention back.
“Listen to me!” She shouted, suddenly consumed by adrenaline and anger. “You will never be a part of us, understood?” Sunset frowned as she looked back at her, but said nothing. “I don’t know what kind of trick you’re planning, but you’re not fooling me!”
“There’s no trick.” She simply said, but by the way she took a step back and clenched her hands anxiously, it was obvious her words had had an impact on her. “Is it really so hard for that tiny brain of yours to understand that maybe I’m just trying to do better?” She scoffed. “Even that dense country girl was able to wrap her head around the concept. I’d wager you’d be at least as smart as her. But I guess I was wrong.” The bitter demeaning words come out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but the rapid thumping of her heart on her ears prevented her from fully regretting them; too lost in the heat of the confrontation.
“Enough with the bullshit, Shimmer!” Rainbow Dash snarled, before kicking the ball and sending it flying right towards Sunset. The girl flinched and prepared for the pain, but it never came. The ball hit the wall just an inch to her right and flew back at Rainbow without even touching the redhead. It would have been almost impressive if it didn’t feel like such a threat. “Just admit it was all an act, and stay away from my friends!”
“There’s no act!” Sunset yelled back, clenching her fists. Here she was, trying to be a better person and make some friends, and this was what she got in return? Distrust, hatred, anger… Suddenly, her body was shaking all over; not out of fear from Rainbow’s stunt, but out of rage.
Can you blame her? The annoying voice inside her head spoke, full of venom. After everything you did, would you forgive yourself? Would you want to be friends with you? Hah! Don’t be ridiculous!
The ball flew toward Sunset again, this time hitting right next to her left knee and bouncing towards its owner again.
“Bullshit!” Rainbow Dash spat, her voice full of anger. “Fluttershy might have forgiven you for what happened at the shelter, but you’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you go near her, or any of my friends again!” This time, the ball hit right next to Sunset’s head. “Understood?”
Sunset closed her eyes, trying to take deep, even, breaths, but finding it quite difficult. Her hands suddenly felt as hot as the sun, and she balled them into fists tightly, barely registering the pain when sharp claws pierced her skin effortlessly. At least the pain was keeping her grounded… but for how long? She needed to get out of here, fast.
She had almost given in to these dark impulses earlier that day, but she had managed to hold herself back, and was rewarded with the most normal lunch hour she’d had in years. She couldn’t give in now. Not when things were finally starting to improve.
Come on, why hold yourself back? The voice mocked her. She already thinks you’re a monster, and nothing you do will change that! What’s the point on trying? You might as well give in and show her how much of a monster you can be!
“I said… understood?!” Rainbow shouted at her again, as she kicked the ball towards the spot next to Sunset’s head a second time.
She had to go! Now!
Sunset turned to leave, using all her willpower to prevent the demon inside her from coming to the surface, but then, as soon as she took a step, the ball Rainbow Dash had just kicked hit her head, instead of the wall.
There was a sharp pain on her right cheek, then a thud as her left temple collided with cement. Finally, Sunset fell down on the ground, dizzy, disoriented, and pained.
“Oh shit!” Rainbow exclaimed, her tone instantly switching from angry to worried, once she realized what had happened. She took a few hesitant steps towards Sunset, trying to evaluate the damage. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you!”
Sunset felt the blood trickling down her forehead, felt the pain and dizziness making her head spin, but most importantly, she felt the wild, incontrollable, anger when the realization of what happened finally dawned on her.
“Are… are you okay?” Rainbow leaned down, trying to see Sunset’s face through her drooping hair, but all she could see was the girl on all fours, shaking, her hands the color of bright crimson blood. “S-Sunset?”
Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!
It was getting more and more difficult to ignore the voice, especially with all the pain and humiliation she was feeling. Was this the thanks she got from trying, for the first time ever, to let people into her life and be friends? A ball to the head, a bruise and a busted temple?
What was even the point on trying to be good? No one would ever see her as anything other than a demon. A monster.
Finally, she opened her eyes, seeing her hands resting on the ground in front of her, her entire arms shaking spasmodically. Most importantly, her hands were red, and searing hot. The demon was out.
“Sunset?” A hesitant hand touched Sunset’s shoulder, making her look up at the culprit. Rainbow Dash backed away then, a horrified look on her face.
Sunset’s irises shrunk to a tiny teal dot, her eyes turned from white to tar black, her ears elongated, and sharp canine teeth sprouted from her mouth.
She was seeing red. Suddenly, Rainbow’s face was the most infuriating, irritating thing she had ever seen in her life. How dare she disrespect her like this? How dare she hit her, wound her? How dare she even touch her? Sunset wanted nothing more than to grab her and rip her apart piece by piece until there was nothing left of her but a gory mess no one would ever be able to identify!
Her face twisted into a sick grin, and that’s all it took for Rainbow to turn around and run.
Notes:
Sorry for the delay! I compleatly forgot to upload yesterday. Also, the updates will most likely come on Monday from now on.
Hoped you liked this chapter, and that the cliffhanger isn't too mean ;)
Chapter Text
Chapter 6: The Edge of Control.
Sunset’s irises shrunk to a tiny teal dot, her eyes turned from white to tar black, her ears elongated, and sharp canine teeth sprouted from her mouth.
She was seeing red. Suddenly, Rainbow’s face was the most infuriating, irritating thing she had ever seen in her life. How dare she disrespect her like this? How dare she hit her, wound her? How dare she even touch her? Sunset wanted nothing more than to grab her and rip her apart piece by piece until there was nothing left of her but a gory mess no one would ever be able to identify!
Her face twisted into a sick grin, and that’s all it took for Rainbow to turn around and run.
Sunset chased her into the main school building and across the halls, making sharp turns in corridors and trying to gain distance on her, to corner the girl where she couldn’t escape.
Rainbow was a very fast runner, sure, and extremely agile too, but the stupid girl made the mistake of frantically trying to open various classrooms, no doubt in an attempt to put a physical barrier between herself and Sunset. But at that hour? The classrooms were locked and the school was empty.
In a last-ditch effort to escape, Rainbow pushed open the restroom’s door and then tried to close it behind her, but Sunset caught it just in time and burst in, going after the scared girl.
Rainbow backed away, looking for somewhere to hide, but the stalls would provide little protection and she’d be even more cornered inside. And the only way out was blocked by a literal demon. She was so dead.
Sunset grinned in satisfaction, seeing the sweat on Rainbow’s forehead, her heaving chest and darting eyes, like a cornered animal facing a predator.
In a split second, Sunset rushed forward, grabbed Rainbow by the shirt and effortlessly pinned her to the wall, her feet dangling inches above the ground. Rainbow whimpered and grabbed Sunset’s clawed hand, trying to pry it open to no avail, terror written all over her face.
Sunset’s smile grew even wider. She was going to enjoy destroying this stupid brat so much, piece by piece.
“S-Sunset… please… I-I’m sorry…” The girl pleaded pathetically. “I was wrong, okay? I was being a jerk! You’re not a monster, please!” She whimpered again, and closed her eyes as she saw Sunset’s other hand raise up, ready to strike her dead with those horrifyingly sharp claws. “P-please…”
A dark, sinister laugh escaped Sunset’s lips. She realized how small and terrified Rainbow looked, how much weaker and more vulnerable than the monster she herself had become. How scared she felt, because of her. She was completely at Sunset’s mercy. At her whim. She had the power here. The power to decide whether to kill her in one swift, satisfying blow, or to torture her, slowly driving her to insanity until the girl would beg to be dead.
But… she also had the power to… stop.
Sunset blinked, her eyes briefly turning normal before adopting their monstrous appearance once more.
She shook her head. Why would she stop now? This was what she wanted! To make her pay! To make them all pay for what they’d done to her! They had stolen her crown, keeping her from her destiny! They deserved the ultimate punishment! … Right?
“Sunset!” Rainbow yelled at her, not in fear or anger, but clear, powerful, determination. “I know you’re in there! You have to stop this, this isn’t you!”
This… wasn’t… her?
Sunset blinked once again. Who was she anyways? Wasn’t she just a tool for revenge? For power? For control?
No.
No, that was in the past. She wasn’t like that anymore. She couldn’t be.
“Fight it, Sunset!” Rainbow encouraged her as she saw her eyes fully turn back to normal. “I know you’re stronger than this thing!”
“No!” Sunset yelled, but it was like she was trying to convince herself, rather than Rainbow. “I will… I will…!”
Sunset watched in horror as her right claw, ready to strike, started to move towards Rainbow Dash. She tried to hold it back, but it’s like it had a mind of its own.
Why do you care? This girl hurt you! She hurt Sunset Shimmer, the most talented unicorn Canterlot has ever seen! The future ruler of Equestria! She deserves death!
Death? Sunset thought bitterly. If someone here deserved death, it was her, not Rainbow Dash.
The claw descended with full force, aiming at Rainbow’s face. The girl flinched and closed her eyes, but the expected blow never came. Slowly, she allowed herself to look, and realized that Sunset’s fist, not claw, had hit the wall right next to her face.
The redhead let go of her shirt and took a few steps back, heaving with the effort it took to stop herself. Rainbow’s feet finally touched the ground, her legs shaky.
The girl took a few seconds to make sure she was still in one piece and to try and calm down her frantic breathing, but she was still quite shaken up from what she had just witnessed. In fact, a part of her wanted nothing more than to bolt right out of there and as far away from this crazy demon girl as possible.
But… no. That wouldn’t be fair.
As she saw Sunset crumble to the ground, hugging her own legs and trembling, she finally realized how incredibly unfair she’d been to her.
Sure, Sunset Shimmer had been the terror of Canterlot High for two years and a half, but she hadn’t really done anything besides average high school bully stunts. She was mean, sure, but she wasn’t a monster. She hadn’t even threatened to hurt Twilight’s dog when she was trying to get the crown!
The only reason Sunset had turned into a demon and tried to kill them, was because she had been possessed by dark magic, something that Rainbow just realized she was still dealing with, even with the crown gone.
Her stomach twisted painfully as two conflicting sides of her evaluated the options.
Did Sunset deserve a second chance? Absolutely. Everyone makes mistakes, and Sunset’s were just exacerbated by evil magic; it didn’t mean she didn’t deserve forgiveness and redemption. But… did it really have to be them who accepted her, who tried to understand her and incorporate her into their friend group? Even if Sunset needed someone to be there for her, surely she could find other people willing to support her, right?
Rainbow’s gaze fell on the crying girl, sitting on the dirty restroom floor, sobbing and wailing like she was in excruciating pain as she hugged her legs tightly, like she was trying to hold herself together. The sight made Rainbow’s heart clench despite herself. It was difficult to believe that this was the same girl that just moments ago had been a raging demon set on revenge. Heck! It was difficult to believe this had been CHS’ local mean girl not even two weeks ago!
She suddenly remembered what Fluttershy had said the previous day; that Sunset wasn’t lashing out because she wanted to hurt them, but because she was like a wounded animal who didn’t know how to accept help; desperate, overwhelmed and cornered. Looking at Sunset now—shaking, broken, and lashing out only because she didn’t know what else to do—Rainbow realized just how right her friend had been.
Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. She couldn’t, in good conscience, just leave. Like it or not, Sunset was part of their friend group now; she was one of them. The girls would never forgive her if something happened to her.
Most importantly, she would never forgive herself.
Silently, Rainbow sat next to Sunset, unsure of what to say or do to help her. The poor girl looked so… broken.
A pang of guilt hit Rainbow as she saw the dried blood on Sunset’s forehead, and with a start she realized that she had done far more damage to Sunset than the so-called demon had done to her. She felt awful.
“H-hey.” She hesitantly placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”
What followed were muffled sobs and stifled whimpers, like Sunset was trying to stop herself from crying, to no avail.
“Let it out.” Rainbow instructed as she gently squeezed her shoulder. “Holding it in will just make things worse, believe me.” She chuckled awkwardly.
Sunset hugged her legs tighter and buried her face deeper between her knees, whimpering and trembling. Truly a sad sight.
“Sunset…” Rainbow sighed. She was never good at the whole feelings stuff, but she knew she had to try. “This wasn’t your fault, okay? None of it. I…” She swallowed. Admitting guilt was never easy, but she knew when she had fucked up. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said all of that to you. I shouldn’t have used that damn soccer ball to intimidate you. I shouldn’t have held onto the past so tightly that I couldn’t acknowledge that you’re trying.” She started rubbing circles on Sunset’s back as the girl kept crying. “We… all of us, we’ve noticed you’re trying, okay? And we want to try too. We’re here for you, no matter what.” She paused, preparing for what she’d say next. “I am here for you.”
Finally, Sunset looked up. Her eyes were bloodshot and wet with tears, but most importantly, she looked terrified and helpless. Just like the night of the fall formal.
Rainbow flinched internally upon seeing the spot on Sunset’s cheek—where the ball had struck her—starting to bruise.
“I’m truly sorry.” She repeated. “I really didn’t want to hit you.”
“I deserved it.” Sunset’s voice came out raspy and weak, through gritted teeth as if she was angry at herself. She used the back of her sleeve to wipe off the tears and snot running down her face, then closed her eyes. “I deserve that and more.”
“Sunset…” Rainbow’s eyes turned sad. She wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. “You… you don’t. You deserve forgiveness and…”
“Stop.” Sunset spat out, tensing up as if Rainbow’s words were physically hurting her. “Just… stop.”
The other girl stared at her for a moment, trying to find the right words to say in this situation—if such words even existed—but just when she was about to open her mouth, the door to the restroom opened and Principal Celestia came in, freezing in place as she took in the scene in front of her.
“I heard the commotion, a-and… what happened here?” The woman spoke with a worried tone as she alternated her gaze between the two girls, lingering a little longer on the wounds on Sunset’s face.
Rainbow had never been so simultaneously relieved and scared of seeing an adult in her life.
“Principal Celestia!” Rainbow Dash jumped up on her feet. “I… this was my fault.” She confessed. “I hit Sunset with a soccer ball and… a-and…” She glanced briefly at the girl again, a guilty expression appearing all over her face upon looking at the girl’s wounds. “I’ll take whatever punishment you deem fit, just… please help her.” She used her best pleading face as she looked back at the principal. Of course, she knew that whatever was going on, it was far beyond her abilities as a teenage girl to deal with. Sure, she could try and be there for Sunset when she needed her, but it was far better if a proper responsible adult took charge.
Celestia sighed as she looked at Rainbow with an exasperated expression. “We’ll talk about your punishment on Monday.”
“Understood.” Rainbow answered with a small voice. Then, she watched as the principal knelt down in front of Sunset, looking at her wounds. The girl recoiled slightly, but didn’t do, or even say, anything.
“Let’s go to my office, alright?” Celestia asked in the gentlest tone she could muster, as if she was afraid of scaring her away. “The nurse is gone but I have a first aid kit there.”
Sunset looked at her with an indifferent, tired look, then nodded and let herself be helped back on her feet. She was a bit wobbly, but she managed to stabilize after a moment.
The principal then put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder and led her out of the restroom, with Rainbow following close behind.
“She… she’ll be okay, right?” Rainbow asked apprehensively. “I’m… I’m kind of worried.” She admitted to both Celestia and herself.
Celestia halted and nodded, looking at Rainbow with a gentle smile. “I’ll handle this, don’t worry. You should go home before your parents start worrying about you.”
“Right.” Rainbow nodded stiffly, then looked at Sunset. She didn’t want to leave yet, but she knew there was nothing she could do and that she could trust principal Celestia to care for the girl. “See you on Monday, alright?”
Sunset gave her a stiff nod and, finally, Rainbow walked away, leaving the girl alone with the human version of who had once been her mentor. If not for how exhausted she was, Sunset would have been at least somewhat annoyed by this development.
“Come, Sunset. It’ll be fine.” The gentle voice of the woman, as well as her touch on her shoulder, compelled Sunset to move forward, barely registering anything until she was sitting on a chair at Celestia’s office. It felt like she was in a daze. She felt so tired, her whole body hurt, and all she wanted was to stop existing entirely.
She barely felt anything when Celestia rubbed a cotton ball soaked in alcohol on the wound at her temple, the sting it caused being nothing in comparison to the painful transformation she’d suffered earlier. Still, part of her wanted to push her away, be a nuisance, just to spite her. Why? Just because she reminded her of her own Celestia.
But she didn’t do anything; she was too exhausted and really didn’t care enough.
“I’m afraid I don’t have ice.” Celestia said apologetically as she gently caressed the bruise on Sunset’s face. “You should buy something cold on your way home.”
“Hm.” Sunset simply pursed her lips and looked away. She didn’t care one bit if her face were to turn completely purple the next day… and she didn’t have the money to buy anything anyways.
“Can you tell me what actually happened?” The principal pried, to Sunset’s annoyance.
“You heard Rainbow.” She answered angrily. “She hit me with a soccer ball.”
“Accidentally?” The woman gave her a pointed look. Sunset sighed.
“Yes. Can I go now?” Her voice sounded more irritated with every word spoken.
“I’m afraid not.” Celestia crossed her arms and regarded her with a stern gaze. “I didn’t call your parents after the Fall Formal because you said they were out on a business trip, and because I doubted they’d believe their daughter had used magic to turn herself into a demon anyways.” She paused, softening her voice. “But it’s obvious there’s something else going on, isn’t there?”
“Rainbow hit me. Why are you interrogating me?” She asked defensively.
“Because, Sunset Shimmer, you have made up excuse after excuse to not get your parents involved in your academic life.” She answered sternly. “But I don’t feel comfortable with sending their daughter home all battered and bruised without at least calling them to let them know what happened.”
Sunset pursed her lips, getting more annoyed by the second. She clenched her fists, barely registering the pain when the wounds on her palms opened again. Perhaps if she wasn’t so tired of everything, she would have come up with another ridiculous excuse, but instead she resolved to just sigh and lean back on the chair, looking at the ceiling with vacant eyes.
“I don’t have parents.” She revealed, her voice neutral and uncaring.
A moment of silence followed as Celestia processed her words. “Then… a legal guardian?” She pressed. “A grandparent, or uncle, even an older sibling…”
“I don’t have anyone, alright?” She snapped, glaring at the principal. “The pony who raised me is in another world, completely inaccessible for the next two years and a half, but even if she was here, I’d rather be sent to Tartarus than talk to her.”
“The… pony who raised you?” Celestia repeated, trying to comprehend what she was hearing.
“I’m from the same world as Twilight Sparkle.” She clarified, irritated beyond belief by the fact she had to explain this at all. “I’m surprised you didn’t figure that out earlier.”
“I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that there’s a portal to another dimension in the school.” Celestia admitted with a humorous hint on her voice. “I wish you had told me sooner.”
“Like you care.” Sunset answered bitterly.
“I do care, Sunset.” She emphasized, grabbing her shoulders and trying to make the stubborn girl look at her eyes. “I care about every single student here. Especially, if they’re completely alone in this world, with nowhere to stay.”
“I have somewhere to stay.” Sunset answered defensively. Technically she did.
“You think no one noticed the fact that you came into school early every other morning just to use the athletes’ showers?” She raised an eyebrow. “Or the fact that sometimes all the soap and toilet paper would disappear right after the restrooms were resupplied, only for the cameras to reveal you had taken them?”
Sunset glared at her. She felt called out and didn’t like it one bit. She had thought she’d been sneaky.
“I thought it was just a case of a though economical situation.” Celestia continued. “I thought that’s what made you lash out at your classmates sometimes.” She paused, her gaze softening ever so slightly. It felt… pitying. “I didn’t know that all this time you were completely alone. If I had, then maybe…” She trailed off, a guilty expression on her face.
“Yes, I’m alone. So what?” Sunset crossed her arms over her chest, her voice angry and defensive. “I’ve survived just fine here.”
“Maybe so.” Celestia frowned, more worried than irritated by the teenager’s attitude. “But I can’t, in good conscience, let you go to whatever place you call home, and be completely alone while in this state of mind.”
“What state of mind?” Sunset glared.
“This!” She gestured at her. “You had been doing better after the Fall Formal. You were even making friends!” She sighed. “But now… you look…”
“Pathetic.” Sunset finished for her.
“Lost.” Celestia corrected.
“So what, are you going to kidnap me?” Sunset chuckled bitterly. To her surprise, the principal paused, as if actually considering her words. “You can’t be serious.” Sunset’s eyes widened.
“I really shouldn’t do this.” Celestia sighed, looking at Sunset with concern written all over her face. She opened her mouth, then paused, staring at the girl in front of her for a very long time, as if weighing her options.
Sunset shifted uncomfortably in her seat, looking off to the side as if searching for an escape route. The last thing she wanted was to end up as Celestia’s charity case again. Except this time the woman wasn’t even a princess.
“I’m… I’m going to let you stay at my place.” Celestia said at last. It was obvious this was a difficult decision for her, but her voice was full of conviction.
“Gee, lucky me.” The girl rolled her eyes, trying to sound as annoyed as possible, but Celestia didn’t miss the way her shoulders relaxed slightly, as if her body agreed that it’d be better for her to have a safe place to stay, even if Sunset wasn’t ready yet to acknowledge it. “Can I at least go get my stuff first?”
“Of course.” She nodded. “I’ll inform Luna, we’ll drive together to wherever you keep your belongings, and then we’ll head home, okay?”
Luna. Of course. Sunset had almost forgotten about her… It seemed now she’d have to live in a house with, not one, but two overbearing and bossy adults. Terrific. Could her day get any worse? Why didn’t they just send her to a prison at this point? It’d probably feel less restrictive.
“Alright.” She simply muttered and, as Celestia grabbed her things and escorted her out of the office and towards the parking lot, she couldn’t help wishing she was in Tartarus instead.
Notes:
Fun fact: This was the first chapter I wrote. At 2 am like a crazy person lol.
Hope you liked it!
Chapter 7: New Walls, Old Wounds
Notes:
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal ideation, mentions of past self-harm. Nothing graphic, or anything, but be aware.
Chapter Text
Chapter 7: New Walls, Old Wounds.
Unfortunately for Sunset, it had taken little to no convincing to get Luna to agree to her sister’s crazy plan. All Celestia had to do was mention the words ‘homeless’ and ‘orphan’, and suddenly the vice principal was so enthusiastic you’d think they were adopting a stray kitten instead of the local high school bully.
It was ridiculous! Absurd, even. And Sunset hated the pitying glances the two kept shooting her as they got into the car. But she said nothing. What was the point? They wouldn’t listen.
So, after reluctantly giving them directions to her place, they arrived to it rather quickly.
It was an abandoned two-story building not far from the school, constructed mainly with red bricks. To Sunset’s credit, it at least didn’t look as dilapidated as one would expect from an abandoned place, but the boarded-up windows and ‘for sale’ signs hanging from the wall gave it away.
“You’ve been staying here this whole time?” Celestia asked in disbelief upon seeing the place.
“Nah, I changed spots a couple of times.” Sunset revealed, unlocking the car’s door. “But I mainly stayed in this area.”
She kicked open the door and stepped outside, eager to retrieve her stuff and get out of there. Perhaps, with a bit of luck, she’d be able to run away before the sisters knew what was going on…
All her hope was immediately squandered when Luna stepped off the passenger seat and joined her side at the main door. Sunset rolled her eyes, but said nothing as she walked inside the place.
The older woman couldn’t help looking around as she followed her inside the dusty old house; it was obvious that no one had cleaned it in years, judging by the spider webs on every corner, the dusty floor and moldy walls. It smelled of dirt and humidity, and the temperature was on the cold side. There was no furniture at all, and Luna found herself wondering how Sunset had managed to live here. She let out a quiet sigh, but knew better than to comment.
The girl then opened a door to her right, revealing the main room of this rather small construction. It also didn’t have any furniture and all the lightbulbs were busted, but the most eye-catching thing was a platform made of decaying wood with stairs leading up to it.
The two went up and Luna found Sunset’s makeshift bed, as well as the folded clothes to the side of it. She looked at the teenager, silently questioning her choice for ‘bedroom’.
“When winter comes it’s best to be as far away from the freezing floor as possible.” Sunset explained.
At the mention of winter, Luna wondered how exactly the stubborn girl had managed to get by, but a quick scan revealed what seemed to be a makeshift campfire spot in a blackened corner downstairs. She was amazed Sunset hadn’t managed to catch herself on fire.
“Is this all?” She asked, looking at the clothes Sunset was hastily throwing inside a backpack. The girl hesitated, then led her downstairs, under the wooden stairs, where there was a pile of books, some folders full of papers and … a guitar case? Two, in fact. And a small amplifier as well.
Luna grabbed one guitar case and opened it, confirming her suspicions when she saw a familiar electric guitar inside. She cast a disapproving look at Sunset.
“What?” She said defensively as she threw the books and folders inside her backpack as well. “He lent these to me and hasn’t asked for them yet.”
Luna sighed, but chose not to say anything. Instead, she grabbed both guitars, as well as the amplifier, and waited for Sunset to finish packing. Once that was done, both exited the place.
Sunset ran her fingers on the doorframe on her way out, brushing off years of dust like she was brushing off the last bit of herself. She knew it was shitty, and that she would’ve left sooner rather than later regardless, but… this had been her safe place for nearly a year now. One of the nicest ones she’d been in, for sure. Maybe she wouldn’t miss all the hardships that came with living here, but she would definitely miss the freedom.
“Forget something?” Luna asked from the sidewalk, snapping Sunset out of her thoughts.
“No.” The girl shook her head and then went to put her stuff in the trunk of the car. It was a bit sad that all of her belongings could fit into such a small space, really.
That settled, she got into the car and let herself be driven to her new ‘home’—new prison, more like—not bothering saying anything for the whole drive. She did hear the sisters talk in hushed voices about the arrangement, but she only heard something about “spare room” and how they’d need to “buy some stuff” soon.
Truthfully, she was too drained to care, and by the time they arrived to the principals’ house, all she wanted was to lay down on bed and sleep the weekend away. However, as soon as she stepped off the vehicle, her jaw dropped upon seeing what could only be described as a miniature mansion. So much so, that she briefly wondered if the two women were secretly royalty in this world as well.
It was a two-story house with white walls and tall columns that decorated the path across the beautiful garden and towards the marble steps of the entrance. The whole front face of the house, including the fine mahogany door was decorated with golden ornaments depicting beautiful flowers and leaves. It really did remind her of Canterlot Castle—appropriate, she supposed—but way smaller. Cozier.
She got a strange sense of déjà vu, vaguely remembering when she’d been taken in by her mentor after being an orphan filly living on the streets for quite some time. Except… the dread she felt this time was new, she supposed.
“Please, come in.” Celestia, who was carrying the backpack with Sunset’s belongings, unlocked the door and invited her to enter. Sunset did as told and was about to just head straight towards the rather inviting velvet couch to the left, when she was stopped by the principal. “Please take off your boots first.”
Sunset rolled her eyes, but did as told, too tired to fight it, and then headed straight to her target, sinking into the couch with a deep sigh of relief. Truly, she hadn’t sat in a couch as comfortable as this one since she lived in Equestria, and to her tired body it felt even better. She closed her eyes, ready to sleep and forget this awful day, when the irritating voice of the principal interrupted her. Again.
“Would you like to take a shower?” She asked. “I’ll go fetch a towel for you.”
Sunset glared at her, annoyed, but then actually considered her suggestion. A shower did sound nice, especially since she hadn’t arrived early to school all week, which had left her unable to clean herself as much as she would’ve liked. So she relented.
“Yeah… that sounds nice.” She shrugged.
“Perfect. I’ll go check if there’s hot water then.” With that, Celestia left and Luna came in a moment later, carrying the rest of Sunset’s belongings.
“Don’t mind my sister. I think she got carried away already.” She chuckled in amusement, and Sunset simply hummed in acknowledgement, not wanting to engage in conversation. “But I do suggest you pick a fresh set of clothes before she goes buy you some herself.”
Horrified by that possibility, Sunset reluctantly got out of the cushiony heaven she was in, and started rummaging through her backpack before picking a fresh pair of panties, an old pair of sweatpants, an equally old grey sweater, and an oversized shirt with a band logo, which effectively functioned as her PJs. She saw Luna raise an eyebrow.
“How many of your belongings are actually Flash’s?” The vice principal asked, a hand on her hips.
“None.” Sunset deadpanned. “They’re mine now.”
The hint of a smile tugged at Luna’s lips, but she suppressed it. “The bathroom is at the end of the hallway.” She said, pointing straight ahead. “And the spare room, which is where you’ll be staying, is upstairs to the left. The door that doesn’t have a Sun symbol on the door.”
“Thanks.” She said with no sign of true gratitude in her voice.
“I’ll take your belongings there.” Luna didn’t seem to be bothered by her attitude. “I suggest you unpack after you shower.” And with that, still carrying Sunset’s guitars, she went up the white marble stairs, which were decorated with a red carpet that definitely was way too much for a simple house. But appropriate for Celestia’s residence, she supposed.
Sunset was now alone in her principal’s living room. Finally, she took the time to look around. It was rather spacious, with a set of two of these luxurious couches, a coffee table made of dark wood, plants framing the tall window that gave a clear view of the garden, and a flat TV screen that almost occupied the entirety of the wall the biggest couch was facing. With a start, Sunset realized that there were also several videogame consoles under the TV, neatly organized in a small wooden stand.
For a moment, Sunset thought about how foolish the sisters were. She could easily rob the place and run away; she was sure there were even more valuables around than just the videogame consoles, perhaps silver spoons in the kitchen? Or what about that painting that hung on the hallway? It looked expensive. With the money she’d make selling all of this, maybe she could start a new life, away from here.
Still, Sunset simply hugged her PJs tighter to her chest and walked down the hallway to where the bathroom was. What point was there to running away? Everything was the same wherever she went. She had run off to an entirely different world and still ended up in the exact same situation she’d been in Equestria, for fucks sake!
Just then, Celestia walked out of the bathroom and smiled warmly at Sunset. “I left a fresh towel for you next to the sink.” She informed. “The water is already hot; I checked.”
“Thanks.” Sunset answered dryly again and walked past Celestia towards the bathroom, just wanting to get this over with and go to bed.
“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything!” She called just as Sunset slammed the rather ornate door.
The bathroom was spacious and completely decorated with white tiles with golden trim. The tiles on the floor, by contrast, were a dark blue with white crescent moons here and there. She rolled her eyes, but left her PJs hanging on the hook by the door, then swiftly took off her clothes and bandages, tossed them to a corner without care, and headed straight to the rather big bathtub at the far end of the bathroom.
Closing the sliding opaque crystal door behind her, she debated whether to take a shower or a bath. Usually she preferred showers, but it'd been ages since she took a bath, and relaxing in the hot waters truly sounded amazing after the awful day she’d had.
And so, after waiting for an uncomfortable amount of time for the bathtub to fill up, and then tossing one of the many bath bombs inside, she finally got to relax in the waters as she’d wished.
She let out a sigh, letting her muscles relax under the warmth, as she gently started scrubbing away the grime from her hair and then her body. She hated to admit it, but living in a proper house seemed to have more advantages than disadvantages already.
Still, her mood soured when she was about to scrub her forearms. The ugly wounds she’d inflicted upon herself the previous day were there, stinging thanks to the same warmth that soothed the rest of her body. Mocking her.
She gently traced them with her index finger, noting how red and inflamed the surrounding tissue was. She sighed. How foolish. How pathetic she’d been to do something like that to herself. Then again… it was to be expected, wasn’t it? If she wasn’t a pathetic fool she wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. She’d be at Celestia’s palace—the true Celestia. She’d be a crowned princess, an alicorn, ready to rule by her side.
The thought tasted bitter in her mouth, and she sank deeper into the bathtub, as if the hot waters could erase the imagined scene that would never come true. Only a moment later she realized that her nose was now underwater.
Then again… did it matter? If she drowned right now, what difference would it make, compared to living another day? What was even the point? Her dream had fallen out of her grasp years ago, long before she even realized, and now… now she was stuck in a foreign world that seemed to be mocking her and punishing her at every turn.
She closed her eyes, acutely aware of the fact that her lungs were burning, and she wouldn’t be able to hold her breath for much longer. All she had to do was let the water in. Then, it’d all be over…
“Sunset?” A knock on the door and Celestia’s distinct voice cut through her thoughts, startling her. She inhaled involuntarily, and then lifted her head off the water, coughing at the shock. “Sunset, are you okay?”
Coughing some more, Sunset finally managed to get the water out of her respiratory tract, even though the heat and the soap it contained left her nostrils and throat burning.
“Sunset?” Celestia prompted again.
“I’m fine.” She choked out, voice raspy.
There was a pause, as if the adult was thoroughly unconvinced, but at the end decided against pressing the issue. “I’m going to prepare dinner. Anything you’d want to eat?”
At the question, Sunset paused. It had months since she’d last had a proper dinner, probably since her last date with Flash, and the thought of a hot meal definitely made her mouth water and her stomach churn, even if she didn’t want it to.
“Whatever you have is fine.” She ended up saying, but after a moment, her mouth spoke again, betraying her. “But… pizza would be nice.”
“… pizza?” It was obvious the principal hadn’t expected, or hoped, for such an answer, which gave Sunset a small satisfaction. “S-sure. Any preferences?”
Sunset thought for a moment. Honestly, any pizza was better than the cold cafeteria pizza that only had canned tomato sauce and cheap cheese, but… as she remembered the many nights she’d spent playing videogames with her now ex-boyfriend and his friends, a distinct flavor came to mind.
“Pepperoni.” She ended up saying.
“Right.” Celestia still didn’t seem comfortable with Sunset’s choice for dinner, but if she had any objections, she kept them to herself. “I’ll order now, and it’s usually here within thirty minutes, so you should hurry.”
With that, determined footsteps were heard as she walked away from the bathroom door, and finally Sunset decided it was time to finish up and dry herself. As much as she liked the warm water and its relaxing effects, being alone with her thoughts for even a second longer than necessary didn’t sound as appealing as a slice of freshly baked pizza.
Sunset arrived to the dining room, which was next to the living room, and was surprised to see it empty, although she could hear Celestia somewhere nearby. Curious, she followed the noise towards a simple wooden door at the corner, and peeked her head in, surprised to see a normal kitchen and a small white counter, where the pizza box was placed. She didn’t recognize the brand, but the smell was pleasant enough that she ended up stepping inside without even meaning to.
“Oh, Sunset! You’re here already.” The principal smiled, turning to look at her as she stopped what she was doing; searching for something inside the pantry. “Please, take a seat.” She pointed to one of the two chairs at the counter and Sunset reluctantly obliged. Wasn’t Luna going to dine with them?
As if reading her thoughts, Celestia kept talking as she put a fine porcelain plate in front of the girl. “Luna went out.” She sighed. “She won’t be back until morning. I don’t know where she gets the energy to stay up all night.”
Sunset couldn’t help chuckling at Celestia’s comment. If what she’d read about Princess Celestia’s sister back in Equestria was true, then her human counterpart’s actions made a lot of sense.
“What?” Celestia tilted her head in confusion, but Sunset just shook her head.
“Nothing.” She said, opening the box and reaching for a slice of pizza. It was pepperoni, like she’d asked for, but it had a thick layer of cheese; much thicker than she was used to, and when she took it to her plate and the aroma filled her nostrils, she also noticed that the sauce likely had a rich blend of herbs and spices in it that gave it an expensive feel, unlike the cheap fast food she was used to. As such, the first bite she took didn’t disappoint, and she couldn’t stop the happy noise that escaped from her at the taste.
“Seems like I made a good choice.” Celestia smiled, taking a slice for herself and putting it on her plate before she started cutting it up with fork and knife. Sunset rolled her eyes at the sight. “I don’t usually eat pizza, but this is my favorite place to order when I do.”
Sunset simply nodded, too tired to make conversation, and enjoying her pizza too much to stop for even a second. Soon, she was taking another slice, before Celestia even ate half of her own.
“Someone’s hungry.” The adult noted, amused, and then passed Sunset a steaming cup full of water. “Do you prefer coffee or tea?”
“Coffee is fine.” Finally, Sunset paused her ravenous eating to prepare her coffee with the ingredients handed to her, and Celestia took this opportunity to talk some more as she waited for her tea to be ready.
“I must admit… I was surprised when you didn’t ask for the vegetarian option.” She mused. “After all, you used to be a pony, right?”
The girl paused half-bite, briefly recalling how shocked she’d been than humans ate meat back when she first arrived to this world. It had disgusted her deeply that she only found out after she’d already eaten it—and liked it. It had felt wrong, unnatural. Now it was ordinary… which unnerved her if she thought about it for too long.
Sunset took a sip from her coffee a little too quickly, not caring about the way it scalded her tongue. “I’ve been human for nearly three years now. I got used to it.”
Celestia nodded and then laughed softly, mostly to herself. Sunset raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything as she instead took yet another slice of pizza for herself.
“Sorry, I just still find it strange to think that there’s really a whole world of sentient ponies out there.” The principal commented, seeing Sunset’s questioning look.
“Believe me, it’s even weirder than you think.” She remarked between bites.
“I can imagine.” She nodded, then paused, deep in thought as she kept eating. Once she swallowed and took a tentative sip of her tea, she decided to change the subject.
She reached into her pocket, pulled out a black rectangular object and then slid it across the counter towards Sunset. Finally, the girl paused her ravenous eating to look at it, her right eyebrow rising in response as she looked at the adult.
“It’s a gift.” Celestia clarified. “Luna’s old phone. I figured it could come in handy.”
“Hm…” Sunset eyed the thing, but didn’t take it. Personally, she had never seen the point on having a device people could easily use to contact you with at all times. It seemed like an invasion of privacy, really. She knew it could do other things, like take pictures, play music and videos, or even access the web, but she didn’t see the point when cameras, TV’s and computers were more practical.
“Please take it, it’d make me feel better.” The adult asked gently, pushing it more towards Sunset. “You can use it to contact me or Luna, in case of an emergency.” Her tone left no doubts that this wasn’t up for discussion so, not wanting to fight, Sunset took the device reluctantly. Secretly, however, she decided to keep it turned off at all times. She really didn’t fancy getting random calls or messages during the day.
Celestia smiled at her compliance. “You can also use it to contact your friends. I’m sure they would appreciate it.”
Her words cut through Sunset like knives, and not even the pizza could soften the blow she felt. She fixed the principal with a glare. “I don’t have any friends.”
“Ah… I’m sorry?” Her apology sounded more like a confused question. “I just thought that-”
“You thought wrong.” She answered bitterly. Those girls weren’t her friends. They had just taken her as their charity case and she was playing along because it was easier than resisting. That was all.
“Alright.” She sighed, dropping the topic for now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m just trying to help.” Celestia gave her the most earnest look she could muster, but Sunset wasn’t buying it; she knew gestures like this never came without strings attached.
“Why?” She asked plainly, stuffing yet another slice of pizza into her mouth. The principal startled at the question.
“What do you mean why?” She frowned.
“Why are you trying to help me?” She clarified. “I don’t mean just the phone, but everything you’re doing.” She scoffed, shifting into a rather cynical tone. “I don’t buy the whole goody-two-shoes bullshit.”
Celestia sighed, disappointed by the answer, but recognized that Sunset had been on her own for who knows how long. It was only natural that she’d be skeptical in the face of genuine help.
“Because… I see great potential in you.” She ended up stating the most logical, no-feelings reason she could come up with.
“Of course you do.” Sunset smiled bitterly and shook her head. “I know what great potential looks like, and I’m not it.” She grimaced at the stab on her chest that she felt at her own words.
“Says the top student at CHS.” The principal reminded her with a tiny smile.
“I think you mean demon.” She deadpanned.
“Not everything is black and white.” Celestia answered without missing a beat.
“So that’s it?” Sunset raised her voice subconsciously. “You don’t want to lose your ‘top student’, so you take me in?” She scoffed. “Is it really that important for you?” There was a tense pause as Sunset looked at Celestia with narrowed eyes. “Or perhaps you just want me to be in your debt in case I ever do something great with my life, and you get the chance to cash in on favors?”
Silence rang between them as Celestia’s expression became sorrowful, and Sunset took it as a small victory. She’d called her out, cornered her, and now she was too ashamed to speak. How easy that was! This Celestia had nothing on her pony counterpart.
However, the principal remained calm and composed even on the face of such accusations. She simply took a deep breath and then looked at Sunset in a compassionate way that made her shift uncomfortably in her seat.
“I don’t expect anything from you.” She answered sincerely. “I don’t even expect you to believe me right now, and I understand if you distrust me.” Sunset pursed her lips, but hid her discomfort by sipping from her coffee. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I want to help you, and I’ll do everything in my power to see you get better. However long that takes.”
“Yeah? W-well…” For once the rebellious teen was at a loss for words. Although Celestia seemed sincere, and a part of her wanted nothing more than to believe her, she knew she couldn’t. She knew it’d be foolish. Especially considering how deeply similar she was to her pony counterpart.
Celestia studied her for a moment, her expression softening even further. “Have you really never had someone who supported you unconditionally?” She asked, a sad look on her face, upon noticing Sunset’s reluctance in the face of kindness. “Not even the pony who raised you?”
This time, Sunset felt a pang of pain in her chest as old memories resurged. Memories of warm hugs, only given when perfect grades were accomplished. Memories of expensive gifts and sweet treats, presented to her only when achieving great magical feats. Memories of getting scolded when she came short of expectations, and only getting praised when she exceeded them. Memories of constantly seeking validation, only to always be told that it wasn’t enough—that she had to be better.
She closed her eyes, trying to block out the painful reminder.
“No. She was a bitch.” The words came out sharp, but the ache behind them lingered. Although she knew, deep down, that she was being unfair. Not that she cared. Princess Celestia had been unfair to her as well, so she supposed they were even.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Celestia reached out and gently tried to touch one of Sunset’s hands, only for the teenager to recoil hastily. “I promise I’ll do better.”
“I doubt it.” The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. She knew she was lashing out at the wrong Celestia; that this one hadn’t done anything wrong—yet—, but she couldn’t help it. The two were too much alike. Still, she felt a little ashamed when she saw the hurt look on her face. So, as the coward she was, she downed her cup and excused herself. “I’ll go to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“… Sure.” Her voice came softer than before, and Sunset would’ve felt worse if she had actually had the capacity to care. She was about to exit the kitchen, when Celestia’s voice stopped her again, as the adult stood up. “Wait.” Suddenly losing the hurt tone in favor of focused pragmatism, she went to the fridge, took a bag out of it and gave it to Sunset. It felt cold to the touch. More than cold; it was freezing. And it had small cubic things inside. Ice? “For your bruise.” She clarified, gesturing at Sunset’s cheek. In all honestly, the girl had already forgotten about it.
“Ah.” She nodded stiffly. “Thanks.”
And with that, she bolted upstairs and towards her new room, uncomfortable at the way she hadn’t been reprimanded by her behavior and instead received more kindness in return. It felt wrong, it felt deceiving, like she was slowly being lured into some kind of trap. The problem was that for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what the trap could possibly be, but she also couldn’t let herself believe, not even for one moment, that such trap only really existed in her mind.
Chapter Text
Chapter 8: The Moon Lights the Way.
“What are you doing here?” Celestia’s voice startled Sunset out of her immersion on the book she was reading; a book about a certain magical mirror.
She stood up and turned to look at her mentor; the tall imposing alicorn casting a log shadow under the warm light of the fireplace. To most ponies her presence would’ve been comforting and awe-inducing, but for Sunset in that moment, it felt quite menacing. Especially since she was standing directly in front of the only exit and looking at her with cold, disapproving eyes.
However, the young mare swallowed her fear and marched towards her, stomping her hooves harder than she needed to. “I have every right to be here! You’ve denied me answers for too long!”
The alicorn’s eyes narrowed even further. “You’re not ready.” She spoke, voice firm and unrelenting. “This magic is dangerous and I won’t allow you to put yourself, or others, at risk.”
“But the stuff you’re teaching me is barely a challenge anymore!” She complained, feeling a familiar, unpleasant pressure on her chest. “I’m ready for more! I can prove it to you! I’m ready to be an alicorn.”
“An… alicorn?” Celestia’s eyes widened.
“I saw it in the mirror.” Sunset said, her voice trembling, not just with excitement, but with something more frantic, almost feverish. “Me, as a princess... ruling Equestria.” Her eyes glimmered with a strange light, as though still caught in the vision. “It didn’t just show me my future; it called to me. Like it knew who I was meant to be.”
She stepped closer, her tone sharpening. “I’m ready to take my destiny. I have to.” A plea crept into her voice, insistent. “I’ll do anything. Whatever magical feat you want me to perform, I’ll do it. Just say the word!”
Celestia closed her eyes, taking deep breaths as if trying to calm herself down. When she looked at Sunset again, her expression was sad and conflicted.
“Sunset, I know how deeply you feel about this. But the path you’re on isn’t the one I want for you. You are more than your ambition.”
The young mare let out a groan and glared at the princess. She’d heard those words so many times before that they felt hollow now.
“Am I?” She questioned, cynical. “Without my ambition I wouldn’t be your pupil. I’d just be a pathetic little orphan, like so many in Equestria.”
Celestia’s eyebrows furrowed. “Maybe if you spent less time thinking of other ponies as ‘pathetic’ and more time trying to make friends, I wouldn’t have to ‘hold you back’.”
Friends. Right. It always circled back to this, didn’t it? The Princess of Loneliness, unwilling to get close to even her so-called prized pupil, but preaching friendship like it was the greatest thing to ever exist. It didn’t matter that Sunset had tried to make friends multiple times, only to quickly learn that those who were willing to humor her only cared about getting close to Celestia, or about having someone to do their homework for them. The princess just wouldn’t listen to her. She never did.
But if friendship meant letting herself be used by mediocre ponies to further their goals, then Sunset was better off alone.
She gritted her teeth, feeling her anger rise from her chest like a heat wave, uncontrollable, overturning her reason. “Perhaps if you spent less time preaching about friendship and more time actually making friends, I’d believe you when you say it’s something I need to bother myself with.” She had sounded like a petulant child, but she didn’t care.
“Sunset.” The princess voice was less conflicted now. More hurt and angry. She took in a deep breath and her feathers rustled. “I forbid you to study the mirror ever again.”
“Great!” The young unicorn’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Sure, let’s deflect again, shall we? Just like you’ve been deflecting all my questions about the mirror even though you are the one who showed it to me in the first place!”
“Listen to me. I have reason to believe its magic has corrupted you!” She insisted, but Sunset saw right through her lie.
“Do you? Or are you just too afraid of what it showed me?” She grinned with malice, feeling like she’d cornered Celestia for once. “After all, if I am to rule Equestria… where does that leave you?” A mocking laugh escaped Sunset’s lips, but it sounded more sinister than she intended. Still, the scared look on her mentor’s face was more than enough reward. Little things could scare an immortal alicorn, but if Sunset managed to do it… it could only mean she was on the right path.
Celestia swallowed, and her lips trembled slightly. She briefly looked down to the ground, her hooves shifting uncomfortably, hesitating. The silence stretched for an uncomfortable amount of time that felt as fragile as glass. Part of Sunset wanted to break it, but another part was afraid of what would happen if she did.
When the princess looked back at Sunset’s eyes, there was something wrong with her expression. Something more vulnerable than the young unicorn had ever seen before. Yet, when she spoke, her tone was calm, deliberate, and final. “You must leave Canterlot at once.”
“What?” The unicorn’s incredulous voice pierced through the deafening silence. Her heart pounded and her ears flattened as she imagined guards barring her way, the palace doors closing forever. She had never, not in a million years, imagined this to be the outcome of her rebellious defiance. “You can’t be serious!” A nervous hoof stomped the ground, and the echoes resonated through the silence of the library, mirroring Sunset’s own spiraling thoughts.
Canterlot was her home; where she met the princess, where she grew up, and studied. It was all she ever knew; all she ever had. Most importantly, it was where Celestia was, where her destiny laid. Who was she, if not the princess’s prized pupil? What was her destiny if not to rule by her side?
“I am serious, Sunset.” The princess spoke gravely. “You must leave the mirror’s influence before it’s too late.”
“What are you talking about?!” Sunset yelled. “The mirror showed me my destiny, but you wouldn’t even tell me that’s what it was!” Her voice was rising, trembling, her breath becoming labored. Her stinging eyes were a dead giveaway that she was rapidly losing composure, but she couldn’t stop herself. “You spent all this time dismissing my questions, and now you’re going to cast me away just because I tried to seek the answers?!” She scoffed. “I thought you were supposed to be my mentor!”
“Sunset Shimmer.” The alicorn’s wings opened wide as she spoke, making her seem even bigger than she already was. Sunset recoiled instinctively, despite herself. “If you don’t leave now, I will be forced to send you away, by any means necessary.”
Sunset gritted her teeth, feeling indescribable pain coursing through her whole body. Was she serious? She seemed serious. Was she really about to exile her just because she snuck into the restricted section of the library? Wasn’t that a little excessive? She briefly considered asking for forgiveness, showing repentance and seeking guidance; she knew Celestia was compassionate enough for that to work, but… No. The princess had held her back long enough. She wouldn’t give in to this blatant attempt at intimidation. She wouldn’t fall for her bluff.
When Sunset’s gaze remained defiant, and the silence stretched too long, Celestia’s eyes saddened and a sigh escaped her lips.
“Very well.” She folded back her wings and, for a split second, Sunset thought she’d won; that if had been a bluff after all, and the princess would now go back on her harsh words. But then, Celestia called the guards. Instantly, two white unicorns donning familiar sets of armor came barreling into the library. “Escort her out of the palace, and don’t let her back in until further notice.” She spoke to them, not a hint of hesitation in her voice. “Let her stop by her room to gather whatever she needs, but don’t let her leave your sight.”
No. No, this couldn’t be happening! Was she really being exiled? Was she really losing her position as Celestia’s pupil? Was she really going to be denied her destiny with such finality? Why did the princess see her ambition for knowledge as such a threat?
Bitterness and anger surged through every fiber of her being, rising like a shield to smother the shock, the fear, the heartbreak. But they were still there, lingering beneath the surface, twisting in her chest like a knife.
Her hooves trembled as she was flanked by the guards, and for a fleeting moment, she actually considered turning back. Apologizing. Pleading. Anything to undo what had just happened. Her pride screamed in protest, but something quieter—something wounded—whispered that maybe she had gone too far.
But the whisper was fragile, and pride was loud.
She steeled herself, swallowing down every tremor, every doubt, and blinking away the tears in her eyes. She would not give Celestia the satisfaction of seeing her break. Her head lifted high as she walked past the princess, though her legs felt like stone. She met Celestia’s eyes, glare burning with as much malice as she could summon, though deep down, she wasn’t sure if she hated her… or just couldn’t bear the thought that Celestia no longer believed in her.
“This is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make, Princess.” She spat, her voice colder than she felt.
And just like that, she made a promise, half out of fury, half out of desperation. She would achieve her destiny by any means necessary. She would prove Celestia wrong; prove that she had been worthy, that she was destined for more.
Because if she didn’t, then… what was she?
Sunset shot up on her bed. Or, well, the bed in Celestia’s guest room.
Her chest was heaving, her heart racing and her thoughts and feelings were in total disarray, as it always happened whenever she had this particular nightmare. The memory about the night she’d been exiled from her home and, unable to accept it, she had exiled herself from that reality entirely. Thankfully, it had been a while since the last time, but the reason as to why it was resurfacing now was unfortunately pretty obvious.
The guest room she was staying at now reminded her a lot of her old bedroom back in Canterlot; spacious, comfortable, cozy, with the sweet aroma of fruits and flowers. Back then, it had been comforting. Now, it was suffocating.
This room was smaller, yes, and definitely not as luxurious, but the similarities were staggering. Not to mention that she was now in the exact same situation as she had been back when Princess Celestia had taken her in; vulnerable, broken, and depending on her for everything.
She hated it.
She had gone through so much, only to end up where she started. And what had she gained in the process? Nothing but pain and ugly scars.
She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t repeat history once more. She didn’t want to go through that again!
Maybe they really meant to help her. Maybe this could’ve been different. But no. It was too late. It was always too late.
Throwing off her blanket, she quickly got dressed and then stuffed her PJs in the backpack that contained the rest of her clothes. Unfortunately, her books and guitars would have to stay, but she took a folder that contained her forged legal documents and put it in as well. Then, cautiously, she exited the room.
Her stomach was twisting nervously as she closed the door behind her, and she stopped to listen for any sign of movement, but the hallway remained empty and silent, and the door to the room across from hers, the one with the sun symbol she hated so much, remained closed.
Letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, she carefully went down the stairs, thankful that the carpet was helping muffle her footsteps. Then, she headed straight towards the main door, practically savoring her freedom already, but… just when her hand grasped the handle, a voice interrupted her.
“Going somewhere?” She turned towards the couch, startled, and saw Luna sitting there by herself. The moonlight entering through the window cast a faint glow over the living room, just enough to catch the steam rising from Luna’s mug, and the subtle weight of her gaze.
Not accusing. Not surprised. Just… waiting.
“I… I just…” Sunset mumbled, unable to come up with a convincing excuse. She had wanted to leave like a ghost; no confrontation, no resistance, never to be seen again. She hadn’t planned on what she’d do if she was confronted by Luna in such a manner, nor had she prepared herself for the shame she felt upon being caught red-handed.
Luna calmly downed her cup, put it on the coffee table and then got up from the couch. She walked towards Sunset, and the girl braced herself to be reprimanded, frantically trying to come up with arguments in her mind, but… Luna simply pried the backpack from Sunset’s hands and calmly put it down on the floor.
“If you can’t sleep, I’d appreciate the company.” She smiled at her. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Without waiting for her response, Luna turned around and put on her shoes. Then, as she was unlocking the door, Sunset subtly glanced at the clock in the living room. The numbers read 3:34. Was she really serious about going for a walk at this hour?
“You coming?” Luna called from the entrance, holding the door open for her. The girl found her feet obeying despite her mind not having made a decision yet, perhaps because it was easier than starting an argument. And so, after crossing the garden, the two strolled down the sidewalk, side by side.
The night was silent, save from the chirping of crickets, and the occasional crunching of dry leaves under their feet. Luna didn’t try to initiate a conversation either, and Sunset was thankful for that. She had to admit to herself that this was somewhat relaxing. The oppressive feel of the luxurious house she was being forced to stay at had suddenly been carried away by the cold autumn wind.
She looked around and saw the big, fancy houses that adorned the entire neighborhood. Although they all seemed tacky to Sunset, she had to admit that they had a strange appeal to them; a certain air of an old wealthy neighborhood. If she had to guess, with her limited understanding of human architecture, the place was probably at least 200 years old.
The trees on the sidewalk were tall, with branches growing wild in all directions and providing shade all over the street. The gardens were well-kept, but not too neat. Some of the stone fences were entirely covered by either ivy or wisteria, giving them an almost fairytale-like look. All in all, this place was nothing like Canterlot, but it had its own charm. Less extravagant. Smaller. Subtler.
They crossed a street and entered a park. The trees were so tall and packed so tightly together that, after just a few steps, it was easy to forget they were in a city at all. The chanting of owls right above their heads definitely helped convey the feel that they were suddenly in a forest. And the smell… Sunset breathed in deeply. Pine needles, humidity, dirt… It was soothing.
They came to a stop in front of a small lake, which reflected the moon’s light in its calm waters. Luna sat down on a bench facing it, and then pat the spot next to her, inviting, but not demanding. Sunset sat down, but kept staring at the scenery in front of her instead of the person she was with.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Luna spoke for the first time since they’d left the house. Her voice was quiet, but the sound of it felt like an intrusion upon the peaceful setting regardless. Still, Sunset forced herself to answer.
“It’s… calming.” She settled for. Luna simply nodded.
“When I can’t sleep, I often come here at night.” She revealed. “It’s become a habit over the years.”
Sunset hummed in acknowledgement, but didn’t say more. Yet, the implication still lingered in her brain. Luna often couldn’t sleep? Why? She clearly came from a privileged background, and her relationship with her sister was good. She even had a good job that she seemed to enjoy! Was it just… mundane worries? Work-related stress? Plausible, but… Sunset didn’t think that was the case.
She recalled the legends from her own land; about the two celestial sisters, and how one of them had been imprisoned on the moon by the other, when she was deemed too dangerous.
Obviously, Luna wasn’t in the moon. And she got along with Celestia well enough now. But… had it always been like this? Unable to suppress her natural curiosity, she found herself asking.
“Do you…?” Sunset’s voice was raspy, so she cleared her throat. “Do you often have nightmares, or…?”
“Sometimes.” She admitted. “Although over the years my insomnia has become a matter of habit. I prefer to be awake at night and sleep during the day, whenever I can.”
Sunset nodded, slightly disappointed by the answer. Still, Luna continued talking unprompted.
“At first, it was a way to avoid my sister, and to spite her. All at once.” She chuckled, a small smile appearing on her face.
Sunset’s eyes widened. So… the sisters had fought once upon a time. It seemed history really tended to repeat itself across dimensions.
“You see, when our parents died, Celestia took it upon herself to take care of me.” The woman continued speaking, her tone calm and neutral, with no emotions portrayed. “She was legally an adult already, and I was just a teenager, so she felt like I was her responsibility.” She shook her head in amusement. “You’ve seen her in action; she can be overtly maternal, and back then she was the same.”
Sunset nodded. It wasn’t hard to imagine. Although she supposed it would’ve been difficult, or even impossible, for Luna to see her as parental figure, if their age gap wasn’t all that big.
“I resented her, of course. I rejected all her care, challenged all her rules, defied all her boundaries…” A sigh escaped her lips, as if she was disappointed with her old self. “She could never replace mom; she could never fill that void in my heart. So… I left. Because rejecting her was easier.”
Sunset winced, feeling a pang of pain in her heart. Not because of Luna herself, but how her story mirrored her own. Celestia could never replace ‘mom’ for Luna, just as she could never replace the mentor Sunset had lost—the one who had lost her. So she ran.
She felt called out, exposed. Like a book without cover; not even having to be opened to be read.
“I came back years later.” Luna continued. “Celestia received me with open arms and didn’t scold me even once.” A hint of sadness finally crept up in her eyes. “She was just happy to have me in her life again, and I…” She closed her eyes, as if reliving the memory. “I was relieved to know that she didn’t hate me.”
There was a pause as Luna opened her eyes again and, for the first time since the start of their conversation, chose to look at Sunset’s eyes, instead of the scenery that surrounded them. The girl felt small under that unreadable gaze, but she also felt strangely comforted. She knew whatever she said next would be of great importance.
“I could’ve spared myself years of suffering, of struggling, of uncertainty, if I had just opened my heart for love sooner.” Her smile was gentle as she spoke, yet still bittersweet with regret. “If I had just allowed myself to realize that reliance isn’t weakness, that isolation isn’t strength and that independence is overrated…” She chuckled. “Perhaps, Celestia and I wouldn’t have had to navigate through our pain alone.”
Sunset looked away. She understood what Luna was saying, really. She understood how it pertained her own situation, but… it was different anyways, wasn’t it?
Celestia was Luna’s sister. Even if she wasn’t a parental figure, there was an unspoken bond there; an obligation to be there for her, to help her, to stay by her side no matter what.
Sunset… Sunset was just a stray kitten. Alone, scared, wounded and, most importantly, easily discarded.
She wasn’t their responsibility. She wasn’t their problem. She wasn’t their burden to carry. They could cast her out as soon as things became too difficult, as soon as she stepped out of too many lines or pushed back too many boundaries. No one would hold them accountable. No one would condemn them. Not even Sunset.
She had come to this world an orphan. Every relationship she’d ever had, was always conditional, always temporary, always transactional. She was only worth as much as she could give. It was the reality she’d come to accept.
And yet, deep in her chest, for the first time in many years, a tiny spark was born, unprompted and unwanted. Hope.
Foolish, reckless, dangerous hope. Insipient as it might be, it refused to be put out.
“Just think about it, okay?” Luna put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder, startling her, as she got up from the bench. “I’ll go back now. Are you coming?”
Sunset didn’t respond, but simply got up as well and followed Luna, retracing their steps towards the sisters’ residence. The way back was peaceful and silent, just like before, but this time Sunset’s thoughts and feelings were battling each other in a confusing swirl that she wanted to block out.
When they arrived to their destination, Luna put her shoes next to the door and then grabbed the backpack that she’d previously left on the floor. Sunset expected her to take it upstairs, to the oppressive room she was being forced to call home. But instead, she offered it to Sunset, with an understanding smile on her face. Still, the weight of the backpack on Sunset’s hands suddenly felt oppressive instead of freeing.
“You’re free to leave, Sunset.” She said at last, soft, calm. “But you don’t have to.” And with that, she turned around and went upstairs, not waiting for the girl’s response.
Sunset clung to the backpack, palms sweaty. Her heart was pounding again, though for a different reason this time.
Because for the first time, she hadn’t been burdened with expectation, but instead had been freely given a choice. She didn’t have to stay. She didn’t have to leave. She could either run away or let herself hope that, maybe, just maybe, things could be different this time.
And so, limbs trembling with fear and anticipation, she took a deep breath, steeled herself and decided to take the risky path.
She stayed.
Notes:
We finally got a glimpse at Sunset's past. I mostly kept it canon with "The fall of Sunset Shimmer", but I changed the dialogue to give it more nuance. What do you think?
Oh! And we actually acquired a new mentor! Woo. What, you didn't think human Celestia would fill that role, did you? XD
Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. See you next week!
Chapter Text
Chapter 9: The Weight of Two Lights.
Sunset’s tiny hoof tapped on the imposing wooden door of Princess Celestia’s chamber. She didn’t want to be a burden, but she couldn’t sleep either. Not with the raging storm outside.
Another crack of thunder shook the castle, rattling her chest like it wanted to tear its way inside. She whimpered and knocked again, harder this time.
“Come in.” She heard the princess’s voice from inside, and she didn’t hesitate to barge right in, closing the door behind her.
Celestia wasn’t sleeping yet; she was laying on a few cushions next to the chimney, going through some documents, but she looked up with curiosity when the young unicorn entered the room.
“Everything alright, my little Sun?” She asked gently.
“I… I, uhm…” She flattened her ears, suddenly nervous. She knew the princess was an important pony, always busy, never to be disturbed lightly. Still, she had been good to her ever since she took her in; she had assured her she’d always have time for her. It would be fine, right?
“Come here.” Celestia smiled and lifted up a wing, beckoning her to her side, and Sunset wasted no time running towards her and nuzzling on her soft fur, enjoying the protective warmth of her wing when she draped it over her. “Did the storm scare you?” She asked gently.
“I’m not scared.” She blurted, too quickly, her cheeks burning. She didn’t want to be seen as weak in front of the princess. She wanted her to be proud of her.
“Alright.” By the princess’s amused tone, it was obvious she hadn’t believed her, but she let it drop for now. “Still, you’re welcome to stay if you want. I could use the company.”
Sunset smiled and scooted closer to her, laying next to her side, closing her eyes and smiling with mirth. She felt like, as long as she was with the princess, nothing could hurt her. Nothing could scare her. Nothing could make her cry. Celestia would protect her, she’d be there for her no matter what, right? She loved her.
She knew that she was just the princess’s pupil, but it was moments like this—warm, intimate, calm—that made her wonder if maybe, just maybe, she meant more for her than that.
She was an orphan after all, and the princess had picked her, out of all other fillies, to take her to the palace and give her a home. Surely there had to be more there than was explicitly stated, right? Perhaps the princess couldn’t admit it in public, due to her royal obligations, but in this quiet, tender moment, with only the two of them present, maybe it’d be different.
“Princess?” The filly spoke, not without a hint of nervousness. Still, when the alicorn’s gentle eyes landed on her, she felt her fears and insecurities start to melt away. “I uhm… I just wanted to ask…” She took a deep breath, mustering every bit of courage to keep talking. “Would it… would it be okay if I call you mom?” She felt Celestia’s body stiffen next to her, and she scrambled into a sitting position, frantically trying to clarify what she meant, fearing rejection. “Just here! When it’s the two of us!”
The princess stared at her for a few agonizing moments. Not angry, not judging, just… contemplative. Was she actually considering it? Sunset’s heart started thumping hard inside her chest with anticipation, and she sat a bit straighter, expectant.
“Sunset…” When the princess finally spoke, her voice was sad, almost… remorseful. Sunset’s stomach twisted even before she said anything else. “You know I’m not your mother, right?”
“I… I know.” Her ears dropped. “I just thought…”
“It’s alright.” The princess assured her, with the same tone she used whenever Sunset made a mistake during her lessons. The young filly shifted uncomfortably and lowered her gaze. This felt like rejection. And it hurt. It hurt more than any scolding, or any punishment. It hurt like a sharp stab to her heart.
She blinked back tears and tried to compose herself, but it was nearly impossible. When the princess’s hoof lifted up her face, Sunset refused to look at her eyes, scared of what she’d find there.
“I can’t be your mother.” Celestia reiterated. “But I’ll always be there for you, as your mentor. For whatever you need, alright?”
Sunset pulled away, but still nodded. Then, without saying a word, she laid down next to the princess again, closing her eyes tightly to hide her tears, and hoping that Celestia would assume her trembling was from the cold.
The warmth of her wing returned, as the princess positioned it over her, but suddenly it didn’t feel as comforting anymore.
She was so stupid! Why would Celestia want her? Why would anypony want her? Not even her parents had, so why would the princess want to take on that role instead? No. Sunset was an orphan, and she’d remain as such. Forever.
Still, as she felt the princess’s wing gently rubbing at her side, trying to comfort her, and she heard her start to gently hum a calming melody, Sunset clung to a single, impossible hope: that if she studied hard enough, if she kept learning magic, someday the princess would deem her worthy to be by her side. Not as her pupil, but as her equal. As her daughter.
Sunset’s eyes opened, but it took her a moment to regain her bearings. One look at her hands confirmed she wasn’t in Equestria, but the warmth enveloping her and the melodious humming felt a little too familiar. It was as if she were still on her dream, even down to the dull ache in her heart.
She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and felt something slide off her back… a blanket. Finally, she remembered where she was; the couch in principal Celestia’s house. She had fallen asleep there after refusing to go back to her room but still deciding to stay. A quick scan revealed that the backpack with her belongings was nowhere to be found.
“Sleep well?” A voice to her left asked, and Sunset snapped towards it, only to find Celestia’s calm, smiling face. So she had been the one humming. Had she also put the blanket on her? Had she taken her backpack to her room? Sunset’s irritation was already flaring.
“As if.” She answered defensively, rolling her eyes.
“Funny you say that, given that it’s already afternoon.” The woman turned to look at the clock, which now read 1:46. “I’d say that means you slept… sixteen hours?”
Sunset’s eyes widened. Had she really slept that long? Well, aside from her little walk at night, but even then, that couldn’t have taken more than two hours.
“It’s alright.” Celestia assured her, an amused smile on her face. “I just want to know why you decided to sleep on the couch.” At this, Sunset looked away with a pang of shame inside her. Although she also felt relief that it didn’t seem like Luna had told her sister about what had happened at night. “Was the bed not to your liking?” Sunset chanced a glance at her, and she noticed that her expression was more curious than judgmental, so she decided to at least give her that.
This also meant that it was unlikely Celestia had been the one to take her belongings upstairs, because otherwise she probably would’ve commented about it, or at least been more concerned. So… had it been Luna? Sunset couldn’t help feeling relieved if that was the case. Saved her some uncomfortable explaining.
“Not really.” She simply said, not wanting to dwell on the matter any further.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” The woman’s expression was actually apologetic, but then it turned slightly mischievous. “Perhaps we should take the couch to your room.”
Despite being very clear that she was joking, Sunset still answered with a shake of her head. “No, I…” She looked down at the plush fabric of the couch, not that different from the cushions that Princess Celestia had had in her room. She swallowed a knot in her throat. “I’ll get used to it.”
“Hm.” The principal hummed in acknowledgement and took a sip of tea from the mug that had previously been on the coffee table. The smell made Sunset’s stomach turn. Peppermint. Of course. Just like the princess. “I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday.” She started, and Sunset had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “I realize now that perhaps I made you feel like I was trying to break your boundaries, and believe me, that wasn’t my intention. But this is all new to me, so you’ll have to speak up if I do cross a line, okay?”
“You mean like taking me away from home just so I can be your charity case?” The words came out of her mouth, harshly, before Sunset could stop them. She winced at her own voice and then looked away. “… Sorry.”
“I…” Celestia’s eyes saddened, but she tried to hide it with a smile. “I understand why it might feel that way.”
Sunset shook her head. “No, I know I should be grateful, but…” She slumped further into the couch, as if it could somehow help her carry the heavy weight she felt on her shoulders. “I guess that…” Her head fell back and her eyes landed on the ceiling, trying to ignore Celestia’s gaze on her, and how exposed it made her feel. “Part of me sees it as… sort of a failure.” She admitted with a grimace, barely able to drag the words out of her mouth. “I should’ve been able to take care of myself without anyone’s help until I graduated high school.”
She knew how foolish that might sound. A teenager taking care of herself? She didn’t even have a proper place to stay! How stupid she’d been! Of course someone would notice eventually. And of course it’d be the worst kind of person possible: someone who would actually do something about it.
Celestia took a few moments to respond, but when she did her voice was soft, compassionate. “Personally, I would’ve preferred it if you had sought help sooner.” She admitted. “But… there’s also something admirable about the way you survived in a foreign world all by yourself.” Sunset scoffed at her words. “I’m serious! Most humans would struggle to even keep themselves fed, much less maintain the appearance that nothing is wrong.”
“Well… humans are pathetic creatures.” Sunset answered, her arrogance flaring up to shield her from the genuine compliment. Still, her voice sounded tired rather than genuinely proud. “And I was once the most powerful unicorn in all Equestria, the princess’s prized pupil! Of course I could pull it off.”
Celestia smiled despite herself. “Well, I guess that explains why you always got the top grades.” There was a hint of pride in her voice, similar to the praise Sunset often used to get from her mentor, that managed to insert itself into Sunset’s chest like a warm sip of tea in a cold night. It almost made the teen lower her defenses, but the principal’s next words ruined it. “Why don’t you tell me about… about this princess? I suppose it’s not Twilight Sparkle.” Though hesitant, her question carried a clear air of curiosity mixed with concern.
“No.” Sunset’s eyes hardened and her whole body stiffened. Suddenly, the couch didn’t seem as comfortable anymore. “It’s… someone else.”
When she said nothing else, Celestia seemed to take the hint. “I’m sorry if it’s a touchy subject.” Her voice was slightly dejected, but showing restraint.
Sunset shook her head. “It’s in the past. I don’t care.” Yet, her defensive tone and her refusal to answer suggested otherwise. Still, Celestia didn’t press.
“Well… I’m still here if you ever want to talk about it.” She waited for a few moments, but when Sunset just kept staring at the ceiling without saying anything, she relented, standing up. “I’ll prepare lunch. Any preferences?”
Sunset shook her head, finally turning to look at the principal. “I’m sure anything you prepare will be better than the cafeteria food.” A hint of a teasing smile appeared on the girl’s face.
“I’m sorry, the budget doesn’t really allow us to buy better ingredients.” At least Celestia seemed to be somewhat ashamed about it, but she smiled regardless.
“Hey, it kept me going for nearly three years. I guess can’t complain.” The girl shrugged. Surprisingly, she found herself feeling more at ease with this Celestia than she had been the previous night, although she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps because she hadn’t pressed about her past, and she wasn’t smothering her with gifts and attention this time.
As the woman retreated towards the kitchen, Sunset’s gaze wandered to the stairs. Her throat tightened. She could almost see the door to the guest room waiting for her at the top; the same suffocating space that had driven her out in the first place.
Unpacking meant admitting she was staying. Staying meant depending on Celestia. And depending on Celestia… well, she’d already lived that story once. And she remembered how it ended with painful clarity.
She let out a heavy sigh and slumped deeper into the couch, as if maybe she could sink into its cushions and avoid choosing altogether.
But then, her eyes drifted to the blanket that had slid off of her, and realized it was of a dark blue color. It also smelled faintly of pine needles and something fresh she couldn’t place… not Celestia’s peppermint, something softer. If it had been Luna who put it on her… the idea settled over her like the cloth itself: light, comforting.
And that hope, small and fragile as it was, loosened something in her chest. If it could have been Luna, maybe she wasn’t repeating the same story all over again. And if it wasn’t the same story… maybe it wouldn’t end the same way either.
Her body betrayed her mind. Before she could second-guess herself, she pushed up from the couch. Her legs felt stiff, heavy, like each step toward the stairs was dragging her deeper into something she couldn’t escape.
She paused at the foot of the staircase, hand brushing the railing, her pulse quickening. This was it. She was about to take the first step into a life she wasn’t sure she wanted.
But… it was fine. She hadn’t promised anything. She only wanted to see—quietly, on her own terms—whether accepting Celestia’s help, annoying as it was, would be beneficial with a third party looking out for her.
And so, slowly, stubbornly, she climbed.
Sunset finished unpacking rather quickly. Not a surprise of course; her material possessions were considerably few.
The books and the folders were placed upon the desk, the clothes went to the closet, her new cellphone inside her backpack and… her guitars. She wasn’t really sure where to put them. Perhaps under the bed? She didn’t see any other space, so…
She was about to do just that, but then hesitated. When was the last time she’d played? Since… since she broke up with Flash? Her hand caressed the weathered cloth of the guitar’s bag, hesitating. Then, swiftly, as if out of impulse, she opened it, revealing the acoustic guitar inside. The smell of wood invaded her nose, and she found herself smiling despite herself.
This one… this one she hadn’t played in almost a year, she was pretty sure, and now one of the strings was broken. The fourth one, of course. It was always the fourth one. She shook her head as if the guitar had disappointed her, but she still took it out of the bag, along with a spare string, and got to work changing it.
She had almost forgotten how annoying it was to do it, and a smile tugged on her lips when she remembered Flash teaching her how, and then teasing her when she couldn’t do it. Back then she’d been so frustrated! She even got Flash to do it for her despite his protests. It was… almost nostalgic, she supposed.
Oftentimes, when she remembered the time before the Fall Formal all she could recall was her anger, her ambition and her desperation to prove her worth… but perhaps not everything had been quite as dark as it seemed. If only she could’ve seen it back then.
With a sigh, she took out her tuner and made sure all the strings were on tune before playing a single chord. Sounded good enough. Almost like it was inviting her to play it. But… what song?
She made a few experimental strums, changing chords just to get her hands used to the motions, and was pleased to find out she still remembered how it was done. Muscle memory, she supposed. But still… most of the songs she’d learned from Flash were better suited for an electric guitar; she’d mostly used this one just to practice chords and strumming patterns until he had decided she was ready to move on to harder stuff.
So she strummed, softly, slowly, trying to recall a song. However, none of the songs she knew actually seemed to fit her mood, so she just ended up playing whatever felt right, until eventually she switched to arpeggios instead of strumming, forming a quiet melancholic melody.
And before she knew it, she was humming along, trying to come up with lyrics to this impromptu song.
“When everything feels like it’s just too much…” She trailed off, not knowing how to continue, but too caught up in the song to care, so she just kept singing broken lyrics when it felt right. “Push through the weather, weather.” She switched to strumming, upping the intensity of the song. “Let it raaaaain, let it raaaaain. Let it-“ As she was singing, the memory of that stormy night at Canterlot’s castle invaded her mind and she stopped abruptly, heart thumping.
Ugh. Of course. That stupid dream wouldn’t leave her alone. But why? Why now? She was over it, really!
No, this sentimental kind of playing wasn’t helping. What she needed was a proper riff. Something so difficult her brain wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
With that in mind, she put away her acoustic guitar, tossing it under her bed, and then took out the electric one from its bag. It was an orange, big, bulky guitar; far too old-fashioned for Sunset’s tastes. But she couldn’t complain because it was Flash’s old guitar, and he had gotten it from a garage sale for practically nothing. Still, it did its job.
She connected it to the mini amp she had also gotten from her ex, and then connected the amp to the power outlet. She played a few notes, experimentally, then switched to muted strumming. Yep, still worked as well as she remembered; groggy notes, with a distorted edge product of its age. Still, Sunset thought it gave it some character.
And so, she started playing; first going over all the riffs and solos Flash had taught her, then through some she’d managed to figure out herself. Finally, she started making her own; faster and faster, with more and more complicated movement on her fingers, incorporating different ways of picking the strings.
She was caught up on the music, and had practically forgotten everything else existed, which was exactly what she wanted. She didn’t even care her fingers started hurting; the pain felt almost cathartic. Her heart was thumping with exhilaration and her body had started to sweat thanks to the excitement.
Then, just as she’d finished up a particularly hard solo she’d invented, the door to her room opened.
Sunset stopped playing, startled, and looked up, only to find Celestia at her door. Both bore surprised expressions on their faces, but after a hesitant pause, the older woman composed herself.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” She smiled. A little too brightly for Sunset’s taste. “I called you for lunch, but you didn’t answer, so I got worried.”
Sunset recoiled a little under her gaze, holding the guitar a little closer to her body. She felt like she’d been caught in an intimate moment. She knew she hadn’t been doing anything wrong or shameful, but she still felt self-conscious and uncomfortable knowing Celestia had seen her like that.
“Well…” She pursed her lips and answered defensively. “I’m fine.”
Celestia didn’t respond; she just stood awkwardly at the doorway as if she was waiting for something. At the end, she sighed and took a step back, as if trying to give Sunset some space, but still didn’t close the door.
“That… It was amazing.” She said earnestly, trying to convey all her admiration through words. “You have real talent, Sunset.”
Sunset shifted uncomfortably, unable to accept the compliment, despite her pride. She had long wished to hear praise like this from her voice, but this was the wrong Celestia and the wrong thing to be admired for.
“Have you ever thought about playing for other people? “She continued, unaware of her turmoil. “Our school has a music club.” Sunset grimaced at the suggestion. Yeah, a music club led by her ex.
“I play for myself.” She ended up saying, instead of everything else she was thinking. “Not for others. My music is just for me to hear.”
She turned off the amp and unplugged her guitar. But even then, as she put it away, she couldn’t help recalling a time in which other people did listen to her music; in which Flash asked her to play for his friends so they would believe him when he bragged about teaching her. Bacik when she’d received compliments and applause after every song.
She sighed. How vain. Just another way in which she’d been an arrogant prick.
“Well… I like it.” Celestia spoke hesitantly. “I’m sure it’d help people see you differently.”
Differently? Sunset wanted to scoff. She meant ‘not like a monster’, didn’t she? But she didn’t know that Sunset still was a monster, and no amount of guitar playing would suddenly fix that.
Even if it could… who would want to listen? Her classmates? No. She could almost see their jeering faces and hear their malicious whispering already. Best case scenario, they’d boo her off the stage.
Once the electric guitar had joined the other one under the bed, she turned around and looked at Celestia without saying a word. She realized her eyes seemed a bit sad, perhaps even disappointed, but she pushed past her and started heading downstairs, not bothering to check if the adult followed.
She wouldn’t understand. Music was one of the few things she enjoyed just for what it was. Tainting it by using it as a ticket for validation just didn’t seem right, and besides… she doubted it’d work anyways.
A demon who played music was still a demon.
Sunset woke up in the middle of the night again. Not from a nightmare, or from how painfully familiar her room was, but because she’d decided to put her new phone to good use and set up an alarm.
Exactly midnight. Perfect.
She got up from bed, but didn’t grab her stuff this time. She wasn’t running away; she was on a quest for answers.
Sunset’s muffled footsteps barely made a sound as she walked downstairs, and when she arrived to the moonlit living room, she wasn’t surprised when the smell the coffee hit her and a familiar figure looked at her from the couch.
“You’re awake.” Luna said, her voice calm, almost teasing, but carrying a weight that made Sunset pause.
“So are you.” Sunset replied, her tone sharper than she intended. She hesitated, her gaze flickering to the couch where she’d slept the previous night. Better get this over with. “Did you…” She tried to swallow her nervousness. “Did you put the blanket on me last night?”
Luna set the mug down with a gentle clink, the sound breaking the heavy silence. Her eyes, reflective in the moonlight, didn’t move from Sunset. “Sometimes the hand that offers comfort isn’t as important as the comfort itself, don’t you think?”
Her jaw tightened. “It does if the one giving comfort is expecting something in return.”
“And what do you think I expect?” The woman’s lips twitched into a faint, almost imperceptible smile, though she remained unaffected otherwise.
Sunset shifted uncomfortably, unable to answer that question. Her gaze dropped to the ground. “I-I…I don’t know.” She admitted at last. “But if it had been Celestia…” The girl trailed off. She could feel the weight of Celestia’s expectations, of her demands, even without her voicing them.
“Would you feel different?” Luna tilted her head, studying her with an unflinching gaze for a long moment.
“Yes.” Sunset swallowed hard. Her voice dropped to a whisper, barely above the crickets singing outside. “She… she would’ve put it there deliberately. To nudge me towards accepting her help, as part of some elaborate plan.” The moment those words escaped her mouth, she bit her tongue, wishing she could take them back. Not because she thought they were too harsh, or because they weren’t true, but because she feared Luna wouldn’t take kindly to the insinuation.
The room fell into silence, thick and slow, broken only by the faint chirping of crickets somewhere in the distance. Luna’s gaze remained on Sunset, patient and unyielding, yet devoid of judgment.
After a long moment, she leaned back slightly, her voice calm, yet firm. “Perhaps. But perhaps my sister and I aren’t as different as you think.”
Sunset stiffened, unsettled by her words. Had she read her wrong? Was Luna the one with the elaborate plan all along? Or… did she mean her sister wasn’t the scheming mastermind Sunset saw her as? Either possibility seemed equally impossible for Sunset to accept.
Luna gently pat the couch next to her, and Sunset sat down, reluctantly, but deciding it’d be more comfortable than remaining standing if she wanted to continue this conversation. And she did. She came for answers and she wasn’t leaving until she got them.
After calmly taking another sip of coffee, the youngest of the two sisters finally addressed her again.
“You know what I like about the night?” Luna asked, rather casually. “That sometimes it can help us see the world from a different perspective.”
Sunset frowned, trying to understand what she meant. “Like… how when distant shadows seem like monsters and even an empty hallway can appear menacing?”
“No.” Luna shook her head. “I meant like how it transforms a bustling city into a serene environment, and a distant valley into the best astronomical observatory.”
“Oh.” The syllable escaped Sunset’s mouth, quiet and perplexed. Truthfully, her mind hadn’t even considered these possibilities.
“The way we interpret things largely depends on our past experiences.” Luna continued, her eyes landing on Sunset, but her posture remaining relaxed and casual. “For someone who’s used to being in constant alert, searching for danger, a shadowy hallway feels as oppressive and deceptive as a looming labyrinth.”
The girl pressed her lips. She knew where Luna was going with this, but if she spoke it’d be like telling on herself, so she remained silent. The adult didn’t seem to mind.
“I speak from experience,” Luna continued quietly. “Words left unsaid, wounds unacknowledged… they do not vanish. They linger, shaping our fears, reshaping our nights.”
Sunset wanted to scoff, to dismiss her words, but what came out of her mouth was a quiet hum. Memories of Equestria crept into her mind, unsettling and painful. Of using the cover of darkness to study what Celestia didn’t want her to know, of the pit in her stomach whenever she saw a distant shadow and imagined it to be the princess, and of how her worst fears had come true, leading to her eventual exile.
She wished she could argue, say the past was in the past, but the words caught in her throat. Suddenly she realized that, even when physically safe—inside a proper house, in a nice neighborhood—, the oppressive weight of darkness remained. Looming, just above her head.
Luna’s gaze remained patient, unwavering. “If you ever decide to confront what has been left behind, I assure you, it won’t be a sign of weakness… only an act of understanding yourself.” She smiled. “Sometimes, the biggest monster can become a simple tree when morning comes, after all.”
“But…” Finally, Sunset’s voice managed to let out a word, quiet and raspy as it was. “What if it isn’t?” She clenched her fists. “What if the sun comes out and you discover that the monster was real all along?”
“Then at least you’ll know what a monster looks like.” She replied, pragmatic and straight-to-the-point. “And that knowledge will prevent you from lashing out at every shadow just because you don’t know what it is.”
Sunset sighed, closing her eyes and reclining back on the couch, letting it soothe her tense shoulders. The silence remained, letting the conversation sink in.
She understood the metaphor, of course. She had to confront her past if she wished for a chance to accept her present. Good or bad, it was obvious that it was still shaping her decisions and clouding her judgement, especially when it came to… Celestia.
Truthfully, the way the two Celestias so seamlessly mixed together in her mind was rather unsettling. Something as small as the type of tea she drank, or the way her lips curled into a smile could transport Sunset to the past so easily… it was as terrifying as it was inviting. And she hated herself for thinking that it was inviting at all.
She opened her eyes and looked at the youngest of the sisters, the safe one; the one who didn’t remind her of anything and only existed in her present.
“What should I do then?” She asked directly.
Luna didn’t respond immediately; instead taking her time swirling her coffee around her mug as she contemplated her answer.
“I don’t know.” She answered sincerely, turning to look at Sunset with a serene smile on her face. “Each person’s path is different, but I can tell you what worked for me.”
The girl nodded, encouraging.
“Well…” Luna looked away, taking a deep breath and hesitating for a moment before speaking up. “I just know that I would have never gathered the courage to reconcile with my sister had I burned all her letters, like I originally intended.” Her tone was calm, steady, but there was a quiet weight behind it.
Sunset’s eyes widened at the rather personal confession, and she sat a little straighter, taking in the information with both curiosity and understanding.
“Sometimes, we hold onto things from our past without knowing why. We fear them, and the pain they can bring us.” The smile returned to Luna’s face as she spoke. “But sometimes they end up bringing us hope and warmth instead.” She looked pointedly at Sunset. “Even if they don’t, at the very least they can bring us closure.”
The girl looked away, trying not to think about what she was thinking… but it was too late. The image had been seared into her mind, as clear as if she was seeing it in front of her. A book. Leather bound and adorned with a flaming sun. A book which had been abandoned in a dusty box, to be forgotten. A book whose entries had remained unread for years.
How ridiculous it was for her to even consider it! To even hope that whatever Celestia had written in it weren’t just painful reprimands or ‘gentle’ admonishments—or worse, nothing.
And yet, the seed had been planted, and its roots soon started to take hold of her entire mind. The book sat there, like a shadow in her memory… but was it a monster, or just a tree she was too afraid to look at?
Notes:
Hope you liked this one as much as I enjoyed writing it! As you can see, the pieces are already comming into place for the events of Rainbow Rocks, but we still have some things to get through before that.
See you next week!
Chapter 10: Flawed Loyalty and Selfish Generosity
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 10: Flawed Loyalty and Selfish Generosity.
When the alarm started blasting out its cursed generic song on Monday, Sunset groaned and covered her ears with her pillow. She really didn’t want to go to school.
It wasn’t because she hadn’t finished her homework; she’d spent the entirety of the previous day working on it. Not because she actually cared, but because it was a good excuse to lock herself up and not have to interact with Celestia at all.
No. The reason she didn’t want to go to school was… well, several reasons actually. But mainly Rainbow Dash and her stupid, stupid friends.
That brash girl had seen her demon form, had been chased by it, cornered, and almost injured. It didn’t really matter that Sunset had stopped herself; the damage was done. If she had told her friends—and Sunset saw little reason for why she wouldn’t—then surely they would all be too scared of Sunset to approach her now, wouldn’t they?
Who cares? Isn’t that what you wanted? The dark voice inside her head spoke, and Sunset simply curled herself further in bed, trying to ignore it. Monsters don’t make friends, remember?
“No, they don’t.” She responded to no one, her voice barely audible over the sound of her alarm, still ringing.
They don’t. Those words echoed in her head as she finally decided to sit up, snatch her phone from the nightstand and turn off the alarm. They followed her as she changed into her usual clothes, brushed her hair and went into the bathroom.
As she finished her morning routine and stared at her bruised face in the mirror, she couldn’t help the pang of pain that tug on her chest. But it had nothing to do with her injuries.
The girls… they would either treat her like the monster she was, or… or they’d pity her. Her claws flashed out at the thought, and she had to back away in order to not damage the sink. Being pitied was even worse than being shunned.
Still, a part of her, deep inside, couldn’t help hoping that they’d treat her normally. That Rainbow hadn’t said anything. That all would be like it had just last Friday, when she was finally able to talk to them in the cafeteria like a normal person.
She sighed, turning away from the mirror, and exited the bathroom. That possibility was gone. She had made sure of that.
After grabbing her backpack and hurrying to the front door, she came face to face with Celestia. Of course. She knew she’d be driving her to school; after all, this place wasn’t in walking distance like the old abandoned building she’d used as shelter before. Still, her mood soured even more upon seeing her.
“Good morning.” The woman greeted her with a warm smile. “Are you ready to go?”
“Where’s Luna?” The words blurted out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Why? She wasn’t sure, but somehow the prospect of driving to school with both sisters felt less oppressive than doing so with just Celestia.
“She went ahead early.” Celestia explained as she went to open the main door. Sunset reluctantly followed. “Usually we both arrive before classes start, but we didn’t want to make you wait in our office for a full hour, so we decided to take turns driving you to school instead.”
And of course Celestia would take the first turn, Sunset thought sourly as she got into the car. To her surprise, however, the woman didn’t turn on the engine immediately, but instead reached into her purse and pulled out a lunchbox out of it. It seemed to have pancakes inside. Of course it did. Some things never changed.
She handed it to Sunset. “For breakfast.” She explained.
The girl hesitated, but eventually took it. She was in no position to decline food, she reasoned. Not when she’d starved herself for so long. She tried not to think about Celestia’s pleased smile as she put the lunchbox inside her backpack.
“… Thanks.” She said in a small voice, staring right ahead as the car turned on and started moving down the street. That morning was cold and grey, and barely morning really; the streets looked as serene and dark as if it were night. The sight somehow made Sunset’s inner turmoil diminish slightly.
And then Celestia ruined it.
“Are you really going to wear that to school?” She asked, briefly glancing at Sunset’s jacket. “It’s so torn and dirty… I think I have a cardigan on the back that you can use if-”
“Stop.” Sunset cut her off firmly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t want your stupid cardigan.”
There was a sharp inhale and a hesitant pause, and for a moment Sunset thought that Celestia had finally understood, but of course that would have been too good to be true.
“I’m just saying that…” To her credit, Celestia’s voice was unsure and softer than before. “Well, the way people perceive us has to do, not only with who we are as people, or even what we do, but how we look.” She paused, looking at Sunset. “And do you really want your classmates to see you like… this?”
Celestia didn’t have to say it outright for Sunset to know what she meant. Wearing a torn jacket meant she couldn’t afford a new one. People would see her as poor and look down on her because that’s just how it was, both here and in Equestria. She knew that. And she hated it, but… she’d rather have people think she was broke—and she was anyways—than having them see her wearing one of Celestia’s oversized cardigans.
She couldn’t help missing the time when she was a pony and didn’t have to wear clothes at all. Why were humans so complicated?
“I understand that my clothes aren’t really your style.” Celestia spoke again, even though Sunset hadn’t spoken her thoughts out loud. They were probably written all over her face. “But perhaps after school I could take you to the mall and choose something?” She asked tentatively. “A new leather jacket at least.”
Sunset paused. The idea of using Celestia as a living wallet was tempting. But going with her to the freaking mall of all places sounded like a recipe for disaster. That woman seemed intent on showering her with gifts and attention at any opportunity she could get. And she really, really, didn’t want to be more indebted to her than she already was.
“Thanks, I’ll pass.” She answered sourly. Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but Sunset quickly interrupted her before she could start. “You asked me to tell you when you were crossing a line, right? Well, you are. So stop.”
To her relief, Celestia closed her mouth and pursed her lips. “Understood.” She muttered and kept staring ahead, in silence, for the rest of the drive.
Sunset couldn’t help being relieved at this development. But as she stared at the frayed edge of her sleeve, suddenly unsure, she also felt a little guilty.
When Sunset opened her locker to get out her stuff, she tried not to think of the carboard box, dusty and stuffed at the bottom of it, and the book it contained. But of course, when you try not to think about something, that’s all you can think about.
Luna’s words echoed inside her head. “Words left unsaid, wounds unacknowledged, they do not vanish. They linger, shaping our fears, reshaping our nights.”
Of course, she knew she’d have to face her past sooner or later. That book couldn’t stay in that box forever, whether she ever opened it or not, but… was she actually ready for what she might find? She didn’t think so. Her pulse quickened, her palms sweated and her breath picked up… but still, she bent down and opened the box.
There it was, unassuming, silent, like a normal book. Still, Sunset knew that this didn’t mean anything; if you were to ignore it for long enough after receiving a message, it’d stop glowing and vibrating. Then again… did it work between dimensions? She wasn’t completely sure of that.
For a moment, she was tempted to open it. Her fingers brushed the cover, touching the sun emblem tentatively. But… what if it didn’t have new messages? Would it be because Celestia didn’t care enough to write? Or because it didn’t work when the other book was in a different world? And what if there were new messages? Then what? What would she say? What would she do?
“Hey Shimmer!” A voice to her right startled her, making her let out a rather undignified yelp and let go of the book, which landed on the ground with a loud thud. Then she looked to the culprit and her stomach dropped. Rainbow Dash. Of course it was Rainbow Dash. Could her day get any worse?
“Oops, sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you.” The girl shot her an apologetic smile, while nervously rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m just glad to see you here. You know, after what happened…” She trailed off, ashamed. She didn’t have to say anything, but her eyes lingered on Sunset’s bruised cheek a little too long.
The redhead didn’t answer, and instead just picked up her book and held it close to her chest defensively. Rainbow seemed more amicable than usual, and she didn’t trust it. What was she up to this time?
“What do you want, Rainbow Dash?” She spoke firmly, tensing up.
“Whoa, hey, I just wanted to check on you!” She put up her hands in surrender, but when Sunset’s expression didn’t change, she deflated slightly. “I… I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.” She admitted in a small voice. “And I get it, I was a jerk okay? But I just want to say that I’m sorry, and uhm… can we start over? Please?”
Upon seeing the sincere apologetic look on the other girl’s face, Sunset faltered. Was she… serious? Rainbow Dash was apologizing to her? She hadn’t been the one who turned into a raging demon set on vengeance! But then again… Rainbow had hit her with a soccer ball and hurt her. She supposed it made sense she felt bad about it, right?
“Can we?” Sunset spoke at last, her voice more tired than cutting. Starting over would be the best outcome, for both of them, but… Rainbow had seen her demon form. Could she ever look at her as something other than a monster?
“I mean… I’m willing to try.” She put her hands inside her pockets and shrugged, giving Sunset a tentative smile. “I used to think that what you did as a bully was unforgivable, but… I mean… I screw up all the time. You saw that. And, I dunno, maybe people like us… we just need a second shot, y’know?”
Sunset sighed, looking at Rainbow’s eyes. She seemed sincere, and her speech sounded logical enough for her, but… it was just too good to be true.
“Listen… I understand if you hate me now.” The girl spoke again, her voice cracking with underlying vulnerability that was rare to hear on her. “I just… I want to try. I think we could actually be great friends.”
“Friends?” The word was out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Unbelieving, tentative, but… hopeful.
Rainbow nodded. “Yeah! I mean… if you want.” She looked away. “I know I can be a lot to deal with sometimes, but just like you, I’m trying to be better.” She let out a nervous laugh, finally looking back at her. “And… what better way than to start over, right?”
Sunset stared at her for a long moment, thinking about how much she’d hated the girl before. She was so competitive, impulsive, rash, arrogant, loud… But then again, so was Sunset, wasn’t she? Maybe she’d never hated Rainbow at all, not really. Perhaps she’d just hated the mirror she held up to her.
But now, in that mirror, Sunset could see something else: the same drive to be better than yesterday, the same need to prove she wasn’t defined by her worst mistakes.
And suddenly, Sunset felt like she was actually standing on equal footing with someone.
“It doesn’t have to be friends!” Rainbow amended when Sunset didn’t answer. “We could be… I don’t know, pals? Partners-in-crime? Compadres?” She chuckled awkwardly, trying to alleviate the tension. “What do you say?” She extended her hand tentatively, for Sunset to take.
Her fingers twitched. What if she accepted but Rainbow pulled away at the last second? What if later she’d laugh about this moment with her real friends? What if this was all just a cruel prank, a way to get back at her?
But Rainbow wasn’t flinching. She wasn’t backing up. She had seen Sunset’s claws, her teeth, her rage, and she was still here. Still offering her hand. Still smiling. Awkward, tentative, but there.
Monsters don’t make friends. The sinister voice inside Sunset’s head reminded her. But… somehow, this time the words didn’t seem to reach her. She heard them, but her heart didn’t ache like it was supposed to.
Sunset’s arm lifted up before she even realized what it was doing. It trembled, her palm damp, her breath caught in her throat. For a split second she half-expected claws to sprout on her fingers. But no, just her own hand, her normal, human hand, reached for Rainbow’s.
When their palms met, Sunset’s breath hitched from the flood of warmth that spread through her chest. It wasn’t magic, not really. It was heavier, stranger, foreign. But just as exhilarating.
“Just friends is fine.” She managed, voice tight but steady.
Rainbow’s grin widened, bright and unafraid, and Sunset found herself mustering a smile of her own. Fragile, uncertain, but hers. Because by some miracle, someone had come face-to-face with her darkest side, and hadn’t pulled away.
“Friends it is!” Rainbow’s grip was firm and grounding. She shook her hand with all the energy she carried into everything, like she really meant it. And maybe she did.
Sunset nodded, almost in a daze. “Yeah…” It struck her then; this wasn’t about some promise made to a princess, and it wasn’t the polite kindness from people who always seemed too good to be real either. This was raw, flawed and messy. Rainbow had hated her, hurt her, seen her at her absolute worst… and still wanted this.
That made it real in a way Sunset could believe. Demons weren’t forgiven by perfect people. But maybe, just maybe, they could be accepted by someone who was just as imperfect as them.
Monsters didn’t make friends. But that didn’t change the fact that, against all odds, and for the first time in her life, Sunset Shimmer had a friend.
“So… you coming to class?” Rainbow asked tentatively when the silence stretched too long.
She nodded. “Sure.” Then, she closed her locker and tucked the book inside her backpack, trying not to think about it. Next, she turned around and walked next to someone on her way down the hallway. Like friends do.
“Oh, and by the way…” Rainbow spoke after a moment. “I didn’t tell my friends about… y’know… the demon thing.” She whispered the last part, but Sunset still caught it.
“You didn’t?” Her eyes widened in disbelief. She couldn’t have imagined a scenario like this ever being real.
“No.” Rainbow shook her head and then gave Sunset a reassuring smile. “Your secret is safe with me, I promise.”
For a moment she faltered. Trust had never come easily for her, but she found herself nodding anyways. Because somehow she believed Rainbow actually meant it. After all, if someone could stare down a raging monster and still reach out a hand in friendship… what clearer proof of loyalty could there be?
By the time lunch break came around, Sunset wasn’t nearly as scared as she thought she’d be. Not only had Rainbow’s reassurances been enough to stop her anxiety, but the girl’s wavings and ‘hellos’ as they crossed each other in the hallways had been enough for Sunset to accept that the fragile normalcy they’d been building up hadn’t been shattered by what happened on Friday.
As such, when she went to sit with them at the cafeteria, it felt natural, like she’d been doing it all her life. Pinkie’s loud voice as she offered her yet another baked pastry wasn’t as obnoxious, and Rainbow’s teasing about Sunset being a nerd actually felt lighthearted.
For the first time, being in this group of friends, hearing their laughter and their conversation, didn’t feel isolating. She wasn’t ‘the odd one out’ anymore. She wasn’t the charity case. She was just Sunset. And maybe, just maybe, she was glad to be there.
Her thoughts were interrupted, however, by Applejack’s loud voice.
“What in the blazing saddles are you wearing?!” She exclaimed. For a moment, Sunset feared she was talking about her and her ragged jacket, but then she noticed that her comment was directed at Rarity of all people.
Rarity. The epitome of class and style. The girl who never had a hair out of place, or a wrinkle in her clothes. The girl who always picked her outfits with the utmost care, from the colors to the shapes and even the fabrics. Sunset had never seen her wear something that didn’t look like it was tailor-made for her.
And yet there she was. Rarity, arriving to their table, wearing a leather jacket over her usual outfit.
It wasn’t just the fact that leather felt like too harsh of a choice for her usual princess-like appearance—Sunset was sure that the girl would’ve been able to pull it off if she’d picked a more fitting outfit—no, it was the fact that each sleeve sported an orange arrow-like ornament that clashed with Rarity’s blues and purples in a bad way. Not only that, but the jacket was a bit too big for her; the shoulders too wide and the sleeves too long.
“This is what I’ve been working on for the past week.” Rarity answered proudly, like she was completely oblivious to the girls’ confused stares, showing off the jacket like she was in a photoshoot. “I’ll admit, leather isn’t really something I worked on before, but it was a nice challenge and I like the end result. What do you think?” Her gaze shifted across the table, landing on each of the girls, who looked away in response.
Except for Pinkie Pie. “I think it’s perfect!” She exclaimed, enthusiastically. “Even better than I thought it’d be.”
“Well, thank you darling.” She accepted the compliment and then turned again to look at the others. “What about the rest of you? I’d like to hear your opinions.”
“Uhm… well…” Surprisingly Fluttershy was the first to speak up, although nervously. “I’m not the biggest fan. But if you like it, then I like it too.”
“Hm.” Rarity frowned slightly, contemplative. “What about you, Applejack?”
“Hey, no.” The girl protested, backing up with her chair like she wanted to flee. “I know how this is! There’s no right answer with you. If I say it looks bad you’ll get angry, and if I say it looks good you’ll say I’m not being honest.”
“So it looks bad then?” Rarity inferred, raising and eyebrow.
“I… I didn’t say that.” She shifted nervously under her friend’s gaze.
Rarity clicked her tongue, putting her hands on her hips before turning to the last girl. “Rainbow?”
“E-eh?” The girl tensed up, like a deer in headlights, then stumbled out an answer. “W-well… I mean… I don’t know much about clothes, but like…” She grimaced, looking at Rarity up and down. “It’s not awesome.”
“I see.” She sighed, and finally her eyes landed on Sunset. Up until that point, she had believed she was free from this exchange; a silent observer, just taking it all in. But no. Of course not. “Sunset, darling, what do you think?”
Sunset took a deep breath, debating whether to tell her the truth or not. On one hand, lying would be more diplomatic; she didn’t want to sound like her mean self, after all, and criticizing another girl’s outfit was a good way to end up being a jerk. On the other hand, given the other girls’ answers, she’d be caught in the lie pretty quickly if she tried to compliment Rarity. She decided for a neutral approach.
“I like the jacket.” She said sincerely. “But it’s not really your style.”
“Really?” Rarity’s eyes widened, almost theatrically, like she hadn’t considered it before. Then she looked down at her own outfit. “Perhaps you’re right. I know it’s not my usual style, but I felt… inspired by someone else.” She admitted as she looked up again. “Perhaps I should give it to someone who could more easily pull off the ‘stylish rebel’ vibe.”
Sunset looked at her own old, dirty leather jacket, and then at Rarity’s shiny new one. And for a moment she wished the girl would offer it to her. She wanted it. It was perfect! The smooth dark color of the fabric, the metallic zippers, the orange ornaments that would compliment her own hair wonderfully… Perhaps her only criticism was that it lacked spikes, but it’d work for her ‘reformed’ image, she supposed.
She could almost imagine herself wearing it; feel the soft fabric and the warmth on her skin, but… no, her pride wouldn’t let her accept a hand-me-down jacket, even if it was brand new. She quickly shut down the idea.
Rarity looked around her friend group, as if waiting for volunteers, and Rainbow sighed. “Thanks Rare, I know I use a motorcycle, but leather isn’t really my thing.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean you specifically darling.” The fashionista corrected. “But I’m sure I’ll find someone better suited for it. Someone… taller.”
“Hey!” Rainbow protested, but was ignored by Rarity, whose eyes purposely landed on Sunset… and she finally realized what Rarity was doing.
Of course. It all made sense now! How she’d asked to ‘borrow’ Sunset’s jacket the previous week and studied it with a lot of detail. Why the colors of this new jacket purposely clashed with Rarity’s. Why she hadn’t picked a more fitting outfit to wear with it. She wanted this outcome. She wanted them to tell her it didn’t suit her. Because it was never meant for her in the first place.
Sunset fists clenched. She wanted the jacket. She did. She had wanted a new jacket since the incident at the Fall Formal left her old one near unusable. She hated having to dress with rags all the time, and this new jacket was literally made for her.
But… she hated it. She hated charity, she hated pity, she hated when people assumed they knew what was best for her, and she hated when they were right.
Without another word, she stood up, swung her backpack by her shoulder and stormed out of the cafeteria—again—not bothering to look back.
She had only made it a few steps down the hallway however, when she heard Rarity’s voice and the distinct sounds of her heels clicking against the tiled floor behind her.
“Sunset, darling, wait!” Sunset picked up her pace in response, but unfortunately for her, she didn’t make it far before her hand was caught by another one’s grasp. “Wait!”
She spun around, freeing herself and glaring at Rarity. “Leave me alone!” She snarled.
The girl sighed, disappointed. “You know, if you don’t want the jacket you can just say so. No need for storming out like this.”
Sunset’s eyes narrowed. “Right.” She clenched her fists and felt her claws piercing her skin again, reopening her wounds. But she didn’t care. “You were clearly pushing it towards me.”
“Because I thought it would fit you best that’s all.” She answered defensively.
“Because you made it for me!” The moment the accusation left Sunset’s mouth she realized how ridiculous it sounded, despite it having been so logical in her mind just a moment earlier. Rarity had made a jacket for her? Please! How egocentric could she be to think that? The silence that followed felt like silent judgement, even if Rarity’s expression remained just slightly pained.
“I can always give it to someone else.” She shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal, not denying nor confirming the accusation. “I’d never even dream of forcing someone to wear clothes they didn’t think would suit them.”
Sunset opened her mouth to retort, but then faltered. The jacket would suit her, she knew that much. Saying otherwise would be a blatant lie. And somehow, the thought of Rarity giving it to someone else—someone who didn’t need it, someone who wouldn’t look as good in it—somehow stung more than the idea of accepting it herself.
Still, at the sole thought of asking for the jacket, her fangs flared up and pierced her tongue. The metallic taste reminded her that she didn’t deserve it, and accepting it was not an option.
“Alright, listen.” Rarity spoke up after Sunset simply remained silent. “I did make it with you in mind.” She confessed. “But it’s not a big deal if you don’t want it, alright? I’m not trying to force anything on you.”
“Why?” The words came out of Sunset’s mouth through gritted teeth.
“Why?” Rarity repeated, surprised by the question.
“Why make it for me?” She clarified, tense. “We’ve only been on speaking terms for a week!”
“Because…” Rarity sighed and looked away, expression downcast. “Because I’m selfish.”
Sunset blinked in surprise. That wasn’t the response she expected at all.
“I’ve wanted to make something for you even back when you were a horrible person.” She kept going, not bothering to sugarcoat her words. “You have such a unique style, such vibrant hair colors, and a tall athletic body…” An amused smile appeared on Rarity’s lips as she finally looked up to Sunset’s eyes again. “You didn’t hold the title of the school’s ‘hottest chick’ for two consecutive years for nothing.” She paused, trying to put weight on her next words. “But I saw something else in you. A potential for more; for beauty, true beauty ready to shine through, like an uncut gem.” The smile on her face turned sad. “I wanted to be the one to help you shine, but I failed to realize that this gem didn’t want to be cut. I’m sorry.”
Sunset blinked again, her fists relaxing slightly, and her breath slowly returning to normal. She found that she could actually empathize with Rarity’s motives, even if she couldn’t understand them completely. She knew what it felt like to chase ambition so hard you forgot about others along the way, and she supposed Rarity must have felt the same way about fashion.
But most importantly, Sunset finally understood that… this wasn’t pity at all. It had never been about pity. It wasn’t even about her. Generous as it was, Rarity’s gesture was selfish at its core… and somehow that made it better, not worse.
“Well, uhm, I better go back.” Rarity chuckled awkwardly, looking at the ground. “I didn’t finish my lunch.”
“Right.” Sunset forced herself to nod, trying not to think about the tense, awkward air between them.
To her surprise, however, Rarity then proceeded to take off the jacket and… didn’t hand it to her. Instead, she put it on top of a nearby trashcan. Carefully, deliberately, like it was a fine coatrack instead.
“What are you doing?” Sunset furrowed her eyebrows. For some reason, seeing Rarity put something she’d spent so much time and effort working on in the trash felt like a gut punch. She had made her do this. She had forced her to throw away something beautiful.
Rarity simply shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but with an air of sadness in her expression. “Perhaps someone else will pick it up.” She simply said before walking away, towards the cafeteria, without looking back.
Only once the cafeteria doors closed behind her did Sunset dare glance at the jacket. It was still there. Still perfect. Still inviting. If she walked away now, she’d never stop thinking about it, but if she reached out… what then?
With a sharp inhale, she extended her hand. The leather was smooth beneath her fingertips, soft and firm all at once. She grabbed it decidedly and brought it closer to her, smelling the distinct aroma that came with this type of clothing.
It felt like being reunited with an old friend you didn’t even know you had. Familiar, nostalgic, but new at the same time.
She hugged it a little closer, smiling despite herself.
She wouldn’t accept Rarity’s charity or pity. But surprisingly, she could accept her selfish gift.
The bell rang, and the hum of chatter filled the halls as students shuffled into the auditorium for the weekly assembly. Sunset stepped in hesitantly, straightening up her new jacket and looking around for a free spot to sit. She wouldn’t get the opportunity to decide, however, because a moment later someone grabbed her arm and dragged her down one of the aisles to sit with her group of ‘friends’. A glance confirmed her kidnapper was none other than Pinkie Pie.
“Here, Sunny!” The girl sat down and patted the seat next to her rather enthusiastically. Sunset simply sighed and complied, figuring it was easier than to put up resistance. A moment later, Rarity sat to her left, a pleased smile on her face.
“It really suits you.” Rarity spoke, calmly, but with a sly grin nonetheless. Sunset simply rolled her eyes, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.
“I know, right?” Pinkie interfered. “It’s almost like it was made for her!” She winked at Rarity, but the girl looked just as baffled as Sunset felt in that moment. So Pinkie had just… known? That must have been why she’d called it ‘perfect’ from the start. Sunset wasn’t sure if that was comforting or unnerving.
However, Sunset’s questions would have to remain unanswered, as suddenly onstage, Celestia’s heels clicked against the wood when she approached the microphone, her smile soft and professional as always, commanding silence over the auditorium.
“Good afternoon, everyone.” She started her speech. Her voice powerful but amicable as usual. “I wanted to share something a little different today.” Sunset arched an eyebrow. What was it? Another ‘uplifting’ speech about unity or friendship, no doubt.
“As you know, our school has many talented students, each with their own unique voices.” She continued. “So, starting next month, we’ll be hosting a Musical Showcase. Anyone can join; soloists, bands, duets… no auditions, no requirements. Just music.” A school-wide concert? Seriously? And now she was looking out into the crowd like this is supposed to inspire someone. Sunset swore she lingered a second too long in her direction before moving on.
A wave of chatter rippled through the students, but Sunset’s stomach twisted and her claws dug into her palms once again. Of course. Of course this was about her. Celestia had seen her playing guitar once, and suddenly it was a whole event! Always pulling the strings, always so subtle about it! Couldn’t bother asking, could she? Couldn’t even listen when Sunset had said that her music was only for herself to hear.
Celestia continued, her voice steady and warm. “This will be an opportunity to share what moves you, what inspires you. Music is powerful, it helps us connect, heal, and grow.”
Heal and grow. She rolled her eyes. Oh, wonderful! This wasn’t about the school at all! It was about her. Sunset, the broken little charity case she thought could be ‘saved’ by playing a guitar. A small part of her wondered if she was imagining it—but no, she knew better. She could almost see the other Celestia standing there, all radiant patience and careful words, as if the world wasn’t a giant puppet show for her, with all the strings under her control.
When the applause and cheers broke out, Sunset didn’t join in. She just sat there, jaw clenched, hands bleeding from her sharp claws. Around her, Rainbow and Applejack were already buzzing with plans, and Pinkie was bouncing in her seat with excitement.
But Sunset? She was just sitting in silence.
Not happening. She wasn’t going to join. If that manipulative woman thought for even a second that she was going to march up onstage and strum her way to redemption just to make her feel like she’d achieved something, she was wrong.
And yet… as Celestia spoke of music as this wonderful voice that could help people connect in ways that they hadn’t experienced before, Sunset’s thoughts betrayed her. Her hands itched, phantom chords pressing against her fingertips. She remembered the rush, the soaring solo, the way people used to look at her when she played. For a fleeting second, it was almost enough to make her want it again.
Almost.
She forced the thought down, jaw tight, shoulders sinking lower and lower. If Celestia thought she could pull her strings like that, she was wrong. Sunset Shimmer had broken free from her ‘benevolent’ hands, and she wasn’t going back.
Notes:
So, what do you think of our girl finally making some friends? Hope you're enjoying it as much as I am XD
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 11: Hopes Betrayed
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 11: Hopes Betrayed.
The Tuesday morning started with golden leaves scattered by the wind across the pavement, bright against the gray concrete. Still, the five girls beneath the Canterlot statue carried an unease that no splash of color could brighten.
They were once again discussing how to proceed forward with their new friend. And quickly realizing how complex of a task it could be.
“I don’t think we should invite her to our band.” Applejack said plainly, not bothering to hold back her opinion.
“But it’d be so much fun!” Pinkie protested. “And she’s our friend. Wouldn’t it be rude not to invite her?”
“I don’t know…” Rainbow spoke hesitantly, scratching her head. “Did you hear what she said yesterday?”
“A superfluous event made to stroke Celestia’s ego.” Rarity quoted. “I also don’t think inviting her is a good idea. We’d just pressure her unnecessarily.”
“And we don’t even know if she plays any instrument.” Rainbow added.
“But I don’t play any instrument either.” Fluttershy finally spoke up. “I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to not invite her.”
“That’s different.” Rainbow frowned. “We agreed you’d pick up a percussion instrument, and you’ll have time to learn it before the showcase.”
“Sunset can learn too.” Fluttershy kept arguing.
“Listen.” Rarity sighed. “I want to invite Sunset as much as you do darling, but expecting her to play in public is a rather tall order.”
Applejack nodded. “We’re trying to not overwhelm her, remember? And putting her on the spot with a request to join our band is a good way to do just that.”
“But what about her feelings?” Pinkie complained this time. “Won’t she feel excluded when we ditch her to rehearse our songs?”
Finally, the other girls paused, thinking about Pinkie’s question. That was certainly a grim possibility that none of them wanted, not when they’d finally made some progress with getting Sunset to open up a little more.
“I mean…” Applejack shrugged. “We can still invite her to our rehearsals, right? Even if she won’t play.”
“She could be our audience.” Rarity nodded eagerly. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll ask to join later on.”
“Could work.” Rainbow smiled. “I mean, there’s still time before the showcase. Hopefully she’ll change her mind about the event by then.”
Fluttershy sighed, but ended up agreeing. “I suppose an indirect approach might be best.”
“Aww, looks like you all agree.” Pinkie pouted.
“I’m sorry sugarcube.” Applejack shot her a sympathetic look. “I know how much you wanted to invite her, but sometimes it’s better to walk on eggshells around Sunset.”
“You all are treating her like she’s a tickling bomb.” Pinkie protested rather passionately, raising her voice even more than usual. “Maybe we should treat her like she’s one of us for once!”
Pinkies voice resonated in the empty space; her words slowly being carried off by the wind. No one dared meet her eyes as they just stood there in silence. Rarity twisted the strap of her purse. Applejack’s jaw clenched. Rainbow’s sneaker scuffed hard against the pavement. The more the silence stretched out, the more awkward they all felt.
“We’ll… she’s not.” Fluttershy whispered the words that were in everyone’s heads, her gaze sinking to the ground. “Not yet.”
Pinkie’s mouth opened as if to argue, but when she saw the others nodding no words came out. What could she even say? She was clearly the only one with a differing opinion.
“Hate to say it, but Fluttershy is right.” Applejack spoke at last, rubbing the back of her neck. “We’re making progress, yes, but Sunset still seems to be mighty uncomfortable around us more often than not.”
Rarity nodded. “Just yesterday she bolted out of the cafeteria just because I tried gifting her a jacket.” She reminded them. “Her trust on us is rather fragile.”
“And I doubt excluding her will make her trust us more!” Pinkie argued once more. However, the other four girls simply averted their eyes, apparently already having come to a final decision.
“Sorry Pinkie, but this time it’s better to be cautious.” Rainbow sighed. “We’ll invite her to one of our rehearsals and see how she reacts.”
There was a quiet ripple of agreement. Pinkie’s grin trembled; she crossed her arms over her chest and let out a tiny, defiant sniff. “Fine.” She said, but the word came out small and more bitter than she’d like. She had to pop a candy into her mouth just to cope with her soured mood, but even then, it didn’t feel like it was enough.
Sunset was trying very hard to not think about the upcoming musical showcase. It was just a stupid event, organized by Celestia just to get her to ‘make friends’, ‘express herself’ and ‘show her talents’. What a stupid and ridiculous thing. She’d never participate. She didn’t want to!
That said, it wasn’t easy to stop thinking about it when there was little else to think about.
During the drive to school, Luna didn’t say anything and, although in other circumstances Sunset would’ve appreciated the silence, in this case it was driving her crazy, and she could’ve sworn Luna was doing it on purpose.
Then, when she got to school the classes weren’t much better. They were just simple enough that she didn’t have to pay attention all the time, and if she let her mind wander, it inevitably circled back to the stupid musical showcase.
So that left one distraction. A distraction that was almost as bad as what she wanted to distract herself from. Almost.
The journal. It was still on her backpack, since she’d finally gotten it out of her locker after two whole years of leaving it there to rot. But… she still hadn’t gathered the courage to actually open it.
Perhaps it was worse to agonize over its contents for days on end than to simply open it and get it done with. Perhaps she was being a pathetic coward. But the truth was that every time she tried to open it, her stomach would church painfully, her hands would get sweaty and she’d leave it alone for future Sunset to deal with.
So she kept on thinking about the journal to distract herself from the musical showcase throughout the entire morning, which really soured her mood. By the time she sat down with the other five girls, all she wanted was to eat lunch undisturbed and get it done with… but of course she couldn’t help overhearing their conversation which, unfortunately, was about the musical showcase. Because why wouldn’t it be?
“I propose we call this band Rainbow Rocks!” Rainbow Dash proposed. “After all, I came up with the idea, and I’m the one here that knows most about music.”
“Are you serious?” Rarity looked like she was absolutely repelled by the suggestion. “Really darling, can you be any more narcissistic?”
“Well, I don’t see you coming up with anything better!” She shot back.
“Why don’t we leave the name for later?” Applejack intervened, trying to calm down both of her friends. “What’s important right now is that we figure out what kind of music we’re all playing.” She looked around the table. “I play bass and Rainbow plays guitar, so I was thinking maybe a rock band, but…”
“I play the drums!” Pinkie interfered enthusiastically. “I have been playing since kindergarten.”
“Right.” Applejack had never seen Pinkie play before, but knew better than to question her. “However, Rarity-”
“I told you I’m playing the piano!” The girl cut her off with an air of finality.
“It’s a rock band, not some boring orchestra.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Well, excuse me for wanting to bring a little class into it!” Was Rarity’s prompt response.
As the girl’s conversation evolved into a loud discussion about the type of music they’d be playing and the right instruments for it, Sunset tried to tune it out. But she had already finished her food and she couldn’t risk getting out her journal without the girls asking her about it, so… that left one thing.
“Are you guys seriously going to join the showcase?” Sunset asked Fluttershy while the others were busy arguing.
“Uhm… well…” The girl looked a bit unsure. “I don’t really play an instrument, but… they insisted.”
“That’s because it’s going to be so much fun!” Pinkie Pie interfered rather enthusiastically, her grin wide and hopeful. “Say, Sunset, would you like to join too?”
The table froze. Forks hovered. Conversation died.
Applejack’s frown was instant. Rarity’s lips pressed together. Rainbow gave a small, sharp shake of her head, and Fluttershy dropped her gaze into her lap.
Sunset felt the sting of it before anyone even spoke. The weight of their silence hit Sunset harder than any insult.
You see it now, don’t you? The voice curled in her mind like smoke. Proof. You don’t belong.
“Sorry, sugar cube.” Applejack spoke in a gentle tone, giving Sunset an apologetic smile. “I’m sure Pinkie didn’t mean to put you in the spot like that.”
“Huh? But I-” Pinkie tried to protest, but was swiftly interrupted.
“What she meant,” Rarity said, her smile a little too careful, too polished. “is that we’d love for you to come watch us rehearse. We’d really value your… perspective.”
It was kindness that didn’t feel like kindness. A consolation prize of sorts. Sunset heard what they weren’t saying: “You can sit on the sidelines. That’s all we trust you with.”
Her chest tightened. She clenched her fists under the table. But regardless, she tried to maintain a neutral expression.
“Sure.” She muttered, pushing her chair back hard enough to scrape against the floor.
“Sunset-” Pinkie reached toward her, but Sunset had already stood up, retreating like a coward running from the painful truths. Like she always did.
“Where are you going?” Rainbow asked, putting her hand on Sunset’s shoulder as if to stop her. Her tone was caught somewhere between concern and guilt.
“Library. Homework.” Sunset shook off her hand, without looking back.
She didn’t see Pinkie’s devastated expression, or Fluttershy wringing her hands, or Rarity’s smile falter into guilt.
Instead, she walked away to the sound of her own footsteps, sharp against the cafeteria floor.
When Sunset arrived at the library, she slumped at one of the tables on the top floor. She’d hoped the top floor would be empty, that she could hide in silence. But silence wasn’t kind. Silence had a way of amplifying every thought she was trying to bury.
Her ‘friends’ didn’t want her in their band, because why would they? The girl who tore their school apart? The monster they had to blast into submission? Of course they wouldn’t. But regardless, their actions had made her confront the fact that perhaps, a tiny part of her, had wanted to join them.
She couldn’t care less about the musical showcase, but… playing music? With her friends? Getting to be a part of that? That sounded… fun.
Not that it mattered anymore.
Sunset sighed. There was no point dwelling on what she couldn’t change, so perhaps she should just do her homework, as she said she would.
She took her backpack, opened it, and was about to take out her notebook, when her hand brushed against something rough and familiar. Not paper, not carton. Leather. The journal. For a moment, her breath hitched, and she almost shoved it back down, as if touching it might burn her.
But instead, carefully, deliberately, she extracted it; her cutie mark staring at her from its cover in silent judgement.
She was a pony, not a human. She never would be. Their little games, their stupid bands… none of it should matter. She should only be thinking of Equestria, of Celestia, of going back. That was what mattered. That was what she told herself, anyway. So why did it still hurt?
Maybe because, if what really mattered was Equestria, she supposed she couldn’t put it off forever, could she? She needed to know what Celestia had thought of her during all these years. Or rather, if Celestia had thought of her at all.
Taking a deep breath to give herself courage, she gripped the book tightly until her knuckles turned white. Honestly, she half-expected her claws to flare out, but thankfully they didn’t.
She wasn’t a coward. She would open it, and she would read it. She would write to Celestia and, who knows, maybe the princess would even be powerful enough to open the portal herself, and generous enough to let her go back.
If she convinced her, which… was a big if.
In any case… the first step was to open it. Which was easier said than done.
Sunset closed her eyes, took a few more breaths and then… she finally opened the book. Now, she just needed to open her eyes and actually look at it.
She forced one eye open. Blank. Dread coiled in her stomach, until she forced herself to turn back one page… and there it was. Lines. Paragraphs. Message after message of Celestia’s careful handwriting. Sunset’s stomach flipped. She hadn’t been ignored. She hadn’t been forgotten. She’d been written to all this time.
She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. It felt... good, knowing she hadn’t been completely forgotten back home. Now she just needed to see what these messages said. Hopefully they wouldn’t all be angry reprimands.
Carefully, she searched for the first new message, and started reading.
Sunset Shimmer! Come back this instant. You don’t know what could be beyond the mirror. It’s dangerous! Please, come back.
Sunset blinked. She had braced herself for fury, but… Instead, it sounded like the princess had been worried after she first came into the human world.
But… why? She thought she’d thoroughly burnt down any sympathy the princess might have had for her. After all, Celestia had pretty much banished her from the castle… hadn’t she? Why would it matter to her if Sunset was somewhere in Equestria or in the human world?
Confused, she kept reading.
Sunset… if you can see these words, then know I never meant for our last conversation to end as it did. I feared what the mirror was doing to you, and in my fear, I pushed you away. That was my failure, not yours. Please, come back. We can talk. I want to listen this time.
The girl inhaled sharply.
Apologies? Regret? That didn’t fit the Celestia she remembered, the one who’d called the guards on her without a second thought. These were just empty words. Just a trick to draw her back.
And yet… the way she’d phrased it, as if she’d failed Sunset, scratched at something deep inside her.
Sunset Shimmer. The portal is closing in just a couple of hours and I have no doubt you’re aware of that. Once it closes, it’ll take thirty moons to open again. Is that really what you want? To be stuck in whatever world you’re in for so long? On your own? Please Sunset, I beg you. Cross back before the way is lost.
Sunset resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Yeah, yeah, the princess had been concerned. So what? If she cared so much, why didn’t she come herself? No… the words were sweet, but the actions told the truth. She wasn’t worth the effort. More so, she had been the one who exiled her. She was such a hypocrite.
Ignoring the ache in her heart, she moved on to the next page.
Sunset… perhaps I am writing into a void. Perhaps you will never see this. But I cannot stop. I need to believe that you survived.
Perhaps it’s a foolish hope. No pony has ever survived for so long in a foreign dimension, at least not that I’m aware of, but if somepony could pull it off, it’d be you.
You’re brilliant, Sunset. You’re strong, you’re passionate and you’re smart. I’m sorry if you felt like I was neglecting you, or like I was keeping things from you. I was trying to protect you, but I’m afraid this protection might have been exactly what drove you away from me.
All I ask now… all I need… is one answer. Just one word, to know you are still alive.
The words twisted in her gut. Celestia had written as though Sunset was some fallen hero whose grave she visited in ink and parchment. The girl wanted to sneer, to laugh at the melodrama. But the truth was simpler, crueler: Celestia had mourned her. And the thought didn’t exactly sit well with her.
But still, despite her discomfort, she kept reading.
My dearest Sunset.
I just want you to know that you have never left my thoughts—not once—since the moment I lost you. And I sincerely hope that you’re safe and sound.
A lot has happened since then. I took in a new pupil: a brilliant little filly named Twilight Sparkle. She reminds me so much of you! That said, please don’t think I’m trying to replace you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Sunset, my little Sun, you were the best student I had in many decades, perhaps even in centuries. But more than that, I raised you. I had a bond with you like I’ve never had with any other student, but I was too foolish, too cowardly, to admit it. Not even to myself. Not until it was too late.
I failed you, my little Sun. I realize that now. I pushed you away in your hour of need, when I should’ve pulled you closer… and now that mistake will haunt me for the rest of my days.
I won’t make the same mistakes with Twilight. I’ll honor your memory by being there for her, the way I wasn’t there for you.
But you will always be my little Sun, the brightest part of my long life.
This letter made her heart ache with foolish longing. It was almost enough to make her believe Celestia actually cared. Almost. But everything the princess had said was true. She had been a coward. She cared more about her standing with the nobles, her reputation, her royal duties… everything always took priority over Sunset. All those nights she read her a story before bedtime, all those warm hugs and fun magic lessons… they hadn’t mattered as much to the princess as they did for her. If they had, then how could she have cast her out like garbage? Why had she never admitted to the bond they had? Why had Twilight—perfect little Twilight—been given everything Sunset had begged for? A crown, a throne, love without conditions, a place next to Celestia…
The tears came, hot and unbidden, and she hated herself for letting them. But they still hit the old pages, smearing the ink, despite her best efforts.
It took her a few minutes to collect herself enough that her tears wouldn’t cloud her vision when she tried to read. Part of her was tempted to leave the rest of the journal for another day, but… no. She had to know. Only a few more messages left. She could do it.
How many years have passed since my last message? Ten? Although I’m not sure time works the same way wherever you are.
For so long I believed I had lost you forever, but despite the fact that you came back with bad intentions, and stole Twilight’s crown, I felt relief. Relief that you still lived.
Please Sunset, return the crown, offer your apology, and I will forgive all that has passed. Whether you wish to be my student again or walk your own path, Equestria will welcome you back.
I will welcome you home.
Home. As if she had one. As if the place she’d been thrown out of so cruelly could ever be called that again. Did Celestia really think a few kind words could erase that memory? That pain?
Not only that, offering that to her was… foolish, really. It seemed like the princess had been clinging to hope that there was still some good inside of her former student, when there wasn’t.
She could have never accepted that offer. Back then it would’ve been because of hatred and bitter anger. Now it was just pride and fear of being hurt again.
In any case, although she couldn’t fully trust Celestia’s words, she turned the page and prepared herself to read the last message. She just wanted to get this over with.
My dear Sunset.
Princess Twilight told me that she left you in good “hands”. She explained to me everything that happened and, although I wished she’d brought you back to Equestria, I understand and respect her decision.
I sincerely hope that you can learn from the magic of friendship—that I obviously failed to teach you—and come out of this experience a changed pony. Human, I suppose.
Still, I now realize that perhaps I wasn’t the best teacher for you. Twilight, despite her young age has a gift I lack; the gift of reaching hearts I could not touch. It’s for this reason that now I will place this journal in her care.
Please, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out to Twilight. For advice, for guidance or anything else. She’s promised me that she’ll do her best to assist you.
I will always love you, Sunset… but perhaps she can give you what I could not.
‘I will always love you… but’ That was the dagger. There was always a ‘but’ somewhere, wasn’t there? Love with limits. Love with conditions. Love that could be passed along to Twilight like some cursed relic she never meant to keep.
An indescribable rage filled Sunset. Claws sprouted from her fingers, fangs flared in her mouth, her vision turned red, and her body acted before she could think. She grabbed the journal and hurled it with all her strength towards a nearby bookshelf. She tossed it like she wanted to hit Celestia herself with it; to make her fall and crumple and stay silent for once.
It collided with the other books, then dropped down with a thud and landed face down; its pages wrinkling and bending, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
The princess had given up on her. Of course she’d given up on her. And of course Celestia had given the journal to Twilight. It was always Twilight. Perfect Twilight. Clever Twilight. The student who could do no wrong. Sunset wasn’t even allowed to scream at Celestia anymore; her words would only ever echo into Twilight’s smug, condescending face.
Sunset clenched her fists, drawing blood once more from the abused skin of her palms. But she didn’t care.
Those messages, those letters… for a moment there she had almost let herself think that Celestia actually cared about her, despite everything. But of course, clinging to such foolish hope had only led to disappointment once again.
Still, she willed herself to stop crying. She had no tears left for Celestia. The well had run dry. Not even hatred was worth wasting on her anymore.
But despite how much Sunset tried, she could never fully get rid of Celestia’s ghost, which would remain clinging to her, like chains she would drag forever, invisible but unbreakable.
Notes:
Well, now we know a little more about Princess Celestia, even if it's not exactly what Sunset had hoped for.
Thanks for reading! And for all your comments, I really, really appreciate them!