Chapter Text
At twenty-one years old, Sirius Black never expected to become a parent. Discovering he was exclusively attracted to his own gender at the age of fourteen, and finally admitting it shortly after he turned sixteen, meant that children were a loose, foreign concept to him.
As the youngest in his family, he never knew what it was like to be around other kids. Many of his classmates had younger siblings they labelled irritating or boring, so Sirius couldn’t imagine what having a younger sibling of his own would have been like. He often fantasised about having a playmate and came to the conclusion that he would have appreciated having someone to share his childhood with, although not if it meant being forced to watch them endure the same suffering he did.
Even when he went off the university with the man he loved by his side, he never thought about starting a family. His future was Remus Lupin and his art degree, they were the only things that mattered to him.
Until he received a phone call from his grandfather, solemnly yet flatly notifying him of the sudden deaths of his parents.
But that wasn’t all.
“They left me everything,” Sirius said shakily to Remus. “Half of everything.”
“Half?” Remus looked mildly confused. Half was more than either of them expected but still perplexing. Why bother leaving Sirius anything at all if it was only half?
Sirius could barely get the words out. “The other half…they left to my sibling. My baby brother.”
Naturally, Remus had been as stunned as him. They spent hours struggling to wrap their heads around it, both the fact that Sirius had a sibling he previously didn’t know existed and that his parents were dead, leaving him everything.
Including guardianship of said baby sibling, as Grandfather made sure to inform him.
Overnight, Sirius went from a broke university student working two part-time jobs to afford the measly student accommodation he shared with his boyfriend to being one of the wealthiest men under thirty in the country, sole owner of the largest technological and automotive conglomerate in the world, and guardian of a newborn baby.
And that wasn’t even the most distressing part.
“As his guardian, you will have twenty-four hour access to the ward,” the nurse said kindly as she guided them to the entrance. “This is the first handwashing station. There are several more throughout the ward. You must remember to thoroughly wash your hands every time you enter the ward and then again before you enter the room where your baby is, okay?”
“Yes,” Sirius said numbly. Remus gave him an encouraging smile.
“If ever you are feeling unwell, we kindly but firmly request you inform us so we can arrange a video call with your baby. Limiting infection is crucial in this ward and even a mild cold can be devastating to our patients. Many of them have underdeveloped lungs, so respiratory infections in particular can be catastrophic.”
Mutely, Sirius nodded along with her words. He knew enough about NICU to know these babies were all at a crucial point in their terribly short lives. His eyes stung as he thought about the fact that such a place needed to exist at all. How many babies came through these halls every day? How many never made it home?
Those thoughts were what his mother would call ‘unproductive’. She never believed in worrying over anything. He doubted she cared when they told her how risky the pregnancy was. He doubted she cared when they advised her to quit smoking and drinking. He doubted she cared about climbing into the car with Father when he was drunk.
“What about my partner?” Sirius managed to ask as he scrubbed his hands clean, then stepped aside for Remus to wash his. He washed them several times before leaving after a quick browse online at the NICU website but what if there was paint leftover under his nails from his last project?
“Your partner can visit whenever he pleases, provided he is on the approved list.”
“List?” Remus repeated.
After pressing the intercom at the doors, the woman guided him deeper into the ward. Sirius found himself looking around anxiously. Realistically, his baby wasn’t going to be out in the open with a glowing sign but he couldn’t help but search anyway.
“To protect the safety of our patients and their guardians, we have parents create a list of approved visitors. The list your parents provided us is no longer valid.”
“Did they have anyone on the list aside from themselves?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask.
The nurse pursed her lips. “I am not supposed to answer that but as there is no chance of them knowing, no. Only your mother was listed.”
No surprise there. Father neglected him enough for Sirius to know it would happen again, even to a sweet, innocent baby who needed all the support they could get.
“I appreciate your honesty,” he said with a weak smile. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
The nurse smiled brightly. Her warm brown skin was flushed with youthful vigour, her tight coils swept back from her face in a low bun. “Mary Macdonald. Lovely to meet you. I suggest you get used to my face because you’ll probably be seeing me a lot over the next few weeks.”
Sirius laughed weakly. “I’m sure you’ll be sick of me soon enough. Have you worked here long?”
“No, I only graduated last year,” she said with a kind smile.
“Have you always wanted to work in the NICU?” Remus asked.
“I was a preemie,” she said with a shrug. “My mum had some interesting stories. She used to tell me about how hard it was sitting by my bedside day after day, unable to hold me. She said the nurses helped her through those days, some of the toughest moments of her life. I guess something stuck. Ever since I was old enough to start thinking of the future, I knew I wanted to be right here.”
Sirius wished he had been half as sure of himself as a teenager. Even when he applied to university, he never felt sure it was the right thing to do. He mostly did it to be close to Remus.
Mary shrugged again as she shuffled over to the reception desk. “Give me a moment, I’ll just jot down your details, confirm a few things. We’re a little understaffed today. A vomiting bug has been making the rounds and with the babies…we can’t take any risks.”
“I understand.”
Thankfully, Mary was incredibly efficient. She breezed through the few photocopied documents he brought with him confirming the change in guardianship and only asked for his contact information and identification. After confirming his details, he added Remus’ name and number to both the secondary emergency contact form and the list of approved visitors. Remus looked a little surprised at that but Sirius knew there was nobody else he wanted to care for his baby on his absence. The rest of the Blacks would get nowhere near his baby and although Sirius had a couple other friends, he didn’t trust them the way he trusted Remus.
After some thought, he added Hope Lupin to the approved visitor’s list and tertiary emergency contact, and the fond grin Remus sent him warmed him to the core.
Finally, Mary smiled and gestured for them to wash their hands again at one of the deep sinks along the wall. Once they finished patting their hands dry, she walked towards the farthest door.
When Sirius looked at the door, his heart spasmed.
“Is…”
Mary gave him a nod of encouragement. “Your little one is just through here. He’s been very strong. Fighting every step of the way.”
Sirius’ lungs burned. “Has he?”
Mary only smiled, eyes crinkling.
“Can I see him?”
“Of course,” Mary said as she laid her hand over the handle. “Have you ever held a baby before?”
“No,” he said, throat dry. “I can hold him?”
“If you would like to, just let me know and I’ll show you how. You aren’t the first person to come in here with little to no experience with babies and you won’t be the last.”
Without another word, Mary carefully twisted the handle and waved them inside. Her shoes hardly made any noise as she moved across the room and Sirius was glad he chose to wear plain trainers rather than his usual boots, especially once he allowed himself to properly look around the room.
Four incubators were evenly spaced out along the walls either side of him. Each cot contained a tiny baby, their bodies eerily still as the steady beeping of the machines propped around their stations lulled them to sleep. Wires and tubes were attached to various points along each of the incubators, several of which were also connected to the babies themselves.
The cot closest to him was the easiest to see. Judging by the pink knitted rabbit tucked into the side of the cot space, this one was a little girl. A tube was taped to the her cheek which fed into her nose. He didn’t know enough about medical procedures to know if it was for her lungs or for feeding but either way the baby didn’t seem to care about the tube, choosing to sleep peacefully instead.
“Initially, your little one was brought into the intensive care unit,” Mary said softly. “After a few weeks, we transferred him here to the high dependency unit. If he continues progressing as he is, he should be on to the special care unit within a few more weeks.”
“Is that good?” he asked uncertainly.
“Very good. Once he’s there, we’ll start preparing him to be discharged.”
Sirius could hardly speak around the lump in his throat. His eyes flicked from cot to cot, and suddenly he realised something. Behind each of the incubators was a name taped to the wall. Above the little girl with the pink rabbit was the name ‘Noura’. Opposite her was another incubator with ‘Tomasz’, who was next to ‘Ella’. None of those were Black approved names.
Heart in his mouth, Sirius looked towards the last cot.
The wall was bare of any name.
Slowly, Sirius drifted towards the incubator, eyes already stinging as he saw the tiny, fragile little baby asleep inside.
A breath was punched out of him as he laid eyes on his baby for the first time. Miniscule fingers attached to tiny hands were curled into adorable little fists. Much like the little girl in the incubator next door, a thin tube was fixed against a tiny cheek, the long line continuing up his baby’s nose to keep him stable. Questions would come later. He wanted to ask what it was for, how severe his baby’s condition was, when he would finally be able to take him home. For now, he was transfixed.
“Hello, baby,” Sirius whispered. He raised a hand to the incubator only to hesitate. Mary gave him an encouraging nod. Sirius laid his palm against the side of the cot, heart fluttering in his chest. “I’m your big brother.”
The baby didn't so much as twitch. Fear curled in Sirius’ chest. Why was he so still?
“Is he supposed to be so calm?” To Sirius’ relief, Remus voiced his concerns. He doubted he could get the words out. “I thought babies cried a lot more.”
“It’s normal for NICU babies to do little else but sleep,” Mary said gently. Her bedside manner was impeccable. Sirius was tempted to offer her a Ferrari. Maybe he could pay for her to meet Beyoncé or Lady Gaga. “They spend the vast majority of their time sleeping which aids their development. They’re just making up for lost time.”
Sirius sniffled as he gazed at the tiny baby. “You’re beautiful. You take all the time you need. I’ll be right here.”
“He really is,” Remus said with awe as he loomed over Sirius’ shoulder. “He looks like you.”
“Does he?” Sirius peered at the baby hopefully. Did they look alike? It would make sense considering their shared parentage but it was hard to be sure. The baby was so tiny. Sirius knew he had never been that small. Mother always bemoaned how big he had been as a babe, constantly blaming him for her back pain and stretch marks the way she blamed him for everything including the weather.
“He’s perfect. Exactly like you.”
Sirius allowed himself a glance at Remus who was marvelling at the cot, a stunned expression on his face. Hazel eyes glittered with tears as he gazed at the baby. Sirius’ baby.
Their baby.
“Would you like to hold him?”
Sirius’ shoulders curled inwards. He couldn’t. What if he hurt him? Mother said he broke everything he touched, said his very presence was enough to ruin a good thing.
“My mam always said skin to skin contact was important for babies. Said I was very clingy,” Remus said, one hand drifting to rub Sirius’ back comfortingly.
Mary hummed. “Close contact is very important for babies. Helps regulate their temperature, breathing, and heart rate, builds their immunity to infection, supports your bond with the baby…it also increases milk supply but I doubt that will help you much.”
A somewhat incredulous laugh fell from his lips. Blinking rapidly, he nodded and stepped back, allowing Mary to flutter around the incubator.
“Okay, it might be easiest to sit down first.” She gestured to the chair by the wall which he hurriedly dragged over. He passed his phone to Remus as he sat back in the chair. “Keep your arm like that, support his body. He’s very tiny and doesn’t move much so it should be fairly simple.” Mary shuffled closer, carefully passing the baby over—
And suddenly the weight of the world was in his arms.
Sirius’ throat thickened as the tiny, warm body of his baby sibling was pressed against him. There was still the tube to consider but aside from that, the baby almost looked like a doll. Fragile, precious, and impossibly perfect.
“Oh,” he breathed, eyes filling with tears.
“Would you like a picture?”
It was a struggle to take his eyes off his baby, so he didn’t. “Hm?” he hummed absentmindedly as he cradled the child to his chest.
“This is a special moment. First time holding your little boy.”
Absentmindedly, Sirius nodded. Someone started snapping pictures but he didn’t pay them any mind. All that mattered was the little angel in his arms.
“Hand me the phone,” Mary said. “Get in there.”
“Me?” Remus gasped. “No, I couldn’t—”
“Get over here, Moony,” Sirius said softly as he marvelled at the baby in his arms.
Remus perched on the arm of the chair, one of his long arms wrapped around Sirius’ shoulders. Mary must have continued taking pictures as when he looked up at her, she was tapping away.
“Thank you,” Sirius said as he focused on the baby. Not that it was a chore. “We need to name him.”
“You do.” Mary set his phone down on the other arm of the chair, then bustled over to the wall to spread hand sanitiser over her hands. “Babies need their birth certificate filed within forty-two days.”
“And he’s…”
“Twenty-one days.”
Sirius tried to do the maths but his brain was like a squashed pumpkin. He was holding his baby. Nothing else mattered. “Sorry, when was he born?”
“Fifteenth of August,” Mary said. “I was here when they wheeled him in.”
A vicious pang of jealousy sliced through his gut. He should have been here. This was his baby. If Mother had told him, he would have been here every single day, he would have been here for every step of his baby’s journey. They would have had to drag him out of the ward by his hair just to get a break from him.
Fighting past the jealousy, Sirius’ lip wobbled as his mind began to turn. Everything changed, warping to accommodate this tiny yet powerful little boy. Sirius could almost feel the way his entire life shifted to keep this precious baby at the centre of his world.
Prior to today, the fifteenth of August had just been another day. It meant nothing. A random day in a random month he otherwise held no attachment to.
Now, it was everything.
Sirius wanted to press a kiss to his baby’s head but he didn’t know if that was allowed. What if he unknowingly picked up a virus before coming in here and he passed it on to this helpless little baby? How would he cope knowing it was his fault his baby had to be moved back to the ICU?
“Would you like a naming book?”
Mary’s sudden question confused him for a moment before he recalled his earlier statement. He needed to name the baby.
“No, thank you,” he said.
“Do you have a name in mind? Any ideas? Sometimes we have parents with a whole list of names only for them to choose something off-cuff. Other times parents already have a name and they won’t budge on it at all.”
Sirius gazed down at his baby, examining the beauty of his little face. How had his parents created something so perfect?
Thinking of his parents usually soured his mood but now Sirius felt nothing. He couldn’t imagine what they would have named the baby but it hardly mattered. They were both dead. Their opinions were worthless.
This choice was his to make.
“It’s family tradition to use celestial names,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “There’s the occasional historical, mythological, or floral name but celestial bodies are usually the only acceptable option.”
“Are you going to keep with tradition?” Remus asked.
To break tradition wouldn’t upset Sirius at all. He held no attachment to the various names of stars. If anything, he hated most of them out of spite.
But it felt wrong to take that away from his baby. Sirius might have hated most of his relatives but he always loved his name. He loved looking through his grandfather’s telescope and proudly boasting about being the brightest star in the sky. He loved the myths attached to the constellation. He loved feeling like he was meant for something greater, and that there was always someone, something, watching over him.
“Orion is out,” Sirius thought aloud. “I’d never be cruel enough to name you Cygnus or Pollux considering how dreadful they are. Alphard died too young. Arcturus is still alive. Castor had a terrible time of things in the myths. Rigel is too attached to Orion, and Atlas is a little overambitious…”
The others stayed silent as Sirius began listing off names.
“Rastaban, Draco, Perseus, Titan, Altair, Mars, Corvus, Antares, Cepheus, Cetus, Polaris, Cosmos, Apollo, Oberon, Caelum, Neptune, Phobos—although that last one has pretty negative connotations.” As if he would name his baby ‘fear’.
Mary blinked. “I never realised there were so many. I’ve never even heard of most of those.”
“I haven’t even gotten to the zodiacs. Aries, Taurus, Castor and Pollux from the Gemini constellation, Altarf from Cancer, Leo—”
The baby cooed.
Remus gasped softly. Sirius looked down at the child, heart hammering as the baby gave a weak wiggle in his arms, fists twisting before settling back against his chest.
“You might have a winner,” Mary said knowingly. “Aren’t we in Leo season?”
“Not anymore, we’re in Virgo season,” Sirius said numbly. “He was born in Leo, though. But Leo doesn’t sound quite right. Not regal enough for you.”
Sirius thought carefully. There were a few names attached to the Leo constellation he could choose from.
“Let’s try this again, baby.” Sirius ran his finger over the baby’s cheek. “Leo, Leonis, Regulus—”
The baby wriggled again.
Several tears slipped free as Sirius held the baby as tight as he could while still being gentle. “Oh, my little Regulus. Do you like that? I hoped you would pick that one.”
“What does it mean?” Remus said.
“The little king, the heart of the lion,” Sirius said fondly. He had never felt so warm in his life.
“Regulus.” Mary repeated. “Perfect. I can finally put his name on the wall.”
Sirius sniffled. “Thank fuck he didn’t pick Heracles.”
“Why not?”
“The Leo constellation is meant to depict the Nemean Lion, killed by Heracles as one of the twelve labours. You might know him by his Roman name—Hercules.”
“You know a lot about this sort of thing.”
“Mother insisted,” he said plainly but any lingering resentment towards her dissipated as he looked down at his baby. She didn’t matter anymore. She was gone.
This baby, his Regulus, was all that remained.
“Regulus,” Sirius whispered as Mary moved away to check on the other babies. “Hi, Regulus. I’m your…well, I suppose I’m your…”
Brother just didn’t feel strong enough. There was another term, one which came with more responsibility, more purpose, more expectations. Could he use that word to describe himself? This was the first time he had ever met Regulus and yet he felt a peculiar, emergent connection to that word, something he had never experienced before.
“That doesn’t matter just yet,” he decided. “I’m here, and I love you so much. Just keep fighting for me, okay? Because I’ve got a pretty nice house now and an even nicer partner who I know would love to meet you.”
Regulus whimpered slightly.
“I know, I know. It must be pretty nice here too. You’re all warm, well looked after…but I think we could do a good job of raising you. I’ll get you all the best toys and with Moony around I’ll try not to spoil you too much. We’ll keep you fed and clothed and…and loved,” his voice cracked on the last word.
Sirius tried to breathe through the urge to break down into tears as he held Regulus closer to his chest.
“You are going to be so loved, Regulus. You will never go to bed hungry, you will never wonder if it’s normal to feel guilty for existing, you will never have to feel alone in a house full of people. You’ll have parents who love you, who want you, who will do anything to protect you and support you in everything you want to do. You’re going to be loved unconditionally, because it’s the least you deserve,” he finished firmly.
Regulus gave a weak little whine again, and Sirius’ chest hitched as the first sob fell free. Remus’ hand was warm on his shoulder, providing both comfort and evidence of his silent support.
“I love you,” he said wetly. “I love you so much, Regulus.”
And when it was Remus’ turn to hold baby Regulus, Sirius cried so much his hands were too unsteady to take pictures.
Thankfully, Mary had their backs.
“What about a middle name?” Remus murmured as they went to bed the night they met Regulus. The hospital had a few rooms for parents to sleep in and Sirius was making good use of the one closest to their baby’s room. “Regulus Sirius has a nice ring to it.”
“Or Regulus Remus.”
Remus snorted. “I think we should keep the celestial theme going.”
“Remus is a moon.”
“Stars, then.”
Sirius thought for a moment. “Arcturus.”
“For your grandfather?”
“Some of my best memories as a child were at his house,” Sirius said. “Well, mansion. Him and Grandmother Melania were always there for me when I needed them. After she died, he sort of checked out. But he’s always been there for me, as much as he could be considering he’s had one foot in the grave since his first heart attack twenty years ago.”
“He helped you leave,” Remus said quietly. “Sent you money. Refused to let your parents disinherit you.”
“And now I’m one of the richest men in the world with custody of the most perfect little baby in the world,” Sirius said pointedly. “It’s the least I could do.”
“I think he could have done more.”
“You’re right,” Sirius admitted. “I won’t pretend like he was perfect. No Black is.”
“Except for our boy.”
Sirius turned to him with a soft smile. “Our boy, hm?”
Remus looked unsure. “If that’s alright with you.”
“I thought you knew you were it for me. There is nobody else I’d rather raise a baby with.”
“I just wanted to make sure. It’s one thing to suddenly gain custody of your baby brother, it’s another to decide you want to raise him as a family.”
“Family,” Sirius whispered in awe. “We’re a family.”
“We are. If you’d like to be.”
Sirius blinked. “Moony?”
“There’s no rush,” Remus said awkwardly. “Marriage isn’t… I mean, marriage doesn’t make a family. I just thought…”
A grin stole across his face. Warmth swept through his chest and pooled in his stomach as he rolled on top of Remus. Kissing him several times, Sirius pulled back, unable to stop himself from giggling.
“Are we engaged?”
Remus’ eyes were wide. “I’d like to be.”
Sirius covered his mouth to hide the hideous grin threatening to overtake his face.
“I mean, you’re apparently pretty well off now. If I have any hope of paying off my student loans I’d better marry well—”
A laugh bubbled in his chest and he hit Remus’ shoulder chastising. “Shut up.”
“When am I allowed to speak again?”
“At the altar.”
Remus snickered and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist to pull their chests flush together. “We’ve done this a bit backwards.”
“Baby is supposed to come after marriage.”
“At least this way he’ll be in the pictures.”
Sirius made a noise of adoration as he rested his cheek on Remus’ chest. “I can’t believe how much I love him, Moony. Did you feel it too? I saw him and I just…”
“I know what you mean. I thought my heart would explode out of my chest.”
“It felt like I was cradling the world in my hands.”
“Like everything would be okay as long as he was safe,” Remus said softly, staring up at the ceiling in awe.
Sirius sniffled. “This is officially the best day of my life. I’m engaged and I have a baby. And I’m so fucking rich.”
Remus snorted. “So, you can say it but I’m not allowed?”
“Exactly.”
“We should probably go to sleep. Baby shopping is going to be a bitch.”
“I’ll have to ask your mother for help.”
“She is going to lose her mind,” Remus murmured. “I didn’t tell her about Reg just yet.“
“Now you’re also engaged.”
“Also that, yeah.”
Sirius let the moment linger, but not for long.
“She’s going to kill you.”
Remus sighed loudly. “Yeah.”
Hope Lupin’s eyes welled with tears the moment they told her about Regulus followed by a squeal of delight when Sirius announced his intention to raise Regulus as his own with Remus by his side. When they told her about the engagement, she had to sit down and clutch her already weak heart but not out of upset.
She was over the moon for them.
“I’ve always known you were special,” Hope said to him the moment Remus left the room to get her a glass of water. Her wrinkled hand covered his, and Sirius tried not to think about how thin she had grown in such a short space of time. “Thank you for taking care of him. I’ve always worried about my Remus but the moment I met you I knew he was in good hands.”
Sirius wished he could have taken her compliment to heart but he knew he wasn’t as brilliant as she thought. She didn’t know about the times Sirius hurt Remus. About the prank he pulled back when they were in school which almost led to Remus’ expulsion, something Sirius was only able to save him from because he used his family name to cushion the devastation his actions wrought.
As much as Sirius cursed his family, he was just like them in the end. Throwing his wealth and status around. At least his motives were kinder. His parents used their money to protect themselves, Sirius used his to protect his partner.
And now his son.
Unsurprisingly, Hope was the person who helped him figure out who he was to Regulus. It was as they sat around Regulus’ cot that the topic came up.
“Oh, he is beautiful,” Hope said with a sniffle as she snapped countless pictures on her phone. “Absolutely gorgeous. Look at those eyes.”
“Sirius’ eyes,” Remus said fondly.
Sirius’ cheeks warmed as he gazed at his boy. They did have the exact same eyes. Inherited from Orion, sure, but Sirius elected to ignore that.
“Did you hear that, sweetie? You have your daddy’s eyes,” Hope said as she stroked Regulus’ side through the incubator.
The word hit him like a bolt of lightning.
“What?” Sirius blurted.
Hope looked at him with hazel eyes that glittered just like her son’s. “He has your eyes, dear.”
“You said…” Sirius could hardly say the word. He had never said it before in his life. His father was simply Father, occasionally Orion, more often ‘that miserable prick’, nothing else, nothing more.
Hope sent him a fond smile. “Far be it from me to tell you who you are, but to this little boy, you aren’t just going to be a big brother.”
The implication was not lost on him.
Sirius tried to imagine himself as a father. Tried to picture his sweet little boy calling him ‘Daddy’ as he waddled towards him with wide eyes and a heartbreaking grin.
Something didn’t feel right.
“He’s going to have two fathers,” Sirius said in realisation. “He can’t call both of us dad.”
Remus inhaled sharply and sat back in shock. “You…”
“Don’t try to back out now, Lupin.”
“Never,” Remus breathed. If Sirius hadn’t seen Remus holding their son, he would think he could never look more beautiful than he did in that moment. “Never.”
“I’ll be Appa,” Sirius decided.
“Appa and Dad,” Hope said with a sniffle.
“And Mamgu,” Remus said.
“Mamgu,” Hope wailed. “Oh, Remus, look at your little angel.”
Regulus must have been woken up by their blubbering as he wriggled slightly to peer at them unhappily. Sirius couldn’t help but snicker at the deeply unimpressed look on his little face before his eyes slipped closed again.
“I think that’s his way of telling us to shut up or get out,” Sirius said amusedly.
“I’ve definitely seen that look before,” Remus said, nudging Sirius.
Sirius nudged him back.
Before they left, Hope pulled out a collection of little knitted blankets and handed them to a nurse who thanked her for the donation. Sirius leaned against Remus as Hope chatted away about all the hats she was going to knit and his heart warmed as he realised his baby would have a grandmother after all.
The day they were finally able to take Regulus home was a day full of tears. Prior to it, Sirius had several important conversations with the nurses and doctors of the NICU but he spoke to Mary most of all. Even after a month passed with Sirius visiting every single day, she was still his favourite of the staff and she was who he preferred to speak to regarding Regulus.
Part of Sirius was sad to be saying goodbye to all of them. Especially Mary, who had been such a steady source of support for him and Remus over the past five weeks but a larger part of him was relieved to never have to see the double doors of the NICU ever again.
“Do you think we have enough nappies? How many nappies will we need?” Sirius fretted as he paced the length of the hallway. “Do you think we should buy a nappy factory? Do they even exist?”
“Sirius—”
“I’m going to look for a nappy factory near Ravenclaw. There has to be one. Or maybe we should buy two?”
“Sirius, calm down. Most parents don’t buy nappy factories for their baby.”
“Most parents aren’t billionaires.”
“We can manage well enough with— Wait, you’re a billionaire?” Remus goggled at him from where he was leaning heavily on his cane. All the movement over the past several weeks of preparing the nursery had caused his fibromyalgia to flare up pretty badly. Sirius offered to pick Regulus up alone but Remus refused to miss out on such an important occasion.
“I am now,” Sirius said in a strained voice. “Or I will be once Mr Park finalises everything.”
Remus repeated, “Billionaire?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s…”
“Unethical? Absurd? Insane?”
“Yes.”
“Black Industries is a multinational corporation, a technological powerhouse, automotive giant, and conglomerate with stakes in businesses of pretty much every major industry.” Not that it mattered to him, he planned to shunt off his responsibilities as soon as he could. “Do you think we should buy a shoe factory? Kids change shoe sizes roughly every two to three months when they’re this small—”
“When they’re this small, they don’t wear shoes,” Remus said with a soft smile. “Darling, I think you’re panicking.”
“Nonsense. I’ve never panicked in my life.”
“Your hands are shaking.”
“I’m enthusiastic.”
“You’re terrified,” Remus corrected, although he was still smiling. Long legs allowed Remus to cross the room in seconds. A hand cradled Sirius’ cheek. “Love, we can do this. You can do this.”
Sirius exhaled shakily as he wrapped his arms around Remus’ waist.
The nurses had been brilliant over the past several weeks. They taught Sirius and Remus how to feed a preemie, how to maintain their baby’s food schedule since Regulus would need feeding more frequently, how to hold him upright to reduce risk of reflux, how to change his nappy, how to rock him when he was fussy, how to swaddle him to keep him comfortable and warm. They even took parenting sessions under the watchful gaze of some of the nurses who showed them how to bathe Regulus, how to take his temperature, how to give him medication should he need it. They even coached them through a baby resuscitation class, just in case.
Sirius tried not to let himself get his hopes up too much in the past two weeks but with every milestone reached, the hope grew. Despite being born weighing two pounds and nine ounces, Regulus was now four pounds and three ounces. Meagre still, and he had a long way to go, but he had done exceptionally well to gain so much weight in the eight weeks he’d been in the NICU. The nurses had taught Sirius and Remus to follow a strict eating schedule which they planned to stick to. Every two hours, never going past three without feeding.
Regulus no longer needed support maintaining his body temperature nor did he need breathing support. His weight gain was steady and showed progress. He had been fully immunised and already had his future vaccinations scheduled. He was doing wonderfully. So well in fact that he passed the car seat test on the first try.
Yesterday, they spent the night in one of the parent rooms with Regulus’ incubator by their bed. Mary said it was a common practice, to allow the parents a chance to get used to their baby being with them to ease the transition.
All they needed to do now was pick Regulus up and bring him home.
Realistically, Sirius knew they were as prepared as they could be. They went through every item on their checklist with Mary’s help. Everything was sorted. They had armed themselves with all sorts of knowledge to keep their little boy safe and the neonatal outreach team would be checking up on them until Regulus turned six months old.
They were ready. They could do this.
“Darling,” Remus said gently, “I don’t think you’re breathing.”
Sirius croaked. “I’ve forgotten how.”
Remus gave a breathy laugh. “Love—”
“Here we are!” Mary said cheerfully as she approached them. “Remember, contact with the outside world should be kept to a minimum at first. We also suggest no visitors for at least the first week—”
“Mary,” Sirius sighed with relief. “We have no friends.” An exaggeration. Sort of.
Mary laughed loudly. “I wonder why.”
“His ego,” Remus and Sirius said in unison.
Mary rolled her eyes. “If you say so. Now, I’m sure you two are eager to leave so I won’t keep you for much longer. Would you like to come and get your little boy?”
Remus lifted the car seat. “Definitely.”
“Which one of you is driving?”
“I will,” Sirius said. Remus would never admit it but Sirius was the better driver between them. Remus was usually too tense, an effect of having been in a traumatic car accident as a child.
With a sudden pang, Sirius remembered his parents had died in a crash. Regulus had been orphaned by a car accident.
“He wanted to bring his motorbike,” Remus said in a faux whisper. “I forbade it.”
“Come on, Moony. I’m telling you, Reg would look adorable in a sidecar with tiny baby goggles—”
Mary snickered as she guided them to the room they had spent last night in. They probably could have taken Regulus straight home but the doctors wanted to do a final check and several nurses stopped in to say goodbye, so Sirius and Remus decided to wait out their anxiety in the car park considering they forgot to bring in the car seat the previous day. Sirius wasn’t surprised that his son was so popular with the nurses. Regulus was absolutely perfect.
“Hello, my little star,” Sirius gave his usual greeting as he rested his palm over the cot. “Are you ready to come home?”
Regulus stared up at him with wide grey eyes, the same eyes Sirius saw every day in the mirror. His heart squeezed painfully as he ran his finger over Regulus’ cheek. The fact that his body hadn’t split in two with the force of his love for Regulus was nothing short of a miracle. Everytime he saw him, he felt overwhelmed with a surge of emotion. Not just love, not just pride, not just joy…it was so much more than that. So much stronger.
In all honesty, it frightened him a little…then he would meet those curious grey eyes and everything would melt away in favour of basking in that glorious feeling of unyielding parental adoration.
“Of course he is,” Remus said with a smile. Regulus’ gaze switched to Remus. “Hi, sweetheart.”
Regulus wriggled.
“I think that’s his way of saying he’d like to go now,” Mary said.
Sirius had no trouble at all scooping his baby up as Remus set the car seat on the chair. Together, they secured Regulus in the car seat, making sure to keep his head supported by the thick cushioning at the back.
“How is that, baby?” Sirius fixed Regulus’ dark green hat in place. One of many knitted or crocheted gifts from Hope. “Good?”
Obviously, Regulus didn’t reply. Electing to close his eyes with another wriggle, which Sirius decided was a positive response. Since Remus’ hands were free, he was given the discharge documents and bag of Regulus’ belongings.
Once Regulus was ready to go, Sirius turned to Mary.
“Am I allowed to hug you?” he asked.
Mary threw her arms around him. He knew from watching her carry heavy equipment that she was deceptively strong but he was still unprepared for the might of her embrace. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too,” he said with a sniffle. Mary had been a pillar of strength throughout what would have otherwise been an impossibly challenging period.
Finishing university, being orphaned, acquiring a baby, getting engaged—all within the span of a few weeks. If Sirius had been any less supported he probably would have torn all of his hair out.
“I’ve slipped my number into your boy’s bag,” Mary murmured. “I’m not supposed to but I’ve never been very good at following the rules.”
“No wonder we get along so well.”
Mary pulled back and patted his arms. “This is usually the part where I wish the parents good fortune but I don’t think you’ll need it. Your boy is pretty special.”
“He is.”
Mary gave Remus a pointed once over. “Him too.”
Sirius grinned. “He is pretty great.”
Across the room, Remus looked up at them, a benign smile on his face. “Are we ready?”
Sirius and Mary traded an amused smile.
“Let’s go,” Sirius said brightly. “Let’s bring our baby home.”
“Last but certainly not least we have the kitchen,” Remus said grandly as he entered the room with Regulus curled against his chest. He ambled over to the window. “And out there is the garden. See how big it is? Perfect for when you get older. I suspect you’ll have me throwing my back out. You’re always kicking. Sirius, do you think he’ll be a football fanatic?”
“I hope not,” Sirius said as he steadied the camera. “I bloody hate football.”
Remus sent the camera a weak smile. “Your appa doesn’t mean that, Reg. He’s just miserable because he lost at rock-paper-scissors.”
Sirius turned the camera to show his face. “Your dad is a liar. And a dirty cheat.”
“You can’t cheat at rock-paper-scissors.”
“Well, in my culture—”
“When are you going to stop using that as an excuse for everything?”
“When it stops being funny.” He winked at the camera. “So, never.”
“And here I am hoping you would say something like ‘when I grow up’. Although, I suppose that will never happen either, so I should count my blessings.”
Sirius scowled, then shot a pout towards the lens. “Are you hearing this, baby? Your dad is bullying me.”
In Remus’ arms, Regulus whimpered and wriggled slightly.
Remus raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s his way of saying ‘stop bickering’.”
“I think that’s his way of preventing any further embarrassment for his future self,” Sirius countered with a snicker. “I bet he’s watching this with his hands over his eyes.”
“Good. I’ll never forget having to watch my parents’ wedding tape.” Remus shivered in disgust.
Sirius set the camera on the spice shelf, flipped the viewfinder, then stepped back with a smile. “I suppose we’ll wrap this up here. You probably won’t need this tour but you never know.”
“I thought this was more about documenting his first day home.”
“That too,” Sirius said. “But if we decide to move, I’d like him to know where his first home was. As wonderful as it was, I’m not counting the NICU. Now, give me my baby. You’ve hogged him enough.”
Remus carefully handed Regulus over to Sirius who immediately wrapped his baby in his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
“I’ll get started on dinner, then,” Remus said as he picked up the camera and aimed it at Sirius and Regulus. “Say goodbye.”
Sirius smiled and turned to allow Remus to zoom in on Regulus’ peaceful little face.
“Welcome home, baby Regulus,” Remus said softly.
Sirius softened. “Welcome home, Reg.”
When they laid Regulus down in the bassinet beside their bed, both of them just sat and watched him.
“He’s perfect,” Sirius said quietly.
“I wonder what he’s dreaming of,” Remus murmured. “Do you think they can dream at this age?”
“They must do.” Sirius eyed the steady rise and fall of his tiny chest. “I hope he dreams of us.”
“Soon enough we’ll be able to ask him.”
Sirius sniffled. “Shh. He’s going to stay my baby forever.”
“I think he might have something to say about that.”
“Nonsense.” Sirius resisted the urge to caress his son’s cheek. “Do you think we can do this?”
Chapped lips brushed Sirius’ shoulder as Remus wrapped an arm around his waist. “We’ve done pretty well so far.”
“This is different.”
“Is it?” Remus kissed his shoulder again.
And…Sirius’ mind blanked. He supposed it both was and wasn’t. There were no machines monitoring Regulus, no guarantee that if he were to stop breathing or require attention they would sound the alarm. There were no nurses making the rounds. No doctors and midwives and volunteers and even other parents to keep an eye on their sweet boy whenever they couldn’t.
But Regulus wasn’t alone. And he never would be.
“I think it is different,” he said after a moment. “But different doesn’t necessarily mean bad.”
Sirius felt Remus’ lips smile against his skin.
They stayed wrapped in each other for an indeterminable amount of time. Sirius started counting Regulus’ breaths, the rhythm surprisingly soothing and yet his eyes refused to fall heavy.
“All-nighter?” Remus asked.
“I’ll put the coffee on.” Sirius pecked his cheek. “Keep an eye on him.”
“You don’t need to tell me that,” Remus said softly. “Do you think we’ll ever get bored of looking at him?”
Sirius only laughed.