Work Text:
[PearlescentMoon blew up]
**********
[PearlescentMoon was impaled on a stalagmite]
[GeminiTay] ???
[SolidarityGaming] L
[Skizzleman] LOL!!!!!
**********
[PearlescentMoon fell from a high place]
[Grian] PEARL
[Skizzleman] LOL!!!!!
[GeminiTay] COME HOME
“Kill me now,” Pearl grumbled, tilting her head to the sky. “But not really.”
Pearl walked under the trees, past the hill the lighthouse sat on, with no intention of climbing up it. She hadn’t decided where she was going, or what she was doing, but she wasn’t going to be seen and she wasn’t going back to the Villies. Enough was enough. She failed again. Always. She always failed. And she always tried again. And she always failed again.
[GeminiTay] pearl
[GeminiTay] come hoime
[GeminiTay] please
Pearl stopped against a tree, closing her eyes with a deep breath. She couldn’t afford to break yet. She needed to get away. She just needed to hide for a little while. Just to recover. Just to get herself back together so she could fight for her team again. Or she could die a few more times and be done with it all. She didn’t have to subject herself to this—she didn’t have to be a weapon. Sure, Pearl owed it to Gem and Grian to try, to fight, but she did try. And she failed.
[PearlescentMoon] I don’t want to anymore
Pearl was as much a burden as she was deadly.
It was time to make use of her free will. She was going to go where no one would mock her, where she could have time to think, and she was going to let Gem and Grian get on with whatever they needed to do today. Obviously if Pearl was around it wasn’t going to get done—she was too busy being stupid and selfish and out of her mind.
Pearl slapped a few of the tree trunks as she went by, focusing on the sting in her hand, the scrape of the bark. She headed toward the swamp, where maybe the vines would cradle her like a noose, or the water would hold her like a casket, or the lily pads would sink under her like a grave. Pearl could rot away in the swamp and stop fighting.
“Pearl?” Gem called from behind.
Pearl picked up her pace and called back, “I don’t wanna talk about it!”
She hadn’t expected Gem to chase her.
“Pearl!” Grian yelled.
Oh great, they were both here. They sped up when she answered, but the trees here were so thick—and Pearl couldn’t slice through the leaves fast enough. By the time she got past the trees and bushes, they were right on her heels, calling her name. They sounded so desperate, sad, and scared, and Pearl had done that to them.
“Pearl!” Gem called again. “We love you and we want you to come home now please!”
The ground squelched under their feet, louder as they ran deeper into the swamp. It was humid and suffocating. Pearl was boiling away and barely breathing.
“Home is safe.”
Pearl stopped out of pure guilt, and turned around with slumped shoulders. Gem’s silhouette moved behind the leaves of a drooping swamp tree. Gem rounded the tree, slowing as she realized Pearl had stopped running.
“I don’t—I don’t wanna talk to anybody,” Pearl said, missing Grian’s words as he followed Gem into the open, “they’re just gonna say I’m stupid.”
Gem reached Pearl first and took her hand. Grian rushed up second, standing slightly behind Gem but with all the same concern on his face. They each had tints of anger to their faces, and while Pearl recognized the anger as a protective shade, all it did was amplify the anger she felt toward herself.
Grian ducked to meet Pearl’s eyes. “Pearl, are you okay?”
“What happened?” Gem asked.
“Yeah what happened?” Grian moved closer. “What happened?”
“I’m not okay—I’m stupid, I don’t have a brain,” Pearl started.
Then Grian burst out laughing.
That was it. Pearl knew it was coming, she always knew it would. The whole server was ridiculing her for her stupidity in the chat, it was only a matter of time before her teammates couldn’t pretend she was useful anymore. It was only a matter of their patience before they couldn’t help but laugh at her too. And to do it so blatantly, right in her face, while she was actively trying to leave them be—so they had a better chance of winning! It was beyond cruel. And deserved.
“We made the roof—” Grian giggled, “we made the roof way too big.”
Gem turned toward the lighthouse first, Pearl looked second. And wow. Grian was right, it looked awful. It looked… inappropriate. That was the second time Pearl had built a towering structure with a, erm, round top in a Life Game. It truly was laughable. But the only reason Pearl smiled was because she was relieved that Grian wasn’t laughing at her.
“Oh my god Pearl, why didn’t you tell us it looked like that?” Gem asked, stepping near so their arms touched.
“I didn’t look at it,” Pearl said, laughing too.
The laughs were real, they were just out of place. A pitch too high, one note extra. Slightly fabricated. Pearl wanted to laugh, she wanted to feel normal with her team.
Gem threw her free hand up. “It looks like a mushroom!”
“It looks terrible,” Grian added, voice shrill.
Pearl was glad to have something to look at other than her teammates.
“It looks great, what d’you mean?” Pearl joked, stalling the explanation she’d have to give.
Gem jostled Pearl’s hand as she laughed. “We can’t leave it like that, oh my gosh.”
Pearl sighed. “Okay, I needed that.”
She shouldn’t have said that. It dragged Grian back to the present.
“Alright, okay, sorry—distracted. What happened?” he asked. “You clearly fell for a trap the first time.”
Clearly. And the second time. Because when wise people say ‘try try again’ apparently they don’t mean Pearl.
“I don’t wanna talk,” Pearl said quickly. “Genuinely, I don’t wanna talk, just—it’s just a lack of a brain.”
“Tell us,” Gem said, squeezing Pearl’s hand.
“We’ll leave it.” Grian nudged Gem. “We’ll leave that where it is.”
“There’s pitfalls everywhere,” Pearl mumbled.
Grian smiled sadly and patted her shoulder. “Alright…”
In an attempt to brighten the mood, Grian went on to talk about the top of the lighthouse being booby trapped. He talked Pearl and Gem into sitting on a dryer section of the swamp, under one of the swaying ropey trees, and wait for someone to attempt to enter the lighthouse. While they waited, Pearl looped her deaths over and over in her head.
Pearl should have had a water bucket ready. She should have known there’d be more than one trap. She was so caught up in her first death that she doomed herself to a second. Pearl was supposed to be one of the best—she had the highest average placement of all the players throughout the Life Series. Grian chose her because he wanted to win. All he got was disappointment and a babysitting job.
[Renthedog blew up]
Grian and Gem celebrated, and technically, so did Pearl. Her body moved like theirs, and she whooped and cheered like they did, but her mind was still on her own death messages and the cheers that came with that. From Jimmy, from Skizz. Pearl would make them pay. If she had to keep going, for Gem, for Grian, she was going to make them pay in the process.
They headed toward the pyramid to check in with the Gluten Guys, having lost a teammate and all. Gem and Grian talked about the trap that killed Ren almost the entire way. When they noticed how far behind Pear got, they waited for her. She wished they would just walk and never stop so she could sink into the mud. But they didn’t, so she dragged her feet after them.
They came to the lava pyramid, glowing, shimmering the air. Skizz was outside the front door, Impulse, Cleo, and Martyn were outside nearby. Pearl wasn’t being very attentive, and she knew that it wasn’t smart, but the exhaustion was too much. Maybe part of her just wanted to be out of her misery. But no, not yet. For Gem. For Grian.
The others talked. There were two gravestones made. One for Ren, one for the villies. Great, an awesome omen, totally not offensive and totally not damaging Pearl’s mood even more. Skizz greeted them and the mood was strange. He was oddly kind, boasting about their skills and how great of villains they were. Pearl didn’t feel so villainous. Skizz had to only be saying it for her sake. Gem and Grian deserved it. Pearl didn’t.
Skizz was saying something and Pearl was moping, looking at the grass.
[Grian blew up]
[PearlescentMoon blew up]
[GeminiTay blew up]
**********
The red feeling was hollowing. It carved out every soft emotion within her, it made every action sharp. Pearl’s sword balanced so snugly in her hand, her reflection in the blade shone, tinted with deadly colour. She had never felt so even on her feet, even though she respawned on rubble disturbed by explosions. It was good to be back.
Skizz and Jimmy were going to pay. They were going to pay in long bloody lines, sword slashes and arrow punctures. Pearl breathed in, fighting back a grin and a growl. Now that she was red, the wolf in her could come out. Running her tongue over her teeth, they pinched, sharp. Her nails were long, tough, and pointed. She had the ears of a wolf and the tail of one too. Her hunt was ahead.
Impulse saw her coming first, wary, still. Skizz saw her soon after, laughing, always laughing. Pearl summoned her bow.
“Hey! Do you guys wanna die?” she asked. “I have a real urge to kill right now.”
Impulse side-eyed Skizz.
“Look at that!” Skizz laughed. “I can taste your tears.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna do it,” Pearl said, knocking an arrow.
Cleo moved out of the line of fire, and Skizz’s eyes widened for a split second before he ran off. He hollered as he went, feigning amusement, but Pearl always caught the look in their eyes when she raised a weapon to them. Pearl kept her arrow pulled and aimed into the crowd, aimed at Martyn for a moment, then Cleo. Cleo raised a bow back and Pearl was thrilled by the prospect of a challenge.
Impulse placed a block and a rail, ready to send an explosive toward her. Pearl played with the pressure on her arrow’s knock, so if it struck she could call it an accident. But there were three of them, this was her fourth death. If she wanted to kill, she couldn’t be hasty. Not here, not yet. Pearl let the arrow fly and rushed away, relishing the feeling of running. Running red again.
This is what she was made for. This is who Pearl was. When she went red, they all went red.
But she needed to calm down. She spoke softly to herself on the way to the lighthouse, wondering if Grian and Gem were there.
“I’m having a great day,” she murmured, topping the hill to their lighthouse.
The lighthouse door was left askew. She walked in without a noise, assuring herself still. She started up the stairs, hand sliding across the wall as she went. Her claws left marks.
“Today is a lovely day.”
A small gasp came from upstairs.
“It’s okay Pearl!” Grian said.
Pearl couldn’t see them yet, but she could barely wait. They would see her red, see her purpose again, and maybe they would give her another chance. Oh, she was going to kill Jimmy. She was going to kill him slowly, and she was going to make him remember it for the rest of their lives.
“Pearl, it’s okay,” Grian repeated.
Pearl came to the ladder to the very top of the lighthouse.
“Pearl, you can kill people now!” Gem yelled.
Yes. Yes! Gem understood. Gem still wanted her. Gem recognized Pearl as exactly what she was. A weapon, a killer, useful. Pearl just had to prove herself.
“It’s okay,” Grian continued.
“Isn’t it such a lovely day?” Pearl asked, reaching the top of the ladder.
It was going to be a lovely day.
“Gorgeous, beautiful day,” Pearl whispered.
She stood, facing Grian and Gem. Grian’s brow was creased, he tilted his head at Pearl and scrutinized the grip she had on her sword. Gem grinned.
“This is a great day, Gem.”
Gem strode forward and landed both hands on Pearl’s shoulders. “You’re red Pearl!”
Grian shuffled where he stood, keeping a distance. There were a few dense seconds of silence before Gem’s expression shifted too. Her excitement turned into guilt. Pearl hated that look on Gem.
“You never should have left the base,” Gem said.
Pearl breathed in deeply, closing her eyes with an uncontrollable smile. She turned toward the open wall of the lighthouse, blown out by Ren’s death. It was a ledge, a plummet, a board begging to be dived from.
Oh dear. That’s not what she wanted. Pearl wanted to kill. She wanted to win it for the villies and she wanted to do her job. She was going to make Jimmy pay, make Gem and Grian win, and make herself useful again. There would be no diving. As much as she was over it, done with the exhaustion, the necessity of constant alertness, done flinching at every boom and brandishing of blades—she couldn’t just give up.
“Pearl, chill,” Grian said. “Chill.”
Weapons fire until they fall from the hands aiming them.
“I’m trying,” Pearl whispered.
And it didn’t sound red at all.
Gem did it first. The softness. She took Pearl’s arm, she dragged Pearl into a hug. Pearl’s sword clattered to the ground so she could hug Gem back. Grian came after that, kicking the sword another couple of feet away. He hugged both of them, and when Pearl thought that they couldn’t possibly want to stand here with her any longer, Grian tightened the hug.
“I can do it,” Pearl whispered, “I swear.”
“We know that,” Grian said, “do you know that?”
Grian pulled back, then Gem, each holding one of Pearl’s shoulders. She shrugged them off and turned toward the platform the rest of the server stood on. They were all there, waiting to see Pearl’s next move. And whatever she did, it was likely to be the last thing she did. She’d either go out killing as many as she could, or she’d fail all together. Pearl had had too many misfires. This was it.
“You can stand down on this one,” Grian said. “You can take a breather.”
One more shot.
“Yeah, Pearl, we want you more than we want revenge.”
Just one.
“I’m not done. We need a plan.”
Grian and Gem shared a brief look of disapproval, but upon looking back at Pearl, they cracked.
Grian sighed. “I think we need invis potions.”
**********
Jimmy was bridging precariously toward the lighthouse.
“Well, go invis and shoot him,” Grian said.
“I’m goin,’” Pearl said, downing the potion.
She shed her armour and a few quick motions, going entirely invisible. Grian and Gem slinked off, but Pearl stalked. Jimmy dangled in front of her like bait, how could he do that, knowing she was out there? Pearl passed uninterested mobs, wound through trees, and never took her eyes off Jimmy.
Pearl lunged out of cover under the platform and vaulted arrow after arrow at Jimmy. Each pull of her bowstring like the stretch of her lungs, every knock of an arrow like the beat of her heart. Jimmy scrambled to get off the end of his skynet. He ran down it. Pearl fired and fired. The missed arrows sprinkled back down to the ground. Pear growled, ears twitching at every thunk. Every failed hit. She leapt up the trunk of a tree, squinted, breathed, and pulled back another arrow. It missed. Pearl pulled herself up another branch.
Pearl reached back to grab an arrow from her quiver, but before she had a chance to aim, an arrow struck the centre of her chest. She caught herself from falling on the trunk behind her back. She jumped down to the next branch, though there was barely any more cover.
“No, no—no.”
Blood dribbled out of her mouth. She coughed. A second arrow struck her shoulder. She dropped her bow.
“No.”
Pearl looked up, taking an arrow between her eyes.
[PearlescentMoon was shot by SolidarityGaming]
**********
[GeminiTay joined the game]
[Grian joined the game]
Pearl lay on her side, hugging a pillow, staring at the wall of her base on Hermitcraft. She heard the buzz of her communicator, she knew the rest of the lifers would be rejoining Hermitcraft soon. Somehow, still, because she truly was stupid, she didn’t expect Grian and Gem to show up. They invited themselves into her base, then into her room. The knocked, but poked their heads in.
“Pearl?” Grian asked.
“Oh, Pearl.” Gem walked toward the bed, frowning.
Grian followed, visibly heartbroken, and Pearl knew they’d be sad for her. They were friends, good friends, Gem and Grian weren’t bad people. Of course they wouldn’t be cruel to her. Even if they were disappointed in her, they wouldn’t tell her. They were too good for her. Pearl tossed her pillow aside and stood up just as Gem looked ready to kneel by her.
“Who won?” Pearl asked, voice rough.
“Martyn won,” Gem said, looking Pearl over. “It was close.”
This time Grian initiated. He reached for her, and Pearl nearly pulled back, but she was so sluggish lately. Grian gently pulled her into a hug, one Gem joined a second later. A mimicry of the one they shared in the lighthouse before they decided to brew invisibility potions. Where Pearl had the chance to back down and didn’t.
“Are you okay?” Grian asked softly.
It was just a game. Just a game between friends.
“Yeah, course,’” Pearl said.
“Don’t lie to us.”
Pearl closed her eyes. She couldn’t admit it outloud, so she shook her head instead. Gem and Grian both hugged tighter.
“I’m sorry Pearl,” Grian sighed. “It never should have gone like that. We should have been more careful. We should have protected you.”
“No—”
“Yes,” Gem interrupted. “We were so caught up in winning, in revenge, in Jimmy that we got careless. We didn’t take care of each other very well.”
“I got myself killed. That was all me,” Pearl said.
“No, I blew you up with that chest at the start,” Grian argued. “And Jimmy just got lucky twice. He probably sold his soul to the devil or something.”
“I fell in two pit traps at the same base within ten minutes of each other.”
Gem pulled away only so she could meet Pearl’s eyes. “We had way too much pressure on you. You were trying to be helpful, you were way too stressed and way too distracted. You’re not stupid.”
“I died five times—”
“You’re not stupid,” Grian said, pulling back but holding on. “I don’t like it when you say that. You got unlucky, Jimmy got lucky, and we weren’t very good teammates.”
Pearl shook her head, backing up to sit on her bed. Grian and Gem sat on either side of her. She stared down at her hands.
“Fourth in Last Life, first in Double Life,” Pearl listed.
Grian put his hand on her back. “Pearl…”
“Fourth in Limited Life, second in Secret Life, fifth in Wild Life.” Pearl breathed out. “Fourteenth in Past Life.”
“If you were trying to prove some point that you suck, that’s the opposite of what you just did,” Gem deadpanned. “Everyone has rough days, rough games. Tango went out so early! Martyn won two games but in Wild Life he was like the third person out. Things just don’t go right sometimes.”
Pearl shrugged. “You teamed with me because I used to be good. I let you down.”
“No, no. The games are for fun,” Gem said. “Fun. We had fun. You made it fun. You’re not the only one who struggled with those fall traps by the way, Etho died in them three times. I fell in ours!”
“Gem’s right,” Grian side hugged Pearl, “we teamed with you because we wanted to. I said it was because you were good—but that was just a bonus. Pearl, we had such a good time together until I blew you up. I don’t regret it at all.”
Pearl leaned into the hug. She had been worrying and overthinking about the game since she died. She waited and waited for Past Life to end just so she could hear from Grian and Gem, get a scope of how they felt about it all. The first thing they did when they joined the server was come to Pearl. They checked on her. They couldn’t have been that disappointed if they checked on her before anything else.
“Thanks guys,” Pearl whispered.
I’m still sorry, she thought.
“We’re having a villies sleep over tonight,” Grian said. “I’ve decided. Just now.”
“I agree,” Gem said. “We’ll need snacks.”
“And movies.”
Pearl rolled her eyes. “I guess maybe I could attend.”
Again, like every season, Pearl failed to procure her teammates a win. It stung more every season, but it helped having them here. Now. Not because they had to, but because they wanted to.