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Kirito is cold.
It would be easy to blame it on the weather. After all, icy winds whip all around him. Even Kirito’s wool coat doesn’t completely shield him from the harsh, blistering winds. While the weather is undoubtedly a factor, it isn’t the sole reason for him being so cold.
No, he's been feeling cold for over a month now.
A month ago, he lost his friends. A month ago, he lost his entire guild.
He still can’t believe how fast it all happened. One moment, he had everything. Then he lost everything.
It happened in seconds.
He sees it in flashes still. Sees Ducker opening the chest, sees the room turn red and hears alarms blare, sees the monsters overwhelm his friends, sees the guild falling one by one, sees himself reaching for Sachi’s hand desperately.
He sees Keita jumping off the world’s edge an hour later.
It haunts him every night, keeping him awake. He has not gotten much sleep at all over the last month. He has been a ghost of himself.
But for the last week or so, a sliver of hope has kept him going, no matter how small it is.
A revival item.
It might not save all of them, but he can at least try to save one of them.
And he knows he is desperate. He knows this revival item will probably cause him even more pain, but he has to try.
Because what kind of person would he be if he didn’t try?
He shivers as a particular cold gust of wind brushes against his cheek. He sort of hates Kayaba for making it feel so real. Kirito never did like the cold.
Snow crunches behind him, and he immediately spins around, sword already drawn, knees slightly bent. He curses himself for getting distracted.
You idiot, he thinks.
He is not surprised that there are people behind him, since this quest isn’t exactly secret. There have been rumours surrounding it all week. Of course, there would be other people after it.
But the people that step through the treeline aren’t who he is expecting to see.
“Asuna? Klein?”
Asuna stands in front of Klein and Fuurinkazan, rapier at her hip. Her expression is not particularly easy to read, but he swears he thinks it resembles sorrow. Klein stands slightly behind her, off to the left, arms crossed over his chest.
“What are you guys doing here?” Kirito asks coolly, sheathing his sword since he knows he is not in any danger.
‘Trying to stop you from getting killed,” Klein responds, voice just as cool as Kirito’s. Maybe there is a hint of frustration in there, too.
Kirito scoffs. He knows this solo mission is reckless as hell, but he is not trying to die. If he dies, he won’t get his hands on the revival item. He needs to get that item.
“How’d you guys know I was here?” Kirito asks, not bothering to respond to Klein’s comment.
He definitely knows who sent them, but he is just confirming it.
“Argo,” Asuna answers, bringing Kirito’s eyes back to her. “She was worried.”
“You shouldn’t have come,” Kirito says coldly.
He wants to be angry. He should be angry. But he can not find it in himself to be mad at Argo. She was only worried about him, and she had a good reason to be. Kirito was very desperate during their meeting. He was not like himself at all.
“You’re chasing a fairy tale, Kirito,” Klein says gently, trying not to be harsh even though his words are like daggers to Kirito’s chest.
Kirito’s fist clenches. “Maybe.”
“Kirito, even if the item does exist, do you really believe it will work?” Asuna asks, taking a step closer. Her expression is soft, as if she is trying not to hurt him. “It’s been over a month.”
“I know that!” Kirito can't stop himself from snapping. He knows it has been a month. He has been counting every damn second of every damn day. He is well aware of how painfully long it’s been.
“Then why—”
“Because I have to try!" Kirito cuts Asuna off, his voice breaking and composure cracking. “If there is even the slightest chance that this item is real, I have to try.”
For a moment, there is nothing but silence. Kirito’s heart beats slightly faster, chest rising and falling quicker.
“Kirito,” Asuna’s voice is so impossibly gentle as she speaks, getting even closer to him. “Even if the item did exist, it’s been too long. It… it wouldn’t work for them. You know that as well as I do.”
Kirito is quiet, thinking over his answer. He is not angry at her for pointing out the obvious. He knew that too. Of course, he knew that it had been too long.
But maybe he was foolishly hoping for a miracle.
He knows he is not getting one.
“Maybe…” Kirito starts to answer, but stops, taking a breath to collect himself. “Maybe I can’t save one of them, but it might save someone else.”
He can prevent someone else from dying in front of him.
Asuna turns her head, exchanging a look with Klein. Kirito watches them, narrowing his eyes.
“Okay, well, you’re not doing it on your own. We’re coming with you,” Klein declares.
“No, you aren’t,” Kirito replies flatly.
“Too bad,” Asuna comments, crossing her arms. “We’re going with you whether you like it or not.”
Part of Kirito feels warm all over for their concern, and another part of him wants to keep them as far away as possible from this. They do not need to get involved. This does not concern them. Asuna and Klein do not need to risk their lives to help him.
“I don’t like it,” Kirito quips, causing Asuna to roll her eyes. He thinks she might be doing it fondly, though, because her lips twitch.
“I hate how stubborn you are,” Asuna murmurs, sighing softly.
“Guys, seriously, please do not come,” Kirito pleads, not even caring that he sounds close to begging. He just wants them safe.
“You aren’t doing this alone,” Klein repeats, voice firm. “There’s no point in arguing with us.”
And Kirito knows he is not going to win this argument, so he just sighs in defeat and sullenly nods his head in understanding.
“Fine.”
With that settled, Kirito turns around, but footsteps crunching in the snow not too far away stop him. He turns back around, immediately on full alert, drawing his sword as everyone else around him draws their weapons too.
Six members of the Divine Dragon Alliance emerge from the treeline.
Kirito swears under his breath.
“Looks like we have some competition,” the leader steps forward, a smirk on his lips. “I didn’t think it would be the Beater, though. You guys are pretty selfish, so why would you care about something like this?”
“Say that again and see what happens,” Asuna threatens, raising her rapier.
“We’ll take care of these guys,” Klein announces, walking forward so he’s in front of Kirito and Asuna. Klein turns to look at Kirito over his shoulder. “Go on ahead.”
Kirito frowns. “Not a chance.”
“Kirito,” Klein’s voice hardens, a seriousness that Kirito rarely hears in the man’s voice. “You came here for that item, right? Go and get it. We’ll be fine.”
“Klein—”
“Go,” Klein repeats, a hint of a smile on his lips. “We’ve got this. Have a little faith, yeah?”
“Kirito,” Asuna gently takes his arm, gesturing toward the path behind them.
Kirito grits his teeth, gaze flickering between her and Klein. He does not want to leave. He wants to stay and fight with Klein. But he sees the look in Klein’s eyes, sees the resolve, and knows he will be okay.
“Okay,” Kirito agrees. “Thank you, Klein.”
“Repay me by not dying,” Klein responds. His eyes flicker toward Asuna. “Take care of him. Take care of each other.”
“Always,” Asuna promises.
Klein manages a faint smile and then faces forward. “Go!”
Kirito and Asuna do not waste a second, sprinting off immediately. Kirito’s pulse quickens as he runs, ignoring every instinct to turn back around. Even though he has faith in Klein, he still wants to be there.
But Klein decided to fight the Divine Dragon Alliance for him, and Kirito could not ruin the chance Klein gave him.
He and Asuna reach the clearing a few moments later.
It is quiet. Kirito exchanges a look with Asuna, and the two of them move closer. They scan the area on high alert, waiting for something to appear.
They do not have to wait long, as a figure resembling an evil version of Santa appears. The facial features are all twisted, the clothing is tattered, and a large axe is in its hand.
<Nicholas The Renegade> appears above the figure.
“Evil Santa,” Kirito mutters, readying himself for the fight. “How fun.”
“You ready?” Asuna questions, catching his eye.
Kirito tightens his grip on his sword. “Always.”
And then the fight starts.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
They win.
Of course, they win. It was a long and brutal fight, but they won. Kirito has to admit the fight was a lot easier with Asuna by his side. It would have taken so much longer to win without her.
Kirito pulls up his menu and goes through his items, scrolling until he stops on the one he is looking for: The Divine Stone of Returning Soul.
He reads the description.
His heart sinks.
“This item can only be used within ten seconds of a player’s death,” Kirito reads aloud for Asuna.
He knew it. He knew it would be like this. He knew, and he still tried. He really is a fool.
“Kirito,” Asuna’s voice is hesitant, cautious.
He closes his eyes briefly. The pain suddenly feels so much greater. Because now he truly knows that there is no miracle happening tonight. There was never even a chance.
“Ten seconds,” Kirito whispers, eyes opening as he turns to Asuna. “It isn’t enough. Not for them.”
Asuna does not respond right away. She is probably being cautious with her words, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
“I’m sorry this didn’t turn out the way you wanted,” Asuna finally manages, voice soft.
Kirito shrugs, trying his best to play it off. “Well, you were right before. You knew this wasn’t going to work.”
A pained expression flashes across Asuna’s face. “I didn’t want to be right.”
“I know you didn’t,” Kirito says softly.
Kirito exhales a breath, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. It has started to snow. Sachi loved the snow.
And then everything hits at once, bringing him to his knees. He bows his head toward the ground, squeezing his eyes shut.
I’m sorry, he thinks.
He does not notice Asuna moving until her arms are wrapped around him. His breath hitches, and he hesitates. Then, throwing caution to the wind, he turns, dropping his head to rest against Asuna’s shoulder.
He does not sob. He cries, but not loudly— just soft, wounded noises. Asuna does not say anything, simply holding him.
It is enough.
He lifts his head, and before he can even wipe the remaining tears on his cheeks, Asuna does it for him, her touch tender and warm.
“Thank you,” Kirito manages.
Asuna only gives him a small, sad smile.
Kirito gets to his feet and extends his hand to Asuna, helping her up. But when he tries to release her hand, Asuna simply tightens her grip on his hand, threading their fingers together.
Kirito does not fight it.
“Let’s go,” Kirito says.
As they walk out of that clearing, Kirito knows he is not alone.
And for the first time in weeks, it feels a little easier to breathe.