Chapter Text
Entry 1
Hikigaya Hachiman is a deluded loser and utter fool. In addition to mistaking Orimoto's kindness for romantic interest and making a, quite frankly, cringeworthy confession, he has the gall to blame her for his own inability to understand social cues. The little creep actually dares to blame the one girl, who was actually kind to him, for leading him on though she did no such thing. It is honestly pathetic and disgusting.
So naturally, such a pathetic, instinct-driven, muddle-headed cretin should easily fall for my charms, right? I am, generously (to him) speaking, wholly and utterly beyond him. And yet he dares to reject me? Though the confession, arising from losing at karaoke, may have been insincere, the fact remains that Hikigaya Hachiman, the utter loser with no friends, rejected me, Himeji Nakatsu, the archery club's ace and objectively speaking, one of the most beautiful girls in the school.
That thing even called me a bitch, a whore, and numerous other unflattering names. This simply will not stand. I must have my revenge. But how? He is already being ostracised and bullied. What more can I do to him? Merely worsening his current state, aside from being shameful and unbecoming of a lady of my stature, is simply uncreative. Uninspired. Plebian. And that is unacceptable.
What can I do to utterly crush the spirit of the wretch who dares insult my feminine charms? Ah. I see. I will seduce him. I will ensnare him in the same charm he spat on. Then, when he is utterly wrapped around my finger, I will publicly spurn him. A very public break-up exposing all his darkest, most shameful secrets. Thus, I shall have my revenge.
- First entry of the 'Hikigaya Hachiman Seduction Guide'
Entry 2
The very first stage in formulating a plan is a setting a main objective. Whether it is a broad overarching goal or a specific target, an objective must be set. Like how a monarchy without a monarch is a union of ruinous fiefdoms, a plan without an objective is a pointless waste of time. My main objective is clear. Well and truly break Hikigaya Hachiman's heart.
With specific targets, you can skip the next stage of planning, but in the case of broad goals like mine, clarification on the goal must be done. Definitions and sub-objectives must be set. Elsewise, the plan will be prone to scope creep, and slowly but surely become unrecognizable from its initial form. This is not necessarily a negative, but it does make achieving the objective far more tedious and resource intensive.
What do I mean by 'well and truly'? How do I break his heart? And for that matter, is his heart not already broken? The answers in reverse order are: no, it is not; by stealing it first then smashing it, thereby completely erasing any possibility of him trusting anyone ever again; and leaving him an empty husk of human being that is borderline incapable of functioning in any social setting whatsoever.
Now comes sub-objectives. Little steps you can take towards your final destination instead of having to make one big leap. As with eating an elephant, plans with large targets must be broken up into small pieces. As mentioned, before breaking his heart, I must first steal it. That means making him mine. Next would be breaking it. More specifically breaking his trust in me and destroying his ability to trust others. This will be broken into two parts. First, I need to find out his secrets. Actual secrets. Things he keeps from everyone. Furthermore, they must be useful. Minor things like childhood crushes from elementary school days would merely be brushed aside by anyone who hears it. Therefore, they must both be things that matter to him, and things that are truly humiliating when found out by others. Finally, I will publicize them. If he had at least some close friends that he confided in. I could sow mistrust and discord by secretly leaking them, then pointing fingers at the others. Unfortunately, he is truly alone. Therefore, by process of elimination, I would be the clear perpetrator. Hence, merely publicizing them will have to suffice.
To summarize, my sub-objectives are:
1. Seduce him.
2. Become his confidant.
3. Publicly reveal his most humiliating secrets while dumping him.
While most would think that after this, you decide on the specific steps to achieve these sub-objectives, that is incorrect. Instead, now is the time to gather information. If you do research before setting your objectives, you are wasting time on a broad range of meaningless topics. If you plan out every step before doing research, you are wasting time on a doomed plan. Plans formulated with incomplete information, while plausible, will have glaring holes in retrospect. As for plans formulated without any information whatsoever? Those are called daydreams. To quote the Art of War, "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle" Therefore, I must gather information relevant to my sub-objectives before working out an initial draft.
Yes, initial draft. There is a saying that no plan survives contact with the enemy. While this is an exaggeration, it mostly holds true in real-life scenarios. Especially ones which involve people. Outside of single-player video games where you compete against a computer in a rigid environment or lab experiments where you control every factor, it is impossible to know everything. Things get even worse when you involve beings capable of autonomous movement. Animals(humans included) are not machines. Though you may predict their next actions with a high degree of accuracy, given enough runs, there will be outliers. And in my case, I am clearly dealing with one such outlier. He is an outcast because some way, somehow, he does not conform to the norm. Therefore, there is a high chance he will react differently from others when faced with the same stimuli. Which means that accounting for his responses based on the responses of others is untenable. Hence, I must find out all I can about Hikigaya Hachiman. Everything, from his family situation, to his favourite food, to his address, to what time he leaves for school, to his usual mode of transportation, his phone number, his hobbies, his goals, his height, his weight, the brand of his underwear, everything.
While I understand that the above makes me a stalker (yes, not 'sound like a stalker' but simply 'a stalker'. I am self-aware enough to acknowledge that I will be engaging in the criminal act known as stalking. While I may lie to others, I will not engage in self-deception.), there is a valid reason for knowing that. My first sub-objective is seduction. That means crafting a facade of his ideal woman. A Hachiman Nadeshiko so to speak. For that, every little thing I find out will be useful.
Family situation means the relationship to his parents (if he has any), to his siblings (if he has any), to his grandparents and assorted relatives (again, if he has any). This tells me what potential role I may need to fill in his life. If he has a lacking or strained relationship with his mother? Perhaps I may need to take on a matronly persona. If he has strong relationship with his siblings, then I may seek to emulate such siblings and therefore worm my way into his heart more easily. So on, and so forth. Conversely, if he is utterly alone in this world, I may genuinely seek to befriend him, because not even I am cruel enough to hurt an orphan so. I sincerely hope that he is not an orphan. I do not want to pity him more than I already do. It would be highly unconducive to maintaining my reputation of avenging every slight and grudge.
Favourite food will obviously be used for gifts and dates.
Address, arrival time, and usual mode of transport allow me to plan out and execute potential surprises for him at school, or even, depending on where he lives, go to school together and spend more time with him. Address can also be used as a means to estimate wealth. Or at least, the priorities of the family. If he values the opinions of his family, then knowing their priorities and appealing to them is as important as appealing to him alone. Mode of transport also opens another avenue for potential gifts and assistance.
Phone number is naturally to contact him without first tracking him down.
Hobbies are an avenue of interaction and gifts. They also affect the persona I have to take on. If he is into rougher sports such as martial arts for instance, I may approach as a more masculine and domineering person before revealing a softer side. Alternatively, it may be better to contrast such roughness with a gentle persona right from the start. In fact, the specific martial art would reveal more clues to his personality, and the woman I must project. Likewise, if he is an otaku, then I will need to find out what his primary genre is. An otaku into shonen is naturally different from one into romcoms, which is different from one into psychological thrillers. When it comes to forming a complete psychological profile, specifics matter.
Knowing his goals speaks for itself. If I style myself as a hinderance to his goals, then I will have failed from the start.
With regards to height and weight, the key point isn't so much what they are, as what he says they are. For instance, if he is 168cm but claims to be 169cm, that means he is insecure about his height, but not desperate or stupid enough to tell an obviously visible lie about it. Whereas if he were 168cm but proclaimed to be 175cm, he would be obviously extremely insecure, and frankly stupid for telling such a blatant lie. Likewise for weight.
The brand of his underwear, while sounding extreme, informs me of his priorities when shopping for clothes. Where do his priorities lie between comfort, prestige, price, and convenience? This can be used in conjunction with his family situation. Both to find out more with regards to his home situation, and to reveal more about his priorities and nature. Does he merely go along with whatever his parents or grandparents pick for him regardless of personal preference? Then he's likely lazy. Or perhaps if he is from a poor family but goes for an expensive brand, he is insecure about his wealth and trying to comfort himself about it by seeking little luxuries. Whereas, continuing on with the poverty hypothetical, if he were to wear cheap underwear but expensive outerwear, he is trying to project an image of wealth and status despite lacking the funds to properly do so.
To reiterate, every single detail of the individual known as Hikigaya Hachiman has its use in forming a complete profile. And forming as complete a profile as possible is necessary in understanding his ideal woman.
Ideally, I would be able to trawl through his Facebook page to form an initial idea. Unfortunately, he took that page down after Orimoto's rejection, and it is not discoverable on the Wayback Machine. Thus, I will have to resort to interacting with him and improvising from there. Before that though, I will first have to talk to others who know him. Unfortunately, as an ostracised loner, any information I gain from rumours will be tainted. Thus, I need to seek those that have interacted with him directly. And once more, his status as a social pariah is an obstacle, as those that have truly spoken with him are few and far between. However, if I take too long, then a follow-up meeting with him since his... rejection will seem unnatural without sufficient pre-text. Well, he did confess to Orimoto, and she did interact with him a fair amount before that, so I suppose I should speak to her tomorrow, and him the following day.
Entry 3
The conversation with Orimoto was... disappointing. She barely knew anything. It was almost as if she couldn't care to remember her conversations with him. That is honestly... sad. To think the closest human connection he had could not even be bothered to remember him. Nonetheless, my objective remains unchanged. And thus, I must venture forth into the unknown, interacting with him without any prior knowledge. This is... unfortunate.
I suppose I will have to base my actions upon our prior... meeting. Deception is out of the question. Though I never admitted to it and even insisted otherwise, he somehow figured out that I was there because of a bet. That means I will have to be direct and truthful, though obviously not fully honest.
He is also rude and offensive. Whether this is him lashing out due to pain or simply how he originally was, I do not know. And that is frustrating. That there is just so little Information about him available, that my next move has to be based on unreliable rumours and baseless assumptions. Well, Orimoto wouldn't have talked to him for the better part of a year if he were a boor through and through. So I will simply have to assume that his behaviour is a recent development. I suppose a durian would be an adequate analogy for my current impression of him. A putrid scent and shell of thorns hiding a sweet and squishy core.
An appeasing yet distant approach then. To reach the core, I must first peel away the shell. Which in this case means stopping him from pushing me away immediately. Our current relationship is antagonistic due to my... confession and possibly because of my status as a bystander to his bullying. No. Not a bystander. A participant. Considering he has been a target of false confessions before, it is likely that this was one such avenue of ostracising him. Therefore, while his words toward me were and will be uncalled for, offensive, disgraceful, vulgar, and humiliating, it is true that I was a participant in his bullying. Hence, the first step to resetting our relationship is apologising. Hah. Me. Apologising to him. How deplorable. But it must be done. As with all else in life, sacrifices must be made. In this case, it is time to sacrifice my pride.
But what is the best method of doing so? A bento perhaps? No. He'd assume it's spiked with laxatives or some other unsavory thing. Money then? No. In his tirade he screamed about how he didn't need pity. At best he'd rant at me once more, at worst he'd tear up the notes. Well, the actual worst case is that he'd accept them and use that as an excuse to utterly cut ties, thereby breaking the tenuous connection we share. It would also paint me as an extremely rich and pampered girl who thinks everything can be settled by paying people off. If he were a mere shameless gold digger, then that might work. However, I do not know enough to make that call, and if anything, my first meeting shows that he still has some semblance of pride. No physical gifts then. And no compliments. The former is tainted and demeaning in his eyes, whereas the latter would be disregarded. That means a direct apology and nothing more.
Next is how I should apologize. Perhaps a letter? No. There's too high a likelihood that he would tear it up without reading it. And even if he did read it, he might misinterpret things and worsen the situation. As seen by how he confessed to Orimoto, he does not understand the subtleties of social interaction. A letter would absolutely come off the wrong way. That leaves a verbal apology. But should I do so in public or in private? Both have their pros and cons.
A public apology would more clearly show my sincerity, but considering the difference in our social status, it would do more harm than good. Rather than damaging my reputation, it would paint a target on his back and lead to an immediate escalation in the bullying. While that might seem pleasant in the short-term, it would also be detrimental to my goal by pushing him away and making him avoid me.
The problem with a private apology is how he may view it. At best it may be seen as an attempt at saving face on my part and therefore treated insincerely. At worst, it will be regarded as insincere and ignored accordingly. On a more positive note, a private apology would leave room for multiple attempts. As long as no rumours spread, his situation will remain stable, as opposed to a public attempt which would deteriorate things.
Or perhaps I should simply leave the choice to him. Privately apologise, and if he calls me out for saving face, offer to make a public one on his terms. Yes, that does seem to be the best option. I suppose my course for tomorrow is set. Be polite, remain calm, apologise clearly, do not show pity, leave no room for misinterpretation, and most importantly, do not seek anything more at the moment.
Scene 1
A bell rang, signaling a break in the long monotony of lessons, exciting the half-asleep class.
"Alright! Settle down first!" the Teacher futilely commanded. Seeing no effect, he gave up and continued, "Remember, your finals are just a couple months away. So make sure to keep revising. Class dismissed."
With that, the students stood up, bowed and bid their teacher goodbye, then broke up into little cliques to enjoy their lunches. Or rather, most of the students did. There were two exceptions to the crowd. The first, was gloomy boy with hollow eyes and drooping ahoge. He quietly crept out of the room unbeknownst to all save the second. The second, was a girl with a modest figure, waist-length hair, and an indescribably imperious aura.
Where the boy had to slip between cracks in the lunch crowd, the girl merely walked forwards and let the crowd part around her. Noticing his pursuer, the boy sought to throw off his tail, blending with the masses as best he could, taking a circuitous route up past several turns and up and down the stairs, and keeping as low a profile as possible. But alas, the hunter's eyes were sharp, and she would not miss her prey.
Eventually, the two wound up at the rooftop, the prey having finally been cornered by the fences. Fed up with the chase, the boy frustratedly faced the door and asked in a sour tone, "What do you want Himeji?"
Ignoring his rudeness, the girl politely bowed and greeted him, "Good afternoon, Hikigaya-San. I would like to apologise for my behaviour on Monday."
"Hah! Nice joke! Did you lose another bet, princess?" the boy challenged, putting an impressive amount of vitriol into the form of address.
Nonetheless, the girl kept her cool and spoke, "On the contrary Hikigaya-San, I am here of my own volition. While I will admit that our last encounter was because I lost at a game of karaoke over the weekend, this time, I am here by my own will, solely to apologise for my behaviour and actions."
"Cut the crap. There's no way you're seriously apologising to me. While you're at it, fuck off and leave me to my lunch."
But heedless of the boy's venomous retort and dismissal, the girl calmly carried on, "As I've said Hikigaya-san, I am here of my own free will, to apologise for falsely confessing to you on Monday. I realise that it was wrong of me to do so. I understand that false confessions were one of the ways that you have been socially ostracised, and that my actions made me complicit in your bullying. Hence, I apologise. I am sorry for my actions and how it may have impacted you."
The boy's eyes widened up in shock and hint of hope, then pain and suspicion swiftly smothered it, returning his eyes to their normal state.
"Hah!" he scoffed before breaking into full-blown laughter, "Hahahaha!"
"I said cut the bullshit, damn it!" he spat out with a full glare on his face and sharp glint in his eyes, "Who sent you this time? Was it Orimoto? I know you were talking to her yesterday. Besides, if you were really sincere, then why go out of your way to corner me here?"
"Once more Hikigaya-San, I have sought you out, by my own will, to apologise," the girl calmly reiterated, "I talked with Orimoto-San to decide the best way to do so. If it would prove my sincerity, I would be willing to make an apology in front of class as well. I merely assumed you would prefer a private one as there is less chance of it further deteriorating your situation."
But despite her even tone, the boy could spot signs of her frustration, from the slight narrow of her eyes to the almost imperceptible tensing of her shoulders and minute curling of her fingers.
"Is that so?" he rhetorically asked before sarcastically continuing, "Now why would you do that, hmm? Here I thought you were supposed to be a prideful Ojou-Sama. What could possibly have made you swallow that pride and publicly apologise to this loser? Perhaps... is our jou-chan a masochist? Did that rejection awaken something in you, princess?"
Her eyes began twitching at those words, but he closed in, looked her closely in the eye, and carried on before she could interrupt, "Oh you're still here? You've already apologised, so why haven't you left? Could it really be? What would our classmates say if they knew the precious Nakatsuhime was into getting verbally abused by the school's loser?"
Having said his piece, the boy stormed past her, walking down the steps, and leaving behind a trembling girl with clenched, bleeding fists, and a yaksha-like scowl contorting her once beautiful face.
Entry 4
I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I'LL KILL HIM. I will rip him limb from limb, tie him to a post atop Mount Fuji, and slather his torso with honey such that the eagles may feast upon his liver as if he were Prometheus. Or perhaps I will nail him to a cross, impale him with a spear, and watch him bleed like Christ. No. Be practical. Tie cinderblock fetters to his legs and throw him into Tokyo Bay. If he sinks, he's not my problem, and if he floats, I get to burn him like Jeanne D'Arc. Oh wait, I know. Cannibalistic cultures in the Americas ate their dead with the belief that the dead would become one with and live on through them. Therefore, I'll chop him up and feed him to pigs such that he may live on through them as the animal he is.
Hah... Calm down... Remember. No matter how hot your heart burns, your mind must be cool. Remember your goal. Remember your objective. You have apologized. Now what? Now, I prove my sincerity and seek to reconcile. Only by directly communicating with him will I be able to find out all I need to know. Therefore, I must get on speaking terms with him. However, aggressively carrying on would be a mistake. His walls are stronger than I thought and his thorns are sharper than I expected. If I bullheadedly push through, the only one bleeding will be me. No, I need to take a step back and work towards dulling his edges. I've had a second interaction with him. What can I infer from it?
First and foremost, he is utterly infuriating and able to easily get under my skin. But I knew that from the start. While reiterating it may be mostly pointless, it does serve as a reminder to work on my poker face. He definitely saw my reactions to his words. That is unacceptable. Thankfully, I managed to control my expression until after he left. That means, while he has his suspicions, they have not been confirmed. I still have a chance. I must be cautious and work subtly.
Second but no less important, he does not trust Orimoto. Rather than anyone else, he immediately suspected her as the one to send me. He likely assumes that she is persecuting him for some reason. Obviously, it has to do with her rejection of his confession, but how does that relate to him distrusting her so badly? From what I heard, she let him down quite kindly. Ah. I see. It was meant to be private, and no one should have found out to begin with. He suspects she betrayed him and launched a campaign against him. How ridiculous. If he had actually spoken with her recently, he would have realized that she does not even recall the confession ever happening. In fact, if he had bothered looking into the rumours, he would have found out that she was not the leak. So in addition to being socially awkward and out of touch with others, he is also presumptuous and automatically assumes the absolute worst in others. Which means that his suspicions of me are unlikely to be grounded in observable fact. That is very good to know, because it shows a gap in his armor. His suspicions are based solely on his opinion, and not my actions. Therefore, the correct actions can overturn his viewpoint.
Third, and this is an inference of an inference, his threat against my reputation and social status was empty. If anything, acting on it would backfire on him. The lack of ability in finding out the source of his confession rumour heavily suggests that he is wholly detached from the school's rumour mill. This means that aside from being unable to spread rumours, he also does not hear them. While the former is beneficial, the latter is problematic. Any move I make to his benefit will have to be done in front of him for him to notice. Because if he does not notice, then it will not matter. The damage is already done, so getting people to stop the harassment will likely go unnoticed at best. At worst, it will be attributed to someone else, thereby benefitting others at my expense. To liken it to a real-life situation, Hikigaya Hachiman is Afghanistan and I am the NATO troops trying to stabilize him. Repairing his infrastructure and improving his life is pointless if he does not know I did it. If anything, insurgents may receive credit instead, which would set back my goals.
Of course, the fact that he will interpret any action in the most negative light possible, means that I cannot be too obvious. He would see such acts as blatant manipulations and unwanted pity. So I must be visible yet subtle. That means taking action at times and places where he can see me, but also when he suspects that I do not notice him. Alternatively, I could try a slow build up. Little actions like cleaning his desk every morning, then "getting caught" by him one day. Yes, that could form a chink in his perception of me, which I can utilize to work towards more blatant gestures, thereby overturning the entire thing. I will have to start by finding out his usual arrival time to school and listening in on what exactly the bullies plan on doing to him.
Aside from this, after our meeting at the rooftop, he will likely be paying more attention to me. That means I need to control my behaviour and expressions when he is around. If I behave as per normal, that will, in his eyes, confirm my insincerity. Likewise, large emotional fluctuations compared to my norm would signal ulterior motives; that I am putting on a show for him. It would also draw unwanted attention from my other peers.
Perhaps I should simply be slightly more pensive? A bit regretful. Nothing too obvious. Just slight hesitation whenever his name is brought up and occasionally speaking in his defense. No, that would be a step too far. Joining in less and being ever so slightly kinder with my public assessments of him will have to do. This should hint to him that I am slightly remorseful of my actions, but not enough to jeopardize my social standing, which would fit into his image of me. From there, I will act as if my mood is slowly deteriorating and grow slightly bolder when defending him. This would suggest that I have only recently started paying attention to what has been going on with him, and that the guilt of being complicit even once is eating away at me. From there I will move onto the occasional act of overt support.
Though I seek to avenge myself upon him with a passion and vengeance, I cannot forget that he is but a footnote in my life. Sacrificing everything to make him suffer is putting the cart before the horse. Moreover, destroying my position by associating with him too extremely would be detrimental to my ultimate goal. A public breakup would be pointless if my peers despised me as well. It would simply be a spat between 2 losers. Therefore, while associating and engaging with him, I must also maintain my status amongst my other schoolmates.
What an annoying balancing act. Even when Hikigaya Hachiman is not unjustly berating me, he still finds a way to infuriate me.
Entry 5
I may have made a mistake. These past few weeks have been... Hectic. Tiring. I must admit, it has been a stressful endeavour balancing my grades, my social life, and the plan. But nonetheless, some progress has been made.
Hikigaya Hachiman walks to school and arrives at around 8.20 a.m., where he spends the 10 minutes before homeroom cleaning his desk. The vandals themselves arrive at 8 a.m., spend a couple of minutes defacing it, then return to their seats and pretend nothing happened or leave and return at a later time. Occasionally, when no one else is in the room, I give it a quick wipe with a damp cloth. I am unable to clear everything, which leaves clear traces that someone has tried to help him slightly. Afterwards, I return the cloth to a side pocket of my bag without drying it and face that pocket towards his seat. It seems that he is observant enough to have noticed the slight dampness, though I am uncertain as to how he interprets it.
After noticing him staring at my bag, I had a chat with the vandals and got them to stop by using concern for their future wellbeing as a pretext. I merely had to mention how I was concerned that they were sacrificing their grades by wasting time picking on Hikigaya, and bring up the possibility of a teacher finding out that they were defacing school property, resulting in them getting a permanent record which would affect their prospects. Doing so furthered my reputation as someone nurturing and concerned for her peers. It also showed a more strict and studious side, which is beneficial as a pretext for my after-class stakeouts, and got them to lay off him. Now, that just leaves getting him to know that I was the one who helped him. That will require a fair bit more effort.
Surprisingly enough, the vandals were primarily girls. Few of the boys actually actively partook in his bullying, with most of them stopping at ostracising him. The ones that went further tended towards more physical acts such as intentionally bumping into him when walking by, shoving him, pulling his trousers by the waistband, and so on. Nothing severe enough to warrant a trip to the principal's office or parents getting called. In fact, a majority of the times he was bumped into, the other party seemed to genuinely not notice him — likely owing to how he minimizes his presence.
He does not shrink in on himself and stick to walls, nor does he rush out after class before anyone else. That would actually have made him stand out more. Instead, he simply remains silent, moves along with the crowd, and tries to subtly mimic the body language of others. If you weren't already paying attention to him or actively looking for him, he easily blends into the background.
Aside from this, I've also found out that he mainly buys yakisoba bread from the cafeteria and a can of MAX coffee from the vending machine near the rooftop stairwell for lunch. Said stairwell is also where he has his meals. Other places he eats are in the classroom, on a bench near the front courtyard, and according to one source with irritable bowel syndrome, in the boy's toilet on the 2nd floor. Of particular note is when he sits at the courtyard. During those times, he seems to be staring at something. While his gaze roams around, he spent approximately 3s longer staring at a specific location to his left than he did anywhere else.
Upon further investigation, I've discovered that it was Class 1-C that he was looking at for some reason. Perhaps he knows someone there? He barely interacts with any of the juniors, so I doubt he has another crush. Then again, barely isn't never. While he walks to school alone, it seems that he does not always leave alone. Once, when I left late due to staying back to complete my homework, I spotted him walking alongside a younger girl wearing our school's uniform. Has he actually gotten a girlfriend then? I will have to look into it further. After all, regardless of her relationship with him, someone who has directly interacted with him for an extended period of time without being bluntly dismissed or pushed away is a valuable source of information.
Her notable features are an ahoge, and 3 hairbands on her left bang. Based on the way she pranced and waved her arms around, she is energetic and cheerful. From this, I assume that she is likely to be sociable and therefore at least slightly well known. Unfortunately, I do not know her name, so Facebook is out of the question. Perhaps I should inquire into her identity first then? No. It would seem strange and out of character for me to bother with a junior I do not know. In the worst-case scenario, some of my more zealous followers may assume I am targeting her and begin bullying her to gain my favour. If she truly matters to him, then such a situation would be highly detrimental to say the least.
I will have to directly approach her then. Mayhap I shall style it as a form of concern for her? No, that's not quite right. If she speaks up for him, that would automatically put me at odds with her. Maybe a more neutral and ambiguous concern then? Yes, that will do. I will simply bring up his reputation as Otagaya. If she cares about him, she will speak out in his defense. From there, I will pretend as if my concern were meant for him, and use that to get closer to her and dig out more information. If she feigns ignorance, that means she's fully aware of who he is from the start and does not wish to be publicly associated with him. However, based on her behaviour towards him, they are on either positive of neutral terms. Therefore, I shall defend him, and news of my defense may reach him through her. If she actively disparages him, I can join in and further dig out how she feels before revealing it to him. The worst that can happen is that there is no change to my and Hikigaya's relationship. He already suspects that I strongly value my social position, so talking to others behind his back wouldn't change how he sees me. If anything, revealing the unsavoury thoughts of someone he's close enough to walk with after school would position me as someone on his side.
For once, Hikigaya Hachiman's reputation and presumptuousness work in my favour.
Scene 2
Though the last bell had rung and students were streaming out, the hunter sat patiently at her window-side vantage point.
"You should leave without me. I'll be staying back to complete my homework," she told the group gathered around her.
"Eh!? You're really focused on studying now, huh, Nakatsu-Chan? Why not just do it at home? Home is more comfortable anyway," another girl asked with exaggerated curiousity.
"Well, the finals are coming soon, so I want to stay on top of my grades. And it's easier for me to focus while I'm in the classroom. Seriously, head back first. I'll catch up with you tomorrow," she replied with a kind smile.
With that, the group left her to her work with cheerful goodbyes. As soon as they left, she shifts pulled out a worksheet and began to write, occasionally glancing at the front courtyard in an almost wistful manner. Eventually, she caught sight of her prey slowly walking out of the building, and her eyes sharpened before she once more suppressed her emotions. She fluidly stored her work into her backpack, then briskly yet gracefully made her exit.
Upon exiting the main building, she spotted her target already at the front gate. The hunter swiftly stalked through the crowd like serpent winding through tall grass, keeping her prey at the appropriate distance — far enough to remain unnoticed, yet close enough to be reached with a burst of speed. Soon they arrived on a relatively empty street, and she made her move.
She tapped the younger girl's shoulder, then greeted her with a slight bow, "Hello, Kouhai-Chan, do you have a moment?"
The younger girl's head snapped towards her and she jumped slightly, then exclaimed, "Ah! Himeji-Senpai!"
"Forgive me," Naktsu gracefully apologised, "You seem to know me, but I do not yet know your name."
"Ah!" the younger girl realised before continuing, "I'm sorry. My name is Hikigaya Komachi, it's nice to meet you, Himeji-Senpai. How can I help?"
"Hikigaya?" Nakatsu questioned with a tilted head, thumb and index finger raised to her lips, "Are you by any chance related to Hikigaya Hachiman?"
"Eh!?" the younger girl froze before uncomfortably continuing, "Yes Senpai, he's my elder brother. Do you know him?"
"I see," Naktsu sighed with relief, a thin smile gracing her lips. Then, she untensed her body and let her hand drop to her side before explaining, "That's good to hear. We are classmates, and I was actually a bit worried about him."
At those words, Komachi's eyes widened in shock and her jaw almost dropped, but Nakatsu carried on before she could interrupt, "To be honest, I haven't paid him any attention until recently, and only just noticed he was being bullied. From my understanding, while he has always been left out, things got a lot worse when he confessed to Orimoto-San last year. I managed to get them to stop picking on him directly, but when I saw you walking with him a few days ago, I was worried that there might be a repeat of the confession incident. It seems that my fears were unfounded. I apologise for wasting your time, Komachi-Chan," she finished with a bow.
"No!" Komachi shouted and move to stop Nakatsu from bowing, then gave a deep bow in turn, "You have nothing to apologise for Himeji-San! Thank you very much for looking after my brother! I've been worried about him for years, so it's great to know that he finally has a friend."
"A friend you say?" Naktsu questions with a complex look on her face, "I'm afraid he does not view me that way. But I am sure you wish to get home, and I shan't hold you any longer. Perhaps we could exchange numbers and continue this conversation later? And please, call me Nakatsu."
Entry 6
Jackpot. I have hit the jackpot. This is wonderful, simply wonderful. I have finally taken a major step towards my goal. The girl walking home with Hikigaya Hachiman was his younger sister, Hikigaya Komachi, and the two share a close relationship. That was such a wonderful surprise that I could barely withhold an unsightly grin. After our little chat, I arranged for a meeting at a cafe near the school over the weekend, and our conversation there went stupendously well. My cute little kouhai has even taken to calling me Onee-Sama. Ah, what a beautiful form of address — signifying respect, admiration, and endearment in just one honorific.
Hikigaya Komachi has pledged her full support to improving my relationship with her brother. I have gained a very powerful weapon against him while solving my current greatest challenge. Any information I pass to Komachi will inevitably leak to Hikigaya Hachiman. To carry on with the Afghanistan analogy, she is the ultimate propaganda machine that will ensure my deeds reach his ears without fail. I no longer have to dance within his gaze, and can even make my moves out of sight. Admittedly, I do still need to mind my reputation. If I openly offer unreserved support, my peers will question me and likely assume that I have genuinely fallen for him, which would severely shake my social standing. Nevertheless, having secured a route to his ears that will actively prevent him from negatively interpreting my assistance is a truly wonderous boon.
Furthermore, thanks to her close relationship, she knows a lot about him. And the information she has shared is very useful.
They come from a middle-class family with both parents working late and leaving early, resulting in a close relationship between the two as at home, they only have each other for company. Both parents are relatively neglectful towards him and show favouritsm to her. Though she feels some guilt about this, her elder sibling has repeatedly told her that he does not mind. That he understands and empathises with them. Furthermore, up until last year, a majority of the household chores were done by him. I will require a much closer relationship with Hikigaya Hachiman in order to understand how his early formative years have truly shaped him, but I suspect he is concealing part of the truth in his response to Komachi, and I suspect that she knows it too.
Digressing for a moment, the reason the Hikigaya siblings do not come to school together is a simple one. Hikigaya Hachiman does not want to be associated with Hikigaya Komachi. But more than just staying away, there are little things he does such as coming to school slightly before her, such that it seems as if she is chasing after him. He also does not show her any overt attention and avoids any interaction with her. If I were not paying close attention to him, if I had not gotten lucky, I may not have discovered Komachi's existence. In fact, not many people in our grade know that he has a sibling, meaning that even before the Orimoto incident, he did not talk about her. It is almost as if he were denying her existence. Or at least, that is how he would want it perceived. How interesting. How very interesting.
He recognises that his reputation is toxic, and that associating with him would harm hers. By avoiding her, he subtly shifts the narrative towards a lack of concern and possibly even resentment towards her. Therefore, combined with the present bias of the student body, any reveal of their status as siblings would raise her up as someone kind and patient whereas he'd merely be further put down as distant and callous. After all, he is already a pariah, so being hated even more would not change a thing. Thus he considers it better to suffer slightly more to give his sister an advantage. If their relationship is unkown, Hikigaya Komachi gets to flourish on her own merits. If their relationship is discovered, Hikigaya Komachi is pitied and sympathised with for having to put up with her terrible older brother. It is a simple yet effective ploy. Hikigaya Hachiman may be more intelligent than I gave him credit for.
All this paints a picture of someone highly concerned and protective over their sibling. That being said however, the sacrifices he has made go far beyond the norm of regular sibling relationships. It is almost as if they are closer to parent and child. It is also strange that he does not feel any resentment for doing so. That means he is either deluding himself into believing he genuinely does not resent Komachi — going the distance to really sell the act to himself, or he believes that it is only right — that being Hikigaya Hachiman is suffering. In other words, a persecution complex.
If the latter holds true, I will be seeing some results very soon. After all, during our chat at the cafe, I informed Komachi-Chan the truth of how rumours of her brother's confession really spread. If he truly has a persecution complex, then Orimoto's 'betrayal' of his trust would be a fundamental part of it. It would not be the start, and it is certainly not the sole factor, but it is a major part in his inability to trust others. So overturning it and, just as importantly, being known as the person to overturn it will widen the gap in his armor. If the latter is false and he does not have such an issue, then at least I will have corrected a misunderstanding on his part, and in doing so seem more trustworthy.
On a lighter note, she has mentioned that he is an otaku primarily into shonen and seinen, with a slight leaning towards darker stories such as Death Note. For the most part however, he consumes whatever Light Novel, Manga, and Anime he can get. However, he has recently cut down on such hobbies to focus on his studies as he plans to enter Sobu High School. It is highly disappointing on my part that I had not predicted this. According to Komachi, he expects that due to the high entrance difficulty, he will be the only one from this school to make it in. Honestly, I should have expected that Hikigaya Hachiman would want a fresh start with none of the baggage from middle school following him.
In the following months, I will have to put my plans on hold and prioritise my studies instead. It is clear from my current progress that I will not be able to achieve my objective before graduation. His guard is too high, he is too suspicious, and most likely, the backlash from the 'Is it me?', 'Otagaya', and Orimoto incidents will prevent him from making any advances. He has been bitten thrice over in this school. I doubt he is foolish enough to risk a fourth time. Therefore, a change in environment should help with making him more open, and thus more vulnerable. While this also brings up the challenge of having to recreate my network, there is a nice benefit for finishing things in Sobu instead: in addition to breaking his heart, I get to crush his dreams as well.
Truly, Hikigaya Komachi is the gift that keeps on giving.
Entry 7
It seems my suspicions were correct, and my cute kouhai played her part perfectly. Hidden neatly under my desk this morning, was a short letter by Hikigaya Hachiman.
It simply read:
Meet me at the rooftop after class tomorow. And leave Komachi the fuck out of this.
Well, it wasn't signed by him, so it is entirely possibly that someone else wrote it. But somehow, I doubt so. And thus, after all my effort setting the groundwork over the course of a month, Hikigaya Hachiman finally reaches out to me first. So before our third meeting, it is time to review what I know.
1. Hikigaya Hachiman is perceptive and extremely suspicious of me. Twice over he has done his best to tear away my facade and almost succeeded. There cannot be a third time. I must bear through his every barb with stoicism and grace. Furthermore, due to his distrust, cold logic and self-interest will function much better at convincing him than any emotional appeals.
2. Hikigaya Hachiman has a persecution complex. He thinks the whole world is against him, and expects to suffer. This combined with my previous two conversations is what made him so paranoid around me. He will second guess my every word. He will assume the worst of my every action. He will twist my results to suit his worldview. Resolving his issues with bullying? A form of pity and a method of enhancing my reputation. Talking to Komachi? Using her to threaten him. The former may work in my favour, but the latter must be corrected no matter what, or else our relationship will only deteriorate further.
3. Hikigaya Hachiman deeply loves Komachi. He would offer everything for her. There is no cost too great, no burden too heavy. He will bear everything for her sake. This is potentially dangerous. If he gets it into his head that I am a genuine threat to her safety and wellbeing, he may turn violent. Perhaps I should have Komachi oversee the meeting then? No. That would destroy any possibility of him trusting me. While that is part of my plan, it is far too soon to do so. I will settle for a concealable weapon. Perhaps a switchblade up my sleeve.
4. Hikigaya Hachiman will demand utmost honesty. Both times we met, he immediately called my sincerity into account. If I decide to lie, it must be done flawlessly. Beyond having no conscious tells, I must genuinely believe my words. Method acting, in other words.
5. Hikigaya Hachiman wishes to leave his past behind. He wants no ties to this school whatsoever. Regardless of what I've done so far, the damage has already been dealt, and he will see me as a reminder of his past. If we are to progress further, I must break that association somehow. I need to make a clean break from my current image. A double-layered mask then. Willingly break the facade of a popular girl beloved by most and reveal to him something else. Someone tired, someone hurt. No fake backstories. No sob stories. Simply peel away the outermost shell and reveal another layer. Perhaps attempt to present myself as a loner of sorts. Yes, not the conventional kind shunned by all, but simply a lonely person in a crowded world.
6. He is an otaku. Perhaps I should play towards a heroine archtype? No. That would obviously be fake to him. If anything, it is better to avoid such archtypes entirely. That said, joining in on his hobby would be a useful card to play after our relationship improves.
As Liu Bang overturned countless defeats with a single victory, I shall achieve the same.
Scene 3
It was an idyllic day with a moderately cloudy sky, a cool gentle breeze, and the warm sun beginning its slow descent into evening. The birds were chirping, traffic was flowing smoothly, and students were joyfully embracing their freedom. All in all, it was a good day. Unless of course, your name happened to be Hikigaya Hachiman.
Despite having spent the past couple minutes pleasantly basking in the sun's rays and enjoying the wind, our not-so-friendly neighbourhood loner had a truly frightening scowl carved onto his face. He was even practicing his menacing growl.
Soon, the door to the rooftop opened, and out walked a fair maiden with waist length ebony hair freely flowing with the wind. Despite her modest bust and hips, her surprisingly toned musculature wonderfully accentuated them, combining to create a striking figure that practically emanated youthful vitality. She hummed a joyful tune as she approached the dour young man and greeted him with a slight bow and a gentle smile, "Good afternoon, Hikigaya-San. You wished to see me?"
But the young man's mood did not improve. If anything, his scowl grew fiercer and he lashed out, "DON'T FUCK WITH ME! What the fuck do you want Himeji?"
Startled by his sudden roar, the young woman took a step back before calmly responding, "Hikigaya-San, you were the one that called me here."
Unfortunately, her calm only stoked the flames of his rage and he hissed out, "Stop playing games, Himeji. You were the one who approached Komachi first."
Still unperturbed, she merely blinked twice before explaining, "I was concerned, Hikigaya-San."
"Ah, yes," Hikigaya cut in with another glare, "because you'd care so much about someone you've never met before."
"If you would let me finish?" she calmly asked and paused for him to reply.
At his lack of response, she continued, "As I was saying, Hikigaya-San, I was concerned about you. The last three times you expressed interest in a girl, things only got worse for you. So when I coincidentally saw you walking with one, I was worried. It was very relieving to find out she was your sister."
"Oh sure, because you care so much about me that you tried to lie to my face. Twice," he snarked before grinding out, "What. Are. Your. Plans. For. Komachi?"
At his question, the smile faded from her face, she took in a deep, sorrowful breath, and countered, "I see. Komachi-Chan did mention you were something of a sis-con. Hikigaya-San. Let's say for a moment, that I am truly this evil witch out to use and abuse you. What purpose would harming Komachi-Chan serve? What benefit would it bring me? All harming her would achieve is driving you even further away, and inviting more of your anger upon me."
"Is it truly so hard to believe that I genuinely want to help you?" she pleaded with teary eyes, "Is it truly so hard to believe that I am genuinely sorry for my actions?"
"Sure!" she scoffed, "Let's say that I am doing this wholly out of self-interest. That I purely, selfishly wish to assauge my guilt and heal my aching conscience. That I don't care about you in the slightest and that I just want to feel better about myself."
"Would that help? Hmm, Hikigaya?" she finished, eyes red, tears and snot gently trickling down her face, lips quivering, and nails digging into her palms.
"You know what?" He asked rhetorically, having calmed down, "It really does."
Having relaxed slightly, the boy changed the subject, "Komachi said you told her Orimoto wasn't responsible for the school learning about my confession. What makes you so sure?"
After taking a few moments to compose herself and clean up with a handkerchief, Himeji replied, "Hikigaya-San, Orimoto-San barely remembers you. When I talked to her that day, she genuinely thought that you may have been mute. She does not recall your confession in the slightest. I traced the rumours to their source, and it was Nakamachi-San that informed everyone. She was looking for Orimoto-San and arrived just in time to overhear your confession."
The boy's eyes widened in shock, he took a step back, then collapsed to his knees and laughed in self-mockery, "Hahahaha! All this time! Hahahaha! She never knew and never cared. And it was just bad luck. It was just bad luck! Hahahaha!"
The girl closed in, crouched down, and placed a hand on his shoulder, then spoke with gentle eyes, "Not everyone is out to get you, you know?"
Suddenly, the boy slapped her hand away and snapped at her, "And what the hell would you know, huh!? Little miss popular, always surrounded by friends, living her wonderful riajuu life."
At those words, the girl's composure finally broke, "Pfhuuhuk!" a hysterical noise between laughing and crying forced its way out of her lungs. Then she slapped him, stunning them both.
Finally, she broke the silence, "Do you really think, Hikigaya, that I don't realise? That I don't know that they aren't my friends? That they're using me just as I'm using them?"
"Is it really so hard to believe? That I just want to help you for the sake of it? Or that I simply want to make a real friend?" she asked.
After a few moments, he once again pushed her away, "Just go away. I don't need your damn pity."
At those words, Himeji Nakatsu stood, and left.
As the door slammed shut, a quiet whisper left Hikigaya Hachiman's lips, "I don't deserve it."
Entry 8
On the way home, I could barely contain my joy. Now that I am home, I can no longer contain it. I am laughing and smiling as I write this. In chess terms, I have taken his queen and placed him in check. In mythological terms, I have polished the dragon's reverse scale, used it as a mirror to apply my make up, then made funny faces at it, and got away scot-free.
Oh such joy I feel. Though he managed to reject me once more, this time was oh so very different. I heard his last words. 'I don't deserve it' he said. As the saying goes, third time's the charm! And what a charm it was!
With the levity dying down, my mental clarity returns, and I can say with certainty that victory is still out of grasp. Hikigaya Hachiman will recover. He is most certainly still suspicious. I have allayed the worst of them, and he will no longer be openly hostile. But he absolutely still suspects me. He will run that meeting through his head time and time again, desperately seeking cracks in my facade. Frantically searching for evidence that I was somehow lying to him. Because he does not believe that good things can simply happen to him. He does not believe that anyone other than his sister will unconditionally support him.
And he will fail. He will fail completely and utterly. For in that moment, I was that girl. Not a 'nice' one like he expected, but a twisted one desperately seeking true companionship in a lonely yet crowded world. A vulnerable girl with her own walls, trying to stop feeling so alone despite the people surrounding her. For that one moment, we were so similar yet so different.
But for now, I have no choice but to give him room to breathe. As I've repeatedly mentioned, the bullying has left its mark. While I have shattered his illusions about what happened with Orimoto, the fact remains, that the discovery of that confession led to the worst campaign yet — even more so than the other two incidents. But those two incidents left their mark as well, and there were no misunderstandings about them. Even if there were, I would like to once more reiterate that the damage has been done. Healing will take time and separation from the environment. Therefore, despite the ludicrous amount of progress I have just made, it is only after entering Sobu that I can achieve my objectives. Which means that rather than pressing the advantage, I will have to knuckle down and focus solely on my studies for the next two months.
Ah. This is actually perfect then. Pained by his third rejection, yet too tired to keep the facade up any longer, I have desperately thrown myself into my studies to forget about him. Considering the lack of peers following us to Sobu, my social status in this school matters far less, therefore I can abandon it. Besides, my reputation amongst them has already shifted into someone that is dedicated to her studies. On a surface level, it is perfectly in character for me to reduce social activities.
As for when Komachi-Chan inevitably questions me about our conversation, I need merely sadly inform her that her brother wishes to be alone, and point her in his direction if she wishes for more information. This would further reinforce his view that I am closing myself off because of him, and hopefully stimulate some guilt. It should also make me a bit more trustworthy in his eyes, as I kept our conversation private. That said, if he does seek me out, I will have to rebuff him. That means ignoring any letters, and if I were directly asked, a curt 'Did you not wish to be left alone? Have a nice day, Hikigaya-San,' will do. It also means rejecting any meeting requests from Komachi-Chan due to the possibility that she may use it to make me meet with her brother. In her case, simply bringing up a need to study will suffice.
The preperations have finally been completed. Come high school, I will be ready to advance.