Chapter Text
On a bright, peaceful Sunday afternoon in the new normal that had come to mean the entire world to Shen Wenlang, the Alpha first noticed that something wasn’t quite right.
“Daddy? Can you play Legos with me?”
Gao-Shen Lele stood in front of the couch with a hopeful smile on his face, looking up at his beloved Omega father who was stretched out on the sofa and seemed halfway to falling asleep.
In response, Gao Tu sighed softly, turning to his five-year-old son with a gentle smile and reaching out to ruffle his dark hair.
“I’m sorry, baobao. I’d love to play with you, but I’m a little tired right now.”
His voice was as warm and affectionate as always, but he also sounded exhausted, and Shen Wenlang glanced up from the reports he’d been studying, a worried frown creasing his forehead when he noticed that his Omega was looking a little pale.
Clearly, Lele had noticed, too, because even though their son’s shoulders slumped a bit in disappointment, he still reached out a tiny hand and very carefully patted his Omega father’s cheek.
“It’s alright, Daddy. Naps are very good for you,” he assured him, clearly repeating what had been told to him so many times as a toddler and looking far too wise for his young age.
Frankly, if their kind, patient, and loving little boy hadn’t been born as a miniature version of his Alpha father, Shen Wenlang would have seriously questioned his paternity of the gentle soul he was beyond fortunate to call his son.
What he would never question, however, was the conviction in his mind that Lele should never feel sad.
“I’ll come play with you, Xiao Lele,” he promised, putting his tablet away and feeling a little pang at Lele’s hopeful yet surprised look.
“It’s okay if you need to work, Baba. I can wait,” he said earnestly, his eyes lighting up with joy when Shen Wenlang shook his head and got up with a gentle smile.
“Go ahead. I’ll join you in a minute,” he encouraged, his smile widening when Lele hurried forward and threw his arms around his legs in a tight hug.
“Can we build a castle, Baba? With real dragons?”
“I don’t know about those dragons, baobao, they might come and try to eat you and then your Daddy will be rather cross with me. But we’re going to build the most majestic castle ever,” Shen Wenlang promised dutifully, winking at his mate when Gao Tu huffed out a soft laugh and Lele gasped in excitement.
“They’re not going to eat me, Baba! I know you’ll protect me!” he said with conviction, and Shen Wenlang’s breath hitched, a part of him still not sure what he’d done to earn such unconditional love and forgiveness after they’d spent so many years apart but another part of him vowing to prove himself worthy of his little son’s trust every single day.
“Go on, then. I’ll be right with you,” he said gently, watching him hop to his room in excitement with a fond smile and only turning to Gao Tu when he was sure their son could no longer hear them.
“Are you alright, lao gong?” he asked, concern bleeding into his voice when he took a closer look at Gao Tu and noticed that there were also dark bruises under his eyes.
“I’m fine, A’Lang,” Gao Tu replied soothingly, his lips twitching in fond amusement just like they always did when Shen Wenlang addressed him in such optimistically affectionate terms.
Granted, they weren’t technically husbands, yet, as Shen Wenlang had already staged seven rather grand proposals and Gao Tu had gently but firmly declined every time, but to the Alpha it was pretty much a done deal.
After all, Gao Tu had never outright told him no.
Instead, he’d always given him a soft kiss, caressed his cheeks, and whispered not yet, and though his patience was not known for being stellar, Shen Wenlang could definitely work with a not yet as long as it was delivered with a gentle touch and look of undeniable love.
As far as Gao Tu’s health and general well-being was concerned, however, the Alpha was finding himself rather less patient indeed.
“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re quite pale, baobei,” he said worriedly, sitting down on the edge of the sofa and reaching out to cradle Gao Tu’s cheek both to offer comfort and to check for a fever.
“I’m fine. Perhaps I just didn’t sleep well last night,” Gao Tu replied, placing his hand on Shen Wenlang’s thigh and giving the Alpha a gentle squeeze.
“Don’t let Lele wait on account of worrying about me, A’Lang. I’ll be as good as new after a little nap,” he said with conviction, and Shen Wenlang frowned, feeling a strange pull in his chest at the thought of leaving his Omega alone but also conscious of the fact that he’d made a promise to Lele that he fully intended to keep.
“Are you certain?”
“Quite certain. Go ahead. A castle of majestic proportions is not going to build itself,” his Omega said kindly, and it was the teasing note in his voice that finally convinced Shen Wenlang that Gao Tu’s health wasn’t as dire as he’d first assumed.
“Call for me the moment you feel worse,” he said nevertheless, getting up a little reluctantly and reaching for the soft blanket at the end of the couch so he could drape it over Gao Tu.
The Omega chuckled tiredly, but he didn’t seem to have any complaints, and Shen Wenlang had to fight the urge to puff out his chest at having provided for his precious mate.
Going by the amused expression in Gao Tu’s eyes, his Omega was quite aware of the Alpha’s heroic attempts to hide his posturing, and Shen Wenlang could feel his ears redden as he leaned down to steal a little kiss.
Some days, he truly didn’t know what he’d done to deserve all of this.
Every day, however, he knew that he’d never allow anyone or anything to take his world from him ever again.
==============
“Did you not sleep well, Secretary Gao? You’re looking a bit tired.”
Shen Wenlang stopped in his tracks on his way to his office, turning around to glare at whoever had dared to address his mate in such an informal way.
However, his expression softened when he recognized the ‘culprit’ as the new Omega secretary Li Yeong, who’d just started at HS six months ago and had immediately been taken under Gao Tu’s wing.
His Omega had denied Shen Wenlang’s gentle teasing on the subject, of course, but with Gao Qing having moved abroad to study now that she finally had the financial support to do so, the Alpha strongly suspected that Gao Tu had taken on a big brother role for the young woman to fill a void he had yet to acknowledge.
Having moved to Jiang Hu without any family, Li Yeong had gratefully accepted the older Omega’s guidance, and though his feathers were still a bit ruffled that she’d approached his mate so openly, he was also quite pleased to learn that his entire secretarial department had, apparently, joined him on his quest to ensure Gao Tu’s eternal well-being and happiness.
On an unhappier note, he was decidedly less pleased about the tired expression on his beloved’s face, who did, indeed, look far too pale for Shen Wenlang’s liking, even though the Alpha knew for sure that his Omega had gotten more than eight hours of sleep the night before.
Frowning, he turned around and continued towards his office, already pulling out his phone and searching through his contact list with a rather specific purpose in mind.
Five minutes later, he sat down at his desk with a contented smile, trusting that the highly recommended and expert-tested mattress he’d just ordered would be delivered by the end of the afternoon and spare his beloved mate from any future discomfort during the night.
In the meantime, he’d just make sure to clear Gao Tu’s schedule until further notice – and perhaps add a rather more relaxing appointment than the stock market meeting that was on the agenda for the afternoon.
His smile widening, Shen Wenlang picked up his phone again.
“Hello? This is President Shen Wenlang from HS Group. Whom might I speak to if I wished to book your entire spa for this afternoon?”
==============
Gao Tu politely enquired as to whether Shen Welang was truly certain that Hua Yong was the lunatic in their friendship, but he did enjoy his afternoon of massages and treatments at the spa.
He also gave him a perplexed look when he sat down on their bed, but his frown soon smoothed out when Shen Wenlang draped his body over his beautiful Omega’s and gently encouraged him to christen the new mattress in style.
Afterwards, Shen Wenlang slept like a baby in the arms of his beloved mate.
Gao Tu, unfortunately, looked even more tired the next day.
==============
By the end of the week, Shen Wenlang’s state of mind had moved on from gentle concern to anxious worry, because something was clearly wrong with Gao Tu.
He’d observed him closely, carefully noting each little wince and each little frown, and to his great dismay he’d not only found his Omega to be visibly more tired and pale than usual but also suffering from frequent headaches that he couldn’t quite manage to hide.
He’d asked him, of course, but Gao Tu’s answers remained the same.
“I’m fine, A’Lang.”
“There’s nothing wrong, why do you ask?”
“I’ve always been a light sleeper.”
“How could I possibly be stressed at work when you’ve barely assigned me any tasks all week?”
“Shen Wenlang! Do you seriously think that suing the mattress company for false advertising would be fair?”
His Omega had frowned at him when he’d caught him looking for the mattress receipt on Sunday morning, and Shen Wenlang had instantly dropped his tablet when the Omega had started massaging his temples with a pained little grimace as though the Alpha himself was the cause for his headache.
The thing was, he wanted to trust Gao Tu’s assessment of his own health, wanted to believe that his beloved was truly fine and that nothing serious or possibly even devastating was once again happening right under his nose.
Perhaps, the Omega truly did believe that he was fine.
However, given that he’d also once believed that slowly killing himself by abusing suppressants and inhibitors was a sensible course of action, Shen Wenlang felt his concerns were quite justified.
At the same time, he didn’t want to push him, all too painfully aware that any mention of distrust between them was a wound that neither of them had managed to heal quite yet.
Still.
Shen Wenlang was getting extremely worried, and he desperately needed to vent his concerns to a sympathetic ear.
“Wenlang. Should I get you a watch for your next birthday, perhaps?”
Well.
Perhaps, the ear he’d chosen wasn’t quite as sympathetic as he’d hoped, but since the Alpha currently didn’t have any other trusted ears available, he had to work with what he had.
“That depends. Should I make a sign that says ‘Wenlang doesn’t call lunatics at midnight for fun?’ for your next birthday?”
On the other end of the line, Hua Yong sighed dramatically, but since he didn’t immediately hang up the phone, Shen Wenlang decided to count it as a win.
“A’Yong. I know it’s late and I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m genuinely worried. It’s about Gao Tu. He’s clearly sick, but he won’t tell me what’s going on!”
Somehow, saying it out loud made the maddening fear inside Shen Wenlang’s chest even worse, and he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself, pacing up and down his study as he waited for his friend to reply.
For a long time, Hua Yong didn’t say anything.
When he did speak, he sounded both annoyed and somewhat pitying.
“Really now? I was under the impression that Secretary Gao’s days of hiding his health struggles were behind him. Wenlang, please don’t tell me you’ve been complaining about his scent again.”
“Excuse me? Of course not!” Shen Wenlang barked, his stomach twisting with guilt at the reminder of far too many insults he’d thrown at the man he loved while trapped in a jealous rage.
In response, the Enigma only sighed, somehow managing to convey annoyance and suspicion at the same time.
“I’d certainly hope so. Besides, it would be tremendously stupid of you to do so, given that you’ve been marking him so thoroughly that Secretary Gao seems to smell more like iris than sage these days.”
Shen Wenlang exhaled softly, a brief flash of warmth surging through his chest at the idea of Gao Tu smelling like them both.
Then, his gaze landed on a bottle of pain-relievers that Gao Tu had left on his desk when he’d come to get him for dinner earlier, and the smile dropped off his face in an instant.
As though he’d sensed his mood change, Hua Yong cleared his throat.
“What seems to be the matter, then? Have you been noticing any symptoms in particular?”
“It all started with him being tired a lot,” the Alpha replied, picking up the pill bottle and feeling his gut clench when he peered inside and realized that it was already half-empty.
“He’s been very pale, too, and these past couple of days he’s also been having lots of headaches, and he’s barely eaten anything. He’s been trying to hide how bad he’s feeling, but even Lele has noticed that something’s wrong.”
“I’m not surprised. Your spawn is surprisingly bright despite his parentage.”
Hua Yong hummed contemplatively, and Shen Wenlang decided to ignore the not-so-thinly veiled insult as he waited for his friend’s verdict.
When Hua Yong spoke again, however, he was not prepared for the steely anger he could hear in the Enigma’s voice.
“Well. Sudden exhaustion, paleness, headaches, and a lack of appetite in an Omega who’s regularly enjoying the affections of a lovesick and utterly idiotic Alpha seem to yield one reasonable conclusion in particular.”
He huffed, his voice sounding even sharper when he continued.
“I must be wrong, though. After all the two of you have been through, you surely would have used protection to prevent this outcome unless it was something that both of you were actively working towards – in which case you certainly wouldn’t be calling me at midnight, because you’d already be quite aware what his symptoms could mean.”
“I ... what? I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Shen Wenlang protested, even as the word protection tugged at his brain and made his stomach feel cold.
Hua Yong scoffed.
“Of course you don’t. After all, getting poor Secretary Gao pregnant on accident seems to be your very own special patented brand of idiocy!”
Shen Wenlang’s brain short-circuited.
“... pregnant?” he wheezed at last, and Hua Yong growled, followed by soft murmuring in the background that the small part of Shen Wenlang’s brain that wasn’t currently panicking recognized as Sheng Shaoyou.
“Yes. Pregnant. Yes, I know, it’s ridiculous. They’ve barely even recovered from the last time Wenlang lost control over his knot and now he’s apparently gone and done it again. You’d think he’d be aware that unexpected pregnancies might possibly be a triggering topic for Secretary Gao, but clearly that was too much to ask!”
It was obvious that Hua Yong was no longer talking to him, but Shen Wenlang still felt every single one of his words like a punch to the gut.
Pregnant.
His Gao Tu was pregnant?
In a different life, Shen Wenlang would have been overjoyed by such news, his heart swelling with love for his beautiful mate who was willing to go through so much to add even more happiness to their family and his chest feeling warm at the thought of another precious little one looking up at him and affectionately calling him “Baba.”
In a different life, Shen Wenlang would have stayed right by Gao Tu’s side while he’d carried Lele.
He would have gone to every appointment, rubbed his back through the worst bouts of nausea, held him through every mood swing big or small, and reassured him every day just how much he was loved.
In a different life, Shen Wenlang wouldn’t have traumatized the man he loved above all else.
The reality of his own making that he was forced to live in, however, was just as Hua Yong had said.
He’d hurt Gao Tu.
He’d hurt Gao Tu and now he’d gone and ripped open a barely healed wound by repeating his mistake.
“Wenlang? Wenlang!”
Hua Yong was clearly pissed, but he actually sounded a bit concerned now, and Shen Wenlang realized that he was still wheezing, his entire body shuddering as he forced himself to take a couple of slow, even breaths.
“Wenlang. Stop panicking about things you can’t change and start figuring out how respond better than you did last time. Then again, the bar is astronomically low, so if Secretary Gao hasn’t left the country by tomorrow evening, you should count it as a win.”
“Hua Yong! Stop terrifying him!”
There was the sound of rustling, and then Sheng Shaoyou came on the line, his tone a little bit judgmental but decidedly more sympathetic than that of the lunatic Shen Wenlang had the misfortune to call best friend.
“Don’t listen to him. Gao Tu loves Xiao Lele with all his heart and I’m sure the thought of another little one will fill him with just as much joy. As long as you can prove to him that you will stay by his side and support him in every way that he needs, I’m certain that the news won’t be quite as shocking to him as you might think.”
“I ...”
There were a million things running through Shen Wenlang’s mind and another million things he didn’t know how to put into words.
Luckily, Sheng Shaoyou didn’t seem to mind.
“The two of you will be alright,” he said firmly, and though Shen Wenlang didn’t quite share the other S-Tier Alpha’s sentiment, he had to admit that it felt good to hear the words uttered with such conviction.
“Oh, and Wenlang? Congratulations.”
The call ended, and Shen Wenlang was left standing in his darkened office, the half-empty pill bottle still clutched in his hand and his heart thumping wildly as Sheng Shaoyou’s parting words rang in his ears.
Congratulations.
Congratulations because this was a good thing.
No.
Not just a good thing.
It was a great thing.
A miracle.
A gift that Shen Wenlang had never allowed himself to wish for and that he wasn’t quite sure he deserved.
You might not be deserving now, but it’s up to you to change that, isn’t it?
His friends were right, of course.
He needed to prove himself to Gao Tu and show him that he was going to support him no matter what.
For a moment, he stood there in frozen silence, his chest once again tightening with panic as he realized that he didn’t even have the faintest clue where to start.
Then, he noticed a toy that Lele had left in his study earlier – and suddenly Shen Wenlang knew exactly what to do.
==============
“Stupid, fucking – ugh! So annoying!”
The Alpha growled in frustration, throwing the hammer onto the floor and letting out a wounded yelp when it landed on his pinkie toe.
“Damn it!” he hissed, bending down to inspect his toe and almost braining himself on the half-assembled crib that he was pretty sure had been sent to him as a punishment for all his past sins.
“This is impossible! Why is this so hard?!” he exclaimed, grabbing the instruction manual again and leafing through it with an increasingly crazed look in his eyes.
“Are you kidding me? That screw definitely wasn’t included in the packaging, why would they even –”
“Wenlang?!”
He froze at the sound of his mate’s startled voice, his head whipping around and his gaze meeting a wide-eyed and very confused Gao Tu, who was standing in the doorway and once again looking far too pale for Shen Wenlang’s liking.
“What ... what are you doing?”
Gao Tu sounded absolutely shellshocked, and Shen Wenlang cursed internally, desperation seizing his chest as he realized that he was already messing everything up.
“Tutu! It’s ... I can explain!”
He scrambled upward, almost tripping over the half-assembled changing table and letting out another heartfelt internal curse at the universe when he saw Gao Tu’s eyes widen even further.
“Explain?”
The Omega’s voice sounded a bit faint, and Shen Wenlang rushed forward in alarm, cradling his mate’s face with gentle hands and giving him a desperately earnest look.
“I know, Tutu! You don’t have to figure out a way to tell me. I know. And it’s okay. Truly. Fuck! It’s more than okay! It’s ... I’m happy. I promise you that I’m happy!”
Please don’t leave me!
He swallowed those last words with great effort, his chest tightening with anxiety when Gao Tu just kept staring at him like he’d never actually seen him before.
Given his rather horrendous history with words and particularly the ones coming out of his mouth, Shen Wenlang had hoped that his actions would speak louder and Gao Tu would just get what he was trying to tell him.
Unfortunately, Gao Tu gave no indication that he’d understood Shen Wenlang’s desperate declaration of love and support, so the Alpha nervously licked his lips, took a shaky breath, and tried again.
“I love you, Tutu! I love you and Lele so damn much, and I’m going to love this new baby with everything I have, I swear! I’m going to be there for you every step of the way, I’ll go to every doctor’s appointment, I’ll hold your hand, and so help me, I will figure out how to assemble this fucking crib and I’ll-“
“A’Lang, stop! Please stop!”
Gao Tu’s expression had morphed from shock to stunned realization to nervous bewilderment, his hands coming up to squeeze the Alpha’s shoulders and his voice trembling a bit as he spoke the absolute last words that Shen Wenlang had expected to hear.
“I’m not pregnant!”
“You ... what?”
The Alpha froze, staring at his mate uncomprehendingly.
“But ... you’re pale! You’re tired all the time, and you keep getting headaches and ... last time it was ... are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?”
“I’m very sure, A’Lang,” Gao Tu said firmly, running his fingers through the Alpha’s hair soothingly and giving him a worried smile.
“I actually went to the hospital this morning to find out why I’ve been feeling so bad, lately. They ran all kinds of tests on me. Including a pregnancy test. Turns out, I’ve got a pretty bad case of vitamin B12 deficiency, so the doctors gave me an injection and told me to adjust my diet.”
He cocked his head, giving Shen Wenlang a searching and increasingly worried look when the Alpha wouldn’t quite meet his eyes.
“I’m not pregnant, A’Lang. You don’t have to worry.”
You don’t have to worry.
Worry.
Something inside Shen Wenlang shattered, his expression falling as he took a couple of steps backwards and turned his head away.
Of course he’d think I’d be worried.
No matter how hard I try, I’m never going to undo all the damage I’ve caused.
He was probably worried, too.
He’d be crazy to want another baby with me.
“Oh.”
It wasn’t the right response by any means, but it certainly beat the horrendous filth he’d spewed at the love of his life the last time they’d been discussing a pregnancy.
His heart sinking further, Shen Wenlang took a deep breath and went into damage control mode.
“I ... I guess I’ll return all these things, then. I mean, I’m pretty sure they won’t take back the crib or the changing table after the mess I’ve made here, but maybe A’Yong can figure out how to put them together and we can donate them or something. They probably won’t take the prenatal vitamins back either, but that’s okay, too, we can donate them as well and-“
“A’Lang? Can you please look at me?”
Shen Wenlang hadn’t even realized he’d squeezed his eyes shut, and Gao Tu’s voice suddenly sounded a lot closer than he’d anticipated, the touch of his fingers soft and warm as they cradled his cheeks and made the Alpha let out a shuddering breath.
“My love? Talk to me. Please.”
He sounded deeply worried, and it wasn’t until the Omega’s thumb gently wiped a tear from Shen Wenlang’s cheek that the Alpha noticed he’d been crying.
He tried to say something, but all that came out was a low, wounded sound, followed by a series of hitched breaths and a choked sob that he tried to bury in the warm, comforting sea of sage at the crook of Gao Tu’s neck.
In response, his Omega wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, rubbing his back soothing with one hand and gently carding his fingers through his hair with the other.
When Gao Tu spoken again, he sounded almost awed.
“You wanted me to be pregnant.”
“Yes,” Shen Wenlang whispered against his neck, his chest threatening to crush under the weight of his disappointment and his anger at his own stupidity.
“I’m sorry, Tutu. I know you probably don’t want ... I know I don’t have a right to ... I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry. For everything!”
“I know you are,” Gao Tu said gently, turning his head to press a kiss against Shen Wenlang’s temple and holding him even tighter.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Shen Wenlang let out a huff that was part bitter laugh and part sob, finally lifting his head so he could look at his mate and bear the full brunt of the derision he deserved.
“How could I tell you, Tutu? It’s my own damn fault that I missed everything last time! It’s my fault that you suffered as much as you did and it’s my fault that we almost lost Lele before he could even draw his first breath! How could I possibly ask you to go through all of that again just so I could get another chance at playing the doting Alpha that I’ll never actually be?”
“Wenlang-“
“I wish I could turn back time, Tutu! I would give everything I have to be able to go back in time to that wretched day in that damned restaurant and tell you just how fucking much I love you and our baby! We could have ... we could have been so happy, and we weren’t because I was such a fucking idiot! How could I possibly ask you for a second chance when I know I’ll never actually be deserving of one?”
He took another shuddering breath, desperately cradling Gao Tu’s cheeks and looking at him through eyes that were once again brimming with tears.
“I’ll never ask this of you, Tutu! You don’t have to worry! I misunderstood everything and got carried away, but that doesn’t mean I expect you to-“
“What if I want to have another baby with you?”
Gao Tu’s voice was firm but warm, and Shen Wenlang froze once again, blinking rapidly and staring at his mate with wide, wet eyes that couldn’t quite douse the little glimmer of hope that had suddenly started burning in his chest.
“You ... what?”
Gao Tu smiled, looking a little nervous but also hopeful as his eyes met Wenlang’s.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to have this conversation with you. I wasn’t sure if you’d want a second child but I ...”
He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and giving Wenlang a serious look.
“To be perfectly honest with you, my pregnancy with Lele was the worst time of my life. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be, though, and I guess I ... well ... I guess I’d like a do-over, too.”
He laughed softly, his expression seeming a lot lighter with relief as he wrapped his arms tighter around Shen Wenlang.
“Also, Lele has been asking me for a sibling, lately. He’d be over the moon if we made his wish come true.”
Shen Wenlang’s breath hitched, his lips stretching into a hesitant, hopeful smile.
“Do you really mean it, Tutu? Are you sure?”
Gao Tu’s smile widened.
“Let’s make a baby ... lao gong.”