Chapter Text
"Don't you Hashira ever get scared when you're fighting with him? Like, what if one day he just decides mid-battle that he's hungry and turns on you, huh? What if-"
It only takes one look to have your apprentice putting his tail between his legs. You're angry with him for speaking from a place of ignorance, but you're also disappointed with his sheer lack of tact. Speaking out of turn is a bad habit. If done in the presence of the wrong person, it will get his ass beat, not just by you. The thought of him saying that in front of the Wind Hashira or the Serpent Hashira makes you wince. You can shelter him from a lot of things, but, despite being a Demon Slayer, you still value your life. At least a little.
The man he's speaking about has heard far worse, of course, but you refuse to let anyone under your wing be another facilitator of harmful gossip. Especially not gossip about someone who has fought tooth and nail for the respect he is owed. You respect the hell out of him. So your student should by proxy. Any dumb shit he says is just an extension of you, now. It doesn't do you any good to let him yammer without any regard for what he says or how it affects people.
"I would put my life in his hands just as surely as I would any of my fellow Hashira," you chide, trying to put on a serious voice to get your point across, "perhaps even more so than others. He has had to undergo the same training as me. The same training you will go through during your time with the corps."
"Yeah yeah, but The Demon Hashira? Couldn't he come up with like, a less…scary name?"
You look down at him with a raised brow, encouraging him to provide you with his version of a 'better' name.
"Like…like The Hungry Hashira!"
It's impossible to bite back the laugh that escapes you. The chance of Genya Shinazugawa going by that title is just as likely as you single-handedly defeating Muzan.
"That sounds like you read it in a children's book, kid."
Your protégé, scorned by your reaction, only continues to brainstorm aloud.
"What about The Gourmand Hashira?"
"Is he reviewing restaurants between missions? Oh yes, chef, this ramen is far too spicy. Also, may I get a glass of water to wash the demon blood off my sword?"
"Okay, fine! The Hashira of Gluttony!"
"Hm…"
That one rattles around in your brain for a moment. It's not particularly offensive, but you can't imagine anyone who fights demons for a living wanting to be associated with being a glutton of all things. You wouldn't call Genya greedy in any sense of the word. Quite the opposite, in fact. Hard-headed? Sure. A pain in the ass? Oh yeah. But not a glutton.
He also doesn't eat demons for selfish reasons or in 'excess'. In fact, you can't recall a time he has done so without it being in dire straits. You've never had to bear witness to it, personally. You can't imagine demons taste good, either. Probably like blood or dirt. Or something equally stomach-ache-inducing.
Your tsugoko looks up at you with hopeful eyes. It's a shame you have to dash his dreams, but you're not going to get on anyone's bad side because he's feeling extra creative.
Time to put on the teacher voice again.
"You would do well to hold your tongue of any outlandish nicknames when we're in his presence," you admonish, though your tone is more exasperated than outraged. "Or anyone's presence. I've taught you better. You will make your judgments on what you know, not what you assume. What you know is that he is a Hashira, deserving of your respect. Understood?"
"Yes, master."
"Good. Now hush. I want you to run through the steps of each of the first three forms you've learned while we walk," you instruct.
"Do you really like him that much?" He asks, ignoring your command.
You can practically feel the vein bulge in your temple.
"Do as I instructed or I'll ask Shinazugawa to eat you," you say spitefully, dodging the question.
He goes paler than a ghost, but the rest of your walk slips into blissful silence, leaving you to your thoughts.
You haven't been a Hashira for more than a couple of years, but in that time, you've grown a name for yourself. It's enough that you've taken on an apprentice now, refined your own breathing style, and built several respectable relationships with the other pillars. Life in this world moves quickly; you have no time to idle. You've made quick work of putting all of your time and effort into carving out your place.
Part of that work involves meeting at the Ubuyashiki Mansion semi-regularly to talk business with the other upper-ranked slayers. The meetings can span several different topics, each as boring as the next. Much to your chagrin.
Sometimes it's discussing the whereabouts of Muzan. Other times, it's wholly uneventful. You'll all give simple status reports regarding your own jurisdictions before taking a day or two to rest and break bread. Most often, though, you are personally assigned difficult or concerning cases to investigate. Sometimes they'll be fruitful. Other times, you end up helping townspeople with menial problems. 'Demons' can range anywhere from particularly large bears to leaky pipes. The spectrum is wide.
Ever since the death of the late Flame Hashira over three years ago, many cases have also been assigned in pairs. The Master hadn't let it show, but you all knew how heartbroken he was that Rengoku had died exhausted and alone after what was supposed to be nothing but a routine mission. The damages were irreparable. His loss sent a shockwave through the ranks that still lingers to this day like a wound that refuses to heal. Now every whisper of unrest is treated with as many failsafes as possible.
Things have only grown more tumultuous for the Demon Slayer Corps since then, too. Upper Moons rear their ugly heads far more frequently, emboldened whenever they manage to cull your organization of several slayers. You all assume they're spurred on by their master, though none of you truly understands what it is he seeks to gain. They tend to steer clear of Hashira. A curse more than a blessing, seeing as you're the only ones who stand a chance against them.
They also undoubtedly know about the decline of Master Ubuyashiki, who looks to pass off the responsibility to his eldest son any day now. It's hard not to feel like you are fighting a losing battle when you ruminate on it. The war seems never-ending. There is no such thing as retirement, but sometimes you long for a life outside of constant chaos. Even if it makes you feel guilty for not being as dedicated as your peers.
"You look like someone died," a rough voice pulls you out of your spiraling thoughts, "but that's nothing new, is it? Don't tell me someone died."
You look up, blinking. Then you have to look up even higher to meet Genya's pointed gaze. It's so easy to forget how damn tall adulthood has made him. You can still remember a time, a thousand years ago, when you had been inch for inch. A heady hit of nostalgia settles in your chest at the thought, but you opt to ignore it.
The severe look on his face softens ever so slightly when you smile at him.
It's easy to fall into a hug. He's never been fond of touchy displays of affection, but you've worn him down over the years. Now he'll even go so far as to initiate. His arms wrap around you firmly, warm and sturdy like the rest of him. He smells faintly of soap and gunpowder, a unique combination that you can't help but find calming.
When the two of you part, your student anxiously clears his throat, making you remember your manners.
"Shinazugawa," it sounds odd to refer to him so formally, "please meet my apprentice, Toshiko. Toshiko, this is the youngest Shinazugawa brother. The Demon Hashira."
Toshiko, despite his incessant running mouth from earlier, remains quiet when he politely bows to Genya in greeting. When Genya returns the gesture, however, he sees it as an open invitation to return to earlier conversations.
"You look way less scary than I thought you would," he blurts cheerily.
The hand you send to the back of his head wipes away any smile he'd previously had.
He yelps, rubbing the spot you hit as he sidesteps away from you. To his credit, he has the foresight to at least try to look apologetic. He's also gotten quicker on his feet since you've started training. A little faster, he might have even dodged a second smack if you'd been trying to give him one.
"I'm sorry. We're currently working on thinking before we speak," you say to Genya with a tight smile before you turn your head to Toshiko. The smile remains, but he can see in your eyes just how grueling his next practice drills will be.
Genya barks out a laugh before responding.
"Whatever. You should have heard what one of the other kids said to me earlier. Had the audacity to ask me if I'd eat one of my fellow Hashira if I was feeling hungry. I told him I only eat low ranks. More expendable."
He turns his smile towards your apprentice.
You watch with no little satisfaction as Toshiko tenses up and gulps audibly.
"Anyways, come on. You're late to the meeting. Everyone has been here for almost an hour now, dumbass. What took you so long? Had me waiting around forever."
You wave your apprentice off to go join the rest of the lower ranks who mull around the compound. He knows well enough to make himself scarce until you return for him with another assignment. In fact, he seems particularly eager to get away after having earned your ire. He may as well enjoy his last hours of freedom while he has them.
"Yeah, yeah," you elbow Genya playfully in the side, able to drop the stiff pretenses now that the two of you are alone, "as if you didn't love the opportunity to get away from everyone to come look for me. I know I'm your favorite."
The tips of his ears go pink when you call him out. Sometimes, when you're lucky, you get a peek behind the curtain at the real Genya. The one who isn't putting up the tough guy act. It's the same Genya who still gets shy when he remembers you are, in fact, a woman. It's the Genya who accidentally yells when he's riled up. It's the Genya who wants the approval of everyone he holds dear. So much so that he bends over backwards to make others happy.
It's also the Genya you love more than words can describe.
So you've never bothered to describe it to him, because how do you risk your closest friend? In a world where you could die tomorrow, it shouldn't be so petrifying to admit to something so simple.
Because it is.
Simple, that is.
Loving Genya is as simple as breathing. There aren't many people you hold dear, especially now that you're a Hashira. Yet somehow, he not only waltzed right into your heart, but he set up camp and never left. It's a reality that you're acutely aware of while walking next to him with the back of your hands brushing his as he joins you in the Hashira meeting. It's probably your fault for leaving the door wide open for him.
Maybe one day you'll have the same bravery for confessions as you do for slaying demons. But today is not that day.
"Thanks for all the letters, by the way. They've been keeping me sane the last six months," is about as much courage as you can manage for the time being.
It isn't a lie, either. His letters are the highlight of your week. They're fleeting things, mostly talking about his most recent missions, but sometimes they're heartbreakingly sweet. He'll write about the smallest, most trivial things. How a stray dog followed him for nearly three days on his last excursion. How a specific flower made him think of you. How he wishes he could take you to dinner at a place he found while he was visiting a new town.
It's familiar. Easy. Like coming home at the end of the day. If you were allowing yourself to daydream, which you most definitely are, you could even picture the domesticity of coming home to him.
"Yeah? Me too," he stutters out while you look up at him, reminiscing on past notes. "I mean, thanks for your letters, too. I look forward to them. Makes me feel…normal. Like I have something to look forward to besides killing and eating demons."
The two of you fall quiet. It's nice. Normal, as Genya so aptly put it. You love that you get to see this side of him. It's like a secret that only you know. Outside of this time with him, he's not too different from his older brother. Brash. A bit rough around the edges. But softer. Just enough that you see the kindness he tries so desperately to hide away, and latch onto it with all your might.
Perhaps one day he'll be willing to share it with the rest of the world.
Entering the courtyard has everyone turning to look at you. You pointedly ignore the eyes on you while waving at the few Hashira you consider friends. You're sure as shit not the only one to ever show up late to a pillar meeting, but damn is it awkward to have to pretend you didn't hold everyone up.
Mitsuri is quick to motion for you to sit next to her, much to Obanai's chagrin. Her eyes flit between you and Genya as she beams, but she doesn't say a word.
Gyomei, unseeing but somehow still knowing, also dips his head as you pass.
Everyone else appears content enough to just get the meeting started. You can't blame them.
Genya puts a hand on the small of your back as the two of you pass his brother, though. The Wind Hashira doesn't even bother looking up, but you can sense the tension. The gentle touch makes you stiffen in surprise. A hug is standard. This is not.
Genya looks at you apologetically at first, but relaxes when you step closer to him so he can guide you forward. His thumb even rubs a soothing circle there, making your cheeks heat. This is the first time he's been so generous with his touch. You can't help but feel it's possessive in nature with the way he does so in front of everyone so blatantly. Including his brother, who is more than critical of all of Genya's actions.
The Shinazugawa siblings have long come to a strained understanding of each other with the intervention of The Master. It took a few fist fights and choice words, but they can at least co-exist. Sometimes they're even downright cordial.
You're unsure why the two currently seem at odds enough for you to be rushed past, but it isn't the time or place to ask. Your first instinct is to side with Genya, anyway. There's no pretending you don't have a favorite out of the two brothers.
Both of you settle down next to each other. Him to your left, Mitsuri to your right, you take up the far end of the line. None of them mentions your tardiness, for which you are grateful. If they did, you might end up falling on your own blade to avoid being scolded.
When you look up, Kagaya Ubuyashiki is absent. His son, Kiriya, sits in his place, flanked by his mother. You haven't begun to call him Master, but the change is already happening rapidly before everyone's eyes. He is now eleven, or perhaps twelve. You aren't fully sure, but you do know he will soon take a wife, and his sickness will begin manifesting visibly in a year or so, just like it did with his father.
You try to push the thought away. Negativity keeps trying to claw at your mind more often than usual, lately. Maybe you need a break from it all.
After your next mission, you'll request a leave to get yourself back in order. You need to get your head on straight if you're going to keep doing this.
Genya senses something is wrong before you can dwell on it. Without looking at you, he reaches over to cover your hand with his own, both of them now resting in your lap. He gives it a gentle squeeze, and when you look over, you can practically see the nervousness painting his face. There's a strange yet rapid shift happening in your friendship right before your eyes. You're not foolish enough to ignore it, even if you don't understand the catalyst.
You turn your hand palm up to lace your fingers with his, then return a reassuring squeeze of your own.
He doesn't pull away as Kiriya begins speaking.
The meeting is short. An update is given on the health of The Master, and the prognosis is grim. Weeks, if not days. You have all long said goodbyes. There's nothing to gain by lingering on it. He himself does not shed a tear, which makes your heart ache. Someone so young shouldn't have to carry such a heavy burden, but you know all too well that everyone in attendance does. They would not be here if they didn't.
Genya squeezes your hand again, which helps ward off the melancholy.
After that, Kiriya begins to dole out assignments. Several sightings and massive disappearances need investigation. There's more every time you meet. More than you can all get done in one sitting. The responsibility grows heavy enough that several of your peers are rarely seen anymore outside of these meetings. You're no exception. After the current assignment, you know there will be a laundry list of several more.
The pairings he chooses always make logical sense. Today is no different. Obanai can get along with Mitsuri or Sanemi well enough. Muichiro will simply do as he's told. Tengen, as well. You presume that Genya will be partnered with Gyomei, considering how well they operate together. Shinobu and Giyuu are an easy match. Someone always tends to be the odd man out, with you being the most common to be sent on an easier, solo mission.
Both you and Genya pull your hands away from each other when Kiriya says your names. Together.
The touch suddenly felt too real when being addressed, even if it wasn't actually about that.
Luckily, the only one who seems to notice the sudden movement is Mitsuri as she giggles knowingly. You wouldn't be surprised if she had been watching you since the moment you walked in together. The Love Hashira does have a penchant for these types of things. Even if you personally have no clue what the hell is going on between you two right now.
You haven't been on a mission with Genya since you were a…Hinoe? Maybe? Long enough that you can barely remember what it's like to fight with him, despite what you insinuated to Toshiko. The thought of having the opportunity again is exhilarating.
It takes everything you have to focus back in long enough to hear the details of your mission.
The meeting adjourns when Kiriya and his mother leave to go be with Kagaya, no doubt. Others mull about the courtyard as they begin to catch up. Most of them talk through letters quite regularly, like you and Genya, but with everyone pulled so thin, it's a rare commodity to be able to actually see one another.
"So," Genya speaks first as the two of you get up from the ground and brush yourselves off, "a demon in the middle of the woods. They really like their damn stereotypes, don't they?"
Neither of you mentions the hand holding.
"Yeah," you sigh, "it's not going to be easy, is it? A lonely town in the middle of nowhere? Haunted woods? No actual demon sightings, but several people disappearing every week? How are we even sure it's not just a wild animal? A break from the big city is about the only good thing coming out of this."
Genya shrugs a shoulder.
"Well, at least I'm with someone who isn't a pain in the ass," he jokes, trying to lighten the mood.
You realize with his comment just how sour you're being about the whole situation and have to unclench your jaw. It isn't the end of the world, and you'll be getting some time alone with him to figure things out. You won't have much time prior to dealing with the demon, but you'll be given a few days of rest after the fact to address whatever is lingering between you without distractions.
"Yeah, you're right," you reach out timidly and take one of his hands in both of yours, keeping your gaze down. You think you might have a panic attack, but after all of his attempts at getting closer, it only seems fair that you return his interest to some extent. "I'm excited to spend time with you. Even if it's for work."
"Yeah?" He asks breathlessly, as if the admission knocks any further thoughts from his mind.
"Yeah. But I'll still probably be a pain in your ass. Don't underestimate me. Now come on, we should go get some supplies before we head out," you tug him closer and he comes willingly. Unfortunately, it's obvious there's something else on his mind that cuts the moment short.
He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly with his free hand.
"I need to top off, too. But before we go, I need to talk to Sanemi. Won't take long. He's with Iguro, and the two of them will be hauling ass to get out of here so they don't have to deal with all the small talk. I'll go catch up with him now then meet you later outside the compound?"
"You gonna be okay? I can come with, if you need."
Your gaze instinctively darts to where Sanemi stands with Obanai. He's already regarding the two of you with a severe look that makes you feel downright ill. He's never been particularly fond of you. Hell, you don't think he's particularly fond of anyone, but today he seems extra aware of your presence. So much so that Genya ends up stepping in front of you pointedly in an attempt to catch your eye again.
"No. He's just…Well, I told him something a while ago that has him on edge. You know how he gets. It takes him a thousand years to process shit he doesn't know what to do with," he says with a wince, obviously referencing how long it took his brother to finally be 'okay' with him being a member of the corps. "So I figure I should clear the air before he goes getting any pissier…"
"Is that why he looks like he wants to stick me with the pointy end of his katana? What did you say to him that made him mad at me?"
"He's not mad. He's just…" he sighs, unable to put it into words and getting frustrated, "I think he's just concerned or something. You know how he is."
"Concerned about what? Me? You're not denying the whole thing where the mysterious something you told him has to do with me specifically," you say, trying to peek over his shoulder at Sanemi again.
"It's nothing important. I don't want to worry you about it, seriously."
The tone of his voice becomes more frantic the more you push. When you do successfully peek around him, you can see the eldest Shinazugawa brother heading your way. It's not even remotely something you want to stick around for, despite how many questions you have.
You pull Genya into a quick hug, arms wrapping around his middle with an equally as quick squeeze before you step back. He looks flustered but appreciative as you nod.
"Alright. I'll talk to you later. But I'd better not end up with a pissed Wind Hashira breathing down my neck later, and you better not think this conversation is over. Also, good luck!"
Before he can ask why, you run off. It's just in time, too, as Sanemi claps a hand on Genya's shoulder.
"Did you not tell her? What was all that shit you just pulled? How are you going to handle a whole fucking mission with her if you're already getting cold feet?"
"I was going to tell her, but then she ran late for the meeting. What was I supposed to do? Drop it on her in front of her apprentice?"
You're too far by then to hear anything further. A good thing, you reason to yourself, because it's obvious you were about to be the hot topic of the day. Curiosity kills you, though. What was he supposed to tell you? What shit was Genya pulling other than the whole public-display-of-affection thing? What was he getting cold feet about?
Also, since when does hand holding make you feel like you're sixteen again, crushing on one of the local boys in town?
Genya was holding your hand. Genya.
You might not be able to handle this mission, either.
Instead of dwelling on whatever they were planning to discuss, or your ridiculously unquellable emotions, you hunt down Toshiko to let him know that you'll be parting ways for the foreseeable future. He's not the least bit surprised. You had warned him that after meetings, you tend to be assigned missions above his skill level.
Under normal circumstances, you'd bring him along, but without knowing what you're up against, you have no interest in turning him into another headstone in the Slayer's graveyard.
"Oh, oh, are you going with The Sound Hashira again?" He asks excitedly, wanting all the details. "Can I meet him if you are?"
"No, I'll be with Shinazugawa," you say softly as you begin packing the necessities for your trip.
Toshiko is just about to ask which Shinazugawa when you side eye him. It answers the question for him, even if he doesn't particularly like the answer.
"Wait, seriously? But what if-"
"Think before you speak," you warn.
"Will you be safe?" He pivots the question.
"Hunting demons is never safe. They're the only thing that I have to fear," you answer honestly, knowing it should be enough to shut down his insinuations.
"You'll write to me after if I'm still on my mission?"
His puppy dog eyes as he looks at you make you sigh. He may be a pain sometimes, but you've come to care about him like an annoying younger brother.
"Of course. And you'll write to keep me updated on your own mission. If you need any help at all, send your crow as soon as possible. Do you understand?"
He nods, and you reach out to ruffle his hair. He bats your hand away half-heartedly, but you know he enjoys the familiarity of it. He's lost plenty of people. You're the closest he has to family anymore. You'll return to him, even if it's just to say 'I told you so'.
Then, the two of you exchange goodbyes as you make your way toward the front entrance of the compound. He walks you there like a little gentleman before dashing back to meet his newly appointed partner for their own mission. You miss the days when you could feel such excitement over going into battle, envying his energy as you watch him go.
You'll still have to wait some time for Genya, especially if he and his brother managed to get into a brawl, so you aren't expecting him when you step outside the gates. But he's full of surprises today and is already leaning up against the front wall, arms stretched up behind his head as he stares up at the sky.
He doesn't see you at first, so you take a second to drink in the sight of him now that you aren't being rushed into a meeting.
His hair is longer than the last time you saw him. He still has the sides shaved, but it's become more of a mane than it once was. He's also filled out, broader in the shoulders and arms, no doubt from all the time he spends with Himejima. When he isn't trying to prove anything, though, his face is so genuinely expressive. You love it when it's not schooled into his signature scowl. You prefer it when he relaxes, brows unfurrowed and lips ever so slightly upturned while he's lost in thought.
When he finally notices you, your heart skips a beat at having been caught staring.
He pushes off the wall and walks towards you, a slight blush to his cheeks.
"Hey, got done faster than I thought. Ready to go?"
You nod and fall into place next to him.
"How did it go with your brother?" You try to keep your tone casual. "I don't see any black eyes, so that's good."
"Ah, yeah…we just talked. We've been doing that a lot more recently." The smile he wears is bittersweet. He's wanted his brother back in his life, but the two of them still struggle to see eye to eye. "I said something that he can't seem to drop. I think he's trying to play the whole supportive brother card and give me advice, but he doesn't know how. Instead, he ends up being kind of an asshole."
"Advice about me? Maybe you should give him some advice about how to approach someone without making them think they're about to be murdered," you snort.
"I don't know if I'm the best one to advise on that one."
"You're getting better at it! With me you seem downright friendly!"
"Yeah, well, you're…different."
"I think the proper word is persistent," you respond, rolling your eyes when you think about how damn long it took to even get a hug out of him. "But I guess different works, too."
The two of you fall into a companionable silence as you walk, but you can't ignore the gnawing feeling that you need to keep pushing. He's hugged you, held your hand, and touched you in ways today that are far different from the way you usually interact. You're not stupid. You heard what Sanemi said to him. You know he told you not to be concerned, but that's not how real life works. That's not how you work.
"Your brother said you had something to tell me. Is that true?"
It's hard to keep your voice from sounding hopeful.
Genya freezes up when you broach the topic, stopping both of you in your tracks.
"You heard that?" He asks.
"Kinda hard not to. He said that it might make it hard to handle the mission?"
"It won't."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," he affirms.
"Did…you still want to talk about it?"
Genya's shoulders slump. He looks so dejected that you can't help but reach out and touch his arm. When he flinches away, you drop your hand like you've been burnt. It's such a drastic change from earlier that it hurts.
"He thinks I'm going to hurt you," he finally admits. "That I won't be able to control myself because it's..."
He clams up for a second, and you can practically see the smoke coming from his ears as he figures out how to switch gears.
"It's bullshit. He knows it. I've never done anything like that. I'm not an animal. It's one thing to hear it from anyone else. But him? My brother? Stings. A lot. I thought we were past all that, but…"
"And he wanted you to tell me what? To be careful around you?"
"Something like that," he says, kicking a rock idly.
You can tell it's not the full truth, but you also know you're losing him. You'll have to settle for what you've got, and what you've got is Genya obviously hurting. Feeling helpless isn't something you run into often. It scares you now just as much as facing down any demon.
When you slide your hand into his, this time he doesn't flinch away. Funny how easy the motion becomes in a single day.
"I don't think there's anyone in the world I trust more than you. He's the idiot if he thinks you'd ever do anything like that. Fuck him. And fuck anyone who thinks that way. The people who know you, who know the real Genya Shinazugawa, know how hard you've worked to get here."
He has trouble looking at you, but eventually manages a soft thank you that you take in stride. After that, it's just a matter of trying to lighten the mood.
"Besides, none of that matters because I'd probably taste shitty anyway."
His entire face turns red. An odd reaction to your joke, but you think it's cute.
When you start laughing, though, he shakes his head and smiles.
You're just happy he doesn't let go of your hand.