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The sun beat down upon him casting long shadows against the rocky terrain. Jaskier rubbed his eyes trying to remember how he got here, and where exactly here was.
“Damn it Jaskier, why is it whenever I find myself in a pile of shit these days it’s you shoveling it.”
Jaskier turned to seething witcher spit flying from his mouth as he repeated the words from several years ago. “This isn’t real” Jaskier said willing himself to sound sure and steady. “Losing Ciri, getting tortured by Dijkstra, all of it.” Jaskier couldn’t prevent the liquid welling up in his eyes or the whimper clawing its way out of his throat.
“Geralt please” he found himself saying to the man before him not wanting to believe what was happening. “If life could give me one blessing it would be to take you off my hands.” Geralt’s face was lined with anger, malice dripping from every word he said just like that awful day.
“No no no that’s not true you don’t mean that you-“ Jaskier was unable to finish finding himself in a whirlwind of motion before being unceremoniously dumped on a muddy leaf littered forest floor.
“Geralt!” he called standing on shaky legs squinting through the twilight. In the distant an echoing howl could be heard one belonging to neither human nor animal. “Geralt!” he called again, the witcher couldn’t just leave him here right. Just out the corner of his eye he saw a figure on horse back riding away. “Geralt please come back.” The cloaked figure urged the horse to move faster. Jaskier pursued, the ground seemed to be pulling him in the mud sucking his boots intro the ground slowing him down. “Geralt! Don’t leave me!” he screamed again he could barely see the figure now but the howl from earlier was getting closer to him or was he getting closer to it? Was Geralt leading him to the creature?
Jaskier tried to quicken his pace but the faster he attempted to go the more the earth clung to him as if it was trying to swallow him whole. “Geralt” he tried again before falling face first towards the mud. He felt his body fall through the mud as if the earth had swallowed him in one bite.
Jaskier squinted through the bright light streaming through the cave, his arms were bound behind his back a broken lute sitting shattered on the floor near his feet. “Do what ever you want with the human, this fight doesn’t concern me.” Jaskier turned his head towards the gruff voice at the mouth of the cave. Geralt stood near Filavandrel. “We cannot allow him to leave here if he were to tell others of our existence it would mean death for us.”
“Geralt please.”
“Like I said, do what ever you see fit.” Geralt turned his back to Jaskier walking away unaffected by Jaskier’s pleas for him to come back. Filavandrel approached him dagger in hand “I truly am sorry but it’s my responsibility to keep us safe.”
Light blue eyes stared back into his, the muffled sounds of Geralt’s screams could be heard from the distance, Jaskier immediately turned towards them. “Guards,” Jaskkiers head snaped back in the direction of Radovid, perhaps he had been wrong about him maybe he would allow for them both to escape unharmed. “Thank-” he was cut off. “Execute the witcher, have him watch.” Radovid nodded his head in Jaskier’s direction, arms roughly seized him by the shoulders. His breaths were coming in quick and panicked. Radovid approached him a once gentle hand forcefully grabbing his chin forcing him to meet his unwavering gaze.
“If you insist on choosing that mutant over me then I shall just take the choice away from you.” Jaskier tried to pry away from him but the guards holding him wouldn’t allow him to move. “You’re a monster.”
“If I’m a monster its only because you made me that way, I gave you all my heart and you took it and smashed it just like that freak did to you. In time you’ll see why I had to do this.” The pinpricks behind his eyes let him know that the tears were about to fall, he could see the pain written on Radovid’s face and knew it was true. “Take him now, the sooner the mutant dies the better for all of us.”
Jaskier was dragged to a tent where Geralt was knelt over a block neck stretched out at an uncomfortable angle, his eyes were lifted to meet Jaskier’s. “Geralt please, I’m sorry I’m so sorry” he was chocking on his sobs now trying to wrestle out of the guards’ grasps.
“This is all your fault Jaskier, life will grant me my one blessing soon enough and I’ll never have to see you again.” The axe was lifted into the air and Jaskier let out a blood curdling scream as it fell towards Geralt.
He sat in an abandoned tavern, his arms and legs strapped to a chair. Jaskier felt the frigid air biting into him ravenous to steal the last bit of warmth from his limbs. a cloaked figure in the corner, a small flame lighting the face that had plagued Jaskier’s nightmares for months now. “So, we meet again bard.” His body automatically jerked away from the sound. “You’ll never believe who sent me this time.”
The man approached closer and closer accentuating each step with a snap of his fingers and a small flame until he was at eye level with Jaskier. “It seems a certain butcher has grown tired of your company bard.” He held the flame right under Jaskier chin, Jaskier had pressed his body as far into the chair as he could letting out a small whimper. “He paid quite a hefty sum to ensure that you would never, how did he phrase it?” Reince paused placing the flame against the side of Jaskier’s face, Jaskier could feel the scream building in his throat. “Oh yes, to ensure that you would never shovel shit on him again.” Reince let the flame consume Jaskier face and Jaskier let the scream break free, calling for the man who wished this upon him.
He couldn’t breathe, water filled his lungs instead of air, he couldn’t see anything other than the murky shadows around him. He felt a bone deep chill that made him feel as if his blood itself was ice and a heaviness upon his body. His limbs felt to frozen to move and even if he could he was sure which way was up and which way was down. He was going to die here he knew it and he couldn’t even call for Geralt this time, his voice completely stripped from him.
Something grabbed him and he hoped that whatever creature this was would kill him swiftly. “Breathe Jask, breath.” Jaskier was pulled towards Geralt’s bulk, he could feel water fighting its was up his throat, coming up and out and coating Geralt’s armor in the swamp water. “That’s it Jask, just let it out.” He said pulling Jaskier closer to him rubbing a calloused hand up and down Jaskier’s back, Jaskier was distantly aware of the others in a similar position to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from Geralt, a shaky hand coming to grip at Geralt’s shoulder the other resting on the arm that was wrapped around him.
Jaskier choked as mouthfuls of swamp water poured past his lips sputtering the whole time, letting his had grab Geralt’s wrists in a vice, holding onto the witcher so that he wouldn’t disappear. “It’s ok Jask, I’m here just breathe.” Geralt said rubbing his back helping him expel the last of the swamp water from his lungs. Jaskier shook his head trying to convince himself that this was real and not just another dream that would turn into a nightmare.
“Let’s get you out of here ok, find a safe spot for the night.” Jaskier nodded his head but still didn’t loosen his grip on Geralt’s arm as they wadded out of the water. “What the bloody hell was that?” Zoltan called from the boggy shoreline dripping wet. “It was a pair of Rusalki, they feed on fear. They’re gone now.” Geralt grunted as the two of them set foot on land. “Are you sure they’re gone?” Cahir asked. “Yes, I’m sure.” Geralt’s lip twisted as he turned and faced the not Nilfgaardian.
The slowly dragged their way out of the swamp with Regis assuring them that they were almost to the forest on the other side where they could safely take cover for the night. Geralt didn’t leave Jaskier’s side making sure that he maintained contact with the bard. They fell behind the rest of the group as they wadded through the shallows of the marsh. “You know it was real right, what ever she showed you Jaskier it’s not real.”
Jaskier wasn’t ready to have this conversation especially not with Geralt. “Oh, of course it wasn’t real an audience would never boo me off stage not now I’m way too loved by the general public, that beastie couldn’t fool me.” Jaskier was going for light and jovial, but it dropped off once Geralt stopped. His eyebrow was raised posture stiff his hands were laying at his side. “Jaskier, I heard you.” Jaskier stopped now to turning to face Geralt but unable to meet his molten gaze. “You called my name; you begged me not to leave you.”
Jaskier swallowed hard, licking his lips scrambling for something to say, anything that could get him out of this conversation, but nothing would come up. “Jaskier what did you see?” Geralt was slowly approaching him now as if Jaskier was a wounded trapped animal and that was exactly how Jaskier felt right now. Geralt reached for Jaskier’s hand and Jaskier jerked away. “Please Geralt can’t this just be one of the things we don’t talk about, we have a lot of those what’s one more.”
Jaskier pretended he couldn’t see the hurt that flashed across Geralt’s face as he turned to follow the others. He ignored when Geralt called his name softly and continued to trudge after the others, a moment later he could hear Geralt’s steps behind him, he didn’t reach for Jaskier but stayed close.
They found a fairly sheltered clearing as decide to make camp after Geralt insisted that they should rest after the events of the day. Jaskier started setting his bedroll up a healthy distance from the fire as usual, what was unusual was Geralt unrolling his bed roll right next to Jaskier’s. “Geralt, you don’t have to do all this.”
“Please Jask, let me do this please.”
Jaskier didn’t have the strength to argue with the hardheaded man, the events of the day were wearing on him and all he wanted to do was sleep, hopefully it would be a dreamless sleep. Milva went off to hopefully find something to eat and Cahir went to set a few traps. Geralt unpacked his whetstone and perched on a log that he had pulled near their bed rolls. Normally Jaskier would be writing in his journal by now, but his limbs felt too heavy, instead he contented himself with watching Geralt’s practiced movements as he sharpened his sword. It was rhythmic and calming the way Geralt worked, familiar and reminiscent of their time on the path before the whole continent went to shit.
“Master bard” Jaskier jumped slightly not having heard the vampire approach, Geralt was staring at Regis too now. “If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to take a look at your head again especially after your trip in the swamp.” Jaskier nodded his head in consent. Regis knelled in front of him tilting Jaskier’s head so that he could view wound. Geralt set the whetstone on the ground and propped his sword against the log and moved to stand behind Regis, head tilted. Jaskier wanted to role his eyes at the overbearing witcher but found his eyes to heavy.
Regis applied a salve against the healing cut “You didn’t reopen it, and you shouldn’t be at risk of infection so long as we keep it clean.” Before Jaskier has a chance to thank Regis Geralt cut in “Will it scar?”
“There will be a minor scar, but it’s close to the hair line so it shouldn’t be too visible.” Geralt’s brows furrowed in at the vampire’s answer. “Thank you.” Jaskier said softly Regis smiled and got up giving Geralt a knowing look.
Jaskier let out a sigh as Geralt sat next to him on the bedroll, it didn’t look like he would be getting out of this conversation. The others sat on the other side of the fire giving the duo as much space as they could. Jaskier knew that he was going to have to talk about it he knew Geralt expected the truth what he didn’t expect was the “I’m sorry” that rolled off Geralt’s tongue as soon as Regis had stepped away.
“W-what” Jaskier stuttered.
“This is my fault, you got hurt when we were, trying to escape you had to end things with Radovid, you got captured by that monster, you-” Jaskier had to cut him off.
“Geralt what are you talking about?”
Geralt looked up at Jaskier from beneath his eyelashes. “I keep putting you in danger and now, now you’ll carry a scar for the rest of your life because of a situation I put you in, Jask I- I’m so sorry.”
“Geralt, listen to me.” Geralt couldn’t refuse Jaskier not after everything he tilted his head up, blue meeting gold as their eyes met. “I chose this, I chose you. I would do it all again just to follow you. I don’t regret following you, I’ll never regret following you, believe that.”
Their faces were close together now Jaskier could feel Geralt’s breath against his cheek. “I heard you. You begged me not to leave you. You called for me, you-you were scared Jask. The rusalki feeds off your fear, so why was I a part of your fear.” Geralt’s voice was strained as if it hurt him to speak the words and Jaskier could feel his heart break at Geralt’s words.
“Geralt, dear heart, I’m not scared of you, that’s not what I saw, I saw” Jaskier trailed off he didn’t know how to tell Geralt without hurting him, he knew Geralt would blame himself. “I’m not scared of you Geralt, I don’t fear you I” Geralt was looking at Jaskier with such an earnest expression “Coul you tell me what you saw please.”
Jaskier was distantly aware of Cahir returning with several rabbits, Geralt’s fingers on his face pulled him back in. “I saw you leaving me.” The words came out barley a whisper, Geralt inhaled sharply as if he was tasting Jaskier’s words on his lips. Jaskier couldn’t stop himself from speaking it was like a cork popping off a shaken bottle of champagne. “You left me, and I called for you and you left. It felt like I was falling through time and each time you left, I-”
Geralt made a soft sound in the back of his throat encouraging him to keep talking. “It was like a warped version of our memories, but it wasn’t, Reince, the elves, a hunt, Radovid, the mountain-” Jaskier stopped himself he couldn’t bring this back up. They had moved on. “It’s stupid we’re past all of it, it’s like you said it wasn’t real.” Geralt was silent, his hand had fallen from Jaskier’s face and too his hands. His thumb was brushing over the burn scars along his fingers.
“We never talked about it.” The furrow between Geralt’s brow was like a canyon splitting his forehead, Jaskier went to speak to reassure Geralt that they didn’t need to speak on the past they could stay silent and things could be like they had always been. Geralt shook his head to stop Jaskier from saying just that. “We should have, I should have talked about what happened, all of it. I should have- I, I’m so sorry Jaskier.” Jaskier made a soft sound in the back of his throat to encourage Geralt to keep going, it was rare Geralt was this vulnerable with him. “The mountain what I said, its not true it wasn’t true then I was just hurt, and I felt so alone, I wanted to be alone, and I took that out on you.” Geralt was staring at their connected hands and Jaskier was staring at Geralt.
“You saw the mountain today, when she had you, you relived it.” It wasn’t a question, Geralt already knew the answer. “It wasn’t quite the same, it was different it was” he paused trying to find a word to describe what he saw, what he lived. “It was more current, it wasn’t what happened on the mountain it was like if the mountain happened now, how its- its my fault that Ciri’s gone, how Dijkstra hurt-”
“Jaskier none of that’s your fault, you know that right, you aren’t at fault.” Geralt cut him off. “Isn’t though, I mean you were hurt to get to me, I was supposed to watch her, and she got away it’s my fault.” Geralt was shaking his head “You can’t blame yourself, Radovid was trying to force your hand that’s not on you Jask, and Ciri, Ciri would have come to Thanedd regardless, I don’t think anything could have stopped her, you can’t blame yourself, that’s not your fault Jask, you know that’s not your fault.”
Jaskier felt tears well up in his eyes he grasped Geralt’s fingers in his hand. “You don’t blame me.” I had brushed his cheek catching the stray tear. “No, I don’t.”
Jaskier took a few trembling breaths, Geralt didn’t blame him, for any of it. “So, you wouldn’t leave me, or get rid of me?” Geralt’s brow furrowed in confusion “Get rid of- the other things you saw.” Jaskier bit his lip and nodded his head. “No Jask I’d never, I don’t want to get rid oh you I lo-” Geralt cut himself off. Jaskier felt his eyebrows disappear into his hair line.
“Geralt-”
“I care about you Jask.” Geralt finished instead.
Jaskier felt his breath ghost over his lips in a phantom kiss.
“Geralt.” He said again softly he felt himself shifting forwards leaning more into Geralt’s space.
Geralt’s eyes met Jaskier’s his hand coming to cup the back of his neck. “Jask” the word had barely left Geralt’s lips before Jaskier surged up to taste them for himself.
Geralt’s lips were firm and chapped and he moved them against Jaskier’s as if he was trying to memorize the feel of them against his own. He tilted Jaskier’s head back so that he could access his mouth better. Jaskier let out a soft moan against Geralt completely lost in the sensation of feeling him.
“So, are you going to eat the bard or are you going to eat what we caught?” Milva called out effectively ending the moment. Jaskier could feel the blush rising to his cheeks. Geralt let out a grunt before moving towards the fire to take the remaining rabbit off the spit to split with Jaskier. The rest of the group continued their conversation without either of them once again leaving the two in their own bubble.
Jaskier and Geralt ate in a compatible silence, when finished Geralt tossed the bones out gesturing for Jaskier to lay down. The other in the camp were mirroring his actions settling down for the night now that the moon was high. Geralt packed his items into his bag and settled in next to him. Jaskier turned his body towards Geralt facing him. The dying firelight cast sharp shadows across Geralt’s face, he lifted a hand to trace a finger along Geralt’s brow which had become furrowed again.
“What else did you see?” Geralt asked his voice low.
“Shhh, not tonight, Geralt, please. Not tonight.”
“Ok” a pause “Will you tell me some day, someday soon please. I just want to know I want to help. Jaskier nodded his head. “Yea I’ll tell you, just I can’t tonight.”
The furrow between Geralt’s brow slowly dissipated and he brought an arm up around Jaskier’s waist pulling him in closer.
“Geralt can I-”
Geralt kissed Jaskier before he could finish asking the question slow and soft just like the first. “We’ll talk about it all.” He mumbled against Jaskier’s lips. “We’ll find Ciri, we’ll save her and then we’ll talk about everything. Everything we should have talked about before and I’ll make it right, you’ll see.” Geralt placed another soft kiss against Jaskier’s lips.
Jaskier let out a soft sound already succumbing to sleep against Geralt’s chest. Geralt pulled him in tighter placing a kiss against his forehead where the cut was. “Sleep Jaskier, I’m here and I’m not leaving.”