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Be the Song

Summary:

With Xiu Ya piercing his favorite disciple's chest, Shen Qingqiu tries his best to continue his righteous speech and push Luo Binghe down the Endless Abyss in order to continue the story - except he can't bring himself to do it.

Notes:

So the angst hit me like a brick so I just wrote it. I wanted to see how it would be if Shen Qingqiu did not push Luo Binghe down the abyss - what would he say as a goodbye? And that was it. I just wrote it and posted it, so eventually it might be edited and/or BETAed. English is not my first language so please be patient with little old me!

- Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe's relationship are of master and disciple, nothing inadequate happens. And hey relationships aren't exclusively sexual and/or romantic (though we do know Binghe loves his Shizun). -

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Will you go down yourself, or must I force you?” - Shen Qingqiu says, Xiu Ya pointing to the Abyss. He waves the sword, meaning to make Luo Binghe step away from it and fall into the crater by himself, but the boy stays in place and the blade pierces him instead. Shen Qingqiu’s breath hitches - he didn't mean to slash his disciple. He tries his best to continue his heroic speech, even though seeing the way Luo Binghe is terrified while lightly grasping the blade on his chest makes him sick to his stomach for being the one making that happen. “You shall not stay here on the surface any longer. You d- don’t belong here”, he stutters, “and I cannot put people, be it mortals or not, at risk by allowing a sinful Heavenly Demon dirty this realm, so-”.

Shen Qingqiu stops midway through his discourse. He closes his eyes, brows frowned, and takes a deep breath. Then slowly, very, very slowly, he takes his sword out of his disciple’s body, cleaning its bloody tip on his sleeve and sheathing it back in its scabbard. Luo Binghe stares at his Shizun, absolutely frozen in place, barely blinking. Shen Qingqiu gives a small, low laugh, full of sorrow.

“No matter how I try, I can’t seem to deceive myself and make me believe any of this. You shouldn’t either, Binghe”. - Shen Qingqiu looks at his disciple, looking him straight in the eyes. “I know it will make you stronger, but even knowing you can overcome anything, I can’t. I would regret it for the rest of my life”.

Luo Binghe is very confused, and even if it seems like his Shizun had gave up the idea of pushing him down the Abyss, he is still scared. The feeling only becomes worse when he sees tears pooling Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, threatening to fall.

“Binghe, you have to grow up strong, okay? Even if I am not there to see it happen.” Luo Binghe frowns at that. Everything was so cloudy and painful, there was so much happening at once… What did he mean by that? His master continues: “You must always trust yourself, with your skills and cunning you can surpass anything and accomplish everything you put your mind to”. Shen Qingqiu holds out his hand in Luo Binghe’s direction. “I truly care about you, Binghe”.

Luo Binghe could see there was no lie in his Shizun’s eyes. He reluctantly takes his hand - he is too attached to his master not to take it - and Shen Qingqiu proceeds. “You are the best kid I have ever seen, not only when it comes to skills in cultivation and martial prowess, but you are kind. You shine brighter than any star, Binghe, regardless of your heritage, and I want you to please promise me you will never let anyone take away that shine and goodness” - He finishes.

It takes a couple of moments for Luo Binghe to realise his master wanted an answer, and he nods vehemently. “I promise”.

One of the tears that had been waiting to fall finally crosses down Shen Qingqiu’s cheek. “Binghe, I will never forget you, okay? No matter what befalls me from now on”.- He says.

Still tenderly holding Luo Binghe’s hand, Shen Qingqiu approaches his disciple slowly until his lips touch Luo Binghe’s forehead. It is a chaste kiss, and it does not last long, but Luo Binghe felt that the moment his master’s lips touched his skin, that crushing pain of the Heavenly Demon mark, which was still hurting him, disappeared. He feels a little more clear-headed now, but still can’t piece together what is happening. He looks at Shen Qingqiu, searching for answers, but cannot find any - he only sees an expression of painful relief in his master’s features. He gets worried - everything about that last speech sounded like a farewell, and if he wasn’t going to be thrown in the Abyss, what would happen?

He finds out way too soon: with a last squeeze on his hand and another tear falling down his face, Shen Qingqiu gives him a sorrowful smile, a smile that seems to carry no regrets, a smile like he is looking at his most precious and beloved treasure. And then his expression turns neutral and he lets go of Luo Binghe’s hand, muscles relaxing, the light in Shizun’s eyes quickly fading.

Shen Qingqiu falls forward, boneless, and almost sends them both into the Endless Abyss. However, Luo Binghe acts fast, holding his master with a sort of weird hug in order to keep balance. Luo Binghe keeps Shizun’s body close and walks away from the crater, finding some place that seemed minimally safe - he brings them both to a cavern of sorts and sits down on the ground, supporting himself with the cave’s wall, and lies his master down, head on his lap.

He takes the hair off Shen Qingqiu’s perfect face and looks at it, Shizun's body perfectly limp. Luo Binghe gets anxious, scared to reckon the worse, but the lack of air coming out of his Shizun’s nose, the absence of movement on his master’s chest, no rise and nor fall indicating breathing, no thumping of his heart - it all slowly gets to him, each second making him despair more. It is, however, when he touches Xiu Ya’s hilt, to bring the spiritual sword closer and check its condition, and hears a shattering sound, that it officially dawns on Luo Binghe: Shen Qingqiu is dead.

Luo Binghe’s yelling can probably be heard throughout the whole of Jue Di Gorge. He screams with all his lungs, and he doesn’t know when it started, but he feels tears like rivers flowing down his cheeks and dripping on Shizun’s peaceful face. He hugs the lifeless body close to him, not caring for propriety in his despair and grief, and wails until his voice is no more, crying until he passes out, still clinging to his master.

Luo Binghe does not speak in the next few days after they are found and he is rescued from the gorge. He spends all his time in Qing Jing Peak library after he pieces together all he can from what happened at the Immortal Alliance Conference. That sweet kiss on his temple that Shizun gave him was a spell to hide his Heavenly Demon mark. It didn’t last much, but lasted long enough until he could hide himself around books - with a Peak Lord funeral happening, the library was exclusive to him - and find a talisman that could work in a similar way. Luo Binghe doesn’t feel bad for missing Shen Qingqiu’s funeral - he would not let it be his Shizun's true end.

Luo Binghe can never forget the feeling of those lips on his skin - he cries every time he remembers them. It was Shizun’s last gift for him, for him to be able to live among humans and continue in Cang Qiong Mountain. Shen Qingqiu was selfless and caring until the end, even if it brought upon him his death.

Luo Binghe uses the memories of the time he spent together with his Shizun as fuel to study - since he could not find details for any method of bringing people back to life - and with the funeral this possibility dimmed drastically -, he begins searching madly for a way to go back in time. Though Luo Binghe cannot not understand the specifics, apparently his master was to push him to fall in the Endless Abyss that day, and not ensuring that happened made him perish. What strong, evil force can manage to murder Shen Qingqiu in that fashion was something Luo Binghe could not figure out. His master always seemed to know more than what seemed possible… He spoke with such certainty that Luo Binghe could overcome any hardship and that falling would make him stronger… What could even have been going on? Luo Binghe decides he would ask him personally one day. - But anyways, if Shizun needed him to fall in the Abyss in order to live, he would. He would not stop until he changed his master’s fate.

--

He comes to himself with Xiu Ya pierced into his chest.

“You shall not stay here on the surface any longer. You d- don’t belong here”, Shen Qingqiu stutters. Now the circumstances were different, Luo Binghe can see the storm inside his Shizun’s eyes. He needs to act fast, before his master changes his mind for good - he raises his head high, still lightly holding the sword that slashed him.

“I understand, Shizun” - Luo Binghe says. - “It is in everyone’s best interest that I go”. He gives his master a small, genuine smile - even though his body is in a lot of pain, his mind is filled with tranquility - “Thank you for everything, Shizun”, he says before taking the point of the sword off his body and taking a long step back. Shen Qingqiu drops the sword immediately, panic overcoming his expression. Luo Binghe takes his second step back right after the first - but this time there was no ground under his boot, and he feels himself falling down the Abyss. The last thing he sees of the surface is his Shizun running to the edge of the crater, holding out his hand and calling his name.

“Binghe!!”

Notes:

So this is it! I kind of cried a little. To be honest, when I thought of what would happen afterwards, I think the story would stay the same - Xin Mo would likely make Binghe so confused he would begin to think it was all wishful thinking, nothing but a dream - and Meng Mo wouldn't really be helpful because only Luo Binghe's mind went back in time, so he would not be involved in it (because I said so) or be able to help Luo Binghe discern the truth - it is likely he would only be able to do that after Maigu Ridge, when Xin Mo is no more and his mind clears.

The title is a song by Foy Vance and I thought the unconditional love vibe fit well.

Please excuse my Airplane-like way of not specifying the plot device Binghe used to go back in time!

I hope you liked it! Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3