Chapter Text
It happened, one day, it was almost midnight, Anxin was waiting patiently for his boyfriend, Leo's text. The older guy is currently outside with his best friend, Sangwon. He couldn't shake the uneasiness in his stomach. He trusts Leo, but after hearing about Sangwon and Leo's past earlier, he can't help but to worry.
Ever since Sangwon returned from abroad, Leo's always with him to the point that he needed to cancel his anniversary date with Anxin just to accompany Sangwon somewhere he doesn't remember.
Anxin tried to distract himself by scrolling through social media and listening to music, but his thoughts kept returning to the two being together. The longer he waited, the more his mind filled with doubt and insecurities. While scrolling, he stumbled upon a certain post from Leo's friends, it was a photo of Leo and Sangwon, side by side, Sangwon is looking at the camera, while Leo? Leo is staring at Sangwon like he holds the answers to the mysteries of the world.
Then it happened, Anxin suddenly let out a series of small coughs, the sharp pain in his chest growing more prominent with each one, and to his horror, he saw a flower petal on his palm. The petals were blood red and dainty, like Carnation, but the significance was a lot more dire. He had Hanahaki Disease!, and judging by the petals, he knew exactly who was the cause of the illness—Lee Leo.
Another harsh coughing fit came over him as his chest ached in pain. He clutched his shirt as he tried to catch his breath and calm down, all the while more flower petals fell to the floor. He felt his eyes watering both from the intense coughing and the realization of the situation. Leo doesn't love him anymore, his boyfriend doesn't love him anymore. The man he cared for and loved more than himself, who promised him forever, doesn't love him anymore.
For years, Anxin tried to make Lee Leo love him, he did everything, even if he already looks like a fool in front of other people, he never cared, because what's important is for Leo to reciprocate his love. Last year, it was the happiest day for Anxin since Leo finally agreed to be with Anxin, he did everything to make sure Leo will not regret being with him. But these past few days, Leo started acting differently towards Anxin ever since Lee Sangwon came back from overseas.
Lee Sangwon, Leo's best friend, Lee Sangwon who everyone thought will be Leo's boyfriend. Lee Sangwon who Leo used to call as “his” Sangwon. Anxin chose to ignore all the signs because he trusts Leo, but looking at the petals on his palm right now? Anxin was wrong, years of his effort to make Leo love him is not matched to Lee Sangwon's existence. He never stood a chance.
Once the coughing subsided, Anxin was left exhausted and shaken. He looked down at the growing pile of petals on the floor, his mind racing with pained emotions because his boyfriend is in love with someone else. It all felt unfair and cruel.
Tears streamed down his face as he replayed every moment spent with Leo in his head. All the laughs, all the shared memories, it all seemed pointless now. Every intimate touch, every moment of closeness, it all meant nothing to Leo. He was just a placeholder, a filler for Leo's true love: Sangwon.
Anxin looked at the clock on his night stand, the numbers 3:23 AM mocking him. Leo was probably spending the night with Sangwon, and he's here, alone, and heartbroken, coughing up flowers because of his own unrequited love. He didn't know how long he sat there, overwhelmed by his emotions, when suddenly, his phone chimed. Anxin freezes, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Was it a text from Leo? He reached for the phone, his trembling hands betraying him.
He unlocked his phone with his shaky fingers and saw the notification. It was indeed from Leo. Part of him wanted to ignore it, to not let himself be even more heartbroken than he already was, but his curiosity— and maybe just a hint of hope got the better of him. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, he knew he shouldn't expect a declaration of love, but he couldn't help it. He desperately yearned for some glimmer of affection from Leo, something to indicate that he meant more to him than just a placeholder in his heart.
Anxin reads the text, his eyes quickly scanning the words. The message was brief, just a simple “goodnight” with a smiley face. It seemed innocent enough, yet it felt like a crushing blow to Anxin. He was hoping for something more, something that would give him reassurance that he still held a special place in Leo's heart, but instead, it felt cold and indifferent, just a casual goodnight message as if they were mere acquaintances.
His vision blurred as fresh tears welled up in his eyes. He dropped the phone, unable to hold it any longer as the pain and despair threatened to consume him completely. The realization of being nothing more than just an afterthought to Leo was too much for him to bear, and the petals in his chest felt like thorns, tearing his heart apart. How much longer could he endure this suffering before it finally broke him completely?
A few days have passed, Leo spent almost all his day with Sangwon, and recently, Anxin just found out they're in Jeju for vacation. Anxin wouldn't even find this out if not for Harry June, one of Leo and Sangwon's close friends. Anxin confronted Leo about this over the phone, but Leo only told him to stop acting like an immature kid, that he should trust Leo more.
That night, Anxin coughed flower petals again, this time, the petals were accompanied by blood. Anxin in his desperation and heartbreak, reaches for his phone and dialed the number of the person he trusted the most in the world, his Jiahao gege. He curled up on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest as he waited for Jiahao to pick up the phone. Surrounded by the flower petals he just coughed a few moments ago, as the phone rings, Anxin;s heart raced with anticipation, he's silently praying Jiahao will pick up the phone, he knows what to do with everything. Jiahao is a med student, so he definitely knows what to do with Anxin.
Finally, the line connected and he heard Jiahao's soft and calm voice on the other end. “Anxin? Is everything okay?” Jiahao sensed urgency in Anxin's breathing.
Anxin's voice was strained as he spoke, trying to keep his composure despite the overflowing pain in his chest due to petals. “Jiahao gege, I need your help-.” Anxin barely had a chance to tell Jiahao what was happening to him when he heard his door burst open, revealing Jiahao, his face etched with concern. Jiahao, who had been like a big brother to Anxin, had rushed over in record time.
As Jiahao entered the room, he immediately noticed the pile of flower petals on the floor and Anxin's pale trembling form. “Anxin!” Jiahao exclaimed, quickly closing the door behind him and rushing to Anxin's side. Without hesitation, he crouched down next to him, his eyes over the petals with a mix of understanding and worry. It was clear he had already suspected as much.
Jiahao, being a med student with a particular focus on rare conditions,is all too familiar with the devastating effects of Hanahaki Disease. As he knelt beside Anxin, he quickly assessed the situation, his mind shifting into a clinical mode.
He placed a comforting hand on Anxin's shoulder and asked urgently “How long have you been coughing up petals?”
Anxin, his breaths coming in ragged gasps, managed to whisper through the tightness in his chest, “A few…a few days, but it's getting worse, Jiahao gege, it…it hurts so much”
Jiahao's expression tightened, his worry deepening as he recognized the severity of the situation. Hanahaki Disease is unpredictable and unforgiving, and the more affected a person suffers, the more aggravated the condition.
Jiahao gently guided Anxin to sit up, supporting him as he asked “Have you been able to identify the flower petals?” Anxin, his mind still clouded with pain and heartbreak, managed to nod slightly, as he coughed another batch of red carnation petals. “Carnation” he murmured, his voice strained by the petals lodged in his throat. “They're Carnations”
Jiahao's eyes darkened, recognition flickering in his gaze as he looked at the red petals on the younger's palm. “I warned you about Leo before”
Anxin closed his eyes, his chest tightening at Jiahao’s words. He knew Jiahao had tried to warn him, but he had been foolishly stubborn.
“I…I know you did, but…but I thought…” Anxin whispered, his voice tinged with pain. “I thought… he cared for me…I thought I was special to him. What...what will I do gege? Will I die?”
Jiahao's expression hardened, his protective instincts kicking in. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his little brother.
“You're not gonna die,” he said firmly, his voice steady despite the worry he felt inside. “But we need to act quickly. There are two options for treating Hanahaki Disease.” He waited for a moment to let his words sink in, his gaze fixed on Anxin. “The first option is surgical removal of the flowers. It's a quick and relatively simple procedure that can remove the flowers and halt the disease's progression, but the surgery comes with serious consequences. Once the flowers are removed, your feelings for Leo will be severed as well. You'll lose any attachments, any emotional connection to him.”
Anxin's face paled at Jiahao's words. The thought of losing his feelings for Leo hit him like a blow to the chest causing him to cough another petals. Despite everything, he still loved Leo deeply, even if the love is no longer reciprocated.
“And the…the second option?” He managed to choke out.
Jiahao's expression remained serious as he continued.
“The second option is to hope for a reversal of the unrequited love. For Leo to love you back, but…” Jiahao paused, his jaw clenching as he spoke the next words.
“The success rate of this option is extremely low”
Anxin's heart sank at the reality of the situation. The chances of Leo returning his love were slim, especially given how he was spending more time with Sangwon, but the thought of losing his feelings for Leo, of severing the deep connection he had for him, that was equally, if not more devastating.
“So…so either I lose my feelings for Leo, or I hope for something that is nearly impossible?”
Jiahao nodded, his gaze sympathetic yet firm.
“Anxin you have to understand, the longer this goes on, the more it will destroy you. Hanahaki Disease is progressive. The flowers in your chest will take over your lungs, and the pain will only get worse” Jiahao paused, his voice soft “You have to make a decision”
“Can… Can I think about this, gege? and I hope Leo will never find out about this, this is between you and me only”
“Okay. You can take some time to think about this, but don't take too long, okay? And don't worry, I won't tell anyone” Jiahao gently patted Anxin's shoulder.
“Thank you gege, I'll decide soon, I promise”