Chapter Text
"I forgive you." "I forgive you." "Shut up, You're just saying what I want to hear, just be real, why can't you be real, why did I fail you, I didn't deserve this." "You don't deserve this."
/\
The sirens were earsplitting, the lights made Ivan want to die, that or because he was bleeding out on the concrete, his head was split open, he could smell the brain juice leaking out, could hear the people screaming at his pathetic attempt to embrace death, to be free, to not take the blame. It was pathetic, his attempt was pathetic, HE WAS PATHETIC, HE WAS PATHETIC FOR HIS DELUSIONS, HE WAS PATHETIC FOR BLAMING THE PERSON HE LOVED, HE WAS PATHETIC FOR HANGING ONTO A CORPSE, A LEGACY CREATED BY A DEAD MAN THAT WOULD NEVER EVER ACKNOWLEDGE HIS ACHIEVEMENTS, HIS DELUSIONS, BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD, BURNED, BURIED, AND GONE.
/\
Ivan wasn't though, he wasn't going to be for a long time. He had never realized that, had he? Hadn't realized this legacy he had been chasing after didn't have to be made immediately, he didn't even know how to make this legacy, he was so unprepared, so… So desperate to not be like his father to the point that he hadn't realized he was ending up to be just like him, he was failing himself, his mother, his… his Andrew.
/\
Was he ever going to get the chance to be better, to be… a human, a human who lived his life, to FIND a legacy instead of making it?
/\
He will, he will get the chance, this tumor has led him on for so long, made him live this lie for so long… It made him want to live, live a real life, live for himself, for Andrew, instead of this made up legacy. He was going to survive, he wasn't going to let this CANCER control his life any longer, he needed to live.
—
January 19th, 2###
###### Hospital
Room 448
3:17 AM
—
“H- Haagh- HAAGH?!”
Ivan was alive, he didn't know where he was or what happened all he knew was that he was alive, that was a start, all he needed.
/\
“I- IVAN MY BABY! MY BABY YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE ALIVE OH MY GOD IVAN!”
Ivan’s mother snapped her head up at his confused noises, She screamed seeing him alive, her prayers had been answered.
/\
Ivan's mother scrambled out of her seat before bolting out of the room, screaming down the hall for medical help
“D- DOCTOR! NURSE, ANYONE! HE'S ALIVE! M- MY IVAN IS AWAKE AND ALIVE! PLEASE COME!”
/\
Multiple people ran into the room, a few of them looked horrified, others looked dazed but the one thing they all had in common was the feeling of jubilance.
/\
The doctors immediately went to check Ivan's vitals, making sure he wasn't going to suddenly die before a nurse took out a clipboard, she waved her hand slightly to get Ivan’s attention before asking questions.
/\
“Hey… Do you feel okay? Do you remember your name, can you say it for me?”
Ivan stared at the woman for a while before nodding, it was small, almost unnoticeable but the nurse could see it.
“That's good, can you say it for me? Please.”
/\
Ivan tried to speak, maybe scream, he didn't even know at this point. He opened his mouth slightly, he wanted to say his name, wanted to tell his mom he was okay, wanted… wanted to ask for Andrew but only a small mumble came out.
/\
“Sir… you hear me correct?”
Ivan blinked, he wanted to nod, to speak, to just get better but it was almost impossible so… he blinked, the nurse saw and smiled.
/\
“... Hmm alright… I'm gonna touch your chest alright? If you feel any pain at all, do anything in your power to alert me, alright?”
“Mm…”
Another mumble, another useless ability that would never help Ivan.
/\
The nurse did soft touches from Ivan’s neck, checking his veins before slowly going lower. As soon as her fingers brushed over a particularly bruised part of Ivan's chest he let out a strangled noise, he blinked as hard as he could to tell her to stop, his fingers twitched in pain.
/\
The nurse nodded, immediately removing her hand before writing the results down and handing them to another nurse. Ivan’s mother started sobbing at the sight of her baby in such a horrific state.
/\
“I- I haagh… haah… I thought I lost you, I- I can't lose you like I lost your father…”
Ivan's eyes twitched slightly at the mere mention of his father, that legacy he had almost died because of.
/\
“Mmgh…”
“Shh! Shh! D- don't try Ivan, Mommy’s here baby, just… please, please Ivan just relax.”
It didn't matter, Ivan was powerless to try and speak, he really should just… relax… find peace in this horrifying moment.
/\
“Sir, I advise you to get some sleep, we want you out of your confusion as easily as possible and… you look extremely tired."
Ivan tried to touch his eye bags but his arms just wouldn't work with him, it was humiliating, everyone was laughing at him, they were all staring, pitying him, they hated him, the only reason he was alive was because they wanted a paycheck.
/\
No… he was doing it again… he needed to stop this… this negative view point if he was even going to see Andrew at all. He needed to… be better, better than himself but… but how?
/\
Ivan didn't know but just like with legacy, you have to wait, you cannot rush it so, he relaxed his muscles and closed his eyes… waiting… waiting to sleep, to maybe die… he didn't know anymore he just wanted all of this to varnish even for a moment.
/\
“D- Doctor… w- what should I do…?”
“... Well… if you'd like to come in tomorrow, maybe bring some pictures, a book, maybe a blanket he likes… so he won't be bored, it'd help us as well.”
/\
Ivan gulped, not really, he didn't have the ability to but he it felt like one, he didn't know why he was nervous about the thought of his mother caring for him, bringing things he loved… maybe it was because it wasn't Andrew, wasn't Andrew bringing the things or wasn't Andrew being brought.
/\
“Y- you hear that baby? M- Haah… Mommy's gonna bring you all the things from your apartment and my house that you love, l- like that poem book about that freaky supernatural stuff you like alright?”
Ivan didn't react, he didn't want to react, he just wanted to fade into unconsciousness. He just wanted Andrew.
God he was pathetic