Work Text:
Even the most comfortable desk chair the United Kingdom had to offer could not prevent Jem’s spine from wearying after hours of sitting still and staring straight.
The night before, he had locked himself in his home studio overnight in order to finish a song that he had been commissioned to write for the up-and-coming pop star Clarrry — the multiple R’s in her stage name had confused Jem at first, but the extent to which he and Clarrry had gotten along at their initial brainstorming session made the crime of her stage name forgivable. Besides, it’s not like Jem was innocent of the same crime: to the world of musicking, he was known as K.E, a nod to the name he had been given by his Chinese mother. As K.E, he was one of the most sought-after music producers of his day, receiving near-constant requests to collaborate with artists from all around the world.
Behind the elusive façade that his identity of K.E gave him, though, he was Jem Carstairs, a Londoner of twenty-something who led a seemingly normal life. As normal people do, he had scheduled a lunch date with his closest friends for later that day, but given that it was nearly eight in the morning and he hadn’t slept that night, he wondered how he would be able to stay awake and conscious enough to speak to them as friends would.
Whatever, he thought. As if nothing had happened, he continued editing the song he had been working on for Clarrry, adjusting the timing and pitch of the notes in each lane. “One hour and I’ll let myself stop,” he said to himself. He kept his promise: after an hour had passed and he was at least somewhat satisfied with the track, he saved the changes he had made to his project and closed his digital audio workstation. When he stood up, he felt a pinching sensation on the nerves in his back, but he shrugged it off as he walked out of his studio and into his bedroom. Upon his arrival in his bedroom, he collapsed onto his bed, set a two-hour timer on his phone, made sure his ringer was set to full volume, and allowed his exhaustion to take over.
Just as he had planned, his timer rang at eleven o’clock in the morning, jolting him awake. The shock of being woken up dissipated almost immediately, though, as he found himself dragging his feet to his kitchen. A strong black tea would heal me, he thought as he turned on his kettle to boil water.
As the kettle boiled, a soft ping came from Jem’s phone, which he immediately knew meant that one of his closest friends had messaged him. He reached into his pocket and opened a phone to see exactly that:
Tessa Gray
heyyy are we still on for today?
Before Jem could even respond, another message came in:
Charlotte Fairchild
yes of course!
Jem smiled at the reminder that he was scheduled to be meeting with Tessa and Charlotte, his two closest friends from university. He and Tessa had met in their first-year English class, while Charlotte had been the experienced third-year who had taken them both under her wing and later helped Jem land his first job in the music industry.
Jem Carstairs
yes :3
The second Jem’s message was marked as delivered, a gray heart appeared on his message, which he recognized as Tessa’s signature reaction. He smiled to himself, poured his tea, and sipped it as he scrolled through his e-mails. Clarrry’s team had asked for an update on the song they’d been working on, to which Jem replied that he had been working hard on it. The Korean talent agency F&F Entertainment had responded favorably to Jem’s request to write a song for their idol group UNIS, bringing a smile to Jem’s face and giving him something exciting to tell Tessa and Charlotte over lunch.
After looking through a few more e-mails, Jem shut off his phone and walked to his bathroom to get ready to leave the house. As he looked in the mirror, his eyes began to focus on the black patches growing at the roots of his silver-dyed hair. “Well, fuck,” he said to himself, running his fingers through his hair in mild annoyance.
His shower was peaceful and much-needed, the lavender shower gel washing away the sweat and exhaustion from his sleepless night. The air in the bathroom was still cold on his skin when he stepped out of the shower, even though it had been warmed and humidified a bit by the steam emanating from the water. His hair dried quickly under the heat of his hairdryer, which brought him some comfort from the strikingly cold air of the bathroom. After dressing himself in a stylish yet comfortable outfit and quickly running a comb through his hair, he was ready to catch the bus downtown to meet his friends.
London was always cold at this time of year, but somehow the air seemed more piercing than usual. Jem’s ears and cheeks were covered by a hat, which gave him some level of protection during his walks to and from the bus stops. The transition from the cold air to the warmth of the well-heated restaurant was abrupt yet welcome, and even more welcome were Tessa and Charlotte, who had already arrived and gotten a table.
“Hey, my dears,” said Jem, walking to the table to greet his friends before hanging up his coat and hat.
“Jem!” Tessa exclaimed, the bright smile on her face making her blue-gray eyes shine. “Sit next to me,” she said, patting the empty space next to her on the bench.
“Of course I will,” Jem replied with a smile as he sat down next to Tessa.
Charlotte was sitting across from them, her eyes having been fixated on the menu until Jem walked in. “You two on one side and me on the other, just like how you two used to follow me around like little ducks in university,” she said with a chuckle. “Speaking of ducks, a little duck walked into my work yesterday, but more on that later. What are we getting?”
Jem raised an eyebrow at Charlotte’s nonchalant announcement, but laughed it off and picked up the menu. He decided to order yet another dark black tea to go along with his lunch, hoping desperately that the heat and caffeine it would bring would be enough to keep him awake until nighttime.
The group’s friendly chatter continued as friendly chatter does until they were each a few bites into their meal, when Tessa decided to steer the conversation back to Charlotte’s earlier quip. “So, Charlotte, what was that about a duck walking into your job?”
Not wanting to speak with her mouth full, Charlotte held up her free hand to signal that she had yet to finish her bite of fettucine. After a few seconds, she put her fork down and looked at Jem and Tessa, who were sitting across from her expectantly. “So, you know how I landed that A&R role at London Shadow Productions a few months back?”
“Yes?” Jem said, the potential intrigue of Charlotte’s story keeping him from falling fast asleep.
“Well, trouble’s back. The fucker we all know and love has waltzed into LSP and signed a contract for three albums,” said Charlotte.
“You can’t mean…” Tessa trailed off, expecting Jem to be thinking of the same person.
Charlotte gave Tessa an empathetic frown as she nodded her head. “Will Herondale is back in my life.”
“He always comes back,” said Jem. “He says he hates us and wants us dead, but he always comes back.”
“And Jem, I have extra bad news for you,” said Charlotte.
Tessa shook her head. “Don’t kill the man, Charlotte. He’s running on caffeine and vibes as it is.”
“Thank you, Tessa, but I’d like to know what’s happening,” said Jem, bracing himself for anything that Charlotte could possibly say.
“Will Herondale has fallen in love with the style of a music producer known as K.E and has been bothering me and my colleagues about getting in touch with this mysterious artist,” said Charlotte.
Jem stared blankly at Charlotte, his eyes blinking slowly. He wanted to blink his eyes quickly to jolt himself awake so that he could process what Charlotte had just said to him.
“Jem, your ex wants a song from you,” said Tessa, lightly slapping Jem on his arm.
“I…” Jem trailed off, leaning back against his seat and rubbing his eyes. “Does he know who I am?”
Charlotte shook her head. “He’s not smart enough to have figured it out. I bet he didn’t even take the time to remember your Chinese name, did he?”
Jem shook his head. “Probably not, no,” he said. “He can dream and pine and yearn for this magical K.E, but he can’t get me under his spell again.”
“I remember when he broke up with you and then started texting you again,” said Tessa. “We ran into him at the library and you straight up asked him if he’d come back to you. He fucking said no and laughed in your face.”
Jem nodded along, remembering the story more and more with every word Tessa said.
“But then that night, you got a text from him asking if you were up. He’s such a bad liar.” Tessa emphasized the second, fourth, and last words in her last sentence.
“He’s a boomerang,” said Jem, “and I wish I’d learned to throw him horizontally. Thank you for telling me all this, Charlotte.”
“You can count on me,” said Charlotte, flashing the same warm smile that had always made Jem feel safe and loved. “Anyways, what’s new with you two? Jem, any news with your pitch to F&F for UNIS?”
“They said yes,” replied Jem, eliciting a happy squeal of congratulation from Tessa and a whoop of excitement from Charlotte. In a K-pop world growing more and more saturated with soulless music from the same entertainment giants, UNIS’s fresh take on K-pop had always stood out to Jem. He had been following UNIS since their formation through the competition show Universe Ticket, so the news that their management had accepted his request to collaborate with the group brought light to what would have otherwise been a day clouded by Will Herondale, the storm that never subsided.
“Any ideas for the song?” Charlotte asked.
“Well, I have a couple of demos that I’d already written with them in mind, so I’ll start with those and see what their management thinks,” said Jem, a giddy air still present in his voice. “Tessa, I might need your voice for a few of them if that’s okay.”
Tessa nodded excitedly. “I got you,” she said. “I know you love my high notes. How would tomorrow work for a recording session?”
“Sounds good!”
After about an hour of eating, friendly chatter, and laughter at the most absurd inside jokes they had developed since their meeting in university, the trio decided it was time to wrap up their meeting. Jem and Tessa each paid Charlotte their share of the check, then they all said their goodbyes and began their journeys home. Somehow, the weather had become even less forgiving than it had been on the way to the restaurant, so Jem wrapped his scarf around his face to protect his nose and mouth from the cold. I’ll have to have a third cup of tea when I get home, he thought. However, when he got home, his lack of sleep had caught up to him, the exhaustion taking over his body and causing him to collapse on his couch before even being able to take off his coat and scarf.
—
Jem was drowning in his midterm exams. His watch told him it was half past nine, which meant he had been studying for his neuroscience midterm for five hours with barely any breaks. Jessamine, the non-academically oriented girl who sat next to him in their advanced music production class, would probably tell him that five hours was much too long to spend studying for an exam for an elective course, but Jem would not have been inclined to take her words into account. The workaholic mindset had been ingrained into him from a young age.
Suddenly, he felt a breeze against his side and heard a vague voice that was probably asking to share the table with him. Fuck, he thought. I picked a small table hoping that no one would sit with me. Not wanting to be rude, though, he took off his silver headphones and looked up to see the face of his… boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Situationship?
“Will, what are you doing here?” Jem asked, annoyance present in his usually-calm voice.
“There are no other seats,” Will said, gesturing to a clearly half-empty library.
“You’re such a bad liar,” Jem deadpanned. “Please, Will, leave me alone.”
Will ignored him and took a seat across from him, paying no mind to the pages of notes and cheatsheets that were scattered all over the table. “I miss you, Jem,” he said.
“Will, stop fucking with me. Are you ever coming back to me?”
“I just did. I’m sitting right here.”
Jem sighed, closed his laptop, and looked Will dead in the eyes. “No, seriously. I mean, are you actually interested in dating me again?”
“No,” said Will with a laugh. His laugh rang through the quiet library like a drop of water causing ripples in a still lake. But unlike the ripples caused by a drop of water, Will’s cruel laugh never stopped rippling through the library.
—
Well, it never stopped rippling through the library formed by Jem’s subconscious — he woke up with a jolt and immediately started checking his surroundings to confirm that he had been dreaming. He breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar sight of his well-organized apartment that he somehow managed to keep neat even though he worked nearly nonstop. “Just a dream, Jem,” he said to himself, checking his watch to see that it was nearly six o’clock in the evening. Fuck, I was out for four whole hours, he thought.
In an attempt to get up that was foiled by his tired daze, Jem stretched out like a kitten, then fell off his couch unceremoniously, also like a kitten, but one who was only just learning how to be a cat. Jem often felt the same way: he had been out of university for nearly five years now and had a relatively stable career as K.E, but he still felt as if he was learning how to be an adult.
His first childish mistake of the day had been to believe that caffeine fixed everything, as had been his second, and now his third as he walked to the kitchen to prepare himself yet another cup of dark black tea. If the silver kettle located on Jem’s spotlessly clean countertop were to grow a brain, it would have thought that Jem was not in his right mind. But Jem did not care about the hypothetical happening of his kettle judging his life choices and proceeded to pour himself a cup of tea.
As he drank his tea and scrolled through e-mails, the dream he’d dreamt began to ripple through his mind like Will’s laugh did in the dream. It was like he was back in his university days: overcaffeinating and thinking about Will Herondale.
“God damn it, I don’t like it,” he said to himself, referencing a song written and released by his producer friend in South Korea whose stage name was similar to his own — the similarity had been the reason for their friendship. “Just why does he have to worm his way into my life at the weirdest moments? Even when he says he’ll never come back and that he hates me, he’ll always come back. What a bad liar.”
Bad liar. That phrase had popped up in Tessa’s diatribe against Will at lunch earlier that day, then made an appearance in Jem’s dream, and now Jem had said it himself in a conscious state. Its repeated relevance made it seem poetic to Jem, whose brain started twisting and turning in a way that Jem never thought it would again. “Maybe I could let Charlotte know to tell Will that K.E is interested in a collaboration,” he said to himself as he washed his teacup and opened the cupboard to grab a protein bar to fuel his nightly studio session.
Jem walked into his home studio, locked the door, and sat down in his desk chair, which was comfortable enough but not a magical cure for his back problems. He opened his digital audio workstation, checked over the song he had been working on for Clarrry, and sent the appropriate files to her team. Next on his list was to send the rough demos of the songs he had written with UNIS in mind to Tessa in preparation for their studio session the following day. But as he wrote short descriptions of each song and instructions for Tessa to come up with ideas to bring to him the following day, the phrase ‘bad liar’ kept floating around in his brain. The phrase hit every corner of Jem’s brain like how the old DVD logo would bounce around and hit the corners of a television screen, but it was like every corner was an instrument and the bouncing of the phrase was creating a song.
“Fuck it, I can’t contain what’s in my brain,” said Jem. After making sure to save all his projects and send everything to whomever they needed to be sent, he opened a new project in his digital audio workstation titled ‘bad liar.logicx’.
Jem’s brain was uncontainable indeed, his ideas spilling out through his fingers into his Logic Pro X project. A gritty fusion of pop and rock came together quickly yet somehow not haphazardly. When it came time for lyrics, the pre-chorus came naturally to Jem:
But when you go ahead and ask
“Are you ever coming back to me?”
I say no and laugh
Oh baby, I am such a bad—
He knew he wanted the refrain to start with an explosive belt of the word ‘liar,’ so he set up a few vocal tracks to begin experimenting with the rest of the chorus. Recording vocals usually went quite smoothly for Jem, and today was no different: his vocals flowed as naturally from his chest as the beat flowed from his brain into his Logic project. After getting to a point at which he was satisfied with his progress for the night, he saved his project, shut down his desktop computer, and opened his messages with Charlotte on his phone.
Jem Carstairs
please tell will herondale that K.E would be happy to write a song for him.
With that, Jem left his studio and almost immediately collapsed in bed, paying no mind to how he was dressed, what he had eaten, or what time it was.
—
Charlotte Fairchild
Jem are you ok?
Charlotte Fairchild
the lack of sleep is getting to you.
Charlotte Fairchild
get back to me after you get your sleep schedule back on track because I really don’t want you to make any stupid decisions while you’re delirious from lack of sleep.
“What did I…” Jem wondered, barely even awake enough to remember why Charlotte could have been messaging this. “What could I possibly have…”
Before he could even begin to call the night before to mind, another text message came in:
Tessa Gray
do you want me to pick up breakfast otw to you?
Relieved at the prospect of not having to cook his own breakfast, Jem texted Tessa back a quick ‘yes please :3’, then opened his messages with Charlotte. Upon seeing that he had agreed to collaborate with Will Herondale, the events of the night before slowly started rippling back into his mind. For a short few seconds, he marveled at the fact that his delirious state had caused him to write a song for his ex-boyfriend, then replied to Charlotte’s messages:
Jem Carstairs
i already wrote the song
Jem Carstairs
i think
Jem Carstairs
last night was a blur
Jem then put his phone in his pocket and attempted to get out of bed, but he was stopped by the nerves of his own back being pinched by the vertebrae that were supposed to protect them. “Fuck my stupid fucking life,” he cursed under his breath, trying to reach back into his pocket for his phone but again being stopped by his own back. “First, I wake up to find out that my exhaustion-induced delirium caused me to write a song for my stupid fucking ex-boyfriend, and now I can’t get out of bed.”
After a few minutes of carefully strategizing the least painful way to reach into his pocket, Jem was finally able to access his phone to message Tessa:
Jem Carstairs
my back went out :(
Jem Carstairs
im still down to work today but you might have to help me get into the studio
Jem Carstairs
if thats weird i understand and we can reschedule ^—^
Not even a minute later, he received a reply:
Tessa Gray
diva i already placed my order for croissants i’m coming over regardless!
Jem Carstairs
thank you my dear tessa ily more than anything
With that, Jem set his phone down haphazardly and accepted slumber’s call, his physical and mental exhaustion washing over his body like a tidal wave.
An hour or so later, he felt an unusually warm hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to the sight of Tessa, who was standing over him with a soft smile on her face.
“That house key you gave me really came in handy today,” she said.
“It sure did,” said Jem, trying but failing to turn his head to look at Tessa. “Thanks for coming, my dear.”
“No problem at all,” said Tessa. “Croissants are in the kitchen. Where’s your walker?”
Jem gestured at the silver walker in the corner of his bedroom, the pain in his back distracting his brain from performing the necessary operations to connect his thoughts to his voice. As he watched Tessa walk to the corner and drag the walker back over to him, he remembered when he had first started feeling pains in his back during his and Tessa’s final year of university. His first major flare-up had happened only a few weeks into a new living arrangement with a new set of roommates, neither of whom had been home at the time. So, he had called the ever-reliable Tessa. Later that week, she and Charlotte had taken him to the hospital, where he had gotten diagnosed with a herniated disc.
“Here you go,” said Tessa, reaching towards Jem to lift him into his walker in the least painful way possible.
Jem nodded his head, barely pushing out a thank-you before using all of his strength to stand up with the support of his walker. With Tessa’s help, he slowly walked to the kitchen, his eyes drifting to the bottle of painkillers next to his kettle.
“Pain meds?” said Tessa.
“You read my mind,” replied Jem. “Next to the kettle.”
Tessa paused for a moment to ruffle Jem’s hair, then walked to the kettle to boil water for tea for both of them. While the water boiled, Tessa took the somehow-still-warm croissants she had bought out of their box, then put them on plates for herself and Jem.
“Thank you,” said Jem, putting a little bit more weight on his walker.
“Friends help friends,” replied Tessa. As soon as those words left her mouth, the kettle let out a soft beep, letting Tessa know that the water had boiled.
Wishing he could help, Jem watched Tessa grab two mugs from the cupboard and prepare tea for both of them. After pouring the tea and bringing both mugs to the kitchen island, Tessa reached for the intricate box that Jem kept his pain medication in. Tessa knew from years of taking care of Jem during his flare-ups that the design on the box depicted the Chinese deity Guanyin, whose name translating to ‘the one who hears the sounds of the world’ made Jem hope that she would hear the sounds of his pain.
“Here you go,” said Tessa as she handed Jem his pain medication.
“Thank you,” replied Jem. The two drank their tea and ate their croissants, with Jem adding a pill with one of his sips of tea. After about ten minutes, Jem began to feel the pain dissipating from his body thanks to the pill, but he still decided to use his walker so as not to put as much pressure on his back when he and Tessa walked to his home studio to work on the demos for UNIS. Tessa helped Jem into his desk chair, then Jem turned on his computer and was met with what he had created the night before: ‘bad liar.logicx’.
“Looks like you’ve already laid some vocals down for this,” said Tessa before Jem had fully processed what he was looking at. “Can I hear?”
Jem blinked a few times in confusion, then realized that the project on his screen was what he had been working on the night before. “Oh, no, this isn’t one of the UNIS ones. You can still hear it if you’d like, though,” he said, switching the audio output to his studio speakers rather than his headphones so that he could play the song for both of them. Tessa nodded in excitement, so Jem pressed ‘play’, filling the room with whatever emotions had been poured into his Logic Pro X project. While the music played, Jem opened his phone to see a series of messages from Charlotte:
Charlotte Fairchild
what do you mean “I think”? you must be really sleep deprived
Charlotte Fairchild
if you have, in fact, written the song, then please take some time to think about whether you actually want to send it to Will.
Charlotte Fairchild
again, I don’t want you to do anything you regret
Charlotte Fairchild
sleep deprivation does crazy things to the brain
Charlotte Fairchild
but if the song does exist and you’ve actually thought about this then I’d be happy to get it to Will
Charlotte Fairchild
good luck with your studio session with Tessa today! I love you
Jem let out a soft sigh and typed a reply:
Jem Carstairs
thank you for being so considerate my dear charlotte <3 i’ll give it some more thought for sure!!
“Wow, this is good,” said Tessa, pulling Jem’s attention away from his phone.
“It is? I did it all last night,” said Jem.
“I wouldn’t have guessed. It’s so polished,” said Tessa. “It kind of sounds like a Will Herondale song, though, but less trashy.”
Jem looked up at Tessa, his eyebrows twisting into a quizzical expression. “You listen to him?”
“Not legally,” said Tessa, shaking her head. “It’s kind of like a guilty pleasure of mine. I like his trashy, Walmart pop-rock, dollar store Imagine Dragons type songs.”
“What if I told you this song came to me after lunch yesterday?” Jem asked nonchalantly.
“Ah, yes, that would make sense. Now that I think about it, I was calling him a bad liar yesterday,” said Tessa, taking a moment to look at the screen and examine how the instruments were arranged. “So, K.E, do you think you’ll take Will up on his offer?”
Jem gave a slight nod. “Yes. If I gave this song to anyone else, they’d get cancelled for copying Will Herondale’s style.”
“You could release it yourself,” said Tessa.
“No, Will would start a smear campaign against me for ‘riding his coattails’ and his crazy fans would follow his every command. They’d probably doxx me and find out that I’m his ex and that would make things a million times worse,” said Jem.
“You’re not wrong,” Tessa nodded in agreement.
“I’ll see,” said Jem. “For now, shall we work on the UNIS demos?”
“Sure!” Tessa replied. With that, Jem opened his Logic project for the first of a few demos that he had written with UNIS in mind. On top of being a skilled composer and arranger, Jem was an efficient vocal director, which showed in how quickly and effortlessly Tessa understood his instructions. As a result of this, Jem and Tessa were able to complete their vocal recordings in record time, which gave Jem more time than expected to mix Tessa’s vocals into the tracks. After finishing up for the day, Jem and Tessa said their goodbyes and Tessa left for home, leaving Jem on his own.
Jem took a sip from the water bottle that he kept on his desk and was met with the realization that the water in his bottle was no longer cold and had developed a weird taste. Instead of solving the problem immediately as he usually did, though, he stayed in his chair and continued to work, his back pain preventing him from going to the kitchen to wash his water bottle. He opened his e-mail inbox to check for replies from artists to whom he had pitched songs only to be met with an e-mail from an A&R representative at London Shadow Productions:
Dear K.E,
I hope you are well. My name is Gideon and I am an A&R representative at London Shadow Productions. Our artist, Will Herondale, has expressed interest in working with you. Let me know if you would be interested in collaborating with him on a song or two.
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
Gideon? Jem thought. My annoying ex-roommate Gabe’s older brother? He works at LSP? And, just, what the fuck?
Jem picked up his phone to call Charlotte to clarify the situation only to be met with a message from her:
Charlotte Fairchild
if you get an email from LSP in your business email about working with Will just know that he and his team have been bothering me and my colleagues to hell and back about a K.E collab.
“Classic Will, bothering everyone until he gets what he wants,” Jem said to himself, deciding to call Charlotte anyway.
After a few rings, Charlotte picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey, Charlotte,” said Jem. “I’m not mad, don’t worry.”
“You’re never mad,” said Charlotte. “I tried to get them to leave the situation alone, but Will just kept persisting. He just kept going on and on about how much he loves everything you’ve created. So, one of my colleagues reached out to you just to shut him up.”
“Thank you for letting me know. I think the colleague in question might be my ex-roommate’s older brother. Remember Gabe who roomed with me final year?” said Jem.
“Gideon’s his brother?” Charlotte asked with an air of shock to her voice. “That’s crazy because Gabe was such a problem while Gideon’s never been anything but kind to me.”
“Maybe that’s why Gabe hated him so much,” said Jem. “Anyways, if Gideon had to reach out to me just to shut Will up, maybe I’ll have to send him a song to keep him quiet.”
“The song does exist, right?” asked Charlotte.
“Yes, I basically spilled out all of my feelings into a Logic project last night. Tessa thinks I should pitch it,” answered Jem.
“Then maybe you should,” said Charlotte. “But still, I encourage you to give it some thought before you make any decisions. He’ll probably find out who you are at some point during this process.”
“That he will,” remarked Jem.
”Give it some thought,” repeated Charlotte. “I should probably go. I have a date tonight.”
“Ooh la la! Tell me about it!” Jem exclaimed, excited at the prospect of his friend finally falling in love.
“His name is Henry and he’s one of those weird artsy guys but he actually seems cool,” said Charlotte. “I’ll tell you everything, okay?”
“Okay! Good luck!” said Jem, hanging up the phone to let Charlotte finish her work early so that she could go home to get ready for her date. He then rolled backwards in his chair with a long, loud sigh, nearly hitting the wall due to his lack of attention to how much force he had applied when rolling backwards.
“Fuck my stupid fucking life,” he said to himself, trying with his limited mobility to push himself back to his desk. It took a minute or so for him to find a way that he could garner enough momentum without putting too much pressure on his back, but he ultimately succeeded, slowly rolling back to his desk to see the e-mail from Gideon from LSP staring him in the face. Fuck it, he thought, pressing the ‘reply’ button:
Good afternoon, Gideon!
So nice to be connected. I would be honored to work with Will Herondale. I actually have a song in the depths of Logic Pro X that I think would suit his vocal capabilities and the sonic atmosphere of his discography. I have attached a preview of it to this e-mail. If he likes what he heard, I would be happy to work with him to turn it into a masterpiece.
[bad liar.wav]
-K.E (he/him)
He was lying, of course. He did not feel nicely about connecting with the brother of his former roommate, he would not be honored to work with his ex-boyfriend, and ‘Bad Liar’ had been created the day before, not extracted from the deep abyss of the Logic Pro X projects folder on his computer. His Logic projects folder wasn’t even a deep abyss — rather, it was well-organized, like everything in his life save for his sleep schedule.
Paying his lies no mind, he sent the e-mail to Gideon and proceeded to make his way to the couch, where he sat down and turned on YouTube to help clear his mind. For some unknown reason, videos about the most unusual religious sects the world had to offer had always been interesting to him, despite him having little experience with organized religion through which he could relate to the videos.
When Jem was about halfway through the hour-long video essay about the origins of Mormonism he had decided to watch, he checked his phone to see that he had received a reply from Gideon from LSP:
Dear K.E,
Thank you for your prompt reply. I played the demo for Will in our recent meeting. He was overjoyed and would like to know if/when you are available to work together in person for a studio session.
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
I’ll reply later, he thought, not excited at the prospect of having to meet his ex-boyfriend in person and even less excited at the potentiality of having to bring him to his home studio. He put his phone on the coffee table and continued watching his video, only picking up his phone again to order Chinese food from the least British-ified place he could find in London.
—
To his relief and to the potential surprise of anyone who knew him, Jem woke up the next day in his bed, wearing proper pajamas, and with minimal back pain. As per usual, he got out of bed to make himself tea and breakfast, and when he sat down to drink his tea, he opened his phone to see a few notifications from Charlotte and Tessa:
Charlotte Fairchild
so I think the date went well…
Tessa Gray
OH?? tell me more!!
Charlotte Fairchild
he’s like. a combination of an entrepreneurial spirit and an artsy freak but in a good way. I will be going on a second date
Tessa Gray
im so happy for youuuu
Tessa Gray
divas we should meet up this afternoon if ur all free today and if jem can walk
Jem decided to reply:
Jem Carstairs
charlotteee this is so exciting i’m so happy for you <3
Jem Carstairs
im free today & can walk to an extent ^—^
He then closed his messaging app and opened his e-mails only to be met with the e-mail that Gideon had sent the night before.
“Will Herondale likes my fucking song and now I have to meet up with him so that it doesn’t go to fucking waste,” said Jem, dragging his fingers to type a reply. “What have I done?”
Hi Gideon!
My schedule is quite flexible, so I would be happy to meet anytime next week. Have a nice and relaxing weekend.
-K.E (he/him)
“And, done. Hopefully he won’t bother me until Monday,” he said, clicking on a notification that had just come in from Tessa:
Tessa Gray
oh we cheered! how about the bookstore we always go to?
Tessa’s mention of the bookstore conjured up images in Jem’s head of when he had taken Will to a different bookstore close to their university campus with the brilliant idea of introducing him to Tessa. Will and Tessa had begun to bond over their shared love of classic literature, but when Will’s relationship with Jem had begun to deteriorate, Tessa had taken Jem’s side — yes, it was a deterioration in which sides had to be taken, although not all breakups are like that. Nevertheless, Jem replied with a quick ‘yes of course :3’ and set his phone down to continue drinking his tea.
After finishing his tea and breakfast, he stood up to clean his dishes and take a quick shower before making his way to his studio to put the final touches on the demos for UNIS before sending them to F&F. The pitch correction and time alignment he had put on Tessa’s vocals had been incorrect in a few places, so he corrected those things, then moved on to applying some extra effects on a few of the vocal harmonies and instruments. A vocal chop added to the transition from the prechorus to the chorus of a magical track added a sense of brokenness and urgency, which fit well with the English demo lyrics that he had written for the track. Of course, the lyrics would be translated into Korean for UNIS, but Jem hoped that the Korean lyricists would preserve at least some of the original English meaning.
When the clock struck one, Jem decided that it was time to leave the house so that he could make it on time to his books-and-coffee date with Tessa and Charlotte at 1:30. Bringing his pain medication and his walker for support in case something happened, he put on his coat and boots and began to walk to the bookstore. The air was cold, but not as piercing as it had been two days before when Jem had met with Tessa and Charlotte for lunch. Nevertheless, Jem was relieved to step inside the well-heated bookstore and be able to take off his coat.
“Hey, Jem,” said Tessa, beckoning him to a table in the bookstore’s small yet well-stocked café.
“Hey,” Jem replied. He took his seat next to Tessa, doing so painstakingly so as not to risk triggering a flare-up of back pain in the middle of the bookstore. “I hope you don’t mind me having my walker. You know how bad it was yesterday.”
“No worries!” Tessa said. “I’m thinking we’ll do coffee first, then books, so we don’t risk spilling our drinks all over our new books.”
“Good thinking,” said Jem. As he spoke, he noticed Charlotte walking into the bookstore, so he called for her to join him and Tessa at their table. After some chatter, it was decided that Tessa would go up to the register and order for the three of them, leaving Jem and Charlotte alone for a few minutes.
“So, what ended up happening with Gideon and the Will demo? I turned off my work phone for the weekend,” said Charlotte.
“I sent Gideon the demo, and lo and behold, I get a reply half an hour later saying that he’d played Will the demo and Will is obsessed with it,” said Jem with a soft sigh. “I can’t go back now, can I?”
Charlotte nodded. “I guess not. But hey, this means Will can finally release something with more substance and depth,” she remarked with a soft chuckle.
Jem smirked in agreement. “Hopefully your date isn’t as… lacking-of-depth, shall we say, as Will and his music.”
“Oh, he’s definitely not, but I’ll wait until Tessa’s back to tell you,” said Charlotte.
“I can’t wait to hear all about it,” said Jem. He quickly checked his notifications on his phone to see that Gideon had replied to him. “Fuck my life, Charlotte.”
Charlotte tilted her head. “What happened?”
“Gideon replied to me and now I have to worry about replying to him,” said Jem.
“On a Saturday?” Charlotte asked.
“On a Saturday,” Jem replied. “I’m going to check what he said so I don’t have to worry about it.”
“Show me!” Charlotte explained.
Jem opened his phone and began to read the e-mail from Gideon aloud:
Dear K.E,
I am overjoyed to hear of your flexible schedule and I am sure Will will be overjoyed as well. How would Monday from 10:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. work? And would you rather meet at your usual workspace or at the studio we usually send LSP’s artists to? We usually send our artists to Blackthorn Media Group in Soho if that works for you.
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
“I find it curious that he’d reply on a Saturday,” said Charlotte after Jem finished reading the e-mail aloud.
“Will is very demanding, so it makes sense to me that Gideon would feel compelled to reply so quickly,” said Jem.
Charlotte nodded. “Makes sense,” she said.
Almost on cue, Tessa came back holding a tray with all of the food and drinks the three of them had ordered. “One black coffee for Charlotte, one black tea and an éclair for Jem, and a caramel frappé with extra caramel for me,” she said as she passed out the food and drinks. “Damn, you guys are depressing as hell!”
Charlotte laughed at Tessa’s comment. “At least Jem has some sweetness,” she said.
“Yeah, but the situation I’m dealing with cancels it out. We’re even, Charlotte,” said Jem.
“What situation?” asked Tessa as she sat down.
“Well, after our session, some A&R guy from LSP reached out to me and told me that Will really wants a K.E song, so I sent him Bad Liar, then in the span of half a fucking hour, the guy got back to me saying that he’d played it for Will, and now they want to schedule a studio session with me on Monday,” said Jem. “Oh, and not to mention, remember fucking Gabe who was my roommate final year? The guy from LSP just so happens to be his fucking brother.”
“Gideon?” asked Tessa.
“You know him?” said Jem.
“Yeah, he was the TA for my music marketing class second year,” said Tessa. “He’s so nice. I don’t know where his parents went wrong with Gabe.”
Jem nodded in agreement. “I’m so thankful that Gabe fucked off to France with Will’s little sister so that I never have to deal with that fuckwit again. But what’s worse, an ex-roommate or an ex-boyfriend?”
“Ex-boyfriend for sure,” said Tessa, and Charlotte gave a thumbs up.
“For real. Enough about exes, though,” said Jem, not wanting to drag the conversation on any longer. “Let’s move on to happy relationships. Tell us about your date, Charlotte!”
“Gladly,” said Charlotte, who then revealed to Jem and Tessa the details of her date with the artsy and entrepreneurial but somehow not weird Henry.
After everything had been revealed and the three of them had finished their drinks (and Jem his éclair), they began to traverse the aisles of the bookstore. They first went to the foreign-language literature section so that Jem could find books to read in order to keep up his Mandarin Chinese skills — it had been his first language growing up in Shanghai, but after moving to his father’s homeland of England at the age of twelve, he had begun to lose touch with it. When Jem had found a few books that looked easy enough for him to read, the three of them made their way to the classic literature section for Charlotte and Tessa, Jem being careful not to knock over any bookshelves with his walker.
As the trio got closer and closer to the classic literature section, Jem began to hear a voice that he had heard what felt like a million times in his life. The slightly Welsh-accented voice, usually snappy and boisterous, was hushed due to the person it came from being inside a bookstore, reminding Jem of how the person in question would use the same hushed tone to whisper to him both sweet nothings and filthy requests. This can’t be fucking happening, Jem thought.
“Guys, do you hear that?” said Jem in an even more hushed tone so that Will would not hear him.
“Hear what?” said Tessa.
Jem gestured to Tessa and Charlotte to move closer to him, then whispered to both of them, “I think Will is here.”
Tessa covered her mouth in shock as she moved away from Jem. “This can’t be…”
“Jem, do you want to stay here while we go in?” said Charlotte.
Jem shook his head, trying to breathe deeply to calm his nerves. “I’d prefer not to be alone, because what if he comes out and notices me while you two are in there and then I have to deal with him? I’ll just go with you. If I must face him, I’d rather it be with you.”
“Fair,” said Charlotte, walking into the classic literature aisle with Jem and Tessa following close behind. Standing in the aisle were two men, one of which was wearing a black hoodie and a black mask. The black-clad man’s eyes and hair were still visible, though, and the piercing blue of his eyes sent shivers down Jem’s already-aching spine.
To Jem’s horror, the man looked up from the book that he was looking at and immediately made eye contact with Jem, confirming that he was, in fact, Will Herondale.
“Jem?”
“Hey, you,” said Jem, putting on an air of playfulness to cover up his anxiety.
“I never expected to see you of all people in the classic literature section,” said Will. “I’d expect to find you in the music section, the BookTok slop section—well, that’s more like Tessa—or maybe the horror section, but never here.”
“I’m just here with Charlotte and Tessa. I’ll leave you alone now,” Jem said, turning away from Will with his walker.
“Hey, are you okay?” asked Will, pointing to Jem’s walker.
“When I said I’d leave you alone, I said it in hopes that you would leave me alone as well,” said Jem, his playful façade quickly fading away.
“But you’re so irresistible,” said Will. “Besides, it’s not every day that you see your gorgeous ex-boyfriend manning a walker in the aisles of a bookstore. It’s a curious sight. And you’re still dyeing your hair silver. You might want to go for a touch-up soon. Your roots are looking a little-”
“Will, please,” Jem interrupted quietly. “I don’t have the energy for this.”
“Well, okay, then, if you insist.” Will went back to looking at his books, leaving Jem relieved at not having to speak to him any longer. With a silent yet visible sigh of relief, Jem turned around to see Tessa and Charlotte with three books in each of their carts. “Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think I’ve got a decent selection,” said Tessa. “Charlotte?”
“I’m ready,” said Charlotte. With that, the three of them made their way to the cashier, hushedly discussing the silliest of matters in order to distract Jem from having to think about Will any longer.
After they had bought all of their books, they started saying their goodbyes. Jem turned around and opened his arms wide, and Charlotte and Tessa immediately came in to hug him.
“I fucking love you guys,” said Jem. “You are truly the kindest, most supportive, most interesting people I’ve ever met. I’m lucky to be able to call you two my friends.”
“Aww, Jem,” said Tessa, ruffling Jem’s hair. Charlotte would have done the same had she been a bit taller.
“Jem, like your name, you’re a shining diamond in this dark world. I too am lucky to call you my friend,” said Charlotte. “And Tessa, you are my light. You bring warmth and comfort to every room you step in.”
“You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” said Tessa.
“I can only say the same,” replied Charlotte. “Now, off you go, my little duckies. Jem, I might see you on Monday. Tessa, I’ll see you when I see you.”
The three of them released each other from their embraces and went their separate ways. The silver metal of Jem’s walker felt cold on his hands even through the thick gloves that he had worn, but he paid the sensation no mind and walked home as quickly as possible. When he got home, he decided to change his clothes, make himself a cup of hot chocolate, curl up on the couch, and read his new Chinese books to the best of his ability. After getting through a few chapters of one of his books, he decided to reply to Gideon:
Hi Gideon!
Yes, that time slot works. Blackthorn is best for me. I am looking forward to meeting with you and Will.
-K.E (he/him)
—
Monday came around, and Jem decided that he could not afford to let his stress show or to do anything that could risk further judgment by Will. As K.E, Jem had Will wrapped around his finger, but all of that would most likely come crashing down the moment they met in person and Will realized that K.E was the ex-boyfriend he had loved to hate and hated to love. So, Jem dressed stylishly so as not to appear disheveled, then made sure all of the necessary files were on a flash drive and packed up all of his necessary equipment so that he would not face any issues at the studio. He had been to Blackthorn a number of times to work with various artists, including but not limited to Pinkpantheress, ZAYN, and Krystal Jung, the latter of whose solo album was expected to come out in February of some unknown year. He was thus familiar with what would be provided to him at Blackthorn and what he and his collaborators would have to bring themselves.
In order to boost his confidence even further, he decided to put his earbuds in and play a song released by his producer friend in South Korea with a similar stage name. Jem somehow found comfort in the somewhat depressing lyrics of his friend’s songs:
I’m sorry
I’m not sorry, sorry for not sorry
A memorable night passes, once again it’s morning
Just let it be and let me go away, far away
The song played in his earbuds as he walked the short distance from his home to Blackthorn. As the song played, Jem thought of the contrast between Will, who seemed to not have an apologetic bone in his body, and himself, who struggled to be unapologetic even when he knew logically that he was in the right. He was sorry for how things ended with Will, even though his logical brain was telling him that Will was the only one who had done anything wrong. The song helped him deal with his subconscious refusal to be unapologetic, both by validating his sorriness and letting him know that it was okay to not be sorry for once in his life.
A few more songs played throughout Jem’s walk, one of them being by UNIS, which reminded Jem to be on the lookout for an e-mail back from F&F about the demos. He did not expect a reply for at least a couple of days — Will and Gideon’s turn-around time was anomalous in the world of musicking. When he arrived at Blackthorn, he took out his earbuds and went to the check-in desk, seeing a familiar face at the reception.
“Hey, Tati,” he said to the young woman working at the front desk. Tati was the girlfriend of the first son of the owners of Blackthorn Media Group and worked at the front desk when she was not busy with her university studies.
“Ah, yes, the mythical K.E,” said Tati. “What brings you here today, magic man?”
Jem giggled at the nickname and adjusted his bag so that it was more comfortable around his shoulder. “I’m working with Will Herondale today,” he said.
“Don’t tell him, but I’m a huge fan,” said Tati, her cheeks visibly flushing at the mention of Will’s name.
“Is that so?” asked Jem.
“Yeah, I got front row seats last time he performed here in London,” said Tati. “Anyways, you guys are in Studio C. You know where it is, right?”
Jem nodded.
“Okay, great. Here’s the key. I know you’ll create a masterpiece together,” said Tati, handing Jem the key to Studio C.
“Thanks, Tati. I’ll see you around,” said Jem, taking the key and walking to Studio C. He had arrived a few minutes early in order to give himself more time to prepare himself, both in setting up the studio and in calming his nerves before meeting with Will.
While he was making sure that all of his files were transferring properly onto the computers in the studio, he heard a loud squeal from the front desk followed by that familiar, boisterous, Welsh-accented voice he had grown to hate. This meant two things: one, Will had arrived, and two, Jem had yet to close the door properly so as to soundproof the studio. He decided he would soundproof after Will got to the studio, giving himself a bit more time to calm his nerves.
About twenty seconds later, he heard a knock at the door. Bracing himself for Will’s reaction to him being K.E, he opened the door to see Will standing there with the same man who he had been seen with at the bookstore the other day. Will was wearing a red shirt, almost as red as his cheeks became when he saw Jem.
“Jem?”
Jem had rehearsed exactly how he would reply to this. “That’s K.E to you, Herondale,” he said, putting on the same playful façade that he had put on at the bookstore.
Will stammered. “I can’t believe- I- what? You’re K.E?”
“Of course I am,” said Jem.
“Well, K.E,” said Will, “Why would you agree to do this?”
Jem let out a soft sigh. “While I have little respect for you as a person after everything that happened, I recognize that your vocal talent is incomparable and thus I have respect for you as an artist. So, are you still interested?”
Will nodded blankly. “Yeah,” he said. “Oh, this is Gideon, by the way. He works in A&R at LSP and I believe he’s the one who sent you all the e-mails.” Will gestured to the man standing beside him.
“Oh my gosh, so nice to meet you in person!” Jem exclaimed, reaching out his hand for Gideon to shake. “I do have to ask, though, do you happen to have a younger brother named Gabriel?”
“How did you know?” said Gideon.
“He was my roommate during my final year of university,” replied Jem.
“Oh, that must have sucked, man. I’m sorry,” said Gideon.
“I know, right?” Will butted in. “Despite all our differences, Jem, at least we can agree that Gabriel Lightwood is a fucking asshole.”
The three of them nodded in unison, then Jem led Will and Gideon into the studio. Gideon offered to set up the soundproofing and other equipment while Jem finished loading his files and Will warmed up his voice. After a few minutes, everyone was ready to start the recording process.
“So, how well do you know the song?” asked Jem, looking in Will’s direction.
“I’ve probably listened to the demo more than you have,” replied Will. “I’m obsessed with it. I think it’ll be a hit.”
Jem nodded, taking a sip from his thermos of black tea.
“Tea?” said Will.
“You still remember I’m a tea person,” said Jem. “And I still remember you drink straight black coffee like a psychopath.”
Will shook his head. “Not anymore. It’s bad for the voice. I’ve switched to hot water.”
“How professional,” said Jem. “Anyways, can I hear you sing the song real quick before I send you into the recording booth?”
“Sure,” said Will. Jem handed him a sheet with the lyrics written on it, but he doubted that Will would need it.
Will began with the introduction and the first verse:
Bad liar~
See your pretty face in the shadows
Meaningless to dwell on the past
All I feel is feelings of sorrow
Burning up but away they go
“Good,” said Jem. “You’re really getting the emotions down. Continue.”
Reaching deep inside me
Gosh, it’s touching my heart
Feeling keeps on banging on
Will stopped for a second. “I think that part would sound really good with some harmonies an octave up, like so,” he said, proceeding to sing the part in question an octave above the original.
“Good thinking,” said Jem. “Continue.”
Will took a deep breath, preparing himself for the build-up of emotions in the pre-chorus that would lead into an explosive chorus:
But when you go ahead and ask
“Are you ever coming back to me?”
I say no and laugh
Oh baby, I am such a bad
Liar
You know, I feel it in my bones
I’m walking on a wire
I know, I’m losing all control
I’m falling harder
Look in your eyes, it’s over
Keep saying no, but I’m a bad liar
You know, I feel it in my bones
Yeah, I’m a bad liar, liar
When Will belted the word ‘liar’ at the beginning of the chorus, Jem’s skin began to form goosebumps even though he was wearing a light jacket. Will had expressed the explosiveness that Jem had intended perfectly, telling the story of the song not only through the lyrics but through the tone of his voice as well.
After Will had finished singing the chorus, Jem covered his mouth in shock. “That was fucking epic,” he said.
“Thanks,” said Will. “Shall I continue?”
“Yes, please do,” said Jem, almost too enthusiastically.
Will continued with the second verse of the song:
Trapped you in my memories deepest
An undiscovered part of my brain
But you’re coming out of the shadows
I’m thinkin’ bout the love that we had
Will stopped before singing the part of the verse that Jem had written as a direct repeat of the first verse. “What if we changed the melody a little bit here just to switch things up and make it more interesting?”
“Sure,” said Jem. “What’s your idea?”
”I’ll start from the beginning of the second verse,” said Will.
Trapped you in my memories deepest
An undiscovered part of my brain
But you’re coming out of the shadows
I’m thinkin’ bout the love that we had
Reaching deep inside me
Gosh, it’s touching my heart
Feeling keeps on banging on
Jem had written this part to be an exact melodic repeat of the first verse, but starting from ‘I’m thinkin’ bout the love that we had’, Will changed a few of the notes in a way that ended up expressing even more desperation. His voice carried the grittiness of the song perfectly in the first verse, but the changes he had made to the melody of the second verse gave the song even more of a gritty feel, as well as advancing the story told by the lyrics.
“That’s really good,” Jem said after Will had finished. “I think we can do that. Can I hear the bridge?”
“I love the bridge,” said Will, beginning to sing the bridge.
Silver light in the darkness
You’re always my light on, my, my~
Even if I close my eyes, look away
There in my deepest thoughts, yeah, you stay
I say no and laugh
Oh baby, I am such a bad…
Will’s voice was softer and sadder in this part, matching the smoothness of the melody. When he sang the final ‘I am such a bad’ line, he added a soft growl to his voice that he had not added in the previous instance of that line.
“Pretty, but I don’t know how much I like the growl,” said Jem.
“I’m the artist,” retorted Will.
“And I’m the producer,” said Jem. “We can record both versions and see what sounds good.”
Will nodded. “Okay. I think that’s it except for repeats, then. Thoughts?”
If Will had asked Jem the same question about anything else, whether it be his outfit, his taste in books, or an evil plan to torment all of the ducks in the city, Jem would have replied with a simple ‘and prayers.’ But this wasn’t about Will’s questionable fashion sense, his equally questionable taste in books, or his even more questionable hatred for the innocent duck: it was about his voice and his delivery of the song that Jem had given him, which had been unquestionably good.
“Like I said earlier, your vocal talent is incomparable. Get in the booth and let’s lay down some vocals,” said Jem.
“Okay,” said Will, stepping into the recording booth and practicing some particularly difficult lines a few more times before giving Jem a thumbs up. Jem set up his tracks for Will to record in, then counted Will down to record the first verse. The recording process for the first verse went smoothly, with Will only having to do one or two retakes. They then moved on to the pre-chorus, which was slightly more difficult but still comparatively quick.
“Can I have a quick break?” asked Will.
“Sure, just five minutes, though,” said Jem, wanting to spend as little time with Will as humanly possible.
“Okay, thanks,” said Will as he exited the studio and sat down on the sofa to drink his water. “So, Jem, how are you?”
Jem took off one ear of his studio headphones. “I’m okay. Life is life,” he said, focusing on the screen to apply pitch correction to Will’s vocals and align them so that they were on time with the beat. ”How are you?”
“I’m absolutely thriving,” said Will. “I’m selling out shows left and right, I have a supportive fanbase that includes the lovely Tati at the front desk here, and I genuinely love what I do. But sometimes I feel like something’s missing.”
“And what might that be?” said Jem, still not looking away from his computer.
“I don’t know. Love, maybe,” said Will.
“You won’t get it from me, but good luck,” said Jem. “I hope you find someone. Tati’s too young for you, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone your age whose love for you is just as passionate as hers is.”
“Yeah, and she’s also related to Gideon and bitch-ass Gabe. That would feel weird,” said Will.
“For real, and your sister already fucked off to Paris with Gabe,” said Gideon, not looking up from his phone.
“Come back to the light side, diva!” said Jem. “Okay, Will, your break’s been long enough. Back in the booth you go.”
Gideon looked up from his phone. “Can I get you guys anything?”
“You know what, sure,” said Will. “Can you go down to the coffee shop next door to get some nice herbal tea for the three of us? I’ll pay you back for all of us.”
“Okay,” said Gideon, walking to the door of the studio but being prevented from opening the door by the extra soundproofing material. “Someone will have to redo this,” he said, carefully removing the soundproofing in a way that made it easy for either Jem or Will to re-apply it.
Jem quickly saved his file, took his headphones off, and went to re-apply the soundproofing, leaving Will to drink a few more sips of his water before going back to the recording booth. After he finished, he took his seat again and put his headphones back on. “Ready?” he asked Will.
“Yeah,” said Will, walking back into the recording booth. “Do you need any retakes for what I’ve already done?”
“Maybe a set of doubles on the second half of the first verse,” suggested Jem.
“Got it,” said Will. The two of them worked on recording the doubles for that part and a couple of harmonies, then moved on to revisiting the pre-chorus.
“For the pre-chorus, can I get you to do a retake where you don’t go down a note on ‘no’? Instead, I want you to pause there,” said Jem. “But go down on ‘ahead’ like you did in the original take.”
Will nodded and got the retake on the first try, leaving Jem impressed by his ability to take direction in the studio. They continued recording, skipping the chorus to move on to the second verse. The alternate melody that Will had suggested had worked surprisingly well with the instrumental, so Jem decided to go with it and have Will record some doubles and harmony layers. However, as Jem replayed the recordings of the layers, he began to notice a lack of stability in Will’s voice, almost as if he was becoming afraid.
“Hey, Will, you okay? I noticed you’re a bit shaky,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m coming to a realization,” said Will, taking off his headphones. “Can I come out and talk to you about something?”
“Sure,” said Jem, turning his chair around to face Will as he came out of the recording booth and sat back down on the sofa. “So, what’s up?”
“Jem, have you seen Euphoria?” asked Will.
“Fuck Euphoria,” said Jem, “but yeah. What does that have to do with anything, though?”
Will cleared his throat. “You know the scene where Maddy and everyone are all in the audience watching Lexi’s play and Maddy realizes that the play is about them and she asks, ‘Is this fucking play about us’?”
Jem nodded. “Yeah.”
“Is this fucking song about me?” asked Will.
For a split second, Jem stopped in his tracks, his eyes displaying a slight flash of panic that he knew Will wouldn’t pick up on. Yes, he wanted to say, this fucking song is about you and how you kept playing with my heart, but he stopped himself and decided to keep a neutral façade. Instead, he started looping a finger through his silver-dyed hair as he asked Will, “What makes you think that?”
“The pre-chorus gave it away,” said Will. “You’d always ask me if I’d come back to you, and I’d always say no, but I always came back.”
“So you admit to being a bad liar?” said Jem. “Maybe that’s why you’re getting the emotions down so quickly. It’s coming from the heart.”
Will sighed and put his hands on his knees. “Is it about me or not, Jem?”
Jem took a deep breath and looked directly into Will’s eyes, their piercing blue color giving Jem goosebumps. “Yes,” he admitted.
“So, you’re obsessed with me. This song,” said Will, standing up and dramatizing his movements as he spoke, “is a massive fucking projection. You wrote it thinking you were talking from my perspective, but really, I was on your mind the whole time.”
Jem shook his head. “You’ve got it all wrong. Let me explain-”
Will cut him off. “You’re a fucking hypocrite, Jem.”
“And you’re so stuck in your own perceived truth that you’re not willing to listen to me,” said Jem, remaining calm despite the anxiety pooling in his chest and stomach.
“Then spew your bullshit,” said Will, his voice increasing in intensity.
“Okay,” Jem took a deep breath, pinching his fingers together to prevent the explosiveness of Will’s tone from affecting his calmness. “What exactly is making you say that I’ve been on your mind the whole time?”
“You said this song had been stored in the depths of your Logic Pro X projects folder, so you must have made it a while ago,” said Will. “That means you’re obsessed with me. I’ve been on your mind for ages. You wanted to come back to me. You wanted me.”
“What if I told you that I was lying?”
“That just proves my point even further. The song’s fucking called ‘Bad Liar’, for fuck’s sake. You’re a liar and a projector and I caught you, making you what? A bad fucking liar,” said Will, emphasizing the last three words.
“That’s not what I meant,” said Jem, still remaining calm despite Will’s anger.
“Then what did you mean?”
“Do you promise to listen to my explanation?” asked Jem, curling his hand like he was commanding a puppy to sit down.
Will immediately sat down and focused on Jem as if he had been trained to do so. “Yes,” he said, his tone softening.
“The song wasn’t hidden in the vast abyss of my Logic projects folder,” said Jem. “It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. It came to me after Charlotte told me you’d signed with LSP and wanted to work with the mysterious, magical K.E. I went home, fell asleep, and had a nightmare about you because of how horrible the end of our relationship was, then when I woke up, ‘Bad Liar’ came to me. I went to my studio, produced the whole track, decided it was too good to shelve, agreed to the collaboration, went to bed, and didn’t remember anything the next day.”
Will stared at Jem in disbelief. “This song was made in the span of an hour…?”
“Yeah,” said Jem, “but let me continue. I lied, yes, but you believed me. You’ve always been egotistical, Will, thinking that everyone was obsessed with you, and now that you’re famous and you have people who are obsessed with you, it’s gotten even worse.”
Will nodded. “I’m irresistible, Jem. Even to you.”
“Like I said before, I gave this song to you because I respect you as an artist, not because I’m obsessed with you as a person,” replied Jem. “You were the inspiration behind it, so it would have been disrespectful to your artistry and brand to give it to someone else.”
“Okay,” said Will. “I believe you, I guess.”
“You listen so well when you try,” said Jem.
Will rolled his eyes, giving Jem absolutely no verbal response. For what felt like an eternity but was actually only thirty seconds, the two sat in silence, Will doing nothing but looking into Jem’s eyes and Jem trying to think of how to break the silence.
Finally, Jem thought of a way to restore the conversational energy in the room. “Do you still want the song or has this ruined it for you?” he asked.
“Of course I want it, Jem,” replied Will, his eyes giving off an air of hypnotization but also relief.
Jem smiled softly, breathing a quiet yet visible sigh of relief. “Good,” he said, “I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”
Will nodded his head. “I have one more question,” he asked.
“Yes?”
“Why would you agree to meet in person knowing who I am?”
“To see the blood drain from your face when you realize that your musical idol K.E is your ex-boyfriend from university,” said Jem. “You’re not the only person in the world who’s capable of a little mischief.” He turned his chair back to face his computer and picked up his headphones before he heard a soft confession coming from behind him.
“That’s hot,” Will muttered under his breath, thinking that Jem wouldn’t hear.
“What?” Jem turned back around.
Will gulped at the realization that Jem had heard him, then looked into Jem’s eyes. “I said, that’s hot.”
Jem stood up and took a slow step towards Will. “So you’re the one who’s obsessed with me, not the other way around,” he said.
“No?”
“You just said I’m hot when I’m mischievous, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” said Will.
“You want me, don’t you?” Jem’s face twisted into a soft smirk.
“No.” Will contradictorily nodded as he spoke.
“Bad liar,” said Jem.
“Yes.” With that confession, Will stood up and pulled Jem in by his waist, their lips landing on each other’s. Jem’s eyes remained open in shock for the first few seconds, but to what he presumed would be Will’s equal surprise and delight, he leaned into the kiss. And to Jem’s own surprise, his heart fluttered at his lips’ reconnection with Will’s after so many years. The two of them kept pushing closer together, their passion pulling them closer just as it had been in their university days.
After a minute of heated kisses and disorganized touches, Will pulled away from Jem, the bright smile on his face contrasting with Jem’s confused and shocked expression. “If this is what a collaboration with K.E means, I want another one,” he said.
Jem shook his head, a soft giggle escaping his lips. “This isn’t how it usually goes, but I can make an exception for someone whose talent is incomparable,” he said. “Get on your knees, puppy.”
“Anything for you,” said Will, dropping to his knees and falling into the same submissive dynamic that he had fallen into with Jem when they first dated. Dominance and submission had come naturally to the both of them, and not just in the bedroom — Will had always been one to follow Jem around like a puppy, hence the nickname, and Jem had always been receptive to Will’s behavior.
“You were so good in the studio today,” said Jem, looking down at Will. “Will you be good for me now? Will you take direction from me as well as you did in the studio?”
Will looked up at Jem and nodded, never once breaking eye contact. “Yes.”
“Good puppy,” said Jem. “Hook your fingers into my belt loops and pull it all down. Do it quickly and smoothly like I know you can.”
Will obliged, reaching his hands towards Jem’s waist and using his thumbs in the way that Jem had directed him to. But before he could pull his pants down, the soundproofing on the door began to squeak as if someone was trying to enter, causing both Will and Jem to stop what they were doing and snap their heads towards the door. Before either of them could even attempt to make themselves look presentable, the door opened.
“I’m back with your tea. Sorry it took so long, the line was lo- oh.” Gideon’s face fell as he realized what he was looking at. “Damn, I can’t leave you two alone!”
Jem’s face turned red. “I’m so sorry,” he said, with Will nodding along as he got up. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve done worse,” said Gideon, leaving both Jem and Will to wonder what he meant. “Anyways, you two should drink your tea and try to finish up in here. I can book you another hour or so if you need.”
Jem smiled softly. “That might be nice. Thanks, Gideon,” he said. “Now, Will, can you be good and get back in the studio for me?”
“Mm-hm,” said Will. “Let me go get my tea first,” he said as he walked to Gideon, thanked him, and took two cups of tea, one for himself and the other for Jem.
After everyone had been equipped with their proper amounts of tea, Jem and Will continued their recording session, with Gideon quietly replying to emails while sitting on the sofa. During their practice round, Will had been able to execute the belting in the chorus as explosively as Jem had intended, but somehow, the takes he had recorded came out even more explosive and expressive than his practice session. Perhaps the explosive moments that he and Jem had shared had positively affected the outcome of his recordings.
The recording process went as smoothly as one would expect a recording session with the United Kingdom’s most effective vocal director and most obedient vocalist to go, that is, they finished so quickly that the extra hour that Gideon had booked them ended up being unnecessary. The time had been booked, though, so they decided to fill it by adding even more harmony layers and discussing which vocal effects and mixing techniques would best suit the song.
When their time was up and they were all about to leave, Will turned to Jem and opened his arms, inviting Jem to fall into his embrace. “Thank you for this,” he whispered in Jem’s ear.
“For what?” Jem replied.
“For working with me despite our past,” said Will. “You and I created a masterpiece.”
“We really did,” said Jem. “Anything for music, am I right?”
“Right,” said Will. “Shall we do this again sometime?”
“Maybe,” said Jem, letting Will go. “Off you go. Thank you for being so efficient in the studio today. And Gideon, thanks for putting up with us.”
And with that, they said their goodbyes and left the studio, not before making sure that it was ready for the next artists to come in. As Jem walked home, he quickly checked his phone to see a barrage of text messages from Charlotte and Tessa.
Charlotte Fairchild
so how’d it go?
Tessa Gray
are you alive? do i have to call emergency services?
Charlotte Fairchild
was Gideon any help? I sent him to make sure you two wouldn’t fight.
Jem Carstairs
omg guys :( dw everything turned out so much better than you could imagine
Jem put his phone back in his pocket after replying, then continued on his journey home, satisfied with how his day had gone.
—
Two months or so had passed since Jem’s studio session with Will. The two of them had barely communicated since then, with their only interactions being to discuss the final production of ‘Bad Liar’ with the mixing and mastering engineers and the teams at LSP. Jem knew that the song would be released in the next few days, but aside from the news that had been posted on social media by Will and his team, he wasn’t aware of any other details about the release. That was, until he received an e-mail from Gideon:
Dear K.E,
As you are most likely aware, Will Herondale’s single ‘Bad Liar’ will be released on the 28th of January, which is three days from now. He is holding a release party at 5:30 p.m. on that day and he would like to invite you to attend. Please RSVP as soon as you can.
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
Despite being invited to a number of them, Jem categorically did not go to release parties so as to preserve the anonymity that the name K.E gave him, not to mention that Will had scheduled his release party on the same day as Tessa’s birthday party. For some reason, though, Jem felt compelled to go to Will’s. Even so, he replied:
Hi Gideon!
Unfortunately, to preserve my anonymity as K.E, I cannot accept Will’s invitation. Thank you for understanding.
-K.E (he/him)
Jem put down his phone, thinking that would be the last he would hear of this only to receive a reply from Gideon only ten minutes later:
Dear K.E,
I told Will that you couldn’t come and I’m not gonna lie he’s basically crashing out right now he literally thinks you hate him and I’m just like… bro it’s for his safety and anonymity and he’s like NO!!! HE HATES ME I WANNA DIE!!!!
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
Jem giggled at Gideon’s dropping of his professionalism, then quickly typed a reply, deciding to drop his own professionalism as well:
Hi Gideon!
typical will LMAOOOO he can’t deny that he’s literally obsessed with me
-K.E (he/him)
A few minutes later, another notification popped up on his phone:
Dear K.E,
Maybe you can celebrate on our own later? Just you, him, and maybe me to make sure nothing bad happens to either of you.
Gideon Lightwood (he/him/his)
A&R at London Shadow Productions
Jem replied:
that can be arranged maybe! im free on the 30th so maybe then? and idk i don’t want things to be awkward for you :( ik you’re probably used to being a responsible mediator what with all the stuff gabe got up to but i don’t want you to be pigeonholed into that role :( i can take care of myself please don’t worry about me!
-K.E (he/him)
Jem was somewhat thrilled and somewhat terrified to hear that Will was free on the 30th of January. With Gideon as their liaison, the two of them agreed to meet for coffee (well, tea in their case) to celebrate the release of ‘Bad Liar’. Jem exchanged phone numbers with Gideon for easier communication, then went about his day with a strange feeling rippling through his body as Will’s laugh had in his dream.
—
A week later, Jem woke up with the same strange feeling rippling through his body. Anxiety and dread swirled through his head, emulsifying in his neck and pulsing through his spine in a way that made him afraid to toss and turn so as not to trigger a back flare-up. He quickly and carefully checked his phone to see that it was the 30th of January, meaning that he was scheduled to meet with Will a few hours later. Fuck me, he thought to himself.
After a minute of fluttering between consciousness and slumber, Jem decided to at least try to brave the anxiety and dread that he felt and get out of bed, but a pinched nerve thwarted his plans the second he stood up, causing him to collapse on the floor. Somehow, his unceremonious collapse still carried some grace and delicacy, like a cat flopping over for attention.
“Fucking seriously?” Jem said to himself, reaching for his phone so that he could let Gideon and Will know that he wouldn’t be able to make it out today.
Jem Carstairs
hey gideon, bad news… yk how i was using a walker that one time at the bookstore? i have really bad back pain and it flared up today so idk if i’ll be able to make it out today. so sorry to both you and will for the inconvenience :(
“Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise,” Jem said as he began to experiment with ways that he could get to his walker. He first tried pushing with his legs, but any pressure applied to his legs from pushing against the floor instantly went to his spine, causing his pain to worsen and tears to start pooling in his eyes. He then tried to maneuver himself with his arms, which worked slightly better than pushing with his legs, eventually getting him to his walker. From there, he decided to push through the pain and grab the windowsill to stand up so that he could use his walker.
One painful minute later, he was standing in his walker, ready to make his way to the kitchen so that he could take his pain medication. On the way to the kitchen, his phone rang with the sound of a TWICE song he had worked on. Probably just a wake-up alarm, he thought to himself, being mostly unaware of the time. He dragged himself to the kitchen, got himself a vitamin drink from his refrigerator, and used it to wash down his pain medication. As he waited for it to take effect, his phone rang again, but this time, he decided to pick up. Upon seeing that it was Gideon and thus most likely about Will, his heart sank, but he still accepted the call:
“Hello?”
A voice that wasn’t Gideon’s and struck more anxiety into Jem’s heart spoke. “Jem, give me your address, quick. We’re on our way.”
“Will, are you serious?”
“Yes,” said Will, his breath shaky. “You’re not okay and I need to see you.”
Jem let out a soft sigh. “I’ll be okay. I took my pain meds, but they’re not so reliable on the first day,” he said.
“I already cleared my schedule,” said Will. “Hold on, Gideon and I just pulled into your favorite donut shop. Maple walnut, right?”
Jem’s logical brain wanted to tell Will to stop, but the part of his brain that was clouded by his pain could not resist donuts. “Yes,” he said. “Get me a fuck of a lot of donuts and I’ll pay you back.”
“Okay,” said Will. “Consider it done. Text Gideon your address and we’ll be there within the hour.”
“I can’t believe I’m letting you in my house for donuts,” said Jem, “but okay.”
With that, Jem hung up and texted Gideon his address. As he waited for Gideon and Will to arrive, his pain medication kicked in enough for him to pick up his tea kettle and pour enough water for tea for the three of them. For a split second, he worried that he did not have enough types of tea to satisfy his guests, but his worries subsided when he remembered just how much tea he had taken back with him when he had visited his aunt and cousins in China.
His anxiety came flooding back to him when he heard the sound of his doorbell. Fuck, they’re here, he thought to himself as he slowly made his way to the door.
“Jem, oh my, you look miserable,” said Will, struggling to hold what looked like five boxes of donuts.
Jem looked at Will, then at Gideon, then back at Will again. “Thanks?”
“He means he wants to take care of you,” said Gideon.
“Don’t worry, I speak fluent Will-ese. Come in, you two,” said Jem, slowly backing away from the door to let Will and Gideon in. With a nod of approval from Jem, Will put all five boxes of donuts on the kitchen island, while Jem enlisted Gideon to help get three mugs from the cupboard for tea. The kitchen was largely quiet, with the sounds of movement and the whistle of the tea kettle being the only exceptions.
“Okay, tea’s ready, everyone. You can sit on the sofa,” said Jem, making his way to the sofa. Will took the initiative to bring Jem his cup of tea, while Gideon followed along with his own cup and a plate of donuts.
“So…?” said Will after he had sat down on the sofa.
Jem sighed. “You know, I was worried about this, but it’s actually quite nice.”
“About me, I hope you mean. Gideon has done nothing to make you fear him,” said Will.
“You’re right, I do mean you,” said Jem. “You’re more self-aware than you were back then.”
“I’m more aware of you,” said Will.
“So, does that mean I’m the one who’s always been on your mind?”
Will shook his head. “Absolutely not. I’m over you!”
“So much for self-awareness, you bad liar, you,” said Jem.
Will hung his head in defeat. “You know ‘Bad Liar’ hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100, right?”
“Of course I do,” said Jem with a smile. “Congratulations on the hit.”
“Not to butt in, but I knew it was going to be a hit the second you sent the demo,” said Gideon, looking at Jem from across the couch. “You two might not have been a romantic match made in heaven, but you certainly are a dynamic duo when it comes to music.”
Jem’s cheeks flushed a little bit at the compliment. “Thanks,” he said, putting his cup of tea on his coaster, which he had custom-ordered for himself with the cover of the TWICE album that contained a song written by him. He planned to do the same with the UNIS songs when they would eventually be released, and strangely, he had a fleeting thought of doing the same with the digital cover of Will Herondale’s ‘Bad Liar’.
“We should do this again sometime,” said Will.
“Mayhaps it’d get us another hit,” said Jem. “But before the conversation moves too far along, I want to say that we couldn’t have done any of this without you, Gideon, and the teams at LSP and Blackthorn. ‘Bad Liar’ is a Will Herondale song with K.E writing credits on paper, but there’s so much more work and so many more people that go into creating and promoting a song. So, thank you.”
“My pleasure,” replied Gideon.
Jem quickly opened his phone to glance at his e-mails, then an idea struck him: he opened his contacts, searched for the name ‘DO NOT REPLY’, unblocked the number, and texted it a few cat emojis. Will’s phone immediately buzzed, leaving Jem surprised that Will had not changed his phone number.
“Jem, did you just unblock me after like five years?” asked Will in disbelief.
“Yeah,” said Jem, “since it’ll be difficult to be in a professional working relationship if I can’t contact you directly.”
Will’s face fell once at the word ‘professional’ and again at the word ‘working’, but perked up at the mention of a relationship.
“You want me, don’t you?” asked Jem.
Will gulped at being caught, then started waving his hands in denial. “No! Absolutely not! Imagine wanting your ex-boyfriend. That’s so embarrassing.”
“It’s embarrassing, but you’re embarrassed, so what does that say about you?” said Gideon.
“I’m…” Will trailed off, his hands flying to his face.
“Think about it. Now, I have to go. A singer from Korea has made a surprise appearance at LSP and they’re calling me to facilitate a collaboration between him and another LSP artist. It’s crazy when there are literally other A&R reps who can do the same exact thing, but they need me for some reason,” said Gideon.
Jem smiled softly. “They need you because you’re good at what you do,” he said. “I wish you luck. Oh, and tell me who it is!”
“My boss didn’t say,” said Gideon. “Call me if you need anything.” He quickly put on his shoes and coat, then walked out the door to go to his car, leaving Will and Jem alone to awkwardly sit on the couch.
Jem tried to break the silence, but could barely open his mouth to speak before Will cut him off.
“So, you think I want you?” said Will.
Jem nodded slowly and carefully so as not to trigger his spine again. “I have reason to believe so,” he said.
“What if I told you that I do?”
“I’d believe you,” said Jem. “So, do you?”
Will took a deep breath, then looked into Jem’s eyes. “Ever since we did what we did in the studio that day, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I may not have been obsessed with you before, but I certainly am now. Being so close yet so far from you has been killing me, Jem. That’s why I wanted you at my release party. I wanted an excuse to see you.”
Jem blinked his eyes in confusion. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” said Will. “Even if you hate me, even if you call me a dumb puppy, even if you tell me you have no respect for me as a person despite your respect for me as a talented artist, I always feel so drawn to you. I know I’ve done so much to deserve your hatred and not much to deserve your forgiveness, so I don’t expect anything out of this. I just want you to hear me.”
Somehow, Jem’s heart sank and floated at the same time. He was barely surprised at Will’s confession, but shocked at the idea of Will not expecting anything to come out of it given his demanding and egotistical nature. Despite his reservations, he felt a strange attraction to Will.
“I shouldn’t be doing anything weird while I’m drugged up on pain medications, but give me a kiss, puppy, and we’ll see how we feel,” said Jem, a slight flush coming to his cheeks.
Just like he had done in the studio two months prior, Will leaned in and pulled Jem in by his waist, kissing his lips with the delicacy and care that Jem deserved. Jem reached out and tangled his fingers in Will’s curly hair in order to kiss him more deeply. The two kissed each other with a mixture of passion and carefulness so as not to injure Jem’s back further, Will’s caution leaving Jem pleasantly surprised and Jem’s caution disappointing Will.
“You always come back to me, Will,” Jem said in between kisses. “You bad, bad liar, you.”
murrbird Sat 08 Nov 2025 04:23PM UTC
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artificialdreams Sun 09 Nov 2025 05:03AM UTC
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