Chapter Text
Plumpf – With not much energy, physically and emotionally, left in me or my symbiote, who has somewhere retreated to the outer rims of our shared consciousness and is currently rather unavailable for any activities that prompt him to go out, I let us fall onto the bed. The walls are grey, the furniture simple and practical, even though our Tok’ra furniture is not much different in that regard, I already begin to miss the humming, colorful crystal walls from home – though the real one is always with me.
Someone knocks at the door, someone with great physical strength and height from the sound of it. I hear a deep, calm, neutral and stoic voice say “Martouf and Lantash of the Tok’ra, this is Teal’c speaking, may I be allowed to enter?”
“You are allowed to, Teal’c of…” I contemplate as how to politely address him, “Chulak”.
He opens the door, and I immediately notice how his large, imposing, muscular stature fills almost the entire doorframe, making it almost look ridiculously small in comparison. I swallow. But his body speaks of no attempt at intimidation at all.
“That is correct”, he answers, straight and simple. Though I see a small wrinkle at his eyes’ and moth’s edges, as if he were secretly amused. Egeria’s pantaloons, this guy could work as a Tok’ra operative, the control over the muscles of his face is impressively good. The irony doesn’t fail at me or Lantash. In another life, another existence we could have been comrades.
“Well, ah, can I offer you a seat, Teal'c? May I call you that? Is that fine with you?" I almost choke on my words.
“Indeed, it is”, he adds, not wasting any unnecessary words “And thank you for the seat.” And just like that, he closes the door and walks to the lounging chairs at the other end of the room, passing me sitting on the bed, still not sure what to make out of him, and takes his seat. I feel a little comforted by the fact that this allows me being close to the door, in… in… just in case.
“Would you disfavor drinking a cup of tea with me? I haven't figured out all your customs, but I hope this is acceptable. Also, if the idea is not repellent to you, simply call me Martouf. That is my name, true and complete as it is. I certainly don’t mind.”
“I would not be repelled by both propositions and feel any disfavor about it, quite the opposite, Martouf of… I apologize.”
“No offense has been taken on my part, Teal’c”, I say. It's true that I'm not offended by him or anything he says. Still, I can’t help but feel somewhat uneasy around him. There has just been too much history for me to feel comfortable and safe in his close proximity. I leave the bed to go to a cupboard at the other end of the room where Teal’c sits. With my back to him, I get a cup for him. When I turn back around, he is still sitting comfortably and relaxed in his lounge chair. It is frightening in its uneventfulness.
"As for your symbiote, I hope he hasn't taken offense to this matter either." He says this as I pour him a cup of my tea can.
"If he had, then you would have known by now," I say, a little piqued. Why does everything I say be measured through Lantash?
“That would be correct”, Teal’c says, half amused but also a little bit… uneasy. I don’t know what else to call it.
“To be fair, though, Teal'c, he wouldn't raise his voice against anyone if I didn't want him to. I must take my responsibility for his outburst earlier. He is certainly more passionate than I am, but the feelings behind it were mutual, more or less. I allowed him to take control; he didn’t forcibly take it from me, though I guess I cannot prove that to you. I wanted him to talk to you, to show you the reason and urgency of our warning. However, it's true that his passion got the better of him, and he made sure you would double down on your stance now more than ever. He is still ashamed of himself and even hides himself from me.”
“You have to explain that to me”, Teal’c says confused “I thought host and symbiote feel as one, but there is still a difference?”
“I… oh… Egeria’s silken pantaloons, this language is a bit confusing and difuse on that matter. I… what you may call emotions, feelings and even thoughts; they are not the same thing. And to feel something or not feel something is something different entirely” I say to Teal’c, who has one of his eyebrows nearly climbing of his smooth, shimmering and bald head.
“Please elaborate, I am listening”, he simply nods, as his facial expressions do relax a little. I am very relieved about it.
“Emotions are like… the weather. You experience it with all your senses: your eyes, ears, nose, and skin. They are like the raw data you put into a computer. They are a message you get from your body: shivering, a racing heart, and a tight feeling in your chest. Everyone could read that message because it is universal. Things like fear, joy, anger, sadness, disgust, and surprise.”
“That seems… logical.”
“Feelings are what you make of that message your body gives you, based on a mix of your past experiences, personality, and upbringing. Some people are easily terrified and show it, while others deal with that situation much calmer and more stoic. They still feel the same emotion: fear. When Lantash or I feel anger rising, we manage it in our own ways. I tend to be more patient than passionate, but the anger boils in me just the same. When I snap, I snap with more force than just yelling at you.”
Teal’c looks at me oddly, as if the possibility of me snapping is a thing he never thought was possible. “I see… and understand.”
“Thoughts are something totally unique to your person. I am able to faintly hear and feel Lantash’s thoughts, even though he is currently hiding a bit at the back of our shared consciousness or awareness, but you would not ever catch us having the same thoughts on something. Rather we have the same emotions we feel, corresponding but unique feelings we have and express differently, and individualistic thoughts on every matter, even this cup of tea in my hand. This is the nature of our blending.”
“I never thought about it that way”, Teal’c says, his hands folded in his lap but move and fold themselves like if you may hold your chin in your hand and cover your mouth, deep in thoughts and contemplation. He seems puzzled, but more at himself, like he is surprised by his own line of thinking. I definitely made the mistake of not explaining it properly before, even falsely.
“Never thought about it, or did not want to?” I ask and immediately curse myself “I’m sorry, that wrong and very rude of me.”
“I would say, dealing with Colonel O’Neill on a good day as his friend can be trying at times, with his rather unconventional character, though as someone, he is not capable or not willing of trusting, you have a feat never to be envied of and I apologize for his outburst earlier at the Operation Room, the soldier who led you around the base didn’t know if its… unfortunate history.”
I wince when I think back on that moment. It seemed like I wasn't even there as he raged and yelled right through me. Lantash and I had difficulty understanding him under the explosion of hurtful words that he threw at us. I got the feeling that he was incapable of trusting or forgiving anything beyond the dogma of "never trusting a Goa'uld" because, at his core, he couldn't trust or forgive himself. Not after he lost his friend Kowalski to the Goa’uld, not when he got almost turned into a Jaffa by that wretched Hathor, not when it got all superimposed on his second-in-command Samantha through mine and Lantash’ beloved mate Jolinar, I shudder, Jolinar, what in Neetu’s hells were you thinking, my love? You couldn’t honestly believe Samantha might be willing to be your host when she put her mouth on you to give your temporary Nasyian host first aid, even if you couldn’t understand what she was trying to do, she couldn’t have possibly known you were there. What were you thinking at the end?
“I learned a lot in these past few hours, then Lantash and I did in the past decade, century even, I apologize if our presence here drives a wedge between your team, and its leader specifically. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe we are all not ready…”
“No, don’t go, Martouf and Lantash of the Tok’ra, don’t go, it is not impossible, not yet, for our people to respect each other.”
"Respect?" I ask incredulously. "Do you really believe that a lack of respect that is the problem? What about us being made to feel ashamed for existing the way we do, the way we decide to fight, the way we don't, how we do humanity, how we don't do humanity correctly, how we do individualism, how we don't do individualism, how we are explained the details of how this universe works by people who, until two years ago, didn't even know there was more than one like Ra, who never had to live personally under Goa’uld rule, and how we are supposed to see you as heroes and saviors when you call the first humans who dared to resist the Goa'uld weak in personality and fools for deciding to be hosts to Tok’ra symbiotes, who gave them their first real fighting chance against their god-like appearing masters – and their loyal, blood-thirsty, cruel, unmoved servants?”
"I don't see you as weak, Martouf" Teal'c says. He looks me directly in the eyes, seeming surprisingly unfazed by my words and understanding. We're standing close together. I swallow. I lost myself in a fit of self-righteous rage. I mean what I said, but I feel terrible about whom I said it to. I never thought a Jaffa would not abuse their power and greater strength against humans, who they were taught were barely better than animals or livestock, perhaps in order to avenge their own feelings of injustice done to them by their masters. I never thought I would see sympathy in the eyes of one of them - admission of guilt, perhaps - or see them take responsibility, apologize, or show a lack of arrogance, which comes from their honor- and strength-based culture.
“And I don’t see you as a loyal, blood-thirsty, cruel, unmoved servant”, I say, my eyes wandering off the symbol on his forehead.
“Did my master ever put harm on you or your symbiote, were kin, my brothers and sisters involved in his terror against you?”
“Yes!” I simply say, feeling a cold hand creeping up my back and my shoulders, shuddering at the sensation, the memories.
“I see.”
“I did care about his host, Lantash did, we do not relish in his fate.”
“I understand.”
“There was just no hope, no help that we could give him.”
“I know.”
“You are not primitive people, yet you have much to learn.”
“That we do.”
“Why are you so…” I can’t bring my sentence to an end, as I feel his breath on my lips, feel his warmth, smell his… muskiness.
Clothes are faster off, than I could say “Kree!”, though he had to help me with the wrappings of my Tok’ra uniform’s tunic and trousers. His black Tau’ri military shirt, his pants, they are pretty easy to maneuver, to take off and throw onto the growing pile of clothes beside the bed. He looks at me, I look at him, we both appreciate what we see.
“You are well-endowed Teal’c.”
“Indeed I am.”
“There is no, there is no problem with…?”
“Drey’auc, my wife and I have an Ju’mita agreement, common among many Jaffa couples; as long as there is no risk of child, no insult, we are free to seek affections and sexual gratification outside a bond that we did not chose.”
“That is… surprising, though maybe not, since many male Jaffa are often…. huddled together on one Ha’tak.”
“With a small chance of return, our Goa’uld masters usually ignore it, unless it affects our readiness for battle.”
“My symbiote and I remember seeing the signs of something like that happening on an undercover mission.”
“And you didn’t mind?”
“Why should we?”
“That is correct.”
“Also we are both into men and women alike and anything in between, we wouldn’t judge even if we weren’t.”
“That is… comforting.”
I chuckle softly, Teal’c is a man of very few words, though in our current situation, I do not exactly mind.
“Now, Teal’c, if you would be so kind as to sit down and let me finally have that dick of yours, I’d be much obliged.”
“You want… to give me… a fellatio?” Teal’c wonders, his mouth open in surprise that I would even be up to that.
“Yes, and it gives me and Lantash very direct pleasure at the same time, and we would gladly submit to that.”
“I see”, and he adds “You surprise me, Tok’ra” he says with softness and huskiness in his voice, no harshness.
“And you happen to surprise me too… Jaffa.” I retort back, grinning way more than I would expect.
“ Correct.” He smiles. "We'll go to O'Neill's house tomorrow morning and persuade him to stop sulking and return after his 24-hour suspension from General Hammond is over." His team is his family, and the SGC is his extended family. He needs a reminder that family sticks together, not just when it's convenient, but also when times are hard and the outlook on reconciliation appears grim. I was also treated with fear here at first, but here I am.”
“But you are also in possession of your body… at least you are in sole possession of your mind, limbs and wits.”
“This night’s the opportunity for to prove some of that wrong.” he winks. “Please, fuck me senseless, if you so wish.”
“I will see what I can do about that”, I smile, still not fully sure what to make of him, but ready to give it a good try.
Teal’c then proceeds to sits down on the lounging chair, complete naked, his legs spread and his hands laid in his lap so that I get a good view on the full beauty of his body that is trained muscular by discipline and oiled soft with care.
I tell myself that if his old master were here, he would see his former first prime, the infamous Sholva, one of his worst enemies and definitely his most hated, a Tok'ra whose symbiote cost him a laboratory full of weapons and his dignity, he would drop dead without Sokar even laying a finger on him. On top of that, when the symbiote escaped him but couldn't for all his hardest efforts save the life of his host, and I saved his life by blending with the symbiote and together, we cost Apophis the life of his evil son, Lord Babi, if he could see us all together, he would experience more agony than torture could inflict. The larva in Teal'c's pouch knows all this but is unaware of what happens.
But first and foremost, Teal’c, Lantash and I definitely could use a distraction tonight, and I am ready to give Teal’c the very best. Lantash isn’t ready yet to come out and play, but he too, will enjoy this night as much as the others.