Chapter Text
The bathroom light was stark and bright, making his eyes water as they tried to adjust. He gave himself a minute to let them calm down before he continued with the task at hand, dabbing at his dark eyes before pulling an eyeliner pencil out of a draw and thickly lining them. He liked the effect it had; it made his eyes stand out, made them wider, drawing attention away from what he thought were his less flattering features. His nose was still as long and prominent as it had always been, but an onlooker’s attention should be less drawn to it. Or that was what he hoped, at least. He needed to make himself pretty.
He leant further towards the mirror to double check his work before nodding to himself and neatly placing his tools back where they’d come from, and setting out to complete his daily tasks. Tidy up the minimal amount of clutter around the house, make all of the beds, ignore the phone ringing, mop anything tiled, vacuum any floor, don’t answer the phone, polish anything wooden, clean the shower, don’t you dare touch that phone, goddamnit, begin cooking, breathe in, breathe out, check the time, don’t panic, go kneel by the front door and hang your head, keep your eyes on the floor, you filthy creature. He held the awkward position perfectly, remaining completely still, regardless of how his knees hurt from the restricted blood flow and his back ached from the effort of keeping his shoulders up while pushing his arms down. But he dutifully held the position, a nagging voice in the back of his head constantly reminding him that if he relaxed at any point, He would definitely know. How He would know, he wasn’t sure, but somehow.
Eventually, his dedication was rewarded when he heard the door unlock and light streamed in as it opened, however a large amount of it was blocked by the massive, imposing figure standing in the doorway. He kept his eyes trained on the floor, having been taught to never look at his Master without first gaining His permission. He felt a shiver run down his spine as a large hand ran through his hair and gently tugged.
“Look at me, Kylo.” He lifted his eyes up to meet the piercing pale blue of his Master’s as He continued to card His fingers through Kylo’s hair. “So, my pet, have you been good today?” Kylo slowly nodded his head, still not having been given permission to talk. “We’ll see.” His hand left Kylo’s scalp as He swept past him into the kitchen, ordering him to follow behind him and get him a drink before he served him the food he expected to be ready for him. Kylo immediately did so, the usual bundle of nauseous nerves that he would never quite manage to become desensitised to building in the pit of his stomach as he carefully carried the plate and glass of wine to his Master, setting them both on the table before Him and sitting with his head bowed, at His feet.
He remained there, again perfectly still, until his Master ordered him to stand up and fetch his bowl, then stood patiently while He scraped his leftovers into the plastic dog bowl and placed it on the floor.
“See, aren't I kind to you?” Kylo nodded eagerly, the acid in his stomach uncomfortably burning due to him not having eaten since he was given Master’s scraps last night. “Thank me then.” He roughly pushed Kylo back down onto his knees and unbuttoned his fly far enough for His pet to get to work. Kylo’s movements were robotic as the rest of his brain slowed. There was no emotion in his actions, or him for that matter, other than a vague, constant sickness that washed through him as he moved his mouth and hands. Not that there needed to be a whole lot of thought behind it for long, as it only took a short while for his Master to become impatient and grab Kylo’s hair, holding his head in place as he hammered into the back of his throat for what Kylo thought felt like forever until He finished with an order to swallow and make the most of the extra calories that he was oh-so-kindly being given. He then sat back in His chair as He let Kylo ravenously attack his poor impression of a meal, with His calves and feet resting on his bare back, of course.
It didn’t take long for his Master to become bored, however, and Kylo had only been about halfway through the difficult task of eating with just his teeth and without hands or, God forbid, cutlery, when He stood up and ordered for His pet to do the same, revelling in the disappointed expression on Kylo’s face as he followed His order to throw out the rest. Hunger was better than what would happen if he didn’t obey.
“Get me another glass of wine, Pet.” The order was as sharp as usual, leaving no room for debate, and Kylo immediately stood up from his position of kneeling on the floor at his Master’s feet as he sat, relaxed on the sofa. It was quite the relief, actually; Kylo’s knees were perpetually bruised and scraped from extended periods of kneeling on hard surfaces, and he was sure that at this point he had the joints of someone at least twice his age. He couldn’t explain the bout of shaking that came over him once again, as it did periodically, but it made him glad that his Master couldn’t see the difficulty it caused him as he poured a glass of the deep red liquid and carried it out to Him. “Put it on there.” He gestured towards a small coffee table next to the sofa. Kylo should have looked, should have been more careful. If he had been more careful, he would’ve seen the leg that quickly shot out in front of him. If he had been more careful, he wouldn’t have tripped, falling to the floor and taking the glass with him.
Crimson wine mixed with thicker blood as it seeped from his hands and across the wooden floor. Kylo could hardly feel the pain in his hands, being far more focussed on the panic that was rising in his chest. He pushed back onto his knees and began frantically rubbing the side of his face into his Master’s leg while his arms wrapped around it, hot tears streaming from his eyes and stumbled apologies rushing from his mouth. His platitudes and remorse where silenced when a large hand came crashing down onto the other side of his face.
“Get off me, I don’t want to touch you, let alone your blood, you disgusting mutt. And shut up, before I make you.” Kylo sporadically tried to control his breathing, in between his sobs and racing thoughts, and managed to mostly silence himself, although “mostly” didn’t cut it. He tried to gasp as he was slammed against a wall and then pushed up it by a large hand around his throat. He didn’t dare try to pull the hand away, knowing through his oxygen-starved haze that the result of that would somehow be even worse. He was held there until his vision started to fade, at which point he was crudely dropped, landing in a heap of long limbs and wheezing. He curled up in a vain attempt to make himself seem as small as possible as his seemingly almost seven foot tall Master crouched down and loomed over him.
“I bet you think that was clever, hm?” Kylo weakly shook his head until his dark mane of hair was grabbed and sharply yanked. “Don’t lie to me, Ren. You’re only making it worse for yourself.” His unwavering voice was punctuated by a quick kick to his stomach, heightening Kylo’s wheezing and hacking. “Why would you do that? I’m good to you. Perhaps too good; maybe that’s the problem. Most people would’ve shot you by now for your insolence, you slut. But for some reason, I think I’m going to spare you again. Not that you deserve it. No, you deserve to be twenty feet deep in the river with a bullet wound in your skull, but today you’re just going to apologise, aren’t you?” Kylo nodded again, before his Master stood up and walked towards His bedroom, dragging Kylo with Him by his hair as he staggered behind Him.
He would zone out when it inevitably became too painful or the asphyxiation caused his senses to overload and malfunction, and he wouldn’t cry once. At least, not until his Master was comfortably asleep, at which point he would silently cry to distract himself from the burning pain and permanent sense of dirtiness that would resurge again and never completely leave, no matter how much time Kylo spent in the shower. He’d just lie back and think of England, and eventually it would all be over. He knew he deserved it, though. After all his Master did for him, he was still inconsiderate enough to be clumsy. His Master kept him safe, He fed him, He touched him gently when he was good and sometimes even held him afterwards, He told him He loved him. Kylo didn’t deserve Him. He deserved to be at the bottom of that river and he knew it.