Chapter Text
“We hope you’re happy with your purchase! Come back soon!”
The cheerful, black-haired clerk waved goodbye to the last customer of the day with a half-smile, the soft chime of the doorbell echoing like a signal of freedom. Finally, closing time.
His smile stayed, though his body begged for rest. Weekends were hell on earth — a flood of teenagers, kids, and adults all wanting something now. And he’d handled it all alone. Jesus…
Some people said it was a silly job. Selling manga and novels? “Get a real career” they said. Yeah, well, he didn’t really freaking care. He loved it.
He loved recommending the things he adored, sharing bits of his passions with others. Books, stories, characters… He lived for that stuff. Maybe, just maybe, one day he’d find love like the protagonists in his favorite romances.
His latest obsession? The Silver Prince and the Holy Bride. A fantasy visual novel about Tsuyuri Kanao — a duchess at a magical academy — and her fiancé, the kind and painfully perfect Prince Kamado Tanjirou.
It had everything: romance, drama, sparkly magic, a prince you could absolutely simp for… 10/10 experience.
So yeah, he was a little obsessed.
Leaving the shop, he clutched his copy of the novel like it was holy scripture, earphones in, soundtrack on, living his best main-character life.
“Pam pam pam…” he hummed to the beat, half-dancing across the quiet street like he was in his own ending credits scene.
Spoiler alert: it was.
Because while he was lost in his imaginary OST, he completely missed the giant truck hurtling his way.
“Badum bum bum,” he kept humming — until, you know, he looked up.
Too late.
White light. Impact. Silence.
His body hit the ground like a dropped ragdoll, blood spilling over the open pages of his beloved book. The irony was cinematic.
And that, kids, is why you don’t cross the street during your personal anime opening!
Fate, apparently, was having a little fun with him.
Warm light came to himself.
Blinding pain.
Owchie… His head hurts a lot…
“Zenitsu! You’re finally awake!”
Huh?
A soft, feminine voice. Pretty. But Unfamiliar…
Wait. Did she just say Zenitsu?
“I was so worried about you…”
Okay. Hold up. That was Kanao. As in THE Kanao. The duchess. The holy freaking bride.
She hugged him like they were old friends, and his brain short-circuited.
Like, just five minutes ago he was walking home thinking about pizza, reading and continuing with his usual routine. Now? He was being comforted by a literal novel heroine, as if it were nothing!
“I’m so relieved you’re okay, Zenitsu! You fainted and hit your head a little, but nothing a potion can’t fix!” she chirped.
…Potion.
Yeah, sure, that word didn’t exist in his world.
His head spun (and not just from the pain). “W–where’s a mirror?” he asked, already dreading the answer.
“Right here!” Kanao said, smiling sweetly.
He looked.
And oh.
Oh no.
Blonde hair. Honey-colored eyes. Shorter. Softer hands. Definitely not his face, definitely not his body.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…”
At least he had the same voice…
He pinched his cheek.
“Ow.”
Real pain. Real body.
“Oh my god, I am dead. I am really fucking dead…”
Welcome to your reincarnation, sir. Population: you.
He wanted to scream, but all he could do was stare at his reflection — because he recognized it. Every part of it.
Agatsuma Zenitsu.
The walking disaster. The freak. The pervert. The side character who gets EXECUTED halfway through the story.
Fantastic. Absolutely fucking fantastic.
Tears pricked his eyes. “Why couldn’t I be reincarnated as… I don’t know, the prince? Or at least the hot butler?” He was panicking just from seeing himself.
“Does it still hurt?” Kanao asked sweetly. “We can try another spell—”
“No, no, no, I’m good! All healed! Never better!” he blurted, forcing a smile.
Internally, he was screaming.
Because if he remembered correctly — and he obviously did — Zenitsu’s “big moment” in the story was trying to assault Kanao. Which, one, ew, and two, led to Prince Kamado ordering his public execution.
So yeah. Hard pass.
He was NOT dying again. And he was definitely NOT turning into that creep.
New plan: go full background character, just as the protagonist's best friend and a subtle admirer of the love between Kamado and her. No drama. No plot. Just live quietly and maybe open a coffee shop or something. Anything but being executed.
“Kanao… I’m fine, really,” he said, smiling nervously. “Promise.”
Yeah, he wasn't lying. He would never hurt her. Besides, he was a hundred percent gay — that problem solved itself.
A soft knock on the door interrupted the moment.
“Come in,” Kanao said with her usual smile. So tender.
A tall, scarred man stepped in.
Oh my god, Genya.
The butler. The background hottie.
“Sorry to disturb you, Miss Kanao, Sir Zenitsu. Is everything all right?” he asked politely.
Zenitsu’s brain has stopped working. Help.
“Oh, sure! Zen just fainted, but he’s fine now,” Kanao smiled.
“Yes! Totally fine!” Zenitsu echoed, voice cracking a little because, seriously, how were all the men in this world so stupidly attractive?
“That’s good to hear,” Genya said, relaxing slightly. “Prince Kamado was worried about your condition, Sir Agatsuma — and yours, Miss Tsuyuri.”
Prince Kamado. Worried. About him.
He was definitely fangirling right now.
Waaah…
“Tanjirou really is such a gentleman, isn’t he?” Kanao said dreamily.
“Uh… yeah. Totally.”
He smiled nervously.
Nope. He wasn’t going to ruin that romance. And he wasn’t losing his head either.
If destiny wanted to play games, fine. He’d play. But this time, he was going to survive the damn plot.