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I don’t want to die.
It was the only thought left in my processor as energon slowly leaked from my side. I still couldn’t believe my optics. I’m hardly awake. The scene is brutal, but I can’t look away. The hole in our ship and smoke from the control panel as the Decepticons steered us down. There was smoke from soldiers- no, friends… It was all I could see.
I’ve known them all for eons, and here we were at the end. We were going to die.
I felt myself sob as the reality sunk in. “Ratchet..?” I tried to cry out through a damaged vocalizer. Nothing came out. He didn’t respond. I saw his frame in front of me, praying to Primus he’d get up. He’d get up, fix me, fix us all, and we’d be able to fight back- be able to pilot the ship back to Earth or Cybertron, reunite with the rest of the Autobots and continue to fight, like we always did.
But he didn’t get up. I didn’t get up. We couldn't.
Would I be stuck here forever?
No, not forever- I was reminded.
If we crashed, or I leaked out before then. Maybe if Starscream or Megatron realize I’m still online, and they’d shoot me down and it’d end quickly. They didn’t see me. Or maybe I didn’t matter. Well.. I wouldn’t matter in a few minutes.
It all happened so fast.
I don't want to die.
We were supposed to be on our way back to Earth- this was a celebration. It was supposed to a celebration.
How, how on this one day, did everything go wrong… Everything as I knew it, gone. We took off, and as soon as we left Cybertron’s atmosphere, the ship got blasted in and overtaken. We’ve been in battles before, but we were unprepared.
I don’t want to die.
My thoughts repeated again.
If only I could contact Prime or the others- even be able to tell them before I went offline forever- that they’re in danger. Our ship’s been overtaken. The crew is dead.
No. I can’t move. My optics can barely stay lit up. The pain from my leaking wounds is agonizing- yet I’m stuck still. Uselessly, hopelessly still. I would die with this sight in front of me. No…
I can’t die, I don’t want to die. A panic arises in my spark- and I can’t even scream.
I have so much left to do. So many projects forever left unfinished- my machines, inventions, blueprints I’d never finish. There's so many plans I'd never carry out.
Scrap- The Dinobots!
I feel another year silently roll down my faceplate. Grimlock, Snarl, Slag, Sludge, Swoop… My boys.
What would they do without their creators? Who would fix their wiring and weld their plates when they got damaged? What if they needed guidance? Ratchet was already- gone. And I was leaving them forever.
I was leaving everything forever.
I face it. I’m scared. I’m more scared than anything. More than I’ve ever been before. Throughout my life, I've always been the one to know things. I've known everything. So the unknown… It's terrifying.
Why does time seem to stop before it continues on forever without me?
Would the Allspark be gracious enough to take my spark towards the great balance? Or would I just go offline forever and it wouldn’t matter? Would I rise to another level of spirit? Would my frame go grey and freeze forever?
Maybe I'd be a ghost. And the memory of me would haunt all those who I've known forever. Or maybe it wouldn't matter at all.
I don't know.
And no.
No, I don’t want to die.
Not like this. Not watching my energon levels slowly depletes as I’m forced to look at the only thing I can. The gruesome sight of my loved ones, my friends- and my conjux right in front of me, already gone.
Already gone. No. Please.
An angry tear rolls down my faceplate, as I let out another struggling vent. I’ve never been one to trust fate. I’m an observer, not a believer. And now… there’s nothing left to believe in. I never really believed… Why would I?
But now, here, metaphorically staring death right in the optics– should I?
Primus, if you can hear, somehow, please save us.
No-
Primus, if you hear- if you see, why didn’t you save us?
Primus, did you mean for this to happen?
Maybe it's selfish to wish it wasn't me. Or maybe it was stupid to wish things never happened this way. Why now, I'm forced to watch as the life leaves my crew, and an agonizing pain it leaves my own frame? The pain gets duller. Reality gets duller. I can feel it slipping away, and-
I don't want to leave.
But it was always meant to happen. Every bot eventually offlines. Every frame rots and rusts away to time. Some get blown to bits. I should be grateful I made it this far anyway.
We’re in a war, a war lasting centuries. I've seen soldiers fall, yet it hurts now the worst after years of… calm.
I look back into my processor, and try to recover all the memories.
My life, as a student, then a scientist on Cybertron. Always wanting to explore and invent… more. Meeting Optimus, meeting Ratchet. Joining the Autobots and calling them family. Becoming known as the intelligent yet impulsive scientist and engineer- a crucial part of the team. Spending every day with the ones I love. Working with Ratchet. Watching our creations, our little sparklings come online, and yes- they were rough at first, but we learned to live with them. Even though we battled, there was so much joy.
And now it was all ending.
If I could still move my face, would it be a smile? Would there be tears? Should dying be peaceful? Maybe it's depressing. I didn't even know how I felt. Or how I was supposed to feel.
All I know is I'm dying.
And I don't want to die.
Please, I don't want to die.
Everything around me is already a blur. The sounds of chaos and crashing can't be heard. And now, it all slowly fades to dark.