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Renjun has a problem. Well, okay, he has many. But his biggest problem, the one that’s the most obnoxious and hard to ignore, is centered around Donghyuck.
It starts with Chenle insisting that they should have another board game night and Mark backing him up only because he misses having the seven of them together. It’s clear now, with Chenle having somehow convinced everyone to take shots or eat spicy sauce as a penalty for losing UNO, that Mark realises he had forgotten why it’s been so long since they last did this - he still looks happy, seemingly drunk on vibes, as Jisung would say.
Jeno and Renjun’s apartment is where they usually have their get-togethers, right in the middle of where their own apartments are. They have enough spare blankets and pillows to accommodate all five guests if they decide to stay over. It’s squishy, of course, but it’s never been a problem for them to be piled on top of each other.
To no one’s surprise, playing Monopoly after having a few shots amongst the group isn’t exactly ideal.
“When did Jaemin get so many properties?!” Chenle cries out, reluctantly handing more money to Jaemin’s growing pile. He’s usually so good at the game, owning half the board. It must be the alcohol dulling his ability to convince people to trade with him. That, and the fact that Jaemin is unpredictable.
The man in question only shrugs, a smile across his face that makes Renjun glad he went bankrupt before having to face the Jaemin that’s actually trying now.
“You scared Jisung into giving all of his stuff to you! That’s not fair.” Donghyuck pipes up with a pout when he too has to hand over a big sum of cash to Jaemin.
Again, Jaemin only grins.
“Okay, I think that’s enough for today!” Jeno says when the conversation has shifted to threats of stealing each other’s pets, “Who’s staying over and who’s leaving?”
After a game of rock-paper-scissors to decide who will pack everything away and some shifting around, Jaemin drags a pouting, seething Chenle out with Mark following behind them, leaving Jisung and Donghyuck to choose who’s room they will sleep in.
“I want Renjun.” Donghyuck says quickly, an expression on his face so serious that Renjun kind of wants to hit him, “Jisungie got to cuddle with you last week! It’s my turn.” He whines, throwing himself onto the smaller and speaking the words right into his ear.
It should be uncomfortable, should feel gross to have his alcohol-filled breath going right into his ear. Instead, Renjun can only focus on how nice it feels to have Donghyuck wrapped around himself.
“Go away!” Renjun tries and fails to shove him off, only getting a shrug from Jeno and a look of pity from Jisung when he looks over their way, “God, fine. But I’m building a pillow wall.”
Donghyuck either doesn’t hear the last part or doesn’t acknowledge it, considering he squeals in joy and finally lets go of Renjun to get ready for bed.
Jeno manages to dig out a pack of unopened tooth brushes for Donghyuck. Jisung had planned ahead and brought all his own stuff - he can’t drive even if he hadn’t drunk and he’s scared of ubers.
Renjun rummages through their closet of spare blankets and pillows to find the pillow that Donghyuck said he liked the last time he stayed. It’s a pillow they barely use, one that Renjun shoved to the back of their pillow storage portion of the closet so no one else would use it.
“Really?” Jeno raises his eyebrows in question. Their two guests are brushing their teeth and washing their faces in the bathroom so Jeno must have found this to be the perfect time to bother Renjun, “You threw out the toothbrush he left here because it felt too domestic but you remembered which pillow he likes and go out of your way to find it?”
“Shut up and help me.” Renjun grumbles, feet straining and arms starting to hurt trying to hold up the pile of blankets that are two seconds from falling onto his head.
Jeno sighs, helping him push up the pile and getting out the two pillows that were sitting on top of it, “Which one?” He holds the two out, smirking when Renjun grabs the fluffier one without a second of doubt.
Though Jeno is annoying, he’s also kind enough that he wouldn’t out Renjun for his crush on Donghyuck. Which is why when they hear their friends walking out into the hallway, he shuts his mouth and swallows down a teasing comment.
Despite the fact that Donghyuck is constantly testing Renjun’s patience, pushing until he knows he’s just shy of crossing his boundaries, he doesn’t try very hard to cling to Renjun that night. Instead, he quietly takes his side of the bed - the left side, because he sleeps on his right and doesn’t want the light from the curtains in his eyes first thing in the morning.
He’s closer to the edge than usual, gives more space and doesn’t try to throw an arm or a leg over Renjun once the other settles in. It catches Renjun off-guard and if he weren’t afraid of prompting Donghyuck to close the distance, he would have questioned it.
“I’m trying to be nice since you’re letting me sleep next to you when you probably want Jisung here instead.” Donghyuck answers anyway.
And, okay, Renjun is aware of his soft spot for Jisung. He adores the younger, but isn’t that the case for all of them? Jaemin is fully convinced he birthed Jisung and even Donghyuck complains about how tall Jisung has gotten because it means he can’t fully envelop him anymore when they hug.
They all love Jisung and take care of him, rolling his sleeves up for him or telling him how to wash vegetables. So, of course Renjun wants to cuddle him sometimes.
Renjun must have let his mind spiral for longer than he thought, or maybe Donghyuck was just exhausted from arguing with all six of them the whole night. When he turns to his left, he finds that Donghyuck has his legs curled up to his chest, one hand clutched to his chest and the other laying in the space between them, palm facing up.
A realisation hits him then, one that he knows he’s been trying to pretend was a lie or an exaggeration. Right now, with his best friend lying in his own bed with only a few centimeters between them, Renjun comes to the groundbreaking conclusion that he’s in love with him. The same person that’s now fast asleep and blissfully unaware of his inner turmoil, despite being the cause of it.
It’s kind of annoying, and Renjun is overcome with a need to pinch Donghyuck’s wrist and interrupt his peaceful sleep for sending him down his current dilemma. But then he would have to explain to Donghyuck why he wanted to wake him up, would have to be faced with a pout and a whine that never fails to melt Renjun.
This new awareness shouldn’t surprise him, really. It’s been a year since he acknowledged that his feelings for Donghyuck are less platonic than he had thought. When he found that even though he and Jeno see each other daily, being apart from the man for a week during vacation doesn’t have the same effect on him as not seeing Donghyuck for two days does. He knew very quickly that his feelings had been festering for longer than that, though.
Still, it took him a month after that to start saying he has a crush on Donghyuck, and then another gruesome week of trying not to break down over this revelation to actually admit it out loud to another person.
Unlike they are now, Jeno and Chenle had been very nice to him when he told them. Chenle cooked him a dish to remind him of home and Jeno did the dishes for a week after just to be kind. Now, the two find every chance they can to tease him when Donghyuck flirts or clings to him. He’s sure that if he were to tell them now that he’s in love with Donghyuck, he could enjoy that princess treatment again, for longer this time.
Except, taking advantage of his friends isn’t really the priority. All he can think about now, with the little space between himself and the man he’s unfortunately realised he’s in love with, is that he wants the distance gone. He craves Donghyuck the way he does hot pot after a long week of classes. He wants Donghyuck closer, wants the other man to almost lie on top of him the way he does, or to manhandle him until he has his head in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck.
He so badly wants to reach out, to touch, to feel the other against his skin. He wants Donghyuck’s warmth so bad that it feels like he’ll stop breathing if he doesn’t get it.
That has him dragging himself out from under his covers with a long sigh, letting his feet lead him into the bathroom and splashing his overheated face with water.
Donghyuck is still in the exact same position by the time Renjun returns, palm up and right in front of Renjun like it’s mocking him, daring him to tangle their fingers together. He shakes his head, lightly slaps his hands over both cheeks and settles back into bed.
For a brief moment, Renjun considers sleeping on the couch. If he did that, though, Jeno would get suspicious and worse, Donghyuck would get sad.
He tries to focus on the exhaustion in his body, the one making it hard to move his limbs so he can finally let his brain rest. And it works for long enough that his eyes can’t stay open. It works so well that he almost thinks he’s dreaming when an arm lands on him, right over his waist above the covers.
The weight of it feels too real, too warm even through the layers of fabric and too familiar. It had his eyes shooting open to find that the arm on him is Donghyuck’s.
Cautiously, without jostling Donghyuck, he turns to see that the other is still in deep sleep, lips in a cute little pout and legs still curled up to his chest. The hand that was at his chest is laying on Renjun now, in the space between his chest and stomach, right next to his own hand. He shifts again when Renjun makes too much noise lifting his head up to see, the hand that had been splayed open between them moving closer and grabbing hold of Renjun’s bicep.
Letting out a shaky breath, Renjun tries to practice those breathing exercises that Minghao said would help him sleep but to no avail. He’s wide awake now, all signs of fatigue gone and hyperaware of the way Donghyuck has moved closer to him.
It’s conflicting. On one hand, Renjun still doesn’t think this is enough. He wants Donghyuck’s legs to be tangled with his own, not to just have the knee of the other man barely grazing his thigh. But it also feels like he’s on fire at every point they touch, like the knee against his thigh is a lit candle. Donghyuck’s arm feels too heavy, like there’s a huge plushie with sand for stuffing on top of him.
He doesn’t really understand, doesn’t get why he wants to be closer and push Donghyuck away at the same time. He can’t sleep now, either. Especially not when Donghyuck shifts again, the grip on Renjun’s bicep tightening as he pulls himself closer until his breath is hitting Renjun’s shoulder through his shirt.
Donghyuck is mean, Renjun decides. He’s mean for giving him the false hope of keeping his personal space and mean for not being closer.
———
Renjun doesn’t tell Jeno or Chenle about that night. He doesn’t really want to hear their input right now. Jeno had looked at him all weird the next morning, when he saw Donghyuck well-rested but Renjun with faint eyebags only visible when he looked close enough.
It didn’t help his attempt at normalcy when Donghyuck brushed his fingers against Renjun’s arm, right above his elbow. Not because the casual touch is anything new for them, but because Renjun jumped and almost let out an embarrassing sound when he did.
“You okay?” Donghyuck had asked, voice soft and still a little bit gravelly with his sleep. It drove Renjun insane, only able to nod in response and try to remember how to breathe when Donghyuck gave his arm a little squeeze that was meant to be comforting.
Somehow, his friends notice anyway. He has no idea how they do, he thought he was doing so good at being nonchalant over the whole thing.
“Something is different with you.” Chenle says, continuing when Jeno nods in agreement, “What happened that night?”
“I did not invite you over just so you two could interrogate me together.”
“Are you implying that there’s something for us to find out?”
Fuck. Renjun forgets that he’s known Chenle almost his entire life and Jeno for half of it. The fact that they live together now doesn’t help his case, either.
His saving grace in that moment is Chenle’s phone ringing with a call from Jaemin to ask him about this new recipe to try out together. Of course, Chenle agrees and fixes Renjun with a glare as he leaves, one that says ‘this isn’t over’. Jeno also decides to take mercy on him and lets Renjun try and distract himself with the three assignments he has due within the next two weeks.
Unfortunately for him, his brain is not so kind to him as his friends are and his thoughts keep drifting to the very thing he’s trying to forget right now.
He starts to get cold and wishes he had Donghyuck next to him. He thinks of that time when they went to a party together, where Renjun was about to get his hoodie that he left in his car but was stopped by Donghyuck draping his leather jacket over Renjun.
“I like how it looks on you.” Donghyuck had said. Renjun remembers thinking that those words warmed him up more than the jacket.
Renjun leans down closer to his laptop in an attempt to immerse himself in the art piece he’s meant to be analysing when his neck starts to hurt. Then, he starts wishing Donghyuck was here to massage it for him, the way he had gently done so with his feet after the painful shoes he wore a few weeks ago.
It starts to get more ridiculous as time goes by, too.
Like now, after spending an hour making about 20 minutes worth of progress, he sees a sunflower in the background of the second art piece and thinks of Donghyuck. Then, he sees a bear in one of his lecture slides and remembers brown-haired Donghyuck, the colour and the way Jaemin styled his hair to be extra fluffy making him look softer.
He only realises how bad it’s gotten when he sees green, thinks of the fact that it has been well over a week since he last had matcha, and his brain so helpfully supplies him with the information that Donghyuck hates matcha.
Renjun slams his laptop screen shut with a little more force than necessary after saving everything. He grabs a cardigan with the plan of taking a walk. Maybe he’s just been inside for too long; a breath of fresh air should do the trick.
“Want me to come with you?” Jeno asks.
Renjun pauses, freezing where he’s slipping his shoes on at the doorway, “You want to?”
Jeno shrugs, “I haven’t been biking recently and a walk sounds nice. As much as I love bedrotting, I think it’s doing me no good to motivate me to be productive.” He disappears into his room to grab a hoodie, and adds when he returns, “Plus, I think you could use some company.”
At that, Renjun narrows his eyes at the taller, “Are you going to interrogate me again?”
“No!” Jeno chuckles, “I’d hardly call that conversation earlier an interrogation.”
“Still.”
“I’ll wait for you to come to me. Chenle said he will too, unless whatever it is that’s bothering starts to actually affect you for the worse, like almost walking into oncoming traffic, or something.”
“That was one time!”
It was back when Renjun and Donghyuck had shared a bed together after Renjun became aware of his own feelings. It’s a bit embarrassing to think about now, but he hadn’t slept at all that night and waited for the sun to rise to justify getting up for good - mostly because he didn’t want Donghyuck to think he actually hated him or didn’t like sleeping next to him.
He thinks he might just die on the spot if he genuinely upset Donghyuck in a poor attempt at protecting his own heart. He realises that he should probably stop sharing a bed with Donghyuck, too, when he can help it.
Renjun joined Chenle when he took Daegal for a walk and his sleep deprived mind had his legs moving while the walking light was red. Luckily, Daegal barked loud enough to snap him out of it and Chenle was quick to tug him back before any actual damage could happen.
That almost-accident he went through is probably what has Jeno sticking so close to him now, shoulders bumping into each other. It doesn’t annoy Renjun the way it might in another context. Rather, it feels grounding, almost, to be reminded of Jeno’s presence.
As it turns out, Jeno is not enough to distract Renjun from Donghyuck, apparently.
They walk past a busker, “Donghyuck can play the piano.”
“Renjun, that’s a guitar.”
The smell of kimchi jjigae from a restaurant has Renjun saying, “Should we buy some for Hyuck?”
“No?”
Jeno decides that walking past shops and restaurants isn’t helping and takes them to a nearby park and oh, Donghyuck likes soccer too. If he were here, would he ask the group of kids if he could join them?
“Renjunnie.” Jeno sighs, “I’m sorry but you sound like someone that just got out of a three-year relationship talking about their ex.”
“Three-year relationship?” Renjun echoes, “Come on Jen, if you’re going to make a comparison, at least be realistic. I only realised I liked him a year ago.”
“That’s not the point I’m trying to make!” Jeno groans, “Okay, I know I said I’d wait for you, but I feel like this is worse than walking into oncoming traffic. At least that way, you might get hit in the head and forget how you feel about Donghyuck.”
The thing about Renjun is that he’s very dedicated, a loyal person by nature. Once he starts something, he’ll see it through to the end, making sure it’s complete to perfection to the best of his abilities.
Unfortunately, that somehow translated into his feelings for Donghyuck. He’s not sure how it happened or when, but he knows for sure that he’s in too deep to back out. That his brain - and heart - have decided that whenever he started to like Donghyuck, he wasn’t going to stop until it consumed him whole.
And he should probably be upset about it, about the fact that what should have been a fleeting crush on one of his friends turned into what it is now.
Except, he doesn’t mind, really. Sure, it sucks feeling like one of those leads in some childhood friends to lovers slow burn books. But, despite the constant yearning, the wishing for more yet still being happy with what they have now, Renjun likes the way Donghyuck makes him feel.
“I don’t want to forget him or my feelings for him.”
“I know.”
Silence. And then.
“I think I’m in love with him.”
Jeno stops walking so Renjun does too, turning to look at the way his mouth opens, probably to say something along the lines of ‘I told you so’, then closes when he must decide against it. He knows how to accommodate each of their friends, of when he should tease and when he should handle things in a more delicate manner.
“…And you realised this when?”
“Last night. When he was sleeping next to me.”
“I see.”
The words have started to spill and he finds he can’t keep it to himself any longer, not the events of the night before and not the way he feels, so he drags Jeno to the nearest bench and keeps going.
“You know how clingy he is, right? Like, how he always clings to whoever he’s sleeping next to. He’s always like that with me even when I push him away but he didn’t do that. He kept a distance between us ‘cause he said something about being nice and Jisung, I don’t know.” He lets out a sigh, “And it made me realise I didn’t actually want that space and for some reason, it made me also realise that I’m…in love with him, I guess.”
Jeno hums, a hand on Renjun’s thigh, thumb rubbing comforting circles over it.
It feels like he’s doing it all in the wrong order. Shouldn’t he start dating someone first before falling in love with them? Or is it right to love someone before pursuing anything with them?
“First of all,” Jeno finally says, after processing the word vomit, probably, “Chenle is going to be so mad you didn’t tell him this. Second, I can’t believe that’s what it took you to notice.”
Renjun pouts, “If you want to rub it in my face that I’m slow, can you just say it straight up instead?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.” Jeno says with a smile so soft and fond that Renjun groans, dropping his head onto the other’s shoulder, “Why did he bring up Jisung?”
Renjun shrugs, “Don’t know. He said he wanted to be nice since I let him sleep in my bed when I would’ve preferred Jisung, or something. He’s stupid.”
“I think he has the wrong idea about something. Maybe you should talk to him.”
Maybe he does. Or maybe he was just half-asleep when he said it so it came out less like a joke than he had intended it to be.
“Also,” Jeno says after a moment, “you’re in love with someone stupid.”
Renjun groans and Jeno has the audacity to laugh at him.
———
Jaemin likes to say that Renjun and Donghyuck fight like an old married couple. But recently, he’s been saying they’re more like newly weds who flirt by arguing, filled with giddy smiles and petty insults with no bite to them.
Like today, they decided to go to the beach and the only parking they could find was an almost ten-minute walk from the main area where a crowd was already gathered.
“You’re so slow, Renjunnie.” Donghyuck sighs, “Should I carry you on my back?”
He’s walking behind all their friends, new sandals making it difficult to keep up with their faster pace. Despite his protests, Donghyuck hasn’t left his side and that knowledge combined with his ridiculous suggestion makes Renjun blush. He hates that, though, so he decides not to pay any mind to the butterflies and shoves Donghyuck.
“Shut up.”
Donghyuck laughs, catching himself before he topples over with the bag of beach supplies that he’s carrying. Then, with a face more serious, he glances down at Renjun’s feet and bites at his bottom lip in thought, “Wanna swap?” He gestures between Renjun’s sandals and his flip-flops.
The butterflies threaten to jump out from Renjun’s throat now. The art major part of him thinks that would make for a pretty picture, the Donghyuck-liking part of him decides that would be much too embarrassing and opens his mouth to refuse. It would be worse for Donghyuck’s feet to be in pain, considering he’s the one driving them back.
Except, he doesn’t get a chance to let out the words. Donghyuck puts down the bag he’s holding, steps out of his flip flops and onto the asphalt with his bare feet, and holds out a hand for Renjun, “Come on, hurry. My feet are burning.”
“It’s not like I asked you to swap.” Renjun mumbles, but he takes Donghyuck’s hand to loosen the straps and steps straight onto the flip flops.
His sandals are a bit small for Donghyuck. It probably makes them even less comfortable, but he doesn’t complain. He picks the bag back up, doesn’t let go of Renjun’s hand, and they manage to catch up to their friends as they look for a good spot to set their things up - which ends up with another three-minute walk to a less busy area. Donghyuck’s closer to the front of the group with Chenle and Jisung, all three eyes wide and vibrating with energy.
“Those are Hyuckie’s.” Jaemin says, appearing behind Renjun suddenly and throwing an arm around his shoulders, “And those,” He points to Donghyuck, “are yours. I know because I was there when you bought them.”
“What the fuck?” Renjun tries and fails to shove the man off of him, sighing in resignation and shrugging the best he can, “He was complaining that I was too slow and this was better than having him try and carry me and that bag.”
Jaemin hums, unspoken words sounding loud to Renjun. Why did he choose to walk with you if you’re too slow? He must want to ask. Renjun kind of wishes he did, so maybe he could find the courage to ask Donghyuck the same question himself. So he could try and defend himself instead of feeling exposed under Jaemin’s gaze.
After what feels like too much time spent discussing whether it was better to set their things down where they are now or a little closer to the water, Renjun manages to situate himself onto the blanket and lies on his back with his feet in the sand.
Jeno sighs at the sight, “Are you not getting in the water?”
“In a bit.”
He waits until he knows Jeno has left to open his eyes, sitting up to grab a book to read and getting jump scared for the second time that day.
Donghyuck laughs, not the least bit apologetic, “You’re not coming?”
“I will. Later.”
“Want some company?”
“Not really.”
“Ouch.” Donghyuck feigns hurt, disregarding the rejection and sitting next to Renjun anyway, “What are you reading?”
“It’s by an artist I like.” Renjun starts, finding that he’d much rather tell Donghyuck about the artist and the book than to actually continue reading it. He’s about halfway through and he’s been wanting to talk to someone about it.
Donghyuck listens, nods along to show he’s actually paying attention. He asks a few questions now and then, too, asking Renjun to explain a term he doesn’t understand or what his opinion on certain things are. When he decides they’ve spent enough time under the shade, he grabs the bottle of sunscreen that Chenle had thrown onto the towel in his haste to get in the water.
“You might get sleepy if you read for too long.” Donghyuck says, “Let’s go play for a bit?”
Renjun can’t say no, not when Donghyuck looks at him like that, hopeful eyes and a hand outstretched again. So, he keeps his protests to a minimum while Donghyuck starts lathering sunscreen onto his neck and exposed shoulders. He agrees easily when he’s asked to spread the cream onto the places Donghyuck can’t reach and pointedly avoids Jeno and Chenle’s eyes when they make their way to the rest of the group.
Luckily, both of them are distracted by the beach ball that Donghyuck brought - kept under one arm to keep a hand free to hold Renjun’s, guiding him into the water, as unnecessary as it was.
Renjun should be distracted playing in the water with his friends, should be swimming or hitting the ball back and forth between themselves. They’re playing some version of volleyball or simply passing the beach ball amongst themselves - Renjun didn’t pay attention when they made up the rules. Instead, he stands far enough that he won’t get hit with the ball or get in their way and lets his eyes be drawn to Donghyuck.
The sun makes Donghyuck look especially pretty, golden skin glowing brighter. Donghyuck doesn’t like going shirtless at the beach and Renjun kind of wishes he was - he’s only just a man, at the end of the day.
Then again, he doesn’t think he wants people to look at Donghyuck like that, a weird possessiveness that he has no business feeling considering they’re nothing more than friends.
Donghyuck’s wearing shorts and even knowing that there’s people around them that get to witness the glorious sight of his beautiful thighs is too much for him. He also really wants to touch, wishes he was shameless like Chenle, but alas, he has a reputation to uphold.
He thinks it would surprise Donghyuck if he were to touch him, though. He’d get flustered the way he does when someone compliments him. Renjun wishes he was brave enough just so he could see the sight.
“You’re staring.” Jisung points out, somehow having snuck up behind him.
Renjun startles, almost falling face first into the water. He’s about to retort but gets interrupted by an obnoxious laugh, “Try to be less obvious, will you, Renjunnie?”
“Of, fuck off.”
It only makes Chenle laugh louder. Jisung looks back and forth between the two of them, like he can’t quite understand what they’re talking about but suspicious in a way that suggests he has an idea.
Renjun decides it’s better to leave Jisung clueless for the sake of his pride and distracts him before he can connect the dots - he’s a bit slow sometimes, sure, but he’s not stupid.
“Why aren’t you playing with them, baby?” He frowns at Jisung, ignoring Chenle’s amused grin.
“I’m scared of them.” Jisung deadpans.
“Are they bullying you? Should I tell them off for you?”
Chenle cackles and Jisung shakes his head, leaning down to let Renjun pet him.
“Are we not going to talk about what Chenle said?” Jisung brings up after Chenle gets bored of their lack of conversation and goes back to the game, “What did he mean by you being obvious?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Hyung.”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Jisung is nice enough not to bring it up again and the two of them are eventually dragged into joining the game by Mark - physically and emotionally by a pair of puppy dog eyes that neither can say no to.
Soon enough, they tire themselves out and decide to call it a day after eating at the tables where they’re surrounded by less seagulls.
Donghyuck doesn’t say anything when he slips Renjun’s sandals on instead of his own, doesn’t say anything when Renjun starts walking with him wearing the other’s flip flops. They’re closer to the rest of the group now, which is kind of annoying because Jaemin keeps throwing him suggestive glances over his shoulder.
He’s distracted by the way Donghyuck purposefully took a lighter bag to keep a hand free, not holding Renjun’s but bumping into his every now and then. Renjun is distracted with contemplating between pulling his hand away completely or just taking Donghyuck’s into his grip as they walk through a patch of grass.
Which is probably why he feels the sting on his foot before he sees the culprit, having no choice but to grab onto Donghyuck’s arm to balance himself as the pain starts to spread from one point on his foot to the rest of it.
Donghyuck’s expression morphs into worry instantly, following Renjun’s gaze to find the stinger of a bee planted in the swelling area of his foot, “Wait, guys.” He calls out, prompting the other five to stop and gather around Renjun.
The bag in the other’s hand is now abandoned in the grass to turn his full attention on Renjun. If he weren’t in so much pain right now, he would let his mind spiral and get hopeful.
Jaemin is the first to act, fishing out an unused tissue to pull the stinger out and Jeno finds an unopened can of soft drink, wrapped with a small towel to place over the swelling area. There’s tears pricking at his eyes and Renjun clutches onto Donghyuck’s arm like a lifeline, listening only to the sweet words whispered into his ear.
It might just be the pain from the bee sting making him delusional, but he thinks there’s a kiss pressed against the skin of his neck, right under his ear. It’s enough to distract him from the pain for a bit, to make him overthink what that’s supposed to mean. The gesture is comforting and confusing all at once.
No one else seems to notice, their friends too focused on Renjun’s foot. A part of Renjun is thankful for that, almost as if it's their little secret - one that he isn’t even sure was more than a figment of his imagination, or maybe just an accident since Donghyuck has his face pressed so close to Renjun.
After a few moments, Donghyuck pulls his face away to look at Renjun, stares at him for a moment before his face melts into a fond, almost guilty smile as he reaches up to wipe at the tears in the corner of his left eye, “You’re okay.” Donghyuck whispers, petting the top of his head when he nods in response.
When his friends have deemed the wound cared enough for the time being, Chenle starts stomping in the grass to avenge Renjun - probably just his attempt to make the older laugh, which works, thankfully.
Jeno is kneeling in front of Renjun before he can react and he can’t find the energy to refuse the piggy-back ride. The conversation shifts back to normalcy after that, Chenle teasingly rubbing Jeno’s chin and telling him he’s a good puppy, but there’s a voice missing, oddly quiet.
Donghyuck is walking closer to Jeno, still wearing Renjun’s sandals despite the other being off the ground and barefoot right now. He’s carrying his flip-flops, having taken them from Renjun’s hand moments ago.
They make it back to their cars soon enough and Donghyuck starts rummaging through the glove compartment of his car and fishes out a tube of aloe vera gel. Renjun is placed back onto the ground, feet landing on Donghyuck’s flip flops and taking the two short steps to the passenger seat of the man’s car.
“Keep your legs out this way.” Donghyuck instructs, kneeling in front of Renjun next to the car door. He pulls the older’s foot onto his bare thigh, gentle hands manoeuvring his foot to spread the cold gel over the small bump. It makes Renjun jump at the initial contact but he finds it soothing, quickly relaxing, “I think we should put some proper cream to get rid of the swelling completely when we’re back, but this will do for now. It hurts less, yeah?”
Renjun can only nod in response, overcome with a sudden urge to do something ridiculous, like pull Donghyuck forward to kiss him in front of all their friends. He settles for reaching out to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair, smiling when the other stares at him wide-eyed.
“You can be sweet sometimes, I guess.”
Donghyuck blinks, blushes, then ducks his head down to hide the flustered expression on his face. All it does is make Renjun laugh in delight, finding the sight adorable.
———
That night, Donghyuck doesn’t go home after dropping Renjun and Jeno off at their place like he was supposed to, making up an excuse that he’s too tired to drive home after. Apparently, he still has the energy to fuss over Renjun, to make sure the cream is applied over the bee sting and waits at the door while he showers ‘in case he falls over’.
Apart from the fact that Donghyuck is somehow even more attached to him, things seem normal. Until chaos unfolds a week later, coming in the form of Chenle.
Jeno is bad at hiding things which is how Chenle finds out what was revealed during the conversation between the roommates on their walk and sulks until Renjun repeats the words to him. He was fine saying all this to Jeno but it’s embarrassing now with the way Chenle is grinning at him.
“Hyuck wouldn’t leave Renjun’s side the rest of the day.” Jeno says, spurring Chenle on, “He checked to see if the sting was all healed the next day and keeps looking at Renjun’s foot whenever he can.”
Renjun groans, “It’s been a week! How long does he think a bee sting takes to heal?”
“It takes 7 to 10 days for a bee sting to fully heal.” Jeno supplies.
“I don’t think Hyuck knows that.” Chenle snorts, “It’s probably ‘cause you cried.”
“I didn’t!”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Anyway,” Jeno interrupts, “you haven’t told me yet. Did he cuddle with you that night?”
The memory makes Renjun feel weird. The short answer: yes, Donghyuck did cuddle with him. But unlike usual, where he’s a little more aggressive and pushy, that night, he was gentle, overly mindful of Renjun’s still healing foot and kept some space between them. He wasn’t fully curled around him. He’d offered his arm up as a pillow and put an arm around Renjun’s middle, hand gripping his waist.
Again, he didn’t know if he wanted the man closer or further from him, but the fact that he was being so soft with him didn’t help. It felt too intimate and made Renjun’s chest ache.
Bottling things never helps and Renjun has found that regardless of when, Jeno and Chenle always end up finding out anything he tries to hide so he spills the information out to them.
“Wow.”
Renjun groans, sliding off the couch and laying on the floor, “You’re so unhelpful. I regret telling you both but especially you.” He points a finger in what he assumes is Chenle’s direction.
“No, you don’t.”
It’s true. Even if his friends aren’t giving him any advice, he can’t deny the fact that it feels nicer to say the words out loud.
Still, it doesn’t really make him feel any more hopeful of the whole situation. If he were a little kinder to himself, if he let himself be delusional, he would feel special over the fact that Donghyuck has been so attentive to him.
But Donghyuck is a good friend and were it anyone else in their group to get stung by that bee, he would likely act the same way - sweet, kind, and overly careful until he’s sure they’re fully healed. That’s how he was with Chenle after the younger injured his ankle while playing basketball. He followed Chenle around, visited him as much as his schedule allowed, and even drove him to get his checkups.
“That and this are not related.” Chenle says, “An ankle injury is obviously going to take time to heal and if I didn’t care for it properly, I could’ve re-injured it and ended up way worse. That was the only reason Donghyuck was like that with me. That, and you know how reckless I can be. He was probably worried that I wouldn’t let it heal properly.”
Jeno nods along, “If you were allergic to bees, maybe this would make sense. But we all know you’re not and you haven’t shown any signs to make us think otherwise. He knows you know how to take care of yourself, too. He’s only acting this way because it’s you, Renjun, whether you want to admit it or not.”
Renjun does want to believe that, he so badly does. But if he gets his hopes up it would hurt more when the inevitable happens. It would hurt more if he sees Donghyuck fuss over Jisung with a papercut.
“He would only react that way because it’s Jisung.” Jeno argues, “If it were me, he would laugh at me.” He says it so bitterly that Renjun laughs, “And if it were you, he’d start wrapping the cut in bandages or something.”
His friends like teasing him, yes, but they aren’t so cruel that they would be telling him all of this to give him false hope. Then again, maybe they’re not seeing the full picture, maybe they’re missing some details that have them thinking Renjun’s feelings for Donghyuck might actually be reciprocated. Maybe it’s only coming out of a place of wanting to see Renjun.
Chenle gets off the couch, forces Jeno off of it too and gets him to move the coffee table to make space on the floor. All three of them lie down together, with Renjun in the middle being coddled like a baby. It’s oddly comforting being between them like this, even with the rug starting to tickle his nape.
“I’m not going to say you need to act on it right now, since you only just realised.” Chenle says as he throws an arm and a leg over Renjun, tugging Jeno closer, “But if you let this go on too long, I will meddle because I can’t keep my nose out of these things.”
“At least you’re self aware.” Jeno hums, sliding his arm to pillow Renjun’s head and laughing when the youngest pinches whatever part of him he can reach - his bicep, “He’s right, though. You’ll only be full of regrets and what-ifs if you do nothing about it. And what if you walk off a cliff while hiking this time?”
“Yeah, what if Jun-ge falls off the cliff with you while trying to save you? What will you tell his family?”
Renjun doesn’t really appreciate the way their ‘what-ifs’ start to get more and more ridiculous. He does know that they’re only trying to distract him, trying to make him laugh and momentarily forget the implications of his feelings for Donghyuck. The feelings that grow each day, consuming in a way that feels nice at the same time it hurts.
He lets out a long, drawn out sigh, “I’m gonna take a nap here.”
“You’ll hurt your back.”
“Then carry him to his bed. Are those muscles only for show?”
He falls asleep to the sound of the two bickering, wakes up in his bed and is immediately hit with the memories of Donghyuck next to him.
Sometimes, Renjun’s brain works in mysterious ways. The thought of Donghyuck, the emotions he feels just thinking about having the man next to him, conscious or otherwise, makes him feel like he’s suffocating. Which is weird, because everything Donghyuck-related seems good to Renjun. Or it did, at least.
Now, he finds that he can’t listen to the voice in his head telling him to face his feelings, to just tell Donghyuck and get it over with, regardless of the outcome. Instead, the other voice is telling him to give up, that if he doesn’t go hiking, what Jeno and Chenle said earlier can’t happen.
The worst part about all of this is that Renjun knows that the second voice will always appear louder to him, especially if he lets these things bother him for long enough.
When Renjun was still learning to navigate those thoughts, the ones that made him feel helpless, his friends all noticed to an extent. Donghyuck had been the first to act on it. He took Renjun out on a picnic at a park almost an hour drive away just because he thought Renjun would like it.
He prepared everything from the picnic blanket to the food and drinks, held onto Renjun’s hand after he was sure that the contact was welcome and guided him on their walk next to the lake.
It pulled Renjun out of his head. Donghyuck didn’t explicitly try to get him to talk, didn’t tell him that he noticed something was wrong or that he was trying to make him feel better. And it didn’t bother Renjun that Donghyuck felt the need to intervene and went out of his way to do something special just for him.
He kind of wishes Donghyuck had come over today, that he had the man next to him to cling to.
———
Renjun finds that trying to stay away from Donghyuck is close to impossible, especially when he’s made it his mission to stay by his side as much as possible. He’s accepted that Renjun’s foot is fully healed now but he seems to have this new fear, for some reason, that Renjun will get attacked by more bees.
“You’re wearing yellow right now!” He cries out, “What if they think you’re a flower?”
It’s ridiculous and it only serves to put him in a difficult situation - with trying to deal with his own emotions, that is.
Donghyuck ends up following Renjun to his lecture, sits with him during it and pretends to type on his computer to not interrupt Renjun who’s meticulously taking notes - he’s not, actually. He types the words he sees and hears, but none of it really sticks. It’s not the way he usually takes notes during lectures so he knows this won’t help him study any of the content later on.
Honestly, Renjun wouldn’t really mind if Donghyuck distracted him. The lecture hall isn’t nearly as full as it had been in the first week and they’re sitting at the end of a row, with few people close enough to hear if they were to whisper. Of course, Donghyuck isn’t the best at keeping quiet, but Renjun can see the guy in front of them with a card game open on his screen so he’s sure they wouldn’t be bothering too many people.
The only problem with a bored Donghyuck spewing nonsense is that Renjun finds it too amusing. He’d let out a laugh too loud that had heads turning his way last year, when he and Donghyuck shared an elective and the latter found it fun to make up stupid analogies for the lecture topics, claiming it was his way of studying.
It was embarrassing and Renjun had firmly told Donghyuck that he wouldn’t sit with him in class if he didn't keep his mouth shut. He never really expected the words to stick this well, though.
Back then, he thought Donghyuck only did as he told him to not lose his one close friend in the class. It felt like a stretch, though. Donghyuck has this way of drawing people in, even with the way he likes to tease, it’s hard to stay away from Donghyuck after getting close.
And, if Donghyuck likes someone? He clings onto them like a lifeline, physically or emotionally.
There’s a nudge against his arm that has him turning his head to look at Donghyuck. He follows the direction he jerks his head in to find a very badly drawn tulip on a word document, probably done using the mousepad and sighs in exaggerated disappointment to hide his smile.
Donghyuck doesn’t seem to like that reaction, so he clicks on the bucket tool and colours the petals yellow and grins in accomplishment.
Renjun snorts softly, shaking his head in disbelief. Still, he pulls his phone out, takes a picture of the tulip, then whispers, “How do you manage to find ways to be annoying without speaking?”
Donghyuck covers his mouth with a hand, probably to stop a laugh from coming out, “It’s a talent of mine.”
The lecture drags on and Donghyuck finds ways to distract Renjun without uttering a word, as if to prove his point.
When it finally ends, he stands up to stretch and complains as if he was forced to sit through those two hours rather than it being his own choice.
“I literally told you it would be boring.”
“I thought you were lying so I wouldn’t bother you.” Donghyuck shrugs, “Gatekeeping a fun lecture from me, or something.”
Renjun shakes his head with a sigh, “You can’t come over today.” He says as firmly as he can manage. Donghyuck’s shoulders visibly deflate, a pout quickly forming on his lips and looking like one of those frowning cartoon bears, “You have an assignment to finish, do you not?”
“I’m almost done!”
“Liar.”
“Okay, well. I’m somewhat close.”
Renjun fixes him with a look, enjoying the way Donghyuck squirms under the gaze - he shouldn’t like it.
“Fine. I’ve only done half of it but I can finish it on time, I swear! I have all the dot points to write the rest of it, too.”
Renjun knows that Donghyuck can. Despite the way the man is always cramming before exams, is a chronic procrastinator, he always manages to hand everything in on time. And somehow, he gets good grades too. The essay is due in two days at 5pm, a time that Donghyuck has complained about multiple times now. If Donghyuck were to start it early that morning, he could finish it and get a decent grade.
But Renjun doesn’t want to be a bad influence. He doesn’t want to be an enabler and let Donghyuck continue his bad habits so he physically stomps his foot into the ground to show that he won’t change his mind.
In the end, Donghyuck groans and drops Renjun off before going home. Renjun thinks that will be all he hears of the man, until Jeno announces later that night, at around 11pm, that Renjun should wear earphones because he’s going to play games with Donghyuck.
“What about his assignment?”
“He has an assignment due?”
“In two days, at 5pm.”
“Oh.” Jeno's eyes flash in recognition, then shrink with the smile that forms on his lips, teasing, “You have his schedule memorised and know all his due dates? You don’t share a single class with him anymore.”
Renjun, to his demise, can’t stop the way his cheeks flush, “I know everyone’s schedules!”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then when does Jaemin have his epidemiology class and at what time?”
“Um, Tuesday at 11:30?”
“No, that’s Hyuck’s music theory class.”
Renjun ends the conversation there before he can further prove Jeno’s points, leaving behind his laughing roommate to get ready for bed.
He isn’t a light sleeper by any means, in his opinion, and the walls of their apartment aren’t so thin that he can hear Jeno talking. But the thought of Donghyuck, the fact that the man is on call with Jeno in the next room, keeps him up for reasons he can’t explain - jealousy? Even when he’s the reason Donghyuck had gone home instead of coming over?
After some tossing and turning, he grabs his earphones and closes his eyes, hoping some calming music will make his mind stop working. It doesn’t work even though he’s physically tired.
It’s the fatigue from being awake since 9am and the frustration of being unable to sleep that drags him out of his room when he hears Jeno’s door open. Footsteps lead into the kitchen followed by the sound of cupboards being opened.
Jeno is a good friend and an equally perfect roommate, so he asks, eyebrows knit with worry, “Am I being too loud? I can get off call or just stop playing altogether, if you want?”
Renjun shakes his head with a small smile, “No, just…I don’t know. He’s still somehow distracting me from sleeping.”
“I see.”
“You’re judging me.” Renjun deadpans, “You’re thinking of what you can say to make fun of me.”
Jeno smiles sheepishly like he’s been caught red-handed, “Sorry, it’s just so fun with you.”
Renjun groans and fills a glass of water, drinking the whole thing in one go, “I told him to go home today because I thought some distance would be good for me. But now I just miss him.”
“Yeah, that’s how being in love works.”
He holds up the cup threateningly, as if he’s about to throw the glass at the other man in the middle of night. Still, he can’t really deny it, not the way he misses Donghyuck after only hours apart and certainly not that he’d gladly walk the 30 minutes it would take to get to his apartment now, in the middle of the night.
It’s a little embarrassing, so he decides to keep it to himself. Somehow, he thinks Jeno can tell anyway. Is he really that obvious?
“Do you wanna watch us play?” Jeno suggests, “I know you know nothing about League but I can give you an excuse to listen to his voice. Not sure how helpful it will be to your sleep schedule to hear him yelling, though.”
And of course, what else would Renjun do but agree? He feels a bit pathetic at how quick he is to follow Jeno into his room, but he can always blame it on the lack of sleep.
Donghyuck is still muted when Jeno and Renjun enter his room so Jeno pulls his beanbag in front of his gaming set-up. It’s the one that Renjun bought for him after he saw Jisung sitting on the floor while watching Jeno play. That, and because Donghyuck used to come over before he got his own gaming chair and complained that their dining chairs were too uncomfortable.
“Renjunnie!” Comes Donghyuck’s voice when he’s unmuted, too cheerful considering it’s past midnight, “Are you here to watch me beat Jeno’s ass?”
Jeno makes a sound of protest that goes unacknowledged by his friends.
“No, I just need something to make me sleep and I figured watching you play games would be boring enough.” It’s a lie that neither of them call him out on - he can get very absorbed into games even when he isn’t the one playing.
Renjun busies himself with connecting his airpods to his phone, joining the call on their discord server and smiling to himself when Donghyuck makes an offended noise at his comment.
Then, as if a switch flipped, Donghyuck’s voice drops down by multiple octaves. It’s deeper as he speaks - some nonsense about their spot on their map or a weapon or something that Renjun doesn’t care about. He’s heard this voice before, more when the other is tired and relaxed enough not to care about keeping up appearances. Still, it catches him off-guard.
Donghyuck’s voice right now sounds almost creamy, natural and no strain to it. Even when he’s complaining about some guy in the game, even as he makes fun of Jeno doing something stupid, he doesn’t play it up with that overly high-pitched tone he uses sometimes.
Of course, Renjun has come to terms with the fact that he loves Donghyuck even when he’s being a little shit. It’s just different hearing it like this, has this overwhelming need to hear it right against his ear in person well up inside of him.
He knows he has it bad when he glares at Jeno every time the other man interrupts Donghyuck while he speaks - not that Jeno seems to mind having eyes boring holes into the side of his head. In fact, Renjun thinks he’s doing it on purpose just to annoy him, in turn annoying Donghyuck by cutting him off every other sentence.
“What is wrong with these people?” Donghyuck says with a long, drawn out sigh.
There’s nothing about the question that’s odd, it’s a phrase that’s common for gamers, Renjun supposes. He’s heard Donghyuck say it before, has heard it be directed at Jaemin when he lets himself die in the game just because, or when Chenle spends a large sum of money on something for his dog.
Renjun isn’t really surprised by it, but more the way his voice is firmer than usual. There’s a tint of clear frustration in it that Renjun feels a little delirious with the way his stomach flips inside out.
It makes him want to hear that tone directed at himself, if only out of curiosity. Donghyuck is only ever gentle with him. Sure, they bicker and playfight at times, but during all their interactions, Donghyuck is never mean to him.
At first, Renjun was a little offended over this fact. He felt like Donghyuck saw him as something fragile, something that would break if he raised his voice. He realised very quickly that it wasn’t the case.
Donghyuck doesn’t see Renjun as weak or helpless. He knows what Renjun can handle and will gladly dish out witty responses or play stupid pranks on him, just to get a rise out of him. Donghyuck is only as sweet to Renjun as he is because he wants to be, for whatever reason.
Which is why Renjun feels bad now that he wants to see Donghyuck be mean to him - a thought that makes him physically slap a hand over his cheek, the sound startling Heno and causing him to turn and raise a brow in question.
In response, he shakes his head and tries to make the thought of wanting Donghyuck to scold him get out of his mind.
“Renjun-ah,” Donghyuck calls out when Jeno goes on a toilet break, “are you sleepy?”
“A little.”
A soft chuckle rings out straight into his ears, “I finished my essay, by the way.” He says proudly, fishing for compliments and praise he knows he’ll receive.
“Good job.”
“Are you proud of me?”
“Sure.”
“Renjunnie.” He whines, the sound going straight to Renjun’s eardrums and for no one else to hear, “You do sound super sleepy so I guess I’ll let your half-assed support go for today.” A pause, then, “Good night, baby. Sleep well.”
It’s then that Jeno decides to come back, when Renjun’s heart is racing and he feels how hot his cheeks get. It doesn’t have him shoot up out of the beanbag and run into his room, though. There’s a weird sense of calm, a warmth that spreads from his heart and cheeks through to the rest of him until he’s able to get his brain to stop thinking.
Renjun has heard Donghyuck scream, has heard his ridiculous aegyo voice. He’s heard him sing like an angel and heard the way his voice gets soft and warm and sweet as it whispered in his ear after he got stung by the bee, and even heard the way he speaks when he’s filled with worry.
He likes knowing every part of Donghyuck there is and he feels a weird sense of privilege at hearing his voice in its most natural state, but also jealously over the fact that Jeno’s here too - again, he knows he has it bad.
To make matters worse, Renjun falls asleep on the beanbag listening to Donghyuck whine while Jeno teases him.
———
To no one’s surprise, Donghyuck shows up at Renjun and Jeno’s apartment the following day just as the latter is leaving to go to the gym. He latches onto that as an excuse, claiming that he has to be there to make sure Renjun isn’t lonely. He went there right after his class, so he has his things and joins Renjun on the floor in front of the coffee table to study.
Of course, the study session doesn’t last very long because Donghyuck is incapable of staying quiet and Renjun finds the words coming out of the other’s mouth to be more entertaining than art history. It ends with both pulling themselves up to sit on the couch.
Renjun won’t admit it to anyone else, but he felt like he could breathe again when he opened the door to Donghyuck’s grin. He likes hearing Donghyuck’s voice in person, too.
Donghyuck brings Renjun’s legs up onto his thighs and starts massaging at his feet. He doesn’t use enough pressure at first, smiling as the older giggles when it tickles - a smile that has Renjun stunned, so soft and fond that he melts at the sight. Eventually, he starts to massage him properly, not-so-subtly glancing at the area where the bee sting had been.
It doesn’t look like he’s trying to find remnants of the wound, not really. He looks more…regretful?
“You know it doesn’t take that long for it to heal, right?” Renjun questions, “I’m not allergic or anything.”
“Still. You need to be handled with care.”
“Are you calling me weak?”
“No.” Donghyuck answers easily, voice serious and devoid of any teasing lilt, “I’m saying that I want to take care of you.” Then, as an afterthought, an attempt to steer the conversation away into something silly, “And that I’ll fight off all the bees for you.”
It doesn’t work. His voice is still too serious, void of its usual easygoing nature and it makes Renjun’s head spin.
Oh. Yeah. Renjun is totally okay after hearing that from his crush, the guy he’s only recently realised he’s in love with too, to make his life so much easier. Yeah. Why wouldn’t he be okay?
And it’s not like this is new information to Renjun, not really. He knew that Donghyuck has never seen him to be weak, that he’s only gentle with him out of care and love for a friend.
A friend, right, that’s what Donghyuck is to him. So, why does he say it like that? The way you’d confess a secret to someone?
He’s completely fine, so why does it feel like the breath just got knocked straight out of his lungs? Why does he feel like his chest is tightening? It doesn’t make sense. He was supposed to act normal around Donghyuck, to realise how hopeless it was to anticipate having something more with him. He was supposed to realise that he isn’t special to Donghyuck, that he’s nothing more than a friend that he cares for a lot.
So, why, now, is Donghyuck making it so hard for him to do that?
Donghyuck’s brain must catch up to what he’s said out loud too late, head shooting up to look at the other, to stare right into his eyes like he’s trying to look beyond them, like he wants to open up his head and see exactly what he’s thinking in that moment. He opens his mouth, an awkward smile plastered across his lips, likely wanting to make a joke. He doesn’t.
Neither of them speak, and Renjun realises that Donghyuck probably won’t until he says something.
“You mean that?” His words come out croaky, voice cracking with a vulnerability that makes him want to curl up and hide.
Considering his legs are still in Donghyuck’s lap in a way that has him basically sitting on top of him, he can’t, so he hides his face in his hands instead. Donghyuck doesn’t react immediately, waiting a few moments to pry his hands away from his face.
“I wouldn’t lie about something like this. Not to you.”
It’s nothing but the raw, unfiltered truth. And how is Renjun supposed to think he isn’t someone special to Donghyuck after that?
“Okay.” Renjun breathes out, “Okay.” He repeats, more to fill the silence than anything, “Then, will you let me do something?”
Donghyuck nods, no hesitation, no time to think, “I’d let you throw me off a cliff. If you could manage to lift me up.”
Renjun shoves at his shoulder, “I’m trying to be serious here.” There’s a smile tugging at his lips anyway, one he has to fight to tamp down, “Be serious.”
“Okay.” Donghyuck purses his lips to hide his smile.
Behaving has never been Donghyuck’s strong suit so Renjun decides to keep his words brief and to the point, “Can I kiss you?”
There’s the faintest hint of surprise, as if he had expected the question but hadn’t really thought it through enough to think it would become reality. He answers with actions rather than words and Renjun can’t really be mad at the lack of verbal confirmation when he finally gets to have Donghyuck like this.
Kissing Donghyuck is addictive, he realises. There’s a softness to it, a feeling of getting what they’ve both wanted for too long yet it still not being enough. So, he presses harder, as if it will help realise that this is, in fact, really happening. That the constant warmth at the pit of his stomach whenever Donghyuck’s around, the one that grows hotter in this moment, is a testament to the fact that they’re actually kissing.
Donghyuck hums a little happy noise when Renjun tangles his fingers into the hair at his nape, uses his grip to pull him closer and smiles when arms come to bracket his waist.
It’s so new, but it carries a weight to it that makes it feel like this isn’t the first time, a familiarity despite the fact that they’ve never been so close like this.
Renjun has to pull back first, forcing the two of them to breathe. He gasps when Donghyuck is immediately on him again within seconds, whispering, “Not enough.”
When Donghyuck wants something, he’ll go to great lengths to get it and it’s often an impossible task to stop him. Right now, what he wants is Renjun on him and it’s difficult to fight back against it when he wants it just as badly.
There’s something gnawing at the back of his mind now, though, distracting him from fully focusing on the man in front of him - or under him, really, a detail that drives Renjun insane.
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Renjun starts, breathless and lips swollen, spine tingling with the way Donghyuck keeps staring at his mouth, “what did you mean when you said I would’ve preferred to be cuddling Jisung instead of you?”
That gets Donghyuck’s eyes to flick up to Renjun’s, a smirk overtaking those stupid lips that Renjun so badly wants to feel against his again, “Are you admitting that you prefer to cuddle me?”
“Not the point.”
Donghyuck grins, victory written all over it, “I don’t remember.” He almost plays it off with the way he shrugs, but his smile falters and Renjun latches onto that little detail.
“Did you think I liked Jisung?”
Silence.
“Don’t laugh at me!” Donghyuck whines, reaching out to try and physically stop the giggles coming out of Renjun, “Meanie.”
“Sorry, sorry.” Renjun relents, “Is that why you never tried confessing to me?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I just thought you never liked me back and didn’t want to get my heart broken by a pretty boy.”
“Stupid.” Renjun squishes Donghyuck’s cheeks between his palms, turning his head to face him and plants a short but firm kiss right in the center of his mouth, “You know I just have a soft spot for Jisung, right? I’ve never liked him like that. And I think everyone knew that I liked you, even before I did.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that?” Donghyuck tries to argue, but his eyes are on Renjun’s lips like he’d rather keep kissing him than continue this embarrassing conversation - embarrassing for him, at least.
While Renjun does love their push-and-pull, he’s come to the realisation about ten minutes ago that he’d much rather keep kissing Donghyuck. So, he takes mercy and scoots closer, fully sitting on Donghyuck’s lap now. He kisses the pout away, pulling away and grinning into it when Donghyuck brings their lips together again.
“I think this is the only way I can get some peace and quiet with you around.”
“Quiet? Maybe. Peace? Never.”
Renjun swats Donghyuck’s hand away when it tries to wrap around the back of his neck, “You were just touching my feet! Don’t put those anywhere near my face.”
“You’re not gonna let me touch you until I wash my hands?” He pouts and Renjun almost considers letting him, just to see the way he’ll grin after.
“I didn’t say that.” Renjun's voice comes out with less confidence than he wants it to, “I just said not near my face.”
Donghyuck grins, moving his hands now to rest back on Renjun’s waist. And, seeing that the older doesn’t protest, he slides them up under his shirt, right over his bare skin.
“Your hands are cold.”
It’s a lie. Donghyuck’s hands are warm - hot, burning. Renjun doesn’t know if he wants more or for the touch to be gone completely. He loves it, though. Loves the way they feel now and the fact that even after years, it will probably continue to have the same effect on him - flustered, safe, comfortable.
“Should I move them?”
“No.”
He wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s shoulders, squishing the other’s face into the crook of his neck in a hug. Donghyuck’s sigh of delight has goosebumps spread down his nape, breath hitting the skin of neck. The feeling is pleasant, more than it should be, has him burning from the contact of Donghyuck’s hands on him and wishes they were joined by lips on his skin, too.
Renjun realises, now, that Donghyuck’s touch is a welcome sensation compared to the absence of it. The warmth of the other man is more comforting and grounding than it is suffocating.
And, as if reading his thoughts, Donghyuck’s lips press against Renjun’s neck, nothing but a light brush at first. Then, as if spurred on by the way the smaller man shivers, he kisses a bit firmer, tracing a trail up to his jaw until eventually, their noses are brushing, eyes going cross-eyed.
“Hey.” He whispers, breathless with a smile that makes him look silly in the most endearing way possible.
Renjun can’t help smiling back, grin spreading, “Hi.” He murmurs back.
The way Donghyuck’s eyes light up, the knowledge that he gets to see this up close, gets to stare all he wants without having to worry about revealing too much, is enough for Renjun to confess.
“I love you.”
Donghyuck’s eyes widen, light never leaving them. If anything, his whole face gets brighter, the glow of it having nothing to do with the sunlight coming in from the window and everything to do with Renjun. His cheeks colour pink, head ducking down and voice coming out strained when he speaks.
“Careful Junnie. I might think you’re obsessed with me if you keep this up.” He’s trying to tease, trying to get a rise out of Renjun to run away from the weight of how the words make him feel.
“I thought I made that clear already.”
Donghyuck whines, arms squeezing Renjun tight as some sort of retaliation and the sound becoming louder when Renjun only laughs, “You’re so mean.”
“I love you.”
“Stop.”
“Say it back or I’m telling Jeno to come back and throw you out of here.”
That gets his head to lift up, eyes narrowed, “Why are you talking about other men when I’m right here?”
“You’re not allowed to be jealous until you say it back.”
Donghyuck sighs, a shaky breath as if to prepare himself. He keeps his gaze locked onto Renjun’s even as his ears turn hot, whole face turning pretty shades of pink and red.
“I love you, too.”
Maybe they should have gone on a date once. Maybe they should have said the word ‘like’ before falling straight into what they have now. But Renjun can tell that it was the right thing to say, that the pure, unfiltered and vulnerable confession was exactly what they both needed.
They can take things one small thing after another, after all.
———
Later that night, Renjun worries about getting Jeno to hold off on his questions until the next day and gets ready for bed with Donghyuck.
Instead of waiting for Donghyuck to settle into his spot properly, he shuffles and gets an arm under Donghyuck’s back, the other coming over his waist. He all but shoves his face into Donghyuck’s chest, smiling to himself at the little noise of surprise and amusement that escapes the other man.
“What’s this?” Donghyuck asks, grin clear in his voice. He slides his arm to pillow Renjun’s head, the other hand cradling the side of it to place a kiss into his hair before settling over his shoulders.
The weather isn’t anywhere near cool enough for this, but Renjun doesn’t want to move so he pushes the covers down to breathe a little better.
Donghyuck laughs, “You like cuddling me that much?”
“Obviously.” Renjun mumbles, words muffled against his…friend? Boyfriend?
Donghyuck must not have expected the truth so easily. There's silence that carries on too long. Then, he’s squeezing his arms around Renjun as best as he can without suffocating him and pulling him closer.
“I can’t breathe.” He lies, just for the sake of complaining.
“Liar.” Donghyuck says easily, a smile evident in his tone, “I wouldn’t kill my boyfriend a few hours into dating.”
“Are we dating?” Renjun asks before he can stop himself.
The question seems to catch the other off-guard, has him pulling back enough to look at Renjun, “I thought that was where this was going?” He looks confused, a cute little pout on his lips that Renjun wants to kiss away, “Oh, wait, I get it.” In a flash, his pout turns into a grin, “Should I rent out an art museum to take you out on a date and ask to be boyfriends there?”
It’s ridiculous. But the thing that makes Renjun laugh is the fact that Donghyuck would absolutely do something like that, if he had the money for it.
“Dramatic.” He rolls his eyes, “I just meant that I wasn’t sure what to label…us.”
“Boyfriends.”
“Okay.”
They leave it at that for the night, which is probably just the beginning of the long list of things they’ll have to figure out. But Renjun is happy and Donghyuck seems to be as well and it feels like enough for now.