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The old street lights began to flicker on as Ahsoka walked down the back street with her grandmaster. This part of the city was very old, and the infrastructure was degraded and broken in many places. It still unsteadied her to see how different life was at the bottom of Coruscant. It didn't seem right to her that the Jedi were so far above the people they were supposed to serve; but then, since the war had started their duty had been owed to the Republic more than the common peoples. She knew protecting the Republic in the war was helping all the citizens in a big way, but it was very different from the ways she'd dreamed of helping people as a youngling.
She pulled her hood down further to shield her eyes from a flickering light and side stepped a puddle of what smelled like blood and piss. As they approached the man they were looking for, Ahsoka read his signature in the Force and felt her gut twist darkly. He was reputed to be part of a slave trafficking ring that was secretly operating in Republic space. For one reason or another, Obi-Wan had negotiated with the Council to take this mission in place of her master, but she had remained assigned despite his absence. She liked working with Obi-Wan so she didn't mind. He was originally intended to be her master, and even when that changed he had remained engaged in her training. It was always comfortable working with him, he was careful and steady in ways Anakin wasn't. They balanced and complimented both each other and her training.
Their target was leaning against a wall further up, near a doorway to a club. The very air around him felt tainted in the Force and she gently tugged on the coarse sleeve of Obi-Wan's cloak. He angled his ear towards her and she raised her face towards his. There was nearly a quarter meter between them because of how short she was, but she knew he'd hear what she said. "Master, I don't like the way he feels, I think he'll give us trouble. His intentions are…" She felt the way the man's eyes and thoughts roved over her body and repressed a shudder. "Bad."
Obi-Wan nodded but seemed unfazed by her warning. "It's alright, he won't be anything we can't handle. If he is proven to be what our sources think he is, he'll be arrested. But for now we're just scoping him out. Understood?"
She nodded, "Yes, Master." but felt unhappy. Why did they have to prove he was bad when he felt so twisted in the Force? She would never admit it to anyone, but he unnerved her a little. She wasn't sure why when she'd fought far more dangerous allies of the Dark Side before. He almost seemed to remind her of someone she'd known in the past but she couldn't put her finger on who.
Obi-Wan approached the man casually and nodded a greeting. Ahsoka stayed beside him and watched the conversation wordlessly, there wasn't really anything for her to do. Even though he was talking with Obi-Wan the man continued to stare at her, eyes probing the shadow of her hood. She felt tightly wound and caged, unable to even let Obi-Wan's body shield her from sight the way Anakin's would've on instinct.
Though Force empathy was her strength, she didn't usually struggle to keep herself separate from other's emotions, minus Anakin. (That was due both to their Force-bond and how intense he was in the Force at all times.) But the depths of Coruscant were full of pain the way the battlefield was, and she found she had to work extra hard not to get swept up in the suffering around her. All of this seemed to focus itself in the gaze of their target and the close proximity she was forced to hold made her head ache.
She tried to meditate to separate herself from the man's feelings and began repeating the Jedi mantra in her head. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force. Over and over until she felt that her grandmaster was readying himself to leave. She broke off her meditation and tuned back into the conversation.
"I appreciate your time, I'll be in contact with you soon." Obi-Wan was saying, inclining his head in a gesture of gratitude. It made her skin crawl to imagine being that kind to this man, she was glad they were finally leaving. Obi-Wan met her eyes through the shadow of her hood and turned to leave.
Ahsoka exhaled the breath she'd been holding and turned to follow him. Her cloak caught on the ground behind her and she paused, momentarily stuck. She turned to pull it free and found their target was much closer than he'd been a moment before. She jerked up and tried to back away, but tripped over the caught edge of her cloak. As she stumbled backwards he grabbed her wrist tightly, and she realized his foot was holding her cloak down. The hood slipped off her head and the man grinned in triumph. "I knew you were a Togruta. I have someone who's been looking for a creature like you for a good while…" he muttered. He was stronger than she expected and in a matter of seconds had managed to separate her from her grandmaster.
She felt suddenly small and vulnerable, which made her blood race. She'd told Obi-Wan this human was dangerous and he didn't believe her, it was like her parents all over again. The realization of what her instincts had been remembering hit her like a wall and her stomach dropped.
She was three years old and those men were not Jedi, and no one would listen to her. They didn't understand her gift, the things she could sense, the way she knew they were lying. Those men had only bad intentions, but they talked so prettily her parents handed her over without qualms. She cried and bit and was scolded for it; and it was all futile in the end, because no one believed her.
But this was worse because Obi-Wan shared her gift, he should've sensed it too. As her blood rushed to her head and her heart pounded in her chest she thought, "I don't want to go through this again, I can't." And before he could pull her closer she used the momentum of the pull to slip under his arm and behind him. She pulled his arm back with her and rammed her elbow down into it, feeling it crack. He screamed out in pain and dropped to the ground, releasing her wrist as he fell. She stood above him breathing too fast, pupils dilated and skin burning. She threw her Force awareness out large, searching for anyone else who meant to harm her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she felt her budding Force-bond flare in her panic and felt the way Anakin was suddenly very aware of her emotions.
But he wasn't here, and Obi-Wan was moving towards her and called her name admonishingly. He bent down to tend to the man and he didn't understand at all.
She was sat on the steps nearby while Obi-Wan talked to the local authorities. She shivered slightly as the adrenaline left her body, arms wrapped protectively around herself. Obi-Wan had told her to sit and wait for Anakin to come pick her up, disapproval at her unreasonable behavior written on his face. Jedi didn't break civilian arms like she had. Even civilians under investigation.
She felt her master approaching in the Force, his presence jumbled and sharp like a tangle of barbed wire. His emotions were somehow even more on a knife's edge than usual. His eyes found her as soon as he rounded the corner, and he brushed over her body with the Force, checking for injury. When it told him that she was unharmed, he went to Obi-Wan. They stood for a few minutes talking quietly together, shooting looks at her as they did.
No one was going to believe her.
Anakin finally came over to where she sat and stood in front of her. She kept her eyes down, not wanting to see his disappointment. "What happened?" he asked gently, despite how his emotions roiled and shifted the Force around him. Sometimes the control he had over his voice despite the intensity of his emotions startled her. She often thought he tried harder to control himself for her than most others.
"Obi-Wan already told you." she muttered.
"He told me what he saw, which clearly wasn't everything. I want to hear your side, Snips."
At the use of her pet name she finally looked up, mistrusting. She'd only been his padawan for a few months after all. He'd known Obi-Wan for far longer. Why would he believe her over him? Especially when she'd broken the Code. "It doesn't matter." she said. "What I did was wrong, I know that."
She felt him staring at her and she willed her body to stop shivering, not wanting him to notice. After a moment of silence he held his hand out to her, and despite the trust she had for him she flinched. She felt the way his heart panged at her reaction but he kept his hand extended without wavering. "Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here."
She took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. She followed him out of the area, but kept herself tucked behind him until they passed her victim. She didn't want to see his expression, feeling it was enough.
As they walked down the dimly lit city street she tried her best to center herself, breathing deeply and evenly. But she still felt unsettled in her own body, not fully present; which heightened her shame and anger. It shouldn't have affected her this much, it shouldn't be taking her so long to calm down. Worst of all, she should've regretted what she did, but she didn't.
Tears burned her vision and she tripped over something in the street. She steadied herself by gripping Anakin's obi, curling her fingers into the dark cloth. He didn't say anything or move away so she kept her fingers tangled in the fabric as they walked. She let him lead her back to his speeder as silent and angry tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt his presence awkwardly pat the space between her montrals in a way that only made her cry harder. She was already a padawan, she didn't deserve coddling.
Even so, she stayed like that during the long elevator ride up to the landing platform. It was only when they reached the speeder that she finally untangled her fingers from his obi. She quickly slipped away from him and into the passenger seat, face down the entire time.
Anakin sat down in the driver's seat and turned the vehicle on, pressing the button for the roof to deploy. Once it was secured over them he turned to face her, reaching out and brushing her tears away with his gloved prosthetic hand. "Talk to me, Snips." he said softly. "What's going on?" He shifted in his seat so that his entire upper body was turned towards her, showing his full attention was hers.
With a burst of sheer determination Ahsoka shut down her tears and pushed her emotions into the Force, away from her body. She took a deep breath and met her master's eyes for the first time. They were warm and gentle. She thought that maybe the anger she felt from him wasn't directed at her at all.
She swallowed and steeled herself to talk. "He grabbed me, pulled me towards him." she began, miming the motion with her arm. "I'd told Master Kenobi that I could feel his…bad intentions in the Force when we first got there. But he didn't believe me, or at least he didn't take it seriously." She stumbled over those words, knowing she shouldn't blame what had happened on Master Kenobi, but unsure how else to explain why it'd happened. "And then he grabbed me when Master Kenobi wasn't looking."
She dropped her eyes, twisting her fingers in the fabric of her skirt. The shame of what she had to admit burned in her throat, and she tried to get her words out as quickly as possible. As though the longer they stayed inside of her, the more severe the burn would be. "I just got scared. He felt like the people who took me when I was little, and I know breaking his arm wasn't right but I didn't want it to happen again. Which is stupid because I'm not a child anymore, I can easily defend myself. And I could've just said something and Master Kenobi would've helped me. But you weren't there and I felt alone and my body acted before I really thought anything through and he called me a creature and said he knew someone who wanted someone like me and–" Her eyes started burning again as she blubbered on and on. She was acting like a child with all her excuses. It made her shame burn hotter. "I'm sorry, Master." she finished abruptly, feeling hot tears slide down her cheeks despite her best efforts. The shame and guilt churned together in her chest and she wished she could disappear into the planet's core. She was sure he was disappointed in her, he should be. She wasn't someone he could trust to have his back in battle, not like this.
"What people took you when you were little?" he asked, very carefully, so carefully it made her look up again. He sat perfectly still, as though even breathing too loudly would upset some critical balance.
That's right, he didn't know. Neither of them knew very much about the other's life before the Jedi. She'd tried to learn more about his past when they were on Tatooine of course, but he'd shut that down very firmly. It's not like it mattered if he knew about her past, it was so long ago after all. And part of her was always desperate to prove it didn't affect her anymore. Even when it very obviously did. So she told him with as much carelessness as she could muster, hurriedly brushing away the escaped tears.
"Uh, when I was three, the Jedi were going to come pick me up for training. Master Plo Koon had discovered me before then, but they had waited for me to be old enough for creche. When I was ready they contacted the Jedi, but some slavers picked up the transmission." She felt his entire body tense in the Force at the word "slavers". She pretended not to notice. This wasn't a big deal, it had never been. "They arrived first and pretended to be the Jedi in order to take me. My parents wouldn't believe me that they were bad people…" She forced a laugh. "I ended up crying and biting the slavers, but my dad just scolded me for treating the "Master Jedi" so rudely. They took me away in the end and it was a few months before the Jedi were able to locate me."
Anakin's expression was dark and she hurried to reassure him. "They didn't do anything really bad to me! It was just scary being so small and not having anyone believe me. But it was fine in the end, I don't know why I got so scared."
"You were taken by slavers?" He sounded heartbroken, and had turned to face forward again, staring at his hands like they'd failed him. Or he'd failed her.
She started to panic a little, this wasn't how she envisioned this going at all. She expected to be scolded even more for having such a stupid reason for her actions. She wanted to be scolded for being so affected by something that happened when she was three. If Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, thought it was really bad then…it actually was? And what was she supposed to do then? When she'd spent so many years knowing she was a bad Jedi for not getting over her past and letting go. When she'd just used it as an excuse to hurt someone. That wasn't supposed to be justifiable, not for her.
He turned completely away from her then, looking out the side window of the speeder. "Give me a minute." he said, holding up his hand in a "wait" gesture. She felt the way he was trying to wrangle both his rage and his sadness into something she didn't have to worry about.
So she waited, trying to keep her breathing steady. This was fine, it wasn't a big deal. He was just a bleeding heart, she knew he could be that way. He was always so quick to get swept up in the pain of those around him, always eager to do what he could to alleviate it. The kind of Jedi she had always wanted to be.
A few minutes later he turned around, his eyes were wet. "I'm sorry," he said. "I should've been there, I shouldn't have let that happen. I didn't know…" he shook his head, expression turning from mournful to angry. "I should've broken his other arm." he spat.
Ahsoka jumped up, forced by the roof of the speeder into a crouch on the seat in lieu of standing. "What?!" she cried. Her heart raced in her chest, making her feel lightheaded.
He looked up at her, surprised by her reaction. "What do you mean, what? He was going to hurt you, and it's not like you regretted breaking his first arm."
A heat prickled up the back of her neck, how did he know that? "Well I'm supposed to!" she spluttered.
Anakin gestured with both hands for her to sit back down. "It's fine, I don't care that you broke his arm. Obi-Wan is handling it so it's not like I can go back there and actually break his other arm anyways." He sat back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest. "But I don't ever want you to apologize for defending yourself. It's never unwarranted, I don't care what the Council says."
Ahsoka dropped back down into her seat, still reeling from her Master's reaction. He believed her. He thought it was a big deal, he believed it mattered. She reached out for him in the Force, worming herself more closely into their bond. "You believed me," she said quietly.
He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Of course?"
She felt involuted inside, too many emotions were filling her up and mixing together. Whatever expression she made caused him to knit his brows and reach his hand out for her. He set it on her clasped hands. He was always reaching out to connect and to understand, her Master. The Chosen One who used his unbelievable connection to the Force to pat her on the head and do an extra round checking on each of the men individually before every battle. It was always connection with him.
"Have I ever not believed you?"
The tears were back and she hated that. "No…" she replied. But her parents hadn't. She couldn't even remember the pattern of their facial markings anymore, but she remembered that. It was her last memory of them.
"Of course, because I have no reason not to. You've never given me reason not to trust you, so I always will. We may not agree on something but I promise to always hear you out, okay? I want you to trust me on that."
The older war-jaded part of her knew this was a very easy promise to break, especially for someone as emotionally volatile as Anakin. But the soft child-hearted part of her ignored that and trusted him anyway. "Okay," she said, moving her hands to clasp the one he'd lain on hers.
His face broke open in relief and he squeezed her hands. "Great," he said, the warmth of his eyes melting into his smile. Affection flooded their bond and she let it wash over her senses and push out the anxiety from before.
She met his eyes again and let the question that sat burning in her throat escape. "You don't think I'm a bad Jedi?"
Anakin's face fell, she sensed that he was mentally kicking himself. "Of course not, why would I think you're a bad Jedi, Snips?"
He wasn't even teasing her like he normally would. Oh Force, she was still being coddled like a crecheling. But she couldn't bring herself to push it away, her emotional shields thoroughly exhausted.
"Because I haven't moved on from my past, it still affects me…like today." she said slowly, searching his face knowing he couldn't hide his true feelings the way Obi-Wan could. Whatever she found would be genuine.
Anakin looked up at the roof and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It would be pretty hypocritical of me to think you're a bad Jedi for something I'm also guilty of." he muttered. She was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to hear that over the muffled din of the city. She pretended not to hear like she always did.
He seemed to chew over something as he stared at the speeder roof, absentmindedly fiddling with the clasps on his glove. Then he turned back to her and shook his head, trying to give her a teasing grin. "Just because I'm so great at being a Jedi doesn't mean you're bad at it, Snips."
She felt a sense of disappointment sink in as she realized he had decided once again not to trust her with his own past. She felt weird about being disappointed when Jedi weren't supposed to focus on their pre-Jedi life at all. But she still wondered if she'd ever be someone he could trust that much. She wanted to be. She wanted their trust to be equally matched, she wanted to be useful to him. She wanted to be someone he needed. Because more and more, every planet rotation on whatever distant planet the war called them to, she found she needed him.
When they got back to the Temple Ahsoka took a longer shower than normal, exhaling deeply and trying to let the feelings from the day wash away with the water. But even after standing under the water longer than was considered prudent by the Jedi; the sickening feeling that had wormed itself under her skin had only dissipated to a just tolerable level. She accepted she'd have to sleep the feeling off with a silent sigh and toweled her skin dry.
Once she finished changing into fresh clothes she found Anakin meditating in the main area of their quarters. He usually used this time of day to spar in the lightsaber room if they were home, but she wasn't surprised to find him here, not after earlier. She was learning to expect him to alter his habits for her.
He opened his eyes and gave her a faint smile. "Feel better?" His voice was soft in the way only a successful meditation made it. His entire presence in the Force felt peaceful in an assured way, as though his feet were firmly on the ground in calm waters.
She nodded and moved to sit on the cushion across from her master. She didn't really want to meditate, but she didn't want to interrupt Anakin's session either. Not when he was feeling so much better than earlier. But Anakin untangled his legs and stood up before she had gotten into position, as though he'd already known what she didn't want to do.
"I'll make us tea." he said, moving towards their small kitchen. She got up and padded after him, watching his back as he moved fluidly through their shared quarters. She hoisted herself up onto the stool by the counter and watched him silently. She still couldn't find the right step back into their usual conversational groove.
Anakin tinkered about quietly and after a few minutes he placed a steaming mug in front of her. She brought the cup up to her face and inhaled deeply. It was distinct from the tea they normally drank. On the rare occasions they did drink tea, usually she only had it in Obi-Wan's quarters. Anakin was much more partial to caf, as the stimulants in it ordinarily put him to sleep. Sleep was hard for both of them, but Anakin moreso.
Anakin took a long draught of his own tea and let out a long breath. He looked down into his mug thoughtfully. "Obi-Wan bought this tea for me, I'm not even sure how he remembered the type. I used to make it for my mom after particularly hard days. I think I told him about it when I was homesick once, back when I first came here, and afterwards he always made sure to have some around." He took another sip, and Ahsoka blew on her mug, the liquid still too hot for her to drink. Anakin always drank his liquids scalding hot. "When they moved me to the Master-Padawan quarters he left a tin of it in the cabinets for me. You wouldn't guess it, but he can be really indulgent at times. He vehemently denies his special treatment though." He let out a fond snort and shook his head mildly.
Ahsoka took her first sip and let the rich, slightly bitter, spiced liquid roll over her tongue. It was grounding and warm, like bare feet on a sun-warmed stone. She sipped it appreciatively and quiet, not wanting to do anything that might stop him from sharing things with her.
Anakin leaned back against the counter, crossing his ankles and resting his elbow on the counter. His movements still languid from meditation. He looked at her face directly for the first time since they moved into the kitchen area. "I guess you were a lot younger so maybe you don't remember, but was there anything you remember eating with your parents?" he asked.
She looked back at him, blinking in surprise. Then she stared hard into her tea, wracking her brain. "I think…there was a pastry. A roll with different spices mixed through the dough, we'd eat it for breakfast. I don't remember what it's called in Togruti anymore, but once Master Ti brought me one during Cultural Connection Day."
Anakin made a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat. "What did it taste like?"
Ahsoka began swinging her feet and leaned back to search the ceiling, her favorite thinking posture. Movement always helped, she was like her Master in that way. "Salty," she said slowly. "With a bite to it. The dough would almost melt on your tongue and it was really filling. I could barely finish the whole thing when I was small."
"When you were small?" Anakin quipped, raising an eyebrow at her.
Her eyes snapped to him and she narrowed them, once more finding her purchase in their usual banter. "Yes, Master, when I was small."
He made an exaggerated expression of disbelief and set his empty mug down on the counter.
Ahsoka huffed out in fake indignation and drained the last of her tea quickly, hating to finish after him. As she set her mug down on the counter she realized that Anakin was suddenly behind her, having moved quickly while she drank. Before she could turn around his hands were on her waist and he pulled her off her stool and into the air. Ahsoka let out a noise halfway between a laugh and a yell and kicked her feet, trying to use momentum to spring herself up and over his shoulder. But Anakin anticipated her actions and threw her over his shoulders first, catching her legs tightly with his prosthetic arm. "You still seem pretty small to me," he laughed out, spinning them both around and making her squeal.
She banged her fists on his broad back futilely as he came to a stop and then switched tactics, burying her fingers in his dark curls and pulling hard. He yelped and released her, hands jumping up to swat her hands from his hair. She swung herself so that her legs were around his neck and using the Force to aid her momentum, she threw her body back towards the floor and pulled Anakin down with her. The fall knocked the wind out of his lungs and she quickly untangled herself from him while he was stunned. She gloated over him, flashing a toothy grin, making sure her canines showed. "Not small enough that I can't take you down," she preened, deeply pleased with her success.
Anakin glowered at her from the floor, competitiveness electrifying the Force around them. "Pulling hair is dirty, I'd never tug on your lekku."
She stuck her tongue out at him, remorseless.
Before a premonition could reach her, he swept her feet out from under her with his arm and rolled up to a crouch. Ahsoka twisted on her way down and launched herself at him, hands outstretched. He caught her palms easily in his and they grappled for a few moments, neither gaining the upper hand. She saw the muscles on his jaw twitch just seconds before he launched a wad of spit at her face. Unable to dodge as they grappled, it hit her square in the forehead and she screeched. "You're disgusting!" She twisted her head and sank her teeth into Anakin's flesh arm, retaliating. Right as she felt her teeth puncture the salty leather of his glove the door to their quarters whisked open.
They both froze, looking up to find a disapproving Obi-Wan Kenobi looking down at them. He raised his eyebrows.
Ahsoka slowly removed her jaw from her Master's arm and sat back, never taking her eyes off of Obi-Wan. Anakin quickly pulled his sleeve over his hand and wiped the spit off of his padawan's face. Neither of them said a word.
Obi-Wan sighed and ran a tired hand down his face. He stepped into the room, letting the door close behind him and crossed to stand in front of them. "Is this how all of your sparring sessions go?" he asked.
Anakin sat back, somehow both sheepish and cocky at once. "Of course not, Master. We weren't sparring."
Ahsoka shifted to match Anakin's posture, trying to mirror his false arrogance. "Yeah, we were biting each other for fun." she said, purposefully unhelpful.
Anakin shot her a look. "I did not bite you."
She sniffed delicately, tilting her chin up. "No, you spit on me like a crecheling. And then I bit you."
Obi-Wan shook his head at them. "I must say you are both picking up some rather uncivilized tricks."
They both shrugged, unperturbed by his disgust.
"Can we at least sit on the furniture the Order has so graciously given you?" he asked, gesturing towards the couches.
Anakin let out a loud sigh, as though Obi-Wan was really putting them out with this request. He stood slowly, cracked his back and sauntered over to the large cough, dropping down carelessly. Ahsoka stood up more reserved, less confident in really throwing it in Obi-Wan's face, she walked carefully to the couch. She sat down next to her master, leaving the single chair for Obi-Wan, who took it in a dignified and serious manner.
He leaned forward arms on his knees and met Ahsoka's eyes earnestly. "I came to apologize for earlier, little one."
Earlier? She blinked, momentarily at a loss. Between the tea discussions and play fight, the lingering feelings and nagging thoughts of the day had completely left her. From the annoyance her Master was projecting directly at Obi-Wan she realized that had been his goal. The incident with the suspect had completely left her mind. Remembering it again made her feel embarrassed, and she ducked her head.
"Oh, no it's alright, Master Kenobi. I was out of line."
She felt the movement of him shaking his head in her montrals. "No, Padawan, the fault is also mine. I should have been much more aware of what was going on, and I should have listened to you. I didn't want you to give into fear but I shouldn't have ignored what the Force was telling you. I'm sorry."
She looked up at him shyly, unsure how to respond to Master Kenobi apologizing to her like this. Especially when she'd let the most un-Jedi-like emotion dictate her actions on an important mission.
"Your uncontrolled fear did cause you to use excessive force," he continued.
She felt Anakin shift next to her, felt the way he wanted to reproach Obi-Wan for what he was saying. Obi-Wan shot him a look, reminding him that he had been the teaching master on this mission.
"But if I had been more attentive you wouldn't have had to feel that afraid." He smiled gently. "You are always so confident I forget sometimes how young you are. Today was, I hope, a lesson for the both of us."
So now they were both in their own way telling her that her experience was important. She still didn't know what to do with that.
"I forgive you, Master." she said formally, as Anakin nudged her through their bond, reminding her that she hadn't accepted his apology yet.
Obi-Wan ducked his head to catch her eyes. "Are you alright now?" Anakin was right, he was soft. All this for her after she'd ruined their investigation.
"Yes, Master, I'm fine. Thank you."
Obi-Wan nodded and sat back up. He turned his attention to Anakin, politely giving her a reprieve from her embarrassment. She leaned against Anakin subtly, just enough to feel the warmth of his body as her masters talked about recent missions.
She relaxed against him and exhaled the emotions of the mission out through her nose. Like a good Jedi Padawan she considered what she'd learned today, what she'd do differently. She rolled the day around in her head but found she didn't really have an answer to either. Even if Anakin's opinions often clashed with the Order, she didn't think he was wrong about defending herself. But Obi-Wan had been right too, she'd used excessive force because of her fear. She definitely didn't want to be ruled by her fear like that again, she was certain of that much. She would have to work on it. There was always more work to be done to become a better Jedi. One her master would feel proud to have trained.
Anakin's hand came up to rest in the dip between her growing montrals. The weight of it settled her, and the consistent murmur of her masters' conversation reverberated gently in her montrals. She let her eyes droop and her head was guided gently to her master's shoulder.
The day grew more distant from her as she began to doze lightly. If no one else in the galaxy believed her, Anakin would. This knowledge she felt could carry her through the worst of the war. She woke only slightly when Anakin scooped her up and carried her to bed like a youngling. She felt how he pulled the thin blanket up to her chin and tucked it carefully around her body. She could sense that he was thinking of his mother as his fingers traced the markings on her face. He murmured something in a language she did not speak, and the warmth of the words pushed her deep into peaceful dreams. She slept soundly through the night.