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It is hard to give Rudo affection without him hissing and scratching at you like a cat, but there is a way that the cleaners learn about. Rudo has an off switch. Not a literal switch per say, but it might as well be. This is how each cleaner finds it.
1. Riyo
The first to find this switch is Riyo. Riyo watches Rudo freeze when she touches his hair. There in the car on the way back to HQ. She doesn’t really care that much as it means she can play around with the new kids hair without interruption.
The second time she plays with Rudo’s hair is at his welcome party. People are just starting to enter the common area for food and drinks. Some people from the earlier mission are already there, like Gris and Follo, as well as the guest of honor Rudo.
He’s sitting in the corner at a table, twisting his fingers with a restless energy that she can feel across the room.
Now, Riyo has no idea how to comfort people. That is not her job and for good reason, she's terrible at it. She’d rather let Enjin or Gris handle it. Rudo looking like a sad wet cat is not going to make her suddenly able to talk about feelings and the power of friendship.
She can’t stop herself from doing something though. So she wanders her way over, Tome following her so they can continue their conversation.
When she finally reaches the kids table. He turns his head, looking two seconds away from hissing at them.
Before Rudo can get off a single word, Riyo puts a hand on his head and starts messing with his hair. Carding her fingers through it and twirling it around. She does this without breaking her sentence to Tome. They're talking about some new food that came in this week. Tome spares a look at Rudo, but being used to Riyo and all her weirdness doesn't seem too affected by it.
The same cannot be said for Rudo. The brooding look is long gone from his face. Replaced by what can only be described as blue screening. His hands have stopped fidgeting and it seems all he can do is stare down at the table as Riyo and Tome talk.
This goes on for about 7 minutes. Which is way longer than Riyo expected it too. She thought Rudo would have definitely snapped out of it and pushed her hand away by now, but hey she’s not complaining.
In the last 7 minutes, the tension has lessened in Rudo's shoulders. It's not fully gone, but Riyo isn't the one who's going to fix that. She’s just here to hold things together until someone comes along with more emotional maturity than her. (which honestly is not a very high bar).
Speak of the devil. Gris is finally done with whatever convo and looks to be making his way across the room to Rudo’s table. Not wanting to get caught in what she's sure is going to be an emotionally fraught conversation, she dislodges her hand from Rudo's hair.
And like a switch that's been flipped back on he whips his head around to stare at her. Opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Just to fuck with him she winks at him.
This seems to be too much for the kid as he flushes bright red and stares back down at the table. She smiles and walks away.
As she thinks about the last 7 minutes, it occurs to her that Rudo might not have frozen up because she's a girl, but just that someone was touching his hair.
Before she can think on that too hard she spots a tired looking Zanka enter the room and all thoughts are lost as she goes over to bug him.
2. Semiu
The second person to take advantage of the fact that Rudo stops functioning if someone plays with his hair is Semiu.
She’s standing with him behind the receptionist counter going over some maps of the ground. She’s trying to get him to learn some of the cities near HQ as well as trying to show him where the no man's lands are.
He’s trying to pay attention, she can tell. Rudo wants to learn. The problem is he keeps getting distracted by everyone coming in and out of the lobby. People pass by every couple minutes, and like clock work Rudo’s head will drift up to stare as they pass by, staring and completely missing whatever Semiu is saying.
Semiu is trying not to be annoyed, but if she has to repeat one more thing she’s giving up. It’s partly her own fault for starting this impromptu lesson in the middle of the lobby where everyone walks. But in her own defence she thought Rudo would be used to all the people by now. She thought wrong.
She hears the front door open. Glancing over the rims of Eyes, she sees one of the regular cooks, who checked out one of the cars this morning has returned from his grocery run. She doesn't need to activate her vital instrument to notice the jeep parked by the door, trunk popped and full of groceries.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how the next ten minutes are going to go.
The cook, His name is Cole if she remembers right. Will be making at least six runs between the car and the kitchen to bring in all his goods. And he will pass the receptionist desk every time. A guaranteed way to distract Rudo
She lets out a sigh. She doesn't even need to glance over to see Rudo is already looking away from the maps set out in front of him and is instead staring a hole into Cole's back as he walks towards the kitchen.
Deciding on her plan of action, she moves one of her hands she was leaning on the desk with to the top of Rudo’s head. She then gently turns the boy's head back down to the map of the city she was currently speaking about.
Rudo offers no resistance. It's not like he freezes up either. It just appears that soon as Semiu’s hand landed on his hands he let go of the driving wheel.
Soon as he’s looking back down at the map she removes her hand and goes about her lecture.
Rudo immediately whips his head over his shoulder to look up at her. His brain obviously struggles to piece together what just happened. All she does is raise an eyebrow at him, causing him to blush and glare back down at the map.
This is how it goes for the next ten minutes. Soon as his head drifts away to look at whatever is happening in the lobby she’ll gently redirect his head back down, only stopping her words while she has a hand on his head, resuming her speech as soon as she lets go.
Everytime Rudo will blink furiously for a couple seconds blushing slightly before focusing back on whatever she's saying.
It’s cute, she thinks. Reminds her of how a cat looks after they realize you stopped scratching their head. She smiles and goes on talking.
3. Zanka
When Zanka finds out that Rudo literally fully stops if you play with his hair, it was a complete accident. This does not mean Zanka doesn’t immediately take advantage of this knowledge for his own selfish gain.
They're out in the training yard. No weapons, just basic combat. Trying to teach Rudo a fighting style is like trying to get a caveman to use a fork and spoon. Rudo is all wild swings, low kicks and claws. His fighting is all instinct. The kid would not know a fighting form if it hit him in the face.
Any time Zanka tries to point this out or correct his stance. All he gets in return is insults and expletives thrown at him.
How do you teach someone who gets so defensive at the thought that they might not be doing something the right way? He acts like an angry animal. Metaphorical hair standing straight and hissing at you if you try to get near him.
Zanka wants so badly to just say fuck it and walk away. He’s almost done it twice now. The first time is when the kid almost clawed his eye out, and the second is when Rudo headbutted him.
The only thing keeping him here is that Enjin asked him to do this. He will prove he is a capable person who Enjin can be proud of. If only the feral kid in front of him could also get the memo.
He got Rudo to throw a punch at his hand. The kids got some power behind his swing. He'll give him that. But with how wide he throws his arm, anyone with a shred of knowledge can block with little difficulty.
“Not bad” Complementing him feels as though he was eating glass.
“Your arm is coming in too wide. You're leaving your core wide open, not to mention one tap to the inside of that elbow and your punch is done. Honestly a rookie mistake, it-” Zanka wasn’t even saying the rookie mistake in a mean way. He was trying to say it’s a common problem. Rudo obviously saw it as an attack on his being and lashed out. Zanka saw the attack coming a split second before the kid moved, swinging his head back to head but him again.
This shithead is going to break his nose if headbuts him again. Zanka would really rather not break his nose right now. One because it hurts like a bitch. Two because he would then have to tell people how he broke his nose.
Yeah, absolutely not. Zanka refuses to have to explain that.
So he throws his hands up. Catching the kids head in between his palms before it hits his face. Zanka can’t see the kid's face as his head is tilted to the ground.
He expected the brat to wrench his head away by now, to start snarling, yelling and or swearing. He is even watching his hands to make sure he doesn't take a swipe at his face. (wouldn’t be the first time the kid tried.)
Except none of this happens, if anything his hands are more relaxed, unclenched for the first time since they got out here.
Everything about the kid is slightly more relaxed. His shoulders are no longer hunched, his jaw is unclenched and Zanka's hands are basically holding up his head at this point.
Zanka almost unconsciously threads his fingers through Rudo's hair and scratches lightly at the kid's scalp.
This has whatever tension that was left running through Rudo's body evaporating immediately.
Zanka suddenly remembers the car ride back to HQ after picking up Rudo. He was too mortified at the thought that there was literal shit on him to notice much. There was one moment he remembers Riyo playing with the brats hair and watching him bluescreen.
At the time he thought it was because Riyo was a girl and Rudo was a fourteen year old loser who probably never talked to a girl who wasn't his mom. Now he thinks it had less to do with Riyo being a girl and more to do with the fact that she was playing with his hair.
Ok he can work with this. The kid is basically puddy in his hands. All he has to do is talk to the kid. Which is easier said than done.
He pulls the Rudo closer until the kid's head is resting on his chest. One hand is still cradling the side of the kid's skull while the other snakes around to the nape of Rudo’s neck.
“Are you listening to me?” All Zanka gets is a grunt as the brat exhales aggressively. Which Zanka is going to take as a yes. Honestly, Zanka is not mad at this position. He doesn’t have to look at Rudo's face and more importantly he can’t see Zanka’s face.
Zanka can’t tell if the blush on his face is from the last thirty minutes of physical and verbal sparring, if it's from the frustration of dealing with the stubborn kid in front of him, or from the embarrassment of Rudo leaning into him as his borderline just pets him like a cat.
All this to say is he’s glad no one can see him right now as he takes a deep breath and situates himself.
“I’m not good at this kind of talk so don’t hit me until I’ve finished talking ok? I’m not trying to insult you when I'm fixing your form. It would be stupid to think you would know any of this yet. I’m not saying you're weak for not knowing how to throw a proper punch or any other of the things you're thinking. You need to stop getting so defensive everytime I say something. Im not attacking you, im trying to help, so please stop acting as though I’ve fucking stole all your trash every time I tell you youre doing something wrong. And if you try to headbutt me again I’m telling Enjin to stop giving you candy after dinner. I’m your trainer I can do that” He most definitely can not do that but that’s neither here nor there.
After he finishes, aggressively ruffles the kid's hair as he steps back. Rudo finally restarts as he swats at Zanka’s hand, taking another step back and glaring at him through his now thoroughly messed up bangs.
“It’s hard not to take offence to everything you say when your voice is that annoying” Rudo shoots back.
“Says you” is that the most intelligent response out there? Probably not.
The rest of the training session goes relatively more smoothly. It’s not like Zanka expecting him to completely 180 his personality. So he’s not too surprised that the kid still works himself up in his head until he’s mad enough to start lashing out.
But the number of lash outs is significantly smaller. Zanka is also trying to fix his condescending tone. So together things are working better. Zanka can also now deal with an angry Rudo better.
He ruffles the kids hair as Rudo huffs and puffs until it seems he’s calmed down at which point Zanka lets go and the kid can explain his frustrations and then they continue.
It’s not perfect but it works, and at this point, that's all Zanka can ask for.
4. Gris
Gris has known Rudo’s weakness for head pats since Riyo discovered it back at Rudo’s welcome party. He just hasn’t needed to use it until now.
Gris is walking by the Medical ward when he hears the tell-tale signs of Eishia panicking, along with the sound of Rudo panicking about her panicking.
Deciding lunch can wait he walks into the room to see Rudo sitting on a cot. The back of the cot sits upright. Rudo leans forward off the back rest, hands hovering over Eishia as leans on top of Rudo’s outstretched legs.
Gris can only pick out a couple words of Eishia’s panicked mumble.
“Hey guys, what’s going on here?” Gris has found the best way to defuse a spiraling Eishia is to make her slow down and explain the problem.
“Rudo’s never been to the doctor! I asked Semiu to send him over so I could do a general physical, And when I asked what he’s gotten done at the doctors before he said he’s never gone!” Eishia is toeing an impressive line between worried about Rudo and indigent about the apparent healthcare system on the sphere.
“What’s the big deal? They didn’t offer doctors to the tribesfolk, and besides if I ever got hurt Regto patched me up” Anytime Rudo spoke about the sphere the more concerned Gris got.
“It is a big deal! This means you missed so many things, and there are only so many things I can do, and if I mess them up then you’ll be in trouble and it’ll be my fault” Okay. Gris has got to stop this spiraling self worth train before it leaves the station.
“Okay what can you do right now?” Gris asked in a calm voice.
“Well I did most of the general stuff during the check up. height, weight, diet, injuries." On injuries Eishia paused a little to glance down at Rudo’s hands with a frown. Rudo noticed her gaze drift and quickly tucked his arms around his torso. Eishia snapped out of her daze to finish her thought.
“Right now I can do the general flu shot and tetanus.” Eishia said looking at Gris for the okay, as if he was the boss on what she could and could not do.
“Sounds good, I’ll stay here with Rudo while you get everything ready.”
With approval, Eishia got to work.
Rudo looked up at Gris. Who was now standing on one side of the cot. Leaning slightly over Rudo with one arm over the back of the head rest.
“I still don’t think I need this. I’ve gone fourteen years without a problem. Why does it matter now?” Rudo grumbles. He looks like a grumpy toddler as he crosses his arms and leans back into the cot with a pout.
“Well for the flu shot, we don’t know if the ground and sphere have different diseases. So it's better to deal with it now, then have you get sick and die later because your body wasn’t ready for a ground cold.” Eishia hummed and nodded along to Gris even as she puttered about the room.
“As for the tetanus shot. Kid it’s honestly a miracle that you haven't contracted tetanus yet. So we're gonna get that base covered before your luck runs out.” Gris says this all so calmly and casually, that Rudo finds himself nodding along even though he still doesn’t quite understand.
A couple of minutes pass until Eishia has all her stuff ready on a little table she's dragged over beside her. She had Rudo take off his hoodie leaving him in his tank top. She’s wiping down the area on Rudo’s upper arm.
As she explains the process to Rudo, Gris can see him getting more and more tense.
“Hey kid, it might be better if you didn’t look. Might help you calm down.” Gris suggests gently.
“How am I not supposed to look? She’s sticking something in my arm?! Actually I changed my mind. I'm good. I’ll take my chances with the flu”
Before Rudo can talk himself into a frenzy. Gris uses the hand that's been resting atop the back rest to guide Rudo's head away from where he’s been staring at his own arm away and into his chest. Gently combing his fingers through his hair, Rudo relaxes and presses more firmly against Gris sternum.
“Okay Rudo, I’ll start with the flu shot. The shot itself will only take a couple minutes. Then I'll sterilize everything and it’ll be the same process for the tetanus shot. Sound good?” Eishia explains, sounding a little nervous, like she’s scared Rudo will say no.
After a couple seconds Rudo slowly nods. “Just get it over with.” Rudo speaks, sound muffled as he leans farther into Gris.
All in all it only takes about ten minutes. The whole time Rudo stays pressed into Gris. Not that Gris minds. He’ll happily stay here and run his fingers through the kids hair if it makes him feel even a tad more comfortable.
When everything is done Rudo thanks Eishia who smiles then scampers off. Gris takes a step back to let the kid off the cot. The kid sits there for a beat, and just when Gris is gonna ask if something's wrong the kid speaks.
“Thanks, I’m glad you stayed with me.” And before Gris can reply Rudo is hopping off the bed and marching past him and out the door.
Gris smiles and makes his way after the kid heading off to lunch.
1. Enjin
Rudo knows it’s weird how he reacts to head pats. Despite getting better with physical affection since falling, he’s still oddly accepting of head pats.
He wants to stop, he really does. He feels weak and pathetic and loved every time it happens. But every time he’s tried to move away from any one of the cleaners, he hears Regto’s voice and he stops.
He can’t do that to Regto. He gave everything for Rudo and he refuses to disappoint his memory anymore than he already is.
In the dead of night he can admit that Regto’s words often haunt him. Normally his dreams are plagued by Regto’s last words and death.
Tonight though, it seems that his mind has decided to use another memory that he often thinks of.
He’s seven, standing in the living room. There’s blood crusted on the top of his forehead. He’s been getting better at not banging his head against a wall every time his brain gets a little too loud and a little too mean. Most days he can ignore it.
Today though, was not one of those days, So as Regto finishes wiping the blood, he stares off. Trying to tone out that little voice still telling him to break himself.
Suddenly and without warning, Regto sets the cloth he was using to wipe the blood off down, puts both hands on either side of Rudo's head before pulling him closer and kissing the crown of his head.
“If you could be a bit kinder to this head of yours Rudo, because I quite like that little noggin you got here and it be a real shame if you keep hurting it”
Regto says all this before pulling back and ruffling his hair. Rudo snaps out of the pause Regto’s words have caused and scowls. Knocking Rego's hand away from him. All Regto does is laugh.
Suddenly he’s ten and he has just sold his first piece of repurposed trash. Regto pulls him into a big bear hug, threading his fingers through his hair. Rudo pushing against Regto’s chest trying to escape.
“Regto stop! Oh my god you're crushing me!” Rudo squirms until Regto finally lets go.
“What? I’m not allowed to be proud of my boy?” Regto replies playfully.
Rudo blushes, he’s still not used to the affection no matter how many times it gets sprung on him.
“Please stop talking.” Again Regto just laughs.
He’s twelve now. A bruise forming around his eye and blood soaking through the bandages on his hands. Regto is there rewrapping his hands.
“Rudo you know we don’t hit people” It’s the first thing he’s said since Rudo came home.
“I’m fucking fed up of that rule. Why shouldn’t I? All they do is shit talk me for being related to a man I don’t even know?! And worse they say shit about you! Doesn’t that make you mad? It makes me fucking mad! Why shouldn’t I hit them? I know what they think of me. I can’t do anything to change their minds. All I’ll ever be to them is the son of a murderer. Is that all I’m meant to be?”
By the end he’s heaving in air, and to his embarrassment he can feel tears streaming down his face. There are too many emotions swirling around in his head and he doesn’t know what to do.
Normally lets his anger eat everything he’s feeling. He knows anger, he can work with anger. But right here, right now. Regto’s hands are cupping either side of his face, looking at him like he’s worth something, like he’s something to cherish. And no matter how hard he tries, his anger refuses to surface.
“Rudo. you are not your father. I know it’s hard when that’s what everyone always tells you. You need to stand strong” He swipes his thumb under Rudo’s eye, clearing the tears. Painstakingly gentle around the black eye forming on Rudo’s face.
“Because one day. Who knows when, people are gonna come along who love you just as much as I do.” At this, he pulls Rudo forward. Setting his forehead on the crown of Rudo's head, like he’s trying to speak the words directly into Rudo’s brain.
“And when those people come I’m gonna need you to let them in. So please, for your old man, don’t go giving in to hate just yet.” Regto finally pulls back to look him in the eye.
“I love you, and I’ll keep showing you I love you until those people come along. Hell, I love ya long after those people come along. So instead of throwing punches when they say shit. When the voice in your head gets too loud, you come find me, ok? I’ll shut it down as many times as it takes.” Regto kisses his head and smiles at him, and Rudo’s emotions don’t feel so overwhelming anymore.
Rudo gasps awake. In a cold sweat and breathing heavily. Every memory of Regto adding fuel to the fire of his breakdown. Happy memories set ablaze in regret. The image of Regto’s body acting as gasoline. Until all that’s left is all his negative emotions and that voice he tries so hard not to listen to.
“Come find me, ok? I’ll shut it down as many times as it takes.’’ yeah, well how is Rudo supposed to do that when Regto is dead. For a split second he feels that rage stir up again. How dare Regto make that promise? He was supposed to be here? How could he just leave? Of course this line of thought is immediately followed by an all consuming self loathing. Only he could be selfish enough to be mad at a guy who was murdered for being dead.
He feels like writhing on the ground. All his thoughts and feelings are trying to split his head open.
In a desperate attempt at self soothing he clutches at his skull. A pitiful attempt to hold his head together like Regto did so many times before.
All it does is make him miss his dad. He hates himself for every time he pushed away from Regto’s touch. All the moments where Rudo wanted to ask for a hug or a hair ruffle but his pride held him back.
He feels stupid and small and lonely. Lying on his bed hyperventilating about his dead father. He feels like he hasn’t grown up at all. A kid who only a dead man could love.
“Because one day. Who knows when, people are gonna come along who love you just as much as I do.” Rudo couldn’t help but think of the cleaners.
The way that they took him in. How each one of them showed they cared.
Rudo had tried to hold himself back from getting attached. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Every kind word and thoughtful gesture tested the strength of his walls. And when someone placed a hand on his head, all he could feel was Regto holding his face like he was holding his world in his hands, telling him to let people in.
Suddenly with a clarity about his emotions that often alluded Rudo, he knew he needed someone to hold him together or he was going to fall apart.
He gets up, borderline sprinting out of his room. In the back of his head he is aware that he is making too much noise for this time of night but can’t stop himself from marching down the hall before he lands on the door he was looking for.
Banging his fist against the door as he leans into the frame he realizes he doesn’t know which cleaner his feet took him to.
That little voice in his head is getting louder. Making him question if these people care. If he deserves for them to care.
Before his thoughts spiral more he hears someone grumble behind the door, sounds of shuffling then the door is swung open.
Enjin still looks half asleep. He opens his mouth, probably to cuss out whoever woke him up at whatever time it is o'clock in the morning. Before his eyes land on Rudo and he stops in his tracks.
Rudo can imagine what he looks like right now. He’s in his t-shirt and gym shorts, the lack of long sleeves fully displaying the bandages under his gloves wrapping up to his elbows. Tear stains on his face and heaving breaths bordering on a panic attack. Rudo is sure he looks like a mess.
Before Enjin can ask what's wrong, Rudo throws himself into Enjin. Who catches him even as Rudo knocks the air out of his lungs.
“Hey there Rudo, coming on strong huh, normally it’s only the ladies throwing themselves at me.” Even as Enjin jokes his arms come up and circle around him, one over his shoulder and one wraps around and rests in his hair.
Rudo takes a second to get his breathing under control, Enjin just stays where he is, the hand on his shoulder rubbing soothing circles and the one on his head playing with his hair.
“My dad told me that people are gonna come along one day who care about me. And when they do, Imma need to let them in.”
“Well that's some pretty solid advice kiddo, sounds like your dad knew his shit.” Enjin replied his tone was still light but the gentleness in his voice told Rudo he was paying attention to what Rudo was saying.
“Well that’s what I’m doing. I’m trying to let you in. Because right now I’m upset and confused and angry and I need you to make it go away like my dad did. Cause he can’t love me anymore so someone else has to.” Every word that spilled from his lips came out more desperate than the last. Someone had to be able to fix this. Before it consumed Rudo whole.
Enjin let out a breath, mumbling something about how this was not a hallway sorta conversation, dragging rudo gently backwards until he closed the door. The side table lamp lit the room in a dim orange glow.
Enjin kept backing them up until both of them were sitting on the bed, Enjin leaning against the headboard, one leg tucked under him the other hanging off the side of the bed. Rudo sat in front of him, cross legged.
Enjin moved his hands from where they were until both were holding Rudo’s face in a way so reminiscent of Regto that Rudo thought his heart would give out.
“Now Rudo. No one can love you like your dad could. That’s something special only he could do. Nobody is gonna fit into that hole that he left behind.” This did not make Rudo feel better, in fact it made him feel worse. He tried to express as much but all he could do was wheeze out a breath that sounded closer to a whimper.
“That is not a bad thing kiddo. People are unique. Nobody can perfectly replace anybody else. That doesn’t mean I and the other cleaners can’t love you like family. It just means that the space where you keep all that love has gotta grow a bit to fit everyone.” Enjin had this look in his eye Rudo couldn’t quite vocalize. But it made him feel a little bit warmer.
“Then what do I do with the space Regto’s love left behind? The empty hole is tearing me apart Enjin, and I don’t know what to do.” Rudo has never been this vulnerable in front of anyone who wasn’t Regto and it was scary.
“You do exactly what you just did. You come to someone you trust. We might not be able to take away the pain but we can help you through it. And with time you can come to understand that just because someone is gone doesn’t mean that their love left with them. That person's love will be with you the rest of your life. It's the most important thing we leave behind. So honor that person's love. Don’t try to bury it”
Rudo lost his battle with composure a long time before he ended up in Enjin's room. So for the second time that night he threw himself at Enjin, and again Enjin wrapped his arms around him without a second thought.
He doesn’t know how long they laid there. Him trying to come to terms with everything Enjin said, as the man in question ran his fingers through his hair humming a tune to something Rudo didn’t know.
Eventually long after the tears had stopped Rudo spoke.
“I think he would’ve liked you.”
“Oh yeah, why?” Enjin didn’t need to ask who he was talking about.
“You’re the same brand of stupid but weirdly insightful.” Rudo says with a tiny chuckle.
“Well it seems you just need to get a little more worldly to understand our intellect” Enjin says with a tone of superiority.
“What the fuck does worldly mean?”
“And that is why you simply do not have the brain pow-”
“Asshole, I asked you a question.” Rudo is completely ignored as Enjin continues talking.
It’s not the same as his dad Rudo thinks. Nothing will be. Instead of that thought crushing him, it feels like a weight is lifted. He can move on. He found those people who love him like his dad wanted him too. He can let those people in like his dad asked, without having to replace the spot Regto left behind.
That's the thought that stuck with him as Enjin and him continue to bicker until they both fall asleep.