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The acrid stench of his latest failure burning up in the bin is familliar by now. Another long, furious, futile session of letter writing done with. Felix bangs his forehead lightly against the desk, seething with frustration, until a gentle hand intercedes between himself and the wood.
"Perhaps a break?" Kagami suggests, soft, lips curling with amusement when he turns his face in her hand to look up at her.
Felix takes a moment to rub his cheek against her fingers before sighing and agreeing. She takes his hand and tugs him out the window, onto the roof. The building is an inconspicuous one, the same kind of shabby as its surrounding neighbors. People avert their eyes as they pass each other on this street. Felix will say this for Colt Fathom: the man knew how to pick a covert bolthole and stock it.
(On the other hand, if he had to eat one more of the dreadful MREs, he might wind up using the crates of explosives on himself.)
Even in darkest times, even in turmoil and aching with it, the skyline of Paris remains a beautiful sight. Or maybe that's just the girl in his arms. Their time is running short and freedom with it.
It should be so simple.
Shouldn't it?
Just a single line: 'Gabriel Agreste is Monarch'.
Fait accompli.
That is all Ladybug must know, all Felix has to tell her, isn't it? Ladybug's goal has always been to defeat Monarch. Felix can point her at him and walk away. Beat the bush, flush the game, leave her to do what she would, could.
Time and time again, he has found himself pouring out irrelevant details, obsessing over the pertinent facts, vacillating between which was which. Did she need to know all of it? What words would move her, touch her, bring her to courage and action?
(-ask for no aid and accept none-)
When you have been commanded to never do so, how do you ask for help? It doesn't matter if you remove the chain when the memory of its weight is enough keep you in place.
It helps and doesn't to know the name of Ladybug, the SentiBane, the Taker of Lives, his hated (feared) foe. All her choices were ill done; she risked civillian lives, she made unnecessarily convoluted plans, she killed those like him without flinching. Felix was still so angry with Ladybug, at times. (Fear always lights the fire of his anger.) Betraying her trust had been an easy choice when chance presented itself.
But flip the coin of Ladybug and the face was Marinette. Marinette, who bled compassion onto others at peril of her own health. Marinette, who made Adrien glow, illuminated, in the eye of the Miraculous of Emotion even now when so often he was a morass of guilt and shame and horror and fear. Marinette, whose circle of allies (she calls them 'friends') had extended to enfold Adrien as well, had been kind no matter how closely Felix watches them, just waiting for the veil to slip.
Felix reclines backwards against the roof of his little safehouse, sitting with Kagami settled against his chest. His arms are wrapped around her, resting in her lap. Her hands are wrapped around his. Dusuu is a warm weight of silky feathers against his hand. They are all curled together for comfort while the sunset plies its calming influence.
"It's not wrong to kill the fox you find in your coop.” Kagami strokes her fingers over his.
“No.” He agrees. “I only object to tracking them down before they cause any such trouble; when they are living their lives as best they can in what bits of the world man has left them and throwing them to a tortuous death, ripped apart by dogs for amusement. A quick end to the creature whose fur is red with the blood of those I would protect is fitting.”
“Gabriel Agreste is too cold blooded to be a fox, but no better than a snake among the hens. You have ample evidence against him. We have discussed and concluded public exposure is too risky for all of us. What holds back a quiet, private strike?”
“I am afraid of losing love I might've already lost. Adrien loves that monster. I don't know that he would forgive me for destroying it but have I already lost him? It's been years. I've changed. What if he doesn't like what I've become? I can't go back to what I was, I don't know how, I don't think I could be that person again, but what if he can't love me like this? “
"Adrien worries for you." Kagami reassures. "He thinks you have become entangled in a danger you cannot overcome." She squeezes his hands once. "If anything, he seems... aggrieved, to not have contact with you. Is there truly no reassurance you want me to give him?"
"Want has little to do with it. What Adrien knows can be pried from him without more effort than a few words of command. No, no message." Felix blows out a breath. "He is almost right. I suppose you still believe the explosives should be a last resort."
"Everyone believes the explosives should be a last resort. " She returns with a nip of dry, scorching dragonfire.
"I can't muster the nerve to chop the head from the snake even when I know he'll keep biting if I don't.”
”You are not responsible for stopping Gabriel.“ Kagami reminds him. ”Each bite he inflicts is a choice he makes himself.“
”Not my responsibility, not me he bites. It still stings. As long as Gabriel exists, Adrien is in danger. We are in danger; he knows secrets he cannot be trusted with.“
”Marinette isn't a killer by nature. She will attempt capture, to regain the Miraculous, before she would ever consider more permant options.“
”I wish her luck. I'd rather see him alive, punished, than even safely dead. If she can manage it, that would truly be lucky, miraculous. Monarch will force her hand or at least that of her valient defender.“ Felix snorts. "Once her life is too close to lost, I don't imagine Chat Noir would stop at any disgrace to keep her. And if he winds up dead or lost as he so often does, Ladybug will do what must be done to bring him back.”
”So once again, we have talked ourselves 'round to the point where the only step forward is to tell Ladybug. And soon. Mother is almost ready with the Alliance software.“
"This should be simple.” Felix whispers. “Why can't I do it?”
Duusu leans hard against Felix's thumb, in the cup of his hand. She takes a deep breath, swelling against his skin into a feathery orb. “You are clever, Felix, you will find a way. Know that I will always help you, however I can.“
”That kind of help has a cost. I cannot let my failures break my word. What kind of man would I be to bring life to a crutch so that I may use it and discard it when I am done?“ Disgust near seizes his voice from him.
”I do not seek to change your mind, Chosen, I admire your care. You know well the pain of the chain, the precious nature of life, what it means to have dominion over another. My power is a difficult one to wield.“
“I am so tired of killing innocent creatures. It doesn't matter that they are plated up after I have been made to shoot them, peel off their skin. Nothing should live at my sufferance, die at my whim.“ Felix sighs, tilting back to better press his forehead against Kagami's shoulder.
"A butterfly's life is short compared to a man. No matter how long a man lives, most will pollinate far fewer flowers than even the brief butterfly. The butterfly will never compose a song or write a poem, is it worth less than the man? Neither can fulfill the purpose of the other. Is the song worth more than the fruit?“ Duusu hums a little tune to herself, petting comfort into Felix's fingers.
”What do you mean, what are you saying?“ Felix puzzles.
”I mean that not all of my children are as wonderfully complex and deep as you two.“ Duusu looks back and up at the faces above. ”Sometimes a life cannot be measured by how long it is lived but by how well. Even human lives gutter and fall short of their promised years. Were those lives a waste because they were short? To have a purpose, to fulfill it, satisfies the soul. Men have spent their whole lives searching out a purpose to give themself to.“
"Doesn't it hurt?” Felix raises his head, looks down over Kagami's shoulder, searching. “You call us your children. When we are ended, snapped away, does each death not sting?”
“I miss the ones who are gone but I know the name Death wears and they were a friend to me, before and after we came among the humans. Death is not what some men fear it to be. Everything ends. Ending is a chance to begin again.” Duusu shivers her feathers, settling. ”Each life is a unique wonder and there is a hole in the patten of the universe, a role only meant to be filled by one shape, no other will do. Sometimes that role is brief, sometimes it stretches into eternity. As long as there is joy, kindness, fulfillment, isn't it worth it to live?"
"It is worth anything to live." Felix says, hoarse, trembling.
"The price of life is the inevitable ending." Duusu croons. "To be born is to die. What happens between is the important part. Those we do not mourn are those who mourn us."
"You will survive us; you have survived all your past holders and Chosen.“ Kagami notes.
”Yes.“ Duusu droops sadly. ”It is a victory to outlive your enemies. It is sorrow to outlive your friends. There will be others, new friends not yet met, but it will never be the same. A great philosopher once said: 'There is no one alive who is you-er than you!'“
Kagami leans back, twisting to look up at Felix's face. ”Leap.” She urges simply. “You have leapt before. Are you not flying free? Did it not win you my trust? Did it not win you the name 'Chosen'?”
”You.“ He agrees. ”You, I trust. Could you do it? Could you form a life for a purpose so brief? Could you stand to know I would end your creation? That I would be so weak as to need a crutch that I couldn't even make for myself?“
”I, too, have caught and killed and cleaned my own dinners before. There is no joy in the death, only the satisfaction of knowing I will continue. I am a predator, a part of nature. I must kill to eat. Could you stand to ask it of me? Could you stand to know I could do such a thing and love me still?“
”You are easy to love.“ Felix promises.
"It is the nature of the dragon to hoard that which is precious." Kagami murmurs, tracing her fingers along his skin. Feels him soften against her.
"Not a possession, only possessed." Felix says back into her hair.
"Your unremitting ally." She agrees. ”You could no more ask aid from me than you could ask it of your own right hand."
”So. No more letters, no more recordings. The rudiments of a plan instead.“
”A helper, an aide.“ Kagami agrees. ”One to facilitate the transfer of important, relevant information on Monarch to Ladybug.“
”What shall they be built of?" Felix takes a deeper breath, she feels it through her back. “Fear? Anger? I have more than enough of each.”
”Tsk. The strongest of all emotions. Between us, we will only and ever use the strongest of emotions. It will be built of love.“
Felix alights on the rooftop near to her, agile even without the name Argos. Kagami continues to watch Marinette's frantic search, stomach twisting uneasily at the sight. Neccessary did not mean painless.
”She followed as you said she would.“ Felix smiles at her.
”The Dragon is a predator. So, too, the Ladybug hunts her dinner. Marinette might let kindness blunt her teeth, but she has the instinct and determination to stalk. Are you ready?“
”If you are.“ He takes her hand, calls forth Duusu.
It was a little like a warm fire slipping gently into his veins. There was no way to know what would happen exactly when they had stepped into the senti's light, holding hands. Formed of love into a facilator for the passage of information, they might set the purpose but magic swept them along in the manner it decided.
Transformation.
There were costumes, there were sets, there were lights. Music. Just enough detail provided to set the tone, not too much to get lost in. The words flowed out of him with all the ease and fluidity of a dance, better than any attempt he had made on paper. No more heaving rage, no more helpless despair and worry. Felix could hear Kagami playing her own parts with the same easy calm that thrummed through him.
A little bit kabuki, a little bit musical and experimental and storytelling all blended into a singular enormous performance for an audience of one. There was no way to know if some magic of the senti kept Marinette enthralled or if the story was simply too important and compelling to keep her silent, unquestioning.
It was easy to talk about the truths that burned inside him; to bare himself, his history, his family. There was editing being done but not by Felix. How he discovered each part of the story didn't matter so much, he supposed. He hadn't thought that the history, so far back, was as important. Maybe that's why all his letters ended in flames and ashes; they didn't start at the true beginning.
Once Upon a Time slows as the story comes to its conclusion, let's them all loose with a fluid slide, and suddenly they are all three looking down on the curled shape Marinette (Ladybug) makes on the floor.
”Will she be all right?“ Kagami croaks out, drained by the performance.
”She'll be safe enough here.“ Argos promises. ”She has her kwami, after all.“
There is a flicker of red motion at the lip of Marinette's purse. A thin, high voice says, ”You are pushing at the edges of permissible, Duusu!“
Argos scowls, snaps. ”I am the one who named the holder of the Butterfly Miraculous, you take your issue with me!“
He wraps his arm around Kagami and she only barely seizes Once Upon a Time before Argos is launching them out a window and away. Towards a nearby rooftop, with a clear enough line of sight to watch over Marinette's still form.
Once Upon a Time very nearly burbles with joy. He is a projector, after all. Kagami can see his flashes of pride in each still shot of the production he displays onto the nearest wall. There, lingering on a detail of scenery she missed the first time. There, humming a bit of thematic music to himself. There, pleased by the just enough nature of costume selection. The amok on her finger buzzes with emotion and clearly Argos was getting more from his connection.
”Yes,“ Argos agrees aloud to the unspoken words. ”You did a very excellent job. Better even than I dared to dream, my brother. You are a storyteller par excellance. You may have, indeed, saved the very world, you know.“
Once Upon a Time glows with the praise and thrums with a satisfaction very near to joy.
It might have been odd, were he someone else, were Kagami a different soul, to cuddle what was essentially a small projector on legs between them. But they were who they were and of course a senti made of their love could bend itself to cuddle, would want to.
This time is a gift she grants him with all her grace. They should be returning to London by now, to sneak back into their places and get what sleep they can to prepare for tomorrow. How one is to prepare for something with so many unknowns is the question. There is no doubt of the magnitude or imminence of the attack. What it entails beyond a strike and the response of the rings is... hazy. Mme. Tsurgui has been displeased with her heir, lately, and less keen to share information.
Felix's Red Moon, his sister that he had nutured and grown with all the despair and fear and resentment in his heart, she had been so confused by him at the last. When asked to release her prisoners she had given them up willingly to his command even when it befuddled her. Was it not her purpose to hold all those lives, hold them carefully, hold them still and frozen in time forever if she must? That's what he remembered most upon her leaving, her puzzlement. Had she failed, had she not pleased her creator in her work?
He allows no such confusion now. Let's his praise fall from his lips until Once Upon a Time glows with satsfaction.
This time when he snaps his fingers, there is someone to hold him while he cries.
”It's over.“ Kagami announces, as soon as the screen clears and she sees Felix's face.
”Over over?“ He asks, still, until she nods. Felix closes his eyes, but only briefly. ”Ah, good. We saw the ladybugs sweep through but it's chaos and what news we could get was not worth listening to.“
”Ladybug came herself to free us, to... explain to Adrien.“
”She-? God, what-“ He is so visibly frightened she aches for him, especially now, with the distasteful lie she has acceded to. Every bit of Felix Kagami can see from his hair to his clothes is ragged and battered and now she must also give him this news?
”You. You appear. Disheveled. Afflicted.“ Her free hand squeezes her own leg, out of sight, painfully tight.
”Oh, I-" He looks down at the tattered remnants of his shirt, makes a face, runs a hand through his hair that leaves it sticking up. “I, I had to... check on mum. I had to check on mum and... and the others. No Alliance rings allowed for staff or- I'm, I'm as well as to be expected, I suppose. Let me just get to my room and I can make myself presentable.”
The wait is torture and solace both. Conflict, confrontation, condemnation all delayed for a few minutes more. The illusion that she would still have his favor, have him at all, after this call ends is a boon unasked for.
Kagami is more disciplined than this. Surely she has faced worse sanction at her mother's disapproval. (But her mother has never loved her with the ferocity and devotion and forbearance that Felix so freely offers-)
"What has Ladybug told my cousin?" Felix asks, doffing his tattered shirt and rummaging through drawers.
“I may have overstepped my bounds with you. Promised more than you would have agreed to.” Kagami admits, even as he lifts himself upright, new sweater dangling from his fingers.
"How so?"
"Ladybug is preparing to declare to the news that the identity of Monarch remains unknown." She has distracted him sufficiently that the sweater sits puddled in his lap.
"And how does she intend to get away with that?" Felix puzzles, before wincing, touching his brow.
"She will state that Adrien and I were indeed hostages, but taken by Monarch against our parents for their co-operation."
“Why are you- what's going on?” he rubs his face, eyes squinty and pain filled.
Kagami fills her lungs, breathes from the belly. "According to Ladybug, Gabriel Agreste died a hero in the fight against Monarch. It is by his sacrifice that Monarch has been defeated."
"What!" Felix squawks. "She what!"
"Ladybug intends to lied to the public to extend her mercy to both Tomoe Tsurugi and Nathalie Sancoer by disguising their participation in the crimes of the terrorist Monarch, who was never unmasked. Gabriel Agreste shall be remembered as a hero." Kagami near trembles as she confesses.
"What madness is this?" Felix demands. "How does she-"
"The Butterfly was lost. " Kagami interrupts his words before they can gain any steam.
"What?"
"There is another player. " She cautions. "Despite a conflict of two, the Butterfly Miraculous has once more disappeared."
Felix sighs, gustily. “It is ugly. Let us keep others out of it, yes, but I wish she had- it will be so much worse when Adrien- and the Butterfly lost again- what a mess.” he concludes glumly.
“You are...”
“Oh, I am furious with her. Gabriel Agreste a hero?” Felix scoffs. “No one who met the man will believe it, least of all Adrien, but what else are we to do now?”
Kagami straightens her shoulders, stiffens her spine. “I am the one who agreed to this story. I have done so to spare my mother a jail cell in hopes that I may turn her. Let your wrath fall upon me.”
"Ma riene, please.“ Felix softens. ”I would never deny you. I would never censor or chide you. You are the queen of my heart. If it is your wish, I don't know where this road will end, but I will walk it with you, hand in hand.“
"Felix.” She breathes, cannot help the gutteral rumble that enters her voice. “My hoard. You are every good thing I reserve for myself.”
“Yes,” He agrees, flushed and breathless. “Always yours. We can get through this. We will always find a way.”
"As long as you are with me. " Kagami accedes.
As though reminded of the tangle of fabric in his lap, Felix hastily pulls the sweater over his head. "Are you-"he stammers. "The dreams, the nightmares, did they press you?"
“If Monarch wasn't in hell, I'd put him there myself.” Kagami growls.
”What?“ Felix head pops out of the sweater he was struggling to draw on. "What's- what's going on? Are you still at the hotel-? Did-”
“We are back at the hotel.” Kagami growls. “After being freed from our cells.”
“Cells?” Felix yelps. “What-”
“Our tiny white padded cells.” She confirms. “Where we have been confined since the day began.”
“Not, not the hotel?” Felix stammers, clutches his head. “Wait, wait, I'm not- wholly effectual yet, I don't think.”
“Not many are. Placide has managed to get us back to the hotel, despite the condition of the roads and drivers."
"Didn't the ladybugs fix everything?” Felix frowns down at the scraps of shirt in his hands.
“They fixed the roads and the accidents and the damage from the transformed. They stopped the nightmares. My hoard, you are not the only one feeling poorly after this akuma. Many are suffering lingering troubles.”
“Oh, no.” Felix whispered, understanding. “How bad is it?”
“It's Adrien.” Kagami growls. “I'm sure that being locked up lead to sound decision making about the Alliance ring and Perfect Alliance. He's only vomitted once. We are keeping him hydrated as best we can, but between the tears and everything else-”
“Take care, ma riene. You are sparking.” Felix pleads. “Your eyes have gone gold.”
She hisses her displeasure and shuts her eyes to take deep breaths, calm a dragon's fire. Felix whispers enough sweet nothings to fill a volume of verse but she can barely hold onto his voice let alone his words. When the tingle of lightning over her skin dissipates, she looks at her phone once more.
“This could have been averted if Gabriel actually cared enough to do something besides issue commands. You'd think the man would bother to know what sends his own son into paroxysm. Bastard.” She hisses, silibant and flickering.
“I could never disagree with you. ” Felix admits.
Kagami, allows, tentative. “I have never seen Adrien in such distress. Have you... he has... Placide seems used to this. But Adrien has... withdrawn from us, He goes still and quiet in a way that I mislike.”
“He...” Felix's face twists miserably. “The last time I had any meaningful conversation with Adrien they were hammering comportment into him and he-” Felix voice hitches. “He was as still and composed as a doll. Poised and posed.” Felix spits. “Oh, ma riene-”
"Please, my hoard," She pleads. "I will keep your love safe."
“I'll- hold on- I have to go get Duusu. As soon as I-” Felix stops to gasp and clutch his head. “As soon as- as soon as- I will come to you.” He promises.
“Don't.” He makes a wordless noise of protest, a squawky squealy thing, and she speaks over him. “Rest, Felix, it will get worse before it gets better. We will need all the strength that we can muster. The Sancoer woman is arranging an insanely early train for us to return to Paris in the morning.”
“What! NO!” If he could crawl through the phone, she thinks he might have at that.
“No clash ever goes exactly as desired. Adrien... is distressed. I think, at this time, it is better to accede. Follow swiftly but safely.”
“This isn't-” he rubs his face savagely. “This isn't exactly the best outcome.”
“It is not what I had hoped for. Yet I believe there is reason enough to hope still. There are possibilities; gaps we can take advantage of.”
Felix eyes her carefully. “Mme. Tsurugi will be... displeased with this.”
“She will be displeased with the many failures of Gabriel Agreste. She will be very pleased how I have managed to persuade Ladybug to keep her out of jail. That Ladybug sullies herself with lies to the public using a story I have concocted. A Ladybug so naively young and good intentioned that she wishes to spare two innocent lives, ruining her own honor and reputation in the process, is vulnerable to furthur manipulation.”
“It is a dangerous line to walk.” He cautions her. “Please, be careful.”
“I am oh so carefully ignoring her calls until all is beyond her intrusion and interference. Who can say how long it took to sway Ladybug to see our side of a good lie, after all.”
“Then I will see you next in Paris.”
“I will keep you informed as I may.”
With one last long, lingering look, with an eerie synchronicity, the call is ended from both lines at once.