That’s all demons do – feel!

by Vigilluminatus

Summary:

The girls are enjoying their well-deserved vacation after the movie, but Rumi is acting strangely. One time it seems like she's flirting with an appreciative Mira, then she breaks down into tears after a simple question from Zoey, then she completely loses herself in the joy over her birthday party - it seems like all of her emotions are getting out of control now that she is not repressing her demon side anymore. Her subtly glowing patterns at these times indicate that demonic influence might be involved. How will Huntrix deal with something that will probably affect both of their professions? Will they be forced to turn to the one person Rumi doesn't want to interact with for help?

Emotions covered: Lust, Sadness, Joy, Solicitude, Jealousy, Fear, Shame, Hope/Harmony

Chapter 1: Red: Horny Half-Demon

Summary:

Rumi is unusually flirty one day. It distracts Mira enough that she hardly notices the vibrant red light refraction on Rumi's patterns. Of course it's a refraction, what else could it be?

Mira let out a breath of relief as she stopped bench pressing and put the weights back into their holder and sat up, reaching for her bottle. She felt great – just the right amount of endorphins and muscle pain. As soon as their roles in the band had become clear way back then she had decided that as the lead dancer it was her duty to be the fittest member of the group. Not that Rumi and Zoey were slackers, far from it, but with her weapon being the heaviest and her yearning for perfection in any choreography – Zoey liked to call it “obsession” – Mira was convinced she would win most kinds of physical battle between them. She took Zoey’s quip as a compliment actually – anything less than the highest possible level of physical peak that wasn’t violating K-Pop beauty standards was a liability. And liabilities led to disappointed fans and wounds in battle, both of which she saw as personal affronts.

She stood up and stretched, letting out a satisfied moan. Oooh yes, life was great! The Honmoon, while not golden, was saved, the demons were in shock due to their king having been defeated and Huntrix’ popularity was at an all-time high … AND their small chosen family had finally faced their underlying problems. Mira smiled. As shocking as the revelation of Rumi’s half-demon heritage had been, the girl had proven beyond any doubt that she was a committed hunter when she been the only one strong-willed enough to refuse Gwi-Ma’s empty promises. Following the demon king’s defeat many important talks had followed, about Celine’s mistakes in the past, their insecurities in the present and their hopes for the future. And Mira had been incredibly relieved to realize that the other two girls wanted to save their partnership just as much as she wanted it to last. Things had definitely improved since then …

She heard a chuckle behind her and turned around. Rumi looked amused, obviously having watched Mira stretching for a while. She also looked simply stunning. From the day they had met Mira had never seen Rumi’s upper arms and torso, not even during the hardest, hottest training sessions. It had been odd, but Celine had explained it away as a form of resilience training uniquely suited for Rumi’s physiology, although she had refused to disclose what the latter part meant. In the end Mira had just accepted it. Neither being world-famous singers nor hunting demons was in any way normal, and she and Zoey had developed their own little quirks over the years … so Rumi just didn’t like anyone to see her upper body. It was fine, even added to their lead singer’s graceful, near-mystical aura. Of course she now knew the true reason and had tried her hardest to be tactful and understanding while dealing with Rumi’s life-long trauma … not an easy thing due to her sarcastic personality, but Rumi being happy was worth holding back.

Seeing her dear friend in shorts and a short tank top instead of a training suit was … still kinda surreal though. She was very happy that her’s and Zoey’s constant encouragement was allowing Rumi to slowly overcome her fears and she was now comfortable enough around them to show a large amount of her demon marks along with her flawless skin. Mira pitied Rumi’s future lover in this moment – it would be VERY hard not to develop an inferiority complex next to this goddess, now that Rumi’s undeniable physical beauty was being bolstered by a healthy dose of self-confidence.

“Feeling good?” Rumi’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Mira smiled. It was heartening to see Rumi being completely unbothered by Mira’s admiring glance. She even seemed to relish it, if the gleam in her eyes and her cocky grin weren’t misleading. She had come so fa… Mira’s smile vanished and she averted her glance, barely resisting a blush. Heck, HOW long had she stared at Rumi’s naked skin? Too long? She didn’t even know. Who was she, a horny teenager?

“I do,” she answered. Countless years of vocal training came to her assistance, keeping her voice at its usual deep, smooth timbre – no embarrassment noticeable, or so she hoped. “What’s up with you though? You don’t usually start training so early.”

“I know, the gym’s usually your kingdom right now,” Rumi admitted. She looked at the big window and put her arms behind her head, stretching, smiling and closing her eyes, obviously enjoying the sunlight hitting her skin and making her patterns appear to glow in a healthy, vibrant red. Then the girl bowed down very slowly, touching her toes, pushing her trained butt NOT QUITE in Mira's direction in the process. Mira’s eyes grew slightly wider. Dang! She had NEVER seen Rumi act so unabashedly comfortable in her own body. She liked it. “I just felt like a short work-out would be nice … but I don’t want to intrude.”

Mira snorted. “Nonsense,” she declared, picking up her towel and water bottle and stepping towards the door. “This is your gym as well as mine. I’m done anyway, I was just about to hit the sho…”

Right as she was about to step past Rumi and leave the room her arm was suddenly grabbed. She blinked and looked at Rumi again, using her patented eyebrow raise to demand an explanation. Rumi wasn’t as amused anymore suddenly as she looked at Mira pleadingly.

“Actually … I had hoped you’d stay for a bit longer,” she confessed, looking at the bench press. “I wanted to do a bit of lifting after the warm-up today … and we both know I’m not as used to it as you are.” She shot a quick glance at her arm and the now faint again patterns on it. “Or if there’ll be any … fluctuations in strength.” She looked at Mira again. “Could you …?”

Mira smiled. She did that a lot more often lately, she realized. And always around Rumi. “You want me to spot you?” she clarified. “Rumi – why so anxious? Just ASK. Yes, of course I’ll help.” Her smile turned into a grin. “As long as you’re not planning to have a training marathon. I DO want my shower.”

Rumi returned her grin, but her voice was soft. “Thanks,” she breathed in the same way that had made countless fans - male AND female - swoon in the past and headed towards the treadmill for the warm-up. Mira blinked. Had Rumi’s thumb just applied a slight, but noticeable amount of pressure on her skin? Before she had removed her hand, allowing her fingers to run along Mira's entire arm until reaching the hand? Had this been an accident or a deliberate teas…? She shook her head. Seriously, what was she thinking? This was Rumi, for crying out loud! Just a few weeks ago the girl had still been incredibly guarded against any kind of skin contact, and now Mira was wondering if her friend was sending signals that way? Please! The only deep meaning in all of this was that Mira needed to clear her head via some personal exercises designed for her lower body sometime soon. She leaned against the wall, took a sip from her bottle and patiently watched Rumi doing her thing. It really wasn’t just the patterns – since her friend had accepted her demon half there was … some kind of glow around her. Maybe she was just imagining it, but Rumi had never looked so alive. Good. Nobody deserved happiness as much as Rumi.

Rumi stepped off the treadmill, wiping some sweat off her forehead. “Ready!” she announced.

Mira nodded and walked over to the bench press, waiting until Rumi had lied down and put her hands on the lightened weights. “I gotcha, princess,” she reassured her friend, grinning. “Let’s see HOW much weaker you are than me.”

Rumi pouted, but then it changed into a sly grin. “I might surprise you,” she challenged Mira’s dig somewhat cockily.

Mira snorted. She liked this kind of banter. She was glad that Rumi seemed to become fonder of it too lately. “Don’t tell me. Show me.”

Rumi certainly did her best, even though Mira had to remind her once or twice to pause. From what she could tell her demon patterns didn’t give Rumi inhuman strength, nor did they interfere with the workout in any negative way. That was probably for the best. It was predictable. And Mira was all for stability after all the Saja Boy chaos. When she was done Rumi was breathing heavily. That and her soaked tank top accentuated her chest very nicely. Mira’s grin turned dirty. She was very sure that some of their more depraved fans would immediately sell their souls to Gwi-Ma to see their idol right now … not that they would, since Mira would make sure to scare them away before they could ogle her friend.

“Feeling good?” Mira repeated Rumi’s question from earlier, stepping back and folding her arms while Rumi slowly stood up.

“Oh yeeees!” Mira chortled as Rumi nearly moaned the words while stretching her arms as far as she could and straightening her spine, pressing her chest firmly against the constraining fabric - right in Mira's direction. And again, as the sunlight touched the patterns and the sweat covering them for a moment the refraction caused the patterns to appear red. Mira blinked. It was kinda enchanting. If she didn’t know better than she’d assume that her friend was trying – rather clumsily – to seduce her. Oh well, she DID appreciate a nice set of female curves as much as … a set of … abs – she frowned, pushing away THIS memory before the eye popcorn could rise –, but their friend- and partnership was way too important to Mira to endanger it for some short-sighted fun. And besides, if Jinu was any indication Rumi didn't lean that way anyway. “Thanks again, Mira. I’m great!”

Mira snorted. “I can tell,” she announced pointedly, teasingly letting her eye wander down and up again. “Does that mean I may enjoy your company here more often from now on?”

“Well … not too often, I think,” Rumi appeased, sitting down on the bench again and watching the sunrise. She grabbed her impressive dragon tail braid and began to reintegrate a few strands of hair that had escaped during the workout. “But sometimes … maybe.” She turned her head around and smiled. “If you’ll have me?” She put her hand on Mira's arm again. "Maybe I could ... return the favor then?"

Mira blinked. "You mean ... spotting?" she clarified, but Rumi's smile just turned into a sly grin. And ... did her glance intensify? Was she imagining things? Mira had to fight the dirty part of her mind HARD to avoid the interpretation "Or something else ... if you are adventurous" reaching the forefront of her thoughts. “I wouldn’t mind,” she assured, then sighed. “But now I’ll go shower. This has gone on long enough.” She obviously NEEDED this shower - stat!

“Sure, enjoy it.”

Mira turned around. Yet just before she could head towards the door she felt a hard slap on her left butt cheek. She exhaled sharply. Then she turned around sloooowly. “What. The. Hell?”

Rumi wasn’t even looking at her, seemingly preoccupied with her braid. As she turned her head her face was a mask of pure innocence. “Hm? Oh, don’t worry, Mira, this was just a nasty demon that tried to attack you.” She grinned. “I killed him before he could do anything … worse.”

Mira was speechless, yet managed to raise an eyebrow. When had the real Rumi been replaced by this doppelganger? She felt torn between amusement because of the sheer audacity and righteous anger because of the unprovoked sneak attack. After she had carefully weighed her options, mainly putting her VERY cheeky friend in a well-meaning headlock or putting her firmly into her place by wrestling her into submission, she decided on something less kinky by just shaking her head. “Is that so?” she asked with a heavy undertone of disbelief. Rumi’s smile didn’t falter even though Mira bombarded it with a slightly amused, yet intense glare. “Well, that demon was lucky. I don’t know what I’d have done to … him ..., if I had caught him.”

Rumi nodded, still smiling. “Yep,” she agreed. “Lucky demon. Don’t wait too long, Mira – Zoey might wake up and occupy the bathroom for a while. See you at breakfast.”

“Suuuure.” Mira stepped outside of Rumi’s reach before turning around this time. “See you.”

Wow! That behavior reminded her much more of Zoey’s than of Rumi’s usual antics, and even the Half-American wasn’t THAT much of a tease. Usually. The purple-haired princess had clearly become MUCH more comfortable with touching others … maybe a little TOO comfortable. Still … good for her. It meant that her friend’s tortured psyche was healing nicely. It still took an impressive amount of willpower to shove the half-formed thought of bringing down some necessary ... discipline onto an unusually naughty half-demon back into her subconsciousness. Willpower and the shower Mira taking afterwards being quite a bit colder than usually …

Notes:

Maybe it would have been better to start with another emotion than (red) lust, but it was fun writing it. Oh well ...

Chapter 2: Blue: Painful Memories

Summary:

Rumi's patterns turn light blue (calm, serenity) while meditating and deeply blue (sadness) when Zoey mentions Jinu. Surely that's just a matter of lighting though? Though her reaction to the latter is ... extreme.

“Rumi?” Zoey asked quietly as she approached the small balcony of their tower suite. For a moment she watched her friend’s back, waiting for a sign, but it seemed like Rumi wasn’t willing to end her meditation. It was still weird to her that Rumi had committed herself to this activity since none of them had had any interest in this kind of relaxation before, but as long as it helped … “I brought you some tea.”

“Thank you, Zoey.” Rumi’s voice was calm, but warm, proving that she had been aware of Zoey approaching her and didn’t mind the company. “Can you please put it down next to me?”

“Sure.”

Zoey put the cup down and watched her friend’s face with fascination. Sure, Rumi had never been the calmest in their little group, that would be Mira, at least when she wasn’t angry, but she was certainly calmer than her, Zoey. But the expression of content and serenity on her friend’s face while she had been sitting here for half an hour cross-legged, her spirit weapon resting on her legs for whatever reason, was something she hadn’t seen before, especially in their fast-paced profession. It was probably a visual hallucination, but in the dim light of the evening Rumi’s patterns, her most ingruing quality, seemed to softly twinkle in a pretty light blue color if you focused hard enough. An all-encompassing picture of calmness.

“I can feel you staring at me, Zoey,” Rumi informed her and opened one eye. A small smile appeared on her lips. “Or I just didn’t hear you leave again, if you prefer that. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry.” A slight blush appeared on her face. 23 years old, richer and more successful than most people … and she still managed to get caught gawking at people like a schoolgirl. Good thing that Rumi didn’t mind her quirks. “It’s just … I’ve never seen you like this.”

Rumi raised an eyebrow, but not in an annoyed way. “Like what?” she inquired.

“Umm … so calm,” Zoey explained. “I mean, of course we relax from time to time, like right now … but you’ve been meditating steadily, every day, and I didn’t think …”

“… that you’d be in danger of losing your bet with Mira?” Rumi interjected, now with a full smile and a glint of mischief in her now both open eyes. “The one where you didn’t think I’d last longer than two weeks?”

“Oh, uh …” She sheepishly rubbed her head. “You heard that?”

Rumi laughed. And despite how uncomfortable it was to be caught like this … the fact that after everything Rumi had gone through since the appearance of the Saja Boys – no, far longer, since her earliest childhood! – her team leader was able to experience genuine happiness now warmed Zoey’s heart. Rumi SO much deserved to be carefree like this.

“I did,” Rumi confirmed. “And I’m not mad. YOU might be though since you’ll lose that bet tomorrow.”

Zoey hung her head and produced a theatralic “Awww …”, causing Rumi to chuckle again. Which made it hard pretending like she was depressed … oh well, it was against her type anyway, so she grinned. “It’s okay. I’m sure Mira won’t think up something TOO harsh for me to repay the betting debt.” She coughed as Rumi cocked her head in a still amused “Are you sure?” gesture. “Well, I hope … anyway, your tea’s getting cold, I’ll leave so you can finish your meditation …”

“Oh, I wanted to stop anyway,” Rumi interjected, grabbing the cup and drinking. Her sword vanished. “It has been long enough. Mmm, new flavor?”

“Nope,” Zoey declined. “I just picked three different flavors and mixed them together. Is it good?”

“It is,” Rumi confirmed, but pouted. “So I am your guinea pig now? Just cause you lost a bet because of me? That’s cold.”

“You still love me,” Zoey countered confidently. “Actually … can I ask you something?”

Another sip. “Of course you can. You also may.”

She snorted. “Funny.” She sat down, eyeing Rumi again. If she didn’t know the other girl so well she would have wondered if this was a long lost twin instead of the original – Zoey had always admired Rumi’s talent, grace, dedication, charm, kindness … but true, not feigned calmness had not been one of the many, many good qualities in the purple-haired girl’s repertoire. Now that she had accepted herself and had also been accepted by her and Mira Rumi seemed … at peace. Not always, not fully, but it was very much obvious, especially after meditation. “You … seem so much calmer than before, Rumi. I’m curious if that’s more thanks to all the things that lie behind us now or because you started meditating?”

Rumi emptied her cup. “Hmm, good question,” she commented. “Mainly the former, though the meditation helps. Why do you ask?”

“You think I could do it too?” Zoey asked, getting excited. Well, it was her natural state. “It could be our Common Alternate Relaxation Event next to Bathhouses!”

Rumi giggled. “C.A.R.E.? Nice!” she complimented the acronym, making Zoey grin with pride. “But I’m not sure if that’s the right thing for you.”

“But … whyyyyy?” Immediately rivers of tears sprang from Zoey’s eyes. “I-I-I wanna spend more time with you …”

Rumi chuckled and gave her a pat on the head. “You are an amazing person, Zoey – but sitting perfectly still and emptying your thoughts is NOT playing into your strengths,” she argued gently. “Watching a movie would be more up your line, I think.”

Zoeys eyes became wide. The tears immediately stopped. “C-Can we?” she pleaded in her most cutesy voice.

Rumi stood up and helped her up too. “Of course we can,” she agreed, putting her arm around Zoey’s shoulders. “I like spending time with you too after all,” she whispered into the younger girl’s ear.

Zoey beamed. “Can I choose the movie?” she asked, all former tears forgotten. “I promise you won’t regret it!”

“I regret everythiiiiiiing!” Zoey cried, barely able to see what was happening on the monitor.

Rumi was not able to hide her smile. “I told you choosing a tragic romance was a bad idea,” she reminded the younger girl. “You always fall apart watching those.”

“But how can you NOT?” Zoey accused her, shaking her friend, tears still flowing. “You are an unfeeling monster, Rumi! This … this is so tragic!” She blinked. Uh, damn tears! The patterns on Rumi’s skin reflected the artificial blue light of the monitor, giving her an eerie appearance. “How can you NOT be moved?”

The smile had completely vanished from Rumi’s face, but in Zoey’s agitated state she didn’t notice. The older girl was staring at the monitor with a wary glance. “It’s … not real, Zoey,” she explained weakly.

“That doesn’t matter,” Zoey claimed. She put her hands on Rumi’s cheeks and forced her friend to look at her. “If you can imagine yourself in that situation, then it’s real enough! Don’t you think you’d cry too if the main guy looked like Jinu …?”

Rumi’s eyes shot wide open. She paled. It took a second, but the hurt on her face pulled Zoey out of her emotional investment and she stopped talking. What …? Then the tears started flowing, glowing in the same deep blue tone as Rumi’s patterns, probably also because of the lighting ... right? And it wasn’t the dramatic tears Zoey had mastered years ago, but shocked, emotionally charged tears. But they weren’t the worst part. That would be the “How could you” expression on Rumi’s face.

“Rumi?” Zoey whispered, suddenly concerned. She pulled her hands away from her friend’s cheeks. “What …?”

Rumi grimaced. She sob escaped her throats. Before Zoey could react she was shoved away and she heard Rumi standing up and running away. Just when she sat up again she heard Rumi’s door slam shut. “Rumi!” she cried out, jumping off the couch and following the other girl. She slammed her hands against the door, but Rumi had locked it. “Rumi, I’m sorry! I didn’t …”

“Leave me alone!” The voice was definitely angry, but Zoey could hear it breaking … and the following sob. “I’m just an ‘unfeeling monster’, right?”

“I didn’t mean it!” Now Zoey’s eyes started watering too. With real tears this time. “Please Rumi, I’m sorry!”

“Leave me alone!” The voice was muffled now. Rumi was probably crying into a pillow now … but the deep, heartbroken sobs were all too good to hear. Zoey’s heart sank deep into the ground. This was more than just an emotional outburst. What had just happened?

“What’s happening here?”

Her head flew around. Mira had just entered the penthouse, carrying some comfort food. Her eyebrow was raised, her head switching between the TV and Zoey, trying to piece together what had just transpired.

“Mira!” she cried, relief in her voice. “It’s Rumi!”

The red-haired woman frowned and she put the food onto the couch. The couch didn’t mind, it was used to it. “What about her?” she demanded.

“I …” Zoey tried to collect her thoughts. Which wasn’t easy since she herself wasn’t really sure what had just happened. “We were watching a movie. She was enjoying it … then I mentioned Jinu. Just a quick comment, I swear, but … she’s crying, Mira.” She sobbed. “I made her cry!”

Mira wasted no time. She stepped closer, gently shoved Zoey aside, and listened. They could barely understand anything, but the muffled words “… you just die?” were clear enough. Mira exhaled harshly. Then she knocked on the door respectfully. “Rumi? It’s me. What’s wrong?”

Choked wails. “Go away …”

Zoey’s lips quivered. Why? Why was this happening? Everything had been going so well … and in a single moment they had crossed the border into a nightmare. “Rumi, please stop cr…”

“FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Both she and Mira took a step back instinctively. They stared at the door in front of them in shock. Rumi hardly ever cursed. While she trash-talked demons on a regular basis just like them she was usually the most polite and distinguished member of Huntrix. And raising her voice against her friends … IF it happened it was usually followed up by an apology immediately. Not this time. This time only heartbroken weeping followed.

Zoey was speechless – a state that was equally rare. She hardly noticed that she was pulled away from the door back to the couch. Only when Mira snipped right in front of her face she woke up from her shock. Mira looked grim.

“What … what do we do now?” Zoey whimpered, feeling helpless.

Mira threw a quick glance towards Rumi’s door. “Nothing,” she answered tensely. “You heard her. It’s best if we let her get whatever happened out of her system and then let her sleep. Talking to her right now is pointless.” She took off her glasses. “Seriously … WHAT happened?”

“I don’t know,” Zoey insisted. “We were watching the movie and she was completely calm … but immediately after I mentioned Jinu she started crying. I thought she was over him …”

“Huh,” Mira muttered, glancing back at the door. “So did I. Guess we were wrong.” She paused. “Still, that was … quite intense.”

“Yes,” Zoey agreed quietly. “I haven’t seen her like this … since ‘Takedown’.”

A shadow darkened Mira’s features. None of them liked to remember that moment … the one that had nearly shattered Huntrix for good. She shook her head. “Nothing we can do right now,” she decided. “We should probably head to bed too.”

“But …”

“I know.” Mira put her hands on Zoey’s shoulders. She was gentle, but right now they still felt heavy to the smaller girl. “You want to apologize. Do it tomorrow. Make breakfa…” She seemed to remember what had happened last time Zoey had tried to make an opulent breakfast. “Scratch that – ORDER breakfast. But arrange it nicely with your own hands. And THEN, when Rumi comes out of her room, apologize.”

Zoey opened her mouth. Then closed it again and nodded. “You’re right,” she agreed. “I … she shocked me, Mira. She’s usually so composed … this came completely out of nowhere.”

“I get it.” Mira looked at Rumi’s door again. “Let’s hope she’s okay again tomorrow. And let’s talk to her. Maybe she’s stressed again and didn’t tell us … I know she promised us there would be no more secrets, but she might just feel like she would bother us.”

Zoey smiled sadly. “As if keeping secrets again WOULDN’T bother us,” she commented. “You’re right, let’s have a talk tomorrow. Night, Mira.”

“Night, Zoey.”

The morning was … quite unspectacular after all the drama. Zoey had gotten up very early and yet she barely managed to get the breakfast ready before Rumi’s door open. Rumi … didn’t look good. The only thing worse than the obvious signs of countless tears on her face was the expression of remorse. Zoey just had enough time to make one step into her direction when the older girl quickly approached and pulled Zoey into a fierce hug, starting the litany of at least a thousand apologies. Zoey managed to insert some of her own, mostly when Rumi needed to breathe, but even for a professional rapper it was hard to keep up with the band leader. Zoey tried to assert that it had been her tactlessness that had started this, but Rumi argued that she herself had no idea why her reaction had been THAT extreme. Zoey replied that maybe the movie had had some kind of trigger for Rumi, but her unnie countered that NOTHING justified her screaming profanities at Zoey. And so on.

In the end Mira had to separate them, mainly because the breakfast was getting cold and “you guys sound like a bad K-drama parody”. They talked about the last evening cautiously afterwards, but they found nothing that could have triggered Rumi’s emotional explosion. In the end they decided to let it go, hoping that it wouldn’t happen again.

And it didn’t. At least not exactly the same way ...

Notes:

I know that color theory isn't a hard science and colors have slightly different meanings in different cultures, but I'm trying to use broad categories here, Inside Out style. I feel like Rumi lighting up like a Christmas tree constantly would be very difficult to explain to their fans even in this movie, so I try to keep it subtle so that Mira and Zoey can wonder if it's just a trick of lighting. Next color: yellow!

Chapter 3: Yellow: Happiest Birthday

Summary:

Rumi experiences overwhelming joy (yellow). Even that comes with pitfalls.

Rumi yawned as she sat up in bed. It was her birthday, and she was in a good mood. That hadn’t been the case in most years. It had always been a reminder of her heritage and Celine had never been cold, but especially strict on these days. And while Zoey had tried at first to establish a birthday party tradition between the three of them during their training years Mira and her had not been very enthusiastic due to their rocky family histories … and pretty soon Zoey had admitted that it was pretty much an expression of her need to belong since her own family situation was far from perfect too. In the end they had agreed that while they had grown into a kind of family unit over the years they wouldn’t put much importance on their respective birthdays and value other, shared holidays more.

This year however … it was her first birthday as a whole person. Her secret was out, Gwi-Ma had been beaten back behind the new Honmoon and her, Mira and Zoey had accepted their flaws and had found a new kind of harmony. This year … it truly felt like she had been reborn. It WAS a special day. Thus she was smiling the whole time during her morning routine. Not that she would ask for any special treatment from the girls – after all their personal birthday tradition was to HAVE no tradition. But she herself would enjoy this that more than normally …

… was what she was thinking before she opened her door and stepped right into a rain of confetti. She was so baffled that it took her two whole seconds to realize the meaning behind Zoey’s hyper-enthusiastic and Mira’s more subdued, but warm “Happy birthday!”. Then she blinked and saw the whole picture. The banners. Confetti. Pictures of her alone and with the girls pinned everywhere. Her favorite song softly playing in the background. And a generous breakfast, overshadowed by a five-layer cake. And somewhere between all of this Mira, casually dressed, her arms crossed and smiling at her in a genuine, yet also kinda smug way. Right next to her Zoey in a rather shrill outfit, who was jumping up and down, the party hat on her head in high danger of falling, and blowing into a party horn with great enthusiasm.

She blinked. “Wha …?”

Mira chuckled. “Didn’t you hear us the first time?” she asked. “Happy birthday, Rumi!”

“Do you like it?” Zoey couldn’t stop hopping. “I know we dediced to ignore our birthdays, but Mira convinced me, and she was totally right, cause this is the first time that you’re your new you and this is a special occasion …”

“Slow down, Zoey. Breathe!”

“Sorry!”

“You guys …” All of this was overwhelming. “This is … I mean … wow, I … this is just … you … you didn’t NEED to …”

Mira enveloped Rumi’s hand with her own. “Of course we didn’t,” she agreed. “But we WANTED to, Rumi.”

“Not just to … celebrate you,” Zoey explained, finally calming down, though she was still starry-eyed. She took Rumi’s other hand. “But all of us. The new … us.”

Rumi couldn’t help it. Her eyes became watery. She sniffed. The warmth in their words, the unconditional acceptance … she had thought that she had gotten used to it by now, but she had been wrong. She let them lead her to the big table and sat down, marvelling the sight of the cake. Her birthday cake. “I can’t believe it,” she mumbled. “You … thanks, guys. Thank you so much!” She laughed. “This feels like the best day ever.”

“Oh, it hasn’t even started,” Zoey denied, emptying a cup of coffee. As if she NEEDED more energy. “We’ve got SO much stuff planned for you! You’ll remember this day FOR-EV-ER!”

“But …” Mira squeezed Rumi’s hand. “Only if you want to. If you want to do something else … we’ll adapt.” Mira managed to create a mixture of a satisfied smirk and a genuine smile. “You’re calling the shots, birthday girl.”

It was only due to years of restraint and discipline that Rumi didn’t sob. “You’re crazy.” A laugh escaped her throat as the expansion of gratitude in her chest forced it out. “You’re both crazy! I …” She wiped away the wetness around her eyes. “Let me hear what you have planned! All of it! I WANT to celebrate!”

“Yay!”

“That’s our girl.”

Rumi felt like a sun was rising inside of her. This was already amazing and the day had just begun. She couldn’t wait for more!

Golden.

This was the second time she was seeing this phenomenon concerning Rumi’s normally barely visible patterns. Maybe she hadn’t just imagined the red a week ago in the gym? But was it a trick of lighting or did the patterns really glow? It was hard to say because the girl hadn’t held still in HOURS. Normally only Zoey had this amount of energy, but today Rumi seemed like a perpetuum mobile – no matter what they did, she just didn’t get tired. And well, here and there during sudden movements in front of the golden sunset specks of equally golden hue would flash on Rumi’s skin for a moment.

Oh well, it probably wasn’t anything negative condidering how happy Rumi was. Mira’s gaze softened. She herself felt like she usually did after a moderate workout and Zoey was very happy to occupy her usual space on the couch after a full day of driving around to feel the airflow, picknicking, karaoke – Rumi won –, spontaneous autograph sessions and fleeing from even more fans through lively streets afterwards, an art show based on some of their songs and even bungee jumping from Namsan Tower – Mira had NO idea what Zoey had done to get the permission for that – and other things. But Rumi still wasn’t able to sit or even stand still, even though she hadn’t slowed down once during the whole day, not even when Zoey or Mira had taken short breathers. The girl was humming, eyes closed, the brightest smile on her face, and twirled around in their living room.

“Girl, slow down,” she chuckled. “Aren’t you even a LITTLE tired?”

“Nope!” Rumi chirped mirthfully. Various body twists, followed by another twirl. Mira stepped back. Rumi’s long braid was starting to become a weapon. “I can’t get tired! I never want this day to end!”

“Noooo, have mercy!” Zoey pleaded. “We finished the list, didn’t we?”

Mira couldn’t have upheld her usual scowl if she tried. The glow of vibrant energy around Rumi and her occasional laughter transformed a charming sight into something truly beautiful. To see this girl, her dear friend, who had suffered silently for so long, experience the purest joy was worth a few muscle cramps. Even Zoey would probably grumble and then agree.

“You like something to drink?” she suggested. “We could have …”

“No!” Rumi suddenly appeared next to her and grabbed her hands. “Dance with me! Zoey! Music!”

She snorted, but she still couldn’t avert her eyes from Rumi’s face. When would this woman stop amazing her? First she cut open Gwi-Ma himself and now she was ready to beat Mina in a stamina contest? “You’re nuts,” she laughed. Then a fast-paced K-Pop song pervaded the room. “Zoey, you traitor!”

“She’s the birthday girl!”

“And it’s my birthday wish!” Rumi announced, quickly hugged her, pushed her away playfully and made a “come here” gesture, grinning at her. “Dance with me, Mira!”

She shook her head, grinning. “You leave me no choice,” she conceded and began to move. Being two professional dancers, it was very easy for them to quickly find a shared rhythm. Due to the upbeat nature of the song they stayed at arm’s length to not accidently hit each other, but endless training in the fighting arts had gifted them with intuition of how the other would likely move, so both instinctively reacted to the unspoken challenge between them, moving closer and closer without touching each other. Mira’s heart was beating quite fast now. Even though she was tired this was kinda exhilarating … aaaand then Zoey happened.

Rumi was the first to realize the change of rhythm, so when Mira recognized the soft ballad the birthday girl had already thrown herself at her chest and hugged her tight. “Ooof!” she made. “Zoey!”

“Mmmmonemoredance,” Rumi mumbled. Her breath felt hot on Mira’s shoulder. Whoa! She knew first-hand that Rumi hadn’t drunk any alcohol, but the girl WAS kinda behaving like she was slightly intoxicated. Which made this situation strangely pleasant and a little uncomfortable at the same time – this was not something she had envisioned would happen. She would kill Zoey when this was over … or thank her. She wasn’t quite sure. At the moment though she began to slowly move again, matching Rumi’s movements. Rumi hummed something into her shoulder, sending a hot shiver down the spine. This girl was going to be the death of her!

“My shoulder doesn’t want to listen to you, Rumi,” she explained, trying to keep her voice monotone. “Try my ear.”

The girl laughed softly. Then she whispered: “Thank you.”

“For what?” Mira closed her eyes. Rumi was still moving gracefully, so she might as well enjoy this little episode as much as she could. “This little party? Please ...”

“Not just that.” Rumi’s embrace became tighter. “Also for accepting me. For not leaving. Thank you, Mira.”

A bright smile could not be physically avoided. Her own embrace became a little tighter too as the song reached its final part. “It isn’t hard to accept the best person you’ve ever met, Rumi,” she answered with utmost sincerity.

“Awwww,” Zoey’s voice cut through the tender moment as the song slowly ended. “That was really cute!” A short pause. “Also maybe a little gay …”

Mira sighed. Aaaand the moment was ruined. She ended the dance and the embrace. Zoey’s comment had done nothing to diminish Rumi’s happiness though, since the girl was still giggling as she walked towards the younger girl who was still sitting on the couch. “Why, are you jealous, Zoey?” she asked teasingly. “Jealous that I’m spending more time with Mira than with you?”

Zoey pouted. “A little,” she admitted.

Rumi laughed, sat down and pulled the younger girl into another firm embrace. “Thank you too, Zoey.” Mira was barely able to hear the words. What she COULD hear clearly was the sincerity in Rumi’s voice. “For this party … and for not giving up on me.”

Zoey’s smile was nearly as bright as Rumi’s when she hugged her back. “Never again,” she promised. “I’m so glad you were able to enjoy your birthday for once.”

Rumi ended the embrace and her upper body sank back onto the couch. She sighed and closed her eyes in contentment. “I really did,” she confirmed. “I think this was the best day of my entire life.”

“And to think we even had one more thing planned,” Zoey interjected. “Even though it didn’t make it on the list …”

Rumi’s eyes shot open and she immediately was on her feet again, pure excitement all over her features. “What? What is it? Tell me!”

Mira snickered. “Geez, girl,” she chided. “We just thought we could visit the bathhouse at the end of the day. IF you rejected some other activities and we had enough time left.”

“Mira is underplaying it,” Zoey interjected. “It’s true, it was just a last minute thought, but Mira really put some effort into it – she ordered scented candles, dimmed lights, specified background music, all for a relaxing AND mysterious atmosphere to make it special!”

“Really? We need to go!” Rumi moved so fast that a few drops of sweat flew off her forehead and grabbed Mira’s shoulders, shaking the other girl. “Let’s GO!”

“Rumi, it’s already late,” Mira argued, trying to calm her friend. She didn’t know why, but suddenly the whole situation didn’t feel so charming anymore. “We can go another day, no big deal.”

“No, no, I want to!” Rumi disagreed, looking back and forth between her and Zoey in a … frantic way? “Please, it’s my birthday. My … birth …”

Zoey and Mira were equally surprised as all energy suddenly left Rumi’s body. The girl’s eyelids fluttered, she sighed and simply collapsed. Only her highly trained reflexes allowed Mira to catch her friend before she could fall to the ground. Both sets of eyes were now wide open in utter shock.

“RUMI!”

Her head was pounding when she awoke. She heard a hushed “She’s awake!”. Zoey? Yes, probably. Her eyelids fluttered open. Her room. No lights on, only moonlight illuminating Zoey’s and Mira’s features. Very worried features. What had …? Then the memories rushed back into her head all at once. She groaned and closed her eyes again.

“I … overdid it, didn’t I?” she guiltily acknowledged.

“Big time,” Zoey confirmed who was sitting next to the bed on a chair, looking unusually serious. “You fell unconscious, Rumi. Right outta nowhere.”

“Why didn’t you tell us that you were running out of energy, Rumi?” Mira asked her. The taller girl was sitting on the edge of the bed, softly caressing Rumi’s hair, a haunted expression on her face. “You really shocked us both.”

“I … didn’t realize I was exhausted,” Rumi confessed. “All day I felt … like I had been given what I always wanted. Fun. Enjoyment. With my best friends. It was like my body wanted to make up for all the times when I didn’t join your activities to avoid you seeing my patterns. It was like I was … high, I guess. Until I wasn’t.” Her voice dropped. “I’m sorry.”

“Here, drink,” Zoey said, handing her a glass with some fruit juice. “You need some energy.” She sighed. “And here I thought this would be the best birthday ever …”

“Zoey, it WAS,” Rumi replied after greedily emptying the glass in one go. “I will FOREVER remember this day because it was you two who put so much effort and care into it.” She looked first at Zoey, then at Mira with a tired, but tender expression. “Thank you … I love you guys.”

Mira smiled at her. “That’s good to hear,” she said. “Then rest now. And tomorrow or on any other day … we re-book the bathhouse. To complete the nearly perfect birthday.”

“Sounds goooaaa…” Rumi’s sentence turned into a yawn. “Oh gosh, I’m REALLY tired.” Suddenly it was very hard to keep her eyes open.

“Actually, I am too,” Zoey announced, standing up. “Let’s continue this tomorrow. Good night, Rumi.”

“Yeah, good night,” Mira agreed, standing up too. "Sweet dreams, birthday girl."

Rumi was too tired to say anything else. She also barely noticed her friends leaving the room and closing the door. And she definitely didn’t notice the pensive and slightly worried look Mira shot at the patterns on Rumi’s shoulder. She fell asleep.

Notes:

Hmm ... I swear when I started the fic I did not intend to give Mira a crush on Rumi, but the story seems to develop this way. I do not intend to make them a couple in this one, but is it blatant enough to warrant an "One-sided Attraction" tag or is it still vague enough to not need one? Next color: brown.

Chapter 4: Brown: Compassionate Care

Summary:

When Zoey catches a cold, Rumi becomes obsessed with caring for her poor maknae, turning her patterns brown (solicitude, comfort). Zoey and Mira are starting to figure things out.

The last note came over her lips and the choreography stopped. The applause was thunderous. She was breathing heavily, sweat coating her forehead. Just another day in the Idol business …

“Thank you, everybody,” Rumi thanked the audience in her usual warm, composed voice. “It was a pleasure being here today. We love you!”

“And we hope that you will be ready when we announce our new single after our short break. It will be worth the wait,” Mira added, raising the volume of the applause even further.

Years of iron discipline kept Zoey from grimacing. She waited until the noise had died down a bit, smiled a little brighter and concluded the ending speech. “We would really like to stay in contact with you during our break, but we probably wouldn’t get any rest at all and fall asleep standing in the next concert.” The audience laughed. This was her part – Rumi was the welcoming leader, being friendly. Mira was the cool lancer, giving out facts. And she was the last, being allowed to be a little more open and speak more freely than the two thanks to her half-western heritage, ending the concert with a joke, quelling the separation anxiety of their diehard fans a bit.

She continued, sighing dramatically, although she truly FELT like sighing. She felt REALLY hot. “Besides, answering questions while we’re in the shower for example would be the TINIEST bit awkward. So we will see each other in a week! Bye everybody!” The shower was a bit risky – for a moment she was afraid that it would be considered TOO cheeky and free-spirited, but then laughter and applause erupted again. She sighed in relief while they retreated to backstage, winking and smiling. Her head was pounding steadily and she had TRIED to think of something else to say, but thinking was a bit hard. She was really glad that they’d be home soon …

“’While we’re in the shower’?” Mira asked pointedly while accepting a bottle and taking a big sip. Uh-oh, the eyebrow was raised. “Seriously?”

“Ahaha, sorry,” she apologized, rubbing her head. “I’m a little exhausted.”

“You do look like it.” Rumi was studying her. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s okay,” she tried to smooth it over. “Just a little headache. I’ll be alright tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.”

Rumi stared at her sceptically. Then she put her hand on Zoey’s forehead. And grimaced. “You’re quite warm, Zoey. And sweaty.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re ALL sweaty.” It was a weak excuse.

“All the more reason to finish up here,” Mira mentioned. “Even if you’re okay we should probably get you home so you don’t GET sick.”

“Mhm,” Rumi agreed, looking at Zoey with concern, but also an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry, Zoey,” she comforted the younger girl. “We’ll get you some rest, a warm blanket and something hot to drink and you’ll be good to go again soon. You wouldn’t want to spend all of our spare time in your bed, right?”

Zoey shook her head. Definitely not. But her bed sounded nice right NOW …

Rumi’s smile was very gentle. “But until you ARE fit again, I’ll take good care of you. Okay? You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“It’s really to so bad, guys, but … okay.” Getting pampered for a while didn’t sound so bad either. And she trusted Rumi to take care of her. What could go wrong?

This was getting ridiculous!

Sure, at first it had been nice to just relax and let Rumi worry about everything. Comfortable even. As soon as they had arrived home that evening Rumi had directed her to her bed, dimmed the light, brought her a very comfy woolen blanket and some hot tea with extra sugar … and then she had stayed close to her while giving her enough space not to feel pressured. She wouldn’t admit it to Mira who’d probably make fun of her, but she had felt like a baby, cared for by loving parents. She had fallen asleep back then feeling warm and fuzzy and loved. Heck, Rumi had even sung her to sleep, and there were WAY less pleasant things you could hear before you lost consciousness than her unnie’s angelic voice.

But … it hadn’t stopped there. On the next morning, yesterday, she had felt a whole lot better. Her nose had been running, so she probably had caught a slight cold, but all in all she was good. And she had told Rumi that, but the girl had dismissed that assurance. She had proclaimed that better safe than sorry and one more day of taking it easy was best, they had more free days after that after all. Mira had rolled her eyes, but not said anything, and Zoey had been a bit hesitant, but after Rumi had handed her a home-cooked soup she had relented. It would have been rude to not eat it. Then Rumi had offered to play video games with her. Which Zoey knew wasn’t Rumi’s favorite, though she did play once in a while. And it would have been a lie to say that she didn’t enjoy winning every game.

Spending a little time sunbathing on the balcony, watching a new movie while cuddling – more than usual, not that Zoey was complaining –, gossiping, cooking together … Zoey only became aware afterwards that Rumi had been doing everything possible to keep her from leaving their penthouse or do any strenuous activity like hitting the gym. As if she was seriously sick. After she had practically FLED to her bed at night she decided that she needed to talk with the older girl. This just wasn’t healthy anymore, no matter how hard Rumi was trying to keep her healthy. The strangest part though … was the nightly visit.

Maybe it WAS because she hadn’t done anything that would require energy that day, but sleep would just not come. Zoey was quite frustrated when she heard her door open. She wanted to sit up and see who was there, but when she heard Rumi’s voice … she suddenly couldn’t move.

“Fast asleep, good,” Rumi whispered. Zoey couldn’t quite say why, but … it was creepy. Really creepy. And Rumi sitting on the edge of her bed and caressing Zoey’s arm did nothing to make it less so. “Don’t worry, maknae – no one will ask you to overexert yourself constantly. To hide your pain and continue until you break. I won’t allow it.” Zoey had real goosebumps when she felt Rumi’s lips on her hair – and NOT the good kind. “You’ll be able to ENJOY your life, I promise.”

After that Rumi stood up and silently left the room. Zoey’s eyes were wide open and stayed that way for a while. WHAT had that been? And why had the comforting words been transformed into a horror movie monologue by mere tone and setting? Something weird was going on – and it needed to end tomorrow.

After that event falling asleep got even harder.

She hadn’t slept well. Her thoughts had kept racing after Rumi’s visit. Her … first … visit. Until unconsciousness had finally claimed her Rumi had looked after her two more times, though thankfully she had stayed at the door then. Still, she had been able to FEEL her friend’s eyes on her and the whispered promises of protecting her … it was more than just weird. Something was wrong with Rumi, just like two weeks ago with the Jinu incident. They NEEDED to talk. Sadly enough the door had a different opinion.

Zoey blinked. Shook the doorknob again. Locked. What the …? “Hey,” she shouted. “If this is a joke, it’s not very funny! Please unlock the door!”

“Zoey?” Mira sounded confused. “What’s wrong?”

“My door is locked,” she told the other woman on the other side, grateful for her presence. “Do you see the key somewhere?”

“No. Why don’t YOU have it?”

Zoey had a very strong suspicion who had taken her key. Anger slowly dripped into the pool of worry inside of her. “I think Rumi took it,” she explained. “She wants me to stay in my room.”

“Why’d she do that?”

She gritted her teeth. “She wants me to stay sick. So that she can take care of me.”

“What? That’s nuts. Rumi wouldn’t … do that.”

Maybe she was imagining things, but she had noticed the pause. But she could worry about that later. “Stay back, Mira.” She summoned her Shin-Kal.

“What are you ...?”

She sliced the lock and kicked the door open. Mira stood in front of her, mouth open in utter befuddlement. “Dude … that was your DOOR,” she numbly stated the very obvious.

“Rumi can pay for it,” Zoey declared grimly, making her weapons disappear. She felt the same determination that was usually reserved for battle. “We need to have a talk with her. As soon as she comes back.”

The first thing she saw when she entered the penthouse was the destroyed door. The second part was two angry-looking friends. There was no third part because the attack started immediately afterwards.

“What the HELL, Rumi?” Mira started. Not even angry, her voice was controlled and cold … but that wasn’t a good sign either. “Locking Zoey up? Why?”

Rumi’s glances darted between the two. Zoey didn’t look conflicted either … actually she looked angrier than Mira. Which caused her stubbornness to rise. “Zoey, you should be resting!” she chided the younger girl. “And you, Mira! Destroying the door – really?”

“I did that!” Zoey declared. “This is insane, Rumi! This and the creepy visits last night!”

Rumi frowned. She didn’t like being attack for simply caring for her teammates. At all. “I wanted to make sure your fever didn’t come back,” she countered defensively. “You were sick, Zoey!”

“Oh for … she had a COLD, Rumi!” Mira cut in, her generally low level of patience having been depleted. “A simple COLD! What’s WRONG with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me!” she shouted. This was just unfair! “Why is it wrong for me to CARE for you two? To want to see you safe? Happy? Healthy? I haven’t been able to express my feelings for you for such a long time and now I’m attacked because of it? What’s wrong with YOU?”

“WE are not the ones locking up people whose cold is ancient history already!” Zoey argued. “This is not care, Rumi – this is obsession!”

“Obsession?” Rumi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “We have been raised as weapons! I just wanted to give you a piece of a normal life when you had a good excuse! I only want what’s best for us, can’t you see that?”

“Best for us?” Mira repeated, her eyebrow twitching, and lifted her phone. “Is that why Bobby called us and wanted to know if we REALLY wanted to cancel the concerts and the autograph session next week? Because you told him that Zoey was still sick?”

Rumi scowled. “That traitor,” she mumbled. “I TOLD him not to bother you …”

“Do you even LISTEN to yourself?” Zoey threw her arms in the air. “Lying to Bobby? Because of a cold that is already gone? If that isn’t obsessed, then WHAT IS?”

“I’M NOT OBSESSED!” Rumi exploded. How, just HOW could she make them understand? “Why don’t you get that I’m looking out for you? That I don’t want you to hide your faults – I want to help you THROUGH them!” Tears were starting to run, but she was too emotionally charged to notice. “I want you to be free – to be YOU, even if parts of you are sick!”

Mira studied her face. Every inch of aggressiveness had vanished from her place, and had been replaced by a thoughtful expression. “Rumi … Zoey is NOT you.”

Rumi blinked. What?

“I’m not,” Zoey affirmed. She did not look angry anymore either suddenly. More like … she had understood something. And was pitying her. “But YOU are becoming Celine, Rumi.”

“W-what?” Rumi stammered. THAT accusation had hit her like a sledgehammer.

“You had a vision of how I should live my life, Rumi,” Zoey explained slowly. “And then you urged me to follow it … no matter if I disagreed. Sounds familiar?”

Rumi stumbled. That blow had completely shattered her mental defenses. Laying bare the truth. “No … no! I didn’t … I wan … no …” She sat down, or rather fell onto the couch. She put her hands on her head. All the things she did lately kept rushing through her head. All the tiny things where she had taken away Zoey’s agency. Preventing her from leaving the tower. Deciding what Zoey would eat. When she should rest. That she needed her care although there was no sickness. The tears were flowing freely now. “I … I …” she whimpered. “I’m … sorry. I didn’t want … I wanted …”

It nearly burned as Zoey sat down next to her and hugged her. “You meant well, Rumi.” Her voice was so soft. And yet the shame it brought with it hurt. “I know you did. But you went overboard.”

“And it wasn’t the first time.” She flinched as Mira sat down on the other side and put her hand on her shoulder. “Rumi … please tell us what’s really going on. So we can help you.”

“I … I don’t know.” She was sobbing now, her speech getting more and more slurred. “There … suddenly there was this overwhelming urge to help … to protect … and it felt so right. Please, I never … I’m sorry …”

Even with all the forgiveness Mira and Zoey showered her with it took quite some time for Rumi to calm down again. They talked, but they couldn’t pinpoint what had caused this new emotional outburst. In the end Rumi excused herself to go meditate. Zoey didn’t happily let her go since this meant more time for Rumi to brood alone … but she also didn’t know how to help her. And there was something she needed to discuss with Mira.

“Mira, did you see it?”

The redhead looked at her, surprised. “See what?”

“The glow,” Zoey explained. “When we confronted Rumi … it was very hard to see because of the lighting, but I think I saw a color in Rumi’s patterns. A light brown, hard to distinguish from her skin, and only a few specks here and there, but I’m sure it was there. I think I’ve seen it before.” As Mira’s eyes went wide she knew that she had hit the bullseye. “You know what that means.”

Mira stared at her. Then she stared at Rumi who was sitting outside, trying to calm herself. Then at Zoey again. “No, I don’t,” she slowly said. “But I’ve seen it too.”

“Then … what do we do now?”

Mira looked at Rumi again, longer this time. “I don’t know.”

Silence followed.

Notes:

That was hard to write - next time it should be easier to get to a negative outcome since the next emotion ist way more destructive than solicitude generally. Next color: green.

Chapter 5: Green: Jealous Outburst

Summary:

Rumi can't stand that Mira is talking to this guy who reminds her of Jinu. Her green patterns (jealousy) tell her friends exactly how she feels. Hopefully she won't say something that can't be taken back ...

It was a good thing that she was a professional at faking happiness. Otherwise … ugh!

Rumi was NOT jealous! Not at all! After all, there was nothing to be jealous about! Just Mira talking to one of their fans at a fan meeting. Or rather, not THEIR, but especially HER fan. It happened. Most of their fans worshipped them as a group, but many also had their favorites, which was completely okay, charming even. A few times though, someone was only interested in one of them really. It was rare, but it had happened before, like this American kid who saw himself in Zoey only or those slightly weird ones who thought of her as a princess and of Mira and Zoey as … ruffians, especially since the Idol Awards. Fortunately they had been able to explain that event away as a publicity stunt mostly and there was no great amount of creepy obsession that she was aware of, but … well, there WERE all kinds of people out there.

And at first the guy hadn’t really stood out. Sure, he was a foreigner, somewhere from Europe, though he had learned a few Korean sentences at least. And yes, he certainly wasn’t bad-looking, kinda reminded her of Jinu actually, with his black hair and slight build and admittedly elegant movements, but glasses and short beard had thrown her off immediately. Jinu had been way hotter. Even though he had been a demon. AND 400 years old. Ahem. However, when the guy had introduced himself – in Korean, though he had switched to English afterwards – as a dance teacher who had been admiring Mira’s dedicated work at choreography for a while … that had roused Mira’s interest. They had been talking for nearly 20 minutes now, when usually at such conventions they could spare 5 minutes on one fan, 10 for small groups at the very most.

And there was NOTHING wrong with that. NOTHING! Some fans really DID know their stuff in specific fields. And yes, talking to those fans at times was more fun than to those who had different interests from you. Although they loved all of their fans, honestly! This guy though … as soon as he had started talking to Mira, she had become suspicious. Dedicated enough to learn at least a portion of a foreign language, trained, but not buff, moderately handsome instead of obnoxious like the Saja Boys … minus Jinu of course … he just wasn’t Mira’s type! All they had in common was their love for dancing! So why was she so interested?

Of course … that wasn’t the real problem. She was projecting, and she knew it. The guy was probably fine, nothing special, but whatever. But SHE knew! They hadn’t talked about it much, mainly because Rumi herself wasn’t ready, but Mira and Zoey were her FRIENDS! Her best friends, sometimes they even felt like sisters! How could Mira NOT know that Rumi was still working through her complicated feelings about Jinu? And that talking to somebody who looked and behaved similar to the demon boy for so long would … irk her? Provoke her? No, Mira would not go that far … well, she DID like to tease her and Zoey once in a while. But no. It probably wasn’t intentional. And still, it slowly was driving Rumi nuts!

“Excuse me,” she interjected the talk between the two, showing Mira and the guy her brightest smile. Mira was maybe able to see through it, and part of her hoped that the other girl saw how annoyed she was underneath. “It’s great that you have so much in common, but there are still many other fans in line, we kinda need Mira back soon. Sorry.” NOT sorry!

Mira frowned a little, but the guy nodded, apologized for hogging time, gave Mira his card and politely retreated. Ugh! Good manners too … like Jinu, at least once you got to know him and he wasn’t fixated on trolling you. But fortunately enough Mira knew better than to say anything, put on a smile and welcomed the next fan couple. And Rumi was finally able to experience relative peace again …

“Okay, what was that about?” Mira asked, her voice controlled yet irritated, as she threw her jacket on the kitchen counter. She turned around, crossed her arms and looked expectantly at Rumi. Zoey, who had been unusually quiet on their drive home, looked up, staying silent.

Rumi debated with herself for a moment if she should be flippant and act like she didn’t know what her friend was talking about, but decided against it. While it was true that Mira had provoked her, she would not sink to her level … and although she was still a bit angry, she didn’t want this to turn into a real fight. Not after the Idol Awards.

“The line was growing, Mira,” she replied calmly. “I saw that you enjoyed talking to this guy, but the other fans were getting irritated.”

Mira raised her eyebrow. “And your tone?” she inquired. “We’ve been in situations like that before. You know that just nudging me and pointing at the line would have been enough. Why did you make a scene?”

“I did not make a scene!” Rumi’s glance became a glare. There it was, the blame-shifting. “I was calm and polite! I’m sorry that you got offended …”

“Offended?” Mira gritted her teeth. “You basically treated me like a child, Rumi! What the hell?”

She couldn’t hold back. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have ACTED like a child, Mira!” she exploded. “Tell me, why did you have to choose HIM? Someone so similar-looking?”

Mira blinked? Really? She DARED to feign ignorance? “WHAT are you talking about?”

She sighed. “Look,” she forced herself to stay calm. “I’m GLAD that there are fans who are dedicated to you and Zoey. I don’t like that many focus solely on me just because I’m the lead singer when you two bring just as much talent into Huntrix as I do. I LOVE it when you two get the recognition you deserve, but …” She inhaled deeply and scowled. “Did you REALLY have to focus on someone who looks like Jinu THAT long?”

Silence.

“What?” Zoey sounded completely baffled.

“Jinu?” The unbelief in Mira’s voice was so thick, it very nearly convinced Rumi that it was real. Well, she WAS an idol – they all were good actors. “What … Juan is a SPANIARD, Rumi! He looks NOTHING like Jinu!”

Rumi huffed. “Really? Black hair? Distinguished, but laid-back? Good dancer?” She glared at her friend. “Do you REALLY want to pretend that choosing him of all people wasn’t a deliberate dig? That you DIDN’T intend to publicly remind me that I made a mistake? Nearly dated a demon?” She let out an angry laugh. “That YOU can easily find someone worth spending time with in public while I lost someone I had developed feelings for because I was dumb and desperate for attention? Isn’t that right?”

Mira was staring at her. Or rather … at Rumi’s forehead? Why? Was something wrong with her patterns? Now that she had noticed that, Zoey was staring at her collarbone too.

“Do you really think I’d do that?” Mira’s voice was quiet. And this time … the unbelief didn’t sound fake anymore. “That I’d shame you in public? After the Idol Awards?”

That took much wind out of her sails. The Idol Awards. Where Mira’s and Zoey’s doppelgangers had humiliated her. Exposed her. Her DOPPELGANGER – not Mira herself. She was faltering, and she knew it. But she COULDN’T allow herself to question what she had said, she just couldn’t … or she’d fall apart. She she scraped together the last fleeting parts of anger and indignation inside of her. She pressed her lips together and glared at her red-headed friend. “Didn’t you?” she asked. This time she had to FORCE the words out of her throat.

Mira stared at her for another moment. Then she turned around. “That’s it,” she announced flatly. “I’m out. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Then she took a few quick steps towards her room and entered it. The sound of her closing door probably caused a few people in the tower foyer to wince.

“Wha… you’re running away?” She let out a fake laugh. “Really mature, Mira!”

“She’s not running.” When Rumi turned her head, she was greeted by an unusual sight. Zoey’s completely serious and worried face. “Please don’t follow her, Rumi. Talk to her when you have calmed down. This … wasn’t right.” And with that the younger girl turned around and retreated into her room too.

Rumi balled her fist, desperately trying to hold back some angry tears. Why were they acting like that? She had only told the truth, right? … Right?

So why … was she feeling so bad suddenly?

It happened sooner than she had expected. The envelope appeared under her door right after she had changed into her pyjamas. She had realized what had been going on as soon as she had recognized the green specks in Rumi’s patterns. Another emotional outburst. Jealousy this time obviously. But she had theorized that it would take until morning for Rumi to calm down and realize what she had done. Anyway, she picked up the envelope and opened it. It was a long letter, but she didn’t need to read any further than “I’m sorry” before letting it fall to the ground and opening the door. She walked over to Rumi’s room and stared at the door for a moment.

She had admitted to herself lately that she had developed a crush on her teammate. Was it really strange? Rumi was incredible. Talented, driven, friendly, funny, beautiful … and strong-willed enough to withstand Gwi-Ma himself, when she and Zoey had succumbed to his temptations. It was so EASY to fall for such an amazing person … she swallowed. And yet she had decided to not act on these feelings. She had thought about it long and hard. Did she yearn to have this angel in human form – quite funny considering Rumi’s heritage – as a girlfriend? Yes. Had she fantasized many times how Rumi’s lips would feel on her own? Oh yes! And yet … was she willing to give up a member of her small found family to archieve this? … No.

If you managed to look behind Mira’s hard, sarcastic shell you’d realize that her inner core, her most sacred desire was just that. Family. Gwi-Ma had been able to use this fundamental truth against her. Her own family had pushed her away just as much as she had fled from them. Their values were just not compatible. She had accepted this long ago and had fully committed herself to her role as idol and hunter. It had been a very pleasant surprise when it had become clear that this would not just be a partnership. When true friendship had blossomed between her, Rumi and Zoey. When friends had evolved into soulmates. When soulmates had eventually become … sisters.

Mira was willing to do anything to protect her small found family. Absolutely anything, MAYBE short of making a demon deal. And thus she was standing here … preparing herself to have an intimate, hopefully healing discussion with her secret crush about Rumi’s feelings for her dead demonic ex-boyfriend. Nothing weird about that. She knocked. It didn’t take long for Rumi to open the door. She ignored the remorseful expression on her dear friend’s face as well as Rumi’s opening mouth and immediately pulled the other girl into a fierce hug.

“I forgive you,” she immediately whispered, trying not to enjoy the close contact too much. She was here to help Rumi, not for her own enjoyment.

Rumi let out a half-sob-half-laugh. Her arms were shivering slightly as she hugged Mira back. “You didn’t even read it,” she mumbled.

“Didn’t need to.” Mira closed her eyes. “We both know that this today was your emotions acting up again. You didn’t actually MEAN anything you said to me, did you?”

A full-on sob this time. “No, I didn’t. I’m so sor…”

“Please don’t,” Mira interrupted her. She ended the embrace and looked into her beloved’s sad face, gently lifting her chin to see Rumi’s watery eyes more clearly. “I’m getting really, really sick of you apologizing for things you have no control over, Rumi.”

Rumi closed her eyes. The pained expression on her face broke Mira’s heart. “I hate it,” she admitted. “I hate not being able to control myself. I hate that there is no peace for me even after defeating Gwi-Ma. I hate … being a burden.”

Mira put her hands on Rumi’s cheeks. “You were never EVER a burden, Rumi,” she told the other girl with as much conviction as possible. “And you never EVER will be. Do you hear me?”

“But …”

“No buts!” she interrupted. “You are no failure, you are BROKEN. Or at least chipped. There’s a difference.” She grinned. “And I can certainly see the beauty in the broken glass.”

That managed to force a smile on Rumi’s lips too. “Using my own lyrics against me?” she asked, with an encouraging amount of amusement in her voice. “Cheeky.”

Mira shrugged. “Hey, if the shoe fits … how about we sit down, hm?” She led Rumi back to her bed. They sat down and she put her arm around Rumi’s shoulders, squeezing them gently. “Rumi … I am here to help you,” she reassured the other girl softly. “If you’d like us to continue tomorrow and go to sleep I’ll leave immediately. If you just want me to hug you and be silent, I’ll do just that.” She paused. “But … you mentioned Jinu today.” Rumi flinched. “And it wasn’t the first time he seemed to be the cause for one of these outbursts. Maybe … talking about him would take a little weight off your shoulders?” Rumi stayed silent. “Only if you’re ready to. But … I’m willing to listen. And I promise I won’t judge your feelings.” There was a long pause. She licked her lips. Should she risk it? She decided yes. “Rumi … did you love him?”

Another long pause. Then, very quiet: “… no.”

“Really?” Mira really tried to keep the scepticism out of her voice, but she didn’t think she succeeded.

“I … I had very strong feelings for him,” Rumi finally admitted, voice a little stronger. “He … understood my secret. His pain was similar to mine. He gave me hope that redemption was possible. And … he sacrificed himself to save me.” Mira heard her swallow. “But he was an enemy. He betrayed me in the worst way possible.” She chuckled. “And he was 400 years old.”

“Really? I’d have never thought you have a thing for older men,” Mira joked, but quickly became serious again, gently caressing Rumi’s upper arm. “Please continue.”

Rumi snorted. “I … maybe I loved him. But I don’t think I was … IN love with him. We only had very few weeks and even fewer meetings … there was so much we didn’t know about each other.”

Mira waited patiently. “But?” she helped the conversation move along.

Rumi sighed. “I think I … could have fallen in love with him. If he had survived. If he had continued striving for redemption. If we hadn’t found out that our personalities are incompatible somehow long-term.” She paused. “Those are a lot of ‘ifs’.”

All of these things hadn’t been easy for Mira to listen to. But she forced herself to stay strong and comforting. For Rumi. She pulled Rumi’s head closer, allowing it to rest between her shoulder and her chest and positioning her own cheek on Rumi’s hair. “True,” she agreed softly. “Please tell me more. Let it all out. Maybe it will help.”

Rumi hesitated for one more moment, but then she started to talk. About her and Jinu’s “dates”. Her conflicted feelings. The song they shared. She let it all out. And Mira didn’t interrupt her. When the girl finally finished her tale, Mira’s pyjama top had become a little wet. And, as much as she hated to admit it … her opinion of Jinu had shifted a tiny bit. Really not much. But … he had helped Rumi to grow beyond her shame and fear, she had to acknowledge that. Just … like she was trying to help her friend to find true peace. Still, fuck that demon grandpa!

“Thank you for sharing, Rumi,” she re-opened their conversation. “That was … quite a lot. How do you feel?”

“Better,” Rumi admitted. Mira heard a sniff. “Mira, I … thank you. For being here. For forgiving me. For …” The girl sighed and pressed her head firmly against the soft flesh under Mira’s collarbone. “I love you.”

Kissing or having sex with this amazing girl … the thought alone was mind-blowing, and Mira had no doubt that the real deal would feel even better. But this … this moment of tenderness, trust and pure affection combining to create an all-encompassing warmth inside of her suddenly seemed just as good. Mira smiled, a serene, bright smile. This was enough. More than enough. She could live on without romance if the future included moments like this one … at least if Rumi refrained from seducing her in the gym in the future. She put a kiss on Rumi’s forehead, savoring the experience.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. More than you will ever know, she added in thought. “Do you want me to go? Or stay?”

Rumi lifted her head and looked Mira in the eye. There was still pain in the other girl’s eyes … but also love. And hope. “Stay,” she begged. “Please.”

Mira smiled again and wordlessly lied down, pulling Rumi down next to her. And as she dragged the blanket over both of their bodies, she sincerely hoped that this catharsis would help Rumi to overcome her emotional outbursts for good. To finally find the peace her beloved sister deserved.

Sadly she was wrong.

Notes:

I REALLY like this chapter. I guess the fanfic could have ended here too, minus the last sentence ... but there are still three more chapters left.

Chapter 6: Black: Blind Panic

Summary:

Rumi experiences a panic attack in one of their fights, endangering her friends ... and she even hurts Zoey by accident. Her black patterns (fear, negativity) nearly drive her to do the unthinkable ... until someone arrives just in time to save her.

Throwing a Shin-Kal. Jumping back. Kicking the demon behind her. Slicing it in half with her Shin-Kal. Throwing another Shin-Kal at a demon that was trying to attack Rumi from behind. Repositioning. Jumpkick forth. Throwing all of her Shin-Kal at three different demons.

Sounded thrilling. But it wasn’t. Actually it was routine. The demons still hadn’t really pulled themselves together since their monumental defeat at Namsan Tower. Even this ambush was more of an annoyance than a serious threat. Mostly because they were at the bathhouse. Having to fight demons who STILL hadn’t learned to convincingly act like humans was just … sad. They could have just allowed Gwi-Ma to kill them and saved the hunters the trouble.

Jumping over the enemy, slashing its head from above. Landing on her feat. Crouching. Slashing at the demon legs in front of her, forcing the two attackers to quickly jump back. Jumping forth and slicing them in half. Refusing the urge to yawn.

It should have been a mere roadblock really. Just a few minutes of workout before they could enter their well-deserved bath. But then it had happened. A claw barely scratching the skin on her friend’s shoulder, nothing serious, only the tiniest amount of blood. And suddenly … everything had been different.

“Rumi, what are you doing?” Zoey shouted. From one second to the other her friend’s eyes had become big and and she had put her hand on her shoulder. Zoey needed to throw a full array of Shin-Kal to scare away three demons who had intended to use this moment to attack the purple-haired hunter. Then Rumi let out a terrified scream, moved back until she hit a wall and began to slash around blindly, not even to hit anything, but to keep attackers at bay.

“What the fuck is going on?” Mira demanded to know, not daring to look back because she was surrounded by demons, switching between defending herself with wide swings and sporadically throwing in a quick attack.

“I don’t know,” she answered, jumping closer to Rumi and throwing more Shin-Kal. “Rumi, what’s wrong with you?”

Rumi didn’t react at all. All she did was trying to intimidate enemies, real and imagined ones, even faster. Her face was a mask of pure terror. “Stay away!” she screamed. “Don’t get closer!”

“She’s panicking!” she told Mira … which was probably unnecessary. There was no way Mira hadn’t understood what was going on. This wasn’t good. In battle their roles weren’t as clearly defined as they were on stage – battles were too chaotic for something so rigid. But all in all Zoey preferred to be the agile striker, supporting her teammates with precise strikes often from afar while Mira and Rumi nearly always needed to be in melee due to the range of their weapons.

“Fuck!” Mira cursed. She pinwheeled, creating free space around her and killing two of the slower demons in the process. “Keep her safe! I need to deal with these here first!”

If she needed to protect Rumi she needed to stay close to her, making her more of a target than she was used to be. Still, she was a trained hunter, she could do this. Especially since two thirds of their attackers were already dead. She ignored Rumi behind her who was breathing hard and occasionally whimpering and focused on keeping the demons from surrounding her. Which was easy enough. Trying to keep them away from her hyperventilating friend at the same time was the tricky part. Then she heard it.

“Takedown …”

Oh no. “Mira, she’s thinking about the Idol Awards!” Zoey blocked a claw with her left and stabbed a demon with her right hand while kicking another in the knee.

Mira cursed and decapitated another demon. “Dammit! Rumi, we’re here!”

“Nobody’s hurting you!” Zoey added, throwing a Shin-Kal at a demon who had just appeared in front of Rumi. Then she winced as Rumi let out an ear-piercing scream and sank onto her knees, weeping.

It took another fifteen seconds which felt like minutes to Zoey, but Mira and her managed to get rid of the last demons. They had gotten a few more scratches than usual and were breathing heavily, something she hadn’t thought would happen before Rumi had had her panic attack. But they were okay. They quickly looked at each other, making sure they weren’t hurt. Then they equally quickly went over to their friend who was hugging herself and whimpering. A look at her patterns confirmed Zoey’s fear – clearly visible black spots. Her jealousy fit had happened nine days ago and Mira had told her about their cathartic talk and that she was hopeful that this would be the end of these emotion problems. Seems like she had been wrong. Even worse, as she kneeled down she could see that Rumi’s nails had become longer and that one of her irises looked a little lighter than before – not fully golden, but clearly on its way there. Not good.

“Rumi, it’s me, Zoey,” she quietly said, not daring to touch her shivering friend yet.

“And Mira,” Mira added, with a warmth and softness in her voice that was solely reserved for Rumi, Zoey had noticed lately. Maybe it was just concern for a best friend with obvious mental problems, or maybe … She pushed the thought out of her head. That wasn’t important now.

“We’re here to help, Rumi,” Zoey continued. “Please come back to us.”

“Not supposed to see,” Rumi mumbled. “Should be gone …”

Clearly she was trapped in their fateful breakup conversation at the Idol Awards. Zoey’s heart cried out to her tortured friend. Why did fate have to be so cruel to someone as good and noble as Rumi? It just wasn’t fair! She put her hand on Rumi’s shoulder.

“Rumi, it’s oka…”

“NO!”

Zoey cried out in surprise more than pain as Rumi’s half-claw hand shot up and tried to strike her own hand. Only her hunter reflexes saved her from being badly hurt, but there was still a little blood and claw marks. Not really dangerous, but the shock made her move a few steps back instinctively.

“RUMI!”

Mira’s hand connected with Rumi’s cheek with a slap that sounded like thunder, leaving all of them stunned for a moment. Rumi’s hand found her reddening cheek as she looked at Mira in utter confusion. “Wh-what …?”

“Get a grip!” Mira shouted, likely more out of shock than anger. Still, Rumi recoiled. “What the hell? You hurt Zoey!”

Rumi’s eyes shot open and her head turned around quickly. She stared at Zoey’s hand and the single drop of blood that was falling down at the floor.

“It’s not so bad,” Zoey quickly tried to calm her down, adding a quick laugh, trying to sound bubbly as usual. She got why Mira was sounding so harsh – she was shocked and worried. But this was NOT the right way to talk to Rumi right now. “It’s not deep at all, see? I bet it’ll not even be visible with a lot of make-up.”

She wasn’t sure if rumi even heard her since the girl kept staring at Zoey’s hand. “I did this,” Rumi breathed. Her claw formed a fist, drawing her own blood. “I …” Her face turned into a grimace. “No … NO!”

“Rumi, it’s not …”

“I’m sor…”

And then Rumi vanished. In a freaking demon smoke cloud! Leaving both Mira and Zoey open-mouthed.

“Since when … can she do that?” Mira asked, staring at the spot where their friend had vanished, utterly baffled.

“I don’t …” Zoey blinked. Then she stood up. “We need to find her!” she declared. “Before she …” She couldn’t even finish the sentence. Her throat became tight. Rumi was having a bona fide panic attack. And it had caused her to hurt one of her two best friends. If she was allowed to accumulate enough self-hate …

Mira’s eyes went wide when she grasped too what Zoey was thinking. “Shit!” she cursed, jumping to her feet and reaching for her phone. “Call her! Don’t stop texting her! I’ll call Bobby! Maybe she’ll talk to him.” She grabbed her bag and ran out of the room, shouting back: “I’m going to Namsan Tower! You go look for her elsewhere! Search EVERYWHERE she could possibly be! We need to find her, stat!”

“Yes!” Zoey grabbed her own bag. Her bleeding hand was completely forgotten. Fear crawled through her veins like a poison. She sent a silent prayer to the Honmoon and every god who was willing to listen to keep her unnie safe until they could find her. She decided to look at their home first, running while simultaneously trying to call Rumi. No answer. She kept trying. All the while trying hard not to think about the worst case scenario …

Rumi was sitting next to the Hangang river, staring at the moving water. Normally she found this experience de-stressing, but right now her inner turmoil was too big. She had failed them. It didn’t matter that this was another uncontrollable emotional outburst, it had happened in BATTLE. And while normal demons weren’t usually a real danger for trained hunters like them, it was a HUGE difference if three hunters were fighting a bunch of mooks or two hunters who also needed to protect a useless bystander.

She closed her eyes, a tear leaving her left one. No, it was worse. She hadn’t been just a useless bystander. She had HURT Zoey! Her maknae! The girl who looked up to her as a leader! The image of the blood wouldn’t leave her mind, no matter how hard she tried to focus. This was SO much worse than the other emotion situations … and she didn’t know what to do. After her heartfelt talk with Mira she had allowed herself to hope that maybe, maybe opening up to her friend would start the healing process … but clearly it hadn’t worked. She was still a liability, no, a danger even. She opened her eyes again, staring at the water, feeling the increasing gravity. Maybe … all she could do now was keeping them safe … from her …

That’s when the ground between her and the river suddenly glowed in a bright blue color and Derpy and Sussie appeared straight from the ground. Rumi blinked, forgetting about her pain for a moment. The two supernatural creatures had never appeared in front of bystanders, and there were quite a lot of them around. She could hear the murmuring. Not that she cared. They’d probably explain it away as some kind of marketing special effect and forget about it soon. This was Seoul after all, marketing was everywhere.

“What are you two doing here?” she demanded to know.

Sussie screeched. Rumi of course couldn’t understand the magpie, but somehow … she got that this was supposed to be a warning not to approach the water. Maybe because she was too much demon now? She looked sideways at another part of the river. Derpy walked over there, blocking her view again. She looked to the other side. Derpy repeated the procedure. The intention was pretty clear. They didn’t want her to end it here. She sighed, suddenly feeling less full of self-hate and fear for Mira’s and Zoey’s safety, but … more tired.

“Why do you care?” she asked the two animals, not really expecting an answer. “This would be easy. No more pain. No more fear. And … Mira and Zoey would be safe.”

Sussie screeched again, more aggressive this time, making her flinch. Suddenly she saw herself at Namsan Tower, staring at Gwi-Ma. Felt her quiet determination back then. Felt Sussie’s accusation. She hadn’t given up in her darkest hour. Why was she thinking about it now? Then she felt something else, namely Derpy’s nose rubbing against her arm. Sussie hopped over from his companion’s head to her’s and sat down, as if declaring “YOU’RE not who’s boss here”.

And … somehow the absurdity of the whole situation caused her to snicker. Then giggle. Then laugh out loud. Falling on her back, holding her belly. She was sure that some people were probably filming her right now and that this would probably spawn some rumors about her for at least a while, but she didn’t care one bit. She laughed as if her life depended on it. Because that was the case. She laughed until her ribs hurt and until the vast majority of the bad thoughts inside of her had left her body. Then she sat up.

“I really messed up, didn’t I?” she asked her lifesavers. Derpy cocked his head while Sussie, who had landed on the tiger’s head again while she had been laughing on the ground, half-closed his six eyes, sarcastically implying “Ya think?”. She nodded and stood up. “Thank you,” she said and grabbed her cell phone. She flinched. One message from Mira – “Don’t do anything rash!” – who was probably busy running around looking for her and had likely ordered Zoey to communicate. Since there were 53 messages from her, and another one incoming right then. Also 18 from Bobby who was probably very confused, and a few more from other people Zoey had seemingly contacted.

“I should probably head back,” she told Derpy and Sussie. “Thanks again.” Sussie rolled his eyes, as if to say “Why are you still HERE?”, then Derpy sank back into the ground, taking the magpie with him. Their work was done. Rumi made a mental note to buy a few snacks she knew they liked. Then she took a deep breath and started walking, ignoring glances and questions from bystanders to text a quick “I’m coming home now” in the Huntrix chat. She still carried a heavy heart with her, but it was way lighter than before. Now it was time to go home and face the music ...

Notes:

I debated if I should include suicidal thoughts for Rumi. On one side it shows well how deep her fear went, on the other I never had such thoughts myself, so I don't know if I described them well. If not, I apologize.

Chapter 7: Purple: Confronted Shame

Summary:

After her darkest outburst yet Rumi has returned to Huntrix Tower - and shame (purple) follows immediately after fear as the girls try to understand these outbursts in order to find a way to stop them.

“… but the spots didn’t look BAD per se.” Zoey paused. “Well, if it hadn’t been for the accompanying emotional symptoms.”

Mira rolled her eyes. “Zoey …”

Rumi was staring at the spotless floor. Her and Zoey were currently sitting on their couch, Mira on the table, facing each other. She had arrived roughly an hour ago and had IMMEDIATELY been pulled into a hug by Zoey. Immediately meaning that she hadn’t even had time to leave the elevator before the younger girl had tackled her. Mira had arrived ten minutes later and embraced her too … before warning her to EVER run away like that again with a shaking voice that Rumi had only heard once before … at the Idol Awards, when the revelation of Rumi’s secret had shattered Mira’s belief in their found family. Which made Rumi feel even worse.

“Right now there are purple specks in your patterns by the way,” Zoey informed her. “Which I think means shame. Which you REALLY shouldn’t feel, Rumi, for the fifth time: My hand is completely fine.”

Rumi looked at her shoulder. Indeed, tiny colored spots were moving around in her patterns as if they were veins. “So you’re saying that I am a living Mood Ring,” she concluded dryly. “And you have known about these … for weeks?”

“We did,” Mira confirmed. She had been holding Rumi’s hand for several minutes and nothing had been able to convince her to release it yet. “Though at first we weren’t sure if it was just a hallucination or a trick of lighting. They seem to show up only if the emotion you are feeling is especially strong.” She paused. “Like now. Zoey is right, Rumi – we don’t blame you for what happened. At all.”

Somehow that didn’t make Rumi feel any better. “Maybe you should,” she said quietly. “It might prepare you if something like this happens again. I’m becoming dangerous, Mira – and that TERRIFIES me. This time I hurt Zoey. What will happen if I lose control while being angry?”

“But the other emotions were not nearly as bad, Rumi,” Zoey argued, sitting next to her and caressing her shoulder. “Maybe today was just an outlier? Sure, green jealousy and blue sadness weren’t great to live through, but we know that you weren’t at fault, yellow joy scared us for a moment, but we know the symptoms now … and brown protective instinct was a bit annoying, not at all dangerous.” She looked up. “I think that was all of them.”

Mira coughed. “There’s also red,” she admitted somewhat reluctantly. “And no. It wasn’t dangerous.”

Rumi looked up in surprise. Then she remembered and paled. Oh no! “Wait … you don’t mean …”

Mira nervously rubbed her nose. “Yeah. The gym.”

Zoey looked at both of them. “Okay. I DEFINITELY want to know what happened.”

Mira shot her an annoyed glance. “None of your business,” she declared firmly.

Zoey pouted and crossed her arms. “And here I thought we agreed to no more secrets,” she complained. “I feel like an unimportant bystander in a K-Drama! And I bet it’s juicy too. You both look like you kissed.”

Two pairs of eyes focused on her immediately. Rumi’s purple spots became much more pronounced within a second.

“ZOEY!”

“WE DIDN’T!”

Zoey shrugged. “What? I think I would have noticed if red had been anger and you two had fought.” She grinned saucily. “And passion sure is another … ‘energetic’ emotion.” She winked, and only stopped when Mira started growling at her.

Rumi hid her face behind her hands. Why, oh why had she not ended it when she had the chance? She had nearly managed to forget about that specific morning, after Mira thankfully had been very discreet afterwards. She felt so embarassed that she missed a bit of dialogue between them and only noticed “… great Zoey, now she’s even more purple than before! You broke her!” Which didn’t make her feel better either. She even winced when Zoey put an arm around her shoulders.

“I prefer you being embarassed and here with us to you being out there alone, Rumi,” she said, suddenly very sincere. “You really had me scared before you sent that text.”

“You’re at least right about THAT, you brat.” Mira’s hand gently grabbed Rumi’s and pulled them away from her red face. Mira’s vulnerable expression was such a rare thing that Rumi’s dismay immediately cancelled out the embarassment. “We both were INCREDIBLY worried about you. We thought you might …” She cut the sentence off there. It wasn’t necessary to end it anyway. But she continued to search for a sign in Rumi’s face that her fear had been unwarranted.

And Rumi had to close her eyes and look away. No more secrets, she reminded herself. “I … briefly thought about it,” she admitted, barely above a whisper. She felt Zoey flinch next to her, but none of them gasped. They weren’t surprised. “I was scared … for YOU. About what I would do to you one day. And …” She bit her lip. “And I began to think about how easy it would be to keep you safe … permanently.”

She felt Zoey’s chin on her shoulder and her hand rubbing her other shoulder. Then Mira’s hands touched her cheeks and forced her to face the red-headed girl. “Look at me, Rumi.” Mira’s voice sounded sad. “Please open your eyes.” It took her a second to do so … and the expression of sad compassion on Mira’s face nearly made her sob. When Mira spoke again, her voice was firm. “Listen to me, Rumi: I would rather be in lethal danger every single second of my life than living in a world without you. Is that clear?”

“I know,” she whimpered. The amount of shame she felt nearly HURT. “I know that NOW, Mira. But … during my episode I couldn’t see it.”

“That’s why it’s important that we TALK about these episodes, Rumi,” Zoey interjected, still rubbing her back. “We must analyze them, understand them, find ways to solve this mess. Because Mira is right: We will NOT give up on you! Ever!”

Rumi took a deep breath, gently removed Mira’s hands from her cheeks and held them. They were warm and strong and she imagined drawing safety from them. “Okay,” she mumbled. She still felt like she didn’t deserve these two wonderful, loving young women in her life … but she wouldn’t say it. “Where do we start?”

“Triggers, I’d say,” Zoey offered, looking more energetic again, now that a solution seemed somewhat closer. “Maybe we’ll find a commonality. With jealousy and sadness it was obviously Jinu.” She frowned. “But … today you were thinking of the Takedown incident at the Idol Awards, right? Were you reminded of him too?”

Rumi shook her head. “No. It was the memory of your two doppelgangers who triggered my panic. Jinu didn’t come to mind, although yes, he was behind them back then.” She paused. “And with joy and protective instinct … I didn’t think of anything demon-related at all.” She put one hand on Zoey’s hand on her shoulder and squeezed it as well as Mira’s. “Just … about how much you two mean to me.”

That brought small smiles on both of their faces. Mira’s ended soon though, as if she had remembered something. She took a deep breath. “Rumi, I know it makes you feel uncomfortable, but maybe you need to get it out of your system too … and, well, I’m curious, I admit it. What was it that triggered your gym behavior?”

Rumi groaned, hiding her face again. She knew that being honest was probably the best course right now, as long as they didn’t find anything concrete and relevant about her … situation. She also knew Mira had probably been asking herself for quite a while why Rumi had acted so weird back then and it would be the right thing to do to finally clear it up. But gosh, was it embarassing! She wanted to run far, far away. She wanted the floor to swallow her. She KNEW that this was another enhanced emotion, shame, but only her two friends being patient and softly rubbing her back without pressure allowed her to resist the near overwhelming urge to flee to her room and lock the door. She sighed deeply and put her hands into her lap. She was pretty sure that her face was burning and undoubtably her patterns were showing them exactly how ashamed she was. Damn those things!

“Ihadawetdream,” she muttered.

“Wait – what was that?”

“I HAD A WET DREAM!” she shouted, making both Mira and Zoey wince in surprise. “Okay? I woke up all hot and bothered! I went to the gym to get rid of the tension and you were there and …” She swallowed, not being able to look at Mira. “I … gosh, I should have left. I ENJOYED you looking at me. I KNEW you were bisexual and I USED it …” She bit her lip and her voice got really quiet. “I even slapped your butt …”

Zoey whistled. “Wow! That’s sounds kinda hot,” she commented, yet continued rubbing Rumi’s back. “Are you SURE you aren’t leaving anything out?”

Mira shot her a glare. “No! Shut up, Zoey!” she ordered. Then she looked at Rumi again and her voice became soft. “Hey, hey, Rumi, it’s really okay. It WAS a bit weird, especially after it wore off and you avoided me for a while, but there was no harm done. I enjoyed our banter too quite a bit, I admit it. Nothing has changed – you’re still my friend, my family, I swear.”

Mira’s encouraging smile actually managed to calm Rumi down a bit, but it was still a battle. The shame inside of her wasn’t willing to let her win easily. “Okay. Thank you.” Then she sighed. “But this doesn’t help us. I see no common element. They also all happened at different times, different places, around different people.”

Zoey looked at the ceiling. “Well … WE were always close by. Me and Mira.”

“True,” Mira agreed. “But we live and work together. That’s nothing new.” She shrugged. “Still, let’s remember it. So – how did these episodes END?”

“They just … wore off,” Rumi explained. She frowned. “But … the jealousy and fear didn’t last as long as the others. And they were more … intense?”

Mira and Zoey looked at each other, then at Rumi again. “Do you think they are getting worse, Rumi?” Zoey inquired.

This time Rumi shrugged, staring at the floor. She knew that forcing herself to look at her two friends would allow shame to attack again, reminding her how much she had made them worry. “The panic today WAS worse. Far worse. But … I don’t know.” If that WAS the case then she was at least glad that lust had been the FIRST emotion to go haywire. She blushed slightly. If her friends noticed, they stayed quiet. She was grateful for that.

“Okay, that’s it,” Mira decided. “This doesn’t help us – I think we should talk about what we can DO.” She leaned closer. “Rumi … what do YOU think would help? Reducing stress? I’m sure we could take it a bit slower for a while without anyone noticing. And what about me and Zoey – do you think it would be better if we give you space? More time alone to meditate? Or rather more time together to help you cope with your episodes once they arrive?”

“Or making out with Mira?”

“Oh, THAT’S IT, you little shit!”

That comment even made Rumi giggle hysterically while she tried to keep Mira from strangling their youngest team member. And thankfully this negated another wave of shame. Her and Mira … how absurd! Sure, there was no denying that the redhead was attractive, very much so, but she and Zoey had filled the hole inside of Rumi left by her missing parents and the loving, but distant Celine so perfectly as her found family that she could not imagine them being anything else but trusted partners, best friends … and loving, occasionally squabbling sisters.

“Please don’t kill her, Mira,” she pleaded, trying to push the taller woman away from shreeking with glee Zoey. “It was a bad joke, but she made me laugh, see?”

Mira huffed and threw a … weird look in Rumi’s direction before glaring at Zoey. “Alright,” she growled. “Consider yourself lucky, brat. But ONE more comment about this and I’m gonna throw you off the roof, you hear me?”

Zoey didn’t look frightened in the slightest. On the contrary, there was a bright grin all over her face. “I’m glad you feel a bit better, Rumi.” She gave her a pat on the shoulder. “But I interrupted you – what do YOU think we should do?”

Rumi paused, staring at the floor, suddenly serious again. “I think …” she carefully said. “I don’t know what I need. Like at all. All we’re doing here is really just guessing. Maybe …” She inhaled. Then exhaled. “Maybe … I need professional help. Therapy.” The room was silent. She closed her eyes. “Guys, I know that idols and mental health is a REALLY hot topic and it could hurt Huntrix if anyone finds out …”

“Stop!” She was grabbed by the shoulders and then Zoey pressed her forehead against Rumi’s so that there was no avoiding the younger girl’s stare. “Rumi, I love what we have going on here. Huntrix is the best thing that ever happened to me. But FUCK the scandal! FUCK those fans who complain! And FUCK our comfortable gig if it comes between you and your wellbeing! You are more important to me, unnie!”

Rumi winced at the strong words, but the meaning was crystal clear. She also heard Mira chuckling next to them.

“Alright, you redeemed yourself, Zoey,” she graciously decided. “She’s 100% right, Rumi. Huntrix is my life … but if I have to chose, I will ALWAYS choose you.”

“Besides, I’m sure Dr. Han would be glad to help you again!”

“We’re NOT going back to Dr. Han, Zoey!”

“But why?”

Rumi sniffed while the two bickered again. They had told her so often that they loved her in various different ways since Namsan Tower … and yet it still impacted her every time. As if part of her still couldn’t believe it … the part that kept reminding her that she didn’t deserve their friendship, let alone their love. The ashamed part that was currently very, very strong inside of her, and was barely kept at bay by their constant reassurances. “You shouldn’t have to make sacrifices for me,” she weakly tried to object.

Zoey crossed her arms and cocked her head. “As if you HADN’T sacrificed half of yourself for more than a decade while making Huntrix possible?” she asked pointedly. “We won’t let you do this al…”

Then her cell phone beeped. Mira groaned. “Way to ruin a moment, Zoey.”

“Sorry, sorry,” the girl apologized, looking at her phone. “I contacted lots of people while we were looking for Rumi – maybe I didn’t tell all of them that she’s fi…” She went silent.

“What’s wrong?” Suddenly Rumi was worried. Zoey NEVER became silent without a reason.

Zoey pressed her lips together, still staring at whatever text she was reading. Then she looked at Rumi. “Umm … there may be an alternative to therapy, Rumi,” she said carefully. “But you won’t like it.”

Rumi sighed and closed her eyes. “Zoey … I panicked in battle today. I hurt you. I very briefly contemplated suicide. And I’ve felt a tremendous amount of shame in the last hour. This can’t get any worse. Please just tell me.”

Zoey licked her lips nervously. “Well … Celine texted. She says we need to talk.”

Silence.

“WHAT?”

Notes:

Alright, one more chapter and it's done. Those will be more serious ... too bad, I liked bratty Zoey. Since my first fic was about Mira and this one about Rumi I'd like to write one about Zoey too, but I've got no idea what to write about her sadly ...

Chapter 8: White: United Souls

Summary:

Celine has found a way to lessen the burden of Rumi's out of control emotions - binding her soul to another. Rumi's patterns agree (white: unity, hope), but whom will she choose to have such an intimate connection with?

It was … surreal. When she had last left this place, the place she had long called home, she had carried only hurt and anger in her heart. And now she was here again, on Jeju Island, sitting at their old dinner table in front of the woman who had cared for her like a mother … yet had also hurt her in equal measure. The only thing that was keeping her emotions in check was the fact that Mira and Zoey were sitting next to her, holding her hands. Mira was glaring at their old mentor and Rumi’s adoptive mother, while Zoey was more conflicted, but also sceptical.

Celine had served them tea after a very awkward, stilted welcome. Since then she had been staring at her cup. “You did well,” she eventually said. “I didn’t think it was possible, not after hearing your last words, but … you didn’t turn. And you saved the Honmoon.”

“WE created a NEW Honmoon,” Rumi corrected her, desperately trying to not fall into an accusing tone. She didn’t WANT to get angry. Matter of fact, she was scared of what would happen if she did. “The old one was destroyed.”

“Yes. Well …”

“You should apologize,” Mira interrupted. She didn’t bother to hide the accusing tone. “For keeping me and Zoey in the dark, causing Huntrix zu break up at the worst possible time.” She glared and squeezed Rumi’s hand. “And for hurting Rumi for YEARS.”

Celine glared back and opened her mouth, but Zoey, sensing the escalation, quickly interjected: “Please, Celine. You said you want to help Rumi … but how can you do that if there is still so much tension between us?”

Celine looked at her for a few seconds. Thankfully Mira also did not say anything else. Then the older woman sighed and closed her eyes. “I … thought giving all of you discipline and doctrine was the best way to keep your sisterhood stable and safe,” she began. “After the death of Mi-yeong and Rumi’s father’s … disappearance I lost the will to believe that there was ANYTHING redeemable about demons.” She pressed her lips together. “And I still believe that this is true for nearly all of them. That nearly all of them will immediately feign being conflicted to get close to you and hurt you if they sense manipulation might work on you. I … still believe that it’s better to kill a demon as quickly as you can than risk being manipulated and killed.” She paused.

“That wasn’t an apology.” Mira’s voice was ice.

Celine took a deep breath. “No,” she admitted. “Mira, Zoey … you may not believe me anymore, but I DO care for you. I truly thought teaching you that ANYTHING demonic needed to be contained and destroyed immediately was the best way to keep you safe. Thus making it necessary to hide anything that would make you question this mindset and leave you vulnerable. Rumi …” She looked up. Her expression was composed, but her eyes were sad. “I … had convinced myself that the Golden Honmoon would be the salvation for everyone, especially you. I did not realize how huge the burden of secrecy had become … how heavy it weighed on you. How important it would have been for me to stay, to share this burden.” She broke off and looked at the table. “I’m sorry, Rumi. I am truly sorry that I asked you to carry this secret alone. And … that I did not realize that the bond of your friendship was indeed strong enough to share it.”

Rumi was surprised. She had expected that Celine had seen the error of her ways when she had sent Zoey the invitation … but she hadn’t thought that there would be so little justification and so much actual remorse. And she could tell that her mother figure was feeling genuine regret. She couldn’t say anything in return. Fortunately Zoey came to her rescue.

“Celine … did you really never wonder if the Golden Honmoon would actually be dangerous for Rumi?” she asked. “I mean … patterns vanishing, that’s nice. But did it REALLY never occur to you that Rumi could also have been pulled into the underworld? Or died?”

All three of them saw the woman flinch. Yet neither of them said anything in the long pause that followed. “Demons brought so much harm to this world … and the Golden Honmoon was the only way to permanently end that threat. If I hadn’t set you on the path to create it all the souls that would have been stolen by the demons somehow slipping through the imperfect Honmoon would have been my fault. I couldn’t NOT follow this path.” She inhaled, not daring to look at the three girls. “But … I also couldn’t imagine a world in which an innocent being like Rumi would have to pay such an awful price for her father’s sins. So … to not despair and give up I had to see the Golden Honmoon as the perfect being – and such a being would surely not punish Rumi, a faithful hunter, in any way while still ending the demon threat.” She paused. “I … deep inside I knew bad outcomes were possible. I just … couldn’t allow myself to think about them.”

“How convenient.” Mira sounded disgusted as she stood up. “This is a waste of time. Let’s go.”

“Mira, wait!” Zoey pleaded. “Shouldn’t we at least listen to what her cure is?”

“You really think we can trust anything she says? What if the ‘cure’ kills Rumi?”

“What other choice do we have? Normal therapy might be useless against Rumi’s magically boosted emotions …”

“Stop!” Rumi ordered them, but kept looking at Celine, who was staring at her tea cup again. “Please … stop.” She waited until Mira had sat down again. “Celine … what would you have done if I had vanished or died because of the Golden Honmoon?” she demanded to know.

Celine inhaled deeply. This time she managed to look at her adoptive daughter. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “If you had vanished … I would have researched ways to maybe bring you back somehow. For the rest of my life if necessary. If you had died …” Rumi could see light reflected in the wetness in Celine’s eyes. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I could have handled the guilt at all.”

“You wouldn’t have survived anyway if Rumi had died,” Mira snarled, her voice full of venom.

“Mira, please,” Zoey begged, looking at her friend with concern. “This doesn’t help Rumi.”

Rumi squeezed both of their hands, causing both of them to shut up again. Her emotions were still in turmoil, but her way was clear. “I don’t think I can forgive you, Celine,” she said quietly. The older woman’s shoulders quivered. “Not … now. But …” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I made mistakes too. Big ones. Like trusting Jinu, when I should have confided in Mira and Zoey. Or not questioning his backstory at all. Not everything bad that happened to me … was your fault. I think … maybe we should leave the past in the past for now. Focus on the current problem. And … see where that takes us. Is that good enough?”

“Rumi, are you really sure that’s wise?” Mira asked, concern dripping from her voice. “We can still try to find other solutions.”

“But we’ll support any decision you make, right Mira?” Zoey added, making Mira nod reluctantly.

Three pairs of eyes looked at Celine who nodded. “It is good enough,” she confirmed. She took a sip from her cup. “Alright … I think that Rumi’s emotional issues have to do with your new Honmoon.”

Rumi blinked. She hadn’t expected that. “How so?”

“I’ve been studying your Honmoon since it came into existence,” Celine continued. “It is … remarkably similar to the old one. Stable. Tight. But with one major difference.”

“Redemption,” Rumi concluded the thought.

Celine nodded. “Yes. IF a demon for some reason desires redemption it would find it very easy to slip through your Honmoon – other than the old Honmoon who treated all demons equally. And when I heard of Rumi’s symptoms … it led me to believe that this Honmoon treats Rumi’s demon half as a redeemed demon too probably. The old Honmoon supressed it while the new one gives it … more room to act.”

“Act?” Mira frowned. “You make it sound like Rumi has a split personality.”

Celine shook her head. “I don’t think that’s the case. But I read in the Honmoon that Rumi thinks demons DO feel, other than what I taught you.” She smiled sadly. “And well … you probably have more direct experience than any other hunter who ever lived. If that’s right then it would make sense that your demon half would act through your emotions.”

“Like Gwi-Ma controlled us through our deepest fears and desires,” Zoey muttered, staring at the table, obviously remembering that dark day.

“Yes,” Celine nodded. “Only that Gwi-Ma is a conscious being. I suspect your demon half is not conscious, but acts on instinct, Rumi – like a newborn since the old Honmoon never allowed it to develop. Thus I believe that every time you feel strongly about something, your demon half boosts these feelings to experience more and more intense sensations. Do you think I could be right?”

Rumi’s thoughts were whirling around in her head like crazy. “I guess … it would explain most things,” she admitted carefully. “But IF you’re right … how do we fix it?”

“With this.”

All three girls groaned when Celine produced a leather-bound book from under the table.

“Hunter Legends?” Zoey complained. “That stuff was already boring when we were kids.”

Celine sniffed. “You girls never appreciated history,” she complained. For a moment Rumi felt like a kid with Celine as a teacher again. It was a bittersweet moment. “And yet I think there might be an answer to Rumi’s problem hidden in our history.”

Mira raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, trying to hide her interest behind scepticism. “How so?”

“The first hunters,” Celine began, in a lighter mood, now that she was able to teach again, “had no refined techniques to form the Honmoon – they did it for the first time, extrapolating from their mudang training. And they succeeded largely, even if later generations had to close a few holes here and there. But since this monumental task was … well, one could say guesswork, it came with byeffects.”

“Byeffects?” Rumi frowned, trying to remember, but it had been SO long since she had read that boring book. “Which ones?”

Celine sighed. “You really forgot. Well, from the descriptions of the later lives of the hunters it’s clear that they weren’t bad – they actually thought of them as divine blessings.” She flipped open the book to a page that should a picture of the ancient hunters looking at each other. “They wrote that the Honmoon had blessed them, that they were able to feel when one of them was attacked, physically and mentally … and that they were able to aid their companions with empathy and willpower even from afar. They could never be overwhelmed since they acted as one being for the rest of their lives. It’s a bit poetic, I admit.” Celine closed the book and became serious. “I do not think this was a blessing though. I assume that they, while they were weaving their great work with the souls of all around them, accidently wove together their own souls as well.”

All three girls blinked. Zoey recovered faster than the others. “Wait … and you mean that this could help Rumi? That sounds insane. How?”

“From what you told me those episodes come out of the blue, without warning. So unless Rumi learns to control these emotions, to keep others and herself safe you’d need to be with her at all times.” Celine pointed at Zoey’s hand. “Which could be dangerous for you as well. But if another soul was linked to her’s … then it follows from the hunter’s tale that the emotional load would be shared between them.” Celine took another sip. “And Rumi would not get overwhelmed.”

Mira’s eyes narrowed. “Wait a second … YOU want to do this! You WANT to be her spiritual lightning rod! Hah!” She laughed. “You couldn’t even LOOK at Rumi when she was transformed! What makes you think you’re ready to bond with her soul?”

Celine’s lips twitched, but she continued to look at Rumi with pleading eyes. “I … reacted very poorly. But no matter what you think of me, I DO love you, Rumi. And if …” She sighed. “If this ceremony allows me to lighten the weight on your shoulders at least to managable levels … then I will gladly accept this burden. And carry it with pride.”

“Nuh-uh! Nope! No way!” Mira stood up again, pointing at Celine. “We can’t trust that you won’t shy away from her again even in spirit when she needs you! I’ll do it!”

“Why just you?” Zoey stepped in. “Celine, wouldn’t more people bonding make it even safer for each? I want to help too!”

“Maybe yes, but …”

“STOP!” All of them looked at Rumi in surprise. “Mira, Zoey … you will NOT do this!”

Mira actually looked a bit hurt. “But Rumi …”

“No!” Rumi interrupted harshly. Then, gentler: “In our private lifes this would be … awkward for sure. But we work together. We FIGHT together. And in both situations our whole trio being distracted by my emotions at the same time would be bad … and in battle even dangerous.” She looked at Mira with wet eyes. “Mira … when I panicked I hurt Zoey. If ALL of us had frozen in the same battle, even for just a moment, it could have resulted in death. You CAN’T convince me that this risk is worth taking.”

She turned to Zoey. “Zoey … hurting you drove me way too close to suicide for a moment.” Celine inhaled sharply. So Zoey hadn’t told her. “If you were in constant danger because MY emotional outburst could unbalance you at any time, even if it turned out fine EVERY time, it would stress me out even more than now.” She put her own hand on the upset-looking girl’s hand. “I can’t endanger you like that. I just can’t.”

Zoey was quiet for a moment. Then she looked at Celine. “But you can endanger HER?”

Rumi looked at her adoptive mother. Celine was composed, but she could tell that the older woman’s emotions were in just as much turmoil right now than her’s. “We … are both broken,” she admitted. “But maybe we can heal together … and SHE at least lives here, surrounded by peace and quiet. When we fight demons in the future, she will not be distracted like you. And when my emotional outbursts target you two, Celine will NOT be part of that stressful situation and have it easier to stay calm.” She offered her hand. Celine waited for a moment, then she took it, waiting for her to continue. Rumi took a deep breath. “However … if we do this, Celine, then I will visit. We will talk about ALL mistakes that were made. You will hug me. You WILL touch my patterns. We will do EVERYTHING to assure that the case of you shying away in critical moments that Mira brought up will not happen. That is non-negotiable.”

Celine studied her face. “These aren’t conditions, Rumi,” she said quietly. “These are things I’ve regretted not doing since you left me in anger back then. I hope that one day you will be able to control your demon half on your own under the new Honmoon’s rules, like humans get used to many things over time … but until then I accept every term you set.” Her eyes became wet. “And I am glad … that you are offering me another chance.”

It was a moving moment. So of course Zoey had to ruin it way too soon. “We’ll see if you’re still so eager once Rumi gets horny again.”

“DAMMIT ZOEY!”

It took a minute to restore order again and keep Mira from putting Zoey in a headlock. Then Mira took Rumi’s hand and deeply looked into her friend’s eyes. “Rumi … is this TRULY what you want?” she asked. There was … a strange vulnerability in her voice. Maybe she just didn’t like feeling helpless, Rumi theorized.

“It’s what I need,” Rumi argued. “Mira, I need you and Zoey at my side … in full control of yourself. To help or stop me. Can you do that?” She looked at her friend pleadingly.

Mira stared at her for a second, then she kissed Rumi’s knuckles, surprising the young half-demon a bit. Mira usually wasn’t into such intimate gestures. “I will ALWAYS be at your side,” Mira answered, with great sincerity in her voice. “In whatever way you need me to.”

It sounded … intense. And Rumi didn’t want to think about why, so she turned to Zoey. Her other friend smiled. “Of course I’m here for you, Rumi,” she assured. “As long as you’re sure about all of this.”

Rumi smiled gratefully at both of them, then looked at Celine. “I’m ready. What do we need to do?”

Celine nodded and stood up. “Follow me.”

The ceremony was taxing, though not very spectacular. All she and Celine did was sitting on opposite ends of the seonangdang shrine, singing about their lifes, regrets and longing for redemption. Mira and Zoey were the ones who carefully coaxed strands of their strong and unwilling hunter souls out of them to try to fuse them together. They told her later that it had taken more than one hour, maybe because there was still much resentment between her and her adoptive mother or maybe because hunter souls were trained to not be manipulated so easily as a protection against demons. But in the end there was a small strand of soul energy that directly connected her and an exhaused looking Celine.

“I don’t feel anything,” she commented. Which was not QUITE true … she felt small traces of regret and love, which she suspected were Celine’s, but they were so faint that she wasn’t sure if she was just imagining things.

“You should not,” Celine said, standing up with Zoey’s help while Mira was standing behind Rumi, watching her with concern. “It should only be noticeable when your … or my … emotions become hard to control. Which I hope will not be very often.” She looked at Rumi and bowed her head. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Rumi didn’t return the reverence. But her voice was not unkind when she said: “I will visit soon. We still need to remove all barriers between us if this is supposed to work.”

Celine nodded, showing a tentative smile. “You will always be welcome here, Rumi.”

Rumi nodded. “Goodbye, Celine.” After a short pause, she added: “And … thank you.” Then she turned around, took Mira’s hand and also Zoey’s, who had walked over to them, and smiled at them warmly. “Mira, Zoey … I feel okay again. Let’s go home.”

And as her two found sisters, the most important people in her life, returned her smile and nodded, signalling again that she would never be alone in all this, Rumi for the first time in more than a month felt an emotion she had nearly forgot, but had sorely missed. Hope. And in that perfect moment, hundreds of pure white spots made the demonic patterns glow in the sinking sun, giving the young half-demon a divine appearance, as she walked towards her future with new-found confidence.

Notes:

Alright, it's done. I had to pull a deus ex machina to end it, but I think it's not TOO blatant. I hope you were entertained reading it, comments are welcome.