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CUNO - Junior Officer Kuuno de Ruyter stands near the coffee pot, staring into the middle distance. He doesn't acknowledge you entering Station 41's kitchen.
EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - Something's up with him.
HALF LIGHT [Easy: Success] - This isn't a sulk, and he's not angry. It's not a power clash with an adult or a bad memory of Martinaise. He's frustrated, but the only person he's angry at right now is himself.
ENDURANCE [Challenging: Success] - It's not metabolic. His nutrition and sleep cycles have been leagues better, in the past three months of living with you.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] - Switching from amphetamine withdrawal to a properly dosed and buffered Preptide prescription from Nix has been doing wonders for his cognition and emotions lately, too. You almost certainly have Advanced Distraction Hyperactivity Disorder too, you know, you would probably benefit from-
VOLITION [Heroic: Success] - No. You do not need medication to keep you sane. *I* keep you sane. Doing your job keeps you sane. Do your job, Detective.
1. - "Hey, Cuno, what's eating you?"
2. - "Hey, fuckshit, you got a spare Prepster for the Big Man, or what?"
3. - "Junior Officer de Ruyter, how's your memorization of the traffic laws coming along?"
4. - "Sort your own shit out, you little bastard." (Leave)
YOU - "Hey, Cuno, what's eating you?"
CUNO - The boy looks up at you, acknowledging your existence for the first time.
REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - Not a boy! Thirteen. Teen. Adolescent. A fellow officer of the RCM, in one sense, your subordinate, in another sense, your peer and ally. Don't describe him as a 'boy', even in your own head, it's nearly as bad as 'horse-faced woman' to him.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Godly: Success] - Oh, great, just the fucker I want giving me advice about my love life, the single most *divorced* pig in the abattoir.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Legendary: Success] - You can see it in the micromovements of his core muscles: Cuno thought about scoffing and turning away, then he thought about shrugging and turning back towards you, though none of the macromotions make it to his limbs.
ESPRIT DE CORPS - Eh, what the hell. If the advice is really bad, I'll just do the opposite of whatever he says.
CUNO - "Ehhh, Cuno was trying to talk with.... a fellow junior officer. You know, get some of that camaraderie shit. That Spree Décor shit you're always talking about."
RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - The return of the third person! That's not a good sign. Also, you've heard him pronounce 'Esprit De Corps' perfectly fine before.
DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Tis his shield, sire. When Cuno feels vulnerable and incompetent, he puts on a face of ignorance and vulgarity. Better to fail quickly and obviously, to invite scorn and dismissal, rather than concern and lectures.
CUNO - "Anyway, shit's fucked up. Cuno's got shit for brains and a shit mouth. Now she thinks I'm weird and a...", he catches himself just in time, "...homo-sexual."
LOGIC [Medium: Success] - What's that equation? Half your age plus seven? That means that teenagers shouldn't start dating until fourteen, he's not ready for this yet, even if he is an adolescent.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Challenging: Success] - Bullshit. Puberty doesn't always come at the "proper" or "convenient" numerical increments, and neither does the libido. Cuno's probably on an accelerated track, what with all those violent incidents in his past raising his testosterone levels.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] - Almost certain that's not how that works.
EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - You have a chance to teach Cuno to be a feminist and a decent person *now*, do it before virulent machismo penetrates into his brainstem, the sooner the better!
SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - It's time for *Doctor Love.*
VOLITION [Medium: Success] - No one's doing Doctor Anything. Select the last option.
1. - "Can you be more specific about how this girl thinks you're weird and homo-sexual?"
2. - "This girl... anyone I know?"
3. - [Rhetoric - Legendary 14] - How do you pull women when they think you're weird and gay?
4. - "It's for the best, Cuno. You're too young for any of this shit." (Leave)
CHECK FAILURE
RHETORIC [Legendary: Failure] - The answer is obvious.
INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Ooh, title drop!
CONCEPTUALIZATION [Easy: Success] - Title of what?
INLAND EMPIRE - Don't worry about it.
RHETORIC - Gentlemen, please? I believe I had the floor?
RHETORIC - Now, then, it's politics time. Obviously.
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Cuno doesn't care about politics.
RHETORIC - Not *external* politics. Politics between the twenty-four of *us*. Parliamentary debate will result in the best possible outcome.
INTERFACING [Easy: Success] - And how do you propose we do such a thing?
RHETORIC - Simple, a representative democracy. We're already divided into four districts.
RHETORIC - We'll start with the light blue crew, show you how it's done. I'm running to represent the district of Intellect. Who wants to run against me?
DRAMA [Easy: Success] - If it is a matter of seduction, then surely I am thy best option.
VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - Yo.
RHETORIC - Really?
VISUAL CALCULUS - I can see the angles.
CONCEPTUALIZATION [Trivial: Success] - Ooh, good slogan, you've got my vote.
LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - No, it should be Drama, Drama makes sense. Remember, it's not necessarily about lying, it's about presenting the best part of yourself, that's a type of performance.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Success] - Visual Calculus. I like the idea of acting from a position of knowing things.
RHETORIC - Seriously? None of you voted for me?
LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - It's because we know this is a failed check, so we're trying to minimize damage. Also, we'll need you as a speaker of the parliament, you can't be both things.
RHETORIC - Fair enough. District of Psyche, who are your nominees?
VOLITION [Easy: Success] - V is for Vote. Voting is for Volition. Do the right thing.
INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - Everything about this is a disaster of transcendent proportions. Vote for me, I'll do my best to shut it all down with paranoia and nonsense.
AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - Elected office is a position of power. You will surrender it to me immediately.
SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Are you kidding me? *I'm* the 'ask girls out on a date' skill! You want to vote for me, don't you?
EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - This girl, whoever she is, doesn't deserve to be hurt, and neither does Cuno. He's not ready for this yet. Vote for me, and together, we'll hug it out of him.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Trivial: Success] - Five meters directly above you, Captain Ptolemy Pryce sips his coffee. He is looking a report from Internal Affairs, about two officers who were observed engaging in an illicit relationship they were hiding from their respective supervisors.
ESPRIT DE CORPS - In an ideal world, Pryce could turn a blind eye to this sort of thing, but the officers have two ranks and fifteen years' separation between them. Even if if isn't manipulative or inappropriate, the optics aren't great, and the RCM's authority derives from optics. The Captain sighs to himself and starts in on some disciplinary paperwork.
RHETORIC - So... that was a vote for Authority?
ESPRIT DE CORPS - Yeah.
SUGGESTION - Oh, this is gonna go *great*.
AUTHORITY - I appreciate your faith in me, citizen. District of Physique! Your turn!
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] - Well, I think the choice is clear, here.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Challenging: Success] - By which you mean me, right?
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yes.
PAIN THRESHOLD [Trivial: Success] - What, really?
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Our junior colleague should start his love life off right, the Coach knows how to handle women.
ENDURANCE [Trivial: Success] - Agreed. Agreed and seconded.
HALF LIGHT [Trivial: Success] - Thirded.
PAIN THRESHOLD - Does it matter what Shivers and I want, then, if Physical Instrument already has four votes?
LOGIC [Easy: Success] - Sure doesn't.
SHIVERS [Challenging: Success] - Outside, an early summer sunbeam warms a brown pile in the Station 41 stables. A tiny vortex of warm air above the manure catches four flies, who circle above it in a tight spiral before plunging, compound eyes first, into hot horseshit.
RHETORIC - Yeah, that's democracy for ya. District of Motorics, you're up!
REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Success] - Me.
SAVOIR FAIRE [Easy: Success] - No way, baby, Savvy's the one with the swagger!
COMPOSURE [Easy: Success] - You'll need more decorum than that.... and more rockstar confidence. Vote for me.
HAND/EYE COORDINATION [Trivial: Success] - I'm goin' Savvy.
INTERFACING [Trivial: Success] - As will I, so Perception's vote is useless.
PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - It's cool, I would have voted for him anyway. I like the way he makes our head bop.
RHETORIC - Okay, so our Parliament consists of Visual Calculus, who got three votes in his district, Authority who had two, Physical Instrument had four, and Savoir Faire with four. Not who I would have chosen for this particular assignment, but the voice of the people is sacrosanct.
LOGIC [Heroic: Success] - The voice of the four-point-one-six-repeated percent persons.
RHETORIC - Exactly. Now, Physical Instrument, you're tied with Savoir Faire for votes, but you have more skill points, so you're the prime minister, and Savvy is the opposition. Any proposed pickup line will require a three vote majority to pass.
AUTHORITY [Trivial: Success] - We are not proposing pickup lines. We are instructing the Junior Officer to refrain from inappropriate fraternization. I will veto all pickup lines.
RHETORIC - You're not prime minister or opposition, you can't veto things, and they can still pass if the other three are unanimous.
AUTHORITY - This system is bad and you should feel bad.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Challenging: Success] - I would like to propose a course of action for Cuno!
RHETORIC - The Chair recognizes Coach Prime Minister Physical Instrument.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - No words. Just a demonstration of athletic ability. The girl will be awestruck, and basic biology will take over.
EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - You don't even know who it is!
RHETORIC - Non-ministers will remain silent while Parliament is in session! Now, you other three, are there adjustments you would make to this proposed course of action? Savvy?
SAVOIR FAIRE [Easy: Success] - Tell him to make sure cool music is playing while he accomplishes this physical feat, don't just lift heavy things and grunt. Make it look smooth.
RHETORIC - Prime Minister, do you accept this amendment?
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - If it gets the vote, I'm not opposed.
VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - And now I find myself in a fairly *persuasive* position.
CONCEPTUALIZATION [Easy: Success] - Is this one of the 'angles' you were talking about seeing?
VISUAL CALCULUS - Indeed. And you know what's more attractive to the femme fatales than just flexing to music?
RHETORIC - 'Femmes fatales', but continue.
VISUAL CALCULUS - They want the Dick.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Hell yeah, they do!
VISUAL CALCULUS - We've already been nudging Cuno from Hjelmdall towards Mullen. Gift him the hat and coat. Bring him into the Modus.
PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] - Won't they be too large for him?
VISUAL CALCULUS - Oh, very. Either he'll achieve some physical feat while surrounded in billowing fabric....
CONCEPTUALIZATION [Heroic: Success] - Like an avenging angel or guardian spirit in an old painting, suspended in ethereal robes that surround him like glory itself.
DRAMA [Trivial: Success] - Oh, fuck yeah.
VISUAL CALCULUS - ...OR he'll fall on his ass while wearing big adult clothing, and it'll be endearing and engender sympathy.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - *Not* attractive to the female sex.
SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - I respectfully disagree.
AUTHORITY - Private eyes are not within the Décomptage!
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - Somehow, the entire building suddenly feels alien and hostile, smelling of bleach and punishment. Three doors west of you, a suspect handcuffed to a steel table pisses himself.
VISUAL CALCULUS - Well, fortunately, you weren't elected representative of the Psyche district, and, as long as Physical Instrument and Savoir Faire approve of the amendment, Authority can't veto it.
AUTHORITY - This is a travesty and a sham. A shamvesty. Shut it down. Shut it all down!
RHETORIC - The gentleman from Psyche will remain collegial or he will be removed from Parliament.
LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - Wouldn't want to break the rules, would you?
RHETORIC - Prime Minister, your proposal?
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - We give Cuno Dick Mullen's hat and the Pinball Maker's coat, encourage him to enter Modus: Mullen, then perform a great act of physical prowess while listening to cool music. This minimizes fallout from the fact that this is a *failed* Rhetoric check, as it will contain no words at all.
RHETORIC - All ministers in favour?
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Aye.
SAVOIR FAIRE - Aye.
VISUAL CALCULUS - Aye.
RHETORIC - Opposed?
AUTHORITY - Nay.
RHETORIC - The motion passes. This is the advice we will be giving to Cuno. It will help him attract a potential partner who currently thinks he's weird and gay.
REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Failure] - Speaking of thinking people are weird, you've been standing here mumbling to yourself for over ten minutes. Cuno has already wandered off.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - Patrol Officer Judit Minot is directly behind you, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - She doesn't want to interrupt you when you're talking to yourself.
1. - "Hey, Judit, are women attracted to physical feats?"
2. - "Hey, Judit, are women attracted to cool music?"
3. - "Hey, Judit, are women attracted to private eyes?"
4. - "Hey, Judit, have you seen where Cuno went? I have to give him some incredibly good romantic advice."
YOU - "Hey, Judit, have you seen where Cuno went? I have to give him some incredibly good romantic advice."
JUDIT MINOT - The Patrol Officer raises the mug to her lips and shakes her head no.
PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Success] - She hasn't put milk in it yet, as she usually does. She's burning her lips because she needs an excuse to not say anything. She does not let the pain show on her face or in her body language, but there is a wince somewhere behind her eyes.
1. - "Well, let me know if you see him..."
2. - "Alright, thanks anyway..."
3. - "Whatever..."
YOU - "Well, let me know if you see him..."
1. - No.
2. - God, no.
3. - Surely not while she's standing right there, holding the scalding coffee.
4. - Anything else, please. Please. Please.
5. - This is why it was a Rhetoric failure, isn't it?
6. - I don't deserve this.
7. - I deserve this.
8. - It's happening whether I deserve it or not.
9. - "...Horse-Face."