Paint Me In Your Colors (PolyBL)

by Szapphire

Summary:

"Can't you see? How our souls are changing and merging ever since they realised we were meant to be? Don't tell me you are not part of our masterpiece until you try to complete the puzzle."

𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦: /ˈmæstərˌpis/ noun, a work of art such as a painting, movie, book, etc. that is an excellent, or the best, example of the artist's work (O. D.)

~~~
Young adults trying to navigate through life with complicated feelings emerging. Can someone truly love more people than just one? How far should one go for the love of their life? Can someone discover true love while continuously let down by it? And should one pursue someone who is already in a relationship? Read to find out how our protagonists struggle with these important issues.

Or not, I respect that too. I suck with descriptions lol.

Chapter 1: Introduction

Warning: This story contains mentions of underage drinking, negative thoughts, shitty family situations (cheating, death, controlling behavior), toxic Korean beauty standards, bad eating habits, 'men' roles, anxiety, awkwardness, and slight anger issues. Plus smut scenes (not sure if that's a warning or a promise). There won't be any warnings at the beginning of the chapters (so as to not ruin the experience), please keep that in mind. But don't worry, it's mostly fluff (and crack because I don't have any brain cells left)!

The chapters will be written in first person POV of different characters, focusing more on feelings rather than on the storyline. I guess it's a slow burn (?) kinda. Also, this is my first story and my first language is not English, so please bear with me 🐻

I'm Asexual too so I can't promise that the explicit content is decent lol.

Beta read by my best friend... which shouldn't relieve you in the slightest.

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/71k2wH6a3ocT0UKX0ShbPb?si=94z-oy7hR1-tT0iVkLsuFw

For those who prefer other services, here's the tracklist:

Chapter 1: New Husband - My Room, Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?

Chapter 2: Giants' Nest - Looking for Someone, Wallows - WISH ME LUCK

Chapter 3: Sweatcult - If U Wanna Stay, blackbear - idfc

Chapter 4: Wallows - Remember When, Talk in waves - Dark Places

Chapter 5: Clairo - Sofia, Coyote Theory - This Side of Paradise

Chapter 6: The Neighbourhood - Scary Love, Sophia Frame - Stargaze

Chapter 7: Beach Weather - Sex, Drugs, Etc., Pallas Haze - EGO

Chapter 8: Clippy - Sunkissed, Wallows, Clairo - Are You Bored yet?

Chapter 9: Nothing But Thieves - You Know Me Too Well, Foster The People - Imagination

Chapter 10: Delights - Take A Picture, The Neighbourhood - Softcore

Chapter 11: Chase Atlantic - Meddle About, yoomcircle - Find Me

Chapter 12: Tomode - Fire On The Hill, Tame Impala - Let It Happen (I used the shorter version but it doesn't really matter)

Chapter 13: Young the Giant - Mind Over Matter, Beach Weather - Swoon

Chapter 14: Later. - Cold Touch, Ari Abdul - Taste

Chapter 15: Still Corners - Black Lagoon, Cigarettes After Sex - Sweet

Chapter 16: ufo ufo - Strange Clouds, Dayglow - Can I Call You Tonight?

Chapter 17: Stolen Gin - Self Aware, Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes

Chapter 18: Nic van Gaan - In My Heart (The Rent is Free), Arctic Monkeys - I Wanna Be Yours

Chapter 19: Nothing But Thieves - Honey Whiskey, TV Girl - Lovers Rock

Chapter 20: Isabel LaRosa - i'm yours, Maybe Hugo - Fall In Line

Chapter 21: Maddie Moon - Dancing On The Water, Lana Del Rey - Say Yes To Heaven

Chapter 22: Isabel LaRosa - Home, Luke Hemmings - Baby Blue

Chapter 23: Man Alive - Colours, Meltt - Within You, Within Me

Chapter 24: ufo ufo - Underestimated Your High, New West - Those Eyes

Chapter 25: Roosevelt - Ordinary Love, Delights - Tender

Chapter 26: Bad Suns - We Move Like the Ocean, Billie Eilish - ocean eyes

Chapter 27: Pale - Dreaming, BANNERS - Have You Ever Loved Someone

Chapter 28: Duck Lake - Daydreams, Dayglow - Close To You

Chapter 29: Keanu Bicol - i won't run, Fitz and The Tantrums - Out of My League

Chapter 30: Later. - Golden Bay, Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?

Chapter 31: Harmless - Swing Lynn, Joy Again - Looking Out for You

Chapter 32: Good Kid - From the Start, Foster The People - Sit Next to Me

Chapter 33: Surfaces, salem ilese - Come With Me, Roosevelt - See You Again

Chapter 34: Isabel LaRosa - more than friends, Superdays - Perfect Moment

Chapter 35: Delights - Iris, Tame Impala - The Less I Know The Better

Chapter 36: DUELS - Blue Rose, Psylosia - too comfortable

Chapter 37: Lana Del Rey - Diet Mountain Dew, Neon Trees - Animal

Chapter 38: Yumi Zouma - Crush (It's Late, Just Stay), MONSTA X - baby blue

Chapter 39: JW Francis - Feel It, Roosevelt - Strangers

Chapter 40: Computer Kill - Must Have Been A Dream, Wallows - Quarterback

Chapter 41: Keanu Bicol - summer love, Novo Amor - Anchor

Chapter 42: Midnight Generation - Together, ufo ufo - Out of Body

Chapter 43: Runaway Mornings - Warm-Blooded Lovers, PUBLIC - stay

Chapter 44: Orchid Mantis, Cathedral Bells - Dead Malls, CHPTRS - Last Chance (Alternate Version)

Chapter 45: Reed Wonder, Aurora Olivas - Take All My Love, Isabel LaRosa - butterflies

Chapter 46: The Neighbourhood - Stuck with Me, Monsune - OUTTA MY MIND

Chapter 47: Your Neighbors - Fallin', Pale Waves - Heavenly

Chapter 48: Langva - Me & You, New Constellations - Think it Over

Chapter 49: The Technicolors - Tonight You Are Mine, Ari Abdul - MINE

Chapter 50: Superdays - We Could Both Be So Happy, Midnight Generation - Calling You

Chapter 51: girl in red - I'll Call You Mine, Mad Honey - Blue & You

Chapter 52: MARSEY - Just Friends, flor - hold on

Chapter 53: BANNERS - Someone To You, Olivver the Kid - BBBlue (the longer version)

Chapter 54: Limi - Colors, Langva - Be True

Chapter 55: PRETTYMUCH - Eyes Off You, Paperwhite - Wanderlust

Chapter 56: Butter Bath - Anchor in the Clouds, Ari Abdul - Stay

Chapter 57: Roosevelt - Forevermore, Meltt - Do You Ever Wonder?

Chapter 58: The Dinosaur's Skin - The Dinosaur's Skin, Young the Giant - Superposition

Chapter 59: Fitz Brothers - Sunday, EASY FREAK - Either Way

Chapter 60: Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper, ENHYPEN - Orange Flower (You Complete Me)

BONUS: 1. babychair - All Day All Night, Austin Giorgio - Control, 2. Isabel LaRosa - Muse, ATEEZ (Seonghwa) - Skin, 3. Elvis Drew - Make Me Feel, Shaker, Azee, COBRA - Taste of the Divine, 4. Chandler Leighton - touchin' me, Ari Abdul - Worship

If you have any questions, requests, or anything else, feel free to comment or contact me. Thank you for clicking on my first completed work, I had been working on this since February of 2025 but didn't want to start posting until I had finished it in my drafts. Any criticism is welcome.

Thank you once again for checking this book out, have fun reading ≽^•⩊•^≼

~ Szapphire

Chapter 2: Curious

「 ✦ ??? ✦ 」

» [My Room] «

» [New Husband] «

1:54 ────〇── 3:23

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I huffed as I inserted my keys into the keyhole of my front door. The warm weather irritated my skin and my body screamed at me to get out of reach of the scorching sun. Summer, eugh. I entered the house, a satisfied sigh leaving my lips as I stepped into the cooler environment. I dropped my keys onto the counter and kicked off my shoes, my shirt sticking to me like a second skin. I wasted no time pulling it off as I neared the bathroom. My mom was still at work so I had the whole house to myself – Not like it was anything more than moderate. It was quite small, and these days I had the impression as if the walls were closing in on me. 

I stripped off my clothes, the jeans were especially hard to remove due to all the sweat. After a quick but refreshening shower, I closed the blinds all the way down and turned on the ventilator in my room – as there was no AC in my house. I sprawled out on my bed, scrolling on my phone. I was bored and it was too quiet for comfort. The bad side of my mother always working was the stillness of the surroundings. I missed the time when we watched cartoons together. That just showed how long ago that was.

If he was here, it would be much better. 

I quickly shook my head to get rid of my thoughts. I didn’t want to bother him just because I was lonely. I tapped the shuffle button on my playlist and leaned on my side. My homework was laying on my desk untouched and I kept glancing at it in hopes that it would somehow solve itself. It probably wasn’t anything too hard but I couldn’t find the strength to crawl out of bed. My phone buzzed from a new message, a small smile crossing my face when I saw who it was.

 

Dork

Heeelp 🥺

What did you write for #4?

I don’t even understand the question

Did we really learn about this??

 

What were the odds of us thinking of each other at the same time? Though it was obviously for different reasons, I was still relieved I was the first person he texted. I chuckled before sending a reply, my weird mood immediately dissipating into thin air. 

 

Me

Come over and we can work on it together

 

Dork

Omg! You’re a lifesaver Ethan!

🙏❤️

I’ll be over in 10

 

Me

This time use the front door like a normal person

And not my window

 

Dork

Hehe 😇

 

Me

I’m serious

 

Dork

Eugh, fine

You’re so booooring

 

Me

Watch your mouth or I won’t let you in

 

Dork

😭

 

A soft smile graced my lips as I put my device down on my bed and walked over to my desk. Him coming over was all I needed to find the motivation I lacked before. His personality was truly something else. For me at least. My little motivation in my otherwise dull life.

I picked up a pen and solved the questions up to number four. I liked science subjects, mainly biology. Jimi was hopeless when it came to them, however. I didn’t mind helping him out at all, it provided me with the perfect excuse to hang out with him more. When I finished with the tasks, I switched to my other homework. Math was okay, I didn’t relish the way the teacher always spoke in hushed tones. One cough was enough to miss his explanations and he never repeated himself. The asshole. I honestly couldn’t bother enough to listen to the whole lesson anyway, he was too boring.

Jimi is great at Math, I’ll just ask him for help.

Yeah, that was the only reason why I wanted to meet up with him. Nothing more. Just so he could be here with me. Just the two of us.

At that moment, my concentration was broken by the sound of the doorbell. I swiftly walked up to the front door, opening it to reveal Jimi standing there with a huge grin as always. I stepped aside to let him in, he moved past me with a slight bounce in his steps. “Hi!”

“Someone’s in a happy mood.” I commented as I closed the door. He hummed as he removed his sneakers and placed them down by the shoe rack. He turned to look at me, and for a second I forgot how to breathe properly. He truly was the epitome of happiness. The way he was just standing there with his focus on me made my heart skip a beat. His clear blue eyes shining even in the darkness of the house was enough to make me feel content just by being next to him.

“Yeah! My art project got maximum points!” He exclaimed as we entered my room. He threw his bag down and jumped on my bed, snuggling into my pillows. 

“That’s nice. I know you worked hard on it.” I sat down on my chair, watching him closely. My room felt so much lighter now that he was here, all of the shadows disappearing in his presence. Like he was my personal little sunshine.

“Thanks.” He shot me a smile, half of his face buried in the pillow. I raised an eyebrow as he simply stared at me for a few seconds without a word addressed to me. Sometimes I wondered what was going on inside that head of his but it might be better if I didn’t know.

“Did you come here to sleep or are we studying?” I asked amused and he sat up with a groan.

“I like your place, it’s much quieter than my home.” He ran a hand through his blond locks, trying to fix his messy hair. Key word: trying. He lived with his parents and two older sisters who spoiled him rotten with affection and care. Their place was always lively and loud, everyone sharing the same positive attitude and hospitality. Plus they had a beautiful Golden Retriever called Suzy. She was smart and playful just like her owner, they both loved meeting people. She definitely resembled him, sometimes I had trouble telling the two apart.

“I have to cook and clean though.” I retorted. “You wouldn’t survive here on your own without your sisters babying you.”

He laughed, his soft voice filling the silence of the house, the sound echoing in my ears. One of my favorite sounds for sure since it always left the impression in me that everything would be alright. At least as long as he was here.

“That’s true. It’s nice to have them make breakfast for me.” He scooted to the edge of the bed, his hands resting on his knees. “How is your mother?”

I contemplated for a moment, not confident in how to answer myself. “She’s fine. Ever since I started learning how to cook, she has had more time to rest. I think she’s finally starting to get better.”

“I’m glad to hear that. She’s a strong person, I’m sure she’ll be back on her feet in no time.” Jimi encouraged me and I believed every word he said like it was the Bible. I smiled back at him, delighted to have a friend like him. We met in elementary school, when he was 8 and I was 9. He approached me and started talking to me. Despite my shy and quiet nature, he got attached to me, and we became friends. Now at 16, I’m genuinely surprised he still didn’t get bored of me. He had multiple acquaintances, he was a true extrovert at heart. While I preferred to be by myself and only around a selected few, he still stayed by my side and came back to me.

 

» [Do I Wanna Know?] «

» [Arctic Monkeys] «

0:58 ──〇──── 4:32

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

He suddenly leaned closer, his freckles visible by the proximity. “You should smile more, I love your dimples.” He giggled and I rolled my eyes, hoping he didn’t notice the light blush that coated my cheeks.

“Let’s just do the homework, okay?” I sighed and he groaned out a ‘fine’ while reaching into his bag to pull out a notebook and a pen. We helped each other through the tougher questions we sucked at, explaining the steps until both of us understood – or at least pretended to.

I was 16 years old. Dating was not an unfamiliar term by that point, though I rejected the idea of ever having a relationship with a girl. As a few obnoxious classmates of mine gushed about the bodies of females, I engrossed myself in my books, not understanding why it was such a big deal. As I observed Jimi, the small habits of his that I perceived and the more I started to think about him, the reason why I was never interested in girls was undeniable. I watched him laying on my bed while talking about his sisters, acknowledging the exposed skin as his shirt rode up slightly. I wished I could avert my gaze from him. He was the light in the dark while I was the helpless moth. No matter how hard I tried, the fire inside me started to burn me as I was stuck to be around his presence, silently yearning for more. I was aware that I had to listen to my mind and not my heart, but every time his eyes lit up when he saw me, every time my name rolled off his tongue as if it was something treasurable, butterflies erupted inside my stomach. Guilt gnawed at me for harboring these feelings for him, even though it wasn’t my fault.

“Tom invited us to a party.” Jimi said as he was turning the pages of a comic book. “There will be girls and alcohol.”

My nose scrunched in distaste. “And you want to go?”

“Yeah. I think it would be fun.” He shrugged. “Maybe I could get a girlfriend.”

My heart ached and I let out a snort. “As if. You’re more like an annoying dog. Girls don’t like that kind of boy.”

He smiled and turned to lay on his back instead of his stomach. “I’m curious if girls are truly as soft and precious as they say.”

I shook my head as I sat on the floor at the foot of my bed. “Half of the females there will be whores.” I said bluntly, knowing what types of parties Tom hosted. “Plus we’re underaged.”

He pouted. “You’re so serious all the time. Are you not interested in getting a girlfriend?” He turned to me, his left hand barely grazing my shoulder. 

“No.” I simply replied, having no desire to elaborate further. I couldn’t tell him. I would betray him as his friend.

“So you’re not coming?” He asked dejectedly.

“No. You have a lot of other friends you can go with.” I picked on the hem of my shirt.

“But I want to go with you.” He whined and nudged me with his foot. I swallowed as my mind registered his words. No, I couldn’t read more into it than it actually was. A friendly request.

“Why?” I grabbed his ankle so he wouldn’t kick me again.

“What do you mean why? You’re my best friend.” He said it like it was the most obvious fact in the world. I was taken aback by his admission, I held the belief that he had too many friends to consider me as special.

“I am?” I asked, and if I didn’t already hold onto his ankle, his foot would have made contact with my body.

“Duh. Am I not your best friend?”

“You are.” Oh, how much I longed for a different response, but for now I was more than happy with this relationship between us. He smiled and I let go of him.

“So… you don’t want a girlfriend…” He trailed off, staring at my ceiling. I let out a hum of acknowledgement, not sure where he was going with this. I glanced at him when he didn’t say anything else.

“Why do you want one?” I broke the silence.

“I want to experience dating someone. Anna looks so happy whenever she talks about where she went with her boyfriend. They’ve been dating for years now. I’m a little jealous.” Jimi admitted and my expression softened. Someone, huh? Maybe…

“Yeah, but your eldest sister is 22.” I reasoned. “You shouldn’t hurry love. You’ll fall for someone eventually.”

“I guess you’re right.” He muttered.

I prayed to God it would be me. I would wait for years if it meant I could have a piece of his heart, even if it was not fully mine.

We continued to chat, his mouth could never stay shut for more than five minutes so it wasn’t a surprise. I liked that quality of his though, I enjoyed listening to him and wouldn’t grow tired of his voice even after hours. 

When he went home and I plopped down on my bed, my pillows picked up his scent. It was faint, but refreshing like the summer breeze. I closed my eyes and imagined I was laying on his chest as he played with my hair. The steady beat of his heart would lull me to sleep and I would wake up snuggled up to him. Wasn’t that preposterous?

I was 16 when I realised I was attracted to males. Even worse, I was crushing on my childhood best friend. Someone who held so much love inside them that it would be enough to shower millions with it. Part of me wished I could keep it all for me, while the other hoped for everyone to get a chance to meet him. For now, having him close to me was enough. I was his best friend and no one could steal that from me.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 3: Saffron

「 ✦ ??? ✦ 」

» [Looking For Someone] «

» [Giants’ Nest] «

1:20 ───〇─── 3:10

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

After countless hours of begging, Ethan finally agreed to go to the party with me. I happily hummed while digging through my closet to find something to wear. I picked out some washed blue jeans and a nicer looking black tee. As I was buttoning up my pants, the door to my room opened, revealing my middle sibling, Evelyn. I scowled at her and she shot me an annoyed look back.

“Don’t you know how to knock?” I raised an eyebrow at her. She did this all the time.

“Oh please, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” She responded so calmly it made my skin crawl. They took care of me as a child a lot while my parents were working. But still… icky.

“I’m almost 16, not a baby.” I sighed and she chuckled.

“I know, but you’ll always be my baby brother.” She cooed and pinched my cheek while I groaned and swatted her hand away.

“What do you want?” I asked while checking myself out in the mirror. I was looking sharp, if I do say so myself.

“Where are you going?” She inquired and I licked my lips while thinking of what to say. My sisters were kind of overprotective of me. I wasn’t that reckless nor stupid though.

“To a party with Ethan.” She crossed her arms and by the expression on her face, I already knew what she was going to lecture me about. “No drinking, smoking yada yada. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I trust Ethan to keep you safe.” She watched me as I gathered my things. I had to hold back an eyeroll. She was so not fun!

“He will. I’ll probably stay at his place tonight.” I stuffed my phone and keys in my pockets. 

“Okay, but no drinking. Seriously.” I waved her off, I wasn’t a child and I could handle myself. I patted the family dog, Suzy, before I left the house and made my way towards Ethan’s. I didn’t have a driver’s license yet so I had to walk, but luckily for me, he lived only 10 minutes away.

 

Me

I’ll be there in 10

 

Bookworm

Do we have to go?

 

Me

You promised!

 

Bookworm

I’m already regretting it

I hate parties

And people

 

Me

I’ll be by your side the whole time dw

It’ll be fun 😁

 

Bookworm

I have a feeling you’re lying 😐

But if you’re going I have no choice but to tag along

 

Me

Yay 🥳

If you don’t like it, we can just leave

But I know it will be a fun night!

 

Bookworm

Right

 

I chuckled at his reluctance. He was always an indoor person and I liked to drag him outside to get some fresh air and live a little more. Plus I went out a lot and having him by my side was just better. I would feel guilty if he couldn’t enjoy himself so fingers crossed he would be able to relax tonight. The thought of him being all alone bugged me, part of me feared he was lonely. His family background wasn’t ideal, the weight of consisting only of a teenage son and a single mother must cast shadows over their shoulders. His father passed away six years ago, and as the breadwinner was suddenly gone, his mother had no time to mourn as she had to stand on her feet to provide normal living conditions for her sole child. She was working from morning till midnight at times, passing out as soon as she got home. Ethan never told me this but he didn’t have to. I promised myself as a kid that I would never let him build walls around himself. He could always come to me with everything and I would run over to him in the middle of the night if I had to.

I had the fortune to be born into a loving family, and even when my sisters were getting on my nerves, I would do anything for them. I felt the same way towards Ethan, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I would make sure he was alright and showered with love he couldn’t get from his parents. I wished he opened up more about his emotions, sometimes when he was too silent it scared me. Thankfully, he picked up reading as a hobby, which provided some sort of escape when he was alone. I might have read too much into it, though when he was sitting at his desk, blocking out everything and everyone, his true feelings swam inside his amber eyes. Such an image of him managed to squeeze my heart on each occasion it occurred, helplessness overcoming my senses. He was hurting in ways I couldn’t understand fully since I never had to experience it. All I could do was try to brighten up his days and fill that hole inside him.

We attended the same school but he was a year above me. We shared only one class, which was biology. Eww. Thank God for Ethan to be there because I sucked at science subjects. The reason he was in here was due to a clash with his chemistry lab extracurricular lesson – I could never relate to that – so he had to take biology this year with my grade. I didn’t mind at all, having my best friend next to me made that class special. The professor hated me though, but the feeling was somewhat mutual. That old hag completely tarnished any enjoyment I had towards biology. Every time I raised a hand to ask a question she glared at me. If she despised children, why did she decide to be a teacher? I was confident she could have been anything else in the field of biology. It was beyond me, truly.

I stopped my music as I arrived at Ethan’s front step and knocked on the door eagerly. I dusted off my clothes before it flung open, revealing Ethan. My grin faltered for a second as I took in his appearance. He was wearing black sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Sweatpants. My eyes widened in horror and I wasted no time in barging in and dragging him behind me towards his room.

“Nuh-uh. You’re not coming with those clothes on.” I shook my head in disbelief, my voice laced with slight teasing. 

“Why? It’s just a party.” He sighed, but never protested while I searched his closet for something more suitable. I rolled my eyes, my smile returning when I found what I was looking for. 

“Put these on.” I handed him a pair of black baggy jeans. I continued my search for a shirt while he changed behind me. I turned around, my gaze lingering on his stomach as he slipped on what I chose for him. I never really noticed it before but he had a nice body. He was tall and slim, not the skinny type but the healthy type. It reassured me that he took care of himself. After his father’s passing, I had the urge to protect him, to shower him with happiness even if it ended up with me making a fool of myself. Anything to make him smile.

 

» [WISH ME LUCK] «

» [Wallows] «

0:32 ─〇───── 3:23

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

“Why are you staring at me?” His question brought me out of my thoughts and I blinked, realising I spaced out. 

“You look good.” I shot him a goofy smile. He snorted in response, slipping a necklace over his head. I pulled out my phone to check the time, the party had been going on for almost an hour by that point. I wrapped an arm around his waist and gently nudged him towards the front door.

“You owe me one, Jimi.” He grumbled out and picked up his car keys. 

“I know, but don’t worry. We’ll have a great time tonight.” I tried to assure him, or maybe myself. I liked parties and knew how rowdy they could get sometimes. Even then, my top priority was Ethan. He never drank anything, but alcohol wasn’t needed to enjoy the presence of others. He was responsible so I was glad he put up with me. Hehe. I hopped into the passenger seat and buckled my seatbelt, my leg bouncing up and down. A few seconds passed but Ethan still hadn’t started the car. I looked over to him, his eyes were locked onto mine. 

“Hm?” I tilted my head, not understanding why he was staring at me. I was expecting him to try to convince me to stay, but he didn’t.

“Your hair is a mess.” He simply stated after seconds of silence. He inserted the key into the ignition and the vehicle roared to life. I used the rearview mirror in the meantime to fix my hair with not much success. A hand suddenly buried itself in my locks, brushing out the knots smoothly. A sense of warmth engulfed me and my heart skipped a beat at the sweet gesture. Ethan was rarely the type to initiate soft touches like this. I made sure to save this special moment in my brain. He loved in silence and I adored that in him. His actions were enough to assure me about how much he cared without the need to affirm it. He retreated his hand when the stop light changed and the drive resumed, a soft smile etched onto my face.

We arrived at the house the party was held at, loud music blasting from inside. Hopefully the neighbors wouldn’t call the police. People were drinking and chatting outside, discarded cigarettes were all over the pavement as me and Ethan entered the house. The smell of alcohol immediately hit my nose, the inside was filled with dancing teenagers. I linked my arm with Ethan’s so we wouldn’t get separated and picked up a red solo cup, filling it with punch. Ethan side-eyed me but I ignored it, one drink wouldn’t hurt. I enjoyed the taste and I wouldn’t be as irresponsible as to get drunk. I glanced around the house in search of familiar faces. A few boys were ranking girls next to me, arguing who had better moves, makeup, and even a better shaped butt. 

“That blondie has nice tits.” One of them commented and I involuntarily observed that girl. She was pretty but her makeup was a little too much. I bet she would have looked better without it. Her hair was wavy, reaching slightly beyond her shoulder. She was wearing an orange crop top and ripped jeans that had holes at the thighs. Her smile was bright as she was clearly enjoying herself with her friends. The guys continued ranking each female and it made me slightly uncomfortable. They obviously wanted to pick up some ladies tonight in hopes of getting lucky, some of the girls were shooting them dirty looks while others winked at them. 

“Do you like her?” Ethan asked and I shook my head quickly. She was pretty, that was undeniable. The problem was with me. Something I never dared to tell anyone, even Ethan. The reason behind that wasn’t because I was scared of his reaction, after all, we spent years together and I knew he wouldn’t care. The answer was simple. I didn’t know. 

I was great at Math. I could solve a lot of the problems given the circumstances. However, this was something a mere formula wasn’t enough to get a conclusion for. No matter how hard I scratched my head or how much time I spent on coming up with theories, nothing seemed to add up. I didn’t know why, I was just different from everyone else. Or at least, that’s what it felt like to me.

Some girls let out giggles and squeals as a dude walked past them and raised his shirt up, showcasing his six pack at them with a wink. He was tall with stunning muscles that were impressive, his arms were the size of my thighs. Another confusing part of the puzzle. I watched him and understood why he would be considered attractive, and yet I couldn’t find anything special about him. If I didn’t like females, it would mean I was gay. But then why didn’t I feel anything when I saw the exposed skin of males?

I’m weird.

That was the only acceptable answer. There was something wrong with me. While people were gushing about the beauty of the girls and the sexiness of boys, I found myself utterly alone. I wished for a girlfriend, heck, even a boyfriend would be better than this uneasiness inside me. It gnawed at me, biting away my happiness as anxiety infiltrated my rational thoughts.

‘You’re going to end up all alone.’ It threatened me, chilling me to my core. I didn’t want that. I was 15, why did I have to worry about that? I had my life ahead of me with countless possibilities. I was too young to know, too naive to grasp what this could mean. A family surrounded me, providing me with all the love I could ever wish for. Alas, there was that love I longed for, the one which was shared between my parents, and even between Anna and her boyfriend. Was I unable to form that type of connection? I couldn’t open up to anyone about this. I was scared of being made fun of.

Shaking my head to get rid of these depressing thoughts and answering Ethan’s question at the same time, I quickly downed my drink and poured another one. Before Ethan could protest, I smiled and pointed to the small crowd that formed on one side of the living room. “Let’s go and join them. Spin the bottle sounds fun.”

Maybe a kiss would help me realise which gender I like.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 4: Space Cadet

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [If U Wanna Stay] «

» [Sweatcult] «

0:37 ─〇───── 3:28

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I always wondered when was that point in my life when my feelings for Jimi blossomed into a crush. When I was a kid, I used to keep to myself. While the other children played with each other, I stayed in the shadows to observe them. I was too shy to walk up to them and ask them if I could join, so I picked at the grass when it was break time. I was fine with being in the background, until that fateful day when I met him. I was sitting on a bench, playing with my shoelaces when he sat down next to me. I immediately turned my attention to him, his aura was so bright even then that it drew me in. But what enchanted me the most was that big toothy smile he flashed me. He was missing one of his front teeth and yet it didn’t hold him back from laughing and grinning. He reached out a hand and I shook it like my father taught me to.

“Hi! I’m Jimi! Jimi Mäkinen!” He almost shouted, excited for some unknown reason to me. His surname was strange and I had trouble pronouncing it. He wasn’t offended thankfully, simply letting out a giggle over my disastrous attempt of repeating it.

“Ethan Jones.” I replied flatly, though I was somewhat curious. I had no idea why he came up to me but I had a hunch I would have trouble getting rid of him. He was a ray of sunshine, always smiling and yelling. His excitement was somewhat contagious, and I often found myself eagerly waiting for us to be able to play together. It might have been love at first sight, I was too young to know for certain at that time.

The hardest period in my life was when my dad passed away. One day he was there, dropping me off at school and the next he was just gone. I spent hours waiting for him with the teacher when that dreaded call came. I didn’t understand why my teacher was hugging me tightly, her voice shaking as she reassured me that everything would be alright. All I wanted was to see my father, not grasping the severity of the situation until my mother arrived. Her eyes were puffy and red, and yet she found the strength to smile at me.

“Come on Ethan, let’s go home.” She said softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she picked me up in her arms. 

“But what about dad? Is he not coming?” I naively asked, unknowingly crushing my mom’s heart even more.

“Your dad won’t come today.”

And not just that day, he never picked me up from school ever again. My mother had to find a job quickly and she had to take care of me at the same time. I was often supervised by the neighbor or by Jimi’s family. His sisters treated me like I was another sibling of theirs, which I was forever grateful for. The strongest pillar in my mourning was Jimi. His positive attitude somehow chased away all the stormy clouds that engulfed me, his smile evaporating the rain that threatened to drown me. While he had many friends, he was my only one. Naturally, I spoke with other kids and my classmates but my bond with them never neared the same level as my relationship with Jimi. He was there at my lowest, rubbing my back as I cried myself to sleep. He held me close as we slept in the same bed, whispering funny stories he heard to keep my mind off of the accident. Could I ever repay all that he had done for me? Certainly not by falling for him slowly but surely.

Present day, I was gazing at him intently. Something was off about him. The smile that could fight off anyone’s demons was replaced by a look I wasn’t able to pinpoint. Another worrying factor was the cup in his hand. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was his fourth cup. He was watching the empty glass bottle spinning, focusing on the game while my mind was entirely consumed by him. He was hiding something. I had no reason to hold a grudge against him for that since I also had a few secrets I wasn’t willing to share for now. The bottle rolled to a stop, landing on a guy. The boy who spun it was horrified, a clear indicator he didn’t relish kissing the same gender. The girls giggled and began chanting ‘kiss!’ while he reluctantly walked over to the victim. He pecked his lips for a few seconds and wasted no time in wiping the remains of the kiss off. The girls cooed, one of them patting the shoulder of the guy who grumbled in response, vigorously rubbing his lips against his hand in hopes he could somehow delete this moment from his memories. Even though I was gay, watching two males kissing without wanting to gave me no satisfaction. I shifted my attention to Jimi who was observing the scene quietly. He wasn’t disgusted, that put my mind at ease for now.

The game continued, luckily for me it never landed on me. Something worse happened though. My blood ran cold at one point when the bottle slowed dangerously close in my direction. To my absolute horror, its movement ceased, aiming at the person next to me. Jimi. At that moment I wished it would have stopped pointing to me instead. Thankfully, the person who spun the bottle was a girl. If it were a boy, I would be tugging on my hair from frustration. It still wasn’t ideal but at least it provided me with some sort of comfort. Jimi smiled as the female timidly walked up to him. She was pretty, her white bodycon dress complemented her dark skin and her make up was professionally done. Or maybe not, I wasn’t knowledgeable in that field, but it fit her nicely. She seemed like someone who suited Jimi and that resulted in forming an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. What a perfect love story it would be, kissing in a round of spin the bottle and realising the spark of connection that formed as their lips collided. A love story straight out of Wattpad. Fucking cringe.

What a joke. Why am I even jealous?

Deep down I knew the answer. Because it wasn’t me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he pulled the girl close. Jimi’s eyes fluttered shut and he leaned in. I wanted to look away desperately but I couldn’t find the strength. I – for some strange reason – felt the need to punish myself by watching it happen. Probably to show my heart that yearning for Jimi’s romantic feelings would be futile in the end either way. Everyone’s attention was on them, I couldn’t avert my eyes or I would be too obvious. So I took in the sight of them kissing for a few seconds, my emotionless facade hiding my distaste of the situation. It ended quickly but still too slowly to my liking. The girl smiled softly at Jimi who returned it with his, however, while the female’s was honest, his was not. It might not have been noticeable for strangers but I knew him well enough to catch on that it was just a polite gesture. Was she bad at kissing? It was a simple peck, that couldn’t have been that awful. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t my business. An inaudible sigh of relief slipped from me. 

He didn’t like it. Good.

 

» [idfc] «

» [Blackbear] «

2:31 ────〇── 4:05

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

I might have been a terrible friend for thinking that, I honestly didn’t care. I patted his shoulder and he glanced at me, his eyes were void of their usual shine. That alarmed me and I followed him as he stood up to refill his cup. Responsible, my ass. He was totally about to get wasted. This was unusual, his vibe was off. He normally had fun partying.

“What’s wrong? Was it that bad?” I asked straightforwardly. I could see he was in a depressed mood, something must have been bugging him. I couldn’t rest until I found out what it was exactly. He wasn’t against kissing her in the beginning, the opposite actually. So why was he so dull now? Did he regret it? Why? I wished I could pose that question.

“No. Her lips were soft and they tasted like strawberry chapstick.” He shrugged as he poured beer into the red cup. Before he could take a sip of it, I snatched it out of his grasp. He frowned. “Hey, that’s mine!”

“You’ve had enough for tonight. Let’s go home, this party sucks.” I held his hand, interlacing our fingers as I dragged him outside towards my car. He obediently walked behind me without a word and I opened the car door for him. He got in and I buckled in his seatbelt, making sure it was secure just in case. The ride back to my place was silent, mainly because Jimi had trouble keeping his eyes open. His head kept falling forward and he jerked it back each time, blinking to stay awake. His exhaustion eventually won the fight and his faint snores filled the air. I wondered what was wrong with him tonight, but I didn’t want to probe. I would prefer it if he told me himself. When I reached my house, I carefully picked him up and brought him in. He was smaller and lighter than me but I had trouble nevertheless. I groaned when I finally laid him down on my bed, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I needed to start working out. I removed my shirt and dropped it on the floor. I glimpsed at Jimi who was cuddling into my pillow, fast asleep. Sleeping in jeans must be uncomfortable, though I didn’t want to undress him without consent.

It’s his fault for drinking.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers gently brushing the blond locks out of his face. I was hopeful he would talk to me the next day. He didn’t have to tell me the exact situation that dimmed his light these days, I just wanted him to be happy and carefree. I would shoulder any weight instead of him if it meant he showed me that bright smile that took my breath away. My hand lingered for a little bit more and I sighed softly. I wished he could comprehend how far I was willing to go for him. My sweet, innocent angel.

I changed into a shirt and shorts and crawled in next to him. When I woke up in the morning, Jimi was curled up on the floor with the blanket. His hair was all over the place and his mouth was slightly open, a trail of drool was dried on his cheek. What a sight… And it was this idiot I crushed so hard on. Feelings are truly weird sometimes. I rubbed my eyes and nudged him with my foot.  “Wake up dork.”

He groaned and rolled to his other side, showing his back to me. “5 more minutes.” 

“You’re on the floor.” He hummed in response, snuggling into the blanket. I sighed and stood up, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him onto the bed. He giggled and latched onto me, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Are you 5 years old?”

“Mhm.” He put his head on my shoulder, his hair tickling my neck slightly.

“Are you okay? You’re not hungover, are you? I don’t want your sisters to kill me.” I mumbled, keeping an eye on him just to be sure. 

“Nah, I’m fine. I know my limits.” He grinned. “Just tired.”

I scoffed. “You were literally trying to get drunk.”

“Well, no. I just…” He trailed off and retracted his arm to rest it in his lap. He looked down and played with his fingers, checking his nails as if they were more interesting than this conversation. He obviously wouldn’t share his troubles with me this time so I decided to leave it alone. I walked to my closet and pulled out a clean shirt and sweatpants. I threw them at Jimi, hitting him straight in the head. He dramatically fell back on the bed, a soft laugh escaping from him. “I’m dead.”

“Get your cute butt off the bed and go take a shower. You smell like an old geezer with a drinking problem.” I joked and I was successful at making him giggle.

“So you think I have a cute butt?” He pulled the clothes off over his head, a slight smirk present on his face. 

“Seriously, that's the only thing that you registered?” I huffed, fake annoyed. I didn’t mean it like that but yeah, he had a cute butt. Though I wouldn’t say that out loud even if my life depended on it. He grinned and stood up, his anxious mood all in the past now.

“Well, duh. I only hear what I want to hear.” He played along and headed towards the bathroom. “So I hope you make pancakes while I’m in the shower.”

“You’re lucky you’re my best friend.” I responded while picking out clothes for myself. He was lucky I was fond of him. I was unlucky to have fallen for him.

“I know.” He winked and closed the door behind him. A few seconds later I heard the sound of running water.

“Anything to make you happy.” I said aloud to no one. “Even if it’s at my expense.”

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 5: Trombone

「 ✦ Jimi ✦ 」

» [Remember When] «

» [Wallows] «

1:44 ────〇── 2:35

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

“This too.” I pointed to yet another packet of candy. Ethan rolled his eyes but passed it to me nonetheless. I happily took it from him as Ethan pushed the cart. We got a few judging glances but neither of us cared.

“How much money did you bring?” He asked when I reached to pick a pack of chips off the shelf. 

“Enough.” I simply shrugged and repositioned myself to get more comfortable. My butt was starting to get numb and it was a bit uncomfortable for my legs. Tonight was a movie night at my place, my parents were out and so was Anna, Evelyn being the amazing big sister she is, she agreed to let Ethan stay the night. So I obviously brought a lot of money with me to get snacks. Don’t get me wrong, he often came over, but being a 5 person household, you could imagine all the noise and lack of privacy. It was much better when we were alone.

“How long are you planning to stay inside the shopping cart? You’re heavy.” He complained behind me. I was sitting in the cart, enjoying being pushed around by Ethan. My legs were hanging out of the front while my head rested against the handle. The snacks were placed on my stomach since there was no other space for them. 

“Are you calling me fat?” I asked playfully as I tilted my head back to be able to look Ethan in the eyes. He glanced down at me.

“Yeah.” He responded in a heartbeat, making me gasp.

“You jerk. I’m leaving.” I joked and tried to get out of the cart. Climbing inside was a lot easier than getting out. I pouted and held out my arms for him to pick me up like I was a toddler. “Help me.”

He raised an eyebrow in amusement and his lips curled into a smirk. Oh no. Instead of helping me climb out, he pushed the cart away with all his strength. I couldn’t help but chuckle as the ‘vehicle’ I was in sped up, rolling till the end of the aisle. I took a glimpse of a security guard marching towards me and I swiftly grabbed onto the shelf to reverse and hide my form from him. Ethan jogged over with a small smile, his eyes glinting with mischief.

“Quick! Someone called security!” I laughed and he hooked his arms under my armpits to free me. He lowered me to the floor and we stumbled as one of my feet knocked onto the cart. It fell over, pulling us with it. Ethan let out a groan as I landed on top of him, the junk food scattering around us. I flashed a huge smile at him, finding the whole situation incredibly hilarious. I clumsily sat up and raised my bum off of him, sliding to the cold tiled ground instead. A few snickers slipped from my lips, Ethan’s face was adorned with a smile, his dimples visible. Oh how much I adored whenever I could see them. Ethan was usually so emotionless it was hard to tell his mood. But whenever his dimples appeared, his whole face softened. I wished he smiled like that more. A sudden cough broke the bubble that surrounded us at that moment. We simultaneously turned our heads to the sound, the security guard looked down at us with crossed arms. Ethan scurried to his feet and gathered the snacks from the floor. I sheepishly stared at the man who was most likely debating on whether or not to kick us out. He didn’t witness the incident so I was rooting for him to let us go with a warning. It turned out my pleas were heard by whatever was up there because he told us to hurry up and pay for our stuff. At least we could purchase the items. A movie night was much more exciting with stuffing our faces!

We left the store with two bags of junk food and soda. Ethan nudged my shoulder due to the constant laugh that I couldn’t hold back. He might give the impression of a serious person – don’t get me wrong, he was most of the time – but he could be easily pulled along with slight convincing. He was the type who reasoned why an idea was horrendous but would participate in it either way. 

“That was so dumb.” He sighed and opened the trunk of his car, putting the shopping bags inside. 

“Oh come on, it was fun.” I opened the door to the passenger side and hopped in. Even though I was 16, I still didn’t have a driver’s license. Ethan drove me pretty much anywhere and everywhere he could, so I honestly didn’t find the need to get one myself. I didn’t even have to ask, he would offer it whenever we had plans. Sometimes he would drive me to the city when I had an appointment and my parents couldn’t give me a lift. He was such a great best friend!

“You’re such a child.” He muttered next to me as the car’s lights came to life. 

“I am a child.” I retorted. He rolled his eyes and started driving towards my home. 

“I feel like I’m your babysitter instead of your best friend.” 

“Nah, you don’t get paid.” I murmured with amusement.

“I wish.” We continued to bicker back and forth until he pulled up in front of my humble abode. I helped him with one of the bags as we entered the house. Suzy happily jumped around Ethan, her tail wagging rapidly. Ethan petted her with his free hand, smiling softly until Suzy licked his hand over and over again. His face scrunched up from disgust while I crackled like a dying seal. Evelyn emerged with a leash in her hand, her expression gentle as she took in the sight of us. 

“If it isn’t my cute little brother.” She grinned and ruffled Ethan’s hair. I quickly cleared my throat.

“Your cute little brother is here.” I raised my hand, faking my annoyance. She ignored me and attached the leash to Suzy’s collar.

“Hey Ev. It’s been a while.” Ethan curtly greeted her, wiping his hand on his jeans once Suzy’s attention was averted from him.

“Still wearing only black, huh?” She scanned Ethan from head to toe, the corner of her lips twitching into a small smile. “Aren’t you too old to be emo?”

“I’m not emo.” He grumbled but I could tell he wasn’t offended. Evelyn laughed as he brushed his fringe out of his face.

“Then let me cut your hair. It’s way too long for a non-emo person.” She tied her shoelaces and put on a jacket. Ethan nodded towards her and she left to take our lovely dog out for a walk. I linked my arm with his and we dumped the snacks onto the coffee table in the living room. I happily hurried off to fetch some blankets and fluffy pillows, it was February after all. I came back with a pile so large I couldn’t see in front of me and I heard Ethan snort. I dramatically jumped onto the couch, bouncing off of the cushions. I turned to Ethan and patted the structure of pillows and plushies.

 

» [Dark Places] «

» [Talk in waves] «

0:45 ─〇───── 3:44

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

“Come to think of it, it’s already February. What do you want for your birthday?” The question slipped from me while I browsed the movie selection. His 18th birthday was coming up and I wasn’t sure what to buy for him. A book? Earphones? Clothes? The variety was too much so I had to have a better idea. Something special dedicated only to him.

“You don’t have to give me anything.” Ah, the same answer as every year. Typical. I frowned and laid my head on his lap. His right arm wrapped around my stomach to keep me from falling off. My fingers played with his black locks as he stared down at me.

“Your hair really is long. Doesn’t it bother you when it’s in your eyes?”

“Not really. I can just brush it away.” I giggled at his nonchalant response. 

“You’re so lazy. And emo. Maybe I’ll get your present from Hot Topic.” 

“Don’t waste your money on me.” He pinched my cheek.

“It’s not a waste if it’s for you.” I stated sincerely, looking into his pretty brown eyes. They had such a welcoming shade, especially when he was totally relaxed. We gazed at each other for a few seconds before something dawned on me. “Wait, you washed your hands, right?”

He smirked and caressed my cheek. I was about to scold him when the smell of soap reached my nostrils and I shot him an amused smile. “Really Ethan?”

“Why were you scared in the first place? Suzy licks your face all the time.” He chuckled and pulled his hand away, the warmth slowly disappearing from my skin. For some reason I was disappointed but I shrugged it off. It must have been because of his warmth. It was chilly after all.

“True, but I don’t want her saliva to get into my mouth. That’s a little too much even for me.” I shuddered uncomfortably.

“You had no problems using my toothbrush last time you slept over at my place.” He remarked. Well, that indeed happened, unintentionally, might I add.

“It was an accident!” I pouted, recalling how I picked up his toothbrush instead of mine. When Ethan joined me in the bathroom to brush his teeth as well, he couldn’t find his. His eyes landed on the one that was poking out from my mouth and he scolded me for at least five minutes.

“You kept using it even after I pointed it out!” He poked my forehead.

“Since it was already in my mouth, I might as well just finish the job!” I tried to reason much to his dismay. My voice was laced with mischief as I continued. “Plus it was yours, I don’t mind sharing.”

“Ew, no.” He let go of me and my body oh so gracefully landed on the wooden floor. I grunted in pain and rubbed the top of my head as I sat up.

“What was that for?” I whined. “I was just joking. Partially.”

“I’m not sharing anything with you.” He nudged me with his foot.

“Not even a girlfriend?” I winked at him. Why did I say that when I wasn’t even attracted to females? I didn’t know, probably to lighten up the mood. Maybe to hide that from Ethan. Yeah, that was it. Him thinking I was weird would be more painful than a stab wound. After that kiss at that party, my hope for a normal life was gone. I hadn’t kissed any males but the lack of interest in them was a clear indicator I would feel the same way towards them as well. I would keep this secret to myself as long as I could. Since Ethan was single as well, it wasn’t that obvious… Now that I was thinking about that, I couldn’t hold back from asking about it. “Or a boyfriend?”

I felt the air stiffen and I suddenly realised I shouldn’t have said that. It was supposed to be some light hearted teasing with him rolling his eyes while I was laughing from the stupid shit that poured from my mouth. I went too far, that was obvious. He was visibly uncomfortable as he stared at the TV. 

“I didn’t mean it like that!” I must have been an idiot. I had no idea why I would even say something like that. I mentally slapped myself. I had a hunch he liked males and I was totally comfortable with that, I honestly didn’t care who was into who. The subtle signs of his eyes lingering on guys, his lack of interest in girls, it just made sense in my mind. Even if I knew all that, it wasn’t my place to joke around with that. I should have waited for him to tell me himself. I didn’t want to force it out of him.

God damn your stupid blabbering mouth Jimi.

To my surprise he laughed. He must have found my panicked state amusing. “Sure, we can share a boyfriend, you weirdo.”

I let out a sigh of relief, my lips curling into a smile and soon I was laughing along with him. He didn’t directly say it out loud, but he was teasing with it. The back of my mind was urging me to release my own sexuality, to make a joke with it that was laced with the truth, but I couldn’t. I boxed it into the back of my thoughts, securing it behind locked doors. I was still having a fight with myself, a continuous battle to sort out my feelings. I wished I knew what I was like Ethan so I could tell him, put my mind at ease. But I didn’t and wasn’t able to. I jumped down next to him on the couch and opened up a packet of spicy chips. 

“Come on, the movies won’t watch themselves.” I smiled and hit play on the remote, settling for action. If I couldn’t figure my sexuality out, I could just ignore it for now. Or until everyone around me had someone to cherish, leaving me depressed and alone.

As long as it’s not Ethan, I’m fine.

If I didn’t have him next to me, I would surely crumble. He would spend more time with his boyfriend than with me if he had one, right? That was how it worked. Even if I was selfish, I wanted to bathe in his absolute attention and affection a bit more. Just until I learned how to let go.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 6: Cobalt Blue

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [Sofia] «

» [Clairo] «

0:50 ──〇──── 3:08

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

It was certainly a surprise. I didn’t expect Jimi to catch onto my sexuality. He knew and still hung out with me, so honestly, it was better this way. If he didn’t care, neither did I. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. No one’s opinion mattered but Jimi’s, and he accepted it. I wanted to ask him what he meant by sharing a boyfriend but I didn’t fancy the idea of pausing the movie just for that. Plus he seemed at ease now. He fancied sharing either sex so was he partially homosexual? It must have been a joke, or perhaps a subtle sign of bisexuality and other sexualities that involved both females and males.

Does that mean I have a chance?

My heart skipped a beat at that thought. How nice it would be. Jimi had so much love to give to the world, would I actually be able to receive some of it? But what if he wasn’t joking and he wanted to date multiple people? Would I be able to handle that without being jealous? Would there actually be another person who would agree to a relationship like that? Logically speaking, there would be two possible scenarios. One, Jimi would be dating two people at the same time, and two, we would all date each other. The first case left a foul taste in my mouth. I wanted to be in a serious and secure relationship without feeling neglected or played with. The second situation was harder to imagine. Could someone fall for multiple people at the same time? It sounded more like a fetish or someone’s wet dream. If you needed two partners at the same time, didn’t that mean they filled in the trait the other person lacked?

It certainly came with benefits. If one of them was busy, you could call up the other person. If you had a bad day, there would be multiple people to cheer you up and comfort you. Cuddling sounded way better with more bodies to hold onto. Would a relationship like that be on the same level as a conventional one? I didn’t care about social norms and the possible judgement of the people who learned about it, but would all parties in that relationship be truly happy and satisfied with it? More people came with more troubles, with the need of more attention to please all parties involved.

Having another boyfriend who wasn’t Jimi… Could I even like two people at the same time? Am I seriously writing an essay about this in my mind?

I glanced at Jimi from the corner of my eye, he had a gentle expression on while being focused on the film playing on the TV. A soft smile adorned his face and he was stuffing himself with chips and gummy bears. At the same time…

Is this really the guy I like?

“You’re disgusting.” I crunched up my nose. He turned to me with a goofy smile and started chewing loudly to annoy me even more. I raised an eyebrow in a threatening manner. “Stop that or I’ll make you stop myself.” 

He chuckled and scooted as far away as he could. “Nuh-uh.”

I smirked and leaned close to him, trapping him. I whispered into his ear with a low voice. “I think you know what’s about to happen.”

Before he could jump off of the couch, my fingers slipped under his shirt, grazing his soft skin with my fingertips. His stomach wasn’t flat but I found that cute. I adored when he ate, especially my cooking. However, only when it was normal food and not some unusual combination like fries with chocolate sauce. A faint red hue coated his cheeks and he opened his mouth. Instead of words, his laughter filled the house as I started to tickle him. He writhed and tossed his head against the arm rest, trying to free himself with his arms and legs. 

“Stoh-op!” He laughed out as tears were forming in his eyes. I decided to have mercy on him and ceased my movements, sitting back normally like nothing happened. He took deep breaths and composed himself, grabbing a can of coke and popping it open to take a few sips from it. I grinned and he rolled his eyes playfully. He snuggled up into my side, resting his head on my shoulder with a cat plushie in his arms. I bought him that soft toy on his 16th birthday. It didn’t cost a lot but I couldn’t afford to purchase anything fancy so it warmed my heart that he treasured it. It was fluffy and nice to the touch, though it would be better if it was a larger size. About 10 minutes later, Evelyn returned with Suzy. The Golden Retriever happily ran towards us, laying down at our legs. 

“Do you want that haircut then Ethan?” Jimi’s sister asked after joining us in the living room. To be honest, it was very comfortable being squished on the couch and I didn’t want to move an inch. Before I could answer Jimi spoke up.

“Please do. His fringe is awful.” He giggled on my shoulder and I pushed his head off of me with a scoff. 

“It’s not that bad.” I whined.

“It’s very emo indeed.” Jimi nudged my arm. Evelyn laughed and walked off to fetch the scissors and a towel. I entered the bathroom and turned on the tap to wet my dark locks. Evelyn stood behind me, her height a few inches shorter than mine. She was training to be a hairstylist so I didn’t have to worry about her messing up my hair. Jimi leaned against the doorway and watched his sister do her magic on me. It took maybe 10 minutes to be done and I checked myself out in the mirror.

“Oh~ So handsome now that your face is actually visible.” Jimi snickered and I flipped him off to hide my embarrassment. Evelyn agreed and patted my shoulder, leaving us alone to take a shower and sleep early today since she had classes early in the morning. Jimi and I settled back on the couch, finishing another movie before we retreated into his bedroom. He flopped down on his bed like a fish, not even changing out of his jeans and hoodie.

“I’m borrowing your shower.” I pulled out a simple shirt and shorts that I had previously left here. Jimi nodded and scrolled on his phone. I was hoping he wouldn’t be out by the time I returned because he fell asleep in the strangest positions and I would probably have to sleep on the floor.

The shower helped ease my thoughts that were rounding in my head like a carousel. I had nothing to be anxious about, all I had to do was enjoy my time with Jimi like usual. I was probably worrying about nothing. Jimi was just joking. I had to believe that until he said anything else. We were close enough that he would gush about a crush if he had one, like how much he ran his mouth whenever he was detailing his art projects to me. He was amazing when it came to drawing and sketching, painting however, was his flaw.

 

» [This Side of Paradise] «

» [Coyote Theory] «

2:24 ────〇── 4:02

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

So when my 18th birthday rolled around, I was shocked that he gave me a painting. I never cared about my birthday much, I preferred to spend it as if it was a normal day because to me, it was. My mother normally didn’t go to work that day and we would eat together. That was the only special moment about my day. And of course, Jimi would always come over with that huge smile of his, being as overjoyed as if it was his birthday. My mom was cooking lunch in the kitchen while I was listening to Jimi ramble about his art assignment before he shoved it into my hands.

“So we could only use one color…” He babbled and gestured with his hands. “And then I suddenly remembered I had to buy you something and the next thing I know, bamm! My hands moved on their own and this happened!”

He pointed to the shades of blues splattered around on the paper that I was holding. Well, it certainly required imagination for it to resemble anything in particular. There were odd darker hues sprinkled on top of lighter shades with aimless lines. I had no idea what was in front of my eyes. I would treasure it nonetheless since it was made by Jimi with me on his mind. Of course I loved it. It belonged to me and solely to me.

“Thanks Jimi, I’ll tape it to my wall.” I put it down on the small coffee table in my living room. “Did you pass the assignment?”

“Yeah! I got an A!” He grinned, proud of himself. I didn’t want to ruin the mood by telling him his grade was a surprise to me. He was talented, I was simply too dumb to appreciate art. While I half-assed my projects in an hour, Jimi devoted days to it. I didn’t even have to question his choices on college majors, it was obviously going to be something artsy. 

“Nice.” I patted his hair and he nuzzled into my hand like a puppy. He abruptly pulled away a few seconds later.

“Oh wait, that wasn’t even your real present. Close your eyes. No peeking.” He ordered and I complied with a sigh. My enthusiasm level visibly varied from his. I heard him shuffling slightly before something was placed in my hands. I could feel the material of a medium sized gift bag. “You can look now.”

My eyelids fluttered open, immediately catching the sight of black clothing inside. Jimi was observing me carefully as I unfolded the dark jogger cargo pants. There were two large strap pockets on each side and it had an elastic band. I was pleased that it wasn’t something over the top with skull prints and huge rips. 

I checked the tag and scoffed, though I wasn’t irritated by it. “Really? From Hot Topic?”

He giggled. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

I nodded and stood up to change into it. It didn’t miss my attention how Jimi jerked his head away from my form. It puzzled me since he normally wouldn’t bat an eye. At that moment my mom walked into the living room.

“Food is ready boys.” She sweetly called out before she noticed my new trousers. She smiled, her tone was slightly teasing. “Is that your present? It suits you. You should try to wear more colors sometimes.”

Jimi’s gaze was on me again and his face lit up. “Ooh! I knew it would look good on you!”

His cheerful attitude was back once again. Good. We sat down at the table and Jimi and my mom were chatting about random topics I was only partially listening to. “Did you submit your application for college yet, darling?”

“Not yet, but I already decided what to write in which place.” I responded while cutting into my chicken. Jimi’s head turned to me with a restless expression.

“You’re not going far away, right?” He chewed on his bottom lip anxiously.

“Nah, I’m not moving from here so I’ll apply to the one in the city. It’s only a 45 minute drive.” He smiled from relief and the fact that he was worried about that warmed my heart. How could he not see every little action of his made me fall for him even more? My mind wandered back to our conversation a few weeks ago. I didn’t want to share him. I wanted him to be mine. Because if he looked at anyone else with these eyes, I would die inside.

After I was done with submitting the college application, I started hunting for jobs as well. Tuition was expensive as shit but thankfully I managed to acquire a few recommendation letters from my teachers. I chose to pursue biology. I always found it fascinating. It was a difficult subject but I was motivated enough to give it a chance. And as the days passed, the more clingy Jimi became.

“Noo.” Jimi whined, his arm latched onto mine. “I don’t want to suffer a year of high school without you.”

I sighed as he clung to me like a koala. “I was always a grade above you. It won’t be that different.”

“Yeah but…” He sulked. “What if you find someone else to be your best friend?”

“I won’t. You’ll always be my best friend.” I chuckled. That seemed to reassure him, although something else seemed to plague his thoughts. I observed him as he laid down on my bed, staring up at my ceiling. His shirt slightly rode up, showcasing his light skinned sides. I decided to try my luck. “Something on your mind?”

He hesitated but eventually caved in. “Have you ever wanted to kiss a girl?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “No, because I’m gay.”

“But you wanted to kiss boys?” He glanced at me for a second, tapping his fingertips against his chest.

“Yeah…” I trailed off because truthfully, I only wondered what it would be like to kiss Jimi. Although I would be lying if I said I didn’t find other males attractive.

“To me, kissing girls and kissing guys are the same.” He exhaled slowly. I wasn’t sure why this was such a big deal. I also sucked at comforting others so this would be interesting.

“That’s cool.” Was all that I managed to utter out.

Nice, dumbass. I’m sure that’s the reaction he longed to receive after finally opening up.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 7: Lemon Chiffon

「 ✦ Jimi ✦ 」

» [Scary Love] «

» [The Neighbourhood] «

0:41 ─〇───── 3:42

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I didn’t know how to explain it properly so I left it at that with Ethan. He now considered me a bisexual person. I wanted to correct him, to tell him he misunderstood, but I was too much of a coward. So here I was again, alone in my room at 2 AM, reading different forum posts. After hours of internet surfing, I came to the conclusion that I was asexual. It didn’t surprise me, I had heard about it before. Delving deeper into the topic, I had a better understanding of who I was. While I was relieved that other people felt the same way as I did, the negative comments about this dampened my mood. Most users held the belief that it was impossible to have a fully functioning relationship with someone like that. With someone like me. 

So what if there was a third person?

It must have been bizarre that this thought even crossed my mind. A lot of asexual people had healthy relationships without their partner cheating. I wasn’t sure why I was worried about something like that. Sharing Ethan with someone else somehow didn’t gross me out. Ethan did agree that we could date the same person when I joked about it. Maybe he was serious. Could there be truly someone who could handle me and Ethan at the same time? Our personalities were way too different.

Ethan would have someone who can satisfy him in a way that I probably couldn’t. But then what would be the point of me being a part of it? They would just leave me behind.

Shoving those nagging voices aside, I focused on listening to my heart. It wouldn’t let me down, I was sure of that. Was I interested in polyamory? Yes, if they loved me with the same intensity as I loved them. If Ethan was… Wait. Why did I automatically assume Ethan would even want to date me? He said he would share a boyfriend, not that all the parties would date each other. I had to sleep some days to think it over and set some boundaries in my mind. Then I could simply ask Ethan for his opinion.

Yeah, everything will be okay if I listen to my heart.

That was the most naive thought I ever had. Nothing was fine, and I was mentally panicking. Everything I had previously thought was now in shambles. Ethan started college and worked as a cashier part-time. Since he was busy, it was rare for us to be able to hang out normally. We mainly studied in the same room without talking but that didn’t bother me because he was at least there with me. So the situation I found myself in was the following: Ethan excused himself to take a shower. Nothing special, right? Wrong! When he finished, he walked out with only shorts on since the weather was warm. My asexual butt should have had no problem with that, I should have been able to ignore the water droplets running down his smooth skin and how his faint muscles flexed as he moved. But for reasons unknown to me, when I saw his exposed chest, I involuntarily gulped as I felt my face burning. Since when did he work out? My whole body felt warm and I had to avert my eyes from him.

What’s going on?

I was more confused than I had ever been. This issue reached such complex heights that I wished a hole would form out of nowhere and swallow me whole. I thought I was asexual, and yet it seemed like I was mistaken. I had the urge to pull him closer, until our bodies would touch. To leave soft kisses on his neck while my fingers caressed his back. This was bad.

A few months ago, I noticed I couldn’t look at him properly. A sudden shyness out of nowhere caused me to be more conscious of his presence. Every touch and gesture made my heart flutter. It was a pleasant feeling, one that I chalked up to neediness over my best friend’s tenderness. I wondered if he realised that I deliberately sat closer to him to be able to feel him. It comforted me, though it never went beyond innocent affection. So what changed now? These new sensations that circulated inside me were unique. They filled me with a warmth that spread through my whole body. From my fingertips to down there. I never found physical touch to be troubling but this was something else entirely. Perhaps it was a sudden curiosity? Just because I wasn’t interested in sex, it didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it, right?

“Are you studying for your SAT test?” Ethan’s question brought me back to reality. Shit, I totally zoned out.

“Yeah. It’s next week.” I groaned. I couldn’t afford to get lost in my thoughts, my future was on the line.

“Don’t worry too much. You’re rooting for Art, right?” He sat down next to me on the bed. Thank God he brought up that topic because I could put my mind at ease whenever art was mentioned. I debated whether I liked talking about that or about Ethan more. My sisters would know the answer for sure, Anna teased me about it whenever she could. Even if I had loads of friends, my dearest was Ethan.

“Mhm. So not only do I have to write countless essays and study for tests, I also have to hand in all kinds of visual projects. Fortunately, I spent the whole summer drawing whenever I had the time.” I explained, half of my body hanging off of the bed while I gestured with my hands as if it would help Ethan understand my frustration better. I listed each of my works in great detail, my voice filled with fervor as I recounted what mistakes I had to fix until I was satisfied with the outcomes. He nodded along, his amber eyes twinkling as he hung onto every word that left my mouth as if I was preaching about the Bible to a believer. Did he always look at me like that? My heart skipped multiple beats while I vomited words all over the place, praying I was coherent and wouldn’t be caught about to have a panic attack.

“Then I searched for polyamory for reference…” I heard my own voice and as my mind registered what I just said, my eyes widened. I flailed my arms around and sat up so quickly my butt fell off the edge and onto the soft grey carpet Ethan had in his room. At least it somewhat cushioned my fall while I made a complete idiot out of myself. Ethan covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing – it didn’t work – and offered me a hand to help me off of the floor. I sighed softly as our fingers touched. “Not polyamory, I meant to say polygon.”

“Your mind is all over the place, huh?” He booped my nose. “Make sure you get enough rest before you start writing your tests.”

 

» [Stargaze] «

» [Sophia Frame] «

1:46 ───〇─── 3:06

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

I smiled. He wasn’t grossed out. I didn’t even search up polyamory so I didn’t know why I would say that. I simply planned to do a research about it once I was free of the torture called school. It was fine. Everything was okay. I could be myself around Ethan and he wouldn’t judge. Whenever he was mean I knew it was just teasing and joking around. I needed him as much as he needed me.

“You mean a lot to me Ethan.” I whispered while his fingers were tangled in my hair before he gently lowered them to my cheek and then to my jawline.

“I feel the same way about you.” He reassured me while caressing my skin. My stomach was filled with butterflies as our noses touched, sharing an Inuit kiss in the safety of his bedroom. As we gazed into each other’s eyes, unsaid promises surrounded us. I trusted Ethan, more so than myself. And I knew at that moment that I had nothing to worry about.

“Wait for me until I figure myself out.” I muttered, placing my hand on top of his.

“I’d wait until the end of the world for you.” We shared our first real kiss that night, it was gentle and innocent, proving to one another that we would take that special step one day. We would be part of each other’s lives for however long this could last. We didn’t label our relationship, we were ourselves and acted on whatever we felt was right. When we pulled away from the kiss, he was so beautiful I couldn’t tear my sight away from him. His dimples were visible as he smiled, his cheeks were the same color as cherries. His pearly whites were exposed slightly and his eyes held such a soft gaze I believed I was the only person in the world. His whole stature reminded me of a perfect little sapphire, shining so bright it would put diamonds and stars to shame. I had so much to say but I wasn’t a poet. My words would never be enough to completely express what I felt in that moment. Suddenly I was aware that whatever the future held, everything would be fine in the end because Ethan was by my side.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🌞୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

I got accepted into the college I was rooting for. My family was thrilled that I could pursue what I wanted. It was the same institution as Ethan’s, but his department was farther away than the art building. I was almost 18, about to start a new chapter in my life. My relationship with Ethan didn’t alter much. We never went beyond kissing and light touching. We weren’t exactly dating, we were more than friends but not quite lovers yet. One of the reasons for this was how busy Ethan was generally. He spent more time in the city than at home. Thankfully that would change once I started college at the end of August since we would be closer. I missed when we could hang out more.

Currently, I had my arms wrapped around Ethan’s neck, his hands were hooked under my knees as he was giving me a piggyback ride. I breathed in the smell of his shampoo as he walked, pressing myself as close to him as I could. 

“Anna finishes her studies in June and said her apartment will be out for rent. She still has the number of the landlord.” I muttered as I laid my head on his shoulder.

“So..?”

“So what I’m saying is, if you wanted to, we could move to the city together. It’s a three person apartment. We could find a roommate and share a living space.” I elaborated. “We should think it over before the opportunity is gone. It’s already May. Plus it must be tiring to drive back and forth every day.”

“It is, but I can’t just leave my mom alone.” He sighed and repositioned me on his back. 

“Didn’t you say she’s been seeing someone lately?” I pondered. “Plus she’s less busy now that you earn a salary. You’ve been truly helping her out.” 

His mother had been way healthier these past months. She had been visibly spending more time on herself than before and I couldn’t recall her ever being prettier than she was now. Her eye bags were gone and her skin was glowing. She even started dating again, which must have been difficult for a single mother with a teenage son. Ethan met the man once or twice and was dubious at first, but he managed to warm up to him more as he found out the man had no ill intentions. 

“I’m happy for her but I don’t want her to be lonely. Their relationship is not on that level yet. I don’t want her to be all alone in that house.”

“Then just ask her. I don’t think she likes the fact that you have to spend that much money on gas.” I pointed out. I didn’t like to pressure people but I was worried about his mental state. He was always prone to get depressed easily and shut himself off from others. As his future boyfriend, it was my responsibility to keep an eye on him. “Would you want to be flatmates with me though? You don’t have to say yes if you don’t.”

“I do want to.” He sulked and that earned a laugh from me. He was cute. Even when he was dressed in black from head to toe, with his tattoos visible on his forearms that I helped choose, and even with his expressionless face. He was cute and he was mine. A part of him was mine at least. I kissed his cheek as he walked with me on his back.

“I wonder how we’ll find a roommate.” I hummed. “Do you want male or female?”

“Male, it would be uncomfortable to live with a girl.” Ethan responded and an amused smirk crossed my face.

“Because you’re gay?” I teased him and chuckled as he playfully glared at me. “I was just kidding. Unless..?”

“Jimi, for the love of God, shut up before I ‘accidentally’ drop you.” 

“Don’t be grumpy. Maybe we could find our other boyfriend that way.” I mused. It was a recurring joke between us to date another person and form a trio. It was a fantasy, rather than an actual goal, but who knew what fate would say? Jokes often included some part of the truth after all.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 8: Persian Plum

 

「 ✦ ??? ✦ 」

» [Sex, Drugs, Etc.] «

» [Beach Weather] «

1:24 ──〇──── 3:16

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I brushed my brown locks out of my face with my fingers, aiming for the perfect hairstyle. I applied a small amount of wax, just enough to keep it where I wanted it to be without my hair being too dry. I checked all angles and stepped away from my handsome reflection once I was satisfied with the result. Not a strand was out of place. My outfit was chosen carefully to suit her taste. What was her name again? I couldn’t recall it but it didn’t matter. She would totally dig this look. A dark red button up shirt and black jeans with a belt. Simple, but that's what she liked. Slightly boring, but manageable. A bit classy, but not too elegant. I sprayed some cologne on me before grabbing my phone and wallet, and I exited my room. My mother was resting on the couch, flipping through a magazine for older women. She looked up at me with an empty expression, already knowing what I was going to ask next.

“Where’s the shitbag?” I grumbled out while rolling up the sleeves of my shirt to my elbows. 

“Louis! Watch your tongue!” She scolded me. I scoffed as I slipped my shoes on. I never understood why she defended him every time. My dad was clearly out, cheating on my mom with all sorts of women and yet she acted oblivious. I knew it, and I knew that she also fucking knew. She just pretended not to. Mainly to save her failing marriage that was already sentenced to death before it even began. She sighed and placed the magazine down on the coffee table, her tone softening. “Where are you going?”

“On a date.” I replied dryly. I loved my mother but acting like everything was picture perfect every day took a toll on me. I held a grudge against her since she never did anything to stop my father, and let herself be broken to pieces by his actions. That pig had a wealthy bank account, though half of it was spent on other women. He was a lawyer, handling divorce cases here and there. Hopefully he at least waited for the papers to be approved before fucking the divorced ladies. I was disgusted to share a household with him, let alone genes. My older brother was lucky, he moved in with his girlfriend as soon as he could. I wasn’t sure if their relationship was strong enough to live together, but I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to be out of here as well.

If settling down could cause this much pain, so much suffering for not just the couple but the children as well, I would rather not settle down at all. Some regarded me as a playboy, I would prefer the term having fun before it was too serious. I always stated I didn’t desire anything serious. There were cases in which people said they could change my ways and ‘fix’ me. What a joke. The only issue I had that needed fixing was my temper. These girls who thought they would turn bad boys around had a big storm coming for them. They were in for the rush of it, so why did they even blame me for leaving them? We had our fun and that was it. I never forced anyone to do anything they weren’t comfortable with. If they undressed after the first date, was I really the person to be held accountable for? I always stated I wasn’t looking for anything serious, some of them thought I was playing hard to get. As if.

I shut the front door behind me, my mood already worse than I planned it to be. Seeing that jerk’s face would have been probably worse, I kept telling myself. I reached for my pockets to pull out my pack of Dunhill cigarettes, lighting up one while making my way towards the movie theater. There was a superhero movie I was hyped to watch. The girl I’d been seeing thankfully agreed to have our second date there. I already bought the tickets in advance, the line would be way too long and I wasn’t the biggest fan of standing in one for at least half an hour. We previously agreed to meet by the food court to purchase some popcorn and soda therefore once I arrived, I immediately headed there. I looked around but she wasn’t there yet so I waited while leaning against one of the pillars there. I checked my watch, and I still had 15 minutes until the start. I pulled out my phone but no notification was sent from her. I sighed and was about to write her a text when I noticed she had blocked me.

Great. I guess she’s not coming then.

Someone must have told her I was leading her on. I wasn’t actually interested in getting her to my bed, it was just a bonus. I told her I wasn’t interested in relationships, only in flings. Why did she change her mind suddenly? Oh well, I wouldn’t let her ruin my night. I came for the movie in the first place. Now I even had a spare ticket. My eyes roamed the crowd in the cinema, maybe I could be lucky tonight and find someone else. Most people already had company and I was obviously trying to settle for somebody who was around my age. Male or female, trans or genderfluid, it didn’t matter to me. Everyone had something to offer. Whether it was merely talking or touching, as long as I could enjoy myself it wasn’t an issue.

 

» [EGO] «

» [Pallas Haze] «

2:27 ────〇── 3:34

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

And that’s when my gaze landed on him. A cute blond boy with baggy clothing. But what got my attention wasn’t his body or his face, it was the excited glow that surrounded him. I knew from a glance that he was enthusiastic about the movie. He was standing alone, queued in front of the food court. Perfect. He seemed like someone I could have a great conversation with about actors and sequels. Now all I had to do was try my luck and root for him to agree to watch the same film as me. 

I dusted my clothes off and walked up to him, tapping him gently on the shoulder. He turned to look up at me, his freckled face was decorated with a smile. He was so approachable I got a little anxious, but managed to hide it behind confidence. I couldn’t shy away now. “Hi, sorry to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me at all. What’s up?” His voice was soft, just like I expected it to be.

“Uh, my date stood me up so now I have a spare ticket. I was wondering if you were fine with watching it with me.” I flashed him my friendliest smile I could muster.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” He frowned. “I wouldn’t mind watching it with you.”

My face lit up and I showed him the ticket, explaining which movie it was. His carefree attitude returned, he actually came for that film as well. I felt like I hit the jackpot. This couldn’t be more perfect!

“I’ll be back in a second, I have to tell Ethan!” He grinned and left me in the line. I blinked, stunned. 

Of course he had someone to accompany him. Oh well. Maybe I could befriend them. It’s been a while since I hung out with friends. I wouldn’t mind a chill night out.

The blondie came back a few minutes later, dragging another boy with him. And damn, that dark haired dude was totally my type. I thought I was already winning with the smaller male, this was just getting better and better. The corner of my lips twitched upwards on their own.

“Heh, I realised I never even introduced myself. I’m Jimi, this is Ethan.” The guy who I now knew as Jimi said, smiling up at me once again. The wannabe-emo wasn’t as pleased with my uninvited presence.

“Louis Leroy. Pleasure to meet you.” I extended my hand for a handshake. Jimi happily shook it and quickly walked up to the counter since it was our turn to buy snacks. Ethan was reluctant but did so nonetheless. He was slightly shorter than me, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared up at me. We silently stood next to each other while Jimi ordered three bowls of popcorn, two packs of gummy bears, and a tortilla with cheese sauce. So he was a foodie, that was cute. I shifted my eyes to examine Ethan from head to toe. Black converse, black jeans and a black band shirt. Pretty normal, but I couldn’t lie, his legs looked fine. I noticed he had tattoos as well, at least we had something in common. He seemed cold, but that made him even more desirable. I would melt down his defenses eventually.

Jimi passed me a bowl of popcorn and a can of coke and I thanked him. He was thrilled. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the movie or me, but either way, I was looking forward to it. Jimi loved to run his mouth, we barely even met and yet he treated me as if I was one of his closest mates. It felt nice. He was such a warm hearted person, probably too naive for his own good. That’s why Ethan was there, like a bodyguard, glaring at anyone who inched too close to the blond. Or maybe he just didn’t fancy me. Playing hard to get, I liked it.

“Sorry to ruin your date.” I chuckled as we sat down in the back row with Jimi in the middle. They shared a look before turning to me.

“It’s not a date, we are just hanging out.” Jimi said sweetly. He was pretty and he had a charm about him that pulled people in. He was quite an extrovert and friendly person.

“Oh, you’re not together then?” I asked surprised, eying Ethan’s arm that was lazily draped around Jimi’s shoulder.

“It’s complicated.” Jimi munched on his gummy bears, half of the packet was already gone and only the commercials were playing still. I should have been pleased, delighted even, and yet for some reason I was conflicted. I didn’t meddle with relationships, I would hate to be a homewrecker. Complicated relationships were worse, I didn’t want to get into the middle of it and make it more complex. What a shame, the blondie was a cutie and the black haired was a hottie. At least they lightened up my boring Saturday so I couldn’t complain.

I hummed in response and the lights dimmed as the movie started playing. My attention shifted to the screen and I leaned back against my seat. I loved going to the cinema, no matter how huge the TV was at home, the atmosphere was just different. Unless there were annoying kids or people talking loudly. Since we were in the last row I didn’t have to worry about getting food thrown at me, or someone kicking my chair. It had been a while since I went out with friends, or I should say strangers. Jimi made a few silly comments here and there about the actors or the plot, and I found myself laughing at some of his jokes rather than being irritated that he stole my attention. He had finished all his snacks by the time the movie was half way so he ‘discreetly’ stole some of Ethan’s popcorn. It was obvious the ravenet knew and was probably used to it by the fact that the bowl was almost in Jimi’s lap when I next glanced over at them. Honestly, they suited each other. Jimi was like the Sun and Ethan was like the Moon. Or maybe the darkness that surrounded the Sun.

It didn’t exactly surprise me when my hand reached into my bowl and instead of the popcorn, I touched skin. I raised an eyebrow as Jimi flashed me a big smile before stuffing his face with the popcorn he snatched from me. Well, he bought it so I didn’t mind. I put the bowl closer to him and he grinned, chewing the snack happily. I repositioned myself to a more comfortable position, my forearm was resting against Jimi’s on the armrest. I caught Ethan’s scowl before he turned his head to the screen, his fingers intertwined with Jimi’s on the other side. Was he jealous that I would steal his man? I certainly had the charisma to do so, but I had no intention to. Did Ethan have to know that? No. So I deliberately made sure to get on his nerves as much as I could. Getting him riled up excited me.

Ah, his blushing face would be such a sight for sore eyes. 

The credits rolled and we all stood up to stretch. Ethan collected the empty food containers we had and dumped the trash in a nearby bin as we exited the building through one of the back doors. Jimi was bouncing as he walked, chatting away about why he liked the movie and what could have been different. Usually when I had dates in the cinema, we would just meet up and watch something that we agreed upon then go our separate ways, unless they wanted to go somewhere private for some other type of fun. Hanging out with Jimi and Ethan somehow relaxed me in a way I couldn’t quite explain. I wouldn’t mind meeting up with them next time as well.

I could get used to this.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 9: Azure

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [Sunkissed] «

» [Clippy] «

1:00 ─〇───── 3:57

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

My exam period was almost over so I relished the little time I could spend with Jimi before he started college. I thought it would be a good idea to show him around the city and then watch a movie. I told him I would buy the tickets while he ordered the snacks, deducing that both lines would be long so it would save us time. There was only one person in front of me before it was my turn when Jimi suddenly came back and tugged my arm. He barely had two words in when the man next to me was done. I was about to purchase two tickets when Jimi spoke up.

“One ticket, please.” I was perplexed but paid for it nonetheless. He dragged me out of the line while explaining someone would be joining us. I couldn’t protest as he stopped next to a brunet dude. We eyed each other while Jimi ordered snacks. I had no desire to talk to him but that sly smile on his face was a sign he found pleasure in my miserable state. I could tell from one glance that he was a jerk. The movie was okay, only half of my mind was on it though. The other half was too busy keeping an eye on Louis and Jimi. They seemed to get along. Eugh. How could I not be grumpy? It was supposed to be just me and Jimi. My inner turmoil was broken when I felt Jimi interlace his fingers with mine. I needed that or I would have gone crazy. I squeezed his hand, exhaling softly. At least I had him in a way the other male didn’t.

Louis was really pissing me off. He and Jimi chatted as if they were best buddies since grade one. Was I jealous? Not exactly, Jimi was always a social butterfly and making acquaintances left and right. This guy, however, was a red flag in my book. He was standing too close to Jimi and that smirk on his face was disgusting. Louis was tall, fit, and handsome. It was obvious he cared a lot about his appearance because damn, heads turned as he walked next to us, looking so effortlessly sexy. He was alluring and it was annoying. What if Jimi got caught in his web of empty promises? A guy like Louis was bad news. Why would he want us when he could literally get anyone he wanted?

“I’m glad you had fun, Darling.” He murmured to Jimi and my jaw clenched. He winked at me and I felt bile piling in my stomach. He was way too flirty and handsy for my liking.

“I’m so happy we met! You’re such a nice guy!” Jimi cooed and my frustration must have been obvious because Louis wrapped an arm around both of our shoulders. I frowned as the scent of his aftershave and cologne invaded my nostrils. Of course this jerk smelled nice. The strong manly fragrance was exactly how I imagined he would smell. It was so annoying.

“I think we’ll have a lot of fun together, don’t you think so, Sugar?” He asked me, his gaze was so intense it sent shivers down my spine. His eyes were hazel colored, and yet they held such depths like an ocean. They were passionate like fire, ready to seduce anyone in their path. He was the type of guy who would eat up whoever gave him a slight flicker of attention.

“No.” I slipped out from under his arm. Thankfully, we were by the parking lot so I fished out my car key and unlocked my Toyota Corolla. It was an early model, but I trusted it with all my heart as it never let me down.

“Can I get your number?” Jimi asked with a smile and I sighed inwardly. Louis grinned as he pulled out his phone.

“Give me your Instagram and I’ll text it to you.” This guy knew how to push my buttons. I rubbed my temple while Jimi complied and they exchanged usernames. I hoped Louis wouldn’t try anything.

“Yay! Thanks. I’ll text you when I’m home.” They eventually said their goodbyes and I opened the passenger door for Jimi to get in. Louis waved at me but I ignored it and got behind the wheel. My social battery was too drained for me to be nice. My sour mood stamped from my fear of losing Jimi permanently. I didn’t care that we didn’t label our relationship, nor that today could have counted as a date, but that also meant someone could snatch him away from me. “Are you okay?”

Jimi’s sweet voice brought me back, I spaced out completely while driving. Jesus. Thankfully my mind registered the signs and I didn’t go over the speed limit. I blinked and cleared my throat. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know you Ethan, your anxiety is written all over your aura.” He placed his hand on my thigh and I took a swift glance at him before my gaze was back on the road. His touch reassured me and also… No, nevermind.

“I don’t like him.” I professed and he raised an eyebrow. 

“Why not? He’s kind and funny. It was easy to talk with him.” Of course Jimi had that impression, he could basically chat with anyone about anything. He could never understand the struggles of an introvert. 

“He was scheming something.” I grumbled, that thought alone was enough to make me grumpy. “How did you even meet him?”

“His date stood him up but he already bought the tickets…” Jimi patted my thigh gently, providing some sort of comfort. “So I offered him to join us.”

Jimi was always selfless, however, he was also all over the place. “Did you actually ask if he was fine with joining us, or did you just say yes to the ticket and then dragged me along?”

His sheepish grin was enough to answer my question, underlining my lingering doubts. “Jimi, he was clearly trying to pick you up.”

He giggled at my exasperated tone. He wasn’t worried at all, which annoyed me even more. “Oh come on, he was just being friendly.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you call your friends ‘darling’ while checking them out.” I retorted.

“He called you ‘sugar’ so I think he’s just affectionate.” I frowned. He did have a point there and I knew I was overthinking it but a nagging feeling was eating at the back of my mind. “I find that cute.”

I snorted. “Of course you do.”

He grew quiet for a moment before a grin formed on his face. “Don’t worry, you’re my little Raindrop.”

“That’s the best you could come up with?” I chuckled. I would be lying if I said it didn’t make my heart flutter. He pouted and crossed his arms, my leg missing the warmth of his hand. “I was just kidding, Sunshine.”

 

» [Are You Bored Yet?] «

» [Wallows, Clairo] «

1:28 ───〇─── 2:58

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

When I reached his house, I pulled him in for a kiss. I could never get tired of his lips on mine, each kiss felt like a drug I couldn’t live without. Jimi wasn’t comfortable with venturing further, and honestly, that assured me. I’d never done anything like that before and I didn’t want to mess up whatever we had. His fingers tangled in my hair as our tongues brushed against each other’s. He smiled as we parted and I returned it. His face seemed to glow in the setting sun, his eyes were shining with affection. He never failed to take my breath away. He was my little beam of light, I needed him or I would be totally lost. I cupped his cheeks, the urge to kiss each and every freckle on his body was overwhelming, but I settled with a soft peck on the bridge of his nose. I wanted to ask, no, I was dying to ask him to be my boyfriend. The mood seemed perfect with the sunset as the background and us partially hidden inside my car. But a sudden fear gripped me and my words got stuck inside my throat. If he rejected me, I didn’t think I could ever recover from it. I was important to him and that should have been enough. I couldn’t be too selfish, I would hate it if he chained himself to me so that he wouldn’t hurt me.

“My little Sunshine.” I caressed his cheek and he nuzzled into my touch.

“My little Raindrop.” We shared one more kiss before he hopped out and waved at me as he entered his house. I exhaled softly and made my way home. Another car was in the driveway so I knew Michael, my mother’s boyfriend was here as well. They were talking while sitting at the dining table and I greeted them while I walked past them.

“Are you not hungry, Sweetie?” My mom asked after me.

“No, you can eat without me.” I replied before shutting my bedroom door, I had to study for an exam on Wednesday. Trying to differentiate plants that I swore were the same was not the easiest task. Especially when you had to name them in Latin. It was as much fun as stepping on a piece of Lego. Jimi spamming my Ig with reels also disturbed my concentration. I muted my phone but the screen lit up with each notification so I turned it face down. That resulted in me checking it every so often to find he was still going strong. At least he had free time, good for him.

 

Me

Jesus Christ, can you stop?

You’ve been spamming me for at least an hour

Over a 100, really?

 

Dork

Hehe

It was only 98

I’ll quickly find 2 more!!

 

Me

You don’t have to

 

Dork

[sent a reel]

[sent a reel]

Huh! 100!

Phew!

 

Me

Seriously?

A bread that falls over?

That video is old school

 

He counted how many he sent, only Jimi would do that. I noticed that I still had some Instagram notifications so I exited my chat with Jimi to find that someone sent me a follow request. Huh. I checked the profile and frowned, quickly texting Jimi again.

 

Me

Did you give my user to that guy?

 

Dork

…maybe 😅

Are you angry?

He said he wanted to get to know us better 🥺

 

I facepalmed. I should have expected that they were already chatting. I clicked my tongue and debated whether to accept it or ignore it. The problem was that no matter how much I wanted to avoid him, Jimi would surely plan to hang out with him. There was no chance that I would let them spend time alone together. I groaned and accepted the request, there was no way I would follow him back though. He should be happy I even spared two seconds of my life for him.

 

Dork

Ethaaaaan

I’m sorry

Are you angry?

I swear he means well!

🥺

 

Me

I’m not.

 

Dork

Don’t lie!

You’re only using dots when i’m annoying you

 

Me

I’m not angry at you

I just don’t want to talk to him

If he makes a move on you, tell me immediately

 

Dork

So possessive

Lmao

 

Me

I’m not playing around Sunshine

I don’t want you to get hurt

 

Dork

Don’t worry!

I’m not into him

I only have eyes for you

 

Me

Tell me if that changes

Or if you get bored of me

 

Dork

I would never get bored of you

I want you to be part of my life for as long as i’m alive

So you’re stuck with me

Hehe 😇

 

Me

That’s a promise

 

I smiled, he felt the same way as I did. I was all over the Moon until my phone pinged and a groan left my lips. Louis.

 

Louis

Hi Sugar

R u busy?

 

Me

Don’t call me that.

 

Louis

Ur so sour

Like the blue raspbrry warheads

Quite addictive arent they

 

Me

Why are you texting me?

 

Louis

Lighten up buttercup

The q t said u r a college boy

And that u work in the city

We could meet up sometime

 

Me

No, thanks

I’m busy

Like always

 

Louis

Busy reading and daydreaming about Jimi?

 

This guy was awful. I didn’t understand why he was texting me in the first place, and now he wanted to meet up? What a joke. I would never spend more than a second with him without Jimi, and more than necessary time while Jimi was there. He was such a pest. I left him on read. I had a feeling he would find enjoyment in my dry responses and there was no way I would humor him. 

Jimi told me to ask my mom about the possibility of me moving out and becoming one of his roommates. It was certainly an exciting thought. On the one hand, I would see him more often. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. At least there would be a third person so it wouldn’t be that intimate. It was still a form of commitment nonetheless. Plus, since the chores would be split up, I’d cook most likely. But Jimi… What would he do? He was treated like a baby at home so he was basically a baby. It would be a challenge to find a roommate who would put up with Jimi’s uselessness.

Well, as long as it’s a nice person, I don't care who it is. But please, not someone like Louis. Anyone but him.

I sighed and glanced at the clock. Since it was past 10 PM, I decided not to bother my mom. I could ask her tomorrow and think it over a bit more. If she genuinely yearned for me to go, I would accept Jimi’s proposition. However, I would put her needs first. Always.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 10: Cherry

「 ✦ Louis ✦ 」

» [You Know Me Too Well] «

» [Nothing But Thieves] «

1:17 ──〇──── 3:53

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I waited till the car was out of sight before I started to walk home. I bet that girl thought I would be devastated that she didn’t show up. Jokes on her, my day turned out even better than it could have been with her. Jimi was a true sweetheart and Ethan was cold, but I wouldn’t mind putting some effort into it. I truly believed we could be friends, maybe even more if they were up for that before their relationship was serious. It had been a while since I last had a threesome. Okay, that probably wouldn’t happen but it was nice to fantasise about it.

When I opened the front door, I was greeted with my mother standing in the kitchen with her hair in an up-do. I could smell the sweet scent of her favorite perfume even in the doorway. She looked prettier than usual and wasn’t wearing her comfortable clothes but a nice blouse and a pencil skirt. Don’t get me wrong, she was absolutely stunning, but I immediately frowned. That could only mean my scumbag of a father was here. Fantastic, just what I needed to ruin my night.

“Hi Louis, how did your date go?” She asked happily and I held back my tongue to snap at her. I didn’t understand why she would try so hard, dolling herself up when that man didn’t give a shit about her.

“I got stood up.” I confessed. “But I made two new friends.”

“Oh. That’s good I suppose.” She replied, confusion evident in her voice. I loved her dearly so I wouldn’t ever lie to her when she asked me anything. I wished she treasured herself as much as she deserved. Her husband was cheating on her with basically every woman he could get his hands on. They were always a lot younger than my mom, so her self-esteem was around in the gutters. For her age, she was gorgeous. I couldn’t fathom what that piece of shit’s problem was with her. If he didn’t love her, why didn’t he get a divorce? I was 19, it wasn’t like they were still together because I was a kid.

“Son.” I heard his voice from the living room and I scowled.

“Father.” I greeted him back. Oh, how much I wished I could pretend he didn’t exist. The best case would be if he was gone and I would live a blissful life with my mom. That was a futile dream on my part, I had given up the hope of her ever leaving this pig. So instead of going to college, I started working. Tuition was expensive as hell and I didn’t have the appetite to use any of my dad’s money. I started saving up so I could move out as soon as possible like my older brother. Unlike him, I wouldn’t risk moving in with a lover. What if I ended up like my mom? I didn’t want to get stuck in a helpless situation, though she didn’t exactly need a savior. She could end it whenever she had enough, but I was dubious of that day ever arriving. Buying or renting out a flat alone was also pricey, but I had been saving up for more than a year now. Maybe if I left, my mother would realise there was something wrong with this household. Her being lonely was one of my worst fears but what else was I supposed to do? I was suffocating here. She brushed me off whenever I tried to bring up a topic like that. She declared everything was fine and continued to ignore the signs that were always painfully obvious. Did she think she couldn’t find love ever again? She was an amazing woman, she just didn’t know her own worth. She was loyal to the man who was cheating on her at least twice every week, keeping up the picture of the perfect housewife. How pitiful.

“Dress better when you leave the house. No wonder she stood you up.” He commented. I bit my lip to keep myself from lashing out, my blood boiling in my veins. He always held his chin high, acting like the knowledge of the whole world was in the palm of his hand. He expected me to follow his dress code, which consisted mainly of suits and ties, tailored to his form. Pretentious, that was what it was. Narcissist bastard. I couldn’t talk back to him since I was living in his house until I had a place of my own. I rolled my eyes and stormed upstairs.

“Asshole.” I mumbled under my breath while I entered my room. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration then my eyes landed on the empty glass cup on my nightstand. I picked it up and hurled it against my grey painted wall. It shattered upon impact, breaking into tiny pieces. I imagined it was his head instead. Yeah, at least that made me feel slightly better. I laid down on the velvet cushions on my bed, not bothering to clean up the shards just yet.

I need to smoke. But I don’t want to get up. 

I sighed but then I heard my phone buzz. I fished it out of my pocket and my anger dissipated. Jimi sent me a text.

 

Jimi

Hii

Thanks for hanging out with us

It was fun! 😄

 

How cute. I basically invited myself so he shouldn’t be thanking me. He was a breath of fresh air in my smoke infected lungs. The urge to light up a cigarette subdued while I was chatting with him, as if he was the nicotine my body craved to be able to relax. It was easy to talk to him about anything, and before I noticed, I had been texting with him for almost an hour.

 

Me

We could watch another movie sometime

 

Jimi

Yeah!

That would be fun ☺️

I’m not in the city that often though

But I’ll start college soon!

 

Oh, so he didn’t live here. That was a bummer. It turned out he and Ethan lived a 40 minute drive away. Ethan was studying and working here and that was enough to pique my interest. Jimi was friendly but kind of clueless. It was part of his charm nonetheless. I could probably use that to my advantage though. I smirked and thought about how to construct my words without being obvious.

 

» [Imagination] «

» [Foster The People] «

0:46 ─〇───── 4:16

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

Me

Can u give me ethans @?

U 2 seem like nice ppl

I think we could b gr8 friends

I want 2 get 2 kno u guys better

 

Jimi

Of course!

Here’s his phone number as well 🙂

He might come across as a cold and grumpy person

But trust me when I say he’s nice

Just give it some time! 😁

 

Me

Ill sure do

Dont worry ur pretty little head about it 😉

[changed nickname to the following: Honeybee🐝]

 

Honeybee🐝

Oh that’s such a cute nickname!

Can I give you one too?

 

Me

Sure, go ahead

 

Honeybee🐝

[changed nickname to the following: Foxy]

Is that fine?

I can change it if you don’t like it

 

I chuckled. I quickly searched up Ethan’s profile and sent him a follow request before continuing my chat with Jimi. ‘Foxy’ huh? I liked that, it suited me. Maybe Jimi wasn’t as naive as I regarded him to be. That just made it even more enjoyable. We talked about movies until I got a notification about my request being accepted. I wasted no time shooting Ethan a quick text, curious to see if he replied or simply ignored me. His responses were dry and short but that didn’t deter me. Once my goal was set, I wouldn’t dissuade from achieving it. Slowly but surely I would bring down his defenses. He left my last message on read but that excited me more. My mind ran free with my imagination, yes, I would make him mine before he was anyone else’s. Oh, how much fun it would be if he was here with me, alone.

There was a knock on my door, breaking me out of my fantasies. My mom cracked it open and peaked her head in. “Would you like something to eat?”

I licked my lips. “Yeah, make it spicy.”

She nodded then glanced at the broken shards on the floor. “Again?” She asked in disbelief. This was the second time this week.

I shrugged. “I’ll clean it up, don’t worry.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🔥୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

A few days later, I was on my shift at the family restaurant when I got a text from Jimi. The hot summer temperature and the heat from the kitchen caused sweat to roll off my forehead, as a waiter I was running around all day so the AC didn’t exactly help. I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my white dress shirt, the only reason I was even allowed to do that was due to attracting more customers. Honestly, it was plausible I was hired solely for that in the first place. Single women loved to ogle at me while I passed by their tables, balancing the dishes in my hands. When I was a child, my dream was to be a police officer so for me, it was important to be fit. I gave up that career plan long ago, but I still hit the gym every week.

I untied my black apron from around my waist and headed towards the break room. Today’s crowd was less than usual so it was a slow day. Most were still at work and school kids rarely came here, unless their parents or friends wanted to dine out. Other than dealing with a few annoying people, I liked being a waiter. One of the girls I had history with managed to discover this position. The owner found me charming enough to bring me on board. I was thankful for the opportunity, though I couldn’t say anything special about that girl. She promised that she was going to show me something ‘new’ and oh boy. It was new, but in a bad sense. I never told her that though.

I took a break and checked Jimi’s messages. We had been talking for the past week and we grew pretty close. I dared to say we were now friends. Ethan, on the other hand, was as cold as ever. That didn’t stop me from bothering him though.

 

Honeybee🐝

Good morning!

Tomorrow me and Ethan will be in the city

Are you free maybe?

 

Me

Oh really?

I have a shift till 2

Im free after that

Or I can serve u 2 lunch if u want

 

Honeybee🐝

I’d love to see the place you work at!

If it isn’t a bother, I’ll take you up on that offer 😉

 

Me

Sure 😌

I have a condition tho

U cant tell ethan

I want it 2 b a surprise

 

Honeybee🐝

Fine

I won’t tell him

But!

You need to buy me ice cream

 

I smiled. Perfect. I would gladly treat him to anything if he didn’t snitch. Well, to be completely honest, I would buy it either way. This little munchkin was too adorable to say no to. We sealed the deal and I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to arrive. And sadly my break was over and I had to get back to work, but my mood increased significantly. The next day, I made sure to look as good as I could in my uniform and I tried hard not to sweat. I wanted to smell nice when they were here. No, I wasn’t hoping for a threesome, no matter how enticing it was in my mind.

Every time I heard the chime of the bell – indicating that someone entered the restaurant – I found myself eagerly checking if it was them. My enthusiasm was new even to me, especially the displeasure when it turned out it wasn’t them. I kept glancing at my wristwatch, time seemed to drag on forever. Lunch time was always busy, many workers spent their lunch break here. So when 12 PM rolled around, I was juggling multiple trays when my eyes caught sight of a familiar blondie sitting by one of the window seats. I saw Sarah, one of my colleagues, hurrying past me to take orders and I swiftly stood in her way, pushing the plates into her hands.

“Can you take these to table 5?” She sighed and shot me an annoyed look. I grinned at her and headed towards Jimi’s table. I smoothed out my clothes and fixed my hair as I neared my destination. Jimi’s mouth was moving and he was gesturing with his hands while he was chatting with who I assumed was Ethan. His eyes lit up once he detected me and he smiled brightly. I cleared my throat when I reached them, finding Ethan absorbed in a book. I took the notebook out of my pocket and clicked on my pen. “What can I get for two handsome guys like you?”

Ethan flinched and his attention shifted to me, looking up at me with piercing eyes. Damn, his attitude just turned me on even more. I couldn’t help but smirk at his disdain. I wouldn’t let myself get brushed off easily. Jimi piped up with a cheerful tone. “Wow, Louis, you look nice!”

I smiled at him, rolling the sleeves of my shirt up. Him complimenting me felt so much better than if it was from a girl. Maybe because I was a male too or because of how honest his eyes seemed while he observed me. Either way, it left a fuzzy feeling fluttering inside my chest.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 11: Yellow Mellow

「 ✦ Jimi ✦ 」

» [Take A Picture] «

» [Delights] «

1:23 ──〇──── 3:53

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

Anna successfully earned her diploma. She was gorgeous while we took pictures together, and Ethan also attended the celebration since he was considered a family member as well. My eyes teared up slightly when I saw her walk up to the stage and shake hands with the president of the institution. She was my sister and I was so proud of her. I hoped one day she would stare up at me with the same admiration when it was my turn to get my papers. We went to a fancy restaurant and my father paid for everyone no matter how much Ethan protested. I sat next to him at the table, my left hand resting on his thigh under the tablecloth. We exchanged a few meaningful glances here and there as the night grew to a close.

These past few weeks I had been thinking about asking Ethan to be officially mine, but I chickened out each time. He declared on countless occasions that I was the one he treasured the most besides his mother, and yet I still found excuses to doubt if I was truly enough for him. I knew that I was an exhausting person to be around and Ethan was the indoor type. He would most likely prefer staying at home and reading a book than to walk around town with me. I feared that he would get tired of me. I put in effort to hang out at home with him and watch movies while cuddling but I could never stay inside for more than three days. I didn’t want to drain him, though I wasn’t ready to let go of him either. I knew he was waiting for me, holding himself back for my sake. He shouldn’t be doing that, he should be with someone who could understand him on levels I wasn’t able to. But those eyes he flashed me after each kiss stole my breath away. They shined with affection and hurt at the same time. I felt guilt gnaw at me whenever I touched him. I was scared to go beyond gentle caresses and terrified of underperforming in front of him. My body reacted in ways I didn’t fully comprehend and I was too ashamed to mention that to Ethan. I felt like an awful person for playing with him. I wanted to be his, but something inside me wasn’t satisfied with that.

There was someone else on my mind these days, Louis. Not in a romantic or sexual sort of way, he was simply great at keeping my attention on him and his texts. He was flirty but I didn’t have a problem with that because he acted like that towards everyone. I adored his teasing tone and playful attitude. I also had a hunch about why Ethan disliked him so much. Louis was a truly attractive guy and Ethan must be sexually frustrated. We had this special relationship for about a year now and he never tried anything. He let me set the pace, which I was thankful for, but deep inside I was aware that it wasn’t matching with his. Was I selfish for hoping that Louis would help us out? I didn’t want to be a baby but the thought of crossing the line made me uncomfortable. So obviously, I kept ignoring the issue before I gathered the courage to fix it.

Anna had packed up her stuff and moved out of the apartment she rented, along with her two roommates who were also last years. She talked with the landlord about the possibility of letting us check the place out and she agreed. I texted Ethan and we made plans to have a look around on Tuesday morning. His exam period was over so we were both enjoying our summer breaks. I hung out with some of my other friends to provide him with some alone time. But of course, I was the happiest when I was with him. We shared this deep connection that I was unable to live without. I’d rather rip out my heart than lose him. It was confusing, knowing he was better off without me but unable to set him free.

“You’re awfully silent this morning.” Ethan said as we were in his car, on our way to check out the apartment. I didn’t notice I spaced out. Louis told me not to inform Ethan about his workplace, so I kept my mouth shut about it. 

“I’m tired. I couldn’t really sleep.” I confessed while scratching my cheek.

“You can sleep now if you want, I’ll wake you up.” He suggested and I leaned my head against the window, closing my eyes for a few minutes. I wasn’t planning on actually falling asleep but it must have happened because I woke up to Ethan gently shaking my shoulder. I blinked slowly and stretched my arms. “Come on Beautiful, we’re here.”

I blushed slightly at the nickname and exited the car, shutting the door carefully behind me. I looked around to take in the scenery, the place was in a nice neighbourhood with a lot of greenery around it. The college was a 20 minute walk away and the grocery store Ethan was working at was between the two buildings, about a 10 minute walk away. The placement was perfect, it was quiet and nice. The landlady greeted us and unlocked the door to let us explore the apartment. For three people, it was just big enough not to be cramped. There was a small kitchen area with a dining room table next to it. It was connected to the living room, which had a beige colored couch and a medium sized TV mounted on the wall. A tiny coffee table was placed in front of the furniture with a white rug under it. There were three bedrooms, each identical to the other. A simple bed, a closet, a dresser and a desk were placed inside with a fluffy white carpet. The walls in the rooms were painted with a pleasant light yellow shade with white curtains to guide the light to pour in. There was a bathroom with a shower, sink, and washing machine while the toilet was in a separate room. All in all, the place was nice, though it could certainly use more color. I chatted with Mrs. Scott, the landlady, while Ethan observed the papers she handed us. She was quite lively for a 50 year-old lady but I enjoyed listening to her stories. I wanted to have a good relationship with her since I would be living in this apartment for years.

“Once the third tenant is found the cost will be split into three parts, but until then it’s only split in two.” I nodded along, mentally creating the advertisement for the spare room. We bid goodbye after signing the contract and completing the payment. June had just begun but we thought it would be beneficial for us to rent the apartment as soon as possible in case someone snatched it. I was over the Moon when Ethan told me his mom was ecstatic after hearing the possibility of him moving in with me. Ethan was anxious about leaving her so I reassured him that he could visit her whenever he was free. His mother always wanted the best for him, of course she preferred Ethan pursuing his dreams. My mom on the other hand was shedding tears over me ‘growing up.’ It was slightly embarrassing, mainly because the semester was weeks away.

 

» [Softcore] «

» [The Neighbourhood] «

2:05 ────〇── 3:26

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

Ethan headed towards the car and I stopped him by grabbing his bicep. “It’s lunch time, let’s go and eat out.”

“We have food at home.” He raised an eyebrow and I cursed in my head. If I mentioned Louis’s workplace, he would surely refuse. Well, I was almost 100% sure he had no idea Louis was working full-time but I didn’t want to risk it. I had ice-cream on the line and a free meal.

“But I’m hungry.” I glanced up at him with the most convincing puppy eyes I could muster and I knew I got him the moment he sighed. Heh, he was doomed. He was totally wrapped around my little finger.

“Fine. Where do you want to go?” He rubbed his nape while a grin formed on my face. I pulled out my phone and pretended to search up restaurants in the vicinity. In actuality, I was double-checking the address Louis texted me the day before. Pulling out the Google reviews, I started reading a few comments about the establishment. It was a cute family restaurant operating from 8 AM till 10 PM on weekdays, and from 9 AM till 11 PM on weekends. It seemed cozy based on the pictures and fortunately it wasn’t a luxurious place. It was rated 4,4 out of 5, and most people had pleasant experiences with the food and the ‘sexy’ staff as someone described. Louis was certainly one of them, he had this charm that was impossible to ignore.

“I found a place that looks perfect. It’s a 15 minute walk away.” So we decided to go on foot, familiarising ourselves with the surroundings. Not all parts of the neighbourhood were impeccable, some buildings were littered and filled with graffities. In one of the desolate corners stood the restaurant I was searching for, the ‘Spider Lily.’ With red curtains and white flowers planted at the windows, the cracked door allowed passersby to catch a sniff of the mouth-watering dishes and the hustle inside. As Ethan fully opened the door, the chime of soft bells filled the air, but was most likely drowned out by the noise of conversations and silverware clanking. We found a booth by the window that was unoccupied and settled down there. A pretty waitress in her early 30s gave us menus and assured us that she would be back in a minute. We came right at lunch rush, and while it wasn’t totally packed, I still had trouble finding who I was looking for. Ethan pulled out his book after we agreed on what to eat, patiently waiting for the waitress to come back so we could place our orders.

“So I have high hopes for the apartment, I think we’ll have a fun time living there.” I was rambling to Ethan while glancing around once in a while. The atmosphere was light and warm with laughter of children filling the air. Then I caught sight of him, the way Louis moved was so swift and elegant. The first two buttons of his crisp white shirt were left undone, providing a brief view of his collarbones. I couldn’t hold back my smile when he reached our table, clearing his throat to catch the attention of Ethan who was lost in his book. He pulled out a notebook to take our orders, a coy smirk gracing his lips once Ethan’s eyes were on him.

“What can I get for two handsome guys like you?” His voice was smooth with a hint of playfulness, his gaze locked onto Ethan’s form. My throat tightened as sparks flew around them, their sexual tension was palpable enough for even me to notice and that slightly unnerved me.

“Wow, Louis, you look nice!” I disturbed the silent staring contest, my mouth moving before I could swallow down my words. That wasn’t a lie, he was stunning, and as he smiled at me and rolled up his sleeves, he managed to be extra attractive. Yeah, he was handsome and pleasing to look at.

“Thank you, Honey.” He winked at me. “Did you order any drinks yet?”

“No, not yet.” I replied. “But we already decided what to get.”

“Got it. And don’t worry, it’s on me.” He winked at Ethan who scowled and turned to me, a frown permanently on his face. Louis took our orders and walked off, leaving us alone. 

“Why am I not surprised?” Ethan sighed and marked the page he was at with his bookmark, placing it on the side of the table. 

“He promised to treat us if I sealed my mouth shut about it.” I smiled sheepishly at him. “He wants to be your friend too.”

Ethan rubbed his temple. “No, he clearly doesn’t want to be just friends, Jimi.”

I disagreed. Yes, Louis was flirty and into males as well, but that didn’t automatically correspond to him thirsting over us. And even if he was, I didn’t mind it. It was strangely flattering to catch the attention of a charismatic guy like him. I obviously had no intention to jump into his bed. He was funny and kind, and I was comfortable being around him. Ethan didn’t know Louis like I did, we grew pretty close over the past few days. Ethan was always the type to be cautious at first, and I believed that he would eventually warm up to him. Louis would be a nice match for Ethan.

As we waited for Louis to return with our dishes, a sudden confidence coursed through my veins. I raised my foot off of the floor and caressed Ethan’s calf under the table. His breath hitched and his eyes widened, staring at me carefully. I smiled cheekily, impulsed to overcompensate what I lacked in. Playing footsie was never one of my desires but today, I made an exception. Ethan didn’t stop me so I kept going until my shoe was against his crotch, resting it there. 

Why am I doing this? I don’t know.

But I did it anyway. I guess in a way I still wasn’t ready to completely let go of him. Ethan would always forgive me after all.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 12: Rust

「 ✦ Louis ✦ 」

» [Meddle About] «

» [Chase Atlantic] «

2:36 ────〇── 3:23

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

Instead of spending my break in the staff room, I sat down next to Jimi who was happily scarfing down the banana split I bought for him as dessert. I did promise him ice cream after all. His cheeks were coated in a light pink hue as he hummed in contentment. Ethan was eating his at a moderate pace, not even sparing a glance at me. I didn’t expect him to be grateful for it, it was cute how much he tried to ignore me. 

“What were you two doing in the city?” I asked to make small talk with Jimi. 

“We checked out our new apartment.” He grinned and my eyebrows creased.

“Oh, you two are moving here?” I glimpsed at Ethan who was resting his head on his palm. His expression screamed that he wanted to either strangle himself or Jimi, how nice.

“Yeah! It’s a 15 minute walk away, at Solace Lane if you know where that is. Near Golden Avenue.” I hummed, I knew the general area. About a twenty minute drive from my dad’s place.

“Cool. Maybe I could help you guys with packing.” I smiled at Jimi, noticing a bit of ice cream on the corner of his lips. Without thinking, I wiped it off with my thumb, my skin grazing his startlingly soft bottom lip. Did he use lip balm? 

I wonder what it would feel like to kiss him.

Jimi was somewhat stunned as I touched him, I should have asked for permission first but thankfully he didn’t get angry. He blushed slightly and in that moment, he was absolutely breathtaking like an angel. My finger must have lingered for a second too long as I felt someone kick my shin under the table. A groan escaped my throat and I gritted my teeth. I pulled away from Jimi and Ethan acted like he didn’t do anything.

Two can play this game.

“Oh sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?” I questioned in the sweetest voice I could muster.

“N-no! Not at all! It simply surprised me.” Jimi giggled. “And uh, yeah. You could totally help us settle in if it isn’t a bother.”

“I would love to help.” I side-eyed Ethan, smirking faintly.

“There’s no need to.” He butted in, sliding his remaining banana split to Jimi who happily started stuffing his mouth with it again, only slowing down when Ethan scolded him he was going to get sick. Their relationship was like that of a father and child, or at least what a healthy relationship between a parent and their kid should be. My dad never took me out for anything. He was always busy working but as I grew older I was dubious about that. I unconsciously clenched my fist as memories flooded my mind. Shit, my daddy issues were messing with my head. As a habit, I was ready to take out my cigarettes when a hand was placed on top of mine. It was small, but warm and soothing. My gaze flicked over to Jimi, his ice cream cup already empty. I blinked and he smiled at me, his fingers tracing the black ink etched on my skin.

“A rose… It’s pretty.” Jimi commented, appreciating the design. I liked the feeling of his skin against mine. I was always a sucker for innocent physical touches so I didn’t give it much thought. I hoped he wouldn’t pull away for a while longer.

“Thanks.” I smiled back at him, his gesture comforting me. The chime of the bell sadly bursted this little bubble around us. I stood up from the table with a huff. “I have to get back to work, don’t have too much fun without me.”

Jimi giggled, the sound music to my ears. Ethan scoffed, keeping his eyes on me while I disappeared to take the customers’ orders. 2 PM rolled around and I headed to the staff room to clock out and grab my stuff from my locker. I hung up my apron and fixed my hair, spraying some cologne and deodorant on me in case I was sweaty. I laid a silver chain around my neck and slipped on my rings. I paid their check and followed them outside after bidding goodbye to my colleagues. 

“So, when are you guys moving in?” I asked them while we strolled, heading to their apartment since Ethan’s car was parked there. 

Jimi shrugged. “We’re not sure yet. Ahh, we also need to find a third resident. I will probably post an advertisement online.”

Oh. Oh. Now that was a golden opportunity. Shit. Was I dreaming? I glimpsed at Ethan who was walking silently next to Jimi who continued babbling. Perhaps about the apartment or about school, I didn’t register anything he was saying. Relocating with them, away from my scum of a father… Although it would be merely a temporary stay. After so long in my life, I started to be hopeful. If I asked Jimi, he would most likely let me. Ethan on the other hand… I had to get closer to him in order for him to agree. I had to be quick as well, before Jimi actually posted anything about it. I debated whether to execute a direct or a cunning approach. I didn’t want to cause conflict between them, but God, did I yearn to be free from that prison my parents called home…

“Just curiously, how much is the rent? It’s near to the college and all…” I bit my lip, hoping my enthusiasm wasn’t palpable. 

“Around 4,000$ so split between three occupants would mean… Around 1,300$ per month.” Jimi calculated in his head in a few seconds. Okay, seemed like he was intelligent, or at the least great with numbers. Unlike my dumb ass. 1,300$ per month… It would be manageable.

“That’s a deal.” I muttered, fidgeting with the ring on my pointer finger.

“Yeah! My sister was living there until she graduated from the uni. She and the landlord had a good relationship so when she asked if we could check it out, she immediately agreed.” Jimi explained.

“Text me if you have a date on when you’re loading your stuff. I’ll help out.” I offered again and Jimi thanked me. The conversation shifted in another direction and now it was my turn to be silent while they chatted.

“I can’t, I’m having dinner with my mom and Michael.” Ethan mumbled, this information wasn’t supposed to be heard by me so I pretended it didn’t reach my ears. Michael? Was he his dad? But then why did he use his name? Was he his brother maybe? I was sure Jimi mentioned that Ethan was an only child. So a stepdad? There was a chance that Ethan was more similar to me than I initially thought.

Jimi whined. “I wanted to hang out.”

I draped an arm around Jimi’s shoulder. “We can hang out if you want. I have a car so I can drive you home later. Or you can crash at mine if you want.”

“I’d love to! I love sleepovers!” He beamed and my heart fluttered at his eagerness. I prayed my father would be staying the night somewhere else. Ethan shot glares at me, mentally planning my demise. Jimi, as if sensing his unease, intertwined his fingers with his. “Ethan, we could go home tomorrow together after your shift.”

“Next time you can sleep over as well Sugar.” My tone was sweet but my mischievous smile was honest about my amusement. My dad would throw a fit about Ethan and his appearance, and I would be standing off to the side, snacking on popcorn. Pissing off that jerk would be so nice. I hoped he wouldn’t degrade Jimi though. I wasn’t convinced that he wouldn’t take it to heart. Happy-go-lucky Jimi was the best Jimi.

“I’ll pass.” Ethan’s eyes narrowed at me, unfortunately for him, his almond orbs weren’t scaring me off. We reached the parking lot and Ethan reluctantly unlocked his car door. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow Sunshine.”

He kissed Jimi on the lips right in front of me, leaving me surprised for a few seconds before I chuckled. “Don’t be so jealous Sugar, I won’t snatch your man. Unless you want me to steal you as well.”

I joked and Ethan scowled in disgust while Jimi giggled. At least I could make Jimi laugh. We waited until Ethan got behind the wheel and the younger boy waved him off. I winked at him and I showed Jimi the way after Ethan was out of sight. We climbed into my car and I drove us back to my place. I pulled up and killed the engine.

 

» [Find Me] «

» [yoomcircle] «

1:17 ──〇──── 3:31

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

“Here we are.” I gestured towards the house and Jimi’s jaw hung open.

“You live here?!” He gaped, and well, he had every reason to. The building screamed ‘wealthy’ with the size and greenery around it. My mom loved gardening so we had a cute little flower garden. One of my father’s cars, a black Mercedes-Benz, was parked at the front. 

Shit, of course he’s home today of all days. Fucking asshole.

I sighed almost inaudibly, trying to stay calm and not freak out while the blond was here. I entered the passcode to the gate and it opened up slowly, letting us enter. Jimi inspected the flowers carefully, his eyes twinkling as he smelled some of them. “Beautiful.”

“My mom loves tending to them. But I find someone even more beautiful than any of these plants.” I stated, causing him to laugh softly. What a pleasing sound. I hesitated before opening the front door, I didn’t understand why I was feeling coy having Jimi over. To be fair, I barely brought friends over. My mother perked up at the sound of our footsteps and she walked over with a surprised expression. She was dressed up in a tight black dress, red lipstick smeared across her lips. Her eyes widened when she noticed I wasn’t alone and she smiled, genuinely happy to see Jimi. Honestly, who wouldn’t be? Jimi had the exact aura of the Sun itself, radiating everything he came across with. He was also adorable in his baggy clothes. “Hi mom, I brought a friend over. I hope it’s not a problem.”

“Oh no, not at all.” My mother assured us.

“Hello, Mrs. Leroy, the flowers in your garden are mesmerizing. I’m Jimi Mäkinen, Louis has been a great friend of mine.” He said politely and it was obvious the compliment was enough to win over her heart.

“Oh Dear, you’re making me blush.” She laughed while ushering us inside. “Can I expect you to join us for dinner?”

“He’s sleeping over if that’s okay.” I chimed up, already knowing the answer.

“It’s more than okay, I would love to have you over whenever you want.” She turned to Jimi. I glanced around the house while he was busy with my mom, exhaling in relief when my dad was nowhere in sight. 

“We’ll be in my room.” I dragged Jimi after me, ascending the stairs to my bedroom. He inspected my living space, taking a seat on my bed. 

“Ooh, your bed is soft and comfy.” He patted my mattress with his palms. I swatted away my impure thoughts and sat down next to him.

“You like it?” He nodded and my lips curled up. “That’s good since you’ll be sleeping in it.” 

Maybe if I send some pics of Jimi to Ethan he won’t be that pissed. I have no intention of touching Jimi or anything.

Truly shocking even for me. Well, now that it was just the two of us…

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I grinned, recalling our countless conversations about the entertainment industry.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s watch Iron Man!” He exclaimed with excitement and I searched it up on the streaming services with a playful eye roll. 

“Fine, you baby. You’re lucky you’re cute.” I pretended as if I hadn't watched Iron Man a thousand times already myself. He playfully smacked my shoulder and I ventured downstairs for snacks.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring a tray upstairs. Don’t make your friend wait too long.” My mom winked at me and steered me back to my room. She was visibly delighted that I brought someone over. She didn’t have to try so hard though. I returned to Jimi and stumbled upon him snooping around. I leaned against the doorframe while I observed his curious form. “Are you looking for my hidden porn stash?”

He jumped up, startled by my sudden presence. He was caught red-handed. He faced me, a timid smile taking over his features before he started laughing. “What? No! I was inspecting your jewelry.”

He picked up a silver ring and slipped it on his ring finger. I usually wore that on my middle finger but Jimi had chubbier hands than me. “You can keep it if you want. Until I give you a real one.” I joked.

He giggled and shook his head. “No thanks. I don’t wear rings.”

“Even if Ethan gave you one?” I raised my eyebrows. He stiffened and stayed quiet for a little while.

“Then I would put a chain through it and wear it around my neck.” He snapped his fingers and hummed with gleam.

“If that’s the case, then you should keep the ring.” I insisted as he fidgeted with the small jewel. 

“Thank you Louis.” He said with a soft voice.

“You’re welcome Darling.” I smiled.

There was a knock on my door and my mom walked in, carrying a tray with a variety of snacks on it. Jimi’s eyes lit up, drooling at the sight of candies, fruits, and popcorn. He loved snacks more than anything in the world. Perhaps Ethan was a close second choice.

“Let’s watch that movie, shall we?” I pressed the play button on the remote and the opening credits rolled in.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 13: Jasmine

「 ✦ Jimi ✦ 」

» [Fire On The Hill] «

» [Tomode] «

0:39 ──〇──── 2:06

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I was munching on a strawberry when I noticed how Louis would glance at his watch every few minutes. His fingers were tapping a nervous rhythm on his thigh. He was looking at the TV in front of us but his focus was on something else entirely. From what I gathered, he loved action movies so I was confident that he wasn’t bored with me. It had to be something else entirely.

“What’s wrong?” I piped up once he checked the time again. He ran a hand through his brown locks, sighing softly.

“My father is…” He began but I didn’t miss how his voice changed to the word ‘father,’ as if he wanted to use another word. He scoffed and decided to be honest. “He’s a scumbag, okay? Whatever he says during dinner, it’s not true. He’s a stupid piece of shit.”

I was flabbergasted by his cussing. He was starting to get agitated so I took his hand in mine to calm him down. “Louis, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!” He raised his voice a little and I rubbed my thumb against his knuckles. He had such pretty hands. His fingers were long and slim while his nails were trimmed and well taken care of. He took a deep breath to keep his emotions in check and let me play with his digits. I hoped my touch was enough to soothe him. There was nothing else I could do. “Sorry… I don’t have the best relationship with him.”

That saddened me to hear. Family meant everything to me, and the fact that not everyone had loving parents ripped my heart out. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly.

“When you ask me in that tone, how can I say no?” He sighed once again, his words confusing me. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” I tilted my head.

“Like it hurts you more than it hurts me.” He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “Shit, I need to light a cigarette.”

He stood up but I didn’t let go, sauntering next to him while he slid his balcony door open. The warm summer temperature surrounded us, reminding me that my birthday was approaching. Louis pulled out a lighter and a box of cigarettes from his pants’ pocket and lit the small roll, tension dissipating from his body as he exhaled the smoke. Was this his way of dealing with the situation? 

“Do you hate your dad?” My voice was meek, slightly worried that he would be upset upon hearing the question. The answer was obvious and yet I awaited his response, a part of me hoping they simply had a misunderstanding lately and that was why he was this irritated.

“More than anything in the world.” His voice was raspy and filled with venom. Thankfully his words were not directed to me, otherwise I would have burnt myself with the way he said them. I squirmed in my spot, mentally taking a note on not to get on his bad side. He didn’t deserve to be this torn, he was kind and fun to be around. Not being comfortable in your own home must have been awful.

“Your mom is very nice though.” I shifted the topic and his features softened, a faint smile crossing his face.

“I love her.” He admitted. “She’s always been there for me.”

I smiled back at him and he flicked his cigarette to the ground, stomping on it. He checked the time again and groaned. With that, we went downstairs and into the dining room. A man, whose appearance demanded authority, was already seated at the table. He was dressed in a fancy dark grey suit with a matching tie, not a speck of dirt or wrinkle present. His dark hair was styled back neatly, his face was clean-shaven, decorated with glasses. He was immaculate, and I suddenly started to feel underdressed even though I was just at a friend’s house. I unconsciously slid closer to Louis who glared at his father. The man noticed us, his gaze immediately locking on to my form, skimming me as if I was an intruder disturbing him during meal time. His lips were pressed into a thin line and he turned his attention to Louis. Mrs. Leroy was serving dinner, a smile complementing her already dashing looks as she beckoned us to the table. Mr. Leroy stood up and I walked up to him somewhat hesitantly, raising my hand for a handshake.

“Good evening Sir…” I greeted him politely as we shook hands.

“A firm handshake, wonderful. I’m hopeful this isn’t your best attire.” He peered down at my baggy jeans and T-shirt. For a second I was at a loss, taken aback by the compliment and the immediate insult following it.

“Father, I think that’s enough.” Louis yanked me away and his dad shook his head from displeasure.

“I thought I raised you better than to associate with these kinds of people.” Oh, that stung slightly, whatever it meant.

“I thought you were too busy with work to have time to be here.” Louis snarled, a hidden meaning laced within his words as he sat down on a chair lazily. I quickly took a seat next to him. The air was tense while the two men held eye-contact with one another. Mrs. Leroy was unfazed as she put Mr. Leroy’s plate of salmon with fresh vegetables in front of him, pouring a glass of red wine from a brand I had never heard of. Perhaps it was too expensive for me to even know about it. 

“Would you like some wine, Jimi?” Louis’s mother asked sweetly.

“Mom, he’s underage.” Louis whined but I shushed him.

“Yes, I would love to have some.” I smiled at her and she happily filled my glass. I began eating, swooning at how delicious it was. I raised my glass to my lips and sipped on the wine, the rich flavor attacking my taste buds with delight. I rarely drank wine, I preferred beer and whisky, but this was the best beverage I had ever consumed. My astonishment must have been visible since Mr. Leroy spoke up.

“Is it to your liking?” He asked while wiping his mouth on a napkin.

“Yes, it is truly… exquisite.” He nodded, gratified with my response. Abruptly, the melody of a ringtone filled the air and he excused himself from the table. Louis huffed next to me, gripping his fork so tightly his knuckles turned white. His father returned not even a minute later, barely sparing a glance at any of us.

“Excuse me, work calls so I must take my leave.” He readjusted his tie and left without waiting for a reply from anyone. Louis slammed his fist down on the wooden furniture, the plates clinking from the force. I leaped in my chair, the sound was so loud it must have hurt his hand. 

“Are you seriously letting him walk away without a word?!” He shouted at his mother, his veins visible on his neck. His mother sighed and crossed her arms across her chest.

“Louis, Dear, behave in front of our guest, please.” She was calm but her eyes were full of disappointment and agony. Louis pushed his plate away and stormed upstairs, slamming the door behind him. I winced, finding myself in a tough position. I cleared my throat and smiled at her.

“This meal was fantastic Mrs. Leroy.” Her features softened and she laughed sweetly.

“Just call me Scarlett, Jimi. I’m glad you enjoyed the food. My son can be quite… hot headed at times. Please be patient with him. He always had trouble keeping people around him.” She explained and stood up to gather the empty plates. I hurried to my feet to help her even when she protested. When I picked up the bottle of wine from the table she just smiled and told me to keep it. Hell yeah! I slowly ascended the stairs and knocked on the door.

 

» [Let It Happen - Radio Edit] «

» [Tame Impala] «

1:57 ───〇─── 4:01

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

“Come in Jimi.” Louis called out and I gently pushed the door open. He was sprawled out on the bed, an arm draped over his eyes. I sat down on the edge, longing to comfort him but not sure how.

“Your mom gave me the wine…” I suggested with a hint of mischief. He chuckled and sat up, seizing the bottle from my possession and taking a gulp from it. A satisfying pop was heard as his lips released the glass.

“I didn’t know you were a drinker.” Louis murmured with amusement. 

I laughed and winked at him as he offered me the bottle. “There’s a lot of stuff I haven’t told you yet.”

“My father is cheating on my mom.” He said abruptly, causing me to choke on the wine. He rubbed my back while I coughed. “Plus he’s a pretentious bastard. I yearn to move away, that’s why I started working instead of pursuing higher education.”

I wiped my mouth and turned to him curiously. “Oh, you’re looking for a place to stay?”

“Yeah.” He confessed. “So when you told me you needed a third tenant I was ecstatic.”

“Do you want to be?” I was both puzzled and excited, imagining living with Ethan and Louis was a thrilling idea. 

“I do. But I can’t.” He took the bottle from me to take a swig.

“Why not?” Confusion was written all over my face. He wanted to leave and I could offer him a place to stay. Why would he turn it down?

“Because then Ethan would feel the same way as I do when I’m around that asshole.” He muttered, my breath catching in my throat at his sunken expression. His quiet, broken voice pulled at my heartstrings. I wanted to help him, to reassure him that it was nonsense, but the look in his eyes halted me. “And if I befriended Ethan because of my shitbag of a dad, then I would be taking advantage of him.”

“But you like Ethan, don’t you?” I countered, almost desperate. “You like hanging out with us, right?” 

“Well, yeah but-”

“No buts. Just hear me out.”

“So boobs?” At least his suggestive humor was accounted for. I snorted and hit his knee with barely any force.

“No, you perv. I have a plan.” I mused. “My birthday is coming up. I usually throw a party and invite my friends over, so that automatically means you are inclined to come as well.”

“I can’t decline, can I?” He asked with a hum and the expression I gave him was enough of an answer. “Don’t worry Cutie, I will attend.”

“Great. All you have to do is keep Ethan company. He tends to be reserved when there’s a crowd, I’m sure he would be delighted to have you there with him.” I grinned, already imagining how awesome it would be!

“I somehow doubt that.” He sighed. “But maybe it will work.”

“Just give it time. It takes a little while until Ethan is trustful but once he is, he will be very loyal.” I pointed out. “I won’t post anything about the free room so for now it is reserved for you.”

“Thanks Jimi.” He said softly, smiling down at me. “Oh yeah, it’s picture time.”

“What?” I tilted my head. “What’s that?”

“I’m sending Ethan photos of you so he knows you’re fine.” He unlocked his phone and opened his camera.

“Let’s take a selfie together.” I beamed and sat next to him on the bed, leaning against the headboard with the bottle in my hands. He shrugged and raised the device, taking a picture of us with me holding a peace sign with a big grin. He sent it to Ethan and a question popped into my mind. “Will you lend me clothes to sleep in?”

“Yeah, of course. They might be slightly big on you but it’s better than jeans.” He strolled to his wardrobe and pulled out a black T-shirt and basketball shorts. “The bathroom is over there, there are clean towels in the first drawer.”

I nodded and excused myself to take a quick shower, dressing myself up in Louis’s clothes. They were indeed oversized on me but I liked baggy style anyways. When I entered the room again, Louis insisted on taking another picture of me. Afterwards, we were chatting in his bed, light noise coming in from the outside due to the open window. The fresh colder air felt nice on my skin and I turned on my side to face Louis.

“Can I ask you something?” I chewed on my bottom lip, my mind unsure but in dire need of answers.

“You just did.” He chuckled. “Go ahead. Is something troubling you?”

“Mhm, you could say that.” I played with the blanket. “Um… you had a lot of relationships, right?”

“Relationships would be a bit of a stretch, but yes.” I could hear my heart beating in my ears from how nervous I was.

“But you are knowledgeable about sexualities, right?” I decided to go for it and be honest. I trusted that he would be able to help me understand myself better.

“Kinda, yes.”

“Well, you see…” And the words flew from my mouth without stopping, my soul feeling comforted by the fact that I could finally share this information with someone else. Louis listened intently, nodding along to convey that he was paying attention to me. It was amazing, getting rid of my anxiety that was plaguing me for a while. A part of me was reborn as Louis filled in the gaps, connecting the missing links in my mind. Maybe it sounded bizarre, but that night, an unsaid connection formed between us.  Or perhaps merely for me but something definitely changed.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 14: Blue Gray

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [Mind Over Matter] «

» [Young the Giant] «

0:53 ──〇──── 4:03

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

I was a mess. The whole drive home was filled with me grumbling under my breath, hating leaving Jimi with that flirt. What if he made a move on him? Eugh. The mere thought was enough for me to want to bash my head against my car window. Of course I had plans the same exact day and my mom reserved dinner at a restaurant for us when Jimi felt like having a sleepover. Why with Louis of all people? Dammit. Perhaps if I told my mom Jimi was my boyfriend, she would have invited him as well. Too bad he was not and now jealousy was eating me alive from the inside. If anything happened, Jimi would surely admit it to me, however, that didn’t do much to calm me. I had nothing to be worried about, there was a chance that Louis was harmless as well. I doubted that though. I had never met such a vocal person about his desires before. It sent shivers down my spine from disgust.

When I arrived at home, it was 4 PM. We had to leave at 5 so our meals would be served by 6 and we could pay by 7. I parked my car with a heavy sigh, if my mind wasn’t fully occupied with Jimi, I would be able to enjoy a family dinner. Michael was a kind person so I made amends with him dating my mom, and thankfully he seemed to like me. I greeted her as I entered the house, she was pacing back and forth in the middle of dolling herself up. I found it sweet how much she wanted to captivate him. She had been doing so much better ever since she met Michael and it eased my guilt for moving away to the city. I planned to visit every weekend when she didn’t have shifts, though on some occasions I would come back for Michael as well to strengthen our bond. If I could have a father-son level relationship with him, I was confident he would be less anxious. It must be difficult to get along with a closed off teenager like me and it was my obligation to assure him that he was welcome to be part of our small family.

“Are you ready?” My mom asked while she was hooking an earring into her ear. Seeing how much effort she put into her appearance, I also dressed in fancier clothes – a white dress shirt and formal black pants. I didn’t tuck my shirt in, honestly I rarely did, to give me a lazier look. Honestly, I never cared if I stood out in a crowd but now I made sure to blend in.

“Yeah.” She patted my back affectionately and called me her handsome little boy even though I was taller than her. She was gorgeous, she curled her black hair and let it down, the curls cascading over her shoulders. She put on a hint of make-up and the light pink dress brought out her best features. This dinner was significant for her, that was clear by how much effort she invested in herself. Not even five minutes later the doorbell rang and Michael was here to escort us in his Ford Fiesta. When my mom opened the door, I could see him stiffen and his eyes widening in amazement.

“You’re marvellous, my Love.” He whispered out before leaning in to kiss her forehead and a fuzzy feeling dominated inside me. The way they both smiled from nervousness, the way they gazed at each other, everything was a testament of how much they adored the other. I wondered if Jimi and I shared the same intimate moment as they did. “Oh, Ethan. You look dashing.”

His attention turned to me and we shook hands. He had a suit on without a tie and I could tell he spent at least half an hour to style his hair. A soft smile graced my lips. “You as well, Michael.”

We piled into his car and he drove us to the restaurant, the quiet chatter of the two adults filling the ride. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out with a raised eyebrow. My first thought was that it was from Jimi, but he wasn’t the type who used his phone when he was with others. So who..? My lips pressed into a thin line when I saw it was from Louis. He sent me a picture without any text regarding what it was. My body went rigid at the idea that it would be of Jimi, to flaunt it to my face that he was with him. What if he was forcing himself on him? Shit, my mind was jumbled and I clicked on the photo to reveal it with shaky fingers.

Oh.

It was a simple, harmless picture. Okay, I was totally overreacting earlier. It showed Jimi’s side profile while he was eating popcorn, a movie playing on the TV in the background. Judging by the famous character in red and yellow, they were watching Iron Man. It was cute. Perhaps I shouldn’t have jumped into the worst conclusion in my head. I smiled as I stared at it, a warm sensation filling my stomach at the thought of Jimi enjoying himself. I was grateful to Louis for it, though there was no way I would tell him that. I put my phone away once we arrived at the restaurant, finally being able to relax. Dinner went by in a flash, Michael tried hard to include me in the conversations and in exchange, I spoke as much as I could. The meal was delicious and Michael obviously treated us. My mom was visibly beaming, happy me and her boyfriend were conversing. I didn’t mind sharing her with someone else, she deserved all the love in the world after her torturous years of being a single mother. I knew she needed someone to fill that empty hole inside, she longed for a relationship just as much as I did. It pained me to admit it to myself that I wasn’t content with whatever I had with Jimi. I wanted a label and to show him off as my boyfriend.

“I do have to say something.” I started, my focus set on Micheal. He nodded and by my mom’s expression, she already knew what I was going to tell him. She knew it for a long time, I never wanted to hide anything from her after all, even when she was at work more than at home. “I’m attracted to males, I hope that’s not off-putting.”

Michael blinked, surprised by the sudden admission. I told him because I trusted him and if he was going to be part of our lives, he had the right to know. My mom smiled at me, proud of my braveness to come out to Michael. It was a difficult matter but I had no intention of hiding it from people close to me. He spoke up after a few seconds, overcoming his initial shock. “Of course it’s not. I don’t care who you are attracted to as long as they treat you right.”

His words were not forced and that comforted me, he was genuine. My mom had good taste in men and I fully approved him at this point. I smiled at him, my dimples decorating my face. “Thanks Dad.”

I replied nonchalantly, though deep down it meant everything to me. Micheal choked on his water and my mother rubbed his back to help him. He wiped his mouth on a napkin and cleared his throat, pretending what I just uttered didn’t faze him. His expression betrayed him though, his eyes crinkled up, radiating his fondness of the situation. “It was nothing, Son.”

 

» [Swoon] «

» [Beach Weather] «

2:53 ─────〇─ 3:41

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

When I got home, I wasted no time in getting rid of my attire and hopping into the shower. Since it was summer, I only put on a tank top and boxers. I checked my phone and I had two unread messages, both from Louis. Two more photos. The first one was a selfie from Louis with Jimi sitting next to him. My eyes didn’t miss the bottle in Jimi’s free hand while the other was positioned in a peace sign. There was a ring on his ring finger… I shook my jealous thoughts to the far back of my mind, focusing on the bright smile that laced his lips instead. I wished I could kiss him at that very moment. I missed him. My eyes shifted to Louis, his hair was slightly messy and his tongue was poking out. It was cringy and extremely hot simultaneously. My heart skipped a beat so I quickly exited the picture and clicked on the other one. Jimi was pouting adorably in what I assumed was Louis’s clothes since they hung low on his smaller form. I wished I was there to see it with my own eyes. Right at that moment, another photo came from him and I wasted no time in clicking on it.

I had to double-take on what my screen was showing. A mirror selfie of Louis, alone in his bathroom. Wearing nothing… His toned muscles were a pleasant sight, and he was close to achieving abs. His V-line was slightly visible, his other body parts cut off by the mirror’s edge. His body was to die for and he was undoubtedly aware of that with that stupid sly smirk on his face. My eyes traced the way his biceps flexed as he held his phone, and I felt envy cursing through me. He was undeniably sexy and it pissed me off. He must have visited the gym each week, while I barely had any time to work out. The picture was followed by a winky face, causing my blood to boil. He was surely making fun of me, flaunting his looks to irritate me. He had a good body, a handsome face, and most likely a line of people who wanted a piece of him. I frowned, staring at the picture for longer than I would like to admit. Yeah, I was merely jealous of him. I gulped and glanced down at the tent forming in my pants. Shit.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🐾୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

I groaned when I heard my alarm go off, dreading the long shift I had at work. I crawled out of my bed, exhausted since it was 4 in the morning and I barely got any sleep last night. I was too busy thinking, otherwise known as panicking at the sight of my hard-on and debating what it meant. I was gay, of course I enjoyed the sight of the male body, but it was Louis’s, so I was disgusted and disappointed in myself. I was just sexually frustrated, I kept telling myself with no luck in reassuring me. It was humiliating, mainly because I would be seeing him a lot more often now that Jimi became his friend. Awful, simply awful.

I was grumpy during my whole shift. I was behind the cash register, a book keeping me entertained while there were no customers. I had a tough time concentrating on the lines though, my mind drifting off in the middle of the paragraphs, causing me to reread whole pages since I continuously spaced out. An elderly lady was talking to me the whole time I was ringing up her items and I courteously nodded my head at her to signal that I was listening. She was fragile so I offered her help with carrying her bags out of the store for her. She thanked me graciously until she noticed she had to leave for her bus, and suddenly she was walking as swiftly as a nordic walker. I blinked and retreated into the building, watching the hours tick by.

At the last hour, I was itching to be freed. I grumbled under my breath as I stared at the Asian boy hesitating in front of the display of pastries. The kid who was probably 15 was a regular and this exact scenario was a recurring process. His eyebrows furrowed as he skimmed the treats, debating on what to purchase, but in the end, he always bought blueberry cupcakes. I couldn’t fathom why he was hesitating for so long if the chosen confection would be the exact same choice each fucking time. My fingers were tapping on the counter, screaming at him in my mind to hurry up. I sighed in relief when he finally walked up to the register with his items and – who would have fucking guessed – a blueberry cupcake. I held back the urge to roll my eyes, but the attitude in my tone must have been nasty as he uttered a quick ‘sorry’ after paying and scurried out of the building. I didn’t mean to be rude, but oh well. He was annoying anyway.

The shop’s automatic door slid open half an hour later and Jimi’s soft voice graced my eardrums. “Ethan!”

He happily ran up to the counter and my shitty mood was gone in an instant. I smiled down at him and ruffled his hair. “Hi Sunshine.”

He grinned at the nickname, his eyes shining in delight. It felt like we were the only two people in the world, until a voice disturbed the moment.

“Oh! He truly has dimples, how cute.” Of course he was here as well. My lips curled into a frown, a jittery feeling mixing with my displeasure of him being present. He smiled innocently as we stared at each other.

Shit.

“Hi Louis.” I groaned. This was just fantastic.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 15: Vermilion

「 ✦ Louis ✦ 」

» [Cold Touch] «

» [Later.] «

1:17 ──〇──── 3:48

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

Shit, that dimpled smile is adorable.

“Hi Louis.” He muttered out while his eyes pierced into mine, his low voice sending a shiver down my spine. How exciting.

“Don’t be so happy to see me Sugar.” I chuckled, standing next to Jimi. A man in his thirties appeared behind Ethan, informing him that he was free to leave now. Ethan nodded and walked around the counter, exiting the shop with us. Jimi hooked an arm around Ethan’s and gestured for me to do the same but how could I when he glanced down at Jimi like that? I simply strolled next to Ethan, my voice filled with mischief as I spoke up. “You never replied to my pictures. Did you enjoy them?”

Ethan’s shoulders stiffened and I watched his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Now, that certainly piqued my interest. Why was he squeamish all of a sudden? This morning I even took a photo of Jimi sleeping in my bed, spread out like a starfish, though I didn’t think he had seen it yet. So, was it my selfie that caused this reaction? That would be hilarious. I unconsciously licked my lips, the image of Ethan being bothered by my body was so appetising. Thrilling. Enticing. Shit, if he wasn’t Jimi’s I would totally jump him. However, he was obviously smitten with Jimi and I didn’t date. I was free to fantasise about it in my head nonetheless.

“Raindrop?” Jimi’s coy voice broke Ethan out of his trance and he turned to Jimi with a hum. “Is something the matter?”

“Nah, I’m just tired.” He cleared his throat. “You were adorable in all of them, Sunshine.”

Jimi giggled, pleased with the compliment. “What about me?” I piped up. 

Ethan sighed and ignored me completely. That wouldn’t be enough to cease my teasing though. Sadly, I couldn’t hang out with them longer since I had to leave for my shift. I escorted them to the parking lot before coming face to face with a pouting Jimi.

“Sorry Honey, next time we’ll have more time.” I patted his head and he nodded sadly. Aw, it warmed my heart how cute he was. He got attached to me easily but I wasn’t complaining, I was grateful to have him as my friend. Plus I had been less stressed ever since we met, his presence somehow comforted me. I hadn’t even lit up a cigarette yet today, and it was already past 1 PM. Huh. Ethan was avoiding looking at me so I swiftly seized his jaw and turned him to me, my thumb almost grazing his bottom lip.

“No goodbye kiss?” My voice was playful, my main aim was to have his attention on me, for his eyes to look at me and not through me as if I was a ghost. His breath hitched and he froze, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks. I didn’t care that we were in public, when I was around him I demanded his acknowledgement of my existence. If he hated my guts, then he should have screamed it to my face, and not pretend I wasn’t here. I realised I was too pushy so I reluctantly let go of his chin. Jimi, probably sensing the tension, stood on his tiptoes and hinted a kiss on my left cheek. It was my turn to blush and a faint laugh escaped from me, a concoction of  embarrassment and surprise.

“Here’s my goodbye kiss! Ethan, it’s your turn!” Jimi was giddy for a reason unknown to me. His lips were soft and gentle as if he was scared of breaking me. My heart skipped a beat and that dumbfounded me so severely I almost brushed off his words.

Jimi what the hell are you doing?!

Ethan blinked, horror overtaking his handsome features – Shit, my gay was showing. Gay panic was kicking in and I decided to announce my departure. “I uh, I’ll be late for my shift so…”

“Have a nice shift!” Jimi grinned and waved me off as I hurried away, my thoughts constructing into a knot. The more I pondered the bigger the size of the knot became. I fished out my cigarettes from my pocket and lit one up, the tension leaving my body. If they liked each other, why did it feel like Jimi was trying to set me and Ethan up? I couldn’t grasp the logic behind his actions. Last night, I was listening to him rambling about his lack of attraction to anyone but Ethan. He was unmistakably anxious and unsettled, not being able to assert his feelings. Coming to terms with your sexuality was always a delicate issue since it was the main step towards understanding who you were. I questioned him as thoroughly as I could and the answer was clear. I reassured him that he was not weird and explained my hypothesis. He was visibly comforted and couldn’t thank me enough, though all I truly did was return the amenity he provided me with when I opened up about my father. 

My shift ended at 10 PM, I didn’t have time to check my phone throughout the day since the restaurant was crowded. I massaged my shoulders, easing the tense muscles that hurt from carrying trays for hours. When I got home my parents had already retired for the night – if my dad was spending the night here in the first place – so I quietly ventured up to the safety of my bedroom. It was strange to be alone here after Jimi’s sleepover, the traces of his presence slowly disappearing into the night. I plopped down onto my bed with a sigh, taking a glimpse at my notifications. Oh, one was from Jimi.

 

Honeybee🐝

Hey Foxy ☺️

Are you free on the 25th?

 

Me

Yh

If not, Ill take the day off

Anything 4 u, cutie 😉

 

Honeybee🐝

Oh hey Louis!

Had a nice day at work? 😄

 

Me

Hello demiboy 😜

My shift was ok

The place was packed tho

All day

Anyway y 25?

 

Honeybee🐝

Oh yeah

We’re moving into the apartment that day

You said you wanted to help

 

Me

Yh I do

Shoot me a text on that day

N Ill be ready by the time u 2 r here

 

Honeybee🐝

Okay!

My birthday party is on the 30th

Hope you can come

 

Me

I wont miss it dw

 

Then I forgot to breathe for a second when I saw Ethan’s chat pop up. Was I hallucinating? Ethan writing to me? It was a dream come true.

 

Sugar

Hi

 

I rubbed my eyes but no matter how many times I checked it, the message was there. Simple, but a message nonetheless. Even a greeting from Ethan was a blessing.

 

Me

Hi bb

Wassup?

 

Sugar

Can you type like a normal person please?

My eyes are bleeding whenever I see your texts

 

Me

Wow

Okay then

Rare for you to text me first

Not that I’m complaining 😉

 

Sugar

Don’t get any ideas 🙄

I have a favor to ask of you

And as you can imagine

I wouldn’t be doing this if I could avoid it

 

Me

So serious

I’m interested though

What is it?

 

Sugar

Jimi said he invited you to his birthday

And I want to buy him a present

But it’s more on the expensive side

I don’t have enough money for it

 

My lips curled into a smirk, I could imagine how embarrassed he must have been to reach out to me. I didn’t even care how pricey it was whatever he wanted to give Jimi. If I was a jerk, I would easily take advantage of the situation. Oh wait, I was totally an asshole.

 

» [Taste] «

» [Ari Abdul] «

0:17 ─〇───── 3:06

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

Me

Oh my

Don’t worry Sugar, we can split

You know what?

I’ll cover ¾ of the cost

If you send me an appetiser 😉

 

Sugar

What do you mean?

 

Me

I sent you an appetiser yesterday

Did you already forget it?

 

Sugar

Are you serious?

What a perv

 

Me

Why not?

It’s just a harmless picture

 

I was pushing his buttons, that was obvious by the way I waited for 5 minutes for him to at least read my messages, all in vain. I had gone too far and now all I could hope was for him not to block me.

 

Me

Ethan?

I was just kidding

You don’t have to send anything

We can buy Jimi whatever you want

Hello?

 

I cursed under my breath, anxious that I had fucked up whatever I had built up with Ethan. That was, until my phone pinged. Ethan sent me a photo. I clicked on it with shaky fingers, forgetting how to breathe with anticipation. I choked on my spit at the sight. It was similar to mine in the sense that he took a picture of the bathroom mirror and he was nude, though sadly, the sink was covering the most delicious part. In a way, it was even more desirable, my mind reeling with possibilities. Shit, he was pretty, no, he was beautiful. He was semi-muscular, I could see the signs that he worked out once in a while. I recognised the tattoos littered on his forearms, proving it was truly his body. His head was not visible but I could tell he tilted it back due to how his neck muscles flexed. It was white like a canvas, ready to be painted with my love bites. Red and purple hickeys would suit him so well, a personal necklace from me to him… I wondered if his reaction was akin to mine when he opened my picture the day before.

 

Sugar

Too late now

 

Me

Fuck

You’re playing with fire here

 

Sugar

I doubt you’d burn me

Hot stuff

 

Me

Jimi is going to be angry about this

 

Sugar

Oh no, not at all

He knows

I asked for permission first

 

Huh? Did I read that right? Jimi said okay to that?!

 

Me

You guys are so weird

I’m totally saving that picture btw

 

Sugar

I can’t say I’m surprised

Are you free on Friday?

We could meet up to buy the present

 

Me

I will make time for you Sugar

 

Sugar

Great

See you then

 

Me

Dream of me

 

Sugar

No.

 

Me

My dreams will be filled with you

And let me tell you

They won’t be dry dreams 😏

 

Sugar

Good night Louis.

 

Me

Good night Ethan

 

I couldn’t believe it! Not only did Ethan text me first, he blessed my eyes and soul with that image, and he wanted to meet up with me as well. Alone. I yearned for a little taste, to feel his skin under my teeth while he called out my name. The temptation of coaxing him to come to my bedroom was high, but thankfully my morals were higher. He was Jimi’s whatever they had going on, and I was not allowing myself to be a homewrecker for fleeting pleasure. Jimi meant a lot to me, and I knew Ethan would eventually as well. For me to thirst over Ethan was immoral. He was the forbidden apple in my garden that I couldn’t touch, I could merely gaze at it from afar. No matter how ripe the fruit appeared to be, it never belonged to me and it never would. I discarded my phone on my nightstand, suddenly being conscious of a void in my chest. I hadn’t been with anyone since I met with Jimi and Ethan. I was pent up, yeah, that was the problem. I had a lot of fun that Saturday and I wanted to repeat it sometimes. In other words, I couldn’t fuck up our friendship because I wasn’t capable of keeping it in my pants. They were both attractive but hitting on friends never ended well. I had to imagine someone else. I could recall I had a fling with a cute ginger at one point. I wasn’t the type to call people back for seconds, but perhaps my indecisiveness was a clear sign it was time for me to fool around.

Ethan has such nice legs though, having them wrapped around me would be heaven.

No, I scolded myself. Indulging in my fantasies was dangerous. I chalked up my thoughts to sleep deprivation and hurried to get ready for bed – The innocent type, mind you. I was terrifically aware of the empty space next to me. Whereas in the past I was appreciative of it, now it seemed to mock me, highlighting my loneliness deep down. Jimi had Ethan to warm his bed and vice versa, leaving me clueless of which one of them I was jealous of more. If I became their roommate, would I be able to earnestly root for their relationship? At that moment I wasn’t certain. It was past midnight, I had to rest otherwise I would go crazy. The night was capable of twisting my thoughts in unnecessary ways, leaving me doubting everything I was confident in.

Yeah, I had to sleep these doubts off and wake up with a clear head. I couldn’t get attached, my emotions were second to my beliefs. I was doing alright on my own before so I would have no trouble continuing living this way. Love wasn’t for me. The media strictly relished in the positive sides of romance, sugarcoating a lot of the downsides. I wasn’t planning to offer half of me to anyone only to end up broken in the end. I grew up with the nasty side of love visible to me, and frankly speaking, I had no desire to give into it. I was into fun and not anything more serious or more complex. I couldn’t let myself get chained down, to be beaten and bruised not merely by my own emotions but by others’ as well.

When the end comes, everyone is alone anyway.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 16: Baby Blue Eyes

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [Black Lagoon] «

» [Still Corners] «

2:10 ──〇──── 5:33

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

My mind had been in an overdrive lately. If I had to put my feelings for Jimi into words, I would fill a book and yet it still wouldn’t be enough. I would undoubtedly cross out pages, dissatisfied with each sentence, not capable of conveying the depth of my emotions in their entirety. My crush on him persisted, eventually blossoming into something more, something significant. I wouldn’t dare call it love – I’d rather not name it at all – but it was always evident in the corners of my heart. For the past three years, I reminded myself that if I was by his side, that would be enough. Now, I couldn’t bring myself to say the same. He told me to wait for him so that was what I was doing, but every inch of my body itched to be closer to him, to kiss him, to make him mine officially. When we first kissed, I finally believed that I truly achieved something in my life. His lips were soft and gentle, filling my stomach with butterflies as I realised our feelings were mutual. Jimi was an honest person, barely ever keeping secrets from others, especially from me. I savored every kiss and touch he bestowed me with, addressed to no one else but me. We didn’t have to say it aloud, this deep connection was exclusively shared between us. Still, I wanted to date him.

That must have been the reason why I felt guilt creeping up on me, numbing my fingertips as I averted my eyes from Louis. Did I enjoy his pictures? Yes. Not only did it scar my pride, it questioned my morality and loyalty towards Jimi. Technically, we weren’t a couple, though that didn’t ease my conscience, not in the least. My sole focus should have been Jimi, and yet Louis somehow succeeded in embedding himself into my thoughts. I adored Jimi while Louis merely sparked a flicker of curiosity in me. The way his hazel eyes pierced into mine wobbled my knees and he had such an intense gaze it took my breath away. He was confident, his goal was set in his mind and he was certainly positive he could achieve anything, whatever it took. It was annoying, but appealing at the same time. I had the impression that he was a hunter readying his weapon with a smirk while I was the clueless prey hopping too close to his trap. Jimi was no help as well, I wasn’t sure if he was blind to the situation or decided to switch sides and join in to lure me towards my doom. We were childhood friends, he must have known I was uncomfortable to be around Louis, so why was he testing me?

I was obviously flustered once he held my chin, his thin and long thumb was dangerously close to my bottom lip, but his eyes, they held authority and I couldn’t tear my attention away from him. His tone was playful, though I couldn’t help but notice the seriousness laced within. I wondered if it was truly there or if I wanted it to be there. It dumbfounded me since I disliked him. When he finally released his grip on me, I was able to function again. I was slightly disappointed and relieved simultaneously once he stepped away from me. Before I started to panic, I assured myself that my dissatisfaction was purely based on the fact that he was attractive. Even if it was this jerk, having a hot guy interested in me felt pleasing in a way. Though I certainly didn’t want it to go beyond where it is right now. Actually, I wouldn’t have minded it if it back-tracked a little bit. What topped this whole absurd situation was Jimi kissing Louis’s cheek. What the hell was going on?

“Here’s my goodbye kiss! Ethan, it’s your turn!” Jimi enthusiastically turned to me and I blinked, my face twisting into horror once his words reached my brain that was having trouble grasping the situation already.

Like hell I will!

Even if it was a simple kiss on the cheek, it would be too bizarre for me to go through it. There were solely two people who could receive that, Jimi and my mom. That level of affection was above my comfort zone for anyone else, Louis in particular. We weren’t strangers – much to my dismay – but definitely not friends either. Jimi jumping to that level didn’t confound me, he was Jimi after all. He was social and relished in having as many friends as possible despite most of them being shallow relationships. He didn’t mind physical contact to showcase affection, though it seemed like Louis somewhat shared the same sentiments as me as his face reddened, perplexed by his action. Jesus, Jimi should have asked if Louis was fine with that kind of stuff. That was Jimi for you.

“I uh, I’ll be late for my shift so…” Louis muttered out, his usual confidence nowhere in sight. It was amusing how he fidgeted with the chain around his pants before he swiftly scurried away.

“Have a nice shift!” Jimi grinned and waved at him, watching him until he was out of sight. I let out a sigh and rubbed my temples. 

“You scared him off.” I concluded while I opened the car door and climbed in. Jimi followed suit, fastening his seatbelt with a smirk on his face.

“So? Did you actually want to give him a kiss?” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed. I let out a groan in response to his teasing as the car roared to life.

“How was spending the night at his place anyway?” I questioned with a bored tone, masking the anxiety that trickled into me. I swallowed, my grip on the wheel tightening. 

“Oh, I had a great time! It would have been better if you were there too.” Jimi spoke up fondly, a delicate smile complementing his handsome features. “His house is huge! His family is loaded.”

I scoffed, no wonder he was a jerk, he must have been spoiled since he was young, getting whatever he wanted from his daddy’s money. Eugh. Jimi was babbling about the garden and gushing about how kind Mrs. Leroy was. “Whatever wine it was, it was delectable. It had to have been an expensive one and she just offered it to me after I helped her clear the table!”

“They gave you alcohol when you’re underage?” I rolled my eyes, not only was Louis irresponsible, his parents were too. Amazing.

“Oh come on, it was simply wine.” Jimi retorted. “There wasn’t much in it after dinner.”

“Uh-huh. So you got drunk with him. What else?” I didn’t attempt to hide my annoyance. Louis was a bad influence after all.

“I wasn’t drunk!” He sighed. “Anyway, we had a deep conversation after that and I can tell we’re going to be close. So…”

“So?” I glanced at him.

“I want you two to get along. He’s nice. Just give him a chance. He’s not the person you make him out to be.” He placed his hand on my thigh, a habit after all these years. My mouth twitched. I didn’t want to. I feared what would happen if I did.

“He didn’t touch you, right?” I inquired after a few seconds of silence.

He shook his head. “Of course not.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Fine. I'll tolerate his presence.”

He chuckled and squeezed my leg. “That’s all I ask of you, Raindrop.”

The rest of the ride was filled with occasional small talk, but mainly with Jimi singing along to the songs from our Spotify playlist. He couldn’t sing well, that didn’t stop him though. I was mesmerised by him at times like this. He was radiating with that goofy smile on his face, his eyes twinkling like stars in the night sky. What a dork, I always thought. However, he was my dork.

 

» [Sweet] «

» [Cigarettes After Sex] «

2:50 ───〇─── 4:51

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

“Are you coming in or should I take you home?” I asked once we were near my house.

“I’m coming in!” He chirped and quickly sent a text to who I assumed was his mom. “Was the family dinner fun?”

I shut off the engine and unlocked my door. “Yeah. It’s clear Michael and Mom are in love with each other.”

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for your mom!” I let him in first and he kicked his Converses off. That was when I noticed the shirt he was wearing wasn’t his. 

“Is that shirt his?” I pressed my lips into a thin line, the sight of him in someone else’s clothes left a sour taste in my mouth. My attention flickered to the silver ring decorating his finger.

Jimi’s head snapped to me. “Yeah. Are you jealous?” He giggled and cupped my cheeks, caressing my skin affectionately. He was humored by my reaction but at the same time his eyes were swarming with flattery.

“Maybe.” I muttered out.

“Of Louis? Or of me?” He tilted his head slightly with a playful smile. The audacity to pose that question… It was obviously Louis I was jealous of…

“Why would I have the desire to wear Louis’s clothes?” I voiced my confusion out loud, hoping for a reply from both Jimi and me.

“Because they’re comfy.” He booped my nose and I blinked. Fair, I guess. “Oh, yeah! That reminds me, when do you have your next shift off?”

We huddled up on my bed, his left leg draped over my right. Our skins always made contact in one way or another, comforted by each other’s warmth. His head was laid on my shoulder while he played with my fingers on my right hand. I checked my schedule on my phone.

“On the 25th. Why?”

“I thought it would be a good idea to settle into our new home.” He grinned and I could tell he was imagining the future with how thrilled he was.

“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.” I agreed calmly, though my heartbeat was racing. Living with Jimi, a dream come true. A part of me was unnerved by it while the other was somersaulting from glee. This was the beginning of a new chapter in my life – in our life. I noticed I had an unread message from Louis and I opened it with a raised eyebrow. A chuckle escaped from me as I was endowed with the picture of a sleeping Jimi, spread out like a starfish on a queen sized bed. The sheets were red and they must have been velvety, they were elegant and screamed rich. 

It must be comfortable to lie in it.

“Your sleeping habits never change.” I mused while I showed the picture to the cute blond next to me. He gasped and grabbed the phone out of my hands. 

“That sly fox! Now I understand why he was snickering when he woke me up.” Jimi grumbled under his breath, eliciting a soft laugh from me. He tapped off of it and one of his eyebrows raised up. That smirk was bad news. Oh. I knew exactly what he had found. “What’s this?”

“Louis sent it to me, don’t ask me.” I crossed my arms with a huff, heat crawling to my neck and ears. I watched as he enlarged the image and I looked away, focusing on my white ceiling instead. Why did I feel as if I was caught cheating? No, even worse, why did I feel as if Jimi was browsing through my search history?

“He’s sexy, isn’t he? And he’s not just some eye candy either.” Jimi giggled and I was confident he would bring this up till the rest of his life. I hesitated with my reply, knowing if I agreed he would tease me for it, and if I disagreed he would analyse the photo to prove me wrong. The sole option was to change the subject.

“You like his body?” I blamed my mouth for such a stupid question. I couldn’t help but recognise the slight shift in his tone while he praised Louis’s psyche. Was Jimi attracted to him? He was never the type to gush about the bodies of others so his enthusiasm about it was concerning.

“Well, yeah. It must have been a lot of work to get into shape.” Jimi put his head in my lap, staring up and into my eyes. “Do you?”

I swallowed hard but nodded nonetheless, honesty was key to understanding others after all. Jimi smiled, instead of blowing up, he seemed relieved. 

“I like your body more though.” I confessed while lacing my fingers through his blond locks.

“Should I start sending pictures like this to you?” He challenged me and I choked on my saliva.

“No! I wouldn’t survive that.” I coughed out and he giggled. He has been testing my patience lately. He was more cheeky than usual, especially with what he pulled in the restaurant.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” I looked down at him, puzzled.

“Will you take selfies like that?” He reached his hand up and traced my jawline.

“I don’t know. Do you want me to?”  I reluctantly whispered.

“I know you’re conscious about your body. I think it will build up your confidence.” I averted my gaze. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but I indeed didn’t fancy the idea of showing my bare skin. Jimi was the exception. “But if you end up doing it, send it to me as well.”

I snorted. “Sure, you dork.”

He grinned and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss. His feathery touch assured me how much I meant for him. He was mine and I was his, we didn’t have to say it aloud, it was a fact.

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3

Chapter 17: Dark Electric Blue

「 ✦ Ethan ✦ 」

» [Strange Clouds] «

» [ufo ufo] «

1:33 ──〇──── 3:26

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

─── ⋆⋅🎨⋅⋆ ───

“I don’t want to go home.” Jimi pouted while tying his shoelaces. I was leaning against the door frame, watching him sulking with a soft smile.

“We’ll be living together soon. Spend some time with your family as well.” I replied, hiding how his words caused my heart to skip a beat. Be cool, I reminded myself. “I’ll walk you home.”

He grinned up at me and said goodbye to my mom who returned from work an hour ago. We exited the house and we strolled side by side, the gentle wind caressing our faces on the warm summer day. A great number of people were still outside since the Sun was still high in the sky after 5 PM much to my dismay. 

I want to hold his hand.

I restrained myself since we were in public and as much as I loved Jimi, I wasn’t wholeheartedly comfortable with showing it to the world. Our connection was special since only we felt the true length it reached. I would have no problems with telling it to those I was close to, like my mom and Jimi’s sisters. My sexuality and my partner concerned solely me, and I wasn’t fond of receiving strange glances from strangers who couldn’t mind their own business. I believed my mother always had a hunch of my adoration for Jimi and since she approved him, she would surely support us. I wondered about the third person though. Jimi said he wanted to share a boyfriend years ago. It was slightly surprising that he never actually got a lover or a crush on anyone. School and uncertainty took a toll on us both, and somehow we didn’t discuss it further. The right person would come along eventually, at least that’s what I believed. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Jimi’s pinky finger curling around mine discreetly. I bit my lip to refrain from smiling at him, his small gestures never failed to fluster me. 

I was somber when we reached his doorstep, not wanting to let go of him just yet. He pulled me closer and was about to lean in when the front door opened, scaring us both. Anna peeked her head out with a raised eyebrow. She smirked knowingly but no words slipped from her lips. She beckoned us to come inside and Jimi pulled me after him happily. His parents insisted that I had dinner with them before returning home so I spent a few hours there. Evelyn and Anna exchanged glances and giggles, undoubtedly sensing that something was going on between me and Jimi. I was constantly treated as a family member, Mrs. Mäkinen patted my head while I reassured her that I would visit often with Jimi on weekends even after we settled into our new apartment. Speaking of that, Jimi’s birthday was fast approaching and I was yet to purchase anything for him. Around 7 PM I bid my farewell and kissed Jimi when he escorted me outside.

“I’ll be a little busy these next few days with my family but I promise to text often.” He hinted one last kiss on my lips before he disappeared inside the house, waving at me from the circular window on the front door. I smiled and waved back to him, venturing home. I spent the rest of my day browsing art supplies online for Jimi, assuming that would be the perfect gift since he would be attending college soon. There was a minor complication with that idea though. They were certainly expensive. I wanted to buy a set that included a variety of colorful pencils and sharpies with a brand that was professional quality, and I cursed mentally at the price tag. With the lease paid in advance for the apartment and a part of my salary reserved for a few months in case of emergencies, I found myself frowning. I couldn’t afford it. I chewed my bottom lip while I contemplated what to do. His sisters might have bought him something similar, though he would need spare ones either way. His parents were paying Jimi’s side of the rent so they wouldn’t give him anything in this price range. His other friends would surely not bother with doing proper research of the topic so this had to be the best present Jimi would get. And I wanted to impress him and show him how much I adored him. Even if it cost me my pride.

That’s how I found myself in this situation. It began with a simple thought. I bet Louis could easily afford something like this. A few hundred dollars are probably nothing to him with a dad who owns multiple top quality cars. My mind was driving me crazy, suddenly drowning in jealousy and shame. Even my shower thoughts were not enough to offer any other alternatives. I changed into clean boxers and sat down on my bed. I reminded myself that it was for Jimi and that I would do anything for him. I pursed my lips and clicked on Louis’s chat, the pictures welcoming me. This time I ignored them and quickly sent a text, scoffing mentally. I hoped this wouldn’t be an awful idea and that I wouldn’t end up regretting it. He responded immediately which baffled me but I shrugged it off. 

 

Louis the Menace

Oh my

Don’t worry Sugar, we can split

You know what?

I’ll cover ¾ of the cost

If you send me an appetiser 😉

 

I gulped. He wasn’t thinking about that, right? There was absolutely no chance that I would ever send something like that. I wasn’t that desperate for money, plus it would be weird to face him after it. The fact that I wasn’t actually disgusted was startling. Jimi’s words from earlier invaded my thoughts and I started to debate it. Would it make me feel better about myself? It wasn’t like I had a problem with my body. Louis was a pervert for sure, even if he kept his mouth shut, his smirk and eyes were a clear indication of his true nature. A playboy who suddenly wanted me… It slightly stroked my ego. Would he react similarly as I did? The payback sounded amazing… After ensuring he was implying what I originally assumed, I set my phone down on the bathroom counter.

If, for some reason, my mom walks in, it will be really awkward.

I took a deep breath and my pointer fingers slipped under the band of my boxers, sliding them down until they weren’t visible in the mirror anymore. I stared at my reflection and inspected my form. I wasn’t convinced that Louis, who had a great build, would find me appealing. ‘He asked for it’ echoed in my mind and I raised my phone. I tilted my head back to hide my face just for extra precaution in case he ever forwarded this image. I checked the picture and I was genuinely satisfied with it. I sent it to Jimi first.

 

» [Can I Call You Tonight?] «

» [Dayglow] «

4:05 ─────〇─ 4:38

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

 

Me

[sent a picture]

What do you think?

 

Dork

Omg!!

Why did I have to leave? 😭

I want to see it with my own eyes 🥹

 

His messages fueled my confidence. Yeah, I could totally go through with it. I longed to witness Louis’s reaction to it. But how would Jimi react to that? I was nervous as I typed to Jimi, ignoring the texts that popped up from Louis.

 

Me

Can I send it to Louis too?

 

Dork

Of course if you want!

I bet he’ll love it!!

 

Wow. Okay then. Sometimes it feels like he’s rooting for me and Louis to get together. Weird. But it’s Jimi so I’m not surprised. He was always eccentric.

Jimi didn’t ask the reason why I wanted Louis to see this picture of me. It was a little… suspicious. Even though I had known him for years, he still managed to catch me off-guard sometimes. I shook my head and opened the texts Louis left me in the meantime.

 

Louis the Menace

Ethan?

I was just kidding

You don’t have to send anything

We can buy Jimi whatever you want

Hello?

 

Was he worried? How intriguing. I smirked and attached the image of me before I started doubting myself. He saw it immediately and a few minutes passed before he replied. My plan worked and I was certain that I riled him up pretty well. I indeed was playing with fire but I couldn’t help myself. It was enjoyable to shoot down his straightforward perverted comments. There was something about Louis that lured me no matter how much I tried to oppose it. It was past 10 PM so I blamed it on the night. I couldn’t deny it, I was looking forward to Friday. I wondered if Louis acted differently now. How fun.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🐾୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

I left the grocery shop with a faint smile, finding Louis standing by my car while he was scrolling on his phone. He was dressed elegantly like usual while an unlit cigarette was hanging from between his lips. His loafer shoes must have cost more than my whole outfit. A silver chain was attached to his black dress pants and I was questioning how he wasn’t sweating in such hot weather. Though since my wardrobe also consisted mainly of black, I kept my mouth shut. He stood out wherever he was, how annoying.

It must be nice to be everyone’s type. I’m the exception of course…

 “You can’t smoke in my car.” I mused while I unlocked the vehicle and placed my bag inside. I could see Louis roll his eyes in my peripheral vision and he grumbled out a ‘hello to you too’ before he tucked his cigarette into his pocket. Wise choice. He slipped into the passenger side and buckled in his seatbelt. I clicked on a random playlist to cancel out the slightly uncomfortable silence since Louis stayed quiet for some reason. I glanced at him a few times but didn’t voice my concern. It was probably nothing. Perhaps he didn’t know how to act around me now. I was in the same boat when I received his picture so he deserved it. His fingers were tapping the rhythm of the songs on his thighs while he was staring out of the window. He seemed closed off today. I pursed my lips, I was dumb for believing that he would enjoy hanging out with me without Jimi. Louis was a jerk anyway. Like I gave a damn about him. I only cared about Jimi. Plus my mom, Michael, Jimi’s sisters, Jimi’s parents, Suzy, Lou- no. That was the end of the list.

I pulled up to the craft shop and Louis followed behind me. He swiftly reached over my shoulder before I could touch the doorknob and opened the door for me. Huh, so he had manners. I rolled my eyes and stepped inside, looking around for the pencils. There was a great variety of all kinds of supplies but thankfully a worker offered guidance and detailed descriptions of what each item was recommended for. She was patient with me and I ended up finding what I wanted. Louis was watching curiously from the side and I didn’t miss how the worker kept stealing glances at him from time to time. That jerk didn’t seem to mind, quite the opposite actually.

Hello? I’m right here. Can you fuck each other with your eyes somewhere else, please?

The way they checked each other tempted me to stab a pencil into my stomach. Louis’s gaze was slow but deliberate as it lingered on her form. Disgusting. I knew I promised Jimi I would try to get along with Louis but how could I? I hurried to the cash register to escape as soon as I could from here. It was all for Jimi. Louis stepped in front of me and paid for it, giving a wink at the female who scribbled her phone number on the receipt. 

Can I throw up? Why do I have to witness this? Eugh, I hate leaving my house.

I grumbled while waiting for Louis to be done with whatever this was and I was inclined to be an asshole and just leave him there but ultimately decided against it. I counted my part of the money and shoved it into his hands. His fingers twitched as our skin grazed. Strange. I offered to take him home but he refused, settling with me dropping him off at my workplace. Did he detest me that much suddenly? Where did his sudden interest go? I knew that he would eventually get tired of me, so why was I disappointed? I drove in silence and only nodded at him as a goodbye when he exited my car.

I laid in my bed with my arm draped over my eyes. I felt like shit and I couldn’t understand why. My mom was out with Michael and Jimi was at his cousin’s. There was solely one person I could call but I doubted he would pick up. I missed Jimi or just the presence of someone next to me who comforted me. I inserted my earphones into my ears and tried to drown my thoughts with music instead. I was fine alone. But sometimes I wished I had more people to talk to. I was a gloomy kid, who would want to speak with me? No wonder Louis got bored of me this fast… Why was I thinking about him again? I had his number due to Jimi sending it to me prior.

He wouldn’t answer either way, he was probably busy fooling around.

…

Ring ring

I held my breath back. When did I press on his contact? He wouldn’t pick up…

[Call in progress]

0:01

─── ⋆⋅🧩⋅⋆ ───

Notes:

Thanks for reading! <3