Chapter Text
The blows softly on SMG4’s castle. The leaves fall off the trees, signalling the end of the spring cycle. To most, it’s a time to bundle up and get ready for the cold.
But not for those inside the blue hat inspired castle, it was a bittersweet celebration. Because the spring cycle wasn’t the only thing ending inside there.
…
Inside, the entire main foyer is dark. The lights are down.
POP! A spotlight goes on a small Asian man in white overalls, a blue shirt, and a blue hat. He smiles sadly as a band of Koopas strikes up.
We’ll meet again!
Don’t know where, Don’t know when!
But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day!
The castle isn’t empty. In tables surrounding the man are all his friends. Similar men in overalls and caps, anime girls with multi-colored hair, cyborgs, creatures, monsters, and memes.
On the tallest table of them all, a chunky plush toy version of the singing man records him for a livestream on YouTube.
Keep smiling through
Just like you, always do!
Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds
Far Away!
So will you please say hello,
To the folks I don’t know
Tell them I won’t be long!
They’ll be happy to know
That as you saw me go!
I was singing, this song!
As the band rises and the song gains momentum, all of his friends stand up, hold hands, and follow him in suit.
We’ll meet again!
Don’t know where, Don’t know when!
But I know we’ll meet again!
SOME
SUNNY DAY!
The lights dim again. The man looks at the phone and smiles. His eyes red from his tears.
“This is SMG4 saying one last time, thanks for watching, and keep memeing!”
The lights turn off. The Beeg SMG4 sniffles a little bit as he turns the camera.
The spotlight reveals that one person is giving the performance a standing ovation.
In a fancy tux, it’s actual cannibal Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf. He’s giving this performance the ultimate ovation.
He calmly sits down after a minute of applauding. Beeg SMG4 ends the livestream.
“It’s over! It’s done!” Shia says from his seat.
The lights go back up. Most of the crowd is in tears and they give the final livestream a rousing ovation.
SMG4, the man in white and blue, grabs the mic while cleaning away his tears. “Thank you everybody! That was the greatest finale I think we could have made for this channel!”
SMG4: Former YouTuber, Meme Guardian, Hobo
From the audience, a fat Italian man in blue overalls, a red shirt and hat, and a thiccc mustache pats him on the back. “That was a so good! Mario’s pingas says it was a perfect! WA-HOO!”
MARIO: Nintendo’s Golden Boy, Fat Italian, Professional Pasta Humper
A similar looking man to Mario hugs SMG4. “It was amazing! I’m… SO HAPPY!” He squeaked out before bursting into tears.
LUIGI: Mario’s Brother, Nintendo’s Silver Boy, Coward
“Aw guys, I’m glad you liked it.” SMG4 remarks.
“We loved it!” Luigi states.
“It was good, but it didn't rain spaghetti at the end. Then it would be a perfect!” Mario stupidly says. SMG4 rolls his eyes while smirking.
“You guys have been my best friends since my USB port landed in this universe. I wouldn’t have had it any other way!” 4 gladly states. This just causes Luigi to cry harder.
Two more of 4’s friends approach him and the Mario Brothers. One is a wee little lass with orange hair and in white and black sports clothes. The other is a gamer girl with blue hair, a blue jacket, black pants, and a cute rubber duckie in her cybernetic left arm.
“That was amazing!” The Orange one screams.
“It was so… beautiful!” The Gamer Girl squeaks before crying like Luigi.
MEGGY SPLETZER: Inkling turned human, former athlete turned smol bean crime fighter
TARI: Gamer Girl Cyborg and member of the Hugh Neutron Duck Society
SMG4 smiles and hugs his female friends. “Meggy, Tari! I’m just glad Mario introduced me to you guys along the way. You helped us out of a couple of jams!”
“You’re welcome!” Mario blabs. “Mario’s so good at making badass friends!”
“Only because SMG4 never leaves his room!” A big-ass lady with pink hair, in a purple skirt, and in a black jacket and shirt sarcastically quips. “And most of the jams we get in, are directly because of you!” She says, pointing at Mario, whose head shrinks in fear.
Saiko Bichitaru: Rock Goddess, Former Psycho… still a bitch
“Aw, Saiko! I’m glad you came!” SMG4 smiles. Saiko smiles, but still keeps up her angry front.
“I only came because Kaizo wanted to!” She lies. Her friend, Kaizo, glares at her. Kaizo looks similar to Saiko in anime tone, but with devil horns, and him being a dude.
“Hey! You told me we’re showing up because you love and support your friends!” he spits back.
Saiko blushes as everybody goes, AWWW.
“You do care!” Mario screams as he hugs Saiko’s leg.
“Off the merch!” She screams as she drop-kicks Mario into the wall.
“I regret nothing!” CRASH!
Kaizo looks up into the sky. “HEY! Where’s my cool description?” he screams.
“Sorry, you’re just a side character.” Luigi empathetically explains.
Kaizo turns red. “WHAT?”
“Welcome to the club.” One of the Plumbers in the crowd sadly remarks. He’s in green overalls and a light blue hat and shirt. He is X. Next to him is an equally pissed plumber in a yellow and red uniform. He is FM.
“You’re a key member of the golden years, appearing in almost every episode for 3 years straight, and you only get a guest role in the final War of the Fat Italians.” FM laments.
“I used to host them!” X screams.
A plumber in black overalls and a purple shirt and hat pats SMG4 on the back. “I’ll admit 4, you did pretty good. But you quit before me, so I WIN!”
SMG3: Rival turned Frienemy, Meme Guardian, Coffee Shop Owner, and Therapist
“I didn’t quit 3, I retired!” 4 says happily. He reaches into his pocket. “See, I have the money to prove it!”
He pulls out a penny slug and a gumball. “That’s more than MatPat had when he retired! I did pretty good!”
3 blushes and smiles for his… “friend”. “Hey, I’m just glad we became friends by the end. We kept it real.” A white Eggdog jumps to 3, who begins spoiling him. “Isn’t that right, Eggdog? We did become good friends!”
“Congrats 4!” A sweet and calm voice rings out. The group turns to see a girl in a watermelon themed hoodie and skirt smiling at them.
“Aw, thanks Melony!” 4 states.
MELONY: Watermelon turned Manga Artist with the powers of God
“I know that Axol and all our late friends would’ve loved watching this.” Melony sadly surmises.
A touch of melancholia hits the group. Meggy, Mario, and SMG3 are hit the hardest, each remembering their late friends Desti, Greg the Alien, and Terrence the Ugandan Echidna.
“We might have lost a few friends along the way, but I’m just glad we got a chance to know such great people!” SMG4 optimistically states. “We have a whole future to survive, and they helped us live to see tomorrow.”
“I’m glad to be your friend too!” A voice cracks and breaks from the side. A cyan and lime green amphibian in sandals smiles while holding a body pillow of Isabelle from Animal Crossing.
FISHY BOOPKINS: Weeb and local salad lookin’ muta fucka
“Hey, my description was very mean!”
“At least you GOT one!” X laments.
Besides Boopkins, a dude wearing a full body robe with swords pops out of the crowd, holding a bottle of wine.
“HeLl YeAh BoI! TiMe To BlOw ThIs PoPsTaNd!” He says robotically before shattering the wine with his swords. “GoD dAmMiT!”
BOB: Local Rapper/Hobo/Con Artist/Hotel Proprietor
“We’re not throwing another major raver. The last one nearly destroyed the castle.” SMG4 sternly proclaims.
“yOu MeAn ThE sTiLl UnFiNiShEd CaStLe?”
“Shut it.”
“I must admit 4, you impressed me.” A tired, cynical, yet earnest voice said. An anthro cat in a barista’s uniform and thick glasses smiles at him while sipping a cup of coffee.
“The fact that you lasted this long in one job without any mouths to feed is admirable.”
KAREN KATPHISH: Local Wage Slave/Mother/Retired Assassin
“Not entirely true.” 3 states.
“What do you mean?” 4 asks inquisitively.
Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, instantly points to Mario, who is sucking on a plate of spaghetti. “Whazzap?” he screams.
“Point taken.”
Two soldiers jump on the stage. The only difference is one has a mustache while the other has scars on their face.
“I’ll say, that was a pretty good video!” The Scar faced one says. “It even made Swag cry!”
“I did not cry Chris, my eyes were just pissing… the entire time!” The mustached one says before weeping again.
CHRIS GORDMAN: Soldier and Swag’s handler.
SWAGMASTER69696969: Soldier and public nuisance.
“Hey! Why don’t we get any cool colors?!” Swag laments.
"Because AOO3 doesn't do colored fonts" Chris explains.
SMG4 is in tears but has a great feeling of pride inside him now. All of his friends, beside him thick and thin, supportive of him to the very end.
“Guys,” he says, voice cracking. “When I thought of retiring, I was terrified for the future. But you guys have taught me something. Good friends help you, but true friends are loyal. You guys are more than true friends, and I’m lucky to have even met you guys.”
This calls for a group hug. Emotions high, everybody embraces in a joyous symbol of years of friendship.
Nothing could break them apart.
“HeY sMg4!” Bob states in the middle of the group hug. “nOw ThAt YoU’vE eNdEd YoUr OnLy SoUrCe Of InCoMe, NoW wHaT aRe YoU gOnNa Do FoR iNcOmE lIkE bAsIc SpEnDiNg MoNeY aNd PrOpErTy TaX?”
The glass shatter sound effect plays as SMG4 turns pale white and his eyes shrink. All of his friends take instant notice.
“oh…. Fuck.”
It was at this moment he knew...
He fucked up.
It’s Always Sunny in the Mushroom Kingdom
SMG4 Finds Gainful Employment
...
One Day Later
SMG4 was in the castle, reading the want-ads.
“Uh… I didn’t think anybody used these anymore.” he questions.
Luigi waves off his concerns while cleaning up the mess from the previous night. For some reason, he’s wearing a maid’s uniform. “Nonsense. I used the want-ads to get my 127 jobs! You can use them to find one!”
SMG4 remains unsure. He quickly pulls out his phone. Usually, he uses it to meme, but he restrains himself and instead searches for job listings. “Gonna have to get used to using this thing outside of social media and YouTube.”
He clicks on one of the top results. “There, easy enough.” words said before disaster in three two…
“HEL-LO! YOU APPLY FOR JOB!” The website’s AI bot says before thousands of virus ridden, bandwidth-hogging attachments appear on the screen.
“YOU WORK FOR YEAR, HOW LONG? SKILL? CREDIT CARD. HEL-LO! SERVO RAN OUT!”
SMG4’s brain begins melting as the website crashes and the server goes 404.
“Oh yeah, applying online sucks, just go in and use the ads.” Luigi states, having been there and done that.
4, having shut down his phone to save it, shakes his before looking over the ads. “Welp, might as well start hunting.”
…
JOB ONE: OFFICE SPACE
The white overalls and blue shirt have been replaced with black pants and a white shirt. SMG4 left his hat at home, and has instead cleaned up his black hair.
Corporate Cubicles. A large 6 story office building. The company’s logo, “We Do Something”
Inside, 4 goes through the thousands of cubicles. Depressed schmucks endlessly type away at green screens. Leading 4 through this catacomb of useless busy work is the HR Department Lead, a tall woman with a false smile that has been surgically formed.
“We here at Corporate Cubicles believe in an inclusive work environment, and we’d love to have a youth in our company culture!” she states with enough sugary energy to kill a diabetic.
“Uh, thanks ma’am. I’m glad to be considered.” 4 says politely.
“Just a few questions before I consider starting the hiring process” she cheerfully states.
“Yeah-what?”
“Do you have ten years of experience in website designing?” she asks.
“N-no… I thought this was an entry level job!” SMG4 protests.
“OH! No-No! No-no-no-no!” The bitch says “This is an advanced job with entry level PAY! There’s a difference.”
“Uh… I mean I have 14 years worth of experience in the YouTube scene. There’s a lot of overlap.” 4 starts.
“Erm… TISK!... ta-ta…. No. I’m sorry, 4 years too many.” The HR Woman remarks. She takes 4’s job application and adds it to a pile of them, that is currently the size of a drum set!
“But I thought you needed this job filled. Like, desperately!” 4 protests.
“Na, I just need to fulfill my job quota.” she says smiling. “I can always get somebody else to do it for unpaid overtime!”
Her neck then extends by 15 feet. She slinks it over a cubicle to one of the suckers working it in.
“PETER. YOU WILL WORK THIS WEEKEND AND UPDATE OUR WEBSITE FOR NO EXTRA PAY!” Her eyes roll back in her head as drool and blood froth from her mouth. She smiles like a serial killer ready to strike another victim.
Peter meanwhile, just bows his head. “aw man…”
SMG4, rightfully terrified, jumps out of the wall and nopes the fuck out of dodge!
...
JOB TWO: FINE DINING, and BREATHING
SMG4 finds himself in all white in the kitchen of a fancy restaurant. And when I say fancy, I mean 5 Michelin star fancy!
He and all the other cooks, including BOWSER, the Koopa King himself, all wait in line.
“I’m so glad you joined the world of Fine Dining and Breathing 4! You’re gonna love it!” Bowser happily states.
“Yeah! I’ve never been bad with cooking. This can’t be too horrible. better than the cubicle.” 4 remarks.
Suddenly, Jeeves, a fork in a black suit, marches to the front of the chefs. “ALRIGHT! We’ve got a full house today! Chef ROM ROM GRAMSEY!?”
SLAM! From the back doors, a British man with blonde hair marches in. The TV chef with a mouth, Rom Rom Gramsey.
All of the chefs begin sweating bullets, afraid of what he’ll say next.
Rom Rom walks to the front of the kitchen and glares at the troops.
“Alright donkeys, today we will be serving risotto, scallops, lamb, with a side soup of either chicken baked or wedding. For deserts, Chef Koopa will be cooking up a surprise. Let’s do this ladies!”
The Chefs instantly get to work. Pans begin to heat up, ovens are pre-heated, knives are sharpened.
Inside the dining section, Jeeves and his legion of servers welcome in everybody who was lucky to get a reservation. Everybody is dressed in their Sunday Bests.
SMG4 begins to cook scallops like crazy. Despite not being an experienced chef, he knows enough that you can’t cook them too long, or else they burn.
Jeeves meanwhile, rushes around getting everybody’s orders. One of these comes from a Scarecrow with a jack-o-lantern for a head. We call him… Rob.
“hello! i will take anything with corn on it!” Rob states.
“Corn risotto?” Jeeves asks.
“corn yes!”
SMG4 sends up the scallops. “Scallops Chef!”
Rom Rom glares at it and back at 4. “What the bloody fuck is this?”
“Scallops Chef?”
“THEY’RE BURNED! BURNED LIKE THE CORPSES OF ALL THE DEAD CHILDREN IN WACO YOU STUPID FUCK!” he screams.
SMG4 is at a loss for words. “How can?”
“HOW?” Rom Rom screams. He touches a scallop, it giggles. “It’s fucking rubbery! Rubbery like the FUCKING DILDO I STUCK IN MY SHITTY ARSE THIS MORNING! YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING PRICK!”
SMG4 is beginning to tremble in fear. “I was told this would be intense, but holy shi-”
“FUCK OFF!”
Rom Rom kicks the fat Italian out of the restaurant through the roof! He becomes a shooting star!
…
JOB THREE: RESCUE MY BAR DADDY!
In his usual attire now, SMG4 has traded a fancy kitchen for a shitty dive bar. Drunkards scream and beat the shit out of each other as 4 tries to serve a plate of drinks to a full table of TF2 Demomen.
“Ok, 6 bottles of pure spirits?” he asks.
The one Demoman stares at him. Like a deer looks at an oncoming truck going 75 miles per hour down a highway blasting his horn.
4 embraces for whatever nonsense is about to happen.
“Oi lad! Watch me puke out me fokin’ guts!” he screams before vomiting on SMG4.
The force knocks SMG4 on his ass, shattering the bottles. “Ow my ass!” he screams.
His new boss, Tapper Jonathan, glares at him and the mess. “Ya spilled a bunch of beers all over the place, making a mess, WHICH IS YOU!”
SMG4 looks at him, experiencing deja vu.
“You’re a fucking disgrace! You’re a mess, your family doesn’t love you, you’re gonna die alone, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” He screams.
“Hey… I think I’ve seen this shtick before.” 4 ponders before getting suplexed out the front window.
“I’m shuttin’ ya’ down!”
…
JOB FOUR: CONSTRUCTION, BUILD IT UP UP UP!
On top of a building, SMG4 happily nails roof shingles in place.
“ALL DONE!” 4 stands up to admire his work, only to learn he nailed the last shingle into his hand!
“AH! AAAAAA!” He screams, trying to run away from the pain.
He ends up taking all of the shingles off the roof. He trips and falls on his ass down below.
“Ow my ass…”
Suddenly, his foreman, JonTron, slams a toolbox into his head. “If you listened to the worker safety videos you’d still be alive right now! STOP IT GLITCHY!”
…
JOB FIVE: RETAIL
God can’t save you now 4.
SMG4 and Karen await in the check-out lines for the store to open. SMG4 is looking rough and bruised up, but still ready to take it on. Karen meanwhile hits her vape.
“Got desperate enough to take on this hellhole?” Karen asks.
“Listen, my last 3 jobs have ended with me getting hurt, and there were no micromanaging side departments to scare the shit out of me!” SMG4 states. “I can live through dealing with the public.
“Shouldn’t have said that.”
And on cue, the public is let in. Thousands of people burst through the door. SMG4’s smile vanishes into pure horror.
To describe the scene in detail would cause this fan fic to get an explicit rating… and be a waste of computer data, so I’ll only list the highlights.
A bunch of Kids raid the cleaning supplies section and begin drinking bleach for internet views.
A bunch of college girls begin stealing shit and filming themselves on their IPhones. “Shoplifting to protest Capitalism! Hashtag Socialist babes on Instagram!”
And to top it all off, a big fat woman approaches SMG4 and Karen.
“Oh my Gawd!” 4 screams.
The woman, I’m gonna call Mongo, is ugly, mean looking, has around 3 teeth left, and looks like she caused all the famines in Ireland by eating everything in sight. She glares at our two poor minimum wage workers.
“WHY CAN’T I USE FOOD STAMPS TO BUY CIGARETTES! I NEED MY SMOKES! WHERE YER MANAGER?” She bellows.
4 is shaking in his seat while Karen rolls her eyes. “The door’s to your left chap.”
4 runs away, screaming his head off. Karen meanwhile takes a deep breath.
“Remember Karen…” she mutters. “The only thing they fear…
Is you!”
Doom Music begins blasting as Karen gives an evil grin to Mongo. She pulls out a wooden cooking spoon-
The following part of the story has been removed due to violations of AOO3, FCC, Jewish, Islamic, and Catholic Doctrine
…
JOB SIX: IN THE NAVY ARMY!
SMG4 has found himself once again in uniform and in an Army U-Boat. Chris and Swag stand next to him, all armed to the teeth.
“I’m sorry, but shouldn’t we be at boot camp?” 4 asks.
“Yeah… we’re kinda strapped on volunteers right now, so get fucked!” Swag states with his usual level of maturity.
“Sorry SMG4, but this kinda happened at the last minute.” Chris ads.
“Time to go to war mother fucker!” Swag screams.
“I just shit my pants.” 4 mutters as Mr. Blue Sky begins blasting across the war zone.
Mornin’, Today’s forecast calls for blue skies!
The UBoats begin their drop.
BOOM! BANG!
Bullets and explosions begin rocking the UBoats. Soldiers are instantly shot to pieces as Swag and Chris elegantly jump over board. SMG4 however is thrown overboard by an explosion.
On the beach, thousands of Minions, yes the yellow pill shapes that wine moms love memes of on Facebook, lead the defense.
“BANANA!” They scream as they fight over the invading soldiers.
SMG4 hides behind a sand dune, trembling in fear. “I’M GOING TO DIE!”
A Minion jumps on top of the dune. “BANANA POO-KA!”
BOOM! SMG4 ends the gibberish with a bullet.
The former YouTuber looks across the battlefield. Soldiers bleeding out, some picking up their own limbs.
“The fuck am I doing here?” he ponders to himself as the battle continues.
Swag and Chris meanwhile, are in the zone!
“You lift 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and ya’ deeper in debt!” Swag sings as he mows down Minions.
“All in a hard day’s work.” Chris sings as he thwacks the enemies with a shovel.
From the top of the sand dunes, Gru, a tall European man and the Minion’s master, sees the losing battle.
“MINIONS!” he screams. “IT’S TIME TO GRU!”
All of the surviving Minions begin fleeing for their lives. Gru follows them but not before a final threat. “WE’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME! Oh I hate those guys…”
The battle is over, the beach is secured!
“We did it! We won! The Army won a battle for once!” Swag cheers. All of the surviving Soldiers celebrate.
Well almost all of them. SMG4 is on the ground crying in a ball.
“Congratulations men!” Chris states. “We have secured Mark’s favored spot for his Barbie Dreamhouse!”
“WHAT?” SMG4 screams.
“Oh yeah, we only invaded this beach because Gru wouldn’t let Mark build his vacation house.” Chris responds.
SMG4’s brain is making the fax machine noises, trying to comprehend the violence, bloodshed, and horror being for nothing!
“Who wants to invade something else?” Swag asks.
“FUCK YES!” The other Soldiers scream. Everybody begins celebrating as Barbie Girl blasts from the Air Raid sirens.
SMG4 meanwhile just melts like silly puddy.
…
JOB SEVEN: INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY, or How I Get Paid 23 Dollars an Hour by Telling People to Plug in the Damn Computer
SMG4 slowly crawls to his latest job choice. After a day of getting thrown through windows, scared of humanity, and shot at, his newest choice was quiet.
too quiet.
A plain internet and technology building. Engie’s Technology. 4 takes a deep breath before slowly entering.
Inside, The Red Engineer from TF2 reads over SMG4’s application. “A’ight son, yer good!”
4 is almost at a loss for words. “That’s it? Not Hiring Departments?”
“Nope. Yer hired!”
“No rude customers? No crazy bosses? No bullets?”
“This ain’t Dust Bowl and the Mann Brothers are dead son, yer good!” Engie said before moonwalking away.
“Too quiet..”
…
In the top floor, SMG4 found himself building PCs and repairing internet servos. In the center of the room, a giant WIFI block glows blue as it hums along.
“It’s something I’m good at. I’ve just… never had a normal job.” he ponders to himself as his co-worker Whimpu walks in.
“It is actually a really good job. We spend all day in a climate controlled office on the internet!”
“I guess you got a good point.”
“I heard you retired from the internet. When’s your retirement party happening?” Whimpu asks.
SMG4’s face drops as Whimpu raises an eyebrow. “You forgot about me didn’t you?”
“No! No! No-No NO NO!” SMG4 tries to excuse himself.
“I was an important character for a solid year! You realize that?” Whimpu confronts 4 with.
“I know! I know! It’s just-”
“SMG3’s arc and the ensuing chaos. Friday Night Funkin’ Series!” Whimpu points out.
“Listen when you’re forced by a singing TV screen to be Fred from Scooby Doo, you tend to forget somethings!” SMG4 counter argues with.
“I was here working the past few years!” Whimpu shouts back. “Work-ing! I was making money to afford Saiko-chan’s OnlyFans.”
“Saiko has an OnlyFans?”
“No…” Whimpu sadly states. “But the day she does! I’ll support my Tall Queen till the day I die!”
Engie walks past the duo. “Ain’t that kinda fan fic boy.”
“Aw…”
The door slams open! “Alright Guys!” A sugary voice echoes out.
SMG4 turns to see… much to his shock…
A young woman in pink overalls and a hat, a white dress, and with purple and blue hair. She smiles and her eyes shine the second she sees SMG4. “BOSS?!”
“MINION?” SMG4 responds.
Minion entraps 4 in a bear hug. “It’s been years! I can’t believe after all this time, we’d meet again with me as your boss!”
“BOSS?”
“Oh, right!” Minion does a twirl before showing her name tag. “Minion, Branch Manager of Engie Technology! Going on 7 years!”
“Is that how long it’s been since you’ve been in one of my adventures?” 4 asks.
“Actually it’s longer, took me a while to find my reason to live after you no longer wanted to be my boss!” Minion states.
“So he fired you?” Whimpu asks.
“Nope! You can’t hire unmitigated loyalty! Only greatly disencourage it!” Minion sings. “But now I’m your boss, Old Boss!”
Minion laughs as she skips to her station. 4 is left gobsmacked.
“Ok team!” Minion starts. “We’ve got a lot to fix and upkeep today. If we work together, we can be done in an hour and spend the rest of the day relaxing and improving on our existing technology!”
…
One Hour Later, 4 finds himself in a shockingly tepid state of mind. He’s used to working on computers all day, he built his own PC rig, so working on internet servos and building computer parts isn’t that hard of a job for him.
Even dealing with customers isn’t too difficult.
“No, listen, all that porn on your hardware is melting it! You need either a new hard drive, or you need to get rid of it!” 4 firmly states.
“WeLl FuCk ThAt OpTiOn! ThIs Is FoUr YeArS oF hArD wOrK aNd MoNkEy SpAnKiNg To JuSt DeLeTe It!” Bob responds.
SMG4 sighs. “Ok Bob, I know where you live, I can bring a new hard drive over and charge you there. Ok?”
“SuRe ThInG iT gUy ThAt WiErDlY sOuNdS lIkE mY uNeMpLoYeD fRiEnD sMg4!” Bob foolishly remarks before hanging up.
4 smirks as he hangs up. “The look on his face is gonna be priceless!” he starts off laughing. “Old me would’ve made a meme out of it.” His joy becomes a melancholic sigh.
He leaves his desk to grab a cup of water. He looks out across the city. The clouds are covering up the sun and the sky.
He shakes his head, still unsure of his new position in life.
Minion approaches her old boss. “Enjoying yourself today Old Boss?”
“Trying to. Still strange to think about.” he starts.
“What’s strange? You working for me?”
“That, and the fact that my channel is done.”
Minion sadly gasps. “They finally demonetized you?”
“No! Not that. I ended it myself. 14 years of memeing, and I finally got tired of it. That’s why I’ve been working here now, trying to figure myself out without instant internet access.”
SMG4 finishes his cup. “But you know what, all things considered and how things usually go, I think today hasn’t been half bad-”
CRACK! The sky instantly turns blood red as sirens begin blasting across the Kingdom.
“And other times, I need to learn to shut the fuck up!” 4 growls.
Suddenly
SMASH!
Kermit the Frog with the missing textures font from GMOD bursts in, screaming his head off.
“Kermit THE Frog here, here to eat ass and kick gum. And I need more ass!”
Kermit instantly smacks Whimpu on the ass, breaking his pelvis. “YEAH!” The Demented Frog screams as he runs away.
“OW… GAWD this is NOT how I imagined breaking that bone!” Whimpu screams as he falls to the floor.
Minion is in a state of panic while SMG4 rolls his eyes. “Tuesday for me.” 4 mutters.
“It’s the apocalypse!” Minion screams.
Engie smokes a cigar and smells the air. “End of times boi…”
“Probably not. I’ve seen blood skies before.” SMG4 points out. “Mario probably ran over some Eldritch God’s foot again. Give ‘em a few minutes and they’ll befriend each other like they usually do.”
Suddenly, a blue portal opens in the room. SMG3 and two technicolor block characters with scars of missing textures exit from it. The two blocks are SMG1 and SMG2. The Original Meme Guardians.
“It’s the end of the universe!” SMG1 states.
“DAMMIT!” 4 screams.
“Now what?” Whimpu demands as he tries to stitch his ass back together.
“The meme life cycle is in complete disarray!” SMG2 starts. “Memes aren’t being started, nor are they developing!”
“Complete stagnation!!” SMG3 adds. “No memes can leave the Graveyard, and the ones that aren’t in the Graveyard can’t retire or rest!”
“What does that mean?” SMG4 asks.
SMG1 sighs and nods at 3. “4…” 3 sadly starts. “We need you to unretire.”
SMG4’s ears begin ringing as his world goes dark. “What?”
“Now, I know that sounds bad.” 3 starts.
“Sounds bad? SOUNDS BAD?” SMG4 starts. “I retired and everything, you all saw me do that! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”
1 and 2 look at each other. “In our defense, we made a calculated oopsie.” 1 says.
SMG3 sadly sighs and points at the red sky. “Sorry man, but you gotta go back to making memes and working on YouTube. We need you to create new memes again.”
SMG4 trembles in place. Is it anger? Is it fear? Is it sadness?
The 3 SMGs wait for a response.
“NO! AAA!” 4 snaps mentally before running away, having a full-blown panic attack.
“Old Boss! Wait!” Minion calls, chasing after him. 1, 2, and 3 are silent.
“Honestly I didn’t expect him to react like that.” 3 admits.
...
Minion runs through the dark corners of the complex building, searching for her old boss. She follows the increasingly loud sounds of…
Someone crying?
“Old Boss?” she asks.
Under the stairs, SMG4 is watching YouTube on his phone, crying. Minion slowly approaches him, sitting next to him.
4 is watching his old channel. The video he’s watching, Who Let the Chomp Out?
Minion giggles. “I remember this one. It got you famous!”
SMG4 just sadly watches.
“14 years I did this.” he starts. “14 years. Everyday I memed. New memes, old memes, a bit of both… Specials, live-streams, ranking videos, vlogs. 14 years of that, you know how many days that is?”
Minion attempts to do the math. Her brain begins smoking.
“I googled it.” 4 admits. “5110 days. Christmas, Birthdays, Funerals. I had friends who died, and I still memed.
For the first 10 years or so, I did it because I was having fun. I liked making silly videos that made people laugh. It wasn’t until it became my job as a Super Meme Guardian that it stopped.”
SMG4 pauses the video and begins remembering the not-so-glory years. Niles possessing Axol, Zero’s dimension, The YouTube and Nintendo Wars, It’s Gotta Be Perfect, Puzzlevision.
“I should be remembering the good ol’ times, but it gets hard when the worst of times is the most recent. I had to make better and better content. I almost died when Nintendo got involved. My friend’s boyfriend was killed by the first version of me! I destroyed the castle and ruined Peach’s life when I threw myself into my work. Somehow, when I learned I would make memes everyday, it stopped becoming a passion, but almost a curse.”
SMG4 begins tearing up as his bad mental state begins running a train on his emotions. “I wanted to find myself by ending the channel, and now I can’t even do that. I’m stuck doing something I don’t want to do anymore, and I used to love it!”
That’s all 4 can say before choking on his own tears. His throat tries to stop the crying, his body’s almost ashamed that he’s sad like this.
Minion is heartbroken, her own old boss is having a breakdown.
“And 3 gets to have his cake and eat it too!” 4 continues, his red eyes pushing out more tears that his body can make. “He can run his own channel, run a coffee and bomb shop, be a therapist, all while running the Graveyard! I can’t even get a job, DELELTING PORN!”
SMG4 snaps, he punches the wall. The concrete breaks, and his hand begins swelling.
He sighs, calming down. “I guess I’m selfish for wanting to live my own life.”
“It’s not a bad thing.” Minion finally speaks up. 4 looks at her.
“I was created in a lab by Mario. I’m half you, half spaghetti noodle! I was supposed to be your loyal servant, but you didn’t want one. My name is Minion, what kind of minion am I without a master?
I spent… years looking for a new purpose, and I found one. Following my own path. I can still be my own person, but still be ready to help you in a second!” Minion smiles warmly at 4. “And if I can offer some advice to my old boss, I’m sure you can find a way to be a meme guardian and live your own life as 4!”
SMG4 smiles, comforted by the kind words. Suddenly…
LIGHT BULB! Literally, the light bulb above his head begins shining the second he has an idea.
“Minion…” 4 begins before turning into an angel from the Heavens, “I HAVE AN IDEA!”
“Become angels and embrace a higher power in the face of death?” Minion asks, reminding us that she’s half spaghetti noodle!
4 pauses in his tracks before taking the costume off. “What? No!
Well not yet. I think I can fix this mess and keep myself from being a hermit again! And you can help!”
“What? Me?!”
4 smiles before holding his hand out. “Despite all the time, you’re still my minion, and minions always help out the boss, new or old!”
Minion’s smile grows to the size of a banana. She gives her old boss a massive bearhug, audibly snapping several bones.
“my bottom ribs…”
“Let’s save the world boss!” Minion screams, dragging him away.
…
Minion and SMG4 make it to the main office, where most of the roof is missing. 1, 2, and 3 are using meme energy to bitch-smack the corrupted memes away.
“Glad your panic attack is finished!” SMG3 screams, forgetting his therapy talk. “In the meantime, the entire roof was eaten by CaseOh.”
The remainder of the roof is eaten by the popular streamer CaseOh. “Alright chat, that’s enough of my before dinner snack, time for my after snack before dinner snack!”
The Giant walks away as everybody tries to understand what in the hell he just said.
“Guys! Listen!” 4 interrupts. “I know the universe is in chaos right now, but I’m not about to undo the promise I made to myself by going back to normal! But I think I have a way of making things work!”
“Have your cake and eat it too?” SMG1 dismissively starts.
“How?” SMG2 asks, genuinely curious. “This might lead to some new developments in the meme guardianship.”
“Ok! Listen up memers, this is when things get… complicated.” SMG4 states before his dramatic pause.
SMG3 quickly becomes impatient. “Enough with the dramatics, the world’s ending!”
“Fine! You’d think the play director would understand theatrics!” SMG4 bitches. “The meme life cycle involves the usage and creation of new and old memes. When they become stale, they rest until they become “Classic” and return.”
3 raises an eyebrow. “Point being?”
SMG4 points at the main internet servo in the room. “That servo controls the internet of the entire Mushroom Kingdom! It has enough computer power to rival my USB port! If we can connect my phone and YouTube account to it, we can possibly create a self-sufficient meme cycle!”
SMG2 instantly gets what he’s talking about. “Nuclear energy, but with memes!”
SMG1 however, is not convinced. “That’s never been done before!”
“That’s not the same as can’t.” 4 responds. He then points to Minion, Whimpu, and Engie. “Minion, I need you and the guys to program the servo for the merger! 3 and I will use our meme energy and connect them!”
“On it Old Boss!” Minion shouts with a salute.
4 holds out his hand, and 3 reluctantly takes it. “Hope you know what you’re doing.”
4 just laughs at that. “I HAVE NO IDEA!”
With that, SMGs 3 and 4 begin blasting pure golden meme energy towards the servo. Instantly, 4’s phone floats into the blast and begins fusing with the servo.
Minion and Whimpu begin coding like crazy. “Dude, you need better tastes in wank bait!” Whimpu complains.
3 and 4 begin to feel the effects of pure meme energy. Their knees begin buckling as they keep the meme fusion going. “Shouldn’t have… eaten those… 12 pies!” 3 grumbles.
Minion smiles and hums to herself as she types away. “Calibrating the YouTube account with the internet!”
3 and 4 continue to fuse the accounts together. 2 is watching in awe as 1 is more worried. This type of meme experimentation only happened once, and it didn’t end well for… anybody.
The Engie meanwhile, has smashed his wrench around, building 4 sentries that feed meme energy in and out of the machine. “Sentry up!”
Whimpu and Minion are almost done coding. Their fingers have been typing so fast, they’ve caught fire! “Just one last thing and the servo will be ready! What’s your YouTube Account Password?”
“MY WHAT?” SMG4 asks, horrified by what he must do.
“JUST SAY IT!” 3 barks.
Outside, the red sky gets deeper and deeper as the Memes continue to run amok.
CaseOh has set his eyes on the Giant Donut sculpture. “Chat, this thing is cooked!”
Mario is crying from the sidelines. “It’s just not fair! I wanted it first!”
4 meanwhile, swallows his last remaining dignity. “Fine… ILoveSonoftheMask69.”
SMG3 begins howling with laughter as Minion types it in. “DONE!”
The Meme Energy stops as the Servo begins glowing red like the sky. Everybody holds their breath.
The red becomes deeper and deeper…
“Did… did we pull a Niles?” SMG3 worriedly asks.
Suddenly, the Wii start-up music begins playing as the Servo glows yellow and green. Blasts of meme energy travel through the sentries and in and out of the machine. SMG4’s phone shines as the centerpiece of the new age of meme guardianship.
In the city streets, everybody’s phone dings at once as they try to avoid the corrupt memes. They all look at what just got recommended to them on social media.
It’s a meme of CaseOh trying to eat the donut sculpture. The minute he bites it, the two explode with the terrible Mid-2000s explosion effect screaming over it.
Everybody laughs at it. The Meme Cycle continues!
The red sky returns to a baby blue one, the corrupted memes become normal again… the world is normal again.
Kermit returns to normal and looks around. “Kermit the Frog, here to say, I hate my wife and our loveless marriage!"
Back at the tech place, SMGs 1, 2, 3, 4, Minion, Whimpu, and Engie smile at the saved universe.
“I’ll be…” SMG1 starts, genuinely impressed. “The universe is saved and the meme life cycle continues on its own.”
“This will get its own chapter in the meme history books!” 2 ads.
“That machine will need upkeep regularly to keep workin’ like it should be.” Engie states. “But in seein’ how you work here son, that ain’t much of a sweat.”
Engie pats SMG4 on the back, stabbing a company badge on his back.
Minion hugs 4 and 3. “Good work old boss!”
3 smirks at 4. “Must say 4, you and your mini-me did good.”
“Once again, we saved the universe.” 4 proudly states.
“Yeup, thanks to memes… and your shit taste in movies!” 3 states with one last jab to 4’s ego.
“Yeah shutupman…”
SMG2 looks out in the new hole in the wall and smiles. “Look at that sunset!”
The Guardians, Minion, Whimpu, and Engie look out at the sunset. Golden rays dance in between purple and pink hues as the dark indigo sky leads into the inky black night. It’s a Bob Ross painting in the real world.
Even the humorous sounding PsychicPebble Birds screaming by don’t detract from the beauty. It almost adds to it.
Memes and the natural beauty of the universe in harmony once again. Despite all the chaos and anarchy it causes, a trained eye can spot the wonders of it.
“It’s enough to make a grown man cry.” Engie mutters.
“It almost makes me forget the horrific pain I’m in.” Whimpu adds.
“Got everything you wanted?” SMG3 asks 4.
“Well… not yet.” 4 starts. “But I’m on the right track. I’ve got time to spend now, the universe is in harmony. I can finally do something different now.”
Everybody begins listening to his speech.
“It sucks that doing what I loved became a chore, that’s why I stopped. Give me another 5 years doing that, I’d be lucky to NOT be an AI channel producing videos on par with Cocomelon. So I’m making a new mark on the world.
I’m just glad my friends will be there for me, no matter what the future holds.”
SMG4 pats 3 and Minion on the back as they all watch the sunset.
The sun sets on an old life, and soon a new one will rise.
SMG4’s YouTube story might be done, but there’s always something else.