Chapter Text
John had been pacing back and forth in his small room for the better part of an hour. There wasn’t anything in particular bothering him, he just couldn’t settle down after the 141s last mission. He had flown through his paper work after they got back from the assignment. It was a relatively simple extraction mission, everything had gone according to plan. The Iranian nuclear scientist had been rescued from her captors and the threat had been eliminated without so much as a step outside of the plan. So for the life of him Soap could not figure out why he couldn’t get his mind and body to settle down.
Soap looked at the alarm clock that read 9:45 PM, Simon should be getting done with his paper work and debriefing any minute now. The seconds seemed to pass by as minutes and the minutes by hours as Soap continued to bounce between pacing his room and throwing a ball at the wall to keep his mind and body occupied. John’s racing thoughts were really starting to eat at his patience, all he wanted to do was leave the base and head back towards his and Simon’s small flat, but he had promised Simon that he would wait for him so that they could head back together. Without looking up John whipped the ball at his door in frustration. As the ball left his hand the door clicked open and Ghost began to enter the room. Ghost barely dodged the ball as it whizzed past his left ear and let out a small chuckle.
“Bloody hell MacTavish. I know I was late but that’s no reason to take my head off.”
“Aye. Sorry sir, didn’t think you’d be coming through me door right then”
Ghost gave Soap a once over at his stiff answer but decided not to question it until they were off base. Simon did keep note of how Soap seemed to be really caught in his own head as they left their barracks and headed towards Ghost's car. Soap was rarely so quiet or professional with Ghost especially after missions. Usually he would be talking his ear off or singing loudly to the radio in the car on their way home. Chidding Ghost about his over seriousness on the mission or laughing about something one of the members of the 141 had done, like Roach eating shit when they had been loading up the C-130 before the mission. But there had been no such banter since they had landed. Soap was sitting eerily quiet in the passenger seat of Ghost’s car watching as the rain began to mist over the English countryside.
As they pulled into the garage of their building Ghost grew more and more concerned that he had missed something during the mission. Had all really gone to plan or had something happened to Soap that none of them saw, had he been hit and was too shaken to tell anyone? Had Ghost said something during the mission to upset Soap? He played the mission over and over again but couldn’t think of a single thing that could have triggered this.
Soap got out of the car almost on auto pilot, mechanically unbuckling his seatbelt and then walking rather hurriedly in silence to their front door. He fumbled getting his keys out of his pocket and cursed under his breath when he almost dropped them while attempting to unlock the door. Once he got the door unlocked he threw it open a little harder than he meant to and it hit the door stop with an audible thud. Quickly peeling off his outerwear and shoes Soap practically ran to their bedroom. Immediately crawling under the covers and curling into the fetal position in an attempt to regulate his fried nervous system.
Ghost followed silently behind Soap, not wanting to pry when he was clearly trying to calm down from something that was bothering him. Simon had learned over their many years together that when Soap got like this it was best to allow him a few minutes to decompress before trying to coax him out of his own head. So he began to busy himself with his own after mission routine. He filled up their kettle and looked through their cabinets to see what food they had as it had been a while since they had gone on a proper grocery run. They had some protein bars and cereal along with a few other miscellaneous items. It would be enough to make a decent snack for the two of them. The tea kettle switched off and Simon made his way back across the kitchen to fill up his mug with the hot water, dropping a black tea packet in the mug as he did so. He resolved that by the time he finished his cup of tea it would be time to get John out of bed and into the shower before he fell asleep for the night.
Ghost put his empty mug on the counter before heading towards their bedroom, where he found Soap still laying in the fetal position and staring blankly at the wall opposite him. As Ghost circled the bed to sit down in front of Soap, the younger man didn’t move or acknowledge the larger man’s presence at all. Ghost sank down onto his knees in front of his partner and Soap continued to stare blankly ahead, as if he could see through Ghost. Simon wondered to himself for a brief moment if his name sake had finally caught up to him and he was in fact a ghost. But he quickly shook that thought and reached up to run his hand through John’s mohawk, rubbing the pad of his thumb through the shaved hair near his temple. John for the first time since they left base acknowledged Ghosts and pressed his head ever so slightly into the touch.
“Come on sweetheart you gotta get up and shower off before you fall asleep. You smell like gasoline and gunpowder. I’ll start the water but I need to know if you want a shower or a bath. Okay?” Ghost looks expectantly at Soap hoping that the man will acknowledge him.
Soaps' eyes slowly focus in on Ghost and he whispers just barely loud enough to be heard “Shower.”
Ghost squeezes Soap's hand briefly before kissing his forehead and heading to the bathroom to heat up the water before dragging the smaller man out of bed. Ghost cranks the shower up hot just like Soap likes it, it's a little hotter that he finds comfortable to take showers but John loves toeing the line of his showers being boiling hot. As the bathroom becomes sufficiently filled with steam Ghost heads back towards his bedroom to fetch his almost catatonic partner.
“Alright love, it’s time to get up. We gotta get you all cleaned up and ready for bed.” When Simon realizes that Soap is making no effort to get up he decided it was best if he got John to the bathroom through alternative means. Ghost looped one arm underneath Soap’s bent knees and the other under his back and picked the smaller man into a bridle carry in one smooth motion.
Once in the bathroom Ghost set Soap down on their bathmat and helped the man undress. Paying close attention to the man’s skin, checking for any bruises or signs of injury that he may have missed during their debrief but his skin was clear. No new bruises or cuts to be found on the man’s well toned body. As Soap finally stepped out of his boxers, Ghost turned to leave the bathroom, hoping to give Soap some privacy while he showered. Soap’s hand shot out and grabbed Ghost’s wrist pulling him back into the bathroom.
Ghost, thinking that Soap must just want to not be alone in the bathroom, took a seat on the toilet near their shower. A brief flash of disappointment flashed across John’s face before he turned to Simon and said, “In… with me” and made a pulling hand motion towards Simon. Simon understood and nodded at Soap. “Get in the shower, I’ll join you once I get out of my clothes. Don’t need you freezing your ass off out here while you wait for me” WIth that John stepped into the shower as Simon began to quickly strip his clothes off.
Simon stepped into the too hot water of the shower and found that John hadn’t done more than get under the spray of the water. He was starting to get rather concerned about John, he usually at least started to wash himself when he was having a tough time. But today was different, he was standing under the water, eyes scrunched shut and body stock still. Ghost, not wanting to startle John placed a hand on the smaller man’s bicep and began to announce what he was doing as he began to shampoo Soaps hair. The only acknowledgement that Soap gave to Ghost's present is that his body would lean into his touch every time his hands roamed Soap’s skin. Simon was incredibly efficient while washing Soap, but still made sure to make it feel comforting and relaxing and not like a clinical disinfecting of his partner.
After washing his partner thoroughly, Ghost quickly washed himself and turned off the water in the shower. Simon stepped out of the shower and fetched two towels from underneath their bathroom sink. He dried off MacTavish’s hair and body before wrapping the towel snugly around the man's hips. Simon dried himself off and then led John to their room to get him into some clean dry clothes. He picked out one of MacTavish’s sweatpants and grabbed his own sweatshirt he knew MacTavish was rather fond of and handed them to his partner. MacTavish pulled the sweatshirt over his head and shimmied into the sweatpants.
Hoping to pull Soap at least partially out of his own head Riley lead MacTavish to their living room couch and turned on Derry Girls, one of their favorite shows as of recent. It was just the type of silly show that might break through the fog in Soap’s brain enough for him to start to open up.
Ghost had learned early in their relationship to not pry when ghost seemed to get stuck in his own head and shut down. It wasn’t that Soap was trying to keep him out or be difficult, he just needed to process through his own thoughts until he felt like he could explain what was wrong in an effective way. Pushing or prying before he was ready would just make him frustrated and unwilling to share with Ghost once he finally did figure out what was bothering him. But if Simon simply allowed John to work through whatever was going on in his head he knew that his partner would eventually open up to him. All he had to do was be there for him, being a grounding force for him to lean on as he worked through whatever he was dealing with.
Ghost positioned them so that he was sitting in the corner of their sectional with Soap laying perpendicular to him with his head in Ghost’s lap. This allowed them both to enjoy each other's touch and presence while being able to see the TV. And after the third episode of Derry Girls, Soap finally seemed to perk up and turned his head towards the Ghost who was beginning to doze off.
“There’s a traitor,” Soap said resolutely. “It has bothered me all day that this mission went too perfectly. Not a single thing out of place, or thing left unnoticed, even on our best missions there are unpredictable aspects, but not today. That was no coincidence, someone wanted to be able to look at us up close. I don’t know what they gained through watching us in a perfect mission but it can’t be anything good.”
Ghost looked down at Soap in disbelief. Whatever he thought was troubling Soap, that certainly was not it.