Work Text:
Vampire Empire
Well, you can't seem to hold me here, you can't seem to let me go
So I can't find surrender, can't keep control
You turn me inside out and then you want me outside in
You spin me all around and then you ask me not to spin
You say you want to be alone and then you want children
You wanna be with me, you wanna be with him
Two weeks. Two weeks since the world was clean again, since the sun was real again, since silence ceased to be a gaping abyss. Two weeks since wildlife spat them back, bruised and broken, into a reality that seemed just as alien. Shauna Shipman, or what was left of her, mostly kept to herself. The relief was a thin, easily breached membrane. Under it, a familiar lethargy, deep exhaustion, settled in her bones.
Tai was the only one she could bear. Tai, who had the same longing in her eyes as in her own, whose smiles were fragile, like winter branches. They didn't talk about it, at least not directly. They talked about everyday things, about doctor visits, the shocking mundanity of it all. But in their quiet, understanding glances, in their common grimaces, a silent agreement was read.
She had heard of others. Snippets of news, whispers, rumors that seeped through the fog of her own consciousness. Lottie, it turns out, was placed in a hospital. Shauna wasn't surprised. Lottie was always teetering on the edge, and there, in the middle of nowhere, that edge just disappeared. Tai and Van quarreled — also as expected. Their bond, so strong there, seemed fragile and doomed here. Travis and Nat... they smoked. And consumed. Nat, her ever-penetrating gaze now seemed clouded, detached. Shona would sometimes see her wandering the corridors of rehab like a ghost of herself. Misty? What the hell's the matter with Misty? The thought of her was only irritating, something caustic and alien. Whatever Misty did, it didn't matter.
But there was one name, one face that haunted her, that caused constant pain that neither silence nor self-pity could drown out. Melissa.
Tai never mentioned her. It was almost deliberate, as if Melissa had ceased to exist the moment they were back in the civilized world. The phantom limb of their shared nightmare. This omission spoke volumes and added to Shauna growing anxiety. What was Tai hiding? Or was it Melissa absence, not her condition?
This question became a long-standing wound for her. What about Melissa?
The answer, like most of the truths that Shona was looking for, was given by cheap beer and despair. She drank three bottles, and on her tongue she had a metallic taste of regret. She had to see her. With a girl who hated her. With a girl who had every right to do so.
Melissa had a right to hate her. Shauna abandoned her when Melissa needed her most. She threw it in the darkest hours, in the most severe frosts. Shona publicly disgraced Melissa, calling her a insignificance, an empty place that did not deserve attention. These words still burned her tongue, although they were uttered so long ago, in another world. Melissa tried to kill Shauna. Yes, I tried. What a bitch you are, thought Shauna with a bitter grin. But in the end, Melissa was pretty darn weak for it. She couldn't. And that, too, was part of their complex, intricate dance of hate and... something else. But the most important thing. The most unforgivable. Shona killed Melissa's best friend. Melissa will not forgive her for this. Never. Jen was everything to Melissa. Shona knew this, although Melissa did not show her feelings too clearly. But Shona saw how Melissa looked at Jen, how she listened to her words, how Jen's presence influenced Melissa. Jen was to Melissa what Jackie was to Shauna. And Shauna deprived her of it.
Address. She needed Melissa address.
A few beers emptied, dissolving the last vestiges of Shauna prudence. She had to find her. Should have found out.
Van was the first to fall by the arm. "Melissa address," Shauna demanded in a husky voice. Van looked at her with a cold glance. "Burn in hell, Shauna. You don't even deserve to know if she's alive or not."
Nat. Nat didn't seem to even remember who she was at that point, let alone Melissa address. Her gaze was clouded not only by alcohol, but also by something else, more serious.
Only Misty remains. Shauna despised the very thought of it, but despair proved stronger than pride. "Melissa," Shauna said, trying to speak as neutrally as possible. Misty, who seemed to have acquired a whole network of informants in two weeks, just grinned. "Oh, Melissa. Finally interested, right?" The devils danced in her eyes. "She's in a motel on the outskirts of town. Address..." Shauna recorded it on a napkin. "This girl doesn't seem so useless."
Panting, Shauna parked her car outside the shabby building. It wasn't home. It was a ridiculously cheap motel, on the sign of which broken letters flashed, folding into something like "MOT EL." Even the air here seemed heavier and dirtier. This is it. Apparently, Melissa had it the worst.
The door to her room was ajar, as if inviting her to enter, or, more likely, there was simply no need to close it. From the inside, there was a smell of musty, cheap alcohol and something else, more caustic—despair. Shauna heart beat faster. Her hands were sweating. She pushed the door.
Chaos reigned inside. Empty bottles of beer and something stronger were lying on the floor, on a dirty carpet, on a nightstand next to the bed. The curtains were drawn, plunging the room into twilight. And there, on the floor, amid all this desolation, lay the body. Shona was overcome by icy fear, tenacious, paralyzing. She's dead? Really... is all that's left a mess?
But then Melissa slowly groaned and got up. Her movements were sluggish, but at the same time unpredictable. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were swollen, her look was cloudy, but a familiar wild spark was already starting to flare up in them. She grabbed the first bottle she came across, her hand trembling, but her fingers tightly squeezed its neck, preparing to hit.
Then her eyes focused. And the bottle dropped slowly. "Jyn." "Wow, Shauna," sounded her husky, but still mocking voice, "aren't you supposed to be with Jeff and lead a boring life? Boring ad nauseam."
Shauna could not look away from her face. It was full of hatred, but behind this hatred, in its very depths, was something that required recognition.
- Why didn't you kill me? 'Shauna asked, her voice trembling.
Melissa stared at her as if she were crazy. - What?
"Then, in the woods, when Mari was dying. You should have killed me. You wanted it, I saw it in your eyes. But you didn't. Why?
Melissa made a sound similar to screaming and laughing at the same time. He echoed around the small room. —Are you serious? God! You want to know why?! "Melissa shouted, jumping to her feet. She came closer, and Shona felt the heat coming from her. —Do you know why? Because you looked so pathetic, Shauna! Your eyes, damn it, your eyes said you were afraid, and I... I couldn't kill someone I liked, "Melissa whispered, a confession given to her in such pain that Shauna faltered.
A tar-thick silence hung between them. It was their dirty, bloody romantic confession.
But Melissa immediately retreated, and her face twisted in pain. "But then you killed Jen. "It was a statement of fact, icy and emotionless. "I wish you'd killed me, Shona.
Melissa turned away and stared at the wall. She couldn't look at Shauna, she couldn't afford it.
- Don't turn away from me! 'Shauna shouted, quelling a sudden fit of rage and despair. She could not bear to be turned away. Not now. Not afterwards.
Melissa turned and was too close to him. She smelled of alcohol and warmth.
"I should have turned my back on you a long time ago, Shauna," Melissa hissed. "I shouldn't have messed with you at all. I didn't leave a flower for your child to meet you later and fall in love with your poison!
Shauna was silent. She remembered that flower.
- You closed yourself in, didn't let anyone near you, 'Melissa continued. Her voice became quieter, but no less furious. And then she let me stay. And you know, before Jackie died, I felt sorry for you. You were always in her shadow. You were a dummy, but at least alive. But now? You deserve this, Shauna. Rot alone in this wasteland. But no. You're not like that. You'll run to Jeff, won't you? Give him a son or daughter. You're going to have a boring, safe life. And you will remember me when you change diapers and buy furniture at IKEA.
The last words were the cruellest curse Melissa could utter. She knew that for Shauna, who survived this wild, primal horror, "boring life" was the worst torture.
And Shauna broke down. She could bear neither truth nor hatred, nor this dangerous, perverted attachment that hovered between them. She did what she could do best: destroy the moment, change the subject.
Shauna stepped forward and kissed her.
It was not a gentle, but rather a rude kiss - greedy, desperate, full of beer taste and despair.
Melissa replied. The response was instant, intense, full of all the pain she had accumulated over two weeks in that messy corner. She clutched Shauna shoulders and their kiss was both punishment and salvation. They collapsed on a dirty mattress, and the kiss turned into an exchange of old injuries, into an attempt to burn the past in a fire of carnal madness.
The next morning, Shauna woke up at dawn. The room smelled of sex, ash and whiskey. Melissa slept nearby, and for the first time in a long time her face was calm.
Shauna stood up quietly. She looked at Melissa. The beauty of this girl has always been a little wild, a little dangerous. And now, in this silence, this beauty seemed too demanding, too real.
Melissa asked her to stay. She asked her to rot with her.
But Melissa got one thing wrong. Shauna didn't deserve to rot. Shauna deserved to survive. And to survive, you had to escape.
She escaped. She returned home, to Jeff, to the smell of clean linen, to the promise of a boring life.
A week passed. Shauna tried to convince herself that it was just a drunken trick. She even smiled at Jeff at breakfast.
The phone rang in the middle of the day. It was Van.
"She's dead because of you, Shauna.
Shauna froze. It was a joke? She understood who Wang was talking about, but refused to believe.
- How... No, it can't be! "Shauna shouted, clutching the receiver.
"Maybe Shauna. She jumped off the bridge. But she left a note. Van voice was dry, devoid of emotion. "It's good to see that you brought her forgiveness and peace.
Van hung up.
A few minutes later, Tai called.
- Funeral in three days. I hope you come. And without Jeff.
Shauna dropped her phone. She started crying and then started laughing. Loud, hysterical, until she felt that her lungs were torn.
And then she saw her. Again. Jackie.
Jackie stood at the kitchen table, dressed in a tracksuit, and looked annoyed.
"Now there will be two of you, damn it!" Shauna shouted.
Jackie just shook her head, cold disapproval written on her face.
"You think she'd want to come before you, Shipman?" She'd rather be with Jen. Jackie leaned on the countertop. "You're a master of that, aren't you? Kill those who could be with you. Melissa was right about one thing. You're pathetic.
Shauna covered her ears with her hands as she tried to drown out her dead best friend's voice, but the laughter kept breaking out.
Three days later, Shauna arrived at the funeral.
They gathered at a modest grave in a small well-groomed cemetery. Everyone was there: Tai, Van, Misty, Natalie (surprisingly sober), Travis. And even Lottie, who apparently was briefly released from the hospital, stood aside in a light flowing dress and looked completely calm. All of them were united by smoldering pain.
Shauna stayed away from Jeff. She stood next to Tai, who looked at her with an impenetrable expression on her face.
At the end of the service, when everyone began to disperse, an unfamiliar woman approached Shauna. Tall blonde with piercing blue eyes, just like Melissa's.
- You're Shauna, right? 'the woman asked. In her hands was a thin white envelope, not like official funeral documents.
"
Yes," Shauna said with difficulty.
The woman handed her an envelope.
- Melissa asked me to give it to you. She had no family but me. But she said it was "important."
The woman turned around and walked away, leaving Shauna standing in a daze with Melissa letter in her hands.
Shauna couldn't open it right now. Not in front of them.
She went to the car, got behind the wheel, but did not start the engine. She was just looking at the envelope, which smelled faintly of smoke and old paper.
Opening the letter, Shauna unfolded it. Melissa handwriting was sloppy but recognisable.
Dear Shauna Shauna,
I hate you. I hate you for killing Jen. I hate you for leaving me when I needed you. But most of all I hate myself for loving you. Even after everything you did, even after you ran away that night, I couldn't get you out of my life.
I'm tired. I can't be here anymore because any life I try to build smells like rot and you. I have only an aunt left, but she buried me a long time ago. I'll be with Jen. I know she is waiting for me, and her hatred will be more sincere than your love.
Hope you can love Jeff. For real. And if you have a daughter, call her Kelly. That will be the only thing left of me. A reminder you can't get rid of.
You killed me, Shauna.
You killed me long before that bridge. It's just now become a fact.
Goodbye. With hate and love, Your Melissa.
The letter fell out of Shauna weakened fingers. The words danced before our eyes, merging into one spot. "You killed me, Shauna." She heard this voice, this whisper. Melissa's voice, Jackie's voice, the voice of her own conscience. Now there were three. Three of those who will forever pursue her, torment, remind of her every sin.
Shauna closed her eyes. The cold wind crept through the thin fabric of her coat. She was alone. Completely alone. And this was just the beginning of her eternal curse.