Chapter Text
Class of ’86. Only 2 more months until freedom. Until I can go away to wherever I want, just so I don’t have to deal with the people who were once my best friends.
Though I never thought I’d be back in Hawkins to complete my high school career.
I left in March of ’85. moved to the Oregon coast with my mom. She was sick of Indiana. thank god she made the decision before I had to convince her.
My life had been seriously falling apart. In late November of ’84, after the tables turned on his relationship with my best friend, Nancy Wheeler, I started dating Steve Harrington. It was a very impulsive decision. he asked me on a date on November 13, and I accepted on one condition.
We had to keep it a secret.
Everything travels in Hawkins. It’s supposedly a small town. I couldn’t have Nancy find out I was going out with her ex-boyfriend of 2 weeks. Even though she didn’t even really love him. It’s just against the rules.
We went on the date that Friday night, and on that day, I swore I fell in love.
I’d always known Steve. We’d been going to the same school since kindergarten. he was always everyone’s favorite guy. Always popular, always had good hair, of course. And when he started paying attention to my best friend during our sophomore year, I couldn’t help but have a little distaste for him.
I’d hang around with other guys while they were dating. I’d kiss them and imagine I was kissing Steve instead of some random boy in my English class. While their relationship was falling apart, I was going steady with Billy Hargrove, but that didn’t last very long. He was an asshole.
I secretly wanted him to like me rather than her. So when I was given the opportunity, I took it.
He was heartbroken. He really only asked me because I could have either helped him get back with Nance, or I was close enough to being her that it would work itself out. But I didn’t really care.
He took me to a drive-in movie. I don’t remember what was playing. But I do remember him kissing me as the credits rolled, soft and slow. I remember all the cars being gone when we pulled away. I remember his hand on my thigh the whole ride back to his house. I remember the way his abs looked as he loomed over me in his bed, and I remember how just 5 days later, he said I love you for the first time.
It was quick. But it was real.
Nance found out in February. I thought Miss Detective would’ve discovered it sooner. And even though she didn’t care about him in that way anymore, she was upset. but not even at him; at me.
I expected it, really. I knew she would be a little upset. but not upset enough to stop speaking to me.
I didn’t get it. Was what I did really that bad? She was the one who broke off their relationship in the first place.
I accepted that my friendship with Nancy was basically over. Even though I was totally against the idea.
Steve didn’t really care about my friendship troubles. He cared about me, obviously, but anything that involved Nancy, he just brushed past. Like the mention of her name was too much for him, or something.
Then everything started to fall apart.
Nancy was one of the only real friends I had. Losing her meant losing a part of me, honestly. We’d been friends for so long. To think, she just threw it all away. Or maybe I did. It could go both ways.
On March 10, I ended up kissing a girl whose name I don’t remember behind the bleachers during a football game. She kissed me. And I liked it. Kissing girls was different than kissing boys. It was softer and tasted sweeter. Probably because of Chapstick, or something. But once I remembered that Steve was still my boyfriend, I pulled away. And I apologized, like I was the one who kissed her.
And you know who saw it happen?
Billy fucking Hargrove.
He blackmailed me. He said he would tell Steve and then tell the whole school I was only dating him to cover up my “problem”. Maybe I liked girls too, but that isn’t a problem.
He couldn’t tell Steve. I couldn’t break his heart again.
So I told Steve I felt sick and went home with Billy mid-way through the game.
That was my biggest regret in life.
Billy told everyone on Monday. How he’d gotten me back. How good I was in bed.
And Steve was furious.
I wasn’t just a girl-kisser. I was a cheater.
We broke up that day. March 13.
“Why would you do that? You knew it would hurt me!”
“He had dirt on me, and I couldn’t-”
“It couldn’t have been that bad that you would sleep with him!”
“I kissed a girl, Steve! And he saw the whole thing!”
“Shit- are you?”
“No. Not entirely.”
“You could’ve just let everyone find out.”
“Have you met the people in this town? I would be driven out with knives and pitchforks! And the poor girl who kissed me-”
“Who cares about her? This is about you. This is about us.”
“I love you, Steve. I really do, and I care about you so much. You don’t even know.”
“You clearly care more about yourself and the way other people see you.”
“That’s not true!”
“If it wasn’t true, you wouldn’t have done this, Charlotte!”
“I’m sorry, Steve! I don’t know what else to say!”
“Then don’t say anything! I don’t need to hear any more excuses!”
“So is this it, Steve? Are you just going to stop talking to me like Nance did, or are we going to work this out like civil people?”
“There isn’t anything to work out! You cheated on me, twice, actually. That’s really bad, Char!”
I couldn’t say anything. There was nothing left to say.
“Right. Think of something to say. I’ll be waiting.”
And then he walked away. He’s still waiting.
I finished that week of school, and my mom and I left. We moved to this little cottage on the Oregon coast, on a cliff, looking over the water. It was beautiful. We were there for the rest of my junior year.
She died in January of ’86.
My uncle and older cousin were the only people left in my family. And just my luck, they live in Hawkins.
And now I’m back in the spot. Where he left me.
Oh, how the times have changed.